He told me that he always expects disappointment and I felt SO SAD for him. Then there was a part of me that took it personally and was hurtful and I distanced myself just to re-regulate and then I realized how I needed to be strong, because I'd rather have someone hurt me with honesty than hide. I want him to come to me if he is feeling sad, stressed, overwhelmed, scared, etc. It's hard.
I have told my husband that I don't feel safe to express my emotions or like I can be myself in our home and marriage and I couldn't really explain it, but you said it. The reason why is because for 10 year every time I did he would tell me what I should think, what I should feel, ny feelings are wrong,or what my ambitions SHOULD be or what I should believe. I feel rejected by him, and in turn have rejected him. Now I know
Please sit down with your husband and slap him and really tell him. Give him a chance. I am that husband who is currently going through this, I just wish my wife told me in a serious adult manner as opposed to in small subtle bits. Please, do not destroy a man who loves you.
My wife getting out of limerance with one person and now she is going to another one... I am tired of trying to be the right person for her... enough is enough...
Don’t look at it as you’re not the right one. Either are the others she is going in and out of limerence. She is searching for something she doesn’t have or might not even know. Focus on your P.I.E.S. Be the constant in her life. It’s very much a selfless approach of Love, Grace, Mercy and Forgiveness. Attributes of Christ the best example of a Husband to a Bride (us) that ignores Him. Take a season of your life and stay committed and focus on you being the best bride to Jesus and learn what it takes to be the best husband to your bride.
When you have a serial cheating wife, no matter what you do they will always cheat. Your forgiveness and letting her get away with it is a hash pass for her to do it again and again. It’s the excitement that keeps her having affairs. Cheat once that can be forgiven, cheat more than that no matter what you do they will keep doing it. Sorry but that’s fact and I’m speaking from experience. Get out while you can.
@@user-has-left their serial cheating is a symptom of them longing for true connection. True love, true trust. The same could be said for the lack of trust of change, forgiveness and unconditional love that regardless the circumstances or someone else behavior your approach and commitment doesn’t change. Why limit how much you forgive someone? Your experience is valid, but if you always act on your feelings you’re no better then the serial cheater that acts on theirs. Women want to be safe, cherished, have consistency and be held to responsibility by a true man of faith that can lead, not by delegation but by example of constant love, grace, mercy and forgiveness.
Not necessarily. Have you ever heard of attachment styles? Some people are what's considered Dismissive Avoidant & they are just content to live life out of touch with their emotions. They are tough tough tough to connect with emotionally.
This is not true. My mom would always say this to me and now my husband. If I have any emotion I must be getting if from elsewhere. I literally have no one else.
Dear Beams, you have been my source of hope in the last month. Light at the end of a tunnel… please keep doing what you’re doing. For many husbands or wives, you’re the last two people who believe it’s still possible for the damaged marriage to last and be happy again ❤
I am guilt of this. I'll be working on this. This is my anger and my long-term frustration talking. I am having a great deal of trouble adjusting to my husbands constants demands on me. He has constant health issues and expects me to do EVERYTHING in the home and everything he wants or needs. My therapist calls this "learned helplessness." He did this with his first wife (she told me), then me and now the ladies at work.. I also have my own health issues and I am working full time to heal. He is capable of making his own doctor's appointments, calling the MAX bus for a ride making his decision about his pain meds etc .I need him to take care of his own needs. I have spent the last 27 years taking care of him and I AM EXHAUSTED and drained by him and his constant needs. I feel unappreciated and taken for granted. I am now 72 and I need time and energy at this point to take care of my own physical and mental health needs for a change.
impressed by this dialogue. You guys are touching on points we normally wouldn't think off. That's making me think a little, so welcome me i am subscribed to your channel. The older man seems to have lot of wisdom n young lady is not only beautiful but intelligently carrying the conversation. I am sold, you guys are a keeper. Thank you for all that you do in preserving human relationships for they are important for society to function sanely.
I'm guilty of this on multiple levels. I completely shut down in the wake of several losses last year, and now I'm the one who's been shut down and pushing. The past few years have been very difficult emotionally for my partner and me, and we're still not at a place where we are a safe space for each other again.
The opening of this is why I became emotionally unavailable to my ex 12-13 years ago. Which then led to an affair because I could not approach my wife to talk about issues and in my weakness and stupidity, sought it elsewhere. Now in the present day, I know and understand my weaknesses and how to communicate better for future relationships.
I was just having this conversation with my husband yesterday. Now I can send this to him so that we can understand each other's experiences better. We've both made mistakes with this.
I can’t imagine why anyone who is watching this with the rest of us would be offended by much. Everyone’s minds should be completely open in order to change.
Thanks, this is insightful. We are both guilty of this, one way more than the other. I don't dare share much here. She is on her 3rd affair, 2nd time with the same guy. First was just a fling. I wish we could afford your workshop, but four school age boys and Bidens economy make have made both options impossible at this point. At one point this would have been just inside reach. She's willing and only part of our reconciliation attempts were with wile while the others we have don't wrong in more than a few ways. What's worse is we're less than an hour from Spring Hill. If she finds this video that would be good. But she reads the comment section pretty avidly more often than not. I'm trying my best with your videos and maybe I'm doing ok ish. I've always been a self reflected/improver while she is more stead fast and bull headed. IDK if we can fix it again. At least this go around I am more collected thanks to your help on YT. I was more of a mess without them. It's been 15 years of ups and downs improvement and breakdowns and giving up isn't in my nature. If only I had of found you guys sooner. At least this time if it fails, I can leave knowing I will be better off than not having applied your advice.
I could relate to this because I was that wife who was completely shut down and I not pushed my husband away but also anyone who loved me because my daughter became a drug addict and homeless but in mind If I could just save her she would stop and she did for a year in rehab but then back to it. I have learned that I can’t save anyone or push my feelings onto them.
Very valuable lessons im about to get married an i am very thankful for your videos, i have seen myself going into in many troubles while seing these videos, troubles i will now be able to avoid , just wan'a say the more time you invest in a partner the more valuable the relationship becomes, if you want to show love it has to be some sacrifice If not for what do you need love
Watch "To be a Man by Dax. The mega mix version will tell tou wverything you need to know. My wife of 35 years left when she got overloaded. I tried but she had nothing left to give. She sought comfort outside our marriage so it is over but i do understand she was hurting.
It sounds nice the argument of men opening up but in reality nine times out of ten the women will lose respect if she sees him weak. I've been experiencing this myself
To an avoidant "im here for you, im not going to leave you."
Them: "bye"
I really wish I found this channel before my marriage fell apart 😢
I would love to have this conversation with my wife, but she won't put her phone down long enough to look me in the eye and connect.
Try calling her on the phone.
Then stop talking in the middle of the conversation, she will look up immediately 😉
He told me that he always expects disappointment and I felt SO SAD for him. Then there was a part of me that took it personally and was hurtful and I distanced myself just to re-regulate and then I realized how I needed to be strong, because I'd rather have someone hurt me with honesty than hide. I want him to come to me if he is feeling sad, stressed, overwhelmed, scared, etc. It's hard.
I have told my husband that I don't feel safe to express my emotions or like I can be myself in our home and marriage and I couldn't really explain it, but you said it. The reason why is because for 10 year every time I did he would tell me what I should think, what I should feel, ny feelings are wrong,or what my ambitions SHOULD be or what I should believe. I feel rejected by him, and in turn have rejected him. Now I know
Girl that’s my current situation and I get mad I actually talk back 😢like I put myself in defensive mode
Please sit down with your husband and slap him and really tell him. Give him a chance. I am that husband who is currently going through this, I just wish my wife told me in a serious adult manner as opposed to in small subtle bits. Please, do not destroy a man who loves you.
My wife getting out of limerance with one person and now she is going to another one... I am tired of trying to be the right person for her... enough is enough...
Don’t look at it as you’re not the right one. Either are the others she is going in and out of limerence. She is searching for something she doesn’t have or might not even know.
Focus on your P.I.E.S. Be the constant in her life. It’s very much a selfless approach of Love, Grace, Mercy and Forgiveness. Attributes of Christ the best example of a Husband to a Bride (us) that ignores Him.
Take a season of your life and stay committed and focus on you being the best bride to Jesus and learn what it takes to be the best husband to your bride.
look up love addiction. usually a symptom of something else. Kimberly has a podcast on that too
When you have a serial cheating wife, no matter what you do they will always cheat. Your forgiveness and letting her get away with it is a hash pass for her to do it again and again. It’s the excitement that keeps her having affairs. Cheat once that can be forgiven, cheat more than that no matter what you do they will keep doing it. Sorry but that’s fact and I’m speaking from experience. Get out while you can.
@@user-has-left their serial cheating is a symptom of them longing for true connection. True love, true trust.
The same could be said for the lack of trust of change, forgiveness and unconditional love that regardless the circumstances or someone else behavior your approach and commitment doesn’t change.
Why limit how much you forgive someone? Your experience is valid, but if you always act on your feelings you’re no better then the serial cheater that acts on theirs.
Women want to be safe, cherished, have consistency and be held to responsibility by a true man of faith that can lead, not by delegation but by example of constant love, grace, mercy and forgiveness.
Um, why are you even still there??
Involving other people who do not have Godly wisdom will almost always destroy trust, intimacy, and most often leads to separation and divorce
This is exactly what I am dealing with my husband.
Find out who they are connecting with........always someone else
Not necessarily. Have you ever heard of attachment styles? Some people are what's considered Dismissive Avoidant & they are just content to live life out of touch with their emotions. They are tough tough tough to connect with emotionally.
Absolutely not true.
@@daisylavenderlove not if they haven't always been that way, it's all relative
This is not true. My mom would always say this to me and now my husband. If I have any emotion I must be getting if from elsewhere. I literally have no one else.
Dear Beams, you have been my source of hope in the last month. Light at the end of a tunnel… please keep doing what you’re doing. For many husbands or wives, you’re the last two people who believe it’s still possible for the damaged marriage to last and be happy again ❤
I am guilt of this. I'll be working on this. This is my anger and my long-term frustration talking. I am having a great deal of trouble adjusting to my husbands constants demands on me. He has constant health issues and expects me to do EVERYTHING in the home and everything he wants or needs. My therapist calls this "learned helplessness." He did this with his first wife (she told me), then me and now the ladies at work.. I also have my own health issues and I am working full time to heal. He is capable of making his own doctor's appointments, calling the MAX bus for a ride making his decision about his pain meds etc .I need him to take care of his own needs. I have spent the last 27 years taking care of him and I AM EXHAUSTED and drained by him and his constant needs. I feel unappreciated and taken for granted. I am now 72 and I need time and energy at this point to take care of my own physical and mental health needs for a change.
Sorry you are married to such a needy and selfish person. That would be hard to deal with... Props to you....for staying strong and in there.
Put him on a place to the Philippines. A 20's something Filipina will meet him at the airport, take him home and take care of his every need.
impressed by this dialogue. You guys are touching on points we normally wouldn't think off. That's making me think a little, so welcome me i am subscribed to your channel. The older man seems to have lot of wisdom n young lady is not only beautiful but intelligently carrying the conversation. I am sold, you guys are a keeper.
Thank you for all that you do in preserving human relationships for they are important for society to function sanely.
I'm guilty of this on multiple levels. I completely shut down in the wake of several losses last year, and now I'm the one who's been shut down and pushing. The past few years have been very difficult emotionally for my partner and me, and we're still not at a place where we are a safe space for each other again.
The opening of this is why I became emotionally unavailable to my ex 12-13 years ago. Which then led to an affair because I could not approach my wife to talk about issues and in my weakness and stupidity, sought it elsewhere. Now in the present day, I know and understand my weaknesses and how to communicate better for future relationships.
I was just having this conversation with my husband yesterday. Now I can send this to him so that we can understand each other's experiences better. We've both made mistakes with this.
Sent my husband this too 😮
Same I just sent it but 😢I know he gonna say he don’t need to watch this video ..
I can’t imagine why anyone who is watching this with the rest of us would be offended by much. Everyone’s minds should be completely open in order to change.
Thanks, this is insightful. We are both guilty of this, one way more than the other. I don't dare share much here. She is on her 3rd affair, 2nd time with the same guy. First was just a fling. I wish we could afford your workshop, but four school age boys and Bidens economy make have made both options impossible at this point. At one point this would have been just inside reach. She's willing and only part of our reconciliation attempts were with wile while the others we have don't wrong in more than a few ways. What's worse is we're less than an hour from Spring Hill. If she finds this video that would be good. But she reads the comment section pretty avidly more often than not. I'm trying my best with your videos and maybe I'm doing ok ish. I've always been a self reflected/improver while she is more stead fast and bull headed. IDK if we can fix it again. At least this go around I am more collected thanks to your help on YT. I was more of a mess without them. It's been 15 years of ups and downs improvement and breakdowns and giving up isn't in my nature. If only I had of found you guys sooner. At least this time if it fails, I can leave knowing I will be better off than not having applied your advice.
Love the Merle Haggard song, one of my favorites.
I could relate to this because I was that wife who was completely shut down and I not pushed my husband away but also anyone who loved me because my daughter became a drug addict and homeless but in mind If I could just save her she would stop and she did for a year in rehab but then back to it. I have learned that I can’t save anyone or push my feelings onto them.
Very valuable lessons im about to get married an i am very thankful for your videos, i have seen myself going into in many troubles while seing these videos, troubles i will now be able to avoid ,
just wan'a say the more time you invest in a partner the more valuable the relationship becomes, if you want to show love it has to be some sacrifice
If not for what do you need love
I have been going through this for a few years now
Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom I so appreciate this ☘️🌷
I checked out from my marriage after the infidelity. I was afraid I would be hurt again.
Consequences are an acceptable choice.
I’m going crazy I’m constantly trying to figure out what goes wrong with us but apparently I’m always the issue
Very enlightening. Thank you
So basically we need to be better people not to mess up?
Watch "To be a Man by Dax. The mega mix version will tell tou wverything you need to know. My wife of 35 years left when she got overloaded. I tried but she had nothing left to give. She sought comfort outside our marriage so it is over but i do understand she was hurting.
It sounds nice the argument of men opening up but in reality nine times out of ten the women will lose respect if she sees him weak. I've been experiencing this myself
That sucks man my husband thinks the same that’s why he bump heads lately it’s been awful 😢I feel like I’m loosing him
Surtout dans la j'ai pris le temps de me forgé à ma posture propres émotions