I started wearing hijab when I was 28...but the way men interacted with me completely changed after I started wearing hijab...men now don't cross a certain boundary ..it makes me more relieved and angry at the same time...why couldn't my space be respected when I wasn't wearing one?
@@aura578Thanks for your extremely pertinent contribution. Historically slave women who were muslim were not even allowed to wear hijab, with the express purpose that they were deemed 'm0lestable' by Muslim men. All women deserve respect, not just hijabis.
ur not gonna like the answer but here it is: men are inclined to treat you the way you behave. if you behave like a slut, men will treat you like that. they will think some of your boundaries aren't worth taking seriously anyways because of how ur behaving. on the other hand, if you cover yourself and avoid unnecessary interactions with men, then men will be more inclined to respect your boundaries because in a way you "force" them to think of you as more than an object. humans generally judge a book by its cover, so if you dont wear hijab men will assume your not religious(even if your are). likewise if you wear a hijab men will assume you take islam seriously, even if you dont. hijab kind of sends a subtle message that says "I'm not to be messed with so take me seriously". but if you openly interact with men then this message is taken away, and internally men will not respect you as much. dont take my words to the extreme tho. im not saying a woman that shows any skin is immediately considered an object. im just talking about what men are more *inclined* to think depending on what they see.
thank you so much for emphazing that women who wear the hijab are not the only ones who can practice modest fashion. I feel like a lot of non-hijabi women feel like their efforts to dress modestly is completely useless because we'll always be considered immodest by default. Not only have I decentered men from what I wear, honestly I decentered muslim's too. It's just sad that Islam places so much importance of the way we treat people on a personal level and avoiding superficiality, but no one acknowledges how "modestly culture" in religious communities is now used as just another way to judge muslim women superficially, giving them more acceptance and validation for attaining the ideal muslim woman standard the same way western culture glorifies showing more skin, and getting more attention for being the ideal sexy western woman. At the end of the day, it's all about these women dressing in a way that has been ingrained in them which will be validated by the men in their community. We were never meant to rank other humans based on these superficial standards. I remember being young and going to the beach with muslim families and remember them just sit and backbite other beachgoers in bathing suits in a western country when they didn't even say anything to us or bother us. I've literally heard muslim adults at gatherings sit and have a full discussion about why Niquabis shouldn't wear eyeliner, mind you it was mainly the uncles saying this too. And so much more. Muslim women trying to reach the maximum in modestly are literally still berated online by muslim men for still not doing enough. And don't even get me started on the "if you're going to wear hijab, wear it properly or not at all" crowd. Muslims need to be honest with themselves, muslim modesty culture is not about modesty anymore, it's about control and this is extremely evident considering the extreme double standard when we see so many muslim men gym inflencers literally in tight clothes, showing their muscles, nips out. I can't truly believe in my heart this is what Allah SWT intended for women and men in terms of the benefits modesty when it's continuously making the muslim community so unpleasant and judgment. Modestly can truly have such a beautiful side to it, it's freeing to not worry about trends, and brands. What's not freeing is: men constantly looking at me no matter how covered I am, constant paranoia of not being modest enough around muslims, constant talks about what women should do and wear by sheiks completely degrading us to sexual objects by default that need to avoid any beautification not to 'tempt men'.
I completely agree with you. Even if you wear niqab, gloves, the whole nine yards (no pun intended), it's never enough to some people. I've seen hijabi and niqabi women being harassed by muslims for simply being online! I remember when Dina Tokio got death threats for taking off her hijab. Muslims like to preach that Islam protects women, that the West is Islamophobic, but fail to call out the bullies within our own communities. They constantly preach that the hijab is a choice, yet bully women for not wearing it, wearing it "improperly", or taking it off completely. Ironically, religious leaders perpetuate the objectification of muslim women by comparing them to literal objects like fruits or candy. It's disgusting, to say the least. I also hate the double standards when it comes to how muslim men and women are treated. Like you've mentioned, muslim men can literally pose in nothing but their underwear, and not get criticized. Meanwhile, muslim women get harassed no matter what they are wearing! I wish the muslim community would focus on fighting injustice, helping the poor, etc... instead of what a woman wears.
I’m Hindu and I was slvt shamed for wearing tight clothes by muslim men (my friends’ friends) in the UNITED KINGDOM. They won’t say the same for the yt girls but someone who’s tanned looks Middle Eastern should be covered up in their eyes. The muslim women, LOVED AND ADORED ME and thought I looked pretty and cute even if they won’t wear the same. lovely, non judgmental muslim women cause they know how harsh the men can be unfortunately :(
I'm happy to welcome people from other cultures (and of course many folks were born in Western countries) but they can't expect everyone to conform to their customs. If they don't want to see women with less covering they can be like ultra Orthodox Jews or Amish and have their own separate communities. They have the freedom to do that, not take away anyone else's freedom.
My favorite trend right now is the girls dressing for the anti male gaze. They'll wear whatever they want especially if men think it's ugly. While it's still centering the male gaze in a different way, I love the attitude.
I've been wearing hijab since my teenage years and honestly, I've never feel like I've been immune to the male gaze not even once. Quickly I realized that my hijab is not about escaping the male gaze, but about letting people know that I'm a Muslim woman and thus have certain values in life. I sometimes feel like wearing modest clothing is kind of a rebellious act in today's society since it is against all the modern/western expectations of what a woman "should" look like. I also feel like it allows me to set clearer boundaries on who get to see how much of me, and put me into somewhat of a powerful position - especially in the male-female relationships - which is clearly bothering a lot of men. So, in a way, I, personally, feel like modest dressing is empowering women. But I also get how wearing not so modest clothing can be empowering to women in some cases. Either way, men will interpret everything we do from their own perspective and will assume that we do everything for their sake. Does she wear hijab? Oh, it must be because she is oppressed by men in her life. Does she wear mini skirts? Oh, it must be because she wants to attract meant in her life. Like, there is no escape from this. I hate it.
Girl. You should wear hijab because Allah ordered you to, it's an act of worship to Allah that makes you closer to him and helps you immensely in the day of judgement, it's that simple, you don't have to absolutely dissect all the nuances related to it and overthink it especially not in these evil western terms. Tazzy revealing some hair infront is flatout wrong, doesn't matter how cool and educated she looks to you. sometimes it's all about being an obedient slave to Allah and trying to attain heaven, never doubt yourself when wearing hijab.. You're doing it for al-rahman al-raheem and inchallah he'll protect you in the day of judgement for it.
I have some friends who were devout Muslim women who's husband's asked them not to wear hijab, who started wearing it out of spite. They didn't like how other women were being treated for wearing it and didn't like that their husbands wanted them to look more western and visibly assimilate into the dominant culture. And they found that they get treated worse by some and better by others now. It's fascinating and sad. I wish everyone would treat everyone with the same care and respect. And how we dress is one of the ways we can see the biggest difference in treatment, short of changing our gender or by passing as white when you're a POC.
@@SadeddineMounirSalim I hope you know that the phone you have and the apps you use come from the "evil West." Even refrigerator and tv in your home. You are the exact opposite of the people who wrote the comment and made the video. What they are talking about is not your religion. No matter what we wear, we will still be judged. Also, are you Arab or South Asian? يَٓا اَيُّهَا الَّذ۪ينَ اٰمَنُوا لَا يَسْخَرْ قَوْمٌ مِنْ قَوْمٍ عَسٰٓى اَنْ يَكُونُوا خَيْرًا مِنْهُمْ وَلَا نِسَٓاءٌ مِنْ نِسَٓاءٍ عَسٰٓى اَنْ يَكُنَّ خَيْرًا مِنْهُنَّۚ وَلَا تَلْمِزُٓوا اَنْفُسَكُمْ وَلَا تَنَابَزُوا بِالْاَلْقَابِۜ بِئْسَ الِاسْمُ الْفُسُوقُ بَعْدَ الْا۪يمَانِۚ وَمَنْ لَمْ يَتُبْ فَاُو۬لٰٓئِكَ هُمُ الظَّالِمُونَ I am not muslim btw.
When women wear more clothing, men can use their imagination more about what's under our clothing. When women wear less clothing, there's more for men to look at. Women can never win!
I think the concern more than how women perceive men is how men are taught to judge a woman by her clothing. For example, seeing a woman who is not covered up to a certain standard as available. Basing women's fashion on the male gaze tells men that only their view matters.
As always, love your take. Could you consider speaking to the demonization of those who choose to remove the hijab ? That is real, and it ruins lives - thats evidence of hypocrisy in the community and turns outsiders away from the truth and into stereotype and racism. Please think about discussing this from your perspective as a grown woman, i think you mightve mentioned is years and years ago but wondering if anything’s changed for you
You're saying exactly what I've been wanting to say! So a month or two ago I commented a street interview video on Instagram where they were asking men whether they would want their future wife to wear hijab. One man answered that "it's between her and Allah, I support her in whatever she chooses to do" I said that guy was a green flag. Never in my life have I been attacked by so many Muslim men. They were saying things about how my husband will leave me for being immodest, calling me a red flag, dayooth etc. I eventually blocked the account the video was under just so I don't waste my own time reading these mean comments. There's definitely a red pill community forming in Muslim men of our generation and younger men that is not being addressed, and it needs to be talked about because sisters may be unaware and need to know how to avoid them. I can even show you the comments if you decide to make a video on them. I myself dress modestly, I just don't wear hijab. I did at one point and I hope to be brave enough again one day. But these men will never understand my journey or the strength it takes to wear it.
I love how nuanced and thoughtful your videos always are Tazzy ❤❤ growing up I was told to dress modestly and even avoid being in the same room alone with a man because ‘some men are animals and are sick in the head.’ It always used to piss me off because I thought 1) that’s kinda unfair on men, surely most of them are decent human beings and 2) why does my outfit mean he can’t control himself? It’s giving rape culture. But now…I still don’t know how I feel about it. Especially given the recent headlines about all the gang rapes and murders and women being drugged and recorded and all this business. Unfortunately it appears that a lot of men are actually animals and sick in the head.
In the Mecca, 🕋 the women have been assaulted by the men there. Theses women were covered head to toe in niqabs. Imagine spending money to go to Mecca, be conservative and modest, and still get assaulted by men. 😢it is so sad…in the end it does not matter…
I knew someone who went on umrah with their family as a young girl and got groped several times by men there. Unfortunately, she left Islam due to behaviour like this and is a raging ex-muslim type. How she behaves now is completely wrong, but should the ummah not take responsibility for their actions? Yknow, this girl’s father was so backwards minded that he wouldn’t allow her to take off her hijab even in the house. Only when she showers or is in her bedroom.
@@magnisky it’s easier for men because they abuse their culturally given power to make women believe from birth that they must grovel to them. Some girls have it harder than others, but it’s there. It’s so bad that some women inflict these standards onto their daughters, because it’s a generational thing. But I believe Islam is much fairer than what is actually practiced. The stories we hear from the first muslim women, the prophet’s wives, make them sound so powerful and amazing, yet for whatever reason, it is not encouraged nowadays.
There’s also a lot of thieves at the haram in Mecca authu billah (I’m just adding this as an aside, I completely agree with your point.) I remember men trying to talk to me in Medinah as well when I was in middle school. Some people have no fear or shame, no matter where they are.
I enjoyed your video. As a woman in my thirties and a mother, I've become more conscious about dressing modestly and avoiding attention to my body. In my younger years, I wore fitted clothing that, while modest, still drew attention. My sense of modesty has evolved as I've aged. Growing up in a strict Pakistani family, I was more focused on dressing for myself and other women rather than for male approval. I found that compliments from women were far more satisfying. Reflecting on my twenties, when I wore heels at work it definitely attracted male attention ..wish I did some things differently.
I totally agree. I wore the hijab when I was 13, but I still dressed a bit…immodestly. I wore tight fitted clothes that showed the shape of my body and I definitely did it for the male gaze. I wanted to be noticed because I thought that’s how I would be able to get a man lol. As I’ve gotten older, my view on clothing has definitely changed. I wear less fitted clothing, but if I’m being transparent, I can’t say if that’s because I’m now already married with a kid and don’t need to “try” or if it’s because I’ve matured as a person. I’m definitely in my comfortable, loose clothing era.
I started to wear a scarf in my mid-20s. I'm not going to lie and say it was easy for me, but it took some time to really accept the fact that I was ok not getting compliments from the opposite gender. I felt more respected overall and safe, wished i would have chosen to do in my teens. I'm in my 40s now and can say that I'm still not perfect. There are times when i miss the breeze running through my hair and wearing a hoodie is so much easier sometimes. Its a struggle, but our Creator knows this. Just don't give up or judge others.
This !! I reverted to Islam in my late teens and started wearing hijab full time. I found it really hard at first because without realising it I'd based a lot of my self worth on how other people perceived me. Hijab was the physical barrier that forced me to get comfortable with my own skin and helped me get through so many self-esteem issues alhamdulilah. Sometimes it's still a struggle but honestly the growth I've gained from the whole experience is so worth it.
I’m an Orthodox Christian, I typically dress modestly, with a headscarf especially when i’m at church. Though I don’t cover all my hair because our veiling tradition is different from Islams. It sucks that you can still get sexualized even when you’re covered. I remember working at a restaurant during the pandemic, covered wearing all black, black head scarf, face mask. And one of my female co-workers started yelling at the guys in the back of the house cause they were taking bets as to whether or not I was a virgin and sneering the whole time. They would constantly make comments about me and I’m thankful I had a manager who put them in their place. I also remember getting stared down by muslim men back in college, like the kind of stare that makes you wanna take a shower. I assume those guys thought I was a muslimah, now I wear a big wooden cross on my chest when I do dress fulled covered and so that doesn’t happen anymore. But it does make me sorry for the muslimahs out there who have to deal with such trash behavior, they get sexualized in their hijab and out of it. Its so dumb. Just focus on your relationship with God and try to ignore the creeps, whether you dress modestly or not. These guys should understand that modesty is also in the heart and that creepin on and judging women for their dress is not a modest or humble behavior
The problem with the male gaze is that men use what a woman wears as a proxy for consent and to continue making us aware of the male gaze is to instill perpetual self-doubt in our own agency.
This is a very interesting video. I personally am male and religiously Jewish although i do identify as non binary. I practice dressing "modestly" when i can ( i get hot very easily and have sensory problems ) lol. I often find myself in a weird place as i speak in both religious and left leaning circles. Throughout my life especially growing up in the south there was a pretty strong connotation between women modestly dressing in muslim culture and there oppression. While i do think many religions including mine whether deliberately or through practice will place unhealthy and sexist standards on females i still believe in every persons right to choose if thats something they want to adhere to and equally if they want to be revealing as possible more power to them. Also in regards to dressing modestly being a way of lessening the chance of assault its actually usually the opposite. From most of the studies ive seen on the topic someone who is showing more skin or dressing "provocatively" is less likely to be targeted because they are perceived as more independent, confident and more likely to fight back. Since crimes like sa are more about power than sexual attraction it really comes down to how the attacker views the world and womens behaviors.
7:50. Holy moly. How dressing modestly creates fear and misandry and makes you think of men as beasts. Like you're constantly on guard. Bruh. That's so me this whole time, I find it so difficult to explain to people how deeply distrustful I am of men
I have had the same feeling about modest clothing for a long time where it didn't feel like it was done out of faith in god but just for the fear of being judged and shamed by society and men. And in contrast from your experience of Muslim men treating you better as a hijabi in the west, Muslim men here don't really treat you *that specially* unless they're kinda sorta attracted to you (which in most cases they're attracted to immodestly dressed girls ). And what is even worse is that a Hijabi is only respected and made feel good against and at the expense of an immodestly dressing woman being degraded and put down. They'll say things like "you're not like 'those' girls" "at least you're better than that attention seeking indulged-in-harm girl" "You are better because you don't allow other men to see you". Such comments show how men, even if they seemingly respect and revere your modesty, only do it so because it comforts some part in them that is deeply insecure and judgmental. Either way, modestly or immodestly, we appease to the male fantasy and that just sucks. P.S: Love your videos ❤
I appreciate your perspective on this! I grew up in Canada going to school in the Catholic system as a baptized Anglican Protestant tho my parents both rejected the religion of their parents so we had an atheist house with Christmas and Easter in the secular way, but at school we would learn the Jesus related holiday stories. Once we were into middle school (12-13) the teachers started heavily dress-coding girls. My gym teacher told a co-ed class during the health unit that “virgins are like fresh bread, and nonvirgins are basically stale bread spoiled by another man” We were 12…and all the boys laughed…it’s everywhere and it’s so enforced by men to boys in whatever culture they are in. I hope the younger generations can break the cycle
I kinda think that dressing 'attractively' or 'modestly' are two ends of the same problem. Both are centering the 'male gaze' but even more so, are commodifying, objectifying, and sexualizing the female body, in order to deny women personhood. That is not to fault women for dressing either modestly or attractively, in attempting to navigate a world of hostile perception however they feel they can, or even to blame men directly for it either. It's just a symptom of the status quo of the world still being patriarchy. That there is the 'norm' in which it is considered not only acceptable, not only tolerated, but correct to view and control women as second class people, or even not as people at all, but as a kind of livestock. Of course, this norm should be rejected, and of course, that is easier said than done. In many ways, to dress for yourself, to find your own style and self-expression, is a great, radical thing, that challenges the 'male gaze' norm, even if is still within the confines of norms. I think, even men dressing in a self expressive way can challenge the oppressive norms, because men also dress for the male gaze, except for men that means to be strictly non-feminine.
The thing is, we are told to dress modestly for Allah, not men. In Islam our intentions are solely to follow Allah, not to adhere to men’s desires. He knows his creation best and provides us structure to live by. Men have their own modesty guidelines, among many other things. Rules in Islam, as they should function are pretty evenly divided among men and women, but men today are doing less than they should and women are doing more. In this world we’re going to be slaves to something, whether that be beauty standards or whatever, so why not be a slave to god (slave isn’t exactly used in the same sense as we normally think about it)? If you are doing it for Allah, you aren’t doing it to fit your society, whether that be a place where everyone is wearing a niqab like Saudi Arabia or in America, where jeans and t-shirts is the norm. You aren’t considering the world, but something higher. You aren’t conforming to anyone or anything but existing solely within yourself and your beliefs. That’s the way I think about it at least. I’m not great at articulation. I do agree that the way it is framed in Muslim discourse definitely functions the way you have said.
sometimes i come across jilbabi or niqabi content that is so focused on the 'muslimah' aesthetics it really feels like the opposite side of the same coin as ig models. for myself, i relate a lot to feeling so much shame towards my body even though i wore hijab at a young age and i'm still on a healing journey to recognize that these unrealistic beliefs about modesty are not islamic and often reveal the sick mind of the one who is preaching such things
Ooooo, the jilbabi/niqabi aesthetics make me cringe lol. Mainly because it is usually young girls spearheading this trend, when in reality, these girls probably haven’t finished school or entered the workforce. If you live in a western country, wearing the jilbab/niqab (fulltime) is a BIG sacrifice, so I am always curious if the girls who push this image are even at an age where they’ve had to sacrifice anything lol. It’s like hearing a young person talk about polygamy, yet they haven’t even finished school & don’t have a stable job. How can you talk about something when you don’t even know what it’s like to actually experience it in REALITY. I just chalk up this type of Islamic aesthetic content as an idealized version of “wHaT LiFE sHOuLd bE LiKE” when those of us who are actually dealing with real life - marriage, bills, kids etc - know that this is all just young naive fantasy talk.
i never told to dress modest for man at all. my family use to not practicing so i learn by myself. hijab is to please Allah not to escape male gaze. that's why before command of hijab, its command to lower gaze (in that one specific verse). i love my hijab so much its protect me from woman expectation such certain beauty standard and woman exploitation such over-consumerism in fashion, make up, etc. when i hold certain principal like hijab i am filtering whatever come to me "are those things compatible from islamic point of view?" so i'm not brainwashed by certain trend and idea. i don't follow what men like from woman such cleavage, breast, hips, etc. man who approach me is man with value because i also offering my value not my body.I am pleasing God and submit to God, not a men. i follow what Allah want from me. i swear muslim women should realize that so we are not blown away by what men thinking about us. please think to please Allah not pleasing men. we are muslim women and have certain value in life (one of it is boundaries and hijab of course help to remind you). Set your life vision and focus so you don't have to spend your live in social media and comparing yourself to influencer even non-muslim. compare yourself to Maryam RA mother of Isa AS, she is the only woman which Allah speak highly of her in the Quran and Khadijah RA is the woman who got salam from Allah.
I really love this video as someone who is a black woman who grew up adjacent to someone who dressed modestly because they were Muslim and that’s just how they felt most comfortable. As a teenager which is way too young I felt like I had to dress for the male gaze for attention. I had to sell that I was sexy when I just really wanted, was love. And I was just having this conversation with one of my best friends about how we would dress if you could go outside and look how we wanted to without the threat of violence from men. Like if men did not exist, what fashion would look would be astounding. I have just given up on the fantasy that I can leave my house and look how I would like to without something bad happening and that’s sad. I’ve also heard the perspective from people who dress modestly that they are still cat called, still followed, still have to deal with men’s aggression and men’s fantasies. I just wish we were free of this to just be even though I don’t know that we ever will be.
Wow i feel validated. I grew up Muslim and everyone always picked at my outfits telling me it wasn't modest enough. Really made me feel ashamed of my body and i find i still feel this way although i now dress how i want to, i still feel like its all on me and how im treated is based on how im dressed.
I started wearing the hijab on my own at 26. I never PERSONALLY thought I dressed very immodestly. I rarely wore tank tops, never wore shorts, but i did wear tight clothes and i was very irreligious like religion wasn’t a thought to me SO me not wearing those things was because of personal values. When I started wearing the hijab, men were not even a concern for me. I wore it literally because I wanted to appear Muslim - i wanted to be identified as a Muslim. The idea of males never crossed my mind once. I never cared. Men will look no matter what you wear. Yes it helps to dress modestly but it’s not some shield either. I just have no connection with Hijab and men. That’s why i’m ok with wearing something some person idek would say isn’t modest enough for a hijabi bc idc bro! I’m dressing for God and myself, not YOU let alone your cousin Abdullah! I’m grateful my husband also leaves this entirely up for me to decide as well and that my family is European so it’s generally fine whatever I choose to wear.
I also start wearing hijab when I was 28...but the way men interacted with me completely changed after I started wearing hijab...men now don't cross a certain boundary ..it makes me more relieved and angry at the same time...why couldn't my space be respected when I wasn't wearing one?
@@SweetChilly0410 I know exactly what you mean. There is a wall between these men and I. I feel like non Muslim men respect it even more though, is that weird? I think because our modesty is more unusual to them than muslim men who are used to hijabis mahrams taking hijab off and being a normal woman at home. Muslim men see us as any other woman whereas non muslim men can tell he has 0 chance with us. Sadly, (typically) men really do respect a woman more when she is covered up. It shouldnt be that way but it is and i doubt it will ever change.
The most freeing I've managed to dress is through anger. My baseline emotion on most days is seething rage (at injustice, at the rich 10%, all the stuff) and the most freedom I felt was to express it as disdain. Whether to dress as comfortably as possible (bc screw being pretty yet uncomfortable) or as violent/anti-establishment as possible (think punk, goth, etc) while following my own ethics of modesty. Self-expression is key, as in there is only a self-centered desire to express, and thus deny others the power for their presumptions to matter to me. Also, as a muslimah with religious trauma (as many are, but haven't the time/energy/words to deconstruct it) I think the queer community is where educating ourselves on actual decentering of the patriarchal gaze is at. They've done it for decades before us, they've done it by sheer existence, and as they say, no one can outdo the doer.
Honestly, I think the most I have personally felt I decentered the male gaze with my clothing choices was when I wear the most comfortable clothing. And I have never worn anything more comfortable than the djellabas I wore in Morocco. Nothing restrictive, didn't make me sweat, it's unisex, no one stared at me, it was just complete heaven. I don't see how any American woman can really claim she's decentered the male gaze when wearing really tight or skimpy clothing, because from my experience, you just have to think about such clothes as the wearer so much more throughout the day, adjusting, yanking down or up, making sure you sit the right way, straps can dig in, etc. So I guess in general, from my own experience personally, I felt I dressed for the male gaze the least in mostly Muslim majority countries. So saying, I don't judge any woman who dresses for the male gaze. We all must sometimes (or a lot of the time), sometimes dressing for the male gaze can be fun!, and what clothes another woman wears or don't wear does not impact MY comfort or day. So wear what you like, dress for the male gaze or don't, and don't let anyone use 'how you're dressed' as an excuse for how much respect they treat you with! 🙂
If i didnt have to worry about men id be going out in a bra and g string. Please, “sexier” clothes isnt always worn FOR men. There are so many really flattering “not modest” clothing i dont wear because im afraid of getting stares from men. Some women do really well with the attention, i dont. I wish i did though.
I guess for some people they can wear skimpy and revealing clothes and not care about what men think. Voila they wear whatever this like without thinking about men
@@Beaneabean When I was in high school, some of the girls in my gym class tried to convince me g strings are comfortable and fun to wear. On my body, they are the least comfortable thing imaginable, who wants string up their backside?? Not to mention, they are not hygienic, doctors advice women to not wear them in order to prevent E coli spreading from back to front. So, you can totally convince me wearing NO clothes is not for the male gaze. And for the record, I have enjoyed no clothes beaches, and have zero hang ups about being completely without clothes around strangers. I am not conservative, lol. But you will not be able to sell me on the concept that either bras (which are uncomfortable! especially at my larger cup size) or g strings are worn for personal comfort instead of what society tells you to wear. Tribal women and historical women don't wear bras, for a reason. Bra wearing at all is indeed a male gaze thing
@@FishareFriendsNotFood972 Your mistake is thinking clothes are only for comfort. Its for aesthetic/looks. Some of the cutest outfits aren’t comfortable.
@@Beaneabean Oh, that's a good point! Definitely I can see the angle of 'clothes as wearable art'. I just think that makes the whole conversation of 'what is truly free of the male gaze' a LOT murkier, because so much of art aesthetics has been traditionally defined by men. My example was me trying to think of when my clothing choices are most clearly (to me!) free of considering the male gaze, not trying to say any other considerations other than comfort are wholly male gaze oriented. And to be frank, most times I have worn the most uncomfortable clothes has been because I was trying to look pretty for dudes, though I respect and understand that may not be true for all woman.
I started wearing hijab full time since Ramadan - for some reason, I didn’t feel comfortable wearing my normal clothes (jeans + shirts, dresses etc) and went straight to wearing abayas and cloaks. I had been so busy with work, I didn’t have time to think too much about my appearance. It was a huge shift that even my family wondered why I didn’t start off “slow”. My colleagues and students at work were really nice about the change but after a few weeks, I felt less fashionable for sure. I had stopped wearing earrings, jewellery and looked at my cupboard of clothes, wondering if I would wear them again. My hair also started to thin and I panicked. Now, months later, I’ve accepted the simplicity of the clothing and do experiment. I’ve also bought myself some nicer abayas and remember that Allah’s opinion is the only one that matters. Jazakallah for making these types of videos - it’s the kind of topics we need to think about more.
You always have such well thought out discussions! I really understood your point about liking to be complimented by other women. That is so true… they know what looks good and is fashionable. I would be suspicious of a man complimenting me on how I look… unless it was a family member or close friend. But I am over 70 years old and definitely do not dress for anyone but myself!! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Love hearing your perspective and I really do wish that women could just dress how they want to, be it modestly or totally not modestly. I’m not at all religious and I love wearing clothes that show off my figure and I genuinely wish such clothing was more popular for men. I’m Gen Z but I like how much more common it was in the 1970s-80s for men to wear crop tops and short shorts! The male body can be just as enticing to women as the inverse, the main difference is that women control ourselves and are far less likely to be predatory 🤷🏼♀️
I dress modestly and on the days where I play with my make up a bit or I'm wearing nicer colors, I tend to get more men staring at me which makes me take a break from looking as nice as I want to, so I think I maybe more modest b/c of the male gaze but it's really motivated by wanting to feel safe.
I am a Muslim female (non hijabi) and the more content I see men talking about how women should dress, I started wearing more revealing clothes. It's almost like men get so jealous and mad that they can't be pretty and want to strip a woman away from what makes her a woman and that's her beauty. It's almost like a power trip they get when they see a woman covered especially if she's married because if not then "your husband has no control over you". Once I stopped paying mind to what these losers have to say, I've never felt more free and unbothered.
They get so triggered when your husband has no issue letting you decide whether you want to wear hijab or not. They call him names because their own egos are so fragile they cannot handle another man treating his wife like an equal😂 I too wanna rebel from these toxic men (or even aunties) sometimes
oh wow the idea that sexism is what causes misandry (bc sexism tells us that men can't control themselves so it's harder to respect them) really blew my mind
Asa sis. I have been subscribed for a long time and have very inconsistently watched your vids... Thank you and may Allah reward you for simply being you publicly and continuing to produce your content. It really matters. Thank you.
I am from a small town in Pakistan and mostly women are covered when they go out, but women still get stares from creepy men even if they're covered from head to toe, if a creepy man knows that it's a woman in the covering he's gonna stare, women still get harassed, catcalled and all. But anyways, I personally cover because I believe it's a command of Allah and I hope for a reward(may Allah protect us from arrogance Ameen), I want to be recognized as a practicing Muslim woman also I feel uncomfortable when I am not dressed modestly.
It's so good to hear about this topic from you and your experience as dressing modestly. I agree with pretty much everything you said; I think both sides (modest and not) are about the male gaze, even if in opposite ways (wanting to attract vs. to not draw attention). There's definitely more to discuss on this than what choice feminism would try to make us believe. I wouldn't blame women from either side for dressing the way they do, because they have their reasons, and I feel like especially trying to give yourself the feeling of safety outside is very valid. I personally feel on neither side nowadays, though unconsciously I don't know how much lingers from growing up wanting to attract the male gaze. But consciously, I just want to dress in a way that's comfortable. I don't want to have to wear more than I like just because of men. It's just so unfair to us to even have to think about that when getting dressed. And like you said, no matter how you dress, you can still get assaulted anyway... I like wearing shorts and sports bras and just feeling free and comfortable. But for someone else, another type of comfortable might be more important. And there's definitely some tops that I love wearing or some pieces that I'd love to wear that I don't even buy because I wouldn't feel as calm outside wearing them. It's sad. There's not really a solution except for men stop being pervs so we can all do whatever we really like and not have to worry :/ I hadn't thought about wearing the hijab as a desire to present yourself as Muslim or signal to others as a reminder of god! It made me chuckle that what your younger self latched onto most was the shaming and thoughts of men, though! Relatable. There is one thing that annoys me with the whole "modest" movement and that's when it's brought up as morally superior to people who don't dress this way. I just don't think it's necessary to create a judgment of value among women's appearance when in the end, it's mostly centered and related to how men will think of us anyway. I think it's easy to feel strongly about either side, and sometimes it does also annoy me to see superstars playing into that male gaze so hard, but gahh, it's such a complex thing and it doesn't feel like the blame should be on the women, cause I think they're just doing what they think they should/is best for them.
I agree with you, I was also thought shame, to not be around men, rape culture and they sexualised every single interaction with a man... I would definitely said it leads to misandry because as you said Taz, it puts a sense of fear into you and puts all the onus onto you, and not onto men... The very fact that sexual violence occurs in conservative culture demonstrates how it's not what women wear, but what men do! Men need to be held accountable, and with putting men's bad behaviour onto women, we will not progress to the rate we need to. I also come from a conservative culture too Taz😭
Alhamdulillah , I reverted to Islam at the start of this year, and wow, how much I’ve changed in such a short time compared to last year! 😅 There’s definitely been a shift in my mindset. I’ve started to adopt more modesty in my appearance, so much so that I had to adjust my closet, deciding what to keep and what to use for home only 😄and on some days, I feel drawn to wearing the hijab, while on other days, not so much. Overall, I pray that one day I’ll wear it like a crown without fear, in sha Allah-not necessarily to avoid the male gaze or receive it, believer men are supposed to lower their gaze anyway - but solely for Allah SWT. I have no doubts in my heart that His guidance is true, and the hijab is a beautiful barrier between women and the secular world, a powerful symbol of faith. I’m trying my best to embrace it fully 🥹, though I’m not perfect or 100% consistent and still have left pictures with my hair online(but more revealing ones have been long deleted) I would never shame other sisters for not wearing it either because we’re all on our own journey. That said, I do notice that some people, especially within the Muslim community, tend to take a Muslima more seriously when she wears the hijab. But in the end, it’s about the sincerity of the heart, not just the outward appearance. May Allah guide us all. 🤍
we have to live in real world and with reality. I would love it if we could wear whatever we want and its not making a statement about our values and what we want people to think about us…but thats just not true. especially when you are on both ends of the spectrum. If you are too revealing then men think you are sexually available and they will harass you and definitely wont respect you. If you are covered up including your hair and face they will think you are religious nut (I am mostly talking about men in the west) or in some cases you could be attacked for wearing hijab.I was attacked once…my friend was attacked when she lived in Poland. personally as a woman who grew up dressing in very revealing clothing and then converting to Islam and dressing modestly I think if we are wearing revealing clothes it is inherently for the male gaze. If you are wearing a T-shirt and jeans or a comfortable flowy dress then its not. We can’t live our lives in isolation we live in society and unfortunately its a society where men are encouraged to treat women like objects, to stare and consume us with their eyes…and sometimes worse. I have realized in certain cultures men are taught differently. My husband is from Turkey and even though we are here in the US he does not look at women. He completely avoids it. I will notice someone looking crazy and mention it and he hasn’t even thought about looking once! It would be nice if we had a culture that insisted on men lowering their gaze and treating women with dignity but we don’t. But for now, I am comfortable dressing modestly.
I really enjoyed this video❤️. It's great to hear because these podcast hosts have created an impression that it's solely women's responsibility to make their lives easier on the internet. They lack any sense of accountability and act as if they don't realize that they chose to participate in social media, where both genders are present. It's as if they feel forced to be there.
tazzy u always spit with your takes, it rlly does seem like the men who are hyper critical of what we look like want us to disappear. you can't do anything right enough for them, so why not just say fuck it and do what makes u the most comfortable
i've never been a fan of the term 'modest' even as a muslim woman because there's so many PERSONAL definitions. what's modest for one person is immodest to another. people just need to realise that you should only be dressing how you're comfortable and not because of the opinions of someone else.
It's wild because on one side, if one dresses modest it has to be under specific parameters of how modest should look or be expressed. And on the other end, it's all about revealing all parts, maybe I find this more since I live in the tropics. It's annoying on both ends, especially as a muslim but also not raised in a specific muslim landscape. I don't wear abayas typically and I wear the head scarf in varying ways. But in the end I don't do any of this to follow X or Y law, it is an act of devotion. Anyway lots of thoughts around this. What does true female freedom even mean, freedom of choice and being.
‘This is not the female vision of who we are’ - I love this and agree so much. I’m from Australia, where fashion is relaxed for pretty much everyone and no one cares too much what I wear, but of course you do still feel the pressure/expectation to make yourself ‘beautiful’ and therefore desirable to men, which is something pushed so hard in Western capitalism in my opinion. But when I’m travelling in India for example, although I feel less pressure to be ‘sexy’, I feel exactly what you’re saying - that I have to dress modestly in order to experience safety, which seriously sucks, cause then if I am harassed I wonder if it’s something I contributed to, rather than the guy being at fault. It’s just awful and I don’t know how it can become better, because it’s not our problem to solve. Men have to respect us more or put up with having less power idk
It can become better by rejecting patriarchy ideas and taking back your own narratives. You don’t need to continue the mental marathon of speculating men’s reactions to anything you chose to do. Men are not the protagonists here. Under patriarchy, the same dress can make a prude in one country and a whore in another. If you play by their rules, you could never win and will put yourself under a lifelong pressure. True liberation is the liberation of mind. Break free mentality. You can’t govern other people’s actions anyway. You are the owner of your body and expression, and you own the explanation of your choice. Please don’t internalize societal pressure of dressing beautiful to be desirable. True beauty comes from inside out instead of outside in, and you make the call of what that is:)
I started wearing hijab in my early twenties after thinking about it very deeply. Here were the reasons I started: 1. I wanted to please God. Hijab is mandatory in Islam and once I finally accepted that, I knew I had to figure out how I could accept covering up my hair. 2. I realized that hijab, and modesty in general, is in large part about minimizing vanity. It's about protecting yourself from your own gaze. If you're constantly showing your body well that means you're seeing it too and that can lead to pride and/or self-hatred. Both of these things can make you miserable. One specific example is I never showed my legs ever. So I never had any insecurities about my cellulite. Even though other girls do, I never did because I barely ever see my legs and I know that no one else is seeing them. 3. I'll admit I started wearing hijab, in part, because of the male gaze. I was getting so tired of the male attention I was getting, that made me feel less than human sometimes. I also hated that I was so obsessed with my own looks and how much of my own worth I was putting into my physical appearance. I wanted to be seen not for my looks anymore. I wanted to be known for my brain and heart. Alhamdulillah, wearing hijab was one of the best decisions of my life. I feel so happy, more religious, more connected with God, less vain, and more safe and respected by all of society, especially men (not just Muslim men - all men).
I definitely think a lot of western fashion is about what is appealing to men. People will try to tell you it's not but wearing shoes you can't walk in or being freezing cold to show your legs/stomach/cleavage doesn't make sense otherwise. I believe there are women who like to dress sexy, but I think it's very difficult to know if it's because of the culture or because of your own desires. For me the true indicator is how I dress at home or when I go somewhere I feel safe from judgement and sexual harassment. Unfortunately a lot of the world still misogynistic and safety is a consideration for how women dress in public.
Most women dress for other women. If we go to either extreme (very revealing/very covered up,) both of those are about dressing for men. The reason we appreciate compliments from women more is because we know 99 times out of 100 they’re not complimenting us to try and sleep with us.
I dont know why its always the women that needs to be changed and needs to be good and modest yes our religion has rules for women but what about men?? Religion also has rules for men and no body says them out loud and no body as them to follow them!
How we dress and want attention is way more cultural than biological. Like to massive extent. Its not that our feelings don't exist, they do. But the cultural part comes in when we have to decide what to do with those feelings. Keep in mind to reproduce you need to be someone else for like 2 months and do the deed a couple times. That bit is quite simple actually. That act alone isn't enough to someone dress to impress always, especially since dressing in a manner isn't necessarily enough to attract someone else. It definitely plays a role, a big one too, but to chalk that up to biology is quite reductive infact. There's studies done on these and adjacent topics but I don't remember what was the conclusion of the studies so I'm making no claims now. For example: growing up, I always preferred hijab over non hijab, and that in retrospect, was influenced by my religious beliefs. Those were my real feelings but massively influenced by the culture around me.
I control what’s in my capacity to control and I do my best at it, the rest is not something I will be asked about or judged for by god. So I don’t really bother with it.
i feel like modest fashion is about dressing to protect from the male gaze, while non-modest fashion is to appeal to the male gaze. both center the male gaze anyway
You know I believe, sexual harassment to some degree comes with the territory of being born female. Even if women are practicing proper hijab, fully covered up there will be those men who will stare at you, they will try to see your form. It’s very discomforting, but it’s a test from Allah & I ve learned to avoid it by not going out as much as I need to. Maybe that’s what Allah wants us to do as Muslim women. This usually happens in the middle east, though there are other men with whom you feel like there is a barrier between us & the hijab promotes respect & dignity. I am sure men have their own tests that come with their male territory that they need to maneuver. Just sharing my thoughts on this topic.
Men don’t grow up with that fear cause biologically it’s men who chase after women not women who chase after men though yeah things have changed in recent times. Many women start flirting with men. But still the general idea is still that when women want to flirt they dress to appear appealing and invite men to buy them drinks and ask them out.
Plenty of men dress for the women’s gaze as well😂 people dress for themselves and other people, like I don’t see the problem. As for assault, you’re right!! The way you dress doesn’t dictate that. I’ve seen many examples of women covered from head to toe being abused in Muslim countries. I personally respect however people choose to dress whether it’s with a headscarf or without, but there’s definitely an unfair and weird empathizes being put on women.
Well yeah the Quran basically says women should cover so men will know they aren’t available them (except in marriage). It is about morality. So of course it is related to men. What’s wrong with that. Considering that I was groped when I was still a minor (I don’t think my jeans were that tight) I think it is good to teach children to beware.
So much wrong with that my sister. You’re basically trained by your culture and your religion to think that everything is about men, needs to be catered to men. Women only need to say no to men to let them know she’s not interested or available, like how she would say no to a roller coaster ride if that’s not her thing. It’s the men’s problem if they don’t respect boundaries. Asking women to cover themselves is basically holding women responsible for men’s fault and letting potential criminals run free. And guess what, no matter how much you cover you’re still not free from being harmed. The only way to be safe is to punish criminals and change patriarchal society norms that serve women no good. I’m sorry about your experience of being groped. But I’m more sorry about the fact that you judge yourself about the way you dressed. Are you gonna think about if your pants are too tight, if you show too much curve, if you unintentionally provoke men every time you dress for the rest of your life? Look what patriarchy has taken from you, the fun of styling, freedom of expression, and more importantly, the ownership of your body and the peace of mind.
@@meljoy77 Well, here’s the thing. In Islam men shouldn’t even be approaching women. So the clothes signal “Don’t even bother”. Not every woman wants to be approached by men. The one with an issue is you.
@@meljoy77 I never said I judge myself. I was too you and that man should have known not to approach me even if I said yes since I was a child (so double illegal). Point so, when men see women dressed a certain way that is giving them a signal that the woman is available. Of course good men will still look away even if you are naked. However there are many bad men. You are so naive.
@@meljoy77 How are you going to punish every rapist? Theft is a crime, yet people still steal. Murder is also a crime, yet people still murder. So the point is not to go to the police after it happens but to stop is from happening. Also whether you like it or not in a large part of the world morality is important and immoral people, especially women (cause women are the ones who give life) are not liked. So, if you dress like a sex worker some bad man will treat you how he treats sex workers and even good people will think you’re a sex worker.
@@meljoy77 Why should I be styling for some strange men to see men? Why do you think I want to show off my body to men? It’s not taken away. I simply have no interest in letting strange men look at my body. I can express myself without wearing tights and revealing clothes for everyone to see my private body.
Male gaze or not, even if there were no men in the world and Allah told us to be modest, that would have been good for us. This is because Allah is our creator. The Quran is like our manual to navigate this Dunya. Allah SWT knows what is good for us and He SWT wants to lighten our burden.
I am covered from head to toe in abaya and niqab but males still gaze with horrible eyes 😡😡 and i hate hate it! I live in pakistan! And sometimes its so bad that I literally ask them “what the heck is wrong with them why are you looking!?”
I lived in Pakistan for 5 years. Scary experience. I developed horrible depression and anxiety, panic attacks. Don't want to go into details but there were a few incidents that have shaped me and now I'm a hermit who never leaves the house unless it's necessary. Even some of the women were bullies. Very unislamic of them.
Tbh if you dress modestly then men won’t have what to look at except your clothes. They won’t see the shape of your body or any skin. I doubt loose modest clothes make any men lustful. You might still get harassed by some relative *yikes* but.
Like you said, the truth is you can’t control men’s actions no matter how you dress. So don’t let men control your mind by conforming to their “modesty” dress code to signal them you’re a respectable woman and not a hoe. If you succumb to patriarchy, you basically live under men’s mercy and there’d be no bound how small your freedom can shrink. Take back your own narrative and body!
Alhamdulillah I just feel better in loose flows clothing with hijab. I feel pretty and more secure. I was sitting in a room with a co-worker who had a pretty long sleeved blouse, with cute shorts and pretty wedges. I thought she looked very pretty. May I would wear that in front of my husband if I were married, but I know I would be tugging my shorts all day and feel really self conscious even if it was only women. And I could tell to some extent she felt that way because with her arms she kept trying to cover her whole body as we sat there and clearly it wasn’t working. I felt bad for her when I saw that. I also don’t think I we should say wear whatever you want without the caveat that your decision has it’s consequences in the sight of Allah. I definitely don’t believe we can force anyone to do anything because if Allah gave them the ability to take this test, we have to honor that, and one’s decisions come with their own consequences whether they are good or bad in the sight of Allah. Allah asked us to dress modestly and there are some general guidelines. My advice would be to dress your style within our modesty guidelines. Wear cute sneakers. Where cute oversized jeans if you like. But don’t let western feminism get into your head about how to feel about modesty. We do it for Allah and if you are doing it right then everyone else’s actions or reactions are their own to answer for.
I'm sorry, but what was the point of this video if you just ended on, "Wear whatever you like because you like it"? That's not like some profound message. It's the foundation of Western liberalism and has been promoted by every aspect of media and culture ever since the "Enlightenment". As Muslims shouldn't our aims be higher than just doing everything to please our own selves?
I started wearing hijab when I was 28...but the way men interacted with me completely changed after I started wearing hijab...men now don't cross a certain boundary ..it makes me more relieved and angry at the same time...why couldn't my space be respected when I wasn't wearing one?
That's like why I don't get robbed when I don't wear a gold bracelet ?
@@aura578Thanks for your extremely pertinent contribution. Historically slave women who were muslim were not even allowed to wear hijab, with the express purpose that they were deemed 'm0lestable' by Muslim men. All women deserve respect, not just hijabis.
ur not gonna like the answer but here it is:
men are inclined to treat you the way you behave. if you behave like a slut, men will treat you like that. they will think some of your boundaries aren't worth taking seriously anyways because of how ur behaving.
on the other hand, if you cover yourself and avoid unnecessary interactions with men, then men will be more inclined to respect your boundaries because in a way you "force" them to think of you as more than an object.
humans generally judge a book by its cover, so if you dont wear hijab men will assume your not religious(even if your are). likewise if you wear a hijab men will assume you take islam seriously, even if you dont.
hijab kind of sends a subtle message that says "I'm not to be messed with so take me seriously". but if you openly interact with men then this message is taken away, and internally men will not respect you as much.
dont take my words to the extreme tho. im not saying a woman that shows any skin is immediately considered an object. im just talking about what men are more *inclined* to think depending on what they see.
So ask Allah why he created the rules and laws
thank you so much for emphazing that women who wear the hijab are not the only ones who can practice modest fashion. I feel like a lot of non-hijabi women feel like their efforts to dress modestly is completely useless because we'll always be considered immodest by default. Not only have I decentered men from what I wear, honestly I decentered muslim's too. It's just sad that Islam places so much importance of the way we treat people on a personal level and avoiding superficiality, but no one acknowledges how "modestly culture" in religious communities is now used as just another way to judge muslim women superficially, giving them more acceptance and validation for attaining the ideal muslim woman standard the same way western culture glorifies showing more skin, and getting more attention for being the ideal sexy western woman. At the end of the day, it's all about these women dressing in a way that has been ingrained in them which will be validated by the men in their community. We were never meant to rank other humans based on these superficial standards.
I remember being young and going to the beach with muslim families and remember them just sit and backbite other beachgoers in bathing suits in a western country when they didn't even say anything to us or bother us. I've literally heard muslim adults at gatherings sit and have a full discussion about why Niquabis shouldn't wear eyeliner, mind you it was mainly the uncles saying this too. And so much more. Muslim women trying to reach the maximum in modestly are literally still berated online by muslim men for still not doing enough. And don't even get me started on the "if you're going to wear hijab, wear it properly or not at all" crowd. Muslims need to be honest with themselves, muslim modesty culture is not about modesty anymore, it's about control and this is extremely evident considering the extreme double standard when we see so many muslim men gym inflencers literally in tight clothes, showing their muscles, nips out.
I can't truly believe in my heart this is what Allah SWT intended for women and men in terms of the benefits modesty when it's continuously making the muslim community so unpleasant and judgment. Modestly can truly have such a beautiful side to it, it's freeing to not worry about trends, and brands. What's not freeing is: men constantly looking at me no matter how covered I am, constant paranoia of not being modest enough around muslims, constant talks about what women should do and wear by sheiks completely degrading us to sexual objects by default that need to avoid any beautification not to 'tempt men'.
I completely agree with you.
Even if you wear niqab, gloves, the whole nine yards (no pun intended), it's never enough to some people. I've seen hijabi and niqabi women being harassed by muslims for simply being online! I remember when Dina Tokio got death threats for taking off her hijab. Muslims like to preach that Islam protects women, that the West is Islamophobic, but fail to call out the bullies within our own communities. They constantly preach that the hijab is a choice, yet bully women for not wearing it, wearing it "improperly", or taking it off completely. Ironically, religious leaders perpetuate the objectification of muslim women by comparing them to literal objects like fruits or candy. It's disgusting, to say the least.
I also hate the double standards when it comes to how muslim men and women are treated. Like you've mentioned, muslim men can literally pose in nothing but their underwear, and not get criticized. Meanwhile, muslim women get harassed no matter what they are wearing!
I wish the muslim community would focus on fighting injustice, helping the poor, etc... instead of what a woman wears.
I’m Hindu and I was slvt shamed for wearing tight clothes by muslim men (my friends’ friends) in the UNITED KINGDOM. They won’t say the same for the yt girls but someone who’s tanned looks Middle Eastern should be covered up in their eyes. The muslim women, LOVED AND ADORED ME and thought I looked pretty and cute even if they won’t wear the same. lovely, non judgmental muslim women cause they know how harsh the men can be unfortunately :(
I'm happy to welcome people from other cultures (and of course many folks were born in Western countries) but they can't expect everyone to conform to their customs. If they don't want to see women with less covering they can be like ultra Orthodox Jews or Amish and have their own separate communities. They have the freedom to do that, not take away anyone else's freedom.
My favorite trend right now is the girls dressing for the anti male gaze. They'll wear whatever they want especially if men think it's ugly. While it's still centering the male gaze in a different way, I love the attitude.
I've been wearing hijab since my teenage years and honestly, I've never feel like I've been immune to the male gaze not even once. Quickly I realized that my hijab is not about escaping the male gaze, but about letting people know that I'm a Muslim woman and thus have certain values in life.
I sometimes feel like wearing modest clothing is kind of a rebellious act in today's society since it is against all the modern/western expectations of what a woman "should" look like. I also feel like it allows me to set clearer boundaries on who get to see how much of me, and put me into somewhat of a powerful position - especially in the male-female relationships - which is clearly bothering a lot of men. So, in a way, I, personally, feel like modest dressing is empowering women. But I also get how wearing not so modest clothing can be empowering to women in some cases.
Either way, men will interpret everything we do from their own perspective and will assume that we do everything for their sake. Does she wear hijab? Oh, it must be because she is oppressed by men in her life. Does she wear mini skirts? Oh, it must be because she wants to attract meant in her life. Like, there is no escape from this. I hate it.
Girl. You should wear hijab because Allah ordered you to, it's an act of worship to Allah that makes you closer to him and helps you immensely in the day of judgement, it's that simple, you don't have to absolutely dissect all the nuances related to it and overthink it especially not in these evil western terms. Tazzy revealing some hair infront is flatout wrong, doesn't matter how cool and educated she looks to you. sometimes it's all about being an obedient slave to Allah and trying to attain heaven, never doubt yourself when wearing hijab.. You're doing it for al-rahman al-raheem and inchallah he'll protect you in the day of judgement for it.
I have some friends who were devout Muslim women who's husband's asked them not to wear hijab, who started wearing it out of spite. They didn't like how other women were being treated for wearing it and didn't like that their husbands wanted them to look more western and visibly assimilate into the dominant culture. And they found that they get treated worse by some and better by others now. It's fascinating and sad. I wish everyone would treat everyone with the same care and respect. And how we dress is one of the ways we can see the biggest difference in treatment, short of changing our gender or by passing as white when you're a POC.
@@SadeddineMounirSalim I hope you know that the phone you have and the apps you use come from the "evil West." Even refrigerator and tv in your home. You are the exact opposite of the people who wrote the comment and made the video. What they are talking about is not your religion. No matter what we wear, we will still be judged. Also, are you Arab or South Asian?
يَٓا اَيُّهَا الَّذ۪ينَ اٰمَنُوا لَا يَسْخَرْ قَوْمٌ مِنْ قَوْمٍ عَسٰٓى اَنْ يَكُونُوا خَيْرًا مِنْهُمْ وَلَا نِسَٓاءٌ مِنْ نِسَٓاءٍ عَسٰٓى اَنْ يَكُنَّ خَيْرًا مِنْهُنَّۚ وَلَا تَلْمِزُٓوا اَنْفُسَكُمْ وَلَا تَنَابَزُوا بِالْاَلْقَابِۜ بِئْسَ الِاسْمُ الْفُسُوقُ بَعْدَ الْا۪يمَانِۚ وَمَنْ لَمْ يَتُبْ فَاُو۬لٰٓئِكَ هُمُ الظَّالِمُونَ
I am not muslim btw.
When women wear more clothing, men can use their imagination more about what's under our clothing. When women wear less clothing, there's more for men to look at. Women can never win!
I think the concern more than how women perceive men is how men are taught to judge a woman by her clothing. For example, seeing a woman who is not covered up to a certain standard as available. Basing women's fashion on the male gaze tells men that only their view matters.
Oooof Yes!
The googling if they like the hijab is so relatable 😭😭
As always, love your take. Could you consider speaking to the demonization of those who choose to remove the hijab ? That is real, and it ruins lives - thats evidence of hypocrisy in the community and turns outsiders away from the truth and into stereotype and racism. Please think about discussing this from your perspective as a grown woman, i think you mightve mentioned is years and years ago but wondering if anything’s changed for you
You're saying exactly what I've been wanting to say! So a month or two ago I commented a street interview video on Instagram where they were asking men whether they would want their future wife to wear hijab. One man answered that "it's between her and Allah, I support her in whatever she chooses to do" I said that guy was a green flag. Never in my life have I been attacked by so many Muslim men. They were saying things about how my husband will leave me for being immodest, calling me a red flag, dayooth etc. I eventually blocked the account the video was under just so I don't waste my own time reading these mean comments. There's definitely a red pill community forming in Muslim men of our generation and younger men that is not being addressed, and it needs to be talked about because sisters may be unaware and need to know how to avoid them. I can even show you the comments if you decide to make a video on them. I myself dress modestly, I just don't wear hijab. I did at one point and I hope to be brave enough again one day. But these men will never understand my journey or the strength it takes to wear it.
I love how nuanced and thoughtful your videos always are Tazzy ❤❤ growing up I was told to dress modestly and even avoid being in the same room alone with a man because ‘some men are animals and are sick in the head.’ It always used to piss me off because I thought 1) that’s kinda unfair on men, surely most of them are decent human beings and 2) why does my outfit mean he can’t control himself? It’s giving rape culture. But now…I still don’t know how I feel about it. Especially given the recent headlines about all the gang rapes and murders and women being drugged and recorded and all this business. Unfortunately it appears that a lot of men are actually animals and sick in the head.
In the Mecca, 🕋 the women have been assaulted by the men there. Theses women were covered head to toe in niqabs. Imagine spending money to go to Mecca, be conservative and modest, and still get assaulted by men. 😢it is so sad…in the end it does not matter…
Oh this is so unfortunate and disheartening.
I knew someone who went on umrah with their family as a young girl and got groped several times by men there.
Unfortunately, she left Islam due to behaviour like this and is a raging ex-muslim type.
How she behaves now is completely wrong, but should the ummah not take responsibility for their actions? Yknow, this girl’s father was so backwards minded that he wouldn’t allow her to take off her hijab even in the house. Only when she showers or is in her bedroom.
@@Oceaniac yikes…it sometimes feels like Islam is harder for women. It is easier to be a man in Islam. 😭 I wonder why.
@@magnisky it’s easier for men because they abuse their culturally given power to make women believe from birth that they must grovel to them. Some girls have it harder than others, but it’s there. It’s so bad that some women inflict these standards onto their daughters, because it’s a generational thing. But I believe Islam is much fairer than what is actually practiced. The stories we hear from the first muslim women, the prophet’s wives, make them sound so powerful and amazing, yet for whatever reason, it is not encouraged nowadays.
There’s also a lot of thieves at the haram in Mecca authu billah (I’m just adding this as an aside, I completely agree with your point.) I remember men trying to talk to me in Medinah as well when I was in middle school. Some people have no fear or shame, no matter where they are.
I enjoyed your video. As a woman in my thirties and a mother, I've become more conscious about dressing modestly and avoiding attention to my body. In my younger years, I wore fitted clothing that, while modest, still drew attention. My sense of modesty has evolved as I've aged. Growing up in a strict Pakistani family, I was more focused on dressing for myself and other women rather than for male approval. I found that compliments from women were far more satisfying. Reflecting on my twenties, when I wore heels at work it definitely attracted male attention ..wish I did some things differently.
I totally agree. I wore the hijab when I was 13, but I still dressed a bit…immodestly. I wore tight fitted clothes that showed the shape of my body and I definitely did it for the male gaze. I wanted to be noticed because I thought that’s how I would be able to get a man lol. As I’ve gotten older, my view on clothing has definitely changed. I wear less fitted clothing, but if I’m being transparent, I can’t say if that’s because I’m now already married with a kid and don’t need to “try” or if it’s because I’ve matured as a person. I’m definitely in my comfortable, loose clothing era.
I started to wear a scarf in my mid-20s. I'm not going to lie and say it was easy for me, but it took some time to really accept the fact that I was ok not getting compliments from the opposite gender. I felt more respected overall and safe, wished i would have chosen to do in my teens. I'm in my 40s now and can say that I'm still not perfect. There are times when i miss the breeze running through my hair and wearing a hoodie is so much easier sometimes. Its a struggle, but our Creator knows this. Just don't give up or judge others.
The air going through my hair!!
I miss that the most
This !! I reverted to Islam in my late teens and started wearing hijab full time. I found it really hard at first because without realising it I'd based a lot of my self worth on how other people perceived me.
Hijab was the physical barrier that forced me to get comfortable with my own skin and helped me get through so many self-esteem issues alhamdulilah. Sometimes it's still a struggle but honestly the growth I've gained from the whole experience is so worth it.
13:24 I love the angle you discussed about men gaze .
This made me tear up. I feel the same way
I’m an Orthodox Christian, I typically dress modestly, with a headscarf especially when i’m at church. Though I don’t cover all my hair because our veiling tradition is different from Islams. It sucks that you can still get sexualized even when you’re covered. I remember working at a restaurant during the pandemic, covered wearing all black, black head scarf, face mask. And one of my female co-workers started yelling at the guys in the back of the house cause they were taking bets as to whether or not I was a virgin and sneering the whole time. They would constantly make comments about me and I’m thankful I had a manager who put them in their place. I also remember getting stared down by muslim men back in college, like the kind of stare that makes you wanna take a shower. I assume those guys thought I was a muslimah, now I wear a big wooden cross on my chest when I do dress fulled covered and so that doesn’t happen anymore. But it does make me sorry for the muslimahs out there who have to deal with such trash behavior, they get sexualized in their hijab and out of it. Its so dumb. Just focus on your relationship with God and try to ignore the creeps, whether you dress modestly or not. These guys should understand that modesty is also in the heart and that creepin on and judging women for their dress is not a modest or humble behavior
The problem with the male gaze is that men use what a woman wears as a proxy for consent and to continue making us aware of the male gaze is to instill perpetual self-doubt in our own agency.
so glad i revisited your channel, i used to watch you when i was in hs and your content is still so knowledgeable!
This is a very interesting video. I personally am male and religiously Jewish although i do identify as non binary. I practice dressing "modestly" when i can ( i get hot very easily and have sensory problems ) lol. I often find myself in a weird place as i speak in both religious and left leaning circles. Throughout my life especially growing up in the south there was a pretty strong connotation between women modestly dressing in muslim culture and there oppression. While i do think many religions including mine whether deliberately or through practice will place unhealthy and sexist standards on females i still believe in every persons right to choose if thats something they want to adhere to and equally if they want to be revealing as possible more power to them. Also in regards to dressing modestly being a way of lessening the chance of assault its actually usually the opposite. From most of the studies ive seen on the topic someone who is showing more skin or dressing "provocatively" is less likely to be targeted because they are perceived as more independent, confident and more likely to fight back. Since crimes like sa are more about power than sexual attraction it really comes down to how the attacker views the world and womens behaviors.
7:50. Holy moly. How dressing modestly creates fear and misandry and makes you think of men as beasts. Like you're constantly on guard. Bruh. That's so me this whole time, I find it so difficult to explain to people how deeply distrustful I am of men
I have had the same feeling about modest clothing for a long time where it didn't feel like it was done out of faith in god but just for the fear of being judged and shamed by society and men. And in contrast from your experience of Muslim men treating you better as a hijabi in the west, Muslim men here don't really treat you *that specially* unless they're kinda sorta attracted to you (which in most cases they're attracted to immodestly dressed girls ). And what is even worse is that a Hijabi is only respected and made feel good against and at the expense of an immodestly dressing woman being degraded and put down. They'll say things like "you're not like 'those' girls" "at least you're better than that attention seeking indulged-in-harm girl" "You are better because you don't allow other men to see you". Such comments show how men, even if they seemingly respect and revere your modesty, only do it so because it comforts some part in them that is deeply insecure and judgmental. Either way, modestly or immodestly, we appease to the male fantasy and that just sucks. P.S: Love your videos ❤
I appreciate your perspective on this! I grew up in Canada going to school in the Catholic system as a baptized Anglican Protestant tho my parents both rejected the religion of their parents so we had an atheist house with Christmas and Easter in the secular way, but at school we would learn the Jesus related holiday stories. Once we were into middle school (12-13) the teachers started heavily dress-coding girls.
My gym teacher told a co-ed class during the health unit that “virgins are like fresh bread, and nonvirgins are basically stale bread spoiled by another man”
We were 12…and all the boys laughed…it’s everywhere and it’s so enforced by men to boys in whatever culture they are in. I hope the younger generations can break the cycle
I kinda think that dressing 'attractively' or 'modestly' are two ends of the same problem. Both are centering the 'male gaze' but even more so, are commodifying, objectifying, and sexualizing the female body, in order to deny women personhood. That is not to fault women for dressing either modestly or attractively, in attempting to navigate a world of hostile perception however they feel they can, or even to blame men directly for it either. It's just a symptom of the status quo of the world still being patriarchy. That there is the 'norm' in which it is considered not only acceptable, not only tolerated, but correct to view and control women as second class people, or even not as people at all, but as a kind of livestock.
Of course, this norm should be rejected, and of course, that is easier said than done. In many ways, to dress for yourself, to find your own style and self-expression, is a great, radical thing, that challenges the 'male gaze' norm, even if is still within the confines of norms. I think, even men dressing in a self expressive way can challenge the oppressive norms, because men also dress for the male gaze, except for men that means to be strictly non-feminine.
The thing is, we are told to dress modestly for Allah, not men. In Islam our intentions are solely to follow Allah, not to adhere to men’s desires. He knows his creation best and provides us structure to live by. Men have their own modesty guidelines, among many other things. Rules in Islam, as they should function are pretty evenly divided among men and women, but men today are doing less than they should and women are doing more.
In this world we’re going to be slaves to something, whether that be beauty standards or whatever, so why not be a slave to god (slave isn’t exactly used in the same sense as we normally think about it)? If you are doing it for Allah, you aren’t doing it to fit your society, whether that be a place where everyone is wearing a niqab like Saudi Arabia or in America, where jeans and t-shirts is the norm. You aren’t considering the world, but something higher. You aren’t conforming to anyone or anything but existing solely within yourself and your beliefs. That’s the way I think about it at least. I’m not great at articulation.
I do agree that the way it is framed in Muslim discourse definitely functions the way you have said.
sometimes i come across jilbabi or niqabi content that is so focused on the 'muslimah' aesthetics it really feels like the opposite side of the same coin as ig models. for myself, i relate a lot to feeling so much shame towards my body even though i wore hijab at a young age and i'm still on a healing journey to recognize that these unrealistic beliefs about modesty are not islamic and often reveal the sick mind of the one who is preaching such things
Ooooo, the jilbabi/niqabi aesthetics make me cringe lol. Mainly because it is usually young girls spearheading this trend, when in reality, these girls probably haven’t finished school or entered the workforce. If you live in a western country, wearing the jilbab/niqab (fulltime) is a BIG sacrifice, so I am always curious if the girls who push this image are even at an age where they’ve had to sacrifice anything lol. It’s like hearing a young person talk about polygamy, yet they haven’t even finished school & don’t have a stable job. How can you talk about something when you don’t even know what it’s like to actually experience it in REALITY. I just chalk up this type of Islamic aesthetic content as an idealized version of “wHaT LiFE sHOuLd bE LiKE” when those of us who are actually dealing with real life - marriage, bills, kids etc - know that this is all just young naive fantasy talk.
i never told to dress modest for man at all. my family use to not practicing so i learn by myself. hijab is to please Allah not to escape male gaze. that's why before command of hijab, its command to lower gaze (in that one specific verse).
i love my hijab so much its protect me from woman expectation such certain beauty standard and woman exploitation such over-consumerism in fashion, make up, etc. when i hold certain principal like hijab i am filtering whatever come to me "are those things compatible from islamic point of view?" so i'm not brainwashed by certain trend and idea. i don't follow what men like from woman such cleavage, breast, hips, etc. man who approach me is man with value because i also offering my value not my body.I am pleasing God and submit to God, not a men. i follow what Allah want from me.
i swear muslim women should realize that so we are not blown away by what men thinking about us. please think to please Allah not pleasing men. we are muslim women and have certain value in life (one of it is boundaries and hijab of course help to remind you). Set your life vision and focus so you don't have to spend your live in social media and comparing yourself to influencer even non-muslim. compare yourself to Maryam RA mother of Isa AS, she is the only woman which Allah speak highly of her in the Quran and Khadijah RA is the woman who got salam from Allah.
I really love this video as someone who is a black woman who grew up adjacent to someone who dressed modestly because they were Muslim and that’s just how they felt most comfortable. As a teenager which is way too young I felt like I had to dress for the male gaze for attention. I had to sell that I was sexy when I just really wanted, was love. And I was just having this conversation with one of my best friends about how we would dress if you could go outside and look how we wanted to without the threat of violence from men. Like if men did not exist, what fashion would look would be astounding. I have just given up on the fantasy that I can leave my house and look how I would like to without something bad happening and that’s sad. I’ve also heard the perspective from people who dress modestly that they are still cat called, still followed, still have to deal with men’s aggression and men’s fantasies. I just wish we were free of this to just be even though I don’t know that we ever will be.
Wow i feel validated. I grew up Muslim and everyone always picked at my outfits telling me it wasn't modest enough. Really made me feel ashamed of my body and i find i still feel this way although i now dress how i want to, i still feel like its all on me and how im treated is based on how im dressed.
I started wearing the hijab on my own at 26. I never PERSONALLY thought I dressed very immodestly. I rarely wore tank tops, never wore shorts, but i did wear tight clothes and i was very irreligious like religion wasn’t a thought to me SO me not wearing those things was because of personal values.
When I started wearing the hijab, men were not even a concern for me. I wore it literally because I wanted to appear Muslim - i wanted to be identified as a Muslim. The idea of males never crossed my mind once. I never cared.
Men will look no matter what you wear. Yes it helps to dress modestly but it’s not some shield either. I just have no connection with Hijab and men. That’s why i’m ok with wearing something some person idek would say isn’t modest enough for a hijabi bc idc bro! I’m dressing for God and myself, not YOU let alone your cousin Abdullah!
I’m grateful my husband also leaves this entirely up for me to decide as well and that my family is European so it’s generally fine whatever I choose to wear.
I also start wearing hijab when I was 28...but the way men interacted with me completely changed after I started wearing hijab...men now don't cross a certain boundary ..it makes me more relieved and angry at the same time...why couldn't my space be respected when I wasn't wearing one?
@@SweetChilly0410 I know exactly what you mean. There is a wall between these men and I. I feel like non Muslim men respect it even more though, is that weird? I think because our modesty is more unusual to them than muslim men who are used to hijabis mahrams taking hijab off and being a normal woman at home. Muslim men see us as any other woman whereas non muslim men can tell he has 0 chance with us. Sadly, (typically) men really do respect a woman more when she is covered up. It shouldnt be that way but it is and i doubt it will ever change.
The most freeing I've managed to dress is through anger. My baseline emotion on most days is seething rage (at injustice, at the rich 10%, all the stuff) and the most freedom I felt was to express it as disdain. Whether to dress as comfortably as possible (bc screw being pretty yet uncomfortable) or as violent/anti-establishment as possible (think punk, goth, etc) while following my own ethics of modesty. Self-expression is key, as in there is only a self-centered desire to express, and thus deny others the power for their presumptions to matter to me. Also, as a muslimah with religious trauma (as many are, but haven't the time/energy/words to deconstruct it) I think the queer community is where educating ourselves on actual decentering of the patriarchal gaze is at. They've done it for decades before us, they've done it by sheer existence, and as they say, no one can outdo the doer.
Tazzy I love you. Your stuff is so relatable. Lets celebrate the female gaze more! Keep making content girl ❤
Honestly, I think the most I have personally felt I decentered the male gaze with my clothing choices was when I wear the most comfortable clothing. And I have never worn anything more comfortable than the djellabas I wore in Morocco. Nothing restrictive, didn't make me sweat, it's unisex, no one stared at me, it was just complete heaven. I don't see how any American woman can really claim she's decentered the male gaze when wearing really tight or skimpy clothing, because from my experience, you just have to think about such clothes as the wearer so much more throughout the day, adjusting, yanking down or up, making sure you sit the right way, straps can dig in, etc. So I guess in general, from my own experience personally, I felt I dressed for the male gaze the least in mostly Muslim majority countries. So saying, I don't judge any woman who dresses for the male gaze. We all must sometimes (or a lot of the time), sometimes dressing for the male gaze can be fun!, and what clothes another woman wears or don't wear does not impact MY comfort or day. So wear what you like, dress for the male gaze or don't, and don't let anyone use 'how you're dressed' as an excuse for how much respect they treat you with! 🙂
If i didnt have to worry about men id be going out in a bra and g string. Please, “sexier” clothes isnt always worn FOR men. There are so many really flattering “not modest” clothing i dont wear because im afraid of getting stares from men. Some women do really well with the attention, i dont. I wish i did though.
I guess for some people they can wear skimpy and revealing clothes and not care about what men think. Voila they wear whatever this like without thinking about men
@@Beaneabean When I was in high school, some of the girls in my gym class tried to convince me g strings are comfortable and fun to wear. On my body, they are the least comfortable thing imaginable, who wants string up their backside?? Not to mention, they are not hygienic, doctors advice women to not wear them in order to prevent E coli spreading from back to front. So, you can totally convince me wearing NO clothes is not for the male gaze. And for the record, I have enjoyed no clothes beaches, and have zero hang ups about being completely without clothes around strangers. I am not conservative, lol. But you will not be able to sell me on the concept that either bras (which are uncomfortable! especially at my larger cup size) or g strings are worn for personal comfort instead of what society tells you to wear. Tribal women and historical women don't wear bras, for a reason. Bra wearing at all is indeed a male gaze thing
@@FishareFriendsNotFood972 Your mistake is thinking clothes are only for comfort. Its for aesthetic/looks. Some of the cutest outfits aren’t comfortable.
@@Beaneabean Oh, that's a good point! Definitely I can see the angle of 'clothes as wearable art'. I just think that makes the whole conversation of 'what is truly free of the male gaze' a LOT murkier, because so much of art aesthetics has been traditionally defined by men. My example was me trying to think of when my clothing choices are most clearly (to me!) free of considering the male gaze, not trying to say any other considerations other than comfort are wholly male gaze oriented. And to be frank, most times I have worn the most uncomfortable clothes has been because I was trying to look pretty for dudes, though I respect and understand that may not be true for all woman.
I started wearing hijab full time since Ramadan - for some reason, I didn’t feel comfortable wearing my normal clothes (jeans + shirts, dresses etc) and went straight to wearing abayas and cloaks. I had been so busy with work, I didn’t have time to think too much about my appearance. It was a huge shift that even my family wondered why I didn’t start off “slow”. My colleagues and students at work were really nice about the change but after a few weeks, I felt less fashionable for sure. I had stopped wearing earrings, jewellery and looked at my cupboard of clothes, wondering if I would wear them again. My hair also started to thin and I panicked. Now, months later, I’ve accepted the simplicity of the clothing and do experiment. I’ve also bought myself some nicer abayas and remember that Allah’s opinion is the only one that matters. Jazakallah for making these types of videos - it’s the kind of topics we need to think about more.
You always have such well thought out discussions! I really understood your point about liking to be complimented by other women. That is so true… they know what looks good and is fashionable. I would be suspicious of a man complimenting me on how I look… unless it was a family member or close friend. But I am over 70 years old and definitely do not dress for anyone but myself!! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Love hearing your perspective and I really do wish that women could just dress how they want to, be it modestly or totally not modestly. I’m not at all religious and I love wearing clothes that show off my figure and I genuinely wish such clothing was more popular for men. I’m Gen Z but I like how much more common it was in the 1970s-80s for men to wear crop tops and short shorts! The male body can be just as enticing to women as the inverse, the main difference is that women control ourselves and are far less likely to be predatory 🤷🏼♀️
How we dress is decreed by our creator subhanaho wa taala
I dress modestly and on the days where I play with my make up a bit or I'm wearing nicer colors, I tend to get more men staring at me which makes me take a break from looking as nice as I want to, so I think I maybe more modest b/c of the male gaze but it's really motivated by wanting to feel safe.
I am a Muslim female (non hijabi) and the more content I see men talking about how women should dress, I started wearing more revealing clothes. It's almost like men get so jealous and mad that they can't be pretty and want to strip a woman away from what makes her a woman and that's her beauty. It's almost like a power trip they get when they see a woman covered especially if she's married because if not then "your husband has no control over you". Once I stopped paying mind to what these losers have to say, I've never felt more free and unbothered.
Amen
real
They get so triggered when your husband has no issue letting you decide whether you want to wear hijab or not. They call him names because their own egos are so fragile they cannot handle another man treating his wife like an equal😂 I too wanna rebel from these toxic men (or even aunties) sometimes
@@hiramohammed5876 "your husband is a dayooth!!" LOL i didnt even know that word existed until these dudes started popping up on my internet feeds
@@Amila-ym7ny same! 😂 Also these losers don't know me or my husband how can they so confidently say my marriage will fail??? 😂😂 Astaghfirullah
oh wow the idea that sexism is what causes misandry (bc sexism tells us that men can't control themselves so it's harder to respect them) really blew my mind
Asa sis. I have been subscribed for a long time and have very inconsistently watched your vids... Thank you and may Allah reward you for simply being you publicly and continuing to produce your content. It really matters. Thank you.
„I‘m not talking nonsense; what I say matters“ is my favorite part 🫶🏻
I am from a small town in Pakistan and mostly women are covered when they go out, but women still get stares from creepy men even if they're covered from head to toe, if a creepy man knows that it's a woman in the covering he's gonna stare, women still get harassed, catcalled and all.
But anyways, I personally cover because I believe it's a command of Allah and I hope for a reward(may Allah protect us from arrogance Ameen), I want to be recognized as a practicing Muslim woman also I feel uncomfortable when I am not dressed modestly.
It's so good to hear about this topic from you and your experience as dressing modestly. I agree with pretty much everything you said; I think both sides (modest and not) are about the male gaze, even if in opposite ways (wanting to attract vs. to not draw attention). There's definitely more to discuss on this than what choice feminism would try to make us believe. I wouldn't blame women from either side for dressing the way they do, because they have their reasons, and I feel like especially trying to give yourself the feeling of safety outside is very valid.
I personally feel on neither side nowadays, though unconsciously I don't know how much lingers from growing up wanting to attract the male gaze. But consciously, I just want to dress in a way that's comfortable. I don't want to have to wear more than I like just because of men. It's just so unfair to us to even have to think about that when getting dressed. And like you said, no matter how you dress, you can still get assaulted anyway... I like wearing shorts and sports bras and just feeling free and comfortable. But for someone else, another type of comfortable might be more important. And there's definitely some tops that I love wearing or some pieces that I'd love to wear that I don't even buy because I wouldn't feel as calm outside wearing them. It's sad. There's not really a solution except for men stop being pervs so we can all do whatever we really like and not have to worry :/
I hadn't thought about wearing the hijab as a desire to present yourself as Muslim or signal to others as a reminder of god!
It made me chuckle that what your younger self latched onto most was the shaming and thoughts of men, though! Relatable.
There is one thing that annoys me with the whole "modest" movement and that's when it's brought up as morally superior to people who don't dress this way. I just don't think it's necessary to create a judgment of value among women's appearance when in the end, it's mostly centered and related to how men will think of us anyway. I think it's easy to feel strongly about either side, and sometimes it does also annoy me to see superstars playing into that male gaze so hard, but gahh, it's such a complex thing and it doesn't feel like the blame should be on the women, cause I think they're just doing what they think they should/is best for them.
I agree with you, I was also thought shame, to not be around men, rape culture and they sexualised every single interaction with a man...
I would definitely said it leads to misandry because as you said Taz, it puts a sense of fear into you and puts all the onus onto you, and not onto men...
The very fact that sexual violence occurs in conservative culture demonstrates how it's not what women wear, but what men do!
Men need to be held accountable, and with putting men's bad behaviour onto women, we will not progress to the rate we need to.
I also come from a conservative culture too Taz😭
Alhamdulillah , I reverted to Islam at the start of this year, and wow, how much I’ve changed in such a short time compared to last year! 😅 There’s definitely been a shift in my mindset. I’ve started to adopt more modesty in my appearance, so much so that I had to adjust my closet, deciding what to keep and what to use for home only 😄and on some days, I feel drawn to wearing the hijab, while on other days, not so much. Overall, I pray that one day I’ll wear it like a crown without fear, in sha Allah-not necessarily to avoid the male gaze or receive it, believer men are supposed to lower their gaze anyway - but solely for Allah SWT.
I have no doubts in my heart that His guidance is true, and the hijab is a beautiful barrier between women and the secular world, a powerful symbol of faith. I’m trying my best to embrace it fully 🥹, though I’m not perfect or 100% consistent and still have left pictures with my hair online(but more revealing ones have been long deleted) I would never shame other sisters for not wearing it either because we’re all on our own journey. That said, I do notice that some people, especially within the Muslim community, tend to take a Muslima more seriously when she wears the hijab. But in the end, it’s about the sincerity of the heart, not just the outward appearance. May Allah guide us all. 🤍
we have to live in real world and with reality. I would love it if we could wear whatever we want and its not making a statement about our values and what we want people to think about us…but thats just not true. especially when you are on both ends of the spectrum. If you are too revealing then men think you are sexually available and they will harass you and definitely wont respect you. If you are covered up including your hair and face they will think you are religious nut (I am mostly talking about men in the west) or in some cases you could be attacked for wearing hijab.I was attacked once…my friend was attacked when she lived in Poland. personally as a woman who grew up dressing in very revealing clothing and then converting to Islam and dressing modestly I think if we are wearing revealing clothes it is inherently for the male gaze. If you are wearing a T-shirt and jeans or a comfortable flowy dress then its not. We can’t live our lives in isolation we live in society and unfortunately its a society where men are encouraged to treat women like objects, to stare and consume us with their eyes…and sometimes worse. I have realized in certain cultures men are taught differently. My husband is from Turkey and even though we are here in the US he does not look at women. He completely avoids it. I will notice someone looking crazy and mention it and he hasn’t even thought about looking once! It would be nice if we had a culture that insisted on men lowering their gaze and treating women with dignity but we don’t. But for now, I am comfortable dressing modestly.
I really enjoyed this video❤️. It's great to hear because these podcast hosts have created an impression that it's solely women's responsibility to make their lives easier on the internet. They lack any sense of accountability and act as if they don't realize that they chose to participate in social media, where both genders are present. It's as if they feel forced to be there.
Thank you for this! 👏🏼 love this content and your perspective.
tazzy u always spit with your takes, it rlly does seem like the men who are hyper critical of what we look like want us to disappear. you can't do anything right enough for them, so why not just say fuck it and do what makes u the most comfortable
Too much cloth are not enough ,,also walking naked they never happy ,,it's all about them
i've never been a fan of the term 'modest' even as a muslim woman because there's so many PERSONAL definitions. what's modest for one person is immodest to another.
people just need to realise that you should only be dressing how you're comfortable and not because of the opinions of someone else.
that's how the "Man Repeller" blog started back in the day.
Hiya a male here I have no clue what's going on but your funny so I subscribed
How about you watch the video and listen then? Why do males choose to be willfully ignorant.
My goodness such a good conversation. I've been thinking about this a lot lately on and off, especially as I explore Fatima Mernissi's work.
It's wild because on one side, if one dresses modest it has to be under specific parameters of how modest should look or be expressed. And on the other end, it's all about revealing all parts, maybe I find this more since I live in the tropics. It's annoying on both ends, especially as a muslim but also not raised in a specific muslim landscape. I don't wear abayas typically and I wear the head scarf in varying ways. But in the end I don't do any of this to follow X or Y law, it is an act of devotion. Anyway lots of thoughts around this. What does true female freedom even mean, freedom of choice and being.
Fatima Mernissi has an interesting book around this, Scheherazade Goes West.
‘This is not the female vision of who we are’ - I love this and agree so much. I’m from Australia, where fashion is relaxed for pretty much everyone and no one cares too much what I wear, but of course you do still feel the pressure/expectation to make yourself ‘beautiful’ and therefore desirable to men, which is something pushed so hard in Western capitalism in my opinion. But when I’m travelling in India for example, although I feel less pressure to be ‘sexy’, I feel exactly what you’re saying - that I have to dress modestly in order to experience safety, which seriously sucks, cause then if I am harassed I wonder if it’s something I contributed to, rather than the guy being at fault. It’s just awful and I don’t know how it can become better, because it’s not our problem to solve. Men have to respect us more or put up with having less power idk
It can become better by rejecting patriarchy ideas and taking back your own narratives. You don’t need to continue the mental marathon of speculating men’s reactions to anything you chose to do. Men are not the protagonists here. Under patriarchy, the same dress can make a prude in one country and a whore in another. If you play by their rules, you could never win and will put yourself under a lifelong pressure. True liberation is the liberation of mind. Break free mentality. You can’t govern other people’s actions anyway. You are the owner of your body and expression, and you own the explanation of your choice. Please don’t internalize societal pressure of dressing beautiful to be desirable. True beauty comes from inside out instead of outside in, and you make the call of what that is:)
I started wearing hijab in my early twenties after thinking about it very deeply. Here were the reasons I started: 1. I wanted to please God. Hijab is mandatory in Islam and once I finally accepted that, I knew I had to figure out how I could accept covering up my hair. 2. I realized that hijab, and modesty in general, is in large part about minimizing vanity. It's about protecting yourself from your own gaze. If you're constantly showing your body well that means you're seeing it too and that can lead to pride and/or self-hatred. Both of these things can make you miserable. One specific example is I never showed my legs ever. So I never had any insecurities about my cellulite. Even though other girls do, I never did because I barely ever see my legs and I know that no one else is seeing them. 3. I'll admit I started wearing hijab, in part, because of the male gaze. I was getting so tired of the male attention I was getting, that made me feel less than human sometimes. I also hated that I was so obsessed with my own looks and how much of my own worth I was putting into my physical appearance. I wanted to be seen not for my looks anymore. I wanted to be known for my brain and heart.
Alhamdulillah, wearing hijab was one of the best decisions of my life. I feel so happy, more religious, more connected with God, less vain, and more safe and respected by all of society, especially men (not just Muslim men - all men).
I definitely think a lot of western fashion is about what is appealing to men. People will try to tell you it's not but wearing shoes you can't walk in or being freezing cold to show your legs/stomach/cleavage doesn't make sense otherwise.
I believe there are women who like to dress sexy, but I think it's very difficult to know if it's because of the culture or because of your own desires. For me the true indicator is how I dress at home or when I go somewhere I feel safe from judgement and sexual harassment.
Unfortunately a lot of the world still misogynistic and safety is a consideration for how women dress in public.
Same ive been somehow conditioned to take male compliments as being hit on and women compliments as genuine
Most women dress for other women. If we go to either extreme (very revealing/very covered up,) both of those are about dressing for men. The reason we appreciate compliments from women more is because we know 99 times out of 100 they’re not complimenting us to try and sleep with us.
I dont know why its always the women that needs to be changed and needs to be good and modest yes our religion has rules for women but what about men?? Religion also has rules for men and no body says them out loud and no body as them to follow them!
How we dress and want attention is way more cultural than biological. Like to massive extent.
Its not that our feelings don't exist, they do. But the cultural part comes in when we have to decide what to do with those feelings. Keep in mind to reproduce you need to be someone else for like 2 months and do the deed a couple times.
That bit is quite simple actually. That act alone isn't enough to someone dress to impress always, especially since dressing in a manner isn't necessarily enough to attract someone else. It definitely plays a role, a big one too, but to chalk that up to biology is quite reductive infact. There's studies done on these and adjacent topics but I don't remember what was the conclusion of the studies so I'm making no claims now.
For example: growing up, I always preferred hijab over non hijab, and that in retrospect, was influenced by my religious beliefs. Those were my real feelings but massively influenced by the culture around me.
I needed to hear this
11:25 well said 👏
I control what’s in my capacity to control and I do my best at it, the rest is not something I will be asked about or judged for by god. So I don’t really bother with it.
i feel like modest fashion is about dressing to protect from the male gaze, while non-modest fashion is to appeal to the male gaze. both center the male gaze anyway
You know I believe, sexual harassment to some degree comes with the territory of being born female. Even if women are practicing proper hijab, fully covered up there will be those men who will stare at you, they will try to see your form. It’s very discomforting, but it’s a test from Allah & I ve learned to avoid it by not going out as much as I need to. Maybe that’s what Allah wants us to do as Muslim women. This usually happens in the middle east, though there are other men with whom you feel like there is a barrier between us & the hijab promotes respect & dignity. I am sure men have their own tests that come with their male territory that they need to maneuver. Just sharing my thoughts on this topic.
Why can't we win. Why can't it be just what we like to wear smh "/
Men don’t grow up with that fear cause biologically it’s men who chase after women not women who chase after men though yeah things have changed in recent times. Many women start flirting with men. But still the general idea is still that when women want to flirt they dress to appear appealing and invite men to buy them drinks and ask them out.
@TazzyPhe could you make a video about how weird guys act at gas stations
Masha'Allah sista 🧕
Plenty of men dress for the women’s gaze as well😂 people dress for themselves and other people, like I don’t see the problem. As for assault, you’re right!! The way you dress doesn’t dictate that. I’ve seen many examples of women covered from head to toe being abused in Muslim countries. I personally respect however people choose to dress whether it’s with a headscarf or without, but there’s definitely an unfair and weird empathizes being put on women.
I appreciate your musings 😁👍
Can you please share where you got your hijab from? That color really suits you
Well yeah the Quran basically says women should cover so men will know they aren’t available them (except in marriage). It is about morality. So of course it is related to men. What’s wrong with that. Considering that I was groped when I was still a minor (I don’t think my jeans were that tight) I think it is good to teach children to beware.
So much wrong with that my sister. You’re basically trained by your culture and your religion to think that everything is about men, needs to be catered to men. Women only need to say no to men to let them know she’s not interested or available, like how she would say no to a roller coaster ride if that’s not her thing. It’s the men’s problem if they don’t respect boundaries. Asking women to cover themselves is basically holding women responsible for men’s fault and letting potential criminals run free. And guess what, no matter how much you cover you’re still not free from being harmed. The only way to be safe is to punish criminals and change patriarchal society norms that serve women no good. I’m sorry about your experience of being groped. But I’m more sorry about the fact that you judge yourself about the way you dressed. Are you gonna think about if your pants are too tight, if you show too much curve, if you unintentionally provoke men every time you dress for the rest of your life? Look what patriarchy has taken from you, the fun of styling, freedom of expression, and more importantly, the ownership of your body and the peace of mind.
@@meljoy77 Well, here’s the thing. In Islam men shouldn’t even be approaching women. So the clothes signal “Don’t even bother”. Not every woman wants to be approached by men. The one with an issue is you.
@@meljoy77 I never said I judge myself. I was too you and that man should have known not to approach me even if I said yes since I was a child (so double illegal). Point so, when men see women dressed a certain way that is giving them a signal that the woman is available. Of course good men will still look away even if you are naked. However there are many bad men. You are so naive.
@@meljoy77 How are you going to punish every rapist? Theft is a crime, yet people still steal. Murder is also a crime, yet people still murder. So the point is not to go to the police after it happens but to stop is from happening. Also whether you like it or not in a large part of the world morality is important and immoral people, especially women (cause women are the ones who give life) are not liked. So, if you dress like a sex worker some bad man will treat you how he treats sex workers and even good people will think you’re a sex worker.
@@meljoy77 Why should I be styling for some strange men to see men? Why do you think I want to show off my
body to men? It’s not taken away. I simply have no interest in letting strange men look at my body. I can express myself without wearing tights and revealing clothes for everyone to see my private body.
Women dress for other women. If you look at the abayas and hijabs being worn at women only events, you can see it clearly.
10:50 agree this is great advice, id wish they'd leave
U r amazing
Male gaze or not, even if there were no men in the world and Allah told us to be modest, that would have been good for us. This is because Allah is our creator. The Quran is like our manual to navigate this Dunya. Allah SWT knows what is good for us and He SWT wants to lighten our burden.
Oh you might be interested in femme culture. It’s queer women being feminine outside of heterosexual relationships.
I am covered from head to toe in abaya and niqab but males still gaze with horrible eyes 😡😡 and i hate hate it! I live in pakistan! And sometimes its so bad that I literally ask them “what the heck is wrong with them why are you looking!?”
Ugh that sucks? May Allah reward you immensely. We need to teach our boys to lower their gaze
I lived in Pakistan for 5 years. Scary experience. I developed horrible depression and anxiety, panic attacks. Don't want to go into details but there were a few incidents that have shaped me and now I'm a hermit who never leaves the house unless it's necessary. Even some of the women were bullies. Very unislamic of them.
Tbh if you dress modestly then men won’t have what to look at except your clothes. They won’t see the shape of your body or any skin. I doubt loose modest clothes make any men lustful. You might still get harassed by some relative *yikes* but.
Like you said, the truth is you can’t control men’s actions no matter how you dress. So don’t let men control your mind by conforming to their “modesty” dress code to signal them you’re a respectable woman and not a hoe. If you succumb to patriarchy, you basically live under men’s mercy and there’d be no bound how small your freedom can shrink. Take back your own narrative and body!
Alhamdulillah I just feel better in loose flows clothing with hijab. I feel pretty and more secure. I was sitting in a room with a co-worker who had a pretty long sleeved blouse, with cute shorts and pretty wedges. I thought she looked very pretty. May I would wear that in front of my husband if I were married, but I know I would be tugging my shorts all day and feel really self conscious even if it was only women. And I could tell to some extent she felt that way because with her arms she kept trying to cover her whole body as we sat there and clearly it wasn’t working. I felt bad for her when I saw that. I also don’t think I we should say wear whatever you want without the caveat that your decision has it’s consequences in the sight of Allah. I definitely don’t believe we can force anyone to do anything because if Allah gave them the ability to take this test, we have to honor that, and one’s decisions come with their own consequences whether they are good or bad in the sight of Allah. Allah asked us to dress modestly and there are some general guidelines. My advice would be to dress your style within our modesty guidelines. Wear cute sneakers. Where cute oversized jeans if you like. But don’t let western feminism get into your head about how to feel about modesty. We do it for Allah and if you are doing it right then everyone else’s actions or reactions are their own to answer for.
women can’t win no matter what we do 😅 unrelated but I’d love to know more about the art you have in the background on the wall
I'm sorry, but what was the point of this video if you just ended on, "Wear whatever you like because you like it"?
That's not like some profound message. It's the foundation of Western liberalism and has been promoted by every aspect of media and culture ever since the "Enlightenment". As Muslims shouldn't our aims be higher than just doing everything to please our own selves?
Chicken defending KFC
I think that some hijabi ladies are dressing in a seductive way the same way a bikini girl is dressed .
Mslim, shut up
Go home and get a cup of tea
oh no Asukaconazucar-em8iv doesnt like this content whatever shall we do😩😩
You havean anime pfp. Anything you say is invalid.
@@decoraqueena6413 🤫kebab
Hm, no. I don't think she will shut up. And that's beautiful. 🎉