Aba and Preach, I truly appreciate your channel and your perspectives. And most of the time I agree with both of you; however, what I think you guy are missing, assuming I didn’t misunderstand your perspectives, is this guy is a combat veteran. I am a combat veteran. And I hate to sound triggered, but he sounds like he may have PTSD, depression, and/or anxiety disorder. And it is very common for veterans, even those that were not in combat, to suffer from these illnesses. Aba, assuming your military experience was like mine, we were told NOT to seek medical assistance. We are told you are weak if you seek help. Suck it up. Push through. Mental illness is just that, it is an illness, and it requires more than simply deciding to do something different. That’s like having a broken leg and assuming it will just heal naturally on its own. And I think we should be more cognizant of the challenges, not only for veterans with mental illness, but what all people have that are suffering from mental illness. We need to try to eliminate the stigma so that people will stop being afraid to get help. I believe when we do that, more people will seek help and we will all have better healthy lives.
Its possible he has PTSD. Good catch, but without him being diagnosed I wouldnt know. I also dont know the signs of PTSD but we appreciate the insight boss!
For everyone complaining about his “you know” yes it’s repetitive but it’s a crutch word .. “like” Is another example ..it’s obvious he is socially awkward, but unless folks in here are running a Toastmaster chapter just chill and listen deeper for his story.. empathy is free
Had a look at his youtube, this video is a year old and now it looks like hes doing alot better, exploring south america and meeting new people. Glad that it looks like hes finding his way👏
South America? So being a passport bro? I'm afraid he might be in danger then. Edit: I asked if he was a passport bro, didn't say he was. So stop, just stop. Black men are being targeted with violence and death in South America in relation to Passport Bro. That's why I'm worried. If you don't understand my comment, ask, don't insult me, and don't assume I don't know anything. ASK FIRST! You all are midunderstanding and trolling. Either you're F&F rejects or bots cause this is uncalled for.
@@Cagon415 I want him to. I'm just afraid for him that's all. They are killing guys looking for love down there and I would be fuckin pissed if they got him somehow. Like nuke that country pissed. And I'm a vet too, so that's killing my brother. I'm tired of men, Black men in particular, being mistreated and killed for wanting love. I know what that feels like and I don't fucking want that for anyone.
He seems like a gentle traumatized soul. A little compassion for those around you who don’t socialize the way you do will help heal some wounds that you may not see or be aware of. We all deal with our struggles differently. But when a human bares his struggle with humility, the least we can do is be supportive. Anxiety and depression are real and actively affecting people’s social, family, and professional relationships. It’s a defense mechanism to guard your heart by not making deep connections especially when you’re vulnerable and tend to love and trust a whole lot faster, deeper and longer than most. I respect this man for conquering part of his battles by speaking up about his experiences. Be blessed you sweet strong soul.
never understood people like that. I've seen someone give an incredibly deep,charismatic talk and then someone will say "you need to stop using like. I was taught that in school." actually I also disagree when people say that anyway we are not robots. A lot of those filler words build connection with the listener and makes you feel as if the speaker is being genuine and talking directly to you. It's not some rehearsed garbage. It's authentic and from the heart. Obviously too much of that isnt good but the amount this guy used didnt take away from his video. It was heartfelt and sad.
It’s rougher as you get older. Your friends move on and have families of their own. And move away or if they are local, their spouses and kids come first. Once you’re in your late 30s/early 40s, most women your age are either married or divorced. It just sadly is what it is.
Yep. I am "friendly" with a lot of people my age but almost all have families and kids and thus "hanging out" isn't a reality. 42 here...last gf dumped me because my dad got dementia and I had to take care of him. On some levels I don't blame her but man trying to find the lesson life was trying to teach me here was difficult.
@@spsawyer22 Sorry to hear that happened.. If you're open to a good read, please let me recommend the book "Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind" by Shunryu Suzuki. This book has had a tremendous impact on me and my ability to deal with difficult situations as someone who has had many difficult circumstances in my life. Good luck friend.
@@spsawyer22 There's no lesson, or rather, there's not always a lesson. Also, there's no reward for being honorable either, other than being honorable itself. You may never get your flowers, but "praise" isn't why you did it to begin with. Well done being you brother.
This is rough..and there are a lot of people like him. If you don't socialize and develop relationship skills, it has a cost and it only gets harder when you are an adult.
depends on the person. some people are doing just fine being alone. The introverts are best at it....people who generally don't like bars, shows, crowds and other people.
@@RandoWisLuLme personally, I’m so damn tired after work I have no energy for a social life. I’m perfectly fine with “work friends” that’s enough interaction to keep me a normal well connected person. I go home on the weekends and scream at people on the PlayStation also lol.
@@RandoWisLuL Introversion and social isolation/social awkwardness are not the same though, and I think sometimes view the terms as interchangeable or as an excuse as to why they are bad with people or fail at relationships. I'm an introvert, but I value social interaction and enjoy relating with people. I also need a break from it after "X"amount of time and like to do my "alone stuff".
Dude from “40 year old virgin” legit seemed the most happy with life and content with his situation. It was his shit friends making him think it was something to make into a big deal. They induced so much social comparison he stopped feeling content.
I am like Preach in this way. I cant keep trying to reach out to people, or putting in more effort than them. It drains me, and I decide I rather not have them around. I cant do 1 sided relationships/friendships/ family whatever it is
At almost 63, I've learned it's perfectly okay to have disposable people in your life. Not everyone will put forth the same effort and energy to maintain either. I don't chase friendships, nor did I chase relationships when I was single. It's not worth it to me.
Exactly. And this is the current problem with America and the west in general. I promise you, after WW3 has come and gone, we will see a polar shift in the importance of friendships, relationships and community. Right now is the absolute worst time to have a good soul and a good heart - Because people dont know how to look at eachother right now.
This will be the reality for many of this generation raised by social media. I went to my grandfather's funeral years ago and it's was close to a half a thousand pple that showed up I was so stunned. He actually connected with all these people without social media yet ppl have thousands of online followers but no meaningful relationships its makes you wonder if technology changed our interactions and made them less genuine. Friends for clout, relationships for clout or gain instead of connecting and growing your spirit. It's tough and I salute this man for facing that reality even at 41 or 80 or even 13 years old loneliness affects everybody.
Why are you thinking that followers are friends? That's just social media, people who care about social media followers is because they want to do something with that, usually because of money, but that doesn't mean they think they have 500k friends, that's so naive to think. Also, you are talking about what I assume and old man who lived a long time, your grandpa, to this generation that are still young, they have many years to gather the same amount of connections, but the question is, did you grandpa actually connected with then as real friends, or are they just people he knew. Many cultures like to invite people they just met once for their wedding and funerals, friends of friends go to those things, but they are not a close friend. Do you think those weddings with 3000 people in Indonesia are full of people that care deeply for the couple? Your grandpa might have been a cool person, but those half a thousand is just because he live long enough to meet those people, you can't compare that to a 20yo who likes tiktok who is just starting to live.
I think this video describes the reality of most men young and old. As they get older, their (men) circles get smaller. Glad your grandfather was so love, but most men are generally lonely in their later years. Mostly due to the fact they put all their energy toward their immediate family.
@@linoleon100 L take imo you know nothing about his grandfather and discrediting his whole life on assumption. i think it is possible to know lets say 400 people out of those 500 you dont need to have lived 5-10 year with someone to be friends and have fond memory. hell i remember people from highschool that i havent seen in 25 years and maybe i spent less than 1 year with them
I'm naturally an introvert, not because I'm shy or I have a low social battery. But because I honestly find it hard to relate to people sometimes. I don't have the same interests as other people. I wish I did but I just couldn't connect with other people. Not to say that I didn't have friends growing up because I had several but once the social safety blanket of school stopped, I didn't keep in touch with the majority of my friends. My early 20s was mostly just working and coming home to watch RUclips. Wasn't until mid 20s I started making friends and I formed connections with people. I even met a girl who I really liked and she liked me as well. But because I was used to pushing people away, I failed to realize she liked me too until it was too late. I'm always going to be an introvert to an extent but I don't walk around anymore using it as a defense mechanism. It's not some badge of pride for me anymore. It took me a while to realize that if I give myself a chance, people actually like me and want to be around me. It was just my fault, it has always been my fault that I was lonely. And that's really liberating to come to that conclusion. Because it means you can also be the solution to your own problems.
I'm 25, relate quite a lot with what you're saying, and have come to a very similar conclusion that it's really up to me and only to me to put myself out there IF I want companionship, and that it is possible to build healthy relationships by putting in some effort. However, I've come to realise that at the moment I'd rather just be alone, for the most part. I used to be quite socially anxious, and have worked through it and now feel pretty confident socially. I used to think I really wanted to have a full social life and that anxiety was blocking me. When I finally managed to feel comfortable around people, I tried going out a lot and just ended up realizing I just don't like it (not being outside, but being social). For the most part, it seems to me that I enjoy spending time and effort on my interests and self development much more than on other people, and find a lot of joy on my own, even through simple things. I do get lonely sometimes, but for the most part I like it this way. When I do socialize, I usually find it quite draining, although I've come to appreciate and tolerate it a lot more as I matured. Still, I prefer to be alone. I'm at a point where I'm trying to figure out if this is all the result of trauma, because eventually I do want to build a family, and I learned from my only love relationship (2 years recently) that my desire for solitude can be an issue. More recently, I've met someone I actually consider a true and close friend, but even he is the kind to prefer having his personal space, and it suits us both quite well to only meet/talk around 1-2 times a month. For some reason, I felt like sharing after reading your comment. If anyone's read this, I'm genuinely curious about your opinion. Does my story make any sense? Does it seem normal or strange?
I relate with this 💯 Especially the part where you talk about the pushing people apart. As a person who half introverted, we're mostly selective with our company. We mostly look for energy thats compatible with ours. We are great listeners. Our quiet charisma is one of our best traits. As a introvert, we are very loyal as friends, however, we are quick to cut out toxicity. Like you said, once we actually give people a chance, a bond is created
I 100% relate to this guy. It just sucks and you can't blame anyone for it. As he put it, you gotta find your own way in your own life. Hopefully I'll find my own happiness but I wish him the best.
@Calafan87 Get judged and rejected for your height, something that can't be changed and should not matter. And see if you can't blame anyone else, when it's the same shallow b.s. time and time again.
So many people pressed about this man saying "you know" instead of hearing him. My dad stutters, is a rather shy guy, and says "you know" a lot. I am aware that it is a "dIsTrAcTor", but I also know my dad is just trying to communicate. So long as I, and his other family/friends/people that he works with or otherwise encounters understand him, that's all that matters. He's not delivering a speech or making an announcement or deliberately trying to obscure what he is saying--he's just talking. A little bit of compassion and comprehension goes so far.
What pisses me off is it's a lot of men making crappy comments, but I bet they'd be the first to cry "men don't have support. We're not allowed to express ourselves." Dude bares his soul & even his fellow men aren't supportive.
If you feel like him I strongly suggest you volunteer for causes you care about. You'll often meet people with similar ideals to you while getting connected to your community. I run a mentorship program and have seen people find community this way.
@@chaucerianfraud6767 I dont think this is true. I'm sure you can think of times men or male role models in your life have belittled your vulnerability in pretty rough ways. I think men just can't accept it coming from women because we are supposed to be "nurturers" in society's eyes. Things have changed a lot since women don't need to depend on men for much anymore.
I feel his pain. I was raised by a domineering mother and abusive stepfather. I have endured all sorts of abuse and have struggled with addiction to cocaine for decades. I have PTSD. I am 49, no wife or kids. All I can do is work on myself and my shortcomings. Chip away at the darkness. It’s not pleasant but hey it is the work I need and want to do. I know there is salvation. Every day, just a little bit. Peace.
Im 42 and my solitude is a blessing. To be able to think about yourself is true freedom, I'm happier than I've ever been as a result of finding inner peace
Ppl don't realize how trauma and betrayal affects ppl. Man or woman, ppl are bad and hurt others, just TRY to NOT allow ppl to change your heart, or affect you. EVERYONE isn't the same, don't blame ALL bc of ONE.
It's more so the surroundings that is the issue. Across other countries with different cultures it's better to a degree cause we aren't dealing with a lot of immaturity
He wasnt blaming one, that girl was just the feather that broke the camels back. He had already lost people he thought were going to be close friends for reasons completely out of his control, the friend who switched up when he decided to move to florida, the friends he lost during war, the disconnect from him and his family.. it wasnt just her she was just his breaking point
I also recommend becoming comfortable in solitude. Whether it’s by choice or just how the chips fall, alone time is an opportunity for peace. And if you can’t be by yourself in peace, that speaks to an issue worth exploring through therapy. My point is simply, being “alone” is not necessarily the problem. If people don’t want to be and constantly find themselves alone that’s one thing, but so long as we look in to why we’re alone (and not because of outside forces, I’m talking about reasons specific to each of us) we will always have a pathway to meaningful companionship. Life isn’t easy and I blame social media for trying to spin a narrative otherwise.
@@JME1186 Solitude is an opportunity for introspective growth. The problem with day and age is that people have been conditioned to view it as negative when in reality it form the basis for understanding who one truly is. People go their whole lives developing networks of false friendships and relationships without ever coming to understand what they intrinsically value as an individual. It's madness.
@@celestialmajesty2053 Not for it's own sake. That's neediness and implies a greater underlying problem. You can't come to adequately be around others if you don't know yourself first. Solitude is the pre-requisite for self-knowledge.
This breaks my heart for him. I hope his life can change for the better. I can empathize with his struggle. Not everyone is comfortable with making friends and are not great at "selling themselves" when they meet people.
This video made me subscribe to the channel…this brother put himself out there and was willing to be vulnerable and aba and preach treated him with compassion and thoughtfulness…we need more of that on the internet!
@@triplebeans41591. Not everyone has access to therapy 2. He doesn’t have a mental problem, or needs medical attention. he has a social and emotional issue. Usually that’s solved over convos with ur dad or mom or sis or bro friends and family loved ones and people u look up to maybe a professor or ur friends older sibling maybe a cousin maybe a colleague or that old falafel guy u high five when u go get ur coffee and strike a convo when coffee isn’t ready yet maybe the homeless guy u share a smoke with.. he’s saying he’s struggling finding those people in his life.. so he’s reaching out online which the whole point of the internet.. not everything needs a medical professional.. people need people.. and people need to people.. let people people lol.. what’s the whole point of social media if not to reach out? Would it have been better or “more inspiring” for him to flex? Coz y’all shit on those ppl too lol
Miserable people love to spread it around ... Mocking others makes them feel better about their sad lives too .. its a pitiful thing . There is a good chance most of those mocking him will be in a worse position when they are his age ... Time puts a hurting on everything.
@@ceelobrown8606 A lot of relationships will end sadly, but those relationships are what will you will remember when you're older and all the good times you had. Them being finite makes them special.
@@sidsrivastava6987 I think some relationships end faster than they can because they have agendas rather than ginuenity. Those one aren't so much as special. But again i understand what you mean.
Trusting people, especially a romantic partner, is always gonna be a gamble. The problem is on the other side, if you close yourself off from people, sure you don't have to worry about betrayal but with it, comes a life of promised loneliness. Very verrrrry few people can truly live a life like this and be happy. People are social creatures. I'm an introvert and even I feel the need to have other people in my life.
@vettie if you're constantly waiting for something to end you'll never appreciate it while it's going . You'll always look for signs of a finish. You have to come to the understanding that everything in life is a gamble/investment . And gauge if this current investment is worth your time and will you feel better without it ?
@@CloudyOctober Yes, I'm very familiar with Buddhist teachings. The truth is that there is no investment (for me personally) that is worthy in regard to close relationships. If everything ends, then I might as well spend as much time loving and appreciating the only person that I'm forced to exist with constantly throughout this journey -- Myself.
Oh absolutely, just look at vr chat and then vr chat dating thats stuff sad lonely. I hear stories about people cuddling in vr with a heated blanket on thier backside or thier front to mimic how itd feel to have the person right there with them.
@@patwick7351 vr chat doesnt count an loneliness because you still have contact with real humans and interact with humans, just not in person. Loneliness is when you actually have no meaningful interaction, in person or online, with anyone.
Being lonely and and being alone are two different things. Me being alone is so nice and peaceful, but yeah just to have friends to hangout with is nice as well
most people don't have friends, just close or common acquaintances. friendship is a relationship that requires commitment, sacrifice, compromise, integrity, etc., and to maintain a posture that enables you to keep/make friends has more to do with placement and timing. For younger generations, social media's illusion of friends and followers is really just a lack of discernment and a great amount of unwarranted and unnecessary desperation.
The first part is false, the second I agree with. It requires nothing to enjoy someone else's company. You'll reach out simply because you enjoy spending the time. Friendships are usually a reprieve from life's dramas, not the cause of them. I think some want a friend to have a friend and not because you actually like them or have much in common.
@@xejelah Not sure where you are in life but I can tell you the OP's initial comment is generally true. Specially when you get married and have children, you stop friendships and you have acquaintances based on spouses and children. Your routines and even hobby's become a part of your family and not just you and that makes difficult if not right impossible to have "true friends". That does not mean some people don't have true friends but most people don't
True genuine friendships are rare and hard to find, most people that people call friends don't behave as such behind their backs or in their intentions.@@joaofarinha551
I was in a similar situation, friendless in a foreign city, and depressed as a result. I quit my high-paying job, moved back home, and have not regretted it. Though I make much less $ now, I'm surrounded by family and the community of my youth, and I feel good. If any of you out there are in a similar position as this man, MAKE A CHANGE NOW. You won't regret it.
See, I'm instantly drawn in by him. Look into his eyes. He has a beautiful soul that's been wounded. I have ptsd and barely leave my house now, so I totally get his pain. My Mom always taught me that you never know what a person is going through. Everyone has a story to tell & pain they're dealing with. So be kind❤
As a wounded vet, he literally described the basic symptom of ptsd lol hope he goes to the VA to get checked out if he didn’t already. I’ve been alone since 2009 when I left hospital, a lot of the same reasons described by him. I eventually realized that’s part of PTSD. I didn’t get everything back but can still have my core friend group and better family relationships despite being far from each other. So technically I’m not really alone. Some of it is relearning to hold healthy relationships
@@kubolor1234 not as much as they should. For as much the us loves to "support" the troops that support usually doesn't go much further than a hollow thank you
@@kubolor1234 Yes the veterans of foreign wars and VA will. There are usually catches though specifically with the VFW you have to have been part of campaign which is easy to prove with a dd-214 listing all of your medals and ribbons both cases have to have some sort of connection to service though. The VA I'm not super sure on the process but usually it has to be service connected since I'd personally never go to them for mental health help before going to like a non-profit or the American legion or something of that sort or even just talking to buddies from the units I was part of.
I’m 23 right now. And I’m the same way. Don’t really have friends. Stay home a lot. Not really social even with my family. I’m kinda scared of this. I’m gonna be honest. And I’m the exact way when it comes to being afraid of getting close to people because of the fact that they might leave one day. It’s a crazy spot to be in.
@@ryanleonidas6839 but I’m afraid of continuing these habits. Yeah it’s cool to be alone and I’m fine with it but I’m just hoping it doesn’t stop me from finding a wife or something like that
The problem I find is that modern life is focused on advancement. As if your friends at home are temporary, your friends in high school are temporary, and your friends in college are temporary, and your REAL life starts when you move away to work. Meanwhile you abandon every relationship you've spent the first ~25 years of your life fostering, and its difficult to foster new relationships once you've already lived through most of the major events in your early life. You can't maintain strong relationships through just an annual phone call. So men nowadays are alone more often, trapped in a job and community they have no attachment to. Women I find easily maintain friends through talking and discourse, but men just like to HANG with each other or go DO THINGS, something that is impossible over the phone.
It is weird that everyone is impressed when you say you got a new job half-way around the world, but nobody is impressed when you say you stayed in the same town for 40 years and have lots of friends and family.
I always felt it was the opposite because it's not easy to maintain a healthy mutual friendship as an adult female especially with the different paths our lives can take. Exhibit A many of my "friends" are getting married, working their 9-5's, studying, being single moms etc. They have no time to foster or maintain anything more than a basic surface level friendship. Everyone's mantra is that they're busy so time just passes and random catch ups are not enough to keep those friendships going. Making friendships as an adult is hard for men and women it seems.
@@tiffanykim2773 Thanks for your perspective, I meant no disrespect to women. I only speak of the women in my life who seem to have no problem having a multi-hour phone call with a friend from long ago. I've never seen a man do that in my life.
I feel like I’ve reached a point where “loneliness” is no longer giving me pain; I’ve learned to just deal with it since it’s nobody else’s problem but my own. I heard this man seems to be doing all right, and that’s all that matters.. God bless him
Love ppl that have nothing to offer you. Check on your family members for no reason other than love and genuine concern. As we get older, we have to step into the love leadership roles in our families. Host the bbq, plan the family reunion. etc.
@@SalikCollinsYou’ll regret this mindset when they pass away which comes for all of our loved ones. Trust me, always be the bigger person unless youre blatantly being disrespected.
@BeenWavy-i4w Nah I doubt I'll regret it. And I'll pass on being the bigger person cause like I said if they can't check on me thqn I won't check on them. Plus I haven't seen my family in a long time so there practically strangers to me.
Ngl I been in my crib for 2 years straight only coming out for groceries. When I go outside to try to break this repetitive lifestyle, feelings of embarrassment over comes me, idk why. So that makes me stay in the house more. Sometimes I feel, that I’m just waiting for death. I’m hoping that this is the video will help me break this sad and lonely life. *edit Just wanted to add I was married in a early age 18 for 13 years got divorced 6 years ago. I met women and was in a relationship for two. And to be honest I been in this lonely bubble for 3 and a half years. I ignored calls from friends, avoided going out, never I was a bad friend until I did that. I can say I’m a kind soul that would give my shirt off my back. I Started picking up gaming like I used too but nothing feels the same. All I do is work and lately been playing Elden Ring to 100 percent. That game actually helped me find that spark, but doesn’t help me escape this pathetic lifestyle. Sucks when dreams are so much better than this reality. Anyone reading, this is not the way.Go out and experience life, don’t be like me living life with regrets.Also I appreciate the advice and concern from you guys. It warms my heart that people can find compassion for other strangers, that did put a smile on my face.
A piece of advice I heard that may help with men making more friends is to do a mid/long term bootcamp/program or volunteer somewhere frequently. Something like a 3+ month fitness program or an educational course or a recreational activity. Whatever it is, make sure you do it for at least a few hours with people almost everyday. You need time to get to know people and doing with others with a goal in mind is the best way to make more solid connections. You should do something you would like as to keep you coming but simply socializing can be a great reason. I know it can seem like a lot of work but start small to figure out what kind of people are participating in these things and then COMMIT. Making friends is hard because as an adult you need to put more effort into it. And before you reason your way out of it, trust that you NEED friends. I know it is also expensive but it can really help you in the long run.
Get a social hobby and get over the embarrassment. Join a run club, hike club, rollerskating classes, dance classes, join a dojo, like come now sir you go hundreds of options
One thing to remember is no matter how weird you think you are there's alot of people just like you. Go online and find meetups for activities you're interested in, there are plenty of people in similar situation as you. Took me years to find a woman as strange as myself, now I got a beautiful daughter and life is great. Get out there and make life worth living start small.
"That your response to deal with it was to become reclusive" Important distinction. Because you need to remember that you are your own author. The world does not define you. Only you define you You got this my guy. One day at a time.
@@MogadypopzI don’t understand that logic. “I didn’t make friends because I didn’t want to lose them” 🙄 man that’s part of life…friends go and come. I’m not social awkward by any means but I chose to have no friends because I want my time for my wife. We do everything…even before her I most stayed alone because I hate the idea of having to spend money when I have to go out with them. God forbid something happens to my wife…I’m ok being alone and not making friends. I can be alone and not lonely.
Loneliness of men cannot be understood by women, for women more often than not have more friends and alliances based on the way females socialize. It’s how women survived for thousands of years. Men are individualists. If a woman stepped into a man’s body with her memories and emotions intact she’d feel quite alone.
Loneliness of men cannot be understood by women, for women more often than not have more friends and alliances based on the way females socialize. It’s how women survived for thousands of years. Men are individualists. If a woman stepped into a man’s body with her memories and emotions intact she’d feel quite alone
I got Epilepsy at 36 that said hello. My wife divorced me and my kids are with her. I'm 40 now and do nothing except whatever my kids want on the weekends. I feel bad for dude.
I admire this man so much. It takes an incredible amount of bravery to open up to the camera in that way and discuss issues like this. I’m only 7 minutes in, so maybe things change, but Preach’s initial reaction doesn’t give credence to the amount of pain this man is living with on a day-in, day-out basis. You can’t compare an attitude of, “I’ve already grieved you and made the conscious choice to let you in my life, regardless” with the emotional vulnerability of exposing yourself to close relationships when you’re *actively* grieving and dealing with trauma, or any similar challenges in that realm. This man never had the types of relationships that someone in Preach’s situation can take for granted. Never had the family or friends or work success required to build that type of self confidence. You just can’t compare it or judge on the same scale. It’s two completely different universes.
Christ. You may not agree with the man, but he's feeling what he's feeling. Maybe it'll change in due course but for now, this is his experience/his thoughts, let him be.
Loneliness is at an all time high especially with this economy. People having to move away for work or just to afford housing and having to commute to work. They barely have enough time in the day for themselves and not enough money to go out.
Men typically don’t go out their way to express their feelings, you get made fun of or ignored. It’s rough as you age. You become an afterthought to people who you were friends with and have moved on from you. Unless they want something from you or need something from you.
It’s not about expression of feelings, it’s about societal pressure. We live in a modern world where men are still looked at to be traditional, this means most men let go of meaningful relationships so they can provide enough financial support for the future family and self. This also means more working hours, more depression, more anxiety, more stress. An average man in this modern world, is as good as invisible.
He seems a nice guy I'd be happy to have him as a friend. I'm not great at making friends and have been lucky to meet a few people who've really made an effort to get to know me despite me coming off standoffish most of the time. Key word is 'lucky'. Don't add shame to the list of things that get in your way of moving forward in this life.
okay.. this title is sort of sad.....after listening to him and looking him in his eyes, I feel for the guy. He seems to have a good heart. I REALLY hopes he gets some extra help and finds his tribe. THEY ARE OUT THERE! Everyone needs someone. If no one needed anyone, it wouldn't be so many people on the planet. We really do need one another.
No, it’s people, humans are lame and humans think they’re cool and hip and humans don’t want to have any friends that are t super Uber popular and cool. Its pathetic. Even in social groups women and men will heirarchy and class between them. It’s sad. So he doesn’t fit the profile for a lot of peoples class system regardless of how much money or style clothing he has people class out his personality. Lame.
@@Urban_atelierbyabe nothing hurts ptsd like family an friends. isolation is devastating for someone with ptsd, speaking from experience. but sometimes that's less devastating.
@@JFFF6293I stay away from most of my family because they tell me oh get over it you’re back home. And me being a woman just makes it worse. I joined because of them saying women can’t do this or that. Well I did retire and 20 years of service was an accomplishment to me.
For me the level of peace being alone is incomparable to the temporary joy of being close to people. When I do start getting close to someone it starts to feel too good to be true then i end up sabatoging the relationship or put up a barrier so I dont start feeling weak or vulnerable. Being alone hurts a little bit but not as bad as a relationship coming to an end
University/college period of your life are the best years to capitalize on meeting and connecting with people to form long-lasting relationships. It's probably the last time you'll ever be surrounded with people relatively close to your age and are forced to interact with people being in the same class as them. Now, at 34, I've gone from a dozen friends I use to hang out with a weekly/monthly basis in my 20s down 2 I see every couple weeks.
Yup! One thing I did after therapy was force myself to talk to my college classmates, or when opportunities came, I took advantage of them to hang out with others.
I'm in same boat at 31, I'm hanging out with people here and there but for the most part I only keep in contact with people online and even those connections have waned and that's not even including all the people that dropped me as well lol
30s and 40s hit hard. These red pill dudes say don’t get married, single is fun. Well this is the reality. You’re single and alone, meanwhile all your friends are busy with their families. And you haven’t seen them in months. Weekends become extremely boring. Eventually, the loneliness hits you.
They are fresh and fit, preach is fresh and it’s hilarious they hate each other. They are mirror images of each others group and don’t let Aba fake you out he’s so prude and chit, Aba is evil and mean streaked and arrogant and also isn’t such a ass missed either. Aba hates women the same . He ain’t so successful in the pants. Aba is hateful and talk ish. White surfer guy here and I’m not fooled by aba’s act at all!
I’ve realized at my 41 yrs that most people don’t want to keep in touch unless you can relate to them. I’m single and childless by choice and everyone I know is married and it’s kids or just with kids. I can’t relate and I’m tired of hearing the when am I gonna get married and have kids. And I’m too busy with school so, it is what it is. We’re not crying about it. Life happens.
I can very much relate to this. I am almost 40, single and no kids and not planning on it. There are groups for folks like us, but most of us are too busy with school/carreers and there is the issue. We don't prioritize building a social life.
A lot of truth to this. Men and women who don't have kids usually have major issues relating to their friends with kids. Especially if successful, because the ones without kids might be living better.
Some of my fave videos from A&P are these real talks with real advice. They're always so helpful and sincere and give me a new perspective for myself or understand where friends and family are coming from
Long distance friendships r a real thing. My old gaming group from 17 years ago still stay in contact. We found out 1 of them died in a car accident, his wife and kid survived. Everyone but me got together to game and greave. I didn't and I honestly dont know why, but I think about him all the time still 4 years after his death
This hits home. Not learning early as a child how to make friends and foster relationships will lead you on a downward spiral of loneliness. Especially in the adult life where it is so difficult to make new friends if you live in a big city. And i mean real friends, not just people you talk to from time to time. People expect you to know how to do these things and you really really get ostracized quick if you don't. I'm in my 30's and my social life is pretty much non existent outside of work. And people ill tell you "yeah just get yourself out there and meet new people" well yeah sure i can meet new people but i still don't know how to make friendships and keep them. I'm the guy you will talk to, you won't have a bad time but you won't have a great time either. And 5 minutes after talking to me you'll already have forgotten i ever existed. Even worse, being alone so much is starting to make me be incredibly self centered which worsens just the whole situation. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to be alone anymore but i don't know to keep people arround me.
This makes me want to be his friend. Came across as thoughtful, spoke with clarity, and authentic. And the VA counselors are great. Thing is they will schedule a visit literally months apart due to their overburdened case load. I feel for the guy.
Man this is crazy as I was watching this video I just received a random call from an old friend that I lost contact with who I met when I was like 8 years old life is a trip man lol
There is a perfect storm of reasons why I'm such a loner. I find socializing very draining, like a chore. I'm pretty sure I'm on some spectrum of "schizoid PD" and that my aversion to/disinterest in people is trauma based. Maybe I just haven't met the right people that I WANT to put an effort in nurturing a relationship with...but then again, there are other things I'd rather be doing than going out to actively look for them. Solo life has been the more peaceful life for me....I am still friendly with people that I have to talk to though. But in my head 90% of the time, I am hoping the engagement will be over ASAP.
My husband is 43 and has no friends. He had friends and when we started having kids all his party friends didn’t want to be around (understandable) but he hasn’t cultivated new friendships. He gets invited by coworkers he says no, if someone texts him he won’t reply, he doesn’t invite people over. So that’s on him if he has no friends. As a wife I try to encourage for him to say yes. But I can’t make him and I’m not gonna plan “play dates” either like some other wives they try to plan couples nights and stuff. Not me. That is trapping him to be with people he might not necessarily click with. Really awkward to do.
Well it sounds like to me his “party friends” were some real squares that felt like they were some were fake friends from the start… I think he should get counseling cause you’d think if he has a wife and kids he’d be very content with that but he really should look into seeking help… says a thirty year old single man with no kids
@@jawanzaevans8842 oh he is absolutely happy not having friends 🤣 he wants nothing more than to sit alone and unbothered all weekend. His friends were friends he had had since his early 20s and that’s basically all they did party. I think it’s healthy for people to have friends but my husband doesn’t think that is necessarily true. The difference between extroverts and introverts. If we do an outing or see family or my friends he wants a break after. He likes his quiet time (play loud music and doing what he wants)
@@nightmoose music, trains, politics, history, cooking. I think he sees having friendships as too much work. Which is true, you have to invest into friendships to make them worth it. That means checking in, hanging out, taking time from other things to go towards those friendships. He gets home at 5-6, takes a shit, shower, and cook, then put kids to bed. By the time is all done is 10pm. Which means only weekends really are the time to do stuff. Anyway he doesn’t see it as important. I NEED my girlfriends for sure. I love having friends, he NEEDS his time alone with no one talking to him 😅
you got to take him out his comfort zone to meet new people then you still start to see him become more interactive in his life even when he intially doesn't like it soon enough he will come around he just needs a few things to boond with people then boom he will start to have his own pairing of guys
I definitely grieve relationships as soon as I meet ppl. Preach is the first person I've heard share my sentiments out loud. Everything ends, some of us can see it before that day comes, and we brace ourselves for it. Total defense mechanism, but its better than thinking a connection is more than it is.
What time?????? He’s got less than a decade before turning 50. He’s got no time and has completely wasted his life up to this point. Any other view point is just pure cope.
@@StoogesTheTwohe’s good unless he wants to have kids, the reality of the situation is most likely society had a significant part in making him this way, if everyone loved each other and treated each other with respect there would be way less people like this
I am at work currently, but had to take a break to comment on my man's video. I am in the same boat as far as being 41 with no family or wife, but as far as friends go ..I have them, but never see them. Like some friends I haven't seen in years, it's crazy. But this is the reality that sets in mid 30s and early 40s. Things aren't not what they once were and will never become what they were again. I have been told to make "new" friends and connections, but when you do, it's hard to relate when they have a family and you do not. Families become a large part of the "normalcy" for social standards as you get older. But you know what? There needs to be a place for people who do not have that, a community that is more known as not everyone should have families and if they did, we would be even more over populated and prices would be through the roof. I made the mistake of trying to not be myself the past 4 years or so and my personality just was not there, I became more socially awkward. But in the last 2 weeks, I had a breakthrough and decided to be myself and not feel weird for not having a family. I am who I am, you either like it or don't like it. My social skills have come back and feeling more confident than I have in years. Not everyone has the same experience, but just be yourself my man. Be who you were and not who you want to be.
I'm 43. I go where the single people go and where things are not solely centred around families. I belong to 3 support groups. I belong to the alternative sexual lifestyle community. I belong to a group that plays soccer/football. I go to events that are adult focused not family focused. I love kids but I don't have a family. I'm facing different challenges from parents so I don't hold it against them....some of them wish they were single. The grass is green where you water it. Some people have whole huge families and still feel alone.
The "you know" is his attempt to downplay his suffering and self soothe at the same time... look at his glazed eyes. This is a man in absolutely spiritual suffering, empathy and compassion is so important. As we're advancing so many ways but struggling to do so when it comes to care and respect because of our new found unquenchable desire for instant self-gratification, and it's terribly sad.😔
This is a very disturbing reality. This guy is 41, he's late Gen X, maybe early millennial. He still grew up without social media and other modern distractions. He had all the opportunities to socialize normally. Imagine the current generations who live in social media and have the constant fear of "being cancelled" and young boys not even trying to socialize with girls due to fear of whatever backlash... It's a bleak future
Or he's just antisocial. And I say that because you're right, he was born in the 80s and grew up in a time when the internet wasn't as heavy yet he's still making this video. There are people born in the 1800s who ended up just like this, because they were antisocial. The famous inventor Tesla, who is the very reason we have cell phones today was even considered a loner ironically.
I am gen z, there is no fear of being cancelled or fear of approaching women from a social media standpoint unless you’re a professional self snitcher. If anything it’s probably easier to approach women cos the receipts are almost always there. A lot of things are probably more polarised, so as a normal person, you just have to be able to navigate different types of groups. I personally stay away from people who are too politically in tune (which ever flavour) cos I always end up being tokenised.
@@MrMan-fx3ow true it will last for a while but as you move into further stages of life that loneliness def sets in. My children fulfilled my life for so long but I always thought I would meet someone along the way for companionship but that still hasn’t happened so for me, so I do think about when all of my children are gone what will it be like.
I was the same way all my life , socially anxious, nervous etc but once i hit 25 i finally realize that i have to stop being a loser, it's only gonna make me more depressed, i finally gained some balls and got out there, started to join clubs, took up boxing, photography, and met my now girlfriend of two years from those classes, started to go to concerts and festivals,, just started to go out more and i started meeting new people and now i have a couple of friends that i actually hang out with. Before i had zero friends. You just have to look for a hobby and you will meet people. You are not gonna meet anyone staying in your house all day.
Everyone says DO but nobody says HOW. How do you choose a hobby when you have no interests? Did you literally force yourself to like boxing or those other activities in order to commit to them or did you already have some interest in these things?
I’m just a 3:17 rn and that hit me. I love solitude but it has made life hell at the same time. It’s a scientific fact it causes depression. Hope the best for this brother cause this where I’m at now, but I’m control now not solitude (HELL)
I’m 32 and I understand him. For me I think it’s something you guys have touched on in the past. I lack confidence because I don’t do anything to better myself. I won’t find people till I start to get out there and do more things in life. Which will fulfill me and attract people. Like Abba has dancing, stand up comedy, MMA, anime, etc Preach has MMA, comedy, fashion, travel, etc.
I would be similar to this man if I didn’t have a wife(who is quiet herself) or family I kept in contact with. Now I do have childhood associates that I manage to keep in contact with but nothing much beyond that. When you are socially awkward it’s hard to get over it just by yourself…you need help. That help can be in many forms…but alone isn’t helpful. But for my fellow awkward people I will say…people are more open to making new connections than you think.
@@moonknight4053 that’s not a bad question. This is going to sound plain but communication. My wife is actually my best friend so humor and being mindful to be open and talk and uplift each other. The interesting things follow after that because u can come up with the cool stuff together. Social media makes it look like guys have to be flashy to impress women…that’s not true. Now having said that..this doesn’t work with women who don’t have their own thing going for them because they look to catch a lick off guys.
@@MrUniq Thanks bro, I appreciate ur reply back. Im dating someone atm, when I date I think long term like children and etc, I told her this too, she’s cool w that. Mind u it’s been 3 months haha, but yeah I like her a lot! When u first started dating, did u guys go out a lot like every week? It’s hard because going out means usually spending!! Don’t mean to sound too frugal it’s just I don’t want a girl who’s using up my money every week, if that makes sense!!
I respect the honesty and how open he is. He seems like a good guy. I hope he makes some good ppl soon it is hard and I feel him on how hard it is to keep in contact and keep up with friends as you get older especially when you have a family and responsiblities. I had 1 main friend who passed and it has been hard to make new friends because the quality of most ppl today. It is hard to keep friends.
I didn't even realize until I clicked his channel. Maybe it shows that living such a lifestyle only creates short term relationships rather than long term ones.
Many men need to do the samething and travel there's no reason to be miserable in the states. This place is gone for socialability. In alot of ways it's a good thing it's creating movment in men who are tired of having to change up everything about themselves just to have some sort of relationship. This society is highly psychotic and frankly not very human like.
You get to define what having a life means for you. That's huge so take some time to figure that out. As far as friends and a boyfriend, just be open, keep trying and you will find your tribe.
I appreciate what you guys are doing, getting this veterans message out. I’m a veteran and this is very common, I can almost say I see a lot of myself in him. Please understand this unless you’re a veteran, you’ll never understand.
17:07 homie needs therapy! Get off RUclips and go to a therapist bro. These people don’t REALLY care about you. Yall gotta stop coming online with unhealed trauma. I get folks wanna share their experiences to others so people can relate and know they aren’t alone… but the internet is a ruthless place. I would advice people to do as much personal healing of your issues and trauma before you share it online. It’ll protect you from internet trolls and bad people that try to pick at you or from people that’ll take advantage of you at a low moment. Heal first then share! I hope this brotha gets help.
Completely agree. But the issue is that he has noone around him to even point him in the right direction, the internet is his last hail mary for better or worse. Of course there will be trolls, but there are also people that can offer some good advice.
@@alb.88 that’s true, but when you’re that vulnerable it’s not worth taking that risk by sharing online. I can understand that he doesn’t have friends or family to express himself. That’s why I say he should seek therapy. The therapist will teach him how to heal from his PTSD and what exercises he can follow to open himself up and meet new people. Once he gets that down and he’s able to make friends he can vent to and open up with. THEEEEEN he can come on RUclips and share his story, becaus now the trolls can’t mess with his mental because he’s created that stable base from therapy. And now he can not only find viewers that relate to his trauma but now he can give them active steps on how to heal from it because he’s actively done the work prior to coming on RUclips. But when you don’t do the therapy and come online hoping the internet will be you’re therapist, all you get is a bunch of people validating your experience and being depressed with you which only keeps you in the depression, or even worst you’ll find trolls that’ll make you feel even more worse than you currently feel. So it’s best that people seek professional help before they come online to be vulnerable.
1. As an inverted woman I learn to create friendships with other women who are extroverted so I do not become a hermit. No presure to spend money, No heart breaks. 2. Go to Church. Or embrass your religion, whatever it is. Old church ladies and religious leaders are the best match makers. 3.Libraries, book clubs, coffee house and gym is a introvert best friend. To get out the house
He’s where I was 4 years ago and his life is a nearly a mirror of mine from the military to the broken friendships and even a 7 year relationships and moving states, except I became a solo full time father for 3 years after the breakup. I did my healing, got into more of what I love about myself, my music, being active, made new friends, met someone new. Life goes on and you gotta heal and adjust. Just don’t stay stagnant in it.
Aba and Preach, I truly appreciate your channel and your perspectives. And most of the time I agree with both of you; however, what I think you guy are missing, assuming I didn’t misunderstand your perspectives, is this guy is a combat veteran. I am a combat veteran. And I hate to sound triggered, but he sounds like he may have PTSD, depression, and/or anxiety disorder. And it is very common for veterans, even those that were not in combat, to suffer from these illnesses. Aba, assuming your military experience was like mine, we were told NOT to seek medical assistance. We are told you are weak if you seek help. Suck it up. Push through. Mental illness is just that, it is an illness, and it requires more than simply deciding to do something different. That’s like having a broken leg and assuming it will just heal naturally on its own. And I think we should be more cognizant of the challenges, not only for veterans with mental illness, but what all people have that are suffering from mental illness. We need to try to eliminate the stigma so that people will stop being afraid to get help. I believe when we do that, more people will seek help and we will all have better healthy lives.
Its possible he has PTSD. Good catch, but without him being diagnosed I wouldnt know. I also dont know the signs of PTSD but we appreciate the insight boss!
Pin of respect.
Pin of Understanding
Pin of acknowledgment.
Pin of approval.
For everyone complaining about his “you know” yes it’s repetitive but it’s a crutch word .. “like” Is another example ..it’s obvious he is socially awkward, but unless folks in here are running a Toastmaster chapter just chill and listen deeper for his story.. empathy is free
People can stutter alot.
Thank you! Like damn . To me it's also a sign that he's uncomfortable expressing what he's feeling.
As someone who says you know I can agree
Thank you.
I didn't even notice that until I read your column 😅
At least he's not angry and blaming other people for his situation.
Right..he'll eventually meet a nice young lady😊
🧢 @@MsM-y3d
That's true but still it's hard and very painful being alone .........
@@MsM-y3dnot in the u.s he has to get a passport
@kingarthur1295 did you not hear about the news about passport bros dying and getting robbed?
Had a look at his youtube, this video is a year old and now it looks like hes doing alot better, exploring south america and meeting new people. Glad that it looks like hes finding his way👏
South America? So being a passport bro? I'm afraid he might be in danger then.
Edit: I asked if he was a passport bro, didn't say he was. So stop, just stop.
Black men are being targeted with violence and death in South America in relation to Passport Bro. That's why I'm worried.
If you don't understand my comment, ask, don't insult me, and don't assume I don't know anything. ASK FIRST! You all are midunderstanding and trolling. Either you're F&F rejects or bots cause this is uncalled for.
@@JadedeaJade let that man enjoy his life. He's been though enough. He's a vet. He knows how to watch his corners.
@@Cagon415 Foreal
@@Cagon415 I want him to. I'm just afraid for him that's all. They are killing guys looking for love down there and I would be fuckin pissed if they got him somehow. Like nuke that country pissed. And I'm a vet too, so that's killing my brother. I'm tired of men, Black men in particular, being mistreated and killed for wanting love. I know what that feels like and I don't fucking want that for anyone.
This makes me so happy 🤗 god bless I hope he has a good life🙏🏾
He seems like a gentle traumatized soul. A little compassion for those around you who don’t socialize the way you do will help heal some wounds that you may not see or be aware of.
We all deal with our struggles differently. But when a human bares his struggle with humility, the least we can do is be supportive. Anxiety and depression are real and actively affecting people’s social, family, and professional relationships. It’s a defense mechanism to guard your heart by not making deep connections especially when you’re vulnerable and tend to love and trust a whole lot faster, deeper and longer than most.
I respect this man for conquering part of his battles by speaking up about his experiences. Be blessed you sweet strong soul.
This why no one has any friends. People nailing the man to the cross for saying “you know”. 😩
I mean…you know🤷🏾♂️
The dude seem okay and genuine too me no diddy I’ll fuck with him if he was local
Exactly. I don't date american men. I don't have american friends.
never understood people like that. I've seen someone give an incredibly deep,charismatic talk and then someone will say "you need to stop using like. I was taught that in school." actually I also disagree when people say that anyway we are not robots. A lot of those filler words build connection with the listener and makes you feel as if the speaker is being genuine and talking directly to you. It's not some rehearsed garbage. It's authentic and from the heart. Obviously too much of that isnt good but the amount this guy used didnt take away from his video. It was heartfelt and sad.
@@Hardawayfits yet you love American RUclips 😂
It’s rougher as you get older. Your friends move on and have families of their own. And move away or if they are local, their spouses and kids come first. Once you’re in your late 30s/early 40s, most women your age are either married or divorced. It just sadly is what it is.
Yep. I am "friendly" with a lot of people my age but almost all have families and kids and thus "hanging out" isn't a reality.
42 here...last gf dumped me because my dad got dementia and I had to take care of him. On some levels I don't blame her but man trying to find the lesson life was trying to teach me here was difficult.
@@spsawyer22 Sorry to hear that happened.. If you're open to a good read, please let me recommend the book "Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind" by Shunryu Suzuki. This book has had a tremendous impact on me and my ability to deal with difficult situations as someone who has had many difficult circumstances in my life. Good luck friend.
@@spsawyer22People are in our lives for a REASON….a SEASON…or a LIFETIME.
@@spsawyer22 There's no lesson, or rather, there's not always a lesson.
Also, there's no reward for being honorable either, other than being honorable itself.
You may never get your flowers, but "praise" isn't why you did it to begin with.
Well done being you brother.
I don't understand how a woman being divorced is a problem. That just means she's single.
This is rough..and there are a lot of people like him. If you don't socialize and develop relationship skills, it has a cost and it only gets harder when you are an adult.
Or be a chad and you don't need to have any of that
depends on the person. some people are doing just fine being alone. The introverts are best at it....people who generally don't like bars, shows, crowds and other people.
@@RandoWisLuLme personally, I’m so damn tired after work I have no energy for a social life. I’m perfectly fine with “work friends” that’s enough interaction to keep me a normal well connected person. I go home on the weekends and scream at people on the PlayStation also lol.
@@Halo4beatsB02 everyone needs that.
It is programmed into you.
@@RandoWisLuL Introversion and social isolation/social awkwardness are not the same though, and I think sometimes view the terms as interchangeable or as an excuse as to why they are bad with people or fail at relationships. I'm an introvert, but I value social interaction and enjoy relating with people. I also need a break from it after "X"amount of time and like to do my "alone stuff".
Dude from “40 year old virgin” legit seemed the most happy with life and content with his situation. It was his shit friends making him think it was something to make into a big deal. They induced so much social comparison he stopped feeling content.
“Because I don’t understand what you just said I’m a take it as disrespect watch ya mouth” 😂😂😂😂
honestly this is what we were supposed to take from the movie
Had a stroke reading this.
@@nikhilajith8880 is it better now?
@maenad1231 Yep. 👍
I am like Preach in this way. I cant keep trying to reach out to people, or putting in more effort than them. It drains me, and I decide I rather not have them around. I cant do 1 sided relationships/friendships/ family whatever it is
Same!
At almost 63, I've learned it's perfectly okay to have disposable people in your life. Not everyone will put forth the same effort and energy to maintain either. I don't chase friendships, nor did I chase relationships when I was single. It's not worth it to me.
Exactly. And this is the current problem with America and the west in general. I promise you, after WW3 has come and gone, we will see a polar shift in the importance of friendships, relationships and community. Right now is the absolute worst time to have a good soul and a good heart - Because people dont know how to look at eachother right now.
Ditto
@percyvolnar8010 That's quite hyperbolic, but i see your point.
This will be the reality for many of this generation raised by social media. I went to my grandfather's funeral years ago and it's was close to a half a thousand pple that showed up I was so stunned. He actually connected with all these people without social media yet ppl have thousands of online followers but no meaningful relationships its makes you wonder if technology changed our interactions and made them less genuine. Friends for clout, relationships for clout or gain instead of connecting and growing your spirit. It's tough and I salute this man for facing that reality even at 41 or 80 or even 13 years old loneliness affects everybody.
Why are you thinking that followers are friends? That's just social media, people who care about social media followers is because they want to do something with that, usually because of money, but that doesn't mean they think they have 500k friends, that's so naive to think.
Also, you are talking about what I assume and old man who lived a long time, your grandpa, to this generation that are still young, they have many years to gather the same amount of connections, but the question is, did you grandpa actually connected with then as real friends, or are they just people he knew.
Many cultures like to invite people they just met once for their wedding and funerals, friends of friends go to those things, but they are not a close friend.
Do you think those weddings with 3000 people in Indonesia are full of people that care deeply for the couple?
Your grandpa might have been a cool person, but those half a thousand is just because he live long enough to meet those people, you can't compare that to a 20yo who likes tiktok who is just starting to live.
Why wouldn't you say almost 500 instead of "almost half a thousand"? That's very misleading.
I think this video describes the reality of most men young and old. As they get older, their (men) circles get smaller. Glad your grandfather was so love, but most men are generally lonely in their later years. Mostly due to the fact they put all their energy toward their immediate family.
@@linoleon100 L take imo you know nothing about his grandfather and discrediting his whole life on assumption. i think it is possible to know lets say 400 people out of those 500 you dont need to have lived 5-10 year with someone to be friends and have fond memory. hell i remember people from highschool that i havent seen in 25 years and maybe i spent less than 1 year with them
@@TurnaceChitUpnearly 500 is almost half a thousand. Not misleading at all. Very strange comment
I'm naturally an introvert, not because I'm shy or I have a low social battery. But because I honestly find it hard to relate to people sometimes. I don't have the same interests as other people. I wish I did but I just couldn't connect with other people. Not to say that I didn't have friends growing up because I had several but once the social safety blanket of school stopped, I didn't keep in touch with the majority of my friends. My early 20s was mostly just working and coming home to watch RUclips. Wasn't until mid 20s I started making friends and I formed connections with people. I even met a girl who I really liked and she liked me as well. But because I was used to pushing people away, I failed to realize she liked me too until it was too late. I'm always going to be an introvert to an extent but I don't walk around anymore using it as a defense mechanism. It's not some badge of pride for me anymore. It took me a while to realize that if I give myself a chance, people actually like me and want to be around me. It was just my fault, it has always been my fault that I was lonely. And that's really liberating to come to that conclusion. Because it means you can also be the solution to your own problems.
I'm 25, relate quite a lot with what you're saying, and have come to a very similar conclusion that it's really up to me and only to me to put myself out there IF I want companionship, and that it is possible to build healthy relationships by putting in some effort. However, I've come to realise that at the moment I'd rather just be alone, for the most part. I used to be quite socially anxious, and have worked through it and now feel pretty confident socially. I used to think I really wanted to have a full social life and that anxiety was blocking me. When I finally managed to feel comfortable around people, I tried going out a lot and just ended up realizing I just don't like it (not being outside, but being social). For the most part, it seems to me that I enjoy spending time and effort on my interests and self development much more than on other people, and find a lot of joy on my own, even through simple things. I do get lonely sometimes, but for the most part I like it this way. When I do socialize, I usually find it quite draining, although I've come to appreciate and tolerate it a lot more as I matured. Still, I prefer to be alone. I'm at a point where I'm trying to figure out if this is all the result of trauma, because eventually I do want to build a family, and I learned from my only love relationship (2 years recently) that my desire for solitude can be an issue. More recently, I've met someone I actually consider a true and close friend, but even he is the kind to prefer having his personal space, and it suits us both quite well to only meet/talk around 1-2 times a month.
For some reason, I felt like sharing after reading your comment. If anyone's read this, I'm genuinely curious about your opinion. Does my story make any sense? Does it seem normal or strange?
@@PoipoiFRnot strange at all
I relate to both you and op’s comment
@PoipoiFR I can relate to this.
Agreed!!!!!!!❤❤❤
I relate with this 💯 Especially the part where you talk about the pushing people apart. As a person who half introverted, we're mostly selective with our company. We mostly look for energy thats compatible with ours. We are great listeners. Our quiet charisma is one of our best traits. As a introvert, we are very loyal as friends, however, we are quick to cut out toxicity. Like you said, once we actually give people a chance, a bond is created
I 100% relate to this guy. It just sucks and you can't blame anyone for it. As he put it, you gotta find your own way in your own life. Hopefully I'll find my own happiness but I wish him the best.
I feel you.
It’s not too late for him!
Its not to late bruh. Men still have a lot to give at 40.Your life can change in a year if you're positive and taking the right steps
It’s not too late for any of us, and that’s the right attitude to have so good on you. 🫡
@Calafan87 Get judged and rejected for your height, something that can't be changed and should not matter. And see if you can't blame anyone else, when it's the same shallow b.s. time and time again.
So many people pressed about this man saying "you know" instead of hearing him.
My dad stutters, is a rather shy guy, and says "you know" a lot. I am aware that it is a "dIsTrAcTor", but I also know my dad is just trying to communicate. So long as I, and his other family/friends/people that he works with or otherwise encounters understand him, that's all that matters. He's not delivering a speech or making an announcement or deliberately trying to obscure what he is saying--he's just talking. A little bit of compassion and comprehension goes so far.
Amen 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
It doesn't bother me. after a while, my ears didn't even hear the "you know". I was focused on the story.
@@Cantetinza17Right 😂
What pisses me off is it's a lot of men making crappy comments, but I bet they'd be the first to cry "men don't have support. We're not allowed to express ourselves." Dude bares his soul & even his fellow men aren't supportive.
I didn't even realize it was such a problem until I saw the comments lol people are such children
If you feel like him I strongly suggest you volunteer for causes you care about. You'll often meet people with similar ideals to you while getting connected to your community. I run a mentorship program and have seen people find community this way.
This is great advice!
Ppl definitely need to stop telling men they're not allowed to reach out or express themselves. It's not a weakness to reach out.
@@Justanothercog24 Are ppl in general doing that, or is it other men reinforcing the bs that was taught to them?
@@annjepsen1621 Nobody is harder on male vulnerability than women. Nobody.
@@chaucerianfraud6767 I dont think this is true. I'm sure you can think of times men or male role models in your life have belittled your vulnerability in pretty rough ways. I think men just can't accept it coming from women because we are supposed to be "nurturers" in society's eyes. Things have changed a lot since women don't need to depend on men for much anymore.
I feel his pain. I was raised by a domineering mother and abusive stepfather. I have endured all sorts of abuse and have struggled with addiction to cocaine for decades. I have PTSD. I am 49, no wife or kids. All I can do is work on myself and my shortcomings. Chip away at the darkness. It’s not pleasant but hey it is the work I need and want to do. I know there is salvation. Every day, just a little bit. Peace.
You do have a great mindset though, keep going!
The great mindset must be your true self.
Im 42 and my solitude is a blessing.
To be able to think about yourself is true freedom, I'm happier than I've ever been as a result of finding inner peace
Ppl don't realize how trauma and betrayal affects ppl. Man or woman, ppl are bad and hurt others, just TRY to NOT allow ppl to change your heart, or affect you. EVERYONE isn't the same, don't blame ALL bc of ONE.
People also need to understand how to have boundaries and keep to them, then you won't be betrayed so often.
People don't realize how many are in the same position as the gentleman in the video.
It's more so the surroundings that is the issue. Across other countries with different cultures it's better to a degree cause we aren't dealing with a lot of immaturity
He wasnt blaming one, that girl was just the feather that broke the camels back. He had already lost people he thought were going to be close friends for reasons completely out of his control, the friend who switched up when he decided to move to florida, the friends he lost during war, the disconnect from him and his family.. it wasnt just her she was just his breaking point
❤
This is really sad, seeing so many comments of people who are all alone. Definitely praying and hoping for everyone to meet their network of people.
I also recommend becoming comfortable in solitude. Whether it’s by choice or just how the chips fall, alone time is an opportunity for peace. And if you can’t be by yourself in peace, that speaks to an issue worth exploring through therapy.
My point is simply, being “alone” is not necessarily the problem. If people don’t want to be and constantly find themselves alone that’s one thing, but so long as we look in to why we’re alone (and not because of outside forces, I’m talking about reasons specific to each of us) we will always have a pathway to meaningful companionship. Life isn’t easy and I blame social media for trying to spin a narrative otherwise.
@@JME1186being alone is the problem, though.
@@JME1186 We are social creatures we are supposed to be with others
@@JME1186 Solitude is an opportunity for introspective growth. The problem with day and age is that people have been conditioned to view it as negative when in reality it form the basis for understanding who one truly is. People go their whole lives developing networks of false friendships and relationships without ever coming to understand what they intrinsically value as an individual. It's madness.
@@celestialmajesty2053 Not for it's own sake. That's neediness and implies a greater underlying problem. You can't come to adequately be around others if you don't know yourself first. Solitude is the pre-requisite for self-knowledge.
This breaks my heart for him. I hope his life can change for the better. I can empathize with his struggle. Not everyone is comfortable with making friends and are not great at "selling themselves" when they meet people.
This video made me subscribe to the channel…this brother put himself out there and was willing to be vulnerable and aba and preach treated him with compassion and thoughtfulness…we need more of that on the internet!
What is the name to his channel, please?
He should be telling this to a shrink otherwise it's difficult to take this seriously when he's using his personal predicaments for content creation.
@@triplebeans41591. Not everyone has access to therapy 2. He doesn’t have a mental problem, or needs medical attention. he has a social and emotional issue. Usually that’s solved over convos with ur dad or mom or sis or bro friends and family loved ones and people u look up to maybe a professor or ur friends older sibling maybe a cousin maybe a colleague or that old falafel guy u high five when u go get ur coffee and strike a convo when coffee isn’t ready yet maybe the homeless guy u share a smoke with.. he’s saying he’s struggling finding those people in his life.. so he’s reaching out online which the whole point of the internet.. not everything needs a medical professional.. people need people.. and people need to people.. let people people lol.. what’s the whole point of social media if not to reach out? Would it have been better or “more inspiring” for him to flex? Coz y’all shit on those ppl too lol
Why is everyone in the comments so fucking negative. Give the guy a break
Yes, he just seems nervous.
Men don't get breaks. A man cries versus a woman cries. Apples to oranges.
It takes strength to talk about your struggles publicly and try to change. Seems like an okay guy
Miserable people love to spread it around ...
Mocking others makes them feel better about their sad lives too .. its a pitiful thing .
There is a good chance most of those mocking him will be in a worse position when they are his age ...
Time puts a hurting on everything.
the lame weirdos that have never been in real life situations like this are always the best typers. They feel empowered typing behind a screen.
Nah I'm like preach on this, "Hello always leads to goodbye."
But I do cherish the moments when they last
Death is what gives life meaning lol
@@sidsrivastava6987I think what he meant was in todays age typical relationships with people have a limit and duration. But i feel you lol
@@ceelobrown8606 A lot of relationships will end sadly, but those relationships are what will you will remember when you're older and all the good times you had. Them being finite makes them special.
@@sidsrivastava6987 I think some relationships end faster than they can because they have agendas rather than ginuenity. Those one aren't so much as special. But again i understand what you mean.
Trusting people, especially a romantic partner, is always gonna be a gamble. The problem is on the other side, if you close yourself off from people, sure you don't have to worry about betrayal but with it, comes a life of promised loneliness. Very verrrrry few people can truly live a life like this and be happy. People are social creatures. I'm an introvert and even I feel the need to have other people in my life.
Truf!
You can keep,out the heartache but you are also keeping out the love.
@@beewest5704What use is the love if you're constantly ruminating about when it will end or if it is genuine anyway?
@vettie if you're constantly waiting for something to end you'll never appreciate it while it's going . You'll always look for signs of a finish. You have to come to the understanding that everything in life is a gamble/investment . And gauge if this current investment is worth your time and will you feel better without it ?
@@CloudyOctober Yes, I'm very familiar with Buddhist teachings. The truth is that there is no investment (for me personally) that is worthy in regard to close relationships. If everything ends, then I might as well spend as much time loving and appreciating the only person that I'm forced to exist with constantly throughout this journey -- Myself.
He's extremely nervous while talking about his life. Its all in his fast speech approach. Respect that he's getting it out and all.
@@McWolfTx Nah, far from it. I'm very observing and dispassionate to be honest. More of an eye for science if anything.
In the coming future, this loneliness will be more prevalent. It already is!
Oh absolutely, just look at vr chat and then vr chat dating thats stuff sad lonely. I hear stories about people cuddling in vr with a heated blanket on thier backside or thier front to mimic how itd feel to have the person right there with them.
@@patwick7351 well at least they aren't fully lonely
It was Japan only now globally.
@@patwick7351 vr chat doesnt count an loneliness because you still have contact with real humans and interact with humans, just not in person. Loneliness is when you actually have no meaningful interaction, in person or online, with anyone.
Being lonely and and being alone are two different things. Me being alone is so nice and peaceful, but yeah just to have friends to hangout with is nice as well
most people don't have friends, just close or common acquaintances. friendship is a relationship that requires commitment, sacrifice, compromise, integrity, etc., and to maintain a posture that enables you to keep/make friends has more to do with placement and timing. For younger generations, social media's illusion of friends and followers is really just a lack of discernment and a great amount of unwarranted and unnecessary desperation.
The first part is false, the second I agree with. It requires nothing to enjoy someone else's company. You'll reach out simply because you enjoy spending the time. Friendships are usually a reprieve from life's dramas, not the cause of them. I think some want a friend to have a friend and not because you actually like them or have much in common.
@@xejelahsome people are insecure and want to feel cool, so they collect friends, just for show
@@xejelahthose are light friends. Maybe enough for you if you live a light life. Most people don't.
@@xejelah Not sure where you are in life but I can tell you the OP's initial comment is generally true. Specially when you get married and have children, you stop friendships and you have acquaintances based on spouses and children. Your routines and even hobby's become a part of your family and not just you and that makes difficult if not right impossible to have "true friends". That does not mean some people don't have true friends but most people don't
True genuine friendships are rare and hard to find, most people that people call friends don't behave as such behind their backs or in their intentions.@@joaofarinha551
I was in a similar situation, friendless in a foreign city, and depressed as a result. I quit my high-paying job, moved back home, and have not regretted it. Though I make much less $ now, I'm surrounded by family and the community of my youth, and I feel good. If any of you out there are in a similar position as this man, MAKE A CHANGE NOW. You won't regret it.
See, I'm instantly drawn in by him. Look into his eyes. He has a beautiful soul that's been wounded. I have ptsd and barely leave my house now, so I totally get his pain.
My Mom always taught me that you never know what a person is going through. Everyone has a story to tell & pain they're dealing with. So be kind❤
As a wounded vet, he literally described the basic symptom of ptsd lol hope he goes to the VA to get checked out if he didn’t already. I’ve been alone since 2009 when I left hospital, a lot of the same reasons described by him. I eventually realized that’s part of PTSD. I didn’t get everything back but can still have my core friend group and better family relationships despite being far from each other. So technically I’m not really alone. Some of it is relearning to hold healthy relationships
Does the US government cover therapy for vets?
@@kubolor1234 Kind of? It's complicated.
@@kubolor1234the VA gives you a check for $4,000 a month for those soldiers who come back from overseas with ptsd
@@kubolor1234 not as much as they should. For as much the us loves to "support" the troops that support usually doesn't go much further than a hollow thank you
@@kubolor1234 Yes the veterans of foreign wars and VA will. There are usually catches though specifically with the VFW you have to have been part of campaign which is easy to prove with a dd-214 listing all of your medals and ribbons both cases have to have some sort of connection to service though. The VA I'm not super sure on the process but usually it has to be service connected since I'd personally never go to them for mental health help before going to like a non-profit or the American legion or something of that sort or even just talking to buddies from the units I was part of.
I’m 23 right now. And I’m the same way. Don’t really have friends. Stay home a lot. Not really social even with my family. I’m kinda scared of this. I’m gonna be honest. And I’m the exact way when it comes to being afraid of getting close to people because of the fact that they might leave one day. It’s a crazy spot to be in.
Me2
Eh your still young, most people around this age is im college or working a mid job
@@ryanleonidas6839 but I’m afraid of continuing these habits. Yeah it’s cool to be alone and I’m fine with it but I’m just hoping it doesn’t stop me from finding a wife or something like that
Same like literally same
Yeah I'm 25 and as I get older it becomes harder and harder to connect with people genuinely from any age group
The problem I find is that modern life is focused on advancement. As if your friends at home are temporary, your friends in high school are temporary, and your friends in college are temporary, and your REAL life starts when you move away to work. Meanwhile you abandon every relationship you've spent the first ~25 years of your life fostering, and its difficult to foster new relationships once you've already lived through most of the major events in your early life. You can't maintain strong relationships through just an annual phone call. So men nowadays are alone more often, trapped in a job and community they have no attachment to. Women I find easily maintain friends through talking and discourse, but men just like to HANG with each other or go DO THINGS, something that is impossible over the phone.
It is weird that everyone is impressed when you say you got a new job half-way around the world, but nobody is impressed when you say you stayed in the same town for 40 years and have lots of friends and family.
I always felt it was the opposite because it's not easy to maintain a healthy mutual friendship as an adult female especially with the different paths our lives can take. Exhibit A many of my "friends" are getting married, working their 9-5's, studying, being single moms etc. They have no time to foster or maintain anything more than a basic surface level friendship. Everyone's mantra is that they're busy so time just passes and random catch ups are not enough to keep those friendships going. Making friendships as an adult is hard for men and women it seems.
@@tiffanykim2773 Thanks for your perspective, I meant no disrespect to women. I only speak of the women in my life who seem to have no problem having a multi-hour phone call with a friend from long ago. I've never seen a man do that in my life.
I can’t speak for others. But at least in my case my parents are definitely like that
Finally the only sensible comment here.
I feel like I’ve reached a point where “loneliness” is no longer giving me pain; I’ve learned to just deal with it since it’s nobody else’s problem but my own. I heard this man seems to be doing all right, and that’s all that matters.. God bless him
Love ppl that have nothing to offer you. Check on your family members for no reason other than love and genuine concern. As we get older, we have to step into the love leadership roles in our families. Host the bbq, plan the family reunion. etc.
Absolutely - we take it for granted when we're young
Sorry, but no. If my family can't offer that same effort to check on me like I do them, than there's no reason for me to reach out to them.
No
@@SalikCollinsYou’ll regret this mindset when they pass away which comes for all of our loved ones. Trust me, always be the bigger person unless youre blatantly being disrespected.
@BeenWavy-i4w Nah I doubt I'll regret it. And I'll pass on being the bigger person cause like I said if they can't check on me thqn I won't check on them. Plus I haven't seen my family in a long time so there practically strangers to me.
Ngl I been in my crib for 2 years straight only coming out for groceries. When I go outside to try to break this repetitive lifestyle, feelings of embarrassment over comes me, idk why. So that makes me stay in the house more. Sometimes I feel, that I’m just waiting for death. I’m hoping that this is the video will help me break this sad and lonely life.
*edit Just wanted to add I was married in a early age 18 for 13 years got divorced 6 years ago. I met women and was in a relationship for two. And to be honest I been in this lonely bubble for 3 and a half years. I ignored calls from friends, avoided going out, never I was a bad friend until I did that. I can say I’m a kind soul that would give my shirt off my back. I Started picking up gaming like I used too but nothing feels the same. All I do is work and lately been playing Elden Ring to 100 percent. That game actually helped me find that spark, but doesn’t help me escape this pathetic lifestyle. Sucks when dreams are so much better than this reality. Anyone reading, this is not the way.Go out and experience life, don’t be like me living life with regrets.Also I appreciate the advice and concern from you guys. It warms my heart that people can find compassion for other strangers, that did put a smile on my face.
I’m sure this comment resonated with a lot of guys, I feel similar but have no idea how to change it
It aint easy to find mates after school and if you work for a small company. A big company can help find some people to hang out with after work
A piece of advice I heard that may help with men making more friends is to do a mid/long term bootcamp/program or volunteer somewhere frequently. Something like a 3+ month fitness program or an educational course or a recreational activity. Whatever it is, make sure you do it for at least a few hours with people almost everyday. You need time to get to know people and doing with others with a goal in mind is the best way to make more solid connections. You should do something you would like as to keep you coming but simply socializing can be a great reason.
I know it can seem like a lot of work but start small to figure out what kind of people are participating in these things and then COMMIT. Making friends is hard because as an adult you need to put more effort into it. And before you reason your way out of it, trust that you NEED friends. I know it is also expensive but it can really help you in the long run.
Get a social hobby and get over the embarrassment. Join a run club, hike club, rollerskating classes, dance classes, join a dojo, like come now sir you go hundreds of options
One thing to remember is no matter how weird you think you are there's alot of people just like you. Go online and find meetups for activities you're interested in, there are plenty of people in similar situation as you. Took me years to find a woman as strange as myself, now I got a beautiful daughter and life is great. Get out there and make life worth living start small.
I got bullied so badly in middle and high school that it kind of made me a recluse. I'm working on it though.
Keep your head up bro.
You got this
Yup keep up that work. It’s hard but good work. You’ll get where you need to be.
Me too...you never forget it, but you can definitely move past it
"That your response to deal with it was to become reclusive"
Important distinction. Because you need to remember that you are your own author. The world does not define you. Only you define you
You got this my guy. One day at a time.
Men we do need to b better about checking in with our boys. I lost enough it hurts. Be mindful of your friends that care back for you
I can be alone and not feel lonely.
Company isnt the same as companionship. When it comes to friends, I prefer quality over quantity.
This dude didnt have anymore friends because he was afraid of losing them. Let that sink in. What you're saying doesn't even compare.
@@Mogadypopz im not speaking for that man. I'm speaking for myself.
@@MogadypopzI don’t understand that logic. “I didn’t make friends because I didn’t want to lose them” 🙄 man that’s part of life…friends go and come.
I’m not social awkward by any means but I chose to have no friends because I want my time for my wife. We do everything…even before her I most stayed alone because I hate the idea of having to spend money when I have to go out with them. God forbid something happens to my wife…I’m ok being alone and not making friends. I can be alone and not lonely.
Loneliness of men cannot be understood by women, for women more often than not have more friends and alliances based on the way females socialize. It’s how women survived for thousands of years. Men are individualists. If a woman stepped into a man’s body with her memories and emotions intact she’d feel quite alone.
Loneliness of men cannot be understood by women, for women more often than not have more friends and alliances based on the way females socialize. It’s how women survived for thousands of years. Men are individualists. If a woman stepped into a man’s body with her memories and emotions intact she’d feel quite alone
I have no friends or family at 31.
People want entertainment and a dopamine fix, and if you're not it, they won't stick around.
I completely understand that feeling. I'm in my 30s and it really hasn't changed. Most people really do treat people like toys when they're bored.
dead ass people just want "entertainment" to distract em its superficial as fuck
You both need therapy
I may be wrong but I think it’s the phones and it’s dopamine rush that causes this
@@Vorzillay
I got Epilepsy at 36 that said hello. My wife divorced me and my kids are with her. I'm 40 now and do nothing except whatever my kids want on the weekends. I feel bad for dude.
Some people with epilepsy have had success with the carnivore diet. Best of luck to you.
@@6ftsweetshutup
are you vegan? not sure if its coincidental or not but yeah a lot of my vegan friends are having early epilepsy and other brain related issues
Wait you just developed it out of nowhere? Same shit i was walking at work then i w9ke up in a ambulance with my ankle broken. The Fuck.
You need to place yourself in a room of people more often.
You are choosing to lock yourself in a familiar sadness than a evolved happiness.
I admire this man so much. It takes an incredible amount of bravery to open up to the camera in that way and discuss issues like this. I’m only 7 minutes in, so maybe things change, but Preach’s initial reaction doesn’t give credence to the amount of pain this man is living with on a day-in, day-out basis. You can’t compare an attitude of, “I’ve already grieved you and made the conscious choice to let you in my life, regardless” with the emotional vulnerability of exposing yourself to close relationships when you’re *actively* grieving and dealing with trauma, or any similar challenges in that realm. This man never had the types of relationships that someone in Preach’s situation can take for granted. Never had the family or friends or work success required to build that type of self confidence. You just can’t compare it or judge on the same scale. It’s two completely different universes.
Christ. You may not agree with the man, but he's feeling what he's feeling. Maybe it'll change in due course but for now, this is his experience/his thoughts, let him be.
REAL.
There's nothing to agree too... Bro said he's lonely and wanted to get it off his chest
@@ExtraterrestrialBeing-jc7to Yea i was thinking this too. "What is there to agree or disagree on?"
This is a bad take. I don't think you understood what they were saying.
Many prayers for him and anyone going thru this. Life be real hard
Loneliness is at an all time high especially with this economy. People having to move away for work or just to afford housing and having to commute to work. They barely have enough time in the day for themselves and not enough money to go out.
Men typically don’t go out their way to express their feelings, you get made fun of or ignored. It’s rough as you age. You become an afterthought to people who you were friends with and have moved on from you. Unless they want something from you or need something from you.
That's what they want you to believe and so what if they make fun of it. It won't last forever ♾️
Bro what was the point of making this video ? Lol
Men are societies disposable utility.
@@officerricky3230 To express him self. Why do you put lol on the end of every sentence, are you mental?
It’s not about expression of feelings, it’s about societal pressure. We live in a modern world where men are still looked at to be traditional, this means most men let go of meaningful relationships so they can provide enough financial support for the future family and self. This also means more working hours, more depression, more anxiety, more stress. An average man in this modern world, is as good as invisible.
I feel this brother’s pain. Hope he finds a community, a family and solid friends to share his life with
He seems a nice guy I'd be happy to have him as a friend. I'm not great at making friends and have been lucky to meet a few people who've really made an effort to get to know me despite me coming off standoffish most of the time. Key word is 'lucky'. Don't add shame to the list of things that get in your way of moving forward in this life.
okay.. this title is sort of sad.....after listening to him and looking him in his eyes, I feel for the guy. He seems to have a good heart. I REALLY hopes he gets some extra help and finds his tribe. THEY ARE OUT THERE! Everyone needs someone. If no one needed anyone, it wouldn't be so many people on the planet. We really do need one another.
No, it’s people, humans are lame and humans think they’re cool and hip and humans don’t want to have any friends that are t super Uber popular and cool. Its pathetic. Even in social groups women and men will heirarchy and class between them. It’s sad. So he doesn’t fit the profile for a lot of peoples class system regardless of how much money or style clothing he has people class out his personality. Lame.
Homie clearly got some PTSD. Hopefully he puts in a claim and seeks treatment and benefits.
Nothing helps ptsd like family and friends,isolation is devastating for someone with ptsd,speaking from experience
@@Urban_atelierbyabe nothing hurts ptsd like family an friends. isolation is devastating for someone with ptsd, speaking from experience. but sometimes that's less devastating.
@@JennyOPKush its cool im a youtube doctor 🫡
@@JFFF6293I stay away from most of my family because they tell me oh get over it you’re back home. And me being a woman just makes it worse. I joined because of them saying women can’t do this or that. Well I did retire and 20 years of service was an accomplishment to me.
He went and traveled . He answered his problem with a solution
For me the level of peace being alone is incomparable to the temporary joy of being close to people. When I do start getting close to someone it starts to feel too good to be true then i end up sabatoging the relationship or put up a barrier so I dont start feeling weak or vulnerable. Being alone hurts a little bit but not as bad as a relationship coming to an end
Like that philosopher said:
My loneliness is killing me (and I)
I must confess, I still believe (still believe)
Dont you know i still belive that you will be here and give me a sign
😂
When im not with you i lose my mind
I hate that I actually read this 😂😂😂
Pin this comment !!!!
This is why it's important to take chances and connect with people.
University/college period of your life are the best years to capitalize on meeting and connecting with people to form long-lasting relationships. It's probably the last time you'll ever be surrounded with people relatively close to your age and are forced to interact with people being in the same class as them. Now, at 34, I've gone from a dozen friends I use to hang out with a weekly/monthly basis in my 20s down 2 I see every couple weeks.
Wish I knew this when I was in school fr
Some didn't take advantage of this in uni. Others studied and left completely to new places.
I mean it’s still possible to make friends if you join a social hobby
Yup! One thing I did after therapy was force myself to talk to my college classmates, or when opportunities came, I took advantage of them to hang out with others.
I'm in same boat at 31, I'm hanging out with people here and there but for the most part I only keep in contact with people online and even those connections have waned and that's not even including all the people that dropped me as well lol
30s and 40s hit hard. These red pill dudes say don’t get married, single is fun. Well this is the reality. You’re single and alone, meanwhile all your friends are busy with their families. And you haven’t seen them in months. Weekends become extremely boring. Eventually, the loneliness hits you.
That's why you shouldn't listen to red pill podcasters. They hate men and want you guys miserable
You’d be surprised to know you can be married and still feel exactly like the man in this video
I thought the red-pillers always say you should get married. Nuclear family and all that?
I don't wanna get married or be in a relationship. I'd rather hit it and go home. Women today only care about what you can do for them.
@@frankmathews you can find good women still. I didn't but you still can :)
As men we should spend our time trying to lift eachother up without putting eachother down. Glad Aba n Preach have a good community here.
They are fresh and fit, preach is fresh and it’s hilarious they hate each other. They are mirror images of each others group and don’t let Aba fake you out he’s so prude and chit, Aba is evil and mean streaked and arrogant and also isn’t such a ass missed either. Aba hates women the same . He ain’t so successful in the pants. Aba is hateful and talk ish. White surfer guy here and I’m not fooled by aba’s act at all!
And without mentioning and blaming women.
I’ve realized at my 41 yrs that most people don’t want to keep in touch unless you can relate to them. I’m single and childless by choice and everyone I know is married and it’s kids or just with kids. I can’t relate and I’m tired of hearing the when am I gonna get married and have kids. And I’m too busy with school so, it is what it is. We’re not crying about it. Life happens.
You are a terrible person
Definitely agree which sucks if you are not the typical person as far as interest goes. But it’s people out there for everybody
I can very much relate to this. I am almost 40, single and no kids and not planning on it. There are groups for folks like us, but most of us are too busy with school/carreers and there is the issue. We don't prioritize building a social life.
A lot of truth to this. Men and women who don't have kids usually have major issues relating to their friends with kids. Especially if successful, because the ones without kids might be living better.
If you don't have kids by the time you are 40 you're pretty much staying childless.
Sadly this is going to become a bigger problem in the future
Because the internet
100%
Gen Alpha is cooked
Why contain it?
Yup
Some of my fave videos from A&P are these real talks with real advice. They're always so helpful and sincere and give me a new perspective for myself or understand where friends and family are coming from
Homie same age as me, feel for the Man. God bless him 🙏
I meet people everywhere, and it’s always temporary. Making friends is easy. Finding valuable friends is almost impossible.
I agree!
Long distance friendships r a real thing.
My old gaming group from 17 years ago still stay in contact. We found out 1 of them died in a car accident, his wife and kid survived. Everyone but me got together to game and greave. I didn't and I honestly dont know why, but I think about him all the time still 4 years after his death
#1 problem with the youth is guidance. When I had a kid growing up I had ZERO guidance from family, friends, or school.
Couldn't agree more.
I want to be his friend, you can tell he a good dude. It's in the eyes!!!
Yeah, until they find you in the wood chipper. 🙄
Me too!
You shouldn’t trust strangers in the internet. This guy could be a serial kidney stealer and you’d never know.
@@VistyMe ok
@@VistyMe Sounds like something a serial kidney stealer would say
This hits home. Not learning early as a child how to make friends and foster relationships will lead you on a downward spiral of loneliness. Especially in the adult life where it is so difficult to make new friends if you live in a big city. And i mean real friends, not just people you talk to from time to time. People expect you to know how to do these things and you really really get ostracized quick if you don't.
I'm in my 30's and my social life is pretty much non existent outside of work. And people ill tell you "yeah just get yourself out there and meet new people" well yeah sure i can meet new people but i still don't know how to make friendships and keep them. I'm the guy you will talk to, you won't have a bad time but you won't have a great time either. And 5 minutes after talking to me you'll already have forgotten i ever existed. Even worse, being alone so much is starting to make me be incredibly self centered which worsens just the whole situation. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to be alone anymore but i don't know to keep people arround me.
Same here ✨️✨️✨️✨️
I'm 24 and never been lonelier. Terrified of ending up like this guy.
I'm 27 and basically accepted it already. Only thing I care for is finding a good girl but it is what it is.
Same. And I know its my fault. I actively avoid interacting with interesting people and just go straight home.
I’m 31 and same.
This makes me want to be his friend. Came across as thoughtful, spoke with clarity, and authentic. And the VA counselors are great. Thing is they will schedule a visit literally months apart due to their overburdened case load. I feel for the guy.
The older I get and the more people I meet the more I like to be alone. I have one friend who is amazing and I'm content with that.
Love changes, a thug changes, and best friends become strangers. Word up.
Nas is a real one.
Man this is crazy as I was watching this video I just received a random call from an old friend that I lost contact with who I met when I was like 8 years old life is a trip man lol
Feel like it means something when those coincidences happens
That's cool! Hopefully you guys hang out soon.
Nice to see a guy being vulnerable about his experiences and the challenges he faces.
Dear God, please help this man. Send him a good friend and a good wife. Amen.
🙏🩷
We are all our own best friend. We have to learn this.
Amen in Jesus name 🙏✝️
There is a perfect storm of reasons why I'm such a loner. I find socializing very draining, like a chore. I'm pretty sure I'm on some spectrum of "schizoid PD" and that my aversion to/disinterest in people is trauma based. Maybe I just haven't met the right people that I WANT to put an effort in nurturing a relationship with...but then again, there are other things I'd rather be doing than going out to actively look for them. Solo life has been the more peaceful life for me....I am still friendly with people that I have to talk to though. But in my head 90% of the time, I am hoping the engagement will be over ASAP.
I'm in the same predicament. But I want so badly to get out of it
My husband is 43 and has no friends. He had friends and when we started having kids all his party friends didn’t want to be around (understandable) but he hasn’t cultivated new friendships.
He gets invited by coworkers he says no, if someone texts him he won’t reply, he doesn’t invite people over. So that’s on him if he has no friends.
As a wife I try to encourage for him to say yes. But I can’t make him and I’m not gonna plan “play dates” either like some other wives they try to plan couples nights and stuff. Not me. That is trapping him to be with people he might not necessarily click with. Really awkward to do.
Well it sounds like to me his “party friends” were some real squares that felt like they were some were fake friends from the start… I think he should get counseling cause you’d think if he has a wife and kids he’d be very content with that but he really should look into seeking help… says a thirty year old single man with no kids
@@jawanzaevans8842 oh he is absolutely happy not having friends 🤣 he wants nothing more than to sit alone and unbothered all weekend.
His friends were friends he had had since his early 20s and that’s basically all they did party.
I think it’s healthy for people to have friends but my husband doesn’t think that is necessarily true. The difference between extroverts and introverts.
If we do an outing or see family or my friends he wants a break after. He likes his quiet time (play loud music and doing what he wants)
Does he have...interests? Most male friendships center around shared interests, projects, and hobbies.
@@nightmoose music, trains, politics, history, cooking. I think he sees having friendships as too much work. Which is true, you have to invest into friendships to make them worth it. That means checking in, hanging out, taking time from other things to go towards those friendships.
He gets home at 5-6, takes a shit, shower, and cook, then put kids to bed. By the time is all done is 10pm. Which means only weekends really are the time to do stuff. Anyway he doesn’t see it as important. I NEED my girlfriends for sure. I love having friends, he NEEDS his time alone with no one talking to him 😅
you got to take him out his comfort zone to meet new people then you still start to see him become more interactive in his life even when he intially doesn't like it soon enough he will come around he just needs a few things to boond with people then boom he will start to have his own pairing of guys
I definitely grieve relationships as soon as I meet ppl. Preach is the first person I've heard share my sentiments out loud. Everything ends, some of us can see it before that day comes, and we brace ourselves for it. Total defense mechanism, but its better than thinking a connection is more than it is.
Luckily he still has time. It won't be easy or perfect but he has time if he puts in the work.
Agreed
What time?????? He’s got less than a decade before turning 50. He’s got no time and has completely wasted his life up to this point. Any other view point is just pure cope.
@@StoogesTheTwo It's only a waste if he wants to have kids
@@StoogesTheTwohe’s good unless he wants to have kids, the reality of the situation is most likely society had a significant part in making him this way, if everyone loved each other and treated each other with respect there would be way less people like this
@@StoogesTheTwomy parents had me in their 40s
Life is a bitch sometimes.
Most of the times.
Sometimes? We're living in HELL... ftw💯
Always 😜
I am at work currently, but had to take a break to comment on my man's video.
I am in the same boat as far as being 41 with no family or wife, but as far as friends go ..I have them, but never see them. Like some friends I haven't seen in years, it's crazy. But this is the reality that sets in mid 30s and early 40s. Things aren't not what they once were and will never become what they were again. I have been told to make "new" friends and connections, but when you do, it's hard to relate when they have a family and you do not. Families become a large part of the "normalcy" for social standards as you get older. But you know what? There needs to be a place for people who do not have that, a community that is more known as not everyone should have families and if they did, we would be even more over populated and prices would be through the roof.
I made the mistake of trying to not be myself the past 4 years or so and my personality just was not there, I became more socially awkward. But in the last 2 weeks, I had a breakthrough and decided to be myself and not feel weird for not having a family. I am who I am, you either like it or don't like it. My social skills have come back and feeling more confident than I have in years.
Not everyone has the same experience, but just be yourself my man. Be who you were and not who you want to be.
I'm 43. I go where the single people go and where things are not solely centred around families. I belong to 3 support groups. I belong to the alternative sexual lifestyle community. I belong to a group that plays soccer/football. I go to events that are adult focused not family focused. I love kids but I don't have a family. I'm facing different challenges from parents so I don't hold it against them....some of them wish they were single. The grass is green where you water it. Some people have whole huge families and still feel alone.
The "you know" is his attempt to downplay his suffering and self soothe at the same time... look at his glazed eyes. This is a man in absolutely spiritual suffering, empathy and compassion is so important. As we're advancing so many ways but struggling to do so when it comes to care and respect because of our new found unquenchable desire for instant self-gratification, and it's terribly sad.😔
This man doesn't look 41. He looks young as hell... maybe his life has rewarded him with less stress for his collagen fibres
"yeah, he never got to swim but at least he never wrinkled" 😂😂
He looks 41
He looks 50 to me ngl
If he had hair, I’d think he’s early 30s easily
Black don't crack
This is a very disturbing reality. This guy is 41, he's late Gen X, maybe early millennial. He still grew up without social media and other modern distractions. He had all the opportunities to socialize normally. Imagine the current generations who live in social media and have the constant fear of "being cancelled" and young boys not even trying to socialize with girls due to fear of whatever backlash... It's a bleak future
Or he's just antisocial. And I say that because you're right, he was born in the 80s and grew up in a time when the internet wasn't as heavy yet he's still making this video. There are people born in the 1800s who ended up just like this, because they were antisocial. The famous inventor Tesla, who is the very reason we have cell phones today was even considered a loner ironically.
@@bsmi1361If he was truly anti-social, he wouldn't be despairing over any of this and in fact would be celebrating it. Tesla certainly did.
@@vettie I have plenty of people in my family who grew up antisocial and later in life regretted being that way.
@@bsmi1361 Then they weren't truly anti-social either. I'm not sure what you're getting at.
I am gen z, there is no fear of being cancelled or fear of approaching women from a social media standpoint unless you’re a professional self snitcher. If anything it’s probably easier to approach women cos the receipts are almost always there.
A lot of things are probably more polarised, so as a normal person, you just have to be able to navigate different types of groups. I personally stay away from people who are too politically in tune (which ever flavour) cos I always end up being tokenised.
What a hell is it with the comments?
Exactly, how am i seeing comments from 5 days ago
They probably paid to get videos earlier
@@blip8918 probably was released earlier for members and patrons
Those are the patreon folk I believe
@@blip8918it was probably available as a private video for channel or patreon members early then made available today for the rest of us
“I’m sorry I live a boring life, I love peace.”
After growing up with dysfunction, drama, chaos, being alone is bliss to me
Hyper individualism doesn’t work out well long term. It’s easy to make comments like this when you’re younger and able bodied though
@@MrMan-fx3ow true it will last for a while but as you move into further stages of life that loneliness def sets in. My children fulfilled my life for so long but I always thought I would meet someone along the way for companionship but that still hasn’t happened so for me, so I do think about when all of my children are gone what will it be like.
@@MrMan-fx3ow what's long term to you? It's been 20+ yrs and still happy tyvm
@@twistyrose how old are you currently
@@MrMan-fx3ow 52
He should be in therapy. I feel bad for him. He can get the life he wants, it’s gonna take a lot of work. I wish him the best.
I was the same way all my life , socially anxious, nervous etc but once i hit 25 i finally realize that i have to stop being a loser, it's only gonna make me more depressed, i finally gained some balls and got out there, started to join clubs, took up boxing, photography, and met my now girlfriend of two years from those classes, started to go to concerts and festivals,, just started to go out more and i started meeting new people and now i have a couple of friends that i actually hang out with. Before i had zero friends. You just have to look for a hobby and you will meet people. You are not gonna meet anyone staying in your house all day.
Everyone says DO but nobody says HOW. How do you choose a hobby when you have no interests? Did you literally force yourself to like boxing or those other activities in order to commit to them or did you already have some interest in these things?
@@kourtneyr.scruggs0988 I had interests but was to nervous to do it, anxiety was stopping me from doing things, just have to jump over that hurdle.
Bro your young
He is in a differet life stage
I love this! Good for you! Life is what you make it
I’m just a 3:17 rn and that hit me. I love solitude but it has made life hell at the same time. It’s a scientific fact it causes depression. Hope the best for this brother cause this where I’m at now, but I’m control now not solitude (HELL)
I’m 32 and I understand him. For me I think it’s something you guys have touched on in the past. I lack confidence because I don’t do anything to better myself. I won’t find people till I start to get out there and do more things in life. Which will fulfill me and attract people. Like Abba has dancing, stand up comedy, MMA, anime, etc Preach has MMA, comedy, fashion, travel, etc.
I would be similar to this man if I didn’t have a wife(who is quiet herself) or family I kept in contact with. Now I do have childhood associates that I manage to keep in contact with but nothing much beyond that. When you are socially awkward it’s hard to get over it just by yourself…you need help. That help can be in many forms…but alone isn’t helpful. But for my fellow awkward people I will say…people are more open to making new connections than you think.
What did u do to stay interesting to ur wife who is quiet bro? Sorry if that sounds weird or out the gate
@@moonknight4053 that’s not a bad question. This is going to sound plain but communication. My wife is actually my best friend so humor and being mindful to be open and talk and uplift each other. The interesting things follow after that because u can come up with the cool stuff together. Social media makes it look like guys have to be flashy to impress women…that’s not true. Now having said that..this doesn’t work with women who don’t have their own thing going for them because they look to catch a lick off guys.
@@MrUniq Thanks bro, I appreciate ur reply back. Im dating someone atm, when I date I think long term like children and etc, I told her this too, she’s cool w that. Mind u it’s been 3 months haha, but yeah I like her a lot!
When u first started dating, did u guys go out a lot like every week? It’s hard because going out means usually spending!! Don’t mean to sound too frugal it’s just I don’t want a girl who’s using up my money every week, if that makes sense!!
not seeing your buddies come back will take life out of you. i feel you brother
I respect the honesty and how open he is. He seems like a good guy. I hope he makes some good ppl soon it is hard and I feel him on how hard it is to keep in contact and keep up with friends as you get older especially when you have a family and responsiblities. I had 1 main friend who passed and it has been hard to make new friends because the quality of most ppl today. It is hard to keep friends.
bruh thiis dude aint alone hes travelling the world blogging and meeting ppl
I didn't even realize until I clicked his channel. Maybe it shows that living such a lifestyle only creates short term relationships rather than long term ones.
He needs to come out and live his truth. It’s 2024!
Travel is also a bit of a distraction and the people you meet feel the void but again it's all temporary.
Many men need to do the samething and travel there's no reason to be miserable in the states. This place is gone for socialability. In alot of ways it's a good thing it's creating movment in men who are tired of having to change up everything about themselves just to have some sort of relationship. This society is highly psychotic and frankly not very human like.
5:55 no risk. No reward.
Words right out of my mouth
you shouldn't be over here. Nobody wants your advice your arrogance is showing
Tired of taking risk and losing, Tired of playing by the book and losing....27 hate everyone. Literally not worth it at this point.
No friends, no boyfriend, no life at age 25
I'll be your friend
Me 2
You get to define what having a life means for you. That's huge so take some time to figure that out. As far as friends and a boyfriend, just be open, keep trying and you will find your tribe.
You're 25, stop talking like you're a old head with dementia.
So what?
I appreciate what you guys are doing, getting this veterans message out. I’m a veteran and this is very common, I can almost say I see a lot of myself in him. Please understand this unless you’re a veteran, you’ll never understand.
17:07 homie needs therapy! Get off RUclips and go to a therapist bro. These people don’t REALLY care about you. Yall gotta stop coming online with unhealed trauma. I get folks wanna share their experiences to others so people can relate and know they aren’t alone… but the internet is a ruthless place. I would advice people to do as much personal healing of your issues and trauma before you share it online. It’ll protect you from internet trolls and bad people that try to pick at you or from people that’ll take advantage of you at a low moment. Heal first then share! I hope this brotha gets help.
Fair points.
I agree
Completely agree. But the issue is that he has noone around him to even point him in the right direction, the internet is his last hail mary for better or worse. Of course there will be trolls, but there are also people that can offer some good advice.
@@alb.88 that’s true, but when you’re that vulnerable it’s not worth taking that risk by sharing online.
I can understand that he doesn’t have friends or family to express himself. That’s why I say he should seek therapy. The therapist will teach him how to heal from his PTSD and what exercises he can follow to open himself up and meet new people. Once he gets that down and he’s able to make friends he can vent to and open up with. THEEEEEN he can come on RUclips and share his story, becaus now the trolls can’t mess with his mental because he’s created that stable base from therapy. And now he can not only find viewers that relate to his trauma but now he can give them active steps on how to heal from it because he’s actively done the work prior to coming on RUclips.
But when you don’t do the therapy and come online hoping the internet will be you’re therapist, all you get is a bunch of people validating your experience and being depressed with you which only keeps you in the depression, or even worst you’ll find trolls that’ll make you feel even more worse than you currently feel.
So it’s best that people seek professional help before they come online to be vulnerable.
Fair...at the same time if this is how he feels most comfortable opening up, regardless of what he may get online, who are we to say he shouldn't
Not Pearl catching a random stray 😂 😂
My dad had me at 44 years old, your going to find what your looking for brother. Pray to the ancestors for the Anwsers
Pray to Jesus and Jesus alone brother
1. As an inverted woman I learn to create friendships with other women who are extroverted so I do not become a hermit. No presure to spend money, No heart breaks.
2. Go to Church. Or embrass your religion, whatever it is. Old church ladies and religious leaders are the best match makers.
3.Libraries, book clubs, coffee house and gym is a introvert best friend. To get out the house
2:14 while my dad served in the Greek Armed Forces, I’ve never seen a day of military training, but I felt this part
Aba: you got any thoughts.
Preach: no.
Also Preach: drops 7 min monologue.
Lol
I know my female friends show more interest in catching up then my male friends when im in town.
Cuz men and women aren’t meant to be that close unless you’re in a relationship with them .
He’s where I was 4 years ago and his life is a nearly a mirror of mine from the military to the broken friendships and even a 7 year relationships and moving states, except I became a solo full time father for 3 years after the breakup. I did my healing, got into more of what I love about myself, my music, being active, made new friends, met someone new. Life goes on and you gotta heal and adjust. Just don’t stay stagnant in it.