Narcissistic Parents: Why Trying to Change Them is Completely POINTLESS
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- Опубликовано: 2 июл 2024
- In this video, I talk about why trying to change your parents is an absolute waste of time. Understanding this will save you energy, time, and years of pain, and help you focus more on your self-differentiation and achieve the inner peace you are looking for.
If you're finally ready to get your dysfunctional, narcissistic family out of you and enjoy a life free of their toxic grip, here's how I can help👇🏼
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Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC, has helped 1000s of people in the same situation as you. As a family and self-differentiation coach, he uses his 45 years of experience to help clients get permanently unstuck from family-of-origin dysfunction, cultivate healthy relationships, and build a true sense of self.
DISCLAIMER: This video is not intended to serve as a substitute for professional counseling. Be sure to consult a professional to help you integrate and utilize these concepts.
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It took me 50 years to learn this. Once I accepted it, my life got better.
Same here.My life began the minute I understood that and realized that I am not going to let my mother drstroy the rest of my lufe the sane way she destroyed the previous part.
It took decades to understand that my mother was a narcissist and I was not the problematic child.
Healing started when I went no contact with her and my siblings.
I wish I was educated earlier on narcissistic family
Impossible to change them as they are the "superior" ones and its everyone elses fault! Don't bother, don't try, its futile. The will never change!
Yep. Best to walk away.
They will not change and you are hurting yourself in trying to get them to do so.
What I would do differently I have done: no contact and focusing on my own life. Life is better without them.
I have learned this lesson: Just because you are family, it doesn't mean that the relationship is mutually beneficial.
They are messed up and have not dealt with thier issues
Boundaries or no contact
I begged for all my 40 years because they confused me with showing the "promise of change."
They would still confuse me with the promises but then blame it back on me... which feels like hell!
Dear scapegoats, let's turn into the GOAT. 💥If we play along, we only set ourselves up for a slow, excruciating suicide. I wish this information had been available earlier! Jerry, you are saving lives. 🙏
I just listened to Sherrie Campbell's new book "Adult Survivors of Emotionally Abusive Parents" and she says we can move from being the scapegoat to the escape GOAT.
We can rise from the ashes, like a Phoenix.
@@amberfuchs398
Thank you so much. 💖I saw her on the list for the "Cycle-Braker Summit" last weekend but missed her speech; I will check out her work. The summit was free to watch for 24 hours, and Taylor Damiani brought me to Jerry's work, too. They are truly great professionals. Once you start to dig, the information is pouring abundantly... :)
@@amberfuchs398, I love her. She’s wonderful. I have one of her books and I can relate to her story 100 %.
It took me going to a therapist to learn this lesson. Jerry is right. Change comes from within. The only you can change, is yourself.
We all have free will. Spot on comment.
My son's now saying his older sister making me a scapegoat (nobody likes the truth sayer) and his chick's saying to him it's time to give up trying to change her, thought never entered my mind, she's the one trying to change me!
At some point; you gotta realize there are some relationships worth having and others that aren't (and this even includes family).
The damage caused does NOT need to be discussed as the narc could care less for anything other than slave drones willing to do the narcs bidding....
NO CONTACT IS PERMANENT FOR YOUR HEALTH AND SAFETY NEVER LOOK BACK !!!!!!!
My way of holding my parents accountable is by going no contact. The silence is deafening. I also heard a survivor say that the true evaluation of parenting comes in the form of the quality of relationship they have with their adult children.
I went no contact with my late narcissistic mother in 2011 after getting home from the hospital and calling her, only to find she really wasn't interested in why I was in the hospital. Then, when my dad passed away in 2022, I saw her again for the first time in 11 years. Dad would live for four more days in the hospital, and I drove my mother home that first evening. It was the first time I spoke with her privately in 11 years. On the drive, she dominated the conversation talking about a man she got pregnant with before she ever met my dad, and she described the acts they did together in bed. I knew my mother had not changed, not even one bit. I had to go no contact again after a couple of months. It was far too much for me to handle.
Wow.im glad for you. How are you doing now? Im 62. Went zero contact wirh mine after wririnf her 5 letters.
She still never acknowledged or validated me.
They're yuck and all they touch turns to yuck! Got the boot at 17 so she married her manic, visiting them her naked pics on the counter (😝🙈) step up from us kids on vacay with her as she slept with the help behind dad's back stuck with sis' bun in the oven wedding, complaining to me manic (my step dad, one I'd met) always after her onto complaining she couldn't talk to me about these things!
So then meanwhile in my life I we.t too early for my abortion at the clinic (I'm 17) and must return for a D&C onto going to better hosp, she's in next room having hysterectomy and of course sis squealing on me onto her giving me heck that I couldn't even tell her cuz I no I needed to suffer some more, didn't I!
I brought up therapy one time many years ago to my father. This is what he said about it. He said you go to a therapist. Each person argues their side. Whoever argues the best, that person wins. Did he get it right, or what?
I went no contact in 2006 and never looked back. I got one Christmas card from them with no message. The next year, I got an angier Christmas card from them, again with no message. That was it. Going no contact brought it all to an end for me. It was the best thing I ever did in our whole sorry relationship. And I never, ever looked back.
I finally walked away in 2014, though I'd made many efforts to do so over the previous 28 years. It was difficult to finally succeed, as we are brainwashed into thinking we "owe our parents", but daily life has steadily improved without the daily abuse.
Your first paragraph is exactly word for word what my father told me today! He says we need a ruling or verdict then to not utter a word about these things that are in my "mind".
Wow it really is almost uncanny how it is a script.
@@DHW256- I put up with insults, random punishments based on the insults, all fabricated, and screaming rages when I questioned this for decades. I kept thinking somehow I could change them. I couldn't change them. I could only change my response to them. So I did that. I know it is hard to let go of trying to get along with your parents. But it may not be possible. Best wishes to you.
@@miuthub7954- I thought what my father said was completely unique. So you also got this same strange message? Ouch! Stay strong and don't listen to bizarre messages like this. They are for them, not for you. Good luck to you.
"You cant kick start a dead horse, you just cross yourself and walk away."
There are no downsides. Two upsides are me not being called about family drama and someone needing $- all the time. They would rather ask you than doing what they should so that they won't have to.🤨
Another great video Jerry. If I had realised not only that the narcissist parent would never change, but get worse with age, I would have cut my losses much, much earlier.
I’m also learning that the abusive parents worsen with age.
The thing that would change for me is maybe accepting that they are a lost cause. Giving up the hope that I've clung to for my whole life.
Why hang on to a dream?
Yeah me too. Lots of grief.
@@Imissyoulou I agree. Wishing that I could wake up and forget them like I do with dreams.
@@DreamsofJeannie You can forget them, however, I realize that some people want to stay connected. Why? I do not know. My abuse was so HORRIBLE, it was like a curse and I wanted to GET AWAY AND STAY AWAY. Additionally, I had an extended family that was LOVING AND KIND, therefore staying away was not a traumatic experience for me. Jeannie, I realize everybody is different and I am wishing you the best.
I can't diagnose my parents but knowing if they are truly narcissistic or not would not change what happened over the years and how i feel about it although I'm grateful they brought me to this world and i pray for them every day. After 45 years of trying to fit in and to make them happy I hit rock bottom and went no contact. I gained some mental sanity and some days i even feel at peace and happy with my life. This year in August my parents will celebrate 50 years wedding anniversary, my siblings are pressing on me to call, apologize then come and reunite with them, i know it's all for the sake of keeping the appearances. Just thinking of going there gives me anxiety and stomach ache. I wish i could skip from July to September.
If your siblings are pressing you to apologize, rather than them, that tells you enough of how the dynamic would unfold. Save yourself.
Please listen to your intuition and your body. They are giving you the answer you need- don’t engage with toxic, dysfunctional people, even if they’re ‘family’. You’re making progress in finding yourself- don’t lose that.
Something I heard yesterday that helps me is that a Narcissist can change but they won't..
They cannot change.
And they will tell you that, straight up. Double down, even.
@@DebbieLee-dr3hr You are so right..
I really love the "what are the downsides?" question. Often I notice the downside is lots of grief, loss of hope in having a healthy relationship with them, profound sadness, feeling defeated, disillusionment, etc.
Your videos really help parse out these difficult situations. Thank you so much!
I'm pleased to say that neither trying to change them nor believing them capable of it were traps into which I fell, and was so much better for it, so I'd like to encourage others to cultivate flat refusal to engage.
The hard truth is that rightful self-defence against the onslaught of a narcissist is a trap. Furthmore, maximum narcissism for the high-level narcissist occurs at contact with someone they think they own as property, which is where you and I, having been born to them, come in. If you try to reason with them or take it upon yourself to improve them, they only see it as proof that you are subject to their supreme authority, so, by trying to change them, you are only feeding their belief they are your overlord for life and an epic righteous hero to be admired.
Wow hard words. Thanks.
My dad died 2 months ago. Shaming me til his last days. Ick. It's so weird and disgustingl. My mom driving me nuts. Nothing has changed. They only get worse. True, I can't change my mom, so I ignore her. None of it works. I won't have peace til she's gone or I'm gone. She doesn't have boundaries. I need so much help since Plandemic2020, yet I can't get it from family unless I'm shamed and told what a looser I am. Where can I go live far away and start over?.. thats all I can think about. 😢
God loves you. Run to Christ. He died for you 2000 years ago because you are valuable to Him. We cannot change people but we can change ourselves. Look for God see him as that father you did not have and he will give you a new purpose in your life.
Any place is good as long as you keep being consistent in NO contact.
No, unfortunately. In fact the less you try, the more they MAY (momentarily) surprise you... But even that will never last. Its kind of like the "no contact" relationship rule
Yes, it is always temporary until they are filled with your magic... Once they suck the life out of you, all goes back to their old rules, so you start begging for the basics again. I fell for it several times... Never again! 💪❤
It is so sad, but true! I think a large part of being dysfunctional is being unwilling to change.
I've subconsciously not paid debt because my dad loves me begging for his help
I've subconsciously not lost the 100 pounds I need to lose because my mom will give me the silent treatment for being smaller than her
Enough is enough
Hey, don't do it to yourself. You deserve to be healthy and happy. Take your health and well being in your own hands.
@@sparrow7711 thank you, definitely realizing this after this video and want to change things for the better
Yeah. The parents are using us to feed their need to be needed. Instead of cultivating a real mutually supportive relationship with us.
I am codependent and struggle with “helping” people and feeling responsible for others. I have made improvements but I’m still on the road
"How would you adjust your relationship with them if you knew they would never change?" I really love that question! Thank you Jerry!!
You are so welcome!
Just looking at the title when it popped up, that would be a hard NO. After 50 plus years experience with my narc parents now in their 70s, they do not change only get worse, they are very set in their ways, refusing to change and expects everyone around them to accept them as they are, with no regard towards anyone's feelings as to how they are treating those around them. Just suck it up, ⁰develop a tough skin, and keep it moving is the mindset of narc parents & grandparents. I stop trying and caring if they change or not a long time ago the damage is done, I dont expect anything from them anymore, it is what it is, they are who they are, they have no regrets no remorse no apologies no empathy, and 0% accountability!!! Their behavior was and is intentional because they do not care about me or my well-being. And I've accepted it as a hard fact no different than if I knew they were serial killers or drug addicts. I didnt ask to be born into such a toxic environment but it does not define who i am, and my goal and focus is to make sure that who they are and what they've and continue ( because the pettiness immaturity and games don't stop even at 70) to do doesn't continue to sabotage my happiness and peace. Ive gone no contact and just wanna live my life with out the foolishness.
Mom, just turned 89 and can hop, skip, and jump. They last very long in their life journey and absolutely don't change.
@@9keykey
Wow..
Same. Well said
My mom is in her 80s. Why would she change now? She’s had almost 84 years to perfect her controlling behaviors.
I go low contact. I’m an only child. My daughter goes ultra low contact. She’s my mom’s only grandchild.
I'm doing low contact also.
0:34 🤔 Many wish their parents would change, but efforts are often in vain.
1:06 😖 Pursuing narcissistic parents causes more pain and disappointment.
1:25 🛡 Defensiveness and explaining yourself are forms of trying to change them, which are ineffective.
1:58 ⚖ Blaming and confronting are counterproductive and don't hold them accountable.
3:00 🔄 Talking to others about narcissistic parents (triangulation) is also unhelpful.
3:29 🏥 Suggesting family therapy often doesn't lead to change; individual therapy is more beneficial.
4:11 💊 Suggesting medication might reflect your desire for their change rather than their own.
4:30 😢 Pleading, crying, and begging only waste energy; focus should be on self-improvement.
4:50 🧠 Narcissistic parents teach us to try to change others; this needs to be unlearned.
5:33 🤔 Consider how you'd live differently if you accepted they will never change.
5:57 🔍 Reflect on the relationship you want if you knew they wouldn't change.
6:20 ❓ Evaluate the downsides of accepting they won't change.
Thank you so much for typing this out as I was wishing I had written all these points down whilst watching the first time around. You are the best! 🤗
Awesome advice. I wish I had learned this years ago
it is no longer possible to change my narc mother, she's 87. However, she seems better than she was.
They know what they are doing.
It's difficult not to discuss my mother because I am still just coming to terms with my new understanding of her. I feel like I have to talk it out until I have it thoroughly processed. It's like chewing up food before you swallow.
I so get what you are saying. Meanwhile, my hatred for her grows. This is the most my hard heart has felt for over a year.
What he is saying is 100 💯 true ! I moved out of state years ago for abojt 5 years to get away from two people ( mom and one sister ). I came back thinking we are all getting older , we don’t have much family , maybe they changed and matured. Maybe we can start over. Well nothing changed when I came back. It was actually worse. I’m moving again. This time only coming to visit for short periods and def will not be staying with those two. I haven’t went to any family gatherings for one year with them and if had been super peaceful ! I haven’t missed any part of it so I know moving is the right thing for me so there won’t be any unexpected drop ins , no expectations of me being there for the horrible Xmas and b day get together that are super stressful with all the arguing and talking about each other behind their backs . I hope those of you going through this like I am can find some peace and happiness. It’s hard but I’m getting there !
In my experience, 💯 narcissitic people gaslight change as they don't believe they need to but you do!!
As always, the most helpful, clear, valuable lecture to the point. You heal the broken souls, dr. Jerry Wise! Thank you.
Thank you kindly!💙
I struggle with this because my mom was not outwardly narcissistic or mean, just neglectful. She denied to get my treatment for CSA with a PTSD diagnosis and has now claimed that resources didn’t exist in the 90s.
"what would you do differently if you learned that they would never change?" RUN as fast you can
So very true! My mother doesn't apologize when she's wrong I hate that because she can hurt me at times. I can't change her it needs to come from within herself. She never admits when she's wrong though.
Thanks for your wisedom! ❤
Most welcome!🙂
I do not want them to change, to be sincere I wish they could never have been in my life: A child can not understand those "parents" do not need it, a child can only feel it after it goes NoContact. Thank You!!:))!!🎁💫😊
resonates, painful, much appreciated as always Jerry for your insights.
Thank you! Love your Road to Self Program.
So glad!☺️
This is so spot on …thank you Jerry “what would you do if you know they will never change “
I don't know what you would do, but I would walk out of their lives and not look back.
I have lessoned to you many times since I came across your videos. You always conclude your videos the same way: Be wise.
That really hit home when I applied that to my remaining narcissistic parent: Wisdom says to stay away as I do, because if they have not changed after all of these years, they are not going to.
They will change one day. When they meet their eternal maker who will hold them accountable. But they will not change in this life. So go no contact and leave all your hopes for reconciliation to eternity and God.
That is a devastating information and for me going no contact is not relief as it as a death of a good human dream-to have a good relationship with parents and siblings in adult life. It is like to have a hole in heart and unhealed wound for the rest of life. Hearing about other adult people who have good relationships with their parents and siblings is a torture
It feels like a no win when you've been in it for so long, when they are both in poor health and need assistance, and when nobody else it going to step up. It takes a huge toll.
If you learned to live by a code to give others grace, consideration, and empathy that they won't afford you this is like a rumble strip. Because of self blame we think to be acceptable ourselves we must forgive and keep it up.
Great video Jerry. So true
Thanks for watching!😀
This what I told a relative of mine today when she came to try talking me out on holding accountability towards my narc mother. I told that relative that even if I go back or stay or leave or try talking sense into my narc mother, she's never going to change because she's stuck in her childhood and at age 70 she needs her children by her side but has burned alot of bridges with her kids and grandchildren too. She's never going to change and not even a therapist will help her. Expecting my 70 Yr old narc mother to change is like Me asking the sky to change to brown. How the hell will that happen?? Never .
So, after decades of abuse… is the solution just giving up and removing ourselves from their lives once and for all??? My mom & dad both continue to refuse accountability for all the things they did to me as a child into my adult years. They are interested in a very superficial, surface level relationship where I can never question them about their neglect and abuse, although I’m trying to understand why they did these things and want answers. They both run like cowards whenever I ask tough questions. My dad has even continued his manipulations and games after I nearly died with metastatic cancer. I’m so angry. Furious! My mother won’t be held accountable for abandoning me as a baby and making very little effort at all to have me in her life growing up. She even gets mean when I ask and tells me, “Go take your meds!” Do I just walk away???
I don’t do superficial relationships, Jerry. It’s just not how God made me.
Yeah I kinda knew that already when my older sister would tell me I need to talk to her about how I feel and I obviously had doubts about her bc I didn’t like what she was doing to me but even my mother now can have my older sister crying so really she’s hasn’t changed at all in her 70 years of her toxic life and I’m stuck with it as a disabled woman i am stuck with her controlling self it inescapable for me
Yep❤️
So very True 👍
Thanks for watching! 😊
Another great video yet again! 🥰🥰🥰
Thank you 🤗
@@jerrywise😊😊😊
THANK YOU FOR YOUR VIDEOS !!!
Glad you like them!
Do you have any videos on living with and coexisting with the narcissist parents? I am working on leaving and they are getting MORE insidious/raging/mocking/etc. They hate my progress and goals.
Very true 🎉🎉🎉
It is a long way to get it!
Your words are very helpful , a gift- thank you
Glad you find it helpful!🤎
Jerry, I really enjoy your site. I've learned so much, such as, some people want and expect their parent to change. I have also come to understand, that their are different areas of nacarssits parenting and it affects people in differents ways. I had a crazy mother that HATED MY GUTS and by the age of 12, I felt the same way about her. Without going into a lot of details, I NEVER my egg donor to change, I just wanted to get as far away from her as I could. I realized that she hated me and she just could not help it. It is UNREALISTIC to believe they have the mental capacity to change, therefore, the only solution was to see her at family funerals and I ALWAYS kept my distance. I was at family get together and she attempted to hit me in the head with a chair. I NEVER WENT BACK. I do not believe in glutting for punishment. No contact keeps down a lot of confusion and BS.
Thank you so much awesome Jerry.
God bless you
from JANESVILLE, WI
You are very welcome
Thank you
You're welcome!
The timing
I’ve went no contact with my mother.
...this IS a pursuit, but a trivial one, in terms of what your heart will get back, for all the effort😢
I love the questions of “ what would I do differently if I was told they are not going to change and what would be the downsides and what relationship would k choose to have with them if they don’t change ? I have asked myself this for a year now. I really wanted to think hard about it and I made up my mind. I understand and accept they won’t change so I have to. So I decided very low contact is the way for me. I am moving out of state ( hopefully in the fall ) and the downside is losing some of my family ( but I’m not quite sure I can all it losing them when I never felt like they were family to begin with ) so the relationship I choose to have with them is a long distance one. Ons where my door is open Ic they choose to travel 9 hours to see me every now and then and that if they ever need me I’m a phone call away and will help with what I can but moving out of state is better for my mental health. I really only have issues with two family members ( mother and one sister ) but I never felt like my sister was a sister anyways. She was always mean to me growing up and I never understood why bc I had a ton of friends and my other sis was always nice to me. As we got older I thought maybe she will be my big sister now and we can hang out bc we are older and more mature. That never happened. I tried calling her and inviting her places but she never wanted to come with me and when I called her she acted like she didn’t want to talk to me. When we do see each other we never gave anything to talk about. We have 0 in common from our choices in life , our personalities , things we like to do , she doesn’t know any of my fritnds and I don’t know any of hers. We never call each other or check on each other ( I tried ) but she makes me feel like she doesn’t want me around so I
Stopped calling her. I rarely see her just on very occasional lunch time with family if we plan it and some Xmas and b days but I do work out if town a lot so I can’t make all the holidays etc. I’m not sure if we will ever talk again. I been NC then Lc for little over a year and I rarely respond to their group text etc bc I’m done trying. My door will be open. From a far far distance !
D. E. E. P.
got it
and more
Right on time again
THANK YOU, JERRY
a few details that you specified I didn't knew, thanks for it too
I guess the questions you have asked are for our " homework", but I will answer here...
First, I would take ten steps back literary if it is necessary, whoever those people are, my mom or my neighbours in present... And revalue situation again... Maybe take calming physiological exhale... and short mindfulness exercise... to counterfeit my reactivity... Even /maybe till that I will think about it and delay my answer for 10 min at very least....
And second question I will try to think about it... That is the point where I took wrong turn 22 years ago, working alone without guidance... My biological family, I guess, will be even more distant for me... Though I already haven't seen them 27 years. And barely talked in last few years on phone. Though "flying monkey" as sister in law called me just few days ago. And step even further away from my children, maybe. I too late learn to use the word " no" in my life. And still don't know to use any equivalents of "no" properly....
Well, and my neighbours will become even more distant then they were before. Far more distant than my children, friends, and even my biological family.... No matter how much I wanted new faces and new aquantances...
In this video you advise against family therapy with parents, can you make a video on why it is useless to do family therapy?
(Sorry english is not my first langage)
Thanks a lot
Growing up never had money always saying that
So i got money helped them example bring them overseas 4 times to vist me you would think they want to
Anyway narc gets money and never says i buy u plane ticket to vist me ???
Jerry, how do i get all the psychiatrists from being so intrusive in my life everyday, like the one who came to the grocery store to follow me around there, twice??
I'd warn her, she'd call, I'd warn her, better be more cordial, nice, stop criticising, k, gonna hang up now, bye 👋 (When she'd deem someone no longer worth talking to she'd say, "Call me when you're feeling better!")
I've come to terms with the reality that my dearly evil 86 yo mother can absolutely not change.
HOWEVER I would forgo my trust fund inheritance if there were a slight chance my MOMster could repent to Access GOD thru Christ Jesus... Glory be to GOD, period.
Hi Jerry, I’ve been working my way through your videos & wanted to inquire about generational narcissism in response to things our parents say. What would be an appropriate response when my mom responds to an action by saying, “But I’m your mother!”
Well mom I have known that since I was very young, but I’m not sure I get your point
Or
It sounds like you want a “pass”
😁
@@jerrywise Thank you kindly for taking the time to respond. I’m trying to work on not reacting with irritation. As a 40 yro, it’s still difficult to get a word in during our conversations (most of which are surface level). And when I do manage to share an opinion, it’s followed with a condescending remark, deflection, or an under-handed comment. As if I’m meant to just listen to her, but couldn’t possibly have anything of value or wisdom to contribute.
But can they change overtime if cluster B personalities are hard to change if they ever can. I know people who have BPD are capable of with time and therapy they can grow to no longer fit the criteria for BPD. I know narcissism is like a step up from BPD, if a parent is in their 50s is it possible for them on their own as an individual person especially if both their children have grown distant from them is it possible for them to somehow change away? I’m not asking to change them. I can’t change anyone I’m not trying to do that because well everybody makes their own their own hole to lay it. I have my own hole and I’ve dug it quite deep but I just wonder if maybe the old and self reflection is possible I know there are some people who get help for NPD and it does seem like some of them have a chance at being able to somewhat cope with their mouth adapted mechanisms but is there still a chance I’m not if they’re going to change, I’m just saying is there a chance that they might be able to actually start feeling that form of real remorse or is it that plastic is just too far and it doesn’t have enough to be able to make any real identifiable changes I know they won’t change completely, but is there a chance for some form of their own, self awareness, maybe their own pity or depression to shape them slightly in a better light?
Only if they take accountability
You need to find something else to think about. Stop sharing your story so much and try to think in general terms. You can't diagnose these people just accept what Jerry is saying and move on. Time is a great healer.
No and that's the point. Someone with bpd or even npd, who is still in their 20s, who is single with no kids, who accepts on their own that they need help, who does the work to find and go to therapy has a chance. It's a small chance but it's there, if they stay in therapy for life and do not get a spouse and children they might not be abusive agents of chaos. Not normal, not safe, just not constantly trying to burn the world down.
But an abusive parent bpd/npd at 60 plus isn't going to have enough brain power to overcome the rut in their brain they've created though decades of abusing others for their entertainment.
From my experience, no. My so-called mother pretented to understand and feigned remorse a few times. She only did that when I was ready to go. It was all manipulation. Only to crush me later, when I will be at my lowest point and I needed her.
Betrayal after betrayal, I finally learned my lesson and went no contact. Before that, I tried it all. Nothing works. You cannot change people. I wish I understood that years ago. Best of luck on your journey to self differentiation.
@@tims9434why should I stop sharing my story? Did you read everything I wrote or did you just glide over it? I didn’t say I wanted to change them nor am I whining or crying about it, nearly asking for information based on actual evidence or perceived experience collecting more data research and understanding of NPD I’ve already studied cluster B personality disorders four years at a academic level I’d say about seven years now day and day day after day some years I spent around I’d say 12 hours a day every day for literally probably around eight months out of the year every waking studying 📑 I know I can’t change as cluster be. Just trying to work out the statistics of how many people potentially get better from NPD yes, I know accountability they have to accept but there’s more than just accountability. I’m not over this situation. I’m not Neurotypical so I definitely don’t think about these things in the same way as most people so if you think I’m whining and crying or venting, don’t mistake it. I’m just curious and interested in the things that happen.
By the way, what is your message sound so hostile? Was there something in my message that bothers you?