When he won't communicate or engage, then more and more responsibility falls to me and I get stressed. If he can't step up and he needs to be treated so tenderly, what's the point? I married a child who doesn't want any responsibility and he is passive-aggressive. He KNOWS what he is doing and chooses to ignore me. I think he likes pushing my buttons and then sits back to watch me squirm. My answer, I can't care anymore. Let him do whatever he wants to. I'm not his mother. I'm tired of making all the decisions. This is such a waste of my heart. I was so invested and he just isn't
Remember, everything we do, we do for a reason or we wouldn’t do it, and so much of what we do is, at least in part, coming from our subconscious. So, even though he may “know” what he is doing, he may not be fully aware of why he is doing it but most likely he sees what he is doing from his perspective and from that perspective his behavior is justified and right. Placing all of the blame on him and trying to “make” him change will most likely invite more of what you don’t want. There is a reason you chose him in the first place. If you want him to change, try to find a way to accept him for who he is, focus on the good in him and then set boundaries with what you will and won’t do, which will influence him to change. You can’t control how he will change but if you begin to do something different in the relationship, it will require him to do something different and will have the choice of changing in a positive/self interest way or a negative/selfish way. There are a lot of other videos on our channel that talk about boundaries, relationships and change which may give you more insight and a different perspective which may help you create the life and relationships that you want. I wish you the best! One other reminder, keep the focus on you, it’s your thoughts, beliefs and behaviors that have created you life, if you want things to be different, then you must begin to be different :-). Gandhi, said “be the change that you want to see in the universe “. When we keep the focus on ourself, we learn more and retain control over how to influence things to be better. When we focus on and blame others, we give away our control and instead choose to keep ourselves “stuck” or in “bondage”. I apologize for the long response, hopefully it is helpful!
Concentrate on what is important to you(friends, hobbies). Things that remind you how awesome you are. Take up a new hobby to keep your mind thinking about something other than him
My husband and I knew each other as children. I was always better friends with his brother because we could talk and connected as friends. When we were almost 30...my husband and I started dating and I married my husband because he is a hard worker and responsible person. Which his brother never really was...that’s why I thought I couldn’t marry his brother. I think because we seemed to always be around each other, I never realized that my husband was not capable of the type of emotional connection that I want and need. I had that type of close connection with his brother and confused having that type of connection with him as well. Now I’m stuck in a marriage that I feel has a shallow connection and always will. My friends tell me that I need to stick it out but it’s so painful to be with someone I can’t have real intimacy with on an emotional level. I love my husband and don’t want to leave but I’m also tired of always feeling alone because he and I just are not compatible. ???
If you stay on this marriage then you have to bear the consequence.I have been married 17 years and.husband prioritize his family and business than me and my daughter.i decided to leave him and stay with my daughter.Now he has no place to comeback to in canada.
@@Rosemary-tz4dm do you think you will work it out. What was his reaction when you decided to leave. I’ve almost left a few times and he never tried to stop me. I guess when you aren’t a priority in that persons mind it’s easier to get over it. Less emotional investment. I pray whatever happens with your situation you have contentment.
True I am in the same place as you are then I hate it most when it's time we engage into sex cause he lacks emotion and doesn't communicate at all one word type of person..when it's gets to enjoying sex I feel pain and almost as if he is raping me no enjoyment at all on my side I just doi it to please him. Somebody help me on how to cope with this bulshit
My husband stops talking to me for the most insignificant things. We have been married for 10 yrs Oct 16th. I'm really getting tired of this. 🤬🤬 Also he doesn't like to talk about work or anything bad that happens.
I was just in an argument with my husband last night because he doesnt communcate with me i told him "you talk to your family and friends and im the last one who you inform, thats if you tell me" i always inform him about my whereabouts my family my work and other situations i was in tears really frustrating.
@@raqueldrift9558 , exactly what I do. 🤗😢🤗 I live in Ca, LA county, told him I was going with my sister in law to the Jewelry Mart. Just before I got home 5 minutes away he calls me angrily to asked me where I was. He said what have u been doing for 7 hours! If u have ever been there you would know why it takes so long, plus my sister in law drives so slow a snail would beat here. So the silence has a stronger reason to continue. If you have FB, my id id Andean Gem, we can suffer together! 😳🙄🤔😮🤐👀♥️
I was way too young when I married my husband. I was 18, and we come from different cultures. A judge married us in a court. I was pregnant and my mother intervened. We did date for 8 months. I believe that I made a mistake. I most likely manipulated this man. He is 7 years older than I. We had 2 kids and they are grown and they are living their lives. We have been married for years 34 years, and it's like he has really never been there for me. He prefers his friends. I met the Lord when I was 23 years old. I'm a Christian and know the Lord through God's Holy Spirit. He doesn't care about the things of God. In the past, he has gone through trauma. His arm was crushed in his 30's. I believe that this could of really affected our relationship. I feel sorry for him and that's why I don't want to leave him.
Now you know the truth of who he is, or at least who he is right now. With this information, you get to choose what you think, how you feel and what you do. It is important to remember that his behavior is about “him” not you. It is his choice to do whatever he is doing You now have the control over what you want to do. You can’t change him, all you can do is influence him. But you have the. choice and control to stay in the relationship and choose to be happy and hope that he may eventually change or find a way to be happy even if he doesn’t change. Or you can choose to leave the relationship. It is important to remember that you control your happiness, not him. Hope this helps!
Wow. I responded to this post tonight. Didn't realize I responded to this same video years ago!!! I had no idea until I looked at when u responded. 2 years ago. Either I am in a time warp or I am not listening to myself.
We had great communication.. and barely 4/5 years in he straight up ignores me not all the time but It gives me so much anxiety when he won't talk to me. i love him so much, idk what to do..
You didnt help me at all. All you said was that I should do this I should do that,I tried everything and he still gives me the sarcastic body language and is silent then just bursts into agression on me.
My husband does not know how to have a conversation of give and take where you talk and then allow the other person to talk or ask questions or interject ideas. He likes to talk like a runaway freight train without interruption, however by the time he is finished I don't remember what he has said. When I try to have a normal conversation then he says I'm interrupting him.
I think my husband is bipolar. We could be having an amazing day, and then he suddenly stops talking to me. I have no idea what I did, or if I actually did so something. It just leaves me wondering. If I ask him about it, he gets really snappy. Living with a person like this is beyond exhausting. You’re constantly left wondering if you’re the cause of their triggered emotions and them giving you the cold shoulder. When his personality is great, it’s great! But when it’s horrible, it’s really bad.
8 years 2 kids and he refuses to talk to me. I work hard even as a full time mom to help with bills and keep us from damage. An example: we drive together somewhere and i share with him something deep about God about my fears and how God helped me through it today. He says nothing. But comes up with another topic about how he felt about a WORD and how cancle culture and such.... I listen. When hes done i tell him that i felt it was petty to talk about something like that when i had just poured my heart out. That as his wife was there anything else he could talk about that would matter that was about HIM and his spirit. Anything to share with me his wife that was deep even for a moment? He became defensive saying he wasnt being petty and that the use of a word was indeed cultural appropriation... And that it mattered for him. When i ask how? He took his phone and walked away from the car to walk 15 miles home.( knowing he has to work in the morning) This is something hes always done. And yes when i met him i saw who he was... But my pitty for him combined with his lieing about his future life plans really blinded me. I dont even like talking much and i honor space and alone time... But at this point i coddled him into thinking he never has to be held accountable for his ways and how they affect me. Becasue ive accepted it all! And now i am figuring my way out... And i leave this all sick with social anxiety, HBP, arthritis, and a very closed cold inner being... All becasue i allowed it this way for this long. You are correct. I allowed this for myself.
Men get tires of being emotional tampons. Women dump their woes on men a lot. Have you ever tried to consistently show interest in what he likes? Without complaint, for a long period of time? You'd be amazed of the result.
@@Yahkeam you are right. But you dont know my husband. What i described is an example of every thing for 8 years. Some women like me are co dependant. We enable this from men... And then wonder why were so down. Im not a very emotional person... And not having anyone to talk to when i do have something to say... Its very painful. Ive done it all his way for a long time.
@@raquelreyes2011 only thing I can say is that I know of a real example of a woman who was in a situation like yours. She wasn't receiving the much needed time and attention from her husband for a long time. So, what she did was ask wisdom from God. And God revealed to her that she put her husband before God. So she spent much time with God everyday for months. She learned to love God again. At the same time, She had the inclination to serve her husband like they just met. She didn't gripe or complain once. She took her concerns to God in prayer because of her broken heart. She did this for about 2 months. It finally broke her husband's hardened heart. He saw the spirit of Christ in her so much that his conscious began to eat away at his soul. Therefore: “If thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink. For in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.” Romans 12:21 Their marriage was restored.
I like this video but I do disagree we have control over our conscious thoughts. Thoughts arise by themselves all the time, they are a cycle of stimulus and response. I don't feel responsible for what I think, but I do for the way I react to these thoughts?
I did learn that we can pay more attention to what we think. When a thought comes up that is not productive or is negative or harmful self -talk. We can catch ourselves and choose a different thought. It's a lot of work, but over time, we can choose our thoughts. We just need to create a new habit. I wish you well.
monty shmonty I agree, I would say that most of the thoughts that just “pop up” are coming from our subconscious and past conditioning, once we become aware of those thoughts we can then choose what we want to do with them! Thank you for your comment!
Thank you for your comment. I’m not sure exactly what you mean but my intent is not to blame anyone because blaming only gives away our power and control and keeps us stuck. Taking accountability, though doing so can be difficult at times, frees us up and gives us the ability to improve our lives and circumstances
Do you have any advice for someone who did have a shotgun wedding? We only dated 6 months moved in and a month later was pregnant. We have been through a lot of shit a lot of his lies and lot more to go. I have been doing this for 12 yrs now I’m so tired of being alone 😢
First, I am sorry that you are unhappy and that your relationship is the way it is! Second, I really do believe that we live in a world of abundance, meaning, I believe it is possible for all of us to find all of the love, joy, peace, happiness and all that comes with the above if we are willing to take accountability for our own lives. Our lives and relationships are a reflection of ourself but it is much easier for us to look at the things in our life that we don’t like and blame it on our circumstances our situation or another person. The problem is, when we do that, we give away our power and control. If we can look at ourself and identify some things that we may be doing to maintain or attract the things we don’t like, then we have complete control to change those things. I don’t know if you have watched any of my other videos but if not, I would suggest watching some of them. There is a lot more information on how to improve our lives and relationships from a principle based perspective. And finally, doing this work can be hard, I know :-), but it can also be very rewarding! Hopefully you have some good friends or support people in your life to love you through it. If you do watch some other videos and have more questions, feel free to reach out to me!
My husband won’t talk to me , just abandon me and just gets on with his work. What am I supposed to do? I am lonely girl in foreign country and if he’s not taking to me , I have none . What shall I do? Please help.
I am sorry! I would recommend watching more of my videos. The purpose of this channel is to help us understand that we always have a choice about what we think, how we feel and what we do and recognizing what we can control and what we can’t control. We can then make a decision to either accept what we can’t control or to focus on and change the things that we can control. The other important thing to remember is that everything we do, we do for a reason. So there is a reason that your husband does what he does. If you can understand why he does the things he does, what the goal or outcome that he gets from doing what he does, you may then be better able to influence him to change his behavior Also, whatever we focus on tends to grow or expand. So if there are things that he does that you appreciate, try to focus on and let him know that you appreciate those things
I'm also in a foreign country, with a husband that won't speak to me. You're not alone, and I'm shocked that I found someone else in the same position as me. It's lonely, but I hope things for you get better :')
@@PoptartParasol thank you for your lovely words. We are definitely not alone. Lots of love and good wishes to you. Hope things will change for the better for us.
When he won't communicate or engage, then more and more responsibility falls to me and I get stressed. If he can't step up and he needs to be treated so tenderly, what's the point? I married a child who doesn't want any responsibility and he is passive-aggressive. He KNOWS what he is doing and chooses to ignore me. I think he likes pushing my buttons and then sits back to watch me squirm. My answer, I can't care anymore. Let him do whatever he wants to. I'm not his mother. I'm tired of making all the decisions. This is such a waste of my heart. I was so invested and he just isn't
Remember, everything we do, we do for a reason or we wouldn’t do it, and so much of what we do is, at least in part, coming from our subconscious. So, even though he may “know” what he is doing, he may not be fully aware of why he is doing it but most likely he sees what he is doing from his perspective and from that perspective his behavior is justified and right. Placing all of the blame on him and trying to “make” him change will most likely invite more of what you don’t want. There is a reason you chose him in the first place. If you want him to change, try to find a way to accept him for who he is, focus on the good in him and then set boundaries with what you will and won’t do, which will influence him to change. You can’t control how he will change but if you begin to do something different in the relationship, it will require him to do something different and will have the choice of changing in a positive/self interest way or a negative/selfish way. There are a lot of other videos on our channel that talk about boundaries, relationships and change which may give you more insight and a different perspective which may help you create the life and relationships that you want. I wish you the best! One other reminder, keep the focus on you, it’s your thoughts, beliefs and behaviors that have created you life, if you want things to be different, then you must begin to be different :-). Gandhi, said “be the change that you want to see in the universe “. When we keep the focus on ourself, we learn more and retain control over how to influence things to be better. When we focus on and blame others, we give away our control and instead choose to keep ourselves “stuck” or in “bondage”. I apologize for the long response, hopefully it is helpful!
Concentrate on what is important to you(friends, hobbies). Things that remind you how awesome you are. Take up a new hobby to keep your mind thinking about something other than him
He does know what he’s doing and it’s his form of controlling you.
It’s very hurtful to be around a person that acts like you don’t exist
I hope you dont stop posting. I value what you say. Thank you.❤
You are welcome! Hoping to start posting soon!
That's why I left the marriage
That a good move Rosé i also left the marriedge and is my best
U did good! I am thinking about it!
I am working on my exit plan…
My husband and I knew each other as children. I was always better friends with his brother because we could talk and connected as friends. When we were almost 30...my husband and I started dating and I married my husband because he is a hard worker and responsible person. Which his brother never really was...that’s why I thought I couldn’t marry his brother. I think because we seemed to always be around each other, I never realized that my husband was not capable of the type of emotional connection that I want and need. I had that type of close connection with his brother and confused having that type of connection with him as well. Now I’m stuck in a marriage that I feel has a shallow connection and always will. My friends tell me that I need to stick it out but it’s so painful to be with someone I can’t have real intimacy with on an emotional level. I love my husband and don’t want to leave but I’m also tired of always feeling alone because he and I just are not compatible. ???
If you stay on this marriage then you have to bear the consequence.I have been married 17 years and.husband prioritize his family and business than me and my daughter.i decided to leave him and stay with my daughter.Now he has no place to comeback to in canada.
@@Rosemary-tz4dm do you think you will work it out. What was his reaction when you decided to leave. I’ve almost left a few times and he never tried to stop me. I guess when you aren’t a priority in that persons mind it’s easier to get over it. Less emotional investment. I pray whatever happens with your situation you have contentment.
True I am in the same place as you are then I hate it most when it's time we engage into sex cause he lacks emotion and doesn't communicate at all one word type of person..when it's gets to enjoying sex I feel pain and almost as if he is raping me no enjoyment at all on my side I just doi it to please him. Somebody help me on how to cope with this bulshit
My husband stops talking to me for the most insignificant things. We have been married for 10 yrs Oct 16th. I'm really getting tired of this. 🤬🤬
Also he doesn't like to talk about work or anything bad that happens.
I was just in an argument with my husband last night because he doesnt communcate with me i told him "you talk to your family and friends and im the last one who you inform, thats if you tell me" i always inform him about my whereabouts my family my work and other situations i was in tears really frustrating.
@@raqueldrift9558 , exactly what I do. 🤗😢🤗
I live in Ca, LA county, told him I was going with my sister in law to the Jewelry Mart. Just before I got home 5 minutes away he calls me angrily to asked me where I was. He said what have u been doing for 7 hours! If u have ever been there you would know why it takes so long, plus my sister in law drives so slow a snail would beat here. So the silence has a stronger reason to continue.
If you have FB, my id id Andean Gem, we can suffer together! 😳🙄🤔😮🤐👀♥️
1. Give him his space 2. Reflect on the way you treat him.
I was way too young when I married my husband. I was 18, and we come from different cultures. A judge married us in a court. I was pregnant and my mother intervened. We did date for 8 months. I believe that I made a mistake. I most likely manipulated this man. He is 7 years older than I. We had 2 kids and they are grown and they are living their lives. We have been married for years 34 years, and it's like he has really never been there for me. He prefers his friends. I met the Lord when I was 23 years old. I'm a Christian and know the Lord through God's Holy Spirit. He doesn't care about the things of God. In the past, he has gone through trauma. His arm was crushed in his 30's. I believe that this could of really affected our relationship. I feel sorry for him and that's why I don't want to leave him.
What if my husband said things that lead me to believe he would be a certain kind of person but he is completely opposite now?
Now you know the truth of who he is, or at least who he is right now. With this information, you get to choose what you think, how you feel and what you do. It is important to remember that his behavior is about “him” not you. It is his choice to do whatever he is doing You now have the control over what you want to do. You can’t change him, all you can do is influence him. But you have the. choice and control to stay in the relationship and choose to be happy and hope that he may eventually change or find a way to be happy even if he doesn’t change. Or you can choose to leave the relationship. It is important to remember that you control your happiness, not him. Hope this helps!
Wow. I responded to this post tonight. Didn't realize I responded to this same video years ago!!! I had no idea until I looked at when u responded. 2 years ago. Either I am in a time warp or I am not listening to myself.
We had great communication.. and barely 4/5 years in he straight up ignores me not all the time but It gives me so much anxiety when he won't talk to me. i love him so much, idk what to do..
You didnt help me at all. All you said was that I should do this I should do that,I tried everything and he still gives me the sarcastic body language and is silent then just bursts into agression on me.
Thank you so much very helpful
Amen ...change self
Yes I found it useful. Thank you.
Helpful thank you
My husband does not know how to have a conversation of give and take where you talk and then allow the other person to talk or ask questions or interject ideas. He likes to talk like a runaway freight train without interruption, however by the time he is finished I don't remember what he has said. When I try to have a normal conversation then he says I'm interrupting him.
I think my husband is bipolar. We could be having an amazing day, and then he suddenly stops talking to me. I have no idea what I did, or if I actually did so something. It just leaves me wondering. If I ask him about it, he gets really snappy. Living with a person like this is beyond exhausting. You’re constantly left wondering if you’re the cause of their triggered emotions and them giving you the cold shoulder. When his personality is great, it’s great! But when it’s horrible, it’s really bad.
8 years 2 kids and he refuses to talk to me. I work hard even as a full time mom to help with bills and keep us from damage. An example: we drive together somewhere and i share with him something deep about God about my fears and how God helped me through it today. He says nothing. But comes up with another topic about how he felt about a WORD and how cancle culture and such.... I listen. When hes done i tell him that i felt it was petty to talk about something like that when i had just poured my heart out. That as his wife was there anything else he could talk about that would matter that was about HIM and his spirit. Anything to share with me his wife that was deep even for a moment? He became defensive saying he wasnt being petty and that the use of a word was indeed cultural appropriation... And that it mattered for him. When i ask how? He took his phone and walked away from the car to walk 15 miles home.( knowing he has to work in the morning) This is something hes always done. And yes when i met him i saw who he was... But my pitty for him combined with his lieing about his future life plans really blinded me. I dont even like talking much and i honor space and alone time... But at this point i coddled him into thinking he never has to be held accountable for his ways and how they affect me. Becasue ive accepted it all! And now i am figuring my way out... And i leave this all sick with social anxiety, HBP, arthritis, and a very closed cold inner being... All becasue i allowed it this way for this long. You are correct. I allowed this for myself.
Men get tires of being emotional tampons. Women dump their woes on men a lot. Have you ever tried to consistently show interest in what he likes? Without complaint, for a long period of time? You'd be amazed of the result.
@@Yahkeam you are right. But you dont know my husband. What i described is an example of every thing for 8 years. Some women like me are co dependant. We enable this from men... And then wonder why were so down. Im not a very emotional person... And not having anyone to talk to when i do have something to say... Its very painful. Ive done it all his way for a long time.
@@raquelreyes2011 only thing I can say is that I know of a real example of a woman who was in a situation like yours. She wasn't receiving the much needed time and attention from her husband for a long time. So, what she did was ask wisdom from God. And God revealed to her that she put her husband before God. So she spent much time with God everyday for months. She learned to love God again. At the same time, She had the inclination to serve her husband like they just met. She didn't gripe or complain once. She took her concerns to God in prayer because of her broken heart. She did this for about 2 months.
It finally broke her husband's hardened heart. He saw the spirit of Christ in her so much that his conscious began to eat away at his soul.
Therefore: “If thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink. For in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.”
Romans 12:21
Their marriage was restored.
Please help how do I be positive and still communicate?
I don’t find this video useful
This is a bunch of nothing used to putting so much effort when we were together and now he won't
Thank you so much!
I like this video but I do disagree we have control over our conscious thoughts. Thoughts arise by themselves all the time, they are a cycle of stimulus and response. I don't feel responsible for what I think, but I do for the way I react to these thoughts?
I did learn that we can pay more attention to what we think. When a thought comes up that is not productive or is negative or harmful self -talk. We can catch ourselves and choose a different thought. It's a lot of work, but over time, we can choose our thoughts. We just need to create a new habit. I wish you well.
monty shmonty I agree, I would say that most of the thoughts that just “pop up” are coming from our subconscious and past conditioning, once we become aware of those thoughts we can then choose what we want to do with them! Thank you for your comment!
I bet you will say it's the wifes fault. You men stick together waaay too much.
Thank you for your comment. I’m not sure exactly what you mean but my intent is not to blame anyone because blaming only gives away our power and control and keeps us stuck. Taking accountability, though doing so can be difficult at times, frees us up and gives us the ability to improve our lives and circumstances
Very good
Do you have any advice for someone who did have a shotgun wedding? We only dated 6 months moved in and a month later was pregnant. We have been through a lot of shit a lot of his lies and lot more to go. I have been doing this for 12 yrs now I’m so tired of being alone 😢
First, I am sorry that you are unhappy and that your relationship is the way it is! Second, I really do believe that we live in a world of abundance, meaning, I believe it is possible for all of us to find all of the love, joy, peace, happiness and all that comes with the above if we are willing to take accountability for our own lives. Our lives and relationships are a reflection of ourself but it is much easier for us to look at the things in our life that we don’t like and blame it on our circumstances our situation or another person. The problem is, when we do that, we give away our power and control. If we can look at ourself and identify some things that we may be doing to maintain or attract the things we don’t like, then we have complete control to change those things. I don’t know if you have watched any of my other videos but if not, I would suggest watching some of them. There is a lot more information on how to improve our lives and relationships from a principle based perspective. And finally, doing this work can be hard, I know :-), but it can also be very rewarding! Hopefully you have some good friends or support people in your life to love you through it. If you do watch some other videos and have more questions, feel free to reach out to me!
@@principlebasedliving3294 thank you I will look at your other videos
My husband won’t talk to me , just abandon me and just gets on with his work. What am I supposed to do? I am lonely girl in foreign country and if he’s not taking to me , I have none . What shall I do? Please help.
I am sorry! I would recommend watching more of my videos. The purpose of this channel is to help us understand that we always have a choice about what we think, how we feel and what we do and recognizing what we can control and what we can’t control. We can then make a decision to either accept what we can’t control or to focus on and change the things that we can control. The other important thing to remember is that everything we do, we do for a reason. So there is a reason that your husband does what he does. If you can understand why he does the things he does, what the goal or outcome that he gets from doing what he does, you may then be better able to influence him to change his behavior
Also, whatever we focus on tends to grow or expand. So if there are things that he does that you appreciate, try to focus on and let him know that you appreciate those things
@@principlebasedliving3294 thank you very much for your kind words ❤️
I'm also in a foreign country, with a husband that won't speak to me. You're not alone, and I'm shocked that I found someone else in the same position as me. It's lonely, but I hope things for you get better :')
@@PoptartParasol thank you for your lovely words. We are definitely not alone. Lots of love and good wishes to you. Hope things will change for the better for us.
@@PoptartParasolwhy do you want your husband to gossip when he come home tired from work
you have no controle over feelings.
This is a two way street
So tired of this
I will use my free will and free myself
Did he really just start the video with "it's the woman's fault?"