What a time to be alone! Releasing the fear of being alone. | Chidera Eggerue| TEDxMauerPark
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- Опубликовано: 19 июн 2024
- Chidera Eggerue ‘The Slumflower’ is a young author, style blogger and creative director of Inclusive- a travel property company without racial bias. She has amassed a large following of women through opening up important dialogues that women often struggle to have, including topics like body image, dealing with emotions that scare us, the journey to success, and feeling out of place in society. Due to her extremely high social media engagement and exciting content at www.theslumflower.com, this following has quickly turned into a small community full of like-minded people who want to change the world around them. Being a woman of colour who deals with a lot of subtle friction in her industry, she’s managed to find the balance between speaking up and calling out inequality in the industry whilst maintaining a relatable, fun and infectious attitude. Chidera Eggerue ‘The Slumflower’ is a young author, style blogger and creative director of Innclusive- a travel property company without racial bias. She has amassed a large following of women through opening up important dialogues that women often struggle to have, including topics like body image, dealing with emotions that scare us, the journey to success, and feeling out of place in society. Due to her extremely high social media engagement and exciting content at www.theslumflower.com, this following has quickly turned into a small community full of like-minded people who want to change the world around them. Being a woman of colour who deals with a lot of subtle friction in her industry, she’s managed to find the balance between speaking up and calling out inequality in the industry whilst maintaining a relatable, fun and infectious attitude. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
"I am enough because I said so, and that is not up for debate."
I love that quote 👏👏👏
yess!!!!!! all the way yes
Yes girl 🙌
that was *everything*
FACT!
"we use our relationships with other people as a distraction" PREACHHHHH
And Validate our self
And Validation
So true 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Definitely we do
Yup, we were mean't to thrive on our own.
she's so cute! it's like she's speaking in front of a group of friends, I love the little laughing pauses. sis was feeling herself, I can tell she lives by her own words.
Queen Zey very true. 😊
Exactly! Wisdom = experience + intelligence.
She is delightfully authentic, not trying to continually project the common "I'm sooo cool and badass" mantra.
Rr é
“The problem with people who don’t know what they want, is that you will never be enough for them.”
Wow! This girl has some wisdom!
Ya I like that phrase too. It makes such good sense.
I honestly appreciate this woman's existence so much
Me too
Same
Same
So do I.
Wow! Awesome speech. “Even when it hurts, choose yourself”.
I love that!!!! 💙💙💙
Couldn't have seen this video at a better time tbh
I want a tattoo of this phrase
"I know am a mess buh I want to be the best possible mess I can be"... love you gal!!!!!
Yup 🙏 I feel you 💯
"I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not"
Stop chasing the dragon people 😉
True
Right
Tbh this video couldn’t have come at a better time and I haven’t even watched the full video
same here
There are no coincidences.
Ashikpas Maxiwa 💯
Amen!
"I'd rather be alone for the right reasons, than be with someone for the wrong reasons." Some Kind of Wonderful
“I cant remember a time when i learned anything from being right, from being pretty, from being nice”. So. Good.
Now alone after out of an emotionally abusive marriage of 25 years, I am rediscovering my uniqueness, my self worth, my absolute priceless value, my being happy in my own skin, doing what I like, going where I want to, enjoying what I feel and desire. Surrounding myself with happy things, so that it is impossible to feel lonely on my own.
great may God help be with u wish u a happy life
Wonderful. I am so happy for you. It takes a lot! Keep doing what you are doing!!! Much love.
I'm finally experiencing this too! How exciting isn't it? To find that who you really are was better than you could have ever imagined? I am happy for you.
Much love sent your way, from one strong woman to another....you got this!! Enjoy your self discovery journey, heal your beautiful and unique self...this is Your time!!! ;)
This is beautiful. Hoping to get to that place soon, I know I’m on the right track 💛
"Regardless of how I show up, I'm enough because I said so"
I'm 60. And recently, fiveish years ago, I have begun to F.L.Y. First Love Yourself.
❤️
I like...
She's extremely smart, one thing I didn't agree with is the rejection lesson she got from it. She assumed someone she cared about rejected her because they barely love themselves. That's just one thing I will not agree with, some people just are genuinely not interested into forming for an example, a relationship with you. That's perfectly okay as well, learning acceptance is part of life as well. No matter how bitter it may be, we must not assume so much because I believe it'll fog our genuine thoughts. But she really is a powerful woman who has reflected a lot and thought things through, much of which neither man or woman really do in this modern day.
I believe she’s speaking of situationships where you’re not chosen but you are participating in relationship activities. Of course being rejected doesn’t always indicate trauma but the latter can when they know the other person wants more.
To get this at 23 is pivotal!!! She will do great work.
choose yourself , over and over again, day by day, simply choose yourself.
Absolutely...
Rachel Margolin what does it mean to choose yourself ?
I wish this was something we talked about more. I was so mortified of being alone, I spent most of the time I’ve been alive trying to find people, hoping and even begging God that they’d like me then a while ago I decided that I wanted to be alone (I already was but I was deciding finally to embrace it) and it was so so so hard in the beginning, I was still fighting it a bit I suppose but the longer I stay on this path the more I realize that I’m the best friend I’ve been looking for all this time, I just needed to give myself a chance.
Beautiful! Blessings to you!
I also want to do the same for me !!
And I am seeking help , it's so hard
Me, JC from Holland am alone, travel alone, I am a nomad roaming around on a Kawasaki Dominar through the Philippines. I left the Netherlands, all my friends and family behind, sold all I owned at the age of 54. I do not fear loneliness, I thrive on it.
Leaving Holland Channel, nomadic life after 50 wow, that's a bold move. I'm also in the Philippines as well. 😊
wow
I hope that my country has been treating you well.
You are amazing
That's what i call having guts! Keep it up sister
I thrive and become a better person when I’m alone. People are a headache to be around. At least when I’m alone, I’m at peace, I appreciate myself more and don’t feel the need to be something or someone that I’m not. Thank you so much for reiterating everything I’ve ever thought x
Nice to know I'm not alone in this, Sally. I'm far happier alone or with my close family. I have no need for other people in my life but it always seems more of an issue for them than me.
Wow this is so me. But now the problem comes when I'm around people. And honestly this is the version of me I hate the most because I always tend to put myself in backseat and I'm always anxious and feel that there's something wrong with my entire existance. When I'm alone I am usually most at peace.
@@milkshake3350 completely agree!
sally al-roubaie same I prefer my own company rather than the company of others
The introvert chronicles!!!
When she said that joy is not wanting to change anything in your life, even the cringe-y things you've done!!! I relate because sometimes I look back on the less desirable things I've said or done and it keeps me from loving myself fully. Man i needed this! I want to be this girl's friend!
"Even when it hurts, choose yourself" this is SO important
I just got out of a relationship and i really feel alone ... And i fall on this video... It helps
Chrisiandra V. Me too girl! I feel you. I felt like this video was heaven sent🙏🏽 hope you heal soon. Better things ahead 😊
Me too hun, i know it hurts 💔 I’m sorry you’re going through this, stay strong. I’ve been feeling better everyday by catering to myself like I should’ve been the entire time. Take time for you 👸
I’m going through the same thing right now, it’ll get better💖💖💖
Chrisiandra V. I feel you, I feel so alone and like there’s no future. I never thought I would ever find my self feeling like this?
Apexfitness I think you need to take is as : both of you werent ready , i dont want to give u false hope but when you are ready and if you are meant to be it might come back!
there's something authentic about her , May GOd give her the strength to grow and have enough wisdom to change people
after a couple of years she will be fire
she is fire. period.
she has already grown if you look at her right now. Her wisdom changed me. Just because somebody looks young doesn't mean they can not be wise.
“I am enough because I said so and that’s not up for debate!” That’s great!
I'm a 50 year old and I am currently in the process of understanding my version of loneliness, and you are a wonderfully wise young woman. Oh and by the way I'm jealous of your hair.
yes yes yes this is the example I want for my daughter find happiness alone and you can easily find it with someone else when the time is good.
IN MY BED SCREAMING....SIS, YOU'D BETTER PREACH. OMGGGGGG SO FREAKING ON POINT... THIS WAS RIGHT ON TIME..🙋♂️👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
So convinced my healing with myself will help others also heal.
bingo!
I feel like this video crossed my path for a reason ! One of the best ted talks that I have watched.
To all you beautiful ladies put yourself first, treat yourself better than anyone else can and never ever settle 💓
Absolutely true :)
Wow she is amazing, i wish i could have had even a smidge of this girls insight at 23, im only starting to get there at 44, where being alone n being myself doesn't frighten me anymore. She is a true leader!
Everyone needs her book! It is a gem ♥️💃🏿✨💃🏿♥️
asliceofsim is it good for someone that with depression you think?
What’s her book called? I just found out about her today and I’m in love w her mind! 😍
@@arij.8986 what a time to be alone
What is it about?
@@tugcrnnu6309 id like to know, too
She is so bubbly 😋 a real joy to watch
"my company is amazing"!!! I feel you so bad. You're such a good speaker
She helped me realize something!
I’m not an introvert, but I’m a woman of little words sometimes, and when I’m in the car with someone or hanging with someone, I feel like I must say something to break the silence, but I LOVE silence and it feels like tension because it’s TOO silent. I can talk to people, but it’s only when I feel like it. I don’t like to hold pointless conversations, so I stay silent. If my mind and spirit isn’t stimulated by the conversation we’re having, then I don’t want to talk.
Edit: but hey, I’m still learning
Sayeta Zonen I totally relate
Thank you for this! I love love love being alone, to the point where I may need help, I'm too comfortable possibly 🤣...I encourage people to spend time alone for vacations, days off at home, a movie, dining, the time to reflect, she's right it gives you time see who you are not through the eyes of others all the time.
I know a woman who is nearly 40 and every weekend wants to know what everyone's doing and if no one is interested in going out eith her or they have plans she has a fit, not only does she clearly need to grow up but also to consider how much value and joy there can be in being alone. Like she has NEVER gone out alone.
Thank you for also bringing up the marriage and not having to feel compelled to be with someone for company or validation. I'm don't ever want to get married because I love being a lone so much, a partner who lives separately from me, who has their own everything and sure of self alone is not something I shun, however, I am not seeking it or feel I need it. If someone comes along I may consider it, maybe...I truly am enough for myself in every way, I'm so late but thank you for this talk!
I’m the same way as you. I have been this way my whole life. I like my company and solitude so much that if I don’t actively do something about it I know I’ll leave a very isolated life.
how does this not have millions of views????????
This is something I’ve struggled with since I was 18, I’m 24 now. I’ve lost all the friends I’ve had and it seems I’m pretty bad at making friends. This really affects me. I’m very depressed and sometimes get suicidal thoughts.
I hope you are feeling better, things are especially rough this year. Losing friends is ok, even when it hurts. Discover yourself and find the joy in being with yourself and be your own best friend. More people will join, I am sure. I am sending you a huge hug, you are loved and never alone 🖤
I’m sharing this on Raising Confident Girls platform on Facebook! This is absolutely brilliant 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Great message to hear today. Recommended to me on the same day my bf broke up with me. I actually love my own company to be perfectly honest. I’m my happiest in the comfort of just being me not when trying to make someone else happy.
Her speech really spoke to my soul. I'm trying to focus on slowly building up my self-confidence on my own. For far too long I neglected myself and chased after ppl who did not value me as a person and I don't need that negativity in my life. It is me who needs to believe that I am enough and I have to see my own worth.
I loved this TEDtalk. This brought me to tears and had to be one of the most important and best I've ever learned from . Thank you.
That is such a good talk, yes, the most important thing in my life was learning to enjoy my own company.
I live in a senior citizens apartment complex, you would be surprised to know it doesn't get better as we age. As I observe, there is a lot of group thinking, no authenticity, each day the same old thinking pattern, do what everyone else is doing you won't feel differently, just fit in. Woe if you walk away from group thinking or enjoy your own company, there's a thousand things you can enjoy alone.
So, young lady, I'm really enjoying your talk tremendously.
An actually helpful video for once on how to be alone
This video has saved my life. ❤️
"The problem with people who don't know what they want is that you will never be enough for them", what a quote.
You are absolutely amazing.
So Guys she was only 23 years old when she did this TED Talk 🔥🔥🔥🔥😭😭😭😭🙌🙌❤❤❤❤👌👌👌👌 So much wisdom shared and she is so beautiful 😍😍😍😍 God bless her. Her parents must be so proud.
I've already watched this video four times. I'm currently going through a rejection that stings so bad but when my thoughts get really low, I put on this video and it helps me feel better and excited for the future where I get to spend time with myself and get to know myself and perhaps love myself and become the person I would want to love.
Marina Medina Powerful! If you love Chidera/ Aka The Slumflower as much as I do, check out recent interviews and talks by her on my channel too! 💖🌸🌻
Im just always amazed with how well ppl doing TED talks speak lol. No filler words ever
I like to believe I am very self-absorbed person; in a healthy, non-selfish, non-egotistic way (actually in an introverted way). For this reason I’d like to show this video to all my friends just to support the fact that I don’t want anything from them other than a piece of me that lives in them, a part of ourselves that we all share🙌🏼
Chidera, this Obinna Nnani’s mum. Am impressed with your talk. It’s wonderful. GOD bless you
"Gathering as much experiences as I can." What a fantastic way to put it, yes a wise woman here indeed.
This is everything I hope to encapsulate in my youtube channel and spread to my children! what amazing values :)
This video (What a Time to Be Alone!) is absolutely what everyone (especially young people) need to hear, and as EARLY as possible in life!!!
Love, love, love.... "Regardless of how I show up, I'm enough because I said so and that is not up for debate!"
This young lady should be touring the schools of America giving this speech. Young people (and adults) could benefit from what she has to say 🌱💜
However I have to say loneliness is good when you are looking for it . But is one of the most toxic things when you need to get out with someone and you dont have anybody .
Being lonely and alone are different things lonely is a feeling of being isolated and sometimes that is a dangerous feeling because it can cause you to lower ur standards or settle when you shouldn't but being alone is comfortable, in your own presence and you are at peace with it and with yourself as an invidual you will be happy with ppl or without...
@@janderson947 Sometimes being alone is not as comfortable as people say it is. Sometimes you just need a friend in life. We're programmed to be social beings.
@@november2838 I agree. If you don't have any friends and really long for that kind of relationships it is incredibly hard to get over your feelings of loneliness. At least it was for me. Once you have friends it is MUCH easier to take that step and say I'm gonna work on feeling valued just by myself. Just having the backdrop of friends makes it easier to become confident being all by yourself.
@@november2838 Nothing is a panacea. Being alone is not the same as being lonely. There difference is coming to a place where you have self-acceptance, self-compassion, and have self-trust, you can want companionship but, not dependent upon it. You don't need others to validate your existence. You can choose from a place of emotional autonomy and agency who you spend your life with. It's like breathing: if spending time with others is breathing in, you also need to be able to breathe out, away from the pressure to be social, and have time to take care of yourself and take stock. Unless you can say truly say 'I am enough; I'm OK', you won't be enough or OK with others. Choose who you spend time with carefully and wisely. Be authentic, and find your own tribe.
I live alone. I also belong to clubs what gives me the opportunity to go out with "future friends", but if nothing develops, I can truly say that I had a lovely: time, meal, movies, hiking, etc. It is not easy, but my advice is to go out, to talk to people, to travel, to enjoy life before we...
So much wisdom at such a young age!!
after watching this talk, i immediately bought her book in Kindle.
This is what I needed. Junior year, perfectionism on point, I am so glad I got to listen to her speak. I feel more acceptant of myself and more open to change now, the peace I'm feeling is fantastic
This days I'm so alone and so sad... but i'm a little better after this talk. Thanks
"You aren't here to be consumed."
I went from saying “lemme watch a minute of this” to watching the whole video. Love it ✨
I was happy & content being alone as a kid. Even when I was in my 20s but since being in my 30s and being through a traumatic event, I have a hard time being ok with being alone. Working on being ok with it.
Pure AWESOMENESS!!! I'm 61 and she is speaking to my HEART! Love it!!!
Nothing but love and gratitude! Trying not to regret 18 years of not believing I am enough. Can’t wait to read how to get over a boy and what a time to be alone!!!
What a freakishly wise young lady! Btw I do love her outfit!
My all time favorite Ted Talk!❤️❤️❤️
yasss at this Nigerian beauty!! love that Nigerian millennials are bring about such powerful change
She is so adorable! And her message is incredibly universal.
Alone for 3 years and feel happier, more like myself & making a life I love than I ever have before. And I don’t fear dying alone…I know when my time comes, my mumma will visit me & guide me through.
Everyone watches these videos, looking for the spark that will change their lives in one way or another. This video did that for me. Thank you.
Higher level of existence this young woman is living. Blessings 👑
I just had to come across this when feeling like I'm not enough and felt the need to change so people could like me. Thank you
Wow. She’s amazing. In tears.
Very inspiring. I absolutely love your energy. I can feel it through my laptop!!! Thank you so much! This has been out for a couple of months now, but this is perfect timing.
A living legend, a genius of our time. Thank You Chidera Eggerue
Girl, you’re so wise.
I love being alone but I still reeeeeeallly needed to hear this. So grateful for you Chidera.
i love her so much !!!! 😭
I'm a fun loving kind sweet spirited person and im tired of being alone. But I choose to be alone rather than force myself to fit in... Being different attracts drama..and i just wanna chill. I have often been rejected by people I can't be bothered with! I always choose myself...thank you very much! She's so young to be so wise...
Aaah... I feel like I should watch this every morning!!
Gotta love her. What an energy! Yes, we gotta honour the fact that we are here and we are all here for a glorious purpose!
She says it directly . Love that And its so spot on.
The rejection part around the 10:20 hit the nail on the head. Excellent talk, so thankful I found it today. Will refer back to it for sure.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE everything she said. And the last part about death WOW. It changed my perspective of life. It even made me cry of happiness a little bit. Thank you!!
This video cams to me at the perfect time. I’m honestly just trying to love myself and it’s been hard and sometimes i gravitate towards my old negative self and i hate it. So watching this a part of me is happy n feels like there is hope for me to be totally comfortable with myself without having to care or seek others approval on me
Absolutely great! thank you for sharing your perspective in such a kind-hearted authentic way. it was everything I needed to start my week!
Best talk I've seen in forever! I teared up... I resonated with it so much. Thank you
My kind of girl! Awesome! Great talk, just as I always imagine!
Im so glad to have watched this at this exact point in my life, so uplifting... Just amazing
I could watch this over and over again. So true, yet so entertaining !
She’s adorable! Loved her delivery and her positive energy. She came across as genuine.
I just cried watching this video. Thank you so much! I
I think my problem is the opposite, I need to stop thinking time with other people is a waste of time lol when I know it's not really
It's worth it though, mostly lol
This made me lol coz I can completely relate. Chances are that you’re around the wrong people of you’re thinking that. It’s better to be alone than in the wrong company.
I'm laughing at how relatable that is lol
This is something I’ll be watching over and over. I appreciate you.
I love this girl!! Such an old soul!! She gave me the chills! ❤️❤️❤️💁🏼♀️
A billion times "thank you Chidera" I keep listening to your tedtalk and it helps me so much in my journey of self-love & self-worth and all of what these imply.