Hoovering | When the narcissist comes back
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- Опубликовано: 3 авг 2018
- In this video you’ll learn about the concept of “hoovering” and how narcissists try to pull you back in after you leave them or even after they discard you. You’ll discover the 3 tests that manipulators like narcissists will use to try to engage you again. Stay tuned to find out what the most common hoovering traps are.
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NOTE: Meredith Miller is not a therapist or counselor. She is a holistic integration coach, helping you to self-heal and transform your life after narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. Meredith teaches the mindsets and tactical skills to help with recovery. She works with a mind-body-spirit approach to wellness that is a valuable complement to traditional psychotherapy. Meredith recommends that you also seek out a licensed therapist who has experience with narcissistic abuse and relational trauma in order to help you with the complex-PTSD symptoms. Thank you for taking responsibility for yourself!
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Closure will never ever happen.
Zero contact is the only way.
So true!
i tried then i get stalked.
But if everyone does that. The hell is gonna break loose.
Why not f´cking heal the narcs.
That is absolutely true! I have finally accepted that. I want to be in peace again, this man shattered me
Last time we spoke a week ago he told me I was the dumbest person he ever met and not to call him again. Saturday I got 11 phone calls all blocked. He even called from a private number. Nope. I deserve better. Game Over.
👌👌👌
He. Told. You....you. were. Dumb.........he is. The. Dumbell for. Letting. Go. Of. Yoi.....dont. go. Back. To. This. Dumb bell...ding. ding. Ding round. 3. You. Are. Done
Lady you serve him . Never stop praying. Eat good, feel and move on to the highest level to see . Over look his comments. You have got your freedom. Stay strong and safe.
I get my own closure. Once I find out they mess with my peace, their done. My closure is paying my bills, exercising at the gym, finding new love.... see ya. I just bought a house. Leveling up is a great way to get closure. Leave them in the dust. Start a new hobby.. hiking, running, going keto, get a dog, start learning a new language. Do things to improve your life! Building you up will deflect from their attempts to undermine you. NO CONTACT!!!
SuperNova Great advice 🙏🏼 Thank you
This is my life story! Way to go!! Life is so much better!
I will print this comment and put it up on my wall.😍
This is great advice and the only thing that will make survivors become sovereign human beings again.
However, depending on the damage done to the survivor ( how long you were in the relationship, the extent of the abuse) it can take many years to get to the point you are describing.
Many survivors first have to heal from the effects of the abuse before they can become functional again. Effects like complex PTSD which include panic attacks, agoraphobia, social anxiety, learnt helplessness, physical effects like adrenal exhaustion, digestive problems and much more.
So for those survivors who are not able to just get up and start living your life because you are suffering from CPTSD don't beat yourself up, be compassionate with yourself and focus on working on your recovery, though it may take a few years you will get there and its worth it. You are worth it.
Ana Jadwa han Thank you for the great words, I have been married for 40 years and i am Co-Dependent and CTSD. I have so many signs of being a Narcism because of the so many years and the Trauma Bonding. I have only learned most of this the last 3 years. We are in the midst of Divorce and this is so hard to walk away. I miss him so much, but I have a wonderful support group and in counseling. And Anne of Green Gables is right try to do new stuff that has nothing to do with him, but your advice of slow and grace is so important for me to keep right in my face. I pray for healing in a reasonable amount of time.
No closure, no revenge, just want be left in peace and live my own life. I don´t respond in any way, because I know that any response is what fuels them to try again.
❤
His karma will be my closure. Lean back and watch the show.
Revenge keeps you from healing. And causes more personal drama.
Suzi Hazlove Love this!
Amazing how predictable these people are and how they use the same tactics.
It all gets a bit cloudy when emotions are involved eh? Still, shutting down all channels of communication is really empowering 🤗
When I blocked him and no contact change my phone number he refused to answer our adults children phone calls he thinks he is punished me put I'm so happy and feel sorry for the children
Because they generally work, since victim is so used to be manipulated by those tactics. It takes effort to break from it, and when you do, you have real reason to be proud of yourself.
I have determined that they are all the same interdimensional multi demon acting out the same pattern in different bodies. Mental illness, personality disorders and psychosis are actually demonic possessions .... What did the demon say when Jesus asked his name? We Are Legion, for we are many
damajio
That's what I've been thinking as well 😊
I believe it's demonic
Last night it was "All I ever wanted was my family... " today it's "You are crazy. Such a unhappy person."...
This is draining!!!!!!!
Christel Closet Hope you managed to get yourself free! It’s a horrible cycle, physically and mentally draining and damaging.
Going through the same thing its annoying I'm sick of it
Going through too
Maybe you are 😂
Yep!
I'm binge watching these. I got out of that relationship a year ago but just realized they were a covert narc & very high on the narc scale. Watching these videos is so healing for me bc it just confirms that I wasn't crazy.
How very right you are !!
I'll date you 😊
Healing for me2.
Has anyone considered that the described Narc also fits the description of a confused desperate man, madly in love with a confusing or even evil woman, pretty much exactly. Its like ten girls got in a circle and each picked what they liked least about men, and then determined thats what a NPD sufferer does. It might be how you feel but that doesn't make it reality thank god.
@BOV come on now bro, we all know that when a man says mean or hurtful things, he probably has NPD, yet when a woman says mean and hurtful things, she just has PMS.
He hoovered me after 4 months, I just started my 5th of No Contact. I am not answering, I do him same as he did me, SILENT TREATMENT!!!
"I just want the best for you..." Oh dear, how many times I have heard that, and "everything I do is for your benefit."
Or, I just want to have a good relationship with Mary and be closer to Mary.
My ex narc did that to me yesterday. I was applying gray rock and I straight up asked if her husband or bf or what ever would like that she is reaching out to her exes. She backed tracked immediately and said I just wanted to check in to see if you're happy.
Bitch, we stopped talking 8 years ago and only had dated a couple times during that college semester. Toxic ass woman tried to triangulate me and I walked away lol.
Omg those are their favourite lines!!
It really is heroin withdrawal. I’m on day 27 and have resisted so much intense hoovering
Amazing
If you can then I can. I'm on day 2
@@shaniecegullison I'm on day 25
Remember what the alternative is: going right back to hell and horror. Is that what you want? Of course it's not so stay no contact.
Day 15
I grew up in a narcissistic family, and it was one of the hardest life experiences. This is a breath of fresh air my friend! Thank you!
Same here. Learning how to heal now.. I send my positivity to you.
I literally had a missed call from my narcissist partner while watching this video, after 3 weeks without contact .. and I hung up . Its feels so good 👌👌😂😂
Another thing that a narc will do if you resist, is get your family on board, or even friends [your own!]. I was completely nonplussed when my own family [who had previously understood he was bad news] begged me to be 'kind', and give him another chance, he was so heartbroken. I was completely bull dozed by my own family, who then went on to abandon me, and take his side on pretty much everything. I will never trust anyone when it comes to how a person makes me feel except for my instincts. It cost me so badly. =/
They do, and then they can say "we all think..." or "everybody says..." about you.
Exactly, and you are left feeling totally isolated and also, worse, completely weak. I no longer felt convinced by my own reality, my own sense of right or wrong. I realised that for quite a long time, I actually had to ask other people what I really thought! That is scary. I never want to be in that situation ever again.
[thank you for responding =) ]
Inner Integration
I've always paid attention to that partucular sort of speach, when I feel a politician is dirty, bad or creepy manipulative,..
"People say,.."
"I've heard",..
'I always hear",..
-------------------------
That sort of speak?,..
Feels like a manipulation,.
•Which people?
•Heard it where?
And?
•Theres not an ALWAYS ANYTHING!
BTW,.. Thank you♡
for all you do,.. for making me aware,.. of what I never knew,.
Careful with strangers?
I've always been,.
But? Family?
What a kick in the,..
I was in the same situation but didn't give in and finally they ALL left me alone. They know I don't mind being isolated by them. Stay strong!
That is called Flying Monkeys, this author has a video about it I recommend you to watch it.
After this current relationship ends...I'm staying single FOREVER!!! Smh
Me too
Yeah if you feel you wanna date, then date but when the date ( which may include romance ) is over, show them the door.
That's how I feel right now. Those people ruin good people.
When I finally had enough as the scapegoat and was basically uninvited from my families vacation. I moved out while they were gone. Unfortunately I couldn't bring my cat which was the most important thing in my life. When going for the jugular, my dad contacted me saying that he and my mom found a home for her and they wouldn't keep her, even when I said i would try to find a new place that allowed pets. In the end I went back home when they were away and snuck her out.
Good job! I'm sure you are doing much better now👏👏 so glad the kitty has you
how are things now? good I hope
Got hoovered over Christmas and I fell for it. Saw it coming and thought I was in control and then Christmas day hit, I was alone and without my kids. Now feels like I'm having to heal all over again after 10 months of being away from my ex narc who is the mother of my son.
Please, if anyone sees this and has the tiniest inkling that you're being hoovered NEVER think you're in control. They will win everytime. Ignore and never respond. Don't make the mistake I did trying to be clever. All because I was getting updates again on my son and it fell into what's happened. one night at Christmas back with my family and then discard all over again.
Don't make the same mistakes x
Excellent video and great advice. The Narc loves to play mind games with you to the point of making you feel like your crazy by Hoovering, don't fall for it ! Go and Stay NO CONTACT!
He just sent me a birthday card, on the front “Life’s a journey” and inside how he‘s “glad” because he thinks I’m finding joy, p peaceful contentment & signs it “Love,___”. Gotta be a hoover
Purple Belt---RUN!!!
Otie Jason
Are you his friend?
🤮 they *try* to sound philosophical or spiritual
I've had this happen with a narcissistic manipulator I wasn't speaking to. Initially I had decided never to speak to her again, because of the many unacceptable ways in which she had treated me. Whilst I wasn't talking to her, she messaged me, trying to organise a birthday party with one other mutual friend. I wouldn't accept that, but eventually this touched me and confused me into saying we need to talk. When I showed up to talk to her, it was meant to be a serious - she gave me a BS birthday card saying and a cheapo gift right at the start and acted like we were going to be besties. This slightly angered and confused me, but I wasn't smart enough to know why, and ultimately accepted the gift. Two years later and several more months of being used and treated badly later, and I know I was hoovered and should have avoided that rat. :D
I've been accused of being a narcissist by my most recent ex numerous times. She has pushed me out completely. I don't know what to do anymore. I love her so much and I'm scared this is because she is splitting or hypomanic (similar thing happened before, but previously she thought I was cheating when I wasn't).
I've been trying really hard to get myself better which really sucks because I knew we had problems in our relationship and I was trying. Unfortunately only now realised the issue and I hate it because all of what I'm going through lines up with these narcissistic behaviours. But I have legitimately realised that I was bottling things up and not talking to anyone when things were going wrong. I was trying to stay on top of things and ended up thinking everything was fine when it wasn't. I didn't separate her from her mental health and saw her as being critical and angry, mistrusting all of the time (she has bpd) and I genuinely miss her so much. I feel disgusting. I keep thinking maybe I am a narcissist because I've been so desperate about this. I stopped trying to contact her for 2 weeks but I fucked up today. I don't want to be manipulative, I don't want to be horrible. But holy shit I love this girl so fucking much it really really hurts to think I could never see her again. I don't know what to do. I've started a referral to see someone to talk to and have started anti depressants. How do I talk to a professional about this? I don't want to be manipulative, I don't want to be all of these shitty things that a narcissist is.
I just wish she trusted me, but she never will and I don't know what to do. I know stopping messaging her is the best thing to do. But it hurts to feel she'll never forgive me. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I'm trying to stay positive but this fucking sucks man and all of these types of videos just convince me and her more that I'm a piece of shit who deserves to die.
I didn't know he was a manipulator until he started calling me that during the discard. I realized he was projecting and telling me who he really was. It was a scary realisation.
j j that just happened to me, he sent me a message about how he was feeling that was exactly what I was feeling, I got crazy
I got hovered in 3 times before finally going No Contact, and it happened exactly how you described it. First sweet words, then accusations and finally straight up threats. My narc is malicious and he had abused me in the past, and everytime I went back the abuse would get worse than before and it would happen quicker. Last time I agreed to invite him over, the abuse happened the minute I closed the front door, and this time he brought a gun and held me hostage for 24 hours before he left. I seriously think I would have been dead, had it not been for the fact that I was able to fake it and make him believe I loved him and would stay no matter what. I ended up filing a police report and getting a restraining order against him. He is now serving time in prison, but I have no doubt he will try hovering me in as soon he is out.
Go No Contact and leave this cruel people in the dust behind and don't look back. Its never going to be better!
For some reason it took the 3rd time before I did the no contact also. One thing victims must realize is that while a restraining order gives them legal leverage, sociopaths do not obey the law. And it is only a piece of paper and does not protect them physically.
You will need protection when he gets out. Don't trust a restraining order to stop someone like that. Please stay safe
Its do hard when its ur Son but finally Iam doin it becsuse of this video 💜
@Gitte - when they tap the low grade broke asses out, they all-ways return to who was always there for them, you and me... people like us, super empaths... these types JUST WANT... and are attention whores... liars, cheaters, thieves and killer... I got threatened, smacked, hit, punched, scratched, strangled and bit, laughed it off, $ stolen, password and emails hacked... she made fakebook acct's to catfish people - admitted she thought it was funny to fk with people, she is gorgeous, but it is what she uses, I AM her true friend... not sure she was ever mine... awhile back she said "I found my girl power again"... riiiiiiiight.... she got my "mother" on her same page, fk her too... mom spells 666 on your dial pad for a reason... and whoowheee... she's gonna hate it when she dies all alone, I ain't gonna be here... not no more...
They all are dont feel bad.u great
Just received “I miss you and love you” flowers at work on our former “anniversary.” I’m not buying into it! Thank God for your videos! I feed off them almost as much as I pray! 🙏
I hope you threw those in the trash as soon as you got them. lolll my ex did the same. What a classic psycho move.
Take the cards off of them and take to an assisted living center. Turn bad into good--
Document these incidents in case it becomes worse. Most narcissists are men. Protect yourself.
My ex just came back after six months gone. Have met up twice. She talking relationship and marriage now, after coming clean on having been sleeping with her ex since we broke up. I wanna believe her, but something feels like I just can’t trust her with my heart again like that.
@@renep7008 she seems like she has a trauma bond with him that she wasnt healed from. He probably broke her heart again. I would take things very slow and nonexclusive as friends only until shes emotionally stable, healed and showing significant growth.
Thank you so much, I think I've healed more in the last 17 minutes than the last 3 months.
Thank you!
He is again knocking at the virtual door... Wants back.
I so will not give in!🚫
Thanks for sharing this information. This is TRUE
The narcissist will try to Hoover you. Don't take them back it will only get worst. Stay prayer and keep MOVING forward. A piece of mind is everything. The narc think you owe them something. YOU Don't owe them NOTHING.
Thank you for this video. I realized that I was actively participating in my own demise when reconnecting with a narcissist over and over again expecting a different result.❤️
I was just hoovered after 36 YEARS!! He was my first boyfriend between ages 16-19 and I broke up with him. He joined the navy..got married (still is) and has 2 children. I put on FB that I needed a handyman...he is a carpenter now, so he offered to help me. It was the first time I have seen him in 36 years, not only did I see red flags, they wrapped around my head. He would call and tell how he still loved me, blah, blah, blah. I blew him off saying I was going to wait on the repairs but, he tried to manipulate me into him coming back anyway...I gray rocked him. Wouldn't let that narc back here for any reason...mercy! Didn't know about narcs back then but, sure glad I know about them now! Much love Meredith, and thank you for all you do!💖
That's crazy! 36 years?!?!?! THESE NARCS HAVE NO SHAME!
After 36 years, still the same old narc? True, attitude of humans will never ever change. Krystal, you are a smart lady, could see through the hoovering old hack.
Talk about stalker. Wow
36 years! I had to double check to confirm I had seen that number right. So glad you saw through the situation.
This quarantine has my demonic ex writing me emails since he has been blocked everywhere else. I needed to hear this. Thank you. He ain getting no reply.
@@blossomslaceteaandcakeatch6872 originally I escaped on another continent where I still am. So this piece of shayt can't ring me, but anyway I blocked his number. The funny thing is, I am not replying but he keeps sending those emails man. The persuasiveness amazes me
Same here. Now he gotta get. Locked on email🥳🥳🤪🤪
Am trying to block all emails too
I’m new to no contact (four weeks tomorrow) and learned the hard way that I should have blocked my abuser because I got hoovered so badly today. She sent a suicide not to me via text; she has threatened suicide to me for nearly two decades, but never in a text. I immediately called two adults who live with her, but no answer. I rushed to the house and found her to stop her from doing anything dangerous. Instead she waved her naked ring finger at me as if it was supposed to mean something, but she has been threatening divorce even longer than suicide. She then harassed me with insults. I just kept asking if she needed an ambulance, and we are not talking about me right now, but she said I was the one who needed emergency help and pelted me with accusations. It was insane. Since I knew she was safe, I left, and I blocked her. I can’t be held responsible for her happiness or safety. Normal people don’t text things like this. I feel she manipulated me with alarm and fear. She intentionally hurts me, though she will deny this is her intention every time. Its just that I am “too sensitive.” It’s abuse, and I don’t want to be treated this way. Back to no contact-for good. You’re right Meredith-she punished me for being away.
Good job blocking her. Threatening suicide as a form of manipulation is one of the lowest things someone could do.
Thanks Meredith. ❤️
Don't forget that you've been hurt/traumatized. Look after yourself & make sure you get to a good space. Look back . Look back & unpack how you got swept up. Your not responsible for someone else's happiness. If the rejected your love & support by hurting you. Then why be responsible for their well-being ? Being a good/kind person doesn't mean you let someone guilt you. Stay away ! Block ! If they call hang-up , if they rock -up to work simply call security & report that your being harrassed. You see them don't show them any emotion. Simply leave the area if you can. If they show up on your doorstep , have your photo record incident & ask in a even btone for them to leave. Keep records of text's & emails & don't hesitate to get a restraining order if it escalates. Stay well!
Some narcs really don't like the comments in here 🙄
You should unblock her let her send you another text message threatening suicide and then call the police every time she does it call the police when you do this the results are left up to her an r on her not you she won't do it ever again I can assure you been down that road sounds like a psycho
I went full no contact on phone and social media and she still attempted hovering by sending a letter... I don’t know what she wrote because I told my family to shred and destroy anything that would come from her, but still, goes to show the length these individuals go to try and get you back. Funny that once I went no contact she all of a sudden had this awakening, considering that the last few days before I blocked her she made me feel like I was bothering her so much, even going as far as unfollowing me on one of our shared social medias.
I was just saying to my self the other day- the next thing I’ll get is a letter. I too went no contact with phone & social media. Can’t believe this actually happen to someone else. It’s nice to know I’m not alone … lol
At the Hoovering stage with my narcissist manager now. Grey Rocked the devaluing and criticism and I'm now recognizing the instant pivot to Hoovering. It is definitely an interesting observation to see how easy it is to start treating him like a normal person and share professional insights like I would with any other coworker/leader. He bounces back and forth between devaluing and hoovering in one conversation. Especially when alone. He LOVES using 1-on-1 meetings to do his hoovering and devaluing. He is very aware and covert using chat/email to devalue/control.
One good thing about my Grey Rocking is that he is spiraling out his abuse to more people now, since he isn't getting a solid supply from me anymore, and it is starting to show on people's faces. More and more people are expressing demoralization at his hands. People are using public channels to pull his abusive behavior into the open. Unnecessary night/weekend work in a 9-to-5 job. One of his kids went to college on the other side of the country, too, and I think that might have removed one of his sources of supply. And his wife went back to work part-time. He has one son left at home, and I worry about that one. The narc has a big enough house where they siblings could all have their own room, but he says the children have a very close relationship and choose to share a room. I don't think he knows he is a narcissist. I think his kids share a room to protect each other, and they learned to Grey Rock him. I can't imagine what he is like behind closed doors with his own family. If I can see the rage on his face when I ask him a simple question, or refuse to treat him like my dad, I imagine he doesn't hold back on punishing his own family. Everything starts to pop out oddly when you realize someone is a covert narcissist.
I recently had to drop a narcissistic person who I considered a friend. They were always the victim and constantly made everyone elses' business their own. It was kind of a relief when they finally revealed themselves so much I was able to cut off all ties and get my life back. This video gives me validation that I am making the right choices by cutting off complete ties, and as badly as I seek closure, I know this is the only way to achieve it.
My narc ex left a phone message tonight .. classic narc bs after 6 mths no contact by me 💪 I did not know that blocked numbers could still leave messages 😳🙄 anyway .. this video was so helpful in keeping me strong ! Thank you Meredith for getting the word out and for all the support 💕💪☺️🙏
Never going back !!!!
Annette Fisher I just looked on my phone after I read this - I had message too from him- blocked number! Ugh 😑
carieyoung1 ugh .. delete it and don’t listen to it again ...and never respond !! .. it messes with the mind
He has not left another on mine .. but showed up at my work two weeks after that messsage .. I just looked at him and in Merediths words I said with my hand up “ no! I do not need to talk to you” turned and went downstairs into our staff space
He actually never said one word to me .. just dumbfounded! Win for me! Nothing since ..! Feeling strong and moving forward ! ☺️🙏💕
Ive found your channel and realised I was with a narc, I feel like my eyes were opened. it was crazy I feel obsessed to learn everything about their behaviour now. he has sent 5 emails in the past 2 days, I blocked him on my phone. everything seems like it all makes sense. I have been no contact and I can see that he is just an evil man, everything I went through in my already hard situation. im really happy that you are here and there are others like me. I always wondered why this man was a bit strange, all of the pieces of the puzzle, I feel like I was asleep and I just woke up. I guess this is painful to go through, but this will be in the past and I will move on and heal.
I watched your video about red flags, and I think there was another narc I met, who tried to lock me down immediately and the flattery, phone calls, etc.
you do realise elvis is female right? And putting infant girls on steroids is not cool. you don't have to like it. it's been going on for centuries. WAKE UP
The withdrawal & panic & anxiety- You feel empathic, responsible, you feel bad that things aren't working out- & you give in & RESCUE THEM, & reach out to them & start communicating with them. If you feel you want to rescue or take care of them- Dangerous. @12:00 ++ You feel like maybe things will be different this time.
Blocking and or change your phone number is essential..
Even after years apart they go into the Rolodex in their head and try to contact you.
It goes exactly how Meredith describes in the video with the testing.
Playing with fire is right but more like hell fire because it's source is diabolical and it always seems to know just where or when to hit. This is ultimately a spiritual problem and trying to reason with the devil is never a good idea. As soon as this demon shows up, even in thought, start praying and don't stop until it stops coming back.
cybrotius you are exactly CORRECT!!!
we dont wanna 'label' them as evil as they are our loved ones in life, but sometimes. yes. in this time. it's ok and so much better to think that way. it leads us to the right path. I mean.. even including them.
YEP A SPIRITUAL PROBLEM!
Can you also see the evil demon inside them? I can sense that her thoughts and actions aren't really human
Yes it is a spiritual problem, they seem demonic at times.
Congratulations Merideth! You are taking off! We met once in San Francisco at a M&G and I wanted to tell you how impressive your work is and how much effort and research you put into this subject. You completely have a PhD. In narcissist abuse and now thanks to you and many others I have one too! Great Job!
Wow, this is astounding ; it's a precise, accurate and comprehensive account of this kind of abuse, which is unbelievable, until it happens to you.
Meredith I love how you’re syndicating your content into iTunes sound cloud Apple TV and other places. People really need this information and you deliver it with such clarity. Thank you for opening my eyes to this disorder. If you plan on creating more Kajabi courses and need help let me know. This niche and topic is close to my heart because I was victimized by it
Better to focus on a healing part. If a person gonna get better, learn how to set boundries, learn how to feel better, then knowledge about tactics of those robots wouldn't be needed, because they always prey on weak and wounded.
Such a good reminder to refresh the healing journey. I finally believe that they will not change. I am awake.
I got tired of the narc playing the victim and telling me how awful I am. Five seconds later he would say I’m playing the victim...?
You are so right. I'm glad and thankful you have this channel to validate our experiences. I've learned there is no "proving yourself" or trying to set things straight. It absolutely IS a waste of energy. They have decided who they want to paint you out to be and how they want to tear you apart. If you try and set a boundary or confront them about hurtful behavior, you are going to see their fangs. You have to back away and be convinced and solid in who you are as a person. Wish them well and move on.
WTF! Not one wasted word in this entire clip. It was an absolutely relevant stream f words and all necessary to hear. Just when I thought but... you moved on and closed that door too.
Well done and thank you very much, def saved me months of therapy!
Thank you Meredith for your words of wisdom and insight. Having it all laid out like that sure does make things a lot clearer. You truly are an inspiration x
I wish I could hug you !! I feel like you are talking directly to me. I feel so much better hearing these things. thank you so very much for the work you do with these videos, I'm pretty emotional watching them but goodness gracious there's a weight being lifted !! immense amounts of love & respect for you !!!! 💜🙏
12:10 the anxiety and panic, so real here
Yes!! Its major withdrawal. God got me through it all.
I've just come across your channel and the more I watch the more I think I may not be to blame for everything! THANKS A LOT for these videos. You have a beautiful presenting style.
This is so true! My parents completely ghosted me after I called them out as abusers in a long letter. But behind the scenes they are begging people for info on me.
My whole marriage was a hoover. Ironically over 30 years he never vacuumed.
Sue Mick 😂
Sue Mick,you did give me a laugh.THANKYOU.My ex was asked to vacuum the office at work ,she resigned!!!
You've explained years of weird "happings" where I was made to feel like the odd one out and the one the had a fundamental crack in my being. Wow! I had no idea I was being abused. I believed them...from birth! Thank you for explaining that pit in my stomach and teaching all of us that "we" have more kindness and substance than they do any day! They are empty, mean people who will never be the caliber that we are. It's time for us to soar and be who we really are!!
HOLY COW! Test #2 - just experienced with my brother. The words you used were so close you could have been repeating what he said. Amazing. I always thought he was pompous and condescending but never thought of him as a Narcissist. Thank you for the insight. I'm blown away.
You're a great human being helping us to really get through this and be US again. I'm getting a lot of strenght from watching your videos and just purchased your book. Thanks for all your help!! From Mexico :)
I LOVE YOU❤️❤️ i blocked him and my mother and three sisters. Thought I would die the first months but then life became sooo much better. I will never break no contact after how these people treated me after my divorce from my very dangerous narcissist. I had really nothing to loose and thought if they don’t stand by me now when I need them the most then I don’t need them at all💪
Fahima D Well done! Hope you are doing ok!
Love you Meridth! As always, posting timely videos that
Always seem to help me right where I’m at!
“I always loved you” is what many of them would say haha
Thanks Meredith. Well organized and delivered. I am makig notes to remember, read the situation, and apply the lessons...
I'm so glad I found this channel! I appreciate those that focus on providing resources for people to heal. I will be detaching from my family after this christmas. I will be confronting my narcissitic mother over some memories of abuse I repressed. Certainly acknowledgement of what happened or my feelings will never happen. I totally expect to be blamed for it and/or for her to fill the victim role.....that will be all the confirmation I need. No more surviving....just thriving.
Wow. You really hit those hard, realistic points. 😔 Needed to hear this 😔
Thank you Meredith! I think you help a lot of people...and boy have i got a story to tell about this....4x i bought this. And now....peace...no contact and understanding! Wish you where living in Holland! Love to take you out sometimes to thank you for youre effort and got nothing to do with the fact that you are beautyfull....hope that made you smile...you see, love and humor, and most good things in live ar free and universal xxxx (-;
Superb assessment of a real destructive agent from whom we must protect in all areas. I keep all my boundaries sealed. Thanks for this helpful hints. God bless you.
Thank you again! I'm so glad you're expanding.
Hugs received and returned!!!
-I've watched quite a few of these this week! Thank you so much, Meredith!!!
I'm sorry you had some horrible and 'not so nice' experiences, that brought you out to help the rest of us.
You appear to be in your Flow!
(As a non-psychologist?... I am soooo impressed with your practical and cohesive knowledge. You quickly express so many easy to understand messages, better than most of the Docs.... Oops, the back handed compliment! Learning some new bad habits on RUclips, along with the good ones.) Scotty on Maui. :)
Thank you for this. I am a mess, but I will get through it. Always have and always will. I appreciate your videos and you. Much love ❤
Raman Dhaliwal Thank you and much love infinitely❤
Jenny
Much love to you.
You will find real love, don't doubt it x
Best advice ever.
He said i truly love u n told me this every single day for 2.5 yrs until i found it was all lies n he hadso many issues to be fixed no sign of change no responsibility!
I am grateful for every youtuber that helps people deal with narcissists. Thank You ✨
Thank you for making this video. He just texted “I miss you”. now I know what to expect next. This helps so much.
Narcs are made of the energies they took from 'their prey'.
correct me if im wrong.
I wish we learned this in highschool. Such impt info on healthy interpersonal relationships. Narcissists are opposite of that and knowing the red flags... would have prevented so much harm and time wasted.
This was excellent. You really covered all the bases. And good to be reminded that manipulators are adverse to closure.
My narc used everything I told him about me, against me. Especially, my failures! He thinks I’m the mean person because I told him that I regret everything I’ve told him about me!
My mum is a ageing covert narcissist. I was literally a week in of going no contact and her way of hoovering me was to literally to stop eating properly and as she is a diabetic her diabetes was seriously affected next thing I got a call from a paramedic saying they were taking her into hospital! The guilt I felt was immense 😳 BUT I rang my sister in law who was very understanding and was already aware I have gone no contact with her and they dealt with the hospital. I have had to block her on my phone but I made the mistake of listening to a voicemail which was very garbled of her talking to a nurse saying my daughter isn’t speaking to me (nurse says families eh) my mum said she’s all I’ve got (I also have a Step brother and step sister). She’s very manipulative and people just see a sweet little old lady (don’t be fooled) she has abused me all of my life and the abuse got so bad she gave me no choice I’m trying to stay strong not to cave but for my own sanity I simply don’t feel able even with this difficult situation I’m now been placed in. My husband is now dealing with social services to put a care package in place for her while I’m out of the picture how long that will be I don’t know 🤷🏻♀️ but at the moment I can’t handle anymore abuse. 😢
New subscriber! I love how you break things down!
Closure has to come from within. So true. Thank you. Nobody else needs to review and approve what I think and how I feel. Loneliness is also painful, I know, but I much prefer to enjoy my own company in solitude. I will not choose someone else over me. No more.
Your video content is so helpful, what a blessing that I found you when I did!
It did piss me off till no end, the "I am just so concerned about you" comments. Now, a couple of years later I am free. I am now a happier person than I thought I could be. I wish everyone that. "Aaaaand it's gone! "
what i find VERY hilarious is when a narcissist pretends that you are the narcissist; they project their own pathology upon you in order to gas light and shame you. and the irony of the situation is that she is a psychologist.
I’ve heard from more than several people who went through that exact thing with a covert narc psychologist.
Oh my God. A psychologist. Where we go for help!
@@michaelsinaloense6449 definitely NOT her. luckily i wasnt seeing her in a professional capacity. but i feel sorry for the kids she was supposed to be helping. she was so messed up she did a hit and run, got a dui and tried to off herself. somehow they still let her "treat" children.
@@morganh1066 That's crazy. Nobody polices those people? My wife is at a center where there are about 8 that work together. My Lord, I hope they check on each other. That's some scary stuff. How did they even manage to get a license in the first place? That makes no sense.
@@michaelsinaloense6449 he was a bicyclist and she came back after she hit him. she pulled a big tears and panic attack thing and since this is a small town and she lives around the corner from where it happened they let her go. then she downed a bottle of anti anxiety drugs and ended up in the hospital. i dont blame you for saying it makes no sense. she makes very little sense. but like all narcissists theyre predictable
This is a most intelligent and articulate woman.
Thank God for her, and listen carefully.
It is so amazing how predictable he is... I am married 25+ yrs, and I keep thinking I am working through it... This video hits the nail on the head. Its so not me!!! No matter how much I try to rationalize what is happening... Its all part of their process. "Its not healthy!!!!!" Thank you for the post. You have given me one more positive point in "ME"!
Blessings Meredith, and thank you:)💜
You know the irony about this in my situation… I have two golden retrievers and bought a Dyson vacuum cleaner to pick up all their fur and my ex-boyfriend narcissist stole it from me and moved out of state so he is equipped with a Dyson vacuum cleaner even stronger than a Hoover. I truly think this is a sign.
Yes they often make off with something. And I agree it is likely a sign. Sometimes the universe has a morbid sense of humor especially when it’s like “hellooo”!
Inner Integration They give so that they have something to take away later. Something you love. It’s a staged setup. He said we are building a home together and that he loved my dogs . And got an SUV for them also. Its about CONTROL.
Everything we got together as a couple he stole in the middle of the night and moved into his own self storage unit at CubeSmart and then left Virginia for Alabama. He even stole stuff of mine that I had before him. NEVER SHARE KEYS WITH A MAN. I called the cops and there was nothing they could do and they looked at me as if I was the stupid one. Felt even more isolated and alone and victimized . This kind of abuse can drive you to suicide need to find support on RUclips
your lovely stalker exactly. This guy told me he was in between jobs but the truth was he couldn’t keep a job and he had significant credit card debt, truck repossessed and evictions in CT and VA. Homeless sleeping in a car with a bunch of tools in self storage unit which told me he was NOT an IT professional consultant but a laborer and handyman. He lied about that mirroring to me what I do for a living!! Used me for shelter stability and my earning potential and education and skills $$$$ and nice things in my home . He treated me nice to get in but it was all fake and ultimately he stole from me.
It was expensive! I have two dogs he has none. He did it to get back at me for telling him I am leaving him.
I thought he was going to sell it but then when I found out is he hijacked my warranty online with Dyson customer support. He had the physical vaccuum and serial number and they believed him. I called them multiple times and they told me it could’ve been a gift we don’t know what goes on between people.
He fucking stole my Dyson vacuum cleaner and hijacked my warranty on line with customer support. I tweeted about this and put all the pictures with it but nobody believes me. Never ever ever share keys with a man ever ever!!!!! Dan stole stuff and locked it away in his self storage at CubeSmart. Isn’t that something? I share keys with him he steals MY stuff and locks it somewhere where I legally have no access. I’m never going to date again. I don’t feel sorry for any man’s situation. If your life is a mess, get out of mine .
Christina Haftman why would a man steal a woman’s vacuum cleaner??? WTH ???? Is going on with these weak ass men of today taking from a woman. Ugh. I have been totally stunned to learn about these things.
Wow! That was well done, you covered the entire Hoover.
Great video. Thank you for uploading. This information is absolutely accurate. I hope that people struggling with a narc watch this and grow the courage to exit the relationship.
Nicolas Barrientos Congratulations 💙
Hope to be there one day!
I have Borderline Personality Disorder, all my life narcissists have been drawn towards me, I was abused by narcissists when I was a child. My first narc boyfriend (we met when I was 14ish, dated on and off til I was 16, last met up when I was 18) literally messaged me for the first time in 2 years the other day, this dude is fullblown crazy, last time he got in contact he saw me at a local park 2 years ago and within a day he messaged me. I blocked him, but two days ago he got in contact again out of the blue. I’ve dated 3 narcissists overall, and had one friend who was a narcissist who I cut out recently because they smashed their phone in my house, spent the WHOLE NIGHT taking selfies on my phone, they downloaded snapchat to take pics of themself, logged into their fb and insta to post photos, then made me order them a taxi home. The next morning I wake up to messages asking for the photos and when I ignored them, they started creating fake accounts to spam my Instagram photos to call me a piece of shit, asking for their photos over and over and over, then they slandered my name online saying I “hacked into their Instagram” when they literally left all their socials logged in, on one of their posts funnily enough the girl who bullied me in highschool to the point I ended up in isolation for months because I couldn’t even be in the same room as her, crawled out of the woodwork to try and twist her bullying onto me (its pathetic but apparently this is common too) then my “friend” started messaging my friends telling them I’m a bitch and sending screenshots of things out of context.
I think narcs can sense people with trauma and they latch on because they’re such an easy target. At first I was upset but it is such immature and childish behaviour and I’ve seen it all my life that I know it all stems from them feeling inadequate. With BPD I can split and be nasty sometimes when I’m upset or triggered, but narcs are just evil to the core.
OH yeah.. he always said, "I'm not running after you." LOL. After 6.5 months of no contact, me dumping and exposing him, he hoovered via third parties (common colleagues) last week; I told the colleague not to forward anything to me. I thought, I was rid of him, as I exposed him, but also know he is highly delusional and was kind of fearing it after the 6-month mark; and there's something in it for him - join a class I am in that he wants to attend. Of course, knowing that there's such an agenda as joining the class, any apology now would be too late or insincere, if I ever receive one at all or whatever else he will come up with. Third party hoovering is pretty coward, only to test the waters or cause confusion.
dgmoocher D I agree. We need to protect ourselves. A friend wanted me to face up to her Narc Bro in law who is an ex of mine. I told her that I have my own Narcs to handle and confrontation is not advisable having done this previously and suffered from it. She likes to expose him regularly but has support from her normal family whilst I live alone. Weird thing was that this encounter took me a week to recover from. It's as though speaking about him passed on some of his evil through her. Is this even possible? She definitely was not herself and it was more than health issues. The place we met is not one that I like to go to either as it has low energy but plans were changed. It sounds crazy but the Law of Attraction gurus do say what you think of or vibrate becomes real. Anyway I am paying attention to my extra senses these days.
dgmoocher D r Yep I am seeing that it is spiritual. Or lack of it.....these people are all religious. People i have been taught to trust. In a congregation you are kept separate taught that the enemy is in the outside world. .. but I have found that the people outside the congregation who I have chosen as friends are far better 'christians' despite many actually being in non Christian faiths. Perhaps spirit and energy are one and the same? It's such a tangled Web they weave. ....
I have to expose him and need to keep doing so, because I live alone and we work in the same industry. That way, I created my support system and won't see him in the industry.
My ex is a fake Christian LOL.. acting like the good guy.
Good luck, Raman. I just read from so many reports, they tend to hoover after 6-9 months. Mine is obviously textbook AGAIN. LOL
Sarah Z Perhaps them doing things text book is like God's warning system or something. Dominators aka violent people seem to follow same patterns and say same things. Tho I now see that dominators and Narcs are from same mold. Do what you must but please just stay safe.
So yesterday, I watched the new Mission Impossible movie. I must say, the last scene kept me stunning. Tom Cruise's character Ethan Hunt apologizes to his ex for everything he had done to her. And eventually, she thanks him for making her a Survivor that led her to the right path, no matter how badly he treated her. That'd be a nice comeback we can only ever wait for. Meh.
Oh, Maridith, thank you so much for this information! Its so helpful to know all this! God forbid I ever go back to believing his lies! God bless you!
Your peace of mind comes before anything else🥰. I have no idea why these people are the way they are but no thank you to any of what they offer!! Stay safe and be good to you❤️
Your amazing because you have the courage but God has graced you with this gift of extinguishing the dark. Thank you for your service
THANKS..👍,I NEVER go back and reconnect with my mom.NEVER!!
i think it would be good if you and your mother sit down together and watch several transvestigation videos and be cool, start with the celebrities you already dislike such as Alice Cooper and work your way up to the Obamas and Hillary and Donald and the Queen and Lady Di and Elton. and burn your television
she meant lovers. Don't leave your mom.
I actually feeling good and surprised at the same time that these kind of people are out there like me. same.
U know Inger narcs are sick people I had NC w/my mom 4 at least 30 years off & on in the end, I took care of her, I did home hospice & she left out w/a smile...just sharing..bless you
There was no their choice but going No Contact with my mother and entire family. I was the scapegoat from birth and had to break the cycle of violence. Unbelievably painful but in the end my healing and mental clarity are the indestructible reward. Keep an open heart for life and Creation ❤
I really needed to hear this as I just got hovered again. No contact forever is the name of the game. Thank you. Those eyebrows are lovely by the way. I got mine not long ago as well.
Meredith, I am grateful for you. Thank you for this video. Sending light, love and peace your way.
I found this so true and therefore very triggering. This person is so not in my life but how did I suffer at their hands!! This video and this work is so important because the damage is devastating and the effects long lasting!
thank you for your videos
Sweet / mean cycle is so right ! Meredith, you are so great at explaining this - thank you !
I am amazed at how spot on you are. Now I can only speak for my experience , but it sounds like the narc is so predictable and cookie cutter in their behavior. My behavior in this is also so predictable in that I violated all of your "Don't Do" rules. This went on for fifteen years. I knew vaguely what consisted of a narcissist ,but not until I listened to your videos did I fully understand what I was dealing with. I can honestly say now that I am on the other side. It is so liberating and I have also identified members of my family that were exhibiting the same narcissistic behavior. I feel like I have been given a new lease on life. I only wish I had this information fifteen years ago.
My first hoover came the day after Valentine's Day. I left him in December of 2018. He must have seen me somewhere, I didn't see him, and he messaged me through Facebook messenger. The message itself was arrogant. Then he followed up with sending me a friend request. I am in a good place. I deleted both messages and did not respond. Silence is louder than words.
GUILT TRIPPING: You abandoned me. You hurt me. Fake apologies. Fake insults. Gas lighting. @14:00
Thank you, I was hoovered and remembered your podcast- and sought it out immediately.
Thank you Meredith! Feel better soon!!!