Very true. I know so many women who seek validation from a man. I am certain I acted this way when I was younger but in mid life, I am ONLY seeking a relationship with a man that makes my life better.
I think as a woman our biggest strength is not sleeping with a new man (practically a stranger) so fast. Be friends with them first and see how they treat you…minus sex…and see who they really are and they will show themselves.
As a man I totally agree. My wife and I started dating at 16. We immediately were attracted to each other but she was just so amazing and I could tell she wanted to get to know me and see if I was right for her. We had so much in common, so many deep conversations about life in general, thoughts and goals for the future. We both wanted to become adults and grow up so fast that our relationship and our bond was so strong that our friends were jealous and got mad that we spent so much time together. We didn’t care as we were just totally instant soul mates from first glance-it was like a lightning bolt stuck us both. We waited 6 months before becoming seriously intimate and Im glad we did because she wanted to know she could trust me because she was sexually abused by her Uncle and her cousin and she was just so wounded by that and she wanted a hero to love and she got just that with me. We got our own place together at 17 and we got married right out of high school. Absolutely the most incredible relationship that just grew every day. Everyone that knew us over the years were just blown away by how we loved each other, made eachother laugh and how we just loved everyone we interacted with. Every time we went somewhere we always had a stranger come to sot at our table just because they were intrigued by us, never failed. We have 11 grandchildren with two on the way. Sadly colon cancer stole her from me three months ago and I’m pretty much totally alone and heartbroken. Thankfully my family loves me as we got an amazing return on our investment with raising our kids. The real sad part is that now many of our friends that we did things with as a couple have pretty much ghosted me now as if I’m a pariah. I guess they don’t want the wounded lonely guy around cause its not the same without her so lets just ignore him. At least I can say I have one good friend that is there for me and we share many common interests and work on projects together. I hope to meet another wonderful woman some day as was my wife’s wish for me because it broke her heart to think I was suddenly going to be alone without her. She even had a woman picked out for me…but turns out that lady is already taken. I’m 53, haven’t dated since I met my Wife in high school and have no clue how date but I do know how to treat a woman and hope to find another angel some day. Im not sure if any even exist any longer.
Doesn't always work. I know. He treated me great for months until I slept with him and then he turned into Jekyll and Hyde. Almost had to have him removed from my property!!!!!!!!!
Only problem with this strategy is that some men really believe they can't be friends with females. So it's sex or ghosting. There's really no in between withsome men.
It definitely is a needle in the haystack YET when you keep doing your inner work and staying in your lane and focusing on Self… you WILL be delivered an equal. Im almost 49… divorced TWICE and because I never gave up on leveling up and truly healing and maturing and growing mySelf…an aligned partner who was doing what I had been… crossed my path and what I was seeking was seeking me too!! Very fortunate and grateful and Blessed I did not throw in the towel… he IS out there and it WILL come. The true reward is the same size as the greatnesses of your TRUSTING that it is❤️- keep - growing and believing in yourSelf and that it IS going to happen.
I think most people are hurt or have experienced emotional trauma to some degree and know little about being in a healthy relationship. It took me 15 years to heal and learn about real commitments. I'm 46 and I connect with people on a higher level and I am better at dating now than ever before. When you date, key is to feel comfortable about yourself and allow your partner to have a pleasant experience with you. Make them feel wanted, safe and understood, they will keep coming back. Also, as Jonathon says ask the right questions and weed them out from the very beginning. You will find the right people to date. Educate yourself and be logical, rather than emotional. Bring value to their life and they will want to be with you.
11:33 is where the starting point where real gems (pearls of wisdom) are dropped in this video. For example, Romance should be reserved for those who are in a seasoned relationship. Another is that for a man to be capable to adore you, he has to be in a state of readiness to commit to you and embrace all of you. A man has to be in a state of commitment readiness … along with chemistry and attraction Third point, if you want to be adored choose a man who is in a state of readiness. You can judge his readiness after pushing his boundaries to test him. Jonathon, I really appreciate this video. It was hard hitting and real. I’ve listened to it multiple times.
Great stuff. I’ve had the long marriage and family. I’ve decided to now stay single. I just can’t w these men anymore. Fun n friendship this year for me.
H Jonathon , I met someone at a Christmas party. He made his way to my table got on straight away, turns out he went to a catholic school like me, ran a business too like me. Instant attraction. He asked someone where I lived as he shifted after his wife died to be be nearer his grand children like me. Can't believe what happened. He said to me before he left. We have found each other now. I hope to see him again. We both moved from north island to down to south island. It's just sheer fluke we met. So believe in miracles everyone . Never thought this would happen I am retired so is he. He is younger than me.
Absolutely, some woman are insecure and that’s ashame. Been single 20 years; do love myself first!! Feel for this woman because I agree. Quality of men has diminished, (and I could write a book myself on all the men I’ve met!) Law of Attraction exists, it’s finding that man is about non-existent even when you are genuine, have chemistry, take initiative, give compliments , accept them as they are, with our beautiful soul ♥️ and this is never with providing them physicality. Any woman reading this; hug yourself everyday, realize you are good enough as you are and always be true to yourself! It’s keep going on, as my son who is a millennial said ‘it’s a numbers game’!
Forever thanks to you, Jonathan. You helped me discover what is important to feel and experience in a relationship. A year ago I ended a 2 year relationship. It hasn't been easy to forget him, but I do know it's the best for me; and you taught me "why". Big hugs to you.
Yes, it is the complete package of a person. Intelligence, chemistry, commonalities, idiosyncrasies and all. And both people need to adore or cherish each other, otherwise there will be greener pastures
For a man or woman to be in a state of readiness for commitment in a relationship definitely takes hard work and I'm grateful for your emphasis on the books and personal development that you recommend as well as the awesome example of your own life. 🙏
I'm back to ground zero with my Virginian. I accepted that my fiancee just wanted me for a visa. Now, I'm accepting that my Virginian and I are both in love. I also recognize that I have been making him feel like he's needy and that being with him is out of compassion and less desire. I do desire him, a lot. I'm now building the empathy for him.
I totally agree with finding someone who is prepared, capable, and ready for relationship and commitment. If you can't be with someone where you each make life better for the other, then why be together? Balance, at least for me has always been far better. Finding it does take work,. Even in yourself with it gets off. I want to say I think you and Marie are adorable and I wish the two of you the very best together. Thank you for continuing to be consistent while still growing. I not only think of you as a relationship coach. A life coach, as well as I, continue to learn about myself. Thank you and Happy New Year!
When I was younger had my career was healthy and had hope that I could earn my own way before resposibility of children * I did have confidence and self love *. That all changed when I became pregnant and employers didn't think I would ever be able to commit to same level of career as a man so earning capacity changes. Second bashing was when I diagnosed chronically ill. As a woman our loss of quality if life and self confidence is less valuable than that of mans especially in mid 40s. But its possible to get this confidence and more back 🙏🥰
I've got a lot of reading to do...every man ive been out with seems so interested and things go okay until they either decide they don't want a relationship or they are still hung up on someone else... Why do they seem to get off on making you think they want more than casual until they have you reeled in...then I don't want you...and I mean I have even had one act or try to make out that I was the problem and blamed me and the same day they are all about someone they are missing and was the happiest in their life when they were together... I feel so used and unwanted... And angry that my time and all my efforts were wasted on someone who never intended to be honest or genuine with me... I'm always discarded so easily... I don't get on dating apps...I don't go looking for anything or anyone... But they sure find me...and keep at me until I give in and give them a chance....for what? As soon as I get comfortable with them then it's oh well they don't want a relationship or they just lie and avoid me...feels like high school, I always had a date...I also know why and knew why then...they just wanted to see who would finally get in my pants....so most were just one or two dates then they would give up and go for one of the many sure things running around even back then... I'm just over it all! Ive been divorced since 2003 and it's been failure after failure... Noone can say I didn't or haven't tried... I pour everything into it all for nothing but heartache... Self loathing and getting used then tossed to the side for better...in their eyes better...and guess who gets called back when that better doesn't work out like they thought... Man fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me right...I have given a couple another chance which I could have kicked myself for... I'm sorry for this long message... It was just spilling out
Thankfully I believe I have learned to appreciate and love myself. I used to think my happiness depended on my not being alone. Interested now, however, in finding a companion to share experiences and life with - to adore and be adored!
Genial!!! I always listen and like since I subscribed. But never comment. God knows how much your words resonate in my heart. But this one, today, I have found it the top. Thank you, Jonathan! And I wish you a Happy New Year with your love and family💎❤️
This really resonated with me you hit the nail on the head. 😊😊I appreciate your honesty in how you explain what a healthy relationship should look like.
I’ve been in a relationship for one year now and when I told him I loved him this morning he said, “yayy, nub”. I’m kind of crushed. I don’t know what I want to do, stay or move on. He’s not comfortable talking about his feelings.
I read your books listening to you today makes me so sure I have picked the right man. Meeting him face to face is only couple weeks away now. Been a long 5 months of communication efforts 🎉 on both our parts. Solid foundation is now in place.
Agreed even though they might be a twin flame or soul mate, it doesn't mean they are commitment ready and emotionally healthy. We have to choose ourselves over the twin flame feel good connection. Usually, it feels so good because our life is not a 10 out of 10.
This is a great video! I bought the book a couple of months ago 8 dates from your suggestion & read the whole thing. It's good reference material to what level I am with these guys. I haven't found any yet to get to this level... still working on it. Thanks again for your awesome advice!
I've come into my older age and seeing more silently needy. Men who act like they are so masculine but really are needy. I'm trying to be more emotionally independent but I spent most of my life caring for needy men. It's like the habit I can't break . But it takes 66 days for a habit to be released. I'm sure I can make it!
Age 49 here. Your videos are incredibly relatable. You’re a Godsend. I appreciate your passion!! I love your honesty, warmth, sincerity and your expertise. Keep up the great work!! I’m learning so much!! There’s so much truth to what you’re saying in your videos. Thank you!! Happy 2023!
I want a man to commit me & I feel good about myself. I was watching a video with a friend the other night with a friend. One way to give yourself, self love Is to look in the mirror or even wherever you are & say I am valuable, I am worthy & I deserve to be cherished & say it 3 times & this is for the ladies & gents. Because you are valuable, you are worthy of love & you do deserve to be cherished 💯% You are worth it
Thankyou this could be life changing. Chemistry not at the top of the list 🤣 I think you are completely correct about quality of men diminished in last 50 years or perhaps I should say the quality of their behaviour. I know there are good men out there but very hard to meet and at my age, early 60s so many fewer men and they know they can date a much younger woman. Still I thank you for all the advice and the book recommendations. I will prepare my self just in case. Great vlog.
I'm working on me, but i'm not there yet and so i have successfully pushed away a great guy - the greatest guy that has ever graced my life ... because I'm not good enough for him and he should find somebody better. It still really hurts though. Caused additional pain and insecurity and depression. Yes i am reading your list of books as i can afford them. ☮️💟
I JUST HAD the conversation about mental illness causing dysfunctional relationships. How to navigate through that and make it work? This info we NEED!
Thanks for the Olympic training analogy - it's just the mindset that I needed to hear (not just for a future relationship, but for my relationship with myself too ☺️).
Trust takes time and trying to vet a man to find out if he's done work on himself or is 'commitment ready' beforehand or right away sounds like conducting a job interview! I don't think that would be great date fodder now would it?😅. Kidding aside, I literally went on a date, but it didn't get far before he said, "I don't feel anything do you?" And then said, "Let's not waste time then," and left before we could get seated in the restaurant!!😮
Personally really, really do not like internet dating. Never done it, never will. I believe in just meeting someone, wherever , then develop a strong friendship, no matter how attracted to the other person you are, get to know them, ask yourself if they are compatible with you ( amongst other things) is very important. And don’t be afraid to be on your own!
Thank you Jonathon, this all makes sense. I am in a relationship where I have discovered over time, that my man thinks that a man is not a real man if he shows too much emotional sensitivity to his woman. In addition, he has to be one way or another, he cannot be manly and be gentle too. It is disheartening to fully realize this at 4 years into the relationship. I thought my love and attempt at understanding would help him realize he can be both and still be a real man.
I have stayed off of pof for the last two days. And it felt good. I think I will answer any messages I get honestly and fairly when I feel like it ( which won't be every day), but I don't want to encourage any attention at all. I would have liked a relationship and I have put in the introspection, gone to counseling, and I work on making myself a better person daily and I had alot to offer the person who could have accepted it. however I feel better about me when I don't have to think about all of that and that men would rather go for the amber heard who has a better body, wardrobe and hairstylist than me but is wormwood and gall on the inside. So men going your own way meet me the woman who goes her own way, and changes her own oil, and pays her own bills and feels better when you aren't around to play games.
@@JonathonAslay I just learned something new. Did you know that women being as skinny as say amber heard, your girlfriend or just typically hollywood thin is actually really bad for a woman in our age group. I personally for my own good am going to try to lose a bit more, but I no longer want to look like Amber heard or your girlfriend or even sandra bullock and this is why. Women in my age bracket can have everything from sleep loss to osteoporosis from the natural estrogen loss that occurs from middle age and for many years there after. Being super skinny exacerbates this estrogen loss and makes all of the symptoms of estrogen loss much worse. What is interesting is that having 10 to 15 or whatever suits your frame extra actually prevents you from losing as much bone density as the average women would. So men may find these women more attractive, but they don't really care about these women if they encourage them to be size 0 to 6 at middle age.
@@sherryj738 I have lost thirty pounds before but I never get to that size my bone structure is just too curvy. But I think yo yo dieting and massive exercise is just as bad for you. And the female metabolic rate after thirty five is just not supposed to support us trying to wear stuff that would fit a healthy five year old. I don't think we need to be heavy and I don't support obesity acceptance culture, but we need to be reasonable about this and find the happy medium between supersize and superskinny. I suspect that what we need to as women do is just completely ignore the media and the men and figure out what our individual body's are supposed to look like and feel like and feel like and go for it.
@@sherryj738 yes but if you at least try not to undereat. You can preserve as much bone density as possible. What men think of our bodies is worthless to anyone except them and we need to teach them that what they want out of whim and selfishness and lack of foresight or care is not worthy of our notice or something we will do to get them. They are the ones with needs. We can do our own oil changes, plumbing and electrical work. We can get esa s to meet the emotional needs we have or do volenteer work or some combination of the two. If they cannot meet us where we are at and realize that we have what it takes to make their last 20 to 40 years worth living they can die alone. I personally will be just fine without them and all their absolute nonsense, gaslighting, lies and games.
I haven't been watching the past 2 months, but this guy I've been on and off with for like this whole past year. end of september, we had a big fight and went on a break. Even though we mostly made up a few weeks later; i still wasn't really talking to him too much for a little bit. lately, we had been getting back into the old familiar of our back on cycles. This time, I gave him your vows of dating... and he didn't answer. last night i asked him why he didn't answer, and he says they're disrespectful because they "demand attachment". some of his other comments also just had me like. ok i'm so tired of this. i'm moving on.
@@JonathonAslay Well, one time a few months ago when I was asking questions about where this all stands and where it's going; he considered those accusations. Now, I'm kind of just taking these as deflections. Just seems to me at this point these are attempts to do enough to stay in my energy; but simultaneously just avoiding real conversations about committment. It's been weird for sure. Like, whenever he needs validation, comfort, or someone to be proud of him; he comes back. It almost gives me this feeling of putting me in a "mothering" position.
I'm just adding more to my own to not spam the comments with extra side thoughts; however, I've been doing a lot of reflecting as I was working on myself to detach from that person. It's been almost 2 years that I exited a 20year relationship. I've really been working on healing and confronting the traumas that trigger me etc. Due to this situation i had going on this past year; someone mentioned attachment styles to me. I started watching a few videos on them. I really have learned so much. Besides this channel, I've followed a few others. I've actually kind of been shifting to more gratitude. Even though what i went through was unpleasant; it did force me to confront a lot of things about myself. I've grown and gained more self awareness. Coming into this year realized I had a lot of codependent behaviors. I'm sure they're still there to some degree, along with an anxious attachment style. I've been working on that. I think people who are serious about dating need to level up their "what they're looking for" or "getting to know them toolset" to include their attachment styles and love languages. I super agree with the probably only 20% healthy. The iceberg also makes a lot of sense. I think general observations made here resonate a lot. Sometimes when I'm talking to people lately; I've adopted the "give yourself a great big hug". This has in turn spurned me to advocate to people who come to me to advocate for themselves from a point of self love. The more I've been doing that; the more I'm also healing myself and hug myself whenever i suggest for them to do it. What all started as a pursuit to understand what makes someone behave the way they do or what it means due to poor communication on their part; this has all been huge catalysts and education for me. I've learned a lot about myself.
Women see their relationship as their identity in the world. Men see their careers as their identity in the world. We have been communicating between 2 dimensions of existence. Just sayin'
Most of the time, you are right! Historically "Wife" is an occupation. "Mother" and "Father" are absolutely occupations, and for those who embrace those roles enthusiastically, seriously, the rewards are intangible and many. I have 2 kids and 5 stepkids, but I have never seen Mom as the sum of my identity. I started working at age 12 as a babysitter. I have been working ever since as an engineering tech, tech editor, small shop owner, pet sitter and realtor. I pray all the time for women to rise up and become whoever they want to be! I am grateful that women have finally started seeing themselves as more than an extension of some man. And for all the Christian women out there: God intended from the beginning for women and men to be equal as partners. Scriptures have been twisted and manipulated for hundreds of years. Learn the truth and don't be held back or made into a servant.
Agreed .I feel like a loser being 47 and never been in a committed relationship ever. However, since I have everything else in my life including children, work, hobbies, I truly feel lonely and missing out as opposed to worthless.
Always love your insight, Jonathon.❤ I am "approaching" a potential relationship with a widower (I am also widowed). Is it appropriate to ask directly on the first/second date if potential partner has done healing work? Or, might it be better to mention what I have done to heal and raise the subject gently? (I ask because healing work after divorce might be different than healing work after losing a spouse to death.) Thank you, as always!
Hi Jonathan happy new year sorry I've not been on lately but I've been really busy moving and re decorating listing to you this evening I would love to be adored but It seems I can't find anyone to do that for me I'm beginning to think I'm unlovable and I'm going to be on my own for the rest of my life x
I find it funny that The Bachelor and The Bachelorette reality show are all about romance leading to commitment and the ratings contradict the ground rules discussed by Jonathan. That’s why it’s not easy. That’s why it’s a monumental effort. Real life is a test of friendship and that’s the litmus test if a man or woman is worthy.
I am married to a man who adores me. However, he has also done many hurtful things that caused a lot of mistrust. He has also done something very horrible and it's resulted in a divorce. He still adores me but that is not what will keep the marriage in tact.
I would not go out with a stranger, or I wouldn't because I don't go out on dates. II haven't been interested in dating in a long time. I don't like dating, seems phony to me.
Jonathon you yourself may be intellectually up to looking at Jordan Thornton’s videos here on YT. His insights are beyond the beyond. But it’s very high brow stuff. Not for most.
So choose a man who has emotional maturity, the capacity to share his feelings in a loving way. Healthier Masculinity then unconscious men. Sexy and good in bed. 😏 Gosh the 🦄 unicorn.. Such a rare creature.
Women may not have to be dependent on men for love, survival or validation these days. I just want to go fishing, target practice and cook over an open fire. There aren’t any prospects out there.
Ladies..don't feed your Kitty Kat rotted meats....I think a woman should date several men at a time, sleep with none of them and let each one show her how much she really means to them. Put the Chemistry crap away.. find a friendship first...talk about everything you want to without fear of rejection.
Thank you dear Jonathan for your videos and for the books you recommend, I love it how you recommend books, this is definitely one thing that makes you stand out, greetings from Paris
Very true. I know so many women who seek validation from a man. I am certain I acted this way when I was younger but in mid life, I am ONLY seeking a relationship with a man that makes my life better.
Yes!
My son in law, told me that men are attracted to women that are confident in themselves. I agree.
NOT ALL MEN. IN FACT ONLY A SMALL PERCENTAGE. ALOT OF MEN ARE THREATENED BY A STRONG WOMAN
I think as a woman our biggest strength is not sleeping with a new man (practically a stranger) so fast. Be friends with them first and see how they treat you…minus sex…and see who they really are and they will show themselves.
Yes...
As a man I totally agree.
My wife and I started dating at 16.
We immediately were attracted to each other but she was just so amazing and I could tell she wanted to get to know me and see if I was right for her.
We had so much in common, so many deep conversations about life in general, thoughts and goals for the future.
We both wanted to become adults and grow up so fast that our relationship and our bond was so strong that our friends were jealous and got mad that we spent so much time together.
We didn’t care as we were just totally instant soul mates from first glance-it was like a lightning bolt stuck us both.
We waited 6 months before becoming seriously intimate and Im glad we did because she wanted to know she could trust me because she was sexually abused by her Uncle and her cousin and she was just so wounded by that and she wanted a hero to love and she got just that with me.
We got our own place together at 17 and we got married right out of high school.
Absolutely the most incredible relationship that just grew every day.
Everyone that knew us over the years were just blown away by how we loved each other, made eachother laugh and how we just loved everyone we interacted with.
Every time we went somewhere we always had a stranger come to sot at our table just because they were intrigued by us, never failed.
We have 11 grandchildren with two on the way.
Sadly colon cancer stole her from me three months ago and I’m pretty much totally alone and heartbroken.
Thankfully my family loves me as we got an amazing return on our investment with raising our kids.
The real sad part is that now many of our friends that we did things with as a couple have pretty much ghosted me now as if I’m a pariah.
I guess they don’t want the wounded lonely guy around cause its not the same without her so lets just ignore him.
At least I can say I have one good friend that is there for me and we share many common interests and work on projects together.
I hope to meet another wonderful woman some day as was my wife’s wish for me because it broke her heart to think I was suddenly going to be alone without her.
She even had a woman picked out for me…but turns out that lady is already taken.
I’m 53, haven’t dated since I met my Wife in high school and have no clue how date but I do know how to treat a woman and hope to find another angel some day.
Im not sure if any even exist any longer.
Doesn't always work. I know. He treated me great for months until I slept with him and then he turned into Jekyll and Hyde. Almost had to have him removed from my property!!!!!!!!!
Only problem with this strategy is that some men really believe they can't be friends with females. So it's sex or ghosting. There's really no in between withsome men.
It definitely is a needle in the haystack YET when you keep doing your inner work and staying in your lane and focusing on Self… you WILL be delivered an equal. Im almost 49… divorced TWICE and because I never gave up on leveling up and truly healing and maturing and growing mySelf…an aligned partner who was doing what I had been… crossed my path and what I was seeking was seeking me too!! Very fortunate and grateful and Blessed I did not throw in the towel… he IS out there and it WILL come. The true reward is the same size as the greatnesses of your TRUSTING that it is❤️- keep - growing and believing in yourSelf and that it IS going to happen.
Thank you for sharing your story Heather! Gives me hope to also find a man who has been doing the work too
Same - I'm 54 & still working on myself so I'll be ready/healthy when the time is right. Thanks for your inspiration 🙂
I think most people are hurt or have experienced emotional trauma to some degree and know little about being in a healthy relationship. It took me 15 years to heal and learn about real commitments. I'm 46 and I connect with people on a higher level and I am better at dating now than ever before. When you date, key is to feel comfortable about yourself and allow your partner to have a pleasant experience with you. Make them feel wanted, safe and understood, they will keep coming back. Also, as Jonathon says ask the right questions and weed them out from the very beginning. You will find the right people to date. Educate yourself and be logical, rather than emotional. Bring value to their life and they will want to be with you.
Exactly
11:33 is where the starting point where real gems (pearls of wisdom) are dropped in this video. For example, Romance should be reserved for those who are in a seasoned relationship. Another is that for a man to be capable to adore you, he has to be in a state of readiness to commit to you and embrace all of you. A man has to be in a state of commitment readiness … along with chemistry and attraction Third point, if you want to be adored choose a man who is in a state of readiness. You can judge his readiness after pushing his boundaries to test him. Jonathon, I really appreciate this video. It was hard hitting and real. I’ve listened to it multiple times.
Great stuff. I’ve had the long marriage and family. I’ve decided to now stay single. I just can’t w these men anymore. Fun n friendship this year for me.
Thanks for sharing 🙏
H Jonathon , I met someone at a Christmas party. He made his way to my table got on straight away, turns out he went to a catholic school like me, ran a business too like me. Instant attraction. He asked someone where I lived as he shifted after his wife died to be be nearer his grand children like me. Can't believe what happened. He said to me before he left. We have found each other now. I hope to see him again. We both moved from north island to down to south island. It's just sheer fluke we met. So believe in miracles everyone . Never thought this would happen I am retired so is he. He is younger than me.
Woohoo! Congratulations
Absolutely, some woman are insecure and that’s ashame.
Been single 20 years; do love myself first!!
Feel for this woman because I agree. Quality of men has diminished, (and I could write a book myself on all the men I’ve met!) Law of Attraction exists, it’s finding that man is about non-existent even when you are genuine, have chemistry, take initiative, give compliments , accept them as they are, with our beautiful soul ♥️ and this is never with providing them physicality.
Any woman reading this; hug yourself everyday, realize you are good enough as you are and always be true to yourself!
It’s keep going on, as my son who is a millennial said ‘it’s a numbers game’!
Indeed
Same here. With each passing year the selection online is less.
Forever thanks to you, Jonathan. You helped me discover what is important to feel and experience in a relationship. A year ago I ended a 2 year relationship. It hasn't been easy to forget him, but I do know it's the best for me; and you taught me "why".
Big hugs to you.
My pleasure 🙏
Yea finally calling BS on the “love is/should be easy”. You are so right!
Loving the wrong match can be very frustrating...
I've come to the realizing I'll be alone the rest of my life
Sending light and love
I feel that way too.
I Also feel that Way….
Same x
I agree..I have the same feelings
Yes, it is the complete package of a person. Intelligence, chemistry, commonalities, idiosyncrasies and all. And both people need to adore or cherish each other, otherwise there will be greener pastures
Exactly
Jonathon, thanks so much! This is so great!
For a man or woman to be in a state of readiness for commitment in a relationship definitely takes hard work and I'm grateful for your emphasis on the books and personal development that you recommend as well as the awesome example of your own life. 🙏
My pleasure 🙏
Thanks, Jonathan. Sounds good! Readiness for commitment, cards on the table...vunerability...trust.
I appreciate you taking notes!
I haven’t been able to listen to you for a while. This was very interesting and thought-provoking. Thank you.
My pleasure 🙏
I'm back to ground zero with my Virginian. I accepted that my fiancee just wanted me for a visa. Now, I'm accepting that my Virginian and I are both in love. I also recognize that I have been making him feel like he's needy and that being with him is out of compassion and less desire. I do desire him, a lot. I'm now building the empathy for him.
👍🏼
I totally agree with finding someone who is prepared, capable, and ready for relationship and commitment. If you can't be with someone where you each make life better for the other, then why be together? Balance, at least for me has always been far better. Finding it does take work,. Even in yourself with it gets off. I want to say I think you and Marie are adorable and I wish the two of you the very best together. Thank you for continuing to be consistent while still growing. I not only think of you as a relationship coach. A life coach, as well as I, continue to learn about myself. Thank you and Happy New Year!
Awe... thank you and all my best to you 🙏🎉🎆🎊💗✨️
When I was younger had my career was healthy and had hope that I could earn my own way before resposibility of children * I did have confidence and self love *. That all changed when I became pregnant and employers didn't think I would ever be able to commit to same level of career as a man so earning capacity changes. Second bashing was when I diagnosed chronically ill. As a woman our loss of quality if life and self confidence is less valuable than that of mans especially in mid 40s.
But its possible to get this confidence and more back 🙏🥰
Jonathon`s book is highly recommended!! I loved it!!
I just told my new love how I felt he embraced all of me. I feel like Ive hit the jackpot. He is wayyy older though :D
I've got a lot of reading to do...every man ive been out with seems so interested and things go okay until they either decide they don't want a relationship or they are still hung up on someone else... Why do they seem to get off on making you think they want more than casual until they have you reeled in...then I don't want you...and I mean I have even had one act or try to make out that I was the problem and blamed me and the same day they are all about someone they are missing and was the happiest in their life when they were together... I feel so used and unwanted... And angry that my time and all my efforts were wasted on someone who never intended to be honest or genuine with me... I'm always discarded so easily... I don't get on dating apps...I don't go looking for anything or anyone... But they sure find me...and keep at me until I give in and give them a chance....for what? As soon as I get comfortable with them then it's oh well they don't want a relationship or they just lie and avoid me...feels like high school, I always had a date...I also know why and knew why then...they just wanted to see who would finally get in my pants....so most were just one or two dates then they would give up and go for one of the many sure things running around even back then... I'm just over it all! Ive been divorced since 2003 and it's been failure after failure... Noone can say I didn't or haven't tried... I pour everything into it all for nothing but heartache... Self loathing and getting used then tossed to the side for better...in their eyes better...and guess who gets called back when that better doesn't work out like they thought... Man fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me right...I have given a couple another chance which I could have kicked myself for... I'm sorry for this long message... It was just spilling out
You might like books by Esther Hicks to learn how to create what you want.
I feel you friend! Im sorry. You are so correct! Sending you hugs! ❤️
Thank you so much
Work on loving yourself ❤ and LET GO of the NEED for someone 🎉
Exactly
I had this with my husband for 50yrs.
Thankfully I believe I have learned to appreciate and love myself. I used to think my happiness depended on my not being alone. Interested now, however, in finding a companion to share experiences and life with - to adore and be adored!
Genial!!! I always listen and like since I subscribed. But never comment. God knows how much your words resonate in my heart. But this one, today, I have found it the top. Thank you, Jonathan! And I wish you a Happy New Year with your love and family💎❤️
Awe... thank you
Ditto! Agree! 💯
I agree with you 100 percent and you're absolutely right!
You are right Jonathan it is difficult. It is self love and it causes some desperation. My parents met at a local church dance.
Thank you
I also highly recommend Getting the Love You Want by Hendrix and Hunt. Excellent!
Me too...
This really resonated with me you hit the nail on the head. 😊😊I appreciate your honesty in how you explain what a healthy relationship should look like.
I’ve been in a relationship for one year now and when I told him I loved him this morning he said, “yayy, nub”. I’m kind of crushed. I don’t know what I want to do, stay or move on. He’s not comfortable talking about his feelings.
You don't need feelings in a relationship, but then it's fairly empty without it.
@@JonathonAslay unrequited love is so painful. I honestly thought we were on the same page.
I read your books listening to you today makes me so sure I have picked the right man. Meeting him face to face is only couple weeks away now. Been a long 5 months of communication efforts 🎉 on both our parts. Solid foundation is now in place.
Love: ‘If you want something of value …’
Great content as always!
I find it so affirming 👏
Thank you!
You're welcome 😊
Agreed even though they might be a twin flame or soul mate, it doesn't mean they are commitment ready and emotionally healthy. We have to choose ourselves over the twin flame feel good connection. Usually, it feels so good because our life is not a 10 out of 10.
Hard to say...
This is a great video! I bought the book a couple of months ago 8 dates from your suggestion & read the whole thing. It's good reference material to what level I am with these guys. I haven't found any yet to get to this level... still working on it. Thanks again for your awesome advice!
My pleasure 🙏
I've come into my older age and seeing more silently needy. Men who act like they are so masculine but really are needy. I'm trying to be more emotionally independent but I spent most of my life caring for needy men. It's like the habit I can't break . But it takes 66 days for a habit to be released. I'm sure I can make it!
Why do you think they have become needy?
@@JonathonAslay I think they have trauma or narcissistic traits.
Age 49 here. Your videos are incredibly relatable. You’re a Godsend. I appreciate your passion!! I love your honesty, warmth, sincerity and your expertise. Keep up the great work!! I’m learning so much!! There’s so much truth to what you’re saying in your videos. Thank you!! Happy 2023!
Wow, thank you!
I am 31 ... But your advice is so perfect for me to look for high value men ..💜🤗... 🇮🇳
I am definitely showing your video to my parents
First love for me was real! But we didn't have the skills to make it work. We ADORED EACH OTHER, except our egos were still immature.
Its true it's a cruel world in some ways
Sad...
I want a man to commit me & I feel good about myself.
I was watching a video with a friend the other night with a friend.
One way to give yourself, self love
Is to look in the mirror or even wherever you are & say I am valuable, I am worthy & I deserve to be cherished & say it 3 times & this is for the ladies & gents.
Because you are valuable, you are worthy of love & you do deserve to be cherished 💯%
You are worth it
Thanks for sharing!!
Thankyou this could be life changing. Chemistry not at the top of the list 🤣 I think you are completely correct about quality of men diminished in last 50 years or perhaps I should say the quality of their behaviour. I know there are good men out there but very hard to meet and at my age, early 60s so many fewer men and they know they can date a much younger woman. Still I thank you for all the advice and the book recommendations. I will prepare my self just in case. Great vlog.
You're welcome
Another great talk 🙂
BIG BIG HUGS 🫂♥️
Hugs 🫂
I love your historical example. You are so right! We have been conditioned to think and feel that way.
Yes! Thank you!
Happy new year to you both!
Awe... thank you 😊
I'm working on me, but i'm not there yet and so i have successfully pushed away a great guy - the greatest guy that has ever graced my life ... because I'm not good enough for him and he should find somebody better. It still really hurts though. Caused additional pain and insecurity and depression. Yes i am reading your list of books as i can afford them. ☮️💟
I think you're great Jonathon. I've watched you a lot. All the best xxxx
I trained 7 years after being widowed, and found my Sweetheart 1 1/2 years ago.
I JUST HAD the conversation about mental illness causing dysfunctional relationships. How to navigate through that and make it work? This info we NEED!
Gentlemen play this one on loop 🙏🏻
Yes...
Thanks Jonathon
Thanks for the Olympic training analogy - it's just the mindset that I needed to hear (not just for a future relationship, but for my relationship with myself too ☺️).
Glad it was helpful!
Thanks for this Jonathan
Trust takes time and trying to vet a man to find out if he's done work on himself or is 'commitment ready' beforehand or right away sounds like conducting a job interview! I don't think that would be great date fodder now would it?😅. Kidding aside, I literally went on a date, but it didn't get far before he said, "I don't feel anything do you?" And then said, "Let's not waste time then," and left before we could get seated in the restaurant!!😮
Such a fantastic video!
Very well said. Thank you 😊
Personally really, really do not like internet dating. Never done it, never will. I believe in just meeting someone, wherever , then develop a strong friendship, no matter how attracted to the other person you are, get to know them, ask yourself if they are compatible with you ( amongst other things) is very important. And don’t be afraid to be on your own!
Thank you Jonathon, this all makes sense. I am in a relationship where I have discovered over time, that my man thinks that a man is not a real man if he shows too much emotional sensitivity to his woman. In addition, he has to be one way or another, he cannot be manly and be gentle too. It is disheartening to fully realize this at 4 years into the relationship. I thought my love and attempt at understanding would help him realize he can be both and still be a real man.
You are amazing to listen to! Thank you for your Channel!
WOW, thanks 😊
I have stayed off of pof for the last two days. And it felt good. I think I will answer any messages I get honestly and fairly when I feel like it ( which won't be every day), but I don't want to encourage any attention at all. I would have liked a relationship and I have put in the introspection, gone to counseling, and I work on making myself a better person daily and I had alot to offer the person who could have accepted it. however I feel better about me when I don't have to think about all of that and that men would rather go for the amber heard who has a better body, wardrobe and hairstylist than me but is wormwood and gall on the inside. So men going your own way meet me the woman who goes her own way, and changes her own oil, and pays her own bills and feels better when you aren't around to play games.
I understand
@@JonathonAslay I just learned something new. Did you know that women being as skinny as say amber heard, your girlfriend or just typically hollywood thin is actually really bad for a woman in our age group. I personally for my own good am going to try to lose a bit more, but I no longer want to look like Amber heard or your girlfriend or even sandra bullock and this is why. Women in my age bracket can have everything from sleep loss to osteoporosis from the natural estrogen loss that occurs from middle age and for many years there after. Being super skinny exacerbates this estrogen loss and makes all of the symptoms of estrogen loss much worse. What is interesting is that having 10 to 15 or whatever suits your frame extra actually prevents you from losing as much bone density as the average women would. So men may find these women more attractive, but they don't really care about these women if they encourage them to be size 0 to 6 at middle age.
@@sherryj738 I have lost thirty pounds before but I never get to that size my bone structure is just too curvy. But I think yo yo dieting and massive exercise is just as bad for you. And the female metabolic rate after thirty five is just not supposed to support us trying to wear stuff that would fit a healthy five year old. I don't think we need to be heavy and I don't support obesity acceptance culture, but we need to be reasonable about this and find the happy medium between supersize and superskinny. I suspect that what we need to as women do is just completely ignore the media and the men and figure out what our individual body's are supposed to look like and feel like and feel like and go for it.
@@sherryj738 yes but if you at least try not to undereat. You can preserve as much bone density as possible. What men think of our bodies is worthless to anyone except them and we need to teach them that what they want out of whim and selfishness and lack of foresight or care is not worthy of our notice or something we will do to get them. They are the ones with needs. We can do our own oil changes, plumbing and electrical work. We can get esa s to meet the emotional needs we have or do volenteer work or some combination of the two. If they cannot meet us where we are at and realize that we have what it takes to make their last 20 to 40 years worth living they can die alone. I personally will be just fine without them and all their absolute nonsense, gaslighting, lies and games.
Great advice!
Glad you think so!
P.s.then you came along and vf rekindled the sparks and deep meaning of it all.omg thankyou.and you marie.
You're welcome 😊
I always connected with your advice. Thank you
Happy to hear 😊
I haven't been watching the past 2 months, but this guy I've been on and off with for like this whole past year. end of september, we had a big fight and went on a break. Even though we mostly made up a few weeks later; i still wasn't really talking to him too much for a little bit. lately, we had been getting back into the old familiar of our back on cycles. This time, I gave him your vows of dating... and he didn't answer. last night i asked him why he didn't answer, and he says they're disrespectful because they "demand attachment". some of his other comments also just had me like. ok i'm so tired of this. i'm moving on.
Good for you. Dodged a bullet.
How is an agreement a demand?
@@JonathonAslay Well, one time a few months ago when I was asking questions about where this all stands and where it's going; he considered those accusations.
Now, I'm kind of just taking these as deflections.
Just seems to me at this point these are attempts to do enough to stay in my energy; but simultaneously just avoiding real conversations about committment.
It's been weird for sure. Like, whenever he needs validation, comfort, or someone to be proud of him; he comes back. It almost gives me this feeling of putting me in a "mothering" position.
I'm just adding more to my own to not spam the comments with extra side thoughts; however, I've been doing a lot of reflecting as I was working on myself to detach from that person. It's been almost 2 years that I exited a 20year relationship. I've really been working on healing and confronting the traumas that trigger me etc.
Due to this situation i had going on this past year; someone mentioned attachment styles to me. I started watching a few videos on them. I really have learned so much.
Besides this channel, I've followed a few others. I've actually kind of been shifting to more gratitude. Even though what i went through was unpleasant; it did force me to confront a lot of things about myself. I've grown and gained more self awareness. Coming into this year realized I had a lot of codependent behaviors. I'm sure they're still there to some degree, along with an anxious attachment style. I've been working on that.
I think people who are serious about dating need to level up their "what they're looking for" or "getting to know them toolset" to include their attachment styles and love languages.
I super agree with the probably only 20% healthy. The iceberg also makes a lot of sense. I think general observations made here resonate a lot.
Sometimes when I'm talking to people lately; I've adopted the "give yourself a great big hug".
This has in turn spurned me to advocate to people who come to me to advocate for themselves from a point of self love. The more I've been doing that; the more I'm also healing myself and hug myself whenever i suggest for them to do it.
What all started as a pursuit to understand what makes someone behave the way they do or what it means due to poor communication on their part; this has all been huge catalysts and education for me. I've learned a lot about myself.
I really enjoyed your video.
Glad you enjoyed it
Women see their relationship as their identity in the world. Men see their careers as their identity in the world. We have been communicating between 2 dimensions of existence. Just sayin'
Humans often see their worth in the wrong places...
@@JonathonAslay I'm 70 years old and times are changing. I was speaking in an historical sense with my first comment
Absolutely agree!! Wery well said 👏🏼
Most of the time, you are right! Historically "Wife" is an occupation. "Mother" and "Father" are absolutely occupations, and for those who embrace those roles enthusiastically, seriously, the rewards are intangible and many. I have 2 kids and 5 stepkids, but I have never seen Mom as the sum of my identity. I started working at age 12 as a babysitter. I have been working ever since as an engineering tech, tech editor, small shop owner, pet sitter and realtor. I pray all the time for women to rise up and become whoever they want to be! I am grateful that women have finally started seeing themselves as more than an extension of some man. And for all the Christian women out there: God intended from the beginning for women and men to be equal as partners. Scriptures have been twisted and manipulated for hundreds of years. Learn the truth and don't be held back or made into a servant.
Agreed .I feel like a loser being 47 and never been in a committed relationship ever. However, since I have everything else in my life including children, work, hobbies, I truly feel lonely and missing out as opposed to worthless.
Always love your insight, Jonathon.❤ I am "approaching" a potential relationship with a widower (I am also widowed). Is it appropriate to ask directly on the first/second date if potential partner has done healing work? Or, might it be better to mention what I have done to heal and raise the subject gently? (I ask because healing work after divorce might be different than healing work after losing a spouse to death.) Thank you, as always!
Come from a place of curiosity... how was it healing from the loss? Listen, share and play close attention...
@@JonathonAslay You are so brilliant! Thank you! 🤗
Hi Jonathan happy new year sorry I've not been on lately but I've been really busy moving and re decorating listing to you this evening I would love to be adored but It seems I can't find anyone to do that for me I'm beginning to think I'm unlovable and I'm going to be on my own for the rest of my life x
Don't give in to fear
Thank you Jonathan 👏🏼
You're welcome 😊
I find it funny that The Bachelor and The Bachelorette reality show are all about romance leading to commitment and the ratings contradict the ground rules discussed by Jonathan. That’s why it’s not easy. That’s why it’s a monumental effort. Real life is a test of friendship and that’s the litmus test if a man or woman is worthy.
Of course I'm not enough. I've got GOD! 🥰
Drop not stop
Yes. My ex boyfriend is a great guy, would have had made a good partner. However he suffered from what you call "emotional mental health" and anxiety.
He doesn't sound like a good partner...
I am married to a man who adores me. However, he has also done many hurtful things that caused a lot of mistrust. He has also done something very horrible and it's resulted in a divorce. He still adores me but that is not what will keep the marriage in tact.
Marriages need trust...
❤
No. 1) You're HONEST!
No. 2) Open
No. 3) Trustworthy!
ALWAYS!! = HOT! 😎
Always
I would not go out with a stranger, or I wouldn't because I don't go out on dates. II haven't been interested in dating in a long time. I don't like dating, seems phony to me.
Jonathon you yourself may be intellectually up to looking at Jordan Thornton’s videos here on YT. His insights are beyond the beyond. But it’s very high brow stuff. Not for most.
Question
Why do men drop you when all is going well and you please them because you love them… they stop you😳
Fear
So choose a man who has emotional maturity, the capacity to share his feelings in a loving way.
Healthier Masculinity then unconscious men. Sexy and good in bed. 😏
Gosh the 🦄 unicorn..
Such a rare creature.
Women may not have to be dependent on men for love, survival or validation these days. I just want to go fishing, target practice and cook over an open fire. There aren’t any prospects out there.
It's because of the 1960's
AH BOMB! 🤣🤣🤣
😀
Porn hasn’t helped. Also a parenting issue. Instagram, sh*t like that.
Ladies..don't feed your Kitty Kat rotted meats....I think a woman should date several men at a time, sleep with none of them and let each one show her how much she really means to them. Put the Chemistry crap away.. find a friendship first...talk about everything you want to without fear of rejection.
And what if men are doing the same?
@@JonathonAslay yes ,what if??? The dating world would...what??? Become better??
Thank you dear Jonathan for your videos and for the books you recommend, I love it how you recommend books, this is definitely one thing that makes you stand out, greetings from Paris
Glad you like them!