Jordan Peterson | Hating Yourself
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- Опубликовано: 16 окт 2024
- Links to Dr. Jordan Peterson's books on Amazon:
Beyond Order: 12 More Rules for Life: amzn.to/2Zut6gf
12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos: amzn.to/3qNV6XW
Maps of Meaning: amzn.to/3k4lF8K
These are Amazon Affiliate links, and purchasing through them will earn me a small commission.
Links to Dr. Jordan Peterson's books on Amazon:
Beyond Order: 12 More Rules for Life: amzn.to/2Zut6gf
12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos: amzn.to/3qNV6XW
Maps of Meaning: amzn.to/3k4lF8K
These are Amazon Affiliate links, and purchasing through them will earn me a small commission.
I’m tired of hearing that I should just love myself even though I find myself to be so damn disappointing and even despicable. Thanks Jordan for having reasonable and deep observations on self hatred.
When I’m in my right mind I realize that we have to be patient with ourselves too. I constantly mess up in life, and I just get so frustrated and angry with myself. But if I did that to my own best friend I wouldn’t be helping them with all that anger. I have to remember that I’m a child of God, and I don’t think God or anyone else is better off just because I can be angry at myself 24/7. There are more productive things to focus on then my own disappointment in myself. Yes it’s very good to be so introspective, but only if it effects good changes. If all we do is harass ourselves into depression, what good are we doing anyone?
There's a technique I just watched from a channel called Wu Wei wisdom. It talks about changing some of your "I feel" statements into "I believe" statements. Might seem like a hack at first... I know I have trouble consistently implementing anything that seems self helpy. But seems like there's something relevant there as I tend to always self blame to the point of exhaustion and, in fact, make myself more likely to repeat old mistakes because of it. Self blame should be used in moderation but the subconscious doesn't always listen to that obvious gem. I think the point though is that most of the shit we hate ourselves over are petty moments; arbitrarily exaggerating and "making up for" this or that abuse we had as a child. You feel a certain way because you believe a certain thing and you have to fight that belief
You are not alone. I struggle with this too.
Self-blame provides me with a sense of control, and therefore a sense of hope. Especially in my relationships. If I'm at fault, then that means I can effect change. If I can effect change, maybe I can make things better. Trouble is, the constant sense of guilt and inferiority that accompanies accepting unnecessary responsibility is really very debilitating and I end up not only being powerless to change the things I have no authority to change, but I've also lost the strength in self-respect that is necessary to change what I do have authority over, and a deadly cycle is perpetuated.
This.
@@coopza Good to know someone understands my insanity lol. On the other hand, I wish you didn't. 😔
That’s a poetic way of putting it. I think you’re right, that self-respect is needed to change things. Ig otherwise you won’t listen to your own orders.
I do it all the time
@@basspuff514 Man that's a good word right there
Yeah. That hell he describes is my whole life. I get moments where something random pulls me up. But then I get sucked back down and just live in that self loathing, trust killing, hope destroying, hell. Go me. Can’t wait for tomorrow.
I feel you, I get so tired of the same old me. Just wish I could escape my corrupt body and be rid of myself. Hope you can do something good today, all the best.
Same
Me
😂😂😂😂 I was sad this made me laugh.
Why worry about hell when it's your everyday experience
Sometimes I wonder If I've died and this is my Hell.
@@donniedarko1345 I often think the same. Swear!
trust me you have no clue what you're talking about. nothing on earth comes close to what hell is like. you lack creativity.
I appreciate Jordan’s candor and his refusal to sugarcoat things. Some people cannot pull out of the spiral. I believe I am one of those. This is immensely painful to hear, but the reality cannot be denied. Some people are too broken.
No one is too broken for God to repair dear
I'm not totally sure why people hate this dude. Hearing stuff like this is so helpful when you're in a really bad place.
Because he say some things here that are useful and insightful, and then other things on other topics that are not so insightful and actually quite off the mark. And if one has come to hate him, they're probably focusing on the latter set.
Everytime I watch a Jordan Peterson video I realize that I wish I watched it 10 years ago. Literally happens every time. I wish he was my dad as well, he could've taught me much more useful stuff about life compared to my real dad.
I don't exactly know how many people also feel this way, but thanks for putting it out here for others to reflect on. I too wish I had a dad like JP, or a present father at all.
I didn't realize conscientiousness was related to self blame. I am very low on conscientiousness and high in neuroticism but I feel (and have been told) I am quite extreme with self blame.
With mistakes you have to learn and move on.. still I find myself lying awake at night cringing at the mistakes I’ve made in my past and things I wish I could change
This helps as an ugly person. There’s nothing I can do about being ugly but just embrace it
Ugliness/beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Being pretty doesn't solve problems, though.
I was supoosed to be goodlooking but my skull grew wrong, resulting in an unrecognisable shell.
It's really cool that you post your lectures. I learn a great deal. Thank you.
3:20 ".. when things happen to you that aren't what you want or expect, it's an open question how much you're responsible for it, now a conscientious person under those circumstances will just take themselves apart, because the conscientious person is liable to presume that if something bad happens to them it's because they did something wrong, and you can see that's useful; if something bad happened to you because you did something wrong and you can learn what you did wrong and fix it then the bad thing won't happen to you again, it's a wonderful way of thinking, but it's very tricky because there's a random element to life and sometimes you get knocked flat by circumstances that are really beyond any reasonable person's control..."
I’m always self-analyzing and it causes me to hate myself and be angry with all , while sitting in confusion of why am I this way - I never think it’s circumstance - I feel it’s me.
I am a follower of Jesus Christ. I am currently experiencing an emotional hardship that I cannot put into words. I can't talk to anyone about it. It isn't that anything particularly terrible has happened to me, but rather, that my life to this point has been characterized by wanton failure, cowardice, low self esteem. I have been a door mat. Somewhere along the line I learned to just sit here and take it. I have cried out to God like never before. I pray more than I ever have. I read the word more than I ever have. I don't understand why I feel this way. At this point, I don't have anymore memories of what it felt like to be confident, to have dreams, or to actually believe that life could be something more than just this mental and emotional misery of self hatred. Please pray for me. I wasn't always this way. I was recently filled with joy in the lord. I was full of hope. That began to fade and I have fallen into a deeper pit than I have ever been in. I don't know what is going on. I don't know if it is unbelief or what. I just don't know.
I hate myself; I hate what I see when I look in the mirror.
The mirror is my mortal enemy.
@Darren Murphy Damn yes
we must learn to forgive... including ourselves
i dont hate myself because of things i’ve done. i just notice how much of a burden i am to people. i’m 14 but live and work alongside adults in ministry. in the protestan christian church. i work hard and i really feel like i make an impact in some people. but i notice how people seem to be upset when i find out about gatherings with these very people i work and live with in ministry. and i know this sounds stupid. but these are just people that i especially trust and love and look up to. and that just puts into perspective how much of a burden and hindrance i am to people. my presence is not wanted. and it’s not just that specific situation. that is just the main one that really puts it into perspective. i constantly feel like the source of annoyance and problems. i just don’t know what to do with myself. i don’t know how to even tell someone about this. and i hate myself for thinking like this simply because people might not wanna be around me. i feel criticized constantly everywhere i go. i am extremely self conscious of my appearance which unfortunately is not very pleasant. i feel that i am far mature for my age and understand that i am in a high position in ministry that god has blessed me with. i want nothing but to help and teach and influence people. but even though i have all this in me. i feel insignificant still. i doubt you’ll even see this but i just wanted to spill this somewhere.
Of course you hate yourself you’re in the church all they do is make you feel like you’ll never be enough. Fuck them, burn your church, start a black metal band, watch the world burn.
God doesnt give a FUCK about you or anything
I’m sorry..
This has put my brain into overdrive. The thinking processes going through my head are amazing. I love listening to Dr. Peterson. My brain is on fire! I can relate to much of what he is saying. This is so interesting.
I tried to commit suicide sometimes I think I’d be better off dead…
Such a useful way of thinking.
This is so helpful and so funny thank you Jordan. You healed me months ago in my hellish depression, you seriously saved me and I am so so happy and grateful & I am coming back bc I am sad tonight and I am grateful for your impact on me since 7 months ago. Sincerely. God shines through you so brightly.
Sometimes I don't see eye to eye with him, but when he gets it right he gets it right.
Thanks JP I think you've saved me a couple of nights of self-hating. I love how simple but true the point was. Situational analysis before a self-check.
I find it difficult to handle hard situations or change my life without constantly reminding myself of my past mistakes and feeling shameful about them.
Thanks J.Peterson, this has helped alot. 👍
Has anyone ever heard a song called “Sober” by a band called Tool? There are some lyrics in it that I feel describe me perfectly. They go like this: “I am just a worthless liar, I am just an Imbecile, I will only complicate you, Trust In me & fall as well, I will find a centre in you, I will chew it up & leave, I will work to elevate you, just enough to bring you down…” This is how I feel about myself. I’ve been such a scumbag to my family & friends over the years (I’ve stolen money from a lot of them & have been a drug addict for over 25 years) I don’t know how everyone puts up with me. I hate myself so much & don’t know how to love myself. My family all say they forgive me for everything I’ve done but I don’t know how to forgive myself. I just apologised to my dad for all I put him through & he made fun of me. I hate myself so much & I really want to end it all but I don’t have the nerve to go through with it 😢
What about when lines get blurred between my fault and damn that's just bad luck?
As someone who hates myself, this video is a wake-up call.
Same here. Fight to the end!
How did you find hope for your recovery?
6:11 He meant "Cause if you start with the second one"
I constantly am looking down at myself and thinking of how I fucked up. Doesn’t matter if it’s been year or minutes, I won’t forget my screw up. What do you do when some of those downfalls are so horrifying to look back at that you are in that hell? Because I haven’t found a way out yet.
The biggest bottle of water you can buy without a culligan machine.
Thank you. I needed this. I keep messing up in my relationship with my girlfriend, and it just hurts a lot, because I feel like a failure, and like I'm not giving her enough, or like I'm not good enough to be in a relationship with her.... I try so hard, but I keep messing up, and saying the wrong things, or holding grudges on little things that don't matter in the end, and just being a jerk.... And I've started hating myself, a lot.... So thank you.... This helps.... I've been on this winding downhill road, for so long now, and now that I'm in a relationship, it just got so much worse, because I feel I have to be better, for her.... But this helps a bit, I suppose.... Idk if that makes sense, but I hope it does, to someone... And if you have any advice, I would love to hear, but it's alright if there's not anyone
We have to be patient with ourselves too. I constantly mess up in life, and I just get so frustrated and angry with myself. But if I did that to my own best friend I wouldn’t be helping them with all that anger. I have to remember that I’m a child of God, and I don’t think God or anyone else is better off just because I can be angry at myself 24/7. There are more productive things to focus on then my own disappointment in myself. Yes it’s very good to be so introspective, but only if it effects good changes. If all we do is Harris ourselves into depression we haven’t done much good for anyone.
I’m in the same boat brother, I keep hurting the girl of my dreams one woman who actually takes care of me and loves me as I am and I keep shitting on her trust because I have addictions to porn and gore. It breaks my hearts seeing what I do to her and how I still continued with it, these past few days I recently came out on what my addictions were and I’ve been an emotional wreck these past few days. I’m just tired of hating myself and thinking I deserve the worst of the worse. I want to start living for myself so I can experience things with her rather than doing everything for her and everyone else and forgetting myself… if you can’t love yourself how the hell you gonna love somebody else
I hate myself for a number of reasons and I have for most of my 46 years and the reasons just continue to pile up and it has nothing to do with thinking I'm stupid or being embarrassed about something I did. I hate myself for real reasons one of them is not getting up to visit my dad the last time I saw him alive when I was 16 and actually getting mad at him for trying to get me to come out of my room. That all because I had smoked hash and I didn't want to get in trouble from my mom if she seen my high, otherwise I would have been happy he came to visit as I normally was. At the same time I was living with my mother's abusive, alcoholic husband who walked around with a little smirk on his face for a couple weeks after my dad died. He used to like to play head games and leave chocolates on the counter that me and my brother couldn't touch, that he never ate and there hardly any food in our house because he drank it all. He liked to hurt my dog too. I was living project then just I still am and I was also dealing with all the bullshit from outside at the same time. I seen a lot of crazy things, bad things. I had been actually planning to go live with my dad in the summer of the year he died because of the alcoholic who stole my mom from me, but he died so I had to fight to keep my mom, who I am currently in the process of losing for eternity, and then things went crazy in our house because all the traumas I had suffered up to that point were coming back out and I didn't know how to deal with it other than through rage and anger all mixed up with depression and anxiety along with great intelligence and emotional sensitivity. And I had anxiety since I was small, I used to have to build myself up for half an hour just to say "mom, could I have 50 cents" which inside I knew she would give it to me but to say those simple words took strength and I would be plagues with anxiety my whole life which has led to a lot of impulsive behavior and real anger problem too. But none of it is in my head or because of a chemical imbalance, it's because of real things, real stimuli. I even know where the anxiety began: it was when I was 5 and had never experienced any type of violence whatsoever, I didn't even know it existed, then one of my mom's friend's brother came over one day and my mom was playing a Beatles 45 and I sped it up because it sounded funny and me and my would do that when were alone because she liked how it made me laugh. It was near Christmas and she had candies out on the coffee table and when I sped up the record the guy just lost it, kicked the table right upside down and chased me down the hall with my mom chasing him. His brother beat the hell out of him for that, but that day discovered fear and rage and I ave always had anxiety since. This doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of the reasons I hate myself or the amount real things that have happen, including having friends that have been murdered at different times for different reasons (not gangsters either, except one, but just regular people). I heard you mention before about people wanting to die because their lives have become so complicated, well I can't think of a life more complicated than mine and I do want out.
hang in there buddy
I owe most of my success to self-hatred.
(Reposted from another thread) Some people go through life mastering their egos… these people accept themselves. Others are consumed by their egos and love it… they have an unhealthy love of self. Then there are the people who find themselves between these two states…. the parent is beginning to understand that they have let their “child” run wild and what does the child say? “I HATE YOU!!” Now your challenge is to take back control. Be thankful that you have come to this realization! Don’t overreact when the child throws a tantrum, in time the child will accept the discipline. This will take time, but don’t give up, eventually the child will grow up and you will be able to accept yourself. 🙂
I hate literally everything about myself. Physical and mental, everything. I just wish I was someone else
0:37 Thanks You for that Mr. Peterson lol jk i cant stop watching these talks, so fundamentally important.
Alot of self hatred stems from the inability to forgive youeself for mistakes. Even though God forgives us when we repent, satan is always whispering in our ears that we are losers. The bible says that satan is a condemner.
I find it extremely enraging when people tell me to love myself. A good parent has the right to love himself, a courageous soldier has the right to love himself, a hard-working athlete has the right to love himself, but me ? What good did I do to deserve self-love or even the love of others ? So am I just gonna sit there and love myself knowing that I'm doing nothing to deserve it ? The only thing I know is that I deserve this self-hatred, I deserve every bit of it, because I know for a fact that I'm a disapointment and a worthless being, for me and for others. The only thing I've been doing all my life is disapointing myself; wanting to reach something and failing. So tell me, why the hell do I deserve to love myself ?
You were created by source. When you were created, you were created with love. You deserve love simply because you exist. And there is no question. You don't have to earn love. That is the point of love. It is unconditional.
@@pinkbot I shouldn't feel positive emotion when I know I'm not doing anything to earn it, as simple as that.
That why the Bible says don’t dwell on the past or worry about the future only live for the day
I was happily married and my wife was gone when I came home one day. She left me without any reason. When i thought about our marriage, yes, there were some things, but I never saw it coming. This was in 2010 and to this day I still hate myself. I will till the day I die.
too hard to live
The Christian God gave me a Lazy Boy recliner when I opened my eyes and realized he was a mental Demiurge of my own making because I have a missing father and grandiose unrealistic expectations and I consider my importance to be of COSMIC scale. I am god 5.0😂
How do you trust people when I can't trust myself
do you guys have a link for the full lecture?
i am aliterature student and he is on point, what the hell am i doing with my life, i am changing majors
Common sense..thank u!
If one has tried to change one's life, but to no avail, do they simply keep trying to improve their situation or do they have a final showdown with their self?
Link to the full lecture, please?
Where is this taken from?
ruclips.net/video/F3n5qtj89QE/видео.html
@@sixfive9638 thank you!
What about conflict in conversations?
I hate myself, and I think it's a good thing... the only time I love myself is when I'm not taking care of myself.. people who have a high self esteem are hateful. I believe self esteem (or should I call it's greed) is the reason people do bad things... and that people decide to do bad things because they feel good about themselves, and in their pride they think that their behavior is ok, when it's really not
Easy way to see it is
Thoughts
Positive ---------------center---------------negative
Most people ruminate on the right side
Every once and a while, you have to throw yourself a bone, because baseline thoughts in most people is negative no matter what happens in life
Well...That was an exhaustive six and a half minutes....
Being not useful = being dead.
And it's not because of me. It's just because this is the way of Capitalism.
I have my 5th job. Most of these have the same life stages: learning / thriving / i like it / they start to hate me and they don't ack my work / i become depressed / i get a new job / they apologizes and want me back.
I like this guy; but, this sounds like "your living in the real world. Learn from your mistakes. And some things you just can't help, keep it moving." And if you disagree well, every one has an opinion. So keep it moving
Shoot… maybe I’m one of those people that there is no hope for recovery… I manipulated my ex-boyfriend into multiple years of isolation that literally almost killed him. That was all from my blindness and malevolence… I just don’t think that I can ever forgive myself for that especially when I can’t figure out how to get rid of the pervasive malevolence in my soul.
It's okay to hate yourself. But it's one thing to be fine with it, another to preach it like it's an antidote to self-love fad. It's nothing but dissatisfaction and pain with life projected inwards. Nothing more nothing less.
Self-love and self-hate are both emotions. You can control their expressions but you can't change them. You can only respond to them in the hopes of alleviating or resolving them. One way would be to transform. But another way would be to just accept and ignore that self-hate - the same we often have to do with a lot of other negative emotions.
I don't see why self-hate should be any different. You and your "enemies" are more common than you think, in that somehow you think you can control or create emotions, or claiming to know the universal answer to responding to it, independent of individuality and circumstances.
I can only hope you soon realize this is a delusion of grandeur... or start practicing actual miracles to back up that equally supernatural claim. Both of you.
It’s like listening to a mirror….
My self hate is not unjustified. I am as dumb as a rock, ugly and fat a blimp. The worst thing is how bloody stupid I am. I hate the fact that I cannot change how unintelligent I am. Had I been smart and intelligent, I would have scaled success and been rich and comfortable.
its not justified, you're a beloved person made in the image of God. You are loved. I hope that you can see yourself that way.
@@josiahcarroll8576 shut the fuck up hes worthless im worthless and so are you. God doesnt love you he doesnt even care
if you're here, clearly you want to learn. intelligence is a thought pattern, and curiosity is the first step.
👋👋 i hate myself everyday. Why am not sure. But when i make a mistake i get really mad at myself and then beat the crap out of myself. So i dont make that mistake again.
I’m so screwed lol
On the tracks, see the train, to stupid to move.
But it’s not about hating yourself…
Did you see that? He actually drank the water.
Im having a hard time deriving anything of value from this
He sounds like kermit
0:20 game of thrones essentially 🌀
This had nothing to do with self hatred. I hate when they put these on the titles and there’s no conclusion and there’s no real talk. This was all about blame not about self hating.