There is a risk that you didn't touch on above and beyond burning out and not being able to "love" the next female stranger (even a compatible one) There is a good chance that you loose the ability to "love" anything or anyone; even yourself. The basis of the Black pill perhaps?
"There is a good chance that you loose the ability to "love" anything or anyone; even yourself." Yep that's where I'm at at 48 years old. DGAF anymore. About any of it.
Maybe you remember the good feelings associated (and forget the crap stuff) & believe you will never have that again. Most of life is not feeling much at all. Love feelings are seductive.
Very good point. And it's not really projecting the hurt from a previous relationship to another person (that had nothing to do with it), and more the logical red pill knowledge about woman nature. We know even if it could be good now, she can change anytime on a whim and so, what's the point of investing all our time and energy for something as volatile? Flip part is we stop trying. It feels at times Mother Nature is mocking us all, men and women.
Yeah im spent, depleated and im not sure i can even do it again. I don't even have the ability to love myself, I care about my kids, my hobbies and thats about it. I've isolated myself, at 47 the choices are limited, dangerous and exhausting. I guess I did my part and procreated but I had hoped there was a little more to the story. Best wishes gentlemen and regards to all of us on this path to better understanding.
"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone." - Robin Williams.
Unrequited love is worse than loneliness. Never invest your emotions, time and energy in someone based on how much you like them, invest in someone based on how much they invest in you.
The pain comes from realizing you were being used. People don't abandon people they love. Users abandon people they were using when they have what they wanted and either no longer have need or want, or have been refused. How many men here were discarded by their narcissist for saying 'no'... For reasserting boundaries. I'd wager the overwhelming majority, and those who weren't had the courage to leave first.
I ended up walking out at a party, having to grab a cab because she drove, after she loudly tried dressing me down in front of her friends. I had apparently interrupted one of her constant monologues. Queen shit was all cocky that I was "having a tantrum", and "he's going outside to have one." "STFU" x 2 was the last words I ever spoke to her. All I could think of was that I wouldn't take that kind of crap from any dude, so why this narcissist. Didn't matter how hot she was I just couldnt stand to be around an asshole. I know me dumping her in front of her friends was a shock to her, but I heard she twisted it into I was a nasty person and she just couldn't deal with me anymore. :) Narcissism is a self healing condition, lol.
@@AussieBill128 1000% agree. It was honestly a visceral reaction. The thinking part came hours later, and it was mostly replaying similar bs. She had been pushing it for about 2 years. Only thing I'd change is following through a few months earlier. I want my time back.
That shouldn't be the case, it means you grew out of requiring social validation or acceptance from someone. It's really a good thing. Rationalising it like that and you will not feel devastated anymore
Whatever you do, don't "find yourself" - that's what women do. I. e. nothing, made to sound like an adventure, a journey. Self indulgence is unattractive.
So many people get so caught up in the whole idea of the white picket fence, beautiful wife, two kids, and a dog. It's like everyone tries to shape their life into a Norman Rockwell painting. So they try to force the wrong person into a mold that, in the end, doesn't fit.
And mortality is a scam against sentient beings? I believe attachment and lust are what you're advocating against here. Love is an ideal state, like health. It is a much misapplied concept throughout history. So just like you can't health someone, you can't love them. What we really mean is 'I like you, want you, appreciate you, value you' etc. Love is what the Universe is built on. Almost like its protocol. Everything in this Universe responds to Love. To generate it genuinely may require a non-finite being, or a finite being operating in a dimension outside of this one where they would have access to essentially infinite layers of this dimension. Authentic Love is all-disarming. When people say unconditional Love, it is like saying wet water. Unconditional is what Authentic Love is: unconditional. Finite beings have neither the time or energy to generate this kind of Force.
@@TheMrFive respectfully disagree. The universe isn’t built on love, it’s built on survival. Species screw not because they have some deep spiritual bond, but because of an innate biological drive to propagate the species. This idea of spiritual attachment only came about when humans thought and tooled their way out of the food chain and could afford to sit around pontificating about the meanings of biological processes they didn’t understand.
@@kungfuman82 I agree with the facts you state. However expand your focus. Beyond Earth, and beyond the lifeforms that presently inhabit it and their limits. Expand the focus beyond describing the mechanisms and flaws behind evolutionary drives. I'm taking about the force that gives enough of a damn to bring anything and everything into existence - including awareness, thought, creativity, intelligence, logic - out of nothing and with no reason other than to ...
@@ramayan5186So it's a scam. Are women equally scammed by their wombs into causing them to seek to get impregnated? Is the body altering, risk, acute discomfort and interrupted life a prize? Then existence must be a scam against our fundamental being. So would that make this Universe a punishment? Is this reality that of the bible's concept of this being only a life of torment for the descendants of the banished sinners, Adam and Eve?
After what I've experienced, witnessed, heard and read I'm convinced male/female relationships are not anything remotely close to what I had assumed as a younger man. That's not my fault. As a man, if you're taking a woman aboard, you're basically adopting an adult. The responsibilities are huge and the rewards are to be determined. And everything is your fault.
"adopting an adult" exactly! I avoid women giving me those innocent "take care of me" looks at all costs. I know what they come with and I feel the heaviness of that burden already. Go get your daddy somewhere else. Absolutely not worth the squeeze.
This video is exactly what I am going through right now. I dated a girl for a year and we were incompatible, but I rationalized to myself that if only I compromised and tried harder it could work. Now I realize that it was a futile attempt to hold onto the idea of being loved. Through being dumped by her I discovered that ultimate freedom is in letting go of these unhealthy attachments and doing the things you love to do.
Lol ... imagine being dumped AND having false charges placed on you AND visiting the family court AND losing half your assets. Lots and lots of guys go through all of the above.
i’m a girl, watching your videos make me realize boys feelings is more complicated and complex than i ever thought now i’m just sitting here thinking if i have to stay and stand strong or leave
Most people aren’t relationship material and not enough people realize that. Relationships take an immense amount of sacrifice And work and most people don’t want to work, but they want a relationship. It took me going through two divorces to realize that. I’m tired of having to work to feel loved and to love; it’s easier to be on my own. I have my son and that enough for me. I also have my goals an hobbies. I look back how hard I tried to find this non existent version of love and I laugh. What a waste of time
Being loyal in this generation does nothing for you except make you feel embarrassed. But Dear God, I will never lower my level to adapt to this generation but rather find a way that both keeps my loyalty and self-respect in this social media generation.
@@johnjones3332 Hey, Nah I'm not depressed at all, just gave my point of view about how being loyal "most of the time" in this social media generation will give you surprises, you have to be prepared for a disappointment.
It’s actually quite astonishing how powerful the biological mechanism is with its ensuing physiological and psychological manifestations; despite ones learned and lived knowledge of reality. Went on a date for first time in ages. She greenlit me to make a move. She stood out so I went for it. Sweet girl, very feminine, smiles from her soul, relatively unviolated by the modern world. Half Japanese half Hawaiian so she’s grounded, capable, raised well, adventurous and smoking hot. This background is merely to illustrate they are all the same, fundamentally. Couple of dates in short succession that were great until I began to realise I was merely an ego padding/boost for her recent break up and shattered ego after being cheated on. Im considered good looking and I train fastidiously and enjoy dressing well; I was a prop, a mannequin. It become absurdly evident when 3 of her ex’s friends walked past, of which one was a female that she briefly chatted to, with peering over the shoulder and giggles, whilst the males stood tersely. Afterwards she was utterly gleeful about this evidently getting back to the ex and his pain. She verbalised it in so many words. She became, significantly, after already kissing numerous times, more on heat. I went to sexually escalate, she played the ‘I’m not ready card.’ I’d served my purpose. I explained I don’t have 6 hours a week to roll the dice on her readiness and bid her farewell. She couldn’t believe it. Anyway that’s all fairly rudimentary, but the point to all this is the following. Despite how it played out, my physical attraction to her exploded, my mind availed her in thought constantly and I began idealising movie moments and day dreaming. Upon catching myself in this absurdity I just laughed it off and began the reflection I’m at now. It’s funny coz I’ve whored around and had a few gfs but over the last couple of years largely avoided it and made monumental strides in my personal life. I have learning to do, but despite my pragmatic honest awareness of the situation and adherence to my principles, my biology went fkn all in as if in a mating drought and tried every trick in the book to usurp the evident reality. TLDR: Eternal vigilance gents. Cheers HuMan.
Yeah brother. Nature is cunning! We are meant to be used, by design ! And then you hear the funny "men are using women"...LMAO ! GG WP for leaving her!😎
@@boriboribo and I refuse to be used. People can call me prideful or selfish and I don't care. Nobody looked after me, even my own parents so I don't have much trust or love for humans. It's all a facade. NON SERVIAM.
I just went through this over Xmas. Lasted 4 months. We both fell in love, very compatible and very intense. It was intoxicating. It still didn't work out. I'm done. Relationships are exhausting.
Be the lion on the Savannah "wake me up when something interesting happens, ladies, I'll just be chilling over here". Save your emotional energy for when you really need to use it effectively in a calculated manner to get what you want.
Honestly for me, I find that I don't associate it so much as a feeling for the woman, but rather a longing for her body. It's her sexuality that I miss. Most memories I have of my ex wife are of a physical nature. Grabbing on to her in the kitchen, the sex, her cuddling me from behind every night, etc. Essentially I don't miss the woman, I miss her body.
@Rapid Fire my ex wife put on a mask, she'd rarely ever show her true face. I stuck around because I was hoping the version of her I wanted to be real was. But at the end I was catching her in so many lies, that I just watched as the person I believed her to be just shatter into a million pieces. So all that was left to really miss was her body, since everything I had valued about her was all lies to try and convince me she was a better person than she actually was. Either way, best advice I got is just remember what women are and more importantly what they are not. And moving forward just be very selective in who you let into your life.
@@yearight1205 I don't care how hot a chick is, if everything was how you tell it, I would be disgusted by her to the point where I'd have no interest in having sex with her. I wouldn't want her to think she could still have that kind of power over me.
Everything you said just described my past relationship. I was with a woman who emotionally abused me for a very long time; flirting with other men in front of me, angry most of the time, refusing to have sex, trying to control my actions etc. I knew our relationship would end, but I kept trying, hoping things would be different in time. It finally ended after I found out she was lying and cheating on me for about 2 years with a guy about 10 years her junior, and she was the one who ended it. In reflection, I felt like a fool. To simply state I have learned from this waist of about 10 years of my life, would be a gross understatement. Thank you for sharing..........
I just wanted to love someone. Thought she'd have the capacity to reciprocate. She didn't, neither did the one before her, or the one before her, or the one before THAT one.
Is it all modern women these days who can't love because they are competing with men? Or is it that you (and I) rolled the dice on several unworthy women in a row?
PBR Streetgang....[BTW, that's a fantastic handle you got there]. I was the same way, with my (as it turned out) unrealistic and unreachable ideas of love and romance. I struggled through my 20's and 30's and then gave up. Now that I'm in my mid 60's I can have my pick of any of the 40-60 YO trainwrecks that're out there, but I happily decline. Have fun you old bags. Don't forget to feed your cats.
People in an instant gratification social media fueled world today are incapable of patience and hard work in terms of building and maintaining a relationship. The other major problem is people this generation only understand the end result and not understanding that giving is more important that receiving.
I think hook up culture has affected women's rationale to a pathological extent. For example, I have had dates tell me "I've been told I give really good head." On another date I stuttered a little when I got tongue tied while joking around and she said "I've had that affect on my last few dates." It seems to me that dating so much has altered the 1 on 1 personal or intimate perspective to something impersonal, generalized, and anti intimate for lack of a better adjective. The connection, intimacy, or 1 on 1 has been dispelled with her talking "at" you as though she is really talking to the baggage of her last relationship. I think hook up culture is having an adverse affect on how many women connect with a man in specific and they are starting to see a man as men, the date as the ex, and what's going on as what happened.
Women date like their social media feeds... just flick, flick, flick... it's all like shopping. They don't want to stop until the game itself makes them HAVE TO stop... until the game is over.
It took me way too long to really swallow the red pill - I still hate the phrase - and mainly took comfort from the knowledge I could invest that part of myself in my friendships that I assumed would be more reliable than women I'd been chasing. Four years later and I seem to be taking an even more bitter pill that my friendships have descended into exactly the same dynamic where I put in all the energy. I thought if I showed my buddies they could rely on me, they'd be reliable in response, but recently it's become abundantly clear that's not the case. I think the dynamic is exactly the same as with a romantic relationship, if someone sees you're putting in a lot of energy regardless of what they do, they won't value you for it. Or in my more arrogant times I guess I make them feel bad because I've hit a financial security none of them will probably achieve - although I live a very modest life. Or maybe men only really relate to each other in relation to some sort of activity or cause, and expecting friends you can just hang out with and shoot the shit is unrealistic, at least in adulthood. I've avoided maintaining friendships with women, but now there are a few women that make an effort to maintain a friendship with me. I know their motivations are not always innocent, I suspect they smell the money on me even if I wear crappy clothes and drive a beat up van, but I think it's unhealthy to have no personal interaction at all, so I'm just going with maintaining friendships with whoever will put in some energy as well. That seems to be exclusively women, I'd rather it were men, but c'est la vie. I really miss my buddies, but I'm not putting up with unrequited friendship any more than love. I'm struggling not to keep going down rabbit holes about what it is about me that can't attract healthy friendships though. It doesn't feel like a healthy thing to do if you never find a resolution, so I end up where I am. I guess we all need our struggles, this is just mine.
All pretty right on. We need to take inventory of all areas of our life and the healing and connecting is all spelled out in attachment theory. After a long time spent in online courses through pds and others, we begin to understand out codependency and can take responsibility for our part and heal our past wounds. They have to be cleaned out or it gets worse with age.
Both. I really loved them and cared about them. I loved being there for her and caring for her and having fun with her but in time she only revealed who she really was which is the most heartbreaking thing. They're not who you think they are in your head. We put them on such a pedestal and worship them only for them to actually be a real piece of s**t. Heartless how they just move on without a care in the world why you're left scratching your head wondering why i wasn't good enough? Never again.
Christ, this video hit me on so many levels it hurt. Just over 5 years ago I decided to go monk and have never looked back! Moved from the UK to Spain, recovered my physical and mental strength, reignited my passion for roman history and baroque architecture. Sidebar: using the cash I did not spend on a relationship I have/will,have in the future be able to fully immerse myself in what I want without being questioned! Thanks hUMAN for a great video that made me really self reflect 🇪🇸😀
I honestly believe that we men also want that fairy tale. The problem is that we tend to believe more in the fairy tale of love than we do the reality of love. As such we blindly charge into battle. And the more we fail to meet the expectations the more we become dulled to the fairy tale, until eventually through honest introspection, we see that the reality is a far cry from what we had aspired to fulfil that fairy tale. Then becomes the real test; do we persevere? Do we modify the expectations? Do we reassess the need for love at all? And even, through the gratuitous mess that was the learning experience and maybe we have a loving child from it, do we say that is enough... and come to some peace to actually move on to REALLY aim and achieve what we want in the world.
Depletion is on target. My last relationship felt like it started with a reservoir of love/good will/trust. And each event and test drained varying amounts from the reservoir and I could feel slipping away each time. And there was little to no action to replenish the loss. Going forward I don't think I can offer as large of a reservoir.
Yep. Feel like you’re talking to me here. This was my problem, I gave and gave and gave... hoping it would be good enough, it would be ok, it would work out. I got shafted big time in the end. Even when I finally walked away after almost 10 years. She walked away the hero, with our children, demonised my character, and all her emotional abuse and financial abuse and cheating and having affair goes unknown and unchallenged. She keeps her public image and continues guilt and conscience free. She has eroded any respect in my voice. Worst bit is, before I walked away, I was still trying.. even when I knew the ship was sunk, I still believed I could get her ashore. I was in denial about a lost cause, and it cost me more. I didn’t know myself, and lost a lot in the process. Since then, I’ve been on my own, got my head down and self reflected. Gradually rebuilding my own life, and my tattered esteem. My interest in another woman being a partner... not so much... I’ve not met anyone I want to be with, or who is worth while. I think this video sums it up. Trying to find someone who is compatible, is a genuine friend and not just another ball I’m trying to fit into a square peg... just doesn’t exist... so far. I’m alright being my own. And I don’t want to make those mistakes again. Being on my own, I’m content and can relax and enjoy those little things without complaint or jumping through hoops.
Man this broke me. How I've giving myself away at trying to connect without realizing I'm emptying myself... Been ruminating about my last relationships were I poured and I poured and it just didn't work out. Self-harming myself ever since for not being enough... And then I made the mistake to see her social media page a few days ago only to see her the happiest and on all these adventures (the glow of social media effect also) while I'm still on a shadows valley. Made me feel so small and rageful thinking how it didn't and doesn't matter to the other person. Damn I am learning so much through the burns. Not again so blindly. Thank you, brother, this was the kind of conversation with a wise older brother I was missing.
Brilliantly insightful. I grew up with a scarcity mentality and believed I should take what I could get, and it led to settling time and again. Girlfriends I wasn't attracted to and fought with, dead end retail jobs thinking that it would make me stronger. Some things aren't worth fighting for.
Very honest and kind words. Small different pieces - phrases, made a great whole video. Everybody is saying that men are not "designed" to feel, but I can say you this, I felt every piece of it. Thanks for sharing once again your thoughts and wisdom.
It's men who actually feel. I bought into the lie that women are the empathetic ones, but never actually met one that have empathy anywhere close to the empathy I saw from men.
You completely nailed it. It’s taken 10 months of being single (at the age of 54) for me to get my head around being on my own. But your videos have helped massively and this one in particular just described my last relationship to a tee. I was so in love with being in love. Thanks man. 👍🏻👍🏻
'The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care. Right? Yeah.' - Offspring, 'Self Esteem' This stuff has been going on for a LONG time. Men have their own 'Carousel' in this regard. Promiscuous with their time, attention, resources and affection. Not valuing these things and guarding them like the treasures they are. And like the other carnival ride, we can form an attachment to the misery itself, even take a certain pride in it. We 'loved too hard'. When you're young you believe you can pay any price, bear any burden and solve any problem when it comes to Love. And all too often you get older and realize you missed the most important question 'Why should I undertake this?', as if Love is an accomplishment or something you get a diploma for.
8:58 "And you have to get to a point where you say, 'I just want to be happier...' this is where the red pill rage ends and the new understanding begins. I was never a fan of the sort of "catwalk models" out there but there was a lot of this that really hit. Keep it up bro. You're that light in that darkness. There's so many great thought provoking questions in this one. Some real deep soul searching. Much love to you.
Real food for thought. My first woman after my divorce was what I thought I wanted...young and pretty and fun...but totally incompatible in every other way. She broke my heart, but I now I realize that it was because I did not have my standards in place - she wasn't worth my heart. I pined for her, but I have no doubt she didn't even think about me. I wanted to care and I wanted her to care. Although I still think of her from time to time, she doesn't have that terrible grip on my heart any longer. Now I guard my heart much more carefully.
Perfectly summed up my situation. Ever since my marriage fell apart 4 years ago; my head is on constant replay of what I was a part of. We weren't compatible in the least but it felt rewarding in a way. In typical fashion like everything else in my life it didn't last long and in typical fashion I'm alone in life once more.
Human, in these days I believe men under 50 have no idea what it means to actually be loved by a woman. Mostly because these females are never shown or taught how to love a man. I realized this after years of experience. I am going to reach out via email. Hope you have time. My real name is Ted. Another great video.
Great message, I chose not to date for four years, mainly because i was trying to stop smoking cigs, then when I did and decided to date a specific girl, another girl came at me the day after I decided to date again, and so I rolled the dice. Ended up putting a lot of energy into a narcissist, I was rusty in the dating sphere and let way to many red flags pass, ended up being cheated on and used. Fast forward, the narcissist works at the same farmers market as me, and every market she managed to get her booth closer to mine, to where she was right next to me. I have a way of making her laugh while sassing her and back handedly insulting her, but eventually having so much of her in my life drained my energy and enthusiasm again in the same way when we were together. Constantly debating with myself why I shouldn't be with her, yet she is constantly coming onto me and doing it in a way that doesnt admit fault, but portrays regret. So i decided to stop giving her any energy at all, and it must have hit her hard because she didnt show up after last week, per boss came by and gave me the worst look, and I heard she threw a party, which she invited a good friend of mine that she hates. It's to bad there are so many, if onlys, and a friendship full of intellectual conversations between us as well as much compatibility between us, but she is so incredibly damaged that it was constant shit tests, and when i "stooped" down to her level, trying to pull her out of a winter depression, trapping over 20 mice in her hour, spent hours massaging her back because of a injury that prevented her from functioning, and helping her start her business as it is mirroring mine, as soon as I became nice and have free time to do so during the covid winter, she used me and threw me out. Whoever she got with obviously didn't want her and now I have to see her every weekend, while the original girl I was going to be with bought land and got into a relationship with this guy who's my competition. Moral of the story, life goes on, Listen to human, don't go for anyone just because you want to have a role, or want to see something happen but none of the angles line up to build such a masterpiece, save your energy for someone who has a better outlook from the start, do your research and dont be afraid to ask the important questions, ready to friend zone without remorse.
Her: I am in my 30s now. Fun is over and I don't want to die alone. I need to find someone with money to marry. Someone take care of me until I die. Me: I want to die on top of a hill of blades surrounded by the dead husks of worthy warriors I vanquished. I want to take my last breathe knowing I claimed victory. Her: What the Fuk... Me: What? You have your fantasies and I have mine. My cousin is still puzzling over that one...
I often think of relationships in terms of music. We are like notes, and there is nothing wrong with any note as long as it’s in tune. Sometimes the incompatibility is a result of just being in a different scale or key.
It's all a cliche, but you cannot love anyone else until you love yourself. To the max. You cannot enjoy a relationship until you enjoy bachelorhood. Anything else is, as you said, only in our minds.
So much truth here. Getting close to the end of a 17 year marriage where the last several years have been steadily declining. There was a point where I should've divorced her in 2012, but we reconciled, and things got better. For a few years. Then the decline again. I"m just thankful that we no longer have any pets together, and we don't have any children. I will NEVER have another long term, serious romantic involvement again after this experience. I did my time; now it's time for me to be free and finally start living for myself once more. It's terrifying, yet liberating too.
Quite right, every failed relationship is depleting. But you often feel like trying again with someone else just isn’t worth it anymore. If it happens, it happens, but you sure as hell don’t go looking for it anymore.
I agree, though I think most women don't really believe this. Because men have 'wanted' them for so long, they think it just continues until the grave... it doesn't. We outgrow building tree forts by puberty, and we outgrow relationships with women by 50.
When you’re with someone, over time, you start to WANT to see the best in them, despite their shortcomings . You have these very intimate experiences with them that mean something ONLY to you two. Like, they took the time to call or text you, above all the people in the world, “Goodnight or Good Morning”. It meant something only between you two. When it’s over, sure you can finally look back with a hindsight of 20/20, but that doesn’t take away how the good parts of that made you feel. Knowing that it will probably take getting into another relationship again to feel and experience those emotions again and knowing full well how bad the relationship world is right now is why we have a tendency to do retroactive continuity with our ex’s as time goes on. Live, learn, assess and then move on wiser men, gentlemen.
I really loved her, the hardest thing was walking away from someone I loved, because it was the best thing for me. Now I'm the happiest, I found the same feeling, working towards my goals, so I can get to help people and do conservation if it all pays out.
Part of me suspects this is why we don't trust things that come easy, because we not only have been forcefed a certain perspective ever since we come into this world. Secondly because we are handicapping ourselves from being able to analyze and understand WHY it is that certain people or things are just easier to work with. Suffering is a neutral thing, unless you have the tools to see where it is coming from and how severe it is, you don't know if to call it a friend or an enemy. Love the working out analogy because it fits so well, you have to push yourself sometimes but do it responsible and with awareness in mind. Great stuff huMAN
My last relationship ended after 10 years. In the beginning, she was strongly attached to me. Then she became disillusioned and we fell into a routine. Our relationship slowly withered and eventually died. When we both chose to go our separate ways, I had a moment where I was overwhelmed by sorrow for the loss. But it wasn't the loss of her, it was the loss of the routine and familiarity that had become my life. The reason I chose to stop seeking relationships was because I never want to go back to fostering negative routines. My single life is filled with positive routines of exercise, reading, learning and being creative. I never really loved her, I just became mired in our shared familiarity, no matter how destructive it was.
I’m sorry it was like that for you. I had a couple long relationships that had problems, but each time kept going longer than I should have because of my attachment to the woman and the familiarity of my life with her.
Absolutely true. A relationship shouldn't be pain but it does require work. I would also add that there can be that point where she decides to move on so she becomes angry with you & indifferent to the relationship. The more you attempt to hold things together, the more she resents you.
Human you are helping men from defaulting to the normal narrative. You are an intelligent cool guy and if you struggle in these times imagine us .. you teach us to value us and I am grateful for you .
Yep, this one really hit me between the eyes brother. You totally spoke out EXACTLY what I'm feeling about women and relationships at this time of my life. Love your introspection brother. 🤘
Unlike women, this vid was worth the wait. The idea of love etc, seems to be entrenched in our psyche. The wisdom you speak, will see anyone thru and many of us need reminding. Today I made a VOW value own worth ...
He is 100% correct about that losing yourself bit, I used to write science fiction every single day from Junior year of HS and onward, stopped doing it for her because my female characters made her insecure. After our wildly incompatible relationship ended I struggled to write, didn't pick it back up again for 7 years as I prayed, meditated, and bitterly ground through the vestiges of her that had seeped into myself. I think about how much closer to completion those stories would be by now had I not wasted my soul on her, while I'm certain there are unicorn women out their, don't plan your life around it, that is like planning your retirement on winning the lottery. Stay strong my brothers, and NEVER give an inch of who you are for these psychological predators.
Ernest Becker talks about this. We try to find great meaning in the other person (sometimes even making them into angels). But people cannot provide great meaning or be angels because we are just flesh and blood animals. People miss their illusions about a relationship. And sure, human connection feels good. But so does solitary meditation in silence. Romantic love is a form of idealistic attachment. So when it fails we suffer
Sometimes it's really love, sometimes there's truly impressive women out there, and nearly always it's going to be a one-way street due to that hypergamous undercurrent muddying the waters. And once you accept that's the way it will be and that your own boundaries come before everything else, there's even some beauty to it.
Last gf just came to me, she was the one who was interested and did all the work to start a relationship, I saw nothing great nor terrible on her, and so I thought "Let's give it a shot". I cannot say everything was fine and dandy not that it finished on the best way, but I learned many valuable things from that, so I don't really resent her for what happened.
I'v found the ones who come to you are just as quick to leave when their delusional entitlements (What they expected to take for granted when they targeted you) are not met/facilitated. It comes expecting to put in a tiny amount of work, and then stops, expecting you to blindly go all in, because it cooked you dinner once, or sucked your D* on the first date.
@@jrddoubleu514 It wasn't really the case though, she would invest her time and resources into the relationship on the same level I did, she was also just as willing to take the initiative and whatnot, so compared to the median, she was pretty good. In the end, I was the one who left because I was getting tired of the periodic drama. She was much better than the ones who just give you drama for free, but peace and quiet is even better.
Wow. You keep outdoing yourself. The cinematography and music in this one just make your message even stronger. This hits hard. Keep up the great work.
I had these feelings you mention at the start of the video after the relationship ended, and mostly since, trying to get it back. But never during, except here and there. As for giving care to another persons than a woman, well, having kids will help you easily do that. I know. So many men give up on having kids because they know the chance of a lasting family unit is super slim. Well, I was sure disappointed for my kids they lost that stable family unit because their mom "wanted to be happy", but no regrets at having them! Two separate things, gentlemen.
A year ago the day I found this channel, I was drained physically and emotionally. I gave everything I had to that stranger, she took it all and just said thankyou I need to move on now, take care. If I hadn't accidentally found human while looking for answers, I don't know what would have happened to me. I am greatful to your content human. You were my gateway to the RP community. I hope the lost souls find you. Thanks for being the guiding light. Men please focus on yourself. It isn't worth it.
I tell my sons that in life the best way to get something you want is to not want it. I know that may sound cold, but the truth in that statement for me, is far more nuanced. What it means is that you must be okay with that something never happening, learning to let go of the expectation of outcome; the mindset that most men have is “if I work hard at this, I can make it work”, to force the outcome that was expected; and the only thing that happens is over time we unknowingly adapt ourselves to function inside of the disfunction. Thank you huMAN, your videos are a very good way personally for me to rehash and examine mental Ooda-loops.
Thank you 先生 🙇🏾♂️ This video has shown me a path out of these woods, lovely dark and deep. Its been nearly a year and a half since I left my ex, But I am yet to feel my best, Miles to walk before I rest.
Man the timing of this video along with a conversation I had with a friend yesterday is spot on. We were chatting about me Building my own business and changing current appearance to attract business. One struggle I've had since the last relationship was feeling rejected and I changed my appearance from when I was in that to relationship to where I am today with growing out a beard and hair style. His POV was to build my business I need to be the best version of myself that looks the part of a coach which was a shorter beard and spending more time in the gym. Hearing you discuss losing parts of caring for someone forever and now realizing that you can't get those that back along with time helped articulate what I've been struggling last almost 2 years. Thanks HuMan
Beautifully said. There is nothing worse than feeling lonely when being with someone especially if it is a nice and decent person. No need to suffer and cause them to be in pain later on anyway..
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There is a risk that you didn't touch on above and beyond burning out and not being able to "love" the next female stranger (even a compatible one)
There is a good chance that you loose the ability to "love" anything or anyone; even yourself.
The basis of the Black pill perhaps?
That's a good point... Thanks for the insight, FM 👍
"There is a good chance that you loose the ability to "love" anything or anyone; even yourself." Yep that's where I'm at at 48 years old. DGAF anymore. About any of it.
Maybe you remember the good feelings associated (and forget the crap stuff) & believe you will never have that again. Most of life is not feeling much at all. Love feelings are seductive.
Very good point. And it's not really projecting the hurt from a previous relationship to another person (that had nothing to do with it), and more the logical red pill knowledge about woman nature. We know even if it could be good now, she can change anytime on a whim and so, what's the point of investing all our time and energy for something as volatile? Flip part is we stop trying. It feels at times Mother Nature is mocking us all, men and women.
Yeah im spent, depleated and im not sure i can even do it again. I don't even have the ability to love myself, I care about my kids, my hobbies and thats about it. I've isolated myself, at 47 the choices are limited, dangerous and exhausting.
I guess I did my part and procreated but I had hoped there was a little more to the story. Best wishes gentlemen and regards to all of us on this path to better understanding.
"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone." - Robin Williams.
Great quote from a great man, thank you for sharing it. 👍
So true! RIP Robin, we miss you.
Man that resonates hard. The most lonely I have ever felt in life was when I was married...
There’s Nothing lonelier than being with the wrong person.
@@m2goofy760 Same. ❤️
Unrequited love is worse than loneliness. Never invest your emotions, time and energy in someone based on how much you like them, invest in someone based on how much they invest in you.
@GlobalMan Lite You should replace your broken x key.
Some one needs to take the initiative in the first investment though, otherwise there will be no returns. Just don’t invest too heavily.
Or as I've heard it said by dating coach Corey Wayne, "Go where you are celebrated, not where you're tolerated."
Well said👍🏻
There is no such thing as "unrequited love"
"Waiting to retire into love" This is just another confirmation that most relationships are just another soul sucking job.
The pain comes from realizing you were being used.
People don't abandon people they love. Users abandon people they were using when they have what they wanted and either no longer have need or want, or have been refused.
How many men here were discarded by their narcissist for saying 'no'... For reasserting boundaries.
I'd wager the overwhelming majority, and those who weren't had the courage to leave first.
I ended up walking out at a party, having to grab a cab because she drove, after she loudly tried dressing me down in front of her friends. I had apparently interrupted one of her constant monologues. Queen shit was all cocky that I was "having a tantrum", and "he's going outside to have one."
"STFU" x 2 was the last words I ever spoke to her.
All I could think of was that I wouldn't take that kind of crap from any dude, so why this narcissist. Didn't matter how hot she was I just couldnt stand to be around an asshole. I know me dumping her in front of her friends was a shock to her, but I heard she twisted it into I was a nasty person and she just couldn't deal with me anymore. :)
Narcissism is a self healing condition, lol.
I walked out. Sigh. Most painful experience I have ever been through.
@@tubatits You did the right thing mate. As a man there are times when you have to stand your ground, because if you don't, a part of you dies.
@@AussieBill128 1000% agree. It was honestly a visceral reaction. The thinking part came hours later, and it was mostly replaying similar bs. She had been pushing it for about 2 years. Only thing I'd change is following through a few months earlier.
I want my time back.
@@tubatits Good for you...we all have our limits for tolerance and you discovered yours!
It devastates me that I no longer care about finding someone.
That shouldn't be the case, it means you grew out of requiring social validation or acceptance from someone. It's really a good thing. Rationalising it like that and you will not feel devastated anymore
I'm the opposite I get a sense of peace as I dont look or want. I know I'm not good with people.
Find yourself.
Whatever you do, don't "find yourself" - that's what women do. I. e. nothing, made to sound like an adventure, a journey. Self indulgence is unattractive.
There are worse ways to be devastated.
Proverbs 31:3 ...“ Do not waste your strength on women , on those who ruin kings”. Written millenniums ago....still holds true now more than ever.
That’s it, sounds like Someone knew from the beginning.
King Salomon had hundreds of wives, so he knew.
💯💯💯
So many people get so caught up in the whole idea of the white picket fence, beautiful wife, two kids, and a dog. It's like everyone tries to shape their life into a Norman Rockwell painting. So they try to force the wrong person into a mold that, in the end, doesn't fit.
I gambled my friendships away for a chance at a relationship, lost both and gained nothing but experience. There's nothing there.
Amen to that
Love is a scam against men. I never felt it.
Thank god for keeping me safe.
And mortality is a scam against sentient beings?
I believe attachment and lust are what you're advocating against here.
Love is an ideal state, like health. It is a much misapplied concept throughout history.
So just like you can't health someone, you can't love them.
What we really mean is 'I like you, want you, appreciate you, value you' etc.
Love is what the Universe is built on. Almost like its protocol. Everything in this Universe responds to Love.
To generate it genuinely may require a non-finite being, or a finite being operating in a dimension outside of this one where they would have access to essentially infinite layers of this dimension.
Authentic Love is all-disarming.
When people say unconditional Love, it is like saying wet water. Unconditional is what Authentic Love is: unconditional. Finite beings have neither the time or energy to generate this kind of Force.
@@TheMrFive it's scam and scammers nothing else.
@@TheMrFive respectfully disagree. The universe isn’t built on love, it’s built on survival. Species screw not because they have some deep spiritual bond, but because of an innate biological drive to propagate the species. This idea of spiritual attachment only came about when humans thought and tooled their way out of the food chain and could afford to sit around pontificating about the meanings of biological processes they didn’t understand.
@@kungfuman82 I agree with the facts you state.
However expand your focus. Beyond Earth, and beyond the lifeforms that presently inhabit it and their limits.
Expand the focus beyond describing the mechanisms and flaws behind evolutionary drives.
I'm taking about the force that gives enough of a damn to bring anything and everything into existence - including awareness, thought, creativity, intelligence, logic - out of nothing and with no reason other than to ...
@@ramayan5186So it's a scam.
Are women equally scammed by their wombs into causing them to seek to get impregnated?
Is the body altering, risk, acute discomfort and interrupted life a prize?
Then existence must be a scam against our fundamental being.
So would that make this Universe a punishment?
Is this reality that of the bible's concept of this being only a life of torment for the descendants of the banished sinners, Adam and Eve?
After what I've experienced, witnessed, heard and read I'm convinced male/female relationships are not anything remotely close to what I had assumed as a younger man. That's not my fault. As a man, if you're taking a woman aboard, you're basically adopting an adult. The responsibilities are huge and the rewards are to be determined. And everything is your fault.
"adopting an adult" exactly! I avoid women giving me those innocent "take care of me" looks at all costs. I know what they come with and I feel the heaviness of that burden already. Go get your daddy somewhere else. Absolutely not worth the squeeze.
Gosh, life is so short guys... too short to waste it on something that has no commensurate compensation and leaves mostly regrets.
This video is exactly what I am going through right now. I dated a girl for a year and we were incompatible, but I rationalized to myself that if only I compromised and tried harder it could work. Now I realize that it was a futile attempt to hold onto the idea of being loved.
Through being dumped by her I discovered that ultimate freedom is in letting go of these unhealthy attachments and doing the things you love to do.
Lol ... imagine being dumped AND having false charges placed on you AND visiting the family court AND losing half your assets.
Lots and lots of guys go through all of the above.
I hope you’re doing better
i’m a girl, watching your videos make me realize boys feelings is more complicated and complex than i ever thought
now i’m just sitting here thinking if i have to stay and stand strong or leave
Never give your heart away, they will drop it.
Give your love to your dog/cat and parents. Women dont respect ot appreciate masculine love... these days.
Well Stated.
Never toss your heart, because no one will catch it.
End result it splats on the ground and that's it.
They will drop it on the floor and stamp on it! 😂
@@electric0618 Not sure what's worse, the drop or the stomp. They both leave on the floor. One on your knees, and one on your back.
Most people aren’t relationship material and not enough people realize that. Relationships take an immense amount of sacrifice And work and most people don’t want to work, but they want a relationship. It took me going through two divorces to realize that. I’m tired of having to work to feel loved and to love; it’s easier to be on my own. I have my son and that enough for me. I also have my goals an hobbies. I look back how hard I tried to find this non existent version of love and I laugh. What a waste of time
Completely agree. I too have son with me.
Being loyal in this generation does nothing for you except make you feel embarrassed. But Dear God, I will never lower my level to adapt to this generation but rather find a way that both keeps my loyalty and self-respect in this social media generation.
so weird dude. theres 8 billion people on earth and you think it's all over for you. so depressing and sad.
@@johnjones3332 Hey, Nah I'm not depressed at all, just gave my point of view about how being loyal "most of the time" in this social media generation will give you surprises, you have to be prepared for a disappointment.
It’s actually quite astonishing how powerful the biological mechanism is with its ensuing physiological and psychological manifestations; despite ones learned and lived knowledge of reality.
Went on a date for first time in ages. She greenlit me to make a move. She stood out so I went for it. Sweet girl, very feminine, smiles from her soul, relatively unviolated by the modern world. Half Japanese half Hawaiian so she’s grounded, capable, raised well, adventurous and smoking hot. This background is merely to illustrate they are all the same, fundamentally.
Couple of dates in short succession that were great until I began to realise I was merely an ego padding/boost for her recent break up and shattered ego after being cheated on. Im considered good looking and I train fastidiously and enjoy dressing well; I was a prop, a mannequin. It become absurdly evident when 3 of her ex’s friends walked past, of which one was a female that she briefly chatted to, with peering over the shoulder and giggles, whilst the males stood tersely. Afterwards she was utterly gleeful about this evidently getting back to the ex and his pain. She verbalised it in so many words. She became, significantly, after already kissing numerous times, more on heat. I went to sexually escalate, she played the ‘I’m not ready card.’ I’d served my purpose. I explained I don’t have 6 hours a week to roll the dice on her readiness and bid her farewell. She couldn’t believe it.
Anyway that’s all fairly rudimentary, but the point to all this is the following. Despite how it played out, my physical attraction to her exploded, my mind availed her in thought constantly and I began idealising movie moments and day dreaming. Upon catching myself in this absurdity I just laughed it off and began the reflection I’m at now. It’s funny coz I’ve whored around and had a few gfs but over the last couple of years largely avoided it and made monumental strides in my personal life. I have learning to do, but despite my pragmatic honest awareness of the situation and adherence to my principles, my biology went fkn all in as if in a mating drought and tried every trick in the book to usurp the evident reality.
TLDR: Eternal vigilance gents. Cheers HuMan.
Yeah brother. Nature is cunning! We are meant to be used, by design ! And then you hear the funny "men are using women"...LMAO !
GG WP for leaving her!😎
We create a contruct in our mind, a fantasy of the relationship and the future of it. It's childish and I'm embarrassed to think about it now.
@@boriboribo and I refuse to be used. People can call me prideful or selfish and I don't care. Nobody looked after me, even my own parents so I don't have much trust or love for humans. It's all a facade.
NON SERVIAM.
I just went through this over Xmas. Lasted 4 months. We both fell in love, very compatible and very intense. It was intoxicating. It still didn't work out. I'm done.
Relationships are exhausting.
They come around before xmas because it's an easy exit post v-day (Narcissist appreciation day).
What caused it not to work out?
Why it didnt work if you were compatible ?
After the third break-up, I never missed her again.
Be the lion on the Savannah "wake me up when something interesting happens, ladies, I'll just be chilling over here". Save your emotional energy for when you really need to use it effectively in a calculated manner to get what you want.
Honestly for me, I find that I don't associate it so much as a feeling for the woman, but rather a longing for her body. It's her sexuality that I miss. Most memories I have of my ex wife are of a physical nature. Grabbing on to her in the kitchen, the sex, her cuddling me from behind every night, etc. Essentially I don't miss the woman, I miss her body.
@Rapid Fire my ex wife put on a mask, she'd rarely ever show her true face. I stuck around because I was hoping the version of her I wanted to be real was. But at the end I was catching her in so many lies, that I just watched as the person I believed her to be just shatter into a million pieces. So all that was left to really miss was her body, since everything I had valued about her was all lies to try and convince me she was a better person than she actually was. Either way, best advice I got is just remember what women are and more importantly what they are not. And moving forward just be very selective in who you let into your life.
@@yearight1205 I don't care how hot a chick is, if everything was how you tell it, I would be disgusted by her to the point where I'd have no interest in having sex with her. I wouldn't want her to think she could still have that kind of power over me.
Everything you said just described my past relationship. I was with a woman who emotionally abused me for a very long time; flirting with other men in front of me, angry most of the time, refusing to have sex, trying to control my actions etc. I knew our relationship would end, but I kept trying, hoping things would be different in time. It finally ended after I found out she was lying and cheating on me for about 2 years with a guy about 10 years her junior, and she was the one who ended it. In reflection, I felt like a fool.
To simply state I have learned from this waist of about 10 years of my life, would be a gross understatement.
Thank you for sharing..........
I never missed her I was just do mad I let her fool me and I believed in fairytales
I just wanted to love someone. Thought she'd have the capacity to reciprocate. She didn't, neither did the one before her, or the one before her, or the one before THAT one.
Is it all modern women these days who can't love because they are competing with men? Or is it that you (and I) rolled the dice on several unworthy women in a row?
@@amitversion2 That's a very good question. Modern young women are having so much sex that they don't give a sh*t.
PBR Streetgang....[BTW, that's a fantastic handle you got there]. I was the same way, with my (as it turned out) unrealistic and unreachable ideas of love and romance. I struggled through my 20's and 30's and then gave up. Now that I'm in my mid 60's I can have my pick of any of the 40-60 YO trainwrecks that're out there, but I happily decline. Have fun you old bags. Don't forget to feed your cats.
@@amitversion2 Your comment is closest to the mark.
@@jeffsmith8197 LOL yeah, i'm 40, never married, no kids, nothing tying me down - what DON'T I have to be happy about : )
People in an instant gratification social media fueled world today are incapable of patience and hard work in terms of building and maintaining a relationship. The other major problem is people this generation only understand the end result and not understanding that giving is more important that receiving.
"How you feel about yourself and other people is not how they feel about you and themselves."
I think hook up culture has affected women's rationale to a pathological extent.
For example, I have had dates tell me "I've been told I give really good head." On another date I stuttered a little when I got tongue tied while joking around and she said "I've had that affect on my last few dates."
It seems to me that dating so much has altered the 1 on 1 personal or intimate perspective to something impersonal, generalized, and anti intimate for lack of a better adjective.
The connection, intimacy, or 1 on 1 has been dispelled with her talking "at" you as though she is really talking to the baggage of her last relationship.
I think hook up culture is having an adverse affect on how many women connect with a man in specific and they are starting to see a man as men, the date as the ex, and what's going on as what happened.
Women date like their social media feeds... just flick, flick, flick... it's all like shopping. They don't want to stop until the game itself makes them HAVE TO stop... until the game is over.
It took me way too long to really swallow the red pill - I still hate the phrase - and mainly took comfort from the knowledge I could invest that part of myself in my friendships that I assumed would be more reliable than women I'd been chasing. Four years later and I seem to be taking an even more bitter pill that my friendships have descended into exactly the same dynamic where I put in all the energy. I thought if I showed my buddies they could rely on me, they'd be reliable in response, but recently it's become abundantly clear that's not the case. I think the dynamic is exactly the same as with a romantic relationship, if someone sees you're putting in a lot of energy regardless of what they do, they won't value you for it. Or in my more arrogant times I guess I make them feel bad because I've hit a financial security none of them will probably achieve - although I live a very modest life. Or maybe men only really relate to each other in relation to some sort of activity or cause, and expecting friends you can just hang out with and shoot the shit is unrealistic, at least in adulthood. I've avoided maintaining friendships with women, but now there are a few women that make an effort to maintain a friendship with me. I know their motivations are not always innocent, I suspect they smell the money on me even if I wear crappy clothes and drive a beat up van, but I think it's unhealthy to have no personal interaction at all, so I'm just going with maintaining friendships with whoever will put in some energy as well. That seems to be exclusively women, I'd rather it were men, but c'est la vie. I really miss my buddies, but I'm not putting up with unrequited friendship any more than love. I'm struggling not to keep going down rabbit holes about what it is about me that can't attract healthy friendships though. It doesn't feel like a healthy thing to do if you never find a resolution, so I end up where I am. I guess we all need our struggles, this is just mine.
All pretty right on. We need to take inventory of all areas of our life and the healing and connecting is all spelled out in attachment theory. After a long time spent in online courses through pds and others, we begin to understand out codependency and can take responsibility for our part and heal our past wounds. They have to be cleaned out or it gets worse with age.
Both. I really loved them and cared about them. I loved being there for her and caring for her and having fun with her but in time she only revealed who she really was which is the most heartbreaking thing. They're not who you think they are in your head. We put them on such a pedestal and worship them only for them to actually be a real piece of s**t. Heartless how they just move on without a care in the world why you're left scratching your head wondering why i wasn't good enough? Never again.
Boom,...mic drop, I think that was the single best video on this subject that I have ever seen, dead serious. Outstanding.
I love content that asks you how you think, instead of telling you what to think.
"The will to serve and please women and society is an example on how men try to justify their suffering." - Barbarossa
Found you a month ago. Thank you for your message
@GlobalMan Lite hard to believe any woman ever rejected you
@GlobalMan Lite point is on top of your head
Best to mould yourself into the person you wish to become! She can never be moulded or changed, she is simply a train 🚞 wreck to hell!
Friendships are far more important. Always start at friendship.
What is friendships today? I don't believe in those either.
@@kubasniak find one and you will
Christ, this video hit me on so many levels it hurt.
Just over 5 years ago I decided to go monk and have never looked back!
Moved from the UK to Spain, recovered my physical and mental strength, reignited my passion for roman history and baroque architecture.
Sidebar: using the cash I did not spend on a relationship I have/will,have in the future be able to fully immerse myself in what I want without being questioned!
Thanks hUMAN for a great video that made me really self reflect 🇪🇸😀
Thanks for watching, Paul :)
I honestly believe that we men also want that fairy tale. The problem is that we tend to believe more in the fairy tale of love than we do the reality of love. As such we blindly charge into battle.
And the more we fail to meet the expectations the more we become dulled to the fairy tale, until eventually through honest introspection, we see that the reality is a far cry from what we had aspired to fulfil that fairy tale.
Then becomes the real test; do we persevere? Do we modify the expectations? Do we reassess the need for love at all? And even, through the gratuitous mess that was the learning experience and maybe we have a loving child from it, do we say that is enough... and come to some peace to actually move on to REALLY aim and achieve what we want in the world.
Depletion is on target. My last relationship felt like it started with a reservoir of love/good will/trust. And each event and test drained varying amounts from the reservoir and I could feel slipping away each time. And there was little to no action to replenish the loss. Going forward I don't think I can offer as large of a reservoir.
When I look back over my life, I tend to find the darkest moments can be the most illuminating.
Yep.
Feel like you’re talking to me here.
This was my problem, I gave and gave and gave... hoping it would be good enough, it would be ok, it would work out.
I got shafted big time in the end. Even when I finally walked away after almost 10 years.
She walked away the hero, with our children, demonised my character, and all her emotional abuse and financial abuse and cheating and having affair goes unknown and unchallenged.
She keeps her public image and continues guilt and conscience free.
She has eroded any respect in my voice.
Worst bit is, before I walked away, I was still trying.. even when I knew the ship was sunk, I still believed I could get her ashore.
I was in denial about a lost cause, and it cost me more.
I didn’t know myself, and lost a lot in the process.
Since then, I’ve been on my own, got my head down and self reflected.
Gradually rebuilding my own life, and my tattered esteem.
My interest in another woman being a partner... not so much... I’ve not met anyone I want to be with, or who is worth while.
I think this video sums it up. Trying to find someone who is compatible, is a genuine friend and not just another ball I’m trying to fit into a square peg... just doesn’t exist... so far.
I’m alright being my own.
And I don’t want to make those mistakes again.
Being on my own, I’m content and can relax and enjoy those little things without complaint or jumping through hoops.
Man this broke me. How I've giving myself away at trying to connect without realizing I'm emptying myself... Been ruminating about my last relationships were I poured and I poured and it just didn't work out. Self-harming myself ever since for not being enough... And then I made the mistake to see her social media page a few days ago only to see her the happiest and on all these adventures (the glow of social media effect also) while I'm still on a shadows valley. Made me feel so small and rageful thinking how it didn't and doesn't matter to the other person. Damn I am learning so much through the burns.
Not again so blindly.
Thank you, brother, this was the kind of conversation with a wise older brother I was missing.
I'm glad you're coming out of it, Adriel... keep getting better 👍
huMAN, the nuanced reasoning presented in your content is what sets it apart.
Thanks, Boffin 👍
Brilliantly insightful. I grew up with a scarcity mentality and believed I should take what I could get, and it led to settling time and again. Girlfriends I wasn't attracted to and fought with, dead end retail jobs thinking that it would make me stronger. Some things aren't worth fighting for.
I’ve been single for 9 months. I’ve never felt more complete. I do what I want when I want.
Single for more than a decade. And it's still getting better. Life's great!
Very honest and kind words. Small different pieces - phrases, made a great whole video. Everybody is saying that men are not "designed" to feel, but I can say you this, I felt every piece of it. Thanks for sharing once again your thoughts and wisdom.
It's men who actually feel. I bought into the lie that women are the empathetic ones, but never actually met one that have empathy anywhere close to the empathy I saw from men.
Stopped 'looking' over a decade ago. Happiest, most productive decade of my life!
These conversations help men to feel they are not alone in their experiences. Thanks
You completely nailed it. It’s taken 10 months of being single (at the age of 54) for me to get my head around being on my own. But your videos have helped massively and this one in particular just described my last relationship to a tee. I was so in love with being in love. Thanks man. 👍🏻👍🏻
Just love yourself, that’s the person that needs the LOVE!
'The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care. Right? Yeah.' - Offspring, 'Self Esteem'
This stuff has been going on for a LONG time.
Men have their own 'Carousel' in this regard. Promiscuous with their time, attention, resources and affection. Not valuing these things and guarding them like the treasures they are. And like the other carnival ride, we can form an attachment to the misery itself, even take a certain pride in it. We 'loved too hard'.
When you're young you believe you can pay any price, bear any burden and solve any problem when it comes to Love. And all too often you get older and realize you missed the most important question 'Why should I undertake this?', as if Love is an accomplishment or something you get a diploma for.
8:58
"And you have to get to a point where you say, 'I just want to be happier...' this is where the red pill rage ends and the new understanding begins. I was never a fan of the sort of "catwalk models" out there but there was a lot of this that really hit. Keep it up bro. You're that light in that darkness. There's so many great thought provoking questions in this one. Some real deep soul searching. Much love to you.
It was comfort and a false sense of security
Real food for thought. My first woman after my divorce was what I thought I wanted...young and pretty and fun...but totally incompatible in every other way. She broke my heart, but I now I realize that it was because I did not have my standards in place - she wasn't worth my heart. I pined for her, but I have no doubt she didn't even think about me. I wanted to care and I wanted her to care. Although I still think of her from time to time, she doesn't have that terrible grip on my heart any longer. Now I guard my heart much more carefully.
Perfectly summed up my situation. Ever since my marriage fell apart 4 years ago; my head is on constant replay of what I was a part of. We weren't compatible in the least but it felt rewarding in a way. In typical fashion like everything else in my life it didn't last long and in typical fashion I'm alone in life once more.
Human, in these days I believe men under 50 have no idea what it means to actually be loved by a woman. Mostly because these females are never shown or taught how to love a man. I realized this after years of experience. I am going to reach out via email. Hope you have time. My real name is Ted. Another great video.
Priceless advice and information. Grow and be better , guys. Peace
Great message, I chose not to date for four years, mainly because i was trying to stop smoking cigs, then when I did and decided to date a specific girl, another girl came at me the day after I decided to date again, and so I rolled the dice. Ended up putting a lot of energy into a narcissist, I was rusty in the dating sphere and let way to many red flags pass, ended up being cheated on and used. Fast forward, the narcissist works at the same farmers market as me, and every market she managed to get her booth closer to mine, to where she was right next to me. I have a way of making her laugh while sassing her and back handedly insulting her, but eventually having so much of her in my life drained my energy and enthusiasm again in the same way when we were together. Constantly debating with myself why I shouldn't be with her, yet she is constantly coming onto me and doing it in a way that doesnt admit fault, but portrays regret.
So i decided to stop giving her any energy at all, and it must have hit her hard because she didnt show up after last week, per boss came by and gave me the worst look, and I heard she threw a party, which she invited a good friend of mine that she hates. It's to bad there are so many, if onlys, and a friendship full of intellectual conversations between us as well as much compatibility between us, but she is so incredibly damaged that it was constant shit tests, and when i "stooped" down to her level, trying to pull her out of a winter depression, trapping over 20 mice in her hour, spent hours massaging her back because of a injury that prevented her from functioning, and helping her start her business as it is mirroring mine, as soon as I became nice and have free time to do so during the covid winter, she used me and threw me out. Whoever she got with obviously didn't want her and now I have to see her every weekend, while the original girl I was going to be with bought land and got into a relationship with this guy who's my competition.
Moral of the story, life goes on, Listen to human, don't go for anyone just because you want to have a role, or want to see something happen but none of the angles line up to build such a masterpiece, save your energy for someone who has a better outlook from the start, do your research and dont be afraid to ask the important questions, ready to friend zone without remorse.
Her: I am in my 30s now. Fun is over and I don't want to die alone. I need to find someone with money to marry. Someone take care of me until I die.
Me: I want to die on top of a hill of blades surrounded by the dead husks of worthy warriors I vanquished. I want to take my last breathe knowing I claimed victory.
Her: What the Fuk...
Me: What? You have your fantasies and I have mine.
My cousin is still puzzling over that one...
:) .... that's funny.
The Eve Effect; "Women don't want to be right, they just want to feel good about being wrong."
-Jon C. StMartin
Nah, I don't get hurt. I expect bad behavior.
I'm sure the next Rattlesnake will be better...
Same here, after dealing with women, this is what I found as well.
I often think of relationships in terms of music. We are like notes, and there is nothing wrong with any note as long as it’s in tune. Sometimes the incompatibility is a result of just being in a different scale or key.
"What are we winning?" we are designed to endure and provide. If we provide a home and resources, thsts how we show love.
It's all a cliche, but you cannot love anyone else until you love yourself. To the max. You cannot enjoy a relationship until you enjoy bachelorhood.
Anything else is, as you said, only in our minds.
Problem is I love myself too much now to be willing to put myself through a relationship lol
@@chad5617
Absolutely nothing wrong with that.
So much truth here. Getting close to the end of a 17 year marriage where the last several years have been steadily declining. There was a point where I should've divorced her in 2012, but we reconciled, and things got better. For a few years. Then the decline again. I"m just thankful that we no longer have any pets together, and we don't have any children.
I will NEVER have another long term, serious romantic involvement again after this experience. I did my time; now it's time for me to be free and finally start living for myself once more. It's terrifying, yet liberating too.
Quite right, every failed relationship is depleting. But you often feel like trying again with someone else just isn’t worth it anymore. If it happens, it happens, but you sure as hell don’t go looking for it anymore.
I agree, though I think most women don't really believe this. Because men have 'wanted' them for so long, they think it just continues until the grave... it doesn't.
We outgrow building tree forts by puberty, and we outgrow relationships with women by 50.
This channel deserve +1,000,000 subscribers..
Mate that hit HOME with me THANKS
Same 3rd time I've watched this video
When you’re with someone, over time, you start to WANT to see the best in them, despite their shortcomings . You have these very intimate experiences with them that mean something ONLY to you two. Like, they took the time to call or text you, above all the people in the world, “Goodnight or Good Morning”. It meant something only between you two. When it’s over, sure you can finally look back with a hindsight of 20/20, but that doesn’t take away how the good parts of that made you feel. Knowing that it will probably take getting into another relationship again to feel and experience those emotions again and knowing full well how bad the relationship world is right now is why we have a tendency to do retroactive continuity with our ex’s as time goes on. Live, learn, assess and then move on wiser men, gentlemen.
This is one of your best. ... it's the heartbreak of trying..
I really loved her, the hardest thing was walking away from someone I loved, because it was the best thing for me. Now I'm the happiest, I found the same feeling, working towards my goals, so I can get to help people and do conservation if it all pays out.
Part of me suspects this is why we don't trust things that come easy, because we not only have been forcefed a certain perspective ever since we come into this world. Secondly because we are handicapping ourselves from being able to analyze and understand WHY it is that certain people or things are just easier to work with. Suffering is a neutral thing, unless you have the tools to see where it is coming from and how severe it is, you don't know if to call it a friend or an enemy. Love the working out analogy because it fits so well, you have to push yourself sometimes but do it responsible and with awareness in mind.
Great stuff huMAN
My last relationship ended after 10 years. In the beginning, she was strongly attached to me. Then she became disillusioned and we fell into a routine. Our relationship slowly withered and eventually died. When we both chose to go our separate ways, I had a moment where I was overwhelmed by sorrow for the loss. But it wasn't the loss of her, it was the loss of the routine and familiarity that had become my life. The reason I chose to stop seeking relationships was because I never want to go back to fostering negative routines. My single life is filled with positive routines of exercise, reading, learning and being creative. I never really loved her, I just became mired in our shared familiarity, no matter how destructive it was.
I’m sorry it was like that for you. I had a couple long relationships that had problems, but each time kept going longer than I should have because of my attachment to the woman and the familiarity of my life with her.
Absolutely true.
A relationship shouldn't be pain but it does require work.
I would also add that there can be that point where she decides to move on so she becomes angry with you & indifferent to the relationship.
The more you attempt to hold things together, the more she resents you.
Human you are helping men from defaulting to the normal narrative. You are an intelligent cool guy and if you struggle in these times imagine us .. you teach us to value us and I am grateful for you .
Yep, this one really hit me between the eyes brother. You totally spoke out EXACTLY what I'm feeling about women and relationships at this time of my life.
Love your introspection brother. 🤘
Extraordinary. I have been in broadcasting (radio) for 35 years, you articulated what I have struggled to. Very special. Thanks.
Unlike women, this vid was worth the wait. The idea of love etc, seems to be entrenched in our psyche. The wisdom you speak, will see anyone thru and many of us need reminding. Today I made a VOW value own worth ...
Damn, I'm so thankful you put your videos out, like an internet father-figure, of ultimate wise firend, thank you!
This is healing in the purest sense of the word. Thank you.
He is 100% correct about that losing yourself bit, I used to write science fiction every single day from Junior year of HS and onward, stopped doing it for her because my female characters made her insecure. After our wildly incompatible relationship ended I struggled to write, didn't pick it back up again for 7 years as I prayed, meditated, and bitterly ground through the vestiges of her that had seeped into myself.
I think about how much closer to completion those stories would be by now had I not wasted my soul on her, while I'm certain there are unicorn women out their, don't plan your life around it, that is like planning your retirement on winning the lottery.
Stay strong my brothers, and NEVER give an inch of who you are for these psychological predators.
The digital has made the organic so cold to emotion that it makes you wonder if people even have hearts to break anymore.
Ernest Becker talks about this. We try to find great meaning in the other person (sometimes even making them into angels). But people cannot provide great meaning or be angels because we are just flesh and blood animals. People miss their illusions about a relationship. And sure, human connection feels good. But so does solitary meditation in silence. Romantic love is a form of idealistic attachment. So when it fails we suffer
Sometimes it's really love, sometimes there's truly impressive women out there, and nearly always it's going to be a one-way street due to that hypergamous undercurrent muddying the waters. And once you accept that's the way it will be and that your own boundaries come before everything else, there's even some beauty to it.
Thanks From Poland.😊
Last gf just came to me, she was the one who was interested and did all the work to start a relationship, I saw nothing great nor terrible on her, and so I thought "Let's give it a shot". I cannot say everything was fine and dandy not that it finished on the best way, but I learned many valuable things from that, so I don't really resent her for what happened.
I'v found the ones who come to you are just as quick to leave when their delusional entitlements (What they expected to take for granted when they targeted you) are not met/facilitated.
It comes expecting to put in a tiny amount of work, and then stops, expecting you to blindly go all in, because it cooked you dinner once, or sucked your D* on the first date.
@@jrddoubleu514 It wasn't really the case though, she would invest her time and resources into the relationship on the same level I did, she was also just as willing to take the initiative and whatnot, so compared to the median, she was pretty good.
In the end, I was the one who left because I was getting tired of the periodic drama. She was much better than the ones who just give you drama for free, but peace and quiet is even better.
Wow. You keep outdoing yourself. The cinematography and music in this one just make your message even stronger. This hits hard. Keep up the great work.
I had these feelings you mention at the start of the video after the relationship ended, and mostly since, trying to get it back. But never during, except here and there. As for giving care to another persons than a woman, well, having kids will help you easily do that. I know. So many men give up on having kids because they know the chance of a lasting family unit is super slim. Well, I was sure disappointed for my kids they lost that stable family unit because their mom "wanted to be happy", but no regrets at having them! Two separate things, gentlemen.
This was therapy for me. I needed to hear this years ago. Another gem.
A year ago the day I found this channel, I was drained physically and emotionally. I gave everything I had to that stranger, she took it all and just said thankyou I need to move on now, take care. If I hadn't accidentally found human while looking for answers, I don't know what would have happened to me.
I am greatful to your content human. You were my gateway to the RP community. I hope the lost souls find you. Thanks for being the guiding light.
Men please focus on yourself. It isn't worth it.
I tell my sons that in life the best way to get something you want is to not want it. I know that may sound cold, but the truth in that statement for me, is far more nuanced. What it means is that you must be okay with that something never happening, learning to let go of the expectation of outcome; the mindset that most men have is “if I work hard at this, I can make it work”, to force the outcome that was expected; and the only thing that happens is over time we unknowingly adapt ourselves to function inside of the disfunction.
Thank you huMAN, your videos are a very good way personally for me to rehash and examine mental Ooda-loops.
This was very much what I see most people and in particular most guys engaging in with absolutely terrible results. Well Done, Sir!
Thank you 先生 🙇🏾♂️
This video has shown me a path out of these woods, lovely dark and deep.
Its been nearly a year and a half since I left my ex,
But I am yet to feel my best,
Miles to walk before I rest.
Possibly your best episode. IMO Thanks.
Glad you think so... cheers :)
Man the timing of this video along with a conversation I had with a friend yesterday is spot on. We were chatting about me Building my own business and changing current appearance to attract business. One struggle I've had since the last relationship was feeling rejected and I changed my appearance from when I was in that to relationship to where I am today with growing out a beard and hair style. His POV was to build my business I need to be the best version of myself that looks the part of a coach which was a shorter beard and spending more time in the gym. Hearing you discuss losing parts of caring for someone forever and now realizing that you can't get those that back along with time helped articulate what I've been struggling last almost 2 years. Thanks HuMan
Beautifully said. There is nothing worse than feeling lonely when being with someone especially if it is a nice and decent person. No need to suffer and cause them to be in pain later on anyway..
Stop wasting your time and losing your identity trying to fit in her world. See if she fits in your world.
When giving love to a man means courage & rebellion, women just side with authority & comfort.
huMAN, this is your best video yet. Your every utterance in it, is literally Gospel.
One of your best videos @huMAN. Your videos always come out at the perfect times.