Being alone isn't being lonely | Ankit Shah | TEDxPineCrestSchool
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- Опубликовано: 8 июл 2020
- The founder of Tea With Strangers, Ankit Shah, shares strategies of how to truly become one with oneself and why learning to be alone is necessary in order to make meaningful connections. Ankit Shah is a person that cares deeply about our collective thoughtfulness and the things that bring us together. In various lives, he's been recognized as a community builder, a storyteller, an amateur photographer, a designer and a strategist.
He founded Tea With Strangers, a global community organization of hundreds of hosts who have brought over 50,000 people together in real life for small, meaningful group conversations. He also currently works at Facebook on their Community Partnerships Team, where he represents community builders on product teams that build tools to enable them. In past lives, he built programs at Airbnb to enable and connect their host community with refugees and other people in need of free temporary housing and started a nonprofit in India to support the educational and health needs of dalit children in the rural areas outside of Varanasi.
Ankit was raised in New York, graduated from the University of Pennsylvania's Wharton School and is currently based in San Francisco, where he spends most of his free time walking, running, or hiking, bringing people together, and generally trying to stay aware of his environment. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone. Robin Williams ❤️
Being in a relationship where you feel lonely and then when the relationship ends you no longer feel lonely 😂
@@whatsinaname2706 oh man so right
I am in a relationship that I feel lonely. The girl who I am with has some personal problems, and because of that, I am afraid to leave her alone. But she never cares about me. All I do is to make favors to her, and never to me.
Red Glory that’s such a great quote... so sad that in the end he killed himself 💜 RIP Robin 💜
@@LucyJazzy85 Rip, he was one of my biggest inspirations for going into med school.
My therapist tells me not to say ""I'm lonely" or I'm alone." He taught me to say "I'm with myself." It does give me some comfort, as it's true...I am with myself, not alone.
Damn, that hit deep. I think being with ourselves can be so difficult when we have a lot of unresolved, painful, judgmental feelings about ourselves. Then it's not so nice to spend time with that person.
well done sir, thank you for sharing.
smileyface702 thiss
@@smileyface702 thanks...and what you said is the truth...I struggle with self-compassion. It's a lot of work..
I love that
"I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity".
Albert Einstein
Wow!! 😲😲😲
*Most things I’ve achieved come from my ability to reflect, to find that sweet, profound voice in silence and solitude*
Haitian Creole With Luciano well put
It is sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew.
@@liang2492 read Bible
Sadly
Especially when it is your children
Going through this at the moment with a probably former friend of mine. It hurts, but I am also learning a lot about myself.
I hate reading these comments where most people say that they Love to be alone. Have you ever been completely alone for years? No job, no relationship, no events, no friends, no family calls, just you yourself every day. When you experience that, then you recognize that finding yourself and loving being alone is really really hard. When i had a job like a year ago, then i was happy and didn't had any problems at all with myself, cause being in a crowd half a day and other day being alone with yourself, then you will love it of course. But being completely alone every day sitting in home all day is completely different thing and hard do get by it.
Not exactly, but kind of. I was locked in my room for most of my childhood (thanks to my abusive parents). At school, no one would talk to me.
A strange thing happens once a person (especially a developing child) is forced to be alone. They start to adapt, and even like it, because it's familiar. This is even easier for introverts. Now, actually socializing is physically exhausting, it leaves their minds a mess. Sometimes I actually get tension aches and fatigue if I socialize for too long.
It could be underdevelopment for sure. And if you're an extrovert who grew up with friends and had people to talk to, then you adapted to live that way. It's more uncomfortable for you to not socialize.
Humans adapt, and hate to stray from what's comfortable.
I sorry you have to go through that, though. I really do hope you find strong, stable connections that fill that need to socialize. Good luck 👍
Lucianna Romeave I completely agree
Yes I've experienced
@@rae8961 I am with you 100% Lucianna!
I love being alone. I don't really have a lot of people who I consider "Friends". I know quite a lot of people, but at a very surface level. I like it that way though. I LOVE BEING ALONE!
Same. I enjoy my own company. I read, craft, write... whatever I feel, when I feel.
If your gf your left hand
@@mercyrn35 I read, learn different foreign languages, build miniatures form different periods of history and other great stuff. I honestly don't have the time to get lonely!
@@SouthPark333Gaming "I don't have the time to get lonely" Wow
@@SouthPark333Gaming One must never stop learning.
am i the only one loving his smile and face?!
I love to be alone. For me my alone time is crucial because that’s what makes me complete. A time to reflect, a time to know myself, a time to cleanse my upheaval thoughts and the list goes on. As he said being a alone is a sign of maturity.
I've realised the biggest factor that causes feelings of loneliness is lack of vulnerability
I don’t understand how does lack of vulnerability cause feelings of loneliness? Whenever I feel lonely I feel vulnerable.
@@marysmith7028 I believe they mean that some people are alone because their afraid of being vulnerable to people aka opening to those around them.
sounds meaningful but still not get it, can u please explain why?😂
I got a feeling that I will automatically turn on acting mode when being around with people, like smiling all the time, being nice, being kind so that people feel comfortable with me. I feel guilty hurting people I love with my bad mood and am afraid of destroying relationships. But when I am with myself, there is only me and myself left, no one expects me to behave, no one is there to judge, I can express anything that's on my mind, become truthful with my emotions, and I really find my peace being alone. I love communicating with people, it helps to survive in this society but I do feel tired too. Seriously, it's harder to really enjoy life with people around than when you're with yourself, with all that understanding, acceptance and no expectations.
I get so tired, too. Being social leaves me PHYSICALLY and MENTALLY exhausted.
I went to a famoly reunion last week, the next day my body was aching from so much stress and tension. My mind was in shambles and I had to take a few days just to get myself better. Socializing is so so exhausting
bravo! I couldn't have said this better
its just sad that im really nice but my resting face looks sad
@@sherryyu8191 same here, sometimes I wonder why I treat myself with sadness while being so happy in front of others and if it's fair. Even though, trying to keep a smiling face is real torture
I feel like you took the words out of my mind. This is me exactly as well! I'm trying to be more open and honest because my sanity is worth it. I'm finding that people find it more authentic and can relate to me better. It weeds out superficial people that you probably don't want around you anyways because people are exhausting as it is :)
My motto is " Being alone is being Free ' !!!
Pick and choose WHEN you want to be with others , and pick WHO you want to be with ! It works for me !
People come in your life and out of your life be kind to yourself and enjoy your own company.💜
Some can feel lonely surrounded with bunch of people. Loneliness is a disconnection with our ownself, is about emptiness inside the heart.
I'm gonna show this to so many people so they finally understand what I mean. Thanks man
Look into psychadelics if you want to understand some more
@@mikewazzupski thx for the advice 👍
QASiM we recognize truth and that brings genuine connection
“I will never leave nor forsake you, I am with you always, even to the end of the age” -> Jesus
@@catalinafirefly4685 very true, all of us in here are alone, but at the same time we have some sort of commonality which brings us all together and I am proud to be part of that
Its easy to stand in the crowd but its takes courage to stand alone
Most of my good friends are married. I was scared of the situation, but then it occur to me, I was jealous that they have someone who make them feel important, special and loved. Suddenly all the fears disappear, because I already know I am important, special and loved, I don't need to have someone to tell me that.
Did u get married?
I do
Alone is a state of being but lonely is a feeling.. That's what I feel it is💛
That’s exactly what it is 🙌🏼🙏🏼
Best definition
I feel it the other way around. Being lonely is a state that you are at but being alone is just a situation.
Loneliness means when you missing someone, when you want to be with someone.. it like a gap that needs to be fulfilled...
Aloneness is where you found yourself..you are contented in yourself, you enjoy you own company. You feel complete in yourself..
Wat a coincidence...just now I completed writing my journal how lonely I feel and that loneliness has nothing to do with being alone...nd a video with this title came my god...God was really listening to me that time🙏❤
Being lonely and being alone are two completely different things
Yes exactly !!
@@MsMoonpriestess read Bible
@@alexalexandru7170 I have and it's a book written by old men for old men. And I've seen your other posts since u joined UTube 3 wks ago and u say the same thing to everyone so I'm saying " get a life " alex
@@MsMoonpriestess I say for save world
@@alexalexandru7170 if u want to make a difference then feed hungry children or volunteer at an animal shelter. Getting on RUclips and saying "read bible" is doing NOTHING
Thank you so much for talking deeply about being alone isn't being lonely. I agree with you. I am a happy loner living on the top of the mountain. I am living in nature, in the middle of forest. I have my sustainable garden and I love having a walk in the forest and get some old firewoods for cooking. It's paradise. Lovely watching and listening to you here on the top of the mountain of Italy.
In
Wow I wish I could do that too I wonder how you get your own wifi
You’re living my dream!! I’m so happy for you!!
I lived alone for so many years. n even now I quarantined alone n lock down still going on. but I never feel lonely. For me being lonely breaks me down. fortunately tht doesn't happened even though my life nowadays journey from kitchen to bedroom. bedroom to kitchen that doesn't makes different with normal days. I'm always fine .😊
Hi, so if ur fine with it, why ur watching these vids on how to deal with it? Just saying.:))
@@asammy6079 it could have been in her recommended videos and she was curious to hear someone's perspective on it? Like I did...
İt might, i jump into conclusion some time. So thank u for taking the time to coment on it.
I love being lonely, this is when I connect with myself, my inner being my true friend, true power 💚🧡🙏
We’re never “ alone”... many aren’t used to be without company!! I’ve never felt lonely until I was with a human that tried to empty me, like their life is/was, until they find true happiness within. Human value, respect towards others, discipline, and love, and knowing to not help others if they want us to “ repair/fix their problems!! That’s up to us. Us!!
You can clearly see the affects of this from looking and seeing how open minded and happy he actually is
I’ve always enjoyed my own company at a young age & was always made feel weird by other people
Quite the contrary, you see how boring everyone else is...The more questions you ask, the deeper down the rabbit hole you go. You find that humanity is weak and self-interested. I just want to be left alone almost always. I can do what I want, whenever I want, and I know what I like...
When being alone is the only time you have, there's no value in it anymore.
Being alone is my happiness.. I’m focus what I’m doing .
To all the lonely people out there, you are loved ❤️
That's meaningless coming from a stranger
Thank you you too are loved!
@@hyperhoopa I respect that. However, sometimes even when a stranger reminds us that we are loved, makes a difference =)
@@eightsec Thank you
@@selmag3284 It was a nice reminder, thank you, and sorry for my harsh reply. Thing is, I've been dealing with unrequited love so it's hard to believe your comment. Also, how does a stranger know I'm loved? They don't know me.
Very true when he said you need to learn to be your own company why are we strangers with our self
Since the quarantine started, we can't help but to feel some social jealousy and self-doubt regarding our connection with other people and we can't help but to compare our social life to others. This ted talk gives me the strength to actually accept myself and my way of maintaining relationship with people. I'm also someone who enjoy my time being alone at home and now to think of it, it really is a privilege and a talent to actually able to be alone without feeling lonely.
You can be in a room full of people and STILL be lonely. I've been alone for 20+ years, both at home and at work. I never felt lonely back in the beginning, but once my friends and family stopped calling me, and I felt that I was the only one pursuing a relationship with them, THAT is when loneliness hit me. I am very comfortable being alone, however, human beings need to feel connected with other humans. Even premature infants react positively when the mother and father are communicating physically and vocally with them. Premature infants with no contact if family take longer to gain strength. We were not created to "be alone."
I've lived on my own since turning 42 years old. Now at 66 and I relish my own silence. Spent most of my life alone in various parts of the world. I was tempered by being alone in life. Resilience to the winds of angst. I remain apart from the here, alive, free!!
Alonely lion is much better than famous sheep!
❤️❤️❤️❤️my favourite comment❤️❤️❤️thanks, I'm feeling better
👍🌝😂❣️
Ankit Shah should be proud of himself. After scanning just some of the many comments, I’d say loneliness appears to be a pandemic... 💜
🤗❤️
Being alone most of the times means sometimes you will feel lonely
Sometimes I feel lonely, but I really enjoy being alone, which is very different
Hello Brainstorm,
I'm in the same place as u r.. I was born loving to be alone and searching out wonderful.. magical places to play with my troll dolls or my plastic horse's..
I always enjoyed the peacefulness that came along with the quiet of hearing the
sound of my own heart beating ❤️
Although some personalities don't have sense of ability to engage a conversation with strangers
I personally have an ability to start dialogue with strangers
Cheers to myself !!
I LOVE THIS TEDX VERY REAL VERY TRUE EVERYTHING I BELIEVE IN ABOUT KNOWING YOURSELF&GROWING YOURSELF💯👏🏽✊🏼
the truth is we are a lone from the moment we are born till the moment we die. To think we are not alone it is nothing but an illusion
_someone once said to me, if you feel alone... develop a god complex_
we haven't spoken since.
That made me lol. I love when people out themselves so easily that they are toxic. Can save a lot of trouble in the long run 🙂
@@foxbearchillinbytheriver uhu
After losing g my husband I thought I would die of loneliness but then I learned the time alone help me to learn q lot about me. I saw myself differently because I was no longer focused on another person's needs, it was me and me alone. And I love being with me, people calling up inviting me to events is not always a positive for me when I just want to kick back at home and focus on my Bible study lesson. I love the time I spend with my lessons and reading God's word. I treat myself and thats good for me, yesI go out volunteer, help others every now and then but my favorite time is my time alone with my favorite person and that is God
Ankit Shah: "In my dayjob, I work at facebook."
Me: I'd rather stay lonely than listening to you any further, Sir."
I think being alone is a chance for anyone to be the best version of themselves as it gives us plenty of time to rediscover ourselves, practice self care and just be who want to be freely🙂 About a couple of weeks back, I've posted about 'how to find joy in being alone' because I really do think it's all about the perspective👍🏻
Most of us agree ....
I love this, it's something I've been doing for a lot of time and now if there's something bothering me, I simply ask myself why it's bothering me and what I can do and the answer just pops up in my mind. And I hope other people can experience this as well cause it's really great😍
Being alone means you want to be left out
Being lonely means you are left out
It's way different I think so
I love being alone my whole lockdown was spending time with myself no frnds, text, msg, calls I am not upset with it.
Hare krishna ❤️🙏
Alone or lonely..😅
The difference is CHOICE vs. NEED... yeah the things are different. Being alone is good while feeling lonely is haunting.. just matter of perspectives..😀😁
Probably need to hear this, I feel destined to be alone. Wonderful video!
We live are lifes like we are eternal. So live each days as if it is your last.
I have observed that most people have to be constantly entertained. Social media can be quite rewarding but it can also be quite devastating. I have learned to be at ease with myself........Well, most of the time.
Great discussion.
Lonliness is more likely to occur in early stages of life when you're looking forward and experiencing vibrant relationships as you discuss your life plans with similarly excited friends. After you've been around the block a few times and taken stock of your successes and failures, it's not difficult to spend more time alone.
It’s one of the best TED talks I’ve listened to. Thanks for sharing your perspective
"A wise man can always be found alone. A weak man can always be found in a crowd." - Bruce Lee
Its hard that you love being alone and the same time missing all the funs with your friends😔
Loneliness is awful. I really hate feeling alone. I can have everyone around me and I still feel desperately alone.
This is the video that I wait. Someone who can explain that not all alone was a lonely.
A quest for knowledge and awareness is the work of a lifetime...and a duty to that consciousness within. Man Know Thy Self, Doubt Nothing, Question Everything.
There's only one thing worse than being alone, and that's wishing that you were.
This is wonderful! Makes me want to do a tea time. I don't have a problem being alone! Been doing it a long time and love myself and my own company. Thanks!
I’ll never forget an amazing conversation I had on a plane with the stranger in the seat next to me. It began with the regular chit-chat, as you say, then got more personal & about our lives, in general. Then came the part where we realized we had both been suicidal at times…she called those times the “toaster in the bathtub” moments. I laughed SO hard at that!! Throughout the rest of our 3-4 hour conversation, we would both interject at the hard parts “time to take a bath with a toaster!” Or similar & laugh hysterically! It was amazing. We know we will never see these people again so it’s very special to let go. But these convos need to happen with ourselves & our loved ones, if we have any, because they are truly healing & healthy.
This makes sense. Thank you!
Wonderfully eye opening!
Thank you for this conversation. It is fitting on a Friday night when alone.
Very comforting talk.
Tea anyone? 😊
I really appreciated this. Thanks
I am happy being alone,,,I find peace and quiet so important that when I go to work with people I can understand better and even if I have to work alone I don’t mind at all...is this strange?_🤔💭
I find solitude a beautiful. While in a group the one question in my mind is" how will they react ?". While alone, I know well how I will react to my thoughts. So...... This video was of little use..... Although good job👍
Great simple life scenarios while connecting within yourself, this lost perspective is in need of a swift and sweeping revival. You don't have to lose technology, just do not lose yourself to it. Always make reflective and thoughtful alone time, even for just a few minutes a day to sort through thoughts.
Words simply can not describe how helpful to me Forwago is. It completely changed the way I think and feel about everyday things. This program is too good and it is too bad that many people don't know about it.
Whatever you do, you’re not alone.
Oh yes you can be alone even i you do something.
I was married once and found there are worse things in life than beening by your self and I have more money to do what I want too . Bad me HA HA
I'm married and wish I was alone. I'm planning my escape.
Insightful and enjoyable talk!👏👍🙋😊
I am taking both way to keep balance....sometimes prefer being alone and sometimes feel meet someone to talk or having fun otherwise I will become a social misfits
The best friend and love for you resides between your ears.
Thankful to have listened this talk and Thank you!😇
I’m so happy this video has been made.
So nice. It worth all 20 minutes, and more, more, more.
I've chosen to be alone even I were surrounded by lots of friends and people, it's great to be socialized, but spending time alone it's far better to me cuz it's my valuable time to improve myself in range of improving my particular skills. It works well I bet that. For another reason, I've token advantages of that time to find my own mistakes that I never figure that out during some parts of my life that led me to feel guilty and incomplete and then I found and fix them, making me being a better version of mine
Very interesting and well stated 😊
I needed to listen to this.THANKS.
The greater degree of perception of being alone is greater the detail of Ted talk the retained impression or experession and recolate the goods of many things about yourselves. I'll go for the place that you prepare for a life
I don't like the silence of being alone but I do like my own space, it's a dilemma.
I’m not familiar with this type of loneliness. I enjoy being alone and I’m comfortable experiencing life alone. Every now and then I would like a connection, a friend, or even a best friend. A Tea with Strangers sounds great but what about building friendships?
I agree. I really enjoy being with myself, too. Just like you, I sometimes think I would like a connection of some kind, but then I'll be around one of my siblings and their spouse and think "no thanks" that doesn't seem enjoyable. I go to bars once a month and meet people but it's only for that night.
due to circumstances in life and marital issues i am living alone...at the age of 55 with a heart attack three years ago...at first i felt odd...it is been two and half years now and I do feel happy living alone...but always feel a partner would be better...joined tea with strangers today
Sorry, loosing a spouse is horrible.
😊😊 believe me being lonely is good for health
"It is only the man dwelling in isolation who is not forced to respond, through defiance or submission, to the commands of others." --Peterson J.
Loved this!!!!
ThankYou
Right time.
Great talk! You are a cool, brave person :)
the thing about loners is
Loners are always alone
However
alone does not have to mean lonely
in my book
great talk
thank you
Really good content, like it very helpful thanks😊👍
sharing that made me think
being alone is best ❤️
When I'm not in relationship I'm alone and I feel alone bc I don't know when I will I'm gonna meet someone again so I go crazy but i am good with my beliefs and with myself so I just calmly going on with developing my life and having my eyes open for the future. Indeed the feeling is there but fear is much less now. Is piece full so time going on and isn't waisted bc I have worked on my life, so the relationship will come when is good moment for it without me knowing it
I'd love to meet this man ... have a conversation about How Great being Alone can be. I've been married, and felt alone. And yet, have lots of girlfriends that put meaning into my life, at time. But, as long as there is a Creator , I am truly NEVER alone. Now...IF I needed someone to help me cut the trees in my backyard...THEN I feel lonely...because no one wants to help me. And I've been more than willing to help others, not be alone. Just wish it was returned once in a while. Juliana in Woodbine NJ (Now, WOODBINE IS one Isolated town...and people in New Jersey are NOT very friendly!)
@@MsMoonpriestess ❤️❤️ I always wanted to live in North Carolina. Thank you for your thoughts ❣️ we'd make good neighbors 😊
@@MsMoonpriestess Say, are you on facebook? I'm under B.Juliana Leo - who knows, maybe a new friendship?
@@bjulianaleo3025 unfortunately no , I got off FB 4 yrs ago. Too much negativity & family drama. I try to concentrate on Peace. I'm on messenger though, I'll look for ya there.
@@MsMoonpriestess I hear that.. I do appreciate the ease of connecting with friends in other states (I've moved around a lot) But even then, who has the time keeping up with every one. :-( I work as well, and manage my own household, two dogs, and when I sleep at night...I Sleep! lol I also have a veg. garden so I'm outside every day, and then go to work at a Senior Center. It pays the bills! I used to live in Richmond Virginia, and travelled to NC about once a year. I love NC! But ended up in NJ to take care of my Mom. Wow, did not see that coming... thought it would have been the reverse, hoping to move her in with me. Stubborness, she got her way. So here I am. I don't like living here, but one day, I will find a way to move....anywhere but NJ. lol
I live alone because i have chosen to be alone. Probably because of my introverted nature, maybe because of my hobbies. I can still get friends if i want through my hobbies but less is better on my case. Relationship is something i would like to try sometime in the future but the current dating scene is just ruined with different apps and unrealistic desires majority have.
Grew up isolated never had friends. In school i only missed having a human to stand side me made me weird /loner but I've never missed out on friends. I love alone time with myself ive never felt alone. My brain feels like a theme park that changes the rides out frequently.