I can relate to this video as a first gen. I do love my parents, but I need to move out to grow and to strengthen my bond with my parents. After moving out, I felt my relationship with my parents become stronger because they see me that I am capable on managing money and taking care of myself. If I were to stay home, then they didn’t see me as being able to take care of myself.
I'm an Indian Muslim woman who lived with unreasonably strict parents, so as soon as I got my first big boy job I moved out and lived on my own. I can only summarise my experience as follows. When you live with your parents, you don't have the freedom to do what you want to do. When you live independently, you don't have the time to do what you want to do.
@@zubabee me too am 21 rn planing my exit ....somali culture is tough especially to those who live back home ik I'll never be allowed to move out bt regardless of what I'll try my best
The children of immigrants truly suffer being trapped between two cultures, especially if you're female and Muslim. The only escape is marriage. There is no concept of autonomy or privacy in the household. You are trained to work very hard for the high opinion of the members of your small, tight knit immigrant community. The values of their village carry over to the host country and the culture clash is palpable. Moving out and being independent is a fantasy for most young women. It's all about control, starting from what you wear, who your friends are, your personal choices and if they could, they would look into your brain and control your thoughts. I could write a book on this topic but I'll just leave it here.
Write the book. I'll buy it. I'm female, but Christian. I'm also a child of migrants living in the West. Exact same scenario with my life. The sad thing is that they were so controlling, basically ruined all our lives and refuse to recognise that they're the reason it all went to shit with their kids.
I’m a 22 year old college senior who still lives with my Haitian parents. I plan on living at home after I graduate as I am taking a gap year before applying to PA school as I continue to build my portfolio. My 29 year old brother is a software engineer and although he makes significantly more than my parents, he is also still at home. My family and I were separated before we immigrated and I truly feel like this is a blessing that Jesus has give us by allowing us to have more time together ❤
As 35 single Somali woman, I lived alone for couple years alone. I come from large family ( 7 in total) and always wanted to experience that. Now I moved back with my mom and sis. Me and mother are very close the only problems I have is my mom does not know what boundaries are. I'm someone who likes my space and time.
Yes (I’m 30) my mother doesn’t know boundaries either she will harass me to engage in conversation when I am just passing by,but I discovered something new - wearing large over ear headphones and just smiling and dancing, if it is deathly important she can pull off the headphones. 😅
In greece its also very usual to live with you parents in your 20s and i definetely pay a mental tax .The extremely few times i have the house without my parents it feels so nice not feeling like i am constantly judged silently.I can do anything my mother would have to do easier just because i dont have her look at me and feel like she will tell me to do it something else because its better.I definitely have repressed anger i cannot resolve.
Yup. 100%. I feel guilty leaving though. I don't want them to feel like I want to leave. I wish something happened where I HAD to leave. But I should enjoy it while we're all alive and together.
I grew up in a very dysfunctional Pakistani household, whilst also facing childhood trauma including bullying , abuse and neglect. My dad passed away in 2012 when I was 16, my brother has cognitive disabilities, and my sister is married and moved to another city, and so at the age of 27 I still have to help manage the household and provide support for my family (physical and emotional), whilst also working, maintaining hobbies, selfcare and friendships. I'd say my mum has religious OCD, but is not willing to seek help. This has manifested in constant criticism of my 'sins', as well as her own self-deprecation. I feel like a child trapped in an adult's body. The pressure is insurmountable. I feel immense pressure to marry, but I am not ready for that yet, and not sure when I will be, due to the abuse and trauma I faced as a child. I want to live my own life independantly, but who will look after my family if I leave?
Can I say as an Iranian-American I can so relate? This is particularly difficult for us immigrants who are only children, and whose parents do not have too many other connections in America. We live with the constant guilt of what our immigrant parents gave up for us, and that guilt makes it very hard to move forward and become more independent. I worry and think about my parents and their needs all the time.
I'm mixed up but mostly Hispanic. I guess I'm 3rd gen but we've always lived in intergenerational households. Still live with my grandma!! This is pretty normal, don't ever let anyone make you feel bad. You all collectively save money, and help each other with food and chores. It's good for everyone. And you're never alone.
The moment all us siblings start making money we had to pay our way for living with our parents. Yet we were told it’s there House there rules we can’t leave until we marry either Hardly gave us any social freedom makin us have no social skills introverts and push over in society We paid with our mental health financial help now half my siblings are suffering with depression not realising how to think outside the parents household
@@farina6616 do you work? Your parents sound toxic but theyre also entitled to ask you to pay for your living expenses given you are 28. Them setting a deadline is wrong but also you shouldnt expect them to pay for your wedding. At your age you should have the money and if your future fiance is financially stable he should be paying a significant portion of it.
@@farina6616 your parents being unjust and unfair towards you should be the final incentive you need to get your independence and move out asap. Don’t keep procrastinating the longer you stay the worst your mental health will suffer. One of my sisters were bullied to marry, 5 years with a abusive husband for the sake of her parents and getting her freedom now she divorcéd raising two disabled children by her self and the parents don’t care what they got rid of her yet use her for money The last few sentences you’ve written are absolutely true! No body cares what happens to you. At the age of 28 yours an adult who’s responsible for your life married or not! Good luck
It's normal to pay rent to your parents. You should anyways, you get used to managing your money and getting into a routine . I was greatful for that rule . I've never been behind on paying rent living anywhere and I know my limits with it. On another note , if your parents are not letting you go outside or spending time with friends that's toxic and none of their business. Fair enough if you're not allowed visitors in their house but as a adult you should be allowed to go out.
This really resonates with me. I have conservative evangelical homeschool parents and I feel like the only people who can relate are women with immigrant parents. I know exactly what you are describing and it’s so helpful. None of my friends know what it’s like but they have the same mentality as what you experienced.
I also moved back with my parents after 7 years being away from home for school and work. At first, I stressed myself out trying to find a new job quick, so that I could move out and not be a burden to my parents until they told me that they liked having me at home (because all of my other siblings have moved out for school and work too). It didn't occur to me that they felt lonely and missed their children, so I decided to stay for now. The time I have now is for my parents, and that's okay
They have a term for parents like that. Its called “empty nesters”. Also as a muslim woman how were they so accepting of u moving out before marriage and for so long(7 years?!) im currently planning a move to a new country but i have yet to tell them and i feel immigrant daughter guilt for leaving them even if its just for a year or two….
@@ye23. Where I come from, it's not really strange for Muslim women to live apart from their parents without marrying first (especially when you're living and working in the city, whereas your family lives in the suburban/rural areas). And most of them live with housemates bc rent is not cheap, so we're not living ALONE alone hahah~ And I totally get where you're coming from. I have dreams of living abroad too, but thinking about the distance from family for an extended period of time breaks my heart, so I'm not ready to make the jump yet. I wish you the best of luck though and may Allah ease your journey!
Save your money, pretend you’re paying bills, rent and food as if living alone. Take chances to learn skills, study, build yourself mentally spiritually and financially. You have a great opportunity,
Im latina and it’s culturally very normal for us to live with our family. I live away from home during the semester but when I came back I was immediately shocked by how poorly I felt l felt at home. And then I remembered why I wanted to go to school out of state to begin with. I agree that living away is very helpful
I'm white , my mother adopted the "stay and help around the house till you're married" from other cultures. I ran away a few times before and after I was a adult . Because I was stressed out by my family. I think everyone should try and live on their own as a adult . Even just once for awhile and come back. Don't be afraid to go on vacations either because your family missing you will strengthen the relationships. I don't feel like a loser at all but I can't wait to have my own place. I want privacy and quiet. But paying rent and being a adult while being at home is helpful for you and your parents.
Just turned 28 recently, and I am in this exact situation. I left my corporate job to pursue my own business, and my dad needs to understand that it takes some time to get the ball rolling. It doesn't help that I am the only one in my family to pursue the creative field. Of course, I could be doing more, but it's hard to be motivated when my family tells me to pursue another career. Also, it is hard for my dad to understand how hard it is to survive in this economy. Our generation and the ones after being put in this hole from the start and expected to climb out of it with ease. I know I will get to where I want to be, but my accomplishments would feel greater if my family supported my career choice. Thank you for posting this video. I needed this so bad.
My boyfriend is 28 and living with his parents. He is white and both his parents are white. He loves living with them. When he visits me, he cooks for me so he's definitely more self-sufficient than I am, since the range of dishes I cook is pretty limited lol.
Ukrainian kid here! I literally told most of my friends that I can't live with my mom and most said - oh, no way, your mom wasn't so bad! - so it's first time I meet people who see things same way I do.
I have 5 siblings and am the 2nd oldest. I moved out for work in 2019, but moved back in 2021 to telecommute full time to be closer to family. It’s been a tough transition, being one of the older siblings still at home and feeling the weight of caring for my parents and the household, as well as trying to be there for my 2 younger siblings still at home. It doesn’t help that I’m feeling the pressure to get married (I’m 26), but I don’t want to lose this precious time I have with my parents. Part of me feels like I’ll just never leave, and I constantly miss my little life I cultivated when I moved out.
Same. I’m 27 and I have to worry about not them. I want to live for myself and live my own life but feels like I Can’t because I feel obligated to help my parents in the household (also financially) and I am pretty much their retirement plan. It’s like how the hll do I have time and the energy to find a husband when I’m consumed with my family. It’s depressing honestly
Same here, my parents didn't allow me to move out before marriage either. When I left that person they chose as my husband, I still wasn't allowed to live alone. My living alone with my little children, was somehow endangering their khandaan ki izzat they yelled, which I still don't understand. It's a strange way of thinking. The social circle of my parents made a huge problem out of my living alone with my children. It caused quite a stir, they treated me like I had committed some horrible crime like murder (by both leaving him and starting to live alone with my children). In recent years, white Dutch friends of my children were critical of them still living at home with me. My children are in their 20s now and we've been living separately for more than a year. When they were still living with me, they were made to feel like committing a crime too, meanwhile the costs of living alone are expensive and it's very difficult to find a home as a starter in the Netherlands as well. Even when you're not a starter, there are often long waiting lists for a home. I waited 17 years for my current home and I'm not a starter. It's unfair how much pressure is put on the generation of my children to do this and to do that. I wish people would leave each other alone, they don't know everything about the life and struggles of someone else, yet are quick to criticize and taunt.
I’ve lived alone since I was 18 because my mom moved out of the house and I had to keep the bills up. It was bittersweet. I was enduring my moms abuse for years and I was happy she left. Now that time has passed, distance really did make the heart grow fonder. I don’t really love spending large stretches of time with her because she is combative, but I appreciate her soft moments more and I see them more often, too. I guess what I’m trying to say is that not everybody (like me) has parents who treat them super well. Some parents were abusive during childhood and now that their children have left, they finally have time to reflect on their actions and heal themselves. I give my mom a lot of respect for slowly changing over the years, but I know it wouldn’t have happened if we kept clashing for years. I think if I lived in a different dimension with a two-parent household and a sober mother, I would totally want to live with her or my parents. But that was just never my reality. I guess I didn’t really move out, she did, and I just took over the rent, but it was surprisingly one of the best, most unprompted eras of personal growth I’ve ever had.
Omg I came across this video randomly - and YES - as a child of immigrant parents I cannot agree more 😂 I moved out/back in a few times as I kept trying to get away from them. Lol - I now live in a different city to my parents and I actually have a much better relationship with them. The mental tax sounds so so spot on. 👏🏻 I was pressured into academia so much and didn’t naturally posses talent with it - so that was really tough. I’m the black sheep who broke the mould, did all the jobs which were deemed “failure” and moved away from family (unheard of) and now remain child free (even more unheard of!) This video hit different - thank you for sharing.
I never understood why the US expects literal highschool graduates to move out and live alone until I realised some people just move out but their rent is paid by their parents still which is more understandable
Love these videos Tasneem. I agree with you about how babying your grown sons/daughters doesn't really benefit them in the long run. Need a nice balance between providing and teaching life skills. Also loving your look in this video, blue is your colour 🥰 love from the UK ! ❤️
Such an interesting topic. We are an English/Jamaican Muslim family, so we don't have what would be considered traditional Muslim cultural practices. 2 of my grown children live at home and they basically do what they want lol, but they also pay towards rent and bills. I enjoy having their company!
I am a 52 year old who still lives with my Panamanian parents. My dad passed away in January 2023. I never had a problem with freedom. My mom is strict, but I know she is that way because she loves me.❤. I will always live at home. I am never married, no children, and I help my 86 year old mother with chores and bills. My parents never kicked us kids out of the house when we turned 18. It was our choice to stay or leave. I am grateful to them, also debt-free.
Thankfully for five years I was able to live on my own and it helped me develop SO much, I'm currently living with my parents again until I'm able to move out. I'm not big on the idea of marriage, so my option is to make enough money that essentially buys my freedom (LOL, that sounds so harsh). Yet, there are clear perks of being where I am today. So, I just take it as it comes.
your perspective on this is very enlightening and mature, i love how you were able to recognize both sides of the coin rather than sticking to your own. i’m currently struggling with this myself, and i constantly find myself looking at things only from my own point of view, rather than tryin to understand where my parents come from and their background. i would love to here more advice you had for people regarding setting boundaries when living with parents and creating a healthy relationship with them if you don’t have the option to move out
i also find it interesting that we see moving out as a step for independence, and a way to actually create a healthier relationship with our parents when back then (in our culture) many people would live with their parents but they still had relatively healthy relationships
This is the most relatable video I've ever felt to on RUclips. Wow. And I watch HOURS of YT per day!! Just...you're like on another level...I feel so represented here in SO many different ways...thank you tazzyphe
I have the same issue. You'd think that being the breadwinner, your opinions would matter but nope. Not only are we being taxed for our mental health, but also our savings too 🥺
In Regards to cooking, what I realized is when you get married you have to get used to new appliances and portions for a smaller family. It's like learning to cook all over again lol. At least that was my experience. Really enjoy your content.
As a only child , who moved abroad for studies I lived 5 years of my life with out my family. And this year it’s was possible to live with them . We have to understand that our parents grew up in a very different culture and environment then we have . But they are the only people who I can count on in a heart beat . I am the financial breadwinner but still the authority will be my dad . Because that’s his role . A boss is always a boss .❤😂
I am also not only the child of immigrants but an immigrant myself since i was not born in the USA. My parents were super strict, expected me as the oldest to take of my younger sibling and were massive narcissists. Coming from a culture where parents can't be questioned for anything can harbor some massive imbalance of power that also shifts into abuse if they are mentally ill like mine were. I was also asked to pay $350 dollars a month in rent after i turned 18. I moved out at 21 and my first apt cost me $650, 20 years ago, So, for an extra $300 a month i was a free woman. I never went back, and another 8 or 10 years later i would become fully estranged with zero contact. I don't think any of this happened because were were immigrants. I think this happened because my parents are toxic narcs. My biggest relief in life is that i live in the USA, where this can be diagnosed for what it really is. A lot of abuse goes unchecked under the guise of "i really just want the best for you" , and a lot of micro aggressions under , "i;m only saying this for your own good". I am 44 now, happily married and content with my life, but i did spend a major part of my adult life recuperating from my childhood.
I moved out when I was 18 years old. Lived in a large apartment with 3 other girls 3-5 years older than me. My parents paid for the rent and my tuition and school supply fees were fully covered by a scholarship. From my perspective, as an American who took this path, I see a lot of non-Americans shaming this choice and assuming that people who move out of the house young have a poor relationship with their parents or will dump them in a retirement home. This isn't true at all - I wish there was more respect and less over-generalizations on both sides
The generalizations are there for a reason. If by non Americans you mean ethnic and by Americans you mean white, then you should know that there is a cultural difference as well. Americans like to live in an “I” culture where as ethnics live in a “we” culture. The bonds and ties ethic people have with their families seem stronger than whites. I see that all the time as well in care homes. At times both the cultures seem extreme but an observation is still an observation.
@@x80WildCat08x First of all, you non-Americans need to get it in your head that the country is not 100% white. I'M American and I am not white. I'm black and my people built this country more than any European, Asian, or Latino. So do. not generalize Americans as "whites" - we are not all white. Secondly, family is very important in the African American community. Just because I chose to move out doesn't mean I don't care about my family and vice versa. I'm just more independent than the average non-American my age. You guys don't know anything about the US, you just watch movies and TikTok and create dumb assumptions about the different cultures here.
@@gravity-blue you could have prefaced it by saying you’re ✨black American✨. And, I would have understood that my comment may not have applied to you since I know that family is a big aspect in black culture. Also, I don’t live in America, nor do I have or use tik tok. My education doesn’t rely on the American curriculum nor do I get my information from “movies”. You seem very angry, I hope you find peace.
@@x80WildCat08x And you could have ✨not assumed✨ they were White just because they’re American 😒. Nothing in this persons original comment warranted them disclosing that they are Black, you just jumped to conclusions so you could make your “point” instead of simply asking them if they, in fact, were White. It’s easier to NOT assume something so clearly asinine than it is to demand the world cater to your senseless sensibilities. They might “seem angry”, but you clearly are stupid 🫠
In Latino communities, living with parents until your late 20s is very common. Especially in California where the rent keep getting more and more astronomically priced 😞 Moving out as soon as you turn 18 is almost considered an insult to Latino parents, making it seem like you want to get away from them (since Latino families are commonly very close-knit) I think I'm California, in general, it's becoming more normalized for young adults to still live with their parents regardless of cultural background.
Girl u got a glow up, like u r looking really fresh or something else Ican pick but can't put it in words, cz I'm here after sm time nd immediately noticed this. May b u r more stable emotionally, or u r being more grounded, ur energy is different nd calm
I'm Asian, and my parents would keep me forever if they could. Anyway, I forced myself to move out to another country at 28 because I was afraid that if I didn't do it then, I would've delayed it some more. I love them, but I wanted to learn to be independent.
Living with parents and in laws is not the best thing. You will never have the freedom as an adult. Many of my friends are adult babies who instantly are ready to give adult advice. But if they even have the cold they need their mamas
A large majority of attitudes in my own life towards those living at home is more jealousy than looking down upon them. Many of us wish we had a relationship with our families to feel comfortable and safe living at home. American parents do push the “you’re out when you’re 18” and most of us didnt really want to/weren’t ready to leave.
I'm white as snow, like 4th generation American, and I'm living at home and quite like it tbh. I think I would be very lonely living alone, and it's nice knowing I am there in the rare instance my mom needs help
I really needed to hear this! Thank you for sharing, makes me feel so much better! Can you also do a video on how we are stuck on comparisons, how we as a society are kind of forced to compare one another because of social media.
See your parents as much as possible 🙏 My advice as someone married at age 19. Alhamdulilah nearly 18 years being married. It is such a thoughtful provoking video. And it made me cry and miss my mum a lot 😢
it's funny that this popped up on my yt rec cuz i was just thinking about this earlier... but more so i've come to accept this is my reality-- that i'm 25 and still living at home and plan to still live at home until i graduate univeristy and find a better paying job (honestly, i'm more embrarrased about the fact that i'm 25 and havent graduated yet😩 but it is what it is). there's also an added layer of difficulty cuz i live with my grandparents and my mom who have conflicting expectations of me...
Really important for a man to live alone before marriage so he can grow up. Also not good to live with either sets of parents if you are a married couple.
@@notgonnaargue8986 at least they'll know how to pay their bills, assemble furniture, deal with landlords/letting agents/bank etc. You know, standard grown-up things!
I'm glad I saved this video to my watch later list. My current situation at home is horrendous now as much as I have tried to suppress by ignoring and forgetting everything that has been done and said to me - I have completely reached my breaking-point. The irony is growing up in an African household made me completely ignorant towards the topic of mental health. I accepted the belief that whenever mental health was mentioned all it must equate to is being "mentally disturbed" or displaying like lunatic behvaiours. Yet as of now I am the most unattached from my feelings, myself, and those I genuinely love. I have engaged in toxic behaviours of self-harm and couldn't seem to stop self-sabotaging all most anything and everything in my life that I cared about. From myself, and people who were so worried about me and genuinely wanted to help, but I was so wrapped up in the idea that because I am being treated badly at home - I don't deserve kidness, love or to be anything nor create anything for myself. Plus the things I wanted to aspire to become or at least attempt to dip my feet in to test the waters of self-discovery. I have held myself back so much that I eventually stopped going to college and picking myself up to work towards my goal of moving out by 19. I am currently 18 and turning 19 this August. I have self-sabotaged towards the point where I ignored and suppressed even physical pain from my own lack of good physical health. Of course there was a point where I acknowledged it, however instead of confiding in the right people, I chose to confide in the wrong person (my mother) who complete shutdown me down instantly and told me "You've never been a child was born with illness. there are kids and teens too, who have SERIOUS illnesses. How could you have any real stomach issues." Clearly insinuating that I am flat-out lying about being physically unwell, which didn't help because I stupidly accepted this and now my health is so dire and only of early December last year could I finally build up the guts to book an appointment with a doctor and have the confidence to actually go. Another perpotrator in my house is my older sister, she is literally the epitome of a bully. She is so obsessed with keeping up with tabs of everything I say or do and even having interest it. She critiques behind the scenes by sitting on the phone yelling about me and making me the topic of discussion in almost every conversation she has. She encourages my mum to believe the most stupidest things about me. She stirs up so much drama from twisting my words and everyone at home (my mum and my little sister - who is only one year apart from me, she is 17.) is fooled by it. I no longer value what they think of me but it's still so hard to stay convinced that I am a human being and deserve to think kindly of myself. I have enrolled in a college again and have my last meeting for my IT course and it is the only thing that I know will save me from suffering with worries of "not having a good career". I was a lot more passionate to pursue computing. But I am grateful I am able to find one that is nearer to me anyway. Thankful for God really. To summarise it's just really hard to convince myself I'm not a loser because I've never seen or heard of anybody from a toxic and abusive household like that mine that they've been through anything similar. Or perhaps it's just my ignorance speaking and I feel as if everyone has a one-up against me when it comes to prospering because they actually have help and life-long support from very real company who plan on staying. I do love those who have shown their concerns about me, but I truly do feel like I cannot rely on anybody enough to be able to understand my perspective ever again - since a friend made a really insensitive comment about my situaion, basicaully uplfiting one of my abusers at least that's just how it felt. It hurts to feel so alone but I hope I can return to this video this August to update my comment and somehow say I've completed altered my situation and am in a better place. On a more positive note... this video is inpsiring thank you so much for sharing!
I wish you the best. Most African and African parents think that mental health is a "white think". I'm glad you went to see a doctor and I hope he/she will direct you to a specialist. Hang in there.
I would leave the house to avoid the constant nagging and mental tax of being with my parents. But at the same time my income range wouldn't be enough to cover anything for more than a single year where I live.
So good to see you Tazzy.I started watching your tube when I was an undergrad and have been watching since. I would love to see you revive the ThursPhe series. And I miss those challenges which you used to do e.g the accent challenge with your friends and the tin can challenge.
i am 28 single and still living with my parents I actually love their company even if I would have the money to move out I woundn't I love them and they are old so I like to take care of the household
I really needed this video today after my mom told me to go marry a rich old man, and was harassing me all day. we live in the San Francisco Bay area and I am studying to be an accountant , soon, I can provide for myself. oh and I forgot to mention I am already married, my husband recently moved to his home country of India until I finish my degree so that we can save money on rent. my mom does not approve of the marriage so just doesn’t acknowledge it at all. Being second generation means having parents who are thinking about survival while I am trying to integrate with intellectual people who don’t think that way constantly.
This is interesting because it feels like because of the Pandemic, this whole perception about living with your parents changed drastically for Gen Z (my generation). But, it seems for younger Millennials, the typical American stigma about living with your parents past college remains? Anyways thanks for this one, it def is awesome to have someone wise and relatable like you on RUclips
because I mean if you're grown it's natural to question why you can function on your own without your parents. Its still here in America but the age changed. people don't say 18, now its 28,29. simply because it's so close to 30.
I realised after getting married that most parents particular mothers learnt cook properly after getting married from their mother in law. I wish I knew that before because I was learning to cook before, wanting to be ready for future married life and worrying that I would fail for no reason, some things just take time and practice. But the good thing is I got to help and support my mum with cooking so she could rest for once alhamdullah
You don't have to learn cooking if you're not passionate about it. If your husband has two hands, he can cook his own food. He is not a child. He's an adult FFS. You don't have to mother him. Be his partner, not his servant.
@@silverstarlight9395 Cooking is a life skill, like driving, washing yourself and studying, if you do not learn it calling it oppression then your a imbecile. If men can learn it, it not consider degrading, why do women treat it like oppression? I am not going to waste my money on takeaways and rubbish food made by someone who does not care thats going ruin my health and my families. My husband learnt how to cook himself as immigrant living alone, he makes yummy biryani. But I make food to show my love to him and the family, I love doing it. I learnt to cook to help my mum out as she helped me out all my life, I could be her arms. I am not one of those women who likes feminist, absolutely detest it with a passion. Women nowaday just do not want to make coffee or tea for their husband, they are soo lazy and just want to dress up, do selfies and just want to say "you can look but cannot touch" attitude, absolutely useless personalities of no benefit to others then vanity and narcissism. Always gaslighting men and denying their experiences and then playing victim. Forever wearing my burka
@@salampakistan3691 you cook for your husband because you want to show him your love. But your husband doesn't cook for you to show you his love. Guess he doesn't love you in that case. Btw, I love my boyfriend very much and show it to him in many ways. One of the ways is to let him make his own food and not being his mummy. White men want a partner while brown men want a substitute mummy. If you want to be a mummy instead of a partner, you do you. Some of us are too busy in our high-flying careers to take care of a man-child. It's not called feminism, it's called basic self-respect which every human being needs to have. Btw I never depend on others for food. I have two hands and am well capable of arranging food for myself. And so is everyone else in my family and my boyfriend's family. So you need not worry about my basic life skills. What makes you think I dress up and take selfies? I'm a surgeon hon, the only 'dressing up' I do is wearing hospital scrubs and the only 'selfies' I take are me with my various exam certificates and thesis. Maybe if you stepped out of your house more you'd see how the world outside your kitchen functions.
@@silverstarlight9395 oof girl you do realize your generalization of brown men is super racist right,also their are some aspects with what the above commenter said that I disagree with but they are right about the fact that both men and women should and do need to learn how to cook it's an important life skill especially if you don't want to resort to take out also OP literally says her husband makes her delicious food too,also the way you praise white men is hilarious you do realize that most of the oppression women faced historically speaking was because of white men right?
@@salampakistan3691 Ok I agree that cooking is a life skil everyone needs to learn but it's super uncool of you to shame other women because they have diffrent beliefs and expirences then yours,also the only ones who ever gaslight are men who try to downplay women's experiences,also you say the women are lazy for not making tea or coffee for their husbands but were is that same energy for the husbands aren't they too also lazy for not making their own tea and coffee also what's wrong with being a feminist the goal of feminism is to have equal rights and oppertunities for both men and women wouldn't it be in your best interest to support of movement that makes sure we all have equal oppertunities
I think it's a good thing that adult kids live with their parents. Just way too expensive to live alone. At least you're safe and can save some money. Don't be ashamed. Also, a good think if you can help your parents with cleaning and chores.
My problem is "our house our rules" = rules for my LIFE and not just home rules. I love my parents and I don't want to leave, but I secretly am not Muslim. It's the one thing where if I go against their wishes I honestly don't know what they would do. I wish I had confidence that I could be independent. I'm an adult baby in that I rely on my parents so much for everything. I don't know if I could make it out there alone.
You look so pretty in this hijab! Loved the video. I actually kind of went through the opposite being a convert living with European parents. It was like I was the strict one trying to live with "modern" people lol.
I don’t share the experience of living at home with immigrant parents, but I would like to offer some words to those feeling pressure from society or maybe just self-comparison. I am not an immigrant, I was born and live in the US, I moved out as soon as I could, but not because I was young and wise with a lot of money. There was nothing at home for me. When I see instances of older children living with parents, I think it’s nice the adult child has parents that have something to offer. To anyone feeling stress about this, I would think it’s similar to comparing yourself to the smartest kid in class. You feel dumb, but you don’t know that the smartest kid repeated the class twice before. There are two sides to the coin. If living with your parents is the best thing for you, do it. Try not to feel bad about it; this is just the reality at this time.
I found you through the suggested videos and I'm so glad ! I recently moved out too and it has improved my mental health so much ( I also did a video on it) . Please keep it up! Just subbed! ❤
Wow talk about perfect timing. i really like how you mentioned kids that have to be a major contributor to the household once we get a job.. I feel like our experience is often overlooked and many people think we’re saving money when in reality it costs nearly the same. my mental health unfortunately is affecting my relationship with Allah. trying my best to stay afloat ❤
Being in my late twenties and living with my Somali dad is challenging. It can be nice though because I can save money. Mental health definitely gets sacrificed though jk. It's not that bad but after living alone I miss my privacy and alone time.
Highest rates of living with parents correlates with higher cost of living. The cheaper the area, the less likely to live with parents. That being said, I see nothing wrong with it as long as you're pulling your end. Both of cousins lived at home until their 30's, and are both homeowners of million dollar homes. In fact nearly half of American households are multigenerational, and globally it's pretty normal to live with parents until you're married.
back in 2020, age 29 , i was forced to move back to my parents house due to covid and lost my job because of that , i felt embarrased now im back livign on my own in my favourite city.
I am Indian and my mom and Dad are so sweet that they never want me to move out, they want to keep me inside their lap away from any hard things in this world, It is not healthy for the child but that is how Indian culture is.
Italian American here from NYC. Let me tell you, it's completely fine to live with your parents at an older age. No one cares, and no one should say anything about it.
The best thing a family can do is stay together and start a family business and be your own bosses instead of throwing your kids to the wolves. That is how empires are built.
another thought is.... its about to be 2023 and relying on marriage to be why a grown man/woman moves out and they are 28 and up is a problem. it means the career isnt good enough. its not good enough security but a man who can leave when isnt interested anymore down the line IS! such a shame.
1. Humans evolve and learn when they want to on their own and learn a massive amount from their experiences. In return, they respect their life more and add value to their surroundings. Parents, friends, or even spouse plays a minor role. So, living on your own, good or bad, helps you to bring out the best in the end. Never the other way around. 2. Those parents think they are doing everything right, which is wrong. They don't think about mental health and the pressure they put on the child from a young age. 3. Freedom is not given, but it is the space we take for ourselves and not feel bad about it. Kids on their own learn much more about navigating themselves in a much better way. Even if they are into drugs or whatnot, they know to take responsibility for their actions. 4. No coming home early; leaving when you feel like spending more time with your friends, or loved ones is not an ‘applauding’ sign. It is, in fact, a feeling of suppression and anxiousness.
Please, "Even if they're on drugs, they learn to take responsibility for their action." So many don't. Different cultures have different traditions, and unless abuse is involved, it works. In many European countries, most children do not leave home at 18. Many live with their parents and are just fine when they go live on their own. Everything is relative.
Coming from large Muslim immigrant family, all I have ever wanted was my own space but we can’t leave our parents house until we are married because it is seen as disrespecting/abandoning/dishonoring your parents/family members, especially for girls. It is so frustrating because I just want some alone time.😏
my parents treated me like a child even when I was 21 until I moved out then got married at 23 . My parents still treat me like a failure to launch and like I'm not going to make it at 33 . I pay my own bills , I make sure our lights are on , water comes in and a home to live in . I work go to school and have two kids and I've been married for 10 years . 😮💨
Intriguing, i always knew there was more to life and i have also been looking for a way to find not only protection but a way to be influential to the human society.
oh well you can achieve that by being a part of the illuminatus brotherhood, i know it sounds like a mystery but there are ways you can actually get in contact with them
@Rose Allen well it is not and you can't actually expect it to be open to everyone, but if you want to know more you can look up Wilford Robert Taylor online you will find something interesting
I’m so thankful for my parents. They have supported me through everything in my life and I would be so lost without them. Thankful that they are not the type of parents that throw their kids out when they turn 18. Thankful that they don’t force you to pay rent. Alhamdulillah a million times for them. I think us “ethnic kids” need to practice gratitude.
I think you missed the point of this vid. No one is saying they’re ungrateful for their parents (they chose to have kids anyway, it’s their job to take care of us) but not everyone has super supportive parents. If your parents are not allowing you to make your own decisions especially as an adult, that’s unhealthy. There are some people who’s parents continue to belittle and disrespect them or step over their boundaries as adults. That is not fair. You might have a great relationship with your parents bc they respect you but that is not the case for everyone. Telling people to just be grateful while their parents are literally preventing them from living their life is ridiculous. Edit: also, my dad forces me to pay rent even though I told him I need to save money for college. Not everyone has amazing understanding parents.
but what do you do about the guilt? :( don't get me wrong I really need space now that I'm 25 post grad trying to figure out my life but it eats me alive thinking of how they would be alone it's not like they want me to stay at home forever lol but ugh
I'm in the same situation . Like I wouldlike to move out, it's like i'll finally become a real adult once I move out. But i spend so much time with my mom that I don'tknow what she would do if I left. She has jokingly asked me not to leave. But at 27 I don't feel like a full adult. It's complicated 😞
I would say it is a privilege for your parents to allow you to live at home rent free. The ones who are really suffering are the people having to pay rent and bills while still in their parents home due to inflation.
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
I can relate to this video as a first gen. I do love my parents, but I need to move out to grow and to strengthen my bond with my parents. After moving out, I felt my relationship with my parents become stronger because they see me that I am capable on managing money and taking care of myself. If I were to stay home, then they didn’t see me as being able to take care of myself.
You are right
Yes
Why do our immigrant parents underestimate us though
@@juleswifey6003b/c their parents did the same to them and the bullying continues until someone becomes the cycle breaker…
I'm an Indian Muslim woman who lived with unreasonably strict parents, so as soon as I got my first big boy job I moved out and lived on my own. I can only summarise my experience as follows.
When you live with your parents, you don't have the freedom to do what you want to do. When you live independently, you don't have the time to do what you want to do.
I am a somali Muslim woman and the oldest girl of 10 siblings, being the second oldest - I need to leave to be my own person
@@zubabee me too am 21 rn planing my exit ....somali culture is tough especially to those who live back home ik I'll never be allowed to move out bt regardless of what I'll try my best
lolol YESS this a thousand percent true working three jobs to pay the rent.... I don't qualify for a house yet
The children of immigrants truly suffer being trapped between two cultures, especially if you're female and Muslim. The only escape is marriage. There is no concept of autonomy or privacy in the household. You are trained to work very hard for the high opinion of the members of your small, tight knit immigrant community. The values of their village carry over to the host country and the culture clash is palpable. Moving out and being independent is a fantasy for most young women. It's all about control, starting from what you wear, who your friends are, your personal choices and if they could, they would look into your brain and control your thoughts. I could write a book on this topic but I'll just leave it here.
i wholeheartedly agree 🙏
Write the book. I'll buy it. I'm female, but Christian. I'm also a child of migrants living in the West. Exact same scenario with my life. The sad thing is that they were so controlling, basically ruined all our lives and refuse to recognise that they're the reason it all went to shit with their kids.
But why marriage
I’m a 22 year old college senior who still lives with my Haitian parents. I plan on living at home after I graduate as I am taking a gap year before applying to PA school as I continue to build my portfolio. My 29 year old brother is a software engineer and although he makes significantly more than my parents, he is also still at home. My family and I were separated before we immigrated and I truly feel like this is a blessing that Jesus has give us by allowing us to have more time together ❤
As 35 single Somali woman, I lived alone for couple years alone. I come from large family ( 7 in total) and always wanted to experience that. Now I moved back with my mom and sis. Me and mother are very close the only problems I have is my mom does not know what boundaries are. I'm someone who likes my space and time.
May be better to live alone so she isn't intruding in your privacy.
Yes (I’m 30) my mother doesn’t know boundaries either she will harass me to engage in conversation when I am just passing by,but I discovered something new - wearing large over ear headphones and just smiling and dancing, if it is deathly important she can pull off the headphones. 😅
@@Cash4Fruit 😂😂😂
In greece its also very usual to live with you parents in your 20s and i definetely pay a mental tax .The extremely few times i have the house without my parents it feels so nice not feeling like i am constantly judged silently.I can do anything my mother would have to do easier just because i dont have her look at me and feel like she will tell me to do it something else because its better.I definitely have repressed anger i cannot resolve.
Yup. 100%.
I feel guilty leaving though. I don't want them to feel like I want to leave. I wish something happened where I HAD to leave. But I should enjoy it while we're all alive and together.
As an Italian American, I absolutely agree
I grew up in a very dysfunctional Pakistani household, whilst also facing childhood trauma including bullying , abuse and neglect. My dad passed away in 2012 when I was 16, my brother has cognitive disabilities, and my sister is married and moved to another city, and so at the age of 27 I still have to help manage the household and provide support for my family (physical and emotional), whilst also working, maintaining hobbies, selfcare and friendships. I'd say my mum has religious OCD, but is not willing to seek help. This has manifested in constant criticism of my 'sins', as well as her own self-deprecation. I feel like a child trapped in an adult's body. The pressure is insurmountable. I feel immense pressure to marry, but I am not ready for that yet, and not sure when I will be, due to the abuse and trauma I faced as a child. I want to live my own life independantly, but who will look after my family if I leave?
Can I say as an Iranian-American I can so relate? This is particularly difficult for us immigrants who are only children, and whose parents do not have too many other connections in America. We live with the constant guilt of what our immigrant parents gave up for us, and that guilt makes it very hard to move forward and become more independent. I worry and think about my parents and their needs all the time.
I'm mixed up but mostly Hispanic. I guess I'm 3rd gen but we've always lived in intergenerational households. Still live with my grandma!! This is pretty normal, don't ever let anyone make you feel bad. You all collectively save money, and help each other with food and chores. It's good for everyone. And you're never alone.
The moment all us siblings start making money we had to pay our way for living with our parents.
Yet we were told it’s there House there rules we can’t leave until we marry either
Hardly gave us any social freedom makin us have no social skills introverts and push over in society
We paid with our mental health financial help now half my siblings are suffering with depression not realising how to think outside the parents household
@@farina6616 do you work? Your parents sound toxic but theyre also entitled to ask you to pay for your living expenses given you are 28. Them setting a deadline is wrong but also you shouldnt expect them to pay for your wedding. At your age you should have the money and if your future fiance is financially stable he should be paying a significant portion of it.
@@farina6616 your parents being unjust and unfair towards you should be the final incentive you need to get your independence and move out asap. Don’t keep procrastinating the longer you stay the worst your mental health will suffer.
One of my sisters were bullied to marry, 5 years with a abusive husband for the sake of her parents and getting her
freedom now she divorcéd raising two disabled children by her self and the parents don’t care what they got rid of her yet use her for money
The last few sentences you’ve written are absolutely true! No body cares what happens to you. At the age of 28 yours an adult who’s responsible for your life married or not!
Good luck
Cannot relate to this more!
It's normal to pay rent to your parents. You should anyways, you get used to managing your money and getting into a routine . I was greatful for that rule . I've never been behind on paying rent living anywhere and I know my limits with it.
On another note , if your parents are not letting you go outside or spending time with friends that's toxic and none of their business. Fair enough if you're not allowed visitors in their house but as a adult you should be allowed to go out.
This really resonates with me. I have conservative evangelical homeschool parents and I feel like the only people who can relate are women with immigrant parents. I know exactly what you are describing and it’s so helpful. None of my friends know what it’s like but they have the same mentality as what you experienced.
I also moved back with my parents after 7 years being away from home for school and work. At first, I stressed myself out trying to find a new job quick, so that I could move out and not be a burden to my parents until they told me that they liked having me at home (because all of my other siblings have moved out for school and work too). It didn't occur to me that they felt lonely and missed their children, so I decided to stay for now. The time I have now is for my parents, and that's okay
They have a term for parents like that. Its called “empty nesters”. Also as a muslim woman how were they so accepting of u moving out before marriage and for so long(7 years?!) im currently planning a move to a new country but i have yet to tell them and i feel immigrant daughter guilt for leaving them even if its just for a year or two….
@@ye23. Where I come from, it's not really strange for Muslim women to live apart from their parents without marrying first (especially when you're living and working in the city, whereas your family lives in the suburban/rural areas). And most of them live with housemates bc rent is not cheap, so we're not living ALONE alone hahah~ And I totally get where you're coming from. I have dreams of living abroad too, but thinking about the distance from family for an extended period of time breaks my heart, so I'm not ready to make the jump yet. I wish you the best of luck though and may Allah ease your journey!
Save your money, pretend you’re paying bills, rent and food as if living alone. Take chances to learn skills, study, build yourself mentally spiritually and financially. You have a great opportunity,
@@burymebelowawillowtree9243 my parents expect me to still contribute so I’m sacrificing my mental health + wallet 😭 I’m so glad I’m moving out
Im latina and it’s culturally very normal for us to live with our family. I live away from home during the semester but when I came back I was immediately shocked by how poorly I felt l felt at home. And then I remembered why I wanted to go to school out of state to begin with. I agree that living away is very helpful
I'm white , my mother adopted the "stay and help around the house till you're married" from other cultures. I ran away a few times before and after I was a adult . Because I was stressed out by my family.
I think everyone should try and live on their own as a adult . Even just once for awhile and come back. Don't be afraid to go on vacations either because your family missing you will strengthen the relationships.
I don't feel like a loser at all but I can't wait to have my own place. I want privacy and quiet. But paying rent and being a adult while being at home is helpful for you and your parents.
Just turned 28 recently, and I am in this exact situation. I left my corporate job to pursue my own business, and my dad needs to understand that it takes some time to get the ball rolling. It doesn't help that I am the only one in my family to pursue the creative field. Of course, I could be doing more, but it's hard to be motivated when my family tells me to pursue another career. Also, it is hard for my dad to understand how hard it is to survive in this economy. Our generation and the ones after being put in this hole from the start and expected to climb out of it with ease. I know I will get to where I want to be, but my accomplishments would feel greater if my family supported my career choice. Thank you for posting this video. I needed this so bad.
My boyfriend is 28 and living with his parents. He is white and both his parents are white. He loves living with them. When he visits me, he cooks for me so he's definitely more self-sufficient than I am, since the range of dishes I cook is pretty limited lol.
Ukrainian kid here!
I literally told most of my friends that I can't live with my mom and most said - oh, no way, your mom wasn't so bad! - so it's first time I meet people who see things same way I do.
I have 5 siblings and am the 2nd oldest. I moved out for work in 2019, but moved back in 2021 to telecommute full time to be closer to family. It’s been a tough transition, being one of the older siblings still at home and feeling the weight of caring for my parents and the household, as well as trying to be there for my 2 younger siblings still at home. It doesn’t help that I’m feeling the pressure to get married (I’m 26), but I don’t want to lose this precious time I have with my parents. Part of me feels like I’ll just never leave, and I constantly miss my little life I cultivated when I moved out.
Youre 26 relax you got time
Same. I’m 27 and I have to worry about not them. I want to live for myself and live my own life but feels like I Can’t because I feel obligated to help my parents in the household (also financially) and I am pretty much their retirement plan. It’s like how the hll do I have time and the energy to find a husband when I’m consumed with my family. It’s depressing honestly
@@ye23. not in this world. Society does not like women especially older women
@@auroramothergoddess 26 is not an older woman 😂 relax
@@ye23. according to men it is. Also western society looks down on anyone still living at home after 18
Same here, my parents didn't allow me to move out before marriage either. When I left that person they chose as my husband, I still wasn't allowed to live alone. My living alone with my little children, was somehow endangering their khandaan ki izzat they yelled, which I still don't understand. It's a strange way of thinking. The social circle of my parents made a huge problem out of my living alone with my children. It caused quite a stir, they treated me like I had committed some horrible crime like murder (by both leaving him and starting to live alone with my children).
In recent years, white Dutch friends of my children were critical of them still living at home with me. My children are in their 20s now and we've been living separately for more than a year. When they were still living with me, they were made to feel like committing a crime too, meanwhile the costs of living alone are expensive and it's very difficult to find a home as a starter in the Netherlands as well. Even when you're not a starter, there are often long waiting lists for a home. I waited 17 years for my current home and I'm not a starter. It's unfair how much pressure is put on the generation of my children to do this and to do that.
I wish people would leave each other alone, they don't know everything about the life and struggles of someone else, yet are quick to criticize and taunt.
*hugs* I hope you have the best years of your life ahead
@@miseendriste6337 Thank you, that's so sweet of you! ❤
I’ve lived alone since I was 18 because my mom moved out of the house and I had to keep the bills up. It was bittersweet. I was enduring my moms abuse for years and I was happy she left. Now that time has passed, distance really did make the heart grow fonder. I don’t really love spending large stretches of time with her because she is combative, but I appreciate her soft moments more and I see them more often, too. I guess what I’m trying to say is that not everybody (like me) has parents who treat them super well. Some parents were abusive during childhood and now that their children have left, they finally have time to reflect on their actions and heal themselves. I give my mom a lot of respect for slowly changing over the years, but I know it wouldn’t have happened if we kept clashing for years. I think if I lived in a different dimension with a two-parent household and a sober mother, I would totally want to live with her or my parents. But that was just never my reality. I guess I didn’t really move out, she did, and I just took over the rent, but it was surprisingly one of the best, most unprompted eras of personal growth I’ve ever had.
Omg I came across this video randomly - and YES - as a child of immigrant parents I cannot agree more 😂
I moved out/back in a few times as I kept trying to get away from them. Lol - I now live in a different city to my parents and I actually have a much better relationship with them. The mental tax sounds so so spot on. 👏🏻 I was pressured into academia so much and didn’t naturally posses talent with it - so that was really tough. I’m the black sheep who broke the mould, did all the jobs which were deemed “failure” and moved away from family (unheard of) and now remain child free (even more unheard of!) This video hit different - thank you for sharing.
I never understood why the US expects literal highschool graduates to move out and live alone until I realised some people just move out but their rent is paid by their parents still which is more understandable
A lot of parents kick their kids out at 18
@@jaminwaite3867 yea but thats what Imean.. why? Sure some are just horrible larents but there is an hndwrlying cultural expectation for it
Love these videos Tasneem. I agree with you about how babying your grown sons/daughters doesn't really benefit them in the long run. Need a nice balance between providing and teaching life skills.
Also loving your look in this video, blue is your colour 🥰 love from the UK ! ❤️
Such an interesting topic. We are an English/Jamaican Muslim family, so we don't have what would be considered traditional Muslim cultural practices. 2 of my grown children live at home and they basically do what they want lol, but they also pay towards rent and bills. I enjoy having their company!
This such an important conversation to have and something I am going through now. I take a lot of comfort knowing I’m not alone with this
I am a 52 year old who still lives with my Panamanian parents. My dad passed away in January 2023. I never had a problem with freedom. My mom is strict, but I know she is that way because she loves me.❤. I will always live at home. I am never married, no children, and I help my 86 year old mother with chores and bills. My parents never kicked us kids out of the house when we turned 18. It was our choice to stay or leave. I am grateful to them, also debt-free.
Thankfully for five years I was able to live on my own and it helped me develop SO much, I'm currently living with my parents again until I'm able to move out. I'm not big on the idea of marriage, so my option is to make enough money that essentially buys my freedom (LOL, that sounds so harsh). Yet, there are clear perks of being where I am today. So, I just take it as it comes.
your perspective on this is very enlightening and mature, i love how you were able to recognize both sides of the coin rather than sticking to your own. i’m currently struggling with this myself, and i constantly find myself looking at things only from my own point of view, rather than tryin to understand where my parents come from and their background. i would love to here more advice you had for people regarding setting boundaries when living with parents and creating a healthy relationship with them if you don’t have the option to move out
i also find it interesting that we see moving out as a step for independence, and a way to actually create a healthier relationship with our parents when back then (in our culture) many people would live with their parents but they still had relatively healthy relationships
This is the most relatable video I've ever felt to on RUclips. Wow. And I watch HOURS of YT per day!! Just...you're like on another level...I feel so represented here in SO many different ways...thank you tazzyphe
Yes! It can get super complicated when you are an adult child living at home (low-income fam) but are also a primary breadwinner 😅
I have the same issue. You'd think that being the breadwinner, your opinions would matter but nope. Not only are we being taxed for our mental health, but also our savings too 🥺
@@fimi3 May Allah grant you ease ♥
@bootsmade4walking ameen thanks ❤
thats funny, my parents dont even need money, but my dad is always saying i need to give him money. work for him wtf lol
In Regards to cooking, what I realized is when you get married you have to get used to new appliances and portions for a smaller family. It's like learning to cook all over again lol. At least that was my experience.
Really enjoy your content.
Not necessarily. I'm in a relationship. I prepare my food and my partner prepares his food.
What a diverse comment section. Beautiful to see such open discussion ❤️
Bosnian-American here, first generation American with immigrant parents and we get married and move out after we're married!
As a only child , who moved abroad for studies I lived 5 years of my life with out my family. And this year it’s was possible to live with them . We have to understand that our parents grew up in a very different culture and environment then we have . But they are the only people who I can count on in a heart beat . I am the financial breadwinner but still the authority will be my dad . Because that’s his role . A boss is always a boss .❤😂
I am also not only the child of immigrants but an immigrant myself since i was not born in the USA. My parents were super strict, expected me as the oldest to take of my younger sibling and were massive narcissists. Coming from a culture where parents can't be questioned for anything can harbor some massive imbalance of power that also shifts into abuse if they are mentally ill like mine were. I was also asked to pay $350 dollars a month in rent after i turned 18. I moved out at 21 and my first apt cost me $650, 20 years ago, So, for an extra $300 a month i was a free woman. I never went back, and another 8 or 10 years later i would become fully estranged with zero contact. I don't think any of this happened because were were immigrants. I think this happened because my parents are toxic narcs. My biggest relief in life is that i live in the USA, where this can be diagnosed for what it really is. A lot of abuse goes unchecked under the guise of "i really just want the best for you" , and a lot of micro aggressions under , "i;m only saying this for your own good". I am 44 now, happily married and content with my life, but i did spend a major part of my adult life recuperating from my childhood.
I’m 32 and still live with my Caribbean parents. Everything that was stated in this video is so true.
I moved out when I was 18 years old. Lived in a large apartment with 3 other girls 3-5 years older than me. My parents paid for the rent and my tuition and school supply fees were fully covered by a scholarship. From my perspective, as an American who took this path, I see a lot of non-Americans shaming this choice and assuming that people who move out of the house young have a poor relationship with their parents or will dump them in a retirement home. This isn't true at all - I wish there was more respect and less over-generalizations on both sides
The generalizations are there for a reason. If by non Americans you mean ethnic and by Americans you mean white, then you should know that there is a cultural difference as well. Americans like to live in an “I” culture where as ethnics live in a “we” culture. The bonds and ties ethic people have with their families seem stronger than whites. I see that all the time as well in care homes. At times both the cultures seem extreme but an observation is still an observation.
@@x80WildCat08x
First of all, you non-Americans need to get it in your head that the country is not 100% white. I'M American and I am not white. I'm black and my people built this country more than any European, Asian, or Latino. So do. not generalize Americans as "whites" - we are not all white.
Secondly, family is very important in the African American community. Just because I chose to move out doesn't mean I don't care about my family and vice versa. I'm just more independent than the average non-American my age. You guys don't know anything about the US, you just watch movies and TikTok and create dumb assumptions about the different cultures here.
Not true. The bonds are usually toxic. You were just fed the stats. Let’s not generalize here
@@gravity-blue you could have prefaced it by saying you’re ✨black American✨. And, I would have understood that my comment may not have applied to you since I know that family is a big aspect in black culture.
Also, I don’t live in America, nor do I have or use tik tok. My education doesn’t rely on the American curriculum nor do I get my information from “movies”.
You seem very angry, I hope you find peace.
@@x80WildCat08x And you could have ✨not assumed✨ they were White just because they’re American 😒. Nothing in this persons original comment warranted them disclosing that they are Black, you just jumped to conclusions so you could make your “point” instead of simply asking them if they, in fact, were White. It’s easier to NOT assume something so clearly asinine than it is to demand the world cater to your senseless sensibilities. They might “seem angry”, but you clearly are stupid 🫠
In Latino communities, living with parents until your late 20s is very common. Especially in California where the rent keep getting more and more astronomically priced 😞
Moving out as soon as you turn 18 is almost considered an insult to Latino parents, making it seem like you want to get away from them (since Latino families are commonly very close-knit)
I think I'm California, in general, it's becoming more normalized for young adults to still live with their parents regardless of cultural background.
Very true!!!
my favorite desi youtuber is you i really enjoy these videos
Girl u got a glow up, like u r looking really fresh or something else Ican pick but can't put it in words, cz I'm here after sm time nd immediately noticed this.
May b u r more stable emotionally, or u r being more grounded, ur energy is different nd calm
I'm Asian, and my parents would keep me forever if they could. Anyway, I forced myself to move out to another country at 28 because I was afraid that if I didn't do it then, I would've delayed it some more. I love them, but I wanted to learn to be independent.
Living with parents and in laws is not the best thing. You will never have the freedom as an adult. Many of my friends are adult babies who instantly are ready to give adult advice. But if they even have the cold they need their mamas
Lol yes but in my experience my brothers are this way . Not myself or my sis . The boys are treated like kings they don’t do anything
A large majority of attitudes in my own life towards those living at home is more jealousy than looking down upon them. Many of us wish we had a relationship with our families to feel comfortable and safe living at home. American parents do push the “you’re out when you’re 18” and most of us didnt really want to/weren’t ready to leave.
I'm white as snow, like 4th generation American, and I'm living at home and quite like it tbh. I think I would be very lonely living alone, and it's nice knowing I am there in the rare instance my mom needs help
I really needed to hear this! Thank you for sharing, makes me feel so much better! Can you also do a video on how we are stuck on comparisons, how we as a society are kind of forced to compare one another because of social media.
Girl you’re so funny 🤣 and the statements are not even exaggerated
See your parents as much as possible 🙏
My advice as someone married at age 19.
Alhamdulilah nearly 18 years being married.
It is such a thoughtful provoking video. And it made me cry and miss my mum a lot 😢
it's funny that this popped up on my yt rec cuz i was just thinking about this earlier... but more so i've come to accept this is my reality-- that i'm 25 and still living at home and plan to still live at home until i graduate univeristy and find a better paying job (honestly, i'm more embrarrased about the fact that i'm 25 and havent graduated yet😩 but it is what it is). there's also an added layer of difficulty cuz i live with my grandparents and my mom who have conflicting expectations of me...
Really important for a man to live alone before marriage so he can grow up. Also not good to live with either sets of parents if you are a married couple.
A woman should also live alone as soon as she turns 18 so that she can grow up.
Living alone does not magically make a person learn how to grow up. There's plenty of immature adults living alone.
@@notgonnaargue8986 at least they'll know how to pay their bills, assemble furniture, deal with landlords/letting agents/bank etc. You know, standard grown-up things!
I'm glad I saved this video to my watch later list. My current situation at home is horrendous now as much as I have tried to suppress by ignoring and forgetting everything that has been done and said to me - I have completely reached my breaking-point. The irony is growing up in an African household made me completely ignorant towards the topic of mental health. I accepted the belief that whenever mental health was mentioned all it must equate to is being "mentally disturbed" or displaying like lunatic behvaiours. Yet as of now I am the most unattached from my feelings, myself, and those I genuinely love. I have engaged in toxic behaviours of self-harm and couldn't seem to stop self-sabotaging all most anything and everything in my life that I cared about. From myself, and people who were so worried about me and genuinely wanted to help, but I was so wrapped up in the idea that because I am being treated badly at home - I don't deserve kidness, love or to be anything nor create anything for myself. Plus the things I wanted to aspire to become or at least attempt to dip my feet in to test the waters of self-discovery.
I have held myself back so much that I eventually stopped going to college and picking myself up to work towards my goal of moving out by 19. I am currently 18 and turning 19 this August. I have self-sabotaged towards the point where I ignored and suppressed even physical pain from my own lack of good physical health. Of course there was a point where I acknowledged it, however instead of confiding in the right people, I chose to confide in the wrong person (my mother) who complete shutdown me down instantly and told me "You've never been a child was born with illness. there are kids and teens too, who have SERIOUS illnesses. How could you have any real stomach issues." Clearly insinuating that I am flat-out lying about being physically unwell, which didn't help because I stupidly accepted this and now my health is so dire and only of early December last year could I finally build up the guts to book an appointment with a doctor and have the confidence to actually go. Another perpotrator in my house is my older sister, she is literally the epitome of a bully. She is so obsessed with keeping up with tabs of everything I say or do and even having interest it. She critiques behind the scenes by sitting on the phone yelling about me and making me the topic of discussion in almost every conversation she has. She encourages my mum to believe the most stupidest things about me. She stirs up so much drama from twisting my words and everyone at home (my mum and my little sister - who is only one year apart from me, she is 17.) is fooled by it. I no longer value what they think of me but it's still so hard to stay convinced that I am a human being and deserve to think kindly of myself.
I have enrolled in a college again and have my last meeting for my IT course and it is the only thing that I know will save me from suffering with worries of "not having a good career". I was a lot more passionate to pursue computing. But I am grateful I am able to find one that is nearer to me anyway. Thankful for God really.
To summarise it's just really hard to convince myself I'm not a loser because I've never seen or heard of anybody from a toxic and abusive household like that mine that they've been through anything similar. Or perhaps it's just my ignorance speaking and I feel as if everyone has a one-up against me when it comes to prospering because they actually have help and life-long support from very real company who plan on staying. I do love those who have shown their concerns about me, but I truly do feel like I cannot rely on anybody enough to be able to understand my perspective ever again - since a friend made a really insensitive comment about my situaion, basicaully uplfiting one of my abusers at least that's just how it felt. It hurts to feel so alone but I hope I can return to this video this August to update my comment and somehow say I've completed altered my situation and am in a better place.
On a more positive note... this video is inpsiring thank you so much for sharing!
I wish you the best. Most African and African parents think that mental health is a "white think". I'm glad you went to see a doctor and I hope he/she will direct you to a specialist. Hang in there.
I would leave the house to avoid the constant nagging and mental tax of being with my parents. But at the same time my income range wouldn't be enough to cover anything for more than a single year where I live.
So good to see you Tazzy.I started watching your tube when I was an undergrad and have been watching since. I would love to see you revive the ThursPhe series. And I miss those challenges which you used to do e.g the accent challenge with your friends and the tin can challenge.
I recently moved out against my immigrant parents' wishes so this video helped a lot :')
i am 28 single and still living with my parents I actually love their company even if I would have the money to move out I woundn't I love them and they are old so I like to take care of the household
This video came at a scarily serendipitous time lol
Thank you tazzy, I’m Colombian and I reallt relate to this
You have noidea how much better you just made me feel. Kudos
I really needed this video today after my mom told me to go marry a rich old man, and was harassing me all day. we live in the San Francisco Bay area and I am studying to be an accountant , soon, I can provide for myself. oh and I forgot to mention I am already married, my husband recently moved to his home country of India until I finish my degree so that we can save money on rent. my mom does not approve of the marriage so just doesn’t acknowledge it at all. Being second generation means having parents who are thinking about survival while I am trying to integrate with intellectual people who don’t think that way constantly.
This is interesting because it feels like because of the Pandemic, this whole perception about living with your parents changed drastically for Gen Z (my generation). But, it seems for younger Millennials, the typical American stigma about living with your parents past college remains?
Anyways thanks for this one, it def is awesome to have someone wise and relatable like you on RUclips
because I mean if you're grown it's natural to question why you can function on your own without your parents. Its still here in America but the age changed. people don't say 18, now its 28,29. simply because it's so close to 30.
It feels kind of funny because as someone in a white family we say the same thing, atleast my sister and I. "We pay with our mental health."
You nailed every point this made me feel so much better ❤
I realised after getting married that most parents particular mothers learnt cook properly after getting married from their mother in law. I wish I knew that before because I was learning to cook before, wanting to be ready for future married life and worrying that I would fail for no reason, some things just take time and practice. But the good thing is I got to help and support my mum with cooking so she could rest for once alhamdullah
You don't have to learn cooking if you're not passionate about it. If your husband has two hands, he can cook his own food. He is not a child. He's an adult FFS. You don't have to mother him. Be his partner, not his servant.
@@silverstarlight9395
Cooking is a life skill, like driving, washing yourself and studying, if you do not learn it calling it oppression then your a imbecile. If men can learn it, it not consider degrading, why do women treat it like oppression? I am not going to waste my money on takeaways and rubbish food made by someone who does not care thats going ruin my health and my families.
My husband learnt how to cook himself as immigrant living alone, he makes yummy biryani. But I make food to show my love to him and the family, I love doing it. I learnt to cook to help my mum out as she helped me out all my life, I could be her arms.
I am not one of those women who likes feminist, absolutely detest it with a passion.
Women nowaday just do not want to make coffee or tea for their husband, they are soo lazy and just want to dress up, do selfies and just want to say "you can look but cannot touch" attitude, absolutely useless personalities of no benefit to others then vanity and narcissism. Always gaslighting men and denying their experiences and then playing victim.
Forever wearing my burka
@@salampakistan3691 you cook for your husband because you want to show him your love. But your husband doesn't cook for you to show you his love. Guess he doesn't love you in that case. Btw, I love my boyfriend very much and show it to him in many ways. One of the ways is to let him make his own food and not being his mummy. White men want a partner while brown men want a substitute mummy. If you want to be a mummy instead of a partner, you do you. Some of us are too busy in our high-flying careers to take care of a man-child. It's not called feminism, it's called basic self-respect which every human being needs to have.
Btw I never depend on others for food. I have two hands and am well capable of arranging food for myself. And so is everyone else in my family and my boyfriend's family. So you need not worry about my basic life skills.
What makes you think I dress up and take selfies? I'm a surgeon hon, the only 'dressing up' I do is wearing hospital scrubs and the only 'selfies' I take are me with my various exam certificates and thesis. Maybe if you stepped out of your house more you'd see how the world outside your kitchen functions.
@@silverstarlight9395 oof girl you do realize your generalization of brown men is super racist right,also their are some aspects with what the above commenter said that I disagree with but they are right about the fact that both men and women should and do need to learn how to cook it's an important life skill especially if you don't want to resort to take out also OP literally says her husband makes her delicious food too,also the way you praise white men is hilarious you do realize that most of the oppression women faced historically speaking was because of white men right?
@@salampakistan3691 Ok I agree that cooking is a life skil everyone needs to learn but it's super uncool of you to shame other women because they have diffrent beliefs and expirences then yours,also the only ones who ever gaslight are men who try to downplay women's experiences,also you say the women are lazy for not making tea or coffee for their husbands but were is that same energy for the husbands aren't they too also lazy for not making their own tea and coffee also what's wrong with being a feminist the goal of feminism is to have equal rights and oppertunities for both men and women wouldn't it be in your best interest to support of movement that makes sure we all have equal oppertunities
I think it's a good thing that adult kids live with their parents. Just way too expensive to live alone. At least you're safe and can save some money. Don't be ashamed. Also, a good think if you can help your parents with cleaning and chores.
My problem is "our house our rules" = rules for my LIFE and not just home rules.
I love my parents and I don't want to leave, but I secretly am not Muslim. It's the one thing where if I go against their wishes I honestly don't know what they would do.
I wish I had confidence that I could be independent. I'm an adult baby in that I rely on my parents so much for everything. I don't know if I could make it out there alone.
You look so pretty in this hijab! Loved the video. I actually kind of went through the opposite being a convert living with European parents. It was like I was the strict one trying to live with "modern" people lol.
I don’t share the experience of living at home with immigrant parents, but I would like to offer some words to those feeling pressure from society or maybe just self-comparison. I am not an immigrant, I was born and live in the US, I moved out as soon as I could, but not because I was young and wise with a lot of money. There was nothing at home for me. When I see instances of older children living with parents, I think it’s nice the adult child has parents that have something to offer. To anyone feeling stress about this, I would think it’s similar to comparing yourself to the smartest kid in class. You feel dumb, but you don’t know that the smartest kid repeated the class twice before.
There are two sides to the coin. If living with your parents is the best thing for you, do it. Try not to feel bad about it; this is just the reality at this time.
needed to hear this out!
I found you through the suggested videos and I'm so glad ! I recently moved out too and it has improved my mental health so much ( I also did a video on it) . Please keep it up! Just subbed! ❤
Great video Tazzy!
Wow talk about perfect timing. i really like how you mentioned kids that have to be a major contributor to the household once we get a job.. I feel like our experience is often overlooked and many people think we’re saving money when in reality it costs nearly the same.
my mental health unfortunately is affecting my relationship with Allah. trying my best to stay afloat ❤
On point!! I really needed to hear this!
Hey sis I lived at my parents home until I was 30 years old. Then moved out with my husband. I am Ethiopian. The mental tax I paid most definitely 😂
Being in my late twenties and living with my Somali dad is challenging. It can be nice though because I can save money. Mental health definitely gets sacrificed though jk. It's not that bad but after living alone I miss my privacy and alone time.
Highest rates of living with parents correlates with higher cost of living. The cheaper the area, the less likely to live with parents. That being said, I see nothing wrong with it as long as you're pulling your end. Both of cousins lived at home until their 30's, and are both homeowners of million dollar homes.
In fact nearly half of American households are multigenerational, and globally it's pretty normal to live with parents until you're married.
back in 2020, age 29 , i was forced to move back to my parents house due to covid and lost my job because of that , i felt embarrased now im back livign on my own in my favourite city.
I am Indian and my mom and Dad are so sweet that they never want me to move out, they want to keep me inside their lap away from any hard things in this world, It is not healthy for the child but that is how Indian culture is.
It doesn't matter what they want. What you want matters.
Speaks to my soul!
Thank you for this ❤
MashaAllah love this make-up and scarf color on you girl! And I enjoyed hearing your perspective on this topic :]
Loved this video!!
Italian American here from NYC. Let me tell you, it's completely fine to live with your parents at an older age. No one cares, and no one should say anything about it.
Thank you for this video!
The best thing a family can do is stay together and start a family business and be your own bosses instead of throwing your kids to the wolves. That is how empires are built.
I can totally relate! I love the way you talk about things! Do you ever wish that you moved out earlier?
What’s wrong living with parents?? It’s a blessing
You're so real for making this video
another thought is.... its about to be 2023 and relying on marriage to be why a grown man/woman moves out and they are 28 and up is a problem. it means the career isnt good enough. its not good enough security but a man who can leave when isnt interested anymore down the line IS! such a shame.
1. Humans evolve and learn when they want to on their own and learn a massive amount from their experiences. In return, they respect their life more and add value to their surroundings. Parents, friends, or even spouse plays a minor role.
So, living on your own, good or bad, helps you to bring out the best in the end. Never the other way around.
2. Those parents think they are doing everything right, which is wrong. They don't think about mental health and the pressure they put on the child from a young age.
3. Freedom is not given, but it is the space we take for ourselves and not feel bad about it. Kids on their own learn much more about navigating themselves in a much better way. Even if they are into drugs or whatnot, they know to take responsibility for their actions.
4. No coming home early; leaving when you feel like spending more time with your friends, or loved ones is not an ‘applauding’ sign. It is, in fact, a feeling of suppression and anxiousness.
"Freedom is not given, but it is the space we take for ourselves and not feel bad about it." Wow. I'm going to be thinking about that now.
Please, "Even if they're on drugs, they learn to take responsibility for their action." So many don't. Different cultures have different traditions, and unless abuse is involved, it works. In many European countries, most children do not leave home at 18. Many live with their parents and are just fine when they go live on their own. Everything is relative.
Coming from large Muslim immigrant family, all I have ever wanted was my own space but we can’t leave our parents house until we are married because it is seen as disrespecting/abandoning/dishonoring your parents/family members, especially for girls. It is so frustrating because I just want some alone time.😏
What if you never find a boyfriend and never get married? You can't possibly live with your parents into your 50s.
my parents treated me like a child even when I was 21 until I moved out then got married at 23 . My parents still treat me like a failure to launch and like I'm not going to make it at 33 . I pay my own bills , I make sure our lights are on , water comes in and a home to live in . I work go to school and have two kids and I've been married for 10 years . 😮💨
I can't really relate to this video, but I found it interesting & wish you all the best.
Intriguing, i always knew there was more to life and i have also been looking for a way to find not only protection but a way to be influential to the human society.
oh well you can achieve that by being a part of the illuminatus brotherhood, i know it sounds like a mystery but there are ways you can actually get in contact with them
@Rose Allen well it is not and you can't actually expect it to be open to everyone, but if you want to know more you can look up Wilford Robert Taylor online you will find something interesting
Get your parents on camera for a discussion on this... would be interesting
ok not related but i LOVE your make-up and hijab color in this video
Adult babies 😂harsh but true…it is like that sometimes…can’t wait to move out
This relates so much to me as a Pakistani with immigrant parents :(
Love this video! You seem like a fab woman! 🙂
I’m so thankful for my parents. They have supported me through everything in my life and I would be so lost without them. Thankful that they are not the type of parents that throw their kids out when they turn 18. Thankful that they don’t force you to pay rent. Alhamdulillah a million times for them.
I think us “ethnic kids” need to practice gratitude.
I think you missed the point of this vid. No one is saying they’re ungrateful for their parents (they chose to have kids anyway, it’s their job to take care of us) but not everyone has super supportive parents. If your parents are not allowing you to make your own decisions especially as an adult, that’s unhealthy. There are some people who’s parents continue to belittle and disrespect them or step over their boundaries as adults. That is not fair. You might have a great relationship with your parents bc they respect you but that is not the case for everyone.
Telling people to just be grateful while their parents are literally preventing them from living their life is ridiculous.
Edit: also, my dad forces me to pay rent even though I told him I need to save money for college. Not everyone has amazing understanding parents.
@@beyond-liberalism We have a tendency to highlight bad parenting. A lot of people have great parents.
but what do you do about the guilt? :(
don't get me wrong I really need space now that I'm 25 post grad trying to figure out my life but it eats me alive thinking of how they would be alone
it's not like they want me to stay at home forever lol but ugh
Lol you just summed up my situation better than I could’ve
I appreciate this time with my mom so much that hurts to think about moving out soon(ish?) … the guilt is so heavy ooof
I'm in the same situation . Like I wouldlike to move out, it's like i'll finally become a real adult once I move out. But i spend so much time with my mom that I don'tknow what she would do if I left. She has jokingly asked me not to leave. But at 27 I don't feel like a full adult. It's complicated 😞
I would say it is a privilege for your parents to allow you to live at home rent free. The ones who are really suffering are the people having to pay rent and bills while still in their parents home due to inflation.