I'm Back 💗 Mental Health Update

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  • Опубликовано: 11 авг 2023
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Комментарии • 222

  • @peachy-keen8893
    @peachy-keen8893 11 месяцев назад +128

    THE BEING SEEN OUTSIDE PART IS SO REAL!! words cannot describe how scared i am to be seen by my neighbors doing literally normal things??? i have such an urge to learn how to roller skate but omg this anxiety disorder HAS HANDS OMg

    • @owlislike
      @owlislike 10 месяцев назад +1

      Just a suggestion, but I have seen roller skaters put down a smooth plywood sheet in their rooms so they can practice footwork. Maybe that could jump-start your skills without neighborhood eyeballs being a thing.

  • @critter2723
    @critter2723 11 месяцев назад +141

    I don't have DID but I experience derealization episodes and the spongebob episode and feeling like your own house is completely foreign totally makes sense to me.

  • @tinyaxes
    @tinyaxes 11 месяцев назад +56

    "If you are interested in hearing me talking about my life, and healing, and stuff, and my progress with DID, and stuff, THIS is the video for you!" (I love all your videos but I found you because of your DID content and it's so fascinating to talk about and I appreciate videos like these so much)

  • @SilverDawnArrow
    @SilverDawnArrow 11 месяцев назад +65

    Oh yeah, I was on an antipsychotic I did not need for five years and it's shocking how much better I feel after I quit it. It's worrying how freely they seem to be prescribed

  • @Matt_the_Bat444
    @Matt_the_Bat444 11 месяцев назад +77

    Jillian, you make 100% sense to me. The dlc downloading to your brain is a hard process. With my mental health I have had my own persoanl journies.
    I have dealt with simular downloaded memories with my PTSD when I would get a random memory recall from it being buried down deep for years. I had narsisistic abuse from age 4 to 27 years old of my life time here and I forgot a lot of my childhood and preteen years of me growing up. I am 29 now and I cut the abuser off two years ago.
    I see the healing in me and I am remembering more and doing what I use to do before the abuse hurt me. Abuse does really odd and depressing things to an individual.
    I hope that more people are as open as you and other's like myself in expressing these important mental health healing journies. I wish that more awareness to these healing processes and journies are more celebrated becuase it is truly hard to process and reprocess really messed up things that no human deserves to recieve.

    • @agkdjsdjkd
      @agkdjsdjkd 11 месяцев назад +9

      narcissistic abuse is an ableist term 😝

    • @poslv9029
      @poslv9029 11 месяцев назад +4

      ​@@agkdjsdjkdyeaa i wish ppl stopped using it but i also feel bad pointing it out cuz ik how important it is for ppl to have an easy quick way to describe what they went thru w/o having to explain it. but yea the term is rlly ableist lol

    • @agkdjsdjkd
      @agkdjsdjkd 11 месяцев назад +2

      @@poslv9029 i don't feel bad lol, not my responsibility to and not yours either

    • @stinkyrat3744
      @stinkyrat3744 10 месяцев назад

      ​@iloveuuuuus then what is it called then if not that terminology? I'm just curious to know bc I thought that was a term to use when someone who has narcissistic tendencies would behave. Idk tho.

    • @agkdjsdjkd
      @agkdjsdjkd 10 месяцев назад

      @@stinkyrat3744 emotional abuse

  • @AmbushedSunny
    @AmbushedSunny 11 месяцев назад +17

    1. The outfit is giving little miss Berry vibes
    2. It seems like a healing process in your system is like that one asian pottery art I learned about: Where gold is used to glue back ceramic items like bowls, vases, etc.
    The fragments you've fused with so far (Ramona & 18) are the gold keeping your system/you together.

  • @LexAnnalyn
    @LexAnnalyn 11 месяцев назад +23

    As someone whose anxiety can be triggered by emails (or rather, my anxiety levels are reflected in how well I can handle work emails), I am so happy for you!!! When my anxiety is bad, I react to perfectly pleasant emails as if someone is threatening me with violence. I freeze. I sob. A single email may be my only work-related accomplishment that day. When I’m doing better, I can read and respond with hardly any stress, and it feels so good! So yeah, when you say you sent two emails today, I get it’s a big deal. :D

  • @CommonSandpiper
    @CommonSandpiper 11 месяцев назад +13

    I am so happy for your continued growth & newfound peace. :)

  • @c-3786
    @c-3786 10 месяцев назад +3

    Idk why but I just want functional multiplicity… for us all to help each other on the inside rather than some being able to “take over”. I actually find some part of me gets really upset when we think someone is suggesting we should all fuse into one… but hearing what you’re saying makes it sound less scary, but lately I’ve been thinking of and trying to define my identity more… my core self identity and it’s really hard!

  • @ShutYourDream
    @ShutYourDream 11 месяцев назад +44

    I'm glad you're slowly getting better (as in not being as afraid as terrified and able to enjoy things) We're rooting for you Pixie!

    • @Pixielocks
      @Pixielocks  11 месяцев назад +13

      Thank u so much 🥰🫶🏻💕

  • @susanthefish2559
    @susanthefish2559 11 месяцев назад +14

    I love these rambley vidoes because it feels like when you stay up a lil too late with a friend and you reach that 2am enlightenment where you can talk about all your insecurities together. Its so nice and i really appreciate you sharing this journey with us!
    Also not to get personal in the RUclips comments section but im ngl i am this close to dyeing my hair rainbow cause youve really given me the confidance to openly love bright and colourful things again and ita made me feel so happy with myself and how i look in the mirror. Idk being a beaming ray of rainbow-ness makes me more interested in having a body in th best way possible so thank you for that

  • @isabellaamaral7081
    @isabellaamaral7081 11 месяцев назад +7

    the host of our system also had a fusion with two fragments that we just met days before the fusion fully happened, so they started to fuse before we met them! i hope your feel valid, because you are, and we love you so so much! i'm a caretaker, i take care of the littles, and those little girls LOVE your sistem. xoxo - mia

    • @isabellaamaral7081
      @isabellaamaral7081 11 месяцев назад +1

      we're commenting as we watch the video. when i fused with those two fragments, i felt a lot like you. i'm so much more responsible, focused, strong and capable of doing things right now. - isabella (& mia)

  • @AFDean
    @AFDean 11 месяцев назад +5

    I have watched your channel for years and years, so hearing you say that you have had such positive growth and healing really made me happy for you.

  • @pasuteruyume
    @pasuteruyume 11 месяцев назад +8

    working out with pixie on the background, it makes me think about so much about myself and comfortable
    thank you for always doing a great job here on RUclips, you been a big part of my comfort sense 2020💓
    i would never put into words how much you helped me

  • @SpookyStag2015
    @SpookyStag2015 11 месяцев назад +7

    someone in my life has been struggling a lot mentally as of late, and it's so great to hear from someone who is on their healing journey. it's great to know that it gets better for everyone

  • @lvckish
    @lvckish 11 месяцев назад

    im so happy youre all doing better!!! love watching updates like this because im going through mental health changes and getting through it together

  • @halloweiner
    @halloweiner 11 месяцев назад +1

    ahhh sending you so much love and I hope u are taking good care of yourselves during these fusions (and also just generally)!! you seem to have progressed so much in this journey and it’s so nice to see! I can only imagine how relieving but also confusing a fusion might be. sending so so much love💗🌈✨

  • @rainmjeden
    @rainmjeden 11 месяцев назад +1

    sending so much love 🫶🏻 so proud of you for listening to your instincts & understanding of yourself, and i’m so so glad this fusion has been feeling so positive for you!!!

  • @pastelkawaiibabe5577
    @pastelkawaiibabe5577 11 месяцев назад +2

    I really relate to time travel back in time!! I've taken naps and woke up feeling like in a certain year in the past with a random song of that year stuck in my head!! I so glad you share your mental health stories being so aware of it helps people so much!!❤

  • @JamesL73242
    @JamesL73242 11 месяцев назад +5

    I'm so happy to hear about this step in your healing journey! So so proud of you&!! ❤️

  • @honorbound1337
    @honorbound1337 11 месяцев назад +5

    I'm so glad you guys have been able to progress in your healing and continue living your life. I hope things continue to get easier and y'all continue to be happier and healthier

  • @DicedToads
    @DicedToads 11 месяцев назад

    IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!! I’ve watched your channel off and on since I was like 10 (?) and I’ve always really admired your humor, style, and welcoming personality. Seeing you now living at your best and being genuinely joyful gives me a lot of hope for my own future! Live and love well❤

  • @alec-elijah
    @alec-elijah 11 месяцев назад +3

    the metaphor I use when something gets unearthing in therapy is like a lockbox in my brain gets opened and all the contents spill out everywhere! I had one experience where I made a realization and it felt like the lockbox I had burred all my thought and feelings from that time in my life got opened up and spilled everywhere. Its a wild thing to go through! I'm glad you guys are healing and getting better

  • @stariadreamtea
    @stariadreamtea 11 месяцев назад +4

    Oh wow so much I didn't know about you after all these years.
    Because I saw videos of you studying, travelling, going to conventions and things I can't do as a Spoonie/ slightly agorophobic person.....I had no idea that in between that you had such bad GAD.
    Just goes to show just because you have a very full life it doesn't mean in between the weeks or months you do an event that you don't stay inside your house a lot.
    Maybe not as often as me 😅 but enough that this fusion has made such a positive impact.
    Wow. Well done!

  • @TSWchelar
    @TSWchelar 11 месяцев назад +10

    Seeing this vid on my feed motivated me to finally get out of bed, so I can spend my slow morning with your video playing in the background 🥰

    • @Pixielocks
      @Pixielocks  11 месяцев назад +4

      Aw that sounds so nice good morning!!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

  • @wammawink
    @wammawink 11 месяцев назад +1

    Always happy to hear about your& and others healing journeys. Wishing you& all the best and lots of love 🫂🌈💞💞

  • @cprk594
    @cprk594 11 месяцев назад +8

    2017/8 was around the period of time when i first watched your channel and fell in love with the ✨pixie magic✨ you imbue in everything. i remember you designing your house in the sims (which i am doing now !!! hahaha) and i was just so inspired by the way you could display your personality across your house. it's really great to see you making progress on your mental health journey, and being so candid about the whole thing as well - remember progress isn't linear so if you find yourself feeling worse at any point, remember to hold compassion for yourself! you got this 💖

  • @loissd630
    @loissd630 11 месяцев назад +3

    Thank you again for your vids! I’ve watching you for so long and you helped understand myself a lot better. I have did too and I really really appreciate this one today. Maaaaan…Not functioning its so hard, and I can’t wait to see myself like you are right now
    I love you i really do. Thank you for your presence and your art and magical amazing words.

  • @thechromasystem7476
    @thechromasystem7476 11 месяцев назад +7

    We've had fusions, but I don't know if we've had any like you're describing. It's definitely interesting and you're so valid

  • @vampyressence
    @vampyressence 11 месяцев назад +3

    So glad to hear things are slowly but surely getting better even if it can be kinda confusing and that jerrick maybe doesnt feel compelled to always front out of fear/necessity to take control of the situation. I wish y'all the best, and become the best version of pixie you can be whether thats singular or plural 💕

  • @xXAlexOrWhateverXx
    @xXAlexOrWhateverXx 11 месяцев назад +33

    8:12 a similar thing happened to me a few months ago.
    I recently realized I’m in an osdd-1a system and I have made contact with most of my parts. When I made contact with a younger, pre-trauma part and they fronted for the first time, we remembered how to tap dance.
    I only took lessons for a few years as a kid and I thought I forgot them forever. I’ve been wanting to try learning again but was afraid my muscle memory was too far gone. I’m very happy that this child version of me still remembers and has been able to reintroduce a skill to the rest of us.
    We’re all happy to hear of how your journey is progressing! Thank you for continuing to share . ( ^ω^ )

  • @jcbmama5016
    @jcbmama5016 11 месяцев назад +2

    I’m happy that you’re happy. I’m in the hospital not feeling my greatest so I enjoy seeing others able to be feeling at their better selves!

  • @manicantsettleonausername6789
    @manicantsettleonausername6789 11 месяцев назад +1

    Loved this video, I'm so happy for you that you got to make this step on your healing journey!

  • @Celia-xl5dc
    @Celia-xl5dc 11 месяцев назад +1

    I don’t leave comments often but I am so happy for you! & watching this gave me some hope for myself. I really relate to some of the things you said & hearing that you reached a happier place and that it is possible to do so was what I needed to hear! Thanks for always lifting my mood with your vids 💕✨

  • @candacecandace6416
    @candacecandace6416 11 месяцев назад +2

    I just wanted to say, we're the same age, and I've followed your journey since 2015 and your words have always helped, and your videos always seem to turn up when I need them most. I have bp and adhd and you are not alone! the endless anxiety, and days on days spent trying to calm down fears (usually irrational). social anxiety to the max. constant thoughts and fears of death (either self or others) the way the world outside your front door feels like a warzone. I can't pretend to fully relate to the experiences of did but I can relate to a lot of the additional baggage that comes from a life of trauma, and living with the highs and lows of mood and personality disorders. You're an inspiration to myself and many others! So proud of how far you've come and thankful you're so willing to voice these experiences to help others feel less alone. 💞💕

  • @kakawaiipotato4744
    @kakawaiipotato4744 11 месяцев назад +3

    "it's a full-time job pacing around your kitchen feeling unsafe" is such a mood! I have CPTSD nad EMDR this year has helped a ton, but I also get annoyed whenever I get triggered bc I *know* it's gonna pass but that's half of me, the other half is scared and triggered AF and needs to be taken care of for hours (if not days)

  • @magicalbeancosplay
    @magicalbeancosplay 11 месяцев назад +1

    Im really glad you all are on this healing journey 🌸🫶✨️🩷 mental health is so dynamic, and anxiety and trauma can be so disregulating but this progress (even really small moments!!!) are all steps towards understanding and living and loving🫶🩷 🫂 I wish yous peace and gentleness and growth and love all going forward and support yous through all of it!!!! 🌸💓💐🌷

  • @zefrontg60
    @zefrontg60 11 месяцев назад +4

    I love hearing about your did journey, you're so strong!

  • @stariadreamtea
    @stariadreamtea 11 месяцев назад +26

    "I'm waking up at 8am everyday" that's awesome. I know how hard getting the body into a regular sleep pattern is.
    How does it feel? How has your life changed being more of a morning person/people now?

    • @Pixielocks
      @Pixielocks  11 месяцев назад +18

      Yes it’s been incredible honestly 😭 I feel so much more alive idk like feeling the morning air and sunshine on my porch and being able to work way more hours has been so life changing 💗

    • @stariadreamtea
      @stariadreamtea 11 месяцев назад +5

      @@Pixielocks Wow! That's so good, I'm so happy for you. You could even check your Vitamin D levels and see how they improve naturally!
      I'm still a night owl but this year I moved to a place with a garden! 🏡 And I stopped needing supplements for my Vit D! ☀️ I was so happy! 🌞

    • @Pixielocks
      @Pixielocks  11 месяцев назад

      @@mikelong372 We don’t have any vampire or nocturnal alters haha and we have an alarm set!! We are rocking with pretty functional multiplicity atm so all alters try to work as a team to keep our life running smoothly which includes sticking to routines, especially for work :)

  • @sosunfreak
    @sosunfreak 11 месяцев назад

    This was such a lovely video 💕 I am so happy to hear that things are better and you feel excited about being you and alive again 💗💗💗

  • @DaughterOfCelestia
    @DaughterOfCelestia 11 месяцев назад +2

    Wow 💝 I donʻt have DID, but the part about skipping and timetravelling is hugely relatable

  • @micheller3251
    @micheller3251 11 месяцев назад +4

    this sounds awesome! Good job on the healing 🌟

  • @MaryElizabethNewYorkNerdy
    @MaryElizabethNewYorkNerdy 11 месяцев назад +5

    You sound so much more like you did circa 2018! Congratulations on the progress :) You're doing so well! so proud of you

  • @hellomew
    @hellomew 11 месяцев назад +3

    i love your mental health and fashion videos more than like 99% of the videos on youtube. you and of herbs and altars are the main reason i use youtube. your videos are so comforting!! also i think you'd love gilmore girls if you've never watched it :))

  • @odetosilas
    @odetosilas 11 месяцев назад +4

    im so happy to hear youre feeling good after this fusion!! ♡ sending sooooo much love to the whole system! i hope yall are continuing to heal everyday and having many smiles 🖤❤️🖤❤️✨✨ Love u pixie!

    • @Pixielocks
      @Pixielocks  11 месяцев назад +3

      Thank u so so so much 🥺💕🫶🏻✨🌈💗💕

    • @odetosilas
      @odetosilas 11 месяцев назад

      @@Pixielocks always!! 🥰✨🖤❤️🌹🍓🖤

  • @zvitzvi
    @zvitzvi 11 месяцев назад +2

    Oh, new update! This is so lovely. I hope you’re alright! Lots of love.

  • @blob9907
    @blob9907 11 месяцев назад +6

    So proud of you!!!!!!! I hope I can get as far as you are!!

  • @Lillianwelling
    @Lillianwelling 11 месяцев назад

    I’m glad someone also struggles with the being insecure and like deathly afraid of abandonment, I get the same way and it’s been pretty bad for me lately so thank you for sharing your experiences with it makes me feel a bit better💕💕💕

  • @loalapine9298
    @loalapine9298 11 месяцев назад +2

    Your content means so much to me 💖 it's lovely to see you move forward with mental health stuff, gives me hope and motivation to try my best too! Neurodivergent mentally ill peeps who love magical girls stick together 🌈

  • @kalieclarkxx
    @kalieclarkxx 11 месяцев назад

    13:15 oh my god i just finished tapering off my seroquel for sleep- which i had been on an extremely high dose for nearly a decade, and it’s like my whole world is so much clearer and brighter. i can wake up every day in the actual morning time and have energy to do things and i feel like myself again. which is so crazy because i had been on it for so long, it was just a part of my life but now it’s like a haze has been lifted and it’s incredible. getting off a medication you truly don’t need to be on is one of the most freeing feelings in the world. im so glad you’re doing better and so proud that you’re able to email and go outside!!! /gen

  • @astraetluna
    @astraetluna 11 месяцев назад

    You’re experiencing an awakening and complete healing ❤😘blessings dear one.

  • @FrankenHooker609
    @FrankenHooker609 11 месяцев назад +7

    Omg joyful Jill is my favorite Jill! (We love the whole pixie system in any mood to be clear!)
    I have OSDD and huge memory gaps. It’s very upsetting, but also I assume it’s useful and for a reason. I was just diagnosed this year and since OSDD doesn’t really have a fusion “option” lol I’m not sure how to get these DLCs. Though that would be cool if and when my brain is ready.
    Thanks you for being open and honest and super cute 💖🍓✨

  • @Minabot_
    @Minabot_ 11 месяцев назад +1

    holy crap I have never felt more seen watching this! The description of memory being downloaded like a DLC is so perfect, that is exactly what its like for us. Thank you for making these videos about your DID even though some cowards on the internet have tried to silence you. As a fellow system, we really appreciate it. (really cute look in this video btw) Love y'all!

  • @phaineinTV
    @phaineinTV 11 месяцев назад +26

    it's really weird/funny/validating to see someone else talk about the weird I Stopped Having This Genre Of Anxiety thing because i have never seen anyone else talk about it but it really is SO sudden!!! it was very different for me (i do not have DiD so my experiences are obvs different) but i had a few years where i was EXTREEEEEEMELY anxious about social situations and friendships and how i came off to other people and then around 2018/19 some Harrowing Personal Shit happened in my family and once i came out of the other end of it, it really was like that undercurrent of fear had just vanished - i have described it as like my brain was in a microwave for years getting bombarded with rays then it went 'ding!' and was done cooking and i was fine LOL.
    ANYWAY SORRY FOR THE RAMBLING SLIGHTLY OVER PERSONAL COMMENT i had just literally never seen anyone talk about going through that change and how startling and abrupt it is, even though it's a positive change, so it was nice to feel a bit Seen about it

    • @helenm1085
      @helenm1085 11 месяцев назад +1

      I had this experience of my anxiety (and some of the harmful depressed thoughts I was having any time something bad happened) disappearing when I started on medication for ADHD.... I've been on many different antidepressants that have done jack shit haha but it's like I'm a different person! I spent a bit of time in the first couple of months being like "omg all my friends will hate me because I'm so much louder, unfiltered, outgoing, different" but of course they don't haha

    • @plushdragonteddy
      @plushdragonteddy 11 месяцев назад

      ​@@helenm1085 absolutely same! my ADD meds have really helped me filter myself automatically so i stop being so worried about what i'm gonna say. when i got on my meds, i was able to actually pay attention to the people around me for the first time instead of just worrying about myself, and i realized most of my friends kinda sucked LOL. but yeah, after meds and therapy, i feel pretty confident saying i don't have social anxiety anymore. still, part of me thinks, "well, you thought you didn't have it in high school, but really it was just less insanely severe than it was in middle school, so like. is it REALLY gone now?" so it's nice to hear from others who have kicked their anxiety in some way

  • @peachyjjarred
    @peachyjjarred 11 месяцев назад +1

    Im so happy that all of you’re doing good and well

  • @eggiboiroi
    @eggiboiroi 11 месяцев назад

    there’s too many thoughts and feelings to specify but just know i desperately needed this video!! like augh, *everything* hit home.

  • @xXxemokittycupcakexX
    @xXxemokittycupcakexX 11 месяцев назад +1

    I love your videos and im glad you are feeling safer and better

  • @JayneAFK
    @JayneAFK 11 месяцев назад +11

    As someone who doesn't have DID (though I do deal with depersonalisation and derealisation, among other things lol), these fusions make perfect sense to me.
    Obviously take with a grain of salt here because I don't have the condition and am in no way a professional: A part like Jerr is such a big, fully formed person, whereas these smaller parts you've been fusing with seem to be more subtle and perhaps the most similar to you, therefore fusion could well be easier for that reason, especially if a part literally is a younger Jill frozen in time for whatever reason.
    Heck, there are theories that even neurotypical people become very subtly different moment to moment, as time passes, so it wouldn't be surprising if you experienced even subtler fusions that you don't even notice, that would be more akin to just...having an epiphany, or changing your mind about something. Whereas the bigger fusions that you actually notice and feel in your jellies, that would be your brain's way of using metaphor to communicate bigger changes and bigger forms of healing to you.
    Either way, it's a very good thing, and I hope you continue to heal and feel better and better, whatever that ends up looking like!

  • @fartmagus
    @fartmagus 11 месяцев назад +3

    "I wonder how many times im gonna have to heal my bpd but in different parts of me" 18:51 goddamn thats a mooodd💞💗🪷💖💝🍓🌼

  • @thompsontilly1
    @thompsontilly1 11 месяцев назад +1

    OMG you have just put into words exactly what I have been experiencing but couldn't find the words to explain. Thank you thank you thank you so much. On one one level I feel like I had lived so many lives. I mean there were times when I was telling my friend about my past and things I had done and even though I could list events they just felt like they didn't belong to me. and places I have lived have always felt that way too. That's why so often when I talk about my life people say to me and how did you feel about it because they get that sense of disconnect. I often sit up and look at things and think how and when did I get here. Oh and what you said about knowing the lyrics you hadn't listened to in years hit me like a ton of bricks. If you asked anyone what music I liked they would probably list you any number of pop songs, but whenever it was that I heard about the death of Chester Bennington of Linkin Park I put on some of their music to see if I had even heard of them and straight away word for word I was able to sing the songs they played at the tribute concert. It was absolutely horrifying to me but it also brought back some relatively happy memories of times I spent just being able to relax in my own space and relate to someone else, not his exact situation because he really was a tortured soul, but it was just a reminder of how much I loved his voice, because pop queen or not now he was so talented. Definitely one of my earlier crushes if I am honest. Anyway...🤭 Once again thank you so much and I wish you all the best in your healing. Carly 🤗x

  • @qryptid
    @qryptid 10 месяцев назад +1

    I havent been able to directly link it to anything like closure or fusions but i totally get the "im suddenly way more aware of/remember certain things" but simultaneously "these memories that were me no longer feel like mine". We usually associate it with a new host taking front but we're not nearly as coconscious as we used to be after some traumatic stuff the past handful of years, so we dont really feel confident why it happens. But it was nice hearing other systems experience these shifts that are just. So difficult to explain. It was nice to hear you expound on it though our experiences are not identical.

  • @louisevessey3839
    @louisevessey3839 11 месяцев назад +4

    Great update! May you slay onward and upward!

    • @Pixielocks
      @Pixielocks  11 месяцев назад +2

      Yayyyy thank u mama excited to see u :)

  • @BAKAROID
    @BAKAROID 11 месяцев назад

    I don't always know what to comment on these videos, but I'm so glad to hear things have been feeling easier for you 💕

  • @pixxieestixx
    @pixxieestixx 11 месяцев назад

    we love yall

  • @Tailwinds17
    @Tailwinds17 11 месяцев назад +2

    I've noticed that personally a ton of my BPD symptoms overlap with DID. I completely understand the unfamiliarity and feeling like you downloaded an update. lol It feels like adding DLC sometimes. I experience real and total psychosis and waking up from that is so eeriely similar. like feeling like you woke up in a new place even though it's your house you've been in for years. hang in there girlie. We love you tons and a lot of us understand what you're feeling. keep on going! We love to see your success

  • @dannikat7780
    @dannikat7780 11 месяцев назад

    Im so happy to hear you finding more peace, and im happy it sounds like Jer is finding more peace (that's how I understood it, apologies if it's not correct). Also glad to hear the dream team is thriving 😊

  • @googoogaga7986
    @googoogaga7986 11 месяцев назад

    AAAA HI!! Just arrived at my holiday cottage for the week and I’m having a wee panic attack and sensory overload so this is providing some welcome cozy and familiar vibes rn while I chill out 💕 much love

    • @Pixielocks
      @Pixielocks  11 месяцев назад +2

      Aw sending regulating calm cozy vibes!!! 🫶🏻💕🫶🏻💕🫶🏻

    • @googoogaga7986
      @googoogaga7986 11 месяцев назад

      @@Pixielocksthank you so much 🫶🏻🥹💕

  • @mumrikkarakal
    @mumrikkarakal 11 месяцев назад

    PIXIE HOLY SHIT THE EMAIL THING. IK HOW HARD THATS BEEN FOR U - IM SO PROUD OF YOU FOR BEING ABLE TO DO THAT. I HOPE ONE DAY I CAN GET TO THAT POINT TOO !!! :)

  • @snailflowers
    @snailflowers 11 месяцев назад

    i can relate to this! i’m plural but i don’t have DID, i don’t think a fusion happened for me but i hit a point after living in pure survival mode after an extreme trauma + living with grief for three years where i woke up one day and was like “i feel ready to stop living like this.” it was such a dramatic shift and suddenly i felt capable of waking up early, actually going to class and doing my work as a university student, cooking, cleaning my apartment. all the things that were so fucking hard when i was deeply in depression and living in grief, i felt like i was just treading water and suddenly i got my goals and plans for the future and ability to function so much better back. it’s an amazing feeling, obviously all my mental health issues aren’t solved but i just feel so much more able to take on life and i’m so glad you’re experiencing that too. for me i think i owe so much of it to EMDR and being able to feel safe confronting trauma in that space and creating a place in my brain for that trauma to live so that it wasn’t always bleeding into every moment of my day to day life. i’m so happy for you and excited to see everything you’re able to accomplish now that you have created more space for yourself and have more ability to swim rather than just tread water 🩷

  • @Kibawolf-dv6oj
    @Kibawolf-dv6oj 11 месяцев назад

    I really appreciate you jill for always talking about this ive been told that i prob have something similiar and i feel exactly how you feel maybe i should go back to a therapist 😅❤

  • @PlatonicPurplePanda
    @PlatonicPurplePanda 11 месяцев назад

    Welcome back, love your style as always. I feel like having a schedule has kept me sane for a few years now, it's like I have no time to be "moody" and I realize I just needed to do something to keep me sane, and that happened to be a job. I had less time to mope around and feel depressed, haha. Also, what is that Harajuku pink thing with your books on the right side?

  • @SodaCat16
    @SodaCat16 11 месяцев назад +2

    these are the only videos that make me feel seen and validated

  • @pureneon4464
    @pureneon4464 11 месяцев назад +1

    Yes!! i believe since moving away from my mom we've fused at least a couple times. I keep getting like... slight flashes to when I was a kid and these memories are old but I''ve sure never seen em!! I know I've fused with a little or atleast someone who was around when I was a kid because of those memories and some really hardcore feelings of wanting to be a kid again. It hurts a lot but it also feels so good to feel... idk, more put together? like you said with the puzzle piece comparision! anyway Pixie, I hope you're doing well and I wish you the best. You make me happy!!💕💕💞💞

  • @Nicole_with_a_tte
    @Nicole_with_a_tte 11 месяцев назад +1

    Wellbutrin is 🙌, I started in May & within 2.5 weeks I felt that puzzle piece "click"😊. It literally changed my journey.

  • @DIDmyOSDDshine-oq3cg
    @DIDmyOSDDshine-oq3cg 11 месяцев назад

    I love how nicely you describe all the complexity. We could never.

  • @TheLovelyluxray
    @TheLovelyluxray 8 месяцев назад +1

    ggod jill you made me feel so seen with the switching from joking to serious. We do that all the timme.

  • @SaraA92
    @SaraA92 11 месяцев назад +1

    I'm glad that you're feeling better! 💗🍓❤️
    Take care of yourself! 😉😘

  • @scribblerat9083
    @scribblerat9083 11 месяцев назад +2

    The little editing :) smiley face made me happy :)

  • @Shirviu
    @Shirviu 11 месяцев назад +1

    its really interesting how you describe that the dance and lyrics were totally gone from your mind but then after this they were there. i obviously dont have the same experience as you to compare, but i related to it in a small way in that it can happen during dreams like somehow you have a dream where in the dream its fully accurately utilizing information that while awake you had no memory of that you could access but somehow the dream could access it

  • @sleeplessreader
    @sleeplessreader 11 месяцев назад +2

    I hope this doesn’t sound sarcastic but I really do appreciate the small trigger warnings you add before going into sensitive topics :)

  • @heatherkay3046
    @heatherkay3046 11 месяцев назад +1

    PIXIEEE I am so happy you posted this!! As someone who’s healing from trauma and derealisation it is so valuable ❤ also off topic but that shirt is ADORABLE where is it from? 👀👀

    • @Pixielocks
      @Pixielocks  11 месяцев назад +3

      Awe thank you 🥺🫶🏻💗 it’s from Nile Perch, jfashion brand!!! Hard to google (u will get weird fish) but they are on twitter and stuff!! 💕🫶🏻🌈💗

  • @vaughn_erich
    @vaughn_erich 11 месяцев назад +2

    Congrats Pixie!

  • @sgt.sweetcheeks
    @sgt.sweetcheeks 11 месяцев назад +1

    The way you describe fusion really reminds me of a video game, like a metroidvania where you've unlocked a new skill.

  • @helioshawkk
    @helioshawkk 11 месяцев назад

    much love to y’all 🫶💞

  • @gabrielwebb6714
    @gabrielwebb6714 11 месяцев назад +1

    If we've had any fusions I'm not aware of them. We've only been diagnosed for a year, though. Working together a lot easier now but still very much fumbling around.
    There is totally some fear around fusion though so it's nice to hear that it's been so positive for you guys!!

  • @doodlekaboodel
    @doodlekaboodel 2 месяца назад +1

    "It's a fulltime job pacing around your kitchen and feeling unsafe!"
    Maaan if only we could put it on our resume somehow. haha

  • @Jo_in_space
    @Jo_in_space 11 месяцев назад +1

    Your videos always make me feel seen

  • @Katellabe
    @Katellabe 11 месяцев назад +2

    I don't have DID but I am bipolar type 2 and had a moment with my meds that I just call the fear months. I was afraid to go outside, I was afraid I'd die over everything. I was afraid everyone was going to die, I couldn't sit in a room alone by myself other than my own room. But now I'm good, I'm also on Wellbutrin. 😊

  • @alexspies-pronouncedspeez
    @alexspies-pronouncedspeez 11 месяцев назад +3

    so we all just pace around our kitchens when we feel unsafe huh? cuz me too. not anymore tho, im in a safe place now, so i totally understand that feeling.

  • @rloach067
    @rloach067 11 месяцев назад +1

    thats amazing 😊 i used to suffer from extreme paranoia and depression. I couldnt leave my house without needing an urgent reason. I had trouble sleeping, fearing terrible things would happen to me. I went through it all mostly alone, because trying to get psychological and psychiatrical help was always so emotionally taxing and i felt i got no help anyways. Sessions too short, and no one would listen to all i wanted to say because understandably they wanted to focus on treatment, but so many memories and fears haunted me i just wanted someone to understand and not just "treat" me blindly.
    Anyway, i am doing much better now! as a teen 10 years ago i remember being so depressed and lost, with no motivation at all, just going through life, waiting to die but fearing it with all my being. Now i actually have goals and motivations!! and i am strong enough to work towards them! i am in school again :D and i learned to study!! hopefully i can start uni next year and actually get a job haha 😅 and hopefully i am doing well enough that when i do get a job, i dont have to quit because of all the panic attacks i eventually got in the past. But i am optimistic!! My life is so much more stable, and even though my emotions swing dramatically when things change and go badly, i am much more prepared and stronger to get through life anyways.
    I still sometimes wish i could get psychological or psychiatric help. Life is so hard still, specially when i am not doing well. And yes, i am not doing well all the time. But i am greatful for the progress i have made even without it. And i hope you enjoy your best life and get even happier as time goes on and healing continues ❤

  • @moroam
    @moroam 11 месяцев назад +2

    This is so strange because I watch your 2018 content for nostalgia sake but watching this I can definitely see Jillian circa 2018 in this video

    • @Pixielocks
      @Pixielocks  11 месяцев назад +1

      🥰🫶🏻💕🌈💗🥰💕🌈💗🫶🏻🌈💕💗🥰

  • @floofmccloud
    @floofmccloud 9 месяцев назад +1

    It’s so funny to me when you talk about the Japan trip because I remember watching the kawaii video and thinking your voice and like way of talking were SO different, I thought maybe you were nervous and it just came out weird because of that. When you introduced Flora I was like OH MY GOD IT WAS HER. Hindsight is crazy!

  • @SEAsnake22
    @SEAsnake22 11 месяцев назад +3

    You’re really good at explaining things. I don’t have DID and don’t know anyone personally who does but your description of what you experienced (especially the dlc thing) makes a lot of sense! Thanks for sharing, I’m always so grateful to be able to learn more :D

  • @noodlecat0
    @noodlecat0 11 месяцев назад

    Yay!! pixie upload day is upon us!🎉 Love u💖🫰

  • @radmisfit3894
    @radmisfit3894 11 месяцев назад

    love you and i love seeing your healing journey!!! ,,but i must ask, your shirt is so cute where did you find it?

  • @gloomychama
    @gloomychama 11 месяцев назад

    go pixie!!! i'm cheering for you so much! :)

  • @veroniquemagique
    @veroniquemagique 11 месяцев назад

    Oof. That defense thing of your brain being like "here are all the worst things that could possibly happen (eventually), what if?" hits home because my brain's been supplying me that a lot lately and I'm not a fan, as if I don't have enough to process right now anyways lmao... I wish I had a better solution for that too.
    Glad to hear you're having some healing process happening for you ❤

  • @ginachuu
    @ginachuu 11 месяцев назад

    i’m so glad i’m not the only one who deals with those intrusive thoughts at bed time 😭 not sure if mines a bpd thing or an anxiety thing

  • @Rororinn.
    @Rororinn. 11 месяцев назад

    GUYS OMG IM BALLING HAPPY AND SAD TEARS AT THE SAME TIMM I WAS WATCHING SMILE PRECURE (i use to watch glitter force but now i wanted to see it during my precure bing watch) THE ENDING HAD MY CRYING I WATCHED GLITTER FORCE EVER SINCE I WAS 3 AND NOW I FINALLY SEE THE ENDING IM CRYING OMG I FUFILLED A CHILDHOOD DREAM TODAY I STOPPED SEEING THEM AS DRAWINGS BUT AS HUMANS INSTEAD OML I LOVE CANDY SM!!!!!!!

  • @HotaruMimiuchi
    @HotaruMimiuchi 11 месяцев назад +10

    Pixie time! Pixie time! Love you, hun!❤🍓🌈