Coming Out To My Traditional Asian Parents & Their Reaction
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- Опубликовано: 25 авг 2024
- Hey everyone, I just want to share my experience coming out to my parents last year in November 2013, accomplishing another big milestone in my life. It wasn't easy especially because they're traditional Asian parents (I'm not saying that every asian parent is like this). But yeah, leave a comment if you guys need any advice from someone who has experienced it all, and if you have any questions :)
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I'm not gay myself, but as you can probably tell from my picture, I'm Asian, and I also have really traditional parents. I remember one time, the topic of homosexuality came up in the dinner table and I casually commented that it was natural. My mother was a bright person, so I had expected her to feel the same way and basically just carry on with the conversation with a "yeah" or something. But oh damn, she started getting really pissed and even tried to "correct" me on how it's immoral and sick. And sadly my father agreed with her, perhaps even more strongly. But as the only child I was raised to always have my way in the house xD. So I spent the next hour and a half arguing and giving them a reverse lecture. Not sure if at the end of the day all that information sank into their heads, but I think they will be smart not to talk smack about gay people when I'm around from now on. You're really brave by the way, bravo!
LMAO I HAVE THE SAME NAME AS YOU
BRANDON WU
LOL
You're awesome dude ,I wish we were friends ☺
Exactly the same thing happened to the dinning table at my household. Not sure if they really comprehended
Brandon Wu I wish I had a friend like you lol I'm 25 and all my friends moved on with their lives
Glad that the younger generations of straight males is finally willing to stand up for basic human rights. Even to the point of arguing about it... for all the guys who are disowned, closeted, harassed, feel less than human. And worse yet.. who are no longer here due to suicide or homicide It warms my heart knowing that you would care for all sexes and orientations as equals. In all seriousness.... thank you :)
Really appreciate all the comments, love and support from you guys, it makes me continue to believe that telling my story to the world was worth it to share my experience, and try to help someone else out. xx
Health and fitness....education.....of course happiness are the most important things. If U have all 3, U are More-than OK. Just be safe and make good decisions. I think U will do great for yourself.
i don't act in any way gay, i dont say gay-ish things, i'm chinese, like you, my parents are similar, my mother is becoming more christian (jehovah's witness). inside, i'm gay i've known for a little while, i will probably come across the same set of problems, but i don't care =D. time will pass, everything will be fine.
My mom is a Jehovah's whiteness too and I'm lesbian I haven't come out yet but the more I watch these videos the more courage I get to finally come out they really help thnx!
He
Hey can u kik me I need to talk to you kik name is hiimcooltre
It angers me that anyone has to "come out". It should never be an issue.
+Germono Toussaint If I have kids I'd do my best to ensure them from a young that it would be no issue if they came out and that homosexuality is perfectly fine.
i didn’t bother to come out to my parents i just went up to them one day and told them that my girlfriend was coming over and they didn’t care lmao
I agree but something tells me it will always have to be a thing unfortunately
Yes but it is important to this day and helped get us our rights by coming out!
If people don't come out, then it's assumed that they like the opposite sex. They'll have conversations of general discussions and somewhere in that discussion somebody's going to say something that implies that a guy in the conversation likes a girl when in fact, he doesn't like girls. So coming out is kind of needed, unfortunately. Otherwise, assumptions are made.
I am an asian mother of 2 teenager boys and I wish that my sons will be as brave and happy and true to himself as you are. You go and march you own beat with your head held high. Good job!
I came out today! :D And my mom got so proude!^^
Thanks for insperating me to be brave enough to come out!
***** that's good! Very happy for you! Hope all is well. xx
I'm so proud of you! 😎
Four years late but congrats!!!
@@calvinnwoohoo hi my name is chetan from England what a beautiful coming out story that’s great 😃 it takes guts to come out to your family and partens and freinds I am gay myself I came out two years ago it was horrible and very nasty so happy for you ℹ support you all the way through there is a saying never be afraid no matter what I am looking 👀 for a cute gorgeous boy 👦 if I ever find anybody nice to meet you
I think coming out to Asian parents are much more difficult. I'm glad my parents are very supportive. I remembered the moment when I called my dad and told him that I am gay, he literally said that he knew for very long time and waited until I was ready to tell him. I am surprised that he accept without any question :)
lucky you..
Oyinkan Otubanjo Asian parents often do the same. It can be so bad that my friend Mikey killed himself when his parents found out he was gay...I found out the after after he did it and it crushed my heart...it still bothers me and he committed suicide almost 25 years ago.
@@SeanShimamoto I'm sorry you lost a friend 😳 may he rest in peace
Aisha Abdella Thanks Aisha. For me, personally, I have the most amazing parents...I mean as supportive and open-minded as any gay boy could ask for...and they reacted that amazingly when I came out to them. But even with that said, it took me 11 years between telling my mom and my dad ‘cause Asian dads are particularly patriarchal. But fortunately for me, when I came out to him, he asked me, “are you happy?” and after I told him “yes”...he said, “that’s all a parent wants for their kid. Okay, Big Bang Theory is starting up” Hehe. I just wish all Asian dads could be like that.
PS - my friend was Catholic...so I like to believe that he’s somewhere in heaven. The Buddhist in me hopes he’s reborn as something even more amazing than he was in this lifetime. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
I grew up on a farm in Mississippi during a time when coming out was not an option. However, after starting a career in a distant city I finally was able to accept myself and met my first boyfriend, I was 28. My mother and I were always very close and she would come to visit about once a month. After a year of dating my boyfriend moved in with me. Time was up, I had to come out to my mother.
So I went home and like you I agonized over how to even bring up the subject. My mother was cooking and I was lying on the floor in the living room, it was just the two of us. Out of no where she asked me, 'are you dating someone now?' She had not asked me about my dating in years. Silence. I now could feel every heart beat, I was getting hot as I starred at the ceiling fan going around and around. My parents were devout Baptists and I was their only son so I really was at a loss to predict how she was going to react. I then sort of went into auto pilot as I prepared for the worst but no matter what I would not forfeit my life that took me so long to find. So, without thinking I just blurted out, 'yes, I am. His name is Alan, I'm gay and Mama, if you have a problem with that then I will go pack right now and leave.' Silence again. I thought, 'did I just say that'? My mother stopped what she was doing, came out of the kitchen and sat in the rocking chair. She began to cry and said, 'what makes you think I would not love and accept you no matter who you are, even if I don't understand it'? I said, 'Mama, I just did not know, I'm sorry'.
So I took decades to accept myself and I gave her all of 5 seconds to accept me. Two days later she called me and said that she and my Dad were coming to visit. Meaning she had told my Dad and he wanted to talk. That turned out fine as well even though I could tell that my church deacon father continued to struggle with the concept for some years thereafter. About a year later I brought my boyfriend home to meet the family. They welcomed him into the family just as they had accepted my sister's husband a few years before. I always appreciated the open and loving acceptance of my parents because I knew too many others who did not get the same from their family including my boyfriend. You are right it was the hardest thing I ever did but even if it had not gone well I would still have been better off coming out and being who I am, no longer trying to live two lives.
Give your mother some time, she loves you and will eventually come around to accepting that which she does not understand because a mothers love is greater than all else. Best Wishes.
+Chance Pemberton I feel bad because when I moved in with my boyfriend yrs. ago and my father came from California to visit, I didn't even invite him over to my apartment because he would see that I was living with a guy. He is long gone now and I still feel so bad about never telling him. I look back now and know he would have been fine with it, I was just so scared to come out back then. I thought it would change our relationship and that scared me. It's great that kids now come out to their families like they do.
I also have traditional chinese parents, they are really homo-phobic. I want to tell you that you are very brave! ❤️
I feel ya, thanks a lot ! Good luck to you :)
@@calvinnwoohoo You are one of the most brave and amazing people. Much love to you 😊
I have been a foreign exchange student for 6 years in Korea. When I came out to my exchange family, I was so scared. Homosexuality is not anywhere near as accepted in Korea than it is in America and I was afraid they would tell me to leave. They told me they needed some time, and that it was best if I went out for a while. That day, I left, I went to lunch with my friend and we went to a shopping centre until late that evening. When I came back, my exchange parents hugged me and told me they loved me, even though I went against so many social standards. They of course, gave me a long, long talk about how this was different and new to them, how this was considered a sin and all that. They told me they were concerned for me and my safety. I told them not to worry. Now, I have a beautiful girlfriend named Jin Sang and I am so happy to be loved my so many accepting people. :-)
go go shelby that’s great that your exchange parents accepted you, you were brave to came out to them. may i ask, did you also came out to your friends in korea? and have you faced any homophobia in korea? i’d love to go to korea some day, and want to know what to expect. where in korea have you stayed?
Cuute :-)
I am an older male from the Midwest and I was never able to tell my Mother and Father about me being Gay. They both have passed on now. I had a BF from San Francisco that I met online and he was Chinese, we were together for 4 years and he would come to Indiana and I would take him to the Nursing home where my Mother resided,she never ask where I met him but she was always kind to him, I think my Mother knew because I believe Mothers just know and have a sense about their Children,so I believe she didn't ask questions out of respect for me, before she passed me and my Bf parted but we still remain friends to this day, she would ask me why my friend hadn't come to see her anymore and that always made me sad. I loved your story because it took a lot of courage to tell your Mom, but truly they had their lives to live and we have ours and that's just how it should be. I wish you a happy life :)
this video makes me cry because trust me coming out to Asian parents are the hardest . I relate to this video so much
It's important to have these stories told. Thank you. Whilst it is difficult with your parents, it's great that you have support from your sisters. I hope that they eventually come around.
Thank you :)
I am a social worker and to hear your 'Coming Out Story' is deeply touching.....but what's even more amazing is that you are able to put yourself in your parents shoes and acknowledge that it is difficult for them too. I sense that you really love your family and that you are feeling that you have disappointed them.....give yourself and them time to come to terms with your sexuality......you are a lovely guy and you have a sensitive nature, don't ever loose that. big hugz to you and your family for being so brave.
Hey dude , you handle yourself really well . Gay or straight it doesn't matter who we are , only that we do our best . Your vid will help a lot of people , stay strong !
Shortandslicked911 Thanks a lot for this message, I genuinely appreciate it!
Your welcome dude ! we are all human beings and deserve the respect that comes with it .
thank you so much for making this video. i came out to my homophobic indian parents today (both of them at the same time) as pansexual and my dad said "you're too young to know these things. just ignore these things and focus on what's important." and what really helped by watching this video is i feel less alone because my mum said the same thing. she said i should see a doctor because it's probably just some hormonal imbalance in my brain. i don't know how long it's going to take for them to accept it, or if they ever do but i just wanted to say thank you
Can I just say....You're very cute c:
Wiremu is kinda awesome I know right!?! :D
hahaha :D
Lol he looks like an adorable kpop idol!
XD Anyone else?
Lol he looks like an adorable kpop idol!
XD Anyone else?
Steven Whetung No you’re probably just a ignorant ass o wait you are take a seat.
I'm a gay chinese man in my 30s who have yet to come out to my super close-minded, traditional chinese parents. Just recently my younger brother came out to me and now engaged to an older caucasian man. He (my brother) plans to come out to my parents and also tell them about his engagement, which in turn, leaves me no choice but to come out myself. Lord help us!
+simple Ss
Just do it. You have nothing to fear but fear itself.
If they truly love you and your brother they will accept you the way they are.
If they aren't loving then it's time to cut them off and move on with your lives.
People (everyone) need to get over the "parents" issue. Cut them off.
Your true family are the people who truly love you and accept you for who you are, and that may just be your closest friends who become your true family.
I can't explain to you how much you've actually have helped me. I come from a religious background. My father is a Pastor. So it is hard coming out to my parents. But i did so anyway. I was probably just like you angry that they wouldn't accept it. My parents mean the world to me in to not have there support is a terrible feeling. But thankyou so much. It gets better day by day. You are a beautiful person.
Thank you for sharing this, I'm so glad I uploaded this video because it allowed me to see so many different stories out there like yours, and some that are alike mine. Thank YOU for sharing this, you are a beautiful person. :)
I'm glad your mother finally ended up taking it well.. I hope your dad will eventually accept it too. They say that it takes a real man to own up to himself and come out to his parents. You're strong for that, because I couldn't come out to my mother. She just recently found out through motherly instinct.. Noticing I went out with a specific guy a lot. I planned to tell her when I went out on my own.. But I was too late. Her words: "Just don't embarrass the family." I took it personally, but I shouldn't have.. Just like you said. Ironically, things are back to normal. Nothing changed.
Congratulations on coming out to your parents!
Oh, and thanks for sharing this. I came out to my mom recently and she took it well. She started crying but said she still loves me. Thank god.
OK BUT THE QUALITY IS GREAT FOR THIS TO BE POSTED 7 YEARS AGO...anyways im glad he decided to come out
I'm Caucasian. By BF of 18 years is chinese/Malaysian. His mom is very traditional too. U are Awesome and have everything ahead of yourself yet!
Relationships come and go. your friends will always be there!
omg you are so strong for doing this! i heard a lot of asian parents are hard on their children. every bodys story is different, but you are not alone. you are right, everything gets better withing time!
you are such a strong person!! Just the fact that you understand your mother too is like so great and such a big thing to be proud of. You came out to your parents anyway thats a thing to be proud of too. You are amazing and you are really a person that I look up to. I am going to show this video to a friend of my. She is lebian and is really scared to tell her parents. I hope this will help her and let her see that it turns out the way it need to turn out. That you just need to make the best of it. Just like you did
You have my respect and I think you are amazing! so keep going and find your man that you want to spend your life with xx
Thanks for this lovely message, it means a lot. xx
I'm now 68 years old. I was disowned at the age of 18 after my shrink told my Midwestern parents that I had homosexual 'tendencies'. I left and never saw them again…truth! By the by, Calvin, you're quite attractive and you also seem like a really nice, intelligent person.
I'm Not gay and cannot relate but i feel that you had no choice in this matter.
I do believe what you are saying is true about having no choice about your sexuality.
I feel sorry for you that you are put in this hard position in life! Its not easy socially either! Thanks for sharing your story, so people like me who are not gay, get a proper understanding of your situation. Good luck and wish you the best!
MrBat000 Thank you so much for this statement! I’ve always said that the biggest proponent for change is going to be from the “other side”.’ For example, white people who fought in the Civil War on the side of the slaves...also, men who fought for women’s suffrage...as well as straight people who fought for my right to get married (you have no idea how shitty it felt in the first 42 years to know that most of America saw me as less of a human being just because I was born liking my own gender). So again, thank you for your support of our community and thank you for acknowledging the fact that it’s NOT a choice to be gay. I’ve never understood why people think that we would CHOOSE to be bullied,!ostracized, social outcasts, etc.
thank you so much for this video I came out to my parents today they said basically all that jazz you talked about. it was hard hearing ugly words like that but now I'm out I'm proud and i feel so free. No battle is won without sacrifice. Your video has had a great impact on a 19 year old who just came out to his parents . THAK YOU !! :D
Wow, I'm so proud of you! And I'm so glad to hear that this video helped you out in a way. I wish you luck with everything with your parents! xx
I hope your parents will accept you fully for who you are in the end. Stay strong, you are inspiring!
Thanks a lot, I really appreciate this :)
Really impressed at your courage in sharing this. This has the potential of helping many kids... Good for you man.
Thank you Calvin for sharing your story, especially because there aren't many LGBT Asian RUclipsrs. I have quite traditional Asian parents, as well. I still haven't come out yet but I hope someday I will have enough courage to.
Thank you for this comment :) I wish the best for you in the future.
I admire your courage! Given that you are still young and having traditional Asian parents. Anyway, thanks for sharing your story and keep us updated. =)
You are amazing and so brave. I hope your dad accepts it soon too. Thanks for posting this video, made me really think about myself :)
Omg I did not expect to start crying when I saw this, my god this was so touching ;( KEEP BEING STRONG AND OPEN
I think coming out is hard for everyone even when they know their parents will be accepting. I known that the days previous to me coming out were really difficult. I lost sleep and struggled to concentrate on my school work. I had-at that time-no siblings however I was very close with one of my cousins and I spoke to her and she was the first person I told. She is a lesbian and is older than me and so, I asked for advice and she said " if she truly loves you now she will still love you when you tell her your gay, so do it." I did and it went very well. I think it was really brave of you coming out to your family when you know how traditional they are and you are strong. Well done. You are a great example for young LGBT who have not yet came out!
Im so proud of you, I mean I had to be counseling quite a few of my chinese male friends to help them through this. I understand man! but ugh! yes! you made it through and you didnt allow your fears and premonitions of xyz that could of happened, to happen. major hurdles crossed because so many live in the fear rather than freeing ones self. I always tell them love is something so much stronger, no ones going to abandon you and even if they so call disown you, you are their one son, they will come around. how beautiful, lead the way and be a shinning light for others. 加油帅弟弟！
My parents is traditional Asian too...I've not enough courage to do say it this to them...but I've already coming out with close friends and some cousins....thank you for sharing and congratulation...live life :):)
Well done! You are very courageous. It's ourageous that coming out has to be such a stressful experience for young people, some even consider taking their life to avoid it. Congratulations on being who you are!
I hope things will keep getting better with your parents and I am glad you have your sisters support. I don’t know how old you are but I didn’t come out till 27 and I was already married to a women. My health was so bad from the stress of living in constant fear of being found out and hating myself. Once I did come out it was the biggest relief of my life. I never felt so happy ever and I would recommend it to anyone to not wait. I will say you need to make sure you are able to take care of yourself if they kick you out of the home. It has happen to many young people and it is awful. I donate money and food to a children’s homeless shelter here in San Diego. The kids are aged 12-18 and many got kicked out for being gay. Also you are really very handsome man and I love your voice.
Kudos to you for taking that huge step and coming out to your mom. I'm sure it couldn't have been easy, but you did it. I bet it felt like a million pounds was lifted off your chest and shoulders. I'm glad too that you understood your mom's view/feelings towards it too. But it must feel a million times better getting all that out there and being able to truly be yourself and not have to hide anything. I'm proud of you. I subscribed :) Way to go buddy!
I'm so happy things went well for you in the end! :) I also have very traditional Asian parents and even though I've come out to all of my friends, I know I won't tell my parents until I have a stable job and a place to live on my own. As you said, safety comes first and while I'm sure my parents love me, my dad would kick me out (best-case scenario) or try to (literally) kill me (worst-case scenario). It's something I've learned to live with. The only upside to this situation is: they are so typically traditional that they think it's normal I don't date because I'm still a student, so they never worry about me not talking about relationships... except that I've been with my boyfriend for more than 5 years now! haha
This is the most inspirational RUclips video I have ever seen ... Thankyou 💜
I honestly think you are such a strong and amazing person just because you had the courage to come out. That is definetly something to be proud of.
What an incredible empathic and adult person you are already at this age. Your parents can be proud of their son no matter how hard this must be for them. Life is hard but I'm pretty sure you come from a caring family that will come to terms with the matter. Great video!
It is great to see a wide range of young people's coming out on RUclips. I am sure that there are young Asians, as well as others from cultures that are socially conservative, who are watching you and are seeing themselves in you. You are doing a great service for them. This is just the type of video that I like to put on my "Coming Out As Gay" RUclips Playlist. You told your tale well in a manner that viewers will be able to comprehend.
You are such a strong person and so brave. It took me a very long time to come out to my parents. I wish you luck in all your relationships!
Thank you for being so courageous and amazing I support love in any and everyway!
Wow thats freaking awesome it really was hard for you but you did it and i respect that a lot
I cried watching this, but I'm glad I found it because I've been looking hard for coming out stories by fellow Asians--my (Chinese) parents found me out a month or so ago, and things are still pretty shitty. I know they need time, but how much time they need is how much time I'll have to spend being scared. Thank you so much for sharing your story, you're so strong and that's an amazing thing to see.
I'm so proud of you Calvin
Thanks for the support boo :)
Hey Calvin. sorry to hear about your difficulty coming out to your parents. My bf is from Hong Kong and his parents are also pretty traditional. Being the eldest son I think there was an expectation for him to also marry a woman and have children from his parent's cultural perspective, and it was difficult for them to accept that he would not follow that path. But over time they have grown to accept him for who he is. We've been together for almost 10 years now and it think it's helped for them to see that a same sex relationship can work. So what I'm saying is that it does indeed get better.
What a great story! I'm so lucky to have supportive family. Everyone was completely fine with my coming out and they all love me for who I am. Congratulations on coming out, you'll never regret it, oh and by the way, you REALLY are beautiful! :)
I am proud of your strength and fortitude for standing up and being counted as an individual. Always be you; be true to yourself and live your life. as you wish. Even those that hate have the potential to come around. Thank you for posting your truth, even if it took me eight, now nine, years to find you. You're awesome, Calvin.
i totally understand your feeling of having to see your mum cried, i was outed by them yesterday and to see her cry was terrible it ripped me apart, i still dont no how she taking it right now, shes hugged me and all but its just silent, i spent the whole of today out exploring and meeting friends and literally coming home i wanted to cry, its horrilbe to feel you dont belong in your own home you have grown up in. if your situation improved i must have faith in mine. thank you.
Congratulations on being who you are.
And I'm sure you will fill your life with the most amazing love if that is what you seek
It had to be very difficult for you and I respect you for the way you respected your parents, well done Calvin!
YASS MEDICINE BY DAUGHTER!! love this story! Thanks for
You are a beautiful human and are a brave soul. I'm really happy for this milestone of yours and that you can finally breathe and be yourself :) I hope that your parents, given time, will choose to love you no matter what and understand your perspective. I came out to my close family about two years ago, and I'm planning on coming out publicly pretty soon. I feel a bit nervous to put myself out there, but it really is essential to be able to be myself and not have to always censor my life. Your story gave me some hope, and I stand in solidarity with you (:
You are a strong and a amazing person ,thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you for telling your coming out story Calvin. You are very courageous and I am confident that both of your parents will come around, if they haven't done so already. Keep on being your beautiful self.:)
You are a very brave young man and I predict you will have a beautiful and fulfilling life. You must live your own life and others will support your choices or you will leave them behind. We all wish to be our most authentic selves.
what a great video. Thank you for making it. I came out 42 years ago. My parents reacted the same way. How little has changed. I kept thinking "I wish this young man didn't have to fight for himself. This isn't something a child should have to do." Anyway, thank you again. It's videos like yours which will reach others abd make it easier for them.
All I can say is, Wow. I'm so impressed by your courage. I came out to my parents nearly 20 years ago when I was 18. They more or less accepted it, and it was STILL very hard for me. On the other hand, my husband came out to his parents about 7 years ago. They did NOT accept it at first, but they've grown to accept it somewhat. There is hope for change in a positive direction, over time. If there is a PFLAG group in your area, you might want to pass on the info to them; it could help your parents to have contact with other parents in the same situation. Not that it's your job: your job is to take care of YOU. Hugs!
This made me cry. You are so cute. i'm so proud of you. I love you ♥
You deserve the very best, Calvin!
You are very brave and mature. You did what you can in the best way possible. You are understanding your parents. Honestly your coming out process may not be as smooth as you wished, but a lot of Asians have much harder time. At least you are safe and you aren't afraid of being disowned, injured or killed by your family. (These tragedies sadly do happen sometimes.) Let time do its thing. It may take a long time before your loved ones all accept who you are, but if they really love you, then the love from the bottom of their hearts will eventually overcome whatever homophobic emotions they have caused by their upbringing and lack of correct information. Over time, love wins. Just be patient. I wish all the best. Have a good life. Be happy. You have my blessing.
Your story is particularly important for people to watch. You are such a fine and natural young boy, and your parents reaction is so typical of Americans Seeing you speak of the difficulties of being gay with such clarity, and even a show of acceptance, makes this presentation perfect. You have struck a blow against homophobia and against racism. This old man understands what you are going through, and applauds your bravery. .
wow what a loving video reminder to us all that when we love ourselves as we are ,life is a celebration-love you!
"BE STRONG" be who you are! Life is way to short to live by somebody else rules.......
Hugs I'm so sorry that your parents cant see how wonderful you are. You are strong and brave for doing what you did. Don't ever let any one change you. Who you are is some thing beautiful.
I am always so sorry to hear what other gay peope are going through... I had the luck, to grow up in a very understanding [also miixed up with catholic - dads side and evangelic - mums side] familiy. Everybody loves me for who I am and they always taught me, that being gay is not a sin and it's the most normal thing on earth. I would wish, that there were more people out there, who would understand their kids and I really hope and really wish, that all of your trad. asian mums & dads will love you someday for who you are.
I give support to all of you and faith. Believe in whoever you are, as long as you are happy, people.♥
I'm crying right now. You're video is amazing!
Omg I love the song medicine
Beyond wonderful. Thanks for putting this on RUclips. There's magic in the telling. And, you are definitely a storyteller: i.e., you are one of those people who has the talent of storytelling (the telling of truths).
I really like how you could count on your sisters just in case something happened to me that kind of sister is very special and rare.A sister willing to accept you for who you are,and be willing to fight for you against your parents.I also think you are very smart for seeing your mothers point of view which helps others see the same
Thanks for this video, I have a lot of friends in this situation and I will share it with them and I think it may help!
Mike Beer No problem! Good luck to your friends, and good for you for trying to help out. xx
I still haven't come out to my parents because I know they won't take it well. Thank you so much for sharing your story, it really makes me feel better. Sending love your way!
Dear Calvin, you are very brave and I so happened to stumble on your video. Be safe and be blessed. Remember and you said it so correctly no one has the right to tell you how to run your life , not even your parents who I am sure are loving parents. I am 57 believe it or not, yeah I am blessed with mixed parentage LOL. When I came out to my then late mom in late 1981 (whilst back from the US on a X'mas break) - she just accepted me and hugged and kissed me and until this day I never forget her love for me as a person. To think that in this day and age parents and people still have that prejudice against LGBT, color, etc is sad. So again be happy e safe and be blessed as we approach the holiday season. Hugs. PS: And yeah you are one hell of a cute guy!
Greetings Calvin: Your approach to informing your parents about your sexuality was very rational and mature. I am sure that you will be a very successful person and that the boy/man who becomes your partner will be fortunate indeed.
Let me tell you my coming out story.
I am white. My life partner is Chinese. We both have advanced universilty degrees and are quite successful in our chosen professions. We decided to inform his traditional Chinese parents about our relationship at his post-graduate graduation ceremonies. As we approached his parents (and brother and sister) at the reception, my partner became nervous as hell. But anyway we did the deed.
Upon hearing the news his mother began weeping. When the brother tried to comfort his mother by asking what upset her, she blurted out: "Why couldn't he have selected someone of his own race!". Thus we understood her priorities.
At dinner later, we all sat around exchanging small talk as if the coming-out news was of no consequence. Since that day we have all gotten along as one big family. BTW: Both his brother and sister are gay.
It's sad because a lot of Chinese parents want their kids to marry someone of the same race, I understand because it's easier for communication and whatsoever but I find it so close-minded. I don't really see myself with a partner of the same race (who knows though) but my parents would have to get used to it. Haha, the ending I found completely hilarious.
calvinnwoohoo I was astounded to receive a most welcome response from my posting from you at such short notice considering that you must have thousands of reactions to your lovely video, a work that has become a substantial public mental health service for persons in your situation struggling with their need to shed the shackles of being closeted.
My life partner and I live in a community in Thailand that has a large number of interracial, intercultural and intergenerational couples, most of whom are refugees from former British empire commonwealth countries. One of the great legacies of the British Empire to its former colonial states was an ingrained hared of homosexuals. The evidence is in current draconian archaic laws, hateful religious practices, irrational attitudes and behaviors all designed to persecute and prosecute gays.
For one example of the twisted wisdom of England, was the forced chemical castration of the genius inventor of the computer and Enigma code breaker of the Nazi military, Alan Turing. This was a gay man who literally saved hundreds of thousands of lives by ending World War II three years earlier than planned. Yet the English anti-gay mentality was driven to reward this hero with hatred, persecution and banishment. Unfortunately those of us from those commonwealth countries (The United States, Australia, Canada, Singapore, Hong Kong, as scant examples) still suffer from the vestiges of the British mentality.
The other great persecutor is institutionalized Christianity which preaches hatred, mal-treatment, terrorizing and scapegoating of gays (Jerry Falwell comes to mind). So the net result is the best and brightest flee these untenable conditions and immigrate to countries not infected with the British hubris. Thailand is one of those countries, which is very accepting of the three “inters” above-mentioned, which then makes the Thai society a veritable Garden of Eden. All of the “mixed” couples that I know are well adjusted, loving, mutually supportive and professionally successful. Many are raising adopted children. When my partner and I left the dysfunctional American society of the United States a massive weight was discarded and our happiness index went through the roof.
My recommendation is that, if you meet and fall into love with someone from another race, is to discard the prejudices that you have been subjected to by parents, church and society and go for it. Be the master of your own fate! ~
Very proud of you dude.....Straight ally here. Very courageous. We need a world without homophobia.
I thinks its very powerful that she expressed allot concern for u instead of acting as though she ashamed because of her own pride or how it reflects on her as a parent.
She just doesn't understand so give her time cause she does love u! Lots of people get disowned so hold on 2 the love u have & the love they have 4 u---
By the way GOD made u beautiful no matter who u choose 2 love but u'r the 1 who has 2 except u'r self as a perfect loving part of a glorious universe that would be lacking without u!
Well I must say that you deserve a great big hug. You made an excellent video. By reaching out and sharing with others your experience, you have helped many. Stay well and keep on being yourself.
Thank you for sharing this as i have a similar predicament as yours. Our relationship with our parents can be really intense. She will say hurtful things but at the same time she can also provide love that no other has shown before.
I came out a while ago, but your story works even for me!! Its touching and and its so honest!!!Thank you!
Omg this broke my heart when I heard ur mom's reaction :/ stay strong!
Thanks for sharing your story. I think it is difficult for most parents whether they are Asian or any other ethnicity. You seem like a really sweet guy. I wish you all the best.
Hi I subscribed and I'm 13 I'm gay and I came out to my mom 3 days ago. my mom is Bangladeshi . U gave me confidence I watched this and I came out she accepted me but it was akward . Btw thank you very much.
Well done you are really helping so many guys out there in the big wide world, i also have an Asian partner who came out to his family at 25, there was 9 in the family and everyone was supportive , we have been together for 4 years and slowly people are beginning to accept that we are just two guys who happen to love each other, i think it would be good for you to carry on with your videos, as this will encourage even more people to have the confidence to talk about their joy," i am sure they would like to share with the world, good luck for the future , and take care always..
I came out to my parents and friends on the 12th, it wasn't easy to do it but it was very nice to tell them and I liked being able to get if off my chest it was an awesome feeling and they took it nicely especially now that I can openly date boys, It's good that you came out, it kind of sucked that your mom and dad couldn't accept it but that is very awesome and brave that you did that but it's good that you can feel comfortable in your own skin now :) great story can't wait to see more of your videos :)
You're really brave. I came out to my parents but they still seem to disagree with my views and choices still. But we're reaching a time where things are getting better and gay marriage is legalized in many parts of the world.
Ah, bless your heart:) You had me on the verge of tears. You seem like aa strong person with a good sense of self. I hope you stay that way always;) One thing I've learned in life is that happiness is what truly matters. Many people don't know how to just be happy and yet seem to think they know how others should live their lives. If we lived to make someone else happy over our own happiness, chances are there would just be two unhappy people.
Calvin,
You are very courageous and thoughtful. You managed a very emotional event with control and compassion. Thank you for sharing this intensely personal situation, as I imagine your video has helped a lot of people come to grips with their coming out. Good luck in your new empowered life and please strive to remain a kind, real person no matter what your life experiences hold for you.
From all "coming out" videos I've watched, I think this one is like the closest to what I think may happen if I tell my parents. I'm actually not planing to tell them tho, cuz I know that they won't make me leave my house or anything like that, but they'll never accept it and they'll force me to try to change, because of their religion.
I believe in God like them, but I don't get how come can I be punished for something that's part of my life and I didn't choose to be :/
*sorry if I made grammatical mistakes, English is not my native language.
Thanks :D
This is almost identical to my coming out story, but mine’s a bit worse instead
Awe! I am glad things are getting better! Don't worry, you are not alone, years ago I went through the same situation with my parents... BUT things DO GET BETTER :)
Be Happy, Be Yourself, Be Proud :)
I hope that everything has gotten better with your parents. Some people are ignorant (truly), but it's even harder when it's your parents or family. You will be happy. Hugs
I am lucky, when I came out, both mom and dad reacted like nothing. They just said okay, asked a few questions. Then accepted it. My brother thought it was disgusting, but he did accept it anyways. Also, all of my friends accept it, and they think it is awesome that I really am gay. My cousin laughed and said FINALLY. He said he had known for some time, just waiting for me to tell him. But I've also got reaction from old friends like, you're disgusting, how can you live with yourself, why don't you just go take your life. But I guess that not everyone can understand and accept. But I'm lucky to have accepting friends and family. Wish you the best of luck. BTW!! You have really beautiful eyes
Your strength is truly inspiring. Thanks for sharing your story.
WOW!!! Calvin, what an amazing story. I am a South African guy living in China now for the past 4 years. I am a gay male and I see on a daily basis how difficult it is, especially for Asians, to come out. You are a true inspiration, by the way, do you have wechat？
+Hendrick Kleinhans Oh wow that's cool! I'm actually heading to Asia in a few weeks too :) I do but I don't use it frequently, it should be calvinnwoohoo
I don't think you're registered anymore. If yo get it sorted, add me HennieKleinhans
I know it can be tough for Asian guys with traditional parents. But often things do work out better than expected. You expressed yourself well. I’m sure you have helped many other people.
good for you man! happy for ya
good for you buddy boy have a happy life