I have to admit, it’s refreshing to see an interviewer baring their soul like that. I remember a “death, sex, & marriage” podcast where Dan asked the interviewer whether she could handle WHEN the her BF cheats on her. They scrubbed that later.
sexual exclusivity as an absolute high standard of expectation may lead to the collapse of marriage , basically the bar is too high , is basically what dan savage is saying
Non monogamy for a gay man, or a straight woman is easy. You can find a sex partner a half dozen times a day. But non monogamy for a man is a chore-unless you’re in a narrow group of highly desirable men. Tall. Handsome. In shape. Charismatic. For most guys, they have to work and spend money to get laid.
Maybe I'm a little black and white but I certainly DO expect monagamy in my marriage with absolutely no wiggle room. If the magic leaves or sex isn't often/sufficient enough, then perhaps the leftout party needs to evaluate what they are doing (or not doing) that contributes to the problem. I get so tired of hearing "women lose interest" (gee I wonder if a man said that) when they are older. How about women who are tired of carrying the full load, of treating their man like a child, having to do literally everything with no help or support or emotional connection back - but they are supposed to be available at bedtime. Both parties should be at least trying to meet each others needs if they expect reciprocation, and that goes way deeper than just sex. I think it's easy to blame the magic when really, someone is exhausted and floundering alone. I jwas sad to recently read about a social media couple I follow who just broke up... they said after 2 kids and the daily grind they realized they were just roommates.... ugh. I hate that word. Relationships are cyclical, sometimes it's like that! Sometimes it's fire and passion. But over 50 year marriage, I think you can sit out a week, two weeks or whatever if needed and not stray. I have absolutely no patience or tolerance for cheating and don't understand open relationships. It's not a good foundation for the family or to build trust upon.... at least for me. Not judging others, to each his own, but this article did not resonate with me. It's getting too trendy to defy moral boundaries and do whatever you want in the name of not putting a label on it. How about guiding couples to building closer bonds and WANTING each other in times of difficulty. How about that?
As Dan mentioned several times, this is less gendered as you might think. Also, his entire point was that two people who are married need to come to an understanding about what that marriage means to them. That every married couple can define their marriage as they see fit. If you see monogamy within your marriage as necessary, and no need for an open relationship, and that works for you, then great. But that isn't true for everyone, and while you can define your marriage as you see fit, you don't get to decide what marriage is for people who decide to do it differently that you.
Way to articulate. Mood is not marriage. Or family-building. Or what maintaining family and family and more values is about. The idea that euphoria is an entire relationship itself maybe especially screws up people. "One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again" quote by Judith Viorst keeps it so neat, imo. And kudos on the 60s-gen reflections from Ruspoli, because I agree it's maybe much to be caught up in, that way.
@@adamt7946 It's a concept of being driven by sexuality and sexual pressures in a way that dictates your behaviors across a gamut... that's certainly not a marital concept...
I found this to be a clear-headed, honest, truthful and emotionally sane conversation. Thank You, Tao & Dan!
I have to admit, it’s refreshing to see an interviewer baring their soul like that. I remember a “death, sex, & marriage” podcast where Dan asked the interviewer whether she could handle WHEN the her BF cheats on her. They scrubbed that later.
They need to teach realistic expectations in relationships in school, LOL.
Great interview!
sexual exclusivity as an absolute high standard of expectation may lead to the collapse of marriage , basically the bar is too high , is basically what dan savage is saying
Non monogamy for a gay man, or a straight woman is easy. You can find a sex partner a half dozen times a day. But non monogamy for a man is a chore-unless you’re in a narrow group of highly desirable men. Tall. Handsome. In shape. Charismatic. For most guys, they have to work and spend money to get laid.
True!
Dan's wrong about not being the hot one...
He is just my type, but I am female, no chance, bad luck.
Wow… FIRST!!!
Maybe I'm a little black and white but I certainly DO expect monagamy in my marriage with absolutely no wiggle room. If the magic leaves or sex isn't often/sufficient enough, then perhaps the leftout party needs to evaluate what they are doing (or not doing) that contributes to the problem. I get so tired of hearing "women lose interest" (gee I wonder if a man said that) when they are older. How about women who are tired of carrying the full load, of treating their man like a child, having to do literally everything with no help or support or emotional connection back - but they are supposed to be available at bedtime. Both parties should be at least trying to meet each others needs if they expect reciprocation, and that goes way deeper than just sex. I think it's easy to blame the magic when really, someone is exhausted and floundering alone. I jwas sad to recently read about a social media couple I follow who just broke up... they said after 2 kids and the daily grind they realized they were just roommates.... ugh. I hate that word. Relationships are cyclical, sometimes it's like that! Sometimes it's fire and passion. But over 50 year marriage, I think you can sit out a week, two weeks or whatever if needed and not stray. I have absolutely no patience or tolerance for cheating and don't understand open relationships. It's not a good foundation for the family or to build trust upon.... at least for me. Not judging others, to each his own, but this article did not resonate with me. It's getting too trendy to defy moral boundaries and do whatever you want in the name of not putting a label on it. How about guiding couples to building closer bonds and WANTING each other in times of difficulty. How about that?
As Dan mentioned several times, this is less gendered as you might think. Also, his entire point was that two people who are married need to come to an understanding about what that marriage means to them. That every married couple can define their marriage as they see fit. If you see monogamy within your marriage as necessary, and no need for an open relationship, and that works for you, then great.
But that isn't true for everyone, and while you can define your marriage as you see fit, you don't get to decide what marriage is for people who decide to do it differently that you.
Way to articulate. Mood is not marriage. Or family-building. Or what maintaining family and family and more values is about. The idea that euphoria is an entire relationship itself maybe especially screws up people. "One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again" quote by Judith Viorst keeps it so neat, imo. And kudos on the 60s-gen reflections from Ruspoli, because I agree it's maybe much to be caught up in, that way.
@@adamt7946 It's a concept of being driven by sexuality and sexual pressures in a way that dictates your behaviors across a gamut... that's certainly not a marital concept...