Am I An Aspie?
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- Опубликовано: 24 сен 2024
- Someone recently suggested on my channel that I may be an Aspie (short for someone who has asperger's syndrome). In this video I share some of my challenges growing up. These may or may not relate to asperger's. I plan on reading more into it now!
Are you someone who has asperger's? If so how have you found it to navigate through life? Have you had similar struggles I have had? Do you think that I am an aspie? 🙂
#Aspies #Asperger #Aspergers #MentalHealth
Please excuse me for saying "Asperger's" wrong so many times. Also, just because I'm not rushing to the doctor to get myself formally diagnosed, doesn't mean that I'm saying others shouldn't. For many it may give them peace of mind and help them. I support of that 🙂
A few things I forgot to mention in this video: I am one of the most honest people you will meet. Sometimes too honest for my own good! It upsets and/or confuses me when others aren't completely transparent themselves. I also can be a bit of an over-sharer. I connect better with animals than I do people 😺
The Algorithm gods put your video in front of me . Good to see mature folks making RUclips videos. Don't stop making videos amiga ... Yes, RUclips is pushing small channels a lot ... As a small channel myself, I understand your journey ... Subscribed ....Tu amigo Javier from Houston, Texas
Hi Javier!
Thanks for your encouraging words and for subscribing to my channel 😊 Yeah, 5 years ago (when I started) I don't think RUclips would have pushed a video like they did Kat's. It's great for many newbies.
I don't know if this is true, but I was also told recently (by someone who only had one video mind you) that American channels get pushed out a lot more than foreign countries.
Who knows 🤷♀️ I'll just keep on keeping on for now! Thanks for being here 😊
Cool video Heidi. I am very similar and over the last year or two I've questioned whether i have adhd, aspergers or autism. One other thing i came across recently is that complex PTSD can cause similar personality traits and symptoms. I feel like neither one of these things fully fits and its a mixture of them.
Most of my life i have felt like im trying to figure out how to pretend to be a human so i can fit in 😅
I read people very easily also and i feel this is what makes socialising difficult because most people are projecting a false image of themselves and i can feel the incongruity between how people are acting and who they really are. It makes me feel like i have to be inauthentic and pretend like im not feeling the truth of a person and what's going on inside of them at an energetic level.
One other thing i noticed about myself is that i dont seem to be able to remain focused and motivated on just one particular interest or passion for a long period of time and i constantly rotate between different interests. I seem to need a variety of interests rather than just one main interest.
Mindfulness and meditation has been really helpful for me also and i feel pretty good things now.
Thank you for sharing some of your story Heidi, it was cool to hear.
Hey Craig!
Thank you so much for your lovely open and honest message. I feel like I'm reading my own story here! 😄 Always nice to connect with people who have had similar experiences and who "get it"!
I hear you re feeling when people are being authentic vs putting up a front! It's a gift we have but it can make things difficult sometimes when sensitive to others emotions.
The PTSD thing makes sense. I lost my father when I was four. My brother (also a Capricorn) also has asperger's I think. He struggles through life a lot more than I now do.
Haha I'm the same where interests are concerned! You should see how many niches I have started and stopped on this channel! Recently decided to divide into three channels to make things feel a bit more organized. Means I can still mix it up without confusing the algorithm too much. Win/win!
Anyway nice to meet you! Thanks again for sharing your story a bit here 😊🙏
Great video and thanks for sharing.
I related with several things and others from your articles on Medium.
Several times I found myself asking the same questions and I agree with you, each one knows their moment. There is no silver bullet or guarantee of success, only the experience of each one. I decided to start the diagnosis journey, it wasn't easy process, but 18 months later, despite the alphabet soup, I found answers to most of the unanswered questions of a lifetime.
I don't care about the labels, I just care that I'm not a stranger in a crazy world. I just see and perceive the world from a different perspective. That being said, now I have a blank page to write a new chapter, with a different perspective.
Wish you success on your channel.
Hey Ramal,
Thanks a lot for sharing a bit of your story here 😊 That's great that you found some of the things I have said relatable. Good for you for finding the answers you needed. I'm sure that that can help give a sense of peaceful acceptance, relief and closure. Great that you feel ready to turn a confident fresh page now 📖 All of the best! 🙂
Yes. Definitely.
"Stranger in a strange land" is the common aspie experience.
I support your thoughts. No need to seek diagnosis unless you find it becomes something you strongly want to do for an answer. From my experience, if learning more about being aspie clicks and sets you free ( .. more free...) that is sufficient. Diagnosis does little in practical ways in daily life to aid you. It is really just a confirmation of something you strongly suspect and somewhere kind of know anyway. Learning the pluses and minuses of any divergence from others more knowledgeable and experienced with living with it (ADHS, Aspie, OCD) in a away that enables you to know yourself better, and consequently navigate life better, then that is what counts at the end of the day.
On another point, health issues, allergies, major grief, they can all be different threads of influence to who we are along with being aspie, or ADHD or other divergence.
As for the OCD aspect, or is it perfectionism, a little story.
My first step to break this was with washing up the dishes. (Yes, old fashioned sink, detergent, do it by hand.)
I simply could not be satisfied unless I found every dirty dishe in the house, so that when I was finished everything was done full and complete. Total fresh start. It had to be a perfect job!
I began to break that "need", by making myself find all the dishes in the house, as usual, then deliberately not wash up one coffee cup. Leave it on the clean sink side board. I told myself this was just to annoy my sense of perfection. It was hard at first to make myself do this, but it did begin to break the obsession aspect of 'perfectionism'. To have "choice" again. "Choice" to be a perfectionist if I really wanted to, but if I was in a period of busy, could then allow myself to cut some corners, good enough, must fly..... Much better. It was not as hard as I thought. Took about a year to be totally OK with this.
Still like to do a really good "perfect" job on anything. To have it done complete to my satisfaction is a gift I still give myself. But I am now less owned by this.
Hi Cam,
Just found this one in my hidden requests folder again. Yeah I can see how it can be helpful for some to get formally diagnosed.
What you say re learning about the pluses and minuses of any divergence from others more knowledgeable and living with these conditions I don't agree with however. I know what conditions I have lived with my entire life. No external person knows or understands me better than I do.
That said I did do two random online tests. Took my results with a grain of salt. One got recommended by someone who read my Medium story... according to that I am 77% neuro typical 🤷♀️ Who knows, I won't lie awake at night contemplating it 🙂
Yeah, someone commented under this video about PTSD etc. That definitely can affect how we develop in this world.
Haha I too have to wash my dishes by hand 😋 Good on you for doing such a good job. Anything obsessive isn't fun though, I get it! Yeah that's brilliant, well done for being in charge of when you choose to be a perfectionist and not be owned by it as you say 😊
I have allowed myself some grace with some of my videos which are less polished. It's just a matter of getting comfortable with being uncomfortable.
For the most part I still like to do my best, but there have definitely been times when the OCD thing got out of hand and it wasn't necessary. Next time I will break the cycle regardless of how uncomfortable it may feel at first. On the other side of discomfort is freedom 🙂
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Glad I check my hidden request folder periodically as messages can incorrectly get sent there sometimes. Goodnight from NZ. Detox time!
@Nobel The other aspect I see when I watch your videos, the self reflection being shared, it so much reminds me of myself at similar life stage with undiagnosed post viral infection syndrome.
I was young, highly motivated, determined, wanting to get somewhere in life, but yet for reasons invisible to me I seemed unable to pull off any set achievement. The struggle to do so, while being constrained within myself in ways I could not really define or fully identify, lead to much daily internal review, struggle and self reflection, with determined efforts yet perpetually bringing no final or full resolution or success.
The invisible limitations (to immediate confirmable awareness) were in reality constraining me from getting on in life in the normal ways others about me were. I kept failing university courses, would take up jobs but slowly regress to be so fatigued I could not maintain them. Then have to rest recover to have none of my savings left, and so always locked in this loop. It was like everything was there in me functionally, but that functioning diminished just enough to be perpetually insufficient to achieve goals. I just could not sustain any major activity to my normal capacity and hence succeed in any venture I set myself.
At the time I suspected, and advocated strongly that I thought I had this ME/CFS condition, as two of my family members did also, but doctors repeatedly dismissed this. I believed them! Decades later I confirmed I was indeed critically internally constrained in cognition, daily energy, physical capacity by a post viral ME/CFS condition.
While finally recognising this brought no solutions, it did stop me from wasting a lot of limited life energy in endless unfruitful initiatives and quests to seek to recover and do better, with none really working as the inspiration for those endeavours was not actually the problem. Eg I need to not be so stressed and practice meditation, or needed to do more exercise, or adopt some new attitude framework, or do a trade, not uni, .....
I offer this as I am struck with the similarity of myself then, and watching a number of your characteristics. So I wonder if I am watching a unique and specific combination of dash of aspie, truth seeker, high intelligence, high natural motivation to achieve, and ongoing impact of a half recovered post viral infection syndrome state. Hopefully this comment is quite buried and I may come back and delete it later once I know you have seen it.
I offer this as, sometimes someone from the outside can see something that proves a key to changing things for yourself. Cheers.
@CamAustralia001 Thank you Cam for sharing your story and reflections. I feel I'm on track however. Don't need to "change" anything. I am learning as I go and am doing just fine. I won't be going into such deep conversations regarding mental health etc anymore. But thank you for your time and for sharing your honest thoughts and reflections with me over the past month or so 🙂
Hi Heidi, greetings 😁 i have been watching your videos, learned so much about you, a fellow aspie uh? Thats comforting! As an anthropologist and aspie, who sees things from the outside, - if you were to start one single channel (delete everything else, if i may, rebrand your channel as an aspie) where you focus on your struggles and achievements as an aspie (make it clear on the video descriptions and titles) and explore whatever subject from that perspective, being walking in the park, talking about anything, drawing etc. the world of possibilities would open up for you because the videos would aim at the right audience instantly and would be about your struggles/achievements/fun hobbies in one single channel, people will gravitate around your videos, giving you the freedom to embrace all of your aspirations while still under the umbrella of ‘being you’ , it would make perfect sense to anyone watching and it, it would draw the right audience who is waiting for videos like yours, such as myself. Keeping it liminal and aiming at a general audience can be a recipe for failure or may take a very long time for you to succeed, another 5 year maybe? Success is just around the corner my friend! Sorry for the tough love and i mean well.
Heya Ric!
Thanks for snooping on my channel 😂 JK. Thanks for the great suggestion too! Yeah, I agree that my videos may do better if I brand myself as an aspie, but to be honest with you, I hesitated a bit a few months back at the thought of creating any more videos related to this topic (should this video have done well)
Truth be told, I don't want to label myself as an aspie! I reckon I'd start acting even more like one just by doing so! Lol, I have never been one to 'box myself' (although I have finally acknowledged that for the majority of RUclipsrs, it is necessary)
Also, I declared a few months ago in a post that I'm done talking about my past challenges. Want to move forward to brighter days ya know? And not get stuck in the past! Which tbh, I don't know if my struggles had anything to do with maybe being an Aspie, as I said I have had both emotional and physical trauma in my early developmental years (still wanted to tell you about how I was a super puzzler at 2 years old after another head fall! Could find 500-piece puzzles faster than Dad which impressed him! 😁 One of the only memories I still have of him)
Yeah, you do give tough love sometimes lol. Maybe that's the Aspie side of you? I know ya mean well though and again, it is a super idea but right now it's not a path I feel I want to go down. You never know, maybe that will change should I ever be formally diagnosed (I did an online test once and apparently, I wasn't one - took the result with a grain of salt though) I prefer using the term neurodivergent now... told a few people at work and income that last week. Cried admitting it over Email - Emotions run deep with me sometimes!) I could also just be an introverted sensitive empath with a bit of brain damage, God knows! 😄
I'm sure you aren't one to get hung up on labels yourself... it's more just for the sake of the algorithm 🙂 I do go back and forth in my mind with regards to whether or not I should hide my more personal videos, but at the same time, I have nothing to be ashamed of really. I may still do so though, now that I have (sort of) rebranded myself.
Honestly, I spent SO LONG Ric puzzling away at how I want to move forward with a few different niches. Wrote a ton of over-complicated newsletters. It has taken me years to feel this clear in my direction!
As I said recently, I don't care about where this channel goes anymore. I have higher hopes for my new embroidery channel. This one I label as my 'Mother' channel now. You can read more about it in my description.
Cheers buddy! It is a great idea but just not a path I want to go down right now 🙂
Again it is a great idea, Ric, I considered it briefly once as TubeBuddy told me it would rank well. Never say never, I want to continue down the path I'm on right now but as you can see, things change with me as often as the seasons do! 😄 It's always nice to have backup options. I may do it if I ever feel I have more I want to say on the topic 🙂 No promises! For now, I won't use the label. It's good food for thought though! Thank you! 😁👍
@@SimplyNobel hi Heidi! Yes I completely understand you and i only raised the idea since you posted this video, but i understand exactly what you mean by not wanting to box oneself or wanting to revisit any past events in your life. My apologies if that was inconvenient for you, indeed i don’t know how to lie and that has caused me a lot of issues with people. At the same time, i know that know what i meant. It is so hard isnt to want something and having to sacrifice other things in order to get it. It is certainly a trade that sometimes we need to consider. What is more important for you now is what matters. I dont go about telling people on my own channel that i am aspie because the videos are about the puzzles not about me, but when your videos are directly about yourself and your feelings and the things you plan to do it can be very difficult for RUclips to guess who the videos are for, hence i suggested embracing the aspie side. People are getting tons of views overnight just by using the tag aspie but again if thats not for you, it is not for you my friend. i thought oh wow there is something that she could try out too get those millions of views on the platform! 😁 but Heidi, just to clarify, you don’t need to raise anything or past, just the fact that i know now you are also aspie has changed my perspective about you entirely. Just a tag or a title would draw the right people in, no questions asked. no need to talk about it. You are who you are and that suffices for the viewers. so sorry Heidi just trying to help. Seems like we are at large numbers on youtube.
@RicPuzzles Nothing to be sorry about Ric, as I said it was a good idea which my ruminating mind has still been contemplating 🤔
Yeah, I know what you mean re not lying!! My sister told me years back that I'm too honest for my own good. If I could freely share my every thought with everyone around me I would (holding things in feels like a burden to carry!) but I am learning to be less impulsive for the sake of keeping the peace.
Haha, I hope that your perspective of me wasn't bad before seeing this video 😂 Yeah we do have a lot in common Ric which is cool! I could tell from your videos that you see things differently... really admire the uniqueness of every puzzle piece, I wouldn't immediately point my finger and yell out "Aspie!" though lol. I too, get caught up in the details 😊
I've had some of the most mundane jobs, the average person would want to shoot themselves but I handle repetition well (not a history person at all though! Never ever question me about anything to do with history please! 😅)
Take care, buddy! Thanks for your time! And yeah, I may experiment with adding the odd Aspie tag. Maybe not though, seeing as I have never been formally diagnosed. Whether I do or not it may not be necessary to start completely from scratch!
But yeah, cool to have another thing in common with you! I'm sure I stumbled across ya for a reason, kindred spirit 😁
@@SimplyNobel :-) glad you are not mad at my snooping around, some unwanted advice ops so sorry, I did have a feeling you needed someone to say hey this is what you could try instead of creating more channels. but yes if you are not entirely comfortable with the idea of being perceived as aspie that is your own journey and you only know when or if you want to have that tag on your presence online. I was indeed thinking about the algorithm side of things, not really knowing you did not want that to define you and your content. so sorry again, I dont usually go about doing that.
By no means i did not have a negative impression of you prior to me watching this video. I just felt like it, oh maybe she saw in me some of her own qualities, so it all made perfect sense to me as to why you may be watching my puzzle videos, when you seem to have completely different interests on the platform. :-) nothing too dramatic though! just know now you are someone I can relate to.
you too have great day ahead! I promise to be more careful now, and only suggest if i'm asked for advice :-)
Sorry Heidi i deleted this comment and reposted it here where is more appropriate! Imagine, if you were to add “as an aspie” at the end of your videos for example it would fall into place perfectly because your right audience is just waiting to find you! Omg you have the personality, the looks, the equipment. Girl…😁😁 sadly If you post videos for a general audience, it may be very difficult for the algorithms to decide who they are or what they are looking for. So sorry if im being inconvenient.
Thanks, Ric! 😂 That's sweet of you 😊 Yeah I've been here 5 years, I know I confused the heck out of the algorithm but that's OK. I needed to find my path and I don't mind anymore that it has taken so long. I'm thinking a few more people will follow me here if they find me on other channels. Regardless, I have more hope for my new channels. It's nice having this as a more relaxed channel where I can let my hair down. Even if only for my small, but loyal audience 🙂
I just added another response to my previous message btw! You may not get alerted 😄