When they overstep one of your boundaries in the beginning, and you bring it to their attention, letting them know what they did isn’t OK - according to your boundaries, they will quickly turn it around and act like you’re being unreasonable. They’ll accuse you of expecting far too much from them, and…from ANY relationship, quite frankly…and that you need to cut them some slack - or else, you will lose them…just like you lost everyone before them. Very authoritarian and disciplinarian. Never mind, that if you did to them…what they had just done, to you - by crossing your boundary - they would be breaking up with you. So, they would be justified to hold YOU accountable, for crossing their boundary. But you would be overreacting, if you try to hold THEM accountable, for crossing one of yours. This is how they roll, and this ‘test’ will happen relatively early on in the relationship. Pay attention. 🚩
And it is unclear whether the 'grooming' is done consciously or unconsciously. I observed someone who was engaging in abusive behaviors without seeming to be aware of 'the look' of this to several outsiders. To prevent her from making it a 'new normal' I cut off contact and the behaviors stopped abruptly. She then appeared to experience intense shame and dropped out of sight for a while. She has not engaged in those behaviors again at least not publicly. Set clear boundaries at the first sign of abnormality.
Thank you:) Narcisstic people love to try to get you to believe they are worthy of love. They will go all out for it, and as soon as you initiate "I love you," you will hear crickets. If you accept this, they will keep you around. If you are like me and ask, "Do😊 you love me?" And they say,"I don't know!" Just be happy you didn't cower to their schemes and accept the inevitable discard. It was a grooming tactic. This happened to me after knowing this person for 15 years, and a loved one just passed away. The narcissistic person didn't give a fuck to even fake an "I love you" back! Then he said I "demanded " it. Of course, he discarded me that day when my loved one passed who loved me so much. That's what they do. It's like any virus. These toxic demons wait for you to lean on them in times of pain to hurt you more. That's when you can finally gain clarity and leave. Just leave. Don't try to convince them so they harvest more. Just leave. Remember, they leave the wound, so you need their validation later. If it would have just let him ignore me saying" I love you," what more demon face would have busted out the slime cocoon that is lurking behind its mask? Evil people that never develop curiosity to 😊life or love but demand it's hard work and efforts.
My abusers all had a honeymoon phase they promise to change but they don't but you actually think in your head it will get better!!! I just can't get over that nightmare I had and I was there looking at my face!!! all bloody and all a mess people were screaming "NO NOT BECKY!!! Oh WOW is all I can say!!! I guess words do stick with you!!! I would be better off dead he told me!!! Well I have a lot of living to do and this time it's for me!!! I will love and support still of course but more carefully!!! not running rough shod with my pretty words as my ex female abuser told me Oh you and your pretty words he even told me noone would cry at my funeral!! I won't be I am going to heaven!! I have to say I had a horrible thanksgiving All I could think about was that poor Laken Riley's family and how they didn't have her!!! I couldn't help it!! I pray for them daily those poor people!!! But she's in heaven now and I will meet her one day!!! I was so sad about it I hardly talked to anyone!!! And asked Why am I still here? I lived 51 years she didn't!!!
I don't fall for lovebombing and I hate recceiving compliments, that's why my Ex never did it. Nevertheless I thought of him as my soulmate because he agreed on so many things I said and because I (autistic with Cptsd) overshared on the first evening, he of course liked most things I like
Thank you for breaking down the stages. I would love to hear your take on narcissisti in prison and how they manipulate their family members through their victimhood while using them the whole time.
Thats my mom . never showed up on time when she agreed on a SPECIFIC TIME to meet up .(a planned time ...not randomly asking someone to come over and being a tiny bit late...i mean a planned time ) never shows up on time or showed up 3 hrs later
When they overstep one of your boundaries in the beginning, and you bring it to their attention, letting them know what they did isn’t OK - according to your boundaries, they will quickly turn it around and act like you’re being unreasonable. They’ll accuse you of expecting far too much from them, and…from ANY relationship, quite frankly…and that you need to cut them some slack - or else, you will lose them…just like you lost everyone before them. Very authoritarian and disciplinarian. Never mind, that if you did to them…what they had just done, to you - by crossing your boundary - they would be breaking up with you. So, they would be justified to hold YOU accountable, for crossing their boundary. But you would be overreacting, if you try to hold THEM accountable, for crossing one of yours. This is how they roll, and this ‘test’ will happen relatively early on in the relationship. Pay attention. 🚩
And it is unclear whether the 'grooming' is done consciously or unconsciously. I observed someone who was engaging in abusive behaviors without seeming to be aware of 'the look' of this to several outsiders. To prevent her from making it a 'new normal' I cut off contact and the behaviors stopped abruptly. She then appeared to experience intense shame and dropped out of sight for a while. She has not engaged in those behaviors again at least not publicly. Set clear boundaries at the first sign of abnormality.
I said i felt like i was walking on eggshells and was told, " That's how *I* FEEL!"
@@jaialaiwarrior yup sounds like a narc!
Yes. You speak the truth. I pray each person that listens to this really get a clear understanding of this. Thank you very much ❤👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻🏆
Gaslighting is the worst! Gosh, it’s so crazy-making and cruel.
My experience and yours are quite similar
Thank you:) Narcisstic people love to try to get you to believe they are worthy of love. They will go all out for it, and as soon as you initiate "I love you," you will hear crickets. If you accept this, they will keep you around. If you are like me and ask, "Do😊 you love me?" And they say,"I don't know!" Just be happy you didn't cower to their schemes and accept the inevitable discard. It was a grooming tactic. This happened to me after knowing this person for 15 years, and a loved one just passed away. The narcissistic person didn't give a fuck to even fake an "I love you" back! Then he said I "demanded " it. Of course, he discarded me that day when my loved one passed who loved me so much. That's what they do. It's like any virus. These toxic demons wait for you to lean on them in times of pain to hurt you more. That's when you can finally gain clarity and leave. Just leave. Don't try to convince them so they harvest more. Just leave. Remember, they leave the wound, so you need their validation later. If it would have just let him ignore me saying" I love you," what more demon face would have busted out the slime cocoon that is lurking behind its mask? Evil people that never develop curiosity to 😊life or love but demand it's hard work and efforts.
Married to one 13 years, can relate to All of this! Great descriptions.
My abusers all had a honeymoon phase they promise to change but they don't but you actually think in your head it will get better!!! I just can't get over that nightmare I had and I was there looking at my face!!! all bloody and all a mess people were screaming "NO NOT BECKY!!! Oh WOW is all I can say!!! I guess words do stick with you!!! I would be better off dead he told me!!! Well I have a lot of living to do and this time it's for me!!! I will love and support still of course but more carefully!!! not running rough shod with my pretty words as my ex female abuser told me Oh you and your pretty words he even told me noone would cry at my funeral!! I won't be I am going to heaven!! I have to say I had a horrible thanksgiving All I could think about was that poor Laken Riley's family and how they didn't have her!!! I couldn't help it!! I pray for them daily those poor people!!! But she's in heaven now and I will meet her one day!!! I was so sad about it I hardly talked to anyone!!! And asked Why am I still here? I lived 51 years she didn't!!!
I was going through a divorce as well.
I don't fall for lovebombing and I hate recceiving compliments, that's why my Ex never did it. Nevertheless I thought of him as my soulmate because he agreed on so many things I said and because I (autistic with Cptsd) overshared on the first evening, he of course liked most things I like
True I hate disingenuous compliments - yet I'll gladly give honour where honour is due.
Thank you for breaking down the stages. I would love to hear your take on narcissisti in prison and how they manipulate their family members through their victimhood while using them the whole time.
Thats my mom . never showed up on time when she agreed on a SPECIFIC TIME to meet up .(a planned time ...not randomly asking someone to come over and being a tiny bit late...i mean a planned time ) never shows up on time or showed up 3 hrs later