This is really disturbing, she should not be joining their dates then be "offended " or hurt she wasn't invited, your child should NOT be your other half, she needs her own life & therapy, this is selfish emotional control that has bled into a grown womans life
This. This is a trap many single mothers fall into. Personally, I also know many disturbed children of single mothers who only rely on their mom for social contacts (they have no siblings or significantly older siblings) and don't even have friends. More people need to become aware of this unhealthy enmeshment in families and offer help....
@Patricia Lopez Sometimes that's the only way, I understand that. Kudos for doing what is best for your children! We can't fix other people, sadly, not even our parents. They have to want to get better, and sometimes they don't even see the problem...
Glad Dr. Kirk mentioned how many women are socialised to deny the self from a young age. We are taught that being ‘good’ means being selfless, a martyr, at the expense of our very own identity.
As one who could never afford therapy, I value these very much. While I understand that this isn't a replacement for therapy, the educational aspect is helpful to me for identifying my traumas and exploring them on my own.
I’m not sure where you live, but I believe both America and Canada provide free counselling hotlines and I seriously recommend it. I used to pay for in-person therapy, but they moved everything online anyways, so I decided to utilize the free services instead since either way it’ll be over the phone, and it helps a lot! :)
For example this is what I googled to find my available resources - “Free Mental Health Support 24/7 Counsilling hotline Canada” and I picked the one that suited what I was looking for. All the best luck xx
Hey if you're wanting a therapist at any point, but can't afford it like you said, I urge you to try BetterHelp! They have a sliding pay scale so more can afford a weekly therapist! I am a single mother with kids, pets, and only a part time job, and I am just able to afford them due to this 😊 It is *THE BEST* decision I have _EVER_ made for myself!
Doesn’t she have a fiancé ? Shouldn’t she be spending time on the phone with her future hubby while her daughter is out ? But yes I love that you are speaking about this
Dr Kirk - " You're living your life and occasionally your random decisions based on what you are supposed to be doing will just randomly coincide with meeting your needs." You have literally just helped me identify and acknowledge a huge part of my personality that has made me feel sooo frustrated with myself for so long now. Thank you Dr Kirk 🙏🏾 I hope you know how much you are helping so many people ❤️
noaomime I so sympathize with you feeling frustrated with yourself. I keep making (unconscious) decisions that make me so mad at myself but I don’t know what to do to change. I feel like I’m ruining my life while there were so many people who supported me. Have you ever tried to find help? Or what type of therapy would be recommended? I’ve had some REBT but I didn’t find it particularly helpful
@@sweetiedahling8137 listening to Dr Honda was the first time I ever considered I even needed or deserved the help to be better. For so long I knew something was wrong but thought I had to live with it. But we really don't. I would love to have some form of therapy but I'm not financially able to. My faith in Christ is my source of strength and the Holy spirit has been so good in helping me to begin my healing. I truly hope you are able to explore all your options in seeking healing for yourself, because you deserve it, we all do ❤️❤️
This hit home with me as well. Wow. I know that these videos are only for "entertainment and educational purposes", but they sure have helped me with so many insights about myself - and others.
It's so important to find something to do with yourself after your kids grow up. I travel, have hobbies and tons of friends. My daughter and I are very tight, but I don't live for her. It's my turn. And it's her turn too!
Yes!! It isn't fair to the daughter or mom to be this close. As much as I love my mom, her identity for 30 years was a mother and now she has a chance to live her own life.
As someone who lived with my parents for 26 years before deciding it was time for me to actually live my own life after having cared for my parents since childhood, I am immensely happy that my parents' reaction was "Yes, we understand and support you". But I understand Angelica. It's not an easy decision per se.
@@ilonakatona9835 could be. But why is he a wolf? How is he taking advantage of Angelica? For the sex? Maybe! But in this day and age there is a lot of ways to get sex without needing to deal with a horrible and nosy mother-in-law relationship.
@@comkver there is a lot of people in the world that move in together before getting married. I think is a more logical step to know how your relationship evolves based on living on the same space, than going for the biggest jump ever by just getting married and committing your whole life with one person than you don't know how behaves in different circumstances. This for me seems logical based on his past experiences, he might want to take things step-by-step to not commit the same mistakes again. Moving in also gives Angelica space to transition between having her mother 100% to having a more split/independent life and see if this arrangement works for her in the long term. I agree that is better for him to end his divorce first before continuing taking steps forward with Angelica. But to be honest, there are a lot of reasons why people don't get divorced. Money, disputes, lack of interest/benefits, emotional stress, fights, paperwork. These kind of things, if they are not amicable, can last years and years. I think none of us knows the circumstances of why he hasn't finalized his divorce, and honestly, Angelica doesn't seem to care that much either.
Thank you! I too had a mother with no sense of self. She had many children to try to fill the void in herself but most of us cut ourselves off at least emotionally just in order to survive mentally.
Exactly the same situation here. I'm in counseling to learn how to have boundaries and not feel like I'm abandoning my mom. It messes with your sense of self for sure, because her identity is so defined by being needed. Rough stuff ♡
Maybe the boyfriend should have started out small saying, "Hey, I would like to spend more time with you. How do you feel about sleeping over a couple days a week/the weekend?" Then Angelica might not be as anxious as she appears now. Together they'd work toward her feeling comfortable enough to fully move in.
I really relate to not knowing/ being able to express what I want. I fear that if I pursue the things I want it could harm my relationships and I’d rather other people be comfortable :/
I can express myself for the most part but if I'm met with judgement/disapproval, I usually doubt myself and settle back into what's comfortable for others. Particularly true with family.
Oh my GOD!! He’s really coming for my THROAT RN!!! Lol I had my first therapy session with a new therapist last week and she said that my main issue is that I need to get in touch with what I want in life. I’ve spent my whole life making sure other people are okay so now I’m 24 and single and about to graduate college finally and have no idea what I want from life. I’ve always been a ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Lol idk kinda person. Good thing I booked a second session. 😅 (If dr. Honda sees this thanks for the “find your own therapist” advice! I like my new one and wouldn’t have looked for her without your suggestion to do so.)
Omg!! I wish I could send this video to my mother in law!!! Ugh....I'm not stealing your son, hes my husband not yours. We can all be happy and help each other without you feeling that I'm taking him away 🤦🏽♀️ lord help me
Yeah its sad some mother in laws don't see it as gaining a new daughter/son but that they're losing their child. Like there's room fir 2 here as I have no intention of being his mother 😂
I wish Angelica could see this! I feel like you genuinely care about her and I see that in a lot of your videos- genuine care and empathy for the people involved and feel that’s something most of them could really use!
This is bad. You should search for a new one. I had a couple of different therapist until I found the right one, who is also my actual therapist. He is a genius. I making huge progress in short time with him.
It's so interesting hearing you talk about a mother and daughter who are so close that they might not have their own identity. I have often wondered what the psychology is behind those couples who spend every waking moment together, (sometimes even own a business together) and do not socialise apart, a good example is Alex and Simon from Real Housewives of New York first season really showed them as a couple who said they have never been apart from day 1.
They sound very much the same, cuz he kind of says it really fast...lol,, we are all kind of disturbed, and deserving anyway so it fits either way...😆😆
Angelicas mother puts so much expectations on her to meet her own needs even if it’s negatively impacting Angelicas happiness. My mom is the same. She neglected my needs + wants as a kid and only cared about what I could do for her, so now I have very little love or attachment towards my mom. She expects me to provide her with what she did not receive from her own mother. I can’t describe how awful it is to grow up with a single mother like this and even as an adult I carry so much resentment towards her. All I could do is continue going to therapy and make sure I’m healed from my traumas before I have kids, so I can stop this pattern of toxic parenting. Wish these mothers were self-aware enough to recognize how hurt and traumatized they are on the inside instead of having kids to give them the love and need they are unable to provide for themselves.
Oh I feel you. I can relate 110% with every word. I decided not to have kids to break the cycle, that's how deep the trauma goes. I'm so happy you are in therapy. I am too. I'm learning to forgive myself for feeling guilt for resenting my mom, and I'm trying to forgive her while sticking to clear emotional and physical boundaries. It's a long, hard road.
I had a similar relationship with my mom, but as the years has gone by it was hard for me that she never let me go. I was lucky enough that she got a boyfriend which wanted to spend much time with her - so that i got the opportunity to move out and live my own life :D
Angelica's mom is a covert narcissist, which is why their dynamic as grown adults is still based on approval, people pleasing (in this case her mom), and emotional self-neglect which harms her external (non-controlling) relationships all to keep her mom's unhealed emotions under control. I grew up in a family like this, and it's kinda sad to see she still hasn't broken the chains mentally that her mom has on her.
Thank you for the frequent uploads, ughhh i can't wait for 90 day fiance those are my absolute faves, i literally just wanna rewatch them but ill watch these others too just so the waiting is bearable haha
When her mom said to the bf “are you not still married?” 👀👀👀👀 I mean good point but also...so obvious she was trying to deflect from the topic at hand or avoid having to argue that she’s the one who can’t let go of her daughter
Wow I think I needed to watch this video today. I didn’t realize that I had like no sense of self and your advice on how to work on it would definitely help me with my current situation. Thank you so much for letting us know about sense of self. Really opened my eyes and now more than ever I want to get it back
feel like i should share, you are the only youtuber that i will watch all of the ads for. i watched a 20 minute ad the other night lol. keep doing what you're doing dr. kirk honda!
I was divorced earlier this year, my ex husband moved his girlfriend in the next day after I moved out. They had been dating for months, so you're right it happens!
Dr Honda would you ever do a video explaining different types of therapists and the best way to go about finding one? I've had such trouble finding a therapist with a style compatible for me and I want to know what your advice would be for that
Thank you for doing a video on these two, there relationship is very concerning...to say the least. Especially with Angelica and Sunhe, because it’s clear that Angelica feels obligated to be there because of how much she cares about her mother in this codependent relationship because it’s pretty clear that Angelica is filling a void for Sunhe, it’s weird how much I know people that have similar dynamics to these two
It definitely seems like she was raised to know being away from Mom simply isn't allowable. So as an adult both parties truly believe the daughter is making her own choice when really she has been programmed to please the mom! When we moved 4 hours away I had to ask my mom if she was sad, she said of course she was but she never wanted me to feel bad about the choices my husband and I made because they aren't about her. She never says she misses us and said her mom did the same thing and she really appreciated it.
Dr. Kirk Honda, thank you for doing this video series! It's compelling to see these reality tv show stars with your analysis, as it makes me reflect on the relationship I have had over the years with my own parents.
Sometimes I see these shows and get all worried that there’s something wrong with my relationship w my mom. Like dude, my mom and I are so close that I spent my 21st birthday with her! But when I bought a house and moved out with my partner, her reaction was one of pride. She did not hesitate to tell me she was proud. She also expressed her fears of me leaving, but not in a way that ever made me want to stop the process of moving out. Listening to Dr. Honda talk about people like this makes me feel so much better about our relationship lol. Like, we’re doing all the healthy things he talks about! Yay!
I feel for the daughter. I think she may know what she wants but suspects what she wants is not what her mother wants and worries she may be risking the relationship for something (like moving away) she’s not even sure she can do without the mom.
Thank you for doing this episode. Honest to god these are the problems I feel most in myself. Ive had a couple of breakdowns this year where I have been so lost and confused with what I want to do.... Dr. Honda has given me some insight into what to talk to a therapist about. Thank you!!!
Thanks for the vids Dr. Honda.... When you spoke about always looking out for others and forgetting own needs etc i didn't expect that to hit me hard. It's something I've buried and its really stalled my life for 35 years and now I don't even have the time or energy to deal with it. However your words and these videos are helping to motivate me to deal with that burden of mine.
This show is great to react to, Dr. Honda! Thank you! The infiltration of invasive mother-in-laws is a slow, pernicious and malignant killer. It attacks many a relationship and typically the son or daughter cannot see it, hence its pernicious quality.
What if because of mental + physical illnesses you basically HAVE to depend on your mom for things, and that prevents you from wanting to move away because you'll be left without that super valuable help? It's also made me grown close to her which gives me another reason to want to stay.
What next...the mum will say "Hey if you love mummy then let me watch you guys have sex...i want to experience the bonding"! 😑The mum is manipulative in many ways and tries to make her daughter have stress to feel guilty if she doesn't involve her mum.I think she needs therapy. Maybe the Mum wil be more happier if she made them split up so she can get her daughter back for herself.
This is great, thank you! From a cultural competence perspective, how does one help clients develop a sense of self if they come from a more group oriented culture where they are almost expected to give up what they want as individuals to help the group as a whole?
He did mention in a previous video (about tom and darcey) that there are special cognitive therapists that help you through it. But on a cheaper level, i guess just checking in with yourself to see what you do that brings you joy and what you want and don't want
Can't wait for the next part!! 😄 also, thanks to your videos, I've gone back to therapy. I truly thank you for making these insightful videos. It made me do a lot of introspection. Thank you!
It's very interesting that she says she doesn't want her mom out of her life, who said just because they don't live together her mom is just out of her life?
I ve seen 10 counselors and 10 psychiatrists in my life and my mother was always a boundary violating evil mean cruel bitch. Only 3 of the counselors were the real thing. When Ii was 50 Ifinally realized Im an abuse survivor. The psychiayrists diagnosed me with 8 different mental disordets which told me they DO NOt know what the re doing and I dont belive in psychiatry any more. I ve had a sad life.
Angelica is is NOT Sunhe's girlfriend or wife, she is her DAUGHTER. Therefore, it is not her job to have an emotionally intimate attachment to her mother. The dynamic between the two is NOT healthy, period. Also, Angelica needs to grow a spine and stop living for her mother and prioritize having a life, existence and identity outside of being a daughter.
How would you establish that connection to yourself and pinpoint what you want? I've noticed myself really struggling with that lately and winding up in more situations where I don't even know what I want
Of course I was full of emotions when I moved in with my boyfriend. My mom and dad were sad to see their only child move. They never made me feel guilty about that! My mom told me I'm able to come home anytime should the relationship not work out and she'll miss me.
THIS GIRL FEELS GUILT. Crushing Mom-guilt. "I * can't * abandon her!" The movie Tangled is all that comes to mind. If this boyfriend dumps her you can just BET that mom will cuddle and caress her and give her the message that "See, he was just a bad guy, you can't trust any man, you can only trust mother dearest to be there for you forever and take care of you."
codependency at it's worst, yea her mom needs to get a hobby and get some friends. She's using her daughter almost like a drug to her, she's addicted to her. Exactly I know a few people who are legally married but were separated for years and dating others because it can be a long expensive process but it has nothing to with them wanting to be together still. Her mom is just finding excuses for her not to move.
@@Dauerglotzer123 I get what you're saying but it's not so much the outrageousness of her behavior that's throwing me off... it's her weird campy delivery. Like I'm not buying anything she's saying.
Many religious denominations would disagree with you about dating and/or living with someone who is still legally married. Marriage is sacred regardless of fact that two people may have fallen "out of love," and are no longer together.
This is really disturbing, she should not be joining their dates then be "offended " or hurt she wasn't invited, your child should NOT be your other half, she needs her own life & therapy, this is selfish emotional control that has bled into a grown womans life
I was close to my mom. But not that close. Especially not hot tub close.
@@DANNYTHEFROG123 this isn't closeness, it's control!
Yeah I was like "the fuck?" Why would the Mom be going anywhere near their dates. Third wheel much?
This. This is a trap many single mothers fall into. Personally, I also know many disturbed children of single mothers who only rely on their mom for social contacts (they have no siblings or significantly older siblings) and don't even have friends. More people need to become aware of this unhealthy enmeshment in families and offer help....
@Patricia Lopez Sometimes that's the only way, I understand that. Kudos for doing what is best for your children! We can't fix other people, sadly, not even our parents. They have to want to get better, and sometimes they don't even see the problem...
Glad Dr. Kirk mentioned how many women are socialised to deny the self from a young age. We are taught that being ‘good’ means being selfless, a martyr, at the expense of our very own identity.
As one who could never afford therapy, I value these very much. While I understand that this isn't a replacement for therapy, the educational aspect is helpful to me for identifying my traumas and exploring them on my own.
I’m not sure where you live, but I believe both America and Canada provide free counselling hotlines and I seriously recommend it. I used to pay for in-person therapy, but they moved everything online anyways, so I decided to utilize the free services instead since either way it’ll be over the phone, and it helps a lot! :)
For example this is what I googled to find my available resources - “Free Mental Health Support 24/7 Counsilling hotline Canada” and I picked the one that suited what I was looking for. All the best luck xx
@@Dania.q I was unaware of these resources, thanks a bunch !
Also check out EFT and FasterEFT that you can learn free on youtube.
Hey if you're wanting a therapist at any point, but can't afford it like you said, I urge you to try BetterHelp! They have a sliding pay scale so more can afford a weekly therapist! I am a single mother with kids, pets, and only a part time job, and I am just able to afford them due to this 😊 It is *THE BEST* decision I have _EVER_ made for myself!
The daughter doesn't know what she wants because her mom has never let her be an individual and have her own thoughts!
Doesn’t she have a fiancé ? Shouldn’t she be spending time on the phone with her future hubby while her daughter is out ? But yes I love that you are speaking about this
Dr Kirk - " You're living your life and occasionally your random decisions based on what you are supposed to be doing will just randomly coincide with meeting your needs."
You have literally just helped me identify and acknowledge a huge part of my personality that has made me feel sooo frustrated with myself for so long now.
Thank you Dr Kirk 🙏🏾 I hope you know how much you are helping so many people ❤️
I was just about to comment how that moment hit home SO HARD. I feel like I need to write it down and really reflect on that.
@@sweetiedahling8137 absolutely, hearing it put that in that way just made it hit me so hard! That's why we ❤️ the doc
noaomime I so sympathize with you feeling frustrated with yourself. I keep making (unconscious) decisions that make me so mad at myself but I don’t know what to do to change. I feel like I’m ruining my life while there were so many people who supported me. Have you ever tried to find help? Or what type of therapy would be recommended? I’ve had some REBT but I didn’t find it particularly helpful
@@sweetiedahling8137 listening to Dr Honda was the first time I ever considered I even needed or deserved the help to be better. For so long I knew something was wrong but thought I had to live with it. But we really don't. I would love to have some form of therapy but I'm not financially able to. My faith in Christ is my source of strength and the Holy spirit has been so good in helping me to begin my healing. I truly hope you are able to explore all your options in seeking healing for yourself, because you deserve it, we all do ❤️❤️
This hit home with me as well. Wow. I know that these videos are only for "entertainment and educational purposes", but they sure have helped me with so many insights about myself - and others.
It's so important to find something to do with yourself after your kids grow up. I travel, have hobbies and tons of friends. My daughter and I are very tight, but I don't live for her. It's my turn. And it's her turn too!
Yes!! It isn't fair to the daughter or mom to be this close. As much as I love my mom, her identity for 30 years was a mother and now she has a chance to live her own life.
Well expressed.
As someone who lived with my parents for 26 years before deciding it was time for me to actually live my own life after having cared for my parents since childhood, I am immensely happy that my parents' reaction was "Yes, we understand and support you". But I understand Angelica. It's not an easy decision per se.
My perfect weekend evening 😃Dr Honda uploads, feet up and hearing I'm a deserving listener 😁❤️
@@samanthamitchell3231 Who did you murder? 😬😅
Jason seems such a nice, mature and understanding guy. He is super cute and I think Angelica is lucky to be dating a guy so patient.
I'm shocked she was allowed to even date!
He is a wolf in sheep disguise IMO. But let's see how it will go.
@@ilonakatona9835 totally agree with you! Like why move in why not propose and marry the girl? Get the divorce.
@@ilonakatona9835 could be. But why is he a wolf? How is he taking advantage of Angelica?
For the sex? Maybe! But in this day and age there is a lot of ways to get sex without needing to deal with a horrible and nosy mother-in-law relationship.
@@comkver there is a lot of people in the world that move in together before getting married. I think is a more logical step to know how your relationship evolves based on living on the same space, than going for the biggest jump ever by just getting married and committing your whole life with one person than you don't know how behaves in different circumstances. This for me seems logical based on his past experiences, he might want to take things step-by-step to not commit the same mistakes again.
Moving in also gives Angelica space to transition between having her mother 100% to having a more split/independent life and see if this arrangement works for her in the long term.
I agree that is better for him to end his divorce first before continuing taking steps forward with Angelica. But to be honest, there are a lot of reasons why people don't get divorced. Money, disputes, lack of interest/benefits, emotional stress, fights, paperwork. These kind of things, if they are not amicable, can last years and years. I think none of us knows the circumstances of why he hasn't finalized his divorce, and honestly, Angelica doesn't seem to care that much either.
Thank you! I too had a mother with no sense of self. She had many children to try to fill the void in herself but most of us cut ourselves off at least emotionally just in order to survive mentally.
Exactly the same situation here. I'm in counseling to learn how to have boundaries and not feel like I'm abandoning my mom. It messes with your sense of self for sure, because her identity is so defined by being needed. Rough stuff ♡
I think Angelica needs to live on her own first. Be free to decorate, do what she wants, explore hobbies, etc.
Sabia S I mean not everyone wants kids. She could also freeze her eggs to get more time for her to grow on her own and get her own identity.
Yeah rushing into having kids with someone she isnt sure about shouldn't be priority for her
Maybe the boyfriend should have started out small saying, "Hey, I would like to spend more time with you. How do you feel about sleeping over a couple days a week/the weekend?" Then Angelica might not be as anxious as she appears now. Together they'd work toward her feeling comfortable enough to fully move in.
Appreciate your consistency!
I really relate to not knowing/ being able to express what I want. I fear that if I pursue the things I want it could harm my relationships and I’d rather other people be comfortable :/
This is exactly how I feel. Very well put. Thank you.
I can express myself for the most part but if I'm met with judgement/disapproval, I usually doubt myself and settle back into what's comfortable for others. Particularly true with family.
Oh my GOD!! He’s really coming for my THROAT RN!!! Lol I had my first therapy session with a new therapist last week and she said that my main issue is that I need to get in touch with what I want in life. I’ve spent my whole life making sure other people are okay so now I’m 24 and single and about to graduate college finally and have no idea what I want from life. I’ve always been a ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Lol idk kinda person. Good thing I booked a second session. 😅
(If dr. Honda sees this thanks for the “find your own therapist” advice! I like my new one and wouldn’t have looked for her without your suggestion to do so.)
Hot tub with mom. Most families do Sunday dinner.
😂😂😂
If even that.
🤣🤣
@@kristeprice9102 Its not my idea of family fun. Monopoly and jenga is.
Omg!! I wish I could send this video to my mother in law!!! Ugh....I'm not stealing your son, hes my husband not yours. We can all be happy and help each other without you feeling that I'm taking him away 🤦🏽♀️ lord help me
Move away to another state, another country!!!! Trust me!
@CookieMonStir so true
i’ll send it to her for you
Yeah its sad some mother in laws don't see it as gaining a new daughter/son but that they're losing their child. Like there's room fir 2 here as I have no intention of being his mother 😂
K Chan i second this notion.
I wish Angelica could see this! I feel like you genuinely care about her and I see that in a lot of your videos- genuine care and empathy for the people involved and feel that’s something most of them could really use!
I see a therapist and yet I make more progress watching you than I’ve done with them ever.
Same
It’s good to observe something from the outside to better understand
Same here, but it should also be considered that Dr. Honda isn't limited by weekly 1 hour sessions
This is bad. You should search for a new one. I had a couple of different therapist until I found the right one, who is also my actual therapist.
He is a genius. I making huge progress in short time with him.
Same here!
It's so interesting hearing you talk about a mother and daughter who are so close that they might not have their own identity. I have often wondered what the psychology is behind those couples who spend every waking moment together, (sometimes even own a business together) and do not socialise apart, a good example is Alex and Simon from Real Housewives of New York first season really showed them as a couple who said they have never been apart from day 1.
I swear it may be my headphones or something subconscious but I often hear, "hey disturbing listeners" in the beginning 🤣
They sound very much the same, cuz he kind of says it really fast...lol,, we are all kind of disturbed, and deserving anyway so it fits either way...😆😆
Anyone else distracted by Dr. Honda’s Superman Curl? 🥰
He’s too cute
i mean....now I am
Distracted in a good way
YES i love longer reactions!!! 🙌🙌
*I do also, Dr Kirk is very interesting and helpful to listen to* 💯💯💯
Angelicas mother puts so much expectations on her to meet her own needs even if it’s negatively impacting Angelicas happiness.
My mom is the same. She neglected my needs + wants as a kid and only cared about what I could do for her, so now I have very little love or attachment towards my mom. She expects me to provide her with what she did not receive from her own mother.
I can’t describe how awful it is to grow up with a single mother like this and even as an adult I carry so much resentment towards her. All I could do is continue going to therapy and make sure I’m healed from my traumas before I have kids, so I can stop this pattern of toxic parenting.
Wish these mothers were self-aware enough to recognize how hurt and traumatized they are on the inside instead of having kids to give them the love and need they are unable to provide for themselves.
M B Thank you for the encouragement! I seriously appreciate your kind words ❤️
Oh I feel you. I can relate 110% with every word. I decided not to have kids to break the cycle, that's how deep the trauma goes.
I'm so happy you are in therapy. I am too. I'm learning to forgive myself for feeling guilt for resenting my mom, and I'm trying to forgive her while sticking to clear emotional and physical boundaries. It's a long, hard road.
I had a similar relationship with my mom, but as the years has gone by it was hard for me that she never let me go. I was lucky enough that she got a boyfriend which wanted to spend much time with her - so that i got the opportunity to move out and live my own life :D
Angelica's mom is a covert narcissist, which is why their dynamic as grown adults is still based on approval, people pleasing (in this case her mom), and emotional self-neglect which harms her external (non-controlling) relationships all to keep her mom's unhealed emotions under control. I grew up in a family like this, and it's kinda sad to see she still hasn't broken the chains mentally that her mom has on her.
Dr. Honda is speaking so passionately about people getting to know what they want; it's really amazing.
Don't know a lot of guys who would put up with this.
Possibly he knows exactly what he's getting if Angelica moves in with him. He could well have sought her out for passive /indecisive personality.
He MUST really love her
"Nice to have alone time" ...with cameras.
Thank you for the frequent uploads, ughhh i can't wait for 90 day fiance those are my absolute faves, i literally just wanna rewatch them but ill watch these others too just so the waiting is bearable haha
Let’s wait until we find some pathol- oh. Ooooooooooooooooooooohhhhh my gosh!
While watching this I was like “wow this couple is actually healthy and loving” and then I realized this isn’t 90 day finance lol
When her mom said to the bf “are you not still married?” 👀👀👀👀 I mean good point but also...so obvious she was trying to deflect from the topic at hand or avoid having to argue that she’s the one who can’t let go of her daughter
Wow I think I needed to watch this video today. I didn’t realize that I had like no sense of self and your advice on how to work on it would definitely help me with my current situation. Thank you so much for letting us know about sense of self. Really opened my eyes and now more than ever I want to get it back
feel like i should share, you are the only youtuber that i will watch all of the ads for. i watched a 20 minute ad the other night lol. keep doing what you're doing dr. kirk honda!
"I just don't know what to do with myself" Hmm...i don't know. Maybe go live with YOUR FIANCE.
Love you Dr. Honda and your videos!!! I'm learning so much! Thank you!😀
I'm still married but my "husband" has been with his girlfriend for over a year now. So that sh*t happens.
I was divorced earlier this year, my ex husband moved his girlfriend in the next day after I moved out. They had been dating for months, so you're right it happens!
Happened to me. I think it depends on the situation. I understand her mom's concern but it's up to Angelica and how she feels.
@@alyssabrown-carleton6173 Agreed
Dr Honda would you ever do a video explaining different types of therapists and the best way to go about finding one? I've had such trouble finding a therapist with a style compatible for me and I want to know what your advice would be for that
Dr Kirk...please do another video on the couple therapy primetime show. And those are great too 🙂
Second that ✋🏾
Third that🙋
Fourth that! 😄
You’re always so helpful and insightful, I learn something about my own self and relationships in every video. Thank you Dr Honda!
Thank you for doing a video on these two, there relationship is very concerning...to say the least. Especially with Angelica and Sunhe, because it’s clear that Angelica feels obligated to be there because of how much she cares about her mother in this codependent relationship because it’s pretty clear that Angelica is filling a void for Sunhe, it’s weird how much I know people that have similar dynamics to these two
It definitely seems like she was raised to know being away from Mom simply isn't allowable. So as an adult both parties truly believe the daughter is making her own choice when really she has been programmed to please the mom! When we moved 4 hours away I had to ask my mom if she was sad, she said of course she was but she never wanted me to feel bad about the choices my husband and I made because they aren't about her. She never says she misses us and said her mom did the same thing and she really appreciated it.
Always perfect timing on your videos 🤩
Dr. Kirk Honda, thank you for doing this video series! It's compelling to see these reality tv show stars with your analysis, as it makes me reflect on the relationship I have had over the years with my own parents.
Sometimes I see these shows and get all worried that there’s something wrong with my relationship w my mom. Like dude, my mom and I are so close that I spent my 21st birthday with her! But when I bought a house and moved out with my partner, her reaction was one of pride. She did not hesitate to tell me she was proud. She also expressed her fears of me leaving, but not in a way that ever made me want to stop the process of moving out. Listening to Dr. Honda talk about people like this makes me feel so much better about our relationship lol. Like, we’re doing all the healthy things he talks about! Yay!
I feel for the daughter. I think she may know what she wants but suspects what she wants is not what her mother wants and worries she may be risking the relationship for something (like moving away) she’s not even sure she can do without the mom.
Thank you for doing this episode. Honest to god these are the problems I feel most in myself. Ive had a couple of breakdowns this year where I have been so lost and confused with what I want to do.... Dr. Honda has given me some insight into what to talk to a therapist about. Thank you!!!
“What do you want?!” Reminds me of that scene from The Notebook 🤣
Thanks for the vids Dr. Honda.... When you spoke about always looking out for others and forgetting own needs etc i didn't expect that to hit me hard. It's something I've buried and its really stalled my life for 35 years and now I don't even have the time or energy to deal with it. However your words and these videos are helping to motivate me to deal with that burden of mine.
This show is great to react to, Dr. Honda! Thank you! The infiltration of invasive mother-in-laws is a slow, pernicious and malignant killer. It attacks many a relationship and typically the son or daughter cannot see it, hence its pernicious quality.
Thank you Kirk!😃❤️ Please continue with smothered
What if because of mental + physical illnesses you basically HAVE to depend on your mom for things, and that prevents you from wanting to move away because you'll be left without that super valuable help? It's also made me grown close to her which gives me another reason to want to stay.
What next...the mum will say "Hey if you love mummy then let me watch you guys have sex...i want to experience the bonding"!
😑The mum is manipulative in many ways and tries to make her daughter have stress to feel guilty if she doesn't involve her mum.I think she needs therapy.
Maybe the Mum wil be more happier if she made them split up so she can get her daughter back for herself.
This is great, thank you! From a cultural competence perspective, how does one help clients develop a sense of self if they come from a more group oriented culture where they are almost expected to give up what they want as individuals to help the group as a whole?
He did mention in a previous video (about tom and darcey) that there are special cognitive therapists that help you through it. But on a cheaper level, i guess just checking in with yourself to see what you do that brings you joy and what you want and don't want
Taking hard notes. Thank you for this education, from the mom of a young daughter.
Can't wait for the next part!! 😄
also, thanks to your videos, I've gone back to therapy. I truly thank you for making these insightful videos. It made me do a lot of introspection. Thank you!
Angelina seems so sweet, but Jason needs to run away from this dysfunction. He's always going to be on the short end of the stick.
It's very interesting that she says she doesn't want her mom out of her life, who said just because they don't live together her mom is just out of her life?
, the stigma around trying to keep young girls safe is crazy, while the stigma around young boys is much different
This isn't about keeping her daughter safe, it's about using her to fulfill all the mother's needs which is completely unhealthy
CeeCee I’m not talking about that lol dr brought up a point but this comment was not about these people in this show sorry for the misunderstanding
Thank you Dr. Honda
If THAT was my mother, I d be outraged.
I wish I knew someone like you IRL to talk to, you are so smart and I love your videos, I always learn so much, but am also entertained as well
Doctor the more I watch your videos the more I know I’m just drifting thru life reacting to things.. how do I figure out what I want
I'm 42 and just starting to figure out what "my life" is. It's really hard.
Why do people make comments and only praise the doctor imstead of the subject mattet he s talking about
More of this please. Especially Cher and Dawn.
I ve seen 10 counselors and 10 psychiatrists in my life and my mother was always a boundary violating evil mean cruel bitch. Only 3 of the counselors were the real thing. When Ii was 50 Ifinally realized Im an abuse survivor. The psychiayrists diagnosed me with 8 different mental disordets which told me they DO NOt know what the re doing and I dont belive in psychiatry any more. I ve had a sad life.
Excuse me... why does a mother join the date of he 31 year old daughter? Is she handicapped and needs her mothers help? This is not good.
Ah! They got me on that cliffhanger! This is getting really interesting!
Really enjoying the smothered reactions kirk!
My weekend already got better!!
Really sad that Dr Honda never finished sMothered, I find it really interesting!
Angelica is is NOT Sunhe's girlfriend or wife, she is her DAUGHTER. Therefore, it is not her job to have an emotionally intimate attachment to her mother. The dynamic between the two is NOT healthy, period. Also, Angelica needs to grow a spine and stop living for her mother and prioritize having a life, existence and identity outside of being a daughter.
How would you establish that connection to yourself and pinpoint what you want? I've noticed myself really struggling with that lately and winding up in more situations where I don't even know what I want
Of course I was full of emotions when I moved in with my boyfriend. My mom and dad were sad to see their only child move. They never made me feel guilty about that! My mom told me I'm able to come home anytime should the relationship not work out and she'll miss me.
I just realized my best friend barely has a sense of self. 🤷🏻♀️ It's gotten better over the years, but it all makes sense now...
Dr.KIRK did you watch the double date valentine scene with them?
- What do you want? What do YOU want?
- it's not simple, it's not that simple...
This show specifically their relationship changes my mood so much. What is wrong w/ me?
Thank you for continueing to make sMothered videos
I need more. Please.
THIS GIRL FEELS GUILT. Crushing Mom-guilt. "I * can't * abandon her!"
The movie Tangled is all that comes to mind. If this boyfriend dumps her you can just BET that mom will cuddle and caress her and give her the message that "See, he was just a bad guy, you can't trust any man, you can only trust mother dearest to be there for you forever and take care of you."
So far, you have hit the nail on the head.
codependency at it's worst, yea her mom needs to get a hobby and get some friends. She's using her daughter almost like a drug to her, she's addicted to her. Exactly I know a few people who are legally married but were separated for years and dating others because it can be a long expensive process but it has nothing to with them wanting to be together still. Her mom is just finding excuses for her not to move.
Dr. Kirk! Could you react to "The Real Story of Paris"?! Would love to hear your insight!
Dr.Honda, any tips on getting into the University of Washington?
I had the opposite thing happen. I just had to stick up for myself and eventually my parents came around to liking my fiance
9:40 but what if she is saying "I can't leave her out" implying that she is emotionally dependent on her mom, so she needs her 🤔
Is just me? I'm having such a hard time believing this mother is for real.
Is she coming across as mad inauthentic to anyone else?
I think I wouldn't believe it either, except I've seen mothers like this in real life so believe it more now 😂
@@Dauerglotzer123 I get what you're saying but it's not so much the outrageousness of her behavior that's throwing me off... it's her weird campy delivery. Like I'm not buying anything she's saying.
You need a TV show. That would be very interesting !
Anyone knows where the third one is?
Mom wants Jason to get divorced before they get more involved
No matter what the situation is with his past - it should be Angelica who makes the decision if that is tolerable
episode 2 of this show is where I started seeing their fucked up dynamic more
Many religious denominations would disagree with you about dating and/or living with someone who is still legally married. Marriage is sacred regardless of fact that two people may have fallen "out of love," and are no longer together.
Is the Paris Hilton series done?
“hey disturbing listeners” lmao
Thank you!