How to tell if your ex is pretending to be over you
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- Опубликовано: 16 сен 2024
- Clay Andrews discusses how to tell if your ex is pretending to be over you.
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In this video, we're covering signs your ex is pretending to be over you. When it comes to figuring out if your ex is over you or not, you have to start by looking at your ex's emotional world and piecing together an idea of what their emotional world looks like and what is motivating their actions and behaviors.
One of the signs your ex is pretending to be happy is of course, if they jump into a rebound relationship quickly after their breakup with you.
Again, if you want to figure out how to know if your ex is over you or not, you have to look at their emotional world and start to use that to inform your conclusions you're making about what they are doing and feeling.
**** IMPORTANT ****
This is an internet video, and it should be obvious, but this video and other videos on this channel should not be taken as a substitute for the evaluation of a psychologist, therapist, counselor, etc. This video and other videos on this channel are intended for informational uses only, and only reflect the personal opinions of the creator. The creator of this video is not responsible for your actions or choices or the consequences of your actions or choices.
Thanks for watching this video. If you're from the future, please let us know how this whole "situation" ended up working itself out. I really hope it turns out well...
A lot of your videos explain what I'm goin through, but It seems like I can't fix it
I will work for you. Camera guy, audio guy, anything. I need a job and nobody is hiring. Im good at advice for people in a relationship and I learned a lot more things, but I need a house and job to fix my situation. And I have to pay child support
Can you help me whats going on with my ex
Hello Clay, can you talk about how to deal with a an ex with secret rebound relation or monkey branching
Emotional electric fence! You nailed it, Clay. Thanks man!
Thank you @shuatreee
I'm from the future. Life is still tough, it's just more expensive.
They forced theirselves on people that you associate with by trying to associate with them intentionally, on purpose to get your attention of course or to find out behind the scenes of what's going on with you, people really need to understand A Ex is a Ex for a reason make sure y'all not playing mind games with your ex if it's done let that be known that is completely done💯
Hello there --- Here I am from the future --- everything is normal and wonderful here --- except the breakup ..lol
Mine agreed to work things out, but then was passive aggressive and barely texted, slow to reply and canceled dates for a month until I cut contact. Basically punishing me for the laundry list of minor issues she hit me with at the breakup. We didn’t have an argument in our three years relationship. Now I know why. It’s because she can’t communicate. She also set up another guy before she ended things. If she was over things she wouldn’t have played little girl games for a month and would have just walked away like a grown woman. Not relationship material anyway. I’m in 4 months of no contact.
I started texting w mine for a couple weeks and she made it very obvious that she’s still hurt by what happened and also got rlly mad when she heard something abt me with another girl (even tho she’s been dating some weirdo since a month after we split). She even admitted that she’s just been trying to shut me out of her mind, and that she still wonders if we would’ve worked out. She agreed to talk on the phone w me abt some stuff but then never called.
Everything is normal and wonderful again
If they rebound after 5+ years, in a week or month, they fell out of love with you a long time ago...
He is the best when it comes to recovery relationship..
M e s s a g e h I m n o w V i a W h a t s A p p..
+2 3 4 8 1 5 3 3 2 5 3 4 4.
I would say they never loved
Maybe she does pretend all I know is I'm tired of the mind games & the stalking & the shit test and the gaslighting & the stealing .
Block her on everything, it sounds harsh and you may not want to let go but trust me it works, it helped me a ton. The reason you aren’t over her is because you are holding onto hope of one day being back together with her. If it was meant to be then it never would have ended. You just need to let go. Block her on everything and destroy her letters and clothes and get rid of that hope and burden. You are a king and you need a girl that will appreciate all your flaws. It’s time to let go.
My ex called me after a month telling me he had just gotten out of the hospital. So i ofcourse worried and i would message him how he was doing since he had a cut. But when i told him, you can call me or my mom if you need anything. he said, "i Highly doubt it. I have my brother on emergency contact, so no thank you." So i got angry and blocked him. Wtf, if u dont want me to care dont call me.
How do you tell if they are pretending if you have not spoke in two months
@TheLastManStanding he said two months that’s not that much time.
update?
Wow........ I wish I would have seen this at the time that me and my ex were still in contact with each other. I just didn't know how........because some of the things you mentioned, I have seen with her. She contacted out of the blue to check on me to see how I am doing. Then she asked me if I was dating. When I told her no, then she said I should. I need to be in a hood relationship. I can see if I was constantly calling and bothering her to get back together, but the fact that she called me to ask if I'm not dating then I should..........something about wasn't quite adding up.
As Brian says here in the comments, I'm pretty sure she's not pretending. Maybe at the beginning, but she was, and still is, so unconscious, walled-off, and self-righteous that she wouldn't even know if she was pretending, or pretending to pretend, or pretending she's not pretending to pretend that she's pretending...or not pretending... Hee hee.
First off, she's a narcissist. Not a hard-core one, but lots of shaming, blaming, gas-lighting, dog-housing, guilt-tripping, inability to forgive, measuring, testing, conditions, entitlement, etc. Yes, she went right into another relationship right from us. It was short-lived, so she went right into another one that became serious. He moved in right away. But she did the same thing to him as she did to me, even though he was, physically, psychologically, VERY different than me. That lasted about two years. She then went into another serious relationship. He moved in with her within a few weeks and eventually sold his house. (Stupid move, bro!) She did not, and does not, miss me. (We were together for about five years and I really felt/knew she was the love of my life and she certainly was in that same ballpark. She left her marriage for me/us. Not just for me - she was "unhappy" - but I certainly was part of that move. Little did I know that's how she rolls.)
She has not surrounded herself with anything that reminds her of me. I'm dead to her. It's like I never existed. This is how all the women I've been with are...They cut the cord, move on, and if there is anything still there, it is buried and suffocated and denied so deeply as to not exist. So, yes, pretending. Like Clay's last point. Yes, I'd like to believe that they're shutting off that room because there are some real, raw, deep feelings there that are overwhelming them and they can't handle, etc. But there's also the possibility that there truly is nothing there. Anywhere. They are missing pieces in their psyche's, their souls. I was a really good partner. Not perfect, but I loved her, adored her, valued her, respected her. I always talked to her about my feelings and what was going on and listened to her. I was never dismissive, attacking, judging, etc. She even acknowledged that!!!
The fact that I was older than her, and had done years of personal growth work, helped. I loved her unconditionally and accepted her, so it's not like I was mean to her or treated her poorly, all things that might make someone not mourn the loss and be glad to move on. When she was breaking up with me she actually said to me: "You're going to be a tough act to follow." Yeah. She actually said that. Why? And WTF? "Then, why are you kicking me to the curb, my dear?" But I didn't give up my music, so we were over. Kicked to the curb. She moved on right away and I will never hear from her again. Y'know, quality people don't grow on trees. You'd think that people would want to keep quality people who also happen to truly love them and believe in them, in their lives. But if someone hates themselves, or has unresolved issues with parents and the world, well, you're going to suffer the consequences, even if your Jesus, Gandhi or Mother Teresa. Ain't gonna matter how wonderful you are or how much you love them.
And this has been the case with every single woman I've been with since high school. Doesn't matter if they left me or I left them. I have never, ever heard from any of them ever again in any form or fashion. Now, for all I know, this is the norm and the case for 95% of us. If anyone is still reading this, I'd love to hear if you've ever heard from an old flame who claimed they really loved you.
I know it happens, but maybe those are the outliers, the anomalies.
Interesting, and germane, side note: with one exception, nearly every woman (I don't know the status of all of them) I was ever seriously involved with is, today, single and mostly childless. They range in age from 40's to 60's.
Yeah. I sure can pick 'em. Commitment-phobes/difficult customers/grass-is-greener-I-can-do-better types. Aka: narcissists or borderline personality types. But they were like catnip for many men...and maybe some women too...
I liked the "emotional electric fence" metaphor. Nice one, Clay! Thanks for another fine presentation.
David nyro sounds like my story
My ex has almost all of these signs but I'm still second guessing. Just got out of my rebound last week and I realized I was in love with my ex still and now I'm trying to get him back.
I really wish my ex gf is like you. She's currently in a rebound and i can't get her out of my head because i genuinely can't love anyone else. I'm praying to god for this day to happen when she breaks up with her rebound and comes back to me
Thanks clay for all these videos... It's a huge struggle right now... And watching all your videos is helping me. She has huge reactance right now and keeps coming up with new reasons for the break up. She has now stopped replying after we met yesterday for the first time after she broke up with me 2 weeks back. She acted really cold during our meal and now says she won't ever meet again. Really trying to be genuine and get through to her through all the walls.
I work with my ex. She seems to keep up a conversation when we end up working together and almost seems happy. However, she seems distant and reserved with me when we’re not working together in the same department or when I see her in public. I’ve been careful not to push thing lately, but I think she just needs more time to process her emotions.
Don't S.H.I.T. where you eat. Keep relationships outside work.
Well balls to them - if a day goes by and they're not showing you an interest, it's over. For . Ever.xxxxxxx
This is really spot on. Everything you said was what happened with my ex
Okay so did you get them back?
@@CharlesFerraro Not yet. He's still hot and cold with me and he also has personal issues he has to focus on. but atleast we are talking a lot than the time after we broke up
@@mydomolovestacos update?
Make a video about , how to overcome the wall in sign Number 5 , what kind of conversation do I need to have with them to break that wall and connect morr
My ex made me keep some of his stuff that really remind me of him. When I was packing up my things at his place, he kept on giving me mementos. And he's also trying to fake-justify his guilt for breaking up with me by lying about my faults or overexaggerating my flaws, which his friend told me about. He also still makes the same types of sexual jokes and the same enrgy of banter around me, aka not platonic interactions at all. And whenever I try to apply No Contact it doesn't work since he keeps contacting me, and he's managed to call me 3x more than I have. His friend also mentioned he keeps wanting to go out clubbing, when I can tell he's clearly trying to "forget" about me. All of this and yet he tells me he doesn't want me back at all. 😕
Any progress with this matter? 🌄
Same situation for me.. I’m going cold turkey
"I don't mind you texting me, but don't expect a text back"
Clay I'm sad. I tried moving on it didn't work. My ex has been getting nicer to me and even makes sure I eat at her house sometimes when I visit my son there. Her mom has gotten nicer to me as well, but yet she still won't be with me. She flirts with me and stuff but it's like if I don't have a good job and a house then she doesn't want to be with me. It's hard to get both of those right now. I will work for you litteraly. I will do anything to get a job for my son. I made my son my main focus because he's the best thing that ever happened to me, but lately my ex has been opening up to me about our relationship but very very slowly. It just makes me sad cus I love her and it was one minute I had a family and then the next minute I lost it all. So I wach your videos and try to do your programs, but I can't afford to talk to you. I will work for you tho no matter what the job is
@Murphy Jennifer only if it's for a job. When it comes to advice I only listen to clay Andrews. He never steered me the Rong way
My ex and I have been consistently seeing one another, and she has said a lot of contradicting things depending on the day basically. Some days she says she views us as 'talking' romantically, but she just isn't ready for a commitment right now. Other days she is very adamant that we are just friends and nothing else. Yesterday she told me she was 'moved on from the relationship and ready to be just friends', but I still see her every day, we lay close together and do things we did as a couple. I wonder if this is her trying to avoid her feelings towards me, by declaring it's platonic even though her actions often come off as much more than platonic.
From the future. All is well for the most part. 😅
Going on a year now separated & I'm still not completely over my wife! Far as I know she's still in a rebound & has recently told me that she still hasn't changed her mind about getting divorced.I want to get on with the divorce but she's blowing it off though she's the one wanting the divorce! But we do get along & are civil especially when it comes to the kids.Guess it's just a waiting game then when she's finally ready to go through with the divorce?
Hes my ex husband quickly trying to get married to girl he was cheating me while I was married to him,actually he was happy,planing to marry and moveout with her,
rebound turning into marriage soon, partying...
180 turning point he says hes free from me now...
Still waiting for divorce,legally.he looks at me and get v angry,we hve kids.he keep carrying the gifts I gve him while packing up his stuff ...is he over me clay?
He pushes me away and says he dnt hve feelings for me,and dnt even wana talk to me he wall up...says he is done with me.he movee out of house.
What does it mean if they fully redecorated the house ? Married 23 years apart 4 months 4 kids.
My ex moved out immediately, didn’t want to do anything with our pets, and gave anyway anything I ever gave her, essentially erased me, but wants us to keep in contact
Murphy Jennifer my ex is a girl. she is a dismissive avoidant partner so I want us to do work on ourselves or at least come together with that intention
I'm pretty sure there is no pretending
Luckily all 5 of them 😃. Thanks!
She’s over me if she even told me to move on. Trying to move on without contacting her, I basically removed her from pretty much everything.
But I still get memories and it still hurts a little.
@@yu-gi-ohenemy252 That happens from time to time. Try a new hobby that will get you to meet new friends. Once they are in, it's easier to move on.
I met such women, they want quick commitment and plans to move in together. Besides, she wanted me to go to her appointment with her ex, after about two weeks, I ghosted her.
1 year since you published the vid. Yep this is the future and people are partying
Hey Clay, can I know when you will do live stream again? I have several questions
Thank you ☺️
You're welcome, Pauline. :-)
I had to leave d country to take care of my dad in April 2017. He met a woman in August 2018. We divorced after 20 Years together in Nov. He stopped talking to me in March 2019 and wouldn’t see me cause he was too hurt he said. He said he was dating although he was already engaged w her.That was Sept 2019 last year. He was partying when he hated parties. He is a homebody living in his jeans and ripped tshirt and suddenly became someone who always was out wearing designer clothes and bunch of gel in his hair, He got married w her in Feb 2020 this year. I send him random text every three months cause the pain i feel wout him is unbearable but he doesn’t respond. My dad passed away and I sent him a text to let him know he never responded. I love him and would do anything to get him back. Will that ever happen😔
My ex block me on Facebook and I seen her one day and asked her how she was doing. She gave me a short answer. She said fine and walked away.
He is the best when it comes to recovery relationship..
M e s s a g e h I m n o w V i a W h a t s A p p..
+2 3 4 8 1 5 3 3 2 5 3 4 4.
My ex always viewed my stories in facebook using his 2nd acc, he’s in a relationship now same with me, what does it mean?😶
They mean he just bored I believe
Sounds like what my ex is dealing with her emotions she still has a shirt of mine that she's posted selfies wearing it on a public social group. She tagged my sister and my brother wife in a post from a winery we all visited last year on a family camping trip and she will like a post once in awhile my neighbor posts. Me and my ex were living together
So what if they gave you all your clothes and animal toys and such, but hasn't returned your key?
Have you asked for your key from your ex? We might not know the exact reason why your ex had not returned the key, we can think of several reasons but that will be based from assumption. The best way to know is to ask her about it. That is where effective communication would come in.
@@ClayAndrews No I haven't asked her for it, nor has she asked me for her key that I still have, to her place.
She openly tells me that she just wants to be friends, but I have flooded her by mistake with the "wall of text" trying to express myself, big mistake I know.
One of the trickier bits is that she moved into a new relationship with another guy (one I suspect was orbiting and waiting for a chance) within a week of the break up (rebound?) and is holding hard to her conviction that she is in this relationship. So any mention of my feelings seems to drive her further away. I don't want want. I want the relationship we should have had from the beginning, and I'm focusing on my own shadow work to be there, ready for it when it happens.
The other tricky part is that we work together, separate departments, totally unconnected; so I have been maintaining casual, work related conversations (while at work), but I sense she isn't really happy with this new person, but I don't want to push her away.
What can I do? She has me blocked on FB, but will still text me.
He keeps talking about the things that lead to our break up.can that be one of the sign of him wanting to get back with me?
Yes
My ex still hangs out with me and my best friend. Sometimes it’s just me and her, and she seems to enjoy the times we have together, I’ve gotten mixed signals not lately tbh but still got them, I know she is trying to talk to new guys and is trying to get in rebound. I’ve been very depressed lately and she’ll kinda haggle me about what’s wrong and it’s obviously about her so I can’t open up to her you know, I also believe she has been looking at my location to see where I am and see who I’m with if I’m with anyone
Dont go out with her.. If you feel depressed.. Thats why you should not go with her lol.. She wont miss you or see your value if you are there with her as a friend...
Entertaining thirsty orbiters on social media, when you know that's not them.
I am on her phone plan and she’s decided to keep my phone on why would she do that she called me crying the other day saying I’m the one who ran away and that she is really hurt and mad at me it’s been a month
He sheated on me with his co-worker and left me for her,a month after he left they moved in together.
3 months after that he tried contacting me with friends we have in common,3 months after that we talked and he wanted to come back home...I love him but I couldn't take him back,know its been more than a year ssince we've been separated.😢
❤️
She rebounds She later calls me when I took a shit on the situation by going to her job drunk, she blocked me but later calls me and opens up to me about her personal life, sound angry sounds sweet keeps going to the past 🙄 mentioned that she misses me but jumps into the whole I don't wanna hurt you or lead you on. I broke up with her but wanted her bac and shit got weird. Maybe she's over me but who in the fuck cries about you for hours to you're friend!
What should I do if I’m going through all these things Clay ? Not to mention I live with her ? I’m trying to display changes responsibly and have given over 7 days of no contact finally . What do you recommend ? We’ve been together for 6 years
We have to always consider that what we can control is just our own self and not our ex. but the consistency of our actions will define future results. Be patient and focus on the process and not just the results.
What if you've broken up and gotten back 2gether in the past several times quickly? Does it lesson your chances in getting back 2gether in the present breakup? This is the longest we've gone NC...8 days
what if they have been posting so much on social media like almost every day when they never posted before and they are acting completely normal like nothing even happened. this has been going on for weeks now
they act so weird and different
Hi Elizabeth, if your ex is posting much more than the usual in social media, I would suggest not to read too much on it. social media postings are just the surface level medium. In the end, your ex knows the truth behind his true emotions.
How do you know if the two of us are in no contact ?
So after a month and a half of her going cold, she reached out yesterday to congratulate me on graduating. I congratulated her as well, and we had a couple exchanges. We sent a couple texts earlier today as well, but I have a feeling that she’s going to go cold again. It seems like she still has some walls up. We left off with me asking her about the campaign she’s working on because she told me she got promoted. Haven’t heard anything yet. What should I do if she goes cold again?
charles young no contact, let her come to you. If you persist you may seem overly invested. It’s time for her to invest. You just graduated, you’re on top of the world and your game, etc. Let her see how cool and composed you are. She will reach out again!
My ex she is in a rebound the same day we broke up that's means she is pretending to be over me
It might mean she was over you long before the breakup.
What about if they are dating someone else and still sleep with you, and get upset and say we shouldn't sleep together after finding out that you are looking for other people too?
Same here 😔
???
My ex is for sure over me. Was together for a year and recently he ghost me for two weeks today... he haven’t called me back after voice mails I’ve left him.... I got a feeling it’s done this time. I don’t feel him anymore like I don’t know how to explain it but I just feel him disconnecting from me... which is new. It’s dead and done on his end. Even tho I’m still in love with him. Yoh know when you know it’s done
Hi @ItsNancyy Nart, I understand that not hearing anything from the other person can be tough emotionally. We understand how hard this must be for you emotionally and for your ex as well. But when the time that both of you are in your best emotional selves, you would be able to talk about what happened in the past. Sending more positive energies on your end.
He is the best when it comes to recovery relationship..
M e s s a g e h I m n o w V i a W h a t s A p p..
+2 3 4 8 1 5 3 3 2 5 3 4 4.
*Heyy just an update . From future were still in pandemic mode lol*
Hey Clay, reached out to my ex after 5 months active no contact. He was friendly but could tell his guard was up - he wasn't keen to text beyond a superficial level. I explored this, and he said he was just worried about giving false hope? What does this mean? I reassured him I could understand why he might feel like that etc, and said I wasn't here to add pressure. And then I suggested a casual catch up as friends over a call or over coffee if he was up for it? He immediately jumped at the latter option!
Mine said the same thing. “False hope”.
What happened?
@@Jakuboooooooooo not back with my ex, and now with someone new, and a lot happier :). In hindsight my previous relationship wasn't as good as I thought it was! However I am still glad I went on the journey I did tho, and learnt a lot :) hope this helps, take care
@@danielle9079 do you know if he ever wanted you back?
So another thing my ex said was that he still has all my things exactly where I left them, ie my brush.. in his bathroom. He said if he concentrates he can still smell my perfume just sittin in his livingroom, & he misses my dogs.. This makes me think he still likes me, again 'but' then I get the "I hate u for wot u did" etc texts & we dont speak again. How can I help him to say how he really feels?? so that I can move on & stop thinking of him & dwelling on whether or not we might get back together... coz I am so torn & confused. & he lies so I need to also know if he's telling the truth 'if' I ever do get the closure I want so badly.
He is the best when it comes to recovery relationship..
M e s s a g e h I m n o w V i a W h a t s A p p..
+2 3 4 8 1 5 3 3 2 5 3 4 4.
but dose getting back with your ex ever work long term
It really depends, there are people who experience echo breakup because they haven't really worked on the core issue of the relationship but they are just focused on getting back together. That is why it is essential that we have to focus on improving the dynamics and learning the Advanced Relational Skills as these are the tools that you'll be needing in the process.
@@ClayAndrews thank you
He is the best when it comes to recovery relationship..
M e s s a g e h I m n o w V i a W h a t s A p p..
+2 3 4 8 1 5 3 3 2 5 3 4 4.
Hey clay I commented in a video you did 11 days ago entitled "How to know if your ex has moved on" and i'll comment it again under this video the comment goes like this "Hey clay I have a question is it possible to get back with an ex if they have no feelings for you or if they moved on from you because me and my long distance ex girlfriend have had arguments and hurt feelings between the two of us after I broke up with her back in December of last year now we have talked about getting back together post breakup but we still had arguments post breakup and it's created an emotional barrier in our relationship that has caused her to feel less in love with me and more distant and colder with me now she's feeling emotionally unavailable and she feels less interested to get back with me and she told me she moved on (not to another man but for the sake of living without me) what should I do about all of this?"
It might be she didn't see changes on you.
Women don't want that old relationship or the old type of Person back who she was in.
@@Silver-Lining1111 yeah your right thanks for saying that man
@@AJ_Preme are you back together?
@@Silver-Lining1111 no im not she said that she will not date anyone else and that she will be busy in college and she said she won't think about dating until she completes college and her goals in life she's being an independent woman me on the other hand I plan on buying Clay's program to develop a new emotional connection with her to a point where she will consider to come back with me
I like your videos. Me and my ex wife had no kids and have not been in contact since I divorced her. But, she’s still using my last name. Is that normal?
That's totally normal. There's a possibility that she is still taking the time to make official changes given the current situation.
Clay Andrews it’s been so long though. I divorced her in 2013.
I didn’t change my last name when I divorced my ex husband and we didn’t have kids. We were married for 10 years and it’s such a hassle to change my name. I hope to remarry again and I don’t want to keep changing my name
She is with some dude, she’s saying they are not together, and that there are not mutual feelings, men they do have sex and goes on trips and are together 5 days out of 7, does This count as a rebound relationship?
He is the best when it comes to recovery relationship..
M e s s a g e h I m n o w V i a W h a t s A p p..
+2 3 4 8 1 5 3 3 2 5 3 4 4.
I really need help asap!!!
He is the best when it comes to recovery relationship..
M e s s a g e h I m n o w V i a W h a t s A p p..
+2 3 4 8 1 5 3 3 2 5 3 4 4.