Therapist Reacts to Navigating Identity: Children of Immigrant Parents
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- Опубликовано: 16 ноя 2023
- Licensed Psychologist, Dr. Han Ren @dr.han.ren reacts to Jubilee's video, "Do You Feel American?: Immigrant Parents vs. 1st Generation." Watch as Dr. Ren discusses the challenges children of immigrants may face when sharing mental health struggles with their parents among other illuminating topics.
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As a 1st generation Nigerian. I've been practicing mindfulness and reframing my mind. The topic of acceptance is so important. As the youngest of 4, my parents saw how much society began shaping us and it was hard for them to accept us without casting shame and judgment. As a music artist it put more distance between my parents and created more confusion for them... To make things short, it took 10+ years for my parents release judgment over their kids and be more open to who we are. I plan to have more conversation with my parents and siblings with how our upbringing shaped us in society. Thank you for the representation in this video!
I have to say that as a Hispanic American who is a child of immigrants, my experiences with my parents were similar to the therapist's experiences as she described them: my thoughts and feelings were an afterthought to my parents, and I constantly felt pressure to show gratitude about things that I did not feel particularly grateful for. I have learned from my Asian friends that it is common in Asian American cultures, particularly in first and second-generation households, for parents to speak to their children with brutal frankness and intense stoicism. Their parents need to see their kids moving upward in their academic, professional, and social lives, and there isn't much time left for parents to say "I love you" to their children. I'm speaking generally here, and that's likely not the case for every Asian American family.
Conversely, in my Latin, Spanish-speaking household, I heard "I love you" from my parents about six times daily. You might think that's amazing, but the "I love you"s were superficial. While in therapy in my early 20s, I learned that my parents would overwhelm me with affection as a way to keep me from experiencing the full breadth of my emotions. I felt constant pressure to be jubilant and loving toward them, and there wasn't much room for me to be frank, or to express my anger, sadness, or frustration. This is comparatively the opposite of what my Asian friends experienced in their households. Yet, both my Asian friends and I, a Hispanic, were denied the opportunity to live out the full range of our emotions.
I hate that my parents speak to me like I'm a wounded baby whenever I bring up my mental health. I hate seeing them as toddlers with the emotional intelligence of a rock. I am grateful that I've had the opportunity to talk through a lot of emotional issues with the help of mental health professionals, but sometimes, it seems that the more I learn about myself, the more I distance myself from my family. If you know anything about Latin culture, you know that's a very difficult thing. If I'm feeling down, I think about how the effort I'm putting into breaking down generational trauma will help my future kids (God willing that I have them) have richer childhoods than I did.
It makes me very uncomfortable that she jumped to generalizing that openness in talking about mental health could be more common in "Latin" cultures. I wish people of color could talk about their individual experiences without the worry of having to speak for your entire culture and having people misunderstand you.
Exactly. I smelled her condescendingness. As an asian who went to middle high with Latinos, I can't say she's right.
I respectfully disagree that the therapist generalized that openness in talking about mental health could be more common in Latin cultures. Because the woman in the black dress identified herself as Latin, I thought it was fair for the therapist to categorize the woman as Latin. I also don't think there was any foul play in her use of the word Latin because she repeatedly categorized herself and the two Chinese kids as Asian. I believe she is using racial terms to describe the physical traits of the people in the video, and not to give a negative connotation to the words Latin and Asian.
Regarding the language issue, there's a lot of cognitive benefits from being multilingual, so IMO if you speak a language that isn't the majority language in your community, it's a really good idea to speak it to your children. However, if it's getting to the point where the kids are unhappy in the contexts they're learning a language or associate that language with bad things, then you have a problem, and you have to weigh the benefits of multilingualism vs what would best serve your child overall.
Also, as a person who was abused in French immersion school, I definitely relate to trauma being associated with a certain language. For many years, the French pronunciation of my name would make me cringe.
Great insight & Conversations! Whew, I can relate so much here. I'm a 1st generation Nigerian from Texas. I'm a Queer Musician & Filmmaker and this is such an important video!
Even as an African American it is taboo to talk about mental health. Just pray about it is what you are told. It is more accepted to be an alcoholic than to say you suffer from a mental illness. I think it is getting better but we are not quite there. 😢
Thank you so much for making this video. It made me feel so seen and heard, it validated a lot of my own lived experiences with my parents. As someone who doesnt have many friends, let alone children of immigrant parents friends, I dont get to hear about others going through similar experiences. 90% of what was said resonated and I'm glad you provided so much valuable, healthy, and affirming insight beyond what was said in the video. I truly appreciate everyone involved in making this video
lots of good insight from this video. I'll possibly have this conversation with my mom soon wish me luck! 😂
i love these therapist reacts videos!!! keep it going please!
The whole bit about “where are you from “ starting at 24:40 is absolutely brilliant and I’m so grateful Dr Ren spoke about it the way she did!
As an immigrant who gets this question (or the even more exhausting “where’s your accent from”) constantly and it never feels good having to answer it to strangers who make a lot of assumptions about me instantly.
This video offered me some much needed validation.
I’m Latin-American and talking about mental health with my parents is mixed. It’s nearly impossible with my dad, he views things like depression and anxiety as “mental weakness”. Growing up my parents would just say so and so was crazy. My dad didn’t believe in psychologists.
Regarding "where are you from?" and the racialized aspects of it, I feel like so many people forget that white people are also immigrants to the Americas. My ancestors are from Britain and Belgium (I'm 3rd generation on both sides). If we remember who is *actually* from here, I'm just as much visibly a descendent of immigrants as someone who looks African or Asian or whatever. And yet I never get asked where I'm from. Personally, I know that question is a hot button for many people, but I've found if someone has a noticeable non-local accent, the vast majority of the time they're going to respond positively to being asked that question (and I've asked white people as well as non-white people this question, based on noticing an accent). I feel like it's one of those things immigrants see differently from descendents of immigrants, because for one group it's an opportunity to reminisce about the past, and for the other group it's a reminder that people think you don't belong in the country of your birth.
My accent is reasonably mild but noticeable. I moved to the US from Russia and being a queer person it has truly been a blessing to get out before the intense crackdown on LGBTQ rights.
I absolutely hate it when people ask me where I’m from, or even worse, “where my accent is from”, because just like you mentioned, it reminds me of my of otherness and that I will never *truly * belong here.
I am happy to volunteer this information once I’m comfortable with the person I’m talking to, but always get ready to defend myself for being born in a very complicated country of origin when a mostly-stranger asks.
Especially today, I feel like I have to follow up my answer with “I am also queer and anti-war” to avoid judgement from people. It is exhausting.
@@_starstuff you are valid! sending lots of love! ❤
Ugh this is too real
This video is definitely very informative. I feel that I'm not alone in this. P.S.: I really am not comfortable with the Latina's attitude. Ugh.
Why is she whining about having to adapt to the western culture? Show me a country in the world where you don’t have to know the culture in order to be accepted. Will I be seen as Chinese in China if I have no clue about their culture, traditions, and language? Never in a billion years. Actually, if I’m white, those things won’t even matter in China. They’ll forever see me as a foreigner just because I don’t have the proper eye shape, lol. And then they complain about culture, when they discriminate you for your GENES.