Sadistic satisfaction, yup. I just had someone smirk while asking if maybe my son had covid instead of a sinus infection because they want me to be totally wrong about covid so they can be right. This is my little boy's health we're talking about!!!! Some people are just twisted
The person I was involved with did something I found offensive and I found myself getting a bit upset. I decided to leave the scene and she demanded I tell her my feelings etc. I noticed this strange smile/smirk on her face (very fast but discernable). It was then I had the realization that she had intended to push my buttons, and she enjoyed doing it. So I think it gives them a feeling of superiority in a sadistic way. I felt the disdain hard! This was the beginning of the end. I never gave her the opportunity to do that again. Just remain neutral. Done with her and living a much better life drama free.
Approximately 1 in 10 people can register micro-expressions consciously. However, for most of us, you will experience the micro-expressions as a 'gut feel'. Trust your gut. The biggest lesson I learned from my time with a narcissist is that my gut is smarter than I am.
@@tinac3199 me too. From day one to the last day (one year) my gut was shouting and I kept ignoring! Listen to your gut the time it tells you something is wrong!
After 6 yrs of no contact, I ran into my nmother. The Smirk was still there. As a child, I instinctively tried to disappear asap whenever The Smirk was on. Now I know it has always been pure contempt. Towards me. Weird.
@@believeinlove3724 thank you. I THINK I get it now. Wiser. Been thru the ringer 2018. Onwards and upwards. We come out on top If we choose to. We choose to by choosing Ourselves. x
I once shared something very painful that happened to me to a so-called good friend. She immediately smirked and then tried to hide it by hugging me very quickly. I had this icky feeling suddenly that she was taking pleasure in my pain, or maybe was glad something bad happened to me. I had always had this nagging feeling that she felt she was in competition with me, and maybe even jealous of me at times and this moment kind of sealed it for me. In some sick way, this made her feel good. I slowly started to distance myself from her, especially after she began telling people about what happened to me. Such a betrayal! But she had to relive that glee she felt when I told her, by telling it to others. So, all that to say, I believe you need to pay attention to expressions!
i hate to break it to you but 90 per cent of people enjoy when something bad happens as it makes the pain of there lives a little less i bet you have taken slight pleasure in somebody elses pain
i had a friend liked that too. one day she smirked in a second and in a minute i blocked herself in my phone. thank gad that happened and i saw her real demonic face. ewwww!!
Mike O'Hernia disagree. i think most people are relieved bad things haven't happened to them, but that's a far cry from enjoying the suffering of others, don't you think?
yeah yea yeha, and how often did I actually pull that off? and be the great awesome guy with fake smile standing around smiling at everybody in my pure awesomeness, and reeled a girl in and kept her under the spell of my awesmome smirky smile for years or more? yap never... Maybe for 20seconds in a bar, and that'S been it. How many countless guys do this for a life and it'S regarded as completely normal
I'd pprobably be a winner at Life doing this, and wouldn't feel constantly suppressed by feministic feminist oger huge women that constantly put you down
Along with the narcissistic smirk ...they also have the narcissistic stare...the stare is like they are sizing you up ...and the smirk is when they derive pleasure from your pain ....Its plain EVIL !
This stare is a scanner. They scan you and collect data to use, either to copy you or either to collect informations to use them against you later! I feel their eyes always on me. They have antennas for sure
My ex husband would do this to me and when I asked him why the hell he was smirking at me, he’d then gaslight me. He’s a real piece of work. I’m counting down the time until I can go completely no contact with the reptile!
djravenblack How long was you with him for? It's hard to deal with the betrayal of being with someone for so long and it was and act. It's not like any other break up.
Mike Kelly, 8 years and one child, hence the reason I can’t go no contact. He also abused my eldest child (behind my back mostly). It took a long time for me to see him for what he was, by which time I was isolated from my family in another state, and he’d bled me dry financially. I’m very strong. It hasn’t broken me but it’s very hard and I’m sick to death of his mind games and using our child as a weapon.
djravenblack Yes they use kids against you and thing to remember is they don't have a special place for anyone in their heart. Their own kids are worth the same as the guy/woman they could meet for first time in a bar. It's sad. Keep your guard up and stay neutral in response to him. Dont let him get to you and look out for your kids around him. Because he will be harming them mentally just like everyone else. It awful to g9 through and I'm still dealing with same with my ex and she's using her child to get to me as she knows I love her and worry for her well being. I have a heart and they prey on you knowing this.
Awesome information and yes they all do this smirk..so sad anyone gets pleasure out of harming another. Truly very sick people.This smirk is a huge red flag for sociopathy,psychopathy.
Oh my gosh, yes! Years ago, my ex Narc and I were "talking," when he continually told me he hadn't said things I knew he'd said, and kept invalidating everything I said. This was long before I knew what gaslighting or the grey rock technique were. I finally lost it and rose my voice, which I'd never done before. I had NEVER yelled at this man before, and he had this unsettling smirk on his face as soon as I started coming unglued. I told a friend about how disturbing it was that he smiled when I lost my cool, and she said, "Oh yes, he won. That's why he was smiling." It makes a lot more sense now but at the time, it gave me the creepiest feeling that he calmly smiled while I was near tears. Thank goodness there is so much more awareness now than there was just a few years ago.
GOD only knows how many times I've seen that dirty smirk from my mother & ex wife.These are some of the most disgusting,arrogant,ignorant, hateful,pride drunk people on earth.And if it wasnt that hateful smirk,it was the outer space blank stare lol...my mother would turn her head to the side,her mouth would open,her eyes would widen a bit & she'd just stare...what a coward,to be confronted with good questions,fair questions & return a truth seeking inquiry with a dumb look to try & hide or avoid answering for something.My ex wife?,used her narc smirk to try to intimidate & control me-"Derail my inquiry".She even recruited her 13 yr old daughter in on it towards the end.And that's what disgust me the most about these heartless clowns is the way they corrupt children.Like I always say,just wait till JESUS comes back.I appreciate you sharing Amy.And I appreciate your amen Ellie.Godbless both of you ladies."genuine ladies of integrity I presume♥️♥️.Not the lying fakery I was raised by or later married in my gaslighted ignorance. 2 Corinthians 1:4 Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of GOD.(KJV)
My narc ex also never admitted things he said or did whenever I confronted him. He still lives in his parents' house till now haha. He has so much tattoos on his body but can't even rent an apartment for himself LOL. He smirked when I told him I bought a house & I rejected him when he's asking me back. I was like.... What! U want me to move backwards!! Never regret that I made a good decision. He drinks a lot now & still dumb.
it can cost u ur life seriously....either u will kill urself or u will get ill due to low immunity due to toxic thoughts and prolonged depression, fibromyalgia etc. narcs KILL!!! they are passive murderers but they are truly murderers! u cant change them, just get away and save urself if u wanna live!
@@corsicanlulu I got chronic pain, worst person my ex to have around during a mental breakdown. I completely "lost it" so what did he do, see it as a chance to control me even further. Telling me to use this drug /that medication and at the end of it tearing my hair out. The pain has gone after feeling suicidal over it and going to the doc and being told it's a tension headache. He discards me because my confidence is shot, I look like complete crap, emotionally all over the place. BUT he does it to everyone he moves on with! He meets a bright shiny happy person ans turns them into a wreck with the most covert abuse (negging gaslighting), then gets confused with his broken toy and says oh they're for the scrapheap.
My mom usually has this weird smirk on her face when she's winning a one sided argument and I'm on the verge of tears. Which pretty much every argument.
You are so very good at what you do--so clear, articulate, concise, insightful, knowledgeable, compassionate, authentic. Your passion and dedication to survivors really comes through.
so true! i recently emailed myself an article on medium after reading the first few sentences. i remember thinking then and there it was one of the most accessible articles about narcissism i'd ever read (and i write articles professionally). when i got to the bottom of the page i realized it was an inner integration article and smiled 🙃
The smirk would always appear at inappropriate moments when something deep and important was being discussed. The smirk would trigger anger in me for its poor and confusing timing. I remember him smirking during marriage counselling as I poured my heart out. Such wickedness, gaining pleasure from my pain...
I received the smirk after sharing the call I was on, the one he wanted me to hurry up from was sad news my Grandfather had died. It was unexpectant. I lost my place in the world for a few seconds. With a smirk and wide eyes like, "duh", I was told, "he was old, let's not be late to brunch". Somehow..his helped me find my way back into the world. Of course I went in the opposite direction.
OMG I wondered what the hell it was about when I was crying or begging for relief from the abuse, and he smirks. Thank you for this info & validation!!!
After I broke up with my ex-boyfriend and realized he was a narcissist I read Joe Navarro‘s book “what every body is telling you”. He is an ex FBI agent. The ability to read people Early and accurately is very important. There’s so much deception and dishonesty in this world even among those who are pursuing you romantically.!!!!
ESPECIALLY. ... "among those who are pursuing you romantically". 😊 My new personal motto - just for myself, going forward? TrUsT No OnE!! (except MySeLf!)
You got a well deserved subscribe. I am eternally grateful that you are educating for free here on RUclips. I only hope more victims will come across these videos. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
My father was a sociopath, he had a smirked. I felt in childhood that something sinister in it. He used to do that when he got me irritated, angry, making me gone mad. I think universe guide me to your channel thank you
I’ve seen the smirk for many years before finally breaking free from him. Then I realized I had taken on so many of these things myself just because of living with him for 37 yrs! Is this possible? My life had literally meshed with his because it kept him happy...until I WOKE UP! OMG there are so many things I need to change and deal with on this healing journey.
Tracey Johnson I just had a similar comment and question ! I know we pick up “fleas” from the narcissist. We lay down with dogs we get fleas. I had a slight smirk and I caught myself, while delivering some very very sad news to someone I loved. I smirked in the worst situation !! Felt guilt about it since ! I only hope they didn’t see it on my face. I know my mother loved to give me bad news and smirk- I never ever want to be that way. We change one little step a day/ praise Jesus I don’t have to stay the same !
That smirk when you're relaying a wound or struggle: I reckon it ties into the sense of superiority over people they consider victims. It's a balm to their ego and insecurity to see us struggle or hurt, because they see that as sign of their superiority.
So true i have witnessed myself that gross smirk and no doubt it was utterly to see me in pain and crying and it was that moment which changed me to not ever believe him it changed the whole reality i thought it had. They exactly enjoy seeing people in pain get the pleasure out of it that sick they are
This is a much better video than expected, thank you for this. One thing, however, around 18:25 re Dr. Todd Grande. That guy is an embarrassment to his profession. It may be he had a tough time in early or middle school, because his attitude and maturity level appear stuck there. He's a hazard to any vulnerable potential client or patient.
Perfect description of the expression i *FINALLY picked up on whenever my exhusband was lying but thought he was getting away with it. That little *something* that was letting me know I was right to not trust his words.
I remember seeing my boyfriend's look of contempt come up every so often when I was speaking to him.... it was emotionally jarring to see. Unfortunately, I dismissed it because he was otherwise doing and saying all the "right things" to convince me that he truly cared about the relationship and me. I eventually left him because of increasingly abusive behavior (emotionally). At the end, he told me that he considered women as lesser beings (the superior/inferior bs). Also a red flag: he consistently said he considered people in general to be stupid... which was also jarring as he was a health practitioner (acupuncturist). He would also tell me how he was the "alpha" in a group conversation we'd both participated in. Who even thinks about that?! Soooooo many red flags of contempt for others. I wonder if they typically come in clusters like that? I hope that your video saves others from going through that. Thank you Meredith for the generous help that you share with us!
yes, i dont think i have ever seen my narc mom smile a genuine smile that lights up her whole face....maybe once or twice in my whole life...their eyes always look dead and disturbed. if someone cant genuinely smile? beware!
Great video! I think also if you're not aware of what this smirking means, it can be very confusing if they are trying to be appear to "nice." Their words don't match their expressions, and subconsciously I think we pick it up, hence our confusion.
I believe the narcissistic smirk is a *sadistic* smile. A display of their enjoyment of anothers' pain. When they can triumph over their target or think they have defeated the victim... Regarding your dog, I _don't_ believe she despises you when she's thinking "What the heck!?" 😅 It's true that contempt is shown in one corner of the lip turning downward. Your dog's lip corner, however, turns slightly upward. I think it means she's simply startled/disgruntled/disappointed. 😊
She’s adorable. From what I understood from Ekmans course is that the one sided any expression straight across, up or down is contempt. When it’s combined with a smile it’s happiness and contempt. When it’s downward it’s sadness and contempt. That face we all can make when we are disappointed in ourselves or something. The contempt with the lip curled upward is also mixed with disgust. I truly believe Venus feels that way when she doesn’t get what she wants. Like “come ON, mama!! Me want!!” She’s a Leo so it’s all about what she wants and giving her attention 😂 but she’s also a furball of unconditional love and adorableness.
@@InnerIntegration Wow, that's valuable information, thanks for the insight. I didn't know that. Yeah, she's really cute, her images made the video fun to watch, even though it's a serious/tough topic. 😊
Adela Setara Do you believe you can actually make a Narcassist smile through a genuine good time together? Or is every smile something else? I wonder if they ever have a good time with us when nothing malicious is going on, or is it they are planned for this?
I hv far too many examples of the narc smirk..but I'll never forget my mom's smirk sitting up in her bed as I passed her bedroom, returning home shortly after a car accident & totaled car. I think I recall a small argument before I left. But I figured out now that she & most NARCS like to start B.S. early in the a.m., anything to fuk% w/ ur mental &morning flow.
Wow.. the narcissist seems so great and unique through rose colored shades.. but when you watch them get read for filth like this, you realize there really isn’t anything special about them at all.
This is gold. I particularly liked the explanation between the emotions of resentment, anger, and contempt and how they relate to perceived differences in status or power.
It encompasses the worst kind of evil. Pure joy at another's expense. I wish there were more videos on this because it is extremely powerful. It is a visual manifestation of the truth.
Your awkward uncoordinated lips/eyes smile is so spot on! I couldn’t understand it at the time, it just felt “off” and unnatural, but now I understand what was going on. And seeing that drastic shift between blank face to excessive and exaggerated animated expressions is a dead giveaway in my experience. As you’ve said in your other videos, anything that gives you a weird icky feeling in your gut is something to pay attention to. Thanks!
The first time I saw it was when he was telling me bad news (a partial,confession from him). And he saw how it was hurting me. I was crying and I looked up and saw that smile/smirk. He was delighting in my pain.
Great Video meredith...I saw that smirk on my dad and my female narcissist sooo many times...your right they can't hide it...they really feel they're above you...
My experience is that the overt narcissist has that grin and sneer and the sneaky covert narcissist has that predatory stare...Although, when you look right back at both of these empty motionless but dangerous entities, they usually retract these expressions. Very informative.
About Schadenfreude (from a German): It's not the same as sadism. It doesn't require any agency in bringing about a harm to another. It is about taking amusement in witnessing someone else coming to harm (like when you watch a fail compilation). There are many different explanations as to why this is the case, but it is actually a quite normal emotion. What is not common however is pure Schadenfreude. The default for normal people is Schadenfreude accompanied by a cringe (to check for that watch a fail compilation with a friend). If the cringe is missing it means the victim "deserved" it. And Narcs tend to think by default that everybody but themselves "deserves" to get hurt (or "put in their place").
@@ccdm515 A more apt German word (that I'll now coin) might be Justizfreude, joy at justice done. Schadenfreude, joy at harm done or misfortune to another, more applies to the malicious joy at harm done to the innocent. Yet as in the German expression "das ist eine Schade," that is a shame, "Schadenfreude" may here apply to express the guiltless joy of the victim's family that a life sentence for a murderer will justly bring the killer deserved shame.
My Mum said I always did this as a child. I was always labelled as a narcissist (and 'you're just like your (narc) father' , whom she absolutely hated btw) by her growing up, and it was very damaging. At the time there was a very toxic situation where my father was still involved and was extremely narcissistic, he had pretty much convinced me that my mother didn't care about me or really love me, and on the other side of that was that my mother was extremely stressed as a young single mum of 3. we had an extremely strained and sometimes abusive relationship, so it really reinforced the idea she didn't care. I am the oldest and I was very much singled out. I guess I did hold her opinions/accusations in contempt- sometimes I felt/knew they were straight out delusional or untrue (accused of stealing money/food from the cupboard, which obviously is quite a black and white accusation, and then told I was lying when I said I hadn't, in the end I would end up saying I had, and was left almost questioning myself) Anyway just the subject of this video was a bit of a 'trigger' there, she used to scream at me for hours sometimes, but when one of those types of accusations would come up she would say I was smirking. I watch these videos with other people in mind (like my father) , but also to see if I see myself in them. Weirdly enough though, my mum and I now have a really great relationship and she tells me now I definitely am not a narcissist in her eyes. Haven't spoken to my father in about 10 years. I think I adopted things I saw in my parents 'dynamic, but it isn't really part of who I am. It's hard to explain, but perhaps others have been there. I'm 25 now and have a wonderful husband and little girl, and I'm doing my absolute best so she never feels how I felt as a kid.
I get that look of contempt (married to a narc) and I've given it, I have such contempt for him because of the way he has treated me. The amount of hurt is so indescribable.
I love this. My first video! You are very easy to listen to and guess what. I have seen this smirk a few times. You nailed the scenes of when it happened. Also no wrinkles on him. His face is always flat. Smiley when he is out drinking with people, he is a bar fly. It is telling in their countenance. So scary. I escaped. 6 months now.
Spot on video. I remember looking at photos of him in his house (photos taken when I did not know him) which were riddled with him smirking . When my daughter saw those same photos she mentioned to me what I saw, unprompted by me. She used the words "sneaky" and "mean" and her relationship with him was always a positive one. I remember him telling me , when I held him accountable for his behavior , that he, "liked to get a rise out of me". It would be a long time of me trying to filorce something that would never work until I walked away in June . This has been my hardest work as I've had to heal my family of origin stuff and grieve them so I can get over him and finally have space for healthy love of a man at some point . Don't give up ! If you have the strength and are willing to go through devastating pain all the while knowing you'll be OK , I encourage you to leave and recover yourself .
I'm just beginning to learn about what a narc is after being married to one for almost 36 years. And yes I've seen the smirk. I thought it was just him. It always hurt so bad to see it and he also has a twinkle if delight in his eyes. I've experienced gaslighting but never knew what it was. My head is swimming with so many thoughts like what should I do now. Kids are grown now but they have been hurt by him. I don't know who to talk to and what my next steps should be.
wow. I've seen them all in my narc. I was pouring my heart out to him one day and he was smiling. I asked him, "are you smiling right now?" and he tried to fix his face! It was total confirmation for me. Prior to that, I happen to be waiting for my narc, and I was smiling while looking down at my phone. I looked up just in time to catch the tail end of a disgusted look from him. No smile, just lip curled up. He cleared it right up with all the usual charm and sweetness. I didn't know what to make of it because if you dislike someone or they disgust you, why spend time with them? Now, I know what that was. Thank you for this video. BTW, he has no lines and no grey hair. He told me its because he doesn't let anything worry him. I believe it.
Discussions like this of emotions, their expressions, and their places in our lives really make me feel alive and present. I was raised where no real sense of expression of emotions was allowed. It was like being in a prison where all you are allowed to do is smile like you were happy and you could never let your hair down unless you were alone (and even then you had to be very careful no one saw you).. I wanted to show complete and utter anger, contempt, and abiding frustration all the time but I didn't dare!!!! Just talking about the repression of emotions makes my shoulders tense and start to hurt. This is valuable content for me and I think I will look up the people you reference so I can uncover more about myself and other people's emotions that play out in still an unconscious way. Thank you as usual, Meredith, for your excellent input into my recovery.
Thanks, that was really helpful. I was especially interested when you mentioned "The worst have often studied NLP." That's very insightful, and confirming for me.
Wow!! I tried to do a paper on micro expressions in my college sociology class a few years back and I even sited Paul Ekman and my teacher said it wasn't anything he had ever heard of and he didn't think I could provide enough proof to show that it was a reliable. It really burned me up because I was raised around narcissists and recognizing micro expressions was a survival mechanism I used EVERY DAY. I would see these looks on my abuser's face that told me that there was danger and I needed to avoid any conflict. To be told something that you used for so long and relied on so much for survival wasn't real was just such a slap in the face. Thank you so much for giving me this sense of validation because I felt for so long that surely my PROFESSOR knows better. It's awesome to know that I am right and I can trust my judgement.
This is really sad. When I was telling my mom about being molested, which I already had but she said I hadn’t told her before, right before she said, “ah gross!”, I could’ve sworn she almost smiled. At the time I thought it was so bizarre and wrote it off. Now I know it was that narcissistic smirk. I’m definitely in the angry stage of recovery.
I’ve also seen people in my family smirk when I told them about sexual abuse in the family. None of those people are in my life now. I’ve also had those Groundhog Day conversations with my mother about it. I’m glad you’re moving through the healing process into anger!
I think the worst I´ve experienced is someone pretending to cry, and say "I am looking at those photos of you at the age of 21, I don´t know what has happened to you!". And after that you see a massive smirk in their face when they see how upset you´ve become.
Oh yes! Thank you Meredith, narconutz presented with the smirk innumerable times, for at least half the reasons you mentioned. The good news once you are aware of what you dealing with you can't mistake the smirk, then you are empowered to walk away and stay away!
your videos always feel like a thumbs up from the universe. i've definitely seen the smirk more times than i can count, but i hadn't really thought of the power dynamics behind it until now. thank you so much for sharing this with us!!! big hug back as usual!!!!
Ugh. Makes me sick to think about it. My ex would have a small smirk for daily manipulations but when he was blatantly abusing me mentally and physically...his smirk hurt worse than anything...he enjoyed watching me burn inside.
I’ve absolutely caught that “ smirk “ !!! It immediately gives you that sense of unease because you know in that instant just where you stand with that individual. Body language is everything . ( actions speak louder then words ). . Excellent advice as always , Meredith . Venus , by the way , is adorable! Made me crack up as I tried listening to the message. Brought such fun and silliness in a time much needed . Very much a doggy lover so I can relate to the antics of our canines .
I know you said don’t tell people your vulnerabilities because they can use it against you but I do, just as a test to see if someone is an abuser. I did it to a new “friend”. I told her I was in an abusive relationship and he hit me. She gave me a smirk, BUT said she’s glad that I got out of it. Her words didn’t match her face. That was a red flag, and a few months down the line, I knew she was a narc.
This is extremely helpful to me. The smirk of the main narc in my life is an image that has come to mind when my therapist was helping me look for traumas for material for EMDR treatments. Now I understand why it hurts so much. It's pure contempt and her enjoying thinking herself superior to me, especially when I'm succeeding or sharing with others about what I'm passionate about. Essentially, any time I'm growing in being myself, enjoying life, learning and being happy, she smirks at me.
I am going through EMDR therapy as well and it's been extremely helpful, I have been able to recover almost completely. Wishing you all the best and I hope you'll have amazing results too
I'm not sure if this is quite like the narcissistic smirk, but recently I was in the middle of a confrontation with my narc husband about an incident that morning where he had talked to me in the most demeaning hurtful way and then left with our son without saying a word. He was acting clueless about why I was upset and minimizing and gaslighting my version of what happened I finally just stopped and looked at him and in a very calm voice told him that he knew exactly what he was doing to me. I looked him in his eyes and told him that I knew that he remembered every single word he had said to me and was aware of how it made me feel. I didn't take my eyes off of his face and suddenly a smile flashed across his face, I guess you could say I have to smile as I watched him struggle to hold it back. I immediately called him out on it and as he tried to deny smiling or thinking it was funny he struggled to wipe the grin off his face. I told him it was so obvious that he knew I was right and of course he told me that I was crazy and he was smiling because I don't make any sense.
Oh my God I think you’re absolutely incredible. I have seen of this smirk for at least five years now on and off. On the face of my ex partner. The first time I saw it, it actually really scared me. I can never ever forget that moment. Because I knew there was something really evil about that smile. After watching this video, a hell of a lot o The first time I saw it, it actually really scared me. I can never ever forget that moment. Because I knew there was something really evil about that smile. After watching this video, So much of the past confusion makes sense.
I see this smirk from my 17 year old daughter almost daily (along with other worrisome behaviors and attitudes). I'm not sure if it is just a teenage behavior and she'll grow out of it, or if I need to be worried and brace myself. I do see her demonstrate empathy toward others, but I'm not sure how sincere it is since she mostly has empathy toward people who supply her with a lot of attention or admiration. I wasn't a very respectful or compassionate teenager either until I matured a bit, so I hope she outgrows this too.
I haven't seen the smirk on one side of the face only, but looking back at past narcs in my life they've definitely had a characteristic tight smile, with pleasure in their eyes at my or someone elses discomfort. One ex 'friend' deliberately leaned over and breathed on me when she had a cold. I have a low immune system and spoke to her about being careful with these things. She smirked because she knew that if I complained in front of others there she'd deny it and they'd believe her, or tell me I was overreacting. Boy am I glad I got away from them.
Great video, thank you. I have experienced a person feigning a look of concern or "confused/lack of understanding" to extract more info. They are an abusive covert narcissist. They like to act like they are the victim and yet they stab people in the back or thrown people under the bus, any opportunity. They want as much info/power as possible. Very very small/fast micro expression of contempt but barely perceptible.
Wow Meredith, best I’ve listened to, not only about the smirks but finally getting answers as to why the lack of lines on the foreheads and the eyes. The ex would smirk but not just a short while for a minute or less, it was t a split second reaction, I would turn around and see it while he was on his phone, it was an evil smirk, it became more obvious and more frequent when relationship was just about over. Planning, Plotting and Scheming that’s what I surmised it as, due to the nature of after the breakup what he put me through.
Judith this was one of your most enlightening videos that I have seen apart from the very initial one that I saw of you when you asked "have you experienced something like this?" At least I think that was the name of your video it was over a year ago. Anyways in that one you were explaining what narcissistic abuse looks like and what it actually is. The first video I saw of you validated what I had been going through. With this one it validates what I am going through with the now second male abuser in so many years. so thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!!! you are doing a great service to the world and with your help I am no longer a victim.
I actually have to laugh after watching this video because my narc ex would cover his social media with selfies of this smirk. I think he thought this look was “sexy.” He would even go as far to send me these pics privately. Then he would come home and ask if I received/liked them. Here I am - the type to send cat pics or food pics and he is sending constant smirk selfies. 🤮 But now I can just laugh about it.
Arrogance is a form of contempt. There is a vast difference between arrogance and pride. Pride means feeling good about oneself and our accomplishments. A person who truly feels good about themself doesn't need to boast or put other people down. Arrogance however is the feeling of being superior to others. Insecure people are only able to feel good about themselves if they believe they are superior to others. Naturally everyone finds confident people attractive. The Narcissistic smirk is a way of emotionally communicating to the world overtly or subtly that you are extremely confident about yourself. It is a mask, a type of projection, a false front. Psychopaths or Narcissists equate this look to confidence. It is contempt not pride! What they fail to realize is that they are expressing arrogance not pride. They think they're so clever. They believe that they are above everyone else, that the rules only apply to the little people. They have a secret that only special people are in on. Here is their secret. People encumbered with a conscience are fools and deserve to be manipulated and used. They think that people will respect them because of their ability to charm and manipulate others. They believe their arrogant demeanor, ruthlessness and Machiavellian machinations are something to be admired, because the only thing worth having in this world is power. If you can't see it, it really doesn't matter to them, because the joke is on you and the entertainment was always only for them.
There is a vast difference between healthy pride and overweening pride or arrogance. Hence the prefix OVER. We have to be careful not to think it is our responsibility to police others on the correct amount of pride they should show. That is abuse. We need to deal with our shadow and not take out our insecurities on others. I see women shaming each other out of envy and using moral authority as an excuse to emotionally bully people. That type of behavior is completely inappropriate.
Lately after he tries everything of the cycle to lock me back in and I still resist, he ends up taking a selfie of himself with the smirk, he then sends it to me in a tex message and/or posts it in social media. Now I know why this happens, thank you Meredith!
Yes, but the narc stare is more obvious it lasts longer. Lovely to hear you today, sounds busy where you live good sign of being fully healed you don't need to be isolated or in a quiet place. X
OMG she did this ALL the time. Even prided herself in her smirk and thought it made her attractive. Holy SHIT this shit is helpful. Thank you Meredith.
It’s so funny how many comments said the narc thought their smirk was sexy. I hadn’t even realized that. It’s so just the opposite! But the good news is since they think it’s all that, they’ll keep doing it and making it clear how they feel 😂
@@InnerIntegration hahaha YES!! we just need this info to be OUT THERE so people can learn it BEFORE they are destroyed by the narcs. Keep publishing and posting - you are SAVING LIVES. Thank you again, Meredith.
Oh boy, my soon to be ex wife spent a summer in Paul Eckman's lab learning this stuff. I remember her intense fascination with it for a short while. I still caught her smirking quite a lot during the devaluation period. Thank you for your videos, Meridith. You and other RUclipsrs have helped me heal a lot over the last several months.
Yeah, Meredith and Richard Grannon were life savers for me when splitting off from my evil ex and trying to put the pieces all together. #GodBlessRUclips.
My boss is a narc. She never shows up to the office but when she does and we’re not there she has a freak out and sends a bitchy email about how this is unacceptable, not seeking info on why we might be in meetings or doing life stuff we cleared prior. Anyway, from this channel and others I learned not to provide supply via reaction, apologies, excuses etc. I finally said to myself, you didn’t do anything wrong. Let her follow up directly if it’s so important. Nothing. So I’ve learned that reacting is a waste of my energy. She’s an idiot and I am a high performer she doesn’t deserve. I have nothing to apologize for as long as I operate according to my own sense of integrity. So thanks!!! It’s a breakthrough for me and my CPTSD.
This helps so much especially observing their faces carefully and thank you for validating the smirk, much love been following your work for years 🎉
6 лет назад+8
I know what you´re talking about. One we were in a very delicated discussion, I was so dissapointed and in anger, just about to cry and explote, and he smiles and sald "come on" "Let me hug you", I was thinking, this is fun for you? Do you enjoy this? I was shoked, and scared of him, I have had never seen that expression when I was so in pain. That was a red flag for me. My sister told me that he had a fake expression in photos, like fake smile.... I thought It was just weird but she noticed way before.
Every time I react. Every. Single. Time. They sit there and smirk like my reaction is what they wanted all along and they love every minute of it- while looking down on me for letting them get to me. Just watch me react and smirk.
Thank you Meredith. I am currently reading your book. I love it. I recommend that it should be the first book a person reads when starting down the path of healing from narcissistic abuse.
I am not lying or kidding. Never underestimate the power of the narcissistic smirk. To an innocent person, it is quite unbelievable. We cannot believe that this kind of disdain occurs in a free society, yet it does.
Brilliant. I wondered what my sister's face was saying as I spoke with her. My gut was alerting but I didn't know what it was identitying (sp?). Thanks for clearing that up. I am so glad to learn from you. It's so ironic. My mother, a passive aggressive, sent your DARVO message to me so I could become aware of Donald Trumps negative tendencies. What she didn't know was that she cleared up the deep angst I was feeling. It described my sister. Then more recently you described her even better with Covert Passive Agressive Narcissist. It is so refreshing and relieving to have an understanding of what I am feeling and to know it's ok to be feeling like this, well not really but knowing that these feelings exist. Anyohway, bless you!!! I'm above water now, not drowning anymore and boy does that feel good. O and to top it off she's a counselor and chaplain. I'm up against a mighty, might. Yikes huh?! At least I have a chance now. Emotional Nuetrality! 🙂🙂🙂💪💪💪🌻💖🎉🎊
Thank you Meredith. I had a recent episode where I was telling someone that he was not showing me a loving and caring attitude. I gave him specific examples and during the time I was talking he was giving me that smirk. I had seen this video before and I came back to revisit it. I then realized what that smirk meant and I went no contact.
For the uninitiated empath, it is almost impossible to register the way narcissists think as even plausible. This is why we make excuses for them and continue to try and see the good in them where none exists. In life, people are either blessings or lessons, and boy oh boy, what a lesson the narcissist is!!
For all normal humans, it’s impossible to conceive of others being like this. We tend to think of narcissist, psychopath and sociopath, as serial killers, or Hitler, or Mao type of characters. Unfortunate truth is, they’re all over the place. 15% of the population! Highly unlikely that any of us have gone through long stretches of life without interacting with many of them. You just don’t understand how damaging they can be until you’re in a romantic or family dynamic with one.
My adult son did that and his mother did that. 22 years, I lived among them. Now, I have no idea where they are and they don't know where I am. It's peaceful now. I went through an utter abuse for all that while. They might be showing that evil smirk to each other now. LOL! Thank you for the conversation Inner Integration!
I think the smirk is a grin of sadistic satisfaction. They love it when they feel they have conquered you.
Yes!! When u give them a reaction either positive either negative, they love it!! You are hooked to their lie, false self. Break free!!
It’s their grandiosity
Sadistic satisfaction, yup. I just had someone smirk while asking if maybe my son had covid instead of a sinus infection because they want me to be totally wrong about covid so they can be right. This is my little boy's health we're talking about!!!! Some people are just twisted
The person I was involved with did something I found offensive and I found myself getting a bit upset. I decided to leave the scene and she demanded I tell her my feelings etc. I noticed this strange smile/smirk on her face (very fast but discernable). It was then I had the realization that she had intended to push my buttons, and she enjoyed doing it. So I think it gives them a feeling of superiority in a sadistic way. I felt the disdain hard! This was the beginning of the end. I never gave her the opportunity to do that again. Just remain neutral. Done with her and living a much better life drama free.
It's TRUE af
Approximately 1 in 10 people can register micro-expressions consciously. However, for most of us, you will experience the micro-expressions as a 'gut feel'. Trust your gut. The biggest lesson I learned from my time with a narcissist is that my gut is smarter than I am.
Nick W Yes I agree from day one that I met the narcissist my gut was telling me no but I blew it off and ignore the red flags
Yessss....
@@tinac3199 me too. From day one to the last day (one year) my gut was shouting and I kept ignoring! Listen to your gut the time it tells you something is wrong!
That explanation makes so much sense. Thank you so much
Exactly!!
When someone's hurting right in front of you, you should not be smiling !
AMEN 💯💯💯
Anyone with an ounce of empathy won't. My ex would laugh if I was upset or crying.
Or taking the opportunity to kick them whilst you're there.....
@@ciaragrey5523 sicko
Or telling you how beautiful you are even when you're crying your heart out.
The smirk is one of my first memories of my mother. The words I had to describe it was "smiling mean." Seeing anyone smirk still makes my skin crawl.
Heavy on the smiling mean because they def will
It makes me disgusted
After 6 yrs of no contact, I ran into my nmother. The Smirk was still there. As a child, I instinctively tried to disappear asap whenever The Smirk was on. Now I know it has always been pure contempt. Towards me. Weird.
I was crying expressing the way I felt I looked up and seen a smirk. It was a terrible feeling.
That happened to me too. I couldn't believe it.
It happened to me back in 2019 it was ex wife, it was so unsettling, scary and still haunts me.
When they smirk their eyes flash with pleasure. It looks so evil😢
Moonchild suzanna Scary, I just met a coworker that did that.
123cillitbang totally understand,. Glad your on the safe side of this crazy journey.
@@believeinlove3724 thank you. I THINK I get it now. Wiser. Been thru the ringer 2018. Onwards and upwards. We come out on top If we choose to. We choose to by choosing Ourselves. x
123cillitbang love that, yes we do. Here’s to 2019 living our best life possible.
I know its so horrible.
I once shared something very painful that happened to me to a so-called good friend. She immediately smirked and then tried to hide it by hugging me very quickly. I had this icky feeling suddenly that she was taking pleasure in my pain, or maybe was glad something bad happened to me.
I had always had this nagging feeling that she felt she was in competition with me, and maybe even jealous of me at times and this moment kind of sealed it for me. In some sick way, this made her feel good. I slowly started to distance myself from her, especially after she began telling people about what happened to me. Such a betrayal! But she had to relive that glee she felt when I told her, by telling it to others. So, all that to say, I believe you need to pay attention to expressions!
i hate to break it to you but 90 per cent of people enjoy when something bad happens as it makes the pain of there lives a little less i bet you have taken slight pleasure in somebody elses pain
Obviously jealous of you hun at least you got away from her ..ugh
My sister was like that always giving me the onceover about my looks trying to get me to confide in her. Snake!!!🐍🐍🐍
i had a friend liked that too. one day she smirked in a second and in a minute i blocked herself in my phone. thank gad that happened and i saw her real demonic face. ewwww!!
Mike O'Hernia disagree. i think most people are relieved bad things haven't happened to them, but that's a far cry from enjoying the suffering of others, don't you think?
It is so uncomfortable when a narcissist smirks at you. But I have found that when I fake a smirk back to them, they stop smiling :)
Hahaha I’ve never tried that but I will keep that card in my pocket for the future.
Jennyfer Cenac the quicker you spot the fakes , the more fun you can have
Jennyfer Cenac lol thanks for that laugh!
yeah yea yeha, and how often did I actually pull that off? and be the great awesome guy with fake smile standing around smiling at everybody in my pure awesomeness, and reeled a girl in and kept her under the spell of my awesmome smirky smile for years or more?
yap never... Maybe for 20seconds in a bar, and that'S been it.
How many countless guys do this for a life and it'S regarded as completely normal
I'd pprobably be a winner at Life doing this, and wouldn't feel constantly suppressed by feministic feminist oger huge women that constantly put you down
Along with the narcissistic smirk ...they also have the narcissistic stare...the stare is like they are sizing you up ...and the smirk is when they derive pleasure from your pain ....Its plain EVIL !
On point
I don't understand why someone would feel happy, after saying something hurtful to another person.
@@michelledlamini3269 sadistic ppl do that ..they derive pleasure from it.
This stare is a scanner. They scan you and collect data to use, either to copy you or either to collect informations to use them against you later! I feel their eyes always on me. They have antennas for sure
Yessssss heavy on the stare because it’s so evil and their eyes turn black and it’s like nobody is home upstairs
My ex husband would do this to me and when I asked him why the hell he was smirking at me, he’d then gaslight me. He’s a real piece of work. I’m counting down the time until I can go completely no contact with the reptile!
djravenblack How long was you with him for? It's hard to deal with the betrayal of being with someone for so long and it was and act. It's not like any other break up.
Mike Kelly, 8 years and one child, hence the reason I can’t go no contact. He also abused my eldest child (behind my back mostly). It took a long time for me to see him for what he was, by which time I was isolated from my family in another state, and he’d bled me dry financially. I’m very strong. It hasn’t broken me but it’s very hard and I’m sick to death of his mind games and using our child as a weapon.
djravenblack
Sending you strength and determination!!
It is soooo hard to let go! But we have to!! 👍🏽💪🏽
djravenblack Yes they use kids against you and thing to remember is they don't have a special place for anyone in their heart. Their own kids are worth the same as the guy/woman they could meet for first time in a bar. It's sad. Keep your guard up and stay neutral in response to him. Dont let him get to you and look out for your kids around him. Because he will be harming them mentally just like everyone else. It awful to g9 through and I'm still dealing with same with my ex and she's using her child to get to me as she knows I love her and worry for her well being. I have a heart and they prey on you knowing this.
They really are reptilian
Awesome information and yes they all do this smirk..so sad anyone gets pleasure out of harming another. Truly very sick people.This smirk is a huge red flag for sociopathy,psychopathy.
The smirk and the stare that suck your soul out of you
Oh my gosh, yes! Years ago, my ex Narc and I were "talking," when he continually told me he hadn't said things I knew he'd said, and kept invalidating everything I said. This was long before I knew what gaslighting or the grey rock technique were. I finally lost it and rose my voice, which I'd never done before. I had NEVER yelled at this man before, and he had this unsettling smirk on his face as soon as I started coming unglued.
I told a friend about how disturbing it was that he smiled when I lost my cool, and she said, "Oh yes, he won. That's why he was smiling." It makes a lot more sense now but at the time, it gave me the creepiest feeling that he calmly smiled while I was near tears. Thank goodness there is so much more awareness now than there was just a few years ago.
AmyJoyStudios Amen
GOD only knows how many times I've seen that dirty smirk from my mother & ex wife.These are some of the most disgusting,arrogant,ignorant, hateful,pride drunk people on earth.And if it wasnt that hateful smirk,it was the outer space blank stare lol...my mother would turn her head to the side,her mouth would open,her eyes would widen a bit & she'd just stare...what a coward,to be confronted with good questions,fair questions & return a truth seeking inquiry with a dumb look to try & hide or avoid answering for something.My ex wife?,used her narc smirk to try to intimidate & control me-"Derail my inquiry".She even recruited her 13 yr old daughter in on it towards the end.And that's what disgust me the most about these heartless clowns is the way they corrupt children.Like I always say,just wait till JESUS comes back.I appreciate you sharing Amy.And I appreciate your amen Ellie.Godbless both of you ladies."genuine ladies of integrity I presume♥️♥️.Not the lying fakery I was raised by or later married in my gaslighted ignorance.
2 Corinthians 1:4 Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of GOD.(KJV)
My narc ex also never admitted things he said or did whenever I confronted him. He still lives in his parents' house till now haha. He has so much tattoos on his body but can't even rent an apartment for himself LOL. He smirked when I told him I bought a house & I rejected him when he's asking me back. I was like.... What! U want me to move backwards!! Never regret that I made a good decision. He drinks a lot now & still dumb.
AMEN AMEN
This happened to me too, thankfully im not alone.
If you recognize someone is a narcissist, get away quickly!
UNLEASHING POTENTIAL - PSYCHOLOGY VIDEOS yes! Immediately, don’t stick around to find out anything else.
it can cost u ur life seriously....either u will kill urself or u will get ill due to low immunity due to toxic thoughts and prolonged depression, fibromyalgia etc. narcs KILL!!! they are passive murderers but they are truly murderers! u cant change them, just get away and save urself if u wanna live!
corsican lulu spot on I escaped after 37 years!! Can’t put a price on peace &freedom
@@corsicanlulu I got chronic pain, worst person my ex to have around during a mental breakdown. I completely "lost it" so what did he do, see it as a chance to control me even further. Telling me to use this drug /that medication and at the end of it tearing my hair out. The pain has gone after feeling suicidal over it and going to the doc and being told it's a tension headache. He discards me because my confidence is shot, I look like complete crap, emotionally all over the place. BUT he does it to everyone he moves on with! He meets a bright shiny happy person ans turns them into a wreck with the most covert abuse (negging gaslighting), then gets confused with his broken toy and says oh they're for the scrapheap.
I just subbed to your channel. What kind of psychology did you study?
My mom usually has this weird smirk on her face when she's winning a one sided argument and I'm on the verge of tears. Which pretty much every argument.
You are so very good at what you do--so clear, articulate, concise, insightful, knowledgeable, compassionate, authentic. Your passion and dedication to survivors really comes through.
so true! i recently emailed myself an article on medium after reading the first few sentences. i remember thinking then and there it was one of the most accessible articles about narcissism i'd ever read (and i write articles professionally).
when i got to the bottom of the page i realized it was an inner integration article and smiled 🙃
Smirk- satisfaction with themselves, contempt for you
The closer you get to London the more you find it's the only expression you see
The smirk would always appear at inappropriate moments when something deep and important was being discussed. The smirk would trigger anger in me for its poor and confusing timing. I remember him smirking during marriage counselling as I poured my heart out. Such wickedness, gaining pleasure from my pain...
I received the smirk after sharing the call I was on, the one he wanted me to hurry up from was sad news my Grandfather had died. It was unexpectant. I lost my place in the world for a few seconds. With a smirk and wide eyes like, "duh", I was told, "he was old, let's not be late to brunch". Somehow..his helped me find my way back into the world. Of course I went in the opposite direction.
When the narcissist insists, "I'm NOT smiling!!!!!"... even tho you just saw them smile...
OMG I wondered what the hell it was about when I was crying or begging for relief from the abuse, and he smirks. Thank you for this info & validation!!!
After I broke up with my ex-boyfriend and realized he was a narcissist I read Joe Navarro‘s book “what every body is telling you”. He is an ex FBI agent. The ability to read people Early and accurately is very important. There’s so much deception and dishonesty in this world even among those who are pursuing you romantically.!!!!
@Christina Haftman *You can say that again!!*
ESPECIALLY. ... "among those who are pursuing you romantically". 😊 My new personal motto - just for myself, going forward?
TrUsT No OnE!! (except MySeLf!)
Especially those pursuing you romantically.
Thanks Cristina. I just ordered the book.
see my above reply to @spacepuft yes!
Confidence smiles...arrogance smirks...Great video ❤
Well said, amen. 🙏
You got a well deserved subscribe. I am eternally grateful that you are educating for free here on RUclips. I only hope more victims will come across these videos. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
My father was a sociopath, he had a smirked. I felt in childhood that something sinister in it. He used to do that when he got me irritated, angry, making me gone mad. I think universe guide me to your channel thank you
I've experienced the same, and that's truly a hard thing to process as a child. I didn't understand it.
Everytime they had “that face” I would call them out and say “you have that smug look on your face” and they chuckled
I’ve seen the smirk for many years before finally breaking free from him. Then I realized I had taken on so many of these things myself just because of living with him for 37 yrs! Is this possible? My life had literally meshed with his because it kept him happy...until I WOKE UP! OMG there are so many things I need to change and deal with on this healing journey.
Tracey Johnson I just had a similar comment and question ! I know we pick up “fleas” from the narcissist. We lay down with dogs we get fleas.
I had a slight smirk and I caught myself, while delivering some very very sad news to someone I loved. I smirked in the worst situation !! Felt guilt about it since !
I only hope they didn’t see it on my face. I know my mother loved to give me bad news and smirk- I never ever want to be that way.
We change one little step a day/ praise Jesus I don’t have to stay the same !
Amanda Stein thank you Amanda and I agree, Thank you Jesus for helping us to heal and change.
That smirk when you're relaying a wound or struggle: I reckon it ties into the sense of superiority over people they consider victims. It's a balm to their ego and insecurity to see us struggle or hurt, because they see that as sign of their superiority.
So true i have witnessed myself that gross smirk and no doubt it was utterly to see me in pain and crying and it was that moment which changed me to not ever believe him it changed the whole reality i thought it had. They exactly enjoy seeing people in pain get the pleasure out of it that sick they are
This is a much better video than expected, thank you for this. One thing, however, around 18:25 re Dr. Todd Grande. That guy is an embarrassment to his profession. It may be he had a tough time in early or middle school, because his attitude and maturity level appear stuck there. He's a hazard to any vulnerable potential client or patient.
Perfect description of the expression i *FINALLY picked up on whenever my exhusband was lying but thought he was getting away with it. That little *something* that was letting me know I was right to not trust his words.
High standards I finally saw the smirk, a light bulb moment, when for the 50th time he asked me if I’d made a will and I finally answered
I remember seeing my boyfriend's look of contempt come up every so often when I was speaking to him.... it was emotionally jarring to see. Unfortunately, I dismissed it because he was otherwise doing and saying all the "right things" to convince me that he truly cared about the relationship and me.
I eventually left him because of increasingly abusive behavior (emotionally). At the end, he told me that he considered women as lesser beings (the superior/inferior bs). Also a red flag: he consistently said he considered people in general to be stupid... which was also jarring as he was a health practitioner (acupuncturist). He would also tell me how he was the "alpha" in a group conversation we'd both participated in. Who even thinks about that?! Soooooo many red flags of contempt for others. I wonder if they typically come in clusters like that?
I hope that your video saves others from going through that. Thank you Meredith for the generous help that you share with us!
yes, i dont think i have ever seen my narc mom smile a genuine smile that lights up her whole face....maybe once or twice in my whole life...their eyes always look dead and disturbed. if someone cant genuinely smile? beware!
corsican lulu SO TRUE
My sister was like that 😅😂
Yep , exactly!!! Difference between a smile and a smirk !
My mom was like that as well!
I usually don’t like these types of videos but I do like yours because you seem like a real person, with good knowledge. Thanks for the videos
Great video! I think also if you're not aware of what this smirking means, it can be very confusing if they are trying to be appear to "nice." Their words don't match their expressions, and subconsciously I think we pick it up, hence our confusion.
Great advice,
I believe the narcissistic smirk is a *sadistic* smile. A display of their enjoyment of anothers' pain. When they can triumph over their target or think they have defeated the victim...
Regarding your dog, I _don't_ believe she despises you when she's thinking "What the heck!?" 😅
It's true that contempt is shown in one corner of the lip turning downward. Your dog's lip corner, however, turns slightly upward. I think it means she's simply startled/disgruntled/disappointed. 😊
She’s adorable. From what I understood from Ekmans course is that the one sided any expression straight across, up or down is contempt. When it’s combined with a smile it’s happiness and contempt. When it’s downward it’s sadness and contempt. That face we all can make when we are disappointed in ourselves or something. The contempt with the lip curled upward is also mixed with disgust. I truly believe Venus feels that way when she doesn’t get what she wants. Like “come ON, mama!! Me want!!” She’s a Leo so it’s all about what she wants and giving her attention 😂 but she’s also a furball of unconditional love and adorableness.
@@InnerIntegration Wow, that's valuable information, thanks for the insight. I didn't know that.
Yeah, she's really cute, her images made the video fun to watch, even though it's a serious/tough topic. 😊
@@InnerIntegration *you had me crackn up with those pics of Venus & the explanation of it all, I was LOL LOVED IT* 😆❣
Adela Setara Do you believe you can actually make a Narcassist smile through a genuine good time together? Or is every smile something else? I wonder if they ever have a good time with us when nothing malicious is going on, or is it they are planned for this?
I hv far too many examples of the narc smirk..but I'll never forget my mom's smirk sitting up in her bed as I passed her bedroom, returning home shortly after a car accident & totaled car. I think I recall a small argument before I left. But I figured out now that she & most NARCS like to start B.S. early in the a.m., anything to fuk% w/ ur mental &morning flow.
Wow.. the narcissist seems so great and unique through rose colored shades.. but when you watch them get read for filth like this, you realize there really isn’t anything special about them at all.
This is gold. I particularly liked the explanation between the emotions of resentment, anger, and contempt and how they relate to perceived differences in status or power.
I agree! I hadn't considered it until now.
It encompasses the worst kind of evil. Pure joy at another's expense. I wish there were more videos on this because it is extremely powerful. It is a visual manifestation of the truth.
Your awkward uncoordinated lips/eyes smile is so spot on! I couldn’t understand it at the time, it just felt “off” and unnatural, but now I understand what was going on. And seeing that drastic shift between blank face to excessive and exaggerated animated expressions is a dead giveaway in my experience. As you’ve said in your other videos, anything that gives you a weird icky feeling in your gut is something to pay attention to. Thanks!
They often get expressions of empathy wrong. Because that is practiced and thought through, but not genuine or felt.
The first time I saw it was when he was telling me bad news (a partial,confession from him). And he saw how it was hurting me. I was crying and I looked up and saw that smile/smirk. He was delighting in my pain.
Such great information, if it wasn't for channels like yours I would still be in the dark. Thank you
Great Video meredith...I saw that smirk on my dad and my female narcissist sooo many times...your right they can't hide it...they really feel they're above you...
My experience is that the overt narcissist has that grin and sneer and the sneaky covert narcissist has that predatory stare...Although, when you look right back at both of these empty motionless but dangerous entities, they usually retract these expressions. Very informative.
The coverts smirk too but much more sly about hiding it!
I agree. It's more obvious with the overt narc and not so much with the the covert one but the stare is a sure sign.
So glad you bring that up. I still remember my ex glaring at me one time, it made me feel so tiny and powerless, I could barely speak!
That predatory leer of the covert narcissist is as disgusting and vile as it is revealing to what lurks beneath the layer of skin.
Lizard-like
About Schadenfreude (from a German):
It's not the same as sadism. It doesn't require any agency in bringing about a harm to another. It is about taking amusement in witnessing someone else coming to harm (like when you watch a fail compilation). There are many different explanations as to why this is the case, but it is actually a quite normal emotion.
What is not common however is pure Schadenfreude. The default for normal people is Schadenfreude accompanied by a cringe (to check for that watch a fail compilation with a friend). If the cringe is missing it means the victim "deserved" it. And Narcs tend to think by default that everybody but themselves "deserves" to get hurt (or "put in their place").
@@ccdm515 A more apt German word (that I'll now coin) might be Justizfreude, joy at justice done. Schadenfreude, joy at harm done or misfortune to another, more applies to the malicious joy at harm done to the innocent. Yet as in the German expression "das ist eine Schade," that is a shame, "Schadenfreude" may here apply to express the guiltless joy of the victim's family that a life sentence for a murderer will justly bring the killer deserved shame.
My Mum said I always did this as a child. I was always labelled as a narcissist (and 'you're just like your (narc) father' , whom she absolutely hated btw) by her growing up, and it was very damaging.
At the time there was a very toxic situation where my father was still involved and was extremely narcissistic, he had pretty much convinced me that my mother didn't care about me or really love me, and on the other side of that was that my mother was extremely stressed as a young single mum of 3. we had an extremely strained and sometimes abusive relationship, so it really reinforced the idea she didn't care. I am the oldest and I was very much singled out. I guess I did hold her opinions/accusations in contempt- sometimes I felt/knew they were straight out delusional or untrue (accused of stealing money/food from the cupboard, which obviously is quite a black and white accusation, and then told I was lying when I said I hadn't, in the end I would end up saying I had, and was left almost questioning myself)
Anyway just the subject of this video was a bit of a 'trigger' there, she used to scream at me for hours sometimes, but when one of those types of accusations would come up she would say I was smirking. I watch these videos with other people in mind (like my father) , but also to see if I see myself in them.
Weirdly enough though, my mum and I now have a really great relationship and she tells me now I definitely am not a narcissist in her eyes. Haven't spoken to my father in about 10 years. I think I adopted things I saw in my parents 'dynamic, but it isn't really part of who I am. It's hard to explain, but perhaps others have been there.
I'm 25 now and have a wonderful husband and little girl, and I'm doing my absolute best so she never feels how I felt as a kid.
I get that look of contempt (married to a narc) and I've given it, I have such contempt for him because of the way he has treated me. The amount of hurt is so indescribable.
I love this. My first video! You are very easy to listen to and guess what. I have seen this smirk a few times. You nailed the scenes of when it happened. Also no wrinkles on him. His face is always flat. Smiley when he is out drinking with people, he is a bar fly. It is telling in their countenance. So scary. I escaped. 6 months now.
You go lillian!
She has a very nice soothing voice, on top of that she really zooms in on the subtleties that are so important and often missed. So beautiful
Spot on video. I remember looking at photos of him in his house (photos taken when I did not know him) which were riddled with him smirking . When my daughter saw those same photos she mentioned to me what I saw, unprompted by me. She used the words "sneaky" and "mean" and her relationship with him was always a positive one.
I remember him telling me , when I held him accountable for his behavior , that he, "liked to get a rise out of me".
It would be a long time of me trying to filorce something that would never work until I walked away in June . This has been my hardest work as I've had to heal my family of origin stuff and grieve them so I can get over him and finally have space for healthy love of a man at some point .
Don't give up ! If you have the strength and are willing to go through devastating pain all the while knowing you'll be OK , I encourage you to leave and recover yourself .
I'm just beginning to learn about what a narc is after being married to one for almost 36 years. And yes I've seen the smirk. I thought it was just him. It always hurt so bad to see it and he also has a twinkle if delight in his eyes. I've experienced gaslighting but never knew what it was. My head is swimming with so many thoughts like what should I do now. Kids are grown now but they have been hurt by him. I don't know who to talk to and what my next steps should be.
wow. I've seen them all in my narc. I was pouring my heart out to him one day and he was smiling. I asked him, "are you smiling right now?" and he tried to fix his face! It was total confirmation for me. Prior to that, I happen to be waiting for my narc, and I was smiling while looking down at my phone. I looked up just in time to catch the tail end of a disgusted look from him. No smile, just lip curled up. He cleared it right up with all the usual charm and sweetness. I didn't know what to make of it because if you dislike someone or they disgust you, why spend time with them? Now, I know what that was. Thank you for this video. BTW, he has no lines and no grey hair. He told me its because he doesn't let anything worry him. I believe it.
The ex Narc and my ex narc boss both had the smirk. The boss loved to do it when he knew he’d hurt me which proves they’re fully aware.
Discussions like this of emotions, their expressions, and their places in our lives really make me feel alive and present. I was raised where no real sense of expression of emotions was allowed. It was like being in a prison where all you are allowed to do is smile like you were happy and you could never let your hair down unless you were alone (and even then you had to be very careful no one saw you).. I wanted to show complete and utter anger, contempt, and abiding frustration all the time but I didn't dare!!!! Just talking about the repression of emotions makes my shoulders tense and start to hurt. This is valuable content for me and I think I will look up the people you reference so I can uncover more about myself and other people's emotions that play out in still an unconscious way. Thank you as usual, Meredith, for your excellent input into my recovery.
Thanks, that was really helpful. I was especially interested when you mentioned "The worst have often studied NLP." That's very insightful, and confirming for me.
Wow!! I tried to do a paper on micro expressions in my college sociology class a few years back and I even sited Paul Ekman and my teacher said it wasn't anything he had ever heard of and he didn't think I could provide enough proof to show that it was a reliable. It really burned me up because I was raised around narcissists and recognizing micro expressions was a survival mechanism I used EVERY DAY. I would see these looks on my abuser's face that told me that there was danger and I needed to avoid any conflict. To be told something that you used for so long and relied on so much for survival wasn't real was just such a slap in the face. Thank you so much for giving me this sense of validation because I felt for so long that surely my PROFESSOR knows better. It's awesome to know that I am right and I can trust my judgement.
This is really sad. When I was telling my mom about being molested, which I already had but she said I hadn’t told her before, right before she said, “ah gross!”, I could’ve sworn she almost smiled. At the time I thought it was so bizarre and wrote it off. Now I know it was that narcissistic smirk. I’m definitely in the angry stage of recovery.
I’ve also seen people in my family smirk when I told them about sexual abuse in the family. None of those people are in my life now. I’ve also had those Groundhog Day conversations with my mother about it. I’m glad you’re moving through the healing process into anger!
I think the worst I´ve experienced is someone pretending to cry, and say "I am looking at those photos of you at the age of 21, I don´t know what has happened to you!". And after that you see a massive smirk in their face when they see how upset you´ve become.
Wow.
Kellis 5 The Ex narc I was with faked cried a few times
Did you punch him in the nose hard? I hope!!🤬
I know this too well. Since I was 4 years old. I see it now with ex's and "friends". :(
Oh yes! Thank you Meredith, narconutz presented with the smirk innumerable times, for at least half the reasons you mentioned. The good news once you are aware of what you dealing with you can't mistake the smirk, then you are empowered to walk away and stay away!
your videos always feel like a thumbs up from the universe. i've definitely seen the smirk more times than i can count, but i hadn't really thought of the power dynamics behind it until now. thank you so much for sharing this with us!!! big hug back as usual!!!!
Ugh. Makes me sick to think about it. My ex would have a small smirk for daily manipulations but when he was blatantly abusing me mentally and physically...his smirk hurt worse than anything...he enjoyed watching me burn inside.
My mom smirked after she said "I'm glad I didn't get you your green card" yup to my face with my golden child brother right there.
I’ve absolutely caught that “ smirk “ !!! It immediately gives you that sense of unease because you know in that instant just where you stand with that individual. Body language is everything . ( actions speak louder then words ). . Excellent advice as always , Meredith . Venus , by the way , is adorable! Made me crack up as I tried listening to the message. Brought such fun and silliness in a time much needed . Very much a doggy lover so I can relate to the antics of our canines .
Omg, they doooo have a smirk!!
I know you said don’t tell people your vulnerabilities because they can use it against you but I do, just as a test to see if someone is an abuser. I did it to a new “friend”. I told her I was in an abusive relationship and he hit me. She gave me a smirk, BUT said she’s glad that I got out of it. Her words didn’t match her face. That was a red flag, and a few months down the line, I knew she was a narc.
This is extremely helpful to me. The smirk of the main narc in my life is an image that has come to mind when my therapist was helping me look for traumas for material for EMDR treatments. Now I understand why it hurts so much. It's pure contempt and her enjoying thinking herself superior to me, especially when I'm succeeding or sharing with others about what I'm passionate about. Essentially, any time I'm growing in being myself, enjoying life, learning and being happy, she smirks at me.
I am going through EMDR therapy as well and it's been extremely helpful, I have been able to recover almost completely. Wishing you all the best and I hope you'll have amazing results too
I like your delivery, and your sparse backgrounds. It really makes a difference. Thank you.
He had a smirk giggle, and completely denied it.
Quality youtube content.
I'm not sure if this is quite like the narcissistic smirk, but recently I was in the middle of a confrontation with my narc husband about an incident that morning where he had talked to me in the most demeaning hurtful way and then left with our son without saying a word. He was acting clueless about why I was upset and minimizing and gaslighting my version of what happened I finally just stopped and looked at him and in a very calm voice told him that he knew exactly what he was doing to me. I looked him in his eyes and told him that I knew that he remembered every single word he had said to me and was aware of how it made me feel. I didn't take my eyes off of his face and suddenly a smile flashed across his face, I guess you could say I have to smile as I watched him struggle to hold it back. I immediately called him out on it and as he tried to deny smiling or thinking it was funny he struggled to wipe the grin off his face. I told him it was so obvious that he knew I was right and of course he told me that I was crazy and he was smiling because I don't make any sense.
Story of my childhood! My mother's beautiful smirk.
Oh my God I think you’re absolutely incredible. I have seen of this smirk for at least five years now on and off. On the face of my ex partner. The first time I saw it, it actually really scared me. I can never ever forget that moment. Because I knew there was something really evil about that smile. After watching this video, a hell of a lot o The first time I saw it, it actually really scared me. I can never ever forget that moment. Because I knew there was something really evil about that smile. After watching this video, So much of the past confusion makes sense.
You absolutely blow me away. I love your videos. Where are you from?
I see this smirk from my 17 year old daughter almost daily (along with other worrisome behaviors and attitudes). I'm not sure if it is just a teenage behavior and she'll grow out of it, or if I need to be worried and brace myself. I do see her demonstrate empathy toward others, but I'm not sure how sincere it is since she mostly has empathy toward people who supply her with a lot of attention or admiration. I wasn't a very respectful or compassionate teenager either until I matured a bit, so I hope she outgrows this too.
I haven't seen the smirk on one side of the face only, but looking back at past narcs in my life they've definitely had a characteristic tight smile, with pleasure in their eyes at my or someone elses discomfort.
One ex 'friend' deliberately leaned over and breathed on me when she had a cold. I have a low immune system and spoke to her about being careful with these things. She smirked because she knew that if I complained in front of others there she'd deny it and they'd believe her, or tell me I was overreacting. Boy am I glad I got away from them.
I’m glad you got away too!
Great video, thank you. I have experienced a person feigning a look of concern or "confused/lack of understanding" to extract more info. They are an abusive covert narcissist. They like to act like they are the victim and yet they stab people in the back or thrown people under the bus, any opportunity. They want as much info/power as possible. Very very small/fast micro expression of contempt but barely perceptible.
Wow Meredith, best I’ve listened to, not only about the smirks but finally getting answers as to why the lack of lines on the foreheads and the eyes. The ex would smirk but not just a short while for a minute or less, it was t a split second reaction, I would turn around and see it while he was on his phone, it was an evil smirk, it became more obvious and more frequent when relationship was just about over. Planning, Plotting and Scheming that’s what I surmised it as, due to the nature of after the breakup what he put me through.
Judith this was one of your most enlightening videos that I have seen apart from the very initial one that I saw of you when you asked "have you experienced something like this?" At least I think that was the name of your video it was over a year ago. Anyways in that one you were explaining what narcissistic abuse looks like and what it actually is. The first video I saw of you validated what I had been going through. With this one it validates what I am going through with the now second male abuser in so many years. so thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!!! you are doing a great service to the world and with your help I am no longer a victim.
That was really good! I can never get enough of learning about psychology
I actually have to laugh after watching this video because my narc ex would cover his social media with selfies of this smirk. I think he thought this look was “sexy.” He would even go as far to send me these pics privately. Then he would come home and ask if I received/liked them. Here I am - the type to send cat pics or food pics and he is sending constant smirk selfies. 🤮 But now I can just laugh about it.
Bahahaha that’s too funny that he thinks that’s the sexy face 😂 🤣
Inner Integration Yea, his smiles seemed forced and awkward.
Same here!!!!! Lmao!!!!!
Arrogance is a form of contempt. There is a vast difference between arrogance and pride. Pride means feeling good about oneself and our accomplishments. A person who truly feels good about themself doesn't need to boast or put other people down. Arrogance however is the feeling of being superior to others. Insecure people are only able to feel good about themselves if they believe they are superior to others. Naturally everyone finds confident people attractive. The Narcissistic smirk is a way of emotionally communicating to the world overtly or subtly that you are extremely confident about yourself. It is a mask, a type of projection, a false front. Psychopaths or Narcissists equate this look to confidence. It is contempt not pride! What they fail to realize is that they are expressing arrogance not pride. They think they're so clever. They believe that they are above everyone else, that the rules only apply to the little people. They have a secret that only special people are in on. Here is their secret. People encumbered with a conscience are fools and deserve to be manipulated and used. They think that people will respect them because of their ability to charm and manipulate others. They believe their arrogant demeanor, ruthlessness and Machiavellian machinations are something to be admired, because the only thing worth having in this world is power. If you can't see it, it really doesn't matter to them, because the joke is on you and the entertainment was always only for them.
There is a vast difference between healthy pride and overweening pride or arrogance. Hence the prefix OVER. We have to be careful not to think it is our responsibility to police others on the correct amount of pride they should show. That is abuse. We need to deal with our shadow and not take out our insecurities on others. I see women shaming each other out of envy and using moral authority as an excuse to emotionally bully people. That type of behavior is completely inappropriate.
Dupers delight :)
Exactly!
Perfect name.
I had always been confused by this, now I know what it means. I only learned the term you mention this week.
Lately after he tries everything of the cycle to lock me back in and I still resist, he ends up taking a selfie of himself with the smirk, he then sends it to me in a tex message and/or posts it in social media.
Now I know why this happens, thank you Meredith!
Yes, but the narc stare is more obvious it lasts longer. Lovely to hear you today, sounds busy where you live good sign of being fully healed you don't need to be isolated or in a quiet place. X
True that! If you can meditate and focus in the middle of Mexico City you can do it anywhere.
The title of this video instantly captured my attention. I know exactly what you mean by the smirk. Starting to watch this video now!
Excellent video, Meredith!!!! You never disappoint! All the best and a big hug from Transilvania!
It all makes sense. That expression gives me flashbacks of standing face to face and immediately having a gut feeling that something was very wrong.
OMG she did this ALL the time. Even prided herself in her smirk and thought it made her attractive. Holy SHIT this shit is helpful. Thank you Meredith.
It’s so funny how many comments said the narc thought their smirk was sexy. I hadn’t even realized that. It’s so just the opposite! But the good news is since they think it’s all that, they’ll keep doing it and making it clear how they feel 😂
@@InnerIntegration hahaha YES!! we just need this info to be OUT THERE so people can learn it BEFORE they are destroyed by the narcs. Keep publishing and posting - you are SAVING LIVES. Thank you again, Meredith.
Oh boy, my soon to be ex wife spent a summer in Paul Eckman's lab learning this stuff. I remember her intense fascination with it for a short while. I still caught her smirking quite a lot during the devaluation period. Thank you for your videos, Meridith. You and other RUclipsrs have helped me heal a lot over the last several months.
Yeah, Meredith and Richard Grannon were life savers for me when splitting off from my evil ex and trying to put the pieces all together. #GodBlessRUclips.
My boss is a narc. She never shows up to the office but when she does and we’re not there she has a freak out and sends a bitchy email about how this is unacceptable, not seeking info on why we might be in meetings or doing life stuff we cleared prior. Anyway, from this channel and others I learned not to provide supply via reaction, apologies, excuses etc. I finally said to myself, you didn’t do anything wrong. Let her follow up directly if it’s so important. Nothing. So I’ve learned that reacting is a waste of my energy. She’s an idiot and I am a high performer she doesn’t deserve. I have nothing to apologize for as long as I operate according to my own sense of integrity. So thanks!!! It’s a breakthrough for me and my CPTSD.
Typical boss
This helps so much especially observing their faces carefully and thank you for validating the smirk, much love been following your work for years 🎉
I know what you´re talking about. One we were in a very delicated discussion, I was so dissapointed and in anger, just about to cry and explote, and he smiles and sald "come on" "Let me hug you", I was thinking, this is fun for you? Do you enjoy this? I was shoked, and scared of him, I have had never seen that expression when I was so in pain. That was a red flag for me. My sister told me that he had a fake expression in photos, like fake smile.... I thought It was just weird but she noticed way before.
Every time I react. Every. Single. Time. They sit there and smirk like my reaction is what they wanted all along and they love every minute of it- while looking down on me for letting them get to me. Just watch me react and smirk.
Loving this one, so many gems in this to be aware of.
Thank you
Thank you Meredith. I am currently reading your book. I love it. I recommend that it should be the first book a person reads when starting down the path of healing from narcissistic abuse.
I’m glad you love it!
I remember seeing that smirk once when I called him out on his hypocrisy~~it was like, "she got me"~~busted!
I am not lying or kidding. Never underestimate the power of the narcissistic smirk. To an innocent person, it is quite unbelievable. We cannot believe that this kind of disdain occurs in a free society, yet it does.
Disdain…great word!
Brilliant. I wondered what my sister's face was saying as I spoke with her. My gut was alerting but I didn't know what it was identitying (sp?). Thanks for clearing that up. I am so glad to learn from you. It's so ironic. My mother, a passive aggressive, sent your DARVO message to me so I could become aware of Donald Trumps negative tendencies. What she didn't know was that she cleared up the deep angst I was feeling. It described my sister. Then more recently you described her even better with Covert Passive Agressive Narcissist. It is so refreshing and relieving to have an understanding of what I am feeling and to know it's ok to be feeling like this, well not really but knowing that these feelings exist. Anyohway, bless you!!! I'm above water now, not drowning anymore and boy does that feel good. O and to top it off she's a counselor and chaplain. I'm up against a mighty, might. Yikes huh?! At least I have a chance now. Emotional Nuetrality! 🙂🙂🙂💪💪💪🌻💖🎉🎊
Thank you Meredith. I had a recent episode where I was telling someone that he was not showing me a loving and caring attitude. I gave him specific examples and during the time I was talking he was giving me that smirk. I had seen this video before and I came back to revisit it. I then realized what that smirk meant and I went no contact.
My ex narc used to laugh when he was in pain.. when I caught him lying he would smirk as if pleased that he had gotten away with it for so long.
You and you're pooch are balm to my soul meridith. Great examples. Big hug to you both.
For the uninitiated empath, it is almost impossible to register the way narcissists think as even plausible. This is why we make excuses for them and continue to try and see the good in them where none exists. In life, people are either blessings or lessons, and boy oh boy, what a lesson the narcissist is!!
Exactly!
For all normal humans, it’s impossible to conceive of others being like this. We tend to think of narcissist, psychopath and sociopath, as serial killers, or Hitler, or Mao type of characters. Unfortunate truth is, they’re all over the place. 15% of the population! Highly unlikely that any of us have gone through long stretches of life without interacting with many of them. You just don’t understand how damaging they can be until you’re in a romantic or family dynamic with one.
My adult son did that and his mother did that. 22 years, I lived among them. Now, I have no idea where they are and they don't know where I am. It's peaceful now. I went through an utter abuse for all that while. They might be showing that evil smirk to each other now. LOL! Thank you for the conversation Inner Integration!