Yeah, you can continue with "it was so normal, that..." for example "it was so normal that even someone working for IRS would think I had really normal, boring day"
I have noticed that in every group setting when someone is talking, especially someone superior to you, and they give you that 3 seconds of eye contact that I've felt very validated. However, if the glance is too brief, maybe a split second, I felt extremely uncomfortable because it made it seem that the look into my direction was not on purpose and that the person talking wasn't trying to include me into the conversation but trying to exclude me. It's like, "Hey, that person is not supossed to be here, I'm not talking for him, I'm talking for the other people in this group" so I wouldn't advise to go and make that short look to pay attention too short, otherwise it would make people more unwanted than they were before.
1 story gap: imply that next thing is surprising & deliver 2 inhabits character talking about (acting!) 3 uses dynamics: change extravaganzas to be big (a lil bigger than room’s tone) but not all the time (when what you say makes sense). Soft to loud and loud to soft (both needed in conjunction) 4 Include Everyone Into the Group (more people feel like the convo is for them) uses eye contact and give at least 3 secs to every person or side of the room
What I'm learning from this channel is that certain things come naturally to introverts without thinking about it, and others come naturally to extroverts. For example, as an introvert, I have often felt left out of conversations because I'm more of a "listener" and only speak up if I have something that I think is really important to add. So when I'm talking, I naturally always look around at every person in the room, and if someone looks like they are kinda on the outside of the group (maybe someone is even standing right in front of them), I will lean my head over so that I can also look at them for a moment to make sure that they feel included. And of course, extroverts are usually naturals at being energetic and entertaining physically as they speak, whereas I was watching that part and taking notes like: "Ok...talk loudly and look alive..." haha.
I don't think this works because there's an issue here: he's telling stories. Telling stories to people isn't really a conversation. A good conversation involves back and forth interaction. From my experience, the way to bore people in "conversation" is to tell them stories. Talk about topics, don't go on and on about some tale that happened to someone somewhere sometime unless it's a particularly effective bridge into an actual conversation.
Actually you need to tell stories all the time. Lets say something happened and you are having a bad day. You meet your friends and they can tell you are not in a good mood. They would ask and you need to tell them the STORY why without whining too much and keep them interested while you are talking about it. Telling stories is PART of conversation. You kinda have to share information all the time, your day, your trip, your holiday etc depending on who you have a conversation with. Stories doesn’t mean they are always 10-16mins long. It can be really short and totally normal in conversations. May be you were scammed on your trip to italy. It’s a story to share with your friends or actually anyone.
@@jelly4074 Yes, you do share information, but you don't generally want to do what Tom does in this video, which is telling lengthy stories. These are interviews, which are a terrible medium to demonstrate conversations. Interviews are not real, normal conversations, and that's why it is like it is in the video. They're based upon the interviewee being queried and the interviewer asking questions, which is not a normal setup.
This video has changed my life entirely I'm not kidding. It illustrates a disconnect in human communication by providing an example of genuine communication. The core reason of why we are afraid of things that may happen is not because we are afraid of the probability of them happening to us, but a hidden subconscious fear of the possibility of our inability to handle those situations properly when they present themselves. The best way to handle those difficult situations is by being yourself, and the key to that is getting to know your self better while no one is looking. Great examples of how to do that in this video. Tom Hanks is just being himself and he knows that his self is very flexible and not limited to a single personality archetype.
These talk shows feature famous people who have experienced a lot of life so using charismatic personalities like this one serves as a great example for what you should shoot for
That's the point. This channel is for socially incompetent people. This channel helps you build a facade. When you train that, you take some of it with you into everyday life. Social skills can be damned useful. Be it at work, getting to know a partner, or simply finding the right words when a real friend needs help. Infinitely helpful. Jerry Seinfeld once said that being extremely confident and eloquent in a meeting with powerful people is incredibly important. Whether that is actually the case or just a role does not matter. It just has to convince your counterpart.
Having conversations with people is the easiest thing in the world. All you have to do is ask questions about the other people and seem interested, most peoples' favorite subject is themselves.
This is really true, but the biggest problem with me is that my mind literally goes blank when I have to ask something. I don't know what to ask, or at least what interesting to ask..
I think Junes was talking about the first point. The setting expectations part lol it's a funny but accurate way of putting it. "YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE HOW THIS STORY ENDS! LISTEN TO FIND OUT!"
@@sigdavtilmig If it works, work it, I guess. Clickbaiting certainly works, how many times have we all been clickbaited, only to have to type out something like "screw your clickbaiting!" Maybe it's just human nature.
I have aspergers and i have almost no ability to naturally learn how to socially interact. Ive had to literally study how to behave and now pretty much nobody can tell i have issues with it. These kind of videos are so helpful for improving my social skills, and im sure that its helpful to many others like me. thank you so much!
I stopped being able to watch youtube for a couple of months, then I come back and wow! You have 3 million subs. I remember when you were at 400k, keep doing a good job!
Brady Schindler curious to know. What were you able to achieve without watching YT. Did you notice your life getting better or worse? Did you find you were more productive?
@@TheMarmite09 I was a little more productive. I was working on becoming a better musician and student and I was able to focus on it more and get more done. I forced myself to only look on youtube if I couldn't find a solution to a problem anywhere else. I'm basically addicted to RUclips
This is why southern gentlemen used to start their conversation with "I do declare". It gets attention focused, so that people don't say "what?" causing them to repeat themselves.
Last week I've been researching a lot on how to give genuine and memorable compliments, which has meant digging into A LOT of your videos. Two things have hit me; You really nail the educational part in an easy and graspable way on how the social dynamics work. Secondly, going on a scavenger hunt for a specific topic, but looking for it in a lot of different videos requiring my full attention, has really made me take it to hear on a much deeper level. You should put up like 'question templates' for specific topics with questions to be answered, and mention like 5 videos the answers could be found in. Again, the value you bring by rising the social level in this world is just... Out of this world! /Alex
Most people who do this seem extra and irritating. We can't ignore the fact that if this wasn't Tom Hanks, people probably wouldn't care. People listen to him because he's a legend.
No, because he does it well and naturally. You can do the same and be bad at it because it's not yourself. That's you, not the principle that is bad. Be yourself, but fearless. Works. Unless you're a douchebag and it shows when you open yourself. But usually douchebags are overconfident and don't need to be told to be themselves fearless. So really, try.
+Kairo You're spot on. I was thinking about people I know who do similar with gesturing, etc, and every example I think of are annoying people. Tom Hanks has an established perception with people; using him as an example to teach this isn't appropriate or helpful.
@@JoinTheProgress people will always be annoyed, just try to make your own day and the day of the other person better. You can irritate them but you tried.....next time you will find the right tune....if they know that you tried they will understand. Maybe even they will tell you that was not the right tune and you can adjust and try again with the right tune It is a win win
@@michaelvanberkum2844 Reading comprehension please. I wasn't talking about myself, and I don't care, at all, if I annoy people. People are assholes. The more I annoy or "irritate" them, the better. :)
I have a feeling that many tips are repeated in several videos.. And I'm not only talking about when Charlie quotes them. It makes it sometimes difficult to search for a particular video when I want to re-watch it. Generally this channel is amazing.
The key to learning sth for life is repetition, so it's actually a good thing, because most ppl don't watch videos same as read books, and don't rewatch then.
cause it's about the different ways to apply those tips, all the people Charlie talks about have different personalities despite doing similar things. Charlie doesn't make essays on charisma techniques (then your argument would be understandable) he breaksdown charismatic personalities, so it's not strange that they have things in common. Also, he usually emphasizes one trait/behaviour, like Chris Pratt's self amusement, Adele's authenticity, etc... they're all different classes from the same signature, each one of them helps understand the others even better.
I'd like to thank you charlie for all the effort you put into this, I recently have noticed a big improvement in my social skills, and i really believe it's mainly due to hearing you talk about socially skilled peeps. So thanks a lot.
A video on Harvey Specter would be very helpful for your viewers, Charlie. Harvey has a lot to teach about charisma and you can help all of us learn from him.
Thanks to u guys my talking and general interaction has been greatly improved and smoother. I am so much more successful with conversations and I think the girl I like recently started liking me for some reason (prob my new charisma)
Making people interested in what we're saying asking questions and engaging people in our story intriguing them :) learning from Tom Hanks, wonderful !
When first meeting an attractive woman, it is good to say things like, "I wear sneakers in the pool." This will convey to her that you are a very high status male (you own a pair of sneakers and have access to a pool). It is also good to tell her right away that your Mom says that you are a catch. This will also convey that you are a very high status male and that your Mom even validates this fact.
@@dudewholikesfood6769 Greg Kartes, you must have gotten that useful tip from Charisma On Command. Charisma On Command is really changing lives one at a time.
Ok while agree with this, it also helps that he’s one of the biggest stars on the planet and most people are crazy excited just to be in the same room as him let alone hear him talk on any subject or story.
You don't have to do all of the things these videos show. But learning to include people in conversations and learning how to tell a story are good skills to have.
PURPLE PUCKER Speaking skills have literally nothing to do with acting in or out of character. Seeing what works for other people is a great way to improve your own communication.
That’s not what he said though. Just social cues and little things that you can learn from Tom Hanks to be better at socialising and have more confidence in yourself. Just because it doesn’t work for you doesn’t mean it won’t work for other people, jeez.
"How to never be boring" is, unfortunately, a self-serving inward disposition when it comes to dialoguing with others. I would challenge, if people want to be engaging and memorable to others, take 'being memorable' out from among your motivations, engage others under the principles of charity and empathy in order that the 'other' becomes familiar. When others recognise interest 'in them' as opposed to their high praise being sought merely to buffer self-esteem, you 'do' become someone whom they recall -- because your dialogue is hinged on 'caring' about them.
A trick I do when I need to tell someone which might not be of the biggest interest of the person, is when I instead of immediately telling what I want to tell, I say "That's a good way to do that" That has the person I'm talking to pretty quickly captivated, "What is a smart way to do how?" It brings a question, a little thing to think about, thus making it interesting. Uncertainty brings out curiousity.
Great video and like the 3 second rule ~ basically being that if you're talking to a group you gaze at someone for 3- 5 seconds from the left and then the right and from the front to the rear whilst you are talking.This works especially well in a works meeting or when giving a wedding speech. These tecniques and so many others are taught at Toastmasters where members practice public speaking. This is an excellent way to practice and build up social skills in a non judgmental way because all members are trying to improve skills. You then motivate others and improve your confidence considerably allowing you to get better jobs. Membership cost is under £100 per year and Toastmaster clubs are all over the world.
one of the most important advice: look for ways and think about ways that will help you better in conversation, instead of only relying on youtube videos.thinking of a solution to have a conversation you like also helps during conversation when you might have to think fast socially
You guys are doing a great job reinforcing other previous concepts. Really helps me to grasp it. Would love to see some of the earlier videos remade. You guys have done a great job improving your editing!
Steven Wright is such a peculiar comedian with such a low energy delivery that still manages to keep me watching him non stop. I think he’s a genius. Is it just the jokes? How does he do it?
Ben Burkes I’m also a big Steven Wright fan. His voice is often mistakenly categorized as “monotone”. But listening closely one can definitely hear that there is a great range of pitch and speed of talking in his delivery. He’s like a musician with his voice. And oh yeah, the jokes are brilliant.
The techniques in this are so similar to music: The use of dynamics, this is used the exact same in both mediums. The story gap can be represented with motifs, reoccurring melodies that help tell a story. Inhabiting a character or emotion, for example in Carnival of the Animals each piece represents another animal. Music is an art and it seems that being charismatic is too!
So, this is one of those examples where the information is 100% correct, but unlesd you are naturally gregarious, or an actor, you will need to learn and practice these skills. Having confidence and self-esteem can develop internally, through positive self-talk, guided imagery and behavioral rehearsal, but sometimes people are just lacking the skills. This is one if those cases. Even if you have all the confidence in the world, being a great conversationalist takes skill.
It's simple, and you missed the point entirely. Don't ever try to be interesting. Be interested. Be fascinated. And I mean genuinely, not demonstrationg it. If you are happily interested, and also inclusive of your audience, then you have it.
But if that advice is interpreted to mean "listen to someone else and ask about them" they'll tire of you because they're doing all the work. If you just ask someone about their life they'll get tired of doing the talking. You have to give of yourself too.
@@oliverford5367 Who said giving of yourself and listeniung were mutually exclusive? Ont the contrary. Giving of oneself goes better the more you notice that the other person is in the room.
Depends on what they have to say and if it's relevant to you in any way. Give them a chance sure.. but if they don't match your level of interest you'll be bored very quickly.
@@saltifish Well, sure. The topic was how to be less boring in conversaiton, so those yawn-inducers can read up on it, too. My point was based on the people I know who have no trouble waxing on about themselves, boring others to death because they don't also engage with their audience. You can in fact say very little, and be compelling just by listening attentively, and responding with all that the other person has said informing your remarks. You can also wax on about yourself, but if you don't do the other, people lose interest fast.
I need this crap cos u l am soo boring during conversation-always soo awkward. *So basically make gesture, shift in volumes of ur voice, play with dynamics*
You're like that because you feel no energy inside. Think about times when you were more dynamic and energetic (maybe you had a few drinks or was just excited about a new job you got), I bet you felt the energy inside that drove you to be that way.
Princess Quarcoo wen I try to do that people think I come on too strong and it somehow backfires. Like I look like I am too eager or something. I am just so awkward in general
Tom is a consummate actor and performer. What he has learned and learned well over a lifetime is how to engage a listener/viewer. That's his profession, why we know who he is, and why we enjoy listening to and watching him.
All fascinating stuff that I do subconsciously to keep from being boring but now that I recognize it and see how well Tom Hanks does it I can improve while still not trying too hard.
Its mostly because hes a great actor but we all do this if we are excited about talking the things you wanna talk. But its important not to talk too much.
Very interesting video. Here are two more examples of including everyone in the group which I stumbled on quite accidentally and noticing how people subliminally react. Number 1....when in a group of people and you're telling a story, pick one person at random and weave their name into your story e.g. "I stood in the grocery line Cheryl, and the cashier said....etc etc etc" Just add the person's name and keep on with your story without missing a beat. It makes that person, and the group, feel, like the story is especially for them. Number 2...when talking to just one person especially (but also works in a group), repeat back something they said, while adding a different inflection to let the person know that you find what they said interesting/amusing/funny and a valuable contribution to the discussion e.g. Jimmy says "OMG I was laughing so hard after I fell off the horse", after which you quickly, without interrupting, add in, obviously amused by their comment, "haha when you fell off the horse". Raise your pitch as the words come out of your mouth for added effect so that by the end of your statement you are talking soprano (think how Scooby Doo raises his tone of voice progressively when talking through a sentence). It makes the person speaking feel like they were funny and that their was comment was valued by you and/or the group. As I discovered these tidbits of conversational skill I found that people not only felt valued in the discussion, but that they tend to hang on what you say because they want more of it. Try it!!!
Mr. Hanks could choose the most boring topic BUT because he's so charming, so charismatic and so incredibly talented people immediately listen. I know it doesn't hurt that he's full of interesting anecdotes and his topics are interesting, those are just icing on the cake. I love him so much!
LOL I got it!! This makes so much sense!! "How To Never Be Boring In Conversation (esp. if your Tom Hanks)" You simply start the conversation with, "So, yeah I was walking down the street, and I passed by this guy who was vomiting like all over the place, sweating profusely, and then he looked at me and...*cough*... *cough*, *cough*... ummmm *clears throat* "Damn this Coronavirus is KILLING me man!" That should do it every time!!
You talk about the keys to these social skills in how not to be boring as if we all have a platform to reach or hold an audience's attention in order to earn and command respect
I've noticed that whenever I realize that other people are using these “tricks” on me, I immediately distrust them, and find them not interesting at all. So, I assume, vice versa is also true, when I try to use these “tricks”.
These tips are not only good in real life but as a creator on this channel. People can relate to you when you allow emotions to show, gestures to enhance them and bring in the audience
Boredom can be a start to many great creative solutions. If a person cannot channel it into something productive, then there is no curiosity left - *stagnating personality*
People always think my life is soooo interesting and eventful. But its just the way i see and share it as a story teller...naturally. I'm thankful this isnt something i had to "learn"... BUT, it can backfire if taken too far... i have been accused of talking too much, manopolozing and so on... i had to truly learn to pull back, bring other people in and use my story to ask questions to give the other person (perhaps introverted) an oportunity to share something of their own... or give them a jumping off point. I learned a lot of this from my introvert son.
I love how you say "even a glance can help engage someone quite a bit" at the same time as you put "OMG It's Keanu!" on the screen for a few frames. That's clever.
People are interested in Tom Hanks when he speaks is because he is a celebrity. He's been acting/performing for over 40 years, of course he can grab someone's attention in conversation because that's been his job for a long time. Interesting video none the less. I feel showing a subject most people haven't known since their childhood would sell these points more.
But the underlying thing: do things, so you have things to talk about. Sure Tom also comes across as an animated storyteller, but more importantly he has plenty of experiences to share.
Omg, I could teach a class on this! I never realized that I changed my voice when talking about other people in my stories until someone pointed it out. 😂
I disagree on one thing: “You’ll never guess how normal my day was” is a hilarious way to start a story, im gonna use that one all the time
Ha! Nice catch. That actually IS interesting.
haha yeah I would instantly respect someone who made that joke to acknowledge the "boringness" of every day small talk!
Yeah, you can continue with "it was so normal, that..." for example "it was so normal that even someone working for IRS would think I had really normal, boring day"
Aah Yes has to a good morning quality to my quality work q
Aah Yes q
When people are good at story telling they always seem interesting
@@Tea_And_Scone Compulsive liars can be very interesting, and not so dangerous as long as no one is actually buying the bs.
@@menghao737 well, even if people are buying into that bs, if the liar is not trying to take advantage of other people, it is harmless.
@@menghao737 you mean like Trump?!? I would say he's dangerous
Raconteur
@@defman9414 stfu trump was the best president
For an introvert on the highest level, this sounds as likely for me to master as becoming a rocket scientist.
Dude SAME!! I just wanna hold a conversation without making a fool of myself 😀
agreed
Same my anxiety is fricking with my mind rn
Is there any way we can be extroverts?????
@@partapvirk9837 Yes, you can fake it... but inside we know we are faking. It's just a mask and exhausting to the extreme.
I have noticed that in every group setting when someone is talking, especially someone superior to you, and they give you that 3 seconds of eye contact that I've felt very validated. However, if the glance is too brief, maybe a split second, I felt extremely uncomfortable because it made it seem that the look into my direction was not on purpose and that the person talking wasn't trying to include me into the conversation but trying to exclude me. It's like, "Hey, that person is not supossed to be here, I'm not talking for him, I'm talking for the other people in this group" so I wouldn't advise to go and make that short look to pay attention too short, otherwise it would make people more unwanted than they were before.
Bro what is this?
So you mean I’m not supposed to just sit there staring at the other person until they talk first?
That's probably the reason why you don't have friends
León Cervantes .... probably
HAHAHAHAHAHA Probably not
You should start talking more, it feels nice
Ha! Thats me.
You should do a video on Joe Rogan and how he can talk with someone for 3 hours and keep it interesting
You ever try dmt?
smoke some good swed
Have you ever tried elk?
Joe rogan has a list of topics like most podcasts do. And when he runs out of things to say he just talks about DMT and the bible
Honestly, you watch wayyyyy too much Joe Rogan.
Mark Zuckerberg watches this video in his quest to become a real boy.
💀💀💀💀
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
That'll never happen. TOM HANKS HAS BEEN ARRESTED.
Never going to Happen
I'm the dingus who messed up the hundred likes
1 story gap: imply that next thing is surprising & deliver
2 inhabits character talking about (acting!)
3 uses dynamics: change extravaganzas to be big (a lil bigger than room’s tone) but not all the time (when what you say makes sense). Soft to loud and loud to soft (both needed in conjunction)
4 Include Everyone Into the Group (more people feel like the convo is for them) uses eye contact and give at least 3 secs to every person or side of the room
It's so funny how all of your videos seem like tutorials for psychopaths/sociopaths on how to behave like human beings :D
Psychopaths and sociopaths are the ones that excel at this stuff actually
Because they are. Have you seen this dude? LOL!
bruh this comment underrated af. This channel is like psychopath college
I'm just trying to be a better person :(
The point of this channel is to help people with social anxiety (shy, socially awkward, etc.) feel more comfortable around new people.
I never thought about social cues so deeply before until I found this channel.
*Develops social anxiety*
Me: realizes cause of social anxiety
Me: Tries to make friends.
Social anxiety: I'm about to end this man's whole career.
That's not how it's supposed to work, you DUMMY!
Lol
I hope ur good bro
Try starting a story with, "I have COVID-19..."
It kills 'em every time.
In my day when i was a lad we used to say "I have AIDS", they left pretty quick
Lol
Lmao
Yooo lmao
too soon Mr Gorilla.... too soon
What I'm learning from this channel is that certain things come naturally to introverts without thinking about it, and others come naturally to extroverts. For example, as an introvert, I have often felt left out of conversations because I'm more of a "listener" and only speak up if I have something that I think is really important to add. So when I'm talking, I naturally always look around at every person in the room, and if someone looks like they are kinda on the outside of the group (maybe someone is even standing right in front of them), I will lean my head over so that I can also look at them for a moment to make sure that they feel included. And of course, extroverts are usually naturals at being energetic and entertaining physically as they speak, whereas I was watching that part and taking notes like: "Ok...talk loudly and look alive..." haha.
Dynamic is important, but overdoing it, or appearing random can make you look crazy or unstable.
Well at parties it works well.
For me at least
*Rule #1* - if you are constantly bored, then you are probably boring yourself
but what if i as a person am not boring?
@@Ziaotic Then you are probably not bored, and not boring yourself. Literally just flip the rule backwards.
Lol I see you everywhere
@fred kramer not weird at all, his statement was simply not true
O'SSÉIN - Master Your Mind With Me
or you're depressed and lonely
5:30 "come in one level higher than the situation calls for" -- that's how you recognize an American
Lol!!
xealit Great comment.
Hey hey hey, no need to go telling the truth there😂😂😂
Good call!
one higher? come on, its at least 3x higher
I don't think this works because there's an issue here: he's telling stories. Telling stories to people isn't really a conversation. A good conversation involves back and forth interaction. From my experience, the way to bore people in "conversation" is to tell them stories. Talk about topics, don't go on and on about some tale that happened to someone somewhere sometime unless it's a particularly effective bridge into an actual conversation.
Very true
Underrated comment.
Actually you need to tell stories all the time. Lets say something happened and you are having a bad day. You meet your friends and they can tell you are not in a good mood. They would ask and you need to tell them the STORY why without whining too much and keep them interested while you are talking about it. Telling stories is PART of conversation. You kinda have to share information all the time, your day, your trip, your holiday etc depending on who you have a conversation with. Stories doesn’t mean they are always 10-16mins long. It can be really short and totally normal in conversations. May be you were scammed on your trip to italy. It’s a story to share with your friends or actually anyone.
@@jelly4074 Yes, you do share information, but you don't generally want to do what Tom does in this video, which is telling lengthy stories. These are interviews, which are a terrible medium to demonstrate conversations. Interviews are not real, normal conversations, and that's why it is like it is in the video. They're based upon the interviewee being queried and the interviewer asking questions, which is not a normal setup.
Yes, I get people going on with some boring story and just tune out and find a way to leave.
This video has changed my life entirely I'm not kidding. It illustrates a disconnect in human communication by providing an example of genuine communication. The core reason of why we are afraid of things that may happen is not because we are afraid of the probability of them happening to us, but a hidden subconscious fear of the possibility of our inability to handle those situations properly when they present themselves. The best way to handle those difficult situations is by being yourself, and the key to that is getting to know your self better while no one is looking. Great examples of how to do that in this video. Tom Hanks is just being himself and he knows that his self is very flexible and not limited to a single personality archetype.
you out this into words perfectly. you are amazing (:
This channel is great for psychopaths. It helps me imitate human behavior.
As a Zeti Reticulan reptilian hybrid alien this has helped me tremendously!
Young God Jesus Christ, lol !!
funkyguy99 same bro same
if you were a true psychopath you wouldn’t need a video. you would have been picking these things up subconsciously from other people your whole life.
Abusively-sheltered feral spergs too.
Am I the only one kinda surprised that this channel treats talk show appearances as normal conversations? This isn't real life lol it's a facade.
it still serves as an amazing example, who cares if it's fake or not. He's getting his point across perfectly.
Spot on
Simulacra and simulation
These talk shows feature famous people who have experienced a lot of life so using charismatic personalities like this one serves as a great example for what you should shoot for
That's the point. This channel is for socially incompetent people. This channel helps you build a facade. When you train that, you take some of it with you into everyday life. Social skills can be damned useful. Be it at work, getting to know a partner, or simply finding the right words when a real friend needs help. Infinitely helpful.
Jerry Seinfeld once said that being extremely confident and eloquent in a meeting with powerful people is incredibly important. Whether that is actually the case or just a role does not matter. It just has to convince your counterpart.
Having conversations with people is the easiest thing in the world. All you have to do is ask questions about the other people and seem interested, most peoples' favorite subject is themselves.
Spot on! - ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’ by Dale Carnegie
@@reefprayerresin But yeah, we ask questions about them and pray in a hope they will deliver a story like Tom Hanks does...
@@pasqualdiceglia6663 that would be a challenge...
So how do you start the Conversation? “ I’ve heard that everyone thinks what they say is fascinating...”
This is really true, but the biggest problem with me is that my mind literally goes blank when I have to ask something. I don't know what to ask, or at least what interesting to ask..
Some more suggestions:
Neal Caffrey - Charm
Harvey Specter - Confidence
Thomas Shelby - Respect
Jonas Ol we NEED a video on Thomas Shelby
Walter White - Badass
NEAL CAFFREY 💯
Harvey Specter for sure!
Hard yes on neil caffrey
So what you're saying is - clickbait people into listen to you :P
You're learning a lesson here. Even trying to get a job, girlfriend, etc. This advice is useful!
@@sobgray It most certaintly is
I think Junes was talking about the first point. The setting expectations part lol it's a funny but accurate way of putting it. "YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE HOW THIS STORY ENDS! LISTEN TO FIND OUT!"
@@TheThirdSilence Exactly :)
@@sigdavtilmig If it works, work it, I guess. Clickbaiting certainly works, how many times have we all been clickbaited, only to have to type out something like "screw your clickbaiting!" Maybe it's just human nature.
This is all sooo my husband and totally and completely dominates conversations in a crowd. Everyone loves him.😁
I have aspergers and i have almost no ability to naturally learn how to socially interact. Ive had to literally study how to behave and now pretty much nobody can tell i have issues with it. These kind of videos are so helpful for improving my social skills, and im sure that its helpful to many others like me. thank you so much!
"how to act like you've socialized before"
I stopped being able to watch youtube for a couple of months, then I come back and wow! You have 3 million subs. I remember when you were at 400k, keep doing a good job!
Brady Schindler curious to know. What were you able to achieve without watching YT. Did you notice your life getting better or worse? Did you find you were more productive?
F
@@TheMarmite09 I was a little more productive. I was working on becoming a better musician and student and I was able to focus on it more and get more done. I forced myself to only look on youtube if I couldn't find a solution to a problem anywhere else. I'm basically addicted to RUclips
Brady Schindler same! But i tend to watch/listen to audiobooks/self development videos. But this still eats up time. I am going to try your method!
@@TheMarmite09 Cool! I hope it works for you
And that's why Italians talk with their hands :)
He's not Italian.
Lol
@@kennethrussell1158 He never said HE was. He was implying that they are social beings and effective storytellers - and the hands form part of that.
It’s the same as playing a musical instrument ! Dynamic, mood, loudness, quietness! Voice is an powerful musical instrument!!
Don’t look to impress, but to *GIVE.*
Don't look to give advice, but to take it.
@@typeOhh bettermints here agian
Look to give, or give to impress?
deadfr0g Be intentional about service. The idea of giving to someone without expectancy.
@Bettermints - so true and so simple..
I want you to teach me how to be Jeff Goldblum
He does the same thing...
No one can ever be even remotely similar to Jeff Goldblum. Ever.
Jeff goldblum is cool
Likes.. err.. find a way
Must go FASTER!
I tried all of these, but the lady at the Wendy's drive-through didn't seem very interested.
That’s funny, made me laugh
Spilled my juice
This is why southern gentlemen used to start their conversation with "I do declare". It gets attention focused, so that people don't say "what?" causing them to repeat themselves.
Soo when Tom tells a story by waving his hands and raising his voice he's "interesting"...but when i do it they make me take a drug test!
Yes, because he looks good and he's a celebrity, you're probably neither of those.
Lol
Lol I feel it
@@multirampage1 somebody's a Negative Nancy
😂😂😂😂😂
Last week I've been researching a lot on how to give genuine and memorable compliments, which has meant digging into A LOT of your videos. Two things have hit me; You really nail the educational part in an easy and graspable way on how the social dynamics work. Secondly, going on a scavenger hunt for a specific topic, but looking for it in a lot of different videos requiring my full attention, has really made me take it to hear on a much deeper level.
You should put up like 'question templates' for specific topics with questions to be answered, and mention like 5 videos the answers could be found in.
Again, the value you bring by rising the social level in this world is just... Out of this world!
/Alex
if you don't mind me asking, what were the answers that you found to that question?
Most people who do this seem extra and irritating. We can't ignore the fact that if this wasn't Tom Hanks, people probably wouldn't care. People listen to him because he's a legend.
No, because he does it well and naturally. You can do the same and be bad at it because it's not yourself. That's you, not the principle that is bad. Be yourself, but fearless. Works. Unless you're a douchebag and it shows when you open yourself. But usually douchebags are overconfident and don't need to be told to be themselves fearless. So really, try.
+Kairo You're spot on. I was thinking about people I know who do similar with gesturing, etc, and every example I think of are annoying people. Tom Hanks has an established perception with people; using him as an example to teach this isn't appropriate or helpful.
Agreed
@@JoinTheProgress people will always be annoyed, just try to make your own day and the day of the other person better. You can irritate them but you tried.....next time you will find the right tune....if they know that you tried they will understand. Maybe even they will tell you that was not the right tune and you can adjust and try again with the right tune
It is a win win
@@michaelvanberkum2844 Reading comprehension please. I wasn't talking about myself, and I don't care, at all, if I annoy people. People are assholes. The more I annoy or "irritate" them, the better. :)
These videos are so helpful because there is nothing that should be more important to any of us than being accepted by complete strangers .
I have a feeling that many tips are repeated in several videos.. And I'm not only talking about when Charlie quotes them. It makes it sometimes difficult to search for a particular video when I want to re-watch it.
Generally this channel is amazing.
The key to learning sth for life is repetition, so it's actually a good thing, because most ppl don't watch videos same as read books, and don't rewatch then.
cause it's about the different ways to apply those tips, all the people Charlie talks about have different personalities despite doing similar things. Charlie doesn't make essays on charisma techniques (then your argument would be understandable) he breaksdown charismatic personalities, so it's not strange that they have things in common. Also, he usually emphasizes one trait/behaviour, like Chris Pratt's self amusement, Adele's authenticity, etc... they're all different classes from the same signature, each one of them helps understand the others even better.
I'd like to thank you charlie for all the effort you put into this, I recently have noticed a big improvement in my social skills, and i really believe it's mainly due to hearing you talk about socially skilled peeps. So thanks a lot.
I literally found my new favorite channel, I can't get enough of you videos.
A video on Harvey Specter would be very helpful for your viewers, Charlie. Harvey has a lot to teach about charisma and you can help all of us learn from him.
got to meet Tom and yes, he is authentic: kind, considerate and true.
Viking12 glad to hear he’s always pure and not just acting all the time:)
@@ThatGuyNathan Or he's acting ALL the time.
Arnold Harding we’ll never know lol
omg bahhahah Sam Rockwell's face at 4:53 when he mentions being boring.
So, it´s real simple: just be a perfect actor with mimics and being able to shift into any person. thank you!
Thanks to u guys my talking and general interaction has been greatly improved and smoother. I am so much more successful with conversations and I think the girl I like recently started liking me for some reason (prob my new charisma)
Making people interested in what we're saying asking questions and engaging people in our story intriguing them :) learning from Tom Hanks, wonderful !
When first meeting an attractive woman, it is good to say things like, "I wear sneakers in the pool." This will convey to her that you are a very high status male (you own a pair of sneakers and have access to a pool). It is also good to tell her right away that your Mom says that you are a catch. This will also convey that you are a very high status male and that your Mom even validates this fact.
This comment is very good
@@jaredferguson2999 Thanks Jared Ferguson.
@@jaredferguson2999 Thanks, Jared Ferguson. Charisma On Command is full of very helpful tips such as these for impressing the ladies.
Tell her you pay for a newspaper subscription (classy dad behaviour)
@@dudewholikesfood6769 Greg Kartes, you must have gotten that useful tip from Charisma On Command. Charisma On Command is really changing lives one at a time.
Ok while agree with this, it also helps that he’s one of the biggest stars on the planet and most people are crazy excited just to be in the same room as him let alone hear him talk on any subject or story.
If you know how to first create tension, and then how to release it, you'll never be boring. 🔥
So basically dress sluttty and act upon it.
knowing how to release social tension is literally the largest bubble on the venn diagram that is this channel bro
damn, takes too much energy 💀
You don't have to do all of the things these videos show. But learning to include people in conversations and learning how to tell a story are good skills to have.
This is how you fail, when you try or think too hard to be a certain way. Don't try to be like Tom Hanks, just be yourself while fearless.
PURPLE PUCKER Speaking skills have literally nothing to do with acting in or out of character. Seeing what works for other people is a great way to improve your own communication.
That’s not what he said though. Just social cues and little things that you can learn from Tom Hanks to be better at socialising and have more confidence in yourself. Just because it doesn’t work for you doesn’t mean it won’t work for other people, jeez.
Yes!
@@Mohamed-jv6nv You have a low IQ though.
Failing is an essential and unavoidable part of succeeding. So if "this is how you fail," then it's probably a damn good place to start.
"How to never be boring" is, unfortunately, a self-serving inward disposition when it comes to dialoguing with others. I would challenge, if people want to be engaging and memorable to others, take 'being memorable' out from among your motivations, engage others under the principles of charity and empathy in order that the 'other' becomes familiar. When others recognise interest 'in them' as opposed to their high praise being sought merely to buffer self-esteem, you 'do' become someone whom they recall -- because your dialogue is hinged on 'caring' about them.
:o
5:26 "come in one level higher than the situation calls for"
Could you make a video or something to demonstrate how to do this?
A trick I do when I need to tell someone which might not be of the biggest interest of the person,
is when I instead of immediately telling what I want to tell, I say "That's a good way to do that"
That has the person I'm talking to pretty quickly captivated, "What is a smart way to do how?"
It brings a question, a little thing to think about, thus making it interesting. Uncertainty brings out curiousity.
p a p i Great point!
Great video and like the 3 second rule ~ basically being that if you're talking to a group you gaze at someone for 3- 5 seconds from the left and then the right and from the front to the rear whilst you are talking.This works especially well in a works meeting or when giving a wedding speech.
These tecniques and so many others are taught at Toastmasters where members practice public speaking. This is an excellent way to practice and build up social skills in a non judgmental way because all members are trying to improve skills. You then motivate others and improve your confidence considerably allowing you to get better jobs. Membership cost is under £100 per year and Toastmaster clubs are all over the world.
i swear i was talking w someone else who watches your videos the other day lol.
I can imagine how that could have been a bit awkward, I hope it wasn’t!
Was it a mirror?
Lol how could you tell?
I use these all the time. I'm the most interesting boring person you could ever meet! :P
I think that's because of his captivating voice and the way he truly pronounces every word correctly
one of the most important advice: look for ways and think about ways that will help you better in conversation, instead of only relying on youtube videos.thinking of a solution to have a conversation you like also helps during conversation when you might have to think fast socially
You guys are doing a great job reinforcing other previous concepts. Really helps me to grasp it. Would love to see some of the earlier videos remade. You guys have done a great job improving your editing!
Steven Wright is such a peculiar comedian with such a low energy delivery that still manages to keep me watching him non stop. I think he’s a genius. Is it just the jokes? How does he do it?
Ben Burkes I’m also a big Steven Wright fan. His voice is often mistakenly categorized as “monotone”. But listening closely one can definitely hear that there is a great range of pitch and speed of talking in his delivery. He’s like a musician with his voice. And oh yeah, the jokes are brilliant.
1. Become one of the best actors of our time.
2. Try to be confident...
CENSOR in that order?
@@goatshenanigans6090 Any doesn't matter. Video is drip fed 10 minute dogshit.
The techniques in this are so similar to music:
The use of dynamics, this is used the exact same in both mediums.
The story gap can be represented with motifs, reoccurring melodies that help tell a story.
Inhabiting a character or emotion, for example in Carnival of the Animals each piece represents another animal.
Music is an art and it seems that being charismatic is too!
So, this is one of those examples where the information is 100% correct, but unlesd you are naturally gregarious, or an actor, you will need to learn and practice these skills. Having confidence and self-esteem can develop internally, through positive self-talk, guided imagery and behavioral rehearsal, but sometimes people are just lacking the skills. This is one if those cases. Even if you have all the confidence in the world, being a great conversationalist takes skill.
Well skills can be acquired fam
Chandler bing's sense of humor breakdown..
Michael Scofield 's charisma breakdown
Abdo Mahmoud Chandler Bing: Over exaggeration and purposeful misinterpretations 😂
@@Milewski23 and that poker-faced sarcasm. Lol.
Different personalities appeal to different people, that's why it's good to be yourself. We don't want to all be alike or it would just be so boring!
It's simple, and you missed the point entirely.
Don't ever try to be interesting.
Be interested. Be fascinated. And I mean genuinely, not demonstrationg it. If you are happily interested, and also inclusive of your audience, then you have it.
Well said
But if that advice is interpreted to mean "listen to someone else and ask about them" they'll tire of you because they're doing all the work. If you just ask someone about their life they'll get tired of doing the talking. You have to give of yourself too.
@@oliverford5367 Who said giving of yourself and listeniung were mutually exclusive? Ont the contrary. Giving of oneself goes better the more you notice that the other person is in the room.
Depends on what they have to say and if it's relevant to you in any way. Give them a chance sure.. but if they don't match your level of interest you'll be bored very quickly.
@@saltifish Well, sure. The topic was how to be less boring in conversaiton, so those yawn-inducers can read up on it, too. My point was based on the people I know who have no trouble waxing on about themselves, boring others to death because they don't also engage with their audience. You can in fact say very little, and be compelling just by listening attentively, and responding with all that the other person has said informing your remarks. You can also wax on about yourself, but if you don't do the other, people lose interest fast.
7:24 "OMG it's Keanu" XD
Cyberpunk gonna be lit
Only thing worth from this videos
Keanu: the other side of the coin - the charismatic introvert.
I need this crap cos u l am soo boring during conversation-always soo awkward.
*So basically make gesture, shift in volumes of ur voice, play with dynamics*
Be careful.
Duch ESS,kind off just be lively,interested in the conversation, tweek it to fit your style
You're like that because you feel no energy inside. Think about times when you were more dynamic and energetic (maybe you had a few drinks or was just excited about a new job you got), I bet you felt the energy inside that drove you to be that way.
Yes, like reading a children's book and doing the all the voices.
Princess Quarcoo wen I try to do that people think I come on too strong and it somehow backfires. Like I look like I am too eager or something. I am just so awkward in general
Tom is a consummate actor and performer. What he has learned and learned well over a lifetime is how to engage a listener/viewer. That's his profession, why we know who he is, and why we enjoy listening to and watching him.
All fascinating stuff that I do subconsciously to keep from being boring but now that I recognize it and see how well Tom Hanks does it I can improve while still not trying too hard.
Its mostly because hes a great actor but we all do this if we are excited about talking the things you wanna talk. But its important not to talk too much.
Boy are we splitting hairs about what he's doing. He just has a level enthusiasm most people don't have after 8 cups of coffee.
For real. It’s tough to compare yourself to one of the best actors alive.
I've had eight cups of coffee before most people start their days! .....if you count late-night TV viewing.
@@NPow94 "he's energetic"
"It's tough to be like him"
Ma man, that is the lowest bar ever, how are you not gonna pass it lol.
Very interesting video.
Here are two more examples of including everyone in the group which I stumbled on quite accidentally and noticing how people subliminally react.
Number 1....when in a group of people and you're telling a story, pick one person at random and weave their name into your story e.g. "I stood in the grocery line Cheryl, and the cashier said....etc etc etc" Just add the person's name and keep on with your story without missing a beat. It makes that person, and the group, feel, like the story is especially for them.
Number 2...when talking to just one person especially (but also works in a group), repeat back something they said, while adding a different inflection to let the person know that you find what they said interesting/amusing/funny and a valuable contribution to the discussion e.g. Jimmy says "OMG I was laughing so hard after I fell off the horse", after which you quickly, without interrupting, add in, obviously amused by their comment, "haha when you fell off the horse". Raise your pitch as the words come out of your mouth for added effect so that by the end of your statement you are talking soprano (think how Scooby Doo raises his tone of voice progressively when talking through a sentence). It makes the person speaking feel like they were funny and that their was comment was valued by you and/or the group.
As I discovered these tidbits of conversational skill I found that people not only felt valued in the discussion, but that they tend to hang on what you say because they want more of it. Try it!!!
What I get from this is that basically I need to behave like a crazy clown so people find me interesting
Music teachers are always preaching dynamics also.
Do a video about charismatic texting. Need it first in order to meet others so that we can try out all the tricks.
Mr. Hanks could choose the most boring topic BUT because he's so charming, so charismatic and so incredibly talented people immediately listen. I know it doesn't hurt that he's full of interesting anecdotes and his topics are interesting, those are just icing on the cake. I love him so much!
LOL I got it!! This makes so much sense!! "How To Never Be Boring In Conversation (esp. if your Tom Hanks)" You simply start the conversation with, "So, yeah I was walking down the street, and I passed by this guy who was vomiting like all over the place, sweating profusely, and then he looked at me and...*cough*... *cough*, *cough*... ummmm *clears throat* "Damn this Coronavirus is KILLING me man!"
That should do it every time!!
Tom Hanks is awesome lol.
I like the idea of adding in actions when you talk.. going to include that
Me: hi
Person: hi
Me: so uh.... what's your favorite color?
Lol, ur name is werido. Noice
Me:
You talk about the keys to these social skills in how not to be boring as if we all have a platform to reach or hold an audience's attention in order to earn and command respect
Conclusion:
1. Be Tom Hanks.
2. Don't not be Tom Hanks.
T. Hanks
@casswood
assuming your conclusions is true.
than you should say Don't be Tom Hanks instead.
Hanks was a comedian in the 80's. That's where he got his start before he went high brow
I've noticed that whenever I realize that other people are using these “tricks” on me, I immediately distrust them, and find them not interesting at all. So, I assume, vice versa is also true, when I try to use these “tricks”.
Exactly what I thought it seems so fake and selfcentered
These tips are not only good in real life but as a creator on this channel. People can relate to you when you allow emotions to show, gestures to enhance them and bring in the audience
This video might have changed my life. I'm not so sure though because I'm pretty baked at the moment!
Boredom can be a start to many great creative solutions.
If a person cannot channel it into something productive, then there is no curiosity left - *stagnating personality*
Yeah so to speak. You are the one eyed king :)
im irish if i were to mime my words like u say and do impressions of who im talking about i would get the absoloute pissed ripped out of me lmao
People always think my life is soooo interesting and eventful. But its just the way i see and share it as a story teller...naturally. I'm thankful this isnt something i had to "learn"... BUT, it can backfire if taken too far... i have been accused of talking too much, manopolozing and so on... i had to truly learn to pull back, bring other people in and use my story to ask questions to give the other person (perhaps introverted) an oportunity to share something of their own... or give them a jumping off point. I learned a lot of this from my introvert son.
Tom has star quality. I've had the pleasure of working with him on some school events and he is truly magnanimous, engaging, and genuinely witty.
Could you do one on Jake Gyllenhaal? He's so weird and chaotic in the best way possible making him so charasmatic!
'Story gap.' That makes a lot of sense. Thanks. Now I'm a better writer.
I love how you say "even a glance can help engage someone quite a bit" at the same time as you put "OMG It's Keanu!" on the screen for a few frames. That's clever.
Show interest in the people you're talking with and they will show interest in you. A W
Sounds easy and a nice skill to have too bad my anxiety won't let me do this.
It’s hard to speak in groups when I feel I’m not apart of the conversation. But with these tools...we’ll see
SIT ON MY FACE BABY
People are interested in Tom Hanks when he speaks is because he is a celebrity. He's been acting/performing for over 40 years, of course he can grab someone's attention in conversation because that's been his job for a long time.
Interesting video none the less. I feel showing a subject most people haven't known since their childhood would sell these points more.
But the underlying thing: do things, so you have things to talk about. Sure Tom also comes across as an animated storyteller, but more importantly he has plenty of experiences to share.
Omg, I could teach a class on this! I never realized that I changed my voice when talking about other people in my stories until someone pointed it out. 😂
For a murdering psychopaths who lure women these videos are really helpful. Keep it coming buddy.