Unpacking Queer Loneliness
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- Опубликовано: 10 июл 2024
- Am I lonely, or just alone? 🌈
/ dreamsounds
My new album "how to lose someone fast" is out now on Bandcamp: avelosongs.bandcamp.com/album...
And streaming services: open.spotify.com/intl-de/albu...
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The soundtrack for this video features piano recordings from my great-grandfather Bill Vuono as well as original pieces and songs of mine, with performances from Hans Bilger (bass), Alexander Dubovoy (piano), and Dexter Stanley-Tauvao (drums).
It also features a cover of "Will You Miss Me" by Rev. George Beebe and H.E. McAfee performed by Shyshark and a recording of Gerald Busby's "RUNES" as performed by Adam Tendler.
Check out Adam's full recording! • RUNES (1975) | Gerald ...
00:00:00 Queer Loneliness
00:04:38 Berghain
00:12:02 Christopher
00:19:11 Concussed
00:25:15 Queer Time
00:29:36 Lou
00:38:24 i'm artificial
00:44:37 Pain Becomes Pain
00:48:08 Sylvia
00:51:46 Him
00:55:32 Post-Op
01:07:30 Gerald
01:23:05 Berlin 
Развлечения
![Natanael Cano x Oscar Maydon - Giza [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/eXCS6-MSQ_Y/mqdefault.jpg)
Thank you for watching this, y’all, I think it’s the most personal video I’ve ever made. And happy pride! 🌈
My new album "how to lose someone fast" is out now. You can find it on Bandcamp and streaming services: avelosongs.bandcamp.com/album/how-to-lose-someone-fast
open.spotify.com/intl-de/album/4qaG36UdM6yvL2cK9DrtrH?si=zFjT1bvgRqKoM7Z2Fi9jCQ
So grateful for all that you do and share 🌈💖
❤
Happy Pride🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈❤❤️🧡💛💚💙💜!!!
Every new Avelo video is me realizing that my "problems" aren't just some little deep scary unexplainable secrets I need to hide but just apart of myself and my queer journey.
I went on a date with a refined gentleman who was a few decades my senior. He took me to a state park that was amazing. It had miles of trails, in a virgin forest, with museums made of classically accurate log homes. We spent most of the day wandering around and chatting. we followed that up with a drive around his favourite lake and a hole in the wall restaurant that neither of us knew of beforehand. It changed my entire life. To me, that day couldn't have been better. I have never had someone show me so thoroughly that they cared about all the monologues I fall into. He listened to me. He didn't just go along, he wasn't trying to win the dating game. He listened, and then he made my perfect day. I hope that I returned that feeling for him, but I dont know that anyone could ever match his compassion. To say that he taught me how to love would be an understament. I won't ever have the words to say how much that day means to me.
I’m asexual and I have, like, this conflicting vibe where I am SO OKAY AND VERY HAPPY on my own. Like, I talk to people at work but other than that I am usually alone, especially now that I live in China with the rest of my family back home in the US.
But then sometimes there’s this gnawing feeling of missing something and being lonely, or having the existential dread of “okay but who are you gonna be around when you’re old, who will be there to help you” and the feeling like I’m wasting time. Even though, again, I am actively happy on my own and feel uncomfortable when I go for anything other than friendship.
I tune it out and logic it away (being married and having kids is not a guarantee you will have people around when you’re old, etc) but it still creeps around the corner at times or sits across the table from me when I’m alone in public.
I feel you there. I'm trans and aroace. It's so lonely. No family really, no partners . And friends are all bound up in their own partners and kids and families.
It’s so weird for me, because I see everyone being happy having boyfriends, girlfriends, being married, having a family and all that type of stuff- but my experience is, I can never get a relationship going with people, because I didn’t want to talk to them about what essentially boiled down to “you know” and I felt so alienated when people would ask me “Do you want to come to my wedding?” And it felt so awkward because I wanted to be included or involved in something, but I realized I would watch them live out a dream that I, could never achieve without pushback from other people.
I'm sorry you feel you can't have the life you want without negativity from the outside.
I *can* say from experience that it does feel weird when everyone seems to be coupling and multiplying - especially all at once. That stage is weird even if the people around you aren't mostly cis/het.
Loneliness and I were bedfellows for a *long* time before I felt comfortable with myself as company. (Life things happened and I'm still rebuilding - but it's okay to take time to do that, sometimes we need to give ourselves slack.)
If you want someone to talk to; I have time. An abundance. Sometimes just small connections like these can help. No pressure though, and I certainly won't pry.
the section about lou sullivan was such a pleasant surprise. ive spent quiet nights completely alone listening to lou's words and have never had another person take an interest the same way i did. great job on your video.
RIP Lou Sullivan 🏳️⚧️🌈
After 12 years of being single, I wanna feel like truly loved. For context 12 year ago I was questioning my gender and was dating a girl, we were both 17. After gathering lots of courage, I messaged her, we lived in different states, as my dad and I recently moved, that I may be trans. She did not reply for a couple of hours. Then she started being transphobic. Begging me to bring back her boyfriend and said she loved me as a man and no other way. She did not reply for another few hours. Then posted a picture of her kissing a new man, with the caption, “I love you king” and that was that. We have not spoken since. I am still friends with some of her friends because they were actually accepting of me. 2 years ago, out of the blue, she messages me wising me a Merry Christmas, like I was just supposed to forget. She is no longer dating the guy she was after me, but she is dating someone and it looks like they are very close and could get engaged soon, one of her friends said. I wish I could find love. I came out to her in 2011. I would not fully gather all of my courage to completely come out until 2015, 4 years later. My family took their time processing it all, with the exception of my older sibling who went all in right away. All that aside, I wanted to recapture the feeling of love I had before I came out to my ex, not with her, but rather with a beautiful, kindhearted lady. That being said there have been times where I have been catfished or gained ride or die friends instead of a relationship and although being catfished sucks, gaining a ride or die bestie makes me so happy, as I lost a lot of “friends” when I officially came out. Some of my friends say I could gotten a girlfriend in one of those 12 years, if I had just talked to a women. Let me tell you. I agree, but my gender dysphoria really does not help. I see beautiful cis women, trans women and non-binary people, on social media or in public, and I never gather the courage to talk to any of them because I worry that they are so beautiful and I am so not, that they would not even give me the time of day. On top of that, a few people have asked me, upon meeting me for the first time and telling them I am trans, if I am a trans man. No I am not a trans man. I am a trans woman, who knows very little about makeup, fashion and passing as a woman. Ok ok. I am rambling on. I just want to experience true love. I turn 30 this year. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life thinking I cannot be truly loved because I am not beautiful or I don’t pass or because I am trans. My ex did that to me and I don’t want her to be right.
Work harder. Just because you’re trans doesn’t mean cis or even het people have it better.
-A non-straight person from a homophobic country
I'm a trans man that turned 30 a few days ago and has been single for a painfully long time, for reasons similar to yours. Different circumstances definitely, but the feeling is strikingly similar.
Sending love to you. I hope romance of the kind you long for finds you soon.
Thank you for sharing this. I'm around your age, trans, and have never dated, even though I have wanted to date for a long time. Your message helps me to grieve.
The way John looks at you in your photos together is so sweet 💚
My gf lives in Berlin and I live in the states and I feel this whole video so deeply. I long to be in Berlin, to be with her, to be queer with her. I feel everyday a deep sense of queer loneliness that only lifts when im in the city with her. In the US I feel so alone even though im in Los Angeles. It feels that people dont see me as me but as my titles (lesbian, trans, etc) and sometimes feels mostly more isolating than accepting.
Im hoping one day to make it there like you. Thank you for the amazing videos. Your content consistently brings me joy.
Thanks for the kindness, I hope you two can be reunited soon!
I don't think Berlin itself is the solution. Berlin is a deeply lonely city, I say this as someone who's always lived there. People are too busy here. I don't have deep friendships even though I long for them so much. The way things are going, I'll never have a friend's group
BABE WAKE UP NEW AVELO JUST DROPPED
This really helped me sit with my feelings and grief and realize how loved I am. I feel lonely most of the time but because of a recent crisis, I realized how many people came out to support and care for me. I'm autistic so I often feel an incredible distance between myself and others. Out of a weird self preservation I misinterpret all emotions from others as disgust or dislike when that isn't ever the case. In an era of rising fascism, community is something I can nurture to protect myself and my loved ones.
Same, emotionally I feel despised 24/7. Even though I have a lot of evidence on the contrary. Things go awry and I question all the realities I’ve had of late.
Such a great episode, having loneliness is a hidden subject and I am so glad it was presented here!!!🙏🙏🙏💜
Thank you, Daniel!🌈
I'm nonbinary and from Oklahoma...I'm halfway through this and astonished by the beauty and strength of your vulnerability. Thank you for capturing our loneliness and in this way, uniting us.
The tear drops staining Christopher’s letter are so telling of queer desire and really hit me. It always seems wrapped in a sadness, even when it is requited and passionate.
About the age gap for me i would like to think its like with an elf falling in love with a human. Having them in our life for not the longest time doesnt mean it didnt matter. One of the topic preparing for an essay in my highschool final exams was "Is it worth it to love if love brings pain?". It very much is, we're going to meet so many people in our lives and love and cherish and its so beatiful. And we hold the ones that are gone close maybe because of how time divided us (because that relationship fell apart) or distance or they're not alive anymore. People who we love will stay with us forever, not even in a spiritual way but just because of their impact.
I think because of the inevitability of mortality and life constantly being in flux there's an inherent understanding that if you want to love someone or form a bond with someone else it will never be permanent, and accepting that can bring both meaning and pain. I think it's because of that trade-off we look for ways to find reliability in our relationships as much as possible, which I think leads to the assumption that if a relationship is short-lived, it is less meaningful.
I've gotten a number of comments over the years about my age gap with my husband that seem to imply that the relationship wouldn't be worth pursuing solely because you don't know how much time you have left and like I mention in this video that was a big insecurity for me when I realized just how serious our love is. But after struggling with that for a while I realized that life is never guaranteed and to work so hard at maximizing time together with others instead of loving someone deeply when given the opportunity would I think be missing the point. And if it's between conforming to social expectations about what our relationship should look like and accepting love, the latter makes more sense to me.
Nobody knows how much time we have, and shifting my focus from assuming I'll have some trajectory to trying to appreciate my life on a daily basis was an important change for me, but admittedly it is something I didn't truly settle with until relatively recently.
@@DreamsoundsVideo yes yes yes! we dont know how much time we have left! ppl seem so privy to intrude when someone is in a relationship with someone who "visibly" has "less" time like and older person or terminal person or with a disability that shortens the lifespan. I dont want to be catastrophic, only realistic. You dont know when you die. Nobody does. That terminal patient may outlive you because you dont know how much time you have. So waiting for later to start living or untill retirement, assuming you will reach it is just ridiculous. Dont kill yourself over a job that will replace you in a few weeks as if you never existed. Dont wait for later to live. Not to not be excited about the future, but to remember im also living now. Im 22, i got married this year and am in a long-distance relationship with my husband for 3 years. Yes he has to work and i might be busy, but we always have to find ways to talk often. Yes its hard, but we're living now and we still can be as content as possible now. I really love your videos and i aspire to be able to make similar videos in the future
I admit I haven't finished watching the video yet, I'm about halfway through, but a lot of this video is hitting very close to home. I also started my medical transition at 27, no surgery yet, and only just a very recently entered my first relationship with someone who has only known me since the start of my transition and who only knows me as a trans woman. She's wonderful and beautiful and I love her, and I think for the first time, neither of us feels lonely. But even despite that, I'm worried that things won't work out just because our life situation is very different, and I'm terrified to go back to being lonely again. It is amazing how good it feels to be with her, though, after years and years of just thinking I was fine being alone, simply talking with her makes me so happy. Losing that...
I'm a new subscriber and this is only the second video I've seen on this channel, but so far, more so than most other LGBT RUclipsrs I follow, I feel like this one picks at the edges and gets into the little cracks in my psyche in a way that both terrifies me and enthralls me. Thank you for what you're doing. I wish you the best of luck in your life.
Thank you for the kind words. Wishing the best for you both 🌈
i cried after watching this video
Im an older transmasc teen, and i hope this doesn't come off as odd, but these videos feel like a warm blanket being laid on me; showing that life as a queer person will be difficult and have hardships, yet it can also be so beautiful and worth living. Thank you
The story of Christopher and the song that followed brought me tears during my morning commute. Thank you for this. Please don’t ever stop singing🫶
❤❤❤
🌈💗thank you for your love, john
Thank the two of you for sharing your sweetness. It's always so incredibly heartwarming.
This comment made my day.
This was lovely, crying rn, so much love. Incredible to live in this broken world
"the things i thought i want arent really what i need" i feel that girl. I think i can relate to a lot of the feelings you have about that relationship. This was such a beautiful video, artful and thoughtful. Thanks so much ❤
thank you so much for making this. i don’t know if i have much more specific of a comment i can articulate just yet but… seriously. this was beautiful and profound and i think i really needed this. so thank you. ❤
This video came at a perfect time for me. I actually cried a little. Thank you for making these
I think that Berlin especially is just a deeply lonely place. People are so busy, people have friends but not really deep friendships. And if you do have deep friendships, you somehow always exclude those people who seem to struggle more to form friendships. Idk... Apart from my partner, I don't really feel seen by anyone. And I don't feel like I can connect with anyone on that level. Everybody is in it for themselves. You see people every few weeks for a coffee... That's it.
For real, i read the stormlight archive right when I started my transition, one thing remains true throughout this time: life before death, strength before weakness, journey before destination
As someone who read the Archive in a time when I knew I was trans, but wasn't in a safe spot to transition and even come out except for a few online spaces, a lot of lines struck deep and have stuck with me in the five years since then. The First Oath, of course, but also "Accept the pain, but don't accept that you deserve it", "I will protect those I hate, even if the one I hate the most is myself", "I will remember the ones who have been forgotten"... I hold those books and characters close to my heart, and I'm looking forward to the reread before December
What a lovely video! Your interview with Gerald was especially intriguing. And the shots/cinematography you made of Berlin and your flat really added a lot. They felt lonely but in a very warm way.
Im gonna cry, I can't believe I'm not the only one feeling this. Thank you for posting this ❤
amazing voice!!!
thank you for the kindness :)
If you're lonely when you're by yourself, you're in bad company. -Sartre
I've been in a similar boat most of my adult life as a gay disabled man in a conservative area. Loneliness was excruciating for a long time until I found my friend group. But even then, I still want a relationship. But guys don't really give me a chance. Like I have to prove that I can take care of myself and deal with overly invasive questions. It's exhausting.
You're style of writing and storytelling is engrossing. Thank you for sharing these moments with us.
I made a big move last year, I live with friends and things are better now than they have been - but now that that I feel more comfortable and less anxious, I now have the space to realise that I am lonely. Much to think about.
Also, i love your music. Got chills listening to you singing.
This was gorgeous. It was also amazing to get a 'behind the scenes' not only of Dreamsounds to Avelo, but somewhat share the nostalgia with you; especially the revisits to songs you performed on livestream what seems like a lifetime ago. (At least for me)
Also, I know I say it all the time but bookmark it for when you could use the reminder: You're gorgeous Marlene. That's just objectively true. More importantly; you're lovely inside and out.
Thank you for sharing that with us.
(Also my thought about the selfie was "cute!" you said "sexy" - which in itself is adorable - and I wish you two a very **ahem** "cute!" reunion and fully understand if another update doesn't happen until winter.)
Thanks for my tears starting 15:30 onward. Synergizes well with my day. Time to hydrate lol.
Gerald's composition is so magical!!! At first it felt like a tense Ghibli track, then it became a whimsical Twilight Princess moment... Would love to hear the rest!
I linked to Adam's full recording of it in the description, and the other Gerald thing I briefly showed (the score for 3 Women) is on streaming services :)
love this. thank you for taking the time to communicate it.
WAKE UP BABES NEW AVELO MOVIE
I found this channel through her "Finding a Trans Voice" vid. I was instantly in love with the editing style and cinematic qualities of the b-roll and other visuals. It's striking, yet beautiful, and I'm so excited to give this one a watch (and maybe cry, who knows) Thank you for sharing your voice with us, Avelo 💙💙💙
EDIT: Yeah, had a good cry at this one fellas 👍
Not Tchai-Tchai in the thumbnail 😭💀 ThEy WeRe RoOmAtEs!!
Thank you so much for talking about this, I watched and fell in love with Stephen Sondheim’s “Company”, and it portrays this phenomenon loosely-
It is definitely something I have felt personally.
I love this in so many ways. There are too many relatable elements to recall 💜💜💜
This was so, so beautiful! About 20 minutes after finishing this video (and moving on to others) I briefly burst into tears and I'm not entirely sure why. I have a feeling I'll be back to listen again after I've sat with it for a bit. :') Happy Pride!
What a doozy of a video for my intro to your channel. It felt like art, and has me reflecting on my own life.
This was beautiful, thank you
I have social anxiety so I've always felt lonely and isolated but I usually don't relate to this type of loneliness
This is incredible and wonderful.
Thank you so much for coming back to RUclips and making such beautiful and thoughtful art. I really appreciate the way you highlight the human experience in your videos through sharing stories of people of the past as well as your own story of your life so far. I really enjoyed hearing your conversation with Gareld and i think its so lovely your able to document that moment and share it with us. Thank you for sharing Marlina its been such a joy to watch as this channel has grown and changed along with you
This is the first video i watched from you, and all i can truly say that this was beautiful
This was beautifully written, thank you for sharing Gerald with us and also you’re voice sounds amazing in this one!!!!!!!
Every video you make takes me on such a journey but this one is so beautiful
Incredible video. Had me crying a few times. I didn't expect to relate so deeply to so some of the things you talked about. Thank you for sharing your love and your beautiful songs with us. Subscribed.
Wonderful video. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences!
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this honest, touching, hopeful, beautiful work of art
Appreciate the honesty!
Another beautiful crafted and articulated video 🫶
I’m blown away by your thoughtfulness, introspection, wisdom, and vulnerability. This video was incredibly engaging and thought provoking. I loved your song “I’m Artificial” l and Christopher’s letter that you read was simply beautiful. I thank the algorithm spirit for sending your video my way. I’ve subscribed and look forward to viewing more of your content. Thanks. 💕
Thank you so much for this
I don't have words to describe the insight into my self and relationships with my mom and grandparents. Thank you for a look at a beautiful world.
Wow you shared so many minute-snippets of your soul-ish-ness and thoughts! And as a queer hermit-loner , due to cptsd I only feel my authentic self when I’m alone, so I’ve been living in chosen isolation for years, when I discoverer the concept of Schizoid (which means loving solitude) but simultaneously I fantasize about a future queer person intellectual ponderings partner.
So for anyone feeling lonely, one path is to acknowledge and care for that feeling, but another is exploring - if you feel lonely, ONLY because mainstream society socializes us that we should have friends, partners, lovers. If this helps anyone, I stopped feeling lonely when I researched Schizoid chosen-loneliness. I discovered I am only honestly „ME” when alone.
I do plan for a queer asexual brain-nerd, but for me, I know that FEELING LONELY used to make me chose abusive red-flag partners in the past.
In that way, our lonelines can sadly betray us and give us pain.
Wonderful video and also wonderful audio. I can tell you paid close attention to that
1:08:20 you guys greeting each other is just the sweetest thing 😭
Love your usage of art in this video!!!! Art historian part of me couldn’t look away.
Always making me cry…. ;_; Thank you for this
such a beautifully written and executed video, the music makes me feel hopeful and want to hug my loved ones tighter. fantastic as always!
thank you, skylar!
This could not have come at a better time 💙
your voice is so mesmerizing 🥺
Thanks so much this is important
lou sullivan oh my god!! not through with the video yet but it’s looking to be a beautiful one… so glad to see him becoming more publicly memorialized
1:11:17 this man is amazing!! And he seems so nice and loving
This video really meant a lot to me. It taught me things about myself that I really needed to hear. I cried. Four times. But such is life, especially when suddenly faced with a metaphorical mirror.
Also I should start writing music again.
Beautiful
My partner is 27 years my senior and we have lived together for 8 years. I'm 43 and it is nice to hear another who experiences similar complexities.
how do i always see some new part of myself watching your videos? thank you marlena
The vibes of this channel are.... Different.
I really like it
For the last two years of high school I was stealth and in an all male friend group, which I used to think was the main goal of my transition. I was the loneliest I've ever been in my life. I still talk to most of them, but I couldn't form the kind of bonds with them like I could with other trans people. Until I met my partner I exclusively dated cis people only to be met with a lack of shared experiences and stunted understanding of each other. Starting a T4T relationship with someone who is so outwardly and proudly weird and queer made me realize that the only way I could truly be happy was to stop hiding my transness. In many gay and trans circles I still feel that loneliness due to the nature of my transition, but having people who have a baseline understanding are infinitely better than nobody.
6:19 HAHAHA oh god this speaks to me on an unbelievable level. im a 19yr old trans man, a couple of months ago i got the guts to go to a bar durin' slow hours of the day. i got a beer, finished it, left and passed a bookstore. browsed a bit, came across 'the stranger', it was perfect size to fit in the pocket of my jacket. i bought it and went back for another beer, reading it at one of the tables, and ofcourse, smoking my cigarettes.
i quite literally laughed out loud when you mentioned cigarettes and that book. ive been feeling the queer loneliness myself lately, and i think this video will be something to soothe, ive only started it, but thank you.
12:44 - 13:16 wow, hit the nail on the head right there.
Thank you for making this beutiful video
You really do have an excellent ear for melody.
Wow! Just found you, this was beautiful
thank you for doing what you do, i find these videos helpful in understanding my feelings when it comes to my queer life ❤
This is very good ❤😢
Oh dear, my RUclips recommendations are here to hurt me today. Can’t wait 🙃
Very real 💚
I stil haven't finished the video yet, but i would like to add something not just about loneliness, but about queer time. Specifically about aromantic time. I'm aroace. Not only does it feel especially lonely being aroace because i don't have any friends like me (almost my friends are lgbt but not one of them is aroace), but personally no matter how comfortable i get with my sexuality (or maybe lack thereof haha), there is always the looming fear of growing old alone. I don't know if many aroace people feel this way but even after making queer friends and just friends in general I'm still afraid of dying alone or growing old and loosing all my friends. My friends are the only thing i have, my family if they knew who I am (I am also agender) would not accept me. I don't want a partner, my friends are my everything. If most or worse all my friends get a partner and a full time job I'm afraid we won't see each other anymore, the way that my parents don't see their friends that often. It seems really lonely. Aroace people especially go againt the chart of falling in love, getting married and having a family more than anyone alse . I really hope I find another aroace person but where I live it seems rare that I even found so many queer people in the first place. I don't talk about this loneliness to anyone. It's a very personal thing so i was happy this video came up on my fy
Just wanted to say that I am sorry to hear about the familial trouble, but appreciate you sharing your aroace perspective!
wow! this was randomly recommended to me. it was more personal than i expected, but i loved it anyway. i cried floods, lol.
i'm a transmasc nonbinary person (who only recently realized that) and i also have very few people in my life right now. i deal with the most ridiculous, melodramatic, angsty, desperate loneliness over that. i often feel like it scares others away and needs to be hidden. so i always appreciate open discussion of it, especially through a queer lens.
i also found hearing about your experiences in berlin interesting. i've been very strongly considering leaving the US myself, hoping that maybe my problem is just my milieu- like maybe the people where i'm living just aren't right for me, or something. but of course the problem could also just be me.
oh and, gerald seems so lovely! his interview was a delight :)
Thanks for the exestential crisis. 10/10 would recommend to friends as a psychological and emotional attack method.
Beautiful, loverly vidéo much love ! (And yeah in my experience progestérone makes you feel like a teenager ; high highs, low lows & libido unlike anything I've ever known ahah) 🦋💕
Aaaw, Gerald reminds me of my Grandma. ❤
My favorite thing about your videos is how I can see the progress of an artist. Your voice and lyricism have grown exponentially and thats what i love to see, artists growing.
As to the topic of the video, I feel the pull of clubs and drugs and playing the part of the bad boy, but that ain't me. Queer culture is rough. There's so many facets out there of queer life, but also like, not every city has those facets. Its hard to find like-minded people.
Your videos always make me cry, normally in a good way. You’re a very excellent emotional writer. You analyze your thoughts and articulate your words very beautifully. I just wanted to let you know that I always look forward to listening to every one of your essays, you make me feel less alone as a fellow trans woman who has had similar experiences to you. Thanks 🙏🏻
hose maria luna also put out a video on queer misery a couple days ago, and now we have queer loneliness!
apparently we're all depressed this july 😅
josé's video on queer misery is incredible!
wow, that was intense
Living as a queer teenager in a small rural Tennessean community this sums up all of my highschool experience.
I am a lonely trans woman and this musical vlog moved me profoundly. Your storytelling washed me with emotion. Your music inspired me. I have a very hard time with being alone. You made me feel less alone and relived me of pain. Thank you.
It is not easy to live the life as a Bacchae. Leave society to embrace life and find out that Dionysus has his own demands.
HAPPY PRIDE CANT WAIT TO WATCH
Were those pictures of Tchaikovsky? Besides that, beautiful video. Your channel helps me a lot.
Yes, they were
This is the first time I've ever seen anyone explain the weird feelings I have around bottom surgery. When Candy spoke of fearing she'd no longer be "special" anymore if she got it, I really felt that, and I can relate that to my own experiences easily.
I honestly experience a lot of bottom dysphoria, but I kind of have a complex about my transness being the only conceivable perk that'd come with sexually being with me, and I also feel as though the presence of my natal genitals makes my femininity and cis-passing more impressive, I suppose. As in, when I see my feminine body with the penis, it's like "wow, despite being born with that thing, you look like that. That's amazing!" and a part of me kinda doesn't want to lose that, for if I had a vagina, I'd pretty much just look like a cis woman who has hands, feet, and height that is just a tad bit "mannish" compared to what is normative in size, but otherwise just looks kinda unremarkable, y'know? Presently, when things that I perceive to be even slightly clocky and indicative of male puberty gets pointed out to me in the mirror, I can just kinda refer to what's between my legs and be like "this is the perpetrator, they did this to me. When you consider I had to deal with that thing during first puberty, I'm really not doing so bad", but without that there to contextualize why my body didn't develop in a way that is completely normative for females, a part of me imagines that it might hit me harder.
I suppose the visual evidence that I'm trans makes where I am in terms of femininity almost feel more special, more significant, but at the same time I can't use my penis in sexual contexts without literally crying, so it'd probably be best to just get it over with.
NEW AVELO VIDEO JUST DROPPED
i have to say this but your video essays are like no other. this and the trans voice video arent just essays but real works of art and theyve helped me so much. thank you
49:39 she's spitting bars 🔥
❤