I really understand that, feeling like no-one really knows the real me. I feel like I have to express myself through art on a stage because it feels so hard to converse with people at a bar or a loud environment so I don't have lots of conversations with people even though I want to. I'm a workaholic when it comes to my art, writing my comedy to be ready for open mic nights every week and writing lyrics. I think being a workaholic comes from spending so much time alone though and with the smartphones being common everywhere now, it feels difficult to meet people like people met in the past eras. I even felt university was boring socially because it seemed like there was never any time to talk aside from theater class. It's sad to say that work and school feels very isolating and I have to go to art events or just go shopping or coffee to feel like I'm actually having an interaction with people. Oh my god! That feels so true for me, that I prefer good quality friends who are honest, kind and respectful and if I meet people who are rude, I will quickly write them off as never having friendship potential. I think it goes back to having been bullied as a kid in elementary school and middle school and just not being sure who I can trust. I also despise small talk. I hate talking about jobs and lame life stuff. I prefer deep conversations about the universe. I guess that makes me odd.
Something that helped me is realizing what small talk is actually communicating. When you ask somebody how there day has been, you are actually asking them if they'd be interested in chatting. If they respond good ig. They are telling you no, I'd like to be left to my self rn.
I've always felt like I've had to intellectually lower myself in order to "fit in" with my peers. It worked in school, but at 29 it's inconvenient. I look back now and believe that I was a very intelligent UNDERachiever because of the mental & social boundaries I had to place upon myself. Frustrating... but I'm finally reconstructing my approach to life. It's okay to think AND feel at the same time.
hello, i am autistic and i relate to a lot of your experiences!!! autism presents in a whole bunch of different ways and the ones in media are often limited and stereotypical. great video and definitely keep doing research into autism!
I really relate to all of this! Although I wouldn't really consider myself as intelligent, and relate more to being a "perfectionist"? I used to get high grades, be a high achiever - but somewhere along the way it flipped, and instead of an anxious drive to strive for higher, it ended up paralyzing me and prevented me from even getting started, because if it wasn't perfect the moment I did it, then I saw it as a failure. I then ironically actually did end up failing courses because I was so scared of being wrong, of my work not being good enough, and being judged for it lol. Especially when I compared myself to others, I always thought they were super intelligent, super sociable, really nice, and I kinda felt like nothing I could do could ever be enough to match whatever other people had. I think all of that was the cost of me tying my confidence and identity to my achievements, and making it into an all-or-nothing situation. I ended up still having the same problems because I saw social situations as the same way, but now without the achievements to show for it. Now I'm trying to find a balance for how much I work/study and to shift my self-worth to other things so I don't put so much pressure on myself when I make a "mistake", and trust that I'll find people who like me for who I am without subconsciously curating a "perfect" persona I think they'd like.
Hey, intelligence doesn't just mean getting good grades, it's a whole spectrum of different avenues ( you may look them up). I know some gamers around me who I consider highly smart for their age, their brains work so fast imo.
Moreover, I consider myself boring too, just for others ( I hate random convos with people so I just don't communicate that well socially). You don't have to be what others want you to be, just dgaf😂😂 They have too much time and energy to psychoanalyze you and make half-assed judgments when they should be judging their character.
I wish all people who use generic terms like highly sensitive, hyper intellectual, Over thinker, introverted, perceptive, introspective, self conscious, over analyzing etc.get tested for autism because most of things you know about autism are misconceptions that’s why you use those terms instead. The diagnosis is a nice closure. It’s like a compassionate tap on your shoulder to stop being so harsh on yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Your anxiety and depressions are just side effects of you being a bird living in the water. The diagnosis would combined all those unrelated adjectives you use to describe yourself sometimes positively and sometimes negatively in one term that has neurological explanation. Viewing all my life events in the light of this diagnosis is both traumatic and healing. Tremendous sense of injustice for how unfairly you were treated and a sigh of relief that you now know the words to explain why, and how you feel and act differently.
Omg I feel like Christina is describing my life in a nutshell!! I am so happy I am not the only one in this. I also felt like coming to med school I would meet people who are obsessed with work but not everyone is like that and surely some are. But I feel all the people who are tend to be reserved like us!!
I feel very seen from this video. Since all my teachers have remarked on how intelligent I am, I think I believe it. I always do well in school and work hard, but being intelligent and autistic makes me feel like such an alien compared to other people. I'm naturally extremely curious and I can get 100s on physics tests, but I consistently fail at social interaction, so people think I'm not that smart. After being treated like everything you do is wrong, you start to doubt your own intelligence and believe you're the only one who struggles like this. I'm speaking too softly, I'm not making eye contact, I dress weirdly, I act weirdly, my interests are all cringe, I'm cringe, I don't emote enough, I should have known what they meant when they didn't tell me, All of it makes you feel like you're inherently a lesser person for not being like the majority. I started my senior year of high school today, and I really hope I can become confident in myself, even if only a little. Thank you for this video, I think it really helped me.
I really appreciate the video. As a young adult who comes from a gifted family, it's kind of difficult for me to fit in my class, but on the contrary, I totally bloom up around other groups, especially my friends. I guess it's just my lack of interest in social media trends and that I just am quiet and have more quiet hobbies. It's okay though, I'm confident in it and I'm going to stay kind as always whether or not I'll find friends in my class. Besides, i get along with my seat neighbor
16:47 You were spot on about my preference for quality friendships over quantity, I did meet like- 1 bestie for life who respects, cares and supports me for the person I am (which I am and will forever be grateful to have her in my life), and I also met 3 to 4 good friends in my school which is already more than enough for me. Besides, the thought of having a lot of friends feels tiring, because my social battery drains soooo quickly (except for my bestie tho, she boosts my social battery straight to 100% ❤).
I totally relate to this, even my closest friends say i’m ‘boring’ or ‘you act like a ‘millennial’ just because I don’t fit with the typically conversations of boys or admiring celebrity crushes. I used to be in a massive friendship group but things were ALWAYS toxic so I cut off everyone even tho it was nothing personal. I am proud I did and now I have 3 decent friends. Despite this, I enjoy being alone because no one is there to disrupt me make me feel bad about myself. As a high a achiever and about to do my GCSEs, I have considered people as a ‘waste of time’. Just because they wont be there to help me during the exam or when I get ur dream job. Everything begins from your own actions. Even tho I have close friends I have never had a ‘best friend’ who I share EVERYTHING with. People come and go, you just detach as time goes on. So being happy in my own environment feel great to me. However, I will try my best to be a bit more social but THANK YOU for these type of videos !!!! 🫶🏾
I’m diagnosed with autism and adhd and this resonates with me a lot. Academically intelligent, but socially anxious. I over-analyse every single thing in existence, including social situations. I have never fitted in to a group apart from online friendship groups who share my special interests and are a similar nature to me. I’m a recent subscriber and love your videos and what you have to say 😊
Listening to you speak, you essentially are me and exactly the way I was and how I have grown yet carried on being socially stunted or "awkward". Yeah, you compare yourself to others. You know you are intelligent, you dedicate yourself more to your studies or work than you do to socialization! Yet you realize you are stupid when it comes to social intelligence. Others mock you and call you an adult child. Yet, you excel in your studies or at your job more so than they do and I suppose it is a jealousy thing. I get you Christina and I have suspected for the longest time that I am on the autism spectrum. Can not date "normal" even at my age and lack the experience for success and now my generation acting as badly as Generation-Z in the dating scene. Thanks for the video. It is nice to know I am not the only one of my kind out there.
i think the main problem with this tip of "don't think, just feel how you feel, be in the moment!" is that i'm either introverted as all hell or just straight up anti-social because how i'm feeling in any social interaction is "i would rather not be having this social interaction."
In a social setting I tend to worry about going into a topic too deep. Others will already be done with the topic, but i'm actually still not done with it. So I've tought myself to let it slide for sake of not boring/irritating people. I'm pretty opinionated though....and have been told I can come across very ...i'm trying to find a good work for it...intense/intimidating? So i've come to realize that if I don't say things, I do it to keep the mood light. (My brand of humor can get dark, it's reserved for a certain crowd and the right comedic timing.) Interesting that you mention it, I generally don't try to fit in a conversation.....I try to find a confersation that matches me where I could belong. Still you really have to test the waters to find a place to belong.
I only ever got along with my teachers in school, my classmates couldn't hold a conversation about books or any movie older than 1994. Wished desperately it was otherwise, but adult life has served me better.
As far as I know the introverted-extroverted phenotypes are not correlated with intelligence, which also matches my experience. I would also bet that we don't observe all combinations equally in our daily life, even though they exist. Sure, a focus on your work may make you less social, but the same is true for a working-class person requiring two jobs to make ends meet. Small talk requires quite a bit of skill and cultural awareness. As far as hiding who you are, it's something that you will have to do in your professional life. I've had people working for me who didn't have that barrier, and it leads to quite a bit of controversy, as people may not like to engage with the real you. A civilized society implies that you don't pester people with problems that are not theirs.
I'm surprised by how many of these points cross my mind on a daily basis. Apart from a couple close friends, I usually calculate my small talk to avoid mentioning too much about my hobbies or interests that most "normal" people couldn't relate to. Even when a conversation felt like it went well, I know I was being a shallow, curated version of myself for the sake of avoiding any potential awkwardness. Simply not engaging with coworkers ALWAYS feels like the easy/better option, but I still chat them up to avoid the shame of being seen as boring or unsociable. This is in spite of the fact I know damn well I don't care what people think of me in my own free time, it's just part to my constant overthinking!
Girl, don’t feel shamed about watching reality TV. I love science, philosophy, literature AND Selling Sunset. Eating McDonalds once in a blue moon doesn’t make you a slob with a bad diet. Much like watching a little bit of fast food TV isn’t going to make you into a moron. Not everything we consume needs to be highbrow and it’s pretentious for someone to suggest the contrary.
*grape* and I LOVE Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata so I am STOKED to see it in the video. But I have had quite a few interactions as an Autistic person that could have benefited from a bit more thinking than masking but ohh well.
I was never a high achiever when it came to grades and school work. It never really felt like the education system was geared towards fostering a sense of curiosity, creativity or critical thinking. All the information that I can remember are things that I’ve actively sought out to learn by myself. If I can’t focus on something that interests me, all of that information goes nowhere.
I just don’t wanna be judged for my weird hobbies. I’ve had my clock collecting hobby judged and called “weird” before, so I hesitate in showing that side of myself. I have people on the internet that share my interests but not in real life. Hence why it’s harder to socialize in real life, either that or I’ve settled on the internet so I’ve quit trying to share my interests in real life.
I feel called out, so I will add sth from myself 😅 So I always wanted have friends, I envied my brother, that he can talk with so many people. I was really trying to find out, what girls in my class like but it was really hard. Most of the time I heard about cosmetisc, clothes, going out with friends, travelling, going on a party, boyfried. The only thing I could ask about was travelling, yet, they could only say "it was cool". During this I had a friend and acquaitances, but unfortunately I had to stop talking with that friend, because of her I was mentally drained. Then I went at the university (present). I was happy that I had 2 friends and I was really talking with them, but once again one of them, became a little bit tiring (when she was talking I listened, but when I was talking she was watching tiktok, ignoring requests, warnings etc. Also if I asked her abot anime she recently watched, she said "it was nice", that's all). Now I have only that one friend, who really listen, 1 chilhood friend, who know me but I feel like we are getting further apart, 2 brothers, 2 internet friends (we play only games nothing more). I really want to talk with people, but I don't want to force myself or fake, that I am intrested in fashion or boys. And last thing, my brother said to me without thinking "you said that you different from our brother, yet you are doing the same". NO I am not. I really want to go out, I am not worried of spending money to meet somebody like him. Ngl I am lonely but I also don't want to be ridiculed...
It's amazing how to hit the nail for me! you just summed it all up. I don't know if it's related or if it's just overlapping but I recently found out I might have ASD (undiagnosed yet), but maybe it's also because of that?
There’s a tremendous gulf between people who are strictly products of compulsory mass schooling and those who benefited from highly selective educational institutions such as the more selective state universities as a starting point. So we’re talking about the top 5% of the population versus the masses of dull normal people who are largely allergic to reading and couldn’t write a good essay if their lives depended on it so they don’t want to be bothered by the details no matter the topic.
It's funny, because now I can do the effortless just go with the flow in a professional setting when I'm in my professional role but I can't do it when I'm just being me and in a social non-professional setting
High IQ, Knowledge, being a high achiever and overthinking are all different things. It is interesting that in some aspect, I am similar to you and it still turns out completely different in practice. I have an IQ of around 130. So I just about left the midwit range, but I have not entered the domain of the actually smart people. I love to make those deep dives on RUclips or even buy books from experts. I also think a lot about all my actions. I also don't like the small talk. Where I'm different is that peer pressure doesn't work as much on me. With that I also mean that if I don't seek approval as much from my social environment. I also have no real masking to speak off. I still try to have conversations in topics of overlapping interests, but that doesn't really count as masking. I still think a lot about how to have conversations and how to be well received. But it is more about the motivation that the others enjoy conversations with me and that I'm not making things difficult for them. When it comes to overthinking I would say the definition is along the way of analyzing a problem in a way that it prevents you from taking actions you wanted to take. But in my case it my "overthinking" is more along the lines of reflecting on my past actions. Usually I'm either in thinking mode or in socializing mode. If my brain is occupied with interacting with people, I can't focus on more complex things. If someone asks me to think about something, I just stare at them with this black look, count to 7 and then say nothing comes to mind. For one I can't focus when I feel observed but I also already made all connections with the available information. So asking me to think about it is pretty pointless. I never was an overachiever. I get along with people. I quickly get the gist of things. But I have brainfog and I am not competitive. I never identified myself through my intellect. Partially because I was often only slightly above average when it comes to grades, but also because I like to listen to people who are smarter than me. So I bias my environment in a way that I'm better than some, but also worse than others. When it comes to being alone then I'm the master of the grey stone method. Everybody get's along with me, but nobody asks about me. This is great to keep out unwanted attention, but every social contact is up to myself and this also sometimes makes you question why nobody is interested enough in you to initiate some form of contact. By now I managed to change that a little, but it still is largely present. To be honest, I prefer being alone for most of my freetime. Life is much more quiet that way and I can follow my interests and recharge my social battery. And once I'm among people again then I get along with everybody again. But that is also in conflict with my desire to have a family at some point. I guess the point of my comment was to show that smartness is not a single scale from dumb to smart and all smart people are similar in their thinking patterns.
I love your channel. I can relate to so much of what you say, as someone in my mid 20s who graduated an Ivy League school, and is now earning 300k. It has always been hard for me, especially as a black male, to find people I really relate to. And as someone who naturally leans more extroverted, learning how to consider emoyions and keep my controversial opinions to myself was hard for me 😂
This is going to sound spergy, but perceiving social interactions through heavy philosophical materialism and evolutionary psychology lenses helped me overcome much of the social anxiety. If we're all just dumb apes and collections of atoms bumbling about through this thing called 'life', why would I allow my subconscious comparisons to others make me anxious? Let that become conscious and see how ridiculous it is. Maybe a form of nihilism to perceive like this, which has its draw-backs in terms of creating apathy. Still working on re-integrating inspiration. The materialism and psychology lenses are rough. You begin to see why humans have always carried around religion and spirituality to cope with existing.
But the whole point of being smart is solving problems. I find it weird how smart people who claim that their weakness is social anxiety won't consider it an exciting problem to be conquered.
Orwell was right. I've never seen a generation so much at ease with telling the world how awkward they are about everything. Big Brother is probably wishing for a vacation by now. Social media was invented be a voluntary observation tool.
When you say "smart" or "intelligent", I'd say "someone with slow cognitive tempo" Being intelligent is not the same as being overthinker or making decisions slowly. To an extent slow cognitive tempo is a strategy to compensate for lack of intelligence, you aren't as smart as others, so you need to take longer to make decisions others, smarter people, would've made quicker.
I'd disgree on the point of overthinking being making one descision slowly, its making several descisions back to back to try and avoid conflict, overthinking doesnt make someone more or less intellegent (I also find the implication overthinking makes one less intellegent by extention to be innacurate as overthinking is usually caused by having gone through negative experiences in the past, and could be used to shame people, to clarify I don't think that is your intention though) In my eyes being intellegent means you can go through more overthinking decision trees faster, so it makes overthinking worse
@unluckystaravia2352 What you said is not grounded in fact. Overthinking is not something that "unintelligent" people do. In fact, what they do is refuse to think in the first place. They prefer an empty mind. Some people that take longer to make decisions are being calculating and taking educated risks. Being impulsive is foolish. People make quick judgements based off their history. If it is smart, cool. If it is stupid, well I know where speed is not everything and may cost you, your life.
i honestly think i am 😭 i just read finished a book called Unmasking Autism, and it felt like the author was describing me at some points so many traits 😂 I thought I was just socially awkward, but i realised in the book they're actually masking autistic traits
My twin brother has always told me, notwear this our dont walk like that Imean ok bitch hahsh, he has always thought what ppl think about him im the oppiset Idc about others opinion if im wired to them and they say mean things I just ok and, shoulden't you ask your mother to see if you can use those words child😂😂😂😂😂 And i wil say my humor is my best strenght So when my brother tells me do not wear that our dont walk like that i say ok i dont dress for others i dress for me And i have cp so i can't help it😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅
Wait. You're a dog speaking on innuendo. I don't think anyone cares about your self-disrespecting of your abused appendage. There are billions of videos to watch. Why are you here?
Nah I'm fked. I have TWO friends aside from my own sister. One of them I talk to once a month, one, once a week. But yeah, they're both in med school and I'm in law school 🫶
I literally discovered this queen and I’m obsessed with her. I’m going to 10th grade and I wanted to change my nerdy antisocial book reading in a corner girl to a kinda nerdy but social girl and I love how you literally list our problems and find soo good solutions! I have to take my personality around so many people because I’m afraid to not be accepted as I want to be and you make me have that confidence I need. Tysm for literally appearing and changing my life girlie 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼 Will the queen notice me?
I really understand that, feeling like no-one really knows the real me. I feel like I have to express myself through art on a stage because it feels so hard to converse with people at a bar or a loud environment so I don't have lots of conversations with people even though I want to. I'm a workaholic when it comes to my art, writing my comedy to be ready for open mic nights every week and writing lyrics. I think being a workaholic comes from spending so much time alone though and with the smartphones being common everywhere now, it feels difficult to meet people like people met in the past eras. I even felt university was boring socially because it seemed like there was never any time to talk aside from theater class. It's sad to say that work and school feels very isolating and I have to go to art events or just go shopping or coffee to feel like I'm actually having an interaction with people. Oh my god! That feels so true for me, that I prefer good quality friends who are honest, kind and respectful and if I meet people who are rude, I will quickly write them off as never having friendship potential. I think it goes back to having been bullied as a kid in elementary school and middle school and just not being sure who I can trust. I also despise small talk. I hate talking about jobs and lame life stuff. I prefer deep conversations about the universe. I guess that makes me odd.
i feel you, i relate to a lot of this, especially the stemming from bullying in school part
@@ChristinaAaliyahI really like you Christina you’re very pretty and kind
OMG ARE YOU ME??? 😲
Something that helped me is realizing what small talk is actually communicating. When you ask somebody how there day has been, you are actually asking them if they'd be interested in chatting. If they respond good ig. They are telling you no, I'd like to be left to my self rn.
Seems like an uncanny valley situation. You’re close enough to “normal” but something is off.
I've always felt like I've had to intellectually lower myself in order to "fit in" with my peers. It worked in school, but at 29 it's inconvenient. I look back now and believe that I was a very intelligent UNDERachiever because of the mental & social boundaries I had to place upon myself. Frustrating... but I'm finally reconstructing my approach to life. It's okay to think AND feel at the same time.
hello, i am autistic and i relate to a lot of your experiences!!! autism presents in a whole bunch of different ways and the ones in media are often limited and stereotypical. great video and definitely keep doing research into autism!
Same. Though I was more considered a bad Student.
I was actually going to make a joke about “your not boring your autistic”
learning so much in therapy rn about just being present and not attaching moral weight to thoughts and let me tell you it feels revolutionary
but you're white, how are you not smart
I really relate to all of this! Although I wouldn't really consider myself as intelligent, and relate more to being a "perfectionist"? I used to get high grades, be a high achiever - but somewhere along the way it flipped, and instead of an anxious drive to strive for higher, it ended up paralyzing me and prevented me from even getting started, because if it wasn't perfect the moment I did it, then I saw it as a failure. I then ironically actually did end up failing courses because I was so scared of being wrong, of my work not being good enough, and being judged for it lol. Especially when I compared myself to others, I always thought they were super intelligent, super sociable, really nice, and I kinda felt like nothing I could do could ever be enough to match whatever other people had. I think all of that was the cost of me tying my confidence and identity to my achievements, and making it into an all-or-nothing situation. I ended up still having the same problems because I saw social situations as the same way, but now without the achievements to show for it. Now I'm trying to find a balance for how much I work/study and to shift my self-worth to other things so I don't put so much pressure on myself when I make a "mistake", and trust that I'll find people who like me for who I am without subconsciously curating a "perfect" persona I think they'd like.
That’s probably masking. Creating different personas to appeal others in a unique way to each one another
i feel u on this one
As a boring person myself who spends my weekends gaming and rotting in my room, I must say I am NOT intelligent
Hey, intelligence doesn't just mean getting good grades, it's a whole spectrum of different avenues ( you may look them up). I know some gamers around me who I consider highly smart for their age, their brains work so fast imo.
Moreover, I consider myself boring too, just for others ( I hate random convos with people so I just don't communicate that well socially). You don't have to be what others want you to be, just dgaf😂😂 They have too much time and energy to psychoanalyze you and make half-assed judgments when they should be judging their character.
I wish all people who use generic terms like highly sensitive, hyper intellectual, Over thinker, introverted, perceptive, introspective, self conscious, over analyzing etc.get tested for autism because most of things you know about autism are misconceptions that’s why you use those terms instead. The diagnosis is a nice closure. It’s like a compassionate tap on your shoulder to stop being so harsh on yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Your anxiety and depressions are just side effects of you being a bird living in the water. The diagnosis would combined all those unrelated adjectives you use to describe yourself sometimes positively and sometimes negatively in one term that has neurological explanation. Viewing all my life events in the light of this diagnosis is both traumatic and healing. Tremendous sense of injustice for how unfairly you were treated and a sigh of relief that you now know the words to explain why, and how you feel and act differently.
but you're white, how are not smart
Omg I feel like Christina is describing my life in a nutshell!! I am so happy I am not the only one in this. I also felt like coming to med school I would meet people who are obsessed with work but not everyone is like that and surely some are. But I feel all the people who are tend to be reserved like us!!
I feel very seen from this video. Since all my teachers have remarked on how intelligent I am, I think I believe it. I always do well in school and work hard, but being intelligent and autistic makes me feel like such an alien compared to other people. I'm naturally extremely curious and I can get 100s on physics tests, but I consistently fail at social interaction, so people think I'm not that smart. After being treated like everything you do is wrong, you start to doubt your own intelligence and believe you're the only one who struggles like this.
I'm speaking too softly, I'm not making eye contact, I dress weirdly, I act weirdly, my interests are all cringe, I'm cringe, I don't emote enough, I should have known what they meant when they didn't tell me, All of it makes you feel like you're inherently a lesser person for not being like the majority.
I started my senior year of high school today, and I really hope I can become confident in myself, even if only a little. Thank you for this video, I think it really helped me.
I really appreciate the video. As a young adult who comes from a gifted family, it's kind of difficult for me to fit in my class, but on the contrary, I totally bloom up around other groups, especially my friends. I guess it's just my lack of interest in social media trends and that I just am quiet and have more quiet hobbies. It's okay though, I'm confident in it and I'm going to stay kind as always whether or not I'll find friends in my class. Besides, i get along with my seat neighbor
16:47 You were spot on about my preference for quality friendships over quantity, I did meet like- 1 bestie for life who respects, cares and supports me for the person I am (which I am and will forever be grateful to have her in my life), and I also met 3 to 4 good friends in my school which is already more than enough for me.
Besides, the thought of having a lot of friends feels tiring, because my social battery drains soooo quickly (except for my bestie tho, she boosts my social battery straight to 100% ❤).
I totally relate to this, even my closest friends say i’m ‘boring’ or ‘you act like a ‘millennial’ just because I don’t fit with the typically conversations of boys or admiring celebrity crushes.
I used to be in a massive friendship group but things were ALWAYS toxic so I cut off everyone even tho it was nothing personal. I am proud I did and now I have 3 decent friends.
Despite this, I enjoy being alone because no one is there to disrupt me make me feel bad about myself. As a high a achiever and about to do my GCSEs, I have considered people as a ‘waste of time’. Just because they wont be there to help me during the exam or when I get ur dream job. Everything begins from your own actions. Even tho I have close friends I have never had a ‘best friend’ who I share EVERYTHING with. People come and go, you just detach as time goes on. So being happy in my own environment feel great to me. However, I will try my best to be a bit more social but THANK YOU for these type of videos !!!! 🫶🏾
I’m diagnosed with autism and adhd and this resonates with me a lot. Academically intelligent, but socially anxious. I over-analyse every single thing in existence, including social situations. I have never fitted in to a group apart from online friendship groups who share my special interests and are a similar nature to me.
I’m a recent subscriber and love your videos and what you have to say 😊
Listening to you speak, you essentially are me and exactly the way I was and how I have grown yet carried on being socially stunted or "awkward". Yeah, you compare yourself to others. You know you are intelligent, you dedicate yourself more to your studies or work than you do to socialization! Yet you realize you are stupid when it comes to social intelligence. Others mock you and call you an adult child. Yet, you excel in your studies or at your job more so than they do and I suppose it is a jealousy thing. I get you Christina and I have suspected for the longest time that I am on the autism spectrum. Can not date "normal" even at my age and lack the experience for success and now my generation acting as badly as Generation-Z in the dating scene. Thanks for the video. It is nice to know I am not the only one of my kind out there.
i think the main problem with this tip of "don't think, just feel how you feel, be in the moment!" is that i'm either introverted as all hell or just straight up anti-social because how i'm feeling in any social interaction is "i would rather not be having this social interaction."
I relate strongly with this, although I am autistic so that's pretty normal for me even around people I like if if just had a long day
In a social setting I tend to worry about going into a topic too deep. Others will already be done with the topic, but i'm actually still not done with it. So I've tought myself to let it slide for sake of not boring/irritating people. I'm pretty opinionated though....and have been told I can come across very ...i'm trying to find a good work for it...intense/intimidating?
So i've come to realize that if I don't say things, I do it to keep the mood light. (My brand of humor can get dark, it's reserved for a certain crowd and the right comedic timing.)
Interesting that you mention it, I generally don't try to fit in a conversation.....I try to find a confersation that matches me where I could belong.
Still you really have to test the waters to find a place to belong.
I only ever got along with my teachers in school, my classmates couldn't hold a conversation about books or any movie older than 1994. Wished desperately it was otherwise, but adult life has served me better.
Literally the video I needed right now, thank you so much girlie❤
anytime
As far as I know the introverted-extroverted phenotypes are not correlated with intelligence, which also matches my experience. I would also bet that we don't observe all combinations equally in our daily life, even though they exist. Sure, a focus on your work may make you less social, but the same is true for a working-class person requiring two jobs to make ends meet. Small talk requires quite a bit of skill and cultural awareness. As far as hiding who you are, it's something that you will have to do in your professional life. I've had people working for me who didn't have that barrier, and it leads to quite a bit of controversy, as people may not like to engage with the real you. A civilized society implies that you don't pester people with problems that are not theirs.
I agree with everything you stated here.
I'm surprised by how many of these points cross my mind on a daily basis. Apart from a couple close friends, I usually calculate my small talk to avoid mentioning too much about my hobbies or interests that most "normal" people couldn't relate to. Even when a conversation felt like it went well, I know I was being a shallow, curated version of myself for the sake of avoiding any potential awkwardness. Simply not engaging with coworkers ALWAYS feels like the easy/better option, but I still chat them up to avoid the shame of being seen as boring or unsociable. This is in spite of the fact I know damn well I don't care what people think of me in my own free time, it's just part to my constant overthinking!
Girl, don’t feel shamed about watching reality TV. I love science, philosophy, literature AND Selling Sunset. Eating McDonalds once in a blue moon doesn’t make you a slob with a bad diet. Much like watching a little bit of fast food TV isn’t going to make you into a moron. Not everything we consume needs to be highbrow and it’s pretentious for someone to suggest the contrary.
right!!! we are multifaceted people with many interests
What would you recommend for someone getting into philosophy?
@@WLID_A more useful skillset.
I joke but in all seriousness...
I've never related to something so much. Thank you for articulating these points so well. It made a lot of moments in my life make more sense.
*grape* and I LOVE Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata so I am STOKED to see it in the video. But I have had quite a few interactions as an Autistic person that could have benefited from a bit more thinking than masking but ohh well.
I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE MOONLIGHT SONATA TOO
I was never a high achiever when it came to grades and school work. It never really felt like the education system was geared towards fostering a sense of curiosity, creativity or critical thinking. All the information that I can remember are things that I’ve actively sought out to learn by myself. If I can’t focus on something that interests me, all of that information goes nowhere.
You DESERVE 1 Million subs!
thank you! you're so sweet
I just don’t wanna be judged for my weird hobbies. I’ve had my clock collecting hobby judged and called “weird” before, so I hesitate in showing that side of myself. I have people on the internet that share my interests but not in real life. Hence why it’s harder to socialize in real life, either that or I’ve settled on the internet so I’ve quit trying to share my interests in real life.
I feel called out, so I will add sth from myself 😅
So I always wanted have friends, I envied my brother, that he can talk with so many people. I was really trying to find out, what girls in my class like but it was really hard. Most of the time I heard about cosmetisc, clothes, going out with friends, travelling, going on a party, boyfried. The only thing I could ask about was travelling, yet, they could only say "it was cool". During this I had a friend and acquaitances, but unfortunately I had to stop talking with that friend, because of her I was mentally drained.
Then I went at the university (present). I was happy that I had 2 friends and I was really talking with them, but once again one of them, became a little bit tiring (when she was talking I listened, but when I was talking she was watching tiktok, ignoring requests, warnings etc. Also if I asked her abot anime she recently watched, she said "it was nice", that's all). Now I have only that one friend, who really listen, 1 chilhood friend, who know me but I feel like we are getting further apart, 2 brothers, 2 internet friends (we play only games nothing more).
I really want to talk with people, but I don't want to force myself or fake, that I am intrested in fashion or boys.
And last thing, my brother said to me without thinking "you said that you different from our brother, yet you are doing the same". NO I am not. I really want to go out, I am not worried of spending money to meet somebody like him. Ngl I am lonely but I also don't want to be ridiculed...
i was just thinking this exact topic yesterday
it’s true. but i’m way more safe alone these days. people are unhinged these days.
It's amazing how to hit the nail for me! you just summed it all up. I don't know if it's related or if it's just overlapping but I recently found out I might have ASD (undiagnosed yet), but maybe it's also because of that?
There’s a tremendous gulf between people who are strictly products of compulsory mass schooling and those who benefited from highly selective educational institutions such as the more selective state universities as a starting point. So we’re talking about the top 5% of the population versus the masses of dull normal people who are largely allergic to reading and couldn’t write a good essay if their lives depended on it so they don’t want to be bothered by the details no matter the topic.
I guess I learned something from this; an intelligent-emotional life balance (in short).
I'm smart enough to know I'm an idiot at least
I was never so early. U really inspire me girl❤❤
that means so much
Heard in an animated series:
Loneliness is often the byproduct of a gifted mind.
I relate to a lot of what you said!
It's funny, because now I can do the effortless just go with the flow in a professional setting when I'm in my professional role but I can't do it when I'm just being me and in a social non-professional setting
High IQ, Knowledge, being a high achiever and overthinking are all different things.
It is interesting that in some aspect, I am similar to you and it still turns out completely different in practice.
I have an IQ of around 130. So I just about left the midwit range, but I have not entered the domain of the actually smart people.
I love to make those deep dives on RUclips or even buy books from experts.
I also think a lot about all my actions.
I also don't like the small talk.
Where I'm different is that peer pressure doesn't work as much on me. With that I also mean that if I don't seek approval as much from my social environment. I also have no real masking to speak off. I still try to have conversations in topics of overlapping interests, but that doesn't really count as masking.
I still think a lot about how to have conversations and how to be well received. But it is more about the motivation that the others enjoy conversations with me and that I'm not making things difficult for them.
When it comes to overthinking I would say the definition is along the way of analyzing a problem in a way that it prevents you from taking actions you wanted to take. But in my case it my "overthinking" is more along the lines of reflecting on my past actions. Usually I'm either in thinking mode or in socializing mode. If my brain is occupied with interacting with people, I can't focus on more complex things. If someone asks me to think about something, I just stare at them with this black look, count to 7 and then say nothing comes to mind. For one I can't focus when I feel observed but I also already made all connections with the available information. So asking me to think about it is pretty pointless.
I never was an overachiever. I get along with people. I quickly get the gist of things. But I have brainfog and I am not competitive.
I never identified myself through my intellect. Partially because I was often only slightly above average when it comes to grades, but also because I like to listen to people who are smarter than me. So I bias my environment in a way that I'm better than some, but also worse than others.
When it comes to being alone then I'm the master of the grey stone method. Everybody get's along with me, but nobody asks about me. This is great to keep out unwanted attention, but every social contact is up to myself and this also sometimes makes you question why nobody is interested enough in you to initiate some form of contact. By now I managed to change that a little, but it still is largely present. To be honest, I prefer being alone for most of my freetime. Life is much more quiet that way and I can follow my interests and recharge my social battery. And once I'm among people again then I get along with everybody again. But that is also in conflict with my desire to have a family at some point.
I guess the point of my comment was to show that smartness is not a single scale from dumb to smart and all smart people are similar in their thinking patterns.
Your IQ doesn't really matter unless you actually do something useful with it.
I love your channel. I can relate to so much of what you say, as someone in my mid 20s who graduated an Ivy League school, and is now earning 300k. It has always been hard for me, especially as a black male, to find people I really relate to.
And as someone who naturally leans more extroverted, learning how to consider emoyions and keep my controversial opinions to myself was hard for me 😂
slay! we love a fellow overachiever 😅 it gets hard to learn how to remove the mask at tomes
no. some people are just boring.
And I believe it's as simple as that.
She wasn't specific enough. That happens a lot.
The people i find boring don’t seem to be the smartest
👀why is this so accurate 😂
hehe
This is going to sound spergy, but perceiving social interactions through heavy philosophical materialism and evolutionary psychology lenses helped me overcome much of the social anxiety. If we're all just dumb apes and collections of atoms bumbling about through this thing called 'life', why would I allow my subconscious comparisons to others make me anxious? Let that become conscious and see how ridiculous it is. Maybe a form of nihilism to perceive like this, which has its draw-backs in terms of creating apathy. Still working on re-integrating inspiration. The materialism and psychology lenses are rough. You begin to see why humans have always carried around religion and spirituality to cope with existing.
This is kissing up my ego
But the whole point of being smart is solving problems. I find it weird how smart people who claim that their weakness is social anxiety won't consider it an exciting problem to be conquered.
How you feel about small talk is how that guy feels about reality tv, though he might have been a bit harsher than he should have been
Power can be dangerous
Very random.
But your voice is so pretty. 😂
I'm not an audiobook person but I would listen to yours if you had one.
Had to stop early. The editing and sounds are a bit overstimulating. But I get the jist of it. Enjoy.
Orwell was right. I've never seen a generation so much at ease with telling the world how awkward they are about everything. Big Brother is probably wishing for a vacation by now. Social media was invented be a voluntary observation tool.
great video!!
I’m surprised no one tried to type you on MBTI
🍇
Your so Inspring!! One day i will make amazing engaging creative content Like You ❤
Thank you Matthew :) I hope you're well!
I tend to outsmart the crowd, which is cemented by the crappy behaviors I've seen.
When you say "smart" or "intelligent", I'd say "someone with slow cognitive tempo"
Being intelligent is not the same as being overthinker or making decisions slowly. To an extent slow cognitive tempo is a strategy to compensate for lack of intelligence, you aren't as smart as others, so you need to take longer to make decisions others, smarter people, would've made quicker.
I'd disgree on the point of overthinking being making one descision slowly, its making several descisions back to back to try and avoid conflict, overthinking doesnt make someone more or less intellegent
(I also find the implication overthinking makes one less intellegent by extention to be innacurate as overthinking is usually caused by having gone through negative experiences in the past, and could be used to shame people, to clarify I don't think that is your intention though)
In my eyes being intellegent means you can go through more overthinking decision trees faster, so it makes overthinking worse
@unluckystaravia2352 What you said is not grounded in fact. Overthinking is not something that "unintelligent" people do. In fact, what they do is refuse to think in the first place. They prefer an empty mind. Some people that take longer to make decisions are being calculating and taking educated risks. Being impulsive is foolish. People make quick judgements based off their history. If it is smart, cool. If it is stupid, well I know where speed is not everything and may cost you, your life.
What's your MBTI and Enneagram? i think i can guess, im INTJ ,5W4 and everything you are saying is super true.
When this video started I was literally going to ask if you’re neurodivergent 😂
I can tell at times because i have ADHD
i honestly think i am 😭 i just read finished a book called Unmasking Autism, and it felt like the author was describing me at some points so many traits 😂 I thought I was just socially awkward, but i realised in the book they're actually masking autistic traits
@@ChristinaAaliyah yeah the moment somebody presents your life play by play it should ring some bells 😭😂
First video.
I found myself Alone a lot of The time.
Do you have any video about fear of sucess ?
As a history nerd, be a little weery of WW2 bros.
My twin brother has always told me, notwear this our dont walk like that
Imean ok bitch hahsh, he has always thought what ppl think about him im the oppiset
Idc about others opinion if im wired to them and they say mean things
I just ok and, shoulden't you ask your mother to see if you can use those words child😂😂😂😂😂
And i wil say my humor is my best strenght
So when my brother tells me do not wear that our dont walk like that i say ok i dont dress for others i dress for me
And i have cp so i can't help it😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅
Me too how do you handle interacting with people as a disabled person and get rid of anxiety of feeling like everyone is judging you
Fr
My IQ is 88 and I fit these boxes. 😄😄
You are not here for their entertainment at all.
The sum of hundred dumbs is not a genius, the sum of hundred cowards is not a hero either.
Okayy I'm early☺️☺️
early ganggg
Are you INFJ 6w5?
Its all meaningless.. On the other hand no one is going to experience this level of nihilism on account of my pullout game being solid.. 😂
Wait. You're a dog speaking on innuendo. I don't think anyone cares about your self-disrespecting of your abused appendage. There are billions of videos to watch. Why are you here?
Lord have mercy, whew! God bless her but we gotta talker here 😮 😊
🚺☣️
@14:22 "passionate about WWII"
What did he say about proximity fuses?
ROFL
Taking advantage of people's insecurities is boring. Let's pander to their egos instead
Nah I'm fked. I have TWO friends aside from my own sister. One of them I talk to once a month, one, once a week.
But yeah, they're both in med school and I'm in law school 🫶
I literally discovered this queen and I’m obsessed with her. I’m going to 10th grade and I wanted to change my nerdy antisocial book reading in a corner girl to a kinda nerdy but social girl and I love how you literally list our problems and find soo good solutions! I have to take my personality around so many people because I’m afraid to not be accepted as I want to be and you make me have that confidence I need. Tysm for literally appearing and changing my life girlie 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼
Will the queen notice me?