Yeah I'm not sure why he thought he blew it so hard that he had to warn the audience about how much he blew it. He didn't blow the other call either, in fact I think the only call he blew was my call tbh haha, ah well you get what you pay for.
I was thinking the same thing he did an incredible job - I thought - he caught himself when he was going off on a tangent and brought it back on target pretty quickly
He blew it so hard... There are multiple things he did that might have helped the woman (bc it seems like she just wanted to talk about it) but if there was someone looking for good advice, then what he did was absolute dog sh*t. And because he tried to do the latter, he did a terrible job. Firstly, he acted like some wise grandpa-type movie character. Secondly the advice he gave was subpar. He went back on his words multiple time, spoke without thinking. The bit with the "difficult dance" wherr he said something about 'I hate you but then again I can't hate you' bs was one of the most idiotic things I've ever heard. I'm not a hater of him btw. I know the guy but I don't really watch him bc podcasts aren't my thing. And judging by the beginning of this video, i think he would 100% agree with this comment
@@ohmatokita6859or he would say he doesn't actually know you. And for not liking podcasts and claiming you "know" him you're a nasty twat. What do you do? Work at Radio shack?
You didn't blow it that badly. I love that you started out by acknowledging this is a big deal for her. People assume you won't care what happens to an ex. My first husband was a monster and he was murdered in prison. Nobody gets why I've grieved over it.
My ex husband treated me very badly and I feel like if something happened to him and he died… I’d probably grieve too. It’s such a weird thing. We haven’t been together/married for 8 years but sometimes it feels like yesterday.
I'm so sorry that you experienced that. He may have been a monster, but you still did love him at one point. I honestly don't find it difficult to understand why you would grieve. It's an extremely jarring thing to hear about.
I work as a domestic violence advocate and I can tell you it is incredibly normal for people to grieve the potential nice/good side of their partner for years and years even after the good side is totally gone.
@bobby9192 what an incredibly ignorant and insensitive comment to make. Of course he is the one who was murdered. She's still allowed to grieve and that is not fishing around for sympathy.
For all those saying the kid shouldn't be taken away: It's the weaponizing and gaslighting of his child that earns him the visitation ban-- not necessarily the murder
I wish my worst mistakes were only as "bad" as this call. Honestly, I am not sure what else you could have said to this woman to help her through this enormous ordeal. You were empathetic, compassionate, proactive, protective and yes, at time commiserating. This is all stuff she needed to hear. She needed to know she wasn't alone, and the little portions of your experience that you shared with her was enough for her to understand that her pain is shared by others. I hope she will go to a violent crime support group in her area if there is one, and will take your advice and get several close friends and/or fellowship partners together at least once a week. I will pray for her and her son, for God's supernatural comfort and peace, discernment, and protection, as well as healing. I also hope the paternal family gets out of their selfishness and does right by this boy. Thank you immensely, Dr. John, for everything you do.
Wow, it's been a long time since you posted this. What you wrote is very, very good. I was unprepared the time a girlfriend of mind told me she had been raped. (Actually this happened to me three times.) Somehow God gave me the words to say.
My father killed my mom when I was 6 years old. Sounds to me like this mother is doing the right things to help her child. It’s going to be a long road and he will always struggle with it. But a positive support system and strong male role models, (Coaches, Teachers, martial arts, etc.) will be absolutely essential. Best of luck to the boy and his family.
I’m sorry that happened to you and her. Especially by someone you’re supposed to trust. I just left a dv situation. I’ll take your advice for positive male role models for my son. He’s had to witness a lot of the fights.
@@adorimonroe1 I’m sorry you’ve both gone through that, but I’m glad you are in a safer place now. I’m also happy to have given what small bit of advice I could. Over and above all, he will look to you to be his rock, so be that for him. You are going to be the biggest role model he has in his entire life. My best wishes to you two 🙏🏽
John you handled the call well. To Anna, my daughter also came across a dead body and years later it affected her mental health. She had to go see psychologists and such, so PLS do the same for your son, as it almost cost my daughters life
This is the second episode I watch where John says he messed up and I still wait for a big blunder. Maybe it just shows my maturity, but I miss where he messes up.
It was the same show. He was apologizing because he wasn’t in the right headspace when he did this show and he was letting his emotions control the call and not staying objective so he didn’t really mess up per say.
@@Three_Dog_Gaming yes, he did this exact death notification call when he worked in crisis response and so some of those memories was clouding his brain. I really don’t think he messed up but I appreciate his self reflection and his humbleness!!
john you did great. How can anyone be perfect to receive and handle such an unexpected call? It’ll be harder on the woman to tell her to wait 30 min tbh. Simone like you have to handle it for her. It’s like fair fighting. There is NO way the fire can wait for 5 more min for them to jump on it. We love you John. ❤
I promise the woman who called would trade her problems right now for nearly any of ours at any time... Doesn't make our troubles invisible, though! Either way, I feel she was so much better off when she hung up the phone than when she first called in regardless of how the call went on your end. You showed compassion, and you already know how far that alone can go. I love how you were transparent with us though. You're a great man, Dr. John. Thanks for everything you do!
I think you did a good job on this call. It is my experience that kids are way stronger then we give them credit for. This can also go to form a "view" that self-control of our emotions is a must in our lives. He has seen his dad at the worst moment of his life, he saw what happens when we lose control. I hope he can heal from this, as this was a very graphic scene and one he will never forget.
I LOVE this show. I watch EVERY episode. I've learned soooooo much. So this comes from a place of love. Sometimes after watching an episode I ask myself "If I was that caller, what would be my next steps after talking with Dr John Deloney?" Sometimes I have no idea because all the great suggestion were so broad. I think giving a list of 3 physical things that they can do. 1. 2. 3. would be awesome. Three things they can write down to have a clear path moving forward. I personally would really appreciate that if I ever called in. Especially since this is their only opportunity to talk with you, unlike therapy in person.
I raised two kids after their father was put into prison for 25 yrs, no parole. My dtr was 11 and my son was 9 at the time. I so feel for this woman. It’s so hard.
I don't think Dr. John did anything bad. The kid needs to stay away from his dad's family for now until everything has been sentenced. Then maybe her son can visit his dad once he is in prison.
Dr. John Delony, I absolutely agree that the father must take responsibility for the crime he committed. I also want to add the following: 1) Attending trauma counseling is the best route for the son. I agree with you 100% ! 2) The son needs to be protected before, during and after the trial. He should be told exactly what may happen during the trial, especially if he going to testify in person, and he is cross examined. He should NEVER be blindsided to what may happen ! Maybe the court will allow a video testimony instead, so he will not be manipulated or intimidated by the father's public defender. 3) Make sure the son feels very comfortable with sharing how he feels at any given moment. He needs to know that he has at least one or two adults that are totally trustworthy ! He may, or may not, go through the following emotions, either now or later- 1. Fear /control issues 2. Shame/feeling inferior - especially if he has friends who have "normal/functioning" households. 3. Denial - due to shame 4. Confusion - if my father loved me, why did he do that ? 5. Anger- if my father actually loved me, he wouldn't have done that. 6. Sadness-if he begins to compare his life to others 7. Other-TBD What could be done to hopefully help the situation... 1. Trauma counseling 2. Monitoring all school work/obtain tutor if necessary 3. Get him involved in pro-social activities- after school clubs, church group/sports team, art/scholastic club/event, social events with his peers. 4. Possibly become involved in a Big Brother program or some type of mentoring program (preferably with a male...so he does not associate that all males commit crime..) 5. Keep him busy, yet allow for rest and open communication. 6. Keep him away from the father, for now, until the son is at least 18, and can decide how he wants to proceed. Last, as for the rest of the family, the mother is going to have to set clear boundaries and be extra cautious around the grandparents. The worse case scenario, may involve total relocation to another state, if necessary. Good luck and God bless !
I am getting ready to start my practicum/internship in clinical mental health counseling and I appreciate you showing this and speaking on your feelings about how you dealt with the call. Thank you for being open and honest. I learn a lot from you and your experiences.
I know you think you failed, but you didn’t. You stood there and took the call. You may not have been perfect on your end, but if I were on her end, I would be thanking my God for you.
You're a person, too, Dr. John. We don't need perfect, we need you. Honestly, I don't think you did anything wrong. You were honest. You were true to yourself in the moment, and you wrestled. Isn't that really all we can ask of ourselves? Hope you, your family, and your team are well. Take care!
I don't think Dr. John blew this call at all other than letting himself become too emotional. I don't think his judgment was clouded at all. He's very ethical.
I love learning from you! I appreciate your vulnerability! My only feedback would be to be aware of how you degrade yourself ie. I am just a xxx podcast person.
My husband was the victim of a shooter who went around our city randomly shooting people. My husband was the first person shot that day. We have three children. At first I told them he got hurt at work. It was all over the news so I knew after a couple of days I had to tell them the truth. . This boy has experienced a loss of innocence. The world just became a dangerous, violent, scary place for him. On a level most children don't typically know about. That has to be addressed.
I hope all goes well for this lady and her son. It going to be tough journey but by implementing all what Dr John said your son will be able to go through his own sort of grieve knowing he is supported, brave and loved.
i know im late to this but John definetly didnt blow it, this was an incredibly difficult call to take and personally i would have done so much worse on this
Sometimes, even the experts, don’t know what to say. Things like this should never happen in a child’s life but unfortunately they do may God’s grace and mercy bring you all piece
@@katiebaker5662 did you watch the video? She’s NOT DEAD the guy was killed not her. She’s NO victim. You seriously have that small of an attention span?
He did what he did for himself. It isn't like the neighbor was assaulting the girlfriend and he wanted to protect her. The father chose to react like a child in a man's body, and in front of his child no less. Thats why he's to blame for the damage to his son, not his girlfriend. You ARE victim blaming.
I think it’s fair to tell kids we get our brown eyes or red hair from parents, but if we do good or wrong things it’s because of us… it’s not genetic. It’s ok to love dad (or maybe not) but HATE that he did this. But dad chose to do evil and kiddo won’t do bad in life JUST because his dad did. Kid can choose every day to do good actions. I would remind my kid daily to be kind. And then a great Counselor for years
I agree but when the kid is old enough to understand predilections/predispositions explain that there are some things we have to be more aware of than other people might be. If being murderous is part of the family tree then it's wise to understand what character trait is passed down and how to use that character trait to benefit others rather than be controlled by it. I hope what you said becomes a culturally understood parental advice go-to because it's an excellent way to introduce that we're from our parents but we AREN'T our parents
8:22 a bit off topic BUT my parents are divorced (and fight a lot) and I’ve asked my mom that before. “Since I remind you so much of Dad… do you hate me?”
I feel like supervised communications would be beneficial. Personally, I wouldn't want ANY communication. However, if you do allow it, calls and letters need to be supervised. I would read every single letter before it gets to my kid. I would listen to all calls with clear knowledge that if it deviates from the usual "How's school?" and "I love you!" I will end the call. This is tough. I feel for her and that boy 💔
I have worked in a prison for 21 years and talked to many men who committed murder in this same predicament. They all feel horrible and say things like I don’t even remember being in control of my body functions . They sometimes laugh at themselves saying why didn’t I just break up with her and move on wtf . While they made a horrible mistake I genuinely feel they are decent people. If this guy is actually convicted I hope the mom allows the son to visit
I remember hearing a prison warden say that almost all murderers regretted it instantly and he believed they were repentent, but he never met a rapist who he believed was really sorry. Thinking about it, I guessed maybe it's because not all murderers are sadistic, premeditating torturers but all rapists kind of have to be.
Only if he takes accountability and ownership of his choices. Otherwise, the son will learn that the right response to doing something horrible is to minimize and skirt accountability.
He has to admit to what he did, the full awfulness of it, and not put any of the responsibility on his son. Than and only then should he be allowed to visit him. That might take years. I hope not.
Just stumbled across John and all ready addicted to his videos. I just noticed in the background behind him, Brand New’s “science fiction” album cover. One of my fav bands. Is there any significance to it or just background “stuff”? Sad episode, unfortunately that kids gonna need years of therapy just to get to what most people call a normal life..
The father is a psychopath/sociopath. Reminds me of "Murder in Mansfield" where little Collier Landry witnessed (acoustically) his father kill his mother, testified about it- I think he was 11. Father kept trying to manipulate him to recount his testimony after his conviction, from his jail cell.
everyone saying she's taking the child away from dad idk i can kinda see it from both sides, my dad was the biggest POS and i got taken away from him and given to my grandma, his mom, and i know she was totally doing her best and she of course wouldn't give us whole truths of things that would happen because we were too young to know some of the things like he was on m3th but everyone would just say he had a drinking problem (had that problem too) but also lots of other things. but he also did try to kill a man for the same thing as this dude but he just beat him up really bad and the guy sued my dad. but anyway my grandma let us go to our dad's every weekend and i get why, if she kept us away from our dad as young kids we would've hated her so much called her evil blah blah blah. but at 18 when i was really thinking over everything and my dad had gotten so bad i hadn't even seen him in a year i had to ask her. you know him better than anyone else. why did you give us to him knowing how horrible he was. yes as children we would've said hey you're mean!! but we also don't give kids candy all the time because they'll think were mean or they want it sooo bad. sometimes you gotta do what's best for them. maybe this kid can just write letters to his dad in jail and mom can screen them as they come in. and when the kid is 16 or more mature he can decide if he wants to go see him
I don't feel John blew this call to be honest I think he did as well or better than most people would handling this situation. I feel I've done worse handling things that are incredibly difficult especially when it is a situation that is personal. I wish I had half the courage to do the same instead of shutting down like I do .
So he was married with kids and found out an old girlfriend of his slept with someone and so he killed that someone? Did I understand that right? The line wasn't clear when she said it
@a.00012 When you need help, you suck up your pride, and you do what needs to be done because you have nothing else to lose. Pride is a figment of your imagination. It's not real. They are imaginary chains that prevent you from moving on. If you have something serious, your pride could be what puts you in danger. Why be embarrassed because life has not been kind to you. Understand that once you make it through the hard parts you have learned more than anyone else who never experienced it or something like it. Have faith enough in yourself to ask for help when you need it.
The home wrecker neighbour, long time girlfriend and the father dating the girlfriend are all guilty. Don't be involved in a cheating triangle and nobody gets hurt or dies. Not worth it to be put in jail for a life time over murdering a guy that home wrecked your relationship.
@@phattjohnsonhe’s talking about the people who DO KNOW. That’s exactly why he said “it’s not worth it to ruin your life over a relationship” referring to the one who didn’t know. Cmon
Well maybe he verbally yelled at the couple and the guy yelled back and assaulted the dad . Then a mutual fight took place and dad won. So perhaps it’s not as clear as we think . These things may not be so cut and dry . Innocent till proven guilty??
All we know about the case is what the mom says in this call. If it happened in December then it may have not even gone to trial yet. I agree innocent until proven guilty. That said, the mom is relaying the story based on what her son has told her. I somewhat doubt a 10 year old would just leave out or forget details of the father acting in self defense. I feel like that's something a child would remember. That "dad was being attacked and fought back". But it doesn't sound like the son described things that way.
@mikemills12 It hasn't gotten to trial, and she wasn't to discuss it. Has nothing to do with John not letting her, but he knows the law on that. Talking about it outside of court has led to mistrial
I would say, professionally, as someone who travels & works a lot, you CAN NOT let your nutrition go that far left field. You're not new to traveling, stress, etc. To anyone reading this, plan your meals! Take the time! Your performance and people are depending on it! Nutrition and hydration are keys to mental clarity. I can see what John means when he says he dropped the ball. It's bound to happen once in a blue moon, but self care is mission critical!
Delony is not a Christian. Half the advice he gives would contradict the bible. He’s a moral churchgoer. He’d have to be in order to get on the Ramsay network. At least Dave Ramsey speaks on what the bible says about finances.
@@Irunwithscissors63 In some sense I want to agree with you--however if I held my standards of everyone agreeing with my interpretations then no one is really a Christian. And I'm not that delusional to uphold that standard. Just look around at all the sects and denominations. When I started my journey to understanding faith in God and learning the Bible purposely 15 years ago I never knew I'd end up at this point today almost diametrically opposed to what I once thought before. I'm sure in another 10 years if I'm alive God-wiling, I'll think the same way again about my thoughts today on the Bible, faith and Christianity.
@@droptozro It sounds like God is bringing you to truth as He promised. I left the church around ten years ago. It’s been a journey but through it I’ve found that biblically the churches teachings don’t hold water. So much of what I’ve had to unlearn is phenomenal. God bless you in your journey. Edit: just subbed your channel because I can see you’ve also discovered there’s no trinity. 😁
yes, this call is just bad. John gets too emotional and too subjective. a professional can't basically cry with the patient. A professional needs to understand, but has to remain objective and professional
Stolen3moon, that is true for the most part. However, people call into Dr. John for his empathy and sound advice. One could easily go to therapy and get similar advice, but they are also looking for a virtual hug, which Dr. John gives freely.
Thats wrong of this woman to keep her son from communicating with and seeing his father in prison. It's wrong. Period. Owning what he did has nothing to do with his relationship with his son. Her kid is going to resent her.
If the father is going to minder someone in front of his child and not think about the repercussions and trauma this would be passed to the child then he shouldn’t ever see or speak to the child again. Period. The grandmother manipulating the child is in the same boat. Ridiculous.
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I don’t think John blew it as bad as he think he did. This is an incredibly difficult call to take.
Yeah I'm not sure why he thought he blew it so hard that he had to warn the audience about how much he blew it. He didn't blow the other call either, in fact I think the only call he blew was my call tbh haha, ah well you get what you pay for.
@@luminous6969what was ur call??
I was thinking the same thing he did an incredible job - I thought - he caught himself when he was going off on a tangent and brought it back on target pretty quickly
He blew it so hard...
There are multiple things he did that might have helped the woman (bc it seems like she just wanted to talk about it) but if there was someone looking for good advice, then what he did was absolute dog sh*t. And because he tried to do the latter, he did a terrible job.
Firstly, he acted like some wise grandpa-type movie character. Secondly the advice he gave was subpar. He went back on his words multiple time, spoke without thinking. The bit with the "difficult dance" wherr he said something about 'I hate you but then again I can't hate you' bs was one of the most idiotic things I've ever heard.
I'm not a hater of him btw. I know the guy but I don't really watch him bc podcasts aren't my thing. And judging by the beginning of this video, i think he would 100% agree with this comment
@@ohmatokita6859or he would say he doesn't actually know you. And for not liking podcasts and claiming you "know" him you're a nasty twat. What do you do? Work at Radio shack?
You didn't blow it that badly. I love that you started out by acknowledging this is a big deal for her. People assume you won't care what happens to an ex. My first husband was a monster and he was murdered in prison. Nobody gets why I've grieved over it.
My ex husband treated me very badly and I feel like if something happened to him and he died… I’d probably grieve too. It’s such a weird thing. We haven’t been together/married for 8 years but sometimes it feels like yesterday.
I'm so sorry that you experienced that. He may have been a monster, but you still did love him at one point. I honestly don't find it difficult to understand why you would grieve. It's an extremely jarring thing to hear about.
I work as a domestic violence advocate and I can tell you it is incredibly normal for people to grieve the potential nice/good side of their partner for years and years even after the good side is totally gone.
@@Hiker2110she didn’t experience anything. It was her ex that got stabbed. She’s just chasing sympathy
@bobby9192 what an incredibly ignorant and insensitive comment to make. Of course he is the one who was murdered. She's still allowed to grieve and that is not fishing around for sympathy.
For all those saying the kid shouldn't be taken away: It's the weaponizing and gaslighting of his child that earns him the visitation ban-- not necessarily the murder
I think it is both ...
That man shouldn’t be anywhere near children. He’s not safe!
@@MsDorcelusDelonys favourite word.
There’s no proof that he’s doing so. There also was no mention of details. Pure conjecture.
L take
What a joke trying to manipulate his son's testimony. Keep that child away from him at all costs.
Why would you wanna teach your son to be a liar disgusting
LOL
I wish my worst mistakes were only as "bad" as this call. Honestly, I am not sure what else you could have said to this woman to help her through this enormous ordeal. You were empathetic, compassionate, proactive, protective and yes, at time commiserating. This is all stuff she needed to hear. She needed to know she wasn't alone, and the little portions of your experience that you shared with her was enough for her to understand that her pain is shared by others. I hope she will go to a violent crime support group in her area if there is one, and will take your advice and get several close friends and/or fellowship partners together at least once a week. I will pray for her and her son, for God's supernatural comfort and peace, discernment, and protection, as well as healing. I also hope the paternal family gets out of their selfishness and does right by this boy. Thank you immensely, Dr. John, for everything you do.
I think these videos are a good example of even when you beat yourself up for not doing your best it doesn't mean that you didn't still do good
Wow, it's been a long time since you posted this. What you wrote is very, very good. I was unprepared the time a girlfriend of mind told me she had been raped. (Actually this happened to me three times.) Somehow God gave me the words to say.
My father killed my mom when I was 6 years old. Sounds to me like this mother is doing the right things to help her child. It’s going to be a long road and he will always struggle with it. But a positive support system and strong male role models, (Coaches, Teachers, martial arts, etc.) will be absolutely essential. Best of luck to the boy and his family.
I’m sorry that happened to you and her. Especially by someone you’re supposed to trust. I just left a dv situation. I’ll take your advice for positive male role models for my son. He’s had to witness a lot of the fights.
I’m so sorry 💔
My mom murdered my dad when I was12, stabbed him in his artery, he bled to death in my arms...😶
💕🙏🏼💕✨️
@@adorimonroe1 I’m sorry you’ve both gone through that, but I’m glad you are in a safer place now. I’m also happy to have given what small bit of advice I could. Over and above all, he will look to you to be his rock, so be that for him. You are going to be the biggest role model he has in his entire life. My best wishes to you two 🙏🏽
Counselors have the weight of the world on their shoulders. You’re human, Dr. John. Thx for continuing to stay with us.
Be proud of yourself, John. You know the only way you can develop is 'on the court'.
Ur very hard on urself Dr John. U handled that call very well.
John you handled the call well. To Anna, my daughter also came across a dead body and years later it affected her mental health. She had to go see psychologists and such, so PLS do the same for your son, as it almost cost my daughters life
This is the second episode I watch where John says he messed up and I still wait for a big blunder. Maybe it just shows my maturity, but I miss where he messes up.
It was the same show. He was apologizing because he wasn’t in the right headspace when he did this show and he was letting his emotions control the call and not staying objective so he didn’t really mess up per say.
Could it be around 13:12?
@@Three_Dog_Gaming yes, he did this exact death notification call when he worked in crisis response and so some of those memories was clouding his brain. I really don’t think he messed up but I appreciate his self reflection and his humbleness!!
Dr John is impressively humble. I thing he handled such a thing pretty well.
john you did great. How can anyone be perfect to receive and handle such an unexpected call? It’ll be harder on the woman to tell her to wait 30 min tbh. Simone like you have to handle it for her. It’s like fair fighting. There is NO way the fire can wait for 5 more min for them to jump on it. We love you John. ❤
Even the best therapists get emotional. You weren’t that wrong. It’s an impossible expectation. I’m so happy I dropped psych as a major
I promise the woman who called would trade her problems right now for nearly any of ours at any time... Doesn't make our troubles invisible, though! Either way, I feel she was so much better off when she hung up the phone than when she first called in regardless of how the call went on your end. You showed compassion, and you already know how far that alone can go. I love how you were transparent with us though. You're a great man, Dr. John. Thanks for everything you do!
I think you did a good job on this call. It is my experience that kids are way stronger then we give them credit for. This can also go to form a "view" that self-control of our emotions is a must in our lives. He has seen his dad at the worst moment of his life, he saw what happens when we lose control. I hope he can heal from this, as this was a very graphic scene and one he will never forget.
Thank you Dr John for being so vulnerable. Keep doing what your doing. 🙏
praying for you and your family.
I LOVE this show. I watch EVERY episode. I've learned soooooo much. So this comes from a place of love. Sometimes after watching an episode I ask myself "If I was that caller, what would be my next steps after talking with Dr John Deloney?" Sometimes I have no idea because all the great suggestion were so broad. I think giving a list of 3 physical things that they can do. 1. 2. 3. would be awesome. Three things they can write down to have a clear path moving forward. I personally would really appreciate that if I ever called in. Especially since this is their only opportunity to talk with you, unlike therapy in person.
I raised two kids after their father was put into prison for 25 yrs, no parole. My dtr was 11 and my son was 9 at the time. I so feel for this woman. It’s so hard.
I’m so sorry you went through that. God bless.
I don't think Dr. John did anything bad. The kid needs to stay away from his dad's family for now until everything has been sentenced. Then maybe her son can visit his dad once he is in prison.
Dr. John Delony, I absolutely agree that the father must take responsibility for the crime he committed. I also want to add the following:
1) Attending trauma counseling is the best route for the son. I agree with you 100% !
2) The son needs to be protected before, during and after the trial. He should be told exactly what may happen during the trial, especially if he going to testify in person, and he is cross examined. He should NEVER be blindsided to what may happen ! Maybe the court will allow a video testimony instead, so he will not be manipulated or intimidated by the father's public defender.
3) Make sure the son feels very comfortable with sharing how he feels at any given moment. He needs to know that he has at least one or two adults that are totally trustworthy ! He may, or may not, go through the following emotions, either now or later-
1. Fear /control issues
2. Shame/feeling inferior - especially if he has friends who have "normal/functioning" households.
3. Denial - due to shame
4. Confusion - if my father loved me, why did he do that ?
5. Anger- if my father actually loved me, he wouldn't have done that.
6. Sadness-if he begins to compare his life to others
7. Other-TBD
What could be done to hopefully help the situation...
1. Trauma counseling
2. Monitoring all school work/obtain tutor if necessary
3. Get him involved in pro-social activities- after school clubs, church group/sports team, art/scholastic club/event, social events with his peers.
4. Possibly become involved in a Big Brother program or some type of mentoring program (preferably with a male...so he does not associate that all males commit crime..)
5. Keep him busy, yet allow for rest and open communication.
6. Keep him away from the father, for now, until the son is at least 18, and can decide how he wants to proceed. Last, as for the rest of the family, the mother is going to have to set clear boundaries and be extra cautious around the grandparents. The worse case scenario, may involve total relocation to another state, if necessary. Good luck and God bless !
This is a great response!
I am getting ready to start my practicum/internship in clinical mental health counseling and I appreciate you showing this and speaking on your feelings about how you dealt with the call. Thank you for being open and honest. I learn a lot from you and your experiences.
That grief is a gift to her son that is profound!!!!
You are the best John.
Great job Deloney, appreciate your realness and call was not bad
I know you think you failed, but you didn’t. You stood there and took the call. You may not have been perfect on your end, but if I were on her end, I would be thanking my God for you.
You're a person, too, Dr. John. We don't need perfect, we need you. Honestly, I don't think you did anything wrong. You were honest. You were true to yourself in the moment, and you wrestled. Isn't that really all we can ask of ourselves? Hope you, your family, and your team are well. Take care!
I don't think Dr. John blew this call at all other than letting himself become too emotional. I don't think his judgment was clouded at all. He's very ethical.
I love learning from you! I appreciate your vulnerability!
My only feedback would be to be aware of how you degrade yourself ie. I am just a xxx podcast person.
dr john is being hard on himself i think he dealt with it perfectly and showed her the compassion that she needed to hear
Super tough situation form all angles- John handled this well. I hope the family can start healing soon
We love you John, you are amazing
My husband was the victim of a shooter who went around our city randomly shooting people. My husband was the first person shot that day.
We have three children. At first I told them he got hurt at work. It was all over the news so I knew after a couple of days I had to tell them the truth. .
This boy has experienced a loss of innocence. The world just became a dangerous, violent, scary place for him. On a level most children don't typically know about. That has to be addressed.
So sorry for your loss 🙏🏼
I'm so sorry. I know you and your children's lives will never be the same, but I hope you are finding healing.
I pray for you and your family. Damn. That’s rough
On a level most adults don't experience first hand.
I think you did great! That’s something very heavy to hear and process in such a short phone call. I’d keep my kid the hell away from him.
I love that you still shared the call and the humble intro.
You didn't blow this at all. I think you did extremely well in your advice.
You can hear John hurt in his voice. Damn.
It's hard to process stuff on the fly like that.
i saw my dad kill a home invader, i think i was 8
I hope all goes well for this lady and her son. It going to be tough journey but by implementing all what Dr John said your son will be able to go through his own sort of grieve knowing he is supported, brave and loved.
i know im late to this but John definetly didnt blow it, this was an incredibly difficult call to take and personally i would have done so much worse on this
That poor kid...saw it and now he has to live through it again.
I think you did a fantastic job, Dr Deloney. This was such a hard call.
Sometimes, even the experts, don’t know what to say. Things like this should never happen in a child’s life but unfortunately they do may God’s grace and mercy bring you all piece
my heart is breaking for mom rn
I see nothing wrong with the call. It was very compassionate
This man destroyed his sons life for a women that wasn’t worth the time 😢
@PenelopeGuzman she's like a Jada Pinckett Smith. A Jezebel.
You guys seriously victim blaming a dead woman?
@@katiebaker5662 did you watch the video? She’s NOT DEAD the guy was killed not her. She’s NO victim. You seriously have that small of an attention span?
@@katiebaker5662???
He did what he did for himself. It isn't like the neighbor was assaulting the girlfriend and he wanted to protect her. The father chose to react like a child in a man's body, and in front of his child no less. Thats why he's to blame for the damage to his son, not his girlfriend. You ARE victim blaming.
I think it’s fair to tell kids we get our brown eyes or red hair from parents, but if we do good or wrong things it’s because of us… it’s not genetic. It’s ok to love dad (or maybe not) but HATE that he did this. But dad chose to do evil and kiddo won’t do bad in life JUST because his dad did. Kid can choose every day to do good actions. I would remind my kid daily to be kind. And then a great Counselor for years
I agree but when the kid is old enough to understand predilections/predispositions explain that there are some things we have to be more aware of than other people might be.
If being murderous is part of the family tree then it's wise to understand what character trait is passed down and how to use that character trait to benefit others rather than be controlled by it.
I hope what you said becomes a culturally understood parental advice go-to because it's an excellent way to introduce that we're from our parents but we AREN'T our parents
8:22 a bit off topic BUT my parents are divorced (and fight a lot) and I’ve asked my mom that before. “Since I remind you so much of Dad… do you hate me?”
I feel like supervised communications would be beneficial. Personally, I wouldn't want ANY communication. However, if you do allow it, calls and letters need to be supervised. I would read every single letter before it gets to my kid. I would listen to all calls with clear knowledge that if it deviates from the usual "How's school?" and "I love you!" I will end the call.
This is tough. I feel for her and that boy 💔
In some states it can be considered a murder of passion and he may only serve minimal time
Just kick the home wrecking cheater neighbour that banged his long term girlfriend out. Don't need to murder the home wrecker.
So true. There are so many people in this world that don't have the ability to regulate their emotions.
@@brockreynolds870 walking in while your gf is getting railed by the neighbor would test many peoples emotions.
The only home wrecker was his gf
I think you handled this very well
I have worked in a prison for 21 years and talked to many men who committed murder in this same predicament. They all feel horrible and say things like I don’t even remember being in control of my body functions . They sometimes laugh at themselves saying why didn’t I just break up with her and move on wtf . While they made a horrible mistake I genuinely feel they are decent people. If this guy is actually convicted I hope the mom allows the son to visit
They often get a lenient sentence given the circumstances, but they weren’t married in this story so that’d probably play into it
I remember hearing a prison warden say that almost all murderers regretted it instantly and he believed they were repentent, but he never met a rapist who he believed was really sorry. Thinking about it, I guessed maybe it's because not all murderers are sadistic, premeditating torturers but all rapists kind of have to be.
Only if he takes accountability and ownership of his choices. Otherwise, the son will learn that the right response to doing something horrible is to minimize and skirt accountability.
He has to admit to what he did, the full awfulness of it, and not put any of the responsibility on his son. Than and only then should he be allowed to visit him. That might take years. I hope not.
That's a bs excuse.
Love the part about attunement ❤
Not Dr. John with the Science Fiction album in the background! 🙌🏼
I think john did a great job on this call, not sure why the disclaimer beforehand lol
Our courts: defendants aren't allowed to intimidate the witnesses
Also our courts: the dad is still entitled to speak to his son. 🤦🏻♂️
Just stumbled across John and all ready addicted to his videos. I just noticed in the background behind him, Brand New’s “science fiction” album cover. One of my fav bands. Is there any significance to it or just background “stuff”? Sad episode, unfortunately that kids gonna need years of therapy just to get to what most people call a normal life..
I AM UPSET WITH GRANDPARENTS TRYING TO TURN HIM INTO A LIAR & WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT WHY HE IS THERE ???? f the dad & his parents frfr
I’m no therapist, so not sure how you screwed up on this call. Sounds to me like you gave the best advice you could have given.
Sometimes I think you shouldn’t come. This is definitely not one of those times.
John is A+++++++++
Lesson number one is don't be a loser. And don't get knocked up by a loser
Its good to see professionals be human.
The father is a psychopath/sociopath. Reminds me of "Murder in Mansfield" where little Collier Landry witnessed (acoustically) his father kill his mother, testified about it- I think he was 11. Father kept trying to manipulate him to recount his testimony after his conviction, from his jail cell.
Crime of passion, he walked in on another man screwing his partner.A sociopath is someone who is cunning and has things planned out
This one’s tough 💔
This wasn't always considered criminal murder.
Wow that's interesting
Contact Jessica Reid PHD from KIP, Kids With Incarcerated Parents. Shes the expert on kids thriving through this.
Based dad alert, doesnt even make him a bad guy tbh.
You did not blow this call. It was a really tough call.
Id take Dr John at his worst over just about any counselor at their best
And i know for a fact I'm not alone
Trauma Twister. Great metaphor.
That poor kid
everyone saying she's taking the child away from dad idk i can kinda see it from both sides, my dad was the biggest POS and i got taken away from him and given to my grandma, his mom, and i know she was totally doing her best and she of course wouldn't give us whole truths of things that would happen because we were too young to know some of the things like he was on m3th but everyone would just say he had a drinking problem (had that problem too) but also lots of other things. but he also did try to kill a man for the same thing as this dude but he just beat him up really bad and the guy sued my dad. but anyway my grandma let us go to our dad's every weekend and i get why, if she kept us away from our dad as young kids we would've hated her so much called her evil blah blah blah. but at 18 when i was really thinking over everything and my dad had gotten so bad i hadn't even seen him in a year i had to ask her. you know him better than anyone else. why did you give us to him knowing how horrible he was. yes as children we would've said hey you're mean!! but we also don't give kids candy all the time because they'll think were mean or they want it sooo bad. sometimes you gotta do what's best for them. maybe this kid can just write letters to his dad in jail and mom can screen them as they come in. and when the kid is 16 or more mature he can decide if he wants to go see him
I don't feel John blew this call to be honest I think he did as well or better than most people would handling this situation. I feel I've done worse handling things that are incredibly difficult especially when it is a situation that is personal. I wish I had half the courage to do the same instead of shutting down like I do .
Idk man this is normal call for john. I think he has a feeling inside that he was feeling about this.
doesnt sound like kid has a problem sounds like mom does
I don't think you messed the call up at all John. I am halfway through and am waiting for the "mess up" ... I just don't see it. Sorry
You couldn't watch the whole video before commenting? ADD in action! :P
So he was married with kids and found out an old girlfriend of his slept with someone and so he killed that someone? Did I understand that right? The line wasn't clear when she said it
He found his current girlfriend (not the caller, caller is an ex) in bed with a neighbour and he killed said neighbour.
i dont agree. i hate my dad and dont hate myself
Very sad. Was she was the long term gf with the neighbor? Regardless, all 3 adults failed that kid that day.
This dude needs OJ’s lawyer
What about a husband kills his wife and still covered up from the child? She was pregnant with the (child/self)
What about asking ChatGPT to write that one for you.
How do you call into this if you have a serious question and you need help?
@a.00012 When you need help, you suck up your pride, and you do what needs to be done because you have nothing else to lose. Pride is a figment of your imagination. It's not real. They are imaginary chains that prevent you from moving on. If you have something serious, your pride could be what puts you in danger. Why be embarrassed because life has not been kind to you. Understand that once you make it through the hard parts you have learned more than anyone else who never experienced it or something like it. Have faith enough in yourself to ask for help when you need it.
It's in the video description
Wait so did this lady cheat and cause the murder???
This sounds like a Barry Allen situation.
The home wrecker neighbour, long time girlfriend and the father dating the girlfriend are all guilty. Don't be involved in a cheating triangle and nobody gets hurt or dies. Not worth it to be put in jail for a life time over murdering a guy that home wrecked your relationship.
"Don't be involved in a cheating triangle". How the heck is the 'third party' to know until it's too late?
@@phattjohnsonhe’s talking about the people who DO KNOW. That’s exactly why he said “it’s not worth it to ruin your life over a relationship” referring to the one who didn’t know. Cmon
Well maybe he verbally yelled at the couple and the guy yelled back and assaulted the dad . Then a mutual fight took place and dad won. So perhaps it’s not as clear as we think . These things may not be so cut and dry . Innocent till proven guilty??
All we know about the case is what the mom says in this call. If it happened in December then it may have not even gone to trial yet. I agree innocent until proven guilty. That said, the mom is relaying the story based on what her son has told her. I somewhat doubt a 10 year old would just leave out or forget details of the father acting in self defense. I feel like that's something a child would remember. That "dad was being attacked and fought back". But it doesn't sound like the son described things that way.
@@Cyanopteryx we don’t know the story whole because John wouldn’t let the lady speak. He felt like talking… lead this whole conversation.
And the ex-girlfriend may have sided with the neighbor. Or, it was just a brutal one-sided attack.
@mikemills12 It hasn't gotten to trial, and she wasn't to discuss it. Has nothing to do with John not letting her, but he knows the law on that. Talking about it outside of court has led to mistrial
I wouldn't allow her son to see his grandparents on his Dad's side of the fsmily
That's not fair. Would you like someone taking your grandchild away from you because your adult kid did something bad?
I think the best piece of advice would’ve been not to ask John for advice on this subject
What did he do wrong tho ? Or is it because he is a man you hate
Trying to manipulate the son into giving false testimony, in my opinion, is much worse than murdering the neighbour.
i dont think lying is as bad as making someone drown in their own blood.
@@FedkaSlovanich The neighbor was a right c*nt though.
I would say, professionally, as someone who travels & works a lot, you CAN NOT let your nutrition go that far left field. You're not new to traveling, stress, etc. To anyone reading this, plan your meals! Take the time! Your performance and people are depending on it! Nutrition and hydration are keys to mental clarity. I can see what John means when he says he dropped the ball. It's bound to happen once in a blue moon, but self care is mission critical!
“You’re mentally ill? Have you ever tried not being tha t”
Bye
Delony: I'm a Christian
Me: try reading Proverbs chapters 1 - 7 to see what happens to cheaters.
Delony is not a Christian. Half the advice he gives would contradict the bible. He’s a moral churchgoer.
He’d have to be in order to get on the Ramsay network. At least Dave Ramsey speaks on what the bible says about finances.
@@Irunwithscissors63 In some sense I want to agree with you--however if I held my standards of everyone agreeing with my interpretations then no one is really a Christian. And I'm not that delusional to uphold that standard.
Just look around at all the sects and denominations. When I started my journey to understanding faith in God and learning the Bible purposely 15 years ago I never knew I'd end up at this point today almost diametrically opposed to what I once thought before. I'm sure in another 10 years if I'm alive God-wiling, I'll think the same way again about my thoughts today on the Bible, faith and Christianity.
@@droptozro It sounds like God is bringing you to truth as He promised. I left the church around ten years ago. It’s been a journey but through it I’ve found that biblically the churches teachings don’t hold water.
So much of what I’ve had to unlearn is phenomenal.
God bless you in your journey.
Edit: just subbed your channel because I can see you’ve also discovered there’s no trinity. 😁
Well, don’t sleep with someone else’s girl and you won’t get murdered. Simple.
Yeah maybe, but u have no idea what she told him. She could've lied and said they were broken up. U never know.
@@tequisaholloway1738 you’re right. In that case she should be sentenced.
If infidelity was justifiably punishable by death then over half of our population would be gone by now.
@@MsDorcelus no. It’s just human nature. The feeling of betrayal will lead someone to do stupid things.
@@jdudefun1755 Doesn't that same logic of "it's just human nature" apply to cheating too?
yes, this call is just bad. John gets too emotional and too subjective. a professional can't basically cry with the patient. A professional needs to understand, but has to remain objective and professional
He's still human, I don't blame him for responding the way he did
And we need the human aspect. It’s a big part of soft skills required ❤
No, it okay it's shows the human understanding of human tragedy.
Stolen3moon, that is true for the most part. However, people call into Dr. John for his empathy and sound advice. One could easily go to therapy and get similar advice, but they are also looking for a virtual hug, which Dr. John gives freely.
He is a baby
Thats wrong of this woman to keep her son from communicating with and seeing his father in prison. It's wrong. Period. Owning what he did has nothing to do with his relationship with his son. Her kid is going to resent her.
If the father is going to minder someone in front of his child and not think about the repercussions and trauma this would be passed to the child then he shouldn’t ever see or speak to the child again. Period.
The grandmother manipulating the child is in the same boat.
Ridiculous.
Plot twist- She's the girlfriend!