Be yourself at all times and be confident and proud of who you are! Eventually someone will notice and appreciate your unique and special qualities. It might take awhile for that to happen---but it's absolutely worth the wait! (And the alternatives are something to run FAR FAR away from!!)
How I wish that I could. I’m struggling so much right now, especially since I feel there’s a lot of fear of engagement from her part and I know she likes me too. How I wished I could find a way to make her feel comfortable and trust me …
The mistakes, for those in a hurry 1) Obsessing over why she pulled away 2) Chasing (not pursuing- she has another video explaining the difference. Check it out when you eventually finish your deep dive on this one. ) 3) Grand gestures/Being overly nice 4) Getting clingy 5) Trying to change her mind/Begging 6) Waiting around for her My cheesy summary? She may not respect you either way. But she DEFINITELY won't respect you if you don't respect yourself. Go out there and kick ass, my dudes. But before you do, give this video a thumbs up 👍
@Spots Corner I feel like I did most of these, with a SHAMEFUL amount of emphasis on number 5. But I don't think I waited around. That's the only thing in there that I didn't do
you could just summarize the whole thing by saying if women pull away let them go, because everything you could do is wrong. maybe send them one text telling them by and saying that it is cowardly of them to fade away instead of being respectful and just telling you it doesn't work for them. might actually be the only move that might have her reconsider. but even if she does, don't take her back.
Being with a girl who doesn't like you that much is just a losing deal, you'll never come out ahead or even no matter what you say or do. Needs to like you at least as much as you like her (usually more) for it to work out.
Guys, at the end of the day, you can't control other people and if the girl pulls away, just forget about it. All you can do is present your best self to a girl, show her why you are the real deal and a good choice, and after that, it is up to her to connect the dots and open the door. If she can't do that, just move on and another girl will be able to get you. A real man with value doesn't need to chase someone or clobber them over the head on why he's high value; people will be able to see that make the connections as needed, and if they can't, that's their loss.
@@mattlogan425 She is definitely RUclips's favorite big siste! I found her well over a year ago for fashion advice, and that's typically all I needed, yet I'm here to support the channel as well as everyone in the comments section so hit that 🛎 and enjoy!
@@marasco.official Well. I know. Whatever the feelings, once you make peace with idea that you can't change her mind - not now, and very possibly never - the better for you. And yes, it will get better with time. A lot better. Speaking from experience.
This is why it's healthier to chase/obsess over your own hobbies, and interests. When a woman pulls away, put that chasing/obsession energy towards your hobbies and interests. This will not only help you cope, but you'll feel happier and will make you a more interesting person that other women will respect and admire.
Some of us do not have hobbies/interests that 20s women can easily come by. For me it is real estate development, urban planning, architecture, and current affairs. Most guys aren't even into it either.
@@Cyrus992 maybe I should have said passions which can include hobbies, interests, profession (career/busines), fitness, communities, volunteering, etc. Passion/ambition are attractive in anyone.
This only applies to women which are less interesting than your hobbies and interests. But then again, why bother with those women? If she is the one then no hobby or interest would be more interesting and fulfilling than being with her.
We as guys need to get out of our logical mindset when this happens..and searching for reasons. Just let her go. If she is someone who you want to circle her way back to you, you have a far better chance of succeeding if you leave her be, and live your own life. It seems counter intuitive if you havent experiencd this or have failed at it, but it's true.
Either that, or she wasn't feeling you off the rip. Do yourselves a favor, keep it moving and focus on yourselves. Women that are attracted to you and who have a high interest in making things happen won't be giving you the run around. Keep on doing your thing, gents! 🙏🏿
I've done every single mistake listed here lol. I'd love to say I wouldn't have made these mistakes if this video was out 6 years ago, but I know my heart would have been too stubborn. Everything here is true and I hope guys who are going through something similar take this advice to heart. While I feel lonely from time to time, I never want to go back to the anxiety and depression of being infatuated with someone who would take 3 weeks to 3 months to respond to my texts. This goes for friends too. I'm ok with people walking in and out of my life; now I'm just focused on my peace and solitude.
Couldn’t have written it better myself. had exactly the same thing happen to me and I beat myself up about everyday even thought this happened six years ago , it’s hard to explain cos videos like this don’t make any sense until after it’s happened but as well all know none of this obsessing stuff even crosses your mind when your deep in the emotions. As a guy all you can think of is did I not do enough , I need to try harder even though the damage is allready done
Went on a couple dates with a girl. On the final date, got the “side hug” at the beginning and end. Caught the friendzone vibe. Moved on to the next. No hard feelings
@@adunknowng Amen brotha, if she leaves, never let her come back, she will realize the folly in her ways but to late. You gotta have self respect too, and how much are you respecting yourself if you allow that type of behaviour.
It’s a tough pill to swallow but don’t chase after people. If they want to be with you than they will make time for you. This goes for friendship and relationship.
@@selfconflicteddating6117 - yeah but a lot of people are afraid to be alone. This doesn’t included the fact that for most long term relationships or friendships people won’t break off due to the history. Aka they feel Like they wasted x amount years and don’t want to know that they lost years from this. Different point of view is how people can move on or stay in bad relationships. I cut folks off who has been in my life for 15 plus years and including one I knew my whole Life. I have no regret because I knew this was blessing and a lesson that better me for the good. Wished them the best and everything but my life is so Much filled and happier without their presence.
@@letsgetit90 it is not easy to end a relationship dating or friendship but I have done both recently. But the dating one was more difficult because i had no hard feelings against her just knew it had to stop so i ended it. She and I are friends and that is it now and things are much better that way for me.
@@selfconflicteddating6117 - Happy and congrats for taking those steps! You did what most folks couldn’t and won’t do so mad respects for you guys both. I have a lot of friends who relationships was/is dead but both refused to end it. Some of them were stuck on lambo and felt like they wasted All theirs years and some got to the point where they were faking it for their families. Cant wait for your journey to continue and all the experiences and blessing.
@@michaelrespicio5683 SO true, in regards to being cowardly, and of course they never warn you in advance they will refuse to have any conversation that might be uncomfortable, and let you figure out all that the hard way, unfortunately. Typical narcissist, bait and switch routine.
Where's the video telling women to be consistent, say what they mean and mean what they say and to not say and act like they want you and then pull away? Can't wait for that episode.
Feeling heartbroken that she suddenly lost interest in me after many dates that were going well. It hurts even more when you knew she liked you a lot, you kissed and did other things together. But you can't do anything about it. You just move on😔
Hey! Pull that chin up king! You're better than that, don't drop your arms in defeat just yet, focus on the only thing you have control over: your well-being! Everything is gonna be alright my man, and eventually you're gonna be living a new, better life, just keep going.
She lost interest = probably another guy. There's an endless number of other chicks waiting for you though, don't let that one bitch run your feelings. You're the fucking man, keep building yourself up instead
I take being rejected as a " blessing " in disguise. Love is reciprocal & works " both ways!". The love you get should be equal or greater than the love you give!...To be validated, appreciated & respected is PARAMOUNT in ANY functional & healthy relationship! You can't control and make somebody love you! There are nearly 8 Billion people on this 🌎 earth!... Co- dependency or insecurities are not going to get you anywhere with anyone! Acting thirsty and with scarcity are going to attract the WRONG people who have the WRONG motives...intentions & agendas! Being used and abused isn't worth being with ANYONE who has those characteristics! So, relax, take your time and really get to know that person before making any serious commitments to them.
I recently got ghosted by a girl and I thought things were going well. Fortunately for videos like this and life experience, I am not upset in anyway. She actually did me a favor by revealing this major red flag early on. Fellow men, when this happens to you, I hope this post and this video help you out.
Sounds like she was just keeping you on the burner. So many girls have so many more options than men and will keep guys around until the best option becomes available to her.
@@bastidface Who knows, I'm not speculating too much on it. It doesn't do anything productive, and even if she decided to "un-ghost", it's done. The red flag makes that of the Soviet Union look like child's play. Besides, I've got a full plate of graduate school, internship, and leadership activities. I'm honestly more relieved than anything.
Similar experience here, brother. It was all going well, and then communication started to slow. We’d arrange a date, and then she’d flake last minute with a half assed excuse. I found out why. She went on a night out, hooked up with someone and continued to do so, and caught feelings. I was being kept on the back burner in case it didn’t work out. Am I hurt by this? Of course. But you know what, I think I dodged a bullet. I’m not the best person, but I do deserve better, and one day I have faith I’ll find it. Much love.
I once won a girl over i like with this along but it was just not obsessing over and realizing I needed to work on myself and bad timing. You never know what a girl is going through better or worse, she made it back around and we had a really good relationship and chemistry after.
The timing of this video couldn’t be more perfect for the situation I’m currently going through. Before I even watched the video, I knew all of these things deep down, but to have someone reaffirm them to me is something I needed to hear. Thank you for another excellent video Courtney, it’s greatly appreciated.
I DM'd her IG on this subject, and I feel this is a DIRECT response to my situation, lol. It's hard to have an abundance mindset though when you haven't had any prior success. I don't know how to get out of it.
I saw my EX GF today when I was in the store, and I immediately was hit with a barrage of feelings. I sadly started overthinking and obsessing over why we separated (to sum it up, it was for the best for both of us. We separated on good terms) watching this helped me realign my thinking and to think clearly. Thank you Courtney 🙏🏻 keep posting the great content 🙂
Its funny how the older generation think it’s giving up too quick when someone pulls away but no. It’s about having respect and valuing yourself. The right person will come into your space and will value your time and effort. Great vid💯
Courtney, congrats on your engagement. As a married man, for 18 years, here's how I handle my wife being annoyed with me and "pulling away": I enjoy the time off. I read a book (I read LOTS of books!), I go for a walk with our daughter, we have fun, and within, say, 4 hours at most (I haven't kept a detailed record), she usually breaks when "the silent treatment" is a reward for me rather than a punishment. Now, if it lasts longer than that, I will go up and have a rational discussion with her, as to what literally happened (without any blaming, etc.) just what I hope is a fair appraisal of what occurred and future best practices which I invite her to engage in. More or less, your advice is on target with (one) caveat (you know I gotta give it) and that is "pursuing" shows that women are not responsible for their actions, which is just how they are, and for men to keep this in mind and keep frame as to what we deserve in response (because women don't owe US anything, do they?) Once a man has slept with a woman, he has the advantage (and few women will admit this.) She cannot hold sex over his him (unless he's exceptionally weak.) So in "pursing" women with the "fish wanting to get caught", it's like you're on a job interview for nookie. Treat it as such. After that, fishermen, life is a lot easier.
Thanks, Courtney. The thing is, it's so hard to understand that when you're emotional attached. 2 months ago, I had to cut my friendship of many years. Glimmer of hope is a killer. Walking away was the only choice. Funny enough, because of that I took a vacation, I meet someone who was into me and was even more into topics I discussed with the girl I walked away. I would've never been open to it if I stayed with the girl before. Still, that pain I felt was so much I can't describe. But Bruce Lee said "Pain will leave you when it's done teaching you".
I could understand why guys would be concerned over why a woman pulled away, but never, and I mean NEVER, obsess over why she did it. It's out of your control and all you can do from that point is live your life and if she comes back, cool, but if she doesn't, you didn't waste your time.
Indeed don't waste anymore time on her. If she come back, which is a big IF, rejects her outright or just ghost her. When she came back she's going to be in her 30s, and you'll just be her beta male backup. I am sure any male have enough value to actually go with someone that actually appreciates him.
@@limitlesssky3050 I'm usually not a fan of ghosting but I am a fan of the Golden Rule, so if she ghosted you when you pursued and she's now pursuing and you ain't feelin' it, well...
I could've really used this a month or two ago. I was in love with this girl that had a boyfriend. They broke up. I asked her out, she told me she was in a bad place at the moment, but we could go out sometime in the future. I gave her space. Reached out to her again after a month, we talked a little, I thought we were progressing but I didn't want to overwhelm her so I pulled back a little bit. A month after that I talked to her again, asked her on a date with me, she told me something like "I really appreciate you, you flatter me but at this moment I can't give you what I know you're looking for and deserve. Life is full of twists so we don't know what can happen in the future". So I told her it was ok, and that I could finally close this chapter and wished her the best. 2 months after that and this week I found out... she's seeing another guy - She probably has for a couple of months now. So hey, it just wasn't me she wanted to be with. It was never about timing. I wish she could have told me that from the start but anyways... I didn't take it personal. I moved on. I learned a lot from this whole situation: When a girl wants you, she will make the first move or she'll do SOMETHING to let you know she's into you. She'll try to keep in touch. She'll initiate contact. Whatever. But it will obvious. If none of that happens, she's probably not interested so you shouldn't chase her or give her too much attention. Another takeaway from this experience is that if I ever have to go through something like this again, I will ask her to be honest with me from the get go. if it's a 'no', then it's a no. No games, it's all good.
You did ok. You demonstrated pretty high value throughout those interactions. you gave the girl space and time and you didn't chase. A couple of things you might want to contemplate. You can ask a woman to be honest with you but who knows whether she will be? Actions speak louder than words in any case, they'll tell you what you need to know. Another thing - attractive women usually have a back up plan. They have orbiters. They keep guys on the back burner. She could have been doing this to you when she said "we could go out at sometime in the future"? But quite possibly this other guy was just ahead of you and she was just waiting to see if she could lock him down before pivoting to you. Or it was a full blown monkey branch and this guy was in the frame before she left her BF. So in some ways maybe it WAS about timing. But it doesn't really matter because it's not really something you can control. You can't be pining after this girl but you can be high value, Maybe things will work out for her with this guy, maybe they won't. Maybe she'll be single again at some point and show you signs of interest. But when she does they need to be STRONG signs. She's rejected you, it's up to her to make any bold move in the future. you don't go any further than your front door for this girl.
@@jleano609 Yeah, thank you man. I'm a pretty good looking guy if I may say so myself, and I've always been very very confident about myself. There are like 5 or 6 girls who came on to me this past year alone, and I didn't want to go out with any of them because I was waiting for her. I wanted her and no one else. Obviously there are number of things that happened over the past 2 years (which I didn't say in my original post because it would have made it too long) that led me to believe she was into me. Maybe she was. Maybe she is. Maybe she never was and she was just being nice, hard to tell. But I was sure she liked me. Absolutely convinced. Which is why I gave her space and all of that. Because I was like "it will happen, no question about it. She just needs time to clear her head". You are probably right. She knew this guy from the gym, she saw him every other day (unlike me), so he probably just beat me to it and was at the right place, at the right time. We'll never know for sure. I agree, I'm not the kind of guy that would fall twice for the same trap. The chapter is closed now and if it ever re-opens, she'd have to be a lot more straight forward. Thanks again for your message and your point of view. I appreciate it.
@@GFXMOD oh man, don’t worry, I’ve made that mistake when younger with girls, getting stuck on a girl who had a boyfriend, because you know, they are the attractive ones and all. I rejected a bunch of girls who approached me that I wasn’t attracted to, but that’s not the point. The girls that come on strong often aren’t that attractive, that’s why they have to come on strong. But getting stuck on a girl also dulls your chick radar for the subtle signs from other more attractive girls that they’re interested too. Bottom line, NEVER wait for a girl. You’ve got to kill that one-itis stone dead. It doesn’t serve you, it only hurts you. It’s the dumbest form of scarcity mindset because you’re just stepping on your own dick being oblivious to all the other girls around you who might well be receptive.
[1] Obsession: Its all true, especially "she's with another." Give up and move one. [2] Chase: If she wants to connect, she will. NEVER chase. [3] Grand Gestures: SIMP and broke. [4] Clingy/ Needy: That's not a male role. Smothering. [5] Reasoning & Begging: Both the same. Move on. [6] Waiting: LOL, you obviously don't have a life... Oh, and she does? Disgusting.
She pulls away….you pull away mentally, emotionally and psychologically. When thoughts pop up in your mind, ignore them. Don’t fight the thoughts. Shift your mind to yourself and constructive things for yourself. Drop the thoughts as they pop up. Move on. No calls, no text nothing. You are in control, not her. Get a grip of yourself and stop acting pathetic chasing her. Join a gym, go out by yourself. Get a few hobbies. Read books. Get your dental hygiene in order. Groom yourself. Quit feeling sorry for yourself. Quit talking about her to your friends. Drop her like she dropped you.
Courtney is dropping dimes here. I have gone through most of this as many men have. Keep your options open and the second a woman isn't reciprocating your effort, move on. You can waste so much time pursing a woman who is not really interested. The thing about women is they may like the attention you give them so they will string you along to keep you interested. You have to learn not to fall for this.
I've done all of these in my first very serious relationship when, after so many years living together, she started pulling away and not communicating. The more silent she was, the harder I tried. And it all ended disastrously for me. So now, if anything, I'm guilty of doing the opposite thing -- and which I've been told by some women is the WRONG thing to do. And that is that now when I'm in a new relationship and I feel the woman starting to pull away -- I let her go! I don't waste any time anymore. But some of these same women will come back months later and claim that I should have tried harder to keep them. Hmmm... damned if I do, damned if I don't huh?
In the early stages of a relationship this is absolutely the correct advice. It gets more complicated once the guy is in love with the girl and has invested a lot emotionally. The longer and deeper the relationship, the harder it is just to walk away - even if that is the most sensible thing to do. I think Courtney could have been a bit more nuanced in this case. My comments: 1. Obsession. This is an internal feeling, if you are in love there is not much you can do about this. It will decline with time as long as you don't start chasing, stalking and getting weird! 2. Chasing. Yep, never chase it only makes people run away. 3. Grand gestures. Generally no, but sometimes one last parting gesture before walking away will maybe make you feel better, showing that there are no hard feelings. Definitely don't throw money at the problem - you will just end up getting used. 4. Getting clingy. See Chasing - you are unlikely to get close enough to cling and it might come over as stalking behaviour. 5. Begging. Absolutely not!! 6. Waiting around - this needs to be defined better. Yes, don't hang around on the assumption that she will return. However, if you were in love, there is nothing wrong with taking a pause and not jumping into the dating pool too quickly. It can take time to heal. The point that was not mentioned, but is often stated on other sites, is that women hate it when a man ignores them and seems to easily move on. When they realise the guy is over them really quickly, they will often turn right round and start to chase him. What is your take on that Courtney? Any truth in it? It is often a symptom of an "avoidant" attachment style on the part of the woman, the tendency to pull away whenever anyone gets too close. The opposite is the "anxious" attachment style (clingy, needy, etc). They often attract each other and it ends up in a horrible mess of a relationship.
"The point that was not mentioned, but is often stated on other sites, is that women hate it when a man ignores them and seems to easily move on. When they realise the guy is over them really quickly, they will often turn right round and start to chase him. What is your take on that Courtney? Any truth in it?" True - but here's the thing. Assuming you are framing things in terms of a break up after an LTR it doesn't change the fact that whether a mutual thing or she left you, it was for a reason and the short term upset at seeing you do well without her is exactly that - short term. It's just a female ego driven thing. Taking her back still projects low value. She will lose respect for you as it indicates you don't have a BETTER OPTION. Plus your likely back into the same dynamic, but now with more distrust. So don't do it. NO EXES!!!!!!!
I’m going through that right now. She just stopped everything, never said she doesn’t want to talk or she needs space, nothing. She is in her mid 50’s, not as if she is in her 20’s
Ha ha ha, I have to laugh at how many people are saying if she pulls away then let her go. So easy to say that when you are not driving. Anyone that's been in love knows hearts don't break even. Great song!
So true, when you fall in love with someone, rational thought goes out the window, only they matter and the average man will do virtually anything to keep them. The notion of just forgetting is fine if it's a first date and you didn't get on, or found there was nothing in common or was seeing someone else.
I never get attached or clingy. If a woman can't show reciprocity in any relationship... cut her off. I literally block her social media, delete her number and continue living my life to try to be the best version of myself. Not everyone is meant to be on your journey, some people are just lessons to be learned. Good luck out there gentlemen. Strive for self excellence. 💪
Thank you for what you are doing. I've seen different channels about relationships, but I think yours is one of the best. I once watched another channel where a man manipulated other men into feeling inferior in order to sell them his expensive courses, and you helped me to clear my mind of this garbage. So I'm glad that there are people like you who are really trying to teach good things. I wish you good luck in your business, may your goals be achieved.
I've learned to always be one foot in and one foot out, always ready to leave so that when she does something sweet or thoughtful, it is received a lot better than if I had a glaze over my eyes from obsession, thinking she is more than she is because even women don't think too highly of themselves and when a man pedestalizes her, she feels a lot of pressure, and then a lot of doubt...and then self-hatred, and we don't want to do that to people. It is different when you are hiring people to have high expectations because they signed a contract to perform for pay, but to treat people you are meeting out there in public, or even online, with high expectations, that is generally unfair
Everything Courtney is saying is very true fellas. DO NOT DO THIS.. I recently just got out of a dating/relationship and it was very complicated & alot of mind games / false hope and more mess was happing in the mix. After our last event it was clear as day she did not want anything to do with me and was not into me. I will admit, I done all of these things in the video expect "Grand gestures" and I am ashamed of it. But I also learned from this experience and have grown from it and just keep moving forward with my life. The pain is not worth it in the end knowing you had good intentions in the long run.. DO NOT DO THIS. Keep your heart safe
True words Courtney Ryan, As a man lot of mistakes I have made and all 6 mistakes.. I have made in the past. Now, I have improved instead of saying “MY Girlfriend” I never say “My” because I don't own her and she not an object.... I know most people say My but not me.... I want to be difference. Have a nice day Courtney love your nails mate
Something I have noticed here in the comments is a common theme of 'just let her go and move on' as if the second she pulls away the whole thing's over. While y'all are not wrong, a woman pulling away doesn't necessarily mean it's time to move on. If you've ever had someone constantly asking for your attention, then you know it gets exhausting after a while, *even if you enjoy being with that person.* It reaches a point where you have to draw a line and take some time for yourself to recharge so you can come back with the same excitement as before. That's what a woman could be doing when she pulls away from you: just taking time to recharge so she can come back to you with full excitement to be with you. With all of that being said, if you come back a couple of days later and she's still pulling away from you, then definitely let her go and move on. Like I said, y'all are not wrong and Courtney's advice is still valid, but I just encourage y'all to be a little more optimistic when she pulls away. Let me know if you agree or disagree.
Holy crap Courtney, this couldn't have been any perfect timing. I legit opened RUclips to watch a video on this and there you are, posted 20 mins ago. Love you!
I need to bookmark this! To remind myself to stay strong. It's kinda sad to admit, but many girls unfortunately can get bored easily if you're way too affective, transparent and upfront about your feelings towards them. Even if you're coming from a good place, and trying to be an honest/loving good man (not to be confused with the dreaded "nice guy" label), sadly not everyone, guys and girls, have the maturity of just saying "yes, please" or "no, thank you" and prefer to keep the other person hanging, without realizing it can be torture for the other person. It's kinda sad, but it is what it is... if someone, guy or girl, starts playing those dumb indifference games w/you, you're better backing off and focusing on yourselves kings/queens. Stay strong out there everyone! Another great vid, thanks Courtney, greets from México!
Honestly, the mistakes you mention are symptoms of a deeper issue where the man views the woman from the personal perspective of being incomplete without her. Her pulling away is misinterpreted as a loss to the man, rather than the more optimistic perspective which would be, she cut herself a loss.
Glad to see you partnered with Betterhelp! It's such a perfect fit for your channel haha. Point #2 is SO true about not chasing. Sometimes, the girl just needs some space if you've been spending a lot of time together or is even testing to see if you're needy in that way. You have to relax and let her come back on her own
Here's another approach to consider. Whatever happened to make her pull away, it's done and she's not coming back. So it doesn't make a damned bit of difference whether you chase her or not. But, for your growth, you need to feel your need and vulnerability, or else you will be it's prisoner for life. So chase that girl like your life depended on it (your emotional life does in fact). And feel every bit of yourself doing this. Bonus: she is now what she always was, a mere prop in your personal voyage into self realization.
Why is life so hard? Or why are people so hard? 😶😢🤕😔 Also, I can relate to some of those signs you mentioned on this list. And honestly, I'm not really sure what to do anymore. All I really want is someone who's not fearful of me, won't reject me and won't friendzoned me right away.
Wise words Courtney. I wish someone like you was around when I was a young man. I have been married 22 years and have a magnificent wife. NEVER chase. It makes the woman run even harder in the opposite direction. Sometimes a woman (or man) will "test" the relationship to see how free they are. If a man latches on she will feel not-free and will bolt in the opposite direction. Someone said: "If you love something, set them free. If they come back, they're yours. If they do not come back, they were never yours in the first place." Very true. Grovelling (begging) will ensure that a woman will lose respect for you. The foundation of ANY relationship is respect. Lose that, and you lose the relationship.
You definitely reward women off of the 3:2 rule which is very similar to texting where she sends you three you should reply with one or two but the same thing goes for gestures because of course men tend to have more money more resources and more skills which means they could do more for their women than their women can do for them but that doesn't mean women will do much of anything and you want to make sure she will because if she's going to do a lot for you, and she has heart, she will do much for your kids. Remember, women didn't cook and clean just because it was something to do, labor was always physically dominated because we didn't have machines and women wanted to make sure that their children and their husbands didn't get food poisoning so they had to know how to cook, and they also didn't want to draw in rodents and bugs that would bring diseases with them because they didn't want their children or their husbands to die from disease, because if their husbands died they likely would not be able to survive. I know things are different in this day and age but women need to have heart otherwise they will be selfish parents and selfish lovers and nobody will get ahead
I'm not ashamed to say it one time. I would do anything Courtney told me to do no matter what it is 24/7 7 days a week every month every year. She is praise worthy.
*The ACTUAL Six Worst Mistakes MEN made:* *(1)* Passing and ratifying the 19th. *(2)* Legalizing No-Fault Divorce. *(3)* Permitting y'all to hold clerical, educational, corporate, military, and governmental offices. *(4)* Inventing the Birth Control Pill *(5)* #Believ[ing]AllWomen *(6)* Letting you dictate the course of relationships when you've no idea who you are or what you want.
That is 💯true which Kourtney is saying i feel my girlfriend is pulling away and I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I think i should stop over thinking things with her for a peace of mind and let her GO
It's about finding enjoyment with ourselves first than seeking the right partner. I've been with women who (til' this day), who I can still remember the good times we had together, those women had no problem showing me they was into me. Bottom line is, if she's into ya she'll let you know.
Good timing for me too. I hate that the woman I fell for is gone and I still feel sad. But I'm full steam ahead on my life and career. I think it's OK to move on while still missing her. I even kissed her and was emotionally involved with her. But if she doesn't want me anymore, it's truly her loss as I keep building myself as happy as I can control. So here's to the future.
I’ve made some mistakes in the past with women, I’ve been too nice and have often misread the situation with certain women. But I strive to be a lot better, a lot more confident, meeting people, having fun conversations with women without expecting a relationship or one night stand of any sort, living life as much as I can.
I disagree with Courtney's last statement... 7:14 This is the point of view from someone like her... a good looking, voluptious young woman who is probably used to having a stack of dating applications to go through at any given day if she were putting herself out there as being single and looking. You're own videos have shown that 80% of women aren't even attracted to men. There isn't 3.5 billion women for us to choose from. We're lucky to have 1. This is why a lot of guys are just not trying anymore. The MTGOW movement. It's not that we don't like women. It's that we're not about to waste our time and self respect chasing after a fish that doesn't want to be caught by us. Like YOU said in this video "Don't wait for a lady and waste your day."
I'm recently going through something like this. A girl had been trying to get my attention for some time and when she got it we went out on 2 dates. Then soon after all the sudden she starts pulling away being hard to get. I know she's busy with work and school and is trying to get her life together and so am I but she finally told me that she can't couldn't go through with it anymore, she said she likes what she sees and thinks I'm a amazing man but she told me she's not the right girl for me. It really hurt cause I really liked her but I'm now seeing her as a friend and just moving on. There's much better out there. Thank you Courtney
Easy solution: Don't care. Do your own thing. Let them come to you (not saying don't try... just don't put your effort where it isn't wanted). Also, the texting thing confuses me. Like I tend to send messages in groups that I WOULD consider one message put all together. I just think erratically and don't necessarily get it all in one message (do it on Slack at work too).
I have made some of these mistakes, but it's better to make them and learn instead of focusing on what could've been and not learn. PLEASE make sure you know who you are completely before you even think about a partner.
after I planned some fun things with my ex she started to pull away; broke up with her instantly so that she cant take advantage of all those fun things I put effort in planning. never felt better!!
Courtney, I saw another comment a few months ago that said this, but it kinda feels right to say it again: You feel like the big sister I never had. Thank you for your work
If it was a long-term relationship and you begged, don't feel bad. It's normal to want to fight for someone you have devoted so much to. Quite possible that you didn't do anything wrong and they were bad communicators. You'll need to stop begging, but begging and pleading at first is not something you need to feel bad about. It shows you loved that person and were willing to fight for them. Would have been nice if they were willing to fight for you, too
Thank you Courtney for this video. I plea guilty as charged to everything on this list at one time or another one way or another. I am at a point where I've learned from these mistakes. I'm not going to make them again. I am hoping you can do a video on people like me who want to have a serious, long term relationship. But I never want children. I don't want to get in the way of anyone who does or already has children. It seems like I write off the vast majority of the population when I say this. It makes the difficult search for a relationship that much harder. What is your advice for someone like me?
The problem is when you actually meet other girls, you are even seeing more than one girl at a time to not become obsessed with one in specific, but in the end this happens allways with each one of them (pulling away). And then you need to start all over again... Love needs to be both ways sure, so I am starting to feel that no one is compatible with me...
I don’t think it’s fair to call guys clingy for how they respond to a woman pulling away. She is the one in the wrong. She is the one planting the seed in his head that something is wrong and that she is losing interest. If she doesn’t want him to freak out about it then she should explain what’s going on clearly using words. The suggestion that the guy is the one in the wrong here shows an astonishing lack of maturity, empathy and accountability.
I believe that not questioning yourself is also proof of immaturity. the video is about the very beginning of a relationship, I believe that a woman still has the right to simply not be interested, or to change her mind.
@@morganecurtiss951 two problems here. Firstly, Courtney specifically said guys *shouldn’t* question themselves over this - see the very first part about “obsessing” when she said guys shouldn’t sit around worry about what they might have done wrong. Secondly, I agree that the woman has the right to change her mind. However, she should communicate this to the guy clearly and explain why. It’s not fair to put the onus on the guy to “question himself” when you could just clearly explain what the problem is.
This video is a perfect demonstration that women are an add-on to a man's life. They don't build, they move it. In other words, they're a luxury in a man's life, not a necessity.
So let me get this straight. The best way to get a woman to like you or to be attracted to you is to not give a damn about her, or at least pretend to not give a damn about her. That's honestly what I'm reading from all those points.
Any time a girl pulls away and stops talking to me, even if she is just a friend and I have strictly a platonic friendship with her, that's why I completely stop messing them and say "Okay. Have a nice life. Bye." and then I part ways from her. Edit: 7:29 not if you're me. If you're me, there IS a scarcity and I have nobody that I'm compatible with at all. I'm too ugly and gave up on trying to pursue women. I just don't care anymore. I focus on myself and work now instead.
You know something fellows, that clingy, desperate, "gotta have you mentality" is most frightening to all women, period. I'm sure many of us can identify with Courtney's list. I've found myself going back to the drawing board to focus on becoming a better version of myself. Women are complex for a reason. Anyone worth having is worth waiting for; there's no other way to acquire a healthy relationships. For us guys, when we are whole and complete within, we can then bring a strong masculine presence to the table. Women really desire those characteristics within us, because all relationships have challenges.
You should be happy for yourself and not for other people. She is just an icing on the cake, you are the cake, so she shouldn't be that important that you should change yourself for an imaginary woman.
Attraction is not negotiable. If she’s not attracted to you no matter what you do she’s not going to suddenly change. Most women know within a few minutes whether she will be with the guy or not.
Yep, happened to me. Felt her pulling away, and let my emotions get the best of me. She said, “needed time to herself.” Then came out and said,” don’t want to be in a relationship together. Please respect that decision and give me some space.” Was hurt, wished her well, then said a couple things in heat of moment i regretted. Of course I apologized and wanted to talk after a while, but first thing she brought up was what I said post break up. Really thought we had a good thing going too.
99% of the time when women pull away and become distant means thery found someone else or they no longer want to be with you, guaranteed nearly 100% of the time this is the case.
I remember this girl that always showed signs of liking me , at the time I didn’t have time to waste I was always busy but I liked her too I thought she’s just going to slow me down in my goals And plans she would asked my coworkers about me note I said coworkers not friends One day I went over to her and she cut me off badly saying she wasn’t interested . She said NO THANKS , I really took it personally turned around and left This girl closed to her started being so cool to me so I started hanging out with and taking her on dates and motorcycle trips . Last time I heard about the first girl liking me was that she was having a bunch of boyfriends trying to make me jealous since I was really busy I didn’t have time to think too much about her she thought I was going to chase her .. she stills sticks out her ass trying to get my attention if she knew that it was her coolness at our first interaction that got me into her now I just feel really sorry for her …
The funny thing is, when an average dude does not put more effort into reaching out, that doesn't mean any woman will sometime come to HIM. In the end he is not clingy and chasing, but still alone. So im sitting here all confident "hah! im not messaging! that would be clingy!" with not hearing a peep from anyone else. Haha. Time to focus on yourself folks.
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I have been doing these exact same things right now. Not anymore. I now realise that she's not for me. I will be really good without her. She dragged this for like 6 months straight, saying that she likes me and was giving me hopes. Thanks Courtney for making this video I really needed this. I hope I don't go to her even if she comes back to me.
The weird thing is that at some point the girl that is pulling away, used to be clingy and needy. One needs to be careful, however. Just because someone is in this state of mind, does not mean that they will reciprocate when you are in that state of mind. Give how much support during their time of need as you are comfortable giving. Don't be overly generous, because there is no guarantee that there will be reciprocity. It will just make you feel bitter. Also, understand that society does not treat men and women equally. It is more expected that men comfort women when they are needy. When men do this, they are seen as weak. It is a turn off for women, in general. Respect yourself. Just like Courtney said, "the person you're with should enhance your happiness and life -- not be your happiness and life".
I would also add sometimes a woman seems to be growing distant but really isn't because of things going on in her life. I have anxious attachment issues. I've been doing therapy and taking a course to help me with that. But I become particularly sensitive when I feel like my girl is pulling away. That happened to me earlier this week. She seemed to be growing a bit distant and that got my anxiety going. I was really tempted to overtext her and start going into 'fix it' mode which honestly can only make it worse. But I fought the urge and I'm glad I did. She was having a stressful week at work and she had some other things going on that just caused her a lot of grief. So I would have been trying to 'fix' something that wasn't even an issue. Everything is fine now. So realize sometimes it may really have nothing to do with you. There may be stressors in her life that have absolutely nothing to do with you. Let her come to you when she's ready and be there for her when she does by listening (and avoid the urge to try to 'fix' things for her, most of the time she just wants someone to listen). I'm so relieved that I didn't give into my anxiety.
If a woman pulls away - you just saved a fortune on a Valentine's Day gift, her birthday, Christmas and an anniversary gift (not to mention dining out, movies, vacations, etc. I guess you'll have to do without her gifts - 4 ties you didn't want to wear.
If a girl knows how you feels and she still wants to pull away, let her go. Forget about it and move on. Concentrate on the essentials.
Yes sir!
Be yourself at all times and be confident and proud of who you are! Eventually someone will notice and appreciate your unique and special qualities. It might take awhile for that to happen---but it's absolutely worth the wait! (And the alternatives are something to run FAR FAR away from!!)
That!
Would’ve saved me a lot of bullshit if I really let that sink in many years ago.
How I wish that I could.
I’m struggling so much right now, especially since I feel there’s a lot of fear of engagement from her part and I know she likes me too. How I wished I could find a way to make her feel comfortable and trust me …
The mistakes, for those in a hurry
1) Obsessing over why she pulled away
2) Chasing (not pursuing- she has another video explaining the difference. Check it out when you eventually finish your deep dive on this one. )
3) Grand gestures/Being overly nice
4) Getting clingy
5) Trying to change her mind/Begging
6) Waiting around for her
My cheesy summary? She may not respect you either way. But she DEFINITELY won't respect you if you don't respect yourself. Go out there and kick ass, my dudes. But before you do, give this video a thumbs up 👍
🙌🏼
@Spots Corner I feel like I did most of these, with a SHAMEFUL amount of emphasis on number 5. But I don't think I waited around. That's the only thing in there that I didn't do
Damn. It's 5 o'clock somewhere, I guess 😅
you could just summarize the whole thing by saying if women pull away let them go, because everything you could do is wrong.
maybe send them one text telling them by and saying that it is cowardly of them to fade away instead of being respectful and just telling you it doesn't work for them. might actually be the only move that might have her reconsider. but even if she does, don't take her back.
Thanks!
My biggest takeaway from this is be a good man and if she doesn't want that, let her go. Someone will appreciate everything she didn't.
Spot on
Being with a girl who doesn't like you that much is just a losing deal, you'll never come out ahead or even no matter what you say or do. Needs to like you at least as much as you like her (usually more) for it to work out.
@@patrickwilliam3322 you are absolutely correct. I've been in that situation too many times.
Guys, at the end of the day, you can't control other people and if the girl pulls away, just forget about it. All you can do is present your best self to a girl, show her why you are the real deal and a good choice, and after that, it is up to her to connect the dots and open the door. If she can't do that, just move on and another girl will be able to get you. A real man with value doesn't need to chase someone or clobber them over the head on why he's high value; people will be able to see that make the connections as needed, and if they can't, that's their loss.
My brother in christ, you absolutely nailed it!
Great advice.
Exactly! Well said.
If the girl pulls away, take your time while trying to forget her.
There!Fixed it for you!
🤓
@@a.k.3659 no don't even waste your time
Rejection breeds obsession. If she’s running away from you, good indication it’s not meant for you. Don’t take it personally and move on
Absolutely! Love this comment
Keep up the good work Courtney. Found your channel recently. Love your authenticity and honesty
@@mattlogan425 She is definitely RUclips's favorite big siste! I found her well over a year ago for fashion advice, and that's typically all I needed, yet I'm here to support the channel as well as everyone in the comments section so hit that 🛎 and enjoy!
@@marasco.official Yep. First impressions are key.
@@marasco.official Well. I know. Whatever the feelings, once you make peace with idea that you can't change her mind - not now, and very possibly never - the better for you.
And yes, it will get better with time. A lot better. Speaking from experience.
This is why it's healthier to chase/obsess over your own hobbies, and interests. When a woman pulls away, put that chasing/obsession energy towards your hobbies and interests. This will not only help you cope, but you'll feel happier and will make you a more interesting person that other women will respect and admire.
Thanks for this advice!
You said it all!
Some of us do not have hobbies/interests that 20s women can easily come by. For me it is real estate development, urban planning, architecture, and current affairs. Most guys aren't even into it either.
@@Cyrus992 maybe I should have said passions which can include hobbies, interests, profession (career/busines), fitness, communities, volunteering, etc. Passion/ambition are attractive in anyone.
This only applies to women which are less interesting than your hobbies and interests. But then again, why bother with those women? If she is the one then no hobby or interest would be more interesting and fulfilling than being with her.
We as guys need to get out of our logical mindset when this happens..and searching for reasons. Just let her go. If she is someone who you want to circle her way back to you, you have a far better chance of succeeding if you leave her be, and live your own life. It seems counter intuitive if you havent experiencd this or have failed at it, but it's true.
Right on. Logic doesn’t work with most women. No reason, no accountability.
Either that, or she wasn't feeling you off the rip. Do yourselves a favor, keep it moving and focus on yourselves. Women that are attracted to you and who have a high interest in making things happen won't be giving you the run around. Keep on doing your thing, gents! 🙏🏿
I've done every single mistake listed here lol. I'd love to say I wouldn't have made these mistakes if this video was out 6 years ago, but I know my heart would have been too stubborn. Everything here is true and I hope guys who are going through something similar take this advice to heart.
While I feel lonely from time to time, I never want to go back to the anxiety and depression of being infatuated with someone who would take 3 weeks to 3 months to respond to my texts. This goes for friends too. I'm ok with people walking in and out of my life; now I'm just focused on my peace and solitude.
Couldn’t have written it better myself. had exactly the same thing happen to me and I beat myself up about everyday even thought this happened six years ago , it’s hard to explain cos videos like this don’t make any sense until after it’s happened but as well all know none of this obsessing stuff even crosses your mind when your deep in the emotions. As a guy all you can think of is did I not do enough , I need to try harder even though the damage is allready done
Went on a couple dates with a girl. On the final date, got the “side hug” at the beginning and end. Caught the friendzone vibe. Moved on to the next. No hard feelings
Oh hard feelings def, blocked on everything, on to the next....
Smart
If you are keen on body language, it’s quite obvious to tell when she’s into you or not. Maybe because I’m introverted but for me it’s quite easy.
Lol the dreaded awkward side hug. 😅
If a girl gives you a hug and she pats you on the back while in the hug, you've been ditched.
Never chase or beg. Let her realize what she’s missing and if she truly cares they will always come back.
True love is unbroken.. So she is not welcome back!
@@andersnielsen6044 exactly never let them come back, disloyalty should never be rewarded, true love will never look elsewhere.
@@adunknowng Amen brotha, if she leaves, never let her come back, she will realize the folly in her ways but to late. You gotta have self respect too, and how much are you respecting yourself if you allow that type of behaviour.
NOT if there was NEVER enough to have an interaction, then you CAN PLAY PSYCHOLOGICAL GAMES and END UP more ALONE than you were in the first place.
Pull away doesn’t mean leaving all the way obviously if it’s leaving completely don’t let her come back
It’s a tough pill to swallow but don’t chase after people. If they want to be with you than they will make time for you. This goes for friendship and relationship.
Definitely for both friends or dating. One side relationships are not really relationships
@@selfconflicteddating6117 - yeah but a lot of people are afraid to be alone. This doesn’t included the fact that for most long term relationships or friendships people won’t break off due to the history. Aka they feel
Like they wasted x amount years and don’t want to know that they lost years from this.
Different point of view is how people can move on or stay in bad relationships. I cut folks off who has been in my life for 15 plus years and including one I knew my whole
Life. I have no regret because I knew this was blessing and a lesson that better me for the good. Wished them the best and everything but my life is so
Much filled and happier without their presence.
@@letsgetit90 it is not easy to end a relationship dating or friendship but I have done both recently. But the dating one was more difficult because i had no hard feelings against her just knew it had to stop so i ended it. She and I are friends and that is it now and things are much better that way for me.
@@selfconflicteddating6117 - Happy and congrats for taking those steps! You did what most folks couldn’t and won’t do so mad respects for you guys both. I have a lot of friends who relationships was/is dead but both refused to end it. Some of them were stuck on lambo and felt like they wasted All theirs years and some got to the point where they were faking it for their families.
Cant wait for your journey to continue and all the experiences and blessing.
If she is pulling away, frankly she is already out the door; take the hint. It is just a weak way for her to break-up with you.
I know, women hate just being direct because then they can't get away with shit, or have another guy lined up first.
It’s how they dodge accountability for sure
True. Suck that guys resort to doing these things as a result of some women taking the cowardly way out.
@@michaelrespicio5683 SO true, in regards to being cowardly, and of course they never warn you in advance they will refuse to have any conversation that might be uncomfortable, and let you figure out all that the hard way, unfortunately.
Typical narcissist, bait and switch routine.
Very helpful!
A mantra I developed a couple years ago in situations like such is this...
"Personally, it's not personal"
🙌🏼
Where's the video telling women to be consistent, say what they mean and mean what they say and to not say and act like they want you and then pull away? Can't wait for that episode.
excellent point
HAHAHAHAHA. That's never going to happen, video or no.
Feeling heartbroken that she suddenly lost interest in me after many dates that were going well. It hurts even more when you knew she liked you a lot, you kissed and did other things together. But you can't do anything about it. You just move on😔
Hey! Pull that chin up king! You're better than that, don't drop your arms in defeat just yet, focus on the only thing you have control over: your well-being!
Everything is gonna be alright my man, and eventually you're gonna be living a new, better life, just keep going.
She lost interest = probably another guy. There's an endless number of other chicks waiting for you though, don't let that one bitch run your feelings. You're the fucking man, keep building yourself up instead
@@GoodGuyPlayer2 Thank you for the support mate, I really appreciate it🙏
@@howarddamico1237 Hahaha yeah you're right
Pick someone who picks you. Period. Don’t waste time & investment with someone who feels lackluster about you.
I take being rejected as a " blessing " in disguise. Love is reciprocal & works " both ways!". The love you get should be equal or greater than the love you give!...To be validated, appreciated & respected is PARAMOUNT in ANY functional & healthy relationship! You can't control and make somebody love you! There are nearly 8 Billion people on this 🌎 earth!... Co- dependency or insecurities are not going to get you anywhere with anyone! Acting thirsty and with scarcity are going to attract the WRONG people who have the WRONG motives...intentions & agendas! Being used and abused isn't worth being with ANYONE who has those characteristics! So, relax, take your time and really get to know that person before making any serious commitments to them.
I recently got ghosted by a girl and I thought things were going well. Fortunately for videos like this and life experience, I am not upset in anyway. She actually did me a favor by revealing this major red flag early on. Fellow men, when this happens to you, I hope this post and this video help you out.
This is happening to me rite now crazy how this vid pop's up
@@clayhova Stay strong, there are plenty of better ladies out there. Best of luck to you.
Sounds like she was just keeping you on the burner. So many girls have so many more options than men and will keep guys around until the best option becomes available to her.
@@bastidface Who knows, I'm not speculating too much on it. It doesn't do anything productive, and even if she decided to "un-ghost", it's done. The red flag makes that of the Soviet Union look like child's play. Besides, I've got a full plate of graduate school, internship, and leadership activities. I'm honestly more relieved than anything.
Similar experience here, brother. It was all going well, and then communication started to slow. We’d arrange a date, and then she’d flake last minute with a half assed excuse. I found out why. She went on a night out, hooked up with someone and continued to do so, and caught feelings. I was being kept on the back burner in case it didn’t work out. Am I hurt by this? Of course. But you know what, I think I dodged a bullet. I’m not the best person, but I do deserve better, and one day I have faith I’ll find it. Much love.
I once won a girl over i like with this along but it was just not obsessing over and realizing I needed to work on myself and bad timing. You never know what a girl is going through better or worse, she made it back around and we had a really good relationship and chemistry after.
The timing of this video couldn’t be more perfect for the situation I’m currently going through. Before I even watched the video, I knew all of these things deep down, but to have someone reaffirm them to me is something I needed to hear. Thank you for another excellent video Courtney, it’s greatly appreciated.
Facts
Im on the same boat, this video made me realize how tired I am. We will heal from this and move into a better head space. Live n learn bro 💯
@@miguelRao you got this buddy
I DM'd her IG on this subject, and I feel this is a DIRECT response to my situation, lol.
It's hard to have an abundance mindset though when you haven't had any prior success. I don't know how to get out of it.
Same
I saw my EX GF today when I was in the store, and I immediately was hit with a barrage of feelings. I sadly started overthinking and obsessing over why we separated (to sum it up, it was for the best for both of us. We separated on good terms) watching this helped me realign my thinking and to think clearly. Thank you Courtney 🙏🏻 keep posting the great content 🙂
It's so annoying when someone ghosts you... I would ratter know the reason
Its funny how the older generation think it’s giving up too quick when someone pulls away but no. It’s about having respect and valuing yourself. The right person will come into your space and will value your time and effort. Great vid💯
Courtney, congrats on your engagement. As a married man, for 18 years, here's how I handle my wife being annoyed with me and "pulling away": I enjoy the time off. I read a book (I read LOTS of books!), I go for a walk with our daughter, we have fun, and within, say, 4 hours at most (I haven't kept a detailed record), she usually breaks when "the silent treatment" is a reward for me rather than a punishment. Now, if it lasts longer than that, I will go up and have a rational discussion with her, as to what literally happened (without any blaming, etc.) just what I hope is a fair appraisal of what occurred and future best practices which I invite her to engage in.
More or less, your advice is on target with (one) caveat (you know I gotta give it) and that is "pursuing" shows that women are not responsible for their actions, which is just how they are, and for men to keep this in mind and keep frame as to what we deserve in response (because women don't owe US anything, do they?) Once a man has slept with a woman, he has the advantage (and few women will admit this.) She cannot hold sex over his him (unless he's exceptionally weak.) So in "pursing" women with the "fish wanting to get caught", it's like you're on a job interview for nookie. Treat it as such. After that, fishermen, life is a lot easier.
An excellent outstanding deduction. Thank you 😂
Thanks, Courtney. The thing is, it's so hard to understand that when you're emotional attached. 2 months ago, I had to cut my friendship of many years. Glimmer of hope is a killer. Walking away was the only choice. Funny enough, because of that I took a vacation, I meet someone who was into me and was even more into topics I discussed with the girl I walked away. I would've never been open to it if I stayed with the girl before.
Still, that pain I felt was so much I can't describe. But Bruce Lee said "Pain will leave you when it's done teaching you".
Rejection hurts, but false hope kills. Glad you're doing better.
Don't be on anyone's bench. Like, don't let anyone string you along with hope because honestly hope is a terrible fucking thing when it comes to this
I could understand why guys would be concerned over why a woman pulled away, but never, and I mean NEVER, obsess over why she did it. It's out of your control and all you can do from that point is live your life and if she comes back, cool, but if she doesn't, you didn't waste your time.
If she tries to come back, reject her. Because if you take her back, she'll just pull away again. You look weak and easy to manipulate.
Indeed don't waste anymore time on her. If she come back, which is a big IF, rejects her outright or just ghost her. When she came back she's going to be in her 30s, and you'll just be her beta male backup. I am sure any male have enough value to actually go with someone that actually appreciates him.
@@limitlesssky3050 I'm usually not a fan of ghosting but I am a fan of the Golden Rule, so if she ghosted you when you pursued and she's now pursuing and you ain't feelin' it, well...
I could've really used this a month or two ago. I was in love with this girl that had a boyfriend. They broke up. I asked her out, she told me she was in a bad place at the moment, but we could go out sometime in the future. I gave her space. Reached out to her again after a month, we talked a little, I thought we were progressing but I didn't want to overwhelm her so I pulled back a little bit. A month after that I talked to her again, asked her on a date with me, she told me something like "I really appreciate you, you flatter me but at this moment I can't give you what I know you're looking for and deserve. Life is full of twists so we don't know what can happen in the future". So I told her it was ok, and that I could finally close this chapter and wished her the best.
2 months after that and this week I found out... she's seeing another guy - She probably has for a couple of months now.
So hey, it just wasn't me she wanted to be with. It was never about timing.
I wish she could have told me that from the start but anyways... I didn't take it personal. I moved on.
I learned a lot from this whole situation:
When a girl wants you, she will make the first move or she'll do SOMETHING to let you know she's into you. She'll try to keep in touch. She'll initiate contact. Whatever. But it will obvious. If none of that happens, she's probably not interested so you shouldn't chase her or give her too much attention.
Another takeaway from this experience is that if I ever have to go through something like this again, I will ask her to be honest with me from the get go. if it's a 'no', then it's a no. No games, it's all good.
You did ok. You demonstrated pretty high value throughout those interactions. you gave the girl space and time and you didn't chase.
A couple of things you might want to contemplate. You can ask a woman to be honest with you but who knows whether she will be? Actions speak louder than words in any case, they'll tell you what you need to know.
Another thing - attractive women usually have a back up plan. They have orbiters. They keep guys on the back burner. She could have been doing this to you when she said "we could go out at sometime in the future"? But quite possibly this other guy was just ahead of you and she was just waiting to see if she could lock him down before pivoting to you. Or it was a full blown monkey branch and this guy was in the frame before she left her BF. So in some ways maybe it WAS about timing.
But it doesn't really matter because it's not really something you can control. You can't be pining after this girl but you can be high value, Maybe things will work out for her with this guy, maybe they won't. Maybe she'll be single again at some point and show you signs of interest. But when she does they need to be STRONG signs. She's rejected you, it's up to her to make any bold move in the future. you don't go any further than your front door for this girl.
@@jleano609 Yeah, thank you man.
I'm a pretty good looking guy if I may say so myself, and I've always been very very confident about myself. There are like 5 or 6 girls who came on to me this past year alone, and I didn't want to go out with any of them because I was waiting for her. I wanted her and no one else.
Obviously there are number of things that happened over the past 2 years (which I didn't say in my original post because it would have made it too long) that led me to believe she was into me. Maybe she was. Maybe she is. Maybe she never was and she was just being nice, hard to tell. But I was sure she liked me. Absolutely convinced. Which is why I gave her space and all of that. Because I was like "it will happen, no question about it. She just needs time to clear her head".
You are probably right. She knew this guy from the gym, she saw him every other day (unlike me), so he probably just beat me to it and was at the right place, at the right time. We'll never know for sure.
I agree, I'm not the kind of guy that would fall twice for the same trap. The chapter is closed now and if it ever re-opens, she'd have to be a lot more straight forward.
Thanks again for your message and your point of view. I appreciate it.
@@GFXMOD oh man, don’t worry, I’ve made that mistake when younger with girls, getting stuck on a girl who had a boyfriend, because you know, they are the attractive ones and all. I rejected a bunch of girls who approached me that I wasn’t attracted to, but that’s not the point. The girls that come on strong often aren’t that attractive, that’s why they have to come on strong. But getting stuck on a girl also dulls your chick radar for the subtle signs from other more attractive girls that they’re interested too.
Bottom line, NEVER wait for a girl. You’ve got to kill that one-itis stone dead. It doesn’t serve you, it only hurts you. It’s the dumbest form of scarcity mindset because you’re just stepping on your own dick being oblivious to all the other girls around you who might well be receptive.
[1] Obsession: Its all true, especially "she's with another." Give up and move one. [2] Chase: If she wants to connect, she will. NEVER chase. [3] Grand Gestures: SIMP and broke. [4] Clingy/ Needy: That's not a male role. Smothering. [5] Reasoning & Begging: Both the same. Move on. [6] Waiting: LOL, you obviously don't have a life... Oh, and she does? Disgusting.
Great comment 👏🏾💪🏾
True. Precise. Spot on. Men, please note. And follow!
She pulls away….you pull away mentally, emotionally and psychologically. When thoughts pop up in your mind, ignore them. Don’t fight the thoughts. Shift your mind to yourself and constructive things for yourself. Drop the thoughts as they pop up. Move on.
No calls, no text nothing. You are in control, not her. Get a grip of yourself and stop acting pathetic chasing her.
Join a gym, go out by yourself. Get a few hobbies. Read books. Get your dental hygiene in order. Groom yourself. Quit feeling sorry for yourself. Quit talking about her to your friends. Drop her like she dropped you.
This is the way - you must fight the need for closure. The answer is always the same. Detach and put your energy into yourself and the next girl.
Courtney is dropping dimes here. I have gone through most of this as many men have. Keep your options open and the second a woman isn't reciprocating your effort, move on. You can waste so much time pursing a woman who is not really interested. The thing about women is they may like the attention you give them so they will string you along to keep you interested. You have to learn not to fall for this.
I've done all of these in my first very serious relationship when, after so many years living together, she started pulling away and not communicating. The more silent she was, the harder I tried. And it all ended disastrously for me. So now, if anything, I'm guilty of doing the opposite thing -- and which I've been told by some women is the WRONG thing to do. And that is that now when I'm in a new relationship and I feel the woman starting to pull away -- I let her go! I don't waste any time anymore. But some of these same women will come back months later and claim that I should have tried harder to keep them. Hmmm... damned if I do, damned if I don't huh?
In the early stages of a relationship this is absolutely the correct advice. It gets more complicated once the guy is in love with the girl and has invested a lot emotionally. The longer and deeper the relationship, the harder it is just to walk away - even if that is the most sensible thing to do. I think Courtney could have been a bit more nuanced in this case.
My comments:
1. Obsession. This is an internal feeling, if you are in love there is not much you can do about this. It will decline with time as long as you don't start chasing, stalking and getting weird!
2. Chasing. Yep, never chase it only makes people run away.
3. Grand gestures. Generally no, but sometimes one last parting gesture before walking away will maybe make you feel better, showing that there are no hard feelings. Definitely don't throw money at the problem - you will just end up getting used.
4. Getting clingy. See Chasing - you are unlikely to get close enough to cling and it might come over as stalking behaviour.
5. Begging. Absolutely not!!
6. Waiting around - this needs to be defined better. Yes, don't hang around on the assumption that she will return. However, if you were in love, there is nothing wrong with taking a pause and not jumping into the dating pool too quickly. It can take time to heal.
The point that was not mentioned, but is often stated on other sites, is that women hate it when a man ignores them and seems to easily move on. When they realise the guy is over them really quickly, they will often turn right round and start to chase him. What is your take on that Courtney? Any truth in it?
It is often a symptom of an "avoidant" attachment style on the part of the woman, the tendency to pull away whenever anyone gets too close. The opposite is the "anxious" attachment style (clingy, needy, etc). They often attract each other and it ends up in a horrible mess of a relationship.
good point, if the advice is "don't chase" then if ignoring gets you to be chased doesn't that mean you should now run away?
"The point that was not mentioned, but is often stated on other sites, is that women hate it when a man ignores them and seems to easily move on. When they realise the guy is over them really quickly, they will often turn right round and start to chase him. What is your take on that Courtney? Any truth in it?"
True - but here's the thing. Assuming you are framing things in terms of a break up after an LTR it doesn't change the fact that whether a mutual thing or she left you, it was for a reason and the short term upset at seeing you do well without her is exactly that - short term. It's just a female ego driven thing. Taking her back still projects low value. She will lose respect for you as it indicates you don't have a BETTER OPTION. Plus your likely back into the same dynamic, but now with more distrust.
So don't do it. NO EXES!!!!!!!
@@jleano609 very persuasive reply!
I’m going through that right now. She just stopped everything, never said she doesn’t want to talk or she needs space, nothing. She is in her mid 50’s, not as if she is in her 20’s
Ha ha ha, I have to laugh at how many people are saying if she pulls away then let her go. So easy to say that when you are not driving. Anyone that's been in love knows hearts don't break even. Great song!
So true, when you fall in love with someone, rational thought goes out the window, only they matter and the average man will do virtually anything to keep them. The notion of just forgetting is fine if it's a first date and you didn't get on, or found there was nothing in common or was seeing someone else.
I never get attached or clingy. If a woman can't show reciprocity in any relationship... cut her off. I literally block her social media, delete her number and continue living my life to try to be the best version of myself. Not everyone is meant to be on your journey, some people are just lessons to be learned. Good luck out there gentlemen. Strive for self excellence. 💪
Thank you for what you are doing. I've seen different channels about relationships, but I think yours is one of the best. I once watched another channel where a man manipulated other men into feeling inferior in order to sell them his expensive courses, and you helped me to clear my mind of this garbage. So I'm glad that there are people like you who are really trying to teach good things. I wish you good luck in your business, may your goals be achieved.
Just let her go. Don’t appear desperate. Respect that she wants to pull away. Say you wish her the best and you are going to move on as well.
I've learned to always be one foot in and one foot out, always ready to leave so that when she does something sweet or thoughtful, it is received a lot better than if I had a glaze over my eyes from obsession, thinking she is more than she is because even women don't think too highly of themselves and when a man pedestalizes her, she feels a lot of pressure, and then a lot of doubt...and then self-hatred, and we don't want to do that to people. It is different when you are hiring people to have high expectations because they signed a contract to perform for pay, but to treat people you are meeting out there in public, or even online, with high expectations, that is generally unfair
@@drip369 true
Do women follow those same rules? Bit of a double standard.
@@ericmoore9444 all depends on the woman just like the man.
If you got rejected you could key his car and everyone would cheer you on.
Can we just take a moment to appreciate how authentic Courtney is in her videos. 😌🙏🏻
Agreed!
Everything Courtney is saying is very true fellas. DO NOT DO THIS.. I recently just got out of a dating/relationship and it was very complicated & alot of mind games / false hope and more mess was happing in the mix. After our last event it was clear as day she did not want anything to do with me and was not into me. I will admit, I done all of these things in the video expect "Grand gestures" and I am ashamed of it. But I also learned from this experience and have grown from it and just keep moving forward with my life. The pain is not worth it in the end knowing you had good intentions in the long run.. DO NOT DO THIS. Keep your heart safe
True words Courtney Ryan, As a man lot of mistakes I have made and all 6 mistakes.. I have made in the past.
Now, I have improved instead of saying “MY Girlfriend” I never say “My” because I don't own her and she not an object.... I know most people say My but not me.... I want to be difference.
Have a nice day Courtney love your nails mate
Something I have noticed here in the comments is a common theme of 'just let her go and move on' as if the second she pulls away the whole thing's over. While y'all are not wrong, a woman pulling away doesn't necessarily mean it's time to move on. If you've ever had someone constantly asking for your attention, then you know it gets exhausting after a while, *even if you enjoy being with that person.* It reaches a point where you have to draw a line and take some time for yourself to recharge so you can come back with the same excitement as before. That's what a woman could be doing when she pulls away from you: just taking time to recharge so she can come back to you with full excitement to be with you.
With all of that being said, if you come back a couple of days later and she's still pulling away from you, then definitely let her go and move on.
Like I said, y'all are not wrong and Courtney's advice is still valid, but I just encourage y'all to be a little more optimistic when she pulls away. Let me know if you agree or disagree.
Great advice Courtney. I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your knowledge on so many different topics. It is very appreciated and helpful. 👍🏾
Aww of course! It’s my pleasure. Thank you for being here and for being kind 😊
Holy crap Courtney, this couldn't have been any perfect timing. I legit opened RUclips to watch a video on this and there you are, posted 20 mins ago. Love you!
I need to bookmark this! To remind myself to stay strong. It's kinda sad to admit, but many girls unfortunately can get bored easily if you're way too affective, transparent and upfront about your feelings towards them. Even if you're coming from a good place, and trying to be an honest/loving good man (not to be confused with the dreaded "nice guy" label), sadly not everyone, guys and girls, have the maturity of just saying "yes, please" or "no, thank you" and prefer to keep the other person hanging, without realizing it can be torture for the other person. It's kinda sad, but it is what it is... if someone, guy or girl, starts playing those dumb indifference games w/you, you're better backing off and focusing on yourselves kings/queens.
Stay strong out there everyone! Another great vid, thanks Courtney, greets from México!
@@howarddamico1237 Thanks man! That really means a lot to me!
Being “Way too” anything isn’t a good thing.
@@driver0s228 Yup, learnt that lesson the rough way.
Honestly, the mistakes you mention are symptoms of a deeper issue where the man views the woman from the personal perspective of being incomplete without her. Her pulling away is misinterpreted as a loss to the man, rather than the more optimistic perspective which would be, she cut herself a loss.
Yup. When the rejection is apparent walk away. Go where you are valued
Glad to see you partnered with Betterhelp! It's such a perfect fit for your channel haha.
Point #2 is SO true about not chasing. Sometimes, the girl just needs some space if you've been spending a lot of time together or is even testing to see if you're needy in that way. You have to relax and let her come back on her own
Just acting calm and normal seems like the way to go.
Here's another approach to consider. Whatever happened to make her pull away, it's done and she's not coming back. So it doesn't make a damned bit of difference whether you chase her or not. But, for your growth, you need to feel your need and vulnerability, or else you will be it's prisoner for life. So chase that girl like your life depended on it (your emotional life does in fact). And feel every bit of yourself doing this. Bonus: she is now what she always was, a mere prop in your personal voyage into self realization.
Why is life so hard? Or why are people so hard? 😶😢🤕😔
Also, I can relate to some of those signs you mentioned on this list. And honestly, I'm not really sure what to do anymore. All I really want is someone who's not fearful of me, won't reject me and won't friendzoned me right away.
Wise words Courtney. I wish someone like you was around when I was a young man. I have been married 22 years and have a magnificent wife. NEVER chase. It makes the woman run even harder in the opposite direction. Sometimes a woman (or man) will "test" the relationship to see how free they are. If a man latches on she will feel not-free and will bolt in the opposite direction.
Someone said: "If you love something, set them free. If they come back, they're yours. If they do not come back, they were never yours in the first place." Very true.
Grovelling (begging) will ensure that a woman will lose respect for you. The foundation of ANY relationship is respect. Lose that, and you lose the relationship.
You definitely reward women off of the 3:2 rule which is very similar to texting where she sends you three you should reply with one or two but the same thing goes for gestures because of course men tend to have more money more resources and more skills which means they could do more for their women than their women can do for them but that doesn't mean women will do much of anything and you want to make sure she will because if she's going to do a lot for you, and she has heart, she will do much for your kids. Remember, women didn't cook and clean just because it was something to do, labor was always physically dominated because we didn't have machines and women wanted to make sure that their children and their husbands didn't get food poisoning so they had to know how to cook, and they also didn't want to draw in rodents and bugs that would bring diseases with them because they didn't want their children or their husbands to die from disease, because if their husbands died they likely would not be able to survive. I know things are different in this day and age but women need to have heart otherwise they will be selfish parents and selfish lovers and nobody will get ahead
EXACTLY, GREAT COMMENT!
I'm not ashamed to say it one time. I would do anything Courtney told me to do no matter what it is 24/7 7 days a week every month every year. She is praise worthy.
*The ACTUAL Six Worst Mistakes MEN made:*
*(1)* Passing and ratifying the 19th.
*(2)* Legalizing No-Fault Divorce.
*(3)* Permitting y'all to hold clerical, educational, corporate, military, and governmental offices.
*(4)* Inventing the Birth Control Pill
*(5)* #Believ[ing]AllWomen
*(6)* Letting you dictate the course of relationships when you've no idea who you are or what you want.
That is 💯true which Kourtney is saying i feel my girlfriend is pulling away and I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I think i should stop over thinking things with her for a peace of mind and let her GO
It's about finding enjoyment with ourselves first than seeking the right partner. I've been with women who (til' this day), who I can still remember the good times we had together, those women had no problem showing me they was into me. Bottom line is, if she's into ya she'll let you know.
Until she is not into you and strings you along. One day you wake up and decide you just can't do this any more.
Good timing for me too. I hate that the woman I fell for is gone and I still feel sad. But I'm full steam ahead on my life and career. I think it's OK to move on while still missing her. I even kissed her and was emotionally involved with her. But if she doesn't want me anymore, it's truly her loss as I keep building myself as happy as I can control. So here's to the future.
This is going to be a helpful video. I appreciate your videos Courtney! Thank you.
It’s my pleasure! ❤️
I’ve made some mistakes in the past with women, I’ve been too nice and have often misread the situation with certain women. But I strive to be a lot better, a lot more confident, meeting people, having fun conversations with women without expecting a relationship or one night stand of any sort, living life as much as I can.
I disagree with Courtney's last statement... 7:14 This is the point of view from someone like her... a good looking, voluptious young woman who is probably used to having a stack of dating applications to go through at any given day if she were putting herself out there as being single and looking.
You're own videos have shown that 80% of women aren't even attracted to men. There isn't 3.5 billion women for us to choose from. We're lucky to have 1. This is why a lot of guys are just not trying anymore. The MTGOW movement. It's not that we don't like women. It's that we're not about to waste our time and self respect chasing after a fish that doesn't want to be caught by us.
Like YOU said in this video "Don't wait for a lady and waste your day."
I'm recently going through something like this. A girl had been trying to get my attention for some time and when she got it we went out on 2 dates. Then soon after all the sudden she starts pulling away being hard to get. I know she's busy with work and school and is trying to get her life together and so am I but she finally told me that she can't couldn't go through with it anymore, she said she likes what she sees and thinks I'm a amazing man but she told me she's not the right girl for me. It really hurt cause I really liked her but I'm now seeing her as a friend and just moving on. There's much better out there. Thank you Courtney
Easy solution: Don't care. Do your own thing. Let them come to you (not saying don't try... just don't put your effort where it isn't wanted).
Also, the texting thing confuses me. Like I tend to send messages in groups that I WOULD consider one message put all together. I just think erratically and don't necessarily get it all in one message (do it on Slack at work too).
I have made some of these mistakes, but it's better to make them and learn instead of focusing on what could've been and not learn. PLEASE make sure you know who you are completely before you even think about a partner.
after I planned some fun things with my ex she started to pull away; broke up with her instantly so that she cant take advantage of all those fun things I put effort in planning. never felt better!!
Good shit man, out with the old, in with the new, stay strong king.
Courtney, I saw another comment a few months ago that said this, but it kinda feels right to say it again: You feel like the big sister I never had. Thank you for your work
Absolute gem of a video, thanks for this Courtney
You’re so welcome! Thanks for being here!
If it was a long-term relationship and you begged, don't feel bad. It's normal to want to fight for someone you have devoted so much to. Quite possible that you didn't do anything wrong and they were bad communicators.
You'll need to stop begging, but begging and pleading at first is not something you need to feel bad about. It shows you loved that person and were willing to fight for them. Would have been nice if they were willing to fight for you, too
Thank you Courtney for this video. I plea guilty as charged to everything on this list at one time or another one way or another. I am at a point where I've learned from these mistakes. I'm not going to make them again. I am hoping you can do a video on people like me who want to have a serious, long term relationship. But I never want children. I don't want to get in the way of anyone who does or already has children. It seems like I write off the vast majority of the population when I say this. It makes the difficult search for a relationship that much harder. What is your advice for someone like me?
The problem is when you actually meet other girls, you are even seeing more than one girl at a time to not become obsessed with one in specific, but in the end this happens allways with each one of them (pulling away). And then you need to start all over again... Love needs to be both ways sure, so I am starting to feel that no one is compatible with me...
I would try to reach out so when I walk away, I can move on quickly..
This should be a part of every parent's "talk" with their kids. Great insight, Courtney. Thank you for making this.
I don’t think it’s fair to call guys clingy for how they respond to a woman pulling away. She is the one in the wrong. She is the one planting the seed in his head that something is wrong and that she is losing interest. If she doesn’t want him to freak out about it then she should explain what’s going on clearly using words. The suggestion that the guy is the one in the wrong here shows an astonishing lack of maturity, empathy and accountability.
I believe that not questioning yourself is also proof of immaturity. the video is about the very beginning of a relationship, I believe that a woman still has the right to simply not be interested, or to change her mind.
@@morganecurtiss951 two problems here.
Firstly, Courtney specifically said guys *shouldn’t* question themselves over this - see the very first part about “obsessing” when she said guys shouldn’t sit around worry about what they might have done wrong.
Secondly, I agree that the woman has the right to change her mind. However, she should communicate this to the guy clearly and explain why. It’s not fair to put the onus on the guy to “question himself” when you could just clearly explain what the problem is.
This video is a perfect demonstration that women are an add-on to a man's life. They don't build, they move it. In other words, they're a luxury in a man's life, not a necessity.
So let me get this straight. The best way to get a woman to like you or to be attracted to you is to not give a damn about her, or at least pretend to not give a damn about her. That's honestly what I'm reading from all those points.
Not really. Just show you have other options and dont act like she is the only girl for you and need her.
No, this isn't about getting her back or making her like you. It's about respecting yourself and reading the signs when a woman just isn't into you.
Any time a girl pulls away and stops talking to me, even if she is just a friend and I have strictly a platonic friendship with her, that's why I completely stop messing them and say "Okay. Have a nice life. Bye." and then I part ways from her.
Edit: 7:29 not if you're me. If you're me, there IS a scarcity and I have nobody that I'm compatible with at all. I'm too ugly and gave up on trying to pursue women. I just don't care anymore. I focus on myself and work now instead.
You know something fellows, that clingy, desperate, "gotta have you mentality" is most frightening to all women, period. I'm sure many of us can identify with Courtney's list. I've found myself going back to the drawing board to focus on becoming a better version of myself. Women are complex for a reason. Anyone worth having is worth waiting for; there's no other way to acquire a healthy relationships. For us guys, when we are whole and complete within, we can then bring a strong masculine presence to the table. Women really desire those characteristics within us, because all relationships have challenges.
You should be happy for yourself and not for other people. She is just an icing on the cake, you are the cake, so she shouldn't be that important that you should change yourself for an imaginary woman.
Women are not complex, they are self centered and sleazy.
Attraction is not negotiable. If she’s not attracted to you no matter what you do she’s not going to suddenly change. Most women know within a few minutes whether she will be with the guy or not.
She’s not into me , I get it. She don’t want to be pursued. It’s not worth the time to go wrong way
everyone should watch this vid cuz its the hard truth that everyone should be aware of
You don’t need a woman to be happy. Plain and simple.
It's making more sense to me. It seemed like when I was in my 20s I did all of those you mentioned.
Always maintain a sense of detachment in a relationship, where platonic or romantic.
Let them go
Yessir!
I wish I saw this video a few weeks ago. rest in peace, mental health.
Don’t be a Stalker move on She’s not interested it’s Not a Job or Career Interview 💯🛣Hit the Road it’s not Personal or Worth it
Careful Winter is Approaching Don’t Be Unintelligent, Common Sense 💯
Yep, happened to me. Felt her pulling away, and let my emotions get the best of me. She said, “needed time to herself.” Then came out and said,” don’t want to be in a relationship together. Please respect that decision and give me some space.” Was hurt, wished her well, then said a couple things in heat of moment i regretted. Of course I apologized and wanted to talk after a while, but first thing she brought up was what I said post break up. Really thought we had a good thing going too.
But what if she's playing hard to get?
Man why does it have to be so complicated. I'm gonna become a wizard then.
Your profile pic: my face back then when she was playing hard to get and was complicated. 🤣🤣🤣
they arent playing hard to get, youre just hard to want
If she pulls away, let her go. Cut your losses and move on. It's best for both of you.
99% of the time when women pull away and become distant means thery found someone else or they no longer want to be with you, guaranteed nearly 100% of the time this is the case.
Own who you are be proud of youreself.Never knock people down for who they are.
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I remember this girl that always showed signs of liking me , at the time I didn’t have time to waste I was always busy but I liked her too I thought she’s just going to slow me down in my goals And plans she would asked my coworkers about me note I said coworkers not friends One day I went over to her and she cut me off badly saying she wasn’t interested . She said NO THANKS , I really took it personally turned around and left This girl closed to her started being so cool to me so I started hanging out with and taking her on dates and motorcycle trips . Last time I heard about the first girl liking me was that she was having a bunch of boyfriends trying to make me jealous since I was really busy I didn’t have time to think too much about her she thought I was going to chase her .. she stills sticks out her ass trying to get my attention if she knew that it was her coolness at our first interaction that got me into her now I just feel really sorry for her …
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The funny thing is, when an average dude does not put more effort into reaching out, that doesn't mean any woman will sometime come to HIM. In the end he is not clingy and chasing, but still alone. So im sitting here all confident "hah! im not messaging! that would be clingy!" with not hearing a peep from anyone else. Haha. Time to focus on yourself folks.
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I have been doing these exact same things right now.
Not anymore. I now realise that she's not for me.
I will be really good without her. She dragged this for like 6 months straight, saying that she likes me and was giving me hopes. Thanks Courtney for making this video I really needed this. I hope I don't go to her even if she comes back to me.
Wooow You couldn't say it better. Those 6 were my big mistake which cost me 10 years of my life, time and money. Thanks God I am free man now.
The weird thing is that at some point the girl that is pulling away, used to be clingy and needy. One needs to be careful, however. Just because someone is in this state of mind, does not mean that they will reciprocate when you are in that state of mind. Give how much support during their time of need as you are comfortable giving. Don't be overly generous, because there is no guarantee that there will be reciprocity. It will just make you feel bitter. Also, understand that society does not treat men and women equally. It is more expected that men comfort women when they are needy. When men do this, they are seen as weak. It is a turn off for women, in general. Respect yourself. Just like Courtney said, "the person you're with should enhance your happiness and life -- not be your happiness and life".
I would also add sometimes a woman seems to be growing distant but really isn't because of things going on in her life. I have anxious attachment issues. I've been doing therapy and taking a course to help me with that. But I become particularly sensitive when I feel like my girl is pulling away. That happened to me earlier this week. She seemed to be growing a bit distant and that got my anxiety going. I was really tempted to overtext her and start going into 'fix it' mode which honestly can only make it worse. But I fought the urge and I'm glad I did. She was having a stressful week at work and she had some other things going on that just caused her a lot of grief. So I would have been trying to 'fix' something that wasn't even an issue. Everything is fine now. So realize sometimes it may really have nothing to do with you. There may be stressors in her life that have absolutely nothing to do with you. Let her come to you when she's ready and be there for her when she does by listening (and avoid the urge to try to 'fix' things for her, most of the time she just wants someone to listen). I'm so relieved that I didn't give into my anxiety.
If a woman pulls away - you just saved a fortune on a Valentine's Day gift, her birthday, Christmas and an anniversary gift (not to mention dining out, movies, vacations, etc. I guess you'll have to do without her gifts - 4 ties you didn't want to wear.