How to Talk to Your Kids About Dating After Divorce
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- Опубликовано: 22 фев 2022
- How to Talk to Your Kids About Dating After Divorce #MarriedToATherapist //
Have you wondered how to talk to your kids about dating after divorce? If you are divorced parents dating again and want to learn how to tell your child you're dating after divorce, watch this video.
Get help now: Hope After Divorce mendedlight.com/divorce/
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Suggestion video: how to handle (difficult) inlaws and keep a healthy balance/ boundaries with them in your own marriage. TY for the video
I second this!
Yes!!
Not just in-laws, but immediate family as well; parents, siblings, etc.
Odd to watch today after Jonathan announced their separation yesterday. 😢I truly hope he’s happy and doing well 😊
My sons have another Dad before, too; he just happens to be dead. My wife was a young widow when we started dating, and so they often refer to me as their father, but address me by my name. And this is fine, they are people and it's important for them to have age-appropriate control over their own lives.
My mom would date when we were little, but it was only mentioned when she was a few months in and knew the relationship was serious. Introductions came at an even later time to allow us to get used to the idea. We felt safe and respected, so I love the way she handled it. When I see people date someone new every other week and introduce every single one of the partners to their children, my heart aches. It's so hard for the little ones to keep up, let alone having to bond with a new person time and time again for them to end up disappearing just as quickly as they came. So sad ...
My dad did that, eventually I ended up not caring or even trying to get to know them.
@@LivingItUp810 I'm sorry you had to deal with that!
My dad remarried when I was 8, and I have almost no memories of my stepmother before their marriage. He used to bowl, and that's how they met, and that was the only circumstance I knew her in. I'd occasionally go with him and hang out in the arcade or read at the table, and I sorta knew the faces of everyone he played with, but I was never really "introduced" to them, certainly didn't know he was dating any of them. Then one day he comes outside with me while I was reading (something he never did) and showed me a ring, and asked me if I thought "T" would like it. I vaguely knew the name, but didn't exactly know who he was talking about, but I felt like it was rude to say that, so I just said yes. He asked me if I understood that this meant T would be my new mom, and again I didn't get it but just agreed out of politeness. I never really liked my dad, and I had a weird idea about mothers in general because up to that point I barely knew mine, and only knew the terrible lies he told me about her (he wasn't a great guy). So the concept of someone being my "new mom" didn't impact me at that point. Then came the day of the wedding. I was tucked into a dress that wasn't the right size (they never had a fitting for me), and strolled me down the aisle by myself as the flower girl (I was never prepared for this), and watched a bunch of strangers cry while my dad said important things to someone I only sorta recognized. Then I remember learning on the ride from the chapel to the reception, that while dad and T were on their honeymoon, my grandmother (who Dad and I lived with and pretty much raised me because Dad didn't want to) was going to be packing up my stuff and moving me away to a new house, and then it was going to be just me, Dad, and T after that.
There's a wedding photo of the three of us walking into the reception hall where you can tell I'm trying not to cry (and failing), and the family always cooed and sighed over that photo, about how "emotional" I was, how happy I must have been to be crying like that. I've never had the heart to tell any of them that I was crying because I was terrified.
I’m so sorry you went through that. That must’ve been so hard and traumatizing. These adults didn’t think about you as they should have. My mom and stepdad were lucky because I wasn’t told anything until they were already married (they eloped more or less, they did tell a few people but still no one showed up). It’s not as bad as it was for you because I was pretty chill with my stepdad but looking back as an adult, they never made it clear to me.
Yeah, your dad sounds a lot like mine. My dad acted like a child and I never really bothered to get close to him or the random women we were introduced to (I never bothered to even remember their names). My mom put me through a situation similar to yours where I ended up terrified and overwhelmed. She had an affair with a married man before divorcing my dad; something he constantly whined about with me and my sister. Several months after a messy, violent and traumatizing split from their perspective partners my mom told me that her new partner was going move in with us and that they were going to get married. I started crying uncontrollably as I experienced one of my first panic attacks. As soon he moved in it was obvious he didn’t want me or my two other siblings around. He constantly verbally and mentally abused us and in turn my mom became more physically violent and contemptuous towards us. We were chronically beaten, humiliated, berated, criticized for being Mexican and punished for no reason. My brother got it so bad that he ran away at 15 years old. Soon after I became the new scapegoat. Thank God my stepdad died a few years later of a disease he lived with. Otherwise I would’ve have to live with my nightmare dad or try to survive on the streets.
It's really tricky but one imperative is to protect your child and not allow the new adult to parent suddenly or changing how you normally parent because of your new partner having opinions about how things should be.
Yes, so true. When my mother remarried, her parenting style completely changed to please her new husband rather than coming from a place based on her own principles, standards or beliefs. It got so bad that her new husband’s preferences and wants became more important than our needs or safety. Unfortunately, I see this happening quite often where some single mothers feel the need to completely devote themselves to pleasing and catering to their new husbands instead of caring or respecting the needs of their own children. It’s as if the adult man demands the emotional and mental energy be given to him instead of the children and the wives oblige in order keep the loser interested in her. It’s really sad and pathetic to see parents treat their innocent children like that
My husband and I waited almost 7 months into dating before I met his kids from his previous marriage. I respected his role as a parent for them and I grew up in a divorced family so I knew I didn't want to meet them until I knew it was serious. Eight years later we're married and expecting our first together and his children from that last marriage are so excited and love our blended family
The parent trap (both versions) was a great movie of the importance of the small conversations. The dad wanted to remarry right away and tried to force the kids to just be okay with it, without really having conversations with them until the end.
Alicia’s “Not today.” is hilariously savage😂😂😂
You should address situations where the person you’re marrying treats your child poorly.
I would love to see you guys cover the subject of dating someone who has been married before … how can you tell if this person is in a healthy place and ready for a new relationship? what questions are fair to ask and what questions are not? what do you need to know to be fair to them and to yourself?
I noticed two random things in this video.
First, you both look like you could be painted into paintings from a couple hundred years ago. It's actually fascinating. Noticed that when Jono looked at Alicia from that angle.
Second thing, Jono looks at Alicia with so much tenderness and love in his eyes, it's so beautiful!😍🥰🤩
It's difficult even if you're absolutely on board with the divorce/seperation when a new person comes in. Just because there's an instinctive fear that the bit of remaining stability may go overboard, depending on what that person is like. And what role they'll want to take.
The whole act of taking in a "stranger" into your family system, as a kid, is simply difficult, even if they are nice and do it right. And that's not necessarily in a bad way. It's just one of these transitions in life that we learn to handle!
Meanwhile, it really sucks for the parent if new partner and kids (or even pets) don't get along. No matter which side they take, they'll have an upset someone on their heands.
I'm really grateful this is one worry off my list. Simply since kids were "off the table" for me from the start. So even if a relationship should bother to come in again at some point 😅, that is one less thing to worry about. They'd have to get along with the pets, though! 🙃 If only love alone was enough to rock a relationship! Wouldn't that be awesome?!
Alicia, how does your hair always look so awesome?! You two are adorable. 💙
I have naturally lightly curly hair like hers. It all depends on the humidity that day as to whether it naturally looks good ;). Foooooof fro is also on the table ;)
Having a good hair dresser and/ or tools works
Before my parents got separated my mom had an affair with a married man, left my dad and then months later told me that her new partner was moving in and that they were going to get married. I was eight and became so overwhelmed I started crying. My dad always just seemed to have random women in and out of our lives. I didn’t really care about him or his partners or when he got remarried. They were great at displaying what not to do
As the kid in this situation that would have defenetivly helped me. The first longterm partner was when I was small so I don't remember but it was never a good relationship between me and him. By the time of the second one I was older like 14 and I knew that she was going out and staying overnight sometimes. And then someday we were just intuduced that that was the new lifepartner and we would be moving in with him.
The problem was also that he was older and didn't want any children in his life. He really dislikes it. They broke up once and we moved out. After that I started to have a relationship agrain but I said I would not live with him again. And so I moved out with 16 and got my own flat and they moved in together. They broke up a second time but after this time my mom accepted that he just doesn't go well with our family neither her friends and now she keeps it completely separated. I think it is totally fine that she has a partner and she has to be happy with him but I will refuses any contact with that man. I think it is very nice of me that I even accept contact with the father of my brother even thoug he mistreated me.
okay but the way John looks at his wife!!!!
I allow my kids to meet 'suitors' fairly early on for a few reasons.
My kids are teenagers, but with special needs, and being a single mum, I didnt get any time on my own. So if they couldnt meet and be around my kids, we didnt really get to spend /any/ time together.
No family to take kids, no $$ for babysitters, etc...
Also I dont tend to date guys I've never met before, I tend to have known them a while, and the kids have already met them, etc...
But also, I want my kids to understand that people come and go in your life, and the world doesnt end because someone you like moves on.
I was not raised like that, and I have serious abandonment issues, for various reasons... and I want my kids to learn to deal with people moving on, in a healthy way. So I model healthy moving on for them, and they are allowed to be sad, but we dont wallow and our life doesnt end because of it.
Its never like 'this could be your next daddy!' Kind of thing, coz thats silly, and they dont take any kind of parental role, etc...
We've not made ot to the point of potential marriage and such yet... so not dealt with that yet
Thank you for how adoring you are about people making choices that are right for them and freedom of feelings.
This was a beautiful fly over to a difficult topic. Thank you both for sharing your story! ♥️
I have no plans for divorce or dating but I think this was a really good video for general knowledge for what we all may encounter in our lives, and communication with kids. Many of us very late Gen X/early Millennial parents are working with a sparse toolbox because the focus of parenting has been changing from "get them to adulthood" to "get them to adulthood more functional than I am" and what we have to reference from personal experience is.....not great! It's why we're working hard to do better because mental health is how we are choosing to provide for our kids. I like that you encourage smaller conversations to build toward the bigger ones -- even if they are difficult. Putting them off will make the difficult conversations that much more difficult.
When I started the relationship with my husband I didn't push for my girls to call him dad. He was a little upset with me for a while over it but I felt like it should be their choice if they wanted to call him dad. They do now, and it was their choice but I still call him by his name when I talk to them. Not because he wasn't a good dad to them but because I still feel like it is their decision not mine.
I wish your approach had been used with me.
How do we handle dating someone with kids who introduces children too early and the kid(s) get attached when we aren't even that far along in dating? I dated someone who introduces me to his kids after the second date and I felt he was pressuring me to be mommy.
Probably by asking if there are kids and bringing up yourself that you have concerns in regards to the kids and hence will want to reach "stage-of-your-choice" first, before you go there.
You don't have to be the person with the kids to bring it up.
@@KxNOxUTA thanks. I knew he had kids but we'd only been on one date. So the topic of when to meet them didn't come up. He brought them on our second date and expected me to play mom
@@AryonaSamoto Sorry if I sound harsh, but that definitely looks like a huge red flag. Especially if you didn't know the kids were going to be there and you were not given a chance to give your opinion on the matter, that's manipulation. Be careful. ❤
@@_IH_ yup it was. It's also why he's my ex. I felt so bad for the kids because the youngest was telling me he loved me after two days of us hanging out. He was also really emotionally abusive with them. When they were fighting over a toy he broke it right in front of them. I really like your advice on setting boundaries on when to meet in any possible future relationships were my prospect has kids. Hopefully, I'll be able to navigate it better.
Please react to crazy ex-girlfriend, it's a show about mental illness and the point of view of that person.
It's a comedy and musical, Rachel bloom is the protagonist, co-creator, writer, and songwriter of this show.
She's amazing and the show is amazing! ❤
It would be great to dive a little deeper into this as I am correcting with my ex and she wants to introduce her new person less than a month into their relationship. I have littles and I think a reasonable amount of time is two months before introducing to my children. What is the take here?
A kindly-meant suggestion: could the audio difference between the title sequence and the audio afterwards please be made more equal? I jumped a little in suprise at how loud the title sequence was when wearing my earphones
Thank you for reading and considering 😁
Suggested video: you should react to the show heartland
Disclaimer: haven't watched video yet, definitely am going too, BUT
the way my dad told us he was dating was basically "hey this is my girlfriend" (actually he got ENGAGED to her 2 months after the unofficial split, found this out after they were married and he told me)
Then about a year later, "Hey we're getting married in South Africa" (where they're from) "oh and you won't be sure if you're coming or not till about 2 weeks out"
Edit for clarity: I was 15F at the time and my sister was 13F
What about talking about dating post death?
I have a question... How do you guide whether you're dating the right person or not when you don't have any family?
It is worse when the child is adolescent age like me. My adoptive mother just like not even a year after the divorce and she brings her boyfriend and not too much longer they get married. My thoughts and feelings about the matter didn't enter around the block. The same with my adoptive father which makes me think my parents were having affairs before the divorce. I don't believe in love at first sight or rushing into marriage after being in a long term marriage. I was so weirded out. The 70s were a weird decade. Blended families were interesting moving in with stepsibs.
How do you become more confident as a young woman in the dating market
By reading up on feminism, while keeping a very solid grasp on the distinction between systemic and majority criticism versus "the individual before me".
After all, if you need to bend or whip yourself in shape all the time, then that's booking a ticket to problem land. If you're yourself and find love that way, you'll be happier, since there's still gonna be enough challanges anyway and you don't need "faking yourself" or "unexpectedly dealing with a stranger" on top of that.
Confidence comes from within. It's also mostly built within and ....... almost in spite of other opinions. It's about knowing yourself and your needs and how to draw boundaries in regards to that. Confidence is feeling scared and insecure eventually, but not allowing that to hold you back when it matters. While also having the guts to get yourself the heck out of things, when it's crucial for your wellbeing!
Feminism is really the keyword that tags all the crucial information you need. It can spare you a lot of trauma and pain to know about it. As it affects all of us and causes damage for all of us, unless we tackle it consciously and have partners doing the same. 😖
So, how about we start from: Do not put yourself on any markets, you're a being worthy of love and not a slap of meat! If you have chances to encounter humans now and then in everyday life and observe them and are open for a relationship, then your work for that phase is done and you're doing great.
My mom's divorced and has a boyfriend, I can't wait to hear what she thinks of this video :D
How ironic that, only later am I like "Oh my dad is also divorced (duh) and he has a girlfriend" 😂 I can send this to both parents
❤️
She dropped the ball on that one. Most guys are taught to take women at their word when it comes to intimacy. He could’ve bolted.
Das hängt davon ab wie tief und ernst ich es mit dem Partner und der Gesundheit der psyche meiner Kinder Respekt oder wie viele es wert hat das alles in einem natürlichen Gleichgewicht ist und bleibt.
Also hängt es von meiner Intelligenz ab und von meiner Intention die basiert auf...
Richtig?
Life is suffering, to believe otherwise is a bit naïve and vexatious. It's all because as much as we would like to act like we believe that people are benevolent, which they are, but people are also prone to malevolence. We can't fixate our eyes and ears to only look and hear for the good. The only person who's benevolent died on the cross long time ago for our sake, but we never did learn, at worst some doubled down.
We lie to ourselves as if the monsters we're under our beds and the demons are on hell. Not to be rude but the monsters are actually inside our head and the demons are inside our decisions. We we're indoctrinated that the depths of hell lie beneath the ground, but it actually lies beneath the bones of our existence. That's why no matter what we do and how we do it, tragedy comes forth and evil presents itself as an option.
Now my "existence" problem is, Why do we actively choose for someone(sons and daughters) to suffer through deciding to making them exist? No one chose to exist, We didn't even chose to exist. So why should we gleefully and selfishly choose that for our children? I can't quite grasp that. If the reason is for self-improvement and for taking responsibility, I find it quite selfish and cruel in a sense.
If there's a choice to choose that my children won't exist, I'd choose that but I will have to resort into things that is unnatural or that can even hurt someone or myself.
Would you say the same advices apply to parents who date after becoming widowed? My father started dating a lot a few years after my mother died, he made us meet many of the ladies he was seeing regardless of how serious their thing was, it was a mess to put it mildly...
And they broke up.
Johno, that look on your face on the thumbnail pic is borderline creepy! 😆😆😆
Jono seems super unconfortable
Why it gotta be a new man? It’s 2022. Mommy might want to date a woman! 😁