1. Emotional dumping (need to be with yourself to solve the problem) 2. Physical closeness, affection, sex 3. Fear of abandonment activation (creates clinging behaviours) 4. Loneliness activation strategy (settling for relo they don't want to be in, rushing into relo) 5. Self defeating thoughts (sad story -> protect themselves/hold back -> clinging) 6. Get feelings for other people outside relo (questioning - meets needs are unmet or shows repressed traits) Advice: Have healthy boundaries set up ahead of time, have a strategy to get that need met ready.
You are amazing Thais! This is so my friend - she emotionally dumps all the time, calls asking for help, doesn’t take advice and feels misunderstood! Hit the nail on the head thank you so much!
The physical one is a major strategy in my life! I already perceived it but I thought I was the only one displaying this. Good to hear i'm not the only one! 😍
“[Y]our subconscious mind wants wholeness, it’ll see someone, anyone, a friend, a teacher, a colleague, a person, and want the closeness, that infatuation is just feedback that you need to create that balance in your inside world. Not by trying to bring someone in from the outside world, which is just a distraction for what’s going on in the inside world.” Wow 🙏💡💛
These videos are so eye-opening. Very recognisable, definitely also the part about the crushes. It does in fact usually not feel like I’m in love, but I get so invested and then totally lost when it ends (which it always does since I always end up dating DA’s). Thank you so much, your videos really help me understand myself and the way I feel so much better.
This was so eye opening! Wow thank you. I have new homework and this is exactly what I have been trying to put words to and to understand about myself. Thank you.
Yes, I relate to all of this. Only thing is I think I crossed into moderate fearful avoidant since having so many bad/hurtful experiences. Pretty closed off now.
Thank you Thais, this video gave me life. I’m literally going through this, I have some AA but ultimately I’m triggered and need to stop and slow down, I’ve been crossing boundaries with myself... thank you for this video a true reminder for me...💚💚💚💚
This was powerful! Glad I trusted myself to not get too close to and overshare with a married woman who was lonely in her marriage and looked to me as a way to meet that need. Self-protection kicked in for me and I set boundaries to make sure neither of us violated personal values bc of how vulnerable we both were at the time. What a crazy time that was..that was 7 years ago and I still think about her. I convinced myself that I loved her and cared deeply for her but as I watch more of these vids, I'm beginning to doubt whether it was love I felt or just an attraction.
@@victoriareynolds1465 I didn't have half the awareness, understanding and self-care tools during that time as I do now but I got through it very painfully and am in a good place currently. The fact that you're watching this content WHILE in a similar situation is a hopeful sign you're heading in the right direction. Keep watching, learning but most importantly tuning in to yourself, tending to your needs and practicing what you're learning. Best wishes.
@11:16 omg I feel like Almost everyone is anxious preoccupied. 😱A lot of people "can't" be alone and "always need" a relationship right away aka back to back. Sure lotsa females more and more do this but men tend to do this to the tee! 😖
Like your videos as I am learning more about myself!! I do have a question, I know I am an anxious attachment person when the person pulls away, I don’t really go after him.... what is the reason for that? I feel that if someone I am seeing is pulling away, I see it’s a sign of him not being interested so I don’t feel there is a point to try to pursuing him back.
Can you do a video on crushes and what is healthy and what isn’t? I’m having trouble as I’ve crushed on this guy since November of last year and someone told me crushes are unhealthy if you don’t know how the other person is feeling. This is my first crush in a really long time and he is very important to me.
Omg. Are all my behaviors and feelings so easily predictable?! Are all my motivations and decisions just made up excuse mechanisms for carrying out these patterns and thinking it's by conscious choice? These vids are truly great but I have no idea who I am now. 😬
Great video. Side note you are using the mic incorrectly. For the yeti you need to speak directly into the font of the mic, it needs to be up straight do not tilt the mic as the top is not where you want to be speaking into
I scored 50% secure, 33% anxious and I guess when I hear specifically about "emotional dumping" in relationship, I get frustrated because it seems easy enough to say to me (or an anxious person in general), "hey, I'm overwhelmed and I need x. I want to listen, I just need space first/pacing." instead of distancing, which has been my experience, especially with avoidants. It is not up to us to read minds, but to be responsive no? It seems like this encourages further dependence that I don't feel is for the wellbeing of an anxiously attached person. Curious about your thoughts though.
Yes! Communication is key. Most people are understanding if you tell them this and kindly reassure them that you still care and are friends. But I think a lot of ppl unfortunately feel they don’t owe any communication.
@@Wierdgirl5834 not really? Usually what happens is they just push harder to communicate and be around and start dumping the first chance they get, so in a way it feels like that’s all they want to do. And also they can’t go long without dumping so they do it unintentionally.
There are four types: 1. Secure. 2. Anxious (or Fearful). 3. Avoidant. 4. Anxious-Avoidant (or Fearful-Avoidant) which is a combination of 2 & 3. 50% of people are Secure. 20% are Anxious. 25% are Avoidant. The remaining 3-5% are Anxious-Avoidant. I strongly recommend reading the book “Attached” by Levine & Heller for a full understanding of all this, then Thais’ videos will make better sense to you.
@@lisabeaumont thank you. ☺️ however, it doesn't seem like 50% of people are secure because most relationships between relatives, couples and even mutual friends are severely toxic. Ijs.
@@lisabeaumont of course secure types are Not angels aka perfect. Who is? Just babies. I wasn't talking about lost tempers. I am speaking of general, everyday, regular interactions people have with others. Majority of people's personality and attachment style is sadly greatly flawed! 😓😓
THAIS . Question DA asked space , i gave her - i reached out after 2-3 weeks and probably to much she broke up then I went in No contact after a further 3 weeks and SHE reached out to me Covid19 excuse asked family and we chatted text her garden , Then i said have to do something at end call/text me later she replied instantly (you or me have to do something) i ignored this - now didnt hear anything for 4 weeks - do i wait or should i contact her - when does the 6weeks start from ? the space ? the No contact ? when she reached out ? otherwise seems like you mentioned ..
You should try joining the personal development support group. Its a good community of people that share their experiences and offer constructive or relative feedback.
@@peachfuzz7047 Hi - do you have a link or something for that i might try - i have been reaching out and had a couple small responses but seems to be getting less and less now ..
@globalmark on Facebook, search personal development school and join the group -- its private, so it may take 24 hrs, but then you can actively connect to other people and give and receive feedback. I cant share the link, i tried, but just look for the logo for thais and you'll find the right one. I hope this helps. In the meantime, I humbly suggest grounding yourself by finding balance in your life in ways you can control, listening to your own inner voice even if its hard, and actively practicing self-love daily. It is my experience that you cannot truly love and receive the love you need without learning to love and listen to your self, heart, mind, body and soul. Sometimes the mind speaks louder than all four, and its the heart and soul that truly can help you see your truth. (As a FA, this has helped me considerably, as I've always ran to others for advice, but then had to deal with awful circumstances as a result, or just cut myself off completely from my own voice and from those around me and leave me close to barely living. Now, I have a greater sense of peace in my actions and a greater balance between doing and being. I still have a long way to go, but if my experience could help someone else, I want yo be open and give what I have -- my story.) I wrote a literal essay, but i say all of this to get across -- take what resonates with you, and find what speaks to you. May the long time sun shine upon you, all love surround you, and the pure light within you guide your way on.
@@peachfuzz7047 Hi I have joined waiting now , but have been doing lots self love , growth and stuff since , i have been in contact with her but her replies short , will post on that group ..
Pls give guidance on.. should one even plan a child with a DA who does not want to have child, is scared will not be emotionally available for child. (Extra info - DA is also flying monkey on n off for a female narcissist..) Would really help. Thanks!
1. Emotional dumping (need to be with yourself to solve the problem)
2. Physical closeness, affection, sex
3. Fear of abandonment activation (creates clinging behaviours)
4. Loneliness activation strategy (settling for relo they don't want to be in, rushing into relo)
5. Self defeating thoughts (sad story -> protect themselves/hold back -> clinging)
6. Get feelings for other people outside relo (questioning - meets needs are unmet or shows repressed traits)
Advice: Have healthy boundaries set up ahead of time, have a strategy to get that need met ready.
Great content starts at 1:51
This makes me cry. What I put myself and my ex through. Painful.
Ok I definitely have done the first one. Accidently crossing boundaries and freaking out more
You are amazing Thais! This is so my friend - she emotionally dumps all the time, calls asking for help, doesn’t take advice and feels misunderstood! Hit the nail on the head thank you so much!
The physical one is a major strategy in my life! I already perceived it but I thought I was the only one displaying this. Good to hear i'm not the only one! 😍
This channel is life changing!!!
Definitely.
Agree ❗💯
No one has ever dissected my entire brain wire like Thais Gibson. Changing my life for sure!
“[Y]our subconscious mind wants wholeness, it’ll see someone, anyone, a friend, a teacher, a colleague, a person, and want the closeness, that infatuation is just feedback that you need to create that balance in your inside world. Not by trying to bring someone in from the outside world, which is just a distraction for what’s going on in the inside world.”
Wow 🙏💡💛
These videos are so eye-opening. Very recognisable, definitely also the part about the crushes. It does in fact usually not feel like I’m in love, but I get so invested and then totally lost when it ends (which it always does since I always end up dating DA’s). Thank you so much, your videos really help me understand myself and the way I feel so much better.
This was so eye opening! Wow thank you. I have new homework and this is exactly what I have been trying to put words to and to understand about myself. Thank you.
Yes, I relate to all of this. Only thing is I think I crossed into moderate fearful avoidant since having so many bad/hurtful experiences. Pretty closed off now.
Thank you Thais, this video gave me life. I’m literally going through this, I have some AA but ultimately I’m triggered and need to stop and slow down, I’ve been crossing boundaries with myself... thank you for this video a true reminder for me...💚💚💚💚
This was powerful! Glad I trusted myself to not get too close to and overshare with a married woman who was lonely in her marriage and looked to me as a way to meet that need. Self-protection kicked in for me and I set boundaries to make sure neither of us violated personal values bc of how vulnerable we both were at the time. What a crazy time that was..that was 7 years ago and I still think about her. I convinced myself that I loved her and cared deeply for her but as I watch more of these vids, I'm beginning to doubt whether it was love I felt or just an attraction.
T V omg I think this is currently happening to me, expect I can’t say boundaries to save my life
@@victoriareynolds1465 I didn't have half the awareness, understanding and self-care tools during that time as I do now but I got through it very painfully and am in a good place currently. The fact that you're watching this content WHILE in a similar situation is a hopeful sign you're heading in the right direction. Keep watching, learning but most importantly tuning in to yourself, tending to your needs and practicing what you're learning. Best wishes.
Man, I'm so guilty of all of these. There were some points I thought II was FA bc of the last two as well... but nope, just anxious lol
@11:16 omg I feel like Almost everyone is anxious preoccupied. 😱A lot of people "can't" be alone and "always need" a relationship right away aka back to back. Sure lotsa females more and more do this but men tend to do this to the tee! 😖
Thank you so much.
Please do make a seperate video about emotional dumping for both FA and AA.
Seconded!
Can not explain how much your content has helped me! Even made me confident enough to start my own channel 💫
Thank you for this video! Super helpful!!!
Like your videos as I am learning more about myself!! I do have a question, I know I am an anxious attachment person when the person pulls away, I don’t really go after him.... what is the reason for that?
I feel that if someone I am seeing is pulling away, I see it’s a sign of him not being interested so I don’t feel there is a point to try to pursuing him back.
you're my favourite! I feel like you're my therapist HAH
Gosh, I'm more f'kd up than I realised 😬
This lady is onto it.
And the anxiety feels so yuck.
Absolutely amazing video!!!!! Thanks so much, my love ♥️👏🏻 so grateful for you 🙏🏻 for providing all this good information and awareness
Can you do a video on crushes and what is healthy and what isn’t? I’m having trouble as I’ve crushed on this guy since November of last year and someone told me crushes are unhealthy if you don’t know how the other person is feeling. This is my first crush in a really long time and he is very important to me.
Omg. Are all my behaviors and feelings so easily predictable?! Are all my motivations and decisions just made up excuse mechanisms for carrying out these patterns and thinking it's by conscious choice?
These vids are truly great but I have no idea who I am now. 😬
Yer so shiney! :D
Great video. Side note you are using the mic incorrectly. For the yeti you need to speak directly into the font of the mic, it needs to be up straight do not tilt the mic as the top is not where you want to be speaking into
I scored 50% secure, 33% anxious and I guess when I hear specifically about "emotional dumping" in relationship, I get frustrated because it seems easy enough to say to me (or an anxious person in general), "hey, I'm overwhelmed and I need x. I want to listen, I just need space first/pacing." instead of distancing, which has been my experience, especially with avoidants. It is not up to us to read minds, but to be responsive no? It seems like this encourages further dependence that I don't feel is for the wellbeing of an anxiously attached person. Curious about your thoughts though.
Yes! Communication is key. Most people are understanding if you tell them this and kindly reassure them that you still care and are friends. But I think a lot of ppl unfortunately feel they don’t owe any communication.
@@Wierdgirl5834 not really? Usually what happens is they just push harder to communicate and be around and start dumping the first chance they get, so in a way it feels like that’s all they want to do. And also they can’t go long without dumping so they do it unintentionally.
@@TheDarlingNikky maybe that's your own experience but I don't feel that way at all.
@Thais Gibson i feel like everyone has two major attachment types. Is this wrong it right?
Self defeating thoughts...please talk about how to cope with that.
What is the diff between fearful avoidant and dismissive avoidant?
There are four types:
1. Secure.
2. Anxious (or Fearful).
3. Avoidant.
4. Anxious-Avoidant (or Fearful-Avoidant) which is a combination of 2 & 3.
50% of people are Secure. 20% are Anxious. 25% are Avoidant. The remaining 3-5% are Anxious-Avoidant.
I strongly recommend reading the book “Attached” by Levine & Heller for a full understanding of all this, then Thais’ videos will make better sense to you.
@@lisabeaumont thank you. ☺️ however, it doesn't seem like 50% of people are secure because most relationships between relatives, couples and even mutual friends are severely toxic. Ijs.
@@lisabeaumont of course secure types are Not angels aka perfect. Who is? Just babies. I wasn't talking about lost tempers. I am speaking of general, everyday, regular interactions people have with others. Majority of people's personality and attachment style is sadly greatly flawed! 😓😓
First Lady Queen very true, sadly.
@@lisabeaumont yep and I mean deeply dysfunctional aka malicious, vindictive, selfish, deceptive, manipulative, hateful.
THAIS . Question DA asked space , i gave her - i reached out after 2-3 weeks and probably to much she broke up then I went in No contact after a further 3 weeks and SHE reached out to me Covid19 excuse asked family and we chatted text her garden , Then i said have to do something at end call/text me later she replied instantly (you or me have to do something) i ignored this - now didnt hear anything for 4 weeks - do i wait or should i contact her - when does the 6weeks start from ? the space ? the No contact ? when she reached out ? otherwise seems like you mentioned ..
You should try joining the personal development support group. Its a good community of people that share their experiences and offer constructive or relative feedback.
@@peachfuzz7047 Hi - do you have a link or something for that i might try - i have been reaching out and had a couple small responses but seems to be getting less and less now ..
@globalmark on Facebook, search personal development school and join the group -- its private, so it may take 24 hrs, but then you can actively connect to other people and give and receive feedback. I cant share the link, i tried, but just look for the logo for thais and you'll find the right one. I hope this helps.
In the meantime, I humbly suggest grounding yourself by finding balance in your life in ways you can control, listening to your own inner voice even if its hard, and actively practicing self-love daily. It is my experience that you cannot truly love and receive the love you need without learning to love and listen to your self, heart, mind, body and soul. Sometimes the mind speaks louder than all four, and its the heart and soul that truly can help you see your truth. (As a FA, this has helped me considerably, as I've always ran to others for advice, but then had to deal with awful circumstances as a result, or just cut myself off completely from my own voice and from those around me and leave me close to barely living. Now, I have a greater sense of peace in my actions and a greater balance between doing and being. I still have a long way to go, but if my experience could help someone else, I want yo be open and give what I have -- my story.) I wrote a literal essay, but i say all of this to get across -- take what resonates with you, and find what speaks to you.
May the long time sun shine upon you, all love surround you, and the pure light within you guide your way on.
@@peachfuzz7047 Hi I have joined waiting now , but have been doing lots self love , growth and stuff since , i have been in contact with her but her replies short , will post on that group ..
This is me😭
How do you deal with a relationship with a partner that has ADHD?
Be compassionate and understanding
Attacked lol
Pls give guidance on.. should one even plan a child with a DA who does not want to have child, is scared will not be emotionally available for child. (Extra info - DA is also flying monkey on n off for a female narcissist..) Would really help. Thanks!