I laughed, I cried, I pondered, I felt weak, Yet at the end of it all, I felt not alone and subsequently strong. The only thing I needed is knowing that I'm not the only one who sees this. Worth more than 10 counselling sessions. Thanks.
Dear Bhuti Sbu thank you for everything you've done for South Africa. Please today show Bhuti Penuel Love I really think this thing of politics and following everything we've seen him getting frustrated. Please show him love and support and those children are his and he should support his children ❤
When Penuel said "The whole family must be put first, not just the child", I felt that. There's no human being who must be okay with another human suffering because of them. People often say married couples must stay together for the children, but I cannot imagine a home where one of the parents is depressed and may self destruct at any moment because they aren't happy with the situation at home. Everyone matters, us men too!
Understable Pen. You are one of the best, so please keep on providing for your children no matter what. Love them and provide for them until you parents sort matters out
Eish I’ve been through the same thing as Pen, luckily my woman went out and got all the information for me to fight for my kid and today I have 50% rights to my child
This Parental issue is deep. As a Father your sentiments are valid. If you are denied access to the child then you should not be obligated to pay child support!
@@Bullshitafor all you know,Mandyjay, could be teaching your child or family member,so it not wise to called each other dumb, specially if you don't know the person
Men are weak these days. They can't do the difficult thing, but want to be called leaders. Leaders do the hard thing even if they don't get their way. Weak men!
Eish mfethu! But then again, it doesn't sit well not knowing how the kid is doing. This is a fight you need to win by all means as a man. Otherwise, it will destroy you emotionally and you'll be recreating the cycle by abondoning the child. That guilt is impossible to erode.
@@dbongsskhonza9933 Well, tell Mandyjay to stop saying stupid things online. "If you are denied access to the child then you should not be obligated to pay child support!" is that smart??? Which adult doesn't know about court.
1. Money: The question is the money you are Not sending, are you putting away, monthly, weekly into a fund 💰for him when he turns 18 or 21? 2.Support: Emotional support, character building, advise for the child, I know a father who wrote letters to his son daily for over 20 years. Another father went to the childs school events, sometimes just sitting at the back and saying nothing. It should not be about being seen. You can just clap 👏 hands for them at school sport and go. 3 Clothes, toys and other goodies, you can courier to where they are and keep the recipients. 4. Communication, you can send your older kids a cell phone to call you, whenever they want. You can call their teachers weekly to find out how they are doing at school, that is you communicating with a teacher, you are paying school fees for. The need to prove a point, always be right, Does Not serve the child! There are many things you can do, when your denied access, the point has to be about the child, not you. In the end the child will not care about the court, but what did you do.
Sbu was right to say this issue will do more harm to you as a Father. I've gone through this and it took therapy to finally resolve what the fight over my kid did to me emotionally. All the way to learning to befriend people who've reconditioned your own child to hate you. Oksalayo as a man, you must fight to secure your own bond with that child. It is for your own well-being. It will destroy you going out to eat sushi while you have no clue how the kid is doing.
35: 40 Sbu erroneously assumes that the legal justice system is fair and unbiased. But unfortunately, it is not. It is gynocetric in nature, and it has to be because we as a society do not value human life the same. That is why even in geocide death tolls, you hear about women and children being killed because that is what society cares more about. It is almost accepted in society for men to suffer. it's sad but true.
Even the most expensive liquor and soft life Boys 😂😂😂 Those WILL NOT fix the pain of not sending support. Send all the money, pay for everything, ngenkani! If she doesn't want to let you, you still have the right to go to your kid's school and send the money required there, courier or send the clothes by yourself to the school. Get a social worker or your attorney to accompany you if need be.
I normally say to toxic women who mistreat men, I say I wish same energy you give to men, I hope your son’s get it in future from other people’s daughters
If she does not give you access to your kid. Gentlemen, don’t send money nor provide any type of support. Baby mamas are toxic! No messy for them. Period.
I had a fight with my Baby moms and she took me to court even though i was supporting the child and what I learnt is that the Courts choose sides and dont even wana hear your side of the story they just make a ruling... I had to ask to speak after the ruling was made unless you have money for lawyers which will make it even worse kube ngathi uzomcindezela... I dont blame you man mara zama ukulwa for incosi if hes 11years try get your son directly
Wild business being able to take care of your kids and choose not to and publicly declare. I get being misunderstood neh , but Pen just taking it too far
Open an account and put money in there. Don’t send it to mother. N only pay directly when needed. If later kids ask show them their account in their names and it would show how long u been doing it n why
For a minimum of 4 baby mamas...at some point you have to take accountability and responsibility for this brokenness...as a man who has a child, I don't feel sorry for Penuel.
As long as his providing for the kid and willing to be present. Why should he take accountability? His not the one blocking the kid from seeing him, is he now ?
The problem is irresponsible sexual behaviour. And even crazier than that is, he wants more than the 7 he is struggling with. He will keep going to court ke.
U don’t have n l don’t think it wud make a difference even if you did. However listen to his point and those affected. That’s the argument not feelings
For really, u speaking nonsense n pple like are reasons why the society is struggling. U juss run straight to assuming rather than listening to the argument n then raise your views or points. That’s not feelings game
He’s making all these examples about bad women to justify him not sending money to his kids There are two courts for a reason Maintenance court is separate to children court for access
Kak......kak. I also had a problem of access to my child. I decided to pay school fees and buy clothes only and not send her money. I'm only sending money now that I have access to my kid. So, what Penuel is saying is crap. 😅😅😅
@@moyisileenterprise I think Penuel is saying that he'll also CONTINUE to provide if he gets access. I think that EVERY parent should have a right to access their child unless they're a danger. You and Penuel are saying the same thing.
@@fortunbras Not at all. I'm saying I paid school fees and bought clothes whilst I didn't have access. He's saying he's not going to contribute to the kids until he gets access.
@@moyisileenterprise No he said he'd been paying until he got denied access. He also said that in some instances he paid school fees directly and was still denied access. So it's not him saying screw the kids. He's just saying can I pay and see my kids too? Is that a controversial take in your opinion?
@fortunbras In my opinion, he's completely wrong. Contribute to the kids' lives and fight access in court. That's what I did. I know it takes forever, especially if you're a man. But I still paid for more than a year of being denied access, I still paid. For me, you are denying your kids a better life just because their mothers are punishing you if you are not supporting them because of lack of access.
When he realises that he has duty to himself to be sexually responsible as an adult, he will be free of the drama he keeps bringing to himself. That includes stretching himself too thin in family planning.
Grootman when are you inviting sakhile again?Pen is all over,we need motivation manje ku busy asikhale siya phambile balance,nathi sinazo icosi asizibone.hayi kabi
We need to normalize giving the children their father's surname, and if things dont work out, him being primary caregiver should be an option. I get it now. Obviously, all things considered.
I’m curious to know if what the father provided was in line with the child’s upkeep. There are men who provided R200 to each of their 8 kids and think that they’re the best fathers ever. Lapho they can afford more and more importantly, they honestly shouldn’t be having so many kids and creating broken families. We get it he’s fertile!
Okay. For the first time I actually understand your frustration and even agree with your sentiments to a certain extent. You cooked there by 30 something minutes. There's a huge double standard when it comes to genders and alot of times when we say "best for the child" we are actually saying "best for the mom". I get it. I still dont like your situation of planting seeds everywhere and feel that half the problems you have wouldnt exist if you were in a conventional family setting. But it doesnt invalidate your feelings and alot of your points. I actually get it
Pen is wrong on this one! Remember kids are innocent, it’s not their faults that parents are having a fallout! Parents should put their differences aside and support the kids that they both agreed to bring to this earth.
The kids are gonna suffer either way. I personally think this is a strategic move that will make the mother question and re-evaluate how they handle the matter. I fully understand penuel.
When has it ever been ok to walk away from your kids? If you and the other parent are not getting along, seek help until things are favourable for your children. Walking away from your children should never be an option or normalised by Penuel or anyone else. It’s sad that he says this with his full chest, rather then to continue to speak up about his efforts to fighting for his children and his rights as a father. He’s full of excuses. Parents, it’s never ok to walk away from your children.
Is it really walking away if,he say,he's only gonna stop sending money to the mother,untill he's able to see his kids,and if that don't happen,mother can still send kids to him for whatever
@dbongsskhonza9933 thank you your very analytical and accurate in your comment sometimes we get worked up over other people's issues instead of just listening and leaving it as is it's really none of our business what penuel does with his life choices
Diffrent strokes for diffrent folkes,bt not by not supporting is crying for help,becouse hes been denied exess to his child,you wont understand the situation until you in it,then you will also handle it your own way,policing other peoples problem is not the solution,let him deal with it the way he feels its right for him not for you 🙏🙂
@nhlanhlagovuzela6728 she's all over the comment section showing her guilt, she's not even commenting something constructive 😂🤣😂 She's exactly what Penual pointed out. It's embarrassing that she's exposing herself 😂🤣😂
@@Jokademiks Sounds like the one projecting here is you beloved. I have said over and over that sexual discipline would free people from this unnecessary nonsense. If you haven't realised it yet, society doesn't need to bend to your irresponsibility.
Weak men give up on their children. I hate to say this, but man up. Just because you are in your feelings about some girl, the kids will still grow up and see you for the weak man you are. Leadership is lacking.
A man should not have to fight to get access to their kids. How do you deny access and when the man obliges to that then you call him a deadbeat/weak? That's unfair. We need to get off our high horses as women shame. I have alot of issues with Pen and this whole 7 kids all over situation, but calling him weak for giving up after fighting for 11 years is nonsensical
@@Jokademiks Nope, I Strongly disagree. Yes you may be denied access but there's many practical ways to enforce financial support. Do it via parents and/or a social worker if you have to.
@@MLM424 That's very true, women have mastered how to destroy a man through a child, knowing very well the kid needs that relationship with the Father.
@@JokademiksTake into account that some of us Men, have really done bad things to hurt the Mother. For her to go to that extent of fighting through the child. Like it or not, in some cases you really have to push hard proving yourself to be a credible Father who only wants to bond with the child.
what insanity is this? A WOMAN IS REFUSING THE FATHER OF HER CHILDREN ACCESS! Fighting to see your kids for 11 years? Kids that a woman is refusing you access to?
Wislima somuntu wesifazane if that's your take away, which echos fools like you he was eluding to. Too many foolish women like you have the lidest voice.
@@KeoLeballo Bra, you gotta fight this one and win it by all means. It makes you angry and feel incapable. You have to find a way for the child's sake. Mfethu sit with family, bring in the elder, BEG if you have but step up and win it.
@@KeoLeballo Unfortunately thats the reality of having babies with multiple women. He cannot tell them where to live or how to order their schedule because they are the primary caregivers. He has also never married any of them and built a home where he had any say on the daily goings on. Thats what he chose to do. The law likely won't start taking guys like him seriously because he "sometimes" parents. He should just keep his receipts. Thats life. It may not seem fair to you, but sometimes you have to do things because you're obligated.
@@Dude-1689 It likely won't change. The problem is you cannot control what the mother wants for herself. Family units are there for exactly this reason. Family planning is there for exactly this reason. Peneul at least is starting to understand that too much freedom will cost you. No matter how well intentioned he thinks he is.
I laughed, I cried, I pondered, I felt weak, Yet at the end of it all, I felt not alone and subsequently strong. The only thing I needed is knowing that I'm not the only one who sees this. Worth more than 10 counselling sessions. Thanks.
Siyabonga for this…It will go down in the History Books ❤️🙏🏽
Dear Bhuti Sbu thank you for everything you've done for South Africa. Please today show Bhuti Penuel Love I really think this thing of politics and following everything we've seen him getting frustrated. Please show him love and support and those children are his and he should support his children ❤
When Penuel said "The whole family must be put first, not just the child", I felt that. There's no human being who must be okay with another human suffering because of them. People often say married couples must stay together for the children, but I cannot imagine a home where one of the parents is depressed and may self destruct at any moment because they aren't happy with the situation at home. Everyone matters, us men too!
Understable Pen. You are one of the best, so please keep on providing for your children no matter what. Love them and provide for them until you parents sort matters out
What if they dead and u don't even know 😢
They will never understand....
they are here to judge.
Eish I’ve been through the same thing as Pen, luckily my woman went out and got all the information for me to fight for my kid and today I have 50% rights to my child
Some women don't know how lucky they are when for the father of the child want to be involved. Some are wishing
This Parental issue is deep. As a Father your sentiments are valid. If you are denied access to the child then you should not be obligated to pay child support!
There's court, dumb-dumb
@@Bullshitafor all you know,Mandyjay, could be teaching your child or family member,so it not wise to called each other dumb, specially if you don't know the person
Men are weak these days. They can't do the difficult thing, but want to be called leaders. Leaders do the hard thing even if they don't get their way. Weak men!
Eish mfethu!
But then again, it doesn't sit well not knowing how the kid is doing.
This is a fight you need to win by all means as a man. Otherwise, it will destroy you emotionally and you'll be recreating the cycle by abondoning the child.
That guilt is impossible to erode.
@@dbongsskhonza9933 Well, tell Mandyjay to stop saying stupid things online. "If you are denied access to the child then you should not be obligated to pay child support!" is that smart??? Which adult doesn't know about court.
1. Money: The question is the money you are Not sending, are you putting away, monthly, weekly into a fund 💰for him when he turns 18 or 21? 2.Support: Emotional support, character building, advise for the child, I know a father who wrote letters to his son daily for over 20 years. Another father went to the childs school events, sometimes just sitting at the back and saying nothing. It should not be about being seen. You can just clap 👏 hands for them at school sport and go. 3 Clothes, toys and other goodies, you can courier to where they are and keep the recipients. 4. Communication, you can send your older kids a cell phone to call you, whenever they want. You can call their teachers weekly to find out how they are doing at school, that is you communicating with a teacher, you are paying school fees for. The need to prove a point, always be right, Does Not serve the child! There are many things you can do, when your denied access, the point has to be about the child, not you. In the end the child will not care about the court, but what did you do.
They won't read your reply cause is long but this is true what you said
Very practical solutions to a problem.
Took some points home with me🙏
Let me re-substribe since pen is back
Sbu was right to say this issue will do more harm to you as a Father.
I've gone through this and it took therapy to finally resolve what the fight over my kid did to me emotionally. All the way to learning to befriend people who've reconditioned your own child to hate you.
Oksalayo as a man, you must fight to secure your own bond with that child. It is for your own well-being.
It will destroy you going out to eat sushi while you have no clue how the kid is doing.
35: 40 Sbu erroneously assumes that the legal justice system is fair and unbiased. But unfortunately, it is not. It is gynocetric in nature, and it has to be because we as a society do not value human life the same. That is why even in geocide death tolls, you hear about women and children being killed because that is what society cares more about. It is almost accepted in society for men to suffer. it's sad but true.
These facts, each & everytime anyone likes this comment I will come & watch again
Great conversation guys very educative episode
Even the most expensive liquor and soft life Boys 😂😂😂 Those WILL NOT fix the pain of not sending support.
Send all the money, pay for everything, ngenkani!
If she doesn't want to let you, you still have the right to go to your kid's school and send the money required there, courier or send the clothes by yourself to the school. Get a social worker or your attorney to accompany you if need be.
Pen, I second your perspective bro.
I'm also in the same situation i don't blame you in all concluded.
The nostalgia ❤. Virtual mkhukhu the return!!!!
I normally say to toxic women who mistreat men, I say I wish same energy you give to men, I hope your son’s get it in future from other people’s daughters
If she does not give you access to your kid. Gentlemen, don’t send money nor provide any type of support. Baby mamas are toxic! No messy for them. Period.
If you stop sending you are punishing the Children. That doesn't make sense.You should always pay.
For the first time a man gets to speak about real issues bruh....
I blame myself for impregnating a toxic woman ,
Kwaze kwazwela..I can't imagine my own brother's foes #sigh... I wish many man spoke up yazi.
I had a fight with my Baby moms and she took me to court even though i was supporting the child and what I learnt is that the Courts choose sides and dont even wana hear your side of the story they just make a ruling... I had to ask to speak after the ruling was made unless you have money for lawyers which will make it even worse kube ngathi uzomcindezela... I dont blame you man mara zama ukulwa for incosi if hes 11years try get your son directly
I fully, a 100 percent get Penuel. And he is not walking away from his kids, they know where to find him, so does everybody else who wats to find him.
Wild business being able to take care of your kids and choose not to and publicly declare. I get being misunderstood neh , but Pen just taking it too far
Open an account and put money in there. Don’t send it to mother. N only pay directly when needed. If later kids ask show them their account in their names and it would show how long u been doing it n why
Valuable input
Thank you so much
Who should pay for the child mentainment.Who should pay for Child food,rent,school and many other thing's
For a minimum of 4 baby mamas...at some point you have to take accountability and responsibility for this brokenness...as a man who has a child, I don't feel sorry for Penuel.
As long as his providing for the kid and willing to be present. Why should he take accountability? His not the one blocking the kid from seeing him, is he now ?
@saneledlamini285 well done for speaking for nonsense.
The problem is irresponsible sexual behaviour. And even crazier than that is, he wants more than the 7 he is struggling with. He will keep going to court ke.
U don’t have n l don’t think it wud make a difference even if you did. However listen to his point and those affected. That’s the argument not feelings
For really, u speaking nonsense n pple like are reasons why the society is struggling. U juss run straight to assuming rather than listening to the argument n then raise your views or points. That’s not feelings game
Pen is the PROBLEM.I do feel sorry for the kids 🥺
He’s making all these examples about bad women to justify him not sending money to his kids
There are two courts for a reason
Maintenance court is separate to children court for access
How is he the problem in your view? Please educate us...
Kak......kak. I also had a problem of access to my child. I decided to pay school fees and buy clothes only and not send her money. I'm only sending money now that I have access to my kid. So, what Penuel is saying is crap. 😅😅😅
Good for finding a way . Your child will know you were always there for him no matter the family relationship with their mom.
@@moyisileenterprise I think Penuel is saying that he'll also CONTINUE to provide if he gets access. I think that EVERY parent should have a right to access their child unless they're a danger. You and Penuel are saying the same thing.
@@fortunbras Not at all. I'm saying I paid school fees and bought clothes whilst I didn't have access. He's saying he's not going to contribute to the kids until he gets access.
@@moyisileenterprise No he said he'd been paying until he got denied access. He also said that in some instances he paid school fees directly and was still denied access. So it's not him saying screw the kids. He's just saying can I pay and see my kids too? Is that a controversial take in your opinion?
@fortunbras In my opinion, he's completely wrong. Contribute to the kids' lives and fight access in court. That's what I did. I know it takes forever, especially if you're a man. But I still paid for more than a year of being denied access, I still paid. For me, you are denying your kids a better life just because their mothers are punishing you if you are not supporting them because of lack of access.
also you cant father 2 days a week
Mara grootman, we want 2 hours up, for virtual mkhukhu episodes please 😢🙏🙏🙏
I also just decided to do the same thing. I last saw my son in 2018
hes 100% right
My God💯💯💯🔥🔥🔥🖋️🖋️🖋️🖋️
7 tau per child is wild, majority of our people don't even get paid that much
When he realises that he has duty to himself to be sexually responsible as an adult, he will be free of the drama he keeps bringing to himself. That includes stretching himself too thin in family planning.
Grootman when are you inviting sakhile again?Pen is all over,we need motivation manje ku busy asikhale siya phambile balance,nathi sinazo icosi asizibone.hayi kabi
We need to normalize giving the children their father's surname, and if things dont work out, him being primary caregiver should be an option. I get it now. Obviously, all things considered.
That Yoh from Sbuda 😂,
With reference to 10min30sec. I identify as Sbu..#pretend_,pretend
And man show their frustrations differently from man....look at the case ka- Mr Mboro
I’m curious to know if what the father provided was in line with the child’s upkeep. There are men who provided R200 to each of their 8 kids and think that they’re the best fathers ever. Lapho they can afford more and more importantly, they honestly shouldn’t be having so many kids and creating broken families. We get it he’s fertile!
Okay. For the first time I actually understand your frustration and even agree with your sentiments to a certain extent. You cooked there by 30 something minutes. There's a huge double standard when it comes to genders and alot of times when we say "best for the child" we are actually saying "best for the mom". I get it. I still dont like your situation of planting seeds everywhere and feel that half the problems you have wouldnt exist if you were in a conventional family setting. But it doesnt invalidate your feelings and alot of your points. I actually get it
The Family settings does work even for Woman. The old Family settings would just work for Man.
I chose my mental health and walked away, I'm only sending money.
Pen is wrong on this one! Remember kids are innocent, it’s not their faults that parents are having a fallout! Parents should put their differences aside and support the kids that they both agreed to bring to this earth.
The kids are gonna suffer either way. I personally think this is a strategic move that will make the mother question and re-evaluate how they handle the matter. I fully understand penuel.
if it hasnt happen to you, you will never understand.
Lol you clearly are deaf and didnt take note of the valid points made by Pen
You are clearly not listening.
Not listening at all
When has it ever been ok to walk away from your kids? If you and the other parent are not getting along, seek help until things are favourable for your children. Walking away from your children should never be an option or normalised by Penuel or anyone else. It’s sad that he says this with his full chest, rather then to continue to speak up about his efforts to fighting for his children and his rights as a father. He’s full of excuses. Parents, it’s never ok to walk away from your children.
He's having a human experience no one is wrong or right in this type of situation stick to your own beliefs don't impose or judge
Is it really walking away if,he say,he's only gonna stop sending money to the mother,untill he's able to see his kids,and if that don't happen,mother can still send kids to him for whatever
@dbongsskhonza9933 thank you your very analytical and accurate in your comment sometimes we get worked up over other people's issues instead of just listening and leaving it as is it's really none of our business what penuel does with his life choices
Diffrent strokes for diffrent folkes,bt not by not supporting is crying for help,becouse hes been denied exess to his child,you wont understand the situation until you in it,then you will also handle it your own way,policing other peoples problem is not the solution,let him deal with it the way he feels its right for him not for you 🙏🙂
Sometimes people who are not going through this experience should just zip their mouth
This guy likes drama.
You're all over here criticizing him, you're the toxic toilet rot of women he's talking about.
Your guilt is killing you madam.
@@nhlanhlagovuzela6728 How?
@nhlanhlagovuzela6728 she's all over the comment section showing her guilt, she's not even commenting something constructive 😂🤣😂 She's exactly what Penual pointed out. It's embarrassing that she's exposing herself 😂🤣😂
@@Jokademiks Sounds like the one projecting here is you beloved. I have said over and over that sexual discipline would free people from this unnecessary nonsense. If you haven't realised it yet, society doesn't need to bend to your irresponsibility.
🙌
25:20 If you want to know the future laws of SA, follow the current laws in USA. Thank me later
Kante isn’t this too personal
Weak men give up on their children. I hate to say this, but man up. Just because you are in your feelings about some girl, the kids will still grow up and see you for the weak man you are. Leadership is lacking.
Slima you're selective, didn't you hear he said he's being denied access. He has every right to not support.
A man should not have to fight to get access to their kids. How do you deny access and when the man obliges to that then you call him a deadbeat/weak? That's unfair. We need to get off our high horses as women shame. I have alot of issues with Pen and this whole 7 kids all over situation, but calling him weak for giving up after fighting for 11 years is nonsensical
@@Jokademiks Nope, I Strongly disagree. Yes you may be denied access but there's many practical ways to enforce financial support. Do it via parents and/or a social worker if you have to.
@@MLM424 That's very true, women have mastered how to destroy a man through a child, knowing very well the kid needs that relationship with the Father.
@@JokademiksTake into account that some of us Men, have really done bad things to hurt the Mother. For her to go to that extent of fighting through the child.
Like it or not, in some cases you really have to push hard proving yourself to be a credible Father who only wants to bond with the child.
🙌🙌🧠
You have to provide regardless of how you feel.
what insanity is this? A WOMAN IS REFUSING THE FATHER OF HER CHILDREN ACCESS! Fighting to see your kids for 11 years? Kids that a woman is refusing you access to?
Wislima somuntu wesifazane if that's your take away, which echos fools like you he was eluding to. Too many foolish women like you have the lidest voice.
@@KeoLeballo Bra, you gotta fight this one and win it by all means.
It makes you angry and feel incapable. You have to find a way for the child's sake.
Mfethu sit with family, bring in the elder, BEG if you have but step up and win it.
@@KeoLeballo Unfortunately thats the reality of having babies with multiple women. He cannot tell them where to live or how to order their schedule because they are the primary caregivers. He has also never married any of them and built a home where he had any say on the daily goings on. Thats what he chose to do.
The law likely won't start taking guys like him seriously because he "sometimes" parents.
He should just keep his receipts. Thats life. It may not seem fair to you, but sometimes you have to do things because you're obligated.
@@Dude-1689 It likely won't change. The problem is you cannot control what the mother wants for herself. Family units are there for exactly this reason. Family planning is there for exactly this reason.
Peneul at least is starting to understand that too much freedom will cost you. No matter how well intentioned he thinks he is.