The last thing you talk about is that American express loving/caring with more verbal praise and Chinese express loving/caring more with subtle actions.
Confronting tiger parents is like trying to pass an interrogation, but once you get on their good side, they'll warm up to you, but may not necessarily show you emotional affection in the same way that Western parents do because of the reserved nature of Chinese familial dynamics. Money and saving is treated like a religion in a Chinese household. Everything revolves around trying to live as frugally as possible. There are certain exceptions like with their children's education or celebrating Chinese holidays, but excess spending and materialism is very frowned upon. The outlook with managing finances is long-term oriented and based on delayed gratification, so essentially the polar opposite of the YOLO mentality in the West.
i know this video is a bit old but i would like to hear more from you. i too am married to chinese man and oh boy you described everything. the culture of emotion and communiication styles is soooo different for us. i know he loves me he takes care of me realistically. pragmatically but i am not materialistic girl. i dont need things to feel love. my love langauge is literally that verbal language communication feeling secure. sooo,, sigh. its been real tough. im not even that emotional by white girl american standards. but i still want to communicate. the worst is when i try and he is either defensive quickly or nonresponsive. it makes me not want to even try anymore
So you have to decide if you can accept and understand your husband for who he is, also if your husband is smart you will be able to guide him to start doing a little more for you in the way that you would like, little things first.
actions speak louder than words. not the materialistic, but rather the thoughts put into the action that matter. if you're after verbal reassurance, likely you won't get it as that's not the asian way. chinese don't even have the exact equivalent word of 'love'! the love is expressed in thoughts rather words. words are cheap, as they say.
As a Asian I think that in a lot of ways these are all Asians, but in different ways. To some extents this is my parents at times, even though I don’t necessarily agree all the time.
Hi Whitley, one of the Chinese tradition is for the wife to manage the finances of the family. So ask your boyfriend or husband now to hand over over his salary to you every month.
Ohhh it's very hard for me that my husband doesn't say my love, baby, sweethy...... that really hard for me that I grow up by soo much expressing love I will damage from my inside 😂💔
people say actions speak louder than words. and you're right that's the asian way of expressing their love and affection. in any case, way too many relationships and marriages in the west end pretty quickly after a few bust ups, irrespective of kind and loving words being uttered. my advice if you haven't already to look deeper into the 'spiritual' component/element of your relationship as derived/given by chinese culture. we don't really have it in western culture, with exceptions of course. all the best.
True, I have dated several western girls and yeah they don’t understand that we Chinese men are serious. We act instead of say. Words are cheap. I love you. How much bowls of rice can you buy with these three words? I rather be there for her and help her emotionally or physically. But to be honest, not a lot of western girls will truly get it. The emotions are way stronger than the rational part
In my opinion, love is a 2-way street. If a girl marries a Chinese guy, she has to expect that he'll behave like Chinese do. However, the guy also marries a non-Chinese woman, so he knows that her way of thinking is different. Why should only the woman change? They say, a compromise is a solution no one is happy with, but maybe one small stap from both of them would make a big step for their relationship. I can't imagine that the guy who sees that his wife is miserable, would feel great about himself, even though he bought her many bowls of rice. It wouldn't kill you to say I love you every now and then if she needs to hear it, and she should look further than her nose to appreciate whatever you do for her.
Chinese parents want their kids to be an ‘honest’ person. Find an ‘honest’ partner and get married. Not to fool around and waste time and money. And Chinese don’t expect their kids to take care of them at old age. But if their kids are ‘filial’, then they should take care of them.
what would a friendship relationship with a Chinese woman be like and a friendship relationship with a Russian woman having a child with both women with an ex boyfriend who gives you gifts and pays for dinner
I learned a lot from this video and I enjoyed it a lot!, but I also heard this throughout the video: America bad, me bad, China good! And as a pereon who grew up in a somewhat similar culture and family I know when someone is being gasslighted and belittled by others for being "different" There's nothing wrong with the parts of the American culture you mentioned and how you used to live and do things. (The only reason I'm saying this is because I'm suffering from the self-doubt and censorship that comes with the Eastern culture and I'm just figuring out how to value myself and the different ways I do things. It pains me to see someone from a more open minded country adapting to the s*** I'm trying so desperately to get away from🤦🏻🤦🏻🤦🏻 and that's why I left this comment...I hope it doesn't sound arrogant or selfish or anything just saying be careful. it's easy to fall into a culture that critisizes everything that is different and doubting yourself when you're the minority...)
You say you were belittled by other for being different and now u are criticizing her for just having different opinions that you. She seems happy in china and her personality seems to match chinese culture. I dont get why you would feel the need to leave such an unnecessary comment.
Uhm, 4 years and still testing the waters is something to consider when dating non-Western men. In your case it is ‘his career’, very impressive given you live in the Silicon Valley of China, but that’s his career, proper.
### Main Points Summary 1. **Parental Expectations**: - Chinese parents often prefer their children to date within their own culture for better communication and shared values. - Chinese parents are typically very involved in their children's lives, sometimes living with them and expecting financial support in old age. - The speaker's experience was positive, with her Chinese boyfriend's parents being accepting and hospitable. 2. **Traditional Values**: - Chinese culture often holds more traditional values, with defined gender roles and expectations, particularly regarding childcare and finances. - The speaker, being traditional herself, finds this compatible with her own values and enjoys domestic activities like cooking and cleaning. 3. **Money and Finances**: - Chinese people are generally very good at saving money, often prioritizing practical expenditures over frequent small purchases. - The speaker and her boyfriend have different spending habits, with him being more practical and helping her become more aware of her spending. 4. **Eating Habits**: - The speaker’s eating habits changed for the better after moving to China, becoming healthier. - There are differences in the types of food and eating habits, requiring compromise and adaptation. 5. **Work Culture**: - Shenzhen’s work culture is very intense, with many people prioritizing work highly, which can differ from the speaker's own priorities. - The speaker values quality time and emotional support in relationships, while her boyfriend’s culture emphasizes financial provision for the family. 6. **Practicality Over Emotions**: - Chinese men may express love and care more through actions than through verbal affirmations. - The speaker had to adjust to this more reserved way of showing affection, understanding that actions are a significant way of expressing care in her boyfriend’s culture.
Ur perceptio of chinese family is little from wrong point of view. For chinese family included father, father, grand parents, kids and grandkids. So when u except and include this idea and meaning of this chinese tradition u will live more easier with tgem.
The last thing you talk about is that American express loving/caring with more verbal praise and Chinese express loving/caring more with subtle actions.
Kind of sounds like a normal guy. Those dudes that “lovebombed” you weren’t serious over the long-term.
Confronting tiger parents is like trying to pass an interrogation, but once you get on their good side, they'll warm up to you, but may not necessarily show you emotional affection in the same way that Western parents do because of the reserved nature of Chinese familial dynamics.
Money and saving is treated like a religion in a Chinese household. Everything revolves around trying to live as frugally as possible. There are certain exceptions like with their children's education or celebrating Chinese holidays, but excess spending and materialism is very frowned upon. The outlook with managing finances is long-term oriented and based on delayed gratification, so essentially the polar opposite of the YOLO mentality in the West.
i know this video is a bit old but i would like to hear more from you. i too am married to chinese man and oh boy you described everything. the culture of emotion and communiication styles is soooo different for us. i know he loves me he takes care of me realistically. pragmatically but i am not materialistic girl. i dont need things to feel love. my love langauge is literally that verbal language communication feeling secure. sooo,, sigh. its been real tough. im not even that emotional by white girl american standards. but i still want to communicate. the worst is when i try and he is either defensive quickly or nonresponsive. it makes me not want to even try anymore
So you don't feel loved romantically with your partner, I get it.
I’m living the same situation 😢 I few bad bc I have to call him out about things that he say sometimes he is so had and mean
Your relationship is doomed, sorry to say it but it is what it is🤷🏻♂️
So you have to decide if you can accept and understand your husband for who he is, also if your husband is smart you will be able to guide him to start doing a little more for you in the way that you would like, little things first.
actions speak louder than words. not the materialistic, but rather the thoughts put into the action that matter. if you're after verbal reassurance, likely you won't get it as that's not the asian way. chinese don't even have the exact equivalent word of 'love'! the love is expressed in thoughts rather words. words are cheap, as they say.
As a Asian I think that in a lot of ways these are all Asians, but in different ways. To some extents this is my parents at times, even though I don’t necessarily agree all the time.
Hi Whitley, one of the Chinese tradition is for the wife to manage the finances of the family. So ask your boyfriend or husband now to hand over over his salary to you every month.
That's a line of bull!
Bro tf you on selling out your kind like that
Thanks for making this!
Right, when dating Chinese action speaks better than word!
Ohhh
it's very hard for me that my husband doesn't say my love, baby, sweethy...... that really hard for me that I grow up by soo much expressing love
I will damage from my inside 😂💔
I am Asian. And marry a white girl, my parents welcome my wife with open arms, never was an issue. My wife and I been married for 32 years
people say actions speak louder than words. and you're right that's the asian way of expressing their love and affection. in any case, way too many relationships and marriages in the west end pretty quickly after a few bust ups, irrespective of kind and loving words being uttered. my advice if you haven't already to look deeper into the 'spiritual' component/element of your relationship as derived/given by chinese culture. we don't really have it in western culture, with exceptions of course. all the best.
True, I have dated several western girls and yeah they don’t understand that we Chinese men are serious. We act instead of say.
Words are cheap. I love you.
How much bowls of rice can you buy with these three words?
I rather be there for her and help her emotionally or physically.
But to be honest, not a lot of western girls will truly get it.
The emotions are way stronger than the rational part
In my opinion, love is a 2-way street. If a girl marries a Chinese guy, she has to expect that he'll behave like Chinese do. However, the guy also marries a non-Chinese woman, so he knows that her way of thinking is different. Why should only the woman change? They say, a compromise is a solution no one is happy with, but maybe one small stap from both of them would make a big step for their relationship. I can't imagine that the guy who sees that his wife is miserable, would feel great about himself, even though he bought her many bowls of rice. It wouldn't kill you to say I love you every now and then if she needs to hear it, and she should look further than her nose to appreciate whatever you do for her.
The last point is essentially, actions speak louder than words, or words are cheap, or u can talk the talk but can u walk the walk?
So interesting!! Thank you!
I really liked listening to your story, thank you for making this video!
"Son"
"Dad...do you love me?"
"What? I bought you a house."
"Oh. Thanks."
We need an update. Still together or not?
Rule No.1 - ensure that you both dont live with inlaws under one roof.
Chinese parents want their kids to be an ‘honest’ person. Find an ‘honest’ partner and get married. Not to fool around and waste time and money. And Chinese don’t expect their kids to take care of them at old age. But if their kids are ‘filial’, then they should take care of them.
Asian guys are handsome
Asian guys are insanely hot! My guy is! ❤😊
when my girlfriend come back to shenzhen from UK, we can have a double date, i am from Hu bei by the way
Very honest and true thought
what would a friendship relationship with a Chinese woman be like and a friendship relationship with a Russian woman having a child with both women with an ex boyfriend who gives you gifts and pays for dinner
Jeez, sounds like a good dude.
I learned a lot from this video and I enjoyed it a lot!, but I also heard this throughout the video:
America bad, me bad, China good!
And as a pereon who grew up in a somewhat similar culture and family I know when someone is being gasslighted and belittled by others for being "different"
There's nothing wrong with the parts of the American culture you mentioned and how you used to live and do things.
(The only reason I'm saying this is because I'm suffering from the self-doubt and censorship that comes with the Eastern culture and I'm just figuring out how to value myself and the different ways I do things. It pains me to see someone from a more open minded country adapting to the s*** I'm trying so desperately to get away from🤦🏻🤦🏻🤦🏻 and that's why I left this comment...I hope it doesn't sound arrogant or selfish or anything just saying be careful. it's easy to fall into a culture that critisizes everything that is different and doubting yourself when you're the minority...)
You say you were belittled by other for being different and now u are criticizing her for just having different opinions that you. She seems happy in china and her personality seems to match chinese culture. I dont get why you would feel the need to leave such an unnecessary comment.
Hard to explain...............
Is the Chinese parents situation kind of like how it is in the show Everybody Loves Raymond? 😅
Traditional = tiring
Need new videos
Does your BF use filler words “like” too!?
Re: Hubby providing for the family: guess that must be Positive, if there's no Money, there'll be no Honey? 🤪🤪
Uhm, 4 years and still testing the waters is something to consider when dating non-Western men. In your case it is ‘his career’, very impressive given you live in the Silicon Valley of China, but that’s his career, proper.
### Main Points Summary
1. **Parental Expectations**:
- Chinese parents often prefer their children to date within their own culture for better communication and shared values.
- Chinese parents are typically very involved in their children's lives, sometimes living with them and expecting financial support in old age.
- The speaker's experience was positive, with her Chinese boyfriend's parents being accepting and hospitable.
2. **Traditional Values**:
- Chinese culture often holds more traditional values, with defined gender roles and expectations, particularly regarding childcare and finances.
- The speaker, being traditional herself, finds this compatible with her own values and enjoys domestic activities like cooking and cleaning.
3. **Money and Finances**:
- Chinese people are generally very good at saving money, often prioritizing practical expenditures over frequent small purchases.
- The speaker and her boyfriend have different spending habits, with him being more practical and helping her become more aware of her spending.
4. **Eating Habits**:
- The speaker’s eating habits changed for the better after moving to China, becoming healthier.
- There are differences in the types of food and eating habits, requiring compromise and adaptation.
5. **Work Culture**:
- Shenzhen’s work culture is very intense, with many people prioritizing work highly, which can differ from the speaker's own priorities.
- The speaker values quality time and emotional support in relationships, while her boyfriend’s culture emphasizes financial provision for the family.
6. **Practicality Over Emotions**:
- Chinese men may express love and care more through actions than through verbal affirmations.
- The speaker had to adjust to this more reserved way of showing affection, understanding that actions are a significant way of expressing care in her boyfriend’s culture.
Ur perceptio of chinese family is little from wrong point of view. For chinese family included father, father, grand parents, kids and grandkids. So when u except and include this idea and meaning of this chinese tradition u will live more easier with tgem.
Girl, you should feel lucky.
Re "putting up a show with words"? Guess if some ppl enjoy having shows and not Tangible stuffs, guess U don't know what U are MISSING? 🤪🤪
I made my decision to never date a Chinese and I never regretted it. It was one of the best decisions I made for myself.
yes, good for you, with your attitude, it would not work in the first place. more for others.
@@johntse8655 Aight cool
are you married now ? ... you don't want to become a " left over " woman .... yeah; just joking. 😂
Marriage and kids. Four years - if it is serious, it's time. Otherwise you need to move on.
haha interesting
😆
I like Chinese culture more than American culture. I date white American girl before. I think they are alright. I like asian girl better.
Are you communicating in chinese ? Speaking English is too tiresome, we use different muscles
Lot of body hair
孔子有一句话叫：巧言令色，鲜矣仁。意思是如果有人经常说你喜欢听的话，他们一般不是好人。