How To Cure The Disease To Please - LIVE DEMONSTRATION
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- Опубликовано: 20 авг 2022
- What causes people pleasing... This live demonstration will teach you how to cure the disease to please.
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Julien Blanc (AKA JulienHimself) is a Swiss-born, U.S.-based self-help speaker, entrepreneur and transformational coach.
Since 2010, he has been traveling around the world and has personally coached tens of thousands of clients face to face... Empowering them to create massive success in their lives!
His record-breaking programs Transformation Mastery, Transformation Mastery Live, Transformation Mastery Live Advanced, Transformation Mastery Academy & Transformation Mastery Mentoring help people around the world achieve the HEALTH, WEALTH, RELATIONSHIPS & HAPPINESS they deserve!
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How To Cure The Disease To Please - LIVE DEMONSTRATION
Stop people pleasing! In this coaching demonstration, Julien Blanc (AKA Julien Himself) reveals how to cure the disease to please... Discover the truth about curing the disease to please and how to stop being a people pleaser!
#julienblanc #julienhimself
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It ALL starts with this type of deep awareness! 👉 This video will provide you with a new approach to overcoming people pleasing for good!
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Did that woman ever start coaching?? Curious what she has to say, Hoping to check it out
"Self sabotage isn't you screwing yourself over. It's you getting exactly what you want. However, you're not aware of the part of you that wanted it."
"When did you stop trusting you?
"More does not give you fulfillment."
Wow!!!
I learned a lot from this. People pleasing is very much a manipulative behavior to ensure we get the safety we think we need from others. I can really relate to this feeling of giving to other people and then being upset when I don't get anything back. But if I truly feel safe and whole within myself, there will not be that kind of suffer. I will give love and of course expect respect back, but the love will be an inspiration act instead of a neediness. I will meditate on this tonight to feel into the unworthiness I'm so attached to.
Also, thank you for showing different kind of approaches when you guide people!
You're very welcome! Glad this was helpful!
its BS. Your biology is hardwired that way
This is massive. It touched me to my core. So many things were running through my head while watching it as I was asking myself internally the same questions you were asking the lady. Thank you, Julien
"You need that extra confirmation to give you permission to own your answer" and the answer is about the most important things in your life and your intuition already gave you the answer.... but you just must check with someone else, and then that person tells you something else than what you really know is true. And now if you follow your intuition you will be insecure about it and invalidate it. If you instead follow your friends' "truth", you will feel more secure but you will feel dead inside
Boutta show you Saturday in Chicago just how much you've molded me as a man after listening to you for 8 years
One thing I found to overcome the darkness is truly understanding about not caring about certain things. Validation, acceptance, social expectations, and giving yourself permission to be a bit of an asshole when needed. One job I worked making 65+ cold calls a day so I could overcome fear of rejection. I took it as far as I could, I had a list of nasty customers I called first thing just to deal with the worst possible rejections. A funny thing happened, I began to like when they got pissed and yelled, it made my heart beat fast and made me laugh every time. I'd mess with them just for fun, good times..
You remind me of one of the characters from the Key & Peele skits. Be sure to check out the episodes when they play telemarketers that got revenge. It’s hilarious! 😆
@@shogoracing4294 I was still professional, I would even offer to put them on the do not call list if they would've just listened for 2 seconds. If they hung up on me I'd call back immediately twice, then every few hours again after that. My bosses thought it was funny and even admired my attitude, fun times.
@@roberthawkins3106 😎 cool!
Shity work though bro/sis 😅 Can relate meh
Just recently I realized and your comment made me think of fact that we will be hated anyway.. always (?) while being nice too. Because we can’t be surrounded always by friends, etc., close people. Actually people hate victims. People pleasers not showing their boundaries and just inviting everybody to cross this boundaries over and over.. and when victims trying to defend their boundaries eventually - others hating this even more. Meh. And at the end everybody hating us and we hate ourselves too 😵💫👌
This is so powerful and imo one of the FUNDAMENTAL understandings for our growth. This "people pleasing" does more to rob you of personal power more than any other factor. It creates an addictive need to be validated by an external source. The external source will then determine whether it was “good or bad” and based on that judgement, you change your behavior to please the external referent, and so on in a cycle.
Since we are our own instrument it’s tough to tell what we are ACTUALLY doing and how WELL we are doing it, we become increasingly dependent on the external referent to inform us. Our sense of self-worth is handed over to others, and we lose touch with the development and validation of our own process. Ultimately you begin thinking of your self as a product (a fixed thing), which removes us further from an interacting relationship with our process (which is ongoing and changing).
it's not bout being good enough it's about wanting to be with people you like because we are social creatures and used ti be surrounded by families
So be at cause and create that community of people to be around. Offer that value of connection and acceptance to others, and you will experience being that source of social fun & "family".
You need to learn how to be alone as well though. Being alone with yourself is where the most authenticity comes out at first.
It also can be a lie. We need to be social, but it’s not necessary. We come alone to this world and will leave it alone.
I managed to learn how to be alone.. but now I don’t want to waste time on people and to be more specific - to waste time on searching for right people. But some acquaintances appearing, will see what they bring. I think also the problem is that we’re trying to rush things, but we shouldn’t. We need to live every moment, day as fully as we can, to not be fast in creating relationships, etc. just because someone expecting this from us. What the point to live others life, not ours, to live for other’s expectations. Those who deciding for us when we need to meet people, marry, get child - they are severely ill, because they don’t care about us, they care only about their perspective on life, other people around are not living their own life, just living for this ill people. We need to separate from such people, even from parents
Just sharing, processing some things now too.
I meant, main point - you shouldn’t be surrounded by people, but should be happy. Alone or with them 🤜🤛
@@yuliia-san5609 The problem is that most people can't even handle the idea of being alone unless they've experienced it often in their lives. Having fake friends and lying to each other is better than being alone in their minds. Even I find myself thinking that way.
There is different between being around people and social creatures and let people run your life and let you do that and let you don’t do that . And we can find people fit us and fulfill our desire for sociality rather that to hang with anyone only for fulfill our desire , like eat junk food and said ya that because we human need to eat for our desire.
6:32 - Identifying limiting beliefs is like fishing. You have to drop the bait and wait for them to come to you.
Love this.
She is so awesome, I am sure she will impact peoples' lives for the better
Julien is digging deep into core beliefs here. Negative belief systems deep in the subconscious. Classic shadow work. If it triggers something in you, it is highly effective. But one has to be courageous tho. Shadow work, especially trauma work, can be very painful, and requires a certain stability as "consciousness". It cannot be done if one is drowned in shadow. So, caution
Yes, this is also why trying to do it all alone rarely works... One needs supportive guidance. 🙏
@@JulienHimself I agree. Your use of the word "one-itis" inspired me to make a song about that btw (link below). Check it out if you get the time. Been following you for many years now, and I know you make some music too (would be dope to hear it)
Link:
ruclips.net/video/H2_hkdN8p1A/видео.html
@@JulienHimself and thanks to you alot of us have that supportive guidance that we need, even over a simple youtube video it has done wonders for my mental health
This really hit me....finished watching crying.
I think for me. It's a fear of.. being in trouble if I go for the gold. Or .. I think being praised. I kinda don't like praise. It feels icky. . this is good stuff. I will write this out tonight. Thanks.
Yes, hearing praise is just an opportunity to receive that praise & give back to the praiser. "To give and to receive are one in truth" -ACIM
God !
I see me in her !
Except for the mind body soul which I truly agree, provided I wanto work on the holistic healing, more on the mental health, being a councellor !
Someone who’d listen n help ppl heal..
I wud also incorporate my knowledge of acupuncture here alongside !
Omg !
It’s been so long I have been wanting to this !
But yes now I know why not tomorrow ?
❤
Thank u ❤
Sounds to be more spiritual than spiritual talks these days💞
Thanks I love the new perspective💯 This felt like the spider bite!
Enjoyed this video
OMG. I was thinking of myself as the character Peter Parker and I almost cried, when he said, that she/ I were waiting for the spider. Everything made sense biting myself. I am so grateful for your work, Julien. And I am so grateful for you sharing it here online. Thank you!!!!!
You shall know them by their fruits, you shall know yourself by your fruits too. I love the line about not the “right” answer but the “real” answer. Look at the contradictions, the conflicts, in your behavior/experiences.
Yes! 🙏
4:45 That allignment off unconsciously mirroring 😍
Really needed this. Thank you.
You're so welcome!
Another awesome video can’t wait for Chicago next week🔥🔥
Thanks! 🔥👊
couple of months ago i started releasing everething i feel at that moment i made it into practice.. recently i got confirmation on smth ive tried in the past but failed.. and i got straight 3 days stress and anxiety so strong .. ive never felt it so strong .. i couldnt sit with myself i actually wanted to make it stop .. but thing is i decided to not numb it.. i released everething every bit of pain and anxiety i felt .. it was scarry af it wasnt pleasent i felt like i cant take it no more.. and suddently 3 days later it went away and im still taping into it in my meditations but oh my god i guess some big wall of belief fell down and it hurt like nothing ive felt before.. this video helped me realise i think its time to give myself props for going trough every inner struggle ive went trough and survived trough.. thats empowering .. ty Julien!
You got this! 🙏
Her belief that the other person should love her back because she decided to love them is very charged with that toxic neediness.
It was hard for her to see that but you slipped that seed in gently so she could process it on her own. She took ahold of it and took charge of her transformation like a boss with your guidance.
The next step for everyone watching this is to ask ourselves what our version of this is. Great demo bro, killing the game as always.
Thanks man! And yes, everyone should always ask: "What's MY version of this?" 🔥👊
Saved this, Julien. Powerful stuff
Glad this was impactful!
How the heck are you so in tune flipping hell this is amazing, liked the Spiderman analogy 👌😂
This came at such a good time for me. I know what I should be doing is coaching but I’ve been afraid to start, thankyou
Glad this was helpful! You got this! 🙌
Loved the kid example for dealing with peoples opinions. I’m not letting grown kids stop me😂
This is a great video cheers man
Glad it helped!
I needed this, Thankyou
You're very welcome!
thanks, good vibes and inspiration!)
Thank you too!
Even though I’m not there I feel like you are talking to me, I need answer to questions truly. Every video makes me question myself, make effort to find myself. The only thing I don’t know how to make it in mu daily life. Thank you for this videos and help:)
🙏🙏🙏
Pure inspiration! Much love bro ❤️
Thank you! Glad this resonates! 🙏
@@JulienHimself I've been watching your videos for the past month and they are absolute fortune. I've started my self-improvement journey 4 months ago and I have never felt better. I'm constantly trying to enhance my life to the best level every day and your videos help me so much. God bless you and I'm glad people like you exist! 🙏❤️
That girl is totally ME😳😱
Thanks Julien, exactly what I needed. Brings me in touch why I don't want to dare to follow my path. Because part of me is affraid being rejected/left out by my mum if I would be succesful and spend less attention towards her
Glad this was so helpful! 🙏🙏🙏
Julien! 🔥
This really hit me deep! 😭
I also admire your coaching Technique
Keep it up brother! 🙌
Thank you! Glad this was impactful!
@@JulienHimself you know.. I'm actually based in Nigeria but i really look forward to meeting you soon, it would be a dream come true for me...thank you once again Boss 🙌
Great video Julien 🐐
Thank you!
These two look like they would make really good friends. Why don’t I have friends like this who are real
So many times, goes to new event. Make friends first day, the second day no one talks to you and get ignored. Made me feel invisible, useless, uninteresting, just being me is irritating to other, i am ugly, stupid, no social skills, ect. People pleasing just made me be even more used and abused. Now that I made some peace with that, I am alone and try to not care to being alone.
Thanks!
You’re welcome! 🙏
Julien is the goat
🔥👊
genius!!
I look forward to meeting you one day brother and give you a hug
🙌
Ive recently made the realization that I put so much time and effort into people pleasing and I get upset when I dont get the expected results out of it. I expect people to tell me to do exactly what I want to do so I can agree with them and then do it. Or exactly how to feel so I can agree with that and feel that way. But I always end up disappointed and even further from my own truth. Letting go of this which is taking fking forever btw is leaving me feeling so empty and purposeless. But I know once I get more comfortable living this way I will start to make the splash I want to in the world. Thanks for reading j needed to rant. Hope someone else can relate.
I can relate. I used to be a people pleaser but I've been working on myself for some years now and I feel like I can be my authentic self much easier nowadays. One thing I realized quite recently is that people actually like me more and respect me more when I'm being my authentic self. Being the real me has also made it easier to exclude those people in my life that I don't really get along with very well instead of trying to be someone else to please those.
Keep working on yourself mate and it will get better and better with time!
Another thing I like to add. You wrote that you're feeling empty inside and purposeless and I think I know where that comes from. If you've been a people pleaser for so long you probably don't know what you think about different stuff since you've been able to rely on others to tell you what you should think about those "different stuff". Letting go of that probably makes you question yourself and wondering "what do I actually like" but if you keep working on yourself, trust me you will find lots of answers to those questions and you will feel more and more fulfilled eventually :)
Julien, I am curious, do you meet people at your events who have very little of these attachments and beliefs? You must be able to tell very quickly now when someone has really got out of there own way.
Hey Julien. I was curious if you write all of your comments personally or if you have somebody that does it for you?
11:47 that's blown my fuckin mind.. as a kid I checked other people's work to make sure I was correct and now o still compare myself to others as an adult.. that has opened my eyes thankyou Julien!
You're welcome! Glad this was impactful!
I have the same issue im gonna keep your words
Glad this was helpful! What's most personal is most universal! 🙏
Hey man great content as always, how do you deal with feeling as if you (me) don't have enough creditability accolades achievements etc to be a qualified dating coach? I want to help people not struggle as I did in my 20s. I'm still learning and have a long way to go but I'd love to help people along the path as you and the RSD crew have help me
The answer is obvious and Julien said it here - start coaching your buddy, your neighbor, some sadsack guy at the local bar. Start TODAY.
Just put in the reps and start exactly where you are. You will always find people. Do it for free if need be, and ask for testimonials. When people see results, they will tell others. It's how it begins.
She's absolutely a high potential woman, reminds me a bit of female aspie, super good energy and Julien you're on fire man let's go fire 🔥
Awesome video julien! When I’m releasing trauma am I suppose to only focus on sensation or can I focus on memories too?
It's a combination of the who, but processing the SENSATIONS is how you get to the cause.
is there any video about this?
@@RokTorkar Like about the sensations?
@@rubin-healmysocialanxiety702 Yea, like the OP comment said, releasing trauma and sensations
@@RokTorkar there is one with a meditation in it that deals with some of those concepts. I can't remember which tho
lol...stang is not a word. its stung. still love this channel though.
My guru
🙏
But are there "splinters" from your past you have to remove or can you just force yourself to start believing in yourself?
I drowned in this video❤️
" im enhanced around them and not when they leave" 2:49 .. how does that work EXACTlY ? does the bad feelings makes you insecure or it s like a decrease on your social status whitch makes you insecure ? (for me i think 90% that it s the feelings )
It's primarily about validation, and feeling a removal of said validation when that person goes away
i love you julien
🙏🙏🙏
Julien 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯 very woke man you've inspired me alot lol we would drink together One day normally
Glad my content is inspiring to you! 🔥👊
❤️❤️
once you figure out the answer to the deep questions, what do you do next?
"What's stopping you from starting now?"
How is it be, that we all feel not good enough?
That's how we seek innovation. It's just when that gets too loud that it's a problem.
❤️
🙏
What was the solution then? I didn’t get it too much. How you start getting rid of the part of you that puts your value on the opinion and acceptance of other people?
Accept that there's a part of your ego that craves external validation, love that part of yourself, and let it go. At the same time, create your own new story about how you hold the dominant frame at all times, and that you are the source, at cause, etc.
she's adorable
Massive respect to her for having the courage and willingness to do the work, yes! 🙏
Green Goblin knew of their fickleness haha
Nice infield. I see what you did there 🤣
better to ask in first person why am I ... or second why are you ... ?😉
how to let go of small weiner? serious question
The questions and technique are great as always but this woman is too resistant and afraid to expose what's truly going on inside her. She filtered all her real answers to your questions that were triggered in her to give the ones she felt most comfortable voicing, it was all over her face. I guess that's to be expected with someone who puts so much weight on what others think of her though. Still valuable stuff Julien!
There was some resistance yes, but she can go deeper on this at home... At a core, she has the willingness and courage to do the work, which is what matters most. 🙏
100% Correct. That's what I noticed as well. This young woman has a looooong way to go, I'm honestly skeptical that she'll ever tackle these issues - but it IS possible.
Isnt this the same chick from the ig story video? Hahaha
Hot gal
I found out that I hate myself. Why? Because I have a gut, and my penis is not the size of pornstars I watched growing g up, and my beard is too long and I have no friends. I tried looking g at pictures of fat people and tried to love them, or at least forgive them. We all judge others. We bully them when we're young. The outcasts. The n we end up hating the outcasts in ourselves. It's hard to forgive yourself. We judge so much I society. Instagram models with perf3ct bodies. That's our standard. And those who don t fit in, who fall short, we regard as useless. We have to rej3ct society if we want to accept ourselves. Anyways. Rant over
Mmmh she's cute
This is Important - thanks for your work on this. Now that I've internalized RP truths like "women are hardwired to extract everything they need from men" - I see it everywhere, in everything. Of course some men are manipulative weasels too, but this is largely a woman thing. Every iteration of "thank you" can be heard with a jaded ear.
I have lived this recently. Where people I was close to - over a long enough period of time, it was undeniable that it was an act of fake gratitude to get what they want- over and over, rinse & repeat. And then, if they don't get what they want, the passive aggression starts. (Specific thing on dating apps rn: women en masse saying "im looking for consistency" at the top of their profile. Ok, you're getting pumped & dumped & angry about it - got it 👍) The people pleasing is an act of desperation borne out of a lack of self-belief and self-love. Harsh but true! 💯💪
Tbh I will get offended by that little kid 😅
She wants to be with her cousins?
No... That was one of her earlier memories of feeling rejected.
Did you drop your brain somewhere, bruh? 😂
@@exnihilonihilfit6316 😂
Super cultish vibes. No offense.
2:02 - 2:14 Another harsh but true observation: you rejected or overlooked ~90% of men, & you chose the person you believed was the best you could do. That's not love, it's narcissism. Of course they aren't going to want that same level of investment with you - they feel that needy taking energy and it repels them.
Julien, it's amazing that you're even trying to teach this to modern women. Modern women are broken. Women aren't biologically equipped to have multiple partners over a lifetime. Up until the s@xual revolution, women couldn't act on their hypergamous instincts. It was restricted to fantasy land. So you had a world where, throughout much of human history, 95%+ of women had lifetime n-counts of 1 or 0. These days, you need to seek out "crazy" religious subcultures to find this ANYWHERE. To the point: women can't accept this reality. They can't pairbond, and they can't accept responsibility for their inability to do so. It's not natural, and it's an unprecedented state of affairs in human history. This is one reason modern women hate themselves & can't even face why that may be, which is what I saw in this video. There wasn't the genuineness or realness in her that I've seen in other client-centered videos you've posted. Just my honest opinion.
Man... Do u go outside
@@luxaslolete outside now bro... drinking happy hour at a beach bar ⛱️ 🍺. Keep living ur best life tho!
It would seem that it has potential to be fine that women control the smp. I'm not sure though, because the few people groups that do have women in the lead where that's concerned, most have never been on top politically. I've been most interested in the Mosuo people. They have a mad different approach to relationships, and I've heard that the women there suffer less from stress induced diseases than men, where as in male dominated fields, it's the opposite. Might just be correlation and not causation, but I don't think we know shi* as to what is the ideal where the sm is concerned.
Btw, why can't this woman/modern women learn something from Julian? What do you think makes her incapable of understanding a perspective other than popular belief and action?
@@Catthepunk I don't think it's impossible but she's clearly talking about her dating life, and 1) vast majority of women won't cede leverage or say anything publicly that will negatively impact their SMV, 2) that pairbond seeking "picker" Is broken once a woman has had many sex partners. I mean, look - we're living a crazy social experiment. We know men can f around as they did throughout human history, but women can't do the same....and yet they ARE in the past ~50 years, so everything is totally f'd and we need to find a way forward while realizing how unprecedentedly f'd this situation truly is.
@@lifeskillsongs2510 I see. What do you think about that people group in China I spoke of?
When the ability to care is believed stolen, one needs to remember some beliefs are false.