Ray, please write. Not a book. Write articles. Write op eds. Challenge other writing. Testify before congress. Talk to WPATH. You are someone who can change minds. We need you. Our sons need you. I'm grateful that you are part of the seemingly changing tide. What you're doing is amazing.
@102938475646665 I'd like that but I'm kind of afraid that the two camps don't want to work together, more so detransitioners may not want to be affiliated with AGPers...sad
If you watch his first video the only reason he detrans is because he was forced to due to clotting. lol his experience is not everyone else He is simply AGP. Not everyone is AGP. We don't need to change minds, we already know there are some with AGP. This person happened to make a poor choice based off the exp of a counselor rather than getting second, and third opinions from different types of counselors. this is his way to deal with being forced off HRT, and feel victimized. they also didn't get ffs with a very well paying job. Currently fine looking like a man, he is clearing not trans. these videos are perpetuated off he is, he's clearly not, this is useless.
As a woman this is my struggle. Adults should dress as they want in public. But I don’t want to be an unwilling participant in someone’s sexual expression. On the other hand anyone could be indulging in a sexual expression in front of me that I’m not even aware of. If there’s no pretense they’re women and no expectation to treat them as women I could accept it.
I get this too. I have always been in the "wear what you want" camp, but when I read women saying that AGP men get off on dressing in female-typical clothing in public, I was like um... not sure what to do with this information 🤔
Yeah as a trans woman I am very anti AGP in women’s spaces and I also don’t want sexual expression of any kind in places that me and other women are vulnerable. Also, I realize I’m a guest in cis women’s spaces and I am respectful and went out of my way to pass. I have lived my entire adult life as a woman and I have not run into any problems. I exclusively used gender neutral bathrooms until I consistently passed as a woman. Even though sometimes that was very difficult and I have given myself multiple bladder infections from holding until I was in a safe place. I was that dedicated to making sure i didn’t upset cis women. I didn’t want a confrontation and i didn’t want to make a scene. If that ever happened to me i would have apologized for making them uncomfortable and politely left to find another restroom that was safe for me. If there was another trans woman in the restroom who made cis women uncomfortable I would politely suggest they leave. Women deserve to feel comfortable and safe. Trans women also deserve to feel comfortable and safe. We are all people with feelings and kindness. We should all show it
Hi Ray, fellow detrans male here.👋🏼 I really wish the conversation was more focused on gender expression and not identity. I've often wondered if the trans identity ideology would have even happened if society had normalized diverse gender expression first. I remember feeling pressured to see my nonconformity as "trans" because that's the way the world understood it. As a consequence, I went deeper and deeper to meeting the concept of a trans person instead of being myself. It ironically became its own form of conformity. It took a lot to snap out of it. Anyways, thanks for the work you do! Great videos.
Diverse gender expression was not only possible but encouraged in popular culture from the 1960s till the 90s in western countries. Then in the early 2000s something very strange began to appear in pop culture where diverse competent masculinity of any kind was demonized, and only the most superficial, sexually explicit and rather "toxic" form of femininity was held up as a model to follow. No doubt this has had a part to play in what we see occurring now and over the past decade.
It is not so much about "normalizing" It is more about destigmatizing male "feminine" expression. The discouragement of bullying "girly boys" by both adults and kids. It is about removing any and all sex based dress codes. To stop telling tom boys they have to "grow out of it", and so on. HAD we remained on the path we were on back in the late 80s early 90s, we may NOT be where we have men insisting they are women and wanting to intrude women's spaces and sports.
Ray, you are a pioneer in this field and on the cutting edge of what we know about autogynophilia. You are doing God's work by helping us understand by understanding yourself. Repression always leads to problems. Look at the Mormon church. They have the highest rate of pornography addiction because they are so repressed. There's no sense in fighting with yourself. You are helping countless others by being yourself and not being underground. Society is erasing masculine women and feminine men and it's just going to lead to more unhappy detransitioners. Thanks, Ray!
Which biological reality that sex is diversity? and never binary? it is people like you that are ignorant of biological reality. Biologists have known for decades that there is no universal distinction between male and female, it does not exist, and never will. Trans women have been literally changing their sex for over 100 years, this is fact backed up by real science, because how it is defined is simply ideological. it was genitals for aeons, only recently it was changed to chromosomes somehow. People are soooo ignorant. It was also proven through research that AGP is shared by most men and women and is not the reason why trans people transition, if they do, they are always bound to detransition by relizing this mistake.
Thank you, seriously. At the moment you are the only role model and hope I have to accept myself as I am. I do not want to ruin my body with HRT and be a medical patient for the rest of my life. But I feel like the whole trans “community” kind of pushes that on you, saying transition is the only way. Especially on Reddit and it’s driving me into insanity not knowing which choice to make. I’ve kind of lost everything I had and loved in my life because of social transition, and I don’t see how injecting something that shouldn’t be in my body would make life better. Still it’s hard to fight the urge not to. But maybe one day I’ll love myself for the feminine man that I am.
Yes! Do so, love your feminine man! ❤. Screw the folks who push you into a direction you don't want to fully go into. They do not own your destiny. Not that it's my business but are you able to try any of the integration practices Ray mentioned in the video? Hope you are doing well 😊.
When you do learn to accept yourself as you are, I hope you put your voice out there like Ray has. None of the people advising you to medicalize will have to live with YOUR consequences. Filters make it look like a lot of males "pass" who in person, really DON'T. They are selling you a fantasy. Don't fall for it. Prioritize your health and find ways to manage your AGP that works for you in a healthy way. Hang in there ❤
It's not just about "trans" it's about all kinds of labels. People feel like if you are nonconforming to any kind of "standard" you MUST be assigned a label (or assign it to yourself) and then you will be able to find a group for the label, people who are already "on your side" and "understand". This way you don't need to do anything to change the world so that it just accept variability. Just find a label and "fight" for acceptance of the label! Funnily enough these labels themselves have sets of boundaries that you have to keep yourself in or else...
Autoandrophobia plays a huge role in many men who decide to perform social transition and undergo medical transition procedures which ultimately kills the man in favor of imposing the feminine (the false maria) rather than recognition, empathy and integration of feminine which, when fully integrated, requires no outside change to ones body or expression but rather a inner transformation of self perception.
I have AGP and my experience with it mirrors what sex addicts deal with and that is out-of-control lust. Lust/ arousal is the driving force behind all of it and lust is a drug that affects the brain in the same way heroine or cocaine can. So now you can see why one is powerless to stop AGP behavior.
This is amazing! Just so simple and straightforward. I love that you're choosing to actively build a positive and self-compassionate vision for all of this, rather than just ruminating and self-shaming.
You're a Boy George: a man who wants to express his femininity thru dress. He never changed pronouns or took hormones or claimed to be a woman. You're right. Most of these people today would be better off identifying with their birth sex and simply expressing themselves however they wish: feminine, masculine, androgynous, whatever. This is the truly revolutionary, and as you pointed out, healthy, act. Thank you!
im a feminized male and during my "transition" whenever i confided in another person that i desired to be female or that i identified with womanhood, I would always be "corrected" and told "no, you ARE a woman".
What's it like trying to live out in public as a feminized male? I struggle with dysphoria and was wondering what its like doing this and currently dealing with temptation of doing HRT
im glad u made this post .. when society and those who have agp all fully understand whats happening then the sooner we can all return to reality ...its this taboo or stigmatised aspect applied to agp that drives people to self mutilate and essentially wreck their lives. Its also this same stigmatisation that gives a heightened thrill aspect or a fetish that turns it into a bit of a freak show, but if it was all just normalised would effectively put a dampener on the whole thing.
Thank you very much for your honest, revealing and open analysis and for going so deep into the matter 🙌. Great speech, clear words, so much intelligence and self reflection ✨
Ray you are now one of my favorites. You were so on point on most everything. You are probably the first i have found to express what i have been thinking and hypothesizing for a few years now. You are a beautiful man. I would love to be able to sit and discuss these topics with you anytime.
(5:50, 10:00, 11:00, 12:28, 13:29, 14:42, 17:30, 19:40, 20:55) That thing about self-consciousness in women’s spaces brought me to write. At a certain point you are correct, one has to know and accept what they are. Comparison is the thief of joy and without recognizing oneself as trans as a qualifier of the woman or man that they are, admittedly to some further qualification as some do just fit more or less seamlessly into a cross-gender role than others, one will live in veiled misery. I have been self-conscious or anxious that I am not feminine enough, in appearance or comportment, to be even around women… I compare myself, and agonize over their own comfort and capacity to clock me as of them or not. But I have also often found that my appearance especially now is androgynous, and my behavior fluctuates depending on the moment, and partially who I’m with: I am more masculine around women and more feminine around men; it is very palpable to me and noted by some as well. I find myself more comfortable, at peace even, when I am feminine in my presence than masculine, although I can and have engaged and embraced both. I just, on a body-mind-soul level, prefer my baseline to be in the feminine. But over time? I have come to embrace my imperfect femininity, imperfect quasi-femaleness even, or even impureness of gender. I seldom ever ascribe myself to the notion that I have truly changed sexes or in other words traded one in for the other. But I have altered and shifted my sexedness for the sake of my own wellbeing. I often take myself as a “male woman”, someone who lacks female reproductivity but has male or androgynous reproductivity and otherwise appears, acts, and identifies more with femaleness than maleness. I feel that there is a lot of truth to what you’ve said. One should not have to contort or distort themselves and what they are to fit a mold of supposed “authenticity”. And HRT can come with health problems, as can augmentative surgeries (and those much more so). Trans is not for everyone, even all trans people. It is for some, and I respect you for clarifying that this is your own experience that informs you here, but it is not for everyone. Some will end up disappointed, conflicted, or compounded by it. And fairly few transitions would be deemed impeccable or perfect, though most I would say turn out successful. But is this metered around passing? I suppose. We want to convert our bodies to that of the opposite sex, best and most organically we can. At very least, I and many others do. It can be toxic; not everyone can pass, and some can’t even really viably or meaningfully transition. But in the end, it’s a metric of achievement, of resolution. And honestly, by the way: en femme you look lovely. Maybe it’s from having been on HRT for eight years but it did something for you, even though the complications outweighed that in the end. I applaud you for being able to live in your truth as your physiologically natural self. I find that transness can be mutable in some contexts, even if with some struggle, some repurposing, as many genuinely do find a way to live contently as their unaltered, untampered birth sex. But many also find the same doing the very opposite. To each their own. I do find also though: I never wanted to be feminine just as a man. I was dissatisfied with my physicality. And I saw myself somewhat between sexes in it. It was a matter of wanting to be attractive and sensually empowered by the metric of femaleness over maleness, and feeling as though my body was tragically and fundamentally inept in keeping to that. To which hormone replacement therapy has been a significant resolution.
I LOVE the wig and this look! I’m so here for it. Gender non-conforming men and women are some of my favorite people on the planet, and some of the most fearless. ✊🏽💞
I was totally put off in the beginning. But then you make a very succinct and compelling argument, that convinced me of your lived truth. I caution against the implication that someone like myself is, "inauthentic" because, although I am biologically a male, I love with a mental disorder that at the end of years spent seriously challenging this disorder, I found that the most effective means to smothering the disharmonious self was transition completely; in that sense I am living my truth, my authentic self; I am a Gender Dysphoric suffering Trans-Sexual. Respectfully Yours Enjoy
Thank you for sharing this. You’re very clear headed and honest. We need more of that right now. I’ve felt healthy being a man. The problem is when we have negative images of masculinity and femininity. Although I didn’t have a father through most of my life, I watched television in the 1980s when there were compassionate and ethical fathers. Even Capt. Kirk was a healthy depiction of masculinity. So, when I began crossdressing, it was more for the sake of curiosity.
I also love this. THIS is truly brave. It's so hard to admit to shame, as by its very nature, shame enforces its own cloaking. We need more of this conversation. Also, so many people have no idea what agp is.... The topic is constantly buried.... Which also just enforces more shame around the concept.
I have to confess. I found men who dressed as women kind of strange until I “met” Ray here on YT. Now, it makes perfect sense to me that some men want to feel and/or look like women, an viceversa. I appreciate that Ray doesn’t try to impose his personal preferences on other people and make them feel bad because they don’t perceive him as a man dressing as a woman, instead of a “real” woman. Ray looks so cute either way, as a man or a woman. 😍 People should be free to dress any way they want. And those who don’t cross dress and are more gender conforming should be free to have our their opinions and preferences, as well, without being vilified.
I completely feel that about transition causing more dysphoria. I have a naturally very feminine figure, and trying to pass made me obsess over every little part of my body. The body I aspired to was simply unrealistic--and I never aspired to that until I adopted the trans identity! Not to mention the real elephant in the room--I'm attracted to men, and masculinizing basically annihilates your dating market. I found I'm less dysphoric when I'm in a relationship with a submissive man who appreciates my masculinity. Having a sexually satisfying relationship really fills in that puzzle piece that I was trying to fix by transitioning.
Just came across your video and you hit on a point that I don't see many others hit on... the fact that there's basically no representation for males that are attracted to females but aren't really stereotypical masculine men. Most of the time when you see a feminine man, they're shoehorned into either being gay or pushed to transition like what probably happened to you. For a long time society has accepted females that present and act more masculine as women, but the opposite has never really been true in my lifetime. I'm a grown man that likes a lot of things that would typically be considered feminine. I've felt for decades now that if I had been born female it would have been a lot easier to express myself, but also accepted the reality that I wasn't and found ways to cope with it, as well as comfortable ways to express myself over the years. It's possible if I was younger then things would have turned out differently for me... and not in a good way. In the end, nonconformity doesn't mean someone needs to physically change themself... their biology is their biology and it's likely they'd likely find a lot more peace if they can accept that. Know that you're an important voice for people that may be going through the same sorts of struggles trying to figure out themselves.
I applaud your accepting the😮 reality of who you are at a base physical existence. Affirmation therapy does not examine what it is about your natal sex that causes distress. Acceptance of SELF, all of self is important for happiness. I'm sure you are going to get pushback but continue on your path of health and acceptance, both mental and physical.
Thanks for opening up, I was just learning about the cameras in rentals, its out of control, and privacy is at an all time low, I do not enjoy privacy and the conservative world that effectively represses me(different story than yours but same echo of injustice) needs to get its come uppance and sit the next several decades out.
I honestly think epigenetics is a factor. Some sort of outside physical influnce (chemicals/drugs/processed foods) that intereferes with men's/boy's genes either during development in the womb or during puberty. I think managing autogynophilia in a healthy way is important of course, but we need to figure out what the root cause is. well done to you for being able to manage all this in a very reasonable and self reflective way. You have a really good sense of introspection and rationalisation of your impulses/feelings and psyche. I doubt I could do it.
This is a really interesting video and I think your point about normalizing feminine males in male spaces and in society really would help quite a bit. A problem I notice from a lot of anti trans people is that they aren't like you or coming from a good place. Their coming from a place of hate and therefore hate even feminine males and I feel like the people that push this along with anti trans stuff does harm and doesn't do anything towards fixing any issues. Good video though you have some very interesting things to say.
Have you ever thought you might be genderfluid? You're gorgeous in this video and as a person who really loves and appreciates the transfeminine people in my life, I naturally feel protective of you. I know some beautiful incredible buff muscular strong trans girls who are so so feminine. Was in love with one for 3 years. I hope you find joy and peace.
It's cool to see an AGP who tries to be rational. I think you might be in a minority there (amongst visible AGPs anyway). You speak here about expressing your natural femininity (I'm not sure what femininity is exactly, but I'll put that to the side for the moment). That makes it sound like the motivation isn't sexual - is that the case? You went on to acknowledge the eroticism too, so I'm not sure where you stand. Also curious on your thoughts around compulsions. I find it hard to get my head around this part of AGP. Most of us have fantasies, but we don't need to act them out. Yet it seems like most AGPs *need* to perform it. Any idea why that might be?
These are all good questions. I don’t proclaim to have all the answers. But if I were to wager a guess, I’d say that insofar as it’s natural for your average heterosexual man to feel compelled to be masculine, it’s natural for your average AGP to feel compelled to be feminine. Both have their roots in the sexual but one is considered “normal” and the other “deviant.”
@@RayAlexWilliams Hmm. It's a thought. But speaking as your average hetero man, it's not something I'd personally relate to. I.e. I don't feel like I perform 'masculinity', or otherwise feel compelled to be masculine. For one thing, I'm not sure I know what masculinity is to embody it, other than having a male body. I have my like and dislikes and don't really think about where they're feminine or masculine. There's a lot to unravel in the psychology of AGP. 🤔 Anyway, thanks for sharing your personal experience, and I'm glad to see someone finding a way to make sense of it whilst starting grounded in material reality.
@@samsonlovesyou This is a question I've asked some of my straight male friends, without pointing to your genitals, how can you "prove" you're a man? Sounds weird all of them gave me a strange look but I think if This can be answered in some respects it might give information to your mention of "performing masculinity."
@@lizicadumitru9683 I have a couple of answers: First, here's no reason *not* to allude to my genitals to prove I'm a man - that's what makes me male. Second, you can tell from my secondary sex characteristics (facial hair, skeletal structure, muscle mass and muscle origin and insertion points, etc.). These are pretty identifiable forms of masculinity. We even refer to "masculine men" with square jawlines and protruding foreheads etc. Where I think it's trickier - or perhaps non-existent - is in the realms of behaviours. If gender is socially constructed (as I believe, and I think I heard Alex agree on another video), then we can't have an innately masculine or feminine side to get in touch with. We only have behaviours, and it's *external* forces which deem those masculine or feminine. For example, if say I like to paint my nails. That's a behaviour stereotypically considered effeminate. But is it? Am I getting in touch with my femininity? Nope, I'm just a bloke who likes painting his nails. If that's difficult to conceptualise, just imagine in a hundred years time, fashion changes so that all the men paint their nails, and women don't. Are all the men now feminine? Or has the activity of painting one's nails now become a masculine one because of the sex it's associated with? I say the latter. Our hunter gatherer ancestors wouldn't have had any appreciation for skirts or long hair as feminine. Which means we have no feminine side. I haven't quite worked out what that means for AGPs wearing women's clothes and wigs, exactly, aside from the erotic element, obviously. If I had to guess, perhaps something to do with fetishism in the literal sense of the word, meaning to ascribe a special power to an object. In this case, either women, or 'womanly' things. I can't explain the psychology behind the development of that, but it fascinates me. I suppose in summary, what I'm proposing is that where Alex says he's getting in touch with his femininity when dressed as he is in this video, it might be better said that he's really just 'doing something he likes', which is neither inherently masculine or feminine, and that clothing and presentation happens to be socially associated with women. To what extent the sexual component is dominant only Alex knows - I'm not AGP so don't have that experience.
@samsonlovesyou I think it helps us in this discussion to acknowledge our point of reference for masculine or feminine behavior is the current culture we are in presently. It's really no help to think how our ancestors or even our future society are going to understand gender roles. Each generation past and future will have their own idea of masculine and feminine. Great points about the secondary sex characteristics. I tend to feel that gender itself is not socially constructed, however, the behaviors or roles of gender are. "I back this up" with the idea that those with a gender identity that is incongruent with their sex will manifest certain behavior and even roles as the opposite sex. I at least have noticed this in my own life, ssa "butch" female.
The invented terms of today‘s transcrowd show that self hatred and anxiety you described…( deadname, becoming authentic self, misgendering, transhate etc. probably a lot of projection too in the words thrown at critics). Absolutely nothing wrong with feminine men. I always liked men leaning more to the feminine side but I don‘t like sexualized mannerism in public or fetish gear etc., that‘s a total no go to me…( in men and women, just in general.It takes away the magic of intimate private personal interactions between partners who love each other, like it‘s sold out to the public on a cheap level at a high cost. Don‘t know how to explain, I just don‘t like it in public, something is getting lost by it and it‘s also not appropriate for children and children are part of public spaces. My best male friends and most of my ex bf‘s are feminine men. Not that I was intentionally looking for feminine partners, it‘s more in hindsight that I became aware of it. But I never liked extremely masculine men, so maybe it wasn‘t that coincidental to have almost exclusively feminine men as partners;) I just klick with them more. They usually are men who talk, who you can have long conversations with about any topic which I like so much and they are usually less aggressive, more sensitive and soft when they try something new, not just going full force and breaking something😂😂 and last but not least- they are more attentive and careful with the female body;), just my experience, not saying it has to be that way and masculine men can‘t be like that too. It‘s not about stereotypes here, i don‘t have much experience w masculine types but I hear a lot from my female friends who exclusively like masculine men and are complaining more or less about the same little things. My best friend often says:“ L. doesn‘t talk, he doesn‘t share anything.“ 😂 But they still get along well😊 It just blows her mind every single time when we compare bf’s traits and general attitudes. Like from different planets! We have a good laugh every time, in a good way, no blaming of the men or anything like that. It‘s funny how different our preferences are - we‘re best friends after all😂 ( still have much in common, just not when it comes to type of men)
I'm happy you made this video. Normally your content is really hurtful to me as a trans woman. But this video gave me more respect for you 1. Is it possible to learn to love your body while also being on hormones and trans? I honestly didn't "hate" my body before hormones, and considered living as a trans woman without hrt. 2. Do you think there is a way to embrace trans identity without being stealth or wanting to pass? i embrace the aspects of myself that mark me as trans. ive learned to accept my brow and Adam's apple. I also love lifting weights and being strong. All my trans friends think trying to pass is unhealthy as well for sure. 3. It seems like AGP doesn't explain your gender non conformity? Your desire to be feminine doesn't seem like it's driven from fetish? 4. Is it possible that shame drove you away from trans identity? That idea that you'll never be woman enough? I wonder, in a purely hypothetical world, would you have chosen to be female? Independent of what that choice reflects about your masculinity or femininity
Very interesting thanks for sharing! I’m a transsexual transguy that got red pilled after transition and it helped me align more with my repressed masculinity and authentic self so it’s very cool to hear your experience with that and your journey to integration and authenticity. Love this channel 👍🏻.
Femboy for the W. I feel yeah why go far when you can be at home with yourself. I don't have much of a identity as a autistic person but I want to try out HRT to see how I like it.
This very confusing...you say you are a detranstioned male, but you don't look detranstioned? I wish you had explained the visual disconnect...have you read Phil Illy's book?
i have a lot of questions for you from watching your videos and its just by genuine curiosity and it's not a gotcha or trying to attack you don't you feel like you prefered your trans body that hormones gave you and all the negative stuff was more societally input (e.g not working out , you can perfectly workout and be passing anyway) ? if you were trans for so much time why didn't you do laser hair removal so you dont have to constantly shave? don't you think you are adopting all this narrative because of the health problems you had and you just swinging to the other way? i agree that there needs to be aceptance for more feminine men and probably some trans folks would not transition because of some reasons you stated , but i also think there is space for people to transition and if that makes them happier and more productive to society so be it, but imo it comes down to giving more importance to the therapy , and not because being trans should be medicalized but more because taking hormones shouldnt be a decision taken lightly and sometimes people can start to be in comformity with their gender assigned at birth and don't need to medically transition especially if the gender disphoria comes more from expression than from sociological roots.
I don't want to put words in Ray's mouth but I'm going to anyway because I'm kind of an asshat. Seems to me that his dysphoria was caused by his AGP that's why he ultimately decided to detransition and accept his male body.
@@lizicadumitru9683 that doesn't impede of him to prefer when his body was more female leaning due to hormones, it seems more like he didn't like the pressure of having to pass on a daily basis which is valid.
Hello, it seems to be the case that you believe that being a woman is intrinsically biological, and reject the notion of the sex versus gender distinction entirely. Would you be willing to have a discussion about gender related issues on stream at some point? I am a transgender content creator, and I am interested in talking to a detransitioner. Let me know if you are interested. Thanks! :3
This was your experience it seems as you transitioned towards being a woman you realised more and more that you were not. Others realise more and more that they are, of course, because it is right for them. Not all amab people who feminise are motivated by autogynophilia.
Completely unrelated, but have you ever tried doing any psychic work such as remote viewing, channeling, mediumship, tarot, etc? Your energy is reminiscent of other people I have met who do well by allowing messages to come through their spirit. (This has nothing to do with AGP.) I’m just commenting cuz it feels like a natural thing that you might benefit from and enjoy.
@@RayAlexWilliamsI never push people to do any of that if they’ve never tried it, but if you’ve been into in the past, maybe pick it up again! For me it’s just about allowing the energies to pass through me that need to pass through. You mentioned repression; for me I feel like when I don’t do any kind of spiritual work for a long time, it feels like I’m repressing something.
You seem like a genuine and lovely person but honestly, I think that you think about yourself and 'who you are' too much. So you like wearing womens clothes for kicks, fine. I think its weird, but hey, each to their own. There is a generation of people contemplating how they feel 24/7 and to be honest, a bit of repression is actually quite normal and healthy. Be well x
(1) Shaving all the time...just means you needed laser... (2) What you are say is... you were not prepared to do that so...? (3) Adams apple is a shave... Which is a one off. (4) Also why not an unisex name?
@@RayAlexWilliams (1) Well T-Blockers work reasonably well (2) But there are side effects- brittle nail etc... (3) If you are\were a hair monkey like Robin Williams... (4) Not much people can do unless you spend thousands upon thousands (5) FFS if it is done correctly seems to be a once off (6) Granted some people need revisions (7) Zero depth vaginoplasty is the only one I'd recommend at this point. (8) One could argue there is no need to get breast implants (9) They seem to have a limited life span...if I can remember correctly (9.1) There are some flat chested woman out there. (10) However it's the insistence people call you an XX (11) unless you pass incredibly well... (12) You might always get "weird looks' (13) Society will treat you like a square peg in a round hole. (14) That's usually best case sinereo...(if you are in a safe space) (15) so long as you only wear female jeans and general T-shirt...not many will look. (16) No frilly dresses for a non passables (17) It's realistic only hormones that need life long checks... (18) If I know my stuff correctly. (19) You could be Pete Burns (You spin me right round song) 1985 (20) It's mostly the face that will change people attitude towards you. (21) So if you do not wish for hormones... (22) Keep your lower (XY) components...
@@RayAlexWilliams Well genetics plays a large part into your bodies hair output If you are hairy like Robin Williams there is not much that you can do about that. Unless of course you wish to spend thousands upon thousands in hair removal. Hormone blocking seems to work wonders for some in regards to hair. However it's the introduction of artificial hormones that seem to be the primary issue. For this "life long" medicalization There are other procedures that seem to be a once off... Ones that seem to work reasonably well. However I would have to cite sources instead of anecdotal evidence. You do not seem to have facial feminization Might have been a potential pathway. Thinking Pete Burns (You spin me right round) song 1985.
We trans people never pretend, and you never were never trans according to what I'm hereing it's also hard to see you as a autogynephiliac male I would say femboy which isn't an issue have you tried looking into anime there's alot of crossdressing in there like I wanted to be a man growing up but I only got as far as an imitation of a male in my mind.
What peaked me was getting to know several trans women relatively well only to find they had similar personalities and behaviors to your stereotypical STEM nerdy guy. This whole narrative of female brain in male body just made no sense at that point. Of course women do STEM but there are more neuonces then I can be bothered going into in a comment
there is a difference between being feminine and wanting to be feminine. AGP are mostly the latter. "gender criticals" make a false dichotomy between "biological sex" and "gender stereotypes". but what really matters is physical appearance. because people are treated and judged according to that.
@@lizicadumitru9683 yes sort of. but my point was that cross-dressing is not (always) a meaningful alternative to medical transitioning. even if it is for Ray, it can't be generalized, because physical dysphoria exists. and that the goal of medical transitioning is to change physical appearance. (and not to change sex or to enable cross-dressing)
@user-vj4vs4zu3h That's what I'm trying to pinpoint, full disclosure I'm trying, in my mind, to pinpoint which "disorder" would lead to a happy or non-regretful medical transition and vise versa. I understand that physical dysphoria exists but if that dysphoria is resulting from AGP desires of being a woman (which very well may include an eroticism aspect) maybe for those men, transition isn't necessary.
The first half i thought it was ok, but then you extrapolate from your expierience to other people, like "you dont need to buy into non binary" and "staying natural is always the best, as long it doesnt physically hut you". Why is your consequence out of your stories, that the solutions you had work for everyone else? Why cant AGP be interlinked with a diffrent Genderidentity? Im deffinetly Non binary but i also think I have AGP. That doesnt mean im not nonbinay. That is not an artificially constructed Identity to call myself Non binary, that describes how i expierience my gender Identity. Im still in to feminity and female bodies sexually and projecting this on my own body is important for my sexuallity and I have a dick and male hormones. I do agree with the baseline of what you are saying, but please please dont frame it in a way that denies others their right to decide over their own genderidentity and body.
ok yeah in the end its really transphobic. why do you treat autogyneophila and Genderidentity as the same thing? They are seperate things. Not all mtf Transpeople have autogyneophilia, thats just a ridiculous take, disputed by ppl that were into men since their childhood, by trans lesbians, wever. How the fuck did you get the idea, that your highly specific expiereiance can be extrapolated on every person that struggles with the two immensley complicated topicas of Sexuality and gender? You say you dont wanna extrapolate, but you very much do it, by acting like you know what people should act like, totally ignoring, that you are a really rare outlier under people that struggle with their genderidentity when adults.
Sorry you mistook your agp for actually being trans… I just wish you wouldn’t use your experience to invalidate and critique people who are actually trans and the trans community as a whole. We are not all the same and you can’t group us together.
@@RayAlexWilliams bro what? Literally every single type of person likes anime. I like female knights regardless of what media they are portrayed in. You can keep your personal attacks out of the conversation. I’m actually asexual and am in a long term relationship with a man. I transitioned when I was 16 and I’m now 33. Let’s get back to the topic of you using your experience to discredit actual trans people.
@@RayAlexWilliamsok so according to him I’m classified as agp. That doesn’t make it the case. I don’t agree or buy into Blanchard’s theories. Explain how someone who does not feel sexual desire could possibly have a sexual fetish? It’s obviously nonsense. Again back to the topic of why you are using your experience to invalidate other trans people…
@user-qz7vs8cx8osorry, we are all too nice to say the obvious. He looks completely ridiculous. We all feel his pain but that does not mean we don’t see that he is not a woman and does not look like any ordinary woman.
@@RayAlexWilliams if you don’t, then I don’t know what you’re doing. If you walked into any ladies room, most women would be terrified you are obviously not a woman in women’s spaces. You don’t even purport to be transgender. I just don’t get it.
Ray, Jesus wants a relationship with you. I pray that you be delivered from these desires. Declare Jesus as your lord, give him authority over your life. This is not the way. Jesus is the way
Ray, please write. Not a book. Write articles. Write op eds. Challenge other writing. Testify before congress. Talk to WPATH. You are someone who can change minds. We need you. Our sons need you. I'm grateful that you are part of the seemingly changing tide. What you're doing is amazing.
100%! Ray seems to have a really good grasp of the incatracies of this issue.
He also needs to build a network wth other detransitioners. It's the only way o create a credible counter-movement
@102938475646665 I'd like that but I'm kind of afraid that the two camps don't want to work together, more so detransitioners may not want to be affiliated with AGPers...sad
If you watch his first video the only reason he detrans is because he was forced to due to clotting. lol his experience is not everyone else He is simply AGP. Not everyone is AGP. We don't need to change minds, we already know there are some with AGP. This person happened to make a poor choice based off the exp of a counselor rather than getting second, and third opinions from different types of counselors.
this is his way to deal with being forced off HRT, and feel victimized.
they also didn't get ffs with a very well paying job. Currently fine looking like a man, he is clearing not trans.
these videos are perpetuated off he is, he's clearly not, this is useless.
@@piety3725 Nice attempted "gatekeeping" to save face and cope.
As a woman this is my struggle. Adults should dress as they want in public. But I don’t want to be an unwilling participant in someone’s sexual expression. On the other hand anyone could be indulging in a sexual expression in front of me that I’m not even aware of. If there’s no pretense they’re women and no expectation to treat them as women I could accept it.
I get this too. I have always been in the "wear what you want" camp, but when I read women saying that AGP men get off on dressing in female-typical clothing in public, I was like um... not sure what to do with this information 🤔
Yeah as a trans woman I am very anti AGP in women’s spaces and I also don’t want sexual expression of any kind in places that me and other women are vulnerable. Also, I realize I’m a guest in cis women’s spaces and I am respectful and went out of my way to pass. I have lived my entire adult life as a woman and I have not run into any problems. I exclusively used gender neutral bathrooms until I consistently passed as a woman. Even though sometimes that was very difficult and I have given myself multiple bladder infections from holding until I was in a safe place. I was that dedicated to making sure i didn’t upset cis women. I didn’t want a confrontation and i didn’t want to make a scene. If that ever happened to me i would have apologized for making them uncomfortable and politely left to find another restroom that was safe for me. If there was another trans woman in the restroom who made cis women uncomfortable I would politely suggest they leave. Women deserve to feel comfortable and safe. Trans women also deserve to feel comfortable and safe. We are all people with feelings and kindness. We should all show it
@@happynjoyousnfree It can be treated.
I say that as an old-school transvestite considered a transwoman nowadays.
Hi Ray, fellow detrans male here.👋🏼 I really wish the conversation was more focused on gender expression and not identity. I've often wondered if the trans identity ideology would have even happened if society had normalized diverse gender expression first. I remember feeling pressured to see my nonconformity as "trans" because that's the way the world understood it. As a consequence, I went deeper and deeper to meeting the concept of a trans person instead of being myself. It ironically became its own form of conformity. It took a lot to snap out of it. Anyways, thanks for the work you do! Great videos.
Do you think the gender expression mirrors or is a manifestation of the gender identity?
Really good question to discuss
Diverse gender expression was not only possible but encouraged in popular culture from the 1960s till the 90s in western countries. Then in the early 2000s something very strange began to appear in pop culture where diverse competent masculinity of any kind was demonized, and only the most superficial, sexually explicit and rather "toxic" form of femininity was held up as a model to follow. No doubt this has had a part to play in what we see occurring now and over the past decade.
@@Gingerblaze really? Any social factors you can point to that may have brought this about?
It is not so much about "normalizing" It is more about destigmatizing male "feminine" expression. The discouragement of bullying "girly boys" by both adults and kids. It is about removing any and all sex based dress codes. To stop telling tom boys they have to "grow out of it", and so on. HAD we remained on the path we were on back in the late 80s early 90s, we may NOT be where we have men insisting they are women and wanting to intrude women's spaces and sports.
Ray, you are a pioneer in this field and on the cutting edge of what we know about autogynophilia. You are doing God's work by helping us understand by understanding yourself. Repression always leads to problems. Look at the Mormon church. They have the highest rate of pornography addiction because they are so repressed. There's no sense in fighting with yourself. You are helping countless others by being yourself and not being underground. Society is erasing masculine women and feminine men and it's just going to lead to more unhappy detransitioners. Thanks, Ray!
I hope all AGP’s stay out of women’s spaces but I suspect they won’t.
I love this. I wish society would embrace all forms of gender expression and integration without denying biological reality
30 yrs ago, western countries already did. At least legally.
@@Gingerblaze Societly, not yet on the bandwagon.
Which biological reality that sex is diversity? and never binary? it is people like you that are ignorant of biological reality. Biologists have known for decades that there is no universal distinction between male and female, it does not exist, and never will. Trans women have been literally changing their sex for over 100 years, this is fact backed up by real science, because how it is defined is simply ideological. it was genitals for aeons, only recently it was changed to chromosomes somehow. People are soooo ignorant. It was also proven through research that AGP is shared by most men and women and is not the reason why trans people transition, if they do, they are always bound to detransition by relizing this mistake.
Thank you, seriously.
At the moment you are the only role model and hope I have to accept myself as I am.
I do not want to ruin my body with HRT and be a medical patient for the rest of my life. But I feel like the whole trans “community” kind of pushes that on you, saying transition is the only way. Especially on Reddit and it’s driving me into insanity not knowing which choice to make.
I’ve kind of lost everything I had and loved in my life because of social transition, and I don’t see how injecting something that shouldn’t be in my body would make life better. Still it’s hard to fight the urge not to.
But maybe one day I’ll love myself for the feminine man that I am.
Yes! Do so, love your feminine man! ❤. Screw the folks who push you into a direction you don't want to fully go into. They do not own your destiny.
Not that it's my business but are you able to try any of the integration practices Ray mentioned in the video? Hope you are doing well 😊.
When you do learn to accept yourself as you are, I hope you put your voice out there like Ray has. None of the people advising you to medicalize will have to live with YOUR consequences. Filters make it look like a lot of males "pass" who in person, really DON'T. They are selling you a fantasy. Don't fall for it. Prioritize your health and find ways to manage your AGP that works for you in a healthy way. Hang in there ❤
It's not just about "trans" it's about all kinds of labels. People feel like if you are nonconforming to any kind of "standard" you MUST be assigned a label (or assign it to yourself) and then you will be able to find a group for the label, people who are already "on your side" and "understand". This way you don't need to do anything to change the world so that it just accept variability. Just find a label and "fight" for acceptance of the label!
Funnily enough these labels themselves have sets of boundaries that you have to keep yourself in or else...
Not if it is unacceptable.
I admire your fearlessness in your approach. I know it's coming from a lot of lessons learned and a complex personal experience.
very interesting much healthier approach and makes so much sense
Autoandrophobia plays a huge role in many men who decide to perform social transition and undergo medical transition procedures which ultimately kills the man in favor of imposing the feminine (the false maria) rather than recognition, empathy and integration of feminine which, when fully integrated, requires no outside change to ones body or expression but rather a inner transformation of self perception.
I have AGP and my experience with it mirrors what sex addicts deal with and that is out-of-control lust. Lust/ arousal is the driving force behind all of it and lust is a drug that affects the brain in the same way heroine or cocaine can. So now you can see why one is powerless to stop AGP behavior.
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, or stuff like it might help
This is amazing! Just so simple and straightforward. I love that you're choosing to actively build a positive and self-compassionate vision for all of this, rather than just ruminating and self-shaming.
Thank you so much!
You're a Boy George: a man who wants to express his femininity thru dress. He never changed pronouns or took hormones or claimed to be a woman. You're right. Most of these people today would be better off identifying with their birth sex and simply expressing themselves however they wish: feminine, masculine, androgynous, whatever. This is the truly revolutionary, and as you pointed out, healthy, act. Thank you!
im a feminized male and during my "transition" whenever i confided in another person that i desired to be female or that i identified with womanhood, I would always be "corrected" and told "no, you ARE a woman".
No such thing as feminized male!
May I ask how that made you feel?
I disagreee.
What's it like trying to live out in public as a feminized male? I struggle with dysphoria and was wondering what its like doing this and currently dealing with temptation of doing HRT
@@lizicadumitru9683 it made me feel that my own feelings were unnaceptable, as if they were problematic in someway or something
Just wow, one of the most honest conversations I’ve heard. Thank you for what you’re doing, your testimony could help so many.
Dude, I am 65 and you are on point! Good thinking job! Subbed.
Thank you for your honesty. ❤ I see you. And I trust you.
Thank you for this. People really need to hear it!
Well said Ray
im glad u made this post .. when society and those who have agp all fully understand whats happening then the sooner we can all return to reality ...its this taboo or stigmatised aspect applied to agp that drives people to self mutilate and essentially wreck their lives. Its also this same stigmatisation that gives a heightened thrill aspect or a fetish that turns it into a bit of a freak show, but if it was all just normalised would effectively put a dampener on the whole thing.
Your thoughtfulness is so respectful to everyone. Thank you for showing awareness of the need for women's only spaces.❤
Thank you so much for being reasonable and respectful. That’s exactly how it should work!
This was such an eye opening video, thank you.
Thank you very much for your honest, revealing and open analysis and for going so deep into the matter 🙌. Great speech, clear words, so much intelligence and self reflection ✨
Ray you are now one of my favorites. You were so on point on most everything. You are probably the first i have found to express what i have been thinking and hypothesizing for a few years now. You are a beautiful man. I would love to be able to sit and discuss these topics with you anytime.
Thank you for sharing your lessons learnt. You make some amazing points, spoken so simply and eloquently.
(5:50, 10:00, 11:00, 12:28, 13:29, 14:42, 17:30, 19:40, 20:55)
That thing about self-consciousness in women’s spaces brought me to write. At a certain point you are correct, one has to know and accept what they are. Comparison is the thief of joy and without recognizing oneself as trans as a qualifier of the woman or man that they are, admittedly to some further qualification as some do just fit more or less seamlessly into a cross-gender role than others, one will live in veiled misery. I have been self-conscious or anxious that I am not feminine enough, in appearance or comportment, to be even around women… I compare myself, and agonize over their own comfort and capacity to clock me as of them or not.
But I have also often found that my appearance especially now is androgynous, and my behavior fluctuates depending on the moment, and partially who I’m with: I am more masculine around women and more feminine around men; it is very palpable to me and noted by some as well. I find myself more comfortable, at peace even, when I am feminine in my presence than masculine, although I can and have engaged and embraced both. I just, on a body-mind-soul level, prefer my baseline to be in the feminine. But over time? I have come to embrace my imperfect femininity, imperfect quasi-femaleness even, or even impureness of gender. I seldom ever ascribe myself to the notion that I have truly changed sexes or in other words traded one in for the other. But I have altered and shifted my sexedness for the sake of my own wellbeing. I often take myself as a “male woman”, someone who lacks female reproductivity but has male or androgynous reproductivity and otherwise appears, acts, and identifies more with femaleness than maleness.
I feel that there is a lot of truth to what you’ve said. One should not have to contort or distort themselves and what they are to fit a mold of supposed “authenticity”. And HRT can come with health problems, as can augmentative surgeries (and those much more so). Trans is not for everyone, even all trans people. It is for some, and I respect you for clarifying that this is your own experience that informs you here, but it is not for everyone. Some will end up disappointed, conflicted, or compounded by it. And fairly few transitions would be deemed impeccable or perfect, though most I would say turn out successful. But is this metered around passing? I suppose. We want to convert our bodies to that of the opposite sex, best and most organically we can. At very least, I and many others do. It can be toxic; not everyone can pass, and some can’t even really viably or meaningfully transition. But in the end, it’s a metric of achievement, of resolution.
And honestly, by the way: en femme you look lovely. Maybe it’s from having been on HRT for eight years but it did something for you, even though the complications outweighed that in the end. I applaud you for being able to live in your truth as your physiologically natural self. I find that transness can be mutable in some contexts, even if with some struggle, some repurposing, as many genuinely do find a way to live contently as their unaltered, untampered birth sex. But many also find the same doing the very opposite. To each their own.
I do find also though: I never wanted to be feminine just as a man. I was dissatisfied with my physicality. And I saw myself somewhat between sexes in it. It was a matter of wanting to be attractive and sensually empowered by the metric of femaleness over maleness, and feeling as though my body was tragically and fundamentally inept in keeping to that. To which hormone replacement therapy has been a significant resolution.
Very thoughtful, we need more voices like this.
Natural is better and simpler for mind and body.
I LOVE the wig and this look! I’m so here for it. Gender non-conforming men and women are some of my favorite people on the planet, and some of the most fearless. ✊🏽💞
I was totally put off in the beginning. But then you make a very succinct and compelling argument, that convinced me of your lived truth.
I caution against the implication that someone like myself is, "inauthentic" because, although I am biologically a male, I love with a mental disorder that at the end of years spent seriously challenging this disorder, I found that the most effective means to smothering the disharmonious self was transition completely; in that sense I am living my truth, my authentic self; I am a Gender Dysphoric suffering Trans-Sexual.
Respectfully Yours
Enjoy
Thank you for sharing this. You’re very clear headed and honest. We need more of that right now. I’ve felt healthy being a man. The problem is when we have negative images of masculinity and femininity. Although I didn’t have a father through most of my life, I watched television in the 1980s when there were compassionate and ethical fathers. Even Capt. Kirk was a healthy depiction of masculinity. So, when I began crossdressing, it was more for the sake of curiosity.
I also love this. THIS is truly brave. It's so hard to admit to shame, as by its very nature, shame enforces its own cloaking. We need more of this conversation. Also, so many people have no idea what agp is.... The topic is constantly buried.... Which also just enforces more shame around the concept.
I have to confess. I found men who dressed as women kind of strange until I “met” Ray here on YT. Now, it makes perfect sense to me that some men want to feel and/or look like women, an viceversa. I appreciate that Ray doesn’t try to impose his personal preferences on other people and make them feel bad because they don’t perceive him as a man dressing as a woman, instead of a “real” woman. Ray looks so cute either way, as a man or a woman. 😍 People should be free to dress any way they want. And those who don’t cross dress and are more gender conforming should be free to have our their opinions and preferences, as well, without being vilified.
This was really interesting…thank you for such intimate sharing.
Even though I don´t agree with everything you said, thank you for your honesty. You helped me a lot.
I really appreciate your opinion and hope for the acceptance of AGP with the understanding they are grunded in the reality of being a biological male.
I completely feel that about transition causing more dysphoria. I have a naturally very feminine figure, and trying to pass made me obsess over every little part of my body. The body I aspired to was simply unrealistic--and I never aspired to that until I adopted the trans identity! Not to mention the real elephant in the room--I'm attracted to men, and masculinizing basically annihilates your dating market. I found I'm less dysphoric when I'm in a relationship with a submissive man who appreciates my masculinity. Having a sexually satisfying relationship really fills in that puzzle piece that I was trying to fix by transitioning.
Just came across your video and you hit on a point that I don't see many others hit on... the fact that there's basically no representation for males that are attracted to females but aren't really stereotypical masculine men. Most of the time when you see a feminine man, they're shoehorned into either being gay or pushed to transition like what probably happened to you. For a long time society has accepted females that present and act more masculine as women, but the opposite has never really been true in my lifetime.
I'm a grown man that likes a lot of things that would typically be considered feminine. I've felt for decades now that if I had been born female it would have been a lot easier to express myself, but also accepted the reality that I wasn't and found ways to cope with it, as well as comfortable ways to express myself over the years. It's possible if I was younger then things would have turned out differently for me... and not in a good way.
In the end, nonconformity doesn't mean someone needs to physically change themself... their biology is their biology and it's likely they'd likely find a lot more peace if they can accept that.
Know that you're an important voice for people that may be going through the same sorts of struggles trying to figure out themselves.
Sooooo effing Wonderful!
Now that’s a great message! Wow. This has been the most impactful message I’ve heard yet regarding the trans community. Bravo! So well said!
You actually look really cute with the make-up 🙂Always love to hear what you have to say on these issues.
I applaud your accepting the😮 reality of who you are at a base physical existence. Affirmation therapy does not examine what it is about your natal sex that causes distress. Acceptance of SELF, all of self is important for happiness. I'm sure you are going to get pushback but continue on your path of health and acceptance, both mental and physical.
Thanks for opening up, I was just learning about the cameras in rentals, its out of control, and privacy is at an all time low, I do not enjoy privacy and the conservative world that effectively represses me(different story than yours but same echo of injustice) needs to get its come uppance and sit the next several decades out.
I honestly think epigenetics is a factor. Some sort of outside physical influnce (chemicals/drugs/processed foods) that intereferes with men's/boy's genes either during development in the womb or during puberty.
I think managing autogynophilia in a healthy way is important of course, but we need to figure out what the root cause is.
well done to you for being able to manage all this in a very reasonable and self reflective way. You have a really good sense of introspection and rationalisation of your impulses/feelings and psyche. I doubt I could do it.
Your identity is in Christ. You are loved Ray
God you look beautiful. I love how based and beautiful you are. 💜
This is a really interesting video and I think your point about normalizing feminine males in male spaces and in society really would help quite a bit. A problem I notice from a lot of anti trans people is that they aren't like you or coming from a good place. Their coming from a place of hate and therefore hate even feminine males and I feel like the people that push this along with anti trans stuff does harm and doesn't do anything towards fixing any issues. Good video though you have some very interesting things to say.
I sure am relieved to hear this message. Thank you Ray!🏆♥️
Gad Saad has worn wigs like this.
God Loves You
Awesome video, very good advice for AGPs and I’d argue for all trans-identified males in general.
Have you ever thought you might be genderfluid? You're gorgeous in this video and as a person who really loves and appreciates the transfeminine people in my life, I naturally feel protective of you. I know some beautiful incredible buff muscular strong trans girls who are so so feminine. Was in love with one for 3 years. I hope you find joy and peace.
It's cool to see an AGP who tries to be rational. I think you might be in a minority there (amongst visible AGPs anyway).
You speak here about expressing your natural femininity (I'm not sure what femininity is exactly, but I'll put that to the side for the moment). That makes it sound like the motivation isn't sexual - is that the case? You went on to acknowledge the eroticism too, so I'm not sure where you stand.
Also curious on your thoughts around compulsions. I find it hard to get my head around this part of AGP. Most of us have fantasies, but we don't need to act them out. Yet it seems like most AGPs *need* to perform it. Any idea why that might be?
These are all good questions. I don’t proclaim to have all the answers. But if I were to wager a guess, I’d say that insofar as it’s natural for your average heterosexual man to feel compelled to be masculine, it’s natural for your average AGP to feel compelled to be feminine. Both have their roots in the sexual but one is considered “normal” and the other “deviant.”
@@RayAlexWilliams Hmm. It's a thought. But speaking as your average hetero man, it's not something I'd personally relate to. I.e. I don't feel like I perform 'masculinity', or otherwise feel compelled to be masculine. For one thing, I'm not sure I know what masculinity is to embody it, other than having a male body. I have my like and dislikes and don't really think about where they're feminine or masculine.
There's a lot to unravel in the psychology of AGP. 🤔 Anyway, thanks for sharing your personal experience, and I'm glad to see someone finding a way to make sense of it whilst starting grounded in material reality.
@@samsonlovesyou This is a question I've asked some of my straight male friends, without pointing to your genitals, how can you "prove" you're a man?
Sounds weird all of them gave me a strange look but I think if This can be answered in some respects it might give information to your mention of "performing masculinity."
@@lizicadumitru9683 I have a couple of answers:
First, here's no reason *not* to allude to my genitals to prove I'm a man - that's what makes me male.
Second, you can tell from my secondary sex characteristics (facial hair, skeletal structure, muscle mass and muscle origin and insertion points, etc.). These are pretty identifiable forms of masculinity. We even refer to "masculine men" with square jawlines and protruding foreheads etc.
Where I think it's trickier - or perhaps non-existent - is in the realms of behaviours. If gender is socially constructed (as I believe, and I think I heard Alex agree on another video), then we can't have an innately masculine or feminine side to get in touch with. We only have behaviours, and it's *external* forces which deem those masculine or feminine.
For example, if say I like to paint my nails. That's a behaviour stereotypically considered effeminate. But is it? Am I getting in touch with my femininity? Nope, I'm just a bloke who likes painting his nails. If that's difficult to conceptualise, just imagine in a hundred years time, fashion changes so that all the men paint their nails, and women don't. Are all the men now feminine? Or has the activity of painting one's nails now become a masculine one because of the sex it's associated with?
I say the latter. Our hunter gatherer ancestors wouldn't have had any appreciation for skirts or long hair as feminine. Which means we have no feminine side. I haven't quite worked out what that means for AGPs wearing women's clothes and wigs, exactly, aside from the erotic element, obviously. If I had to guess, perhaps something to do with fetishism in the literal sense of the word, meaning to ascribe a special power to an object. In this case, either women, or 'womanly' things. I can't explain the psychology behind the development of that, but it fascinates me.
I suppose in summary, what I'm proposing is that where Alex says he's getting in touch with his femininity when dressed as he is in this video, it might be better said that he's really just 'doing something he likes', which is neither inherently masculine or feminine, and that clothing and presentation happens to be socially associated with women. To what extent the sexual component is dominant only Alex knows - I'm not AGP so don't have that experience.
@samsonlovesyou I think it helps us in this discussion to acknowledge our point of reference for masculine or feminine behavior is the current culture we are in presently. It's really no help to think how our ancestors or even our future society are going to understand gender roles.
Each generation past and future will have their own idea of masculine and feminine.
Great points about the secondary sex characteristics. I tend to feel that gender itself is not socially constructed, however, the behaviors or roles of gender are. "I back this up" with the idea that those with a gender identity that is incongruent with their sex will manifest certain behavior and even roles as the opposite sex. I at least have noticed this in my own life, ssa "butch" female.
Would you say it's the same as cross dressing? Of course, we have a different work for today. However, is it the same?
Yes, it’s essentially crossdressing.
@RayAlexWilliams As a professional hairdresser, I have many clients who were cross dressers. Looking back It's so very clear to me now. ✌️🤟
The invented terms of today‘s transcrowd show that self hatred and anxiety you described…( deadname, becoming authentic self, misgendering, transhate etc. probably a lot of projection too in the words thrown at critics).
Absolutely nothing wrong with feminine men. I always liked men leaning more to the feminine side but I don‘t like sexualized mannerism in public or fetish gear etc., that‘s a total no go to me…( in men and women, just in general.It takes away the magic of intimate private personal interactions between partners who love each other, like it‘s sold out to the public on a cheap level at a high cost. Don‘t know how to explain, I just don‘t like it in public, something is getting lost by it and it‘s also not appropriate for children and children are part of public spaces.
My best male friends and most of my ex bf‘s are feminine men. Not that I was intentionally looking for feminine partners, it‘s more in hindsight that I became aware of it. But I never liked extremely masculine men, so maybe it wasn‘t that coincidental to have almost exclusively feminine men as partners;) I just klick with them more. They usually are men who talk, who you can have long conversations with about any topic which I like so much and they are usually less aggressive, more sensitive and soft when they try something new, not just going full force and breaking something😂😂 and last but not least- they are more attentive and careful with the female body;), just my experience, not saying it has to be that way and masculine men can‘t be like that too. It‘s not about stereotypes here, i don‘t have much experience w masculine types but I hear a lot from my female friends who exclusively like masculine men and are complaining more or less about the same little things. My best friend often says:“ L. doesn‘t talk, he doesn‘t share anything.“ 😂 But they still get along well😊 It just blows her mind every single time when we compare bf’s traits and general attitudes. Like from different planets! We have a good laugh every time, in a good way, no blaming of the men or anything like that. It‘s funny how different our preferences are - we‘re best friends after all😂 ( still have much in common, just not when it comes to type of men)
Is being an agp the same as just being a ‘feminine man’ though? Im sure tgere are feminine men who are not AGPs?
The feminine men who are not AGP are likely gay.
I'm happy you made this video. Normally your content is really hurtful to me as a trans woman. But this video gave me more respect for you
1. Is it possible to learn to love your body while also being on hormones and trans?
I honestly didn't "hate" my body before hormones, and considered living as a trans woman without hrt.
2. Do you think there is a way to embrace trans identity without being stealth or wanting to pass?
i embrace the aspects of myself that mark me as trans. ive learned to accept my brow and Adam's apple. I also love lifting weights and being strong.
All my trans friends think trying to pass is unhealthy as well for sure.
3. It seems like AGP doesn't explain your gender non conformity? Your desire to be feminine doesn't seem like it's driven from fetish?
4. Is it possible that shame drove you away from trans identity? That idea that you'll never be woman enough?
I wonder, in a purely hypothetical world, would you have chosen to be female? Independent of what that choice reflects about your masculinity or femininity
You’re a vision in pink!
Very interesting thanks for sharing! I’m a transsexual transguy that got red pilled after transition and it helped me align more with my repressed masculinity and authentic self so it’s very cool to hear your experience with that and your journey to integration and authenticity. Love this channel 👍🏻.
Femboy for the W. I feel yeah why go far when you can be at home with yourself. I don't have much of a identity as a autistic person but I want to try out HRT to see how I like it.
This very confusing...you say you are a detranstioned male, but you don't look detranstioned? I wish you had explained the visual disconnect...have you read Phil Illy's book?
i have a lot of questions for you from watching your videos and its just by genuine curiosity and it's not a gotcha or trying to attack you
don't you feel like you prefered your trans body that hormones gave you and all the negative stuff was more societally input (e.g not working out , you can perfectly workout and be passing anyway) ?
if you were trans for so much time why didn't you do laser hair removal so you dont have to constantly shave?
don't you think you are adopting all this narrative because of the health problems you had and you just swinging to the other way?
i agree that there needs to be aceptance for more feminine men and probably some trans folks would not transition because of some reasons you stated , but i also think there is space for people to transition and if that makes them happier and more productive to society so be it,
but imo it comes down to giving more importance to the therapy , and not because being trans should be medicalized but more because taking hormones shouldnt be a decision taken lightly and sometimes people can start to be in comformity with their gender assigned at birth and don't need to medically transition especially if the gender disphoria comes more from expression than from sociological roots.
I don't want to put words in Ray's mouth but I'm going to anyway because I'm kind of an asshat. Seems to me that his dysphoria was caused by his AGP that's why he ultimately decided to detransition and accept his male body.
@@lizicadumitru9683 that doesn't impede of him to prefer when his body was more female leaning due to hormones, it seems more like he didn't like the pressure of having to pass on a daily basis which is valid.
@@odenwish Agreed
Hello, it seems to be the case that you believe that being a woman is intrinsically biological, and reject the notion of the sex versus gender distinction entirely. Would you be willing to have a discussion about gender related issues on stream at some point? I am a transgender content creator, and I am interested in talking to a detransitioner. Let me know if you are interested. Thanks! :3
Very interested! DM me on Twitter or email me.
Oh no!
This was your experience it seems as you transitioned towards being a woman you realised more and more that you were not. Others realise more and more that they are, of course, because it is right for them. Not all amab people who feminise are motivated by autogynophilia.
Completely unrelated, but have you ever tried doing any psychic work such as remote viewing, channeling, mediumship, tarot, etc? Your energy is reminiscent of other people I have met who do well by allowing messages to come through their spirit. (This has nothing to do with AGP.) I’m just commenting cuz it feels like a natural thing that you might benefit from and enjoy.
I used to be super into Tarot lol
@@RayAlexWilliamsI never push people to do any of that if they’ve never tried it, but if you’ve been into in the past, maybe pick it up again! For me it’s just about allowing the energies to pass through me that need to pass through. You mentioned repression; for me I feel like when I don’t do any kind of spiritual work for a long time, it feels like I’m repressing something.
You seem like a genuine and lovely person but honestly, I think that you think about yourself and 'who you are' too much. So you like wearing womens clothes for kicks, fine. I think its weird, but hey, each to their own. There is a generation of people contemplating how they feel 24/7 and to be honest, a bit of repression is actually quite normal and healthy. Be well x
You just do it to Perv out
You got me
@@RayAlexWilliams Gross
What else do you dislike about me?
(1) Shaving all the time...just means you needed laser...
(2) What you are say is... you were not prepared to do that so...?
(3) Adams apple is a shave... Which is a one off.
(4) Also why not an unisex name?
I had 11 rounds of laser. Still had to shave.
@@RayAlexWilliams
(1) Well T-Blockers work reasonably well
(2) But there are side effects- brittle nail etc...
(3) If you are\were a hair monkey like Robin Williams...
(4) Not much people can do unless you spend thousands upon thousands
(5) FFS if it is done correctly seems to be a once off
(6) Granted some people need revisions
(7) Zero depth vaginoplasty is the only one I'd recommend at this point.
(8) One could argue there is no need to get breast implants
(9) They seem to have a limited life span...if I can remember correctly
(9.1) There are some flat chested woman out there.
(10) However it's the insistence people call you an XX
(11) unless you pass incredibly well...
(12) You might always get "weird looks'
(13) Society will treat you like a square peg in a round hole.
(14) That's usually best case sinereo...(if you are in a safe space)
(15) so long as you only wear female jeans and general T-shirt...not many will look.
(16) No frilly dresses for a non passables
(17) It's realistic only hormones that need life long checks...
(18) If I know my stuff correctly.
(19) You could be Pete Burns (You spin me right round song) 1985
(20) It's mostly the face that will change people attitude towards you.
(21) So if you do not wish for hormones...
(22) Keep your lower (XY) components...
@@RayAlexWilliams
Well genetics plays a large part into your bodies hair output
If you are hairy like Robin Williams there is not much that you can do about that.
Unless of course you wish to spend thousands upon thousands in hair removal.
Hormone blocking seems to work wonders for some in regards to hair.
However it's the introduction of artificial hormones that seem to be the primary issue.
For this "life long" medicalization
There are other procedures that seem to be a once off...
Ones that seem to work reasonably well.
However I would have to cite sources instead of anecdotal evidence.
You do not seem to have facial feminization
Might have been a potential pathway.
Thinking Pete Burns (You spin me right round) song 1985.
We trans people never pretend, and you never were never trans according to what I'm hereing it's also hard to see you as a autogynephiliac male I would say femboy which isn't an issue have you tried looking into anime there's alot of crossdressing in there like I wanted to be a man growing up but I only got as far as an imitation of a male in my mind.
sick
RayGP strikes again
What peaked me was getting to know several trans women relatively well only to find they had similar personalities and behaviors to your stereotypical STEM nerdy guy. This whole narrative of female brain in male body just made no sense at that point. Of course women do STEM but there are more neuonces then I can be bothered going into in a comment
"STEM nerdy guy" is practically a walking embodiment of AGP. Not surprising "female brain in male body" doesn't apply to them.
interesting
there is a difference between being feminine and wanting to be feminine. AGP are mostly the latter.
"gender criticals" make a false dichotomy between "biological sex" and "gender stereotypes". but what really matters is physical appearance. because people are treated and judged according to that.
Wouldn't those two things sort of manifest in the same way or similar behaviors?
@@lizicadumitru9683 yes sort of. but my point was that cross-dressing is not (always) a meaningful alternative to medical transitioning. even if it is for Ray, it can't be generalized, because physical dysphoria exists. and that the goal of medical transitioning is to change physical appearance. (and not to change sex or to enable cross-dressing)
@user-vj4vs4zu3h That's what I'm trying to pinpoint, full disclosure I'm trying, in my mind, to pinpoint which "disorder" would lead to a happy or non-regretful medical transition and vise versa.
I understand that physical dysphoria exists but if that dysphoria is resulting from AGP desires of being a woman (which very well may include an eroticism aspect) maybe for those men, transition isn't necessary.
@@lizicadumitru9683 AGP can lead to crippling dysphoria in some people, through intermediate steps.
@anharmyenone I'm sure of it. Seems like a scatter plot of data points. I'm just trying to see if there's any trends.
The first half i thought it was ok, but then you extrapolate from your expierience to other people, like "you dont need to buy into non binary" and "staying natural is always the best, as long it doesnt physically hut you". Why is your consequence out of your stories, that the solutions you had work for everyone else? Why cant AGP be interlinked with a diffrent Genderidentity? Im deffinetly Non binary but i also think I have AGP. That doesnt mean im not nonbinay. That is not an artificially constructed Identity to call myself Non binary, that describes how i expierience my gender Identity. Im still in to feminity and female bodies sexually and projecting this on my own body is important for my sexuallity and I have a dick and male hormones. I do agree with the baseline of what you are saying, but please please dont frame it in a way that denies others their right to decide over their own genderidentity and body.
ok yeah in the end its really transphobic. why do you treat autogyneophila and Genderidentity as the same thing? They are seperate things. Not all mtf Transpeople have autogyneophilia, thats just a ridiculous take, disputed by ppl that were into men since their childhood, by trans lesbians, wever. How the fuck did you get the idea, that your highly specific expiereiance can be extrapolated on every person that struggles with the two immensley complicated topicas of Sexuality and gender?
You say you dont wanna extrapolate, but you very much do it, by acting like you know what people should act like, totally ignoring, that you are a really rare outlier under people that struggle with their genderidentity when adults.
Sorry happy trans women exist, dude 🤷🏼♀️🤪🤪🤪
It's not about you sir 👍
Yeah but not every trans person is guaranteed to be happy. That's the point.
@@alasshewasthehighwaywoman8886 ikr dude? It’s always about ray tho. He’s smrt.
Happy heroin addicts also exsist too.
No sir, I'm saying that women don't care if you're happy or not; just keep your euphoria boners at home.
get Rachel back
Sorry you mistook your agp for actually being trans… I just wish you wouldn’t use your experience to invalidate and critique people who are actually trans and the trans community as a whole. We are not all the same and you can’t group us together.
Judging by your anime avatar you’re likely AGP yourself. Are you exclusively attracted to men and have been since childhood? If not, you’re AGP.
@@RayAlexWilliams bro what? Literally every single type of person likes anime. I like female knights regardless of what media they are portrayed in. You can keep your personal attacks out of the conversation. I’m actually asexual and am in a long term relationship with a man. I transitioned when I was 16 and I’m now 33. Let’s get back to the topic of you using your experience to discredit actual trans people.
@residentdoom1 according to Blanchardian typology, asexual transsexuals fall under the AGP etiology.
@@RayAlexWilliamsok so according to him I’m classified as agp. That doesn’t make it the case. I don’t agree or buy into Blanchard’s theories. Explain how someone who does not feel sexual desire could possibly have a sexual fetish? It’s obviously nonsense. Again back to the topic of why you are using your experience to invalidate other trans people…
@residentdoom1 just because you don’t understand or agree with a scientific theory doesn’t make it false.
Such a pity. Such a handsome guy, but mind screwed up...
You look ridonkulous.
@user-qz7vs8cx8osorry, we are all too nice to say the obvious. He looks completely ridiculous. We all feel his pain but that does not mean we don’t see that he is not a woman and does not look like any ordinary woman.
@pointermom7641 why do you assume my goal was to “look like an ordinary woman”?
@@RayAlexWilliams probably because they just clicked on the thumbnail, watched 5 seconds at most, and felt the need to troll
@@pointermom7641 If you had paid attention you would know his intent wasn't due look like a "regular" woman.
@@RayAlexWilliams if you don’t, then I don’t know what you’re doing. If you walked into any ladies room, most women would be terrified you are obviously not a woman in women’s spaces. You don’t even purport to be transgender. I just don’t get it.
Ray, Jesus wants a relationship with you. I pray that you be delivered from these desires. Declare Jesus as your lord, give him authority over your life. This is not the way. Jesus is the way