Inside the struggles of America's caregivers
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- Опубликовано: 24 апр 2024
- About 53 million people in the U.S. are unpaid caregivers, and many of them are simultaneously raising young kids and taking care of a parent, earning them the title "Sandwich Generation." CBS News contributor Lisa Ling, who is a member of this generation, recently shared her personal experience by taking us into her family home. She also introduced us to another family who faced the tough choice of placing their loved one in a nursing home. Today, she shares the story of a caregiver who is determined to keep her mom at home.
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The caregivers need care, too!
So true.
Yes we do!
Thanks Lord for your salvation
Yes, most definitely!!!!
If men were expected to provide free labor via caregiving, it would be addressed at a national level
I am expected to do it, and do! 😃
Definitely agree with you. I am a male currently taking care of my elderly mother. The veil has definitely been lifted!
You know it! 😔
Well they are expected to do so. They just don't, or they die early so they can't.
Usually son do not provide senior care for their parents. It would be like winning a lottery if they do. Both my brothers do nothing, most they do is an how are you phone call. I only have one child, a son, so I don’t expect this.
This is me. I have a 95 year old dad w dementia and caring for my 14 year old son w profound autism.
God bless you 🙏 ❤️
🤍
Whatever happens, always know God is right there next to you. 🙏🏽❣
❤
That's a lot. Don't forget to take care of you
I’m an old lady and I’m afraid of going to a hospital for long term care. I would rather die than be a burden on my family. 😢
Awwwww.......❤
Make all wishes clear with signatures dates and witnesses. ie my Mom wanted full care and to be kept alive in all circumstances. We knew that so when docs wanted us to pull the plug so to speak, we said no she lived 3 more weeks after that, I held her hand smiled with her and was able to enjoy her for 3 more precious weeks, however she suffered but was on pain meds so hopefully wasn't 24/ 7 struggling she did smile at times so I knew she was not in a lot of pain at those moments yet overall I think she was. Most people don't want intervention at some point but they have to have it in writing
@@familylifetoo9541 you are so right about that. I remember being in the hospital when my doctor came into my room to talk to another patient who was sick and older. He said to put it in writing when she’s able to understand what she is signing up for. He said he’s seen it so many times and people are left not knowing what they wanted after they died. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us all. 😘✌🏼
I pray your family would want to care for you regardless of the burdens and to trust God to sustain you and your family through it all.
Be well and be at peace.
@@dz7a756 Thanks so very much for your kindness. ♥️
Thank you for this story. When I was helping my sister take care of my mother and grandma, nobody seemed to care or understand how hard this was.
When I was caring for my bio-dad, I've gotten very little support from my father's black Baptist church!!!
This makes me cry. I cared for my dad unpaid for two years. He died in 2021.
I cared for my dad unpaid for 8 years. He passed away in January 2023. I also cared for my sister for a month. She passed away in December 2023. I understand what you are going through.
Rest in peace to your dad.
My dad was with me 7 months before he passed.. He worked and took care of my grandmother until she passed.. Just know you are loved..🎉❤
@@sososanchez3512 Rest in peace to your dad and grandma.
My condolences to you from me and my Seattle family 😢
This is a beautiful family however, something stuck out to me, and that is that caregiving takes the ability to have generational wealth. As the sole caregiver of my own two parents, I didn’t even think about that. It does impact your abilities to earn more money, and if you have children to be able to pass that down to them, show them as much as you need, how to thrive and things of that nature. I’m their only surviving child. In a lot of families it does fall on the daughters, even if there are several children. I applaud Lisa Ling and CBS mornings for doing the story. It’s important because there’s so many people going through this.
Do your parents still know who you are?
@@stephanieaya3992 So far they do.
Yes 🙏🏽
Generational wealth is a cruel joke in so many of the situations. Gone with the wind.
It's my mom's story right here. Soon to be 82, cared for by my youngest sister and her husband. So glad you are doing this story.
Its very difficult especially by yourself
Not caring for the young,,old and the sick is a reflection on the character of a person ,a country erc. Shame on us all
We must care for the caregivers.
AMEN!!!! PERFECTLY STATED!!!
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
This is the American society
The real question is, why does this happen in the first place?
Thank you for this story. If I ever get diagnosed with Alzheimer’s I’ll see myself out. Not only does that have to be the worst way to die, but it destroys your children’s and grandchildren’s lives and financial security. I don’t want to be responsible for that, ever.
I agree, but the tricky part is by the time you know you have Alzheimers, you probably don't have the capacity to actually 'see yourself out'. That was one of the main points in the book/movie 'Still Alice'.
@@lindat6688 I have thought about this and I would take myself out too. When you are diagnosed, it takes about 1-2 years before you don`t have the capacity to take yourself out. I`ll go out pretty quick shortly after the diagnoses. It will be time to go. Lights out. 🙏🏽💔💯
@@lindat6688 this is where early diagnosis is key. I think it’s totally possible in the early stages to be cognizant enough that if the doctor tells me I have Alzheimer’s, I know what I have to do.
I've heard this many times and it's true that usually my time it's figured out. You no longer have the capabilities are even the thought of how to.
@@ginaslifetoo There’s no need to wait until you can’t remember family member’s names to get diagnosed. Early testing through bio markers, MRI’s of the brain, and cognitive tests can detect Alzheimer’s early, when you can still make informed choices about your own health care. If you have good health insurance this is absolutely plausible.
Caregiving can be extremely difficult. I know of two separate men (brothers), who died one after the other while caring for their mother.
Rockin her momma on her lap ❤
Yes🥺💗
🥺😥
We DON'T GET PAID ENOUGH for what we do!
On June 2, 2022, I moved out of my bio-dad's house and went no contact with him. I was his unpaid caregiver. My bio-dad, now 91, has Alzheimer's. My mother died on December, 2016. I didn't have time to grieve my mothers' passing because my dad sold our childhood home and we had to move. From April, 2019-June, 2022, I lived with dad out in the middle of nowhere barely surviving his mental and emotional abuse. Dad never valued me as an independent, adult woman. And not a day has passed by where he didn't drag my Sainted mother's name through the mud. I've prayed to God to get me out of this horrible situation. Fast forward to June, 2022, My sister and her friend drove the U-Haul up my dad's driveway, I packed up my clothes and things and left my dad's place AND I DIDN'T LOOK BEHIND ME!!!! My heart goes out to the family caregivers, because it's the daughters that do this very thankless job!!!!
I am glad to see these stories being told. I, with my dad and elder brother, am caring for my mom at home (mom is 80, dad is 82). My mom retired after working in HEALTHCARE (suprisingly) for 44 years!Both parents have Medicare; however, Medicare alone does not cover what she needs. To receive FULL care, my parents would need to have Medicaid which they [my parents] are not eligible for because they own their home and they receive SS of more than $2800 (COMBINED) per month. There is really something wrong with Healthcare in America.
I would rather not put this burden on my children. My life is over. They deserve to live lives without burden
I am an elderly woman who took on the care-giving of my husband (Alzheimer's sufferer) solely. I suffered mentally, physically, socially and especially financially up to and even after his death. There were no affordable programs - until he reached hospice level. Then, at least, I had some help with a nurse assessment weekly, help with bathing three times a week and I was able to use local ambulance services that I could call on to lift him when he fell. There were nights when I slept on the floor beside him.
Lot's of tears. I do hope things will change in the future.
Angel . God bless you.
Sad. Nursing homes are terrible. It’s tough. God bless the ones who love their parents enough to care for them. Love and blessings to you.
This is why I love the work I do for the elderly and handicap I’ve been taking care of dementia and Alzheimer’s for over 30 yrs I love it
A common thread among family caregivers is that we are lost, isolated, and overwhelmed. Community is everything! We need to know and feel that we are not alone. My care experiences prompted me to start Happy Healthy Caregiver. Our caregiving community online is amazing!
Thank you for sharing this story. I cared for my mother at home until I was unable to continue due to her level of progression and I had no other choice but to place her in a facility. This made me feel less alone ❤
I hear you. I reached the same point with my mom. So many people don't realize it's not just giving a little help. It is EVERYTHING - feeding, hygiene, not being able to leave them alone and it's harder to find someone to do respite than to babysit a child.
@@M-hc9xm Exactly. Not to mention mobility limitations. She’s blessed that her mom can still walk. Mine has lost the ability to do so and I’m unable to lift her to do those basic things. Many people equate it with parenting but at least people are more willing to watch a child and can physically care for them without hurting themselves. It’s almost impossible to do that alone with someone with dementia.
I've been taking care of my adult son with autism, and epilepsy for 40 years now,and am a single parent.It's a hard job being caregiver.
I took care of my elderly father and handicapped brother for 18 years until my father passed in 2019, now I just have my brother to take care of. I am also a caregiver by trade, so this is my life 24/7. During the period when my father was alive, it was the hardest time in my life as he had numerous health problems. Trying to work, take care of my father and brother and run a household eventually took a toll on me and I ended up in the hospital shortly after my Dads death. Thank God I am better now, but we as caregivers have to take care of ourselves too, in order to take care of the ones we love.
A lady had to sell her house to afford a nursing home. She used to smell her dead husbands cigars and was sure he lingered in that home. I urged the family to not sell but her daughter had a business to run with no time for her own mom so the heirloom got sold. She passed away mere months later and now there was no home to pass on. Personally, it was a selfish move to not find time for her own mom then insist on selling the home instead of paying it forward for her grandkids as was her intention. Now, they'll never ever be able to afford a home of their own.
Moral- if your parents were good to you, be good to them in their elder years. Find time. Love outweighs money.❤
The home is the LEAST that anyone should have been concerned about.
Thank you CBS and Lewis for highlighting this important issue. I’m going through the same. This is a national crisis and the government needs to help.
Keep going strong Lisa. You cover hard stories. I don't know how many politicians running for high offices are on this topic. They probably
have policy statements ... will check this out.
this was my Life in the 80's & 90's starting with my Dad's Alzheimer's when my daughter was in grade school. it's good to know there's support & more information. as an old child there was no Family support, it wiped me out financially & i'm just starting to recover this year. we're still trying to Heal from the results of the experience. Many Blessings to those who care for their Loved Ones. 🙏🏾💜🌎
I’m confused! If she was married to a retired vet then she’s entitled to health care until death!
Gertrude M. Jordan receives Charles Jordan my father's Va check, SSI Check and his retirement check.
@@cherylaustin1818 yup, that’s how it’s suppose to go.
@@daniella8400 Ty Lewis is not being truthful. I took care of my father's mother for years until she passed away. My heart goes out to the elderly and most of all to the caregivers.
Ty Lewis is prostituting her. Her story is not trueful. Gertrude has a village here in Darien Georgia that was taking care of her. Yes, there are sibling that was taking care of Moma.
Ty Lewis took Gertude from her husband and lied to the courts. Ty Lewis told the courts that my father abandon "Moma" Gertrude. sold her home and moved to California.
@@cherylaustin1818I believe you!! She needs to be investigated. Also, when she said her mother’s entire saving was spend in 8 months?! How is that possible?
@@daniella8400 yes she needs to be investigated! "Moma" was a retired schoolteacher she also received 2 Monthly check that's a total of five checks. I have proof.
This brought a tear to my eyes.
It's good to see Lisa Ling, this is an important story that needs to be told, we are all getting older, something has to be done where families do not have to go bankrupt before real care costs kick in, that's just insane, and inhumane. Something we all have to think about and find solutions to... Thank you Lisa Ling. :-)
We need More Care givers 🧓🏆
This woman is phenomenal. As a caregiver and a mom myself, i really look up to her. Caregivers need care ans support too 😊💖
My mom can figure it out the way I always had and her own Alzheimer’s patients had to. She was mean to the difficult ones who would run away and hallucinate . Some people deserve to die alone. Huge applause to the caregiver here who I can tell is just as much emotional support as she is physical caregiver . It takes a lot to keep Alzheimer’s people calm .
I'm currently 38 years old my Mom had early onset Alzheimer's at age 52 in 2002 and I took care of her up until she passed in 2023. The juggling ACT of balancing life, career, hobbies, dating, and friends was difficult while living at my parents house. To top it off my Dad is a dialysis patient with heart issues. I feel for everyone in these comments. It's a struggle. I resorted to buying/collecting weird nick nacks online and crazy car hobbies to distract myself. It's like hoarding so you never end up leaving the house.
God bless you & family 🙏🏾 I’ve been a caregiver all my life & I’m 56 now. I say that because we have a brother that was born mentally disabled & we have been taking care of him all our lives so when our parents passed away naturally we as siblings take care of him. I care for him every day, but our siblings see him every week. We make it work if I have something to do they step right up to the plate. I just pray that God keeps us healthy to care for him. ❤
This situation is going to become WAY more widespread over the next 15-20 years as more boomers enter their late geriatric years.
Especially with all the chemicals our government allows to be put in majority of our foods.
I love Ty, Mama Gertrude, and their family. ❤
Me too! ❤ with those EEEEEEs and the grading scale 😊
Me too! They are such a wonderful family.
She can get paid for caring for her mom she needs to go to her local department of human services and ask for in home care or respite application
Very true. I did the same thing
Only in some states...
Not in every state…yall really think you know everything and every law in every state 🙄
Retirement benefits through Social Security is the biggest scam.
Caregivers have a very hard job and yet one of the lowest paid .
God Bless,Keep,and Prosper- you, these beautiful Queens, and all of us.
Ok after a long time, im happy media are showing this, finally bringing light onto the plight of the masses
For so long now, the 'American Dream' never included living with grandma and grandpa. They always had their own place somewhere. With the way the economy is though, previous ideals are becoming outdated and unrealistic.
Thank you Lisa for bringing this to light. I have an elderly mother with dementia that has a history of depression and possibly undiagnosed bipolar disorder that went untreated because she was in denial. Now I have to care for her and be a single mom to an autistic toddler. I don’t want to put her in a facility, but some days it can be extremely exhausting taking care of both.
My heart reaches out to her. & the family. My mother is dealing with Dementia (I refuse to claim she has it) so I know how much work she's putting into her mom's well-being. Shame on this country for the lies told of what social security is suppose to do and all the rest that's done towards aging older adults. 😢 Prayers for her, Lisa Ling and all the others who are caregivers for their parents. I'm sure if my sister waa alive, she'd help my mother as well.
I retired early to care for my mother. Financially it is a struggle, but we are surviving. Caregivers don’t get any support social services asked me why should I expect to be paid to care for your mom? I was so surprised and insulted, but like I said we are surviving.
Thank you for doing this informative coverage. I’ll be 68 by the end of this year. I love my children and grandchildren dearly but I don’t want them to have to take care of my husband and myself. I helped take care of my mother when my older two children were babies. Unfortunately I had to call my husband home from work on occasions because my mother would slip in and out of cohesiveness and I couldn’t carry her from the bathroom to her bed. I hope i can stay healthy enough and mentally aware until the day I die. Life sometimes doesn’t work out the way we would always like it to. But we can pray that the good Lord will see us through. My prayers to all of you care givers out there. My love and support for all you are doing to take care of your parents. But remember, always remember to take care of yourself and to do what ever you can when you have a minute to do for you and breathe.
Love that showed the picture of her in the red. Shows beauty and kindness.
Ty, everything you’ve done for your mom is honorable. God has given you a platform and you’ve done well. I am proud to call you Soror!
Bless the adult children who are taking care of their parents … you are my heroes… THANK YOU for SHARING your STORY 🙏🙏🙏
I just turned 60 years old, and life is going to be difficult for me and my wife's only child who may not want to provide care to his aging parents and certainly not both aging parents simultaneously 😢
My wife is in a better extended family situation than I am since she has a much larger family support there in the Philippines while I only have myself here in the States....
There has to be a better system in place here in the good old USA than the current dilapidated and feeble one we have now.
It's a shame that when we are aging the future becomes uncertain everyone needs assistance when tasked the duty of caregiver expectedly or unexpectedly. There should be family support (not everyone has that), government funding available for housing, social service programs, medical/dental care and quality homecare resources for people who need it and don't forget those with special needs because both cases can be fulltime, unappreciated and unpaid 24hour a day jobs. God will bless caretakers in the end so stay inspired with a giving/loving heart!
That is a tough job. I was a caregiver to my mom for 20 plus years. In the same situation working full-time and raising a child.
Its a lot of work. I care for my dad free of charge
If her dad received VA disability checks before he passed, her mom would be entitled to most, if not all, of the monthly, tax-free, disability income her dad received from the VA. ❤
Gertrude Jordan is my grandmother. Gertrude Jordan receives my grandfather Charles Jordan VA check, SSI, and retirement check from New York. My Grandmother has a village of family here in Meridian Ga. Ty Lewis is exporting my grandmother for financial gain. Exploring.
@@austinlangston11i think you mean extorting not exploring.
Thank you, thank you for doing this story. There is such a need in the country for health care. I follow Ty on Instagram. She is an angel!!
My mother is completely disabled. She is 76 and my father is 77 and I am 57. My father and I take care of my mother around the clock. My father is losing weight and struggling to lift her. I can't lift her at all. I can't even get a job because my father needs me to help him. It is so difficult. I am not sure what our future holds.
May God bless this family 🙏🏽🙏🏽
Just another broken system in america
Im a mother of 2 children with autism and im also helping out with caring for a family member that had a major stroke ..
She is so amazing to patiently take care of her Mother. Thank you for taking care of your Mother! :)
Well her mom patiently took care of her so….
The young man went through he'll that night. The person or people who did that to him IS going to the gates of he'll. They tortured him. The enemy was close to him, whether family or friends. I pray for his family. HEAL THE WORLD.
Great story! Hope the government wakes up and provides more affordable resources😢
Absolutely 💯 Nothing like the Love ❤️ of a Great Mother! Remembering caring for my Mother! The sacrifice is great but the memories are everlasting!
I feel like they are talking about my family: dad has pension & SS but I have to limit my work to care & my body is broken up 😢 Hope Medicare changes
The military does provide for spouses. The problem is he did not elect the Survivor Benefits to be taken out his check. I know, i am retired military and i have it taken put my check
I think this is great that many people have sacrificed their time to care for their elderly parent as well as their children. I am a caregiver as well as a clinical assistant to my grandmother who is elderly and my 20 year old brother with autism. I feel I was made for this life of dedicating my time to care for others and the reward is much greater than any sacrifice. I commend any caregiver of family members who dedicate their time to make sure their loved ones live a good life.
😢, caregiving is challenging.
A long, slow living hell that will comprise at least a third of your life. Enjoy! ❤😊
Medicare should assist with caregiver services or
This is one of the hardest things that you can go through with your parent. My mother has dementia and it was a challenge to care for her cuz she couldn't be left home alone. And I had to eventually get her into a nursing home. And I am constantly an emotional turmoil. Because I miss who my mother was. Someday she knows who you are and other days she doesn't.. You just long to talk to them like you used to and you can't. It's like losing your parents before they leave the Earth it's heartbreaking. My heart goes out to this family. Because I understand many blessings to them
My husband and I are in the same boat. We couldn’t stop working to care for his mother who has Alzheimer’s bc we have minor children and we have bills. She’s in memory care and her care is $110K/year. I’m getting a living will that will outline my wishes for my children to place me in a public government funded nursing home if I ever need it. I refuse for them to be burdened taking care of me when I’m the one who prayed for them to come into the world.
Good golly I love this series. I gave up my career and any financial future to live the privilege of taking care of my mother that didn't l know my name
Wow , what a small world. I’ve been following Ty for sometime now and she’s such an inspiration 🙏🏾🙏🏾. Hope she receives more support speedily as well as the many others who need help.
My life in a nutshell! No help. But God..😢
Dear Mrs Lewis, continue to take care of your Mom at home. Let God take care of the finances. Your mom has teeth. I took out my Mommy's parcel teeth each night to soak. Glued them back in each morning when I bathed her. I later pureed her food. Hug her kiss her because I miss my Mom so much. I will do it all again for my Mom.
In New York State we have the freedom Care program ❤!
See this is what the Biden Administration and congress should be focusing on issues such as proving funding and or more resources to take care of vulnerable populations such as the elderly. They rather give money to illegal immigrants than to help the Americans that need it the most. All I can say is Lord please help this country's leadership get their priories in order.
You don't get that just raises taxes on everyone else and now they are homeless as well. Save for your retirement but don't try to make others pay for your care.
I would rather die then ever have my health deteriorated to the point I am not able to be independent
You should be careful with your words you never know what illness you will end up with it’s not a choice 🙄
It's a full circle. Our parents cared for us and we can do the same. Also, I imagine living in CA is extremely expensive even for a family not caring for an elderly parent. Might be time to pack up and move out, so your dollars stretch further, because this economy is horrible.
Be glad you have a job, look around you and see the plight of others.
So proud the westerner putting their elderly parent in facilities
When i am old, I’d rather go to a facility where I know I’ll be check on daily and hourly. I would never want to burden my family by having them care for me.
Ty Lewis, she is an awesome person all around. I’ve followed her on Facebook for years.
It doesn’t always fall on the daughters. Some men like myself step up even when the daughters don’t.
Yea this is depressing me
Very sad to say that maybe some people would like older people to disappear. Even in some of the better retirement communities I've heard cruel remarks freely spoken . Leadership in the places often doesn't want to get involved in shifting the culture. That's too much effort. In spite of it all...
Try to stay Optimistic !
I also take care of my mom who has PD.. I just pray that find a cure for Parkinsons and Alzhaimers bc Ive seen how old ppl live at nursing homes.. the ones who have mobility or dementia and its not a quality life. And Im not blaming the staff.. most nurning homes are short staffed so they do what they can😞
We cannot expect adult children to do this. We have this fantasy of grandma lying in a Laura Ashley-decorated bed, the sun streaming in the window, surrounded by loving grandchildren. The reality of caregiving is bedpans, catheters, sometimes feeding, bathing, helping with toileting, and mood swings. To expect people (almost always daughters) already juggling children, work, spouse, housework, etc. to do this is simply not reasonable.
I’ve been there with my parents, and now with my husband. I cannot describe in words how difficult it is on the soul, and the body! My only secret; staying close to God, because really He is my only help!
This is why the private sector needs to do more on their own or we have to start holding not only them but our failed politicians accountable. No one is asking for free money, just the benefits one has earned throughout their working life, their time currency will never be returned so is only fair for these corporations, countries to ensure the care for their population is in place. Also after 80 allow people to die on their own terms.
Women, please stop providing free labor for everybody. Only care for the people who cared for you. Take care of yourselves.
Our mom? Of course they cared for us.
ps. 24 hr care while also working 4 part time jobs!!!!!!!!! No regret
My father was a retired Army/Marine veteran who suffered from Alzheimer’s in his later years. When he passed away, I researched and received VA and Department of Defense surviving spouse benefits for my mother. It took a lot of paperwork, research, and time, but she received the benefits. I was also assisted by our local Veterans Service Officer (VSO) to help me navigate through the application process and alphabet soup of military acronyms 😅. Dependency and Indemnity Compensation (DIC) and Survivor Benefit Plan (SBP) are some of the benefits to look into.
Person who has done it did it for 7+ yrs with different ppl as to what im not doing now 😒 as to deal with 9ther ppl
So glad these stories are being shared!!
Maybe if they won’t split their in home care checks in half under the table. It wouldn’t be such a struggle.
I to work for IHSS. I also have to do side jobs to make it. If it wasn't for me having rent control I would be homeless
❤
Caregivers are needed in the country!
Lets talk about the under paid caregivers, imagine wanting someone who is 140 lb to care for 20 adults who are bed bound and only making $15 an hour... there will be more families having to take care of their loved ones at home because care giving isnt worth the physical and mental stress..
I love Ms.Gertrude ! I was a caregiver once and I understand how hard it is.