The Dangerous Games of the Covert Narcissist
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- Опубликовано: 9 фев 2025
- In today's video Jill unmasks the most common and dangerous games that the covert narcissist plays on their target. If you have a covert narcissist in your life then today's video is for you. #covertnarcissist #vulnerablenarcissism #gaslighting #narcissisticabuseawareness
Jill Wise, otherwise known as The Enlightened Target, is a life long survivor of narcissistic abuse. She was raised by a malignant narcissist and married to a malignant narcissist, she has endured years of parental alienation, has repeatedly been targeted by narcissists throughout her life. She has an intimate understanding of all aspects of narcissistic abuse and Cptsd. She uses her experience and what she has learned to help educate others and bring awareness to narcissistic abuse. She is also a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach and works with clients all over the world heal from the trauma of narcissistic abuse, parental alienation and Complex Ptsd.
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For me, the covert narcissist comes across as a people pleaser. They like to be in the spotlight to get the validation that they crave for, as other narcissists but at the same time, they pretend to be humble, simple, generous, over giving. The covert narcissist will take time to build a relationship/friendship with you. During this period, they will show their admiration and their devotion by helping you with everything that is you need. They will try to convince you that you are soulmates and that they understand you deeply. At the same time, you will see them being overly altruistic, maybe helping society by engaging in charities, activism. They feed the poor, take care of the homeless. All this makes you think how lucky you are for having met such a beautiful soul. You want to be by their side for ever.
However, soon you notice how much they enjoy being invited in galas to talk about their achievements. But they don’t admit that. They still play the humble guy who doesn’t want all this. Who is beyond money, beyond fame and recognition, who wants to share the floor with other people. But their acts don’t match their words. You come to realise that this selfless soul is actually doing whatever it takes to be in the centre of attention. When you do something together be it at work or at home, they want to control everything about it. They just exerce their control in a more polite and implicit way, making you believe that your voice was heard whereas in reality you did what they wanted you to do. Covert narcissists have a smooth way of leading you on. They don’t shout, they don’t give orders. They are master actors. They convince you that you are together in this. What makes them a narcissist is that when the time comes for them to use you in order to draw certain benefits, they will do it without a second thought and you are not going to believe in your eyes.
And when you stand up for yourself and raise your voice against them calling them for their phony identity, then you will see their rage for the first time and the mask will fall. Covert narcissists manipulate less with rage/exhibiting superiority and more with people pleasing behaviour/playing the eternal victim. They are not aggressive as overt narcissists. They are more cunning. What they both have in common is self-centered ness and lack of empathy. In the case of coverts, it will take you longer to find out.They knew what they wanted to get out of you from the beginning. They created a whole theatre play to fool you about who they are and their true motives. You will trust them with all your heart but when the time comes for them to prove their loyalty by choosing your bond over their personal gain, they will choose the latter with no remorse, without even taking any responsibility. Unlike the overt narcissist, they will have an eloquent excuse for doing so, rationalizing why they had to f@ck you over. They will pretend to be sorry about it because this is something that matches the image of modesty that they want to project but in reality they are not sorry at all. You will see them partying with your own money when they said they didn’t have enough to pay you back. You will see them being unfair and untrustworthy to other people as well. When the mask of the victim will fall, you will see the cruel smile of a perpetrator who managed to get what they want without deserving it. If you decide to unmask them run for your life.
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The facade of innocence. I met a master of this behavior.
You met my mother-in-law? Lol.
@@cindyriikola7760 or a close relative. 😉
Or worse, your actual mother.
My covert narcissist husband a real piece of 💩
Great description of a covert. Coverts don't care whether it's family, friends, work-mates or neighbors, they use everyone to their advantage and purpose.
Yea, neighboars even now bs critisize about me XD
When I met my narc, she was the victim of the toxic family, ( and they were toxic) I was her knight in shining armour, my parents were" the Mother and Father she never had" rescuing her. When she discarded me,( because I stood up for our children) I was her and our children's abuser. Gaslighting , Infidelity, covert abortion, misappropriation of funds, playing the victim (DARVO) with a troop of flying monkeys. I truly loved and cared for the false self she projected. 20yrs together and 19yrs after the discard I was innocent and torn with guilt for my children's suffering. Then I saw a presentation from Rhamini Dervasula, and the "Penny dropped". Thanks Jill, we can't get back the time and effort, but we can gain an understanding of their sickness, and grace for ourselves. Sick people do sick things, they can't change or heal. But we can. Remember they don't care, never did, and never will. Their only care is preserving the false self.
@@zandig666she would've be the narc match from from Hell with ex narc 😂
@@Spyglass2024 partners or flying monkey chick buddies ??? Thing is I knew what this person was up to with the last guy so the jig was always sortve up with this person 🤟🤟
Very similar to my story... I am still with her and still suffering.
@@Rahul_Sharma1974 they come in many shapes and forms before following Tom leykis I called these chicks smoke screeners and programmers, diversion tactics to get you hooked🤫🤫😂 I actually have successfully remained unmarried for 25 yrs considering the many attempts that have been made to get me to absorb debt, absorb mental burdens and baggage etc 😂😂🤟🤟
These people are the worst kind of evil - and the most dangerous as nobody believes you.
Spot w n! The facade of innocence and being helpful in public, being a victim, talking badly about others behind their backs, silent treatment, passive aggression- covert narcisists are wolves in sheep’s clothing- the most dangerous of them all.
That is scarily accurate description of covert narcissist. It is like they all play by the same book.
@nickus51 they all have the same disorder, so display similar crazy-making symptoms
Another one is defamation and slandering the victim even turning the victim’s own entire family against them.
Ex narc husband did this to me.
You described my ex wife covert narcissist. The facade is flawles, always plays the victim. But behind the curtain it lies the deceit, manipulation, cunning tactis, gaslighting and inconsistent pathalogical lies.
8 months after I said I do... Her mask fell off .... Now I'm stuck... But not for long... Now that I KNOW WHAT SHE IS...
@@cashkonvirterz8696A big shout out to Dr George Simon, Dr Ramani and other RUclips coaches like Lisa the knowledge I gained from all aspects of narcissist this Chanel as well. I’m still recovering from the gaslighting and manipulation I endured for the last 5 years. Stay safe.
I don't know anyone who is worse than the covert narcissist demon husband no way another one is on the earth 🌍
You 100% nailed it
“Be careful what believe about someone because you just might be hearing it from the problem “…. I love that!
My covert narcissistic mother likes to say extremely hurtful stuff to me. But nobody in her or our lives knows it or sees it. And everyone thinks she is the kindest, most innocent woman.
My sister thinks I’m a liar for telling the truth about these moments with our mother. She actually thinks our mom is an innocent though she’s financially abusing her and pulling dominance over my sister with the pity act. So glad I live far away from the two of them.
These devil's will get their punishment in the Lake of Fire if they don't repent-!
If you move away and stop dealing with her, she will look for someone else to be a jerk to.
You can’t openly communicate with a narcissist, which is why I communicate with my husband as little as possible. I will stay around him until he begins complaining about what I do or don’t do, begins to “joke” about me, or acts like I’m always in his way. We can’t both be in the kitchen at the same time because when he’s in the kitchen, whether I was there first or not, he acts like I am always in his way. He’s being really nice the past week or two which makes me wonder why and sets me on edge. So, as soon as things start to get tense, leave the room. I talk to him as little as possible in order to keep my sanity and to keep my son, who is an autistic middle-aged man, from getting upset because he is very sensitive to people’s moods.
I tell the covert narc "why go and hide when no one wants to find you?".
Because they stay true and genuine to their AntiChrist movement. That’s why they almost seem anti social
If my covert NPD “mother” who has physically, emotionally, and psychologically abused me my entire life sees this, she is for sure going to flip it on me and say the fact that I’ve been in no contact with her is because IM the one with NPD and am giving her the “silent treatment.”
Whats wrong with these narcissists who stalk you? Year after year... playing games with others. Spread rumours with help from others. Hide behind other people.
I have come to realisation that after 17yrs with my covert narcissist ex and 4children allegedly that she isn't capable of any kind of love or reflection. There is no way a normal functioning person could treat a person the way she treated me or our kids and then claim to of loved me or be able to love? It's been 4yrs and not one sorry or anything that's not someone who loves or understands how someone else can or could feel.. there is no excuse. For such. Behaviour
Your depictions and descriptions are always dead on. The material you produce, along with a couple of other's were instrumental in identifying the demon I was with, and helping me to understand and overcome the damage she did.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom and insight. Raising awareness of these monsters is so very important!
Thank you so much 🙏
Demon is correct. These people are evil!
This reminds me of a British man that I took an on-line course from, and we ended up emailing back and forth. Only a month later, he emailed me about a weekend of "wild sex" he had with someone, and he described every detail. When I wrote that I was upset about having to read that, instead of apologizing and writing that, yes, he shouldn't share things like that with a woman he had only been writing to for one month, he belittled me and put me and all Americans down because of what he thinks is our attitudes about sex. He said all Europeans are more open about sex and talking about it, and that talking about sex is, to him, like talking about a hat. He made all of us over here in the USA sound like a bunch of prudes. I was offended.
I discovered later that he has a sex addition, he's an exhibitionist, and he is definitely a covert narcissist. I don't think he will ever be happy.
❤ They twisted.
They are PURE EVIL-! DEMONS-!!
This matches exactly what I experienced with my spouse. I left but now he has done this to my 26 year old daughter. Making a life with her where she is dependent on him.
Out of all the different type of videos on narcism i have tried to watch, i struggled to relate too. But now i have finally found someone who really understands the major issues and can also relate it to me. Love Jill.... i honestly thank God for you 😢
I see many people like this in church.
They are DEMONS in a "meat suit" .... pure evil-!
Wolves in sheep's clothing-!
They're everywhere.
Well, damn! Who knew? She has mastered every level. 😅 I got fed up and now I'm the one giving the silent treatment.
Love this 😻✨
I have a covert narc couple living close by, next door. They ARE insidious. The female especially treats me horribly; except when I have company. Then she is on her best behaviour, and will compli- ment me to them. She especially tries to immediately attach herself to my relatives, when they show up. I practically have to shove her out of the way.
Move!
@@ronesss33 Yes, I plan to, as soon as I find the place I want to move to.
@@Brenda-t5rgood on you and it was meant in jest like ‘run’ as I know it’s not easy just to uproot yourself and go. But she will cause you major issues in the long run and fortunately she is not family so you will be able to more easily cut her off. It’s people like her that make me keep my neighbours at arms length (because I don’t yet trust my own ability to set appropriate boundaries). I wish you well 😻✨
@@ronesss33 Thank you! Best wishes to you too.
Thank you so much for this explanation. Succinctly hits all the key behaviours that are the most damaging. I have a sibling just like this and have met people at work that do the same thing.
This is my sister. Interestingly she tried to convince everyone that her ex-husband was a narcissist. He first saved her from our "horrible family." Then my parents saved her from her "horrible marriage." And after 10 years of living with my parents rent free and draining them of every possible resource, she went back to him so he could save her from our "horrible family." It's such a ride. She's always the victim and everyone else is an abuser. It's exhausting, maddening, and I'm so worried for my nieces.
Street angel, house devil! 😈
Powerful video Jill thank you
for sharing.🦁💞
Experienced every one of these. Fantastic video, Jill!
Private/Public? Two completely different people/as false as they come.
People generaly dont like to be pitted. Precise truth. Love that saying.
No remorse, accountability, or empathy. hence the dangerous narc rage ive witnessed several times { sometimes fake empathy , almost as if its used as a tool) Dr. Phil says run for the hills, they cannot be cured...question i have is do they know they have this personality disorder?
Yes they do
Emotional manipulation never seems to stop.
Thank you Jill. Laid out clearly and concisely for people to understand. You have a gift at communicating.
Yes so the knowledge you shared is so true. Sadly.
I so appreciate you. ! Life changer.
All of this is so right on.
I simply love this Channel
Talking down to you all the time.
Thanks!
THANK YOU SO MUCH!! 🙏
@@theenlightenedtarget You're most welcome
Thank You For you're
Brilliant Lightwork🗽
Thank you Jill!❤😊🎉
Always guilty until proven innocent with these people.
Politics also seems to be very reliable habitat for these animals.
well said on the phoney plastic empathy front - reminds me to record something...
Your phoney plastic empathy
Turned out to be contempt for me
Why did I not attempt to see
I’m not what I was meant to be?
It's all about looking good as opposed to doing good - image is everything.
See also the 'most talented person in the room' syndrome, as you mention.
Great content as ever and thankyou for it.
Really good reminder of all the things that happened subtly over 30 years.
Not many contributors explain the damsel in distress scenario I've ran in to a few of these they act soo weak venerable and lacking when u come in a help them boom your trapped
Thank you for letting me know that.
My husband undermined me all my life in everything I did it’s ashamed to call him my husband
And everything else you said in this video
Mahalo💯💪👍🏼
This was pure gold Jill, Thank you so much for this, Describes these two perfectly, Speaks volumes, They undermine you and your intelligence :-) I'm on to it, Wise to it, I will not let them gaslight, manipulate and invalidate my reality :-) The truth is shining the smile is sweet yeah :-) Peace, love and respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe, All Glory, praise and smiles to the most high :-) Eat truth eat Crow
Accurate 😅
Wow, I dodged a bullet. Thank God!
💯💯💯💯
💯
I have experienced all of this in my marriage to covert narc.
Wow my ex girlfriend matches this exactly. I didn’t have any understanding of personality disorders when we were together now it all makes sense
I shared a br with an older brother with psychopathic tendencies who I recently learned most likely would've 💀me when I was 3 if it wasn't for a nurse living in our rear apartment. After being psychologically abused by him for 12 years, and 10 years of harmonious living with my wife's family of 7 girls, I tangled with an overt and a covert narcissist at the same time. Three of my sister-in-laws are still living together and have been under spells for 38 years. Their children are lost, while the other children in the family earned degrees and have successfull careers. And I had become an emotional linguist, fluent in the language of the heart.
🫂
After educating myself on this topic and knowing I'm not one of these people that have this disorder, why do I feel like I'm guilty of this. Is it the lingering effects of being in such a relationship that hold you long after you leave.
I see this
💜
A couple of times I told a co-worker (and another co-worker in a different instance) something to tell my boss for me. They assured me they would. He told me they never told him. I didn't believe him, and immediately knew he was trying to play games to get me not to trust them or think badly of them. Also probably to dissuade me from doing that instead of going directly to him to tell him things. He is busy and I can't always do that. So I am gonna keep doing that when I can't get ahold of him and he can keep playing those stupid games. I don't really care.
Met one little boy in childhood used his traumas and hurt to get empathy XD so its great, got a picture of what it looks like.
Take it how it resonates
💯👍
Pastors and church elders 🙂superior being. ..😂😂😂
💯👍🏻 They could NEVER be at fault 😂
I have seen their empathetic projection, in public of course🎉
Yeah he doing all of these things 😮
It’s why they don’t fight
He has written 19 pages of distorted reality (paragraphs) in his witness statement.
Always used silent treatment for weeks
My aunt can go though all these tactics in one day. Leaveing you drained with confusion. Not kidding. He despreatness to try to see what works best for you to be hooked i suppose. Watching you carefully the whole time. Then you can feel her anger when you say, well i got to go now. Why? Were? She wants to know.
I’m having difficulty signing up for your online course. Please send me sign up information regarding this course.
www.therecoverycircle.co/home--91e47
thx:-)
I hope and pray that no upright( lighted) man or woman ever meet a narcist for romance ..been there fir 7 yrs but I finally got free after thank God for you pod casters.. I put the last bricks of that house( relationship 2 minths ago,( and a clear picture came out...was dealing with a🎉 devil standing like a man!...devil's incarnate
My deceased narcissist husband would change his stories of growing up? And he definately fained empathy to get what he wanted from others. Poor pitiful ME! He would change his opinions about people we both knew? Or suddenly became down on someone. That told me that the person realized exactly who he was! He ould copy me verbally to others. Using phrases for his own intelligence? What a Fake!
Are you talking about my ex who choked me till i passed out but its my fault cause he is known for being gentle so i must of done something so bad to make him mad. Yeah what i did is tell him i will tell others how he is a cheat.
They love the drama
Are there really normal adults that don’t do silent treatment or attack when you try to express concern with them?
My wife is a 100% covert narcissist, Now I feel I have some in me. I play victim too and lie to her. I am trying to ran away without let her know
She likes to gaslight li8ke this. She had affairs with men 25 years younger. I got sick because her affairs. She tries to let me believe my health problem is not related to her sex affair.
You are at pi million subscribers now!
Surely we owe it to ourselves that, rather than approaching the situation from the ‘victim’ perspective, we should recognise our duty of care for a fellow human being. Surely we need to look upon them as the victims of their own disorder and do what we can to resist submitting to their ‘calling the tune’ and having us scurry about, exercising defensive or retaliatory measures. We need, I believe, to help the poor souls by not giving in and standing firm against what is, in effect an anti-human dynamic. This is particularly important in married, or otherwise committed relationships, where vows are undertaken and promises of fidelity, loyalty, in sickness and in health and so forth are concerned. If offspring are involved then all the more serious as they are our collective future and we should cultivate them as we would a precious plant, with care, love, delicate pruning where required. The effect on offspring, whether young children or adult, is huge where discord, argumentative atmosphere or disharmony within the home is allowed to flourish. Similarly where loved and respected parents exhibit what are in effect childish and selfish behaviours. What sort of example is that to set? I believe that, for my own part, I will not allow this disordered person to dictate or mandate how I live my life. If they choose to continue their own folly, then that is for them to decide and have the consequences of. Stand firm I say!!
You have a very naive perspective. You wouldn't be able to withstand brainwashing...l am a London University Psychologist and l got out of my relationship only just in time. I thought exactly like you. It didn't work.
@juliettecrossley4864 well,!! funny you should say that! I’m on a journey of discovery with ‘my narcissist’ and I am coming now fear you have the rights of it. I have been naive for several years as with however much love and empathy I may regard her, the devaluation of me has taken so firm a hold that I am increasingly regarded as no more than an impediment to what she feels is her deserved happiness. This of course is not verbalised but the ongoing behaviour bears it out.
What if I choose No Contact instead of drama and confrontation with a narcissistic sibling? Doesn't that make me a Covert Narcissist?
My mother in law and her Sociopathic violent son
This is a game you do not want to play. Don't ask me how I know.
i m like a narocosit bow trhing bring attention to all tjat was done .. but i guess i wj t get anwyhwre and ir s so painful and damsgunf to me
Can they change? I left mine but just wondering if they can change..
I’ve never seen it happen, and in my opinion the answer is no. Although some may disagree with that.
@@theenlightenedtargetthank you so much for your reply. It’s sad but that gives me hope that leaving was the right thing to do. Staying was hopeless.
We don’t leave because we don’t love them. We leave to keep our sanity.
If they pray and seek Jesus
Unfortunately, learned that my nursing supervisor is THIS person.
They really don't carry intellectual for a long time and try to use words off the content context concepts ~ really ~ I just kept watching ~ it started when he said { I LOVE you} WTH
my demon does this all the time
Sounds like my ex
Covert C..T more like😇❤️🙏
Triangulation is his favorite i think!
P😊 I'll
Sounds almost demonic.
Almost?
Baecakes
Victim blaming.
Idc who she is
🖤