The Power Of WALKING AWAY From A Man! - 3 Signs It's Time To MOVE ON... | Stephan Speaks
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- Опубликовано: 7 фев 2023
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On Today's Episode:
“You’ll never be good enough for the wrong person.” - Stephan Speaks
It’s easy to tell our friends about why the person you're with isn’t making the cut. Your partner has annoying habits, the sex isn’t that great, it’s not as good as it was when you first hooked up, or they stopped doing the things that grabbed your attention at the beginning.
Of all the reasons we can chat over a bottle (or two) of wine about explaining why our relationship isn’t working out, rarely do we reflect on ourselves and how we showed up in that relationship.
Stephan Speaks has been helping women (and men) have more fulfilling relationships with the kind of advice that cuts straight through the B.S. and gets right to the heart of the matter. The 100+ million views on his RUclips channel speaks for itself.
How do you avoid another bad relationship? How do you choose the best partner for you and invest your time wisely to find the right partner for you?
Lisa is digging in and asking all the questions we think about and Stephan is delivering on the hard truths we don’t want to hear, but we need to hear if we’re serious about having a loving, long-term, healthy relationship.
You deserve to thrive in your relationship and that means bringing all of you and the best of you to the table with your partner. Some the hard issues Stephan and Lisa are hitting on include:
Why relationship tricks and hacks don’t build meaningful relationships
Great sex alone is never a valid reason to stay with anyone
Exposing the lies and B.S. we’ve been told are the “norm” for relationships
It’s time to stop compromising and setting yourself up for heartache and start making better decisions to find and create the relationship of your dreams.
QUOTES:
“By holding back you’re essentially giving your partner a free pass to do the same.”
“The same walls that you have up to protect you are the same walls blocking your blessing, [...] Love cannot flow in and out with a wall up, it’s restricting your ability to receive and give it.”
“When there is connection differences can actually compliment each other and find joy in each other.”
“Real love is a two way thing, [...] for you to be able to say you are in love with someone in a romantic sense and they do nothing for you, I think that’s impossible.”
“Anything that is at conflict with you and your spirit we need to address it and we should not accept it.”
“If you’re not able to show up 100% in your relationship, trust and believe that you’re not giving 100% in other areas of your life.”
“A man who really loves a woman wants to make her happy and takes joy in it.”
Follow Stephan Speaks:
Website: www.stephanspeaks.com/
RUclips: / @meetstephanspeaks
Twitter: / stephanspeaks
Instagram: / stephanspeaks
Facebook: / stephanspeaksrelations...
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WARNING: I will never ask for your contact info in the comments section, that is someone impersonating me!
Xww
AWESOME TOPIC AND VERY INFLUENCING ❤❤❤THANK YOU 🌹🙏🏽 THIS HELPED ME OUT A WHOLE LOT
@@jessicabrandon4926😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊
😊😊
You
Rule of life: You need to connect with yourself first to connect with another.
The reality of life: you need to connect with others to discover who you are.
Seems your telling my story. What I wish I hadn’t waited so long to choose myself even though I knew the truth directly or instinctively long before. As much as you want to believe the good in others you can only be sure of yourself and should not let others punish or hurt you for that. It’s their path to choose ultimately as is yours.
Amen!!!! I am learning this and it’s actually been an amazing journey! 🎉 heartbreak can lead to the most beautiful thing putting yourself back together and knowing you for the first time
Even the airlines know this. You must first have your own needs met before getting involved with another person.
You will never be good enough for the wrong person...oh God help us to have the grace to let go when it is time
Please lord 🙏
My brother once told me "stop treating men like they are 2" Never forgot it. My 8 year relationship just ended and we were engaged. I'm remembering all the little thoughts in the back of my mind. One day I had a REAL conversation with myself. The future I was looking at would have been a huge mistake. I just turned 48 and I was born for a reason. Not to be somebody's emotional punching bag. I want a happy peaceful life. If a problem arises I want to discuss it like adults. I guess I could have stuck it out and pretended to the world I was happy.
I'm going thru that now and been with the person 30yrs. It sucks as he only sees what his needs are and not mine or the kids. It really sucks because of how the world is right now and I'm worried if I can make it in my own but when you have your teenager saying mom we need to get out
I'm glad you didn't stay in pretend land. I see my red flag right now. I have a big decision to make.
Filing for divorce at the moment. We were married for 2 years but together for 8. I feel you!
… Just did! Same,Same👋🏾lord.
@Rz 2 years old I assume. Like they are children - taking care of them. Ignoring and allowing their anger tantrums. Etc. (I think this is what they mean)
“You will never be good enough for the wrong person” - sometimes you may not know the details, you may never find out about the lies that they are hiding - the only thing you may feel is that they are not accepting you. It might hurt to move on, but if you were to have found out the painful things they did to you, you might be in a better position to move on.
So if you hurt and you don’t know why - likely it is bc they’re hurting you, but you don’t know the details and the lies they’re hiding. Typically a narc or covert narc is what you’re dealing with.
Thank you, yes. I am in one right now like that…I know he must be doing something wrong behind my back because all I ever do is cry and he never cares.
You will never be good enough for the wrong person 💥💣💥 truthbomb
Yes, so true!
Keeping us in the dark, feeding us sh#t and watching us grow is not kewl.
If something feels off its off, end of story. Don't get lost in super sleuthing the hidden details, it doesn't change the situation or how you feel. Just trust your inner knowing, pay attention, listen to and honor your intuition, it never lies. Survival instincts keep us safe by alerting us to danger, ignoring the warnings leads us astray. Listening to our intuition, staying attentive to what feels right and honoring ourselves guides us to safety.
Women must become comfortable giving ourselves Permission to honour our feelings, protect our wellbeing and Peace of mind without Question. Allow ourselves permission to second guess what isn't in alignment with what's best for us. We decide what's best for us and set boundaries in place to support ourselves. We choose how to live our life and set our own standards. Cheers Siztahs 👑 Sisters support Sistas 💙
@@casperinsight3524That was awesome, & I needed to read it TODAY. Thank you❤
@@casperinsight3524thats a platform in the making! Sistas Supporting Sistas!!
I agree. I am a far better mom now that I am divorced. I didn't realize how much my toxic marriage was affecting my mood and health. My boys are thriving also.
samE
Glad to hear it. About to go there myself. 😕
Your mood, your health -- and your kids, too. It's always best to try not to drag kids through a toxic anything. That includes marriage, divorce, relationships, their own school experiences, people you know at some house of worship somewhere... It's extremely important to put the psycho-social needs of the kids first, because when you do that the right way (ending the bad relationships by nipping problem people out of your life like buds), your psycho-social needs automatically get seen to as well.
they consume us to please their moods not caring who is suffering.. the innocent❤
Well at least you got kids out of it? Most of my relationships never got to the marriage and kids level unfortunately and the times I thought I had an accidental pregnancy, I got my monthly.
When I told my mom I was seriously considering getting a divorce she said ," women just learn to deal with their husbands", poor momma was in a controlling unhealthy relationship for so many years she wasn't a person to go to for good advice. She was so naive all of her life. The best cook and homemaker though ❤️
God bless her!
That was the pressure society put on women, but fuck that.
@@Hagar-yn8jm exactly!
I remember my Nonna saying to me as a teenager... as long as they give you food and shelter, you're good.
I was not good with that answer considering my mother is emotionally unstable and i chose shit men cuz of all this crap.
It's not ok to be abused and mistreated, just cuz you get food and shelter.
@@Lidia.Bella.Italiana why show your boobs? You can get better men by not having assets..all out in the face...we DNT need to be seen as sex toys then innocent people get attacked by their sexual perverted men... Dress better...my x almost killed me when I was properly dressed, if I put up with 24 years of experience, it's because I never dressed inappropriate, for my own morals.. NEVER wanted to be broken for a monster... almost killed..when he saw PEOPLE dress like your pics he was who called me names that I did not need to be called...Other women showing all of goods causes men at times to abuse their wife to be the man...I was abused on/off for doing zero.... womanizer men DNT value us if so many our dressed exposing body parts and my man is looking at your boobs then abuse me..
OUU do I remember those days in my early twenties when the pressure was on to find a man to marry. Don't be listening to the wrong people PLEASE?! Marrying the wrong man is terrible. Getting married when you are still learning who you are is terrible. Being single is so much better than being in an unhealthy relationship. Most people who single shame are secretly unhappy in their marriages or they wouldn't try to shame you. You've got peace they don't.
100%!
Yes! I married way too young because of pressure. Happy we divorced. We are good coparents, but no way were we or should we have been married. I enjoy my solitude! I see far more many men upset and lonely than I do divorced or single women. I think it comes from years of being in a relationship out of social pressures, or "norms" .
I could have said the same thing but probably only gotten half as many votes lol. You're lucky. What's your secret?! Lol.
If someone doesn’t respect your boundaries. Red flag! Next. Toxic.
I heard the pastor/marriage counselor tell men, when your out with your buddies you talk a lot and then when you get home with your wife your quiet. Make an effort to Find things to talk about with her she's your life partner.
The whole video was great. I let someone go cause I know they not right for me just tolerated their behavior. Now I'm walking my journey celibate and focusing on me and my goals. 💯💯 I feel free and good
I am so happy for you! I am on the same path ❤
Take away for me was huge!
That the connection I feel to a man is what I’m giving to him not realizing he isn’t matching my efforts.
People do treat singles as inferior when married people appear coupled but may not be happily so.
It’s been tough for me because I found a man who brings value to me and our relationship but it’s not tangible. I have a masters degree and he has a high school diploma so my family and friends feel that I should find someone “better suited” for me. We have connection, chemistry and respect for each other. I feel that is perfect for me.
Then why are you concerned with what others from the outside of your relationship thinks?
@@mandymesnerick4673 Thank you, Mandy!
Please be happy! I just walked away from a man with a Doctorate. If he makes you happy and secure, stay with him.🙏🏽
I have a GED and my wife has a couple of degrees. We've been married 25 yrs. Don't let people sabotage your happiness.
@@waynethompson1115 Thank you 😊 It’s always great to have encouragement and an example of a positive situation!
It’s not that easy to just leave,it’s a process to leave after you fall in love you want to make it work. No one just walks away over one thing it’s a build up
Typically it builds up because when issues are brought up, they get dismissed, downplayed or ignored.. eventually the build up feels like an impending doom. Your dying on the inside. Nobody instinctively want to die. So people leave not because they are "unhappy" but because they choose life!
Patterns and toxicity are delbreakers for me
Regarding fear of leaving the one and only: personally, I don't believe there is only one person for each person. I believe that if two people, who were mutually attracted for good reasons, commit to each other solidly, without allowing the option of divorce, they can and will make a great relationship. They have no choice except to make it work for their mutual happiness. They are stuck in marriage, and neither one can be happy if the other isn't.
Love is built. It grows with proper nourishment. If you care enough to be willing to give someone what he wants, and he is willing to give you what you want, you will grow together in the giving. People constantly change through life, but the people who choose to keep changing in accommodation with each other, deepen and strengthen their love into something incredible. This does not mean sacrificing yourself constantly for the other, but rather both giving your relationship the highest priority in your lives.
This is a wonderful picture of what partnership can be but none of us who've lived the lies of perfunctory love believed they lived a lie. I know now my resolve was in vain and a history of paternal neglect set me up to accept the same from my spouse. Life lessons are going to be repeated until we resolve internal conflict and allow healing of our inner child's soul.
Learning to love yourself is the greatest lesson of all.
The pain of not loving oneself supercedes all abuse from others and must be resolved for the good of others as well of yourself. Hug your inner child today.
I have never found myself. I'm almost 60, been in many toxic relationships (including a parent) and every relationship ended with them cheating (or disowning me - mother) anyway. So all the toxicity I've suffered was for nothing. You'd think I'd learn from my past, but I can't seem to find anyone not toxic. Maybe it's just me.
@@LolaAileenVanslette It is and it isn't you. If the same kind of relationship patterns keep occurring in your life, the it is likely you are, subconsciously, seeking that. If a parent abuses a child, the child often grows up to seek similar abuse from a confusion that this is somehow an expression of love. It is the only love the child knew.
And/or when a parent rejects a child, often the child seeks out others similar to the parent to try to "undo" the rejection - to make this time end happily. That is doomed to failure from the beginning, since incorporated in the people they are choosing is the flaw in the parent that caused the parent to reject the child.
It sounds as if something like this may be affecting you. It would benefit you to find a good counselor to help you address this.
While this may be something you are subconsciously creating, it isn't your fault in the sense of deserving this. Your mother may have made you feel unworthy of love, but certainly that was NEVER true. You are inherently loveable. You are just stopping this love you deserve from reaching you. You may be choosing cheaters because you feel unworthy or afraid of fidelity, but you can make different choices. No doubt there are many people who would love you fully, as you truly deserve, if only you would choose them and let them.
Seriously, counseling can help. I wish you all happiness and blessings.
@@LolaAileenVanslette I can relate to you Hunny. I'm now 40 and have had all but healthy relationships in my past.
The fact of the matter is that people like me, do better when we're not in relationships that create such bonds that you begin to feel dependent on someone for happiness. I have done alot of therapy and the best method for me was something called DBT ( Dialectical behavioral therapy) check into it if you like.
My heart goes out to you
*Always* allow the option for divorce. *Never* let a man entrap you that way! He's toxic by his very nature and will, in the end, put you through the death of a thousand cuts. He might actually end your life too. There is no "choosing to make it work" in those situations - it's only two people who don't actually belong together lying to themselves about the toxicity of a marriage that never should have been formed after all. It's better to be honest before it gets violent and just walk away knowing you did the actually right thing, and also that you didn't drag your kids through hell for no legitimate reason.
OMG!!! Stephan was giving an example of a man wanting a quiet dinner for his birthday and she threw him a surprise party. My boyfriend said he just wanted dinner at a nice restaurant. I've been planning a surprise party because it's a milestone year!! Ok, nice dinner at a restaurant it is!! Thank you Stephan!!!
All great except the “differences between men and women.” My male partner thinks we should never talk about anything and we should just “know,” and I’m like “no! We discuss it clearly so there are no misunderstandings.”
Yeah it depends on their upbringing my husband is the same. He grew up in a family where things had to be 'understood', passive aggressive ways, loud sighs, downward casted eyes had to be interpreted. Im doing none of that we had great communication in our family n I told him we r gonna talk abt things I dont wanna guess ur feelings n thoughts spell them out for me.
Abuse was normal in both families, but his was extreme. I was influenced to stay as well from both families. When I left the 18 yr physically abusive marriage to the ex Narc and ended up at the domestic violence shelter, I finally faced my truth that I stayed because I didn't want to face the truth that he didn't love me, and I regretted the "time" I lost and the lost of "who I was" and the loss of my dream for my own little family. I did not miss him or grieve him. But lessons learned, and I'm grateful for that season.
I believe if two people put in the hard work in themselves and in the relationship, they will know if it works or not. It's hard to know why you love someone when you don't love yourself.
When you don't live up to others expectations and they blame you ...when they fault you for their disappointment....when you're just being you, the same person they met and fell for and now they act like you're the problem...it isn't you ...its them. They say they aren't happy with you ... maybe you just stopped trying to make them happy and started making yourself happy instead.
I felt this
Yup. That's when it all goes downhill. I was in awe the first couple of years. They weird comments the meanness etc.. I noticed he was noticing I was processing and thinking about what was happening to me. That only makes them more mad.
AGREED!
@@ericalashan1923 abusers don’t like when you become more self aware because it makes you more powerful. Knowledge = power. Power = freedom. The more you know, the harder you are to control.
SO SICK OF MEN PLAYING GAMES
Stephen Speaks is incredibly insightful…best relationship adviser I’ve listened to 😊
This is the first time I’ve heard him. I immediately found and subscribed to his channel. Relationship genius! Listening to him helps me realize that I need to completely re-evaluate my thoughts of reconciling my relationship. What was I thinking?!
I was 8 years into a relationship and then marriage before I realized how important being about to talk in a relationship is. In the process of divorce. I won’t make that mistake again!
Same here - 6 years wasted in a marriage where there was no communication other than me being expected to be in total agreement with him at all times. I lost my sense of who I was. Now, one year after divorce I am beginning to realise I DO have a voice, and I DO have value! I'll never let someone cross my boundaries again! We can "agree" to disagree as HEALTHY ADULTS, or we just can't coexist! Maybe I'll never find that "special someone", but I will NEVER compromise myself again!
@@anndra1160 dittooooo..never... almost died...not interested in being used and abused and left on the street over and over...
I like Stephan's famous quote it helped me to move on after a nightmare scary abusive relationship"the same walls we use to protect ourselves is the same wall blocking our blessings" thank you Stephan it was like medicine when I heard you said it for the first time
Llllllly
Another epic episode! Very timely as nursing heartbreak of ending a 3 year relationship this week 💔 Actions speak louder than words. I deserve more and not to be kept a secret from his family. Fabulous sex does not compensate for lack of emotional support and lack of quality time. Strung along with talk of future planning but nothing materialised. Too old for games (46) Enough is enough! Hoping I have learnt something and choose more wisely next relationship.
@Charlie Ann I just ended a two year situation ship, it was post to be a relationship. It was one sided with me doing all the work. Same here 46, no time for games..
If there was a lot of future faking and other manipulation you may want to learn more about narcissists & co-dependency etc. & do any "emotional homework" related to any trauma etc. you may have had related to family relationships & or childhood etc. & do what you need to do for yourself so you don't attract the same type. I'm 59 & learned this the hard way. I'm not at all judging, I only want to spare others of the grief and relationship patterns I found myself in. Starting over again for the fourth time after 3 major strikes. Fortunately, I'm not married to this one & discovered this also just barely in time is why your comment sparked me. Best wishes & I'm so glad you realized before you married the wrong one for you! Take time for yourself and really know who you are and what you want & then you'll be able to attract the same, staying observant of yourself & any other, objectively 💖🎶😊🙏🏼😇🌟🌠💫
Been there !! It’s rough . I just can’t seem to find a man that honestly can put on his “ACT RIGHT” pants - consistently!!!😂 it’s ridiculous
I’m 59 and ate all the breadcrumbs for almost 9 years! He was perfect except he was never there when I needed him. I thought he was the one God wanted for me because he was very religious. I surrender to wait for the man God has created for me. Peace and Love ❤️
Dated him for 9 months. He switched up after 7 months. I realized I was dealing with a covert narcissist.
Took me 5 years to realize how horribly my toxic relationship is, and to actually respect my self enough to do something
A true friend will tell you the truth and not co-sign on your messery. If they co-sign your messery, they are enablers and not your friend, Periodt. Unfortunately, with social media and other things, we’ve gotten too comfortable wearing masks 🎭 and creating false personas. This is unhealthy for everyone. Lies destroy lives. So many are grieving a false persona that didn’t exist. Be honest with yourself and others. Permit yourself a little grace to work on your short comings 😊. Know, love, and respect yourself first. Find and do your purpose. In the midst of doing these things, your soul mate may just find you 😊.
One of my friends flat out told me. She said years ago right before her wedding her sister wrote her a letter asking her not to marry the guy. She said she remembers standing at the alter doubting her decision. She's married again and I feel she's happy.
Sometimes outside influences could do more damage. You know how you feel, you know in your heart that it's not working. Life DOES go on after a break-up, you will survive and thrive, change is never easy, but you will make it through the change. While you are staying in a relationship with the wrong person, you are missing out on the time you could be with the right person.
I think communication is huge! I think it's sexy as hell when my partner will ask if I like this or they communicate even verbally while in action so I can respond or reciprocate or say "let's try this or something else..." then I ask how they like it too. Amazing. Separately before having sex, I have settled before for something that wasn't resonating with me that my partner does in life and was in my head a lot with my hurt feelings and it was hard to even climax or enjoy it. Not that I am spoiled or have to get my way all the time, it was because he was not being a team player on money issues. We should be able to talk about that without him shutting it down because it is about survival.
I knew from the beginning, it is arranged marriage, I didn’t to please people, selfish reasons, hoping he will change, pride, 18 years later, divorced. Please please ask God, pray about it, be true to yourself first! Don’t distract yourself at all, please please be true to yourself, your heart KNOWS!
Not sure how much trust one should put into relationship advice from people with a consistent history of failed relationships.
And that's why they can tell you from their mistakes. I don't want no one telling giving me advice on things they don't understand or know 💯
Divorce is never the way out, My wife and I have been having issues before I sort out help from a spiritual adviser, i wasn't going to let my marriage of 18years crash.
@Rose Allen well not the orthodox way but i was referred by a friend to a spiritual adviser and healer
@Rose Allen her name is Shelly Renee White, and she is a great spiritual adviser as well as caster
@Rose Allen you can look her name up online and you will find all you need.
Which craft just invites demons in your life.
@roseallen2521don’t do it. That’s witchcraft. You can’t force someone to be you. Why would you want that?
I fell head over heals in love with a pretty narcissistic person & I definitely stayed in that very unhealthy relationship for too long bc the sex.. was great, & I could most definitely give an army of details. Covid 2020 gave me the break I needed to research his traits/behaviours. . It hurt so much to leave but I knew the person I fell in love with was so not the same person he actually was & I didn't even know who I was anymore.. He was so mad that I left, he struck up his smear campaign, tried to turn my family against me, threatened me many times trying to maintain his control over me & did some real sh^tty things. He got himself a restraining order & a DA conviction & to be honest it wasn't his 1st & probably won't be his last. I was the best sex he had ever had too. Toxic!
Ya the best sex is because that's usually the only thing they have to offer
Omg, I did the same thing. 😢 i cannot believe I “let him in” Again! I hoped he had changed, I believed his b.s. words that didn’t match his actions, ….we just went “no contact” and it really hurts. But I’m trying to be strong, but I’m angry and sad at the same time. ☹️
My ex at the end used me like a dirty rag, and had the nerve to use god in our relationship fake Christian
A lot of fake Christians. My soon to be ex husband only reads the bible when there is fire on the mountain. Once the fire dies down his back to his bad ways after few days. .........unbelievable.
Lack of communication leads to alot of problems! It's not fair to put
the burden on one person to carry the relationship!
Just because someone desires you, it does not mean that they value you! Read it over. Again.
💯
I was in relationship with a man who constantly made me feel like I was at fault everytime and that I should be saying sorry. I had to time and again go the extra mile to keep justifying what I meant and repeating my expectations..it drained me out..I now feel at peace stepping out of the relationship. Letting go of a toxic relationship is so so important!
Connecting with yourself and others in friendship is essential.
I walked away. I walked on eggshells for 5 years out of 6 years of my marriage afraid of the response. I spoke up last week, he moved out the same day. The first time in years I felt peace. I am sleeping a lot which concerns me, however I haven't slept peacefully in years maybe I'm catching up.
Hope your doing well. I can relate to how you are feeling, hold your boundaries. ❤
I totally believe in spiritual connection. I find my divine partner and everything Stephen says is what I experience. We’re so in love and after 2 years, it gets better and stronger. Deep emotional and spiritual connection are rare. We both know, our relationship is rare. We’re both embracing each other in every way. ❤
Stephan said the person can't love someone if they're not doing anything for them but maybe it wasn't material things that he's bringing to the table. Maybe he's a good listener, gives great advice, gives words of affirmation, they have great conversations, there's a great connection, etc. Then he IS providing things that have value for her, they're just not materialistic things.
True
YUP, and actually they are the most important thing
having we all heard that argument-- only the man isn't doing all those things particularly with the disrespect that accompanies that ' you are bad wanting some material thing.. ' Ever see a guy offer to forego a new boat or gaming rig, vow to buy a significantly cheaper whip , etc in order to allow both of you to have your partnership take priority over material things ?
I don't care for the material aspects... but I value someone who doesn't feel it's an effort to visit me, I live 20 minutes taxi ride away... I allowed this, bought into his reasons why he couldn't... I actually feel physically sick I didn't notice this until 18 months later.
What I needed to make clear is no matter what differences we may have and what similarities we have is that overall communication including the hard issues, acceptance of each other, how you show each other love according to each others needs, whether you complement and connect with each other regardless of differences are met are the major issues. if you are willing to compromise, and before and after marriage if things need to be addressed that you are both willing to seek counselling and both willing to put in effort to keep the relationship healthy, and provide romance and time for each other.
At the age of 64, I now know myself better than I ever have. I like myself better than I ever have. I also appreciate the good things about myself. With age comes wisdom seems to be true.
To see Stephan's view of Connection in Lisa and Tom is awesome. Knowing that there is a person that you can come together with and have differences but still be compatible with one another and the relationship is harmonious is very refreshing.
Stephan is the best! Love his channel and love this channel!! Thanks for all of the awesome inciteful and empowering words 🙏❤
Exactly, if you've got an unhealthy communication issue that's been addressed that you should work on correcting do so. Becoming your best self takes work. Make sure it's NOT something that's out of your character or personal beliefs. Be the best you not something someone else wants you to become. Differences CAN complement each other. Differences CAN also make you feel like this person is not the right person for me 👋🏼
🥰💜💜💜
I cannot listen to this video enough! I’ve shared it with 4 friends. This is just amazing! Being divorced, this hits home but I can’t wait to avoid all of this as much as I can next relationship. I am always learning!
I agree with Stephan, that relationship checkups (& family meetings with children) are essential on a regular basis so issues are not "shelved" too long with the high risk of resentment & bursts of triggered anger etc.
Amazing nuggets. 38 minute mark: there are so many things in the society that are common but doesn't make it healthy. So glad for this point to be talked about. That's how progress happens by us questioning things that are common
I love the way Lisa challenges the host and go there with those difficult questions. Stephan is one of the best!
Thank you for having @stephanspeaks on your show again. He always brings a message along with positivity. Keep it up @womenofimpact 😘
Men frequently want a wife or girlfriend to accept his infidelity or his non monogamy . That is a major red flag 🚩/ dealbreaker . Why do so many women accept such conditions when they know they don’t feel good about him, themselves , or intimacy ?
Inspite of the lack of morals in today's society some always seem to make infidelity about men.Believe most men have affairs with women. Women have a tendency to either over look or excuse a woman's behavior.If she's guilty of such it's a man's fault.Its not a gender issue but a moral one and we all need to examine our own.
Major puke. I wouldn't want skank on my guy. He'd become the skank and I'd tell him they can have each other.
Women often become satisfied with a lifestyle of laziness.
Totally dependent on the man for everything. She doesn’t feel feel guilty about it, nor does she feel she deserves a man that will also be faithful to such a loser.
I found these videos just in time. I left mine a few weeks ago, but this has been something going on 6 months now. I never thought he'd hoover, but he did just recently. I at that point took back all my power and told him No. It's worth just going no contact
So on point! This entire video says feelings really DO matter-Living out of alignment never works ..I'm a survivor! It feels great where I am with self now ..
I love him I prayed and stayed at arms length and start to see not faults but problems in his own life from childhood
Lack of authentic transparency is important to me and would be a real deal breaker if it's avoided I've found some guys have a fake it til I make it style of communication no substance.
NO!
2 minutes in and he's already shot arrows straight into the heart of the matter, illuminating
The keywords i take from about this awesome conversation when it comes to healthy relationship:communication, alignment, feeling good, connection, respect regardless differences in believes and cultural habits....
I totally agree with you guys . I learn so much from this show ,this discussion opens my eyes and I am getting stronger to walk away from my twenty years relationship that I am not happy in, and two weeks away from saying I do and for all these years I tell myself I stayed because of our three beautiful kids not knowing I was doing the wrong thing.Thank you!
Run! I made that mistake and now I'm in a horrible situation! Leave! Don't do it!
Run!
i have just read this on 12-23-23 and so i’m
wondering if u are doing ok? u said u were weeks away from a wedding and been together 20 years but u wanted to leave. did u go thru with it? i’m asking cuz ur story hit home for me. 20years also, and having a rough time.
Please run oooooooo.....
This’s so good! Thank you for this message 💕
This beautifully created wise man is helping so many good intended women with big hearts avoid heart aches!!
You sometimes have to look at think what do you want in a relationship in a person. Be friends with a guy first get to know them. You’ll be able to see their true colors in that person before jumping into something. Go with your instincts
Lisa I will be laughing all day over the teeth whitening strips and white coach. Thank you for being so open about you and Toms relationship. It really does demonstrate how truly connected you both are on the same page. X
Thank you for this Wonderful & Informative discussion.. I've learned & adjusted my Emotions to have a better understanding that you will encounter people that is passing through your life and some friendships are temporary....but the most important thing you have to remember is how Amazing you are and the Love in your Heart is Everlasting 🌄
I want to believe that their are faithful & devoted men still around.. it gives me hope
This man is great I HAVE TO BUY HIS BOOK!! he really loves Woman to crack all of the secret men codes!!!
Mr.Staphan, I have seen almost all of your RUclips segments. I really think you are awesome.
I am an older woman and I have been in a relationship that is overly toxic for me. I have been with this man for almost 20 years and I have allowed him to destroy my beliefs, and my self-esteem, and he, no, I have allowed this man to (almost) take my strength. I have been here because I hoped that we could get back to where we were. If it has not happened by now. I am over 50 in college and just got my LLC to start a business. I am so hurt and distrot but knowing it's time to move on.
So True,
People's perspectives change throughout the relationship....As the late great Dr. Wayne Dyer quoted ~ When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change ~
Such needed therapy..
Thanks Stephan
Pay attention to the little things. They matter. A friend once told me, "It's the little things that hold the big things together." ☮️💜
This conversation is so helpful. Truly appreciate it.
I’m good at moving on. Left my deceased ex husband after 20years and 4 grown kids later. We became friends before his death. Left and moved out of state from someone that I’ve been sexually connected with for just about 3 years. I had to realized that it was just about sex for me. And as you said…I really didn’t care about this individual. He loved the nurturing and sex that I gave him. I can’t say the same for me. And I realize that he was boring. He was destroyed when I left. I’m 50 with grandkids and grown children and happy entertaining myself.
Sounds like you’re good at using people without empathy and proud of it.
@@mariesmith5670 It gets me what I want from men. As a woman of color and now 51. That 3year sex partner is pulling all the power to kiss my feet. Just as my ex husband did before he died…even after death. I’m a super empath. That’s what we do. We use people’s manipulation against them. And we always win. We never break. But leave a rift of brokenness behind us. By mirroring others bad behaviors. It works. But not everyone will win at it.
at 22:22, the WHY could be: Oh I put so much time into the relationship, investing so much into the person and they wont want to walk away from that investment. WHY: Afraid to be alone because you're not sure what other kind of person you will meet after leaving them.
This was THE most helpful conversation I have ever heard! Hard Truths.
You both demonstrate effective respectful communication 😎😘 well done
What Stephan says is right on point! For example, compromise is okay if it doesn't make you feel devalued etc. Paying attention on how you feel & being able to communicate it, is SO important ! You may be able to work with compromising certain things, however we must never compromise who we actually are ! Thanks💖🙏🏼 🎶
Wow! This is sooo good, and it speaks to my situation. 🙋🏾♀️ Thank you for speaking from a marital perspective 💜
WOW WOW WOW WOW🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾 Amazing interview! Thank you both🙏🏽
when he said, "she doesn't miss the PERSON" i felt that
Oh my gosh, he’s really hitting the nail on the head, great discussion ❤️❤️❤️
Thanks Stephan & Lisa great video..makes so much sense..great analysis ❤💙
I love listening to stephan because this man knows what he’s talking about! Wish he could be my therapist. I was in a two year toxic relationship with a man who was severely emotionally unavailable. I see & know that now that we broke up but during the relationship I was totally blinded. It didn’t matter how clear & direct I was about my wants & needs nothing changed. So, I feel better knowing I communicated with all that I had without expecting him to read my mind or guess . I was always very clear with my communication & because he didn’t care I started telling myself “he just doesn’t care” which led into a bunch of other things which caused arguments everyday . Ultimately, I was emotionally neglected in so many ways & he didn’t care.
😂 Its simple its about trust, respect and 😂 Comunication. If you don't have those you dont have a relationship. There is no power to walking away from love. You just get that person to not trust you. Communication is key
Just Wow!! 👌🏽 ❤ I take notes every time you have StephanSpeaks on❤ so heartfelt and Insightful...life changes Every discussion ! Praise God !
So this actually hit me hard because Im actually the one to Stonewall in my relationship! Or at least I constantly did in my previous relationship. My current relationship is absolutely amazing. He takes the time to try and ingage me in the conversation in another way so that I don't just shut down.
Wow Stephan 💙best talk about individuals in relationships..wonderful insight 🙏😎
He' always good enough for me. I accepted and love him flaws and all, made sure he felt safe with me, yet for him, I was never enough and didn't love him enough. I love him so much but I can't let him drain me further. Our relationship has become toxic, and he said, it's because of me
This is so good. Wow. So much depth to really dissect.
Its okay to do what is good for you and What makes you happy 🎉💪🏾
He is absolutely correct, I have to love the person that he is, if not, I will eventually leave.
So envious of your relationship
Sooo very true!! Thank you Stefan and Lisa God bless you both!!!
Brilliant Stephan! Absolutely brilliant! And THANK YOU ❤😢
This video has literally help me gain clarity❤ thank you very much!
When you address issues right away and you don’t hint he thinks you are finding fault in everything. Do this doesn’t always work.
That's what they ate saying...in that 6 ppl are not aligned.
Thank you Lisa and Steve! Great interview!! Thank you for sharing your personal experiences Lisa. It meant a lot to me that you can have different beliefs as long as you have a strong connection, respect and comm. As for "the one" or your best fit, i think that can change as we grow and evolve, but by maintening close comm and not letting negative feelings fester, i believe two people can grow together 💜💫
It’s not Steve it’s Stephen
In many cases, love is the worst reason to stay in a marriage or relationship. Many of us make the wrong.attachments related to the things we were taught in our youth and society. How many times have you feel in love with the wrong person? People make the wrong attachments all.the time. There is a power that benefits us, if we grow a spine and walk away. It doesn't mean that you loose. It just means that you are growing and maturing. In reality you are winning because you are preparing for a better relationship, because now you know better. When you know better you do better. At some point you just have to say, love doesn't feel like this.
Love is reciprocal.
Exactly it's about who you align with the relationship will flow easier. Also speak up and show up. Make sure you Really know who you choose to commit too. 🤔 Be Honest about how you feel. 🙂 Don't compress feelings just to make someone else happy and comfortable.
You Need Happiness!
Thank you for this!
Your energy is amazing guys! Loved it ❤