The death of love
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- Опубликовано: 19 окт 2024
- What’s worse...? Being alone without love. Feeling alone IN a loveless relationship. The pain of loss after a relationship. Is it worth it?
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** IN THIS VIDEO **
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◼️ huMAN’s last video: “Just get into a relationship?”
• Just get into a relati...
◼️ Words, music, production, video & graphics: Copyright © huMAN
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#love #pain #regret
Men are not built for a betrayal. A huge part of us dies when a woman discards us. Woman move on with life like a past relationship is just a bump in the road.
Men are built to sacrifice ourselves. Even as a child I can remember romanticizing about being a hero or falling in combat. It’s a part of our social conditioning, even our biology. Our wiring makes us susceptible to betrayal but then poor at processing it.
You have to understand the strings that you have inside of you and how they are being pulled. Once you choose to no longer needlessly sacrifice, once you decide that you’re no longer disposable, your life will radically change for the better.
Yes they just flip the switch. They are survivors. But society says they are delicate flowers.
@@zoraster3749 on point brother, changing the internal story of no longer being disposable needs to be spoken about more often, hence the red pill community/ manosphere, but there is a need for the shift to become common in family culture that men are highly valued/in-disposable. Thanks to f- nism spreading like a plague is what caused this family culture to change
I honestly don’t think women find the ending of a relationship to even be a bump in the road anymore.
Sure, they cry and run to their friends about it, but that’s the tell: they LIKE the drama of the end. Tears, laughs, indignation, rage...it’s all emotion, and the metric for women is always quantity, not quality, so it’s HOW MUCH emotion, irrespective of WHICH emotion.
chris palmer They don’t. Usually because they are already in a new relationship or have one lined up when it ends.
Men love idealistically, women love opportunistically.
you put it well
BINGO!!!
Or: love is a verb (masculine sense). Love is a noun (feminine).
In many ways a woman Breaking up with a man feels like betrayal. You would have killed and died for her and yet she still leaves you. It feels like getting stabbed in the back. I can deal with many things, but betrayal is the one thing I can not stand.
There is no such thing as a relationship in your world if you refuse to be betrayed.
I think it's due to a generational gap (I'm notably younger than huMAN), but to those around my age, relationships simply don't exist. Women, of course, have them, or at least their warped and creepy version of relationships. But men? They don't exist. You couldn't pay another man to be around you, not that you'd want to. And the few who do take interest are treacherous leeches, annoying time wasters at best and abusive parasites that'll make you wish they only threw you under the bus at worst.
Unlike him, even friendship is not an option for men like me, even with other men, let alone women. And that bullshit about having a relationship with yourself is just that. Anyone who truly had a good relationship with themselves wouldn't have ever made their way here.
I feel exactly the same way.
It's not only the breaking up. They can end the relationship with many deeds.
@Jerry Andersen
That's a major and baseless assumption. I've met countless people who have a blast with life that bore me, and others, to no end. I've also met plenty of people who despised themselves that I've had riveting and intense discussions with on a variety of topics.
Also, you misunderstood my point about having a relationship with yourself. My implication was that men who had one would more likely be out living that life than perusing the comment section of a video that is effectively intended to allow for "self-help" and healing.
Across the Room we would probably get along quite well.. yes i’ve said it before but this might be the first time where i meant it for longer than a night..
Total regret. Getting a woman pregnant was the greatest mistake of my life. Sincerely, American man.
Agree.
I miss my kids though.
Chad Tyrone Not anymore. She knows better.
farqitol I don’t miss mine. They don’t want to see me and I don’t care.
Jerry Andersen Yep. “I can’t get pregnant.” Is the greatest lie of all time.
@@beeraddlee1 HAHA I belived too
The worse feeling is feeling alone and being in a relationship, with someone who absolutely does not care about you but pretends to. Its infuriating.
To me - it's the WORST feeling. The absolute worst for me.
somebody who would just casually make you homeless and take your family from you because she had a bad mood is somebody i could not possibly ever fall in love with.
yet i did.
this betrayal hurts because i was the one who betrayed myself.
If you know she is only pretending to love you, why are you still there?
@@bgrego88 attachment trauma
@@dolanSWEG attachment trauma? What attachment she has no attachment to you... What trauma? you are still there so nothing traumatic happened.... Lol
The way I see it is you are sitting in misery and blocking your potential happiness by not moving on.
(I do get divorce and family separation can make it complicated) I admit the separation will hurt and you may even miss them but I don't see the point in staying somewhere you aren't wanted
Not that love isn't worth pursuing......but when I start to find myself feeling down....I always like to take a step back and think about what I did during my day....and acknowledge how I wouldn't have been able to do ANY of that if I had a girlfriend or wife. They always guilt trip you. Nag you. Manipulate you. Try to get you to stop enjoying your hobbies or hanging out with your friends. This always happens. In literally every relationship I've ever been in. They're all about control. And a lot of guys are fine with this as long as she's giving him the goods. But the older I get....the more I realize the goods aren't THAT magical. My hobbies and freedoms are far better.
(from my experience) you sink 20yrs into trying to work with them for the benefit of you both, while theyre continually working and thinking only for themselves.
the minute you realise the futility of it all and give up trying their mask slips and all the bitterness and rage comes out.
its only then that you realised you wasted 20yrs of your life doing nothing more than treading water, only now your 20yrs older and still have to swim to shore
Sex is nice, it feels good, but it’s so overrated. Especially everything we as men do to attain in.
Bill Maher summed it up
ruclips.net/video/cPk72ccNRb0/видео.html
Its not just stopping you doing what you want but you find yourself spending your life trying to please them.
Since I divorced my wife I undoubtedly miss being in a couple as being single and going about alone can be lonely but I can now do what I want. I don't suffer the emotional stress, don't suffer my in-laws, don't have to balance between her and my own family.
The goods have been overhyped.
@@Venerable_Banana also known as "the juice aint worth the squeeze"
The advertising will never match the product, no matter the situation. Like Mad Men, love is for product sales.
👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
I'm glad I had a relationship because I doubt I would've ever stopped being a simp without it. It was a crash course in female nature and the illusion of intimacy. I'd never want to go through it again, but if I could turn back time I wouldn't undo the relationship either. It's information I needed to have. I think I can use it to find genuine, lasting peace and contentment that isn't built on a lie.
Standing Ovation - Excellent - Well said and **well lived** I can not say the same, as I paid FAR too much for my hard lesson.
Here here. I needed to learn what I didn’t know I needed to. The intense giving of my time energy and resources plus the deep impact on my psyche is no small thing. Necessary lesson for me 2 become a better me
sometimes life gives us the hard lesson we need, even if its not the lesson we wanted. similar to how people who are too nice get trampled and used until they get burnt one too many times and the pain makes them change course in life. Without that pain they would have kept doing what theyre doing, and so they keep getting what theyre getting.
Very true. A longer term relationship will wake you up sooner than anything else.
I am glad I didn't need that crash course to learn from other peoples mistakes
Stop pursuing women helps clarifies thoughts about relationships, something men do instinctively. Love is dead because it’s an unselfish act and everyone is about themselves. There are a few couples that achieve a great relationship. It’s a trap for most of us to think we’ll find that unicorn woman who fits us.
I'm 62 now, and a veteran of many relationships including one marriage. The word "closure" has no salience in the context of lost love. Whether I ended the relationship or they did, some remnant of the emotional trauma of every one of them is still with me. It is not the death of love that leaves the scar. It is the death of a dream that you create in your head, and fall in love with. I will say that with every passage through this wormhole, the emotional range that I possessed was diminished. At this point I am nearly emotionally dead. I am incapable of even experiencing that searing burn of young love, and the last failed relationship barely moved me at all. I wish I had access to the red pill knowledge when I was a young man. To find it now is bittersweet vindication for decades down the rabbit hole of female insanity, disfunction, and machinations. The answer to the question that you posed is "no". It was not worth it. It is a net sum zero game at best. It's like gambling in Vegas for 40 years, only to walk out with the same emotional wallet that you walked in with. Nothing was gained of any value intellectually or emotionally, and a life's vigor lost. It was like being drunk for 40 years. Financially the cost of this folly is incalculable. The only good that came from it is that I have zero desire now to pursue any of it. The curiosity and fantasy hold no power over me now. I'm free to live the remainder of my life in freedom, and that is exactly what I'm doing.
Women think men have no feelings, I think we feel VERY deeply and passionately.. that’s why we’re so crushed when we are betrayed by them ..and yes we build walls after that, to protect us from ever feeling that way again.. I’ll never get in a relationship again..never
Absolutely brother it's almost like you read my mind 👍👍👍💪💪💪😂😂😂 keep on living the good life
Simon Lul definitely will! You too bro
Women think men have no feelings because they are only attracted to the few Chad's and Tyrone's... Who don't have feelings!!
There is an old joke that describes things completely. It is in fact, not a joke. Why do husbands usually die before their wives? Because they want to.
This may have been funny in the 1940's when men still had the option to choose. Nowadays, men usually die before their wives because the wives want them to. And there's no fun in that.
@M P ROFLMAO!!!! Old man went out with a bang!
There's nothing worse than feeling alone/lonely, within a relationship...
It's time to move on. Life's too damn short...
This isn't the death of love, it's the understanding that love is an illusion
Crimson nailed it. Over seven years after my divorce and it’s it’s the last year or two where I can feel myself mentally turning the corner and on an even keel after the horrific financial and emotional devastation. My ex? Oh don’t worry about her; she’s fine. she had other men in my house the week after I moved out. Married with another kid now. Between them they have five kids and a lot of drama. My marriage and the relationships I’ve had with women were the loneliest times of my life. If I could do it over again things would indeed be different. My sons are now in their teens and I’m trying to give them an accurate picture of female nature.
Ive a female i work with... her parents got divorced a year ago, like 30 years marriage, her mother had another men 3 weeks after, and then i told her, your father had no woman since. And she said yes, he is not looking for anyone. We have this talk becouse ive divorced in feb and ive not seen any woman, and she thinks ive too find someone(while pimping her sister and a friend of hers).
@Jerry Andersen
I can see a female talking half a world away
Yeah man it takes years .
Similar.
She had men sleeping there,I told my kids.this is YOUR home lads,your home.
@@conkofthenorth5579 women need men just specifically not you
Losing love feels like losing blood and having permanent scars. For men, the biological imperative includes deep bonding - the kind women are unable to experience except to their own children. In the hunting and gathering era, it was only the bond men felt for women that motivated them to return home and bring most of their food with them. There was no such motivation for the woman. Ignoring our biological imperative seems almost impossible. As reproductive creatures, we are only programmed for one mission. Like salmon swimming upstream for their ultimate death, our very purpose is bound for almost certain defeat in the long run. Still, everything about being a man is easier than being a woman - except our need for love. I still have gratitude for being a man. I accept my fate, the inevitable sadness. We balance that fate with our energy, creativity, curiosity, and perhaps good intentions - those traits not found in similar abundance in the other sex. I still think I won in the lottery of life - sadness be damned. I have my guitar, writing, computer, books, and good career. So I cry sometimes. OK. That is inherent in being a man.
This would have to be one of the manliest things ever spoken. I salute you good sir and wish you a fruitful life.
Wow man! Very well put 👍🏻
I quit relationships when I realized I wasn't even enjoying the relationship itself. There was no good part. The bickering and power struggle begins instantly. While the dark cloud of inevitable breakup looms overhead.
You hit the nail on the head 👏🏽
Loyalty is a male phenomenon.
The worst loneliness is when you're in a relationship but feel alone.
So true.
Men Love women, Women love being loved by men.
Women generally have to put very little effort into getting into a relationship so it's no surprise they are much quicker to leave or get over it. Men have to invest more effort and with that comes the feeling of loss when things don't work out.
I have experience with unrequited love. I actually see it as a blessing, it's like stepping on a landmine called a relationship that didn't go off. I was full of emotions and perceived pain. Years later I see her and her husband. I can see myself in his shoes. All I can think about is thank God I didn't marry her. This has happened a few times.
real names not given same here. Sometimes the greatest gift is not getting your heart’s desire. Almost makes me believe in guardian angels. It’s also amazing how once time and age have done their job, and you see that woman you desired minus her youthful sexual attraction, your interest and any latent desire completely evaporates. You realize judged by her intelligence and virtues there was nobody there worthy of so much attention.
Every single women I’ve ever been involved with I’m glad I didn’t end up with.
@@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485 that might say a little more about you then you meant too lol
I totally agree with Crimson. My marriage wasn't worth it. Not one bit. If I could find a way to erase every bit of it from my memory, I would do it in a heartbeat. If I could go back in time and choose a different path, I would do it without hesitation. Even after my divorce, the women I got into relationships with were not worth it either. And I would always think back to being single and reflecting on how much happier I was. Peace of mind above all else.
Totally agree. If I could go back to that moment and not ask her out I would. The pain and anguish not to mention the financial devastation I'm still working to recover from. The handful of good times don't make up for it. I was absolutely devastated and it took me years to feel better. She was remarried in 8 months. Thank Christ we didn't have kids.
The only reason I don't regret my marriage is my son, but I often wonder if I would have met a more valuable woman and had multiple children if not for my ex.
Glad I haven't been missing anything. My most recent girlfriend and I split up in 2009 and after giving it some thought I decided that I had enough. I stopped dating somewhere around the fall of 2009. It's not all bad though. Once I paid off my house I was living comfortably on 30% of my mechanic wages. Socked away a lot of bitcoins with that money.
Agreed, I'd keep the memories tho. I simply made my choices too weakly. I should have had higher boundaries, and enforced them quickly..
I left the door open, having false faith in Females.. including family members who gave me the WORSE advice & general input, setting me up for MASSIVE problems.
I look at older males in my family and it is VERY CLEAR: in all but one case **the males' entire life hangs by a thread.. a thread that their spouses hold**
From a female’s perspective, I found this to be wholeheartedly relatable. After two years, I’m still in relationship mourning. The level of grief correlates to the level of investment. Each failed love diminishes us. “Is what you are left with worth it?” My answer…. no. Some hard lessons learned in life would not be necessary, if we chose differently.
the pain is definitely way worse than feeling of love
The best lesson I've ever learned through my experiences with the opposite s*x; no woman will ever cure your loneliness and unhappiness. I've never felt more lonely than laying next to someone who I loved and cherished knowing that she no longer felt the same for ME.
Lasting love in a long term relationship only existed when true life long commitment was required, no demanded, by society. Even then it only existed rarely.
After I separated from my wife people would ask me 'How are you?' I always answered "I'm a lot less lonely now I am alone". All but one looked perplexed, the one that didn't smiled, quizzed me and left their husband a month later...
Being in a relationship can hurt so much that even though you keep telling yourself everything is fine, the pain causes you to lash out against yourself and others. Compromising yourself, your goals and ideals to please your partner generates so much anger that it can drive you insane. It's treason against the self, and the self knows it, even if it can't admit it. But it seeks to punish that treason, sometimes to the ultimate extent. There is a reason that roughly 75% of suicides are men - how many of those are in a relationship, or due to the effects of one ending?
The older I get the more I see life as a double edged sword.
Youre single and your lonely
You're in a relationship and bored
Life is nothing more than picking your poisons and suffering one way or another
I remember some good times but the ending was so incredibly traumatic. A crystal ball would certainly have been a handy item. Looking back, it wasn't worth it.
Even 3 years after the failure of my last relationship I feel like a piece of me is missing.
I would have much rather never have known the 2 years of apparent happiness than spend a single minute trying to analyzing why it failed.
I’ll be very reluctant to fall in love again
There is also the instability and fear of loss. Not worth it in my opinion.
That's a good point about 'instability'.
All of the above. It was like a death when it ended. But the last two years were like watching a loved one die of cancer; you’re devastated watching their health fail but almost relieved when they finally pass. That has been my experience in all long term relationships. Optimism and love turns to pessimism and then grief.
Exactly... the last year of my marriage was like see someone die slowly of cancer.
Your videos helped me through a tough break up two years ago. Not sure how longer my lack of clarity would have lasted without your council.
Thanks for supporting my channel too, man.
@@huMANs_channel same
I've loved and lost. Like many things in my life it helped me get a better perspective.
Its truly horrible I rather die in war , then go through another heartbreak , cuz it never ends you think about her day and night , you recall the warmth the affection those tender moments of intimacy you had with her. You remember looking her in the eyes holding her firmly against your body kissing her forehead letting her know that you accept her and your all about her , ...only for her to leave you like all that was nothing !
It was the worst experience I endured, 38 years of my life with the wrong person. Two daughters whom I love, if I could change it I would.
Knowing what I know now about my failed marriage and how meaningless our marriage was to my ex, I would have run away from her when we first met.
We were together for 8 years, I loved her with all my heart, now it's been over 16 months since she broke up with me and I haven't recovered yet, honestly can't say if it was worth in the end or not.
So many things said in this video were spot on and really put things into perspective. My ex-wife left almost a year ago after being together for 19 years. But, emotionally she checked out of our marriage years before she physically left. Friends and family couldn't understand when I would say "Yes, I'm married but I'm lonely." After she left, and when friends and family would ask how I was doing, I would say "It doesn't feel like I lost my wife. It feels like I've had a great loss. Like the death of someone very close and that I loved deeply." I was a better man before I met my ex-wife than I am today. I was more optimistic, happier and, in general, more fun to be around. That 19 year life suck has definitely taken its toll.
Well said. I feel the same.
this was a very deep and touching analysis of male psychology and I hope women read it before casually destroying men like a game to them.
first time I've ever used the thanks button on RUclips. sent this to my son he probably won't watch it but still it's amazingly good advice for a young man.
Just after it ends is when I find it to be the worst. You got attached, then the thing you were attached to is ripped away, either by the attached thing itself OR because you realized the attachment was unhealthy and you had to do the ripping. That space between 'the end" and "the recovery" is like a long dark chasm that you fall into with no definite way out.
I'm not catching (viewing) a fair amount of your content these days… a number of reasons for that… but I watched/listened to this just now and I thought it was both brilliant and spot-on start to finish.
After a few 2-3yr relationships, I was ready for marriage at 33 and had met & been dating the 1st person I felt both excited and confident about marrying. I proposed, she said "yes", and 4yrs later it was over… she had made the decision to move on. It took ~ 3 yrs before I was in a new relationship… but really it took more than 10yrs for me to "feel" like I was really over the loss. In the 1st few months after my ex wife left I went through a grief much worse than if she had died. Many people do not understand this. Of course if it's you wanting out of a relationship, you're likely to feel a strong sense of relief… but not when you are in for the long haul, truly love your mate and she leaves you… it would be much easier to deal with if their withdrawal from your life wasn't their choice… and they're not still out there making a new life without you. Yes, the death of a love for men can be harder than death of the actual loved one.
Amen Brotha...I feel you. Been there.
Lonely = freedom.
The misery of loneliness and the glory of solitude. I choose the latter
@@johncunningham5137 it definitely oscillates between the two of those...
Knowing what I know now, I would do it again. I have a daughter who I love. And if I live a normal lifespan, I get twenty five more years of that love, I also get a perspective on life, that only surviving that trauma can give. I see things now in a way that only people who have truly loved, and truly lost can understand. Men who’ve experienced war, and the brotherhood of other men have a perspective on friendship that men who’ve never been to war can’t know.
I really find these words and answer as the bravest and of the highest awareness. I would dare and say that life itself (god, universe) - love this answer.
Pay attention huMAN.
Indeed, best answer this far. A hopeful one, which brings a bit of light in an otherwise grim reality.
Best comment thus far imo. Thank you wise sir.
Indeed. I think a big part of this cancer problem (stage 4 colon, spread to liver) is my constant internal monologue of rage. I think it bit me. Part of the treatment I'm getting at this alternative cancer center is acupuncture. Man, the world seemed like a giant playground full of fun that I now (thanks to all the bitcoin I bought with the cost savings of the MGTOW lifestyle) that's just waiting for me to go see it all. It's been a few days now but the effect is still largely still with me. All I need to do is survive. I've got to work on my anger though. It doesn't hurt the manginas nor does it harm the divorce court system. The only one that much anger hurts is the person who carries it.
Absolutely right brother and a good luck 👍👍👍💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪
Following you for awhile Vention and your videos walking and talking about your life, perspective and goals were helpful while I was wondering how I made such a poor choice in a marriage partner. I hope the alternative treatments go smashingly well and you’ll be back to your home soon.
Good luck man.
Hey , how are you now?
@@basmahendy5431 he passed unfortunately 🙁
" LOVE" almost did me in......I was able to " patch " the damage......however like a Car after a severe collision......things are never the same.....
Scar tissue of the soul??.....there is NO doubt in my mind I CANT take another hit like that EVER again.......i will break in two and sink for sure........
Go your own way men🍻
👍👍👍💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪😂😂😂
👍👍👍💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪😂😂😂
scar tissue is stronger according to Henry Rollins. You're better off believing that.
Add to this, the relationship/marriage ending because of ‘betrayal’. That is the worse feeling of them all. It’s the shit that will make you go mad, mate.
Just woke up to understand that from a age of 18 I have been with a classic narcissist
My wife of 38 years has found a young man to replace me
I have lived to serve her as a co depentent faithfully
Now with health issues she doesn’t need me and I see my whole life now clear
Wasted...... what could my life had been if I had someone that cared for me?
What would my life had been if I had never met anyone?
Alway thought I would love to have someone that would love me as much as I loved them
My health problems tell me I want live many more years. I am 60 now
But that is a good thing for me. No kids, no family. But by knowing the truth I now have more peace then I could have thought possible
To sum things up!!!!!
Don’t be me. Make a life for yourself, By yourself. I don’t think relationships are possible in the kind of world we live in
But there can be a few that can be. Is it worth destroying your life and future to see if you can win the lottery???? Good luck
Holy smokes that steak and eggs analogy is GOLD.💯💯💯
Your sub Crimson hit a homerun for me. I echo his statement verbatim. The illusion of 'Love' is a pandemic. I wish I was still blissfully stupid....then I wake up.
Your working out analogy is excellent.
Thank you.
If I could like this 10X - this overall concept been rattling around my subconscious for years.
Love was always a sleight of hand - nowadays it's too in your face to ignore - and it seems to take far more out of men than women (even aside from the material aspects).
To women, it's just a new character on the sitcom of their lives, with the old one taking his leave. For men, it's all too real on every level - particularly if he felt he was truly in love. And I doubt it's actually better after being destroyed by it for most men - it brings wisdom and experience, makes us stronger - but on an emotional existential level, it does a number on us that hangs around forever - Like a small, quiet, yet eternally present Anger/Apathy/Darkness depending on the man. (from what I've seen).
The freaking void is always there...
What you said about that emotional existenstialism hits close to home. Something that also has been on my mind lately.
@@kubasniak I'm scared of that. Life does not feel the same way anymore.
Holy shit this hits home RN. I'm currently in a relationship and the anxiety from day to day... And it just gets worse.
There is an issue to have never loved, particularly in young men. I'm a 26yo male and I have quite a few traits that would make getting at least a temporary mate easy.
The issue is that I've never truly been in a relationship due to my skepticism and general jaded feelings toward relationships. As a consequence, I'm living in the world of the objective and not the subjective.
That is, I've seen all the damage relationships do to men, but I've experienced very little of it. As a consequence, I have the thing in the back of my head wondering if it will be different for me.
I do wonder if most men need to have a poor relationship before they can truly internalize MGTOW lifestyle.
Granted, there are a few things that can make it easier to be MGTOW without having been damaged in a normal way.
For instance, why am I jaded? It's not just because of what I've seen other men go through. Up until I was about 16 or 17, I was a fat kid. Like 300lbs fat. When it came to females, I was just disgusting to them. It was so unlikely that I could get a partner, that I literally didn't see it as an option.
But things have changed. Now I'm jacked. Like top 2% of the population if not better. I'm also a couple of classes from an engineering degree. Oh things have changed.
To see how repulsive I was when I was young compared to how much attention I get now is just night and day. But it's what left me to feel jaded. It made me realize that they really won't care about me.
There's a saying that has always rung true with my circumstances. Females are waiting to pick the males at the finish line. This effectively sums up my experiences with females.
You are absolutely right bro 💯 and don't forget this"it's not yours it's only your turn"😂😂😂👍👍👍💪💪💪
@@simonlul9504 Too true. Why play if you're bound to lose? Some at people make money at the casino, but so many are destroyed as a consequence. I'd rather not place bets and put my money in things I can affect.
You know how the world works now and at a stage in your life where you can take maximum advantage. Stay true yourself, and make the life you want, remember you are the master of your future.
Im at the same age as you and i have never been in a relationship. Had several women have interest in me before but my instincts told me to go solo
The one women would I did not really find super attractive was the best women for me.
She was happy just to be with me.
Makes it all a lot more manageable.
Women can be so behaviorally loving in the beginning of a relationship, it can feel unreal. She's more affectionate, sexually engaging and receptive then she'll ever be again. Ever. Swimming in the bliss-filled sensual ether with a sexually-enthusiastic woman is so effective in getting us men hooked, we can be blinded to just how imprinting this is in our psyche. And when she starts to predictably, slowly pull away emotionally and sexually, we men can enter a state of dread and hope-fed denial that's stunning to the objective observer(s). We're so completely hooked, so myopically self-deluded...thinking if we just do X, Y, Z or whatever to get that initially loving creature back, we override our otherwise natural ability to see what's happening. The healthy solution to this situation is too painfully sobering to come to terms with: to take a step out of ourselves and acknowledge what a horribly one-sided no-win situation we're in...until it's too late. Even then, after she's gone, often we'll still look back with longing for the "good times" we had with her...in the beginning.
@@JBS2018 Thanks Brother. I hope younger men gravitate to Red Pill resources to protect themselves, but also understand the power women can exert through their sexuality. It's no joke, right? Psychologist, John Gray wrote something that made me laugh, but it also hit home: "The way to a man's heart isn't through his stomach, it's through his penis." Funny, but so true.
Can we accept that nature doesn't give a shit if we are happy or not? That "love" is just a story we tell to ourselves, but in fact it is only a rut/reproduction thing covered in gloss for our consciousness. Like with every other animal.
People don't want to accept that & so they get burned again and again.
The ugly truth or the sweet lie
Why is it bad to believe in love? Wanting to stay with and support your partner after the lust subsides that's Love. I assume most of you never get past the 1st part
@@bgrego88
C'mon, is it the best shot you have - shaming?
"... after the lust subsides that's Love"
you know that's exactly the story we tell to ourselves
but it is just a story
@@joeber3869 I wasn't really trying to shame you just my opinion, if love isn't real how come some people stay together forever? If you know something I'm open to listen
One of your best. This will be Red Pill canonical content
Regarding the death of relationships, I think this is one reason it's much harder for men to recover - they're the ones who invest a lot more into the romantic relationship; not just in terms of money/time, but also all of the endurance of S-tests, maintenance of a facade, getting separated from friends and so on.
Imagine you craft an object with your own bare hands, give it to someone and they burn it in front of your eyes or they give you no choice but to smash it to pieces yourself.
And I agree - as painful as this may be, we shouldn't overlook the pain during the other "phases". Especially in the case of people who spend all life chasing a mirage.
Two of the women I've lost in love betrayed me. And both affected me deeply. And for both, I decided that it would have been much easier if they'd died suddenly, when I didn't know they'd betrayed me, before I found out, and that I'd lost them when I still believed they loved me. The answer to the question depends on when you ask it and what your relationship status is. If you just got dumped, it's better to have never loved at all.
I got married and I bought the most beautiful house on the block, in the nicest neighborhood in the entire city. I paid for everything. I was raising her son as my own and would drop him off to school, play with him, watch cartoons with him and be there every night when we'd read bedtime stories. He viewed me as his dad. Her tire blew out while driving, I came and changed the tire and I took her car and replaced all 4 tires. I paid for her sons private school costs when she got called saying her account got declined. Once I got hurt at work and was on leave of absence (while still having the money to keep up our lifestyle) I discovered she'd been having an emotional affair with her married boss (she works remotely) and they were planning on getting together in person. Kicked her out and got a divorce and just moved back to my home state. Starting to get my life together now, but what a nightmare that was.
This is spot on. Speaking from experience, one of the aspects of loving and having it end is that it almost always feels as if it was a waste. And as a man, we want to see something tangible for our investment. And when we put so much of ourselves into someone and have it ripped away, the feeling that it was all for nothing is absolutely demoralizing.
Nietzsche: God is dead
HuMAN: Love is dead
Very well said. Nicely done.
Both never existed.
Religion is excellent stuff for keeping common people quiet. Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.
Napoleon Bonaparte
"Religion was invented when the first con man met the first fool".
Mark Twain.
"It's easier to fool someone, than it is to convince them they have been fooled".
Mark Twain.
"There is something feeble and a little contemptible about a man who can not face the perils of life without the help of comfortable myths. Almost inevitably some part of him is aware that they are myths and that he believes them only because they are comforting. But he dare not face this thought! Moreover, since he is aware, however dimly, that his opinions are not rational, he becomes furious when they are disputed."
-Bertrand Russell
Human society in Ethics and Politics (1954)
@@jfphotography69 Both are the same and the only thing that really exists, all else is the illusion, all vainglory and human ambition. The soul alone becomes, and this fact the world hates, the world of women, the world of material.
@Jerry Andersen delusions are not reality, no matter how hard you want them to be.
@Jerry Andersen
Maybe the problem is that every verb has spirit and you cannot see it, but my saying so will not help you from your stubborn insistence on matter.
Not everything that matters is important, and some things of the utmost importance do not matter, or that is they have no physical form.
You remind me of cosmologist who insist gravity is the dominant force in the universe and cannot admit to interstellar unseen electric currents, but many researchers exists who do purport plasma cosmology and can explain things usually explained by "dark matter" using electromagnetics.
The soul is the electrical phenomenon in the body. You can measure the existence of the force it exerts on matter, but you cannot see it without it changing to something else, like in Heisenberg electron experiments.
My writing here is evidence of a soul in nature, my will represented in these symbols of consciousness we call words. But, my soul itself requires faith and self-trust in your own soul to believe.
"I have learned that I cannot dispose of other people’s facts; but I possess such a key to my own, as persuades me against all their denials, that they also have a key to theirs. " Emerson
Of course, your ego will persist in your duplicity and as long as others will feed your pride in your deceptive belief that "matter is all that matters and that's what's important" you will likely continue to deny that there exist any energy of presence (pre-sense) in the world and it is all particular particulates. For you see, no one else, no secondary testimony, can affirm the existence of primary pre-sensory presence, only the primary can see that "I am that am". Thus, it will always be open to you to give the soul the lie, and you may be materially rewarded for it all the more.
When I invest in the stock market I intend to hold that stock forever. If the company isn't performing well I sell and use the money to invest in another company. Women seem to think of men the same way.
Top comment. Thank you for your contribution.
But woman will never see the wall approaching so it's a big difference 😁
@Jerry Andersen You're so right! It's just like winning the lottery. All you have to do is select the six winning numbers.
Thats the Swipe NEXT mentality that is heavily dominate today
Amen Brother - I have done both - went all in in Love/Marriage - and went to War and lost Brothers - 0ver 10 years later it hurts just as bad
The movie "Mandy" is a good allegorical tale of the death of romantic love from a man's perspective.
all hail One True God, Nic Cage.
Wow...this video showed up on my recommended list at an interesting time. For starters I have never been in a relationship, and having lost my virginity at a late age, neither have helped in my understanding of love and relationships. Now, having just recently turned 31, I find myself trying to understand all of my failed pursuits throughout my life thus far, in this particular case, women.
As the years have gone on and we see so much changing within dating culture, and the polarization between the sexes, it has made me feel lost in my feeble attempts at finding and experiencing love for the first time. I have for the past year wondered if I will ever find love even once in my life. I suppose as the years have gone on since I graduated from high school and I have seen many of my dreams slip through my fingers I thought that maybe the path of a family man was guaranteed to give myself meaning and fulfillment. Once again, the reality of life has showed me that nothing is guaranteed in life except birth and death.
I recently just closed a dating app that I was on, having tried all of them for the past 8 years and only managed 3 dates in that time. I even moved for work to the city and thought that maybe my chances of at least dating more would improve but to no avail. I do wonder if this is to be my existence for the next 31 years of my life. I say that it is far better to have loved and lost. Take it from someone who has never loved at all.
It's not you it's the western world going through a major identity crisis and shallowness engulfing the people, would suggest travelling the world and see if your chances change
At least now i know first hand that the sex just isnt worth the tradeoff. If had never had it that might still really bother me.
It’s truly a cycle of unhappiness when it comes to having a relationship with a modern woman. The way to break it is to learn to enjoy YOU.
Not money, not stuff but loving yourself and making YOU the number one priority is the best way to be happy.
Ever since i’ve been divorced and gotten professional help i’ve never felt better physically and mentally.
Love yourself gentlemen you deserve it.
I agree with you 100% we men are the price like" Steve McQueen" said that once I live for myself and answer to nobody.👍👍👍💪💪💪
Trust isn't the only thing similar to a mirror. So is the man's heart. After you break it, you can patch it all you want, but the cracks are still there. And the figure staring back at you is that of a broken man.
"Love" is a Western Fantasy construct Similar to Happiness, Based on Hope, beLIEf of Being the Exception & and Wishful Thinking.
In the East the Concept of "love" is Replaced with Value & Usefullness. Word like "Dearest & Dear John" literally stems from Expensive... "expensive John", meaning Worthy.
I feel like this is the only way to expess your emotions as a man anymore. To the masses. To other male friends. But never to the female closest to you because it makes them think your weak and soft.
Keeping a masculine frame is utterly exhausting.
"It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." Yeah, maybe with your car!
The end of a relationship for a man is worse than death. Death is a clean break. Separation is like slowly removing a scab to early. I am glad she left and I feel sorry for all the others she has thrown in her wake. My ex's next husband said 'women leave it's just what they do' lots of wisdom in his statement. I was happy with my Fbuddies and it was fun and no feelings. But as I age I feel I have been betrayed by the social norm of today. Looking at the future it seems bleak for the young. Maybe this will come full circle for the ones born today. I can only pray it does.
I wasn't in a relationship in more than 10 years and I'm reaching 30s soon. I had only 3 short relationships in late teens then got into addictions like smoking weed, playing video games, going to parties and doing some ecstasy, enjoying every bit of this careless lifestyle for couple years and then I started working out, have a job, still playing video games but casually but I'm at the point now what's next? I feel a strong pull towards new activities and meeting new people, men and women. For next 5-10 years and maybe forever I want to be this dancing Dionysus going through relationship or relationships striving for good times, more personal growth and maybe even break ups. Marriage is not on my mind at all but I am willing to go through sorting people and stick with the good ones for longer. Otherwise I am just looking at the void... doing things for myself, yeah but how much can you do it ONLY for yourself? The idea seems insane to me. As much as I want to only take now I also want to give and make new experiences with many different people. We have only one life and I definitely don't want to be laying in bed one day as an old man and think about how much I could've missed out on, the places, the food, the memories with people. I'm ready to go through many heartaches and rejections and weird situations sticking to my principles, wants and needs towards others and when that's crossed I will dip and look for next. I appreciate serenity, peace and quiet time for myself without anyone but I need some balance and spice in my life. Even as bachelors we need to put ourselves out there in the world unless you're totally obsessed with some project you're working on and it consumes you, props to you. I'm not that man unfortunately, at least now.
It's like I'm reading my life story.....trippy. On an upwards curve me thinks ✊
I'm glad I loved once, only so I know what I'm walking away from.
Everytime I got close to a woman it always emotionally ruins me when it ended. The last woman I was with incinerated whatever part of my heart remained.
It was a life time of bad decisions, life philosophies and beliefs that I painstakingly built, that could have been avoided by a ten minute talk with a man I looked up to. So yes it was worth it..... but I now have buyers remorse, and some bitterness. I still have it better than most, however I am still dismantling years of programing and grief that what I once believed (and wanted to believe) was false. Like being taught that gravity isn't real if you only believe it really hard. I am done taking leaps of faith. For temporary pleasure or for the "fairytail" of true commitment.
"If it costs me my inner peace, I can't afford it"
Thanks huMAN. Hope you are well my friend.
Ive 34 years, ive mother father grandparents, brothers sister, nephews. I can say ive never loved 1 person has ive loved my ex wife(divorced in feb). To get into contex im red phill since before i get into the internet. I got her has a project becouse well i wished to have a family. She was young introvert, and smart, different from most woman. I gave her all the knowledge, tried to make her a more logical creature, and well allowed me to experience love.
Needless to say... after we move toghter and she knew i was hooked she become just like oter woman out there, got some tattoo, wanted girls night, etc. But has a men that know the truth i just had to cut ties, sit to talk and gave her a choice, behave or get out. She pick get out, and i just told goodbye.
When i talked with my mother and sister about it the way they see love, its like we experience be inlove, its shallow and futile. And to me its exactly like youre describing i feel like someone died. Grief. had the . Denial and isolation, where i tought she would get her mind in place and come back (she want to come back but its to late for her). Anger Got angry with myself for not do more, and only who knows me personaly can understand i did to much. Bargaining, think in many ways to make it work(like dont live toghter, go back to date etc) . Depression got very sad, to the point of dream with her for months every night. Acceptance: and now i accept that i cant have the love i want, and more important i dont want to experience the pain again, if given the chance of go back i would have traded her for a younger woman when i had the chance just like i did the whole life, have fun, when its about to end change woman and enjoy the new, repeat
And its exactly like death, the last year when the change in behavior star to happen was like see someone you love die of a slow desease(mainly becouse i knew what all that was about). Before i cauth myself thinking about the good but knowing its over that person dont exist anymore.
I often find myself wishing that I had been born asexual. Life would have been so much easier and productive.
I was married for 12 years and have been divorced for 10.I’m 51 years old.
I have two brilliant lads,aged 20 and 17 respectively.They are the treasures from the shipwreck of that marriage.
That’s what I take.
Once a man has recovered from divorce he can see that the marriage was something akin to a forced labour camp or prison sentence,the pain inside the marriage is far worse than the pain after because afterwards you can just deal with yourself.
And really enjoy seeing your kids.
Really appreciate them.
The loneliness starts as soon as you learn the truth.. It's only a matter of time for the majority of men. She will betray, she will gaslight, they all cheat, eventually she will leave. If you're smart, you'll fill the void with something other than another one of them..
There's a lot of assumptions here my man. I do agree that social conditioning has us believe that love should be perfect, but often times we get the love we think we subconsciously deserve and the only thing you have in common with the women you date is you
As a man, we brave the pain because it is worth it. Each experience brings a learning lesson. If you prefer to bow out to avoid pain, I understand but being afraid of pain is not something I want.
I was abandoned by my parents, adopted by some people, spent my whole youth without friends because of these people and went travellening at 21 for 20 years. Had many casual relasihionshps then age 40 met a women in Peru and had a seven year relasionship whith her which culminated in her coming to Spain and living with me. I had never felt loney before. That was all I felt during the one and a half years we lived together.
The Steak and Eggs analogy. 👍👏
Was it better to have love and lost, than never loved at all? At least for my most recent LTR, yes. But it's a consolation prize, not the jackpot. Perfectionists mourn the loss of the perfect, during the gain of a good. And not to detract from those who were betrayed. This was a simple case of a good amount of time together, a bit of back sliding on my behalf (hers too to be fair), and ultimately she figured she could do better... maybe she could due to my own lack of actualization.
I learned a lot -- about what to look for and what not to look for. For who I want to be differently, and observations of who I became in such a context. Now I know things about who I want to become, and patterns I want to avoid, and things I'll do differently next time around.
You're spot on, i find no lies from your mouth. This has been my experience in my 74.8 yrs. Each day in a relationship has an element of the unknown. This is very draining and the female causes this, in 85% of relationships, whatever the Queen feels like, good or bad, is what you have to deal with.
I worked with men, only, in the military, police dept.,Fire dept. And i never wondered what kind of mood a man is in.... And it never mattered what was happening, the men were steady state and focused to the task at hand. Women i have given thee a name...grief merchants and joy thieves....
It’s nice to see how our comments on previous videos are feeding your thought train and in turn giving you the subjects to explore in the subsequent videos.
Cheers hu, see you soon.
I'm divorced and have 2 beautiful kids with my ex-wife. After break-up the sky fell on my head... but it forced me to change and I became a better version of myself, because I had to learn to live alone and to support the kids. I never wanted to have children when I was young. Today at 41 I'm so happy that I have kids and that I can see and take care of them. I also have to say that I have "the best ex-wife" you possibly can have. We understand and respect each other. Happy to live like this, but it is veeeeery hard to find a meaningfull relationship and to fall in love (again). Thank you for your high quality content.
Im Staying single.
I’m my own worst enemy , I can’t see a relationship going wrong , and I tend to stick with it
I totally agree with Crimson! My pain is still there and it’s been 4 years since my breakup. Great video!
When i think about this, i feel that it's just not worth it. To invest all your emotions, time and money in something that in the end is gonna leave you misserible and empty. I guess i have been burnt to many times and I don't see the point in having a relationship anymore. Even if i sometimes are deeply longing for it.
Some people are destined to be alone for the entirety of their life. I feel for you huMan.
Recently the girl I had crushed on in HS and I got together. When I met her originally in high school, she had been an exchange student from Japan, and she barely knew any English. She was undeniably the most thoughtful, attractive, kind, and quiet girl I had met at the time, so when I graduated University I was inspired to move to Japan for a year in 2011 because of the impression of Japanese people that she had left on me. In mid-2019 we resumed contact and decided to make long distance work. She came to Toronto over the holiday season and we had an amazing 2 weeks of passion and excitement together and vowed to make the relationship work until the next time we saw each other.
... Then Covid came.
It seems like crisis’ have a certain way of exposing peoples true motives, doesn’t it? Suddenly, at a distance, she was talking about wanting to make personal life choices without me. She was talking about only including me in these life choices if I could bring this and this to the table. She started talking to other men. She started ignoring me intermittently. She became depressed. She started cutting herself. She would call and cry for hours on end. She blamed me for convincing her to go back to be with her parents during a pandemic (seriously?). Suddenly, I was a bad guy, and the pitfalls of her life was my fault and I was holding her back.
And in an instant, I saw the real side of her; An achingly beautiful beauty-pageant winner who was spoiled, used to men with money, used to her own personal freedom, wanted what she wanted and was angry that Covid had taken all of that away from her.
I broke up with her.
It hurts to think that this woman that I had held to such a high standard for so long - someone who inspired me so much - had not been who I thought she was. In a way, I resent her, sure. But more than anything, I resent myself for being so naive. I’ve been very fortunate with women, and I knew better... I just wanted to believe that there were still good women out there, and most importantly, *I wanted to believe that she was one.*
Alas, I’m thankful that she re-awoke me to the reality I knew before her and I got reacquainted. Next time I won’t be so naive.
Interesting comment, because I can relate to some degree. But I was in a four year relationship and engaged. We had a happy relationship until I needed to be quarentined since I live with my parents. So I couldn't see her for two months and half. She started to have weird behaviors and one week before my birthday she left me. While I was missing her and was longing for being with her again, she was planning her way out of the relationship. That lockdown thing also made everything worse, I was still quarentined when I knew she started a new relationship. I felt like every single day someone was stabbing a knife on my back. One year after, the pain still lingers on me, but it's slowly fading. Anyways, that scar will stay on me.
Men dream of realations , women go through ... continuous seeking the new old feeling of what she thinks love is .Hamster wheel , rat race at your home . Enough the outside one . Why , no point in my sanctuary . Tiresome rut.
Very sad but perfectly said.
A good point. The pain of being alone and the pain of being alone in the marriage. After taking her to Tahiti for the honeymoon, back at our jobs she elected to go for an accelerated masters degree. I didn’t see her for a year and a half and the die was cast. My role was to provide a life she could never have provided for herself, and her role was to pursue her career and her advancement, and contribute nothing to home and hearth, either financially or otherwise. Whenever I needed what used to be thought of as a wife to help me provide there was no one there. To point this out was considered misogynist by her, her friends, and the culture. I’m happier on my own now. I’d just like all the money I wasted on it all back, oh, and the time. Being alone now isn’t painful but rewarding. I gather that was the lesson I needed to learn.
Wow, huge question - but I never thought of it. Now you've really got me thinking Human - thank you!
This is spot on. If only I came across this 10 years ago