The Affair Causing Habit
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- Опубликовано: 14 июл 2024
- Some claim it was their marriage that made them vulnerable to an affair, but in reality it’s bad habits. If we apply the way we related to others as a single person to our life as a married individual, we will place our mate and the marriage at risk. Do you ever consider how your interactions with others impacts them?
This week’s newsletter, Rick shares personal insight as to how he unintentionally placed his marriage and others at risk. Small shifts in how you interact with others and have a huge impact on affair proofing your marriage.
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Infidelity expert Rick Reynolds, LCSW, is one of America’s foremost authorities on helping individuals and couples struggling with affairs and compulsive sexual behaviors. He is Founder and President of AffairRecovery.com, the first company to offer anonymous worldwide online group support for those impacted by infidelity. Reynolds holds a Master's Degree in Social Work and is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. In 1992, Reynolds developed and began leading “affair recovery groups.” He received his Master's of Social Work from the University of Denver and completed three years of post-graduate training at the Colorado Institute for Marriage and Family Therapy. He has also worked at the nationally-known Minirth-Meier Tunnel & Wilson Clinic before moving on to private practice: www.affairrecovery.com/about-...
My husband had an affair with a co worker...we survived but we just had a huge blow up over work emails that were way to friendly. He said I talks to all the guys the same way. Oh man, I reminded him women are different and there needs to be boundaries. We went through hell, and he says he never wanted to do that and never will again. But...he has to change his patterns. I won't feel safe until he does.
Same here. Remembering female coworkers' birthdays, sending them birthday emails, buying or giving them tokens and gifts, cd's .... to women this means that person cares and remembers and has meaning, the person is interested. My husband let the flattery and compliments go to his head and had an emotional affair.
my husband also had an affair with his co-work,we broken up and I told him that he is a free man now and he can be with her after he told me he doesn't want to end the affair , even she is married and has two young children.
After we've broken up, I found a full time job and take care of my two teenage daughters by myself.Now we are doing so well without him,but his affair partner told him she is not going to leave her husband and two kids for him.
Even my two girls with me went through a lot of hurting and rough, tough times,but now I ask my lawyer to help me to divorce him, and make him sale our property and share half with me so I can rebuild my life again.
He regrets now and tring to come back to us, but it's too late,my two girls all hate him,he lost everything.
Sir, this is brilliant. Just because you can resist the devil doesn't mean you should hang out with him. A wise man sees sin from afar and runs away from it, a fool proceeds and pays the price. Thank you so much!
My safety around my marriage comes from within myself-my conscience its hyperaware.
My self-integrity and the mere thought of having to live with the guilt and anguish I could not bear, nor would I want to.
One of the best things I never knew clicked with me was when I heard “when you love your mother deeply you’re most likely not going to cheat”.
From my background of L.E. I was propositioned blatantly 4 times.
These women all knew I was married and they didn’t care. It was flattering but God was present in my mind - a voice saying don’t you dare. I walked away proud of myself.
My wife was present in my mind as well as many others factors. My daughter’s little faces.
I’ve been the victim of multiple infidelities a girlfriend, a fiancée, and more than once with my wife.
It is by far the worst pain to experience and live with.
As I always say
“One night of pleasure isn’t worth a lifetime of hell !”
Everyone should read "NOT JUST FRIENDS" by Shirley Glass, PhD. For us it came too late, but was still amazingly eye-opening and helpful. Rick covers many of these great concepts here. Bad habits with coworkers of the opposite sex enable people to cross boundaries they can't come back from.
Arrogance, that my husband thought he could be “just friends” with an old flame who came hunting for him, because he thought she was “safe” as she was married to someone else. Of course, keeping this “friendship” a secret from me was also a bad habit, even though none of his other friendships with anyone, were a secret from me. But this one he decided to keep a secret. Within 7 months, she had kicked her husband out of their home, and she having regular sex with mine. Within a year, she was constantly talking about “when are you going to leave your wife”, and then when he refused to leave me, she told me about their relationship to break us up so she could be with him. She was clearly a sexual predator/mate poacher, but a snake can’t help acting like a snake. It wasn’t her fault that she chased him, got rid of her own husband and tried to get rid of me. It was HIS choice to start a secret relationship because of his arrogance and feeling he could keep it “just friends”.
Your insight into this traumatic situation for many of us is always so appreciated and I do find that the way to prevent a future occurrence is to understand the "why" and always be aware that we are one decision away from tragedy. If I believe that I am immune to this possibility, that is when I may be most vulnerable to hurt those that I love the most and destroy any sense of integrity that I have. Thank you so much for sharing these videos and for the courses you offer through Affair Recovery. You truly have changed my life and I am forever grateful. I need to always be aware of the Seemingly Unimportant Decisions (SUDS)!
I am very much interested in doing everything I can to avoid infidelity rather than think of strategies to recover after the infidelity happens!
Even Christian women with strong values have found themselves in affairs and a very common comment is, “I never thought I would find myself here.”
In some cases, it just starts off with casual conversation that is totally benign but fills a void they have in their life without them realizing that this need is being met by someone other than their spouse. By the time they realize that it’s too late. They have already committed an emotional affair. If it’s not stopped there, it can lead to a full-blown affair.
Be careful what you share with people who are not your spouse. If you feel the need to share something outside of your marriage that should be kept inside the marriage go see a counselor or talk to a trusted friend of the same sex that has the same views on marriage that you do.
Keep that overly friendly guy or girl at work at arms length and purposely avoid them. And never respond to social media friend requests for old interests… EVER!
Your insights and deep level of understanding is very much useful Rick.
Absolutely! This is so insightful!!!! And I’m fixing to go read my news letter on this topic! Thank you so much!!!
I’m not watching this video yet, I don’t feel we are there yet and I truly do thank you for what you do I’m the betrayed and it is very recent it happened but you guys being able to shed light on both sides has truly helped I’m hurt I am haven’t slept or ate in 24hrs. But I genuinely want to fix this I get she made a mistake I’ve told her I’ve forgiven her. The only thing im scared of is she says doesn’t remember. I believe her, until I get flooded… like she got black out drunk witch she has done a million times before but I think this was her rock bottom. I just want to know tho will she ever remember if she does remember why isn’t she telling me. I’ve told her from my heart I know it was a mistake, I know she doesn’t want to do it again, like I’ve straight told her I’m not gonna be mad and she’s forgiven. I even told her it’s her turn to forgive herself I want her to feel safe but I want my genuine just what happen to be filled also
Breaking 60 years of coping and trying to be friends..is difficult..but I am working to stop talking.. interacting with women.. it feels cold and distant.. but i have to stop being friendly . talking .. is now a bad behavior ..
I agree with you 100%.
Me too
Exelente realmente creo todo lo que dijo.los comportamientos que generamos !!
Cuidarnos y estar alertas !!podemos amar a la persona y igualmente lastimarla
The removal of physical affection and sex from your marriage tends to drive men away and through that distance, he will eventually either become less than what he should be, seek solace in someone else's arms, or divorce and search elsewhere. Of course not just Women withhold, but the MAJORITY of married men in my social circle - about 70% are in low or no sex long term marriages. Not caring about or tending to the needs of your spouse is a recipe for infidelity or divorce.