men give me anxiety...here's why.
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 2 окт 2024
- Unfazed with TazzyPhe podcast here:
Apple Podcast: tinyurl.com/ta...
Spotify: tinyurl.com/ta...
Anchor.fm: anchor.fm/unfa...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
instagram: @tazzyphe / tazzyphe
snapchat: @tazzyphe
twitter: @tazzyphe
facebook: / tazzyphe
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
my gear:
camera body 1: Canon 80D
canon lenses: Tokina 11-16mm, Canon 50mm 1.4
camera body 2: Panasonic Lumix G7
panasonic lenses: Panasonic Lumix G 25mm f/1.7, Panasonic Lumix G Vario 45-150mm f/4-5.6
lavalier mic: PowerDeWise tinyurl.com/y6...
subscribe: tinyurl.com/SU...
If you're in need of some new hijabs, head over to:
hautehijab.com...
and use promo code "TAZZYPHE" or “TAZZYPHE15” to get some $ off of your order.
I think it’s really harmful to teach girls to be wary of men to the point that they literally cannot function when in front of one. There’s a difference between being modest and straight up hyperventilating.
my brother waved hello to our neighbour one day and this woman literally gasped and ran back inside. he’s 17 and she is like 30… that’s not healthy
Yes. I also feel like it adds to the extreme view on muslim tik tok/social media that any form of interaction with the opposite gender should be avoided at all costs because apparently we are all donkeys that don’t know how to be normal human beings around the opposite gender in a respectful and professional way? I find people who struggle to interact with the opposite gender to be immature and emotionally stunted, and I think after a certain age, it’s actually very embarrassing. Every time I have ever interacted with a man, it has always been respectful and professional within the confines of what is culturally acceptable in society. I am only afraid of men who behave weirdly, but as someone from Canada, I have never been in a situation where a man has tried speaking to me inappropriately, nor have our interactions ever crossed the boundaries of what would be unacceptable. I think as women, we need to be more confident in ourselves and stern in our interactions with strangers, while still being respectful. But the moment you start to get shy or stutter, THAT’S when the interaction can be perceived as “something more.”
@@SS-cu8se I wouldn't be too hard on yourselves for where you're at. Remember is Western women will do this too, but less running in terror on sight and more a general fear and anxiety. Liberal Feminism was big in the West for quite a bit, and while beneficial it had its flaws. Mainly its essentialism that made it so simple, this simplicity has probably kept some women from trouble, but it never tackled the racism in the USA and Canada. Thus western women also have a general fear of men, with it becoming more pronounces on racial lines. This being Black and Indigenous men being the most "dangerous" of dangerous men.
Ive been conditioned to speak up when men are being assholes 😂😅 I'm a hijabi who has been introverted growing up ...then became outgoing and extroverted bc i worked a lot of cutomer facing and sales jobs. I hate it when women willingly stroke men's ego while making themselves small. It's hard to be around.
I nearly cried several times while watching this video. You spoke about something that I have been feeling and experiencing since I was 7 years old. At times, I detest that I have been conditioned this way, but at the same time, I don't know what I would be like if I hadn't been raised this way. My aim is to never attract any attention - good or bad. I wish I could be completely invisible to the male gaze and be able to live life freely without judgement or fear of men.
Most black folks have a mistrust and fear of YT people. Our history and experiences have taught us to be. So it’s perfectly natural for us as women to be fearful of men. DV, lack of basic rights, violence, SA, Salem witch trials, and Afghanistan laws have taught me this.
Bad argument. Most men and women, fortunately abhor and don't perform the acts you mentioned.
Yeah, this is sadly very common. But not just from conditioning but also from experiencing sexual harrassment and experiencing friends go through similar experiences. Even from a young age, boys will learn to pray on girls and when that happens often the girl is blamed... So of course. There is no way to feel comfortable - no one is trying to protect us.
I am your sister from Yemen, and by Allah I only spoke out of hunger and distress. My mother, my brothers, and I lessons and tears. We are in a situation that only God knows about. God is sufficient for us, and He is the best disposer of affairs for those who broughtOh people, we are your sisters, by God 😭😭😭 We do not even find a loaf of bread inside the house that would satisfy you, oh nation of Muhammad. People are brothers. Oh God, make your righteous servants subservient to us. Oh God, make your righteous servants subservient to us. My appeal to every Muslim, oh Lord, if he sees this message, may He prolong his life, make him happy, and cover him. May God reward him. God is sufficient for me, and He is the best disposer of affairs. There is no power or strength except with God. Oh people, oh nation of Muhammad, oh people of goodness, oh people of mercy. We are your sisters and your children. By God, we do not even find a loaf of bread inside the house that would satisfy you. Oh nation of Muhammad, I only spoke out of extreme hunger and distress. My mother, sisters, and I are displaced from our homes because of the war. We are in a state that no one knows about except God. God is sufficient for us, and He is the best disposer of affairs, against those who brought us to this state 💔💔 By God Almighty, I only wrote this appeal out of extreme poverty and poverty, oh people. I beg you by God Almighty, Lord of the Mighty Throne, that I do not have food at home. By God, my brothers and sisters have been sitting around for two days. Without food, by God our situation is very difficult, we are 4 people in the house and my father passed away and there is no one to support us and we live in a rented house and we cannot pay the rest of the rent. I am not lying to you nor deceiving you nor cheating you. I am a Yemeni girl displaced because of the war between me and my family over a rent dispute and the owner of the house. By God, my brother comes every day and humiliates us and talks about us and wants us to go out to the street because we are unable to pay him the rent. The neighbors saw us crying and talked to the neighbors again and gave us a deadline until the end of the week and we swore to God to let us out of the street now we are in arrears of 60 thousand Yemeni riyals for 3 months rent may God have mercy on us our country is suffering because of this war and we do not find our daily sustenance and we live my mother and sisters our father passed away may God have mercy on him and we do not have anyone in the world to come to us in these harsh circumstances my little sisters went out to the street and saw the neighbors eating and stood at their door giving them even a piece of bread and by God in whose hand is the heavens and the earth they closed the door and kicked them out and they came back crying dying of hunger no one has mercy on them and now the holiday has come back to me if no one of us helps us with a kilo of flour by God we will die of hunger brother I seek refuge in God and then in you and I want your help for the sake of God I ask you by God you love goodness and help me even if it is about the rent of the house send me a WhatsApp message on this number 00967717354582 and ask for my card name and send it and do not delay may God compensate you with all good My little sisters, look at their situation and help us and save us before they throw us out into the street and humiliate us or my family and I die of hunger. We ask you by God, if you are able to help us, do not delay on us, and may God reward you with good.'~~_«%•&»_~~_~&:»'////;&&;&;&;;&🎉😢😢😢😢;&;&&&//&..,!~~~♡♡~~~♡~~♡~•~•~•(･|.}]◤)~♡~♡~;l.i.i.i.i.i.l.|`|💔💔||😭π😊🎉🎉😊😢😊😢😢😢😢😊😢😢😊😢😊😢😊😢 -:-::-:-"
I think it also has to do with knowing men generally do NOT interact with women in good faith; their intent is less friendship as peers and more trying to get something from you, be it social or ego validation, or labor, or horizontal activities. So one does have to be more vigilant because it's more of a game, and if a woman doesn't play it perfectly, she pays the price, not the man. What pressure! Women have an easier time interacting with each other as equals, I think, even more so than men do when they interact with other men.
This is interesting. In what context would a woman need to interact with a man unless necessary? The only men I interact with is my neighbours (engage in small talk) or a coworker. Anyone else, i keep any interaction (random hello, random discussions etc) as short as possible. I would not further engage in conversations more than what is necessary. I think as a woman it’s easy to shut those type of conversations down, unless the man is a weirdo in which you should try to get away from that situation as soon as possible.
@@SS-cu8se I mean, plenty of women have male friends. Men are just people. My comment above was about how men are socially conditioned, not saying all men are not worth knowing, lol. I'm a woman and my best friend of over 25 years if a man.
As someone with a lot of social anxiety that video is very relatable and helpful.. I like that it ends with solutions you gave yourself, very insightful, very inspirational . Thank you ⭐
In my early 30’s I went to a gaming convention with my then husband, now ex-husband. When we walked into the big convention center, I had a full blown panic attack because we were surrounded by all men. I would say that the convention was 99% male and I was not mentally prepared for what I encountered. That is when I knew that I had a real fear of men. I think everything you said about upbringing and culture contributed to this fear along with seeing men be actually very violent towards women in my family. I was so surprised by my reaction to being around all those men. I still have some difficulty with anxiety when I am around mostly men. There are very few men that I can be around, relax and enjoy myself. Even then, I always have in the back of my head that things could go sideways quickly so full trust is never there.
I know you didn't ask us men, I hope I have something to add to the discussion
I was raised as a boy (to be a man) and I have been always discouraged from engaging in with women/girls (modesty culture). I'm shy. Not very but yea. So I already have a hard time engaging with others. And years of not talking to women had absolutely shattered my ability to have normal human conversations with them. A lot of unlearning of ideas given by my culture and also from pop culture, and now I can get by; just a bit. Still can't get close to any of them cuz I still have a lot of work to do to be actually comfortable around women (especially ones who I find attractive, my brain shuts off and I can't talk no more).
I used to assume that once I learned that I had a bad idea, and that I knew that there was a better alternative, I would be able to immediately switch and start doing the right thing. But it's really hard to do this one thing. Eh idk.
It must be hard ❤️🩹 I feel like, for men, the key when you’re trying to learn to talk to women is to see them as friends first, but genuinely as friends. As someone who could make you laugh, teach you things, be beside you in difficult times and vice versa. Then, when you can see relationships with women like that, you’re ready to talk to them in a romantic way
It is so hard to change because most of your life you have been told that even talking to a woman is a sin! It's not! We're people! Just like men are. We're supposed to work and live together.
It's a hard journey but I'm proud of you.
I feel for you. I think the key to talking to a woman (in general, not marriage etc) is just not caring. Remove her gender from the equation and speak to her how you would a man. If you can be respectful and professional around men, you can do the same for women. Those who come across as socially awkward are the ones who try to switch up when they come across the opposite gender. I can understand this when you’re around a woman you may have feelings for, but if you are someone who doesn’t know how to function around women in general, then you should take women off of the pedestal you may be unconsciously putting them and view and talk to them like regular people. See her as a human being first. As long as you’re respectful, you have nothing to worry about. Any other anxieties you may have are all in your head.
That's hard as well. I'm 46 and have never been on a date. I have women friends, more then men but I think being friends and being something more are two different things.
I don't know, I can't imagine a woman being romantically interested in me.
@@SS-cu8se thankyou for the advice, I have tried it and it really does work. In most situations 😅. But yea. Work in progress
Tbh i felt in one instance how women might feel vulnerable. I was studying to very late, and not to disturb my wife and son i asked my mom to study at her place. So it was nearly midnight and i was so exhausted and walked so slowly the 200m to my apartment building as and old man. When i was fairly close to the building i felt someone being too close to me, behind me and felt very uneasy, may have had some lower anxiety that i could be attacked, so i picked up my pace and went to the building as fast as i could. I did glance at the person, and it was a man dressed in dark clothers. I taught to myself how could a woman feel if i, a man of nearly 2m tall felt uneasy.
I do that around aunties 😂 probably because I've noticed that a lot of them are judgy.
But I get what you mean. I've noticed I get confused around guys because I don't know what the gender rules are for their families... like are we supposed to interact or not?
0:17 i do that with most people, but it doesn't really have to do with the gender, just people who i don't know and i just go off vibes people give off. I get nervous when im in a crowd of people.
Yeah! Same. I feel weird around people in general, but would never chose a bear over a human. However, savage that person may be.
Yeah, I feel like in the Muslim community this divide between the sexes is only getting stronger. It makes me angry as I get older because why do women have to make themselves invisible even in front of their own fathers and brothers? What is the point of wearing hijab and covering and all that if you are scared to interact?
Men are also scared of women, in a different way, usually if you're part of the same culture/background. But if you're outside it, you're free game.
Oh people, we are your sisters, by God 😭😭😭 We do not even find a loaf of bread inside the house that would satisfy you, oh nation of Muhammad. People are brothers. Oh God, make your righteous servants subservient to us. Oh God, make your righteous servants subservient to us. My appeal to every Muslim, oh Lord, if he sees this message, may He prolong his life, make him happy, and cover him. May God reward him. God is sufficient for me, and He is the best disposer of affairs. There is no power or strength except with God. Oh people, oh nation of Muhammad, oh people of goodness, oh people of mercy. We are your sisters and your children. By God, we do not even find a loaf of bread inside the house that would satisfy you. Oh nation of Muhammad, I only spoke out of extreme hunger and distress. My mother, sisters, and I are displaced from our homes because of the war. We are in a state that no one knows about except God. God is sufficient for us, and He is the best disposer of affairs, against those who brought us to this state 💔💔 By God Almighty, I only wrote this appeal out of extreme poverty and poverty, oh people. I beg you by God Almighty, Lord of the Mighty Throne, that I do not have food at home. By God, my brothers and sisters have been sitting around for two days. Without food, by God our situation is very difficult, we are 6 people in the house and my father passed away and there is no one to support us and we live in a rented house and we cannot pay the rest of the rent. I am not lying to you nor deceiving you nor cheating you. I am a Yemeni girl displaced because of the war between me and my family over a rent dispute and the owner of the house. By God, my brother comes every day and humiliates us and talks about us and wants us to go out to the street because we are unable to pay him the rent. The neighbors saw us crying and talked to the neighbors again and gave us a deadline until the end of the week and we swore to God to let us out of the street now we are in arrears of 45 thousand Yemeni riyals for 3 months rent may God have mercy on us our country is suffering because of this war and we do not find our daily sustenance and we live my mother and sisters our father passed away may God have mercy on him and we do not have anyone in the world to come to us in these harsh circumstances my little sisters went out to the street and saw the neighbors eating and stood at their door giving them even a piece of bread and by God in whose hand is the heavens and the earth they closed the door and kicked them out and they came back crying dying of hunger no one has mercy on them and now the holiday has come back to me if no one of us helps us with a kilo of flour by God we will die of hunger brother I seek refuge in God and then in you and I want your help for the sake of God I ask you by God you love goodness and help me even if it is about the rent of the house send me a WhatsApp message on this number 00967717354582 and ask for my card name and send it and do not delay may God compensate you with all good My little sisters, look at their situation and help us and save us before they throw us out into the street and humiliate us or my family and I die of hunger. We ask you by God, if you are able to help us, do not delay on us, and may God reward you with good.'~~_«%•&»_~~_~&:»'////،.............،..،.،..،...
I like your videos before even watching them, isn't that love? If not then I don't know what is. Thanks for the videos sis ❤ I am personally a muslim unmarried girly and I choose not to engage with men too much. They have a tendency of thinking a girl is into them just because she is nice. I learned the hard way when I got a stalker just from being nice. I only open up more to men I am actually interested in marrying lol. Also, I find most men just boring, I don't enjoy conversing with most of them so I don't.
For me it depends. If it's a social gathering, I don't feel anxious around men, but rather the women make me more anxious. I've experienced a lot more judgement from women than men in the past (I am female). However, if it's strangers on a dark road at night, then I'm going to be more nervous about a man. But honestly, all strangers trigger me a little, since I have social anxiety.
Thanks Tazzy for always putting the immigrant/multiculti experience into such relatable words :)
I am more guarded around men. I am wary of them and do not trust easily.
It seems normal to be unsure about the unknown until you gather more information.
i also grew up in a religious and cultural environment that segregated men from women, and i resonate with a lot of what you described ! but i have to add that i was anxious because of the judgments of women ! the mothers and aunties and grandmothers would treat us like we were scandalous, even if the men didn't even notice we were around.
OK so way way WAY back in the 80s I was at university and in one of our classes we had to split up into groups for a project. I was an openly out gay white guy and one of the people in my group was a hijab-wearing Muslim woman from Syria. Very modest, and, like you describe, rather nervous around men. The nature of the project was such that we had to interact with each other and slowly over the course of the semester we got to know each other. Once she understood that I was gay, and had time to process this new experience, she slowly started to opened up and it turned out she was a smart, caring, lovely human being.
We became fast friends during university and while it took her parents a looooong time to accept me as a friend, they were also quietly relieved that, at least in this case, they didn't have to worry about their daughter. Later, her fiance/husband needed time as well, but nowadays we're on good terms. I live outside the US now, but when I go back, I always visit them for a few days. And in the house, she doesn't wear hijab, so I guess that means I'm family. At any rate, our friendship helped her grow more comfortable around men.
So maybe that's part of the solution? Get yourself a gay bestie? At very least, it'll boost your confidence.
Sorry - need to give some context. My friends' family moved to the California when she was a child, and the family is pretty assimilated. She herself wore a headscarf but otherwise Western style clothes (albeit modestly) and her husband is a jeans and t-shirt kind of guy. So neither came from conservative families. They are raising their kids be to comfortable among westerners and other non-Muslims.
This is the honest conversations we all need to hear and talk about! Thank you 🙏 😎
In terms of being nervous around men, more cautious, less yourself, yes, I think that's quite normal. Gender segregation, does, of course, exist, and of course it makes it more difficult to interact as humans. Determining to be yourself, with patience and understanding, allowance for confusion, being comfortable--- I think that's a great way to navigate human complexities. On a natural level, I do think it's always a bit of an unsure thing, to interact with other humans. Will the other person accept the interaction? How do we navigate that interaction once it's started? Isn't it natural to suppose that someone who's a bit like you, say, a fellow woman, would be more open to connecting? So, naturally, humans do end up grouping themselves, those groupings produce their own cultures. I think that's fine, to have groups, it just becomes a problem if those groups are forced. There should be freedom in connection, and just connecting as people should always be an acceptable basis. Rigid segregation of groups makes it difficult to taboo to have human connection, to have humanity.
Tbh, I don't think that gender apartheid/segregation can be an acceptable cultural difference. To quote James Baldwin: "We can disagree and still love each other unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and right to exist." Apartheid will always be rooted in othering people and then dehumanizing that other, creating a fallacy for denying everyone personhood and humanity. I don't think oppression is really culturally intrinsic, it's more like... it co-opts culture, makes culture subservient to itself, which in a way, degrades the culture itself, reduces it to being a means for enforcing the oppression rather than being something in and of itself. Like with religion, the purpose of religion should be spirituality, shouldn't it?
It's always interesting and a joy listening to you. Also love the keffiyeh on the back of the chair.
I don't wanna be that person who comments if a lady is preggers or not, but I hope you're okay Taz because you sound really breathless.
This is me and I have no idea why. The only way I can overcome my anxiety around strange men in the wild is by pissing myself off that this world was not created by God just for them to be comfortable. Then I get some courage about it.
I just realised I do this as well. This was a light bulb moment. I make my self small in front of men. Thanks ❤❤❤
I am your sister from Yemen, and by Allah I only spoke out of hunger and distress. My mother, my brothers, and I lessons and tears. We are in a situation that only God knows about. God is sufficient for us, and He is the best disposer of affairs for those who broughtOh people, we are your sisters, by God 😭😭😭 We do not even find a loaf of bread inside the house that would satisfy you, oh nation of Muhammad. People are brothers. Oh God, make your righteous servants subservient to us. Oh God, make your righteous servants subservient to us. My appeal to every Muslim, oh Lord, if he sees this message, may He prolong his life, make him happy, and cover him. May God reward him. God is sufficient for me, and He is the best disposer of affairs. There is no power or strength except with God. Oh people, oh nation of Muhammad, oh people of goodness, oh people of mercy. We are your sisters and your children. By God, we do not even find a loaf of bread inside the house that would satisfy you. Oh nation of Muhammad, I only spoke out of extreme hunger and distress. My mother, sisters, and I are displaced from our homes because of the war. We are in a state that no one knows about except God. God is sufficient for us, and He is the best disposer of affairs, against those who brought us to this state 💔💔 By God Almighty, I only wrote this appeal out of extreme poverty and poverty, oh people. I beg you by God Almighty, Lord of the Mighty Throne, that I do not have food at home. By God, my brothers and sisters have been sitting around for two days. Without food, by God our situation is very difficult, we are 6 people in the house and my father passed away and there is no one to support us and we live in a rented house and we cannot pay the rest of the rent. I am not lying to you nor deceiving you nor cheating you. I am a Yemeni girl displaced because of the war between me and my family over a rent dispute and the owner of the house. By God, my brother comes every day and humiliates us and talks about us and wants us to go out to the street because we are unable to pay him the rent. The neighbors saw us crying and talked to the neighbors again and gave us a deadline until the end of the week and we swore to God to let us out of the street now we are in arrears of 60 thousand Yemeni riyals for 3 months rent may God have mercy on us our country is suffering because of this war and we do not find our daily sustenance and we live my mother and sisters our father passed away may God have mercy on him and we do not have anyone in the world to come to us in these harsh circumstances my little sisters went out to the street and saw the neighbors eating and stood at their door giving them even a piece of bread and by God in whose hand is the heavens and the earth they closed the door and kicked them out and they came back crying dying of hunger no one has mercy on them and now the holiday has come back to me if no one of us helps us with a kilo of flour by God we will die of hunger brother I seek refuge in God and then in you and I want your help for the sake of God I ask you by God you love goodness and help me even if it is about the rent of the house send me a WhatsApp message on this number 00967717415667 and ask for my card name and send it and do not delay may God compensate you with all good My little sisters, look at their situation and help us and save us before they throw us out into the street and humiliate us or my family and I die of hunger. We ask you by God, if you are able to help us, do not delay on us, and may God reward you with good.'~~_«%•&»_~~_~&:»'////;&&;&;&;;&🎉😢😢😢😢;&;&&&//&..,!~~~♡♡♡~~~♡~♡~•~•~•~•~♡~♡~♡~;l.i.i.i.i.i.l.|-
Slightly on topic/also off topic I personally don’t agree with the Man vs Bear logic. To me is a hyperbolized generalization of women just saying “men are trash”. Which can be true. I’m not going to dismiss women’s personal experiences with sexual assault and fear and intimidation and the patriarchy because as a woman I’ve experienced it all too.
However, if it were really true women are more scared of men than bears, start thinking about this: would you be terrified to be suddenly in front of a bear? Most common sense would dictate yes but there’s always outliers, so why then are women not shut up at home living in constant fear? Am I supposed to come to this conclusion that life is just so powerful that majority of women push past pounds of fear weighing on them to participate in society? That going for lunches, going to the mall, shopping, getting gas, is so fear inducing with hundreds of strange men all around? I don’t think it speaks solely to women’s fears and I’m sure there’s a portion of women who truly do feel like this, but majority women say this in a way that I just don’t believe to be true.
As for the rest of the video yeah all of that makes sense, and I’m glad you went into the different reasons why a woman might free anxiety around men. I realize I have it too, I mean we all have a different face for different people and groups, but there is one just for men where I’m hyper aware of myself and my activity. Aware of my facial expressions, the things I say, how my body language is to make sure I’m just a blob of a person to not make them think I like them or anyone else to get the wrong idea.
The idea that all women fear men is one of the big reasons I don't talk to any women I don't have to, I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable.
I saw a video by a woman that was saying that if women were that afraid of men why is casual sex still a thing? 🤔
You should be happy, Tazzy. It's not a bad thing or a bad manner or character.
I think you're a very intellugent woman.
*intelligent
🐻
Heard you out, sounds like a you problem. Hope you get over it some day.
Your anxiety around men is understandable given the culture in which you were raised, where there was a line of demarcation that was drawn between men and women, and certain taboos were rigidly upheld by parents and the community regarding how men and women interact. The anxiety we are starting to see women have towards men in Western culture, which is not governed by the strictures of conservative Islam, is something quite different. This unjustified paranoia is not something that grew organically as the culture evolved. Rather, this was assiduously cultivated by feminists and their acolytes in the media.
The fear of men has little to do with feminism tho...it has always existed and is quite understandable
@@worldwidemoon22999 I am not doubting that fear of men has always existed. However, the level of fear is now blown way out of proportion, and this is the result of feminist influencers painting everything that is stereotypically male as "toxic". It stems from a deep seeded misandry, which was not part of the early incarnations of feminism, but now is endemic to current forms of feminism.
No, I would take my chances with a man, of course.
A bear? What a weird idea?