@@Spartan-Of-Truth Moving to a move senior position in my workplace, I have discovered that it becomes almost mandatory to become like that a little bit. This is similiar to when you first learn the social cues, there is a pressure to know how to be social, how to hang out and interact with people normally. Simliarily, later in life there is a higher-tier pressure not only to 'be normal', but also to be able to get along and find common ground even with people who's very being is insulting to you. And don't get me wrong, the narcissistic types are the worst kind of people for me in particular, so it's not that I like it.
I've learned from listening to Jocko and applying his wisdom that the phrase "how can I help?" solves almost any conflict. Nothing disarms an adversary and puts my own ego in check like sincerely, humbly trying to help the person my ego views as a threat. If I can hold back my emotions and reactions (unattaching) long enough to think rationally, I can turn almost any situation into a positive learning experience (for all involved parties). In religion, politics, business, and interpersonal relationships, the ability to distinguish between literal threats and "non-factors" are the key to the success of your agenda. Thanks for the awesome info as always!!
The Owner's Manual--- that's a great policy; one you should never disavow. Changing my policies has always lead to a pitfall, and I wish I hadn't been so quick to compromise, looking back.
I love how jocko admits his mistakes as a young man. Trying to be tough... I’m 31 realizing how stupid I’ve been but, I learn from my mistakes and trying to be a better man everyday.
When I turned 30, I looked myself in the mirror and realized I never met any goal set for myself in my 20's.. I felt like a loser, I told myself I was a loser, but being able to accept that for myself, my 30's became the best years to grow and learn and really become a man. Sometimes we just have to admit to ourselves the truth in order to become better
"All these people out here who talk about how great they are, and I see it all the time, it makes me sick man. Get real with yourself, people cannot relate to you man, you are un-f*cking relatable. When you come out here and say hey man, I'm the baddest motherf*cker to ever live. Okay great, well what am I gonna learn from you? You learn from people who are willing to tell you, this is where I started from, this is how much I fell on my f*cking ass, this is how bad I used to be." - David Goggins
I have a boss I am forced to see first thing in morning and one thing ive realized is if you just treat them with kindness and don’t expect anything back from them.... you will win every single time because even when you just say good morning and they don’t respond... they think they are insulting you with not responding but if you know better and understand that them not responding is due to their own unhappiness then them not responding is you WINNING lol
@@nighthawkdutchchameleon9815 “If it’s true that thoughts, words and ideas locked-together create language patterns… and those language patterns carry a voice, a power and a vibrational frequency of intelligent energy? Then words can light fires in the minds of those who become enlightened of the internal reality that they are creating from day to day.” - Luke Picco www.IRONCLADCONFIDENCE.com
“If it’s true that thoughts, words and ideas locked-together create language patterns… and those language patterns carry a voice, a power and a vibrational frequency of intelligent energy? Then words can light fires in the minds of those who become enlightened of the internal reality that they are creating from day to day.” - Luke Picco www.IRONCLADCONFIDENCE.com
P/S, I was pleasantly surprised last week to find out that my teenage daughter listens to your podcasts. This is how I found out: I started playing one of your clips and she was in the room. She said, "Hey mom - is that the Navy Seal guy's podcast? You know him too 😲?" So you guys should know your reaching out to multiple generations and effectively changing lives for better!!!! Thank you for all you do.
Adding to your commentary : I'm myself a young woman and I think I started listening to Jocko when I was 19. Since then, I'm day after day building my life and myself the way I want, owning up to some of my mistakes (sure I have plenty more to own up to haha). What I like about him is that I don't feel like I'm listening to a guru of a cult who has a huge ego and tries to mould you into what he wants. Nah, Jocko can accept that someone will think different than him, he can also accept that he's a human, he makes mistakes. He's confident but down to earth unlike some of the "mentors" we can find of RUclips who creep me out.
You should read how to win friends and influence people by dale Carnegie. One of the things he talks about is how sales people often fail because they focus on what they want instead of what the customer wants.
One of my instructors when I was in class to become a towercrane driver told me " you can be the best operator in the crane but if you do not know how to handle your ground crew or the people you serve, you will suck and not have a long career up there ". or you can mess up many times but if your crew loves you, you will be a legend " I have never forgotten those words because that was a golden. To this day I still hear him yelling through my radio " NO MERCY FOR YOU DANNY BOY " My first try in a new company and 5 days later I had the job and best crew ever. Know how to handle your people.
This is work 101, there is always someone you like less. After a while you just manage to ignore that fact, you are at work to get it done, friends are a bonus.
"That sounds manipulative, conniving, not keeping it real" - Being autistic, to me even keeping it real is a sort of act that I learned to perform, so in a way I learned to view all behaviour as manipulative or somewhat acted. What matters is the intention, and when the intention is to get shit done, being cooperative and respectful to someone you despise is 100% true to the intention to get shit done. Maybe not true to your feelings but the point was to get shit done not to express your feelings.
I felt the exact same way thinking about this. I have a friend who has a lot of social influence and when I observe his interactions with people especially people he doesn't like, I noticed a lot of times he says things that I would consider technically lies, but I started to realise that it's really just the little social things people do so everything remains cordial. A lot of times I see it as manipulation, but like you said, most social interactions feel like manipulation beyond just matter of factly stating what you want, how you feel, or what you're thinking.
This was really well stated, and an eye-opener. Hopefully this doesn't come off as insensitive, but sometimes I think autism serves more as a superpower than a disability, at least with experiences I've seen. My strongest relationships have often been with people I found out yeeears later are autistic, but the bonds feel stronger because there's more authenticity in it over adjusting to established "social cues"
So many people get in their own way at work by thinking that reacting emotionally and bitching at everyone and everything means that they are genuine and have integrity. This should be mandatory viewing. At work, integrity means working together and I don’t care who you like or don’t like.
"Being humble goes a loooong way" - Only being 30 years old and I've realized this. Being honest about your mistakes and showing how you can improve them combined with being humble about your skills and limitations will ease most tensions. I've been to meetings where the room was electrified coming in. But being just 1 person in there to stay the course of the objective helped so much in rebuilding a bit of trust and removing tensions for further development
I drove a cab for a couple of years and one thing that learned is that if you don't respond to difficult people in a way that escalates the situation and you keep a consistent level head and do not let them influence the way that you handle the situation, 9 times out of ten they settle down rather quickly and end up with a much more productive situation.
'' If I am so smart, why am I not winning? '' That kinda got through me because I sabotage myself pretty often just out of pride and stubbornness, although I know Im consciously deciding to lose as long as I feel I am right. So my principles are more important for me than to succed in certain situations, which leads to a lot of unhappiness obviously and I feel like I should change that behavior. Well thanks for the great content!
I learned this Jocko and I hope you read this. I'm 22 and learned if they're smart, be tough. If they are tough be smart. If they are foolish, be righteous. If they are righteous, be a bit foolish.
The point is you are not trying to win "for" people you don't like. You just have to win with them. So being polite to them and not expecting nice response and dedicated work from them are included as your job to win something. Stay in the course to win something and complete your mission. That's all about professionalism. Thanks Jocko
True story... when you don’t like someone & you’re honest with yourself about the answer, it will often be your own ego that’s in the way! It’s often something you don’t like about yourself that you see in the other person!
We get taught we screw up then have to relearn,I’m blown away at 45 and sober I’m putting myself through this self mentoring by watching Jocko and have been for the last yr,there’s no amount of thanks I can give I wake to the man I lift to him I run to him he’s literally the dad I I never had and I wish I had.
Hey guys, I needed this one! I’m in barber school and I really had to put my ego in check yesterday. I just feel like I’m not getting anything out of my education at the school. The instructor and his wife are crooks. They don’t even teach anything and it’s a blessing I know how to cut already and keep my business running. They profit off their students and students aren’t able to do much about which created a toxic environment or made me not want to go. They threaten to suspend me if I keep skipping school and they charge you money for missing attendance hours. I can’t afford miss anymore if I want my license honestly. I’m glad I saw this video bc I was going to drop out of something I love doing. I can’t let them get in the way man. Again, thank you.
I haven’t listened yet but I’m surprised to here Jocko speak of winning with people that you don’t like. Maybe I’m stubborn or something but I don’t even want to be around people I do not like and I won’t try to do anything with them.
Wonderful stuff, Jocko. This can often work in both directions, too -- depending on the situation. You notice another is being disrespectful or even hostile all the time, so you say to him: "I know you have very little respect for me at present, and that might or might not change later on -- I can live with it either way. But for now, I think you'll agree that, as your supervisor/boss/brother, I am entitled to your co-operation. Without it, the unit/company/family is damaged -- and neither one of us wants that. Do you want to try and go forward on that basis?" (Everybody learns that it isn't what others think of me that really matters -- it's what I think of me. And bad behavior, no matter how justified, will sooner or later always make me think less of myself.)
As much as I love the theory of this, there are people who will abuse your willingness to let your guard down. If they are in your family, they are inescapable unless you can manage to cut all contact or keep them at a distance. There is a point where this will become inviting abuse, at least in a certain context. If you're dealing with a normal person, yeah, this advice works. It's a pretty good method to filter out people who you can develop respect for, and people who aren't willing to respect others.
@@thatgui88most of the time they're not actual narcissists they don't actually have narcissistic personality disorder they are just people who are very arrogant but on the point that they are still reasonable unless well they actually have a personality disorder people are well inherently working off their own logic trying to fulfill what they think is their own need
@@ant-i6g Nah I've met some people who legit fit every description of what a narcissist acts/does. So far I have met 2 so far. One man and one women. Competitive, difficult to work with,huge ego,lack of boundaries, and rude.
@@thatgui88 self-interested and competitive those are some traits and narcissist definitely can have but they're more defined by how much they want admiration and validation
I would just like to thank you for the assistance you offered me as a young man. I've got myself together. Ill be the general manager of the restaurant I've been working at since highschool. I WILL be an owner and franchisee before I'm 21. So thanks for the help in realizing what im capable of.
When Jaco says your ego is what makes you not like somebody that's some true stuff right there and that's something that we should all look at and put our ego aside and figure them out even if there are enemy
100% agree. I would also add to build the relationship by asking opposition sincere honest questions on their way of thinking, listen, don't interrupt, let them encourage them elaborate more. You can still hold your ground and respectfully challenge, do but with calm self control.
6:15 you're understanding your own limitations and his limitations and taking charge of getting him to comply because he wants to, not against his ego. you're being the man.
So true. It's the ego that makes us dislike other people. A good soul search has helped me many a times. From observing people who really have a name in society, but "carry out the trash out" voluntarily, that to me is a lasting lesson than the man-made "Thou shalt not!!!" Thank you for these podcasts.
I totally agree as a starting point. Spot on, I agree with every thing. The thing I don't think you take into account is how moderate to high level narcissists treat weak individuals who show humility. It's a terrible cycle. It damages individuals long term. It's fair that you didn't bring it up, because it's relatively uncommon.
Can confirm this mindset helps. I've only had one superior assigned to me it didn't work with because they would outright lie when they thought it would make them look better. I tried for months to assume that I misunderstood what was so - maybe they aren't lying and I just don't know any better. But it just kept happening. After a few months, I spent a little time quietly double checking when I thought there was dishonesty. It turned out that an overwhelming preponderance of the time they were, in fact, lying. So, I started to push back harder or discreetly guide our choices elsewhere when I knew they were lying. They would never give if the truth made them look less awesome to higher leadership. Finally, the next guy up above this dishonest superior asked me for feedback for how my part of his team was doing.... And I just... Told him the truth. He asked for verification for a few of these example lies. I showed him the evidence that made me reach my conclusion. And then nothing happened. This person continued to be dishonest when it suited them. If I sound angry about it, it's because I'm still angry that we even have people like this being given authority and that I never figured out a way to improve the situation.
This is the most helpful Jocko video I've ever watched. I have a problem where I think I'm smarter or better than a lot of my bosses and it always just stresses me out and messes things up. I'm going to try to put my ego aside and work WITH my boss to see if I can make things smoother. It's going to be hard but I think it might be worth it.
“If it’s true that thoughts, words and ideas locked-together create language patterns… and those language patterns carry a voice, a power and a vibrational frequency of intelligent energy? Then words can light fires in the minds of those who become enlightened of the internal reality that they are creating from day to day.” - Luke Picco www.IRONCLADCONFIDENCE.com
IN MY OPINION, winning people that you don't like is similar to letting an enemy inside your house. There's no shortage of good people out there. If you need to win over somebody, chances are they probably shouldn't be in your life.
Once a relationship turns sour I have never been able to improve the situation. Everything I have ever tried has just made things worse. All I know to do is go grey rock and slow down the decline.
It’s a good realization to have also knowing what winning and losing is to you personally is a good measured the understand it’s different for everybody.
Having hostility towards those that are not squared away. I can totally relate. I try to focus on people's positive qualities rather than the negative. Usually when we don't like someone, it's because we subconsciously see our own bad behavior in others. Next time you get angry with someone, just say to yourself, thats me on a bad day, and you'll see how your perspective changes.
Once again you have shared the necessary tools for success. I dont have the right words to express how valuable the information you provide is to me, and everyone else looking for answers and solutions. Thank you.
This video is spot on. Maybe Jocko's best podcast. Keeping the ego in check solves 80% of all relationship problems inside the team and outside the team.
This is great advice. One example that comes to mind that makes me disagree with this is supporting a family member that's in a toxic relationship (or has a bad addiction). Say you're supportive for years, you help when it's needed or when you were asked to. After every crisis your mom/sister/daughter goes back to the scum bag, because he said 'sorry' and got some flowers. Same thing for years. I think at this point you have to stop helping. So I said, 'hey, I love you, we're family. You can come to me with anything EXCEPT your relationship problems. 3rd time you failed for divorce and then you withdraw it. I was there every single time. Not anymore. It's a waste of my time, my money, my nerves. You made a choice. Live with it. If you want to change - change it.
I'm dealing with someone I don't believe deserves his position right now, but I believe this video opened me up, hopefully I'll be able to continue working with him by putting my ego in check and help get the common goal achieved.
Jocko & Echo, thank you for showcasing this story. These lessons will help to make strong people better team players. Your guys mindset is much appreciated.
Don't try to steal from that somebody.... Instead; learn from him (her) and be at their service, regardless. Learnt that at 26...worked marvels for me....!
Years ago, I would run into people who I didn't like. Then, I began to realize the the reason I disliked them, was because I saw my my own ego reflected in them and didn't want to be like that anymore.
This is an awakening for me, this is me 100%, Thank you for this interview, I have been a stubborn bone head all this time. Moving forward im putting my ego in check. New subscriber
Jocko, this came at the right time. You gotta know how I play the game to get ahead and care for those who you do actually like. Love you podcast, full of wisdom and insights.
I hear you out... I had the same situation in sports and I did put my ego aside and i still didn’t get anywhere... here my story if you care to listen... I’m in high school playing basketball.. played since 7th grade and from 7th to 10th grade my relationship with my coach was much like yours with your superior... I thought he was weak.. not a good leader or motivator.. and I felt that he was not putting his best effort towards our basketball team.. and his results reflect that.. we hardly ever had a winning season despite having above average talent on the team.. he still coaches at that school as we speak and he’s still a loser... he once told our team “I don’t care if you guys win or not I get paid on Friday”... so me being a passionate leader I always undermined him and we grew animosity between us... the breaking point was the start of my 11th grade year... we are losing by about 20 or more at half time and I can see his body language that he’s already giving up on us.. I broke the silence and said “coach why don’t we try a full court press when we go back out there it’s not over plus we have nothing to lose” if you don’t know.. a full court press is where you apply extreme pressure to try and force turnovers and prevent the other team from getting the ball past half court... it’s a tactic to change momentum and start a comeback.. well when I suggested that he belittled me in front of the whole team and pretty much told me I could never execute a full court press... a giant spit between my eyes is what it was... that night I turned in my uniform and promised myself no matter what I would never play for him again... my dad was LIVID when I told him I quit... he threaten to come to my moms and drag me outta the house and beat my ass... but I stuck to my decision and called his bluff... I had made up mind and no one could make me play for him... well i didn’t play for the rest of that Season... my senior year rolled around and my former teammates were begging me to come back and play... I told them many times I can’t play for him... the continued to express how bad they needed/wanted me to play... after all I was not the best player on the team but I was the glue the leader and the voice of our team... I told my teammates I will not ask him to come... y’all will have to ask him... (notice my ego was still in the way at that point) well my teammates everyday at practice would ask “coach are you gonna let bub come back and play his senior season?” He simply would not answer them... well now it has started to weigh on me.. I did love playing and I did love my teammates and I would love to play my senior year... so I put my ego aside and said you know what I’m gonna go talk to him and get back on the team... I went back in his office and laid my heart out on the table and told him I know I quit on you... I know you don’t owe me anything... all I’m asking is for a chance... I promise you I will give 110% percent for you and if you say jump I will leap!! If I don’t earn my spot back then that’s okay... I just want a chance... I was in tears when I was telling him this... I meant it... he straight up told me no I could not rejoin the team... well him and my dad graduated together and won a state championship in basketball at the very same school together... my brother graduated two years earlier and he was the best player on the team for 3 years averaging 28 and 12 boards a game... my first cousin had a lot of pull at the school also... so my basketball coach started receiving a lot of phone calls from a lot of people... even the head baseball coach, principal, and county supervisor requested that he allow me to play my senior year... so at last I got put back on the team... and as promised I played my ever living heart out every minute of every practice... no one on the team played with even half the effort that I did in practice and I was whipping butt in practice out doing everyone who had my position... well come time to announce the starting line up for the season... sure enough my name was on there... I got my spot back!!! I continued to play with same effort as the season started... and I didn’t ever talk back or undermine his plan... I was all support... I put ego aside and tried to make us better for the teams sake... we lost our first game of the season by 1... (to a team that full court pressed the whole game) but after that we rattled off 6 straight wins... won a county wide tournament! We were 6-1... and that’s when coach decided to relinquish my starting position and give to a under classman who was not as good as me by any measure... another spit in the face but I didn’t let it get me down and I didn’t let my ego show... I just played even harder with me minutes I was given and my minutes slowly kept going down... everytime I’d get on the court we would start playing better... again I was not the best scorer or player... but my presence out there made our star players play better... well by the end of my senior year I was never put in the game in the fourth quarter and I was only getting meaningless “breather” minutes... that’s giving starters a chance to catch their breath then coming right back out... my teammates were questioning him... fans were asking why he doesn’t play me more... but I still didn’t let my ego show.. I supported the team from bench and was the loudest cheerleader in the gym lol I even changed how my guys played from the bench.. even on senior night I didn’t start and I didn’t play much and I didn’t get put in the final minutes of my 6 year basketball career... what a thank you?! Lol I think that was his way of giving me pay back for pretty much being forced to let me play my senior year by his peers and superiors.. he only allowed me to play and start for 7 games just to get them off his back then he tortured me... we still went 19-13 that year... his only winning season and he’s been coaching there since 2006... I graduated in 2012... he’s still the coach... I still have nightmares where I’m trying to win my spot back and trying to please him... the point of me typing all this is to say.. sometimes the damage is already to severe in a relationship to reverse by changing your ego... some people are just toxic and still will not appreciate your selflessness after you’ve chosen to follow their command and work with them
I can’t get rid of the feeling that iam truly manipulating people by building relationships and I hate it so much. Thanks for the idea, that it is all just for the mission!
This just assisted me in my Flight Chief mission. I now have the wordage I have been trying to find to speak with my boss. I have the same goal of team win and this video just sparked my mind and we will see how tonight comes out. This is what I needed and couldn't find the way to explain it.
I agree with this when your heart and head are in the right place. Jocko had a genuine interest in building a relationship with someone who also appears to want a good relationship. The issue is when one party has no desire to build a relationship with you. This does happen and the answer in those situations I think is to go play in another sandbox and build relationships with people who actually want to work with you and not against you.
Learning a lot of ways ego can manifest itself listening to Jocko. Tons of stuff for me to improve on. Bonus also is it enhances empathy and insight into others. Stripping away the things my ego could be competing for means I can focus my passions and energies on more meaningful endeavors with awareness that can benefit others and myself. Might be an age thing but I'm noticing that all the stuff ego could compete for or advertise has the additional liabilities of maintenance and deception. Maintenance in the form of you gotta keep whatever you think your ego is holding on to and deception if you try and convince others of something you don't have. If your worried about losing respect, jobs or relationships over losing that, what did you really have anyway? You were on borrowed time and son, the clock just ran out...😳
Yeah that sentence "if I am so smart, why am I not winning" applies to me right now. Got too full of myself: I quit my steady bartending job (bartending is my dream career rn) for a better one, which wasn't so much better afterall. I quit that one too after one week, because it wasn't what I dreamed of, it wasn't perfect so it wasn't good enough for Me. And I was sure I can get a better one in a few weeks. That was 2 months ago. Now working a shit job that pays like shit, struggling to pay my rent and bills, a really humbling experience. I will now get my head out of my ass and continue life more humbly.
Day to day i put jocko’s advice into play through various scenarios i have in life. Never yet has the advise let me down. Every time i hear a piece here a piece there i think how can i relate this back in my world. And man oh man its got me promotions respect and above all MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. And thats what i am about getting the best out of myself and my team. Forget these motivational wanna be’s. JW spells it out in full colour for me. When i need some info i just turn into here and shut up and listen..
"If I'm so smart, why am I losing?"
Amazing way to check your own ego and get the hell out of your own way.
Building a relationship and working with someone you don’t like to achieve a mission. That’s professionalism. That’s how you win.
It’s also how people become narcissistic.
@@Spartan-Of-Truth Moving to a move senior position in my workplace, I have discovered that it becomes almost mandatory to become like that a little bit. This is similiar to when you first learn the social cues, there is a pressure to know how to be social, how to hang out and interact with people normally. Simliarily, later in life there is a higher-tier pressure not only to 'be normal', but also to be able to get along and find common ground even with people who's very being is insulting to you. And don't get me wrong, the narcissistic types are the worst kind of people for me in particular, so it's not that I like it.
The worst of circumstances resulting in the greatest accomplishment.
I've learned from listening to Jocko and applying his wisdom that the phrase "how can I help?" solves almost any conflict. Nothing disarms an adversary and puts my own ego in check like sincerely, humbly trying to help the person my ego views as a threat.
If I can hold back my emotions and reactions (unattaching) long enough to think rationally, I can turn almost any situation into a positive learning experience (for all involved parties).
In religion, politics, business, and interpersonal relationships, the ability to distinguish between literal threats and "non-factors" are the key to the success of your agenda. Thanks for the awesome info as always!!
Accomplish the mission at all costs!
This is so helpful!! Thank you man! 🙏🏼
I totally agree
The Owner's Manual--- that's a great policy; one you should never disavow. Changing my policies has always lead to a pitfall, and I wish I hadn't been so quick to compromise, looking back.
thats actually really useful info. Thanks for sharing this as it will help almost anyone who reads this!
I love how jocko admits his mistakes as a young man. Trying to be tough... I’m 31 realizing how stupid I’ve been but, I learn from my mistakes and trying to be a better man everyday.
When I turned 30, I looked myself in the mirror and realized I never met any goal set for myself in my 20's.. I felt like a loser, I told myself I was a loser, but being able to accept that for myself, my 30's became the best years to grow and learn and really become a man.
Sometimes we just have to admit to ourselves the truth in order to become better
Agreed 100%.
"All these people out here who talk about how great they are, and I see it all the time, it makes me sick man. Get real with yourself, people cannot relate to you man, you are un-f*cking relatable. When you come out here and say hey man, I'm the baddest motherf*cker to ever live. Okay great, well what am I gonna learn from you? You learn from people who are willing to tell you, this is where I started from, this is how much I fell on my f*cking ass, this is how bad I used to be." - David Goggins
I feel it. 25 and didn't have any male role models in my life. So luckily I grt to choose them now.
The Lord Jesus Christ helped me see my sins and flaws.
I have a boss I am forced to see first thing in morning and one thing ive realized is if you just treat them with kindness and don’t expect anything back from them.... you will win every single time because even when you just say good morning and they don’t respond... they think they are insulting you with not responding but if you know better and understand that them not responding is due to their own unhappiness then them not responding is you WINNING lol
Kill them with kindness
Take a piece of crap to work with you in a plastic bag and put it on his desk
@@nighthawkdutchchameleon9815 “If it’s true that thoughts, words and ideas locked-together create language patterns… and those language patterns carry a voice, a power and a vibrational frequency of intelligent energy? Then words can light fires in the minds of those who become enlightened of the internal reality that they are creating from day to day.” - Luke Picco www.IRONCLADCONFIDENCE.com
“If it’s true that thoughts, words and ideas locked-together create language patterns… and those language patterns carry a voice, a power and a vibrational frequency of intelligent energy? Then words can light fires in the minds of those who become enlightened of the internal reality that they are creating from day to day.” - Luke Picco www.IRONCLADCONFIDENCE.com
Ironclad Confidence Turn that thing off that makes you post twice other than that well said.
P/S, I was pleasantly surprised last week to find out that my teenage daughter listens to your podcasts. This is how I found out: I started playing one of your clips and she was in the room. She said, "Hey mom - is that the Navy Seal guy's podcast? You know him too 😲?"
So you guys should know your reaching out to multiple generations and effectively changing lives for better!!!! Thank you for all you do.
@Great Cornholio 🤣
God bless her... there aren’t many kids in this generation that listen to these type of topics 💪🏼
So cool
Adding to your commentary : I'm myself a young woman and I think I started listening to Jocko when I was 19. Since then, I'm day after day building my life and myself the way I want, owning up to some of my mistakes (sure I have plenty more to own up to haha). What I like about him is that I don't feel like I'm listening to a guru of a cult who has a huge ego and tries to mould you into what he wants. Nah, Jocko can accept that someone will think different than him, he can also accept that he's a human, he makes mistakes. He's confident but down to earth unlike some of the "mentors" we can find of RUclips who creep me out.
“If I’m so smart, why can’t I influence this person.”
Simple yet true. I’m in sales and that’s been a hang up of mine recently. It’s my fault.
You should read how to win friends and influence people by dale Carnegie. One of the things he talks about is how sales people often fail because they focus on what they want instead of what the customer wants.
@@signaturerush true.. "focus on what they want instead of what the customer wants" is exactly what makes sales people fail.
@@signaturerush i have read that book. Its not working with everyone for many reasons.
It works with people that are ready to learn
Is it the price or value? Then drop a lil bit 😉
One of my instructors when I was in class to become a towercrane driver told me " you can be the best operator in the crane but if you do not know how to handle your ground crew or the people you serve, you will suck and not have a long career up there ". or you can mess up many times but if your crew loves you, you will be a legend "
I have never forgotten those words because that was a golden. To this day I still hear him yelling through my radio " NO MERCY FOR YOU DANNY BOY "
My first try in a new company and 5 days later I had the job and best crew ever. Know how to handle your people.
👍🏻❤️
“Be friendly, but not friends”
This really hit home...I've always thought I was humble but deep down I'm too conceited...I'm gonna work on it from here on out
Don’t forget , inferiority complex is a form of superiority complex
We can tell from your profile picture. Hi, let’s be friends?
Same bro same!
“You’re damn right I’m hostile towards people that aren’t squared away”
I died
😂
😄😄😄
This is work 101, there is always someone you like less. After a while you just manage to ignore that fact, you are at work to get it done, friends are a bonus.
It's called showbiz not show friends...I use this reminder to myself many times a week
I tell myself this every day I go to work
Ehhh life’s to short to be around people who don’t blend well with your energy
@@jDot2414that is true. Having to put up with that BS everyday just drains the life outta you.
Love the humility that Jocko shows in his response here. Really says a lot about the character of a man to acknowledge his weaknesses.
"That sounds manipulative, conniving, not keeping it real" - Being autistic, to me even keeping it real is a sort of act that I learned to perform, so in a way I learned to view all behaviour as manipulative or somewhat acted. What matters is the intention, and when the intention is to get shit done, being cooperative and respectful to someone you despise is 100% true to the intention to get shit done. Maybe not true to your feelings but the point was to get shit done not to express your feelings.
I felt the exact same way thinking about this. I have a friend who has a lot of social influence and when I observe his interactions with people especially people he doesn't like, I noticed a lot of times he says things that I would consider technically lies, but I started to realise that it's really just the little social things people do so everything remains cordial. A lot of times I see it as manipulation, but like you said, most social interactions feel like manipulation beyond just matter of factly stating what you want, how you feel, or what you're thinking.
This comment very concisely summarized my thoughts in a way that seems like it will be very easy to remember and therefore apply. Thank you.
Pink Harmonica Glad my comment helped! Also, at least for me, being nice, pleasant, courteous etc to people makes life nicer!
This was really well stated, and an eye-opener.
Hopefully this doesn't come off as insensitive, but sometimes I think autism serves more as a superpower than a disability, at least with experiences I've seen. My strongest relationships have often been with people I found out yeeears later are autistic, but the bonds feel stronger because there's more authenticity in it over adjusting to established "social cues"
"If I am that smart, why can't I win?". Such a lovely way to put it.
So many people get in their own way at work by thinking that reacting emotionally and bitching at everyone and everything means that they are genuine and have integrity. This should be mandatory viewing. At work, integrity means working together and I don’t care who you like or don’t like.
"Being humble goes a loooong way" - Only being 30 years old and I've realized this. Being honest about your mistakes and showing how you can improve them combined with being humble about your skills and limitations will ease most tensions. I've been to meetings where the room was electrified coming in. But being just 1 person in there to stay the course of the objective helped so much in rebuilding a bit of trust and removing tensions for further development
"wisdom based on humility leads to progress. wisdom based on hostility leads to regress" Eugene Logan
Be kind to people, but don't let them take advantage of you. And trust people, but don't let them deceive you.
I drove a cab for a couple of years and one thing that learned is that if you don't respond to difficult people in a way that escalates the situation and you keep a consistent level head and do not let them influence the way that you handle the situation, 9 times out of ten they settle down rather quickly and end up with a much more productive situation.
'' If I am so smart, why am I not winning? ''
That kinda got through me because I sabotage myself pretty often just out of pride and stubbornness, although I know Im consciously deciding to lose as long as I feel I am right.
So my principles are more important for me than to succed in certain situations, which leads to a lot of unhappiness obviously and I feel like I should change that behavior.
Well thanks for the great content!
I learned this Jocko and I hope you read this. I'm 22 and learned if they're smart, be tough. If they are tough be smart. If they are foolish, be righteous. If they are righteous, be a bit foolish.
The point is you are not trying to win "for" people you don't like. You just have to win with them. So being polite to them and not expecting nice response and dedicated work from them are included as your job to win something. Stay in the course to win something and complete your mission. That's all about professionalism. Thanks Jocko
True story... when you don’t like someone & you’re honest with yourself about the answer, it will often be your own ego that’s in the way!
It’s often something you don’t like about yourself that you see in the other person!
We get taught we screw up then have to relearn,I’m blown away at 45 and sober I’m putting myself through this self mentoring by watching Jocko and have been for the last yr,there’s no amount of thanks I can give I wake to the man I lift to him I run to him he’s literally the dad I I never had and I wish I had.
Our own EGO can be the worst enemy. A good book to read is "Ego is the Enemy" by Ryan Holiday
@@generalripper7528 you’re right. There’s a fine balance. Like with anything in life. Gotta have a nice balance.
pride goeth before destruction
Hey guys, I needed this one! I’m in barber school and I really had to put my ego in check yesterday. I just feel like I’m not getting anything out of my education at the school. The instructor and his wife are crooks. They don’t even teach anything and it’s a blessing I know how to cut already and keep my business running. They profit off their students and students aren’t able to do much about which created a toxic environment or made me not want to go. They threaten to suspend me if I keep skipping school and they charge you money for missing attendance hours. I can’t afford miss anymore if I want my license honestly. I’m glad I saw this video bc I was going to drop out of something I love doing. I can’t let them get in the way man. Again, thank you.
What’s the update!
I haven’t listened yet but I’m surprised to here Jocko speak of winning with people that you don’t like. Maybe I’m stubborn or something but I don’t even want to be around people I do not like and I won’t try to do anything with them.
Jocko's message and method is worthy to be saluted every time we listen. His sidekick cheer leader needs to grow up.
Wonderful stuff, Jocko. This can often work in both directions, too -- depending on the situation. You notice another is being disrespectful or even hostile all the time, so you say to him: "I know you have very little respect for me at present, and that might or might not change later on -- I can live with it either way. But for now, I think you'll agree that, as your supervisor/boss/brother, I am entitled to your co-operation. Without it, the unit/company/family is damaged -- and neither one of us wants that. Do you want to try and go forward on that basis?"
(Everybody learns that it isn't what others think of me that really matters -- it's what I think of me. And bad behavior, no matter how justified, will sooner or later always make me think less of myself.)
This subject resonates with me and I imagine most people. Ego and pride can be major stumbling blocks for all people.
Jocko often looks like a little boy with a big secret he can't wait to tell his best friend :)
Cept his biceps would crush our nuts on a hiccup
Ha ha
Except he knows how to murder people and has murdered people.
It feels like he has the same pure soul and wisdom as a child.
Yosef Chaim he killed terrorist, don’t consider terrorist actually human beings
As much as I love the theory of this, there are people who will abuse your willingness to let your guard down. If they are in your family, they are inescapable unless you can manage to cut all contact or keep them at a distance. There is a point where this will become inviting abuse, at least in a certain context. If you're dealing with a normal person, yeah, this advice works. It's a pretty good method to filter out people who you can develop respect for, and people who aren't willing to respect others.
Yeah im kind of sad he didn't mention narcissism in the work place.
Keep them at a distance as much as you know how. Stay focused and stay positive; for you.
@@thatgui88most of the time they're not actual narcissists they don't actually have narcissistic personality disorder they are just people who are very arrogant but on the point that they are still reasonable unless well they actually have a personality disorder people are well inherently working off their own logic trying to fulfill what they think is their own need
@@ant-i6g
Nah I've met some people who legit fit every description of what a narcissist acts/does.
So far I have met 2 so far. One man and one women.
Competitive, difficult to work with,huge ego,lack of boundaries, and rude.
@@thatgui88 self-interested and competitive those are some traits and narcissist definitely can have but they're more defined by how much they want admiration and validation
Sitting here eating my post workout meal and getting life lessons from Jocko...
Life is good. Much love n respect! 🤙🤙🤙
You know, this is the reassurance I needed to hear to motivate me to let go of my personal ambitions for the sake of my team.
I would just like to thank you for the assistance you offered me as a young man. I've got myself together. Ill be the general manager of the restaurant I've been working at since highschool. I WILL be an owner and franchisee before I'm 21. So thanks for the help in realizing what im capable of.
Agreed
You’re the man! Rooting for you!!!
Checking in @honeybadgerftw have you been able to be the owner or be closer to the goal?
How you doing right now?
When Jaco says your ego is what makes you not like somebody that's some true stuff right there and that's something that we should all look at and put our ego aside and figure them out even if there are enemy
By the way my talk-to-text refuses to even spell my own daughter's name correctly LOL
'Being humble goes a loooong way'.
"We all need each other, for each of us, needs all of us." Jim Rohn
It's nice to hear how much I was also like Jocko when I was young. I smiled ear to ear through this whole video.
5:30 The difference between truth and the subtitles are awesome. 💯
What a video, a big showcase of wisdom - ‘I’m trying to accomplish the mission with the ego and emotions aside"
100% agree. I would also add to build the relationship by asking opposition sincere honest questions on their way of thinking, listen, don't interrupt, let them encourage them elaborate more. You can still hold your ground and respectfully challenge, do but with calm self control.
6:15 you're understanding your own limitations and his limitations and taking charge of getting him to comply because he wants to, not against his ego.
you're being the man.
Rule number 1, never outshine the master
Pathetic Millennial 48 laws of power
My Rule #1 : Never let your boss get blindsided.
So I glad I found you cause I’m at the end of my rope with my boss and job . 🙏🏻
Fuck that there’s always a end
@@justintime7739 I love Robert Greene. I can't wait to read his other books.
So true. It's the ego that makes us dislike other people. A good soul search has helped me many a times. From observing people who really have a name in society, but "carry out the trash out" voluntarily, that to me is a lasting lesson than the man-made "Thou shalt not!!!"
Thank you for these podcasts.
I totally agree as a starting point. Spot on, I agree with every thing.
The thing I don't think you take into account is how moderate to high level narcissists treat weak individuals who show humility. It's a terrible cycle. It damages individuals long term.
It's fair that you didn't bring it up, because it's relatively uncommon.
"I got dinged on my evaluation, it was for lack of communication or something, I dunno I wasn't really listening" (paraphrased). lul.
David Schwab love this dude lol
Lol, nice Dumb and Dumber reference.
Always, always, be the better person, this is how we all grow within.
I'm doing my best, and hearing this I noticed I have things I could do better or be better at. And I'm thankful for that.
Can confirm this mindset helps. I've only had one superior assigned to me it didn't work with because they would outright lie when they thought it would make them look better. I tried for months to assume that I misunderstood what was so - maybe they aren't lying and I just don't know any better. But it just kept happening. After a few months, I spent a little time quietly double checking when I thought there was dishonesty. It turned out that an overwhelming preponderance of the time they were, in fact, lying. So, I started to push back harder or discreetly guide our choices elsewhere when I knew they were lying. They would never give if the truth made them look less awesome to higher leadership. Finally, the next guy up above this dishonest superior asked me for feedback for how my part of his team was doing.... And I just... Told him the truth. He asked for verification for a few of these example lies. I showed him the evidence that made me reach my conclusion. And then nothing happened. This person continued to be dishonest when it suited them. If I sound angry about it, it's because I'm still angry that we even have people like this being given authority and that I never figured out a way to improve the situation.
You are a powerful human, and a leader. We love you
"Being humble goes a long way." Damn straight it does.
This is the most helpful Jocko video I've ever watched. I have a problem where I think I'm smarter or better than a lot of my bosses and it always just stresses me out and messes things up. I'm going to try to put my ego aside and work WITH my boss to see if I can make things smoother. It's going to be hard but I think it might be worth it.
That sounds great, Santa!
“If it’s true that thoughts, words and ideas locked-together create language patterns… and those language patterns carry a voice, a power and a vibrational frequency of intelligent energy? Then words can light fires in the minds of those who become enlightened of the internal reality that they are creating from day to day.” - Luke Picco www.IRONCLADCONFIDENCE.com
IN MY OPINION, winning people that you don't like is similar to letting an enemy inside your house. There's no shortage of good people out there. If you need to win over somebody, chances are they probably shouldn't be in your life.
Once a relationship turns sour I have never been able to improve the situation. Everything I have ever tried has just made things worse. All I know to do is go grey rock and slow down the decline.
I am 40 years old and I am just now learning this.
"Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer." (The Godfather Rule)
That was one of the best podcasts of Jocko I ever heard. And Echo has much more intense energy in this one.
I am in a challenging situation and this is so helpful. Thank you.
Could listen to Jocko all day
It’s a good realization to have also knowing what winning and losing is to you personally is a good measured the understand it’s different for everybody.
Having hostility towards those that are not squared away. I can totally relate. I try to focus on people's positive qualities rather than the negative. Usually when we don't like someone, it's because we subconsciously see our own bad behavior in others. Next time you get angry with someone, just say to yourself, thats me on a bad day, and you'll see how your perspective changes.
What if that's not you on a bad day and its just genuinely a bad coworker?
Now that’s relatable lol, some people are so terrible thinking they are entitled to be a boss
Once again you have shared the necessary tools for success. I dont have the right words to express how valuable the information you provide is to me, and everyone else looking for answers and solutions. Thank you.
Yup the last bit resonates with me. So many people get to a position of authority and things become 'beneath' them. I always take out the trash
Agreed,we must start with Humility! Thank you! Very helpful!
This video is spot on. Maybe Jocko's best podcast. Keeping the ego in check solves 80% of all relationship problems inside the team and outside the team.
Love the message about the senior officer who still takes out the trash.
This is great advice. One example that comes to mind that makes me disagree with this is supporting a family member that's in a toxic relationship (or has a bad addiction). Say you're supportive for years, you help when it's needed or when you were asked to. After every crisis your mom/sister/daughter goes back to the scum bag, because he said 'sorry' and got some flowers. Same thing for years. I think at this point you have to stop helping.
So I said, 'hey, I love you, we're family. You can come to me with anything EXCEPT your relationship problems. 3rd time you failed for divorce and then you withdraw it. I was there every single time. Not anymore. It's a waste of my time, my money, my nerves. You made a choice. Live with it. If you want to change - change it.
"Never outshine the master."
And don't let them mistake your kindness for weakness.
Jocko, I wish I had heard these words 6 months ago. This is pure wisdom.
I'm dealing with someone I don't believe deserves his position right now, but I believe this video opened me up, hopefully I'll be able to continue working with him by putting my ego in check and help get the common goal achieved.
Jocko & Echo, thank you for showcasing this story. These lessons will help to make strong people better team players. Your guys mindset is much appreciated.
Don't try to steal from that somebody....
Instead; learn from him (her) and be at
their service, regardless.
Learnt that at 26...worked marvels for me....!
Jocko is so badass talking about these kinds of iffy topics.
Often what we dislike in others is the thing we dislike within ourselves subconsciously.
Jocko dropping gems all day, every day!
Thank you. Honesty is the framework for progress.
I love jocko’s lessons cause they can all be applied in pretty much any aspect of your life like this question if I am so smart, why am I not winning
Years ago, I would run into people who I didn't like.
Then, I began to realize the the reason I disliked them, was because I saw my my own ego reflected in them and didn't want to be like that anymore.
Being humble goes a looong way
amazing lesson about life and our relationships with other people....
This is an awakening for me, this is me 100%, Thank you for this interview, I have been a stubborn bone head all this time. Moving forward im putting my ego in check. New subscriber
Jocko, this came at the right time. You gotta know how I play the game to get ahead and care for those who you do actually like.
Love you podcast, full of wisdom and insights.
These videos are great! I really appreciate your advice!
Yes, is work for the group, and achieve the goal for the better of all.. ego is only a distraction for our future achievements.
I hear you out... I had the same situation in sports and I did put my ego aside and i still didn’t get anywhere... here my story if you care to listen... I’m in high school playing basketball.. played since 7th grade and from 7th to 10th grade my relationship with my coach was much like yours with your superior... I thought he was weak.. not a good leader or motivator.. and I felt that he was not putting his best effort towards our basketball team.. and his results reflect that.. we hardly ever had a winning season despite having above average talent on the team.. he still coaches at that school as we speak and he’s still a loser... he once told our team “I don’t care if you guys win or not I get paid on Friday”... so me being a passionate leader I always undermined him and we grew animosity between us... the breaking point was the start of my 11th grade year... we are losing by about 20 or more at half time and I can see his body language that he’s already giving up on us.. I broke the silence and said “coach why don’t we try a full court press when we go back out there it’s not over plus we have nothing to lose” if you don’t know.. a full court press is where you apply extreme pressure to try and force turnovers and prevent the other team from getting the ball past half court... it’s a tactic to change momentum and start a comeback.. well when I suggested that he belittled me in front of the whole team and pretty much told me I could never execute a full court press... a giant spit between my eyes is what it was... that night I turned in my uniform and promised myself no matter what I would never play for him again... my dad was LIVID when I told him I quit... he threaten to come to my moms and drag me outta the house and beat my ass... but I stuck to my decision and called his bluff... I had made up mind and no one could make me play for him... well i didn’t play for the rest of that Season... my senior year rolled around and my former teammates were begging me to come back and play... I told them many times I can’t play for him... the continued to express how bad they needed/wanted me to play... after all I was not the best player on the team but I was the glue the leader and the voice of our team... I told my teammates I will not ask him to come... y’all will have to ask him... (notice my ego was still in the way at that point) well my teammates everyday at practice would ask “coach are you gonna let bub come back and play his senior season?” He simply would not answer them... well now it has started to weigh on me.. I did love playing and I did love my teammates and I would love to play my senior year... so I put my ego aside and said you know what I’m gonna go talk to him and get back on the team... I went back in his office and laid my heart out on the table and told him I know I quit on you... I know you don’t owe me anything... all I’m asking is for a chance... I promise you I will give 110% percent for you and if you say jump I will leap!! If I don’t earn my spot back then that’s okay... I just want a chance... I was in tears when I was telling him this... I meant it... he straight up told me no I could not rejoin the team... well him and my dad graduated together and won a state championship in basketball at the very same school together... my brother graduated two years earlier and he was the best player on the team for 3 years averaging 28 and 12 boards a game... my first cousin had a lot of pull at the school also... so my basketball coach started receiving a lot of phone calls from a lot of people... even the head baseball coach, principal, and county supervisor requested that he allow me to play my senior year... so at last I got put back on the team... and as promised I played my ever living heart out every minute of every practice... no one on the team played with even half the effort that I did in practice and I was whipping butt in practice out doing everyone who had my position... well come time to announce the starting line up for the season... sure enough my name was on there... I got my spot back!!! I continued to play with same effort as the season started... and I didn’t ever talk back or undermine his plan... I was all support... I put ego aside and tried to make us better for the teams sake... we lost our first game of the season by 1... (to a team that full court pressed the whole game) but after that we rattled off 6 straight wins... won a county wide tournament! We were 6-1... and that’s when coach decided to relinquish my starting position and give to a under classman who was not as good as me by any measure... another spit in the face but I didn’t let it get me down and I didn’t let my ego show... I just played even harder with me minutes I was given and my minutes slowly kept going down... everytime I’d get on the court we would start playing better... again I was not the best scorer or player... but my presence out there made our star players play better... well by the end of my senior year I was never put in the game in the fourth quarter and I was only getting meaningless “breather” minutes... that’s giving starters a chance to catch their breath then coming right back out... my teammates were questioning him... fans were asking why he doesn’t play me more... but I still didn’t let my ego show.. I supported the team from bench and was the loudest cheerleader in the gym lol I even changed how my guys played from the bench.. even on senior night I didn’t start and I didn’t play much and I didn’t get put in the final minutes of my 6 year basketball career... what a thank you?! Lol I think that was his way of giving me pay back for pretty much being forced to let me play my senior year by his peers and superiors.. he only allowed me to play and start for 7 games just to get them off his back then he tortured me... we still went 19-13 that year... his only winning season and he’s been coaching there since 2006... I graduated in 2012... he’s still the coach... I still have nightmares where I’m trying to win my spot back and trying to please him... the point of me typing all this is to say.. sometimes the damage is already to severe in a relationship to reverse by changing your ego... some people are just toxic and still will not appreciate your selflessness after you’ve chosen to follow their command and work with them
Thank you jocko and echo Charles. I needed to hear this.
Always finding some great take aways from your podcasts!!! thank you!!
I can’t get rid of the feeling that iam truly manipulating people by building relationships and I hate it so much. Thanks for the idea, that it is all just for the mission!
This just assisted me in my Flight Chief mission. I now have the wordage I have been trying to find to speak with my boss. I have the same goal of team win and this video just sparked my mind and we will see how tonight comes out. This is what I needed and couldn't find the way to explain it.
I agree with this when your heart and head are in the right place. Jocko had a genuine interest in building a relationship with someone who also appears to want a good relationship. The issue is when one party has no desire to build a relationship with you. This does happen and the answer in those situations I think is to go play in another sandbox and build relationships with people who actually want to work with you and not against you.
Happens in construction work all the time thanks for the knowledge
Hope y'all are safe out there
You are never to good to take out the trash. Love that
Learning a lot of ways ego can manifest itself listening to Jocko.
Tons of stuff for me to improve on.
Bonus also is it enhances empathy and insight into others.
Stripping away the things my ego could be competing for means I can focus my passions and energies on more meaningful endeavors with awareness that can benefit others and myself.
Might be an age thing but I'm noticing that all the stuff ego could compete for or advertise has the additional liabilities of maintenance and deception. Maintenance in the form of you gotta keep whatever you think your ego is holding on to and deception if you try and convince others of something you don't have.
If your worried about losing respect, jobs or relationships over losing that, what did you really have anyway?
You were on borrowed time and son, the clock just ran out...😳
Yeah that sentence "if I am so smart, why am I not winning" applies to me right now. Got too full of myself: I quit my steady bartending job (bartending is my dream career rn) for a better one, which wasn't so much better afterall. I quit that one too after one week, because it wasn't what I dreamed of, it wasn't perfect so it wasn't good enough for Me. And I was sure I can get a better one in a few weeks. That was 2 months ago.
Now working a shit job that pays like shit, struggling to pay my rent and bills, a really humbling experience.
I will now get my head out of my ass and continue life more humbly.
hope you're doing better
Day to day i put jocko’s advice into play through various scenarios i have in life. Never yet has the advise let me down. Every time i hear a piece here a piece there i think how can i relate this back in my world. And man oh man its got me promotions respect and above all MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. And thats what i am about getting the best out of myself and my team. Forget these motivational wanna be’s. JW spells it out in full colour for me. When i need some info i just turn into here and shut up and listen..
Can’t believe I just discovered this guy. So much insight