When I wanted to settle down, I’ve decided that my future wife must be a Christian, can cook and have great legs. I prayed and loo and behold my future wife just showed up in the rental house I was staying. She was the sister of the 2 other renters and just graduated with a degree in Nutrition and Dietetics. I noticed her the next morning as I came down stairs to drink coffee. She was cooking breakfast and she was wearing shorts, and those legs stopped me on my way down. She didn’t know because her back was to me. And when I recovered from shock I continued down and then she heard me as my foot hit the ground floor and she turned around and smiled at me and introduced herself and my heart went through the roof. Long flowing black hair swished when she turned. Found out later she was a Christian and of the same Protestant denomination. Eight months later we were married and 43 years later we are now empty nesters and living a very wonderful retired life.
@@fitnessfeverpt While it's a good way to catch a man's attention, it's not a good way to keep it (well, occasionally). Religion, politics, and intellectual connections are the three most important facets -- without those the relationship is likely doomed to fail. Attraction definitely works well for younger couples, because you can build a connection on that -- but when physical attraction fades, there needs to be substance there.
@@fitnessfeverpt Remember !! God wants you to run around eating the fruits of the trees, NAKED !! Its what God said, " WHO told you, you are NAKED ?" satan !!
Happy for you, for sure. What I never see (have yet to see) is this: Instead of “faith/cooking/legs”, what if it were more common (yes, will never be fully “this” or always “that”) to see… Prayed for / looked for / sought out a wife / husband that is trustworthy, reliable, helpful, supportive, kind, loving, respectful, etc I’ve always considered myself a quite plain looking man, yet astounded by two big picture things. A) I’ve been found attractive, enough to be perplexed over the superficiality of it all B) My character traits seem invisible and of no value. There is little to no market for the non-material characteristics, and a hugely disproportionate market for superficial things, and “gameable” things. I scarcely hear of “after getting to know him or her, they just became SO attractive. It happens, but hardly ever.
That is self confidence in her ability to judge what qualities she and her husband have, respect it, cherish it, and foster it. Kudos for being positive about her husband. She gave him the best gift that a woman could give: children. We need more positivity about relationships.
Luck has quite a bit to do with it. You say it is not a coinflip, but it is. 50% of people deal with some kind of mental illness. Many of these mental illnesses come from problems in childhood/bonding and healthy family formation. Many people are attracted to people with problems because of bonds they formed in their past. We're not psychologists. We don't understand the complexities that compel us towards chaos. It takes a ton of work to unravel a dysfunctional family system as well as dysfunctional bonding and attachment. 50% of people have secure attachments, 50% of people have insecure attachment styles. That's billions of people that need to work out the problems of dysfunction and interactions with mental illness. If you have a stable relationship that is moving towards growth, there have been thousands of factors, genetic and social, which mostly were outside of your control. As an example, my parents divorced when I was 3. My father is on the Autism spectrum. My mother was raised by an orphan father who was abusive. My mother attached and married someone with anti-social personality disorder, which has a proclivity of abusing people. My mother has anxious attachment from her childhood. Because me and my sisters grew up in a home with no mother and an autistic father and an abusive step father, there are all types of attachment issues that I am only now beginning to understand 20 years later. If you happen to not come from all this type of chaos and life has let you to a secure attachment and relationship you are lucky. You could have easily been born in a war-torn country with no parents or a life expectancy of 30 because HIV is so rampant. While I understand the power that comes from self actualization and a belief that you are the master of your fate, I also understand like Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, that you can do everything right and still end up in the kulaks encampments, or the shallow ditches of Normandy. When you travel to the most deprave and defunct places in human society on the earth you come to a stark realization that in fact, you are lucky, in the grand spectrum of lived experiences.
0:52 NOT always true, some put up a facade then show their true colors. Same with "if he treats his mom/parents right, he'll treat you right) its dangerous to follow advice online.
Nah, you’re just not a good judge of character. I said this to a lot of people, learn basic human psychology and you’ll save yourself a lot of bs in life. In short, skill issue.
There will be situations where you are fooled by someone. They show a face and end up changing. But that is the exception!!! In general, people knew their partner wasn't great and still chose to marry and have children by them. They hoped it would get better. In most cases, people definitely knew who they married. Specially after dating years. They knew.
You let yourself to be fooled because you fell for the superficial qualities (handsome, funny, rich, tall, etc), just like most women do. I am not saying that there are no good men with these qualities, but when you prioritize these superficial traits when looking for a husband, you'll be easily fooled.
Women after dating a series of f-boys be like: "Where are all the good men at?" Men and women can both change once they tie the knot, but a lot of this has to do with rushing into marriage without adequately vetting the person. If a couple has been together for 10 years prior to marriage, the probability that there will be an observable change will probably be much lower than a couple marrying after only knowing one another for a few months, for example.
You mean when you’re not looking for emotional chaos you make better decisions? Wow! Imagine learning to entertain yourself so you can pick a partner based on qualities that make the relationship worth having
When I met my husband, my grandmother told me, that he will be a great husband and I should marry him. Been married for 32 years and he is the best husband and father. I am sure he wants to kill me a few times a week but he has so much patience for me. I try my best to be a good wife and honor him. But he is the reason why we have been married for so long.
If you cant choose well ask your brother, father, grandfather, cousin, or another GOOD male figure in your life who they think you should date because men usually know mens true intentions a bit better imo and if theyre okay with that man dating you then thats a good start at least on finding a good one.
What I really think is you need to be telling women these messages. I don't think men are the problem in this instance. It's women with unrealistic expectations and who choose 'bad' boyfriends. Or who choose to date men who are out of their league who just use them for sex.
Ohh thats easy. Its the "I cAn cHaNgE hIm" bullshit some women keep telling themselves. Also, I think people call her lucky because in their eyes, she met a man that would be great husband, and was also attracted to him. I am convinced every woman thats single, knows at least one man that will be a good boyfriend/husband, but she might not be sexually attracted to him. On one hand, you cannot negotiate attraction, but on another, in my eyes, who you date is a choice. So make the choice based on the right qualities and less about their looks(or confidence, or any other quality that makes women go after men full of red flags)
Seriously, good healthy marriages just dont appear out of nowhere. Theyre a product of work, communication, patience and sacrifice. I consider myself a good man but i still feel i have to put the effort in to be a good husband, it isnt just "oh hey im a good man thats all my marriage needs to sustain" Also shout out to the women out there willing to work with a man whos trying to become better or growing up
Ignoring the red flags, having the "oh I can change him/her" attitude, transactional relationships will never end well. Its simple as that. The only "luck" about that is if one gets to meet the good person. Everything else about that is due to actions of the participants, and not luck. For example: She meets a good person. He works, saves money, takes care of things, loves her and all that, but she, for whatever bs reason, friendzones and instead ends up with some low life scumbag - addict, jobeless looser, gaslighting ahole and then she complains to her friend that she just does not have luck.
Always nice too see *Courtney* (and the ones who know this as Married) putting other Females in their place. Cause honestly, its exhausted for us *Men* to always tell others what - *Common sense* is.
“Her husband would strangle her if she acted like she did” First of all no man should strangle women(walk away instead). Secondly, how was she acting that the woman had to say her man would strangle her?
eh its quite common for women to play the wife until the guy is drained financially. and then 10 years later she takes the mask off and starts cheating
This has "I wish you could pick your baby daddy" vibes. (The people who call her lucky). We all need to throw society in reverse on the sexual revolution and reteach ourselves to breed selectively.
Don’t discount luck. They were lucky to meet. There were billions of combinations that could have been. Such an opportunity is unlikely to come again. Good relationships should be nurtured.
I was a great husband from the start, 24 years ago. I remained a great husband the entire time. I sacrificed so she could get her nursing degree and a failed attempt at nurse anesthesia school. I helped raise our three kids to adulthood. I welcomed all animals she brought home. I took care of her while she struggled with mental and physical health issues. And three months ago, she filed for divorce because she "fell out of love". Don't fool yourself that just because your husband is good that you're a good wife.
So when you married her was she a good woman? What made you want to marry her? Did she change over time? I'm curious because your story sounds a lot like other women I've heard and they got told to choose better
MEETING a good man and finding there is mutual feelings can be lucky. Marrying a good man simply requires a clear understanding on what you need to look for. Having a good relationship is a matter of work, communication, and respect.
Most people meet a good person multiple times a month. That person may not be as tall, rich, handsome as desired. Check the numbers on what averages are. Luck isn’t relevant, priorities are the issue.
@@JoeL91939 first, there was 2 qualifiers. Both the good man and mutual feelings. I can meet a bunch of good guys, and if there is no interest or they are already taken... then it doesn't count. Second, i never mentioned looks or weath. Third, I said that it CAN be lucky. This is not an absolute phrase. Rather, is simply says that SOME meetings can happen by chance and be lucky.
@@nicolewilliams6368 “mutual feelings” is code for height, wealth, looks. We know what is unsaid, and why it is unsaid. Don’t ascribe to luck, what is much more a matter of priorities.
underrated comment! I've been single for most of my 31 years of life. I'm a positive person, enjoy life, and have worked on my own health and growth a lot. I'm pretty average in the looks department. But I've known for a long time that I'd rather be alone than settle for someone who doesn't truly love and respect me, make me laugh, or share my values. So I've let some potential relationships go that I knew wouldn't be a good long-term fit. 3 months ago, I finally met my person. Yeah, it's early, and we're gonna take our time. But the green flags and joy being with him are abounding. He freaking found my blog through a random google search and took a chance by sending me a DM. That feels like an absolute miracle to me.
In my late 50's. Married 32+ years to a girl I met when she was 16 and I was 18. No infidelities. No divorces. 3 grown daughters. I consider myself "happily married" but it certainly wasn't always happy/perfect. We stuck it out through the difficult times, we never wanted to hurt each other intentionally. We never confused "being in love" with "being happy". Happiness is a fleeting feeling, you can be happy, unhappy, sad, angry, etc over the course of a single day. Even when we were not "happy" for an extended period, we both admit that we still "loved" each other and wanted things to get better. Don't get obsessed with how "happy" you are (or or not). A shared Faith and belief in our vows. That was our core. I called the 30's-40's "The Hump"...when the kids are most demanding, when money was tightest, when we were too tired, anxious, busy to treat each other the way we each deserved to be treated. When the most temptation to stray happened....if you can get past "The Hump" without doing anything you can't forgive each other for....things will get better. Hang on. One of the biggest hurdles we all face as married people...the decline in sex...is the biggest issue for men when going over "The Hump". In that mix is hormonal birth control, which was a BIG factor for my wife. All you young married folks...be aware. The whole "she needs you to be X (romantic/loving/etc)" to have sex and "you need sex to feel romantic/loving/etc toward her...vs resentful that she hasn't touched you in weeks" is a THING. You need to talk about it, schedule it, do something about it or it will eat your relationship alive. I still love my wife now as much as I did when she was my beautiful 20-something yo bride. It's been as close to a "Storybook Romance" as reality can provide. But it was absolutely NOT a "Happily Ever After" story. Western media...especially romance/rom-com's...has been a HUGE problem for our society IMO. I (personally) hesitate to give too much advice to people though, IMO a lot of my marriage success boils down to personality similarities and (since we were so young when we started) "growing together" over the years. We joke that we share "one brain cell" at this point because we constantly say exactly what the other was thinking at the time. Certainly there is "work" and decisions that can improve the odds of success, but there is also simply the somewhat random factor of choosing someone compatible. Our political views have always been 90-98% identical. We were both Catholics. We vacillated between being practicing Catholics and Catholic only in name over the years but returned to being regular parishioners several years ago. Divorce was never an option. Both of us have said as much to each other. Neither of us were "partiers" in our day, nor heavy drinkers. Neither of us frequently went on "trips" without the other. I would go hiking/camping/hunting with my boys...never on a Vegas Trip. She would occasionally go on a vacation with her Mom and Sister and Aunts and cousins...never went to Aruba with a gaggle of single or divorced GF's. No "friends" of the opposite sex. While my guy friends are certainly her "friends" there's no situation where she would ever be alone with any of them without me around. Or would make "dates" to do something with a guy. Nor would I do that with another woman. In the end I think the most important factor is that we always loved each other. Even at the absolute worst moment..or the worst argument..we NEVER said anything hateful to each other. The things I have heard other couples say to each other in the heat of battle...wow. We would never have said such things. Words influence thoughts which influence actions. Be very careful with what you say to each other. Make good choices. Marry for the right reasons. Commit. Be Faithful. Persevere.
We were both fifteen. In our forties now. Two kids, going strong. And when the kiddos go to college? It will be like we’re fifteen again, except with a house and a meaningful dining out and entertainment budget 😊
I love to hear about marriages like this especially since I grew up with my parents being separated since the age of 6. I'm still in my first year of marriage and since the beginning of our relationship I have always felt that my husband is not just the man that I want to be with for the rest of my life but the man that God chose for me. Our political and religious views were almost identical when we first met and we continue to put God first before anything else. I aspire to have a marriage such as yours and congrats on over 32 years of marriage! 🙂
Same with my parents. High successful n happily married. All my siblings saw a good example of parents who actually “liked” each other. Their friends call them 2 peas in a pod. And we their kids made sure to find “good” people to marry. You have to be intentional about who u marry. In particular, we wanted to marry spouses who were from happy parents too. And we did. You cannot go around marrying for “6 packs” and ridiculous low standards. Yes! Looks r low standard. We married for good pedigree n good upbringing. Those r much harder to find. And when u do; it just works
“Women marry men thinking they can change them and men marry women thinking they’ll never change. In the end both are disappointed”. - Winston Churchill
Churchill was actually wrong about that. He should have added: "...into what they think they want" after "them." Women believe that not only can they change men (which, they can in some cases), but that they can *pick* exactly *how* the man changes (they cannot).
@@DeadlyPlatypus He was also wrong in men thinking woman won't change. They don't change. It's just that the man has an incorrect view of 'who' she actually is. The mask tends to slip after the 'I do'.
When i was dating my husband a lot of people told me he wasn't good for me simply because he wasn't rich and was not on my level financially. But he was a good man and very kind to me and i chose him because of those qualities and after 15 years of marriage my husband is still the good and kind man i married but now he has money and all those people are very quiet.
lol I knew from day 1 that my husband would be a great husband. I had a rule throughout my teens and early 20s that if at any point, I knew the relationship wasn’t leading to marriage, it was over right then. No wasted time or feelings. When I met my husband, I knew he was the one after just a couple months and let him know. We were both very up front with each other - we wanted marriage, multiple kids, stay-at-home wife/mom, dogs, rural living, quiet life, etc. Women AND MEN need to be more blunt and open while dating. State what you want. If the other person doesn’t want that, shake hands and move on. Be honest. Act fast. That’s how I met my soul mate (lol) at 23 and at 30, we’re married, two kids with another on the way, our own house, two dogs, and living in the rural mountains - happy as clams 🥰
I had an "ah ha" moment way back in 1976 with my boyfriend of 5 yrs (high school & college). I realized that I didn't want the roller coaster dating that would have been a roller coaster marriage. I was so blessed to marry my husband. He passed away after 29 yrs of a good marriage. Old boyfriend is still alive & lots of money, still no regrets at all.! We worked together our whole married life, joined at the hip, didn't fight, 2 kids, lots of sex. So glad that I had all that time with him on a day to day basis.
The greatest piece of marriage advice to I was ever given was to choose your husband/wife as if your children had the final say. Even if you never have children.
@@CourtneyRyanSo what would you say about partners that were good during dating but changed after marriage? No one can predict human behaviour and it's changes, so how are women supposed to know if a man is going to change to bad in the future? This topic is literally not black and white and if you think it is, you haven't really experienced the world.
What she also didnt say is when you are a good woman you are more likely to attract more good men than a bad woman would. So it’s not luck it’s her being a good woman that helped her land a good man.
Do you really believe they're both good just because she said they are? Hint: good women spend very little time online and they definitely don't have tiktok
This woman "knew her good boyfriend would be a good husband" (using logic). Notice she never used the phrase "I feel/felt." None of this is Luck...all of it is HARD WORK.
She has a good husband because she married a good man, but I’m gonna go out on the limb and say if he really is a good husband it’s also because she actually knows how to act like a good wife or I should say be a good wife. there’s an awful lot of people out there that do not know how to behave like a partner and then want to carry on about how horrible their partner. They are just reflecting how you treated them
Are you sure about this? Because some partners are really toxic and no matter how good the other partner is they would still behave badly. The woman in the video literally hunted the husband down because she knew he is a good man. Most women do this and I only hope that they appreciate and understand the value of having good men by their sides.
@@RoVicD not necessarily. I searched high and low for my good husband. Turned down quire a few guys. Never regretted the choice I made. If I hadn’t met him, I would have happily stayed single. It’s just not worth the hassle to settle for second best, and later on regret it. I had a list of qualities I looked for. He did too. We discussed the lists, the rest is history.
@@YtUser-c1c Yes but that was percisely my point. I didn't say people should settle for a second best. I was terminally single until a little over a year ago. I went on many dates that didn't lead anywhere. If I wouldn't have met my bf, I would have stayed single, happily is a different story. Being single is better than being in a bad relationship, but being in a good relationship is ten times better than being alone. So wouldn't you say that you were lucky to have met your husband? Choosing to be with him was not luck, searching every stone until you found someone was not luck, turning down other prospects was not luck, but getting the opportunity to meet him, wasn't that luck?
@@popejaimie Women who fall for “bad -boys”, men with bad intentions, are misled because they always overlook character and focus only on physical appearance and materialistic things. A woman with integrity, dignity, self-respect, and discipline wouldn’t be easily deceived, as she would seek out those same qualities in a man. Regarding physical relationships with men, this is why I strongly but gently urge women to honor themselves by avoiding physical relations because that will cloud their judgment. By prioritizing self-respect and their bodies, they can protect themselves from the pain of broken trust and repeated heartache. I’ve seen this happen with a former friend who got involved with a man who clearly didn’t have her best interests in mind. I could tell right away that he wasn’t right and advised her within that first week to move on. She ignored my advice and remained in that unhealthy relationship for two years before finally ending it. It’s truly disheartening to witness how easily some can be swayed by surface-level qualities, overlooking the deeper traits that truly matter in a healthy and thriving relationship.
@@Raven.Tulips you have a female name and PFP yet I find myself skeptical you've ever met or interacted with a woman, because that's not the real world babe. I'm aroace and would be 4b if I wasn't, so I don't personally care about finding a good man, but if you had female friends and family members you'd not be saying that ridiculous nonsense.
Go watch the movie Unfaithful from 2002. She has a Good loving husband and a good father to their child. But she goes out and has an affair with some player. When you have an affair, you're not just betraying your spouse but also your children.
It doesn't matter how good someone is. She probably didn't want him in the first place. Some people go through life never experiencing love. It takes luck. It really does.
"If a man is a bad boyfriend, do you really think he's going to be a good husband?" - plenty of women with the bizarre "I can fix him" mentality say "yes".
I have seen too many women destroy themselves and everyone else around them by dating someone's potential not the reality of their s person. No your love won't change him, his toxicity will drag you down to his level, you will become faded and resign yourself to the fact that this is the best life has to offer
@@rosehiver6262 You can get a really good idea of who someone is by knowing who their closest friends are and being around their family for some time, basically folks who have known them for years. Clearly that's not foolproof but it's a start when so much of dating is often done sequestered from other people.
@@Matt_is_a_Boring_Name I'm a firm believer in two people knowing each other for years, before pursuing romance. Your partner should be your true friend.
How they handle disagreement. How they grew up. Who their closest friends are and how they are quality wise. Daily habits. Beliefs and value system. Can tell you a lot about a person
Been married 20yrs. I haven't changed. My girlfriend then wife knew exactly what she was getting. When her friends say, "I wish my husband was like him" I know and she knows I'm doing things right.
I was attracting a lot of insecure woman when I dating, then i realised why. Its because i too was insecure. So you attract what you are as a person. Be your best self and you will attract better people.
I despise people who say, "you're so lucky". It almost always comes from people who dismiss other's hard work, tough decisions & sacrifices as a matter of luck. Because them admiting the other's efforts, means to admit their lack of it. Worst part is, they aren't even willing to try to change things now after realising the mess they are. Instead, they choose to knowingly delude themselves further by attributing everything to luck, a variable that is beyond everybody's control. The WORST thing you can do to yourself is to willing give up your agency. It's one of the only things we have, that can't be taken away by nobody.
@LaraOnye We are talking about a far earlier stage of relationship here. Indeed, most of these women don't have an actual relationship. They have Wed night. Money isn't a non-issue though.
And conversely, the women who are going to be good wives will not be distracted by the "bad boys", and will not make the dating process inordinately difficult for the genuine guys. Speaking from the experience of being a nice guy and being with the same awesome woman for 30 years.
This doesn't just apply to marriage, but life as a whole. When people see someone who has what they want yet don't have, they are quick in calling that person "lucky". However the concept of luck is quite vague when you think about it. Can I be considered lucky if I simply spent every single day of my life believing in something and working in order to get closer to it? I was skinny in the past, now I am fit. Was it because I was lucky? No that happened because I've spend my last 3 years upgrading my diet, working out and practising sport every week. Did Eric Clapton become a great guitar player out of luck? No he became what he is because he spent his life believing he would and he practised obsessively every day. Relationship need work, maintenance, energy to be and stay healthy. It takes commitment, it takes sacrifice. Others are not more lucky than you, they just believed and worked harder than you to achieve it.
When you say someone is lucky a lot of the time its just a figure of speech for the other person being in an enviable/desirable position. Like calling a man lucky cause he has a hot wife for instance.
@@benross9174 Exactly because it's a self-reissuring mechanism "It's not me not doing enough, it's just that this person was very lucky". We struggle to admit that often times we don't achieve what we want because we did not do the right things or did not work enough
Many things in life do involve luck. You could be born with wealthy parents. You didn't earn that, it just happened. You could be born to grow 7' tall. You didn't earn that height, but that height could make you an NBA star. Some people are born with severe disabilities. They didn't deserve that, but they're unlucky in life. Also, somebody eventually wins the powerball lottery, they're extremely lucky. Also, some people meet the perfect life partner randomly in high school. They're lucky. Luck exists
@@jasonbooberry8363 Luck exists BUT you gotta put in the work to achieve your goals. A 7 footer still has to put in a lot of work to become an NBA player. You don't believe me? Just compare the amount of 7 footers around the world with the amount of 7 footers that end up making it to the NBA. Also, a disability can be an obstacle for certain things but not for others and I dare to say this: we are all disabled in some way. Some people are disabled in motivation, some are disabled in empathy, in emotional intelligence. Life is a matter of perspective. There are those who will complain, who will find narratives and excuses to justify their mediocrity without taking accountability and there are those who work through it and keep on chasing greatness. The good news is: we all get to choose who we want to be each day. Each day is a new opportunity. What you are today doesn't necessarily shapes who you will be tomorrow. I know it sounds cliche, I know I am sounding like a Nike commercial but TRUST me when you actually get out of your comfort zone, when you are motivated enough to work hard to chase a certain goal and you start seeing the results, you start to understand what it's all about. I was a TOTALLY different person years ago. If you told my old self that one day I would have become who I am today, I would have laughed at you. Finally, guess what, luck or bad luck eventually runs out and when you hustle every day, eventually there will be the time where luck is on your side. We all get lucky and unlucky, it's just that some actually make good use of it while others don't or don't show up at all
I met a girl who was more compatible with me than anyone I had met before that; she said the same about me. But she was "still in love with" her verbally abusive stalker ex. She invited him back into her life as a friend, and he proceeded to stalk her some more. So she got back with him. 🤦♂Outside of romance, she's one of the smartest and wisest people I know. I tried to get her to choose better: "You have an obligation to your future kids not to mess up here." But I think so many women (and men) want a fixer-upper rather than a finished product. I don't understand the psychology behind that.
It's because so many men and women haven't been raised the right way. I don't know if your in a relationship or not. But next time you go on a date ask how they were raised. That will answer a lot of questions for you!
I don't know why RUclips deletes my comments, but basically (not all but a significant) amount of women are very attracted to challenges, to the roller coaster of emotions and are bored by stability. If they suffer from Daddy Issues, multiply that unhealthy attraction by 100x. One last advice with the best of intentions - She might go to therapy and learn to break the vicious cycle or the abusive ex might do something catastrophic that forces her to put and end to their relationship. No matter how it end between them but IF it ends I would suggest that still seriously consider weather bringing her to your life is healthy for you or not. Why? Because even if their relationship ends, even if he does yet another horrible thing to her, if she didn't actually fully learn or heal, she might still think of him as "the one who got away" and in her mind she would be settling for you as the "safe" option. I know it hurts and it doesn't make any sense how can someone who is great in every other way, chose someone who's actually so wrong for them, but unfortunately it happens all the time. But as a random internet person all I can say is: Be careful, be very careful. Hopefully I'm wrong. Best of luck.
First of all, u need to learn the lesson of "don't believe what u hear without getting ur facts " She's telling u about " my abusive controlling narcissist bf " story like every 304 N u fall for this tactic Never believe their story bro especially about their exes
it’s trauma bonding man. it had nothing to do with u. she saw something familiar and went back to it. being with u would have been a good future but a unknown one.
This is so important to hear. Too many people treat relationships like it's a matter of blind risk that we have no control over. It's a huge lie, and it's severely damaging relations between the sexes.
This ☝️ is the most accurate explanation about today's relationship Movies , novels brainwashed these people to the point they think everything gonna happen " magically " with right partner n then they trying hard to change the other person with their stupid Disney fantasy Nooo !!! U r fooling urself 😂 There's no magic or no Disney fairy tale
I fell into the mental trap with my ex, thinking "I can save her." Nope. That's just who she is. I needed to change my preferences because the trap is self-inflicted.
Single women keep women single. And now apparently, it seems that married women will get women married, and even help them avoid the delusion of trying to turn bad boys into good men.
The BIGGEST luck I've found that some could be called luck, is meeting that someone that is attracted to you as much as you are to them. Getting that match. I have found that to be the hardest thing in my 45 years of searching for someone to love.
I honestly hated and still hate when my female friends say oh ur just lucky to have him. Lucky?! Mind you I grew up with these girls. While every single one of em dated multiple men. Got presents, got taken out on dates. I was single. I was lonely. But I knew my worth. I had a lot of men ask me out but I don’t understand nor respect dating culture. My husband fell for me on our first meeting (met him thro my sis) and wanted to marry me. I gave him a chance because he gave my the most important thing. Respect. I also was an ugly child and I had to work on my self to become who I am today. Yes I do get compliments on my beauty now. But I had to work for it….I stayed in shape, I focused on my healthy skin and I focused on my talents and kindness that is what makes me glow now.
I also grew up not dating anyone by choice, I don't believe in the dating culture and didn't want to subject myself to it. I waited for the right man and he came along at the right time when I was ready. We didn't waste time and got married very soon after that. Best decision of my life.
I have that mindset as well and still can't find anyone. If there aren't any guys in your area that are single and looking for marriage, what do you do? You are lucky to have found him. Either you just get tired of waiting and settle for what you can get or you end up alone at 30...
Or… Alone at 40, 50, 60… Being fruitful and multiplying has now been 99% eclipsed by “freedom”. Worst kind of freedom. Like in slavery to sin kind of freedom. And most everyone loses at this modern version of “life”.
@@thenewgeneration2378if you’re open, you quickly realize you don’t need dating apps. So many people just come into my life. I have charisma. I just don’t know specifically what attracts people, but all of them are gems without exception.
Eh, it’s not just this simple as much as we would all love it to be. My sister married a good man who became a good husband, and he still fell into temptation and ended up dabbling in infidelity and deception over time. Be real, people. People are flawed, and capable of things you’d never believe them to be under specific circumstances that you can’t account for before they arrive with the ebbs and flows of life. There are no guarantees. We never truly know another person, and vice versa.
I think the Internet and social media has skewed our perspective of morality. We have come to believe that the world is just full of terrible, impatient, and disgusting people when in reality most people are fair, decent, and dare I say good people. All of this datinc and relationship content makes us think everyone is trash, when it isn't the case.
Depends on who you take advice from. I used to follow a dating coach on her content until 2 years ago when I found out she's all about the money, luxurious lifestyle, going to the clubs, flakes on men, treats people like garbage, the list goes on... Hope she finds what she's looking for
Rely on history textbooks, not social media. There's a reason why modern human relationships lasted 345,000 years, prior to the invention of marriage. Marriage is too much of a risk.
They make money by feeding both sides. LOL. They tell you what you want to hear. I wonder how her real life is working out. Probably no better than anyone else's.
Luck is where preparation meets opportunity. When you are in the right mindset and have done the work to know what you need in a partner, you make better decisions. Additionally, if you do the preparation you'll see the opportunity.
Hi Courtney! Some will be on their best behavior while dating, but they will show their true colors after the wedding. There is always that risk. Hope that you and your husband are having a great week!
@@fabulousglamlife There's a reason why our species' relationships lasted 345,000 years, prior to the invention of marriage. Marriage is too much of a risk.
@@DDD11239 Here we go again. How many of these responses did you type? Life for most men was too much of a risk back then. At least with the invention of marriage, especially religious marriage, men weren't roving gangs of bandits causing chaos. Unfortunately, feminization went too far and society swung the pendulum back to marriage being too risky because too many men said yes to women's societal demands over their own well being.
Our fast, instant gratification culture has completely lost the plot on what it takes to be good at anything at all. We attribute the success of others to luck, and wonder why limping from one dopamine novelty to the next hasn't ever worked out for us.
Wait, did she purpose to him to marry him? Probably the other way round. He is a good man and decided to be with a good woman. Both agreed to be with each other.
"You're going to make someone a great husband someday." Hearing that since I was 18. More recently: "You'd be a good father." Still single, never married, over 50, with no children. Had several long-term relationships, but unfortunately none that worked out.
Telling someone over 50 they'd make a good father seems actually cruel. You should check out the book "No More Mr Nice Guy". It sounds like it might resonate with you.
@@fuzzy76 I've heard that more "great husband" when I was a lot younger. But, recently, I have heard "good father" also. Probably, because I have always wanted kids and bond well with some of my friends' children. I've seen that book referenced quite a few times online. I don't know if that "nice guy syndrome" was the issue. Unfortunately, it was usually things completely outside of my control (i.e. age, physical characteristics, etc.).
Yeah bud I'm 28 and I've given up on finding a woman to have kids with, and I can't afford a 100k for a surrogate, God just didn't want me to be a father and I guess I have to accept that. Plus single guys don't get to adopt kids either, so I'm just buying a house near water and leaving the rest of everyone alone.
I’m a 67 year old man. I have seen so many women marry bad men and think they were going to change them for the better. They all think they are different and not like all the other women who married bad men
Which is exactly why in the past, and in some part of the world today, fathers play an important role in vetting and choosing husbands for their daughters. Left to women, they'll choose wrong 8/10 times.
A genuinely good man has certain qualities that make him a good man. There is no luck involved beyond maybe meeting him. A good man will have healthy, balanced, positive self respect, self esteem and sense of self worth. This man will not allow himself to be treated badly, and he will refuse to "go bad" just to get female attention or sex. He would rather be single if need be than to sacrifice his self respect or be treated badly. He values his own honor, and he keeps his word because it reflects on who and what he is. He can commit when he finds the right woman, and will commit wholeheartedly to her if she agrees to the relationship. He needs to respect this woman, just as he needs to respect himself. He will not sleep around because for this man, doing so is self destructive, and he is wise enough to understand that. And this good man is looking for a good woman, *who has all these same qualities*. I respect Courtney for having a good head on her shoulders.
Sadly women don’t want those good men around all. They really don’t care about a man’s personality at all. All they care about is a man’s looks and height.
Success is opportunity meets preparation. Without preparation, you might not even recognize opportunities for what they are. So when people say they made good choices, they are simply referring to their level of preparation. It's possible you've never met a good man/woman, but it's more likely you missed it.
Yeah for real, my ex really made me question being a good person to women. Just because she had issues and made things not working out only my fault (it was also partly my fault, working hard on myself).
First woman sounds like a train wreck. She admits to doing things that men not her husband would strangle her for. Also she refers to being "put up with". Doesn't sound like she's any kind of a prize.
Psychopaths are real, but they're only 1% of the population. That means there's only a 1% chance you pick someone where there are no signs he's bad, then he turns on you once he has you 'trapped' with no job, kids, and no control over the household finances. Key is to never let all 3 of those things be the case; at the very least don't quit your job unless you have equal access to all family finances. It's a 1% chance, not zero.
The only thing I don’t like is when women do strictly say “I decided to marry him” when that decision is in the end the man deciding to marry the girl.
The trouble with "good men" is most women find them boring. Acting like an adult can be boring, sorry. Making sensible decisions usually pays off in the long run. Impulsive, childish decisions usually have unpleasant long term consequences. The woman who chose the good man made a sensible choice about the kind of future she wanted. She acted like an adult.
This is unfortunately true. Many years ago I asked a female friend if women preferred "bad guys" or "nice guys". She said "bad guys". I wish I had the forethought to ask her why. I consider myself a nice guy and can't envision myself mistreating or disrespecting a woman. I've always held doors open for them (and have been yelled at for doing so), given up a seat for them (and have received a dirty look for doing so), but I'll never change. The consequences of this is being single at 70 with no more opportunities to find that elusive "soul mate". At least my house is paid for, I'm in decent health, and I have enough money to finish my journey in comfort. Having a couple of needy cats helps. Lol.
My sons are good men. Women are not interested in them. Thats too bad, because they were raised by a good father in a good family and they will be good husbands and fathers, too.
Seriously, does it indicate he's also a bit of a doormat? Not saying he should react with violence but what sort of behavior does she have that even she admits it?
Well, there's a reason why modern human relationships lasted 345,000 years, prior to the invention of marriage. Marriage is too much of a risk. You can love someone without a contract.
It kinda was luck though. I get where shes coming from and I do agree with that point, but where she gets lucky, and needs humility, is that she never married him, he married HER. She acted right and got the ring, but her "say" in the matter was saying yes.
Definitely still luck involved in even getting a good boyfriend who would make a great husband, and who happens to feel about you like you feel about them.
All my husband’s previous female friends kept him friend zoned. Then when i married him, they wamted to hang all over him. 20 years after that, their divorced used up asses were trying to contact him online. It pissed him off, and i was offended for him too. They didnt want him because he was a ‘good guy’ and ‘the marrying type.’ Their loss! Now this good man has been with me for 30 years, and we’ve been supportive of each other through good times and bad times. Thats not luck. I saw he was good and i didnt friend zone him.
It's still luck that they both met each other when they did though. You have to be at the right place at the right time. Just because you're a good person doesn't mean that you will find your future spouse easily.
The other part of her marrying a good man and having a good husband is that she didn't reject her good husband for being a good man in favor of bad boys. She was intentional in her choosing a good man who became a good husband. Women who date bad boys really are setting themselves up for a failure in life and love. The other part of this is the whole "where are all the good men?" What's funny is there are more good people in this world than bad. We literally couldn't keep the world going if it wasn't that way. Women who can't find a good man are women who can't attract a good man and they can't attract a good man because they don't choose good men. You attract what you pursue and if you're always falling for bad boys you're the one responsible for that. You're accountable for your choices and you pick bad men. Stop picking bad men. Of course it's possible that you're a bad woman and I can't help you there. You choose what to be attracted to. You're the one inviting bad men into your life. You're responsible for your choices. Make better choices. Also stop complaining about your bad decisions. Anyone complaining about not being able to find a good man should just be ignored because they don't choose good men and good men are everywhere.
Excellent points. As an addendum, even IF a woman who has been with the Chads/Tyrones wants to find a good man, she has already been alpha-widowed. It's the biggest elephant in the room that is not discussed at all. After being the 6'3, 90kg fitness athlete who rocked her world all night long, having to go back to a 5'8 or 5'9 75kg bloke is something they just cannot deal with. They already had a taste of what they consider to be "greatness", so it's impossible for them to go back to a "normal" good man. They always feel like they're stepping backwards or down to do so. It makes them unmarriable, essentially, because they will never get a ring from Chad/Tyrone, and they will never love Peter/Bob.
@Billy-bc8pk but additionally, why is the good man always short and inadequate in these examples? Even if a man is a 6'2" financial professional in the top 2 percent of men down there with a big heart. The very fact that he's not toxic is a turn off to these women. I am of course only speaking hypothetically. If this man even exists. But I digress. It's not even about the guy it's the "energy" women can just sorta smell that a man is toxic. Potentially, literally, because perhaps it is pheromones, but again, I have no idea. It's the "he's too nice" phenomena. So no matter what a good man does, he is not what these women are looking for. He can literally tick all the boxes but he's a good man and thus not the right "vibe". A good example is Kaka the soccer player. If you recall earlier this year I think it was or just last year maybe the news hit that the highly successful soccer player Kaka got divorced from his wife of many years. He is wealthy and athletic and frankly looks like a guy if designed for the cover of a romance novel. But he's also by all accounts a genuinely good person and his ex-wife said she divorced him because he was "too perfect". Too Perfect? Too PERFECT?! What the heck? How are we ever supposed to win? There are now pictures from her on dates and the guys she's with are shlubs with a whiff of A-hole. And honestly you have to be a bit of an A-hole to want to date her given that she was a famous soccer player's wife not just a few months ago. But I digress.. It's not just alpha-widow stuff it's deeper than that. They can be with a man who is by all accounts an alpha and still reject him for jerks. Even good men with their crap together aren't good enough for these toxic women.
@Billy-bc8pk ok, take two.. I hate RUclips eating replies to these. So I have to ask why you make out the good man to be kinda pathetic. Why is the good man always short and inadequate in these examples? Even if the guy is a man who ticks all the boxes, if he's a good man, women like this are repelled. A good example of this is the extremely successful soccer player Kaka. He's rich and athletic, and even us guys can tell he's strikingly handsome, but by all accounts, he's a genuinely good person. Players from both teams he's been on and played against have reported that he's a good sport and a good guy. So his ex-wife reportedly said that the reason why she divorced and left him was because he is "too perfect." Excuse me, but what? Too perfect?! Too friggin Perfect?! Really, are you kidding me? She was with an alpha and she dumped him because he's a good man. So no, not 5'8" fat and drools but kind. No! Rich handsome athletic successful and the key trait is he's a good man and his toxic ex-wife dumped him to go get run through by jerks. Good men can't get away from this. It doesn't matter if the guy is an alpha because it's deeper than that. Yes, alpha widows are a thing. But good men can't win even if they're not cave trolls. So I object to your portrayal of good men. Some of us are tall and conventionally attractive and have our lives together but get rejected because we're not toxic. So, it doesn't matter with these superficial traits. It goes deeper than that.
@@darrenskjoelsvold Zero disagreements here. You're absolutely right -- I used the 5'8 example because that's the average height of men, but not the height that women find attractive (not that they can spatially tell anyway). But yes, you're absolutely right -- many good guys are also in shape and take care of themselves and will still get dogged out of a good marriage due to Chad/Tyrone. Kaka is a good example just as well as Tom Brady, where Gisele complained he wasn't around enough -- like really? The dude is alpha of all alphas, and you're complaining he isn't around enough? Was that not something she could have talked to him about instead of hooking up with the Jiu Jitsu teacher? Yeah it's just the curse of being a nice guy. If you are straight laced, put the effort in, and treat her well, she will spite you for it by saying she no longer feels that "spark" and will go elsewhere to find it, typically in the arms of Chad/Tyrone.
Luck definitivly plays a role, when finding the right person.However, if you're looking in the wrong places and with the wrong criteria, you won't find a good man or woman. Many woman are also blinded by wealth and fame, when they look for someone. He has to have a house - no, he doesn't. He has to make a lot of money- no he doesn't. He has to act as if I'm the centre of the universe- no he doesn't. Being a decent man with a decent job, an education and a realistic approach to life is quite enough. It baffels me, how unrealistic many women are. When it comes to marriage, character and dedication to the relationship is, what counts. Building a future together doesn't mean, the guy hands you this future on a silver plate. Nor does it mean that you'll be rich or even wealthy one day. It means, having a partner by your side, you can count on, no matter what. Everything else is abuse, in this case of the woman being the abuser. She's burdening the relationship with dreams, that aren't likely to come true. If I were a man, I'd run for the hills. 😢
In the wise words of Bailey Zimmerman, "Something bout a ring makes you think we're better off with all this but we're caught in between a rock and hard place"
When I wanted to settle down, I’ve decided that my future wife must be a Christian, can cook and have great legs. I prayed and loo and behold my future wife just showed up in the rental house I was staying. She was the sister of the 2 other renters and just graduated with a degree in Nutrition and Dietetics. I noticed her the next morning as I came down stairs to drink coffee. She was cooking breakfast and she was wearing shorts, and those legs stopped me on my way down. She didn’t know because her back was to me. And when I recovered from shock I continued down and then she heard me as my foot hit the ground floor and she turned around and smiled at me and introduced herself and my heart went through the roof. Long flowing black hair swished when she turned. Found out later she was a Christian and of the same Protestant denomination. Eight months later we were married and 43 years later we are now empty nesters and living a very wonderful retired life.
Ahhh that's what I'm doing wrong, not showing off the goods!
@@fitnessfeverpt While it's a good way to catch a man's attention, it's not a good way to keep it (well, occasionally). Religion, politics, and intellectual connections are the three most important facets -- without those the relationship is likely doomed to fail. Attraction definitely works well for younger couples, because you can build a connection on that -- but when physical attraction fades, there needs to be substance there.
You won the lottery, my friend.
@@fitnessfeverpt Remember !! God wants you to run around eating the fruits of the trees, NAKED !!
Its what God said, " WHO told you, you are NAKED ?"
satan !!
Happy for you, for sure.
What I never see (have yet to see) is this:
Instead of “faith/cooking/legs”, what if it were more common (yes, will never be fully “this” or always “that”) to see…
Prayed for / looked for / sought out a wife / husband that is trustworthy, reliable, helpful, supportive, kind, loving, respectful, etc
I’ve always considered myself a quite plain looking man, yet astounded by two big picture things.
A) I’ve been found attractive, enough to be perplexed over the superficiality of it all
B) My character traits seem invisible and of no value.
There is little to no market for the non-material characteristics, and a hugely disproportionate market for superficial things, and “gameable” things.
I scarcely hear of “after getting to know him or her, they just became SO attractive. It happens, but hardly ever.
Being a good woman first is an essential requirement. Same applies to men. You got to think about who you need to start showing up as.
Great, is non-choker on the Ick list yet? I haven't watched all 600 videos.
Yep. So many people are looking for a good partner but not working on becoming a good partner themselves.
That is self confidence in her ability to judge what qualities she and her husband have, respect it, cherish it, and foster it. Kudos for being positive about her husband. She gave him the best gift that a woman could give: children. We need more positivity about relationships.
Luck has quite a bit to do with it. You say it is not a coinflip, but it is. 50% of people deal with some kind of mental illness.
Many of these mental illnesses come from problems in childhood/bonding and healthy family formation.
Many people are attracted to people with problems because of bonds they formed in their past.
We're not psychologists. We don't understand the complexities that compel us towards chaos. It takes a ton of work to unravel a dysfunctional family system as well as dysfunctional bonding and attachment.
50% of people have secure attachments, 50% of people have insecure attachment styles.
That's billions of people that need to work out the problems of dysfunction and interactions with mental illness.
If you have a stable relationship that is moving towards growth, there have been thousands of factors, genetic and social, which mostly were outside of your control.
As an example, my parents divorced when I was 3. My father is on the Autism spectrum. My mother was raised by an orphan father who was abusive. My mother attached and married someone with anti-social personality disorder, which has a proclivity of abusing people. My mother has anxious attachment from her childhood. Because me and my sisters grew up in a home with no mother and an autistic father and an abusive step father, there are all types of attachment issues that I am only now beginning to understand 20 years later.
If you happen to not come from all this type of chaos and life has let you to a secure attachment and relationship you are lucky.
You could have easily been born in a war-torn country with no parents or a life expectancy of 30 because HIV is so rampant.
While I understand the power that comes from self actualization and a belief that you are the master of your fate, I also understand like Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, that you can do everything right and still end up in the kulaks encampments, or the shallow ditches of Normandy.
When you travel to the most deprave and defunct places in human society on the earth you come to a stark realization that in fact, you are lucky, in the grand spectrum of lived experiences.
What a bunch of pyscho babble bs
@@yesterdayseyes you don't believe that people have different psychological experiences?
Nope.
0:52 NOT always true, some put up a facade then show their true colors. Same with "if he treats his mom/parents right, he'll treat you right) its dangerous to follow advice online.
Nah, you’re just not a good judge of character. I said this to a lot of people, learn basic human psychology and you’ll save yourself a lot of bs in life. In short, skill issue.
There will be situations where you are fooled by someone. They show a face and end up changing. But that is the exception!!! In general, people knew their partner wasn't great and still chose to marry and have children by them. They hoped it would get better. In most cases, people definitely knew who they married. Specially after dating years. They knew.
You let yourself to be fooled because you fell for the superficial qualities (handsome, funny, rich, tall, etc), just like most women do. I am not saying that there are no good men with these qualities, but when you prioritize these superficial traits when looking for a husband, you'll be easily fooled.
Women after dating a series of f-boys be like: "Where are all the good men at?"
Men and women can both change once they tie the knot, but a lot of this has to do with rushing into marriage without adequately vetting the person. If a couple has been together for 10 years prior to marriage, the probability that there will be an observable change will probably be much lower than a couple marrying after only knowing one another for a few months, for example.
You mean when you’re not looking for emotional chaos you make better decisions? Wow! Imagine learning to entertain yourself so you can pick a partner based on qualities that make the relationship worth having
When I met my husband, my grandmother told me, that he will be a great husband and I should marry him. Been married for 32 years and he is the best husband and father. I am sure he wants to kill me a few times a week but he has so much patience for me. I try my best to be a good wife and honor him. But he is the reason why we have been married for so long.
If you cant choose well ask your brother, father, grandfather, cousin, or another GOOD male figure in your life who they think you should date because men usually know mens true intentions a bit better imo and if theyre okay with that man dating you then thats a good start at least on finding a good one.
What I really think is you need to be telling women these messages. I don't think men are the problem in this instance. It's women with unrealistic expectations and who choose 'bad' boyfriends. Or who choose to date men who are out of their league who just use them for sex.
Ohh thats easy. Its the "I cAn cHaNgE hIm" bullshit some women keep telling themselves. Also, I think people call her lucky because in their eyes, she met a man that would be great husband, and was also attracted to him. I am convinced every woman thats single, knows at least one man that will be a good boyfriend/husband, but she might not be sexually attracted to him. On one hand, you cannot negotiate attraction, but on another, in my eyes, who you date is a choice. So make the choice based on the right qualities and less about their looks(or confidence, or any other quality that makes women go after men full of red flags)
Straight women and their lack of empathy for each other will never cease to astound me
Seriously, good healthy marriages just dont appear out of nowhere. Theyre a product of work, communication, patience and sacrifice. I consider myself a good man but i still feel i have to put the effort in to be a good husband, it isnt just "oh hey im a good man thats all my marriage needs to sustain"
Also shout out to the women out there willing to work with a man whos trying to become better or growing up
Ignoring the red flags, having the "oh I can change him/her" attitude, transactional relationships will never end well. Its simple as that. The only "luck" about that is if one gets to meet the good person. Everything else about that is due to actions of the participants, and not luck.
For example: She meets a good person. He works, saves money, takes care of things, loves her and all that, but she, for whatever bs reason, friendzones and instead ends up with some low life scumbag - addict, jobeless looser, gaslighting ahole and then she complains to her friend that she just does not have luck.
It ain't luck 😂 its love and mutual respect
Always nice too see *Courtney* (and the ones who know this as Married) putting other Females in their place.
Cause honestly,
its exhausted for us *Men* to always tell others what - *Common sense* is.
“Her husband would strangle her if she acted like she did”
First of all no man should strangle women(walk away instead).
Secondly, how was she acting that the woman had to say her man would strangle her?
This video is exactly why people should date for a while before deciding to be with the other person in a marriage contract
Agreed, or be friends for many years, close to a decade. People are just too impatient.
eh its quite common for women to play the wife until the guy is drained financially. and then 10 years later she takes the mask off and starts cheating
Oh wow, common sense. Imagine that.
This has "I wish you could pick your baby daddy" vibes. (The people who call her lucky). We all need to throw society in reverse on the sexual revolution and reteach ourselves to breed selectively.
I gave my heart & Soul to my wife and she utterly destroyed me 😢
That's not just your wife, but all women in general.
There's a reason why modern human relationships lasted 345,000 years, prior to the invention of marriage. Marriage is too much of a risk.
@@DDD11239 We get it. You are black pilled on marriage. Type out your therapy like everyone else on social media or stop.
Don’t discount luck. They were lucky to meet. There were billions of combinations that could have been. Such an opportunity is unlikely to come again. Good relationships should be nurtured.
Luck is what you have at casinos. This is selection.
good points courtney! i like this distinction too at 3:07
A good man doesn't put up with shenanigans. The luck part is you both live long and enjoy retirement.
"Where are all the good men at?"
"All the good men are taken"
I'm sure this is what the feedback from the women is.
"He's a bad man, what makes you think he'd be a good boyfriend or husband?"
Say it louder for the Delulus in the back, Courtney!!
📣
What is a delulu? You're allowing social media to influence your vocabulary. Read books older than the 21st Century.
@@DDD11239 Someone's a grumpy boomer today.
@@DDD11239The only thing I can think of is another way of saying delusional people.
@@DDD11239 😆
It’s always funny when a woman tries to change a “bad boy” into a good man.
Women chase "bad boys" because either 1. they love drama, or 2. they want to be abused so they can lay claim to being "oppressed by the patriarchy".
Never happens. They just get worse. A badder boy.
i cAN cHAnGe hIm
"But, But he's 6'0 though." Just ignore the fact he also has a rotating roster of 10s too. Yeahhh
Especially when she's well into her 40s or older and should know better
I was a great husband from the start, 24 years ago. I remained a great husband the entire time. I sacrificed so she could get her nursing degree and a failed attempt at nurse anesthesia school. I helped raise our three kids to adulthood. I welcomed all animals she brought home. I took care of her while she struggled with mental and physical health issues. And three months ago, she filed for divorce because she "fell out of love". Don't fool yourself that just because your husband is good that you're a good wife.
Wow. ❤ I’m so sorry
Tragedy, next beer is for you mate.
@@deathshead556 drink another for me, as I don't drink, never have.
So when you married her was she a good woman? What made you want to marry her? Did she change over time? I'm curious because your story sounds a lot like other women I've heard and they got told to choose better
@@dahliaherrod4301I honestly don't know.
MEETING a good man and finding there is mutual feelings can be lucky. Marrying a good man simply requires a clear understanding on what you need to look for. Having a good relationship is a matter of work, communication, and respect.
Most people meet a good person multiple times a month.
That person may not be as tall, rich, handsome as desired. Check the numbers on what averages are.
Luck isn’t relevant, priorities are the issue.
@@JoeL91939 first, there was 2 qualifiers. Both the good man and mutual feelings. I can meet a bunch of good guys, and if there is no interest or they are already taken... then it doesn't count. Second, i never mentioned looks or weath. Third, I said that it CAN be lucky. This is not an absolute phrase. Rather, is simply says that SOME meetings can happen by chance and be lucky.
@@nicolewilliams6368 “mutual feelings” is code for height, wealth, looks. We know what is unsaid, and why it is unsaid.
Don’t ascribe to luck, what is much more a matter of priorities.
@@JoeL91939 You HAVE to be attracted to them. Or you will never be happy and resentful.
underrated comment! I've been single for most of my 31 years of life. I'm a positive person, enjoy life, and have worked on my own health and growth a lot. I'm pretty average in the looks department. But I've known for a long time that I'd rather be alone than settle for someone who doesn't truly love and respect me, make me laugh, or share my values. So I've let some potential relationships go that I knew wouldn't be a good long-term fit. 3 months ago, I finally met my person. Yeah, it's early, and we're gonna take our time. But the green flags and joy being with him are abounding. He freaking found my blog through a random google search and took a chance by sending me a DM. That feels like an absolute miracle to me.
In my late 50's. Married 32+ years to a girl I met when she was 16 and I was 18. No infidelities. No divorces. 3 grown daughters. I consider myself "happily married" but it certainly wasn't always happy/perfect. We stuck it out through the difficult times, we never wanted to hurt each other intentionally. We never confused "being in love" with "being happy".
Happiness is a fleeting feeling, you can be happy, unhappy, sad, angry, etc over the course of a single day. Even when we were not "happy" for an extended period, we both admit that we still "loved" each other and wanted things to get better. Don't get obsessed with how "happy" you are (or or not).
A shared Faith and belief in our vows. That was our core.
I called the 30's-40's "The Hump"...when the kids are most demanding, when money was tightest, when we were too tired, anxious, busy to treat each other the way we each deserved to be treated. When the most temptation to stray happened....if you can get past "The Hump" without doing anything you can't forgive each other for....things will get better. Hang on.
One of the biggest hurdles we all face as married people...the decline in sex...is the biggest issue for men when going over "The Hump". In that mix is hormonal birth control, which was a BIG factor for my wife. All you young married folks...be aware. The whole "she needs you to be X (romantic/loving/etc)" to have sex and "you need sex to feel romantic/loving/etc toward her...vs resentful that she hasn't touched you in weeks" is a THING. You need to talk about it, schedule it, do something about it or it will eat your relationship alive.
I still love my wife now as much as I did when she was my beautiful 20-something yo bride. It's been as close to a "Storybook Romance" as reality can provide. But it was absolutely NOT a "Happily Ever After" story. Western media...especially romance/rom-com's...has been a HUGE problem for our society IMO.
I (personally) hesitate to give too much advice to people though, IMO a lot of my marriage success boils down to personality similarities and (since we were so young when we started) "growing together" over the years. We joke that we share "one brain cell" at this point because we constantly say exactly what the other was thinking at the time.
Certainly there is "work" and decisions that can improve the odds of success, but there is also simply the somewhat random factor of choosing someone compatible.
Our political views have always been 90-98% identical. We were both Catholics. We vacillated between being practicing Catholics and Catholic only in name over the years but returned to being regular parishioners several years ago. Divorce was never an option. Both of us have said as much to each other.
Neither of us were "partiers" in our day, nor heavy drinkers. Neither of us frequently went on "trips" without the other. I would go hiking/camping/hunting with my boys...never on a Vegas Trip. She would occasionally go on a vacation with her Mom and Sister and Aunts and cousins...never went to Aruba with a gaggle of single or divorced GF's.
No "friends" of the opposite sex. While my guy friends are certainly her "friends" there's no situation where she would ever be alone with any of them without me around. Or would make "dates" to do something with a guy. Nor would I do that with another woman.
In the end I think the most important factor is that we always loved each other. Even at the absolute worst moment..or the worst argument..we NEVER said anything hateful to each other. The things I have heard other couples say to each other in the heat of battle...wow. We would never have said such things. Words influence thoughts which influence actions. Be very careful with what you say to each other.
Make good choices.
Marry for the right reasons.
Commit. Be Faithful. Persevere.
This just made my planned comment completely redundant. Some of the details are different for me and my wife, but the general theme is identical.
We were both fifteen. In our forties now. Two kids, going strong. And when the kiddos go to college? It will be like we’re fifteen again, except with a house and a meaningful dining out and entertainment budget 😊
I love to hear about marriages like this especially since I grew up with my parents being separated since the age of 6. I'm still in my first year of marriage and since the beginning of our relationship I have always felt that my husband is not just the man that I want to be with for the rest of my life but the man that God chose for me.
Our political and religious views were almost identical when we first met and we continue to put God first before anything else. I aspire to have a marriage such as yours and congrats on over 32 years of marriage! 🙂
Love this comment!
Same with my parents. High successful n happily married. All my siblings saw a good example of parents who actually “liked” each other. Their friends call them 2 peas in a pod. And we their kids made sure to find “good” people to marry. You have to be intentional about who u marry. In particular, we wanted to marry spouses who were from happy parents too. And we did. You cannot go around marrying for “6 packs” and ridiculous low standards. Yes! Looks r low standard. We married for good pedigree n good upbringing. Those r much harder to find. And when u do; it just works
“Women marry men thinking they can change them and men marry women thinking they’ll never change. In the end both are disappointed”.
- Winston Churchill
Which means that men are more likely to love women as they are. Women are, then, less likely to return the favor.
@@wanyelewis9667 Exactly
Churchill was actually wrong about that.
He should have added: "...into what they think they want" after "them."
Women believe that not only can they change men (which, they can in some cases), but that they can *pick* exactly *how* the man changes (they cannot).
@@DeadlyPlatypus He was also wrong in men thinking woman won't change. They don't change. It's just that the man has an incorrect view of 'who' she actually is. The mask tends to slip after the 'I do'.
This is actually from Oscar Wilde, but a great quote!
When i was dating my husband a lot of people told me he wasn't good for me simply because he wasn't rich and was not on my level financially.
But he was a good man and very kind to me and i chose him because of those qualities and after 15 years of marriage my husband is still the good and kind man i married but now he has money and all those people are very quiet.
Good for you for not listening to others' nonsense. People are terrible at giving advice.
lol I knew from day 1 that my husband would be a great husband. I had a rule throughout my teens and early 20s that if at any point, I knew the relationship wasn’t leading to marriage, it was over right then. No wasted time or feelings. When I met my husband, I knew he was the one after just a couple months and let him know. We were both very up front with each other - we wanted marriage, multiple kids, stay-at-home wife/mom, dogs, rural living, quiet life, etc. Women AND MEN need to be more blunt and open while dating. State what you want. If the other person doesn’t want that, shake hands and move on. Be honest. Act fast. That’s how I met my soul mate (lol) at 23 and at 30, we’re married, two kids with another on the way, our own house, two dogs, and living in the rural mountains - happy as clams 🥰
You are only allowed to change one person in your life: yourself.
An old house might make a good project. People never make good projects...
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I had an "ah ha" moment way back in 1976 with my boyfriend of 5 yrs (high school & college). I realized that I didn't want the roller coaster dating that would have been a roller coaster marriage. I was so blessed to marry my husband. He passed away after 29 yrs of a good marriage. Old boyfriend is still alive & lots of money, still no regrets at all.! We worked together our whole married life, joined at the hip, didn't fight, 2 kids, lots of sex. So glad that I had all that time with him on a day to day basis.
May his soul R.I.P & glad you made the right decision.
The greatest piece of marriage advice to I was ever given was to choose your husband/wife as if your children had the final say. Even if you never have children.
If your partner is bad when dating, this person might end up worse when you marry this person.
Accurate!
@@CourtneyRyanSo what would you say about partners that were good during dating but changed after marriage? No one can predict human behaviour and it's changes, so how are women supposed to know if a man is going to change to bad in the future? This topic is literally not black and white and if you think it is, you haven't really experienced the world.
@@LaraOnyemen mostly switch up after marriage and especially after children. Once he feels like he has you trapped, you see his real personality.
“Worse” if your “lucky”. More like 100X worse is how it normally plays out. Ugh.
Ask me how I know.
What she also didnt say is when you are a good woman you are more likely to attract more good men than a bad woman would. So it’s not luck it’s her being a good woman that helped her land a good man.
Exactly. You attract what you are
Do you really believe they're both good just because she said they are? Hint: good women spend very little time online and they definitely don't have tiktok
The luck is in the meeting a good man. There aren’t that many out there.
@@lisaaustin4561 very true. I'm a decent man and I don’t have any friends my age that share the same values SMH
Yes, that is the other half of the equation
This woman "knew her good boyfriend would be a good husband" (using logic). Notice she never used the phrase "I feel/felt." None of this is Luck...all of it is HARD WORK.
She has a good husband because she married a good man, but I’m gonna go out on the limb and say if he really is a good husband it’s also because she actually knows how to act like a good wife or I should say be a good wife. there’s an awful lot of people out there that do not know how to behave like a partner and then want to carry on about how horrible their partner. They are just reflecting how you treated them
Are you sure about this? Because some partners are really toxic and no matter how good the other partner is they would still behave badly. The woman in the video literally hunted the husband down because she knew he is a good man. Most women do this and I only hope that they appreciate and understand the value of having good men by their sides.
When you're desperate, you don't "choose" your partner. You accept the only one that agreed to be with you.
Also, low value women have to take whatever losers they can get, it's not much of a choice
Better stay alone then. However sad that may seem, it is better than all the misery of divorce and abuse.
@@YtUser-c1c Yes, but than wouldn't you say that a woman (or man) who have a good partner are lucky to have met them?
@@RoVicD not necessarily. I searched high and low for my good husband. Turned down quire a few guys. Never regretted the choice I made. If I hadn’t met him, I would have happily stayed single. It’s just not worth the hassle to settle for second best, and later on regret it. I had a list of qualities I looked for. He did too. We discussed the lists, the rest is history.
@@YtUser-c1c Yes but that was percisely my point. I didn't say people should settle for a second best. I was terminally single until a little over a year ago. I went on many dates that didn't lead anywhere. If I wouldn't have met my bf, I would have stayed single, happily is a different story. Being single is better than being in a bad relationship, but being in a good relationship is ten times better than being alone. So wouldn't you say that you were lucky to have met your husband?
Choosing to be with him was not luck, searching every stone until you found someone was not luck, turning down other prospects was not luck, but getting the opportunity to meet him, wasn't that luck?
"Good men turn into good husbands. Bad boyfriends don't make good husbands." Powerful words...very true! ❤
Bad men are often pretty good at acting like good men before they knock you up tho.
@@popejaimie Women who fall for “bad -boys”, men with bad intentions, are misled because they always overlook character and focus only on physical appearance and materialistic things. A woman with integrity, dignity, self-respect, and discipline wouldn’t be easily deceived, as she would seek out those same qualities in a man.
Regarding physical relationships with men, this is why I strongly but gently urge women to honor themselves by avoiding physical relations because that will cloud their judgment. By prioritizing self-respect and their bodies, they can protect themselves from the pain of broken trust and repeated heartache.
I’ve seen this happen with a former friend who got involved with a man who clearly didn’t have her best interests in mind. I could tell right away that he wasn’t right and advised her within that first week to move on. She ignored my advice and remained in that unhealthy relationship for two years before finally ending it. It’s truly disheartening to witness how easily some can be swayed by surface-level qualities, overlooking the deeper traits that truly matter in a healthy and thriving relationship.
@@Raven.Tulips you have a female name and PFP yet I find myself skeptical you've ever met or interacted with a woman, because that's not the real world babe. I'm aroace and would be 4b if I wasn't, so I don't personally care about finding a good man, but if you had female friends and family members you'd not be saying that ridiculous nonsense.
@@Raven.Tulips I'm pretty sure that you didn't waste your parents' money to go to school. Everything you've said makes sense...bravo! 🌹
And no boyfriend turns into no husband. Sometimes the luck is meeting them in the first place, having them be availble and returning your interest.
Go watch the movie Unfaithful from 2002. She has a Good loving husband and a good father to their child. But she goes out and has an affair with some player. When you have an affair, you're not just betraying your spouse but also your children.
That was an amazing movie. Diane Lane was awesome in it.
"Love, Actually" has 1 case of cheating (unless you count Rick Grimes' kiss in the alley).
@@gumnaamaadmi007One of my favorites! Sexy milf vibes in those 🔥 scenes!
Fee mails base there decisions on there emotions
It doesn't matter how good someone is. She probably didn't want him in the first place. Some people go through life never experiencing love. It takes luck. It really does.
"If a man is a bad boyfriend, do you really think he's going to be a good husband?" - plenty of women with the bizarre "I can fix him" mentality say "yes".
I have seen too many women destroy themselves and everyone else around them by dating someone's potential not the reality of their s person. No your love won't change him, his toxicity will drag you down to his level, you will become faded and resign yourself to the fact that this is the best life has to offer
The I can fix him mentality is bad but I also think it's because some of these issues are not big enough before marriage
"I knew who he was..." Honestly, that was very powerful to hear from the woman in the TikTok
At her age, I doubt that you can know someone so well…..
@@rosehiver6262 You can get a really good idea of who someone is by knowing who their closest friends are and being around their family for some time, basically folks who have known them for years. Clearly that's not foolproof but it's a start when so much of dating is often done sequestered from other people.
@@Matt_is_a_Boring_Name I'm a firm believer in two people knowing each other for years, before pursuing romance. Your partner should be your true friend.
How they handle disagreement. How they grew up. Who their closest friends are and how they are quality wise. Daily habits. Beliefs and value system. Can tell you a lot about a person
@@Csepowertrip123 That's cap. What she knew is how much money he was making and he just happened to make enough to be a "good man"
Been married 20yrs. I haven't changed. My girlfriend then wife knew exactly what she was getting. When her friends say, "I wish my husband was like him" I know and she knows I'm doing things right.
I was attracting a lot of insecure woman when I dating, then i realised why. Its because i too was insecure. So you attract what you are as a person. Be your best self and you will attract better people.
Youre too real for this one. Stop airing my life out there lil bro
I despise people who say, "you're so lucky". It almost always comes from people who dismiss other's hard work, tough decisions & sacrifices as a matter of luck. Because them admiting the other's efforts, means to admit their lack of it. Worst part is, they aren't even willing to try to change things now after realising the mess they are. Instead, they choose to knowingly delude themselves further by attributing everything to luck, a variable that is beyond everybody's control.
The WORST thing you can do to yourself is to willing give up your agency. It's one of the only things we have, that can't be taken away by nobody.
Almost like “pick better” is actually good advice. The women who get offended when told to pick better are the problem.
And the men who are told to "pick better" give up after seeing such a large hay stack one needs to find a needle within.
@@pace1195 It's worse than that. To quote someone from a men's forum: "It's like trying to find a needle in a needle stack."
@@vaticancartel136
And blindfolded using your junk to look for it.
Do you tell men to pick better when their choose bad women who reck them financially?
@LaraOnye
We are talking about a far earlier stage of relationship here. Indeed, most of these women don't have an actual relationship. They have Wed night. Money isn't a non-issue though.
And conversely, the women who are going to be good wives will not be distracted by the "bad boys", and will not make the dating process inordinately difficult for the genuine guys. Speaking from the experience of being a nice guy and being with the same awesome woman for 30 years.
This doesn't just apply to marriage, but life as a whole. When people see someone who has what they want yet don't have, they are quick in calling that person "lucky". However the concept of luck is quite vague when you think about it. Can I be considered lucky if I simply spent every single day of my life believing in something and working in order to get closer to it? I was skinny in the past, now I am fit. Was it because I was lucky? No that happened because I've spend my last 3 years upgrading my diet, working out and practising sport every week. Did Eric Clapton become a great guitar player out of luck? No he became what he is because he spent his life believing he would and he practised obsessively every day. Relationship need work, maintenance, energy to be and stay healthy. It takes commitment, it takes sacrifice. Others are not more lucky than you, they just believed and worked harder than you to achieve it.
When you say someone is lucky a lot of the time its just a figure of speech for the other person being in an enviable/desirable position. Like calling a man lucky cause he has a hot wife for instance.
@@benross9174 Exactly because it's a self-reissuring mechanism "It's not me not doing enough, it's just that this person was very lucky". We struggle to admit that often times we don't achieve what we want because we did not do the right things or did not work enough
Many things in life do involve luck. You could be born with wealthy parents. You didn't earn that, it just happened. You could be born to grow 7' tall. You didn't earn that height, but that height could make you an NBA star. Some people are born with severe disabilities. They didn't deserve that, but they're unlucky in life. Also, somebody eventually wins the powerball lottery, they're extremely lucky. Also, some people meet the perfect life partner randomly in high school. They're lucky. Luck exists
@@jasonbooberry8363 Luck exists BUT you gotta put in the work to achieve your goals. A 7 footer still has to put in a lot of work to become an NBA player. You don't believe me? Just compare the amount of 7 footers around the world with the amount of 7 footers that end up making it to the NBA. Also, a disability can be an obstacle for certain things but not for others and I dare to say this: we are all disabled in some way. Some people are disabled in motivation, some are disabled in empathy, in emotional intelligence. Life is a matter of perspective. There are those who will complain, who will find narratives and excuses to justify their mediocrity without taking accountability and there are those who work through it and keep on chasing greatness. The good news is: we all get to choose who we want to be each day. Each day is a new opportunity. What you are today doesn't necessarily shapes who you will be tomorrow. I know it sounds cliche, I know I am sounding like a Nike commercial but TRUST me when you actually get out of your comfort zone, when you are motivated enough to work hard to chase a certain goal and you start seeing the results, you start to understand what it's all about. I was a TOTALLY different person years ago. If you told my old self that one day I would have become who I am today, I would have laughed at you. Finally, guess what, luck or bad luck eventually runs out and when you hustle every day, eventually there will be the time where luck is on your side. We all get lucky and unlucky, it's just that some actually make good use of it while others don't or don't show up at all
The harder one works--and the more conscientious they are--the "luckier" they tend to be.
I met a girl who was more compatible with me than anyone I had met before that; she said the same about me. But she was "still in love with" her verbally abusive stalker ex. She invited him back into her life as a friend, and he proceeded to stalk her some more. So she got back with him. 🤦♂Outside of romance, she's one of the smartest and wisest people I know. I tried to get her to choose better: "You have an obligation to your future kids not to mess up here." But I think so many women (and men) want a fixer-upper rather than a finished product. I don't understand the psychology behind that.
It's because so many men and women haven't been raised the right way. I don't know if your in a relationship or not. But next time you go on a date ask how they were raised. That will answer a lot of questions for you!
I don't know why RUclips deletes my comments, but basically (not all but a significant) amount of women are very attracted to challenges, to the roller coaster of emotions and are bored by stability.
If they suffer from Daddy Issues, multiply that unhealthy attraction by 100x.
One last advice with the best of intentions -
She might go to therapy and learn to break the vicious cycle or the abusive ex might do something catastrophic that forces her to put and end to their relationship. No matter how it end between them but IF it ends I would suggest that still seriously consider weather bringing her to your life is healthy for you or not. Why? Because even if their relationship ends, even if he does yet another horrible thing to her, if she didn't actually fully learn or heal, she might still think of him as "the one who got away" and in her mind she would be settling for you as the "safe" option. I know it hurts and it doesn't make any sense how can someone who is great in every other way, chose someone who's actually so wrong for them, but unfortunately it happens all the time. But as a random internet person all I can say is: Be careful, be very careful. Hopefully I'm wrong. Best of luck.
First of all, u need to learn the lesson of "don't believe what u hear without getting ur facts "
She's telling u about " my abusive controlling narcissist bf " story like every 304
N u fall for this tactic
Never believe their story bro especially about their exes
it’s trauma bonding man. it had nothing to do with u. she saw something familiar and went back to it. being with u would have been a good future but a unknown one.
It's like choosing a good woman. One that adds to your life and not takes from it. A bad one will suck the energy right out of you.
This is so important to hear. Too many people treat relationships like it's a matter of blind risk that we have no control over. It's a huge lie, and it's severely damaging relations between the sexes.
This ☝️ is the most accurate explanation about today's relationship
Movies , novels brainwashed these people to the point they think everything gonna happen " magically " with right partner n then they trying hard to change the other person with their stupid Disney fantasy
Nooo !!! U r fooling urself 😂
There's no magic or no Disney fairy tale
I fell into the mental trap with my ex, thinking "I can save her." Nope. That's just who she is. I needed to change my preferences because the trap is self-inflicted.
Single women keep women single.
And now apparently, it seems that married women will get women married, and even help them avoid the delusion of trying to turn bad boys into good men.
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. - Thomas A. Edison
The BIGGEST luck I've found that some could be called luck, is meeting that someone that is attracted to you as much as you are to them. Getting that match. I have found that to be the hardest thing in my 45 years of searching for someone to love.
I honestly hated and still hate when my female friends say oh ur just lucky to have him. Lucky?! Mind you I grew up with these girls. While every single one of em dated multiple men. Got presents, got taken out on dates. I was single. I was lonely. But I knew my worth. I had a lot of men ask me out but I don’t understand nor respect dating culture. My husband fell for me on our first meeting (met him thro my sis) and wanted to marry me. I gave him a chance because he gave my the most important thing. Respect. I also was an ugly child and I had to work on my self to become who I am today. Yes I do get compliments on my beauty now. But I had to work for it….I stayed in shape, I focused on my healthy skin and I focused on my talents and kindness that is what makes me glow now.
I also grew up not dating anyone by choice, I don't believe in the dating culture and didn't want to subject myself to it. I waited for the right man and he came along at the right time when I was ready. We didn't waste time and got married very soon after that. Best decision of my life.
I have that mindset as well and still can't find anyone. If there aren't any guys in your area that are single and looking for marriage, what do you do? You are lucky to have found him. Either you just get tired of waiting and settle for what you can get or you end up alone at 30...
Or…
Alone at 40, 50, 60…
Being fruitful and multiplying has now been 99% eclipsed by “freedom”. Worst kind of freedom. Like in slavery to sin kind of freedom. And most everyone loses at this modern version of “life”.
@@thenewgeneration2378if you’re open, you quickly realize you don’t need dating apps. So many people just come into my life. I have charisma. I just don’t know specifically what attracts people, but all of them are gems without exception.
Knowing your worth and sticking to it is a power move and its importance cannot be underlined enough.
I'm happy for you and your good man! 😊
Luck means they can’t acknowledge, or recognize, the effort someone made to get something.
I wholeheartedly agree.
I got a great woman because I picked a great woman.
27 years later, still great.
You get what you seek.
The problem is women who continue to desire the bad boyfriend after marrying the good man.
Eh, it’s not just this simple as much as we would all love it to be. My sister married a good man who became a good husband, and he still fell into temptation and ended up dabbling in infidelity and deception over time. Be real, people. People are flawed, and capable of things you’d never believe them to be under specific circumstances that you can’t account for before they arrive with the ebbs and flows of life. There are no guarantees. We never truly know another person, and vice versa.
I think the Internet and social media has skewed our perspective of morality. We have come to believe that the world is just full of terrible, impatient, and disgusting people when in reality most people are fair, decent, and dare I say good people. All of this datinc and relationship content makes us think everyone is trash, when it isn't the case.
Depends on who you take advice from. I used to follow a dating coach on her content until 2 years ago when I found out she's all about the money, luxurious lifestyle, going to the clubs, flakes on men, treats people like garbage, the list goes on...
Hope she finds what she's looking for
What it is is that the craziest voices are often the ones highlighted online, and we start to think that's the norm
Great to see you here!!
Rely on history textbooks, not social media. There's a reason why modern human relationships lasted 345,000 years, prior to the invention of marriage. Marriage is too much of a risk.
They make money by feeding both sides. LOL. They tell you what you want to hear. I wonder how her real life is working out. Probably no better than anyone else's.
Luck is where preparation meets opportunity. When you are in the right mindset and have done the work to know what you need in a partner, you make better decisions. Additionally, if you do the preparation you'll see the opportunity.
And this made the OTHER comment I was planning to make, redundant. You also said it better and more concisely than I would have.
Hi Courtney!
Some will be on their best behavior while dating, but they will show their true colors after the wedding. There is always that risk.
Hope that you and your husband are having a great week!
Yep that's what happened to me. They change once they have you locked in and then they can ruin your life, take your house, etc.
@@fabulousglamlife There's a reason why our species' relationships lasted 345,000 years, prior to the invention of marriage. Marriage is too much of a risk.
Most people aren't that good at being con artists.
@@DDD11239 Here we go again. How many of these responses did you type?
Life for most men was too much of a risk back then. At least with the invention of marriage, especially religious marriage, men weren't roving gangs of bandits causing chaos. Unfortunately, feminization went too far and society swung the pendulum back to marriage being too risky because too many men said yes to women's societal demands over their own well being.
Exactly, which is why we say you are so “LUCKY” because you are taking a chance that the person you like is being honest with u.
Men get shamed for preferences. That's why we ' pick wrong '. Because we get shamed otherwise
Our fast, instant gratification culture has completely lost the plot on what it takes to be good at anything at all. We attribute the success of others to luck, and wonder why limping from one dopamine novelty to the next hasn't ever worked out for us.
Wait, did she purpose to him to marry him? Probably the other way round. He is a good man and decided to be with a good woman. Both agreed to be with each other.
This is the the same argument where men say your past matters and women say it doesn’t haha. Funny how that works
"You're going to make someone a great husband someday." Hearing that since I was 18. More recently: "You'd be a good father."
Still single, never married, over 50, with no children.
Had several long-term relationships, but unfortunately none that worked out.
Telling someone over 50 they'd make a good father seems actually cruel. You should check out the book "No More Mr Nice Guy". It sounds like it might resonate with you.
@@fuzzy76 I've heard that more "great husband" when I was a lot younger. But, recently, I have heard "good father" also. Probably, because I have always wanted kids and bond well with some of my friends' children. I've seen that book referenced quite a few times online. I don't know if that "nice guy syndrome" was the issue. Unfortunately, it was usually things completely outside of my control (i.e. age, physical characteristics, etc.).
@@vaticancartel136 That belief might be part of it. I highly recommend you take a look at the book. :)
Yeah bud I'm 28 and I've given up on finding a woman to have kids with, and I can't afford a 100k for a surrogate, God just didn't want me to be a father and I guess I have to accept that. Plus single guys don't get to adopt kids either, so I'm just buying a house near water and leaving the rest of everyone alone.
Unfortunately the bad boy trope is more popular than ever. Hopefully videos like this help
I’m a 67 year old man. I have seen so many women marry bad men and think they were going to change them for the better. They all think they are different and not like all the other women who married bad men
“There are way too many [women] who don't realize they are bad at picking partners.”
Which is exactly why in the past, and in some part of the world today, fathers play an important role in vetting and choosing husbands for their daughters.
Left to women, they'll choose wrong 8/10 times.
A genuinely good man has certain qualities that make him a good man. There is no luck involved beyond maybe meeting him. A good man will have healthy, balanced, positive self respect, self esteem and sense of self worth. This man will not allow himself to be treated badly, and he will refuse to "go bad" just to get female attention or sex. He would rather be single if need be than to sacrifice his self respect or be treated badly. He values his own honor, and he keeps his word because it reflects on who and what he is. He can commit when he finds the right woman, and will commit wholeheartedly to her if she agrees to the relationship. He needs to respect this woman, just as he needs to respect himself. He will not sleep around because for this man, doing so is self destructive, and he is wise enough to understand that. And this good man is looking for a good woman, *who has all these same qualities*. I respect Courtney for having a good head on her shoulders.
Sadly women don’t want those good men around all. They really don’t care about a man’s personality at all. All they care about is a man’s looks and height.
Exactly, they're not lucky, they're stuck in the same boat as the rest of us. A good man is only as good as his environment allows him to be.
No
Pretty sure the apostles and Jesus did not have a great environment around them.
Couldnt be more wrong.
Success is opportunity meets preparation. Without preparation, you might not even recognize opportunities for what they are. So when people say they made good choices, they are simply referring to their level of preparation. It's possible you've never met a good man/woman, but it's more likely you missed it.
This is deep 🎯
I think the luck is finding the good man in the first place
Especially when the checklist is 600 items long.
The good men get burned bad by the one's that don't think that way. Courtney has the best facial expressions!
No ears though.
Yeah for real, my ex really made me question being a good person to women. Just because she had issues and made things not working out only my fault (it was also partly my fault, working hard on myself).
First woman sounds like a train wreck. She admits to doing things that men not her husband would strangle her for. Also she refers to being "put up with". Doesn't sound like she's any kind of a prize.
I also wish she would have also mentioned: being what a good man wants.
Psychopaths are real, but they're only 1% of the population. That means there's only a 1% chance you pick someone where there are no signs he's bad, then he turns on you once he has you 'trapped' with no job, kids, and no control over the household finances. Key is to never let all 3 of those things be the case; at the very least don't quit your job unless you have equal access to all family finances. It's a 1% chance, not zero.
The only thing I don’t like is when women do strictly say “I decided to marry him” when that decision is in the end the man deciding to marry the girl.
The trouble with "good men" is most women find them boring. Acting like an adult can be boring, sorry. Making sensible decisions usually pays off in the long run. Impulsive, childish decisions usually have unpleasant long term consequences. The woman who chose the good man made a sensible choice about the kind of future she wanted. She acted like an adult.
This is unfortunately true. Many years ago I asked a female friend if women preferred "bad guys" or "nice guys". She said "bad guys". I wish I had the forethought to ask her why. I consider myself a nice guy and can't envision myself mistreating or disrespecting a woman. I've always held doors open for them (and have been yelled at for doing so), given up a seat for them (and have received a dirty look for doing so), but I'll never change. The consequences of this is being single at 70 with no more opportunities to find that elusive "soul mate". At least my house is paid for, I'm in decent health, and I have enough money to finish my journey in comfort. Having a couple of needy cats helps. Lol.
My sons are good men. Women are not interested in them.
Thats too bad, because they were raised by a good father in a good family and they will be good husbands and fathers, too.
Luck favors the prepared (good plan)
1:26 Now iam curious of with way she act hehe
Seriously, does it indicate he's also a bit of a doormat? Not saying he should react with violence but what sort of behavior does she have that even she admits it?
If you wouldn't marry them, stop dating them and wasting both your times.
Well, there's a reason why modern human relationships lasted 345,000 years, prior to the invention of marriage. Marriage is too much of a risk. You can love someone without a contract.
@@DDD11239 Who loves you, Mr. Black Square?
It kinda was luck though. I get where shes coming from and I do agree with that point, but where she gets lucky, and needs humility, is that she never married him, he married HER.
She acted right and got the ring, but her "say" in the matter was saying yes.
When you pick good you get good. When you pick crud you get crud.
Amen to that!
Definitely still luck involved in even getting a good boyfriend who would make a great husband, and who happens to feel about you like you feel about them.
Luck is just where hard work meets opportunity.
All my husband’s previous female friends kept him friend zoned. Then when i married him, they wamted to hang all over him. 20 years after that, their divorced used up asses were trying to contact him online. It pissed him off, and i was offended for him too.
They didnt want him because he was a ‘good guy’ and ‘the marrying type.’ Their loss!
Now this good man has been with me for 30 years, and we’ve been supportive of each other through good times and bad times.
Thats not luck. I saw he was good and i didnt friend zone him.
It's still luck that they both met each other when they did though. You have to be at the right place at the right time. Just because you're a good person doesn't mean that you will find your future spouse easily.
The other part of her marrying a good man and having a good husband is that she didn't reject her good husband for being a good man in favor of bad boys. She was intentional in her choosing a good man who became a good husband. Women who date bad boys really are setting themselves up for a failure in life and love.
The other part of this is the whole "where are all the good men?" What's funny is there are more good people in this world than bad. We literally couldn't keep the world going if it wasn't that way.
Women who can't find a good man are women who can't attract a good man and they can't attract a good man because they don't choose good men. You attract what you pursue and if you're always falling for bad boys you're the one responsible for that. You're accountable for your choices and you pick bad men. Stop picking bad men. Of course it's possible that you're a bad woman and I can't help you there.
You choose what to be attracted to. You're the one inviting bad men into your life. You're responsible for your choices. Make better choices. Also stop complaining about your bad decisions. Anyone complaining about not being able to find a good man should just be ignored because they don't choose good men and good men are everywhere.
Women tend to pick men who make them tingle and feel good over men that do good.
Excellent points. As an addendum, even IF a woman who has been with the Chads/Tyrones wants to find a good man, she has already been alpha-widowed. It's the biggest elephant in the room that is not discussed at all.
After being the 6'3, 90kg fitness athlete who rocked her world all night long, having to go back to a 5'8 or 5'9 75kg bloke is something they just cannot deal with. They already had a taste of what they consider to be "greatness", so it's impossible for them to go back to a "normal" good man. They always feel like they're stepping backwards or down to do so.
It makes them unmarriable, essentially, because they will never get a ring from Chad/Tyrone, and they will never love Peter/Bob.
@Billy-bc8pk but additionally, why is the good man always short and inadequate in these examples? Even if a man is a 6'2" financial professional in the top 2 percent of men down there with a big heart. The very fact that he's not toxic is a turn off to these women. I am of course only speaking hypothetically. If this man even exists. But I digress.
It's not even about the guy it's the "energy" women can just sorta smell that a man is toxic. Potentially, literally, because perhaps it is pheromones, but again, I have no idea. It's the "he's too nice" phenomena.
So no matter what a good man does, he is not what these women are looking for. He can literally tick all the boxes but he's a good man and thus not the right "vibe". A good example is Kaka the soccer player.
If you recall earlier this year I think it was or just last year maybe the news hit that the highly successful soccer player Kaka got divorced from his wife of many years. He is wealthy and athletic and frankly looks like a guy if designed for the cover of a romance novel. But he's also by all accounts a genuinely good person and his ex-wife said she divorced him because he was "too perfect". Too Perfect? Too PERFECT?! What the heck? How are we ever supposed to win?
There are now pictures from her on dates and the guys she's with are shlubs with a whiff of A-hole. And honestly you have to be a bit of an A-hole to want to date her given that she was a famous soccer player's wife not just a few months ago. But I digress..
It's not just alpha-widow stuff it's deeper than that. They can be with a man who is by all accounts an alpha and still reject him for jerks. Even good men with their crap together aren't good enough for these toxic women.
@Billy-bc8pk ok, take two.. I hate RUclips eating replies to these.
So I have to ask why you make out the good man to be kinda pathetic. Why is the good man always short and inadequate in these examples? Even if the guy is a man who ticks all the boxes, if he's a good man, women like this are repelled.
A good example of this is the extremely successful soccer player Kaka. He's rich and athletic, and even us guys can tell he's strikingly handsome, but by all accounts, he's a genuinely good person. Players from both teams he's been on and played against have reported that he's a good sport and a good guy.
So his ex-wife reportedly said that the reason why she divorced and left him was because he is "too perfect." Excuse me, but what? Too perfect?! Too friggin Perfect?! Really, are you kidding me?
She was with an alpha and she dumped him because he's a good man. So no, not 5'8" fat and drools but kind. No! Rich handsome athletic successful and the key trait is he's a good man and his toxic ex-wife dumped him to go get run through by jerks.
Good men can't get away from this. It doesn't matter if the guy is an alpha because it's deeper than that. Yes, alpha widows are a thing. But good men can't win even if they're not cave trolls.
So I object to your portrayal of good men. Some of us are tall and conventionally attractive and have our lives together but get rejected because we're not toxic. So, it doesn't matter with these superficial traits. It goes deeper than that.
@@darrenskjoelsvold Zero disagreements here. You're absolutely right -- I used the 5'8 example because that's the average height of men, but not the height that women find attractive (not that they can spatially tell anyway).
But yes, you're absolutely right -- many good guys are also in shape and take care of themselves and will still get dogged out of a good marriage due to Chad/Tyrone. Kaka is a good example just as well as Tom Brady, where Gisele complained he wasn't around enough -- like really? The dude is alpha of all alphas, and you're complaining he isn't around enough? Was that not something she could have talked to him about instead of hooking up with the Jiu Jitsu teacher?
Yeah it's just the curse of being a nice guy. If you are straight laced, put the effort in, and treat her well, she will spite you for it by saying she no longer feels that "spark" and will go elsewhere to find it, typically in the arms of Chad/Tyrone.
It takes two to make a successful relationship. And still the odds are against you. Expectations are just that, expectations. Reality bites.
Luck definitivly plays a role, when finding the right person.However, if you're looking in the wrong places and with the wrong criteria, you won't find a good man or woman.
Many woman are also blinded by wealth and fame, when they look for someone.
He has to have a house - no, he doesn't.
He has to make a lot of money- no he doesn't.
He has to act as if I'm the centre of the universe- no he doesn't.
Being a decent man with a decent job, an education and a realistic approach to life is quite enough.
It baffels me, how unrealistic many women are.
When it comes to marriage, character and dedication to the relationship is, what counts.
Building a future together doesn't mean, the guy hands you this future on a silver plate.
Nor does it mean that you'll be rich or even wealthy one day.
It means, having a partner by your side, you can count on, no matter what.
Everything else is abuse, in this case of the woman being the abuser. She's burdening the relationship with dreams, that aren't likely to come true.
If I were a man, I'd run for the hills. 😢
Some might also see someone calling them "lucky" as in insult. As if they aren't deserving of a good partner.
In the wise words of Bailey Zimmerman, "Something bout a ring makes you think we're better off with all this but we're caught in between a rock and hard place"
women initiate 80% of divorces, and usually for no reason. the easiest step to have a good husband is to stop betraying them
MGTOW also means: Men Guarding Their Own Wealth.