Insomnia insight
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- Опубликовано: 3 окт 2024
- Perhaps the most important Natto concept to come out of The School - Befriending wakefulness reviewed in this video. We talk about how insomnia happens when the brain gets confused and starts treating wakefulness as a threat. We talk about how when you teach that wakefulness is a friend, even at night, magic happens!
Do you have trouble sleeping? Can’t sleep? Have questions about insomnia or sleep? Please leave a comment or send an email:
questions@thesleepcoachschool.com
I will be happy to share my thoughts as a video reply in an Ask Daniel episode.
If you want to connect elsewhere I’m on Twitter @ErichsenDaniel, Instagram @Erichsen.Daniel, Facebook as Daniel Erichsen.
Would you like to work with me? Awesome! I would love a chance to help you sleep fantastic. There are three ways we can work together:
Video based coaching www.thesleepcoachschool.com
BedTyme, a sleep coaching app for iOS and Android.
Buy my book Set it & Forget it on Amazon. It includes a cell phone number where you can send questions.
The self coaching program is perfect if you like learning through video and also if have mental wellness goals besides such has being less anxious.
BedTyme is ideal if you like to learn via text and have a sleep coach in your pocket.
Not sure where to start? Check out these playlists!
This is natto - the perfect place to start learning!
• This is Natto - Start ...
Success stories - if you need hope and inspiration, this is for you.
• Success stories
Insomnia insight - a list of every single episode.
• Playlist
Talking insomnia - guests with trouble sleeping or experts share their stories / tips.
• Talking insomnia
Hypnic jerks, hypnic awareness and other common issues.
• Hypnic jerks and more.
Fatal insomnia - for those concerned about ffi and sfi.
• Familial and sporadic ...
The self coaching model
• The model
Best!
This content does not constitute medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, and should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or other qualified healthcare providers.
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A thought just came to mind as I was watching this video...a few months ago before experiencing sleep anxiety, I was traveling abroad for 2 weeks and slept only 4-6 hours. The reason was because I was so excited about the trip and had a packed itinerary, I thought sleeping was just going to be a waste of time. So I'd stay out until 1-2am and wake up at 6am to get the day started asap. I never felt sleep deprived because there were so many things that I was distracted by! But if I only sleep 4-6 hours on a normal work week, all of a sudden I see it as a problem and I feel exhausted/anxious. This became my proof that sleeping under 8 hours isn't the problem...it's the way I react to it.
Spot on! I think these realizations are sooo helpful. It’s not the circumstances that actually matter, but how we interpret them and think about them 🙂
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 I have restless legs syndrome. Any tips for us
This is absolute GOLD. I started a CBT-I program 2 days ago and found myself getting way more anxious about sleep. I was not sleeping last night, and the thought came to me that my OBSESSION 24/7 about sleep is what is keeping me from sleeping. A perfect example is that I often fall asleep when watching a show on TV…the reason I fall asleep so easily is that I am trying to stay awake to watch the show….I am NOT trying to sleep when watching the show. I stumbled this morning onto a video about Victor Frankel’s theory about paradoxical intention and a lightbulb came on big time. Then ended up on finding your videos about this. THANK YOU!!!!
Hi johannsen, how are you sleeping right now? Any update?
Daniel, I just want to let you know that I’ve been sleeping well for nearly a week. I’ve been trying to live as if I never had insomnia. The bedtime rituals might help some people, but they only made my insomnia worse. By behaving recklessly towards sleep, my sleep actually improved. I’m still not completely over my insomnia, but things have improved.
Joseph! Love reading these lines! So happy, and you know, the thing I hear over and over from people that get past insomnia is that they “didn’t care as much” - which imho means they became ok with sleeping or not sleeping any given night.
Well done Joseph! And thanks so much for sharing 😊
I already almost dont care either. But this means i just changed my life because i have limits. I dont sleep enough, so i can not go out feeling so tired. And yes, i just forgot my life as it used to be. But is it good, just to make your life more boring, have no partner etc because you just gave in?
do you recovered completely from insomnia now?
This seems like a really important question that I have thought a lot about as well. If you like doing active things or being sociable with your friends and family or have a demanding job, how can you not care when you know that your (real) sleep problem means that you will not be able to physically or mentally to do certain things? I decided not to go skiing this year because my sleep is often so poor at least 3 nights a week that I thought it would not be safe to do it, same thing with some sailing activities that I decided to cancel. In this case not caring and accepting being awake for long periods in the night (with the natural result of very few hours sleep) seems to me to be the same thing as accepting that you live with a disability. This probably makes no difference to what you can try and do about your insomnia but somehow for me, how you categorise this and how you have to think about yourself, your identity and what you can or can't do with your life is really important
Hi James,
I do think this question is really helpful to look at.
One time my wife made me listen to a podcast about selling. I was struck by how very similar the teaching was to teaching about insomnia. Something very specific that I learned was how it can be very difficult not to want to sell when you are desperate to make a sale.
When you want to sell a car for example, a potential buyer will be much more likely to buy a car if they don’t feel pressured to do so. So if you as a sales person are not attached to the outcome, you’re much more likely to sell the car.
Imagine that you have sold seven cars in the last two days. It is very easy for you not to be attached to the outcome. Things are going great (!) so what does it matter if you sell this car or not?
If you haven’t sold a car in a month and your mortgage payments depend on this very next sale on the other hand, now it is very difficult not to be attached to whether you sell the car or not.
But here is the thing, it is still just as true that the more attached you are to the outcome, the less likely you are to sell the car if you have been doing really well or things have been difficult. At the same time, it is 100% understandable that is less easy to be unattached when things have been difficult. Every human will understand this.
So what is the teaching point here?
It is of course much more difficult to be OK with not sleeping when you have had a stretch of not sleeping well… or if you have lots of obligations, or there are many other things happening in your life… it’s just 100% understandable and human. And when we aren’t hard on ourselves for feeling that it’s hard not to be attached, then things get much easier.
Paradoxical as it may sound, when we aren’t judging ourselves for finding it difficult to be less attached, we become less attached because there’s less pressure.
And this leads where you want to be, whether it is selling cars or sleeping without struggle.
This is just the breakthrough point man , this is what it is , loving wakefulness and not fearing it . I remember the time when i enjoy fully awake and the sleep was so so effortless and now this 8 hrs sleep being optimal for everybody created sense of fear of being awake thats just ridiculous man. I got the point daniel . This is it , just gotta love being awake.
This is the path 😊
When I kept hearing all these advices to sleep better over and over again, I remember thinking - I would love to sleep better, but.. I also love drinking coffee, I love an occasional glass or two of wine with dinner, I love watching Netflix before bed, I do not like meditating, I do not like getting out of bed in the middle of the night and doing something soothing. This is all my preferences, this is part of who I am part of my identity. And it was driving me crazy upset that I have to chose between better sleep or keeping the lifestyle that I love. And now I see that I don't have to, thanks to you! This is just amazing news.
Oh yes - we don’t have to give up anything. So glad you’re seeing this and it brought some relief!
Finding this channel feels like a wonderful dream!
Years ago I read an article about historical research done by social anthropologists. They read diaries written about 150-200 years ago before the electric light. Apparently it was common for individuals to fall asleep at nightfall then wake 4 hours later at about midnight. Once awake they might make love, do chores or even visit a neighbour. Then go back to sleep for another 4 hours, rising with the sun. I found this fascinating. It really demonstrated making friends with wakefulness.
Super helpful! Thanks so much!
I even have a wakefulness box.. which is my plan if I awake during the wee hours of my slumber filled with items I enjoy: crafting, reading, coloring..I name this my Wakeful Whispers.. it is my friend, NOT my foe! All this I have learned from you! Thanks again ❤️
Love this! I think it’s super helpful to have a version of the wakefulness box, a plan for exactly what to do if you’re awake at night. Well done 👍 and thanks so much for the support and for sharing!!
I've been struggling with anxiety since 2008. The trigger would always be being terrified of not getting enough sleep. I've been in therapy, I've taken (and I still take) meds, but no one ever addressed this issue and worded it like you just did. The fear of wakefulness and the need to befriend it. It's definitely something that I will think about anytime I get anxious at night. Thank you so much.
Sorry to hear about these many years of struggle, but so glad you’re here now. And with this willingness to go towards something we’ve been scared of… nice things follow 😊
Spot on Daniel.
I have been having a relapse recently and i was awakening a zillion times a night ,pretty much awake all night..
Your recent suggestion to me was to do something you enjoy rather than laying for hours and hours waiting for sleep to happen..
Now i spend lots of time on the computer and i thought to myself that the next time i'm awake during the night waiting for sleep that's refusing to arrive, i,m going to get up and use the time to go on the computer again.
I just love reading and learning things.
I thought about this prospect many times during the day and thought it would be inevitable that i'd be awake but i honestly felt to myself that hey i'm actually looking forward to spending even more time on the computer but this time at 2,3,4am or whatever.
Guess what. The last few nights i've not woken at all so not even been able to get on the computer in the middle of the night like i wanted. Just the thought of doing something i really enjoy was enough and it worked that quickly...LOL (the computer does not effect wether i sleep or not. Tried all that blue light avoidance stuff before bed ages ago)
The brain is such a weird thing at times .
Your insight into how the brain works and reacts is remarkable.
Love reading this 😊 I was going through the comment, eagerly awaiting to read what finally happened and - super happy you slept well 😁! The brain can get us all tangled up! Thanks for the supper and for sharing!!
Daniel! I cannot express enough gratitude, for the advice and info you've shared. You are Deeply appreciated! There is NO Better School 4 Sleep!
😊🙏!!! This made my day!
Daniel, I’m so glad I found your information. I’ve only just started listening and am eating it all up. One question which I’m sure you’ve answered before;
How do I know when to get myself out of bed if I feel tired, am not having fearful thoughts and feel I will fall asleep? An hour or so will go by and I’ve realized I’m not asleep yet, which is about when my brain will jump in and perceive a threat.
So glad you’re here Sam! It’s all about intent, if we think we have to get out of bed or look for a cue to get out, that’s tricky. If we do what feels easiest in the moment that helps
This was sooo insightful!! I’ve been struggling for years and hormonal fluctuations around 50 made it not easier to sleep . Now I’ve suspected that it becomes a mental confusion in my brain . This sounds so do-able! Thank you 🙏🏼
Margaret! Super happy this made sense and yes, it’s not complicated at all actually when you start seeing things clearly, which you are 😊 Glad you found the channel and be in touch!!
Great video. I've been slowly recovering for months, and just this week the fear of wakefulness hit me pretty good two out of the last three nights. I saved this video, and will think about what activities I would enjoy in the middle of the night. My insomnia bear, tiger, lion, or whatever you want to call it won't give up easy.
Years ago I read an article about historical research done by social anthropologists. They read diaries written about 150-200 years ago before the electric light. Apparently it was common for individuals to fall asleep at nightfall then wake 4 hours later at about midnight. Once awake they might make love, do chores or even visit a neighbour. Then go back to sleep for another 4 hours, rising with the sun. I found this fascinating. It really demonstrated making friends with wakefulness.
Hi Angela! Yes, turning the night into something enjoyable, this is the opposite of trying to make ourselves not be awake 🙂
Fantastic episode! Wonderful advice. This is one of my favorite episodes. I have found your channel through "The anxious truth." It's the same with anxiety. Avoidance is the worst thing. Befriending anxiety is the way out of having problem anxiety. Not easy to do though. It's a paradox like anxiety. The more you don't want insomnia the more you're going to get. Just like anxiety. We are challenged to encourage anxiety so we can realize it's not a threat. I've just bought your book. Natto.
Thank you!! So glad you found us, Drew is an amazing guy 😊
This is so helpfull 😘 it summarizes my whole problem
Hi Daniel, thank you so much for this i feel really relieved to feel that there´s a cure and that someday i will sleep normal again.
I´m 34 years old and i have had sleep problems for as far as i can remember, same as my dad, and my siblings, i thought it was something on my gens and that it will be always in my life, now i see a light!!!!
My sleep got much worse 2 years ago when i had my first baby, he woke up a lot at night (like every baby), so when i finally got to sleep i had to wake up to feed him, so then my body or mind just simply stopped trying to sleep, I´ve been awake for very long time and it makes me very worried that my kids will feel the same, i really need to stop this.
Now i´m preagnant again and i know i have another 2 hard years coming, so i really need to sleep as much as i can now, i feel a lot more relax since i´m reading ypur book and listening to your podcasts, so i really wanted to thank you.
My other problem is that my mind is so active during the night that i really don´t know if i slept or not, i feel i never rest, i joke sometimes that i sleep like a shark i keep half brain on during the night, i´m always singing and talking with 3 different people on my mind, so i get sooo tired at night. i fall sleep easy at the beggining but when i wake up my mind it´s super active even when i feel very sleepy, but i can´t sleep.
Altough as i told you, since i´ve seen your videos i´m starting to see things different.
Marcela, I’m so very glad to hear that you’re seeing the light and that my work has been so helpful :-)
And you know, there are so many women in the success stories playlist that had trouble sleeping related to being a mom or becoming a mom, I think those stories can really relate and be helpful.
Hang in there, be well and be in touch!
I remember a few weeks before my insomnia started I would choose to stay awake some nights because the audiobook I was listening was just too good to stop. I knew I would be getting less sleep and probably feel more tired at work the next day but I felt no anxiety/hyperarousal at those thoughts or when I was in bed ready for sleep. Difference between now and then is the hyperarousal I get when I am in bed and it must be caused from my fear of sleeplessness. I do feel there is a distinction between sleeplessness and wakefulness but I am reaching a turning point where I am questioning that fear and therefore the root of my insomnia.
Hi John, I think this sounds super insightful. And I think one can absolutely make a case that they are different, i tend to try to make things as simple (and still what I believe true of course!) as possible for educational purposes. But what I think really matters is questioning the fear, that path of courage I think really leads to freedom and peace of mind.
Found your video that’s what I thought associate the late hours with pleasure and it will cure insomnia for long term
Yes! Just don’t think of it as a technique or something that is a means to an end like “I will associate late hours with pleasure in order to sleep”, but rather “I can teach the brain that being awake is safe, it can even be enjoyable!”.. and then when it sees this, sleep will happen easier and easier 👍
Your videos are so helpful! I feel like i've figured out other aspects of my insomnia, but the fear of wakefulness i've not tackled. I've always been afraid of the night/darkness/sleeping alone somewhat. So being awake while everyone is sleeping, and being unable to sleep seems to really freak me out. Especially, getting out of bed or doing things that my brain feels might wake me up? What ways can I slowly ease myself into befriending wakefulness? Thank you, I wish this mindful approach to insomnia was well known.
Hi Edward,
I’m so glad to see you’ve found value here and you know, I think just knowing that the more we are okay with being awake (and really anything we can’t control, our thoughts, our emotions) the easier things get.. that’s the key.. then if we add to this self kindness, that those times we resist being awake we don’t criticize ourselves, this I think is the easiest way, the kind and gentle way 😊
I think the key is making being awake enjoyable!! I have a coloring book, a few different craft projects going, and a bunch of movies and tv shows I never had time to watch before. Nighttime has become super enjoyable because I finally make time for ME. As a mom I never did that before. I’m working my way through several books, just relaxing at the end of my day. After probably 6 weeks of doing this from 8 pm-midnight, I began to get tired earlier and earlier. I’m usually ready for bed around 10:30 now and only have some “trouble” falling asleep a few nights a week. Even then, I don’t check the clock and I just think of all the fun stuff I have downstairs that I can do WITHOUT INTERRUPTION and often that is enough at this point to just calm me back down and then I fall asleep.
I also, after reading Set It and Forget It, decided I don’t need to get out of bed every 15 min or whatever. It’s ok to stay in bed and relax. So I invested in a nice book light and got a book from the library to keep on my nightstand. Now I can stay close to my hubby like I want, but be ok with being awake! And guess what? I haven’t made any progress in my book 😂 which is a good thing! Because deciding I’d enjoy being awake and practicing this mindset for a few weeks has made a significant impact on my sleep. It’s much easier now. So tske time to think of what you like to do, and how can you make it work for you? I began building a dollhouse. New skills, silver lining to Insomnia. Treat yourself to a cuddly blanket and a new book, a yummy cup of herbal tea. Make a cozy nest for yourself in the living room. Blessings to you. Healing can come!
Unfortunately I'm like Edward, it totally freaks me out to be awake in the night when I know that my family is all asleep and will wake up feeling positive and refreshed when I know I will wake, possibly after having had to take a pill, feeling awful after 4-5 hours low quality sleep, barely able to face the day. I'm sure this goes back to when I was a baby because I know my parents believed you should leave a baby to cry alone until it fell asleep, so I often find it genuinely scary to be awake in the dark at night and I have no idea how to break this.
I get the idea completely about befriending wakefulness but I just can't do it.
I've mananaged pretty much everything else, like giving up all stupid vitamins and rituals, I never go to bed early or try and catch up on sleep, I've educated myself about the strange effects of hyperarousal and that it is natural to wake up in the night etc, but I literally have no idea how to go about accepting being awake in the night and befriending this. Please any realistic suggestions for someone in this position?
Hi James,
You know, to me there’s so so much value in education. But, even when we cognitively understand, there can be some struggle… and when we are educated and struggle, I’ve found this: I’ve had calls with students in this place and it’s been almost embarrassing because the answer to every single question is the same - self kindness. When we can’t accept, then we can allow ourselves to be non accepting. If this is difficult, then we can see if we can do something nice for ourselves, be gentle and kind whatever we think or feel. This helps more than anything I’ve done across, as fluffy as it may sound 🙂
This was great timing! Well 2 years later hahaha but it popped up perfect timing lol 🎉
I’m in another episode, so anxious 😢but going to try to befriend wakefulness I’ve got to admit I’m completely got wrenchingly whole heartedly deep in an anxiety right now. So tough to want to stay awake when it’s so painful to be awake. I usually rely on Ativan man do I love Ativan it’s very addicting, so I try not to take it, but it will get me out of an episode, so tonight I’m gonna not take any and try and just let the anxiety be there. Watch TV all night. Thanks for this great video as always you’re the best.
So sorry to hear about the recent difficult times, but so glad the timing was good here 😊!! Hang in there, education and heart work leads where you want to be 🙂
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thank you pal!!!!!!! 💜💜
@sparkely1122 anytime!!
Hi Daniel. For the last 2 weeks, I've been having problems with waking up at night to urinate then not being able to fall asleep. Before then, I had no issues with falling asleep after urinating.
I'm pretty certain this came from my anxiety of not sleeping enough after realising I've been averaging 6 hours of sleep for 2 weeks before my my problem started. After I took a sleeping pill, I think my anxiety of not being able to fall asleep once I woke up began, as I began thinking that I wouldn't be able to fall asleep after waking up in the middle of the night.
I have this tendency to judge the amount of sleep I have as a sort of pass/fail, with getting less than 6 as a fail and getting 6 as a sort of pass, but still requiring me to drink coffee to feel like I'd be able to get through the day without falling asleep. I've tried to accept the fact that I'm awake and that's normal, and I'd always try to fall back asleep, but I can't help but feel the urge to check the time after waking up to see if I've slept enough.
How would you be able to combat this urge? I feel like it's definitely feeding into my wakefulness and anxiety in the early mornings.
Hi! We have a specific episode on peeing, browse and you will find it. Hope it helps a lot 😊
Hi! I have exactly the same problem as you. Not checking time when you wake up middle of the night helps sometimes. How are you doing nowadays?
great video, Daniel.. agreed
Thanks Rajdeep!!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 so just to let you know, i am sleeping well for about 2 months now, sleep is back to normal but i am still sticking to my 11 pm to 6 am bed time schedule, it feets perfectly with my daily routines. also i have started parcticing mindfulness it is helping me be productive in daily tasks, food tastes more good, also i feel pleasure doing daily tasks in general. i am more focused , i actually want your openion on mindfulness practice , if this can help others who are in similar situation as i was. but i know it should not be turned into sleep effort, it's more for those who knows they are thinking about sleep all day but they are not suppose to
Wonderful! So glad reading these lines 😁 You’ve done so much great thought work and - now you’re in this virtuous cycle where you add to the progress by starting a mindfulness practice from a place of abundance!
I am a big believer in mindfulness and I want to start incorporating it into my teaching. It’s one of the big missing pieces for me. I feel like I have a good grip on it but, I’m actually going to ask Trevor to come back and talk more about it.
So yes I absolutely think it can be helpful. So much suffering comes from thinking about the past and the future. You could argue that nearly all of it does! So when you learn to be in the now, it can be transformative for sure.
The problem most of the time is that when you come to mindfulness or yoga or meditation from a place of scarcity, it can so easily become an effort just like you say.
I’ve heard so many times that “I tried it and it didn’t work”. Which shows you that mindfulness in this case wasn’t a gift in itself, but it was approached as a means to an end...
But yes to summarize, when approached as a gift in itself, I think it’s fantastic. The way I’ve really started using “being mode” is when I start getting upset for whatever reason. I then start this introspective non judgmental practice of just observing my feelings and bodily reaction. Then it becomes impossible to be more upset! It’s really cool!
Thanks so much for sharing!!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 yes .. agreed with you and i would like to hear Trevor speak about mindfulness .You are actually teaching acceptance that creates aboundance which was the base or the piller to get better for me, if this strategy works for everybody they can add mindfulness later on there progress.
Hello Daniel. Don’t you think befriending wakefulness is an effort in itself? We can try to make it effortless on a conscious level, but subconsciously it is only natural to want to get over insomnia and some point, hence why we are on your channel. What are your thoughts? Thanks
That makes a lot of sense. And it should have been hard-wired into our mind ages ago. Also it explains why going without sleep even for long periods of time will not cause any dire health consequences. Just think about our stone age predecessors running for weeks days and nights in jungle hunting and avoiding all the threats - staying awake was the only chance to survive and evolution coded it into our DNA
100%, exactly how I see it!
Am back here again 0 sleep day and night my head wants to burst dear daniel i need help i don't want to die
Good to see you Daniel! I’ve recently talked to a friend with insomnia and she told me she starting having heart issues and cognitive decline due to insomnia. I believe her but I’m not quite sure if it’s due to insomnia. Have you ever had patients with health issues due to the lack of sleep? I had to ask because I’ve achieved so much but I’m kind of freaking out again
Elena Bartlett Hi Elena! Thanks for being in touch!
Nope, insomnia has never been shown to cause any health issue. I’ve written a book on this topic and I’ve reviewed the literature!
We do feel foggy and have trouble concentrating and things like that, but cognitive decline, no that’s never been shown to be caused by insomnia.
I’m very happy to hear that you’ve done better, nothing to worry about!!
The Sleep Coach School I’ve purchased Why We Don’t Sleep a while ago, and It’s the great one! I sleep amazing most of the time but I keep reading it all over and over again and watching your videos when I have hard nights or scary information that discourage me.Thanks again 🙏
Oh you have it already! Perfect I’m happy it was helpful and that you’ve slept well 😁 You know I hope it becomes common knowledge one day so that everyone can sleep better. Have a nice weekend Elena and be in touch!
Finally your book has arrived. My attitude about wakefulness has definitely improved. Praying an improvement in my sleep will soon follow. I have a question, I’ve learned from you when In the set and forget model that it’s ok to go to bed later than your bed time but the morning wake up/get out of bed time we should stick to. So my question is how can I assure my get out of bed time is consistent if I’m not looking at clock ?
Glad it arrived and that things are a bit easier 😊! What I think is practical is to just set an alarm. That way we know that if the alarm hasn’t gone off, no need to check the time! This said, know that the only thing that truly is important is to know that nothing is “important” - meaning, it can definitely help to have a pretty consistent rise time, because it leads us to chasing sleep less and to try less to get sleep… but there are many ways this can happen. The less pressure the easier things become 🙂
How do you deal with sleeplessness for 1.5 days, how do you not get frustrated? How do you calm down when you have a fatigue body?
Making wakefulness my friend...that is a big one. I find it so hard to do anything during those wakefuL hours. I feel so tired that nothing sounds pleasant or enjoyable to do and I feel too exhausted to even want to get out of bed. I just want to keep my eyes closed and hope that sleep will eventually come. What would you suggest in such a situation? While I have graduated from Martin Reed’s CBT-I course, I still struggle most nights. Some nights I fall asleep easily and wake once or twice, but fall back asleep. Some nights it takes me hours to fall asleep. And some nights I get hardly any sleep at all. But always, I am so tired and exhausted during the wakeful periods and I find it so hard to get out of bed to anything at all. Every night it’s a fresh start and I have much hope, but my progress is so very slow....
I appreciate so much all that you share and I am always learning. Thank you for all that you so.
Hi Edda,
Thanks so much for sharing and I completely understand where you are coming from.
This is where befriending wakefulness becomes really tricky and difficult. When you are so exhausted and tired that nothing is appealing.
I very much appreciate all the work you have done. I can tell that you have learned a lot and that you’re still motivated and hopefully which is fantastic. Well done Edda 👍👍
Firstly I want to say that getting out of bed in my teaching isn’t important at all.
If you feel comfortable in bed and getting out of bed feels like it will be a punishment or just not enjoyable at all, there’s no need to leave the bed!
This said, when you keep your eyes closed and hope for sleep eventually to come, then you’re definitely training your brain that being awake is bad and it will be very difficult to get good sleep that way. I think this is a really good place for change!
It is funny because I was just discussing with Rajdeep about mindfulness. I think for someone who is really exhausted at night and prefers staying in bed, this could work beautifully.
Because all you need to do is to learn to be present.
When you get to a point where you can spend hours just observing your own thoughts and your feelings and what is happening around you, then it will not feel like you’re waiting for sleep. You will in fact be able to enjoy wakefulness without exerting any effort!
The most important thing however is that this does not become an effort. I often hear people say that “it didn’t work”. Well when that happens I feel really bad because I feel I haven’t made it clear that mindfulness is the gift! It is not a means to an end.
If you have any interest in mindfulness I think you should explore it. Perhaps read The power of now. You could really transform wakefulness at night to an opportunity to simply be present.
Let me know how this sounds Edda!
Thank you so much, Daniel. It’s comforting to know that getting out of bed when I can’t sleep is not necessary. As you know, Martin really stresses getting out of bed and I have always struggled with that. I am familiar with mindfulness, but will explore it further. Thank you.
Anytime! You know everyone has differences in their teaching but yes, I think often the thought that it’s important to leave the bed comes from thinking of conditioned arousal as you know, the bed is associated with insomnia and you should break that association.
But in my thinking, that’s not the problem at all! It is the fear of being awake that is the real culprit. And when you spend time in bed at night (or anywhere else) getting more ok with being awake, you do really well.
If you haven’t tuned in, listen to Talking insomnia 27 where I learned something really important from Bryan.
He had become so afraid of being awake in bed at night that he started spending time in bed during the day doing enjoyable things!
This kind of reverse stimulus control helped him. And to me it shows how, being in bed when awake is not the problem! It is not wanting to be awake that always is...
You’ll get there Edda!
Thank you, Daniel. I had watched this video before, but watched it again today. Very helpful insights and it’s really encouraging to hear that Bryan’s approach was so successful in resolving the insomnia.
Absolutely. And you know, when I started recording, I assumed Bryan wanted to talk about troubles he was having, but he actually requested to come on to share how he had done so well
I have some more guests in the next few weeks with more stories of hope. This said - it all boils down to the same thing, becoming less attached. And you know, having read comments from lots of people over the years, I know you’ll do well Edda. You just need a few magical moments when you see that sleep comes to you when you’re ok with being awake... once you have those, and you will (!) it gets easier to let go.. hang in there!!
How does one keep a sleep diary without looking at the clock? I can enjoy the computer during wakefulness, but the screen always has the time on it.
I put a sticker over it.
Hi Anna! Sticker works for time, thanks Tash! And as for a sleep diary, I think it’s best to not track time.
The more attention towards time, the more trouble sleeping you have!
What I find helpful is simply to track how you feel during the day and how your sleep experience was. It may be good to track when you got out of bed just for accountability but definitely NOT how much you slept or how long it took to sleep etc. That just produces too much awareness of time.
Remember - timelessness is the answer to sleeplessness!
For some it may be a hard concept to befriend wakefulness.
For eg : when I started having problems sleeping I immediately tried looking for solutions on the internet. And some articles mention that lack of sleep can have severe impacts on the health , including increased risk of heart diseases and cancer.
Now when you read something like this and then you realise that this can actually happen to you in future due to lack of sleep it is so scary.
At such times it becomes more difficult to not worry and tell yourself it is OK.
What can be the the solution to this ?
EDIT : At such times I try telling to myself this is the reason why I must absolutely sleep . But sometimes it works , sometimes it makes things even worse.
Hi Akshay,
You are absolutely right there are many reasons it is difficult to befriend wakefulness.
A common one is fatigue. How can you befriend someone who is making you so tired. The key to that one is to find other culprits rather than being awake and then it becomes a little easier!
The one you bring up I think it’s actually not that difficult to get around. We are often told that insomnia or little sleep can cause health problems but that has never ever been shown!
I have written a book on this topic called Why we don’t sleep.
Despite what you hear, there’s not a single study that shows that short sleep or insomnia causes any health problems.
In fact the largest study ever that I know of at least came out in early 2019 it was by Lack and Lovato. They showed that in 36 million people those who had insomnia or didn’t have the exact same life expectancy!
Knowing that wakefulness does not cause any health issues makes it much easier to befriend!
How do I befriend it when I can't sleep and I get anxiety and severe heart palpitations. How do I befriend it how do I make my heart palpitations go away? What do I do? Do I just lay there or do something? How would I befriend wakefullness when I feel fatigue and tires and I want to rest?
Hi Daniel. The only thing I have energy for that I genuinely enjoy is watching videos on my phone, but I’m also trying not to look at the time. Which is impossible on a smart phone! Should I be looking for a different activity or should I just stop being afraid of seeing what time it is.
Hi Tiffany, I made a video not so long ago about exactly this! Browse and you’ll find it. Basically, we can turn knowing the time into self exploring and that helps!
My friend shared me her sleeping problem few days ago. She is the kind of person who bottles up her feelings, was sexally abused in her childhood, has some other dark secrets which i also don't know and regrets that she didn't went to meet her grandfather for the last time before his death. She has been taking Decold tablets without prescription in order to sleep . She claims that she feels fresh without even sleeping whole night. She sleeps around 5 am in the morning and wake up at 10am even after taking decold tablets. Please give me some suggestions, how do i help her??
Hi MiYa, it’s so nice of you to want to help your friend. Maybe introduce this channel to her, the she can see if it feels like what we teach applies to her. But, maybe she doesn’t feel like she needs any help! And you know, it’s all about inner work that nobody can do for us, we can do it when we are ready
Great video. Just wanted to know while adopting this approach if I will awake for 4or 5days then my fear will also become more. Because my thoughts revolving around if I will not able to sleep for many days
Thanks! And it’s not really possible to predict our sleep or our emotions. But when we aren’t trying to predict and find some willingness to experience what will happen, then things get easier
Fantastic video Daniel.As I’ve had a few bad nights a lot of hyperarousal going on but trying to make wakefulness my friend.hopefully it will pass.😞 I’m really thinking of trying mindfulness especially when I’m very hypearoused and focusing on the now rather than the past or the future which my brain wants to do then it causes me anxiety.
Thanks Don!!
It’s not easy I know when it feels like, it’s the wakefulness that is making your life difficult! But it’s definitely the way...
And you know, mindfulness can be a real gift - but when thought of as a means to an end it’s not very helpful. As long as you’re not thinking “I’m going to use mindfulness to become less hyperaroused” but rather “mindfulness sounds like a treat in itself that can enhance my life experience” - you’ll do great!
The Sleep Coach School Thanks for your reply Daniel!
I’m so educated on sleep now from you, I do know that my insomnia is all driven from anxiety and it’s trying to overcome my anxiety with not trying that’s the hard part.
Think I’m just having a slight set back at the minute😫
Donald Stokes. I hear Don, and you know, that education will keep you from the rabbit hole for sure!
And stay tuned we will start exploring mindfulness more here on the channel Don.
Talk soon!
The Sleep Coach School Thanks Daniel!!
Thank you for this! I have had three bouts with insomnia. Two of them were prolonged and extreme. I got past them using sleeping meds and therapy eventually weaning off my sleep meds twice. Well the fear of not sleeping has been triggered again and I am experiencing lots of trouble sleeping again.
I have a question. I have trouble falling asleep. In my past work through insomnia I learned to stay in bed no matter what happened and how awake I was. So are you saying if I can’t fall asleep to get up?
Or stay in bed and experience the wakefulness?
Thanks!
Anytime! And yes we can show the brain we are safe awake in bed or elsewhere, so it doesn’t matter. It’s when we think it’s important we get it right there can be some struggle.
What to do about waking up much earlier than you need? Middle of the night or later. Every night. Also, feeling sleepy all day, and just feeling awake in the evening..for years. No normal life because of it. No job, no friends, just feeling like zombie most of the time. Only if i manage to sleep 12, hours, i feel better. Why does one need many hours of sleep?
Very insightful. However I also notice that I stay on Netflix, and my phone etc. in order to escape sleep. I.e. I’m scared of going to sleep. Isn’t this an act of running away in fear too and making the sleep issue bigger?
Hi Shorfan,
You know, sometimes when there’s been a struggle we have a fear of not sleeping… or the brain that’s in safety mode can start thinking of sleeping itself as scary. We call this somniphobia. It’s common and just another version of the brain wanting us to be safe.
And yes to me, seeing those efforts at trying to escape a perceived threat is soo helpful because it’s like teaching the brain that it’s actually the safety efforts that maintain the struggle.
When the intent is to escape fear we can meet this with “aha, I see what you’re doing there brain!” And that’s all. Automatically efforts fade when we have awareness.
Hi Daniel - thank you for this. I refer to your advice so often and apply it to so many areas of my life - it has really been a profound value add - thank you.
I’m sure this story has come up a lot: I was doing better then got covid which threw things off. I’m reminding myself of the teachings but see the fear and erratic schedule creep back in. Any helpful thoughts here?
Hi DC,
So happy it’s been helpful. And you know, I think checking the speed bump playlist can help much, so much there of value!
Hi Daniel, what an insightful video. It makes sense to befriend wakefulness but I find it really hard. Also wanted to ask, how come after sleeping for 10 to 11 nights continually, even though I'm relaxed. I can't sleep on the 12th night? Is it due to hyperarousal? Is my subconscious still worried about the insomnia and to therefore unknowingly making me anxious.
Thank you for the support! And yes, it’s not easy! The journey is difficult because you have to befriend something that you really don’t like... but you know, once you start the path, it gets easier and easier when you see how it really helps...
And yes, it’s probably because you’re keeping track, and when you have slept for several nights there’s either some sneaky hyperarousal from anxiety or even just some curiosity! When you lose interest though, and lose track of how many nights it’s been... or when you go towards “it’s ok not to sleep here and there” , then you don’t struggle at all!
🙏🙏🙏
Hi Daniel. I’ve been watching some of your videos even purchased your book earlier today Set It & Forget It. I want to get started on the befriending wakefulness but I have a question. Last night as I was laying in bed awake I chose to read. It’s something I enjoy and the book I’m currently reading is really good! I felt myself trying to drift off several times, but I’d pop back out of it and continue reading. While trying to befriend wakefulness, how do I know when to put the book down and give sleep a try? That seems like such a silly question but I’m asking it anyway! I apologize if this is covered in the book somewhere. If so, I’ll eventually get to it. Just wondering about that in the meantime.
Hi! Thanks getting the book and this is a common question. The key is this: if we think there’s an ideal time, ideal cues that tell us when the perfect time is to put a nice book down - that is tricky. Because we will be self monitoring so much. What helps is really to go by what we feel like, as fuzzy as it sounds, it’s that fuzziness that leads us away from attempting to have control and to peaceful sleep 🙂
i'm on day 3 with no sleep and so tired... evereything u mentioned makes sense, but i feel like my body is getting more rest when lying down, even though i am awake with sleep anxiety... dont know what to do
Hang in there, it often takes some time until what we know intellectually leads to a change that we experience
@@1timbarrett 3 months later, I am fully cured from my insomnia so there is hope for you and everyone that is struggling I am so grateful for Daniel and the coaches plus the community. You will be fine just keep going. I actually look forward to bed every night now and love the fact that I can remember my dreams almost every night
@@Dodger-87 so happy for you!!
If I am way to anxious to get up and do something, can mindfulness and acceptance allow the brain to over time to become less worried? Does it tell the brain I am ok if I just lay in the dark breathing in the moment and allowing? I do not think I could enjoy anything tbh
Hi Sam,
I would say that anything we do with the intent of becoming less worried actually makes us more worried.
On the flipside, anything we do that takes us towards being more OK with being worried makes us less worried.
In other words, if we look at mindfulness and acceptance as a way to be more present, be more observant of our worries, to be more willing to experience worrying, then I think it can be really helpful.
So yes, if you just lay in the dark, if you are present in the moment and you allow yourself to experience any discomfort, I think this can be really helpful.
What happened with me sir,
I was sleeping but i can hear everything outside of my home and i can't wake up what is this problem, please i need reply.
Hi Pranab, check talking insomnia 37 with Jim, it will show you it’s not the sounds that are the problem, it’s the fear that the sounds will wake you up. When we see this, we can understand that trying to make the sound go away isn’t what helps, but awareness and understanding of oneself.
This is one of my major challenges. I have so much anxiety if I lay awake I doubt I could enjoy doing anything. I lay there but getting up to read or watch tv would have intent for sure. I would be way too anxious. How can I befriend wakefulness if I am so full of dread/fear? I should add if I fall asleep and wake at say 2am I am 100% fine and not worried because at least I got some sleep and I’m chill. It’s the nights where it’s been 4 hours and I am still awake and laying there getting more and more worried despite trying to chill my brain out.
Oh yes Sam, this is a very common and natural question.
When I teach about befriending wakefulness I often emphasize doing something you like to do or even enjoy. This is because it is so counterintuitive and kind of makes you go “aha!”. To turn being awake at night into something enjoyable can really teach the brain that there’s nothing to be afraid of.
But there is a challenge here. If it seems important to do something that is enjoyable, it can feel like a challenge. Especially when you’re tired and you would like to sleep and you just don’t feel like doing anything in particular.
Now here is the thing, the whole point with befriending wakefulness is again just to teach the brain that there’s nothing to be afraid of. And you can do this even if you’re not particularly enjoying the night.
Even when you feel bored or annoyed, you are safe. So you can allow yourself to feel any which way you feel - but still point out to the brain that you are safe. That you are not harmed whatsoever.
This can achieve the dual purpose of taking away any pressure to do something you enjoy but also still teach the brain that being awake is safe and you are not in any danger.
Also, how do you know it’s 2 am or that it’s been 4 hours?
I know it’s so intuitive for us to keep track either with a clock or tracker. But it’s really the idea that we can achieve some control that has us struggling. So here we have an invitation to timelessness. When we no longer know the time or track…things get more peaceful.
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 hello Daniel,
I did what you suggest: allow thoughts to come and tell yourself that you are safe in order to train your brain. Finally I’m FULLY awake and not anxious! But then, My mind start thinking about sleep! I start wondering sleep related topics and I’m start to confuse if I’m wondering if I’m DESIRING to sleep!! What is your advice?
Thanks
I’d to add one more thing:
When you mention: be friendly with wakefulness. Is it really means you should be FULLY awake or just lay in bed and think? Yes if you think it means you are awake but then you can get sleepy easier but when you are fully awake, then to go back to sleep it’s tougher. Don’t you think so?
Hi Truong! You know I think it is really helpful when someone can see that they can be fully awake and not be scared about this. That’s really nice! Now of course, the brain is a survival machine and it can become a little bit worried. Then it produces these worry thoughts… and then we become a bit anxious… and yes, this is an expression of that Desire to sleep (which is the flip side of the fear of not sleeping)…
No the side, I think we can meet all thoughts the same way. When we start thinking about sleep after having been fully awake and not anxious, we can take note of those thoughts and use them as a way to learn about ourselves and the mind.
Hi! I think of be friending awfulness as anything that isn’t an effort to try to sleep. It doesn’t matter if somebody is fully awake or just laying in the bed thinking, as long as they’re not trying to come up with a hack or trick or control their mind and away so that they will sleep, they are befriending wakefulness.
Now a question I often get, especially when I say that it’s OK to watch Netflix and that is, “will that not make me more awake?” And then I reply, you’ve learned something really important here, you have seen because you were expressing some worry about becoming more awake, that there is some fear about being awake. Even more reason to go towards befriending wakefulness :-)
hii daniels I have sleep problem I take 3hrs for sleep bcoz when i feel that sleep is come then suddenly wake up and I think about sleep all time and my anxiety become worse at night plz tell me what should I do
plz reply
Hi Anand, thanks for sharing and welcome to the channel!
I think the first thing I would say is this, decide upon a time when you wake up and get out of bed in the morning. Let’s say you choose for example 6 AM. Then, no matter how little or how much you slept, you start your day at 6 AM and set an alarm there!
Now on the other side, on the bedtime front - be flexible! Stop checking the time and for example 11 PM and just go by how you feel. If you feel sleepy then you allow yourself to sleep, if you don’t feel sleepy then you do something you enjoy like watch Netflix or read a nice book!
And try not to keep track of how long it took you to fall sleep or how much you slept etc., that just makes you more anxious!
When you do this plus you learn more about sleep on this channel, I’m very confident good sleep will come your Anand!
Let me know how things go!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192i will try and thank u for reply bro
Anytime!
Hi Coach Daniel..... relistening to this aftera bad night last night of zero zzzs after a few nights of so so rest. I laughed at the accuracy of what you said.... the brain keeps you awake to fight wakefulness...... my ? though is how do you befriend wakefulness when you wake up and are anxious...... should you keep doing the enjoyable activities in the hopes that at some point in the journey.....not the same night....... your fear will subside? Asking for a friend lololol.
At this point in my journey I feel like such a big fraud..... I'm the principal of a school and I keep telling my students to be brave blah blah blah and look at me like a cry baby.... scared
Hey BFT - I think you are very brave for sharing this, truly. And you know it’s the person who’s so afraid, the defense is sooo strong, that they don’t even see that they are scared that are hard to help.. when someone says “I’m not scared at all, I’m not anxious, I’m just not sleeping for months on end” - that’s tricky, because the foundation is always to understand that fear is what drives insomnia.
So right here you have two things working for you - you know why you’re not sleeping and you’re brave enough to see it.
Ok now getting more practical - what to do?
Two things:
1. Deploy self kindness!! It’s super important, if you’re hard on yourself you easily get stuck. Imagine what you would tell the 5 year old version of yourself. How would you make the child version of yourself feel less scared? This will help a ton.
2. The enjoyable things you do when you’re awake have to be a gift in themselves. If you hope that they will lead to you falling asleep or reducing fear, then they’re an effort! Just do anything that is a gift in itself - and good things will follow.
Hang in there!!
I checked out your app but was waiting to see exactly how the membership prog would roll out before I decide. I cant wait to be a success story.
You’ll get there! The program is all but ready, I think I’ll announce it tonight. Thanks for the support🙏
Maybe I'm missing something but how to you get to the point of accepting..... is it positive self talk..... actions...... meditation....
How does that look like practically on any given day?
Hey Daniel do you have transcripts of these all insomnia insights because I can't understand some things .. I like to translate and read..
Hi, we have several books that can help. Set it & Forget it is a great starting point, and if you want to go deeper then This is Natto is the way. Best!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 I had understood insomnia. I slept well for a month after that. Some unwanted situation happened and after that all these thoughts came to my mind That now everything is back to the way it was before. i got scared and my effortlessness turns into effort whatever i solve it creates too much effort confusion stress .
Before I had issues falling asleep I would fall asleep with my tv on but would have a timer set for the tv to go off in 2hrs, and would fall asleep fine, should I go back to that or try falling asleep with it off?
Hi Nico,
I’d say whenever we ‘try’ something that’s tricky. But when we just do what we feel like, without making sleep a factor, then that’s nice and sleep happens by itself 🙂
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thanks wasn’t sure how you felt about blue light from screens effects sleepiness, if it is much a problem as it’s talked about.
Anytime! And no, not at all! When we use blue blocking glasses or ear plugs, what we actually are attempting to block is the fear that comes from how we think blue light and noise will affect our sleep. And when we try to block emotions - they’re amplified!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 your right, sleeping does not require trying to do anything.
This is the way 😊
👍👍🙏🙏
Hello Daniel,
When I want to be awake friendly, can I let my thoughts relate to sleep enter my thinkings if they are not forcing me to get sleep?
Hi! You know, I would say we don’t have any choice! Because If we try to stop them from entering, they will force themselves in! If we allow them to happen, they will fade 🙂
I realized last night that the sleep thoughts trying to enter my thinkings are actually the desire to sleep. Even though I try to think that sleep cannot humanly forced, the thoughts keep happenings! What should I do? Allow those thoughts to coming in? Will those thoughts will fade away?
This is a big realization! And you know, to me the answer is Yes! When we allow thoughts to flow, to happen, to be… then they have served their purpose. They have been acknowledged, and then they will become fleeting. They’ll not bother us 🙂
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thanks Daniel for the prompt answer. To continue, I end up with a frustrating emotion because I cannot sleep. I know that forcing a sleep WILL NOT get me sleep (it’s humanly impossible!) but somehow I still feel angry. I know that I should not TURN OFF the emotion of being angry because it will comeback. So what should I do? Let my anger stay without doing anything?
Anytime! And yes, you’re seeing this so clearly. If we try to make ourselves not angry, it will just be like any other time we try to suppress an emotion, it gets stronger. When we let it be, we allow ourselves to experience anger, then it fades.
Can I drink coffee when I wake up in the middle of the night I automatically want to with a cigarette until I quit smoking
Hi Tricia, we say sleep requires nothing, so anything that makes it easier for us to be awake without trying to force sleep… this can help us become more effortless and sleep easier
When we have normal multiple awakenings in the night I understand our fear of awakenings can further keep us awake. But is there anyway that we could be teaching our brains it's time to be awake many times in the night also because we are rewarding ourself by doing something enjoyable. Removing the fear and now reseting our body clock to continually be awake and alert multiple times in the night. I have no trouble going to sleep now it's just I wake at the same times every night roughly. Rarely do I go back to sleep even though I'm calm and if I do I'm awake 2hours later. I can't seem to shake the cycle. It feels like my body clock is on point going to sleep but I seem to have zero wake up time because I'm awake most of the time roughly from when I wake round 1ish until 5:30 wake up time. It just doesn't budge. I'm EXTREMELY tired. Could I have taught my brain it's wake up time originally because it was stressful...and now because I am doing these enjoyble things multiple times in the night?
Hi Tash - you know towards the end of the video, when I say “Did you wonder - what if I become more awake?” - I think that reaction is super important. Because it is proof that there is a fear of being awake.
Similarly, if you wonder whether doing something enjoyable can make you wake up over time - that I think also points to concern. A concern about being awake during the night. And it is that concern that drives insomnia.
When I hear someone say that they are really anxious - I feel encouraged. Because this person knows what’s going on.
When on the other hand a client says that they aren’t scared at all, they’re just having minimal amounts of sleep - then I know there will be much more work needed. In my mind, I’m thinking that the defense is so strong, the fear of missing something is so strong, that the brain doesn’t allow the client to attribute lack of sleep to fear.
I worked with someone once who was in this spot. She ended up hospitalized and given sedating medications. Just then, just at the time she was hospitalized, she did share that she was very scared. But soon after, she again said she wasn’t that worried and she just didn’t understand how she could sleep so little...
It’s almost like AA in a way, before one gets to a point where one sees that - there is always fear/concern/bewilderment driving insomnia, it’s very hard to make progress...
Just my thinking Tash...
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 It seems I've dealt with the original fear, stress. But the concern is it's just not going away if any. So when I do the enjoyable activities chillout give it a few more months and there's no change you start to wonder I don't even care what the answer is I just want to stop having these issues. I do feel concerned because it's not budging. I'm concerned I'm setting myself up for more issues by doing stuff at night now that so much more time has passed
Mmm I hear. I think this is very important - concern (in some shape or form) is always what causes insomnia. And as long as the concern is there, good sleep is unlikely to happen.
You can certainly make the case that the concern comes from the fact that the insomnia isn’t budging. But imho, it’s always the opposite - the insomnia isn’t budging because of the concern.
And something that drives concern is when the brain is trying to figure out what’s going on! When it is wondering whether doing something enjoyable at night is maintaining wakefulness or awakenings - this is a very important observation. Because wondering/questioning, exploring/figuring out - this is a big reason for concern and insomnia!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 I feel like I'm never going to be normal again, whatever it is it's just not registering with me
Thanks for taking the time to answer
Stop looking at the clock. I will do that.
That's wonderful to hear! We are really glad to know that the content has been helpful to you. Your support means a lot, and we're glad it made sense to you. 💙
hi sir i wake up more than 2 times during night plz tell me what I do
Hi Nitin, you know waking up in itself is super normal! Happens to everyone multiple times per night. But - it’s when we respond to it, when we wake up and go “oh no, I’m awake, how can I go back to sleep?” that’s when we STAY awake!
So the key is not knowing the time + befriending wakefulness. Have something enjoyable prepared, when the brain sees that wakefulness is ok - you’ll sleep well!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thank u sir for always replying me sir you always gives me positivity thank u once again sir😊
Anytime and / Thanks for your positivity as well Nitin 😊!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 I always think about negative things bcz i am hypochondriac and this is my worse experience ever
and always your wlcm sir
@@desimemes9351 I hear Nitin - when you do, don’t be hard on yourself. When you go “why am I always thinking negative thoughts”, it may feel like you’re the problem, you aren’t! Just talk to yourself like you would a friend in your spot, or the 5 year old version of yourself - when you’re kind to yourself those negative thoughts don’t stick 👍
hey, daniel.
i had a speed bump last night, partly because of anxiety and partly because of hyperfocus. i’ve been following your befriending wakefulness thing, and it sounds amazing, but i’ve ran into a problem.
see, i’m neurodivergent with a tendency to hyperfocus - block everything else out while working, neglecting physical needs. while trying to befriend wakefulness, i was in that state until like 2 am and by the time i was out of it, way too anxious to sleep. i wasn’t anxious before, which was good - i just found it hard to actually get to sleep.
i know you’re not a psychiatrist, but i wonder - do you suggest anything? are there ways to amend or change the protocol that would help install *small* time restrictions? or is the “sleep less because you’re distracted to eventually sleep more” thing like. part of the education ?
Hi! I think it’s really tricky to manipulate the in bed to achieve sleep, but much to learn in our speed bump playlist that I hope can help
Hi! How do I befriend wakefulness if I’m always waking up around after 6 hours of sleep and I’m lying in bed not super wide awake but “lightly asleep” and falling in and out of sleep and then my alarm goes off at 6am? For the last 1-2 hours I’m not fully awake but didn’t get any restful sleep.
Hi Jocelyn!
This is a great question, and I think I might do a follow up video on this. What I mean to say is, anything you do (or don't do) that is a way of teaching the brain that it's safe and ok to be awake (or partly awake) this is also befriending wakefulness. In other words, not trying to make wakefulness go away IS befriending it. So, when you wake up partially, you can decide to stay in bed and rest if that feels like what you want to do. Or you can decide to start your day, whichever feels like what you'd like. Now, when you no longer are trying to make more sleep happen, then you are abandoning the struggle, and things become peacful. Peace of mind andn peacful sleep happens.
Hi Daniel I have a few questions. Also hope you are well
I notice I sleep well when my mind is calm and distracted/not thinking about sleep and sleep badly when I focus on sleep when I close my eyes. I've tried mindfulness but tbh it seems like an effort for me and I want to get to the place where I can just be with my thoughts but they don't affect my sleep or I can just let them fade away. Im thinking I have to be brave and really just allow these thoughts to enter my mind instead of fighting them. Is this a good idea? Additionally , would you suggest telling myself something over and over or flipping my thoughts? For example if a thought enters my mind when I lie down , saying something like '' I'm going to be alright''.
In terms of befriending wakefulness, is the goal to just have a good time being awake and allow yourself to fall asleep if you do? I'm thinking to just watch Netflix to befriend wakefulness but part of CBT-I teaches you to 'try' and sleep when you feel sleepy again.
Hi!
You know I think we have no real choice, when we try to block out thoughts they become stronger. And the odd thing is that when we are calm, it’s because we allow any thoughts to happen, it may not seem like this!
As for the mantra, it’s tricky.
What often happens when you learn that teaching the brain that being awake isn’t a threat is the idea to repeat this so it sinks in. For example you may go to bed saying “I’m safe” repeatedly like a mantra.
Now the tricky thing here is that yes, when the brain understands that there’s nothing dangerous about being awake (even at night) then you sleep easily, but this knowledge can’t be forced!
It’s sort of like when you know your friend is wrong about something. The more you tell them they’re wrong, the more pressured and defensive the conversation becomes and the less likely that your friend changes opinion.
Similarly the mantra often just makes the brain feel pressure and that there’s really is something going on it needs to stay on top of.
So instead of a mantra, what really helps is almost the opposite, listening to the brains mantra.
When you hear “what if I can’t sleep? What if this doesn’t work? What if I can’t function tomorrow?” then you take not of this. You listen to these warning signals from the brain, without judgement and without trying to change them, then the brain sees you’re listening and it can stop the warning signals.
When it comes to CBTi and trying to sleep, I think always when we attempt to achieve sleep… there’s more struggle…
Hope this helps!
But don't watch TV or play on your phone it will keep you awake
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Just a quick heads-up: we're hosting live Q&A sessions most weeks and we'd love for you to join us! It's a great chance to ask questions, share insights, and connect with others in the community.
drink red bull and watch movies with the hole bright of the screen xD
The fearless way 😊