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I have a song request, if you could take it. A song about Apathy. Someone that chose to be apathetic to protect themself and wants to undo it but can't turn back because it's gotten too far.
Cant wait to see yall in Pittsburgh! Got the Tour Bus package for my wife but unfortunately was sold out when i went to buy mine immediately after lol, still got the meet and greet though!
Ay perhaps yall should continue with this. Perhaps a full album? On the plus side this hit me hard no different than others. And what an amazing duet from you and CS, this song is a true gem IMO. Great message and song overall!❤💯
So happy to see you guys finally getting out there! Your music has always been amazing and each song you put out has been on another level. Hope to see more and watch you grow as a band 💜
I don't think a song has hit me harder. " A million thoughts on my head and they all want me dead but I'm too good at holding them down." This song is what I've needed for years.😊
Holy heck that end part is poetry. "feeling hollow while so full is such a heavy feeling" I had a long period of apathy in my teen years as a defense mechanism to stop hurting. Glad to hear you're still kicking around! ❤️
Woah, dude, thank you so much. I actually had no idea that there was a word to describe my not being able to make my body cry since I guess it just doesn't feel safe too. I actually have a word for the emotion now.
Dude, I was in a mental facility for a week and literally the day this came out, even though I wasn't allowed my phone so I had no idea about it until now, I was in group therapy and was telling the therapist how I would go numb and KNEW crying would help, but my body just won't cry. I used to self harm to make myself break and cry, but now I'm clean of that which is great, but I was TALKING TO HER about how I wish I knew how to just cry without bad habits the day this was posted. Wow, and like I said I had no idea the song was made. I needed this song more than anything because it's so hard feeling like you're the only one going through something. I just can't cry because I guess my body still doesn't feel safe to 'be weak' even after all these years and I thought I was alone. God bless you man.
Didn't expect to encounter a song that I instantly love. Been wanting to cry for a long while. "There is NO healing in NOT feeling ANYTHING" hit quite hard even for how true it is. "My life is full of love but I'm empty."
This song describes how I’ve felt for years In my life I’ve been through a lot and I lost my ability to cry out of sadness and while I have emotion it becomes more difficult to be sad when I can’t cry from it and yall always describe me through your songs thank you for making this music
"Wish I could cry right now" You have no idea how many people you saved and how much you've helped. This collaboration is a true miracle, thank you for those beautiful sounds^^
Helped??? This is literally depression/suicide porn. Just listening to it until I have the strength to finally do it all the way once and for all. This world is Hell. There's only one way out.
"I just want to break down, I'm ready" there's so much in these words (in that whole verse, too), that I don't even know how to explain it I didn't think it could be put so breathtakingly accurate, both in terms of the words and the voice they are sung in
There are very, very few songs that can transcend just being a song and flawlessly express raw human emotion, and even fewer songs that can do it on the first listen. This is one of those rare songs. Absolute perfection, from the lyrics to the slow build-up of the instruments in the background and how it truly symbolizes how bottling up our emotions will eventually cause us to break. Halocene does such an amazing job contributing here too. Absolutely amazing work.
I have been waiting for this song since I first heard it in the shorts. It's everything I've imagined it being. It just......it's real. It's something that I wish people in my life could hear. They might finally understand me at least on some level. I've had so many arguments with family over "not caring" when the truth is I've just numbed my emotions because I grew tired of the pain that came with feeling. And it's reached a point where I just wish that I could feel anything at this point rather than just being numb to the world around me. "I'm living not alive." It really describes things so well.
You guys always hit hard with the lyrics. "I really wish I could cry right, but I'm afraid I've forgotten how" kind describes what my life has turned into; people always tell me that I'm never upset, sad or something... They only see my smile, even on my worse moments... Appreciate how you guys can express what others like me can't ❤
November is the worst time in my life that echoes every year. I lost my grandfather to Cancer. I get too happy, I cry, I feel frustrated, I cry, I feel hope, I cry. But grief? Genuine sorrow? It just doesn't happen, or they'll form in my eyes, gloss my sight, but I can't break down. They form and I go numb and it shuts down. Once again, another song I really needed, another song that lets me feel what I need, to shatter like I desperately needed to move forward in healing. Thank you. thank you so much, for being you, for making music, for listening to us and making pieces to help us feel heard, to help YOURSELVES be heard. Just like you tell us we're not alone, you are not alone. We see you, and at least from this australian, fuck mate, I'm so fucking thankful for you.
God this is hitting me to the core, and bringing tears out, which is very much needed. I've been dealing with the ups, downs, why after 27yrs of first being diagnosed with chronic depression and anxiety, the hell, trauma from toxic fam, friends, and what I believed was true love. 2014 diagnosed with PTSD, and I also now deal with chronic illness. After my last relationship broke me to my breaking point, I have tried. Not one friend still around, and growing up in what I thought was a loving, close, family, aunts, uncles, sis, all. But reality hit n I have my dad, who I trust 99% and my daughter, who is only one I know without doubt loves me 100% of the time. Not I feel like I'm just a lost cause, but because of my daughter I refuse. Pray it is going to get better, I believe God has me still here for a reason. But I will also fight n hell, and come outta the fire for my daughter
"To fall apart right now would feel like ecstasy but these walls weren't built to break" This line hit me in the chest so hard! I haven't cried in longer than I could remember even though I know it would make everything better..
Had to listen to this song because it really fits right now. Have you ever had that moment that every part of your body says you should be crying but nothing comes out. My eyes hurt like I’ve been crying for hours but not a single tear will come out. FML…..
I feel this song. I cry a lot, but no emotion really gets let loose, crying doesn't let loose all the negative emotion. It's like, you take the tears, and before they spill over the dam, you filter out all of the emotion and capture it, sending it right back. Love these songs so much!
Your songs once struck a chord in my heart and brought me to tears, but now they don't. Now, I simply appreciate their beauty. This means your songs have healed me. Thank you. ❤
I'm 22 weeks pregnant and found out on February 6th that my baby has a rare condition that has effected her development in a way that gives her a 1 in 16,000 chance of being alive when she's born and an even smaller chance of living past a week old. Some days I find it hard to cry because of how much I've been crying since I found out. This song really hits me hard. Citizen soldiers music is the only thing getting me thru this.
That's not a zero chance. Miracles absolutely do happen. I've witnessed several in my lifetime. I've also had loss in my life. I still trust his plans fully, even if they are different than mine, and he uses the bad in this world to create another greater purpose. I will pray in faith for you and your baby. I would love to see God make your story another testimony of his greatness. 🫂🙏🏻💜
I've spent 26 years being gaslit to the point I can no longer cry. This song speaks to me in a way that's both raw and healing. It's like my mind's been given a voice by you, it can finally be heard. Thank you
I get it I just got out of a 5 year marriage where I was isolated from everyone my wife at the time only worried about herself and the money yet I worked 140 hours in two weeks putting my life on the line every day yet I was thrown to the side the moment I put my foot down she jumped to the next guy
The "I really wish that I could cry right now, but I'm afraid that I've forgotten how. Being numb's how I cope with the hell that I've known" really felt that .❤
Another depressing banger. It's strange how pain and suffering can make something beautifully. You guys really had master this craft and the second singer just adds so much. Its perfect.
I've been coping my reading,by numbing my feelings. Sometimes I can't cry and sometimes I can't stop. I'm broken hut your songs have been helpful. I've been broken for so many years and I never even realized till I realized I'd dint wanna live. Then j found you guys. THANK YOU ❤
Lyrics 0:00 Built a fortress trading memories For always feeling empty Lost purpose running from my pain I made a prison shining Trauma And never found nirvana Sold cyanide from novacaine I’ve learned that There is no healing in Not feeling anything I’m just a cage of skin That threw away the key To fall apart right now That’d feel like ecstasy These walls weren’t built to break I really wish that I could cry right now I really wish that I could let this out Million thoughts in my head And they all want me dead I’m too good at holding them down I really wish that I could cry right now But I’m afraid that I’ve forgotten how Being numbs how I cope With the hell that I’ve known But the silence is making me drown I really wish that I could cry I really wish that I could cry I’ve had to wear a thousand faces Be fake to just erase this Panic that my past holds tight Now every feeling lost its flavour Cause I feel so much safer As frozen than in fight or flight I’ve learned that I’d rather suffer I would rather agonize Than lost the little things Just for the alibi That taste of tender love Is worth a sacrifice I’m living not alive I really wish that I could cry right now I really wish that I could let this out Million thoughts in my head And they all want me dead I’m too good at holding them down I really wish that I could cry right now But I’m afraid that I’ve forgotten how Being numbs in my cope With the hell that I’ve known But The silence is making me drown My life is full of love but I’m empty Cause I’ve been so afraid of remembering I just wanna break down I’m ready So let me please I really wish that I could cry right now I really wish that I could let this out (let this out) Million thoughts in my head And they all want me dead I’m too good at holding them down I really wish that I could cry right now (cry right now) But I’m afraid that I’ve forgotten how (forgotten how) Being numb how I cope With the hell that I’ve known But the silence is making me drown I really wish that I could cry
"Million thoughts in my head and they all want me dead, I'm too good at holding them down." "I've learned that there is no healing in not feeling Anything. I'm just a cage of skin that through away the key." This song understands me better than my friends and family ever could. Thank you...... 😢
Been waiting for this song for so long and it didn't disappoint. Feels like I've run out of tears to cry, so your music has become my replacement to release those feelings
I used to numb all the hurt all the pain with drugs so could tolerate a fake smile for the world while walking around so empty dying to just scream out and cry. As I got clean I had cone to find out I had damaged myself from fully feeling emotions for quite a while. Then it all came up outta nowhere. A flood of pain from years of suppression took a lot of work, a lot of support, and even more help to learn how to process these feelings and get through them in a healthy way instead of numbing aside or begging God to just take me so as not to go through it. I'm grateful I was revived and have a second chance at life, grateful to have been reminded of the world's beauty I've long forgotten, grateful for everyone that stuck by me at my worst to be able to share the best version of me I can now give. Thank you for your music that helps me on a daily, and to all that ate still in my life, and thank you God ❤️🙏
I feel this. Everyday and night. I've been hated by friends and people. Never felt something hit harder than this truthful song that explains my feelings tonight. Thank you for such an amazing song.
Beautiful song, hit me so hard. "I really wish that I could cry right now I really wish that I could let this out", "I've had to wear a thousand faces be fake to just replace this" I needed this, thank you!
Hearing Jake and Addies voices together hits a lot different. Being a fan of both bands for a while now, and I don’t regret stumbling across either of them in my times of need.
I have an appointment with a therapist this week. First time. Sent her this and told her to listen to it before our meeting. Never has a song literally said what my head and heart say. Thank you for this. Please tour the UK! We’re very lovely here 🖤
Was just realizing the other day that my SAD had developed into the numbness stage, and I'm having a hard time feeling emotions, so this hit a lot harder than it would've otherwise. Thank you as always for putting lyrics to feelings in a way the rest of us can't. 🙏🏻
How does this hit so hard?! The amount of times where I think I should feel scared or sad about something but fell nothing….dang. Also the fact you can hear the emotion behind “cry right now” is amazing!
I was falling apart emotionally last night. Falling asleep alone these last few months have been nothing short of agonizing. I really needed this. Thank you.
Not only are the lyrics the type of lyrics that penetrate the deepest part of the heart, but it is the best duo I have ever heard. Two beautiful voices in one song!!!!
I simply love the harmony in the way voices of you both match and mix together. It feels so heavenly. I don't know how to describe this.... So much emotions put in one song. The best part about your songs is that I can hear just a little bit of it and then can't get it out of my head and i'm waiting unpatiently for the full release. There are so many of your songs that I adore and it really feels like each new one is better than the previous one!
Powerful! The visuals with the lyrics drive it home. I'm curious to see what kind of cinematic video you could produce for this song as well… I've been a @Halocene fan for years. I'm happy to say I'm an instant Citizen Soldier fan as well.
This was one of the songs I was most looking forward to.😍 Your band and music are my safe space when I'm going through difficult days. Your songs always help me, comfort me, give me strength to remain firm! and it makes me feel like I'm not alone. So thank you very much for existing! ❤️❤️❤️
I've discovered you, wonderful people, just this year and let me say that you're amazing! I've never struggled with anxiety or diagnosed depression, so it's a normal thing for me to diminish my problems. But your songs hit hard almost every time and remind me that my own feelings actually matters. Your beautiful songs support me at hard times! Please, keep on doing what you love and take care!💜
Every one of your guys songs has always hit me hard, but this one specifically has really hit me hard. I don't think I have every felt so in common with a song. Glad Halocene was able to team up with you she is an amazing artist, her voice works so well with your guys band. Great job never seems to amaze when you guys produce such great music.
Wow ❤, I really wish I could cry right now. Today marks 2 years since a friend of mine died and there's nothing better than a new Citizen Soldier song to brighten your day a little
Silence is the most defining sound, this song hit harder than I thought it would when I took the time to slow down and actually listen to it! “As frozen in fight or flight” ripped right thru me with my life situation! Now back to dry my tears and adjust that mask, until I can stop running from the silence. ❤ thank you for another great song!
I remember the first time listening to this song as I was in a really dark place and I was sitting in the bathroom at college contemplating taking my own life and then I thought maybe music would help and then I heard this and I broke down In tears as I felt less alone and proud of myself for making it this far and then I'm still struggling daily with it and college isn't making it any better but I'm still fighting citizen soilder has put a purpose to my life i still struggle so much with Trauma/ PTSD/ DID/BPD and college is really tough im only 17 (English school system) and I'm already literally fighting for my life but i have been 7 months clean of attempting and 5-6 weeks clean of self harm and im really proud of myself!
I am down, I am sad, and I am alone. The only thing that I can relate to and understands me is your music. Thank you so much for your music. It is comforting to my soul.
Love itttt, I have been so excited for this song and such perfect timing because I'm struggling with my emotions quite a lot at the moment. The lyrics "My life is full of love but I'm empty" I relate so much to that as I could be surrounded by people and still feel alone. Thank you guys, love you❤
This... is just so much. Exactly how I'd felt, for years... I've been doing much better the past couple, but still occasionally feel this way... I'd sing music like this, alone in the library at church, to finally, barely, manage to make myself just cry... Would've been nice to have this song then.
This.. is how I've felt since my grandmother passed in 2006. Thank you for giving people like me a voice, a point of reference that others might understand.
@@11wildy63 I write stories so I can usually distribute my feelings through there. You stay strong too. I don't know you, but just know you deserve to live. U deserve me telling you this because I know God wouldn't give you life just for it to end. Keep fighting. Your. Not. Alone
When you have these thoughts after a while, they are so internalized, you don't even think them that often anymore, because you accepted hopelessness, we are feeling the same. I think I just entered the numbness that I heard so much about after a few hard months and it's really just the acceptance of the absence of hope
Sending everyone who connects with these lyrics love and support. The sentiment in the title just recently (along with fatigue), got me off anti-depressants, because I've gotten to the point where I'll take the lows just to experience the highs, and my numbed emotions weren't good enough. But remember, mental health, and medication, affects everyone differently, so a lot of the time, you 'just' need to keep fighting until you find the right solution. The beauty and love that life can offer is worth the battles.
I have actually cried for some nights in a row, now I can't even tear up. I don't have any tears left and Im just sitting there slowly swaying side to side as I listen to your songs.
This definitely song hits hard for me. Especially today with a family emergency. So many thoughts and keeping calm during that time is not easy. Thank you both so much for this collab song. ❤
THIS IS SUCH A PRETTY SONG??? I expected an amazing song, but this is so pretty, the emotion is perfect with the music, great job, I think this song is what gets me to cry
"a million thought in my head and they all want me dead, im too good at holding them down" describes me too much, i have forgotten all happy emotions even in happy situations, keep up the work
This song speaks to me because I feel like I laterally can't cry. I wish I could but I physically can't. (Q) "I'm too good at holding them down." My life is full of love but I'm empty.
This is the stage of therapy I’m in right now. Confronting my comfortability with being in the frozen stage. Citizen Soldier never fails to be relatable and hard hitting.
I love your songs so damn much. I'm listening to them every single day. You guys are so great! Thank you so much for giving me something that makes me feel understood. It's like you know everything about me, even though we've never met. Keep going, you are doing such an amazing job! Thanks again❤
"To fall apart right know would feel like ecstasy these walls weren't built to break" There are so many great lines in this song that hit hard. I've been waiting for this since they released a small portion of it awhile back
I love hearing your songs all the time! I do listen songs from many bands and dont necessarily have one favorite but if i had to pick one, it would be this band and these songs. I do have some problems that these songs let me relate to. I also have thought of trying writing and or singing my own songs for a while and you inspire me to take steps in trying that. Keep it all up you all since there are people, probably alot of people who are thankful to you for it!
This song hits different. As someone who hasn't cried in years despite all the trauma, this song hits. I got so used to both physical and mental pain that I can't even force myself to cry, even during my Grandma's death and funeral. Thank you Citizen Soldier, thank you!
Stream/Download 👉 citizensoldier.band/wishicouldcry
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Please SHARE it with someone that needs to hear it.
How did i not know that u made a video today i was just listening to icu bc its a really cool song and i will always love it so yeah😃 😢
THEE ENTIRE🌐 WORLD NEEDS TO HEAR THIS 🙏 😢❤😇🤗❤️🔥🔥🔥❤️🩹💯💯📢📢📢🎛🎚🔉🔊📟💎
I have a song request, if you could take it. A song about Apathy. Someone that chose to be apathetic to protect themself and wants to undo it but can't turn back because it's gotten too far.
Cant wait to see yall in Pittsburgh! Got the Tour Bus package for my wife but unfortunately was sold out when i went to buy mine immediately after lol, still got the meet and greet though!
SEE YOU CHICAGO ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤🌹
MASSIVE thank you to Citizen Soldier for believing in us. SO excited to TOUR TOGETHER!!
Ay perhaps yall should continue with this. Perhaps a full album?
On the plus side this hit me hard no different than others. And what an amazing duet from you and CS, this song is a true gem IMO.
Great message and song overall!❤💯
So happy to see you guys finally getting out there! Your music has always been amazing and each song you put out has been on another level. Hope to see more and watch you grow as a band 💜
really love your part in this,
We always believe in you Addie!
you deserve it cant wait to watch a live performance from ur tour
I don't think a song has hit me harder. " A million thoughts on my head and they all want me dead but I'm too good at holding them down." This song is what I've needed for years.😊
🫶
Exactly
Same, fighting them like Don Quixote
❤️❤️💙
Me too
As someone who went through apathy, this song... Is so perfect. The feeling of feeling hollow while so full is such a heavy thing
Appreciate you 🫶
Holy heck that end part is poetry.
"feeling hollow while so full is such a heavy feeling"
I had a long period of apathy in my teen years as a defense mechanism to stop hurting.
Glad to hear you're still kicking around! ❤️
@@vincenttrigg4521 glad to see you made it through, friend
Woah, dude, thank you so much. I actually had no idea that there was a word to describe my not being able to make my body cry since I guess it just doesn't feel safe too. I actually have a word for the emotion now.
@@plasmasnow22, I also like the word
Dude, I was in a mental facility for a week and literally the day this came out, even though I wasn't allowed my phone so I had no idea about it until now, I was in group therapy and was telling the therapist how I would go numb and KNEW crying would help, but my body just won't cry. I used to self harm to make myself break and cry, but now I'm clean of that which is great, but I was TALKING TO HER about how I wish I knew how to just cry without bad habits the day this was posted. Wow, and like I said I had no idea the song was made. I needed this song more than anything because it's so hard feeling like you're the only one going through something. I just can't cry because I guess my body still doesn't feel safe to 'be weak' even after all these years and I thought I was alone. God bless you man.
I adore the icy visuals of this one, like ice that won't melt, eyes that won't cry.
Damn that's a good observation 💛
Thanks!@@ryanstout8634
Or like ice that burns when you cry at the wrong times
Didn't expect to encounter a song that I instantly love. Been wanting to cry for a long while. "There is NO healing in NOT feeling ANYTHING" hit quite hard even for how true it is. "My life is full of love but I'm empty."
I've lost the ability to cry about 9 years now. Lord knows what I would give to be able to cry again. Treasure the tears guys ❤️
This song describes how I’ve felt for years
In my life I’ve been through a lot and I lost my ability to cry out of sadness and while I have emotion it becomes more difficult to be sad when I can’t cry from it and yall always describe me through your songs thank you for making this music
Thanks for sharing 🫶 sending hugs
Your comment made me cry
@@sofiane1unique oh my bad
People still cry out of sadness? Dam- I thought it's just overwhelmed
"Wish I could cry right now"
You have no idea how many people you saved and how much you've helped. This collaboration is a true miracle, thank you for those beautiful sounds^^
Helped??? This is literally depression/suicide porn. Just listening to it until I have the strength to finally do it all the way once and for all. This world is Hell. There's only one way out.
"I just want to break down, I'm ready" there's so much in these words (in that whole verse, too), that I don't even know how to explain it
I didn't think it could be put so breathtakingly accurate, both in terms of the words and the voice they are sung in
There are very, very few songs that can transcend just being a song and flawlessly express raw human emotion, and even fewer songs that can do it on the first listen. This is one of those rare songs. Absolute perfection, from the lyrics to the slow build-up of the instruments in the background and how it truly symbolizes how bottling up our emotions will eventually cause us to break. Halocene does such an amazing job contributing here too. Absolutely amazing work.
I have been waiting for this song since I first heard it in the shorts. It's everything I've imagined it being. It just......it's real. It's something that I wish people in my life could hear. They might finally understand me at least on some level. I've had so many arguments with family over "not caring" when the truth is I've just numbed my emotions because I grew tired of the pain that came with feeling. And it's reached a point where I just wish that I could feel anything at this point rather than just being numb to the world around me. "I'm living not alive." It really describes things so well.
Thanks for sharing that 🫶 Sending hugs
You guys always hit hard with the lyrics. "I really wish I could cry right, but I'm afraid I've forgotten how" kind describes what my life has turned into; people always tell me that I'm never upset, sad or something... They only see my smile, even on my worse moments... Appreciate how you guys can express what others like me can't ❤
November is the worst time in my life that echoes every year. I lost my grandfather to Cancer. I get too happy, I cry, I feel frustrated, I cry, I feel hope, I cry. But grief? Genuine sorrow? It just doesn't happen, or they'll form in my eyes, gloss my sight, but I can't break down. They form and I go numb and it shuts down.
Once again, another song I really needed, another song that lets me feel what I need, to shatter like I desperately needed to move forward in healing.
Thank you. thank you so much, for being you, for making music, for listening to us and making pieces to help us feel heard, to help YOURSELVES be heard. Just like you tell us we're not alone, you are not alone. We see you, and at least from this australian, fuck mate, I'm so fucking thankful for you.
God this is hitting me to the core, and bringing tears out, which is very much needed. I've been dealing with the ups, downs, why after 27yrs of first being diagnosed with chronic depression and anxiety, the hell, trauma from toxic fam, friends, and what I believed was true love. 2014 diagnosed with PTSD, and I also now deal with chronic illness. After my last relationship broke me to my breaking point, I have tried. Not one friend still around, and growing up in what I thought was a loving, close, family, aunts, uncles, sis, all. But reality hit n I have my dad, who I trust 99% and my daughter, who is only one I know without doubt loves me 100% of the time. Not
I feel like I'm just a lost cause, but because of my daughter I refuse. Pray it is going to get better, I believe God has me still here for a reason. But I will also fight n hell, and come outta the fire for my daughter
Gut wrenching lyrics. 😢 Appreciate your honesty.
Much love 🫶
"To fall apart right now would feel like ecstasy but these walls weren't built to break"
This line hit me in the chest so hard! I haven't cried in longer than I could remember even though I know it would make everything better..
Each new song is a new peak, and this one is no exception ❤ To this day I'm still amazed at how you are able to transfer all the emotions into words
Glad to hear that 🫶
Here we go ! A great collab with a great tour is coming 🖤
Hope to see you on the tour 🫶
Had to listen to this song because it really fits right now. Have you ever had that moment that every part of your body says you should be crying but nothing comes out. My eyes hurt like I’ve been crying for hours but not a single tear will come out. FML…..
This song is so, so beautiful. Great job from both Citizen Soldier and Halocene!
Thanks 🫶
Wonderful song ❤
🫶
I feel this song. I cry a lot, but no emotion really gets let loose, crying doesn't let loose all the negative emotion. It's like, you take the tears, and before they spill over the dam, you filter out all of the emotion and capture it, sending it right back. Love these songs so much!
So much running in my mind, so much emotions I kept... I really wish that I could cry out niw, let this out... 💔💔💔
You have no idea how much it means hearing a woman's voice in one of these songs. I love you Citizen Soldier, but I think I needed to hear her.
Your songs once struck a chord in my heart and brought me to tears, but now they don't. Now, I simply appreciate their beauty.
This means your songs have healed me. Thank you. ❤
I'm 22 weeks pregnant and found out on February 6th that my baby has a rare condition that has effected her development in a way that gives her a 1 in 16,000 chance of being alive when she's born and an even smaller chance of living past a week old. Some days I find it hard to cry because of how much I've been crying since I found out. This song really hits me hard. Citizen soldiers music is the only thing getting me thru this.
That's not a zero chance. Miracles absolutely do happen. I've witnessed several in my lifetime. I've also had loss in my life. I still trust his plans fully, even if they are different than mine, and he uses the bad in this world to create another greater purpose. I will pray in faith for you and your baby. I would love to see God make your story another testimony of his greatness. 🫂🙏🏻💜
Have faith believe in her. She can do it.
He wasn't ready for her time yet 👆
So sorry. Sending you hugs and prayers. May God bless you!❤❤
I've spent 26 years being gaslit to the point I can no longer cry. This song speaks to me in a way that's both raw and healing. It's like my mind's been given a voice by you, it can finally be heard. Thank you
yea I'm a 35 year old woman and haven't cried in years... been depressed, hopeless, extremely anxious.. but nope, can't even cry
I get it I just got out of a 5 year marriage where I was isolated from everyone my wife at the time only worried about herself and the money yet I worked 140 hours in two weeks putting my life on the line every day yet I was thrown to the side the moment I put my foot down she jumped to the next guy
The "I really wish that I could cry right now,
but I'm afraid that I've forgotten how. Being numb's how I cope with the hell that I've known" really felt that .❤
Another depressing banger. It's strange how pain and suffering can make something beautifully. You guys really had master this craft and the second singer just adds so much. Its perfect.
I've been coping my reading,by numbing my feelings. Sometimes I can't cry and sometimes I can't stop. I'm broken hut your songs have been helpful. I've been broken for so many years and I never even realized till I realized I'd dint wanna live. Then j found you guys. THANK YOU ❤
Lyrics 0:00
Built a fortress trading memories
For always feeling empty
Lost purpose running from my pain
I made a prison shining Trauma
And never found nirvana
Sold cyanide from novacaine
I’ve learned that
There is no healing in
Not feeling anything
I’m just a cage of skin
That threw away the key
To fall apart right now
That’d feel like ecstasy
These walls weren’t built to break
I really wish that I could cry right now
I really wish that I could let this out
Million thoughts in my head
And they all want me dead
I’m too good at holding them down
I really wish that I could cry right now
But I’m afraid that I’ve forgotten how
Being numbs how I cope
With the hell that I’ve known
But the silence is making me drown
I really wish that I could cry
I really wish that I could cry
I’ve had to wear a thousand faces
Be fake to just erase this
Panic that my past holds tight
Now every feeling lost its flavour
Cause I feel so much safer
As frozen than in fight or flight
I’ve learned that I’d rather suffer
I would rather agonize
Than lost the little things
Just for the alibi
That taste of tender love
Is worth a sacrifice
I’m living not alive
I really wish that I could cry right now
I really wish that I could let this out
Million thoughts in my head
And they all want me dead
I’m too good at holding them down
I really wish that I could cry right now
But I’m afraid that I’ve forgotten how
Being numbs in my cope
With the hell that I’ve known
But The silence is making me drown
My life is full of love but I’m empty
Cause I’ve been so afraid of remembering
I just wanna break down
I’m ready
So let me please
I really wish that I could cry right now
I really wish that I could let this out (let this out)
Million thoughts in my head
And they all want me dead
I’m too good at holding them down
I really wish that I could cry right now (cry right now)
But I’m afraid that I’ve forgotten how (forgotten how)
Being numb how I cope
With the hell that I’ve known
But the silence is making me drown
I really wish that I could cry
Ouch.😂 that hurt... another incredible song and the vocals on both parts are incredible! Sending hugs to anyone that wants/needs them!🤗🤗🤗
🫶
I do
Thanks
@@CitizenSoldier thx Jake 🥹🥹🥹
Hugs huh?....I'll take 2
"Million thoughts in my head and they all want me dead, I'm too good at holding them down."
"I've learned that there is no healing in not feeling Anything. I'm just a cage of skin that through away the key."
This song understands me better than my friends and family ever could. Thank you...... 😢
Been waiting for this song for so long and it didn't disappoint. Feels like I've run out of tears to cry, so your music has become my replacement to release those feelings
Thanks for patiently waiting 🫶 Glad it didn't disappoint
I used to numb all the hurt all the pain with drugs so could tolerate a fake smile for the world while walking around so empty dying to just scream out and cry. As I got clean I had cone to find out I had damaged myself from fully feeling emotions for quite a while. Then it all came up outta nowhere. A flood of pain from years of suppression took a lot of work, a lot of support, and even more help to learn how to process these feelings and get through them in a healthy way instead of numbing aside or begging God to just take me so as not to go through it. I'm grateful I was revived and have a second chance at life, grateful to have been reminded of the world's beauty I've long forgotten, grateful for everyone that stuck by me at my worst to be able to share the best version of me I can now give. Thank you for your music that helps me on a daily, and to all that ate still in my life, and thank you God ❤️🙏
I feel this. Everyday and night. I've been hated by friends and people. Never felt something hit harder than this truthful song that explains my feelings tonight. Thank you for such an amazing song.
Yea...
Beautiful song, hit me so hard. "I really wish that I could cry right now I really wish that I could let this out", "I've had to wear a thousand faces be fake to just replace this" I needed this, thank you!
Hearing Jake and Addies voices together hits a lot different. Being a fan of both bands for a while now, and I don’t regret stumbling across either of them in my times of need.
I have an appointment with a therapist this week. First time. Sent her this and told her to listen to it before our meeting. Never has a song literally said what my head and heart say. Thank you for this. Please tour the UK! We’re very lovely here 🖤
Wish I had the words to describe how beautiful this song is
Appreciate you 🫶
coming back to listening to you again and maaan, you still got banger songs to accompany me at times like this
Beautiful song Addie really complimented your voice great on this.
Addie has an unreal voice 🫶
Was just realizing the other day that my SAD had developed into the numbness stage, and I'm having a hard time feeling emotions, so this hit a lot harder than it would've otherwise. Thank you as always for putting lyrics to feelings in a way the rest of us can't. 🙏🏻
That’s an incredible song!! You guys never let me down for a second
Much love 🫶
How does this hit so hard?! The amount of times where I think I should feel scared or sad about something but fell nothing….dang. Also the fact you can hear the emotion behind “cry right now” is amazing!
This song is so relatable and touching. It's how I feel on the daily but I'm too scared to let it out. Thank you so much for this amazing song❤
I was falling apart emotionally last night. Falling asleep alone these last few months have been nothing short of agonizing. I really needed this. Thank you.
So amazing how every song hits every bit of my trauma dead on! Thank you Citizen Soldier for being all of our voices when we cant speak the words!🖤
Not only are the lyrics the type of lyrics that penetrate the deepest part of the heart, but it is the best duo I have ever heard. Two beautiful voices in one song!!!!
I simply love the harmony in the way voices of you both match and mix together. It feels so heavenly. I don't know how to describe this.... So much emotions put in one song. The best part about your songs is that I can hear just a little bit of it and then can't get it out of my head and i'm waiting unpatiently for the full release. There are so many of your songs that I adore and it really feels like each new one is better than the previous one!
Appreciate those words 🫶
Powerful!
The visuals with the lyrics drive it home. I'm curious to see what kind of cinematic video you could produce for this song as well… I've been a @Halocene fan for years. I'm happy to say I'm an instant Citizen Soldier fan as well.
This was one of the songs I was most looking forward to.😍 Your band and music are my safe space when I'm going through difficult days. Your songs always help me, comfort me, give me strength to remain firm! and it makes me feel like I'm not alone. So thank you very much for existing! ❤️❤️❤️
Glad to hear the music helps 🫶
I've discovered you, wonderful people, just this year and let me say that you're amazing!
I've never struggled with anxiety or diagnosed depression, so it's a normal thing for me to diminish my problems. But your songs hit hard almost every time and remind me that my own feelings actually matters. Your beautiful songs support me at hard times! Please, keep on doing what you love and take care!💜
Love you so much thank you for every song!
Much love 🫶
Every one of your guys songs has always hit me hard, but this one specifically has really hit me hard. I don't think I have every felt so in common with a song. Glad Halocene was able to team up with you she is an amazing artist, her voice works so well with your guys band. Great job never seems to amaze when you guys produce such great music.
Agreed, but a reminder: Halocene is a whole band, the singer's name is Addie. :)
@@Sheamuscz Thanks for correcting my mistake
This is another amazing song! ❤❤❤❤ I’m in love with the chorus
Glad to hear that 🫶
I haven't been abel to cry in month's but just listening to this made me start to tear up and cry, thank you, yet another masterpiece.
Wow ❤, I really wish I could cry right now.
Today marks 2 years since a friend of mine died and there's nothing better than a new Citizen Soldier song to brighten your day a little
RIP, really hope everything is at least a bit better for you now, and hopefully their spirit is always with you.
Silence is the most defining sound, this song hit harder than I thought it would when I took the time to slow down and actually listen to it! “As frozen in fight or flight” ripped right thru me with my life situation! Now back to dry my tears and adjust that mask, until I can stop running from the silence. ❤ thank you for another great song!
This song is so beautiful I can't even describe it. It reminds me of how beautiful ICU is ❤❤❤
I remember the first time listening to this song as I was in a really dark place and I was sitting in the bathroom at college contemplating taking my own life and then I thought maybe music would help and then I heard this and I broke down In tears as I felt less alone and proud of myself for making it this far and then I'm still struggling daily with it and college isn't making it any better but I'm still fighting citizen soilder has put a purpose to my life i still struggle so much with Trauma/ PTSD/ DID/BPD and college is really tough im only 17 (English school system) and I'm already literally fighting for my life but i have been 7 months clean of attempting and 5-6 weeks clean of self harm and im really proud of myself!
Im proud of you, keep being amazing and strong! ❤
Ain’t no way both my favorite artist just collaborated to make a masterpiece 😭💗💗
This song is everything I was hoping for and more; it truly has represented what I felt. Thank you all for what your doing.
and i thought wired for worthless was the song i was gonna be the most connected to, thank you for putting my feelings into words you guys.
🫶
I am down, I am sad, and I am alone. The only thing that I can relate to and understands me is your music. Thank you so much for your music. It is comforting to my soul.
Love itttt, I have been so excited for this song and such perfect timing because I'm struggling with my emotions quite a lot at the moment. The lyrics "My life is full of love but I'm empty" I relate so much to that as I could be surrounded by people and still feel alone. Thank you guys, love you❤
Sending hugs 🫶
I literally relate so much. Stay strong, man.
@@kaplararon1592 Be strong
This... is just so much. Exactly how I'd felt, for years... I've been doing much better the past couple, but still occasionally feel this way... I'd sing music like this, alone in the library at church, to finally, barely, manage to make myself just cry... Would've been nice to have this song then.
This.. is how I've felt since my grandmother passed in 2006. Thank you for giving people like me a voice, a point of reference that others might understand.
I needed this in everyway. It tells the scars Im too scared to tell anyone about.
Hope it helps 🫶
In every way
It might give you some peace to talk about it though, you aren't alone in this :) Take care!
@@11wildy63 I write stories so I can usually distribute my feelings through there. You stay strong too. I don't know you, but just know you deserve to live. U deserve me telling you this because I know God wouldn't give you life just for it to end. Keep fighting. Your. Not. Alone
When you have these thoughts after a while, they are so internalized, you don't even think them that often anymore, because you accepted hopelessness, we are feeling the same. I think I just entered the numbness that I heard so much about after a few hard months and it's really just the acceptance of the absence of hope
Thank you for this beautiful and emotional song!
This song is beautiful man. I love how you capture the pain and make it into music that people can allow themselves to feel with.
It hurts how much this describes my life. Thank you for putting the feelings in words that I dont know how to articulate♥
Sending hugs 🫶
Sending everyone who connects with these lyrics love and support. The sentiment in the title just recently (along with fatigue), got me off anti-depressants, because I've gotten to the point where I'll take the lows just to experience the highs, and my numbed emotions weren't good enough. But remember, mental health, and medication, affects everyone differently, so a lot of the time, you 'just' need to keep fighting until you find the right solution. The beauty and love that life can offer is worth the battles.
These songs always seem to come out right as I'm feeling that way 💔
Hope it helps 🫶
I have actually cried for some nights in a row, now I can't even tear up. I don't have any tears left and Im just sitting there slowly swaying side to side as I listen to your songs.
Wow... absolutely amazing!
🫶
This definitely song hits hard for me. Especially today with a family emergency. So many thoughts and keeping calm during that time is not easy. Thank you both so much for this collab song. ❤
great song. thank you. you say words so many other people cant say
THIS IS SUCH A PRETTY SONG???
I expected an amazing song, but this is so pretty, the emotion is perfect with the music, great job, I think this song is what gets me to cry
This is one of the best songs ive ever heard!!!!!
Happy to hear that 🫶
"a million thought in my head and they all want me dead, im too good at holding them down" describes me too much, i have forgotten all happy emotions even in happy situations, keep up the work
This song hits so hard, the lyrics are amazing. This song makes me wish I could cry. 💙
🫶
Thank you jake for everything I have been feeling sad here lately but you always make me feel better about myself I just want to say thank you
You guys have helped me beyond what you know. I would give anything to have the money to see you guys live ❤
Appreciate you 🫶
This song speaks to me because I feel like I laterally can't cry. I wish I could but I physically can't. (Q) "I'm too good at holding them down." My life is full of love but I'm empty.
WOW ❤ LOVE SONG !!
🫶
This is the stage of therapy I’m in right now. Confronting my comfortability with being in the frozen stage. Citizen Soldier never fails to be relatable and hard hitting.
I love your songs so damn much. I'm listening to them every single day. You guys are so great! Thank you so much for giving me something that makes me feel understood. It's like you know everything about me, even though we've never met. Keep going, you are doing such an amazing job! Thanks again❤
Appreciate you 🫶
"To fall apart right know would feel like ecstasy these walls weren't built to break"
There are so many great lines in this song that hit hard. I've been waiting for this since they released a small portion of it awhile back
I don't think I've ever heard a song that describes me more than this
🫶
I love hearing your songs all the time! I do listen songs from many bands and dont necessarily have one favorite but if i had to pick one, it would be this band and these songs. I do have some problems that these songs let me relate to. I also have thought of trying writing and or singing my own songs for a while and you inspire me to take steps in trying that. Keep it all up you all since there are people, probably alot of people who are thankful to you for it!
Playing this on repeat all day at school 🖤🖤🖤🖤
🔂 🫶
Great song. Just how I feel
Beautiful song. It hits so hard
Hope it helps 🫶
This song hits different. As someone who hasn't cried in years despite all the trauma, this song hits. I got so used to both physical and mental pain that I can't even force myself to cry, even during my Grandma's death and funeral. Thank you Citizen Soldier, thank you!
This is the collab we needed😍In love with this emotional masterpiece🥺It reflects my feelings and say things that I couldn't say🥺
This song really hit me, it's beautiful