I grew up in Utah where almost all of my friends were faithful Mormons and faced the things I see on this channel. I had no idea how convoluted it really is. Coming from an extended family that is literally Mormon aristocracy, I was so blessed to have two parents who were able to think and taught me to do the same. I never suffered the horrendous pressure to conform to insane norms and was always valued and loved for myself, who I was, as I was. At the age of thirteen, I asked a Sunday school teacher to explain to me what happened to the other person when the woman was “taken in adultery.” I read directly from my scriptures, John 8:3-11, “They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.” “If she was taken, ‘in the very act,’” I said, “then there was someone else there. What happened to him, when she was to be stoned to death? Where did he go?” The teacher screamed at me, “don’t you try to bring foul images into this sacred space!” I replied, “I’m reading from the scriptures and asking a question.” He pointed his finger at me and screamed, “GET OUT!” I picked up my books and walked out. I walked home and asked my father if I had to go back. He said, “You certainly do not. That decision will always be yours.” I never went back and it never made a difference in how I was treated or how much I was loved. I wish peace and grace for all those who have suffered and are still suffering from this oppression.
Wow, what a great question you asked your teacher for being 13 years old. I can't believe the teacher shouted for you to "get out!," instead of trying to answer your question. Better yet that your Father and parents etc stood by you. ❤❤❤
I’m so sorry Janae;;; I had the same experience when my son died ; I’m so sorry and I knew too he was gone; when 3 officers showed up at my house and I was so grateful my sweet little granddaughter was with me --;prayers always for you and your family
Janae, when my mom died I 2:43:12 went into "what needs to be done" mode and I never cried. Then about 7 days later, I was lying in bed and suddenly thought that I missed my mom. That's when the tears came and I cried for four hours. Grief comes when it comes for each person.
X-mo here. I got divorced amicably in Oct of 2021. Two weeks later, he had a massive heart attack and literally died at my feet. I felt I didn’t have the right to call myself a widow at first. And the last year and a half has been full of changes. For me the biggest was processing the emotional abuse and neglect. It’s a tough road, learning to parent alone and know it’s all on you
Oh my goodness I can’t even imagine! Processing divorce and death of spouse all at once. You’re strong. My motto after my divorce was “just keep swimming, just keep swimming” like Dory the fish.
Coming from a non Mormon background, I am continuously amazed at how much magical thinking/ magical signs are related from your guests. I think this is uniquely Mormon. I don’t see this from other religions.
Right, it is encouraged by the believers and the church because you have to have a high level to even begin to accept the belief's of that church.....they are really out there and wild.
@@helenh20moHaving God or other deities "speak" to you by observing "signs". That's magical thinking, like reading tee leafs to predict the future or a kid having imaginary friends (it's developmentally normal for young kids). If you are a mormon then you wouldn't understand because your magical thinking is integrated in your thought process.
I lost my husband to a massive stroke when he was 43. I was 37 and my kids were 2 and almost 9. I had to make the decision to turn his life support off. He was locked in (could only move his eyes) but it took 3 days for the hospital to give him an MRI so what went from being a minor stroke he would recover fully from to the choice of having a husband who would need 24 hour care to having no husband at all. The stroke was in his brain stem. Fortunately he could understand his situation and made sure I could understand that he didn't want to live. I made the doctor who had told my daughter her Daddy was going to be ok, tell her he was not going to get better.That was in August 2006. This is so tough for you, Janae. I get it. I cried for the first few days then went into a tunnel for about 18 months. Luckily for me, my parents lived around the corner and helped me out so much.
Oh my goodness! That was so kind of your husband… and you!! To let him go. I work in healthcare and see families hold on and hold in and hold on. It’s so hard to see people lingering between life and death. Grateful you’re still here with us! *hugs*
@@sedonarose7563 thanks! I knew it was the right thing to do for him but his Dad was kicking off, which I get, but at the same time, he didn’t live anywhere near us and it wasn’t going to affect his everyday life so Jeff making it clear he wanted to go made it easier for me to push to make the best decision. He was a young, fit, vital man. Had he lived on, he would have become a very angry, bitter man. There is never an ideal outcome but this was best!
I'm not a Mormon, this episode has really hit me for many reasons... not quite 2 years ago I lost my husband suddenly, also without being able to say goodbye... we're together for over 47 years and that numbness she felt I could so identify... and less than a year later my daughter's husband passed even more unexpectedly. I am so sorry for her loss .. I too didn't cry, all I could do was respond on the level that I needed to handle all the paperwork.. answering all the what needs to be done next details... I pray she finds peace and can move forward
I was on a LDS dating site and was shocked how many women I met who were young widows. Some had no children while others had six kids. All women were under age 40. That's too young to be a widow.
@@ninjanana8730…..Mormons are assigned a ‘tribe’ (usually Ephraim), when they get their Patriarchal Blessing. Therefore, I guess it is believed by the leaders of that church, that they are all from various tribes of Israel = Jews….as opposed to gentiles. Would this fit that scripture in the Bible that talks about “those who say they are Jews, but are not”?
Janae and Grant were in my ward when they met. They were such a fun couple. No one should have to go through losing a spouse, but I can't wait to listen to this series to see what she has to say.
Sitting Shiva is awesome am a black woman raised in a Christian household I worked for a Jewish company and when my son died coworkers visited for the 7 days After the third day my grandmother was like thank God that's done people will stop coming over I knew someone would come for the full seven days and they did and it was a great anchor for my grieving and distracted mind
@ah5721 everyone grieves differently and she wanted silence and alone time Someone in and and out for 7 days was a comfort to me but they weren't even people my grandmother knew
I’ve been married for 24 years. We have a 17 and 19 year old. In those 24 years we’ve had 2 times in which we lived separately for 3-6 months each time. They were glorious moments of our marriage where we both were able to reconnect to ourselves and to our children on a different level. We lived apart due to job commitments and moving states not because we necessarily wanted to live apart. However I look back fondly on those times. When people hear me describe those moments as soulful they think I’m crazy. I on the other hand think that every marriage needs that at least once.
Absence truly does make the heart grow fonder but additionally, I agree that sometimes couples need to experience a lil bit of what it is like not to have each other and get a taste of what life will be like if they can't figure out how to make things work....
My dad was terminally ill and we got the call on the middle of the night. I'd been at the hospital every day and was exhausted. I made a conscious decision to not process the news and went back to sleep; I wasn't ready for my world to change at that moment.
I loved Grant as a kid. I still will always remember discovering the RUclips channel and my 13 year old self would attempt to make everything he did. My favorite was the teenage mutant ninja turtle ooze. I'm 24 currently and like to think I'm doing okay in life and I STILL think about those days and how much they meant to me. Thank you for being a strong woman and continuing to push forward you are an inspiration to me.
As a culture we know how to help initially with families losing a spouse but we fall short of providing the ongoing support for the living and surviving members. Came home from mission and not even two weeks stake president is asking me to be EQP! Father passed before I finished my mission and I had not overcome the shock yet. What an open story. Thank you for sharing, loss is hard to experience let alone talk about and find voice to it.
That’s so hard to lose a parent… I can’t even imagine. I hope you feel his love in your heart and your memories and in the beauty of the world. Thank you for sharing. 💕🥰❤️
When my 2 kids heard their Mom died they had unexpected responses as well. My 5 year old asked if she could have Momma's special cookies now? My 10 year old son asked "how can we survive with only one parent." They both eventually found their grief in their own ways.
A five year old lives in the moment. The ten year old can already think about reality. This is such a hard journey for each member of your family I m sorry
Speaking of what to do when someone is grieving: One of my dear friends lost her husband at the age of 60. He went from being healthy to dropping dead of a stroke. One of the men from her church, not a close a friend but someone she'd served with and knew, really wanted to do something, so he bout a rotisserie chicken and showed up at her house the next day, knocked on the door, and when she opened it just held up a grocery bag awkwardly and blurted out, "I brought you a chicken!" She said she just cracked up laughing, and then he started laughing, and it was one of the most helpful things anyone did for her in the immediate days after her loss. Just showing up really is one of the best things someone can do.
I am so impressed with Margy's ability to pinpoint driving emotions or motivations in another's journey. I compliment her empathy and really feel awe for her calm wisdom. Thank you Margy, my own manner can benefit from learning to incorporate these traits into my own interactions with others.
@@DMills-un1tlI don't think she was at all. I think that she's so emotionally damaged from this event that she's in a state of survival. If she breaks who's going to take care of her family? If she breaks she might not be able to put the pieces back together. I can relate to that deeply. I've suffered a TON of loss in my life and I am this way also. People think I don't care and have no emotions. That's not true at all though, I deeply feel things.
I didn't have the proper emotions when my husband passed, until no one was around. The accepting of the new normal is so tough. I hear her when she says she didn't know if she could breathe. I would have loved to crawl into bed for a month, but had bills to pay and a young boy to raise, there was no room for grief. And, since he wasn't a member, people at church were very little help with the grief processing.
Hey this doesn’t relate to this video but can you please have Christine Brown from sister wives on your podcast? I think she would have an extremely interesting perspective to share on how her Mormon faith has evolved ever since leaving polygamy. I know that most Mormons don’t believe in polygamy anymore
She grew up in the Apostolic United Brethren which is very different than growing up in the mainstream LDS church. I agree it would be interesting though!
Mormons actually do believe in polygamy, and plan to practice it in the next life. They do polygamous marriage sealings in the temple, to prepare for it.
This is a great healing human experience…so much in life we keep the healing growth we REALLY need private…I nursed my dear husband 7 years with hydrocephalus induce by Parkinson’s Disease,,,there were tears. The early year…but then the work and heartache began…the loneliness as so many withdrew from us…even family could only help in their comfortable spaces…it’s 18 years…never cried for even at his passing … cried my heart out when I lost poodles at times …but the hospice helpers said when I asked why I have not cried…”your mourning was completed in the duration of his long passing…3 years in Hospice…total 7 in a wheelchair…
Great interview, thank you. In the Jewish tradition, Shiva is “sat” from after the funeral until the next Sabbath. As a RC, I sat Shiva for my Jewish husband. It was incredibly supportive, being surrounded by friends, family and coworkers. It made the unbearable, bearable for that period of time. For us, it was more of a celebration of his life and relationships. Definitely better than the traditional Christian traditions when you are left alone after the funeral.
The day my husband died i didnt cry right away i was actually the calm one of the family, i didnt break until the next morning laying on our bed i turned over and realized it was reality, im a widow this is not how i envisoned my life im 53 yrs old , WTF dude ?!?! 🥺😭
I’m 62 and a month ago, after three years of dating, found someone who adores me. (And he’s 48)🤩 It is possible to overcome those feelings of not being good enough. The last few months have been amazing for healing and realizing that I’m not what the LDS church told me I was.
This was my FIRST shelf item, 10 years before my shelf broke! My husband was almost killed early in our relationship in a motorcycle accident and it occurred to me that I could be a 20 year old widow without any prospects to marry another Mormon man because I wouldn't be able to be sealed again.
I completely get not feeling the loss. I tend to shut down during trauma and deal with in later. When my dad had a heart attack while traveling, I was beside his side As soon as I could get there. I was stoic as I sat in ICU. I didn't break down until everyone else was OK. I admit that wasn't the most healthy way to deal with it, but it was all I could do.
It's a plenty healthy way. That is how I and my mom and other members of our family are. WE are the ones that hold together and see to what needs to be done in the immidiate while others are freaking out and being useless. About the time that they quit freaking out and come to their senses it is about our time to tap out to do our own freakout. We hold things together in the crisis and only fall apart after everything has been dealt with and the situation allows for that. We are badly needed during a crisis. There's nothing wrong with you.
I married at 29 because I was 29, single, and living in SLC. It lasted 2-1/2 years, which was 2-1/2 years too long. I married again (for the right reasons) and 42 years later, I we’re still together. No longer active, but have learned so much . . .
This is the first time I see Grant's wife, I didn't even knew her name, TKOR was the first science channel I subscribed to when I saw the "How to make a Batarang like The Dark Knight" video, I learned a lot from it and left me with more curiosity than i had before, I stopped watching after Grant left the videos, It wasn't the same without his voice 😢. Props to her for being able to keep the channel alive and growing on top of being a mother of 4 after Grant passed. My respect ❤
Going through life, constantly on edge, wondering if you are "worthy" or not and hoping a bishop finds you so for your own affirmation. That's a sad way to live and one I reject in total. I hope people find a way to emancipate themselves from this cultish nonsense.
@@paulamortensen36 No one thinks that. The LDS expects you to be "worthy" though. Their love and acceptance are conditional on you being so and they dictate the qualification standard. I will not go through life like that and will not impose it on others because it is abusive and evil.
Thank you for this interesting discussion,. I lost a husband through divorce who later killed himself. I understand the loss as it felt like I was floating in space yet tethered to the energy of God as I understand them to be.
so, csa survivor here. wanted to say, part of us not getting help with adrenaline is that we are always in fight or flight feeling like we’re in danger. So we do self destructive things or dangerousish things to try to put all of that adrenaline somewhere. i’m so sorry for this persons loss. maybe that insight could help someone else.
I so appreciate Janae's emotional honesty in this video. This is a courageous interview. Also, Margie is the absolute most fantastic co-host, and my favorites are the videos when John and Margie host together.
“Emotional honesty”? Are we watching the same interview? Yes, she told her truth but with a complete lack of emotion concerning EVERYthing. This isn’t “bravery” it’s either denial or narcissism.
@@DMills-un1tlDid you go through this? If you did you would understand. Everyone is different. I would say work on that part of you that makes really big judgments.
I lost my husband almost 3 years ago and listen to you help me so much because I felt like I was really numb I had people around me but. I was like you said like somebody was holding me in their hand and it still difficult. But I'm getting through my day today. I had to give up my apartment cause I could no longer afford it. We were together for twenty five years and it wasn't all good but I loved him he loved me and I go on❤
Wow, this one hits hard. I lost my dad when I was 17 and felt so many of the exact same feelings, of "I can't cry, I have to take care of my younger brothers and mom". Just the shock of the whole situation made me respond with complete calm, instead of breaking down (which came later). The first time I saw temple clothes was on my dead dad (and I agree, they make bodies look just awful, to the point it doesn't even look like the same person). It was quite jarring. I often find myself planning for "what I'll do when my husband dies young," since it occurred during such a formative time in my life. I didnt have a mom who was able to take care of me, instead I ended up having to take care of her through it all, and I find myself planning what I'd do differently for my kids, so they wouldn't have so much trauma to deal with later on. Thank you for sharing your story, and I'm so sorry for all of the unexpected life altering events you've had to work through.
Emotions are an odd thing. I never did react to bad or sad news in a “normal” way. I’ve thought a lot about this and here is what I’ve learned. So, my career depends on my ability to really suspend my emotions and focus 100% on finding a solution. I didn’t learn that though. I thought of myself as having a bit of a super power - where nothing could shake me - and if there was a way out of the mess, I knew I would work to find it. I might have to call in other experts, so I’m not saying I alone could solve anything. I just was confident that I wouldn’t get burdened with emotion and that my steady focus would not fail me. As I’ve grown older I’ve recognized that this “super power” isn’t just active in work situations. I carry it with me in all life. This can be very good - like if I’m in a car accident, or something breaks down, or a kid falls and breaks an arm. I’m cool headed and I look for best solutions. I’ve found though that this isn’t so much a super power as it is a carry over from my childhood, as I was raised in a chaotic and abusive home with parents who had issues with substance abuse. But it has served me well, but I’ve paid a bit of a price because I’ve found that years of putting emotion to the side has caught up to me and now I’m fatigued. This means that I can not or choose not to deal with anything that upsets me. Because I don’t know how to manage feeling upset. It’s very odd. And it’s caused some relationships to suffer and I avoid a lot of things now.
whenever janae writes her memoirs, I'm gonna be the first in line to make that library request! it's a really rare combination for someone to have both that endless curiousity AND the drive to make it happen. totally threw me for a loop for the full jessica mitford turn near the end, but it really feels like a perfect summary of the way in which she seeks out different ways of thinking this whole time. again just very impressive, I hope to someday have her discipline.
I've been watching Mormon stories for a while now and even have a Mormon friend and yet it always baffles me when I hear that waiting a year before getting married is considered long. I'm about to get married after 9 years (which to be fair I wouldn't have minded for it to happen sooner). Can't imagine feeling like I know someone enough after a few months.
So happy to hear from Janae. My son worshipped King of Random - and I always thought he must have a very supportive family behind him. Courageous woman. Thank you for sharing your journey with us!
I can relate to you through an unwanted divorce that is unexpected. It was so much like experiencing death of a spouse. Your whole support group changes with picking sides. I could go on and on. I felt like I was going to die. Thank you for sharing your story.
I remember one TKOR video in which Grant said something about his OCD kicking in and then I started to notice how detailed he was in all of his videos and projects and now, hearing Janae describe them interviewing other couples and him wanting to date for three years, I see that same level of attention to detail that made me a fan of the RUclips channel
Janae is a smart, strong and courageous woman. And she's my neighbor. Hearing her story at this level was really eye opening. Although her story was long, I really felt like I walked a mile in her shoes. I've never been a member of the church. So many of the points raised in this interview are reasons I couldn't see myself being a part of that organization. I have nothing but love and respect for my neighbors and friends that are LDS and I really appreciate a lot of the values instilled in kids.
I just do not see any connection of this to the Church. He was para gliding, skydiving and kiting "everyday" and a gust of wind took him out. I have no idea how this turned into 6 hours of talking about the LDS Church?
Man I used to do her husbands hair and he was such a chill guy. I really feel for her losing her husband especially in such a crazy way. I'm glad she's doing well and thriving.
I’m a little late in watching this one, but it is so poignant and done with such grace. 😢. I was touched by this story and commiserate so much with losing close loved ones. I am a former LDS member who lived a good portion of my life in SLC and other parts of Utah. I have lost many close family members and friends and have lots of experience with grief. Starting with my own mother when I was 6 (car accident in which I was present and witnessed with full lifetime memory of the event). It never stops impacting and informing your life. One thing in this story that made me catch my breath a little is the date of Janae’s loss. July 29, 2019. Same night my beloved soul mate passed. He was in SLC. Sending love, hugs, condolences. 💔😢
Im not even done listening to this intwrview yet but this is one of, if not the beat thing i have ever listened to (or watched or read) regarding life in general. Such honest open conversation about almost every area of life and how we navigate through it all. Ive also learnt alot about the Mormon community and for a non-mormon living around many mormons, its so insightful. Thank you!
Janae shared her experiences with integrity and love. She is a strong, articulate and insightful child of God. I am so sorry her husband died. I pray she is happy and at peace in her days to come. Thank you all for your video!❤️
Thankyou for going there. That’s exactly how I felt when my husband died and you have children to cater to. Let’s not wake up so we don’t have to deal with this. Cuddles and touch is such a loss. It is nice to still feel they are around in spirit but is not a consolation.
It was interesting that she said on the day he died that she thought many times that he was fine, and would be home soon, and then when they told her she thought he was in the hospital, then she said that she knew all along that he was dead. Her thoughts after that were really interesting, I married a "Mormon guy so he wouldn't die" (even though he is paragliding twice a day) and then next who will I have sex with? The first stage of grief is denial and that is what she experienced.
I remember watching TKOR the first year or two it was out. It was the first RUclips channel I ever watched!! When I found out Grant died, I cried. He was an incredible man. You could tell just from the videos. My deepest condolences to you for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story.
I am not a Mormon, I lived in Brigham City, Utah for one summer, and the suicide of a young man (18) the week he told his family that he was gay. The ability to cast out as dead a child who was telling the truth about himself. When I left Utah I gladly helped two teenagers who were desperate to leave but had no resources. I gave them a ride out of the state.
As a man I would have never risked the well being of my family to pursue such a dangerous sport as powered gliding. As a single guy I did some sky diving. But I was single, no one depended on me. Grant flying hundreds of feet in the air powered with a lawn mower engine! Freak air currents and a thousand other things can and will go wrong. And this guy left 4 kids and a Mormon wife. Pure selfishness! I’m sorry he had demons. That what therapy is for. Or perhaps a gym membership.
The way Janae handled this situation is so admirable. The beauty, grace and compassion she held while dealing with such tragedy is something I pray I can have if I’m ever in a similar situation.
You are so strong and I am so glad you seem to follow your instincts My sons father died when he was young too and I had forgotten that I had to tell him These years later we still deal with that loss. I want to suggest to always accept help and to take as much time as you need to heal. Sending love! ❤️
I am actually subscribed to TKOR channel.found this channel a few years back..sorry for your lose..and I can only imagine trying to tell the kids..thank you for this video.
Born in '82 too...grew up in Missouri AND Illinois and my experience was exactly the same Janae--ZERO mention of Joseph Smith's polygamy. Polygamy was a Brigham Young thing. We had youth conferences and temple trips all over the church history sites. Never heard Joseph Smith was polygamous until I got to BYU and even then, it was always taught that it was just sealings--not real marriages. THEN the Gospel Topics Essays come out a decade after BYU and that was the last straw.
Sitting shiva , as I understand it, involves the community supporting the closest relatives. They are expected to sit together and grieve; they are not expected to do chores, cook, clean, etc.
Sitting shiva is like several days running in which family sits together and is there for visitors, other family members, more distant relatives, friends, etc. come to visit and talk with whomever else is there. Some modest refreshments are usually there. Hours are held several days in a row.
Thank you so much for this podcast. I loved the interview so much that it might be one of my favorite from Mormon Stories. I’m also a widow and the advice was so spot on. You have to learn to live your life for yourself and make your own decisions.
I understand so much of what she is talking about. I was waiting for my sister (husband and kids) to show up for dinner at the Spaghetti Factory in Seattle. We were going to meet at 4:30. By 10pm I knew they were dead (car crash). I went into total shock, after a brief period of screaming and hitting my head on the wall. The shock lasted for about a month.
Thank you for your 2 Episodes of sharing today. I was deeply moved and relate so much to your journey being raised Mormon and the pain/ anguish that came from that. My story is different but yet similar in so many ways. Much admiration for your courage and strength to walk away from such hurtful damaging teachings.
My sincere wish is we can dig deep as a culture and learn true empathy around -- not just death-- but ANY 'non ideal situation' be it family, death, life situation... beyond these INCREDIBLY overly simplistic (and often invalidating and even dehumanizing) trite doctrinal phrases. Yeah, that's great you believe I'll see them again--but what me as a human needs more than future assurance (that really serves to make YOU feel better than really helping me) is CURRENT love, understanding, connection, healthy grieving and remembering and support. Please let's STOP substituting thin beliefs for genuine sustenance.
So true. My marriage ended at 32. So now it’s been forty years of missing out on exactly what you talk about - love , understanding, connection - and I’m supposed to be reassured that it will be made up to me in a next life. Told I had to marry within the church. No possibility of LDS re-marriage in my area. So virtually sentenced to single life without any chance of children. Men outside church did not marry, at least not before a relationship. Pretty tough for me and single women. Marginalized for sure. Ended up with long term depression. Now I ask people NEVER to say “You’ll have (love/family/children) in the next life.” Yeah, sure, if you make it to some highest level of heaven! Sorry but that is so not helpful and such a remote possibility anyway. We have to live NOW! But everything in church meetings, classes, etc. drives home the messages I’ve absorbed. Pretty sad.
I appreciate her honesty especially about not painting Grant as a Saint. My husband and I knew them and had dinner at their home twice. Grant ditched my husband’s friendship because he wasn’t “cool enough”. Now I understand it better because janae explained his need for validation to feel special instead of hanging out the “average joe”.
I'll be completely honest, I see so many comments saying she handled her husband's death with peace and grace and beautifully etc... I don't see it. I know everyone grieves differently, and I have no right at all to say Janae is doing it wrong or right. I just feel like there's so much pain underneath the surface she's refusing to feel. I'm fairly certain of this, because I have been doing that myself over my father's death over the last 30 years. I didn't cry at his funeral, it comes out in bits and spurts and I think maybe if/when I surpass his age (coming up sooner than I wish) it will be another one of those outlets. I just hope she can find the strength to actually process and feel what she needs to feel at some point. Holding it in for too long can really mess someone's head up, and as the child of a mother in her situation, I hope she is allowing that for her children as well. For me, it just became one of those things we don't talk about, and I'm not going to get into all the implications of that, but she did mention that exact phrase earlier on...Please talk about it with your children if and when they need it. I wish the best for all of you.
The comment about thinking "who am I going to have sex with now?" is normal. I have heard it from other LDS widows who had a regular sex life with their now deceased husbands. I also remember a group of women at a social gathering talking about missing date nights or movie nights with their husbands. That was one part of widowhood they were not expecting. One woman even spoke in church of her experience at a luncheon with other close friends who also had lost their husbands. The central message was to have compassion for new widows since they have lost an eternal companion and their life will change forever.
My brother died very unexpectedly 11 days after his wedding. He married my best friend of 30+ years. I remember her raging one evening and mentioning sex. She said “There are things we haven’t done yet!” As a widow at 47, she was thinking about her sex life in the future.
@@ChickenStampsI guess that would be a normal reaction. I know one woman whose husband died on their honeymoon. He drowned swimming in the ocean. It was the undertow that got him. They had only been sealed for five days.
Loved this interview. I love the way Margie thoughtfully and expertly listens and leads conversation. She’s an inspiring conversationalist and such an important addition to this podcast. Thank you!
Great interview. Margi is such a great addition, her empathy reminds me so much of my Mom. Thanks Janae for talking so candidly about your journey. I hadn’t seen the channel before, but I saw Tucker Gott’s video reviewing what happened in the accident. Paragliding looks amazing, but it is a dangerous sport.
One thing I do not understand is why most Mormons get married so fast. I understand the parents motivation behind it in a way but in other ways I don’t, finding a husband is a very serious life choice. It’s a fact some people are just not compatible at all. I couldn’t imagine being stuck in a situation that probably should have never happened to begin with.
Her oldest son kind of processed the same a she did. Sex or a GoPro. I really appreciate the incredible insight Janae shares about every aspect of her life. The idea of being "special". I wonder if she knows that some of us are on the opposite side of the spectrum pretty much sure that things will not turn out okay. I walked to my son's room and asked if he ever watched the King of Random, and "yes" of course he knew all about them.
The title is confusing. Is it that a Mormon passed away, or The King of Random passing away? His RUclips fans missed him as the person next door, not a Mormon. The passing of anyone transcends faith. Losing the father of your children is devastating for any family. Losing a child, there are no words! Losing a loved one you question everything. You don't want to live but you don't want to die because you have children to take care of. It is fighting to live every day. This podcast seems to be more of losing a Mormon first then a father and husband. This is not about a Mormon, it is about children who lost their father due to a dangerous, foolish sport.
This really gets me when she explains she gave her husband her opinion and he wouldn't believe that was her honest opinion and told her she was lying to him . . . . What in the world? Mansplaining at its finest. I think an individual knows their own opinion best and to suggest otherwise is so full of ego
Missionary questionnaire asks about eating disorders and then isn't jazzed if you have had one? They're not going to give you enough money to feed yourself during the mission, but hey... Only WE can starve you; YOU can't starve you 🤦 that's nuts. Checking yes to that should be like "Oh great👍 that's useful experience that will aid you on your mission!" (I mean based on every missionary story I've heard: you're going to be half starved)
With all her insight and analysis of her husband's issues, she seems oblivious about focusing on her own issues that surfaced with her bulimia. She says she worked on and was healed from that but there are a number of red flags for me about just how healed she was/is? I believe she and her husband actually had very similar self image issues. It reminds me of a line from an old Irish poem: "Oh what gift the giftee gee us to see ourselves as others see us."
Growth is a long and non linear process. Hopefully we will all continue to process, learn and grow. Certainly not for us to judge how far someone else has come, though.
Boy, do I understand many of the things Janae expresses so well! The shock, the precognition, the denial, the many mundane requirements you walk through in a daze, and the realisation that intimacy has been sliced away from you as you curl up in a half-empty bed. As another "Mormon Widow", I don't mind that designation. I might prefer a "Widow who is a follower of Jesus Christ". My faith, and the prayers of many, are what carried me through those painful raw days in the last few months of 2019, after my husband died quite suddenly from cancer. As Covid hit and I was sequestered, my faith and prayers brought me comfort through the loneliness and isolation. I grew closer to my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ as I drew upon the strength and gift of the Holy Ghost. Yes, grief is complicated and difficult. May all of you who are afflicted with grief find peace.
I watched one video with the songs from Book of Mormon and you tube keeps suggesting these videos to me now 😂😂😂 great play by the way. Great job everyone
That’s a harsh word that I don’t think we (as outsiders) can judge. It seems decently likely that he just struggled with a need for recognition and praise, but still cared for others and recognized his own faults.
Love this video, thank each one of you for your input. Praying for all of you, this is so so powerful, I can feel the Lord’s presence in the telling of the story. ❤️🙏
Really enjoyed listening to your story. My heart goes out to you in your loss I really salute you that you kept your comments positive about the church. I feel if some one wants to leave then leave without all the antagonistic exaggeration of the church . We need more stories like yours
To get to heaven the wife must wait for the husband to call her secret name that only he knows. How on earth can you believe that another person's destiny is in control of a man. This is a male dominated cult and to believe the man has control over your eternity demotes the Saviour . Absolutely illogical and blindness or dishonesty are the explanations.
I grew up in Utah where almost all of my friends were faithful Mormons and faced the things I see on this channel. I had no idea how convoluted it really is. Coming from an extended family that is literally Mormon aristocracy, I was so blessed to have two parents who were able to think and taught me to do the same. I never suffered the horrendous pressure to conform to insane norms and was always valued and loved for myself, who I was, as I was. At the age of thirteen, I asked a Sunday school teacher to explain to me what happened to the other person when the woman was “taken in adultery.” I read directly from my scriptures, John 8:3-11, “They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.” “If she was taken, ‘in the very act,’” I said, “then there was someone else there. What happened to him, when she was to be stoned to death? Where did he go?” The teacher screamed at me, “don’t you try to bring foul images into this sacred space!” I replied, “I’m reading from the scriptures and asking a question.” He pointed his finger at me and screamed, “GET OUT!” I picked up my books and walked out. I walked home and asked my father if I had to go back. He said, “You certainly do not. That decision will always be yours.” I never went back and it never made a difference in how I was treated or how much I was loved. I wish peace and grace for all those who have suffered and are still suffering from this oppression.
Wow, what a great question you asked your teacher for being 13 years old. I can't believe the teacher shouted for you to "get out!," instead of trying to answer your question. Better yet that your Father and parents etc stood by you. ❤❤❤
wow, that teacher was over the top wrong,,
'
good for you! your life has probably been filled with well thought out good decisions!
I’m so sorry Janae;;; I had the same experience when my son died ; I’m so sorry and I knew too he was gone; when 3 officers showed up at my house and I was so grateful my sweet little granddaughter was with me --;prayers always for you and your family
Janae, when my mom died I 2:43:12 went into "what needs to be done" mode and I never cried. Then about 7 days later, I was lying in bed and suddenly thought that I missed my mom. That's when the tears came and I cried for four hours. Grief comes when it comes for each person.
My husband died almost 10 years ago. Life is never the same. But life can still be beautiful. Thanks for doing this interview.
X-mo here. I got divorced amicably in Oct of 2021. Two weeks later, he had a massive heart attack and literally died at my feet. I felt I didn’t have the right to call myself a widow at first. And the last year and a half has been full of changes. For me the biggest was processing the emotional abuse and neglect. It’s a tough road, learning to parent alone and know it’s all on you
Oh my goodness I can’t even imagine! Processing divorce and death of spouse all at once. You’re strong. My motto after my divorce was “just keep swimming, just keep swimming” like Dory the fish.
I'm so sorry your husband passed away, mine did in July, '13. He was sickly and we met later in life too. So we had 17 years together. God bless you.
@Maurenlauder1. I really hope you applied to social security for survivor benefits!!!! Even if your marriage was ended.
I'm so sorry. That's so much to have to deal with let alone all at once.
Coming from a non Mormon background, I am continuously amazed at how much magical thinking/ magical signs are related from your guests. I think this is uniquely Mormon. I don’t see this from other religions.
Right, it is encouraged by the believers and the church because you have to have a high level to even begin to accept the belief's of that church.....they are really out there and wild.
As an LDS woman. What are these magical things you speak of? Lol
@@helenh20moHaving God or other deities "speak" to you by observing "signs". That's magical thinking, like reading tee leafs to predict the future or a kid having imaginary friends (it's developmentally normal for young kids). If you are a mormon then you wouldn't understand because your magical thinking is integrated in your thought process.
Jehovah’s Witnesses do VERY similarly. I sure did.
I’m out now. But I saw miracles everywhere.
@@CarolineJoyAmico Miracles ARE everywhere if you are open to recognizing them. That is somewhat different than magical thinking.
My husband has just been diagnosed with stage 4 metistatic cancer, I lost my last husband in 2004 from cancer. It is definitely a journey.
Prayers for you
I lost my husband to a massive stroke when he was 43. I was 37 and my kids were 2 and almost 9. I had to make the decision to turn his life support off. He was locked in (could only move his eyes) but it took 3 days for the hospital to give him an MRI so what went from being a minor stroke he would recover fully from to the choice of having a husband who would need 24 hour care to having no husband at all. The stroke was in his brain stem. Fortunately he could understand his situation and made sure I could understand that he didn't want to live. I made the doctor who had told my daughter her Daddy was going to be ok, tell her he was not going to get better.That was in August 2006. This is so tough for you, Janae. I get it. I cried for the first few days then went into a tunnel for about 18 months. Luckily for me, my parents lived around the corner and helped me out so much.
Oh my goodness! That was so kind of your husband… and you!! To let him go. I work in healthcare and see families hold on and hold in and hold on. It’s so hard to see people lingering between life and death. Grateful you’re still here with us! *hugs*
@@sedonarose7563 thanks! I knew it was the right thing to do for him but his Dad was kicking off, which I get, but at the same time, he didn’t live anywhere near us and it wasn’t going to affect his everyday life so Jeff making it clear he wanted to go made it easier for me to push to make the best decision. He was a young, fit, vital man. Had he lived on, he would have become a very angry, bitter man. There is never an ideal outcome but this was best!
Bless you for having the courage to fulfil his wishes.
I'm not a Mormon, this episode has really hit me for many reasons... not quite 2 years ago I lost my husband suddenly, also without being able to say goodbye... we're together for over 47 years and that numbness she felt I could so identify... and less than a year later my daughter's husband passed even more unexpectedly. I am so sorry for her loss .. I too didn't cry, all I could do was respond on the level that I needed to handle all the paperwork.. answering all the what needs to be done next details...
I pray she finds peace and can move forward
I was on a LDS dating site and was shocked how many women I met who were young widows. Some had no children while others had six kids. All women were under age 40. That's too young to be a widow.
Widows over 40 don't use dating sites as much as younger ones so you're seeing lots of widows there because married women are usually not dating.
@@jakeolthof right, but what about women who are divorced or never married?
@@sedonarose7563 Mormons used to stay married at twice the rate of the gentiles but not now.
@@jakeolthof gentiles? Isn't that a term the Jewish people use...not LDS.
@@ninjanana8730…..Mormons are assigned a ‘tribe’ (usually Ephraim), when they get their Patriarchal Blessing. Therefore, I guess it is believed by the leaders of that church, that they are all from various tribes of Israel = Jews….as opposed to gentiles. Would this fit that scripture in the Bible that talks about “those who say they are Jews, but are not”?
Janae and Grant were in my ward when they met. They were such a fun couple. No one should have to go through losing a spouse, but I can't wait to listen to this series to see what she has to say.
Sitting Shiva is awesome am a black woman raised in a Christian household
I worked for a Jewish company and when my son died coworkers visited for the 7 days
After the third day my grandmother was like thank God that's done people will stop coming over
I knew someone would come for the full seven days and they did and it was a great anchor for my grieving and distracted mind
@ah5721 everyone grieves differently and she wanted silence and alone time
Someone in and and out for 7 days was a comfort to me but they weren't even people my grandmother knew
I can relate in so many ways, my first husband died at 28 of sudden heart failure. We were Mormon but had no children. I’m no longer a member
I’ve been married for 24 years. We have a 17 and 19 year old. In those 24 years we’ve had 2 times in which we lived separately for 3-6 months each time. They were glorious moments of our marriage where we both were able to reconnect to ourselves and to our children on a different level. We lived apart due to job commitments and moving states not because we necessarily wanted to live apart. However I look back fondly on those times. When people hear me describe those moments as soulful they think I’m crazy. I on the other hand think that every marriage needs that at least once.
Absence truly does make the heart grow fonder but additionally, I agree that sometimes couples need to experience a lil bit of what it is like not to have each other and get a taste of what life will be like if they can't figure out how to make things work....
My dad was terminally ill and we got the call on the middle of the night. I'd been at the hospital every day and was exhausted. I made a conscious decision to not process the news and went back to sleep; I wasn't ready for my world to change at that moment.
This is honestly my WORST nightmare. Bless you for sharing your story.
I loved Grant as a kid. I still will always remember discovering the RUclips channel and my 13 year old self would attempt to make everything he did. My favorite was the teenage mutant ninja turtle ooze. I'm 24 currently and like to think I'm doing okay in life and I STILL think about those days and how much they meant to me. Thank you for being a strong woman and continuing to push forward you are an inspiration to me.
As a culture we know how to help initially with families losing a spouse but we fall short of providing the ongoing support for the living and surviving members. Came home from mission and not even two weeks stake president is asking me to be EQP! Father passed before I finished my mission and I had not overcome the shock yet.
What an open story. Thank you for sharing, loss is hard to experience let alone talk about and find voice to it.
That’s so hard to lose a parent… I can’t even imagine. I hope you feel his love in your heart and your memories and in the beauty of the world. Thank you for sharing. 💕🥰❤️
When my 2 kids heard their Mom died they had unexpected responses as well. My 5 year old asked if she could have Momma's special cookies now? My 10 year old son asked "how can we survive with only one parent." They both eventually found their grief in their own ways.
😢😢😢🌷💕
I'm sorry for your family's loss. 😢
A five year old lives in the moment. The ten year old can already think about reality.
This is such a hard journey for each member of your family
I m sorry
Speaking of what to do when someone is grieving: One of my dear friends lost her husband at the age of 60. He went from being healthy to dropping dead of a stroke.
One of the men from her church, not a close a friend but someone she'd served with and knew, really wanted to do something, so he bout a rotisserie chicken and showed up at her house the next day, knocked on the door, and when she opened it just held up a grocery bag awkwardly and blurted out, "I brought you a chicken!" She said she just cracked up laughing, and then he started laughing, and it was one of the most helpful things anyone did for her in the immediate days after her loss.
Just showing up really is one of the best things someone can do.
I am so impressed with Margy's ability to pinpoint driving emotions or motivations in another's journey. I compliment her empathy and really feel awe for her calm wisdom. Thank you Margy, my own manner can benefit from learning to incorporate these traits into my own interactions with others.
The ONLY person in this interview that exhibited any empathy. This wife is completely lacking in any real emotion throughout this entire interview.
@@DMills-un1tlhow are you so sure? This is SO Judgmental of you
@@DMills-un1tlI don't think she was at all. I think that she's so emotionally damaged from this event that she's in a state of survival. If she breaks who's going to take care of her family? If she breaks she might not be able to put the pieces back together. I can relate to that deeply. I've suffered a TON of loss in my life and I am this way also. People think I don't care and have no emotions. That's not true at all though, I deeply feel things.
I didn't have the proper emotions when my husband passed, until no one was around. The accepting of the new normal is so tough. I hear her when she says she didn't know if she could breathe. I would have loved to crawl into bed for a month, but had bills to pay and a young boy to raise, there was no room for grief. And, since he wasn't a member, people at church were very little help with the grief processing.
Hey this doesn’t relate to this video but can you please have Christine Brown from sister wives on your podcast? I think she would have an extremely interesting perspective to share on how her Mormon faith has evolved ever since leaving polygamy. I know that most Mormons don’t believe in polygamy anymore
This would be AMAZING!!!!!!
She grew up in the Apostolic United Brethren which is very different than growing up in the mainstream LDS church. I agree it would be interesting though!
Mormons actually do believe in polygamy, and plan to practice it in the next life. They do polygamous marriage sealings in the temple, to prepare for it.
And sadly, they lie about Polygamy being a part of the church when it's alive and thriving in the Mormon church!!
That would be super interesting. Not sure if she'd want to come on this type of show though.
This is a great healing human experience…so much in life we keep the healing growth we REALLY need private…I nursed my dear husband 7 years with hydrocephalus induce by Parkinson’s Disease,,,there were tears. The early year…but then the work and heartache began…the loneliness as so many withdrew from us…even family could only help in their comfortable spaces…it’s 18 years…never cried for even at his passing … cried my heart out when I lost poodles at times …but the hospice helpers said when I asked why I have not cried…”your mourning was completed in the duration of his long passing…3 years in Hospice…total 7 in a wheelchair…
Great interview, thank you. In the Jewish tradition, Shiva is “sat” from after the funeral until the next Sabbath. As a RC, I sat Shiva for my Jewish husband. It was incredibly supportive, being surrounded by friends, family and coworkers. It made the unbearable, bearable for that period of time. For us, it was more of a celebration of his life and relationships. Definitely better than the traditional Christian traditions when you are left alone after the funeral.
I met Grant at a conference. He was so kind, was so sad when I saw what happened. So glad to see you on Mormon stories!!!
The day my husband died i didnt cry right away i was actually the calm one of the family, i didnt break until the next morning laying on our bed i turned over and realized it was reality, im a widow this is not how i envisoned my life im 53 yrs old , WTF dude ?!?! 🥺😭
It’s totally not fair! Hang in there ❤❤❤❤
I’m 62 and a month ago, after three years of dating, found someone who adores me. (And he’s 48)🤩 It is possible to overcome those feelings of not being good enough. The last few months have been amazing for healing and realizing that I’m not what the LDS church told me I was.
This was my FIRST shelf item, 10 years before my shelf broke! My husband was almost killed early in our relationship in a motorcycle accident and it occurred to me that I could be a 20 year old widow without any prospects to marry another Mormon man because I wouldn't be able to be sealed again.
I completely get not feeling the loss. I tend to shut down during trauma and deal with in later. When my dad had a heart attack while traveling, I was beside his side As soon as I could get there.
I was stoic as I sat in ICU. I didn't break down until everyone else was OK. I admit that wasn't the most healthy way to deal with it, but it was all I could do.
It's a plenty healthy way. That is how I and my mom and other members of our family are. WE are the ones that hold together and see to what needs to be done in the immidiate while others are freaking out and being useless. About the time that they quit freaking out and come to their senses it is about our time to tap out to do our own freakout. We hold things together in the crisis and only fall apart after everything has been dealt with and the situation allows for that. We are badly needed during a crisis. There's nothing wrong with you.
I married at 29 because I was 29, single, and living in SLC. It lasted 2-1/2 years, which was 2-1/2 years too long. I married again (for the right reasons) and 42 years later, I we’re still together. No longer active, but have learned so much . . .
This is the first time I see Grant's wife, I didn't even knew her name, TKOR was the first science channel I subscribed to when I saw the "How to make a Batarang like The Dark Knight" video, I learned a lot from it and left me with more curiosity than i had before, I stopped watching after Grant left the videos, It wasn't the same without his voice 😢. Props to her for being able to keep the channel alive and growing on top of being a mother of 4 after Grant passed. My respect ❤
Going through life, constantly on edge, wondering if you are "worthy" or not and hoping a bishop finds you so for your own affirmation. That's a sad way to live and one I reject in total. I hope people find a way to emancipate themselves from this cultish nonsense.
We’re not expected to be perfect in this life
@@paulamortensen36 No one thinks that. The LDS expects you to be "worthy" though. Their love and acceptance are conditional on you being so and they dictate the qualification standard. I will not go through life like that and will not impose it on others because it is abusive and evil.
Thank you for this interesting discussion,. I lost a husband through divorce who later killed himself. I understand the loss as it felt like I was floating in space yet tethered to the energy of God as I understand them to be.
so, csa survivor here. wanted to say, part of us not getting help with adrenaline is that we are always in fight or flight feeling like we’re in danger. So we do self destructive things or dangerousish things to try to put all of that adrenaline somewhere. i’m so sorry for this persons loss. maybe that insight could help someone else.
I so appreciate Janae's emotional honesty in this video. This is a courageous interview. Also, Margie is the absolute most fantastic co-host, and my favorites are the videos when John and Margie host together.
“Emotional honesty”? Are we watching the same interview? Yes, she told her truth but with a complete lack of emotion concerning EVERYthing. This isn’t “bravery” it’s either denial or narcissism.
@@DMills-un1tlwow many comments from you. I wish you heal because you attacked this family & judge them without knowing her. Will pray for you.
@@DMills-un1tlDid you go through this? If you did you would understand. Everyone is different. I would say work on that part of you that makes really big judgments.
I lost my husband almost 3 years ago and listen to you help me so much because I felt like I was really numb I had people around me but. I was like you said like somebody was holding me in their hand and it still difficult. But I'm getting through my day today. I had to give up my apartment cause I could no longer afford it. We were together for twenty five years and it wasn't all good but I loved him he loved me and I go on❤
🌷🌷🥰🥰🥰 keep going on. The world needs you. Thank you for sharing your strength.
I am so sorry. I am also a widow and I understand how terribly difficult it is.💔
L
Wow, this one hits hard. I lost my dad when I was 17 and felt so many of the exact same feelings, of "I can't cry, I have to take care of my younger brothers and mom". Just the shock of the whole situation made me respond with complete calm, instead of breaking down (which came later). The first time I saw temple clothes was on my dead dad (and I agree, they make bodies look just awful, to the point it doesn't even look like the same person). It was quite jarring. I often find myself planning for "what I'll do when my husband dies young," since it occurred during such a formative time in my life. I didnt have a mom who was able to take care of me, instead I ended up having to take care of her through it all, and I find myself planning what I'd do differently for my kids, so they wouldn't have so much trauma to deal with later on. Thank you for sharing your story, and I'm so sorry for all of the unexpected life altering events you've had to work through.
Emotions are an odd thing. I never did react to bad or sad news in a “normal” way. I’ve thought a lot about this and here is what I’ve learned. So, my career depends on my ability to really suspend my emotions and focus 100% on finding a solution. I didn’t learn that though. I thought of myself as having a bit of a super power - where nothing could shake me - and if there was a way out of the mess, I knew I would work to find it. I might have to call in other experts, so I’m not saying I alone could solve anything. I just was confident that I wouldn’t get burdened with emotion and that my steady focus would not fail me. As I’ve grown older I’ve recognized that this “super power” isn’t just active in work situations. I carry it with me in all life. This can be very good - like if I’m in a car accident, or something breaks down, or a kid falls and breaks an arm. I’m cool headed and I look for best solutions. I’ve found though that this isn’t so much a super power as it is a carry over from my childhood, as I was raised in a chaotic and abusive home with parents who had issues with substance abuse. But it has served me well, but I’ve paid a bit of a price because I’ve found that years of putting emotion to the side has caught up to me and now I’m fatigued. This means that I can not or choose not to deal with anything that upsets me. Because I don’t know how to manage feeling upset. It’s very odd. And it’s caused some relationships to suffer and I avoid a lot of things now.
whenever janae writes her memoirs, I'm gonna be the first in line to make that library request! it's a really rare combination for someone to have both that endless curiousity AND the drive to make it happen. totally threw me for a loop for the full jessica mitford turn near the end, but it really feels like a perfect summary of the way in which she seeks out different ways of thinking this whole time. again just very impressive, I hope to someday have her discipline.
I've been watching Mormon stories for a while now and even have a Mormon friend and yet it always baffles me when I hear that waiting a year before getting married is considered long. I'm about to get married after 9 years (which to be fair I wouldn't have minded for it to happen sooner). Can't imagine feeling like I know someone enough after a few months.
I know its been a min. Since your husband passing me and my friends celebrate your husbands life. 🎉living life to the fulest.❤
So happy to hear from Janae. My son worshipped King of Random - and I always thought he must have a very supportive family behind him. Courageous woman. Thank you for sharing your journey with us!
Wow. Thank you for sharing so much with us. What a tough subject that’s so impossible to imagine accurately without having experienced it.
I can relate to you through an unwanted divorce that is unexpected. It was so much like experiencing death of a spouse. Your whole support group changes with picking sides. I could go on and on. I felt like I was going to die. Thank you for sharing your story.
I remember one TKOR video in which Grant said something about his OCD kicking in and then I started to notice how detailed he was in all of his videos and projects and now, hearing Janae describe them interviewing other couples and him wanting to date for three years, I see that same level of attention to detail that made me a fan of the RUclips channel
I grew up in their neighborhood, crazy to see her here now ❤❤
She’s so well spoken .
I think the way you told your children that their dad wasn’t coming home was exactly right. Thank you for this very moving and tragic story Janae.
Janae is a smart, strong and courageous woman. And she's my neighbor. Hearing her story at this level was really eye opening. Although her story was long, I really felt like I walked a mile in her shoes.
I've never been a member of the church. So many of the points raised in this interview are reasons I couldn't see myself being a part of that organization. I have nothing but love and respect for my neighbors and friends that are LDS and I really appreciate a lot of the values instilled in kids.
I just do not see any connection of this to the Church. He was para gliding, skydiving and kiting "everyday" and a gust of wind took him out. I have no idea how this turned into 6 hours of talking about the LDS Church?
@@user-ot2jb4wv7x did you watch or listen to her journey? If you did - you’d have your answer.
Man I used to do her husbands hair and he was such a chill guy. I really feel for her losing her husband especially in such a crazy way. I'm glad she's doing well and thriving.
I’m a little late in watching this one, but it is so poignant and done with such grace. 😢. I was touched by this story and commiserate so much with losing close loved ones. I am a former LDS member who lived a good portion of my life in SLC and other parts of Utah. I have lost many close family members and friends and have lots of experience with grief. Starting with my own mother when I was 6 (car accident in which I was present and witnessed with full lifetime memory of the event). It never stops impacting and informing your life. One thing in this story that made me catch my breath a little is the date of Janae’s loss. July 29, 2019. Same night my beloved soul mate passed. He was in SLC. Sending love, hugs, condolences. 💔😢
Im not even done listening to this intwrview yet but this is one of, if not the beat thing i have ever listened to (or watched or read) regarding life in general. Such honest open conversation about almost every area of life and how we navigate through it all. Ive also learnt alot about the Mormon community and for a non-mormon living around many mormons, its so insightful. Thank you!
Janae shared her experiences with integrity and love. She is a strong, articulate and insightful child of God. I am so sorry her husband died. I pray she is happy and at peace in her days to come. Thank you all for your video!❤️
❤❤❤❤
Great interview, can't wait for part two.
Thankyou for going there. That’s exactly how I felt when my husband died and you have children to cater to. Let’s not wake up so we don’t have to deal with this. Cuddles and touch is such a loss. It is nice to still feel they are around in spirit but is not a consolation.
It was interesting that she said on the day he died that she thought many times that he was fine, and would be home soon, and then when they told her she thought he was in the hospital, then she said that she knew all along that he was dead. Her thoughts after that were really interesting, I married a "Mormon guy so he wouldn't die" (even though he is paragliding twice a day) and then next who will I have sex with? The first stage of grief is denial and that is what she experienced.
I remember watching TKOR the first year or two it was out. It was the first RUclips channel I ever watched!! When I found out Grant died, I cried. He was an incredible man. You could tell just from the videos. My deepest condolences to you for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story.
I am not a Mormon, I lived in Brigham City, Utah for one summer, and the suicide of a young man (18) the week he told his family that he was gay.
The ability to cast out as dead a child who was telling the truth about himself. When I left Utah I gladly helped two teenagers who were desperate to leave but had no resources. I gave them a ride out of the state.
As a man I would have never risked the well being of my family to pursue such a dangerous sport as powered gliding. As a single guy I did some sky diving. But I was single, no one depended on me. Grant flying hundreds of feet in the air powered with a lawn mower engine! Freak air currents and a thousand other things can and will go wrong. And this guy left 4 kids and a Mormon wife. Pure selfishness! I’m sorry he had demons. That what therapy is for. Or perhaps a gym membership.
The way Janae handled this situation is so admirable. The beauty, grace and compassion she held while dealing with such tragedy is something I pray I can have if I’m ever in a similar situation.
Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your story! Our stories are parallel and I relate.
One of the best if not the best interview I've ever watched - and what a beautiful and inspiring woman Janae is.
You are so strong and I am so glad you seem to follow your instincts
My sons father died when he was young too and I had forgotten that I had to tell him
These years later we still deal with that loss. I want to suggest to always accept help and to take as much time as you need to heal. Sending love! ❤️
The oldest son knew just like you knew he had died. He has your intuition
I am actually subscribed to TKOR channel.found this channel a few years back..sorry for your lose..and I can only imagine trying to tell the kids..thank you for this video.
Born in '82 too...grew up in Missouri AND Illinois and my experience was exactly the same Janae--ZERO mention of Joseph Smith's polygamy. Polygamy was a Brigham Young thing.
We had youth conferences and temple trips all over the church history sites. Never heard Joseph Smith was polygamous until I got to BYU and even then, it was always taught that it was just sealings--not real marriages.
THEN the Gospel Topics Essays come out a decade after BYU and that was the last straw.
Sitting shiva , as I understand it, involves the community supporting the closest relatives. They are expected to sit together and grieve; they are not expected to do chores, cook, clean, etc.
Sitting shiva is like several days running in which family sits together and is there for visitors, other family members, more distant relatives, friends, etc. come to visit and talk with whomever else is there. Some modest refreshments are usually there. Hours are held several days in a row.
We are one!!!!! None is better than the other. WE ARE ONE
Janael is an excellent interview.
Thank you so much for this podcast. I loved the interview so much that it might be one of my favorite from Mormon Stories. I’m also a widow and the advice was so spot on. You have to learn to live your life for yourself and make your own decisions.
I understand so much of what she is talking about. I was waiting for my sister (husband and kids) to show up for dinner at the Spaghetti Factory in Seattle. We were going to meet at 4:30. By 10pm I knew they were dead (car crash). I went into total shock, after a brief period of screaming and hitting my head on the wall. The shock lasted for about a month.
I’m so sorry.
@@letahamilton thank you 😊
So sorry, Sarah.
I am so sorry.
I have been to the Spaghetti Factory in Seattle several times. So very sorry for your loss.
Talk about honesty...you are massively honest.
My grandma is sealed to two husbands. Interesting story how this came to pass.
How did that happen lol
Your grandmother was married the second time for time only
Thank you for your 2 Episodes of sharing today. I was deeply moved and relate so much to your journey being raised Mormon and the pain/ anguish that came from that. My story is different but yet similar in so many ways. Much admiration for your courage and strength to walk away from such hurtful damaging teachings.
My sincere wish is we can dig deep as a culture and learn true empathy around -- not just death-- but ANY 'non ideal situation' be it family, death, life situation... beyond these INCREDIBLY overly simplistic (and often invalidating and even dehumanizing) trite doctrinal phrases. Yeah, that's great you believe I'll see them again--but what me as a human needs more than future assurance (that really serves to make YOU feel better than really helping me) is CURRENT love, understanding, connection, healthy grieving and remembering and support. Please let's STOP substituting thin beliefs for genuine sustenance.
So true. My marriage ended at 32. So now it’s been forty years of missing out on exactly what you talk about - love , understanding, connection - and I’m supposed to be reassured that it will be made up to me in a next life. Told I had to marry within the church. No possibility of LDS re-marriage in my area. So virtually sentenced to single life without any chance of children. Men outside church did not marry, at least not before a relationship. Pretty tough for me and single women. Marginalized for sure. Ended up with long term depression. Now I ask people NEVER to say “You’ll have (love/family/children) in the next life.” Yeah, sure, if you make it to some highest level of heaven! Sorry but that is so not helpful and such a remote possibility anyway. We have to live NOW! But everything in church meetings, classes, etc. drives home the messages I’ve absorbed. Pretty sad.
I appreciate her honesty especially about not painting Grant as a Saint. My husband and I knew them and had dinner at their home twice. Grant ditched my husband’s friendship because he wasn’t “cool enough”. Now I understand it better because janae explained his need for validation to feel special instead of hanging out the “average joe”.
I'll be completely honest, I see so many comments saying she handled her husband's death with peace and grace and beautifully etc... I don't see it. I know everyone grieves differently, and I have no right at all to say Janae is doing it wrong or right. I just feel like there's so much pain underneath the surface she's refusing to feel. I'm fairly certain of this, because I have been doing that myself over my father's death over the last 30 years. I didn't cry at his funeral, it comes out in bits and spurts and I think maybe if/when I surpass his age (coming up sooner than I wish) it will be another one of those outlets. I just hope she can find the strength to actually process and feel what she needs to feel at some point. Holding it in for too long can really mess someone's head up, and as the child of a mother in her situation, I hope she is allowing that for her children as well. For me, it just became one of those things we don't talk about, and I'm not going to get into all the implications of that, but she did mention that exact phrase earlier on...Please talk about it with your children if and when they need it. I wish the best for all of you.
Your story is very intriguing to hear, and I can relate because I lost my daredevil husband last Memorial Day to a hang gliding crash.
So sorry to hear! How are you holding up?
The comment about thinking "who am I going to have sex with now?" is normal. I have heard it from other LDS widows who had a regular sex life with their now deceased husbands. I also remember a group of women at a social gathering talking about missing date nights or movie nights with their husbands. That was one part of widowhood they were not expecting. One woman even spoke in church of her experience at a luncheon with other close friends who also had lost their husbands. The central message was to have compassion for new widows since they have lost an eternal companion and their life will change forever.
My brother died very unexpectedly 11 days after his wedding. He married my best friend of 30+ years. I remember her raging one evening and mentioning sex. She said “There are things we haven’t done yet!” As a widow at 47, she was thinking about her sex life in the future.
@@ChickenStampsI guess that would be a normal reaction. I know one woman whose husband died on their honeymoon. He drowned swimming in the ocean. It was the undertow that got him. They had only been sealed for five days.
@@scottbrandon6244 so tragic!
What an inspiring person!Such an amazing light in this world! Thanks for sharing! Excited for part two!
Glad you enjoyed it!
Loved this interview. I love the way Margie thoughtfully and expertly listens and leads conversation. She’s an inspiring conversationalist and such an important addition to this podcast. Thank you!
Great interview. Margi is such a great addition, her empathy reminds me so much of my Mom. Thanks Janae for talking so candidly about your journey. I hadn’t seen the channel before, but I saw Tucker Gott’s video reviewing what happened in the accident. Paragliding looks amazing, but it is a dangerous sport.
One thing I do not understand is why most Mormons get married so fast. I understand the parents motivation behind it in a way but in other ways I don’t, finding a husband is a very serious life choice. It’s a fact some people are just not compatible at all. I couldn’t imagine being stuck in a situation that probably should have never happened to begin with.
Her oldest son kind of processed the same a she did. Sex or a GoPro. I really appreciate the incredible insight Janae shares about every aspect of her life. The idea of being "special". I wonder if she knows that some of us are on the opposite side of the spectrum pretty much sure that things will not turn out okay. I walked to my son's room and asked if he ever watched the King of Random, and "yes" of course he knew all about them.
The title is confusing. Is it that a Mormon passed away, or The King of Random passing away? His RUclips fans missed him as the person next door,
not a Mormon. The passing of anyone transcends faith. Losing the father of your children is devastating for any family. Losing a child, there are no words!
Losing a loved one you question everything. You don't want to live but you don't want to die because you have children to take care of. It is fighting to live
every day. This podcast seems to be more of losing a Mormon first then a father and husband. This is not about a Mormon, it is about children who lost
their father due to a dangerous, foolish sport.
I loved the tkor channel and was very sad to hear about his death. Grant was a legend. His legacy lives on.
This really gets me when she explains she gave her husband her opinion and he wouldn't believe that was her honest opinion and told her she was lying to him . . . . What in the world? Mansplaining at its finest. I think an individual knows their own opinion best and to suggest otherwise is so full of ego
Missionary questionnaire asks about eating disorders and then isn't jazzed if you have had one? They're not going to give you enough money to feed yourself during the mission, but hey... Only WE can starve you; YOU can't starve you 🤦 that's nuts.
Checking yes to that should be like "Oh great👍 that's useful experience that will aid you on your mission!"
(I mean based on every missionary story I've heard: you're going to be half starved)
Wow. Just wow. Another podcast where I have learned so much. Thank you. ❤
Atheist here....incredible conversation
Off to hear Part 2
With all her insight and analysis of her husband's issues, she seems oblivious about focusing on her own issues that surfaced with her bulimia. She says she worked on and was healed from that but there are a number of red flags for me about just how healed she was/is? I believe she and her husband actually had very similar self image issues. It reminds me of a line from an old Irish poem: "Oh what gift the giftee gee us to see ourselves as others see us."
I don't feel like there was insight or analysis on either of their issues truthfully
Growth is a long and non linear process. Hopefully we will all continue to process, learn and grow.
Certainly not for us to judge how far someone else has come, though.
She also gets to share as much or little about certain aspects as she wants 🤷♀️
Janae... so impressed with your story. I loved the honesty of your relationship.
Boy, do I understand many of the things Janae expresses so well! The shock, the precognition, the denial, the many mundane requirements you walk through in a daze, and the realisation that intimacy has been sliced away from you as you curl up in a half-empty bed.
As another "Mormon Widow", I don't mind that designation. I might prefer a "Widow who is a follower of Jesus Christ".
My faith, and the prayers of many, are what carried me through those painful raw days in the last few months of 2019, after my husband died quite suddenly from cancer.
As Covid hit and I was sequestered, my faith and prayers brought me comfort through the loneliness and isolation. I grew closer to my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ as I drew upon the strength and gift of the Holy Ghost.
Yes, grief is complicated and difficult. May all of you who are afflicted with grief find peace.
I watched one video with the songs from Book of Mormon and you tube keeps suggesting these videos to me now 😂😂😂 great play by the way. Great job everyone
She skillfully dances around calling him what he was - a narcissist.
That’s a harsh word that I don’t think we (as outsiders) can judge. It seems decently likely that he just struggled with a need for recognition and praise, but still cared for others and recognized his own faults.
I am so glad that the police pushed back and tried to give support. Not everyone needs it however some people do go off the rails.
Love this video, thank each one of you for your input. Praying for all of you, this is so so powerful, I can feel the Lord’s presence in the telling of the story. ❤️🙏
Really enjoyed listening to your story. My heart goes out to you in your loss I really salute you that you kept your comments positive about the church. I feel if some one wants to leave then leave without all the antagonistic exaggeration of the church . We need more stories like yours
Fabulous interview. And very helpful for me as I lost a spouse. This is my favorite Mormon stories podcast so far
To get to heaven the wife must wait for the husband to call her secret name that only he knows.
How on earth can you believe that another person's destiny is in control of a man.
This is a male dominated cult and to believe the man has control over your eternity demotes the Saviour .
Absolutely illogical and blindness or dishonesty are the explanations.