COMING OUT (story time)
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- Опубликовано: 5 фев 2025
- Want to know how I came out? I am sharing it in this video!
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I'm Bret Shuford Broadway Actor, Life Coach, and one-half of the Broadway Husbands. On this channel, you'll find Creative coaching, from an openly LGBTQ certified Life Coach. I make suggestions to help improve your life in the pursuit of your dreams.
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Ok- you’re ur story finally got me when you said you were married by the same guy who sent you those love letters. Beautiful!
Your story was very touching. Thank you for sharing it.
Hello Bret, first I would like to give my condolences for your loss of your friend Tim. Yours was a very touching coming out story, I appreciate that you shared it. I'm just so happy that you are living your dream, and have Stephen with whom to share it.
Bret, Your coming out story touched me in a very unexpected way. I had a hunch how it was going to end and I prayed, "Dear God don't let it be that." But it was. It's an issue that hits very close to home. I'm 72, a Vietnam era vet, and periodically deal with depression. My doctor believes I also have PTSD. I spent the youngest part of my adult life as a firefighter on a US Forest Service Hotshot Firte crew. On the last fire on my first year a fire blew up on another crew and killed 12 firefighters, 12 friends of mine. Our crew was safe a few hundred yards away and saw it happen. We couldn't do a damn thing to help them. I have carried that horror since then and can't seem to let it go. Two years later a wildfirte blew up on my crew which means it blew over and through us. Fortunately, we had aluminum fireshelters and only suffered minor injuries, then the draft and the Army during the 'nam years, and finally more firefighting. What does all of this have to do with with gay? Well, I am gay and I guess I knew it through high school and all of those experiences. I had an affair while I was in the Army that lasted a few months. When he left me (cheated) I went back in the closet, pulled the closet door in after me, and didn't come out until I was 35. By then I had finished Masters level studies for Roman Catholic Priesthood. When I came it didn't seem to make any difference. Although I was horny as a goat, I didn't have a clue how to broach the subject or get together with someone. For the most part I'm ok. I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years and subsequently joined my current husband in a relationship 25 years ago. We are both retired and trying to figure out what to do with retirement. I am still occasionally hit across the side of the head with depression. I think I've dealt with some really nasty things and don't know how to let go of them. I appreciated your coming out story even if it caught me off guard. I mourn along with you over the loss of your friend. Bishop Bob, smokey307@comcast.net.
Love the Disneyland Map in the background! My husband has one up in the wall framed as well!
Wow! Very touching! Just don't know how to say thanks for pouring your heart out to us. I am not sure if you thought the soldier was bi or gay...and in the closet, but I live very close to a military base. I have 3 friends that are married to females, living the lie of a straight lifestyle, but still horrified to live as gay military men. We meet for dinner once a month and am trying to help.
Again, thanks so much for your post. It was apparent this entire video was delivered from the depths of your heart.
May your life be richly blessed with love, happiness and success!
Hi Bret,
Watched your whole story, when you got to the part where Tim shot himself, it really grabbed me! Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own life, that we don't recognize that other people like Tim himself may have some underlying problems. I know he was a jock, but he carried a problem that you will never know what it was. In his mind he may have wanted to leave this world without burdening you with what might have been on his mind.
All you can do now is to remember him as one of the very best friends that you had in this life. I'm sorry for the loss of Tim as one of our best.
I also go by he name Michael Smith, I saw this comment but, do not think I am the one who wrote it. although I may have, However, I respond to a lot of these videos and If another Michael Smith wrote this, I totally agree with every word, I couldn't have written it better myself.
Thank you. He was true
I understand societal and family expectations and growing up in a rural area. I didn't learn about being gay till college. Was so shy and did have anyone to talk too about it once I figured out I was gay. Was in my early 20's and had no clue what to do. Looked up what I couldn't the internet about being gay. One day was looking at a gay website on the internet and my mother walked in the room. She didn't see what I was looking at but I got scared that someone would find out and went into complete denial. Stayed that way till I was 42 and started work with another gay guy. Knew he was gay right away. He finally admitted it to me and I told him I was gay too but he already knew. Talking with him helped me to accept that I was gay and become comfortable with it. Came out to a few over the next few years then posted that I was gay on all my social media on national coming out day about a year and a half ago. I'm 47 now and much happier but at a bit of a loss of what to do now. I'm the primary caregiver for my 82 year old mother which limits my freedom to go out and explore the gay community or even find someone to date. Not that there's much of a gay community or support where I live. All I can do is chat with other gay guys online.
Dale
Have you talked to your mother about it?
Ever thought about she might enjoy seeing her son getting this off his chest and enjoying life? Even enjoying his company?
I grew up in small town countryside in the 1970's, where a lot of people knew my church serving parents, which scared me to death.
But I was met with more respect for who I was after coming out than prior to it.
My coming out story made headlines in the local paper in 1985 because of my religious background, which was a challenge to especially my mother,
untill she experienced how the local people reacted.
Countryside people reward you for being real, not for pretenting to be someone else.
Don't underestimate countryside people. They will look straight through you if you pretend to be someone else.
I love this video so much. I'm currently on a journey of self acceptance and learning to be okay with my sexuality (I'm bi) and I'm also a suicide attempt survivor. This world is cruel. But this world is also amazing. For every hateful thing I see there's two supportive and kind things I can read. Thank you so so much for this video. Thank you for opening up to us. It means a lot to me and to others as well.
It’s 100 percent possible
Beautifully said Bret, its such a small area of the body and yet it causes so many problems with persons that just don't understand its not your fault at all. Enjoy this wonderful life we've been given.
Thanks for watching
Brett,
Thank you for sharing such personal stories. Please know that you did not fail your friend! Unfortunately you will never know why, but try to honor him. Keep telling his story, find the joy in how much he meant to you. Sometimes people come in and out of our lives for reasons we will never know. I hope you can find peace, lean on Steven. Luv you!
Thank you Bret!
Powerful truth told from the heart with love and compassion. Thank you 💖
Very touching. I appreciate your articulate intelligent and thoughtful coming out story. It was beautiful in some many ways. Thank you so much for sharing it will us. Very generous and powerful. xox
Hi Bret. I like your video, that thoughtful, reflecting story, telling what had been going on from the deep of your heart and reaching out to love and peace on earth. Respect and sympathy for that! All the best wishes to you from Germany. Martin
A powerful video, in multiple ways. Thanks for sharing.
This was like the most beautiful coming out story ever. So awesome that your friend got to marry y'all!
Thanks for your very moving video. Young people like you are making changes in this world to benefit everyone. Big HUG. XXX X
Tim. Suicide is really complex. I lost my partner to suicide and have come to realize that those that are suicidal need help, but they don’t process issues in the same manner as others. As a result, they are capable of ending their life. You can help people deal with these issues, but they are significant and hard to overcome. Thanks for being aware and for reaching out to people.
Unrelated, is it a Small World print to the left?
Enjoyed listening to you, Bret. Beautifully said.
Bret. you did not fail Tim. Believe me, being a suicide survivor, there are difficulties that we just don't know about. Had we known, I'm sure that you would have been there for him just like I would have been in my situation. They will forever stay in our hearts! I like these longer videos; very well done. Thanks for posting your story.
Just so you know, Bret, what I shared was about my son. I miss him terribly. His anniversary is coming up... Everyone needs encouragement; glad I could help!
Lovely story. Thanks for sharing.
I think they call it “survivor’s guilt” when someone lives and another person dies. We don’t know what Tim was fighting, but he could have had
survivor’s guilt like you. He may have said to himself “If I had only done… then this person would still be alive.” As he had three deployments he may
have wanted to protect his buddies and wasn’t able to do it.
Some who are open minded to life after death and sensitive can sense the deceased and pick up their thoughts when they get close.
Tim’s mind and personality still lives. Send him your thoughts of gratitude and love, he’ll appreciate it.
I wish you success in helping create more love in this world.
Thank you for your heartfelt and moving story.
Thank YOU
I've watched many videos, and I just bought the family heart book to give to my parents! You're a very strong human, thanks :)
Bret Shuford I'm proud of how comfortable you are with your sexuality.
Sweetheart.....I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! Your story was very touching and some parts of it sounded like mine...running parallel if you will...I am originally from Long Island, New York. I too have known of my being gay for many years before coming out. Although family and friends figured out I was gay years before I came out, being gay was something I wanted to keep to myself as I came from a dysfunctional family...parents divorced when I was 7, two sisters on drugs and alcohol and a mom who was an alcoholic herslef. All the while knowing about my sexuality I also found solace in the theatre as well and it was my escape if you will from all this dysfunction I was living with. Theatre is where I found love, support, understanding, caring and forgiveness all rolled up in one plus being able to perform with local community theatre and then eventually branched out to adult community theatre and their I stayed for 40 years as an actor, singer, dancer and choreographer. I still perform on occasion when I can. I live in Texas now with my sister as my mom had passed 10 years ago and was her sole caretaker and after she passed I had to sell the house from my childhood and that was the the worst for me in addition to my mom being gone. But Mothers and their gay sons speaks volumes. Back then my need to find theatre to perform in was of great importance to me because the list of people I worked with back home were the most loving and kind people you'd ever want to meet. I have been blessed to work with AMAZING theatre groups back home and had the opportunity to tour with several Long Island groups. Many theatre friends knew of my family background and took me in their lives as part of their families. So honey, I could just imagine what it was like for you and the strain it put on you emotionally and physically. I was so sorry to hear of your friend and I know how tough that was for you but stayed strong throughout that terrible ordeal. When I came out to my mom it was like a breath of fresh air because she was waiting for me to come out for so long and the same with my friends. Today I work "part time" as a gay "mama" and mentor some of our gay youth and have been doing this work for a number of years now and teach my kids about respect and dignity for others and to NEVER let being gay define who you are because you are so much more than that....all our gay youth want is to be loved and validated...isn't that what anyone would want? So honey, enjoy your life because you deserve it and live your life happy, joyous and free. I see that drive in you that you can do anything you put your mind to and so happy that you found a partner in life. Just live your life on your terms and everything will be okay. Where in the city are you guys? If you are looking for classes etc....they do sell tbe "rags" Backstage and Show Business and Variety...for auditions and classes etc.....I made the rounds years ago and spent hours going to auditions etc and took classes with amazing teachers like Bob Fitch, Phil Black and Luigi for Jazz( one of Liza's teachers she stidued with) if you need any assistance I'd be more than happy to help you. If you decide to venture out to Long Island let me know as I can give you names of theatres and some directors there. I have ramble on long enough...Bless you and best of luck with everything! xxoo "Mama" Steve😊❤👌🐻
Thank you. I am too! ❤️
The most riveting coming out story i have ever heard
Great story ... you are wonderful !
Thank you so much!
This video touched my soul. Thank you so much.
Bret -- I got to the end of the video, where you talk about your friend Tim. There have been friends and family in my life who have died of illness or accident, or in some cases, suicide. I know what it's like to deal with depression, and I know what it's like to lose someone you care about, and to have those questions, what could I have done, could I have saved that friend or loved one? Do not blame yourself. Your friend probably believed he had no one to turn to, and didn't want to burden the people he loved, or didn't think he could talk to them, open up. He may have thought he had no choices or that whatever had happened was too wrong. Understand, please, that it is not a reflection on you as his friend. It is an internal thing he was having trouble dealing with. In that way, it is a little similar to how your mom's first reactions were not her business, but your business, that it wasn't her "fault" you were gay. People can become so consumed by the problems they are facing that they do not believe they have any choices or anyone who understands. They think no one can help them anymore. Time and again, it's something like that, when someone attempts suicide. I think your friend would not ever want you to blame yourself. The odd thing is, people can simultaneously be very protective of the people they love and care about, friends, loves, family, whoever. They don't want those people to be hurt, even though they believe the person thinks they no longer have anyone to turn to or any options that would work. Yes, it's an odd split, but I think that's how it works, based on when I have been most depressed, or from friends I had who were survivors, either they themselves had attempted self-harm, or suffered from depression, or people who cared about someone who had attempted or committed suicide. So please, don't blame or punish yourself for not being good enough to have said or done the exact right thing at the right instant in time, to save that friend. You could have said and done all the right things, and he still might have done it because he couldn't get himself out of that mindset, that path, in time enough. It is a very hard thing to lose someone you care about so much. I fully understand that. I've lost people too. Take care of yourself. Your friend would have wanted you to have a good life to be happy, to go on and live and do. Do your best, but know you are only human like anyone else, and so was he, for that matter. None of us is perfect. It is hard to live with that, to wonder what if. But know it was not your fault. Yes, I wish that friend could still be alive and happy and healthy. Some very good people are missing from this world, and we'd be better off if they could have found what they needed. But they couldn't see it then. I would hope people would not get so desperate that they would hurt themselves. You never know who there might be, right around the corner, the next minute or years from now, who will be so special in life. I sometimes remind myself of this. Depression is a tricky thing. It tries to make you believe things are one way, when they aren't. Take care of yourself. Your friend would want that. He wouldn't want you blaming yourself.
OMG - I have an aunt and uncle that have lived in Orange TX for like 30 years but we have never been to visit :(
What a story. I'm so proud of you but also I feel your pain. PTSD is real and there's only so much you could have done. Indeed making this video and sharing it is probably the best antidote to your loss. Beautiful story - and even if your parents are voting Trump. Love and best wishes
Very inspiring, thank you for sharing.
Sorry for the loss of your friend.
Thanks for sharing so sad to lose that friend.
Thank you for posting. We've decriminalised, we've equalised, but we still have a long way to go. When will we start teaching parents - ALL PARENTS - that casual homophobic remarks to children can cause deep wounds. No parent can know for sure if their 10-year-old is gay or not. And forcing any child to stay in the closet is, as any psychiatrist will tell you, staggeringly irresponsible. Of course, it's the parents who are so big on "family values" who inevitably do the biggest damage.
I don't know you and you don't know me either but I believe that we all are connected in this world. I feel the pain and sadness you feel for losing your friend like that. I hope you don't blame yourself for it. And hopefully more people will aware that nothing good ever comes from war.
Bravo! You are a wonderful guy.
thank you
God, you are so frigging wise!! Much respect
I commented before the end. So sorry. XOX
The hatred will never stop as long as religion (its bigotry) plays a part. Thankfully, the internet and social media promote free thinking and how hateful some religious people can get, so our younger generations are rejecting religions exponentially.
I live near Sabine Pass, I understand what you mean about this place sucking!!!! Beaumont isn’t bad, but everywhere else around here is!!!
Wow! So real.
Thanks for watching
Howdy from the lone star state of Texas sending you love, hugs and kisses
Howdy!
Maybe your friend had an PTSD and if it was the case help can be very difficult. For a person with PTSD the mind lives in a prison and it's very hard to connect with people and the person know it and can see that the friends and loved ones are far out, even if they are in the same room. You live in an isolation between other people, friends and the family.
I'm sorry for you and your friend, because I know the pain for everybody involved because I live with a C-PTSD.
I hope all is going well for a year after you made this vlog. Your vlog was powerful in so many ways. Until Trumpism is voted out & rationality and compassion returns will we see any effort to regain our collective humanity. When the rightwing ignores what our troops are going through and yet says "we support our troops, they're lying. We need to vote for this change by voting out as many Republicans as we can. Thanks for this vlog and best wishes.
First off, sorry to hear about Tim.
Second, great story time. it was touching and feels close to home. But living in a country like our you just have to be in the closet with your partner of 10 years and only be out a few close friends.
Tks 4 your story
To be honest in public is the hardest thing in the world.
It is! But so necessary for others
hah, two different generations, too bad I didn't know him when I was growing up, but he wasn't born yet.
A freshman in high school is plenty old enough to know if he likes boys or girls or both. He may still be struggling with those feelings if he likes boys, but by then, his hormones have probably kicked in plenty of times to know this. Or if they haven't quite gotten the message to him fully, he has had clues of several kinds. Some of those are rather obvious, but he may still be struggling with it and confused by his feelings, because we are brought up to think boys are not supposed to be gay, that it's bad for a boy to be gay. If only it could be just as easy for people to like the same sex as it is to be straight. My first real clues that I knew about were as early as 11, but I am sure there were clues earlier before I knew consciously that I somehow liked other boys that way. My first serious crushes were around 14 and q5, except for a puppy-love crush on my best friend at 11. -- But someone who tells a teen he is too young to know if he's gay, if he likes other boys, at 14 or 15, is fooling themselves and giving that boy bad advice, because he can know. If he's not sure, but he's getting clues, then he can work it out if he does, and he is looking for reassurance and acceptance if he is having those feelings and asking family and friends about it, telling them he thinks he might be gay. -- At 14 and 15, I could just barely edge around the subject with my best friend at the time, or try to edge around it with other friends, to see if they were OK with it. (As far as I could tell, none were, except maybe that one friend, or another who might have been gay.) I was probably not nearly as careful in how I tried to ask questions to edge around it as I thought, trying to ask friends, to see if they were someone I could trust, or if, oh my, maybe I liked them enough to see if they might like me or like that idea. :-/ I was a mess. I sure wish some friend could have reached me as a teen, to have support and someone to talk to or get help, and someone to try things out with, if I could have. Back then, I wanted that, even though I was also very confused and conflicted. But I wanted and needed that support and help, that confidence, and that friendship and love. It would have helped so much, and maybe I would have come out sooner.
do you still smoke cigarettes?
Bret Shuford that was not the only thing I got out of your video. great content!
Somehow, I’m only just seeing this. Thanks, Bret, for sharing your story.
And you’re right-Orange is a shit town. Lol
Beaumont? Orange? Oh man. -- Community theater? Cool. I wish I had hung out more with the drama kids in school. -- On the one hand, I wish people wouldn't assume a boy is gay just because of x, y, and z. On the other hand, I wish they'd accept a boy who likes x, y, and z, as well as a, b, and c, and I wish far more that no one would mind if he's gay. -- When I was in 4th grade, I think it was, my best friend at the time did a modern dance recital for our school class. I clapped my little heart out, I smiled big, I think I cheered. I frowned at the boys whispering comments because my best friend was in a leotard (stars and stripes). And I was thrilled seeing him dance. I had no idea except that he was my best friend. It wasn't consciously sexual at all then. That part of me hadn't woken up yet. Just innocent friendship and love. But that is one of the very early clues I was gay. Er, in 5th grade, I tried to kiss him. Hey, that seems just fine to me, brotherly love, Christian love, right? I thought so. He scolded me for it. I apologized and was very confused and hurt because he had misunderstood. This was one of the second clues. (There was another clue from our friendship; nothing happened, but it was significant to me.) I did not yet have any real idea that I was gay or what gay was. Oh, boys made fun of me and called me those names, but I just knew those were bad words, mean, and had something to do with boys who were bad or too strange. (So yeah, even in elementary, other boys called me those names.) It wouldn't be until late in 5th grade and into junior high when I began to realize I had feelings for boys, I liked boys, and began to wonder if I was gay. But yeah, I grew up in the big city, also in Texas, about a generation earlier. So being a gay boy was not a popular thing at school, at church, or at home, oh no. I didn't know what to make of my feelings,, and half the time that felt good and half the time I was confused, felt guilty for those feelings, but wanted desperately some friends to talk to, and yes, someone to try things out with. I could not yet conceive of the word boyfriend for me or for some boy, even when I had serious crushes. And those crushes, I was very far into before I knew what they were. So, hah, I kinda get where someone's coming from with stories like these. -- LOL, Beaumont and Orange. Yeah. I wonder what would have reached me growing up, but I wish I'd had some gay friends to talk to. (Regular school. The boys who were rumored to be gay, some were my friends, but I didn't know if they were gay or not, and whoever was, was probably just as closeted and unsure and confused as I was, and just as much protecting himself.) -- Thinking of that best friend dancing still reminds me of that great happy feeling. I didn't know then what it was or why, but that was a gift, something good and special, and I wish I'd had a lot more of that into my teens and young adulthood.
6:16 "'They' try to recruit" 😒😒😒 Child 💅🏻
Great video. But as a veteran of the early Gay Rights Movement in 1974, you can not claim to love your Gay child and vote for Trump. If you love your Gay child, make supportive political choices too. They are not separate issues.
President Trump is getting us out of these endless wars. Let’s give him some credit.
Anthony Beaulieu what the fuck are you talking about?
As some know solders can become ailed with P.T.S.D. and other conditions. I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't straight to. Maybe he cough on to you not being straight. Without you saying it to him. Maybe his niceness was a way he was trying to get close to you. :-) Aside from all what he had to go though in all this mess. That made him take up his life.
You not gay, so just tate straight guys ;)