Finding Hope and Other (Im)possible Things
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- Опубликовано: 23 апр 2024
- A little talk about hope, how we keep it, and how we find it when we don't feel there is much.
Read it for free here apparitionlit.com/the-exclusi...
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Apologies for the sound quality!
~ Tim
In this case the audio is clearly a choice. One I respect, one that adds to the video in my opinion. I'd be suspicious of a video with this message that arrived perfect. The wind noise adds to the sense of place. The rustle speaks of emotive passion rather than something shot deliberately over a dozen takes.
Consistent, good audio quality is a fine goal to have as a creator. Invariable perfection (of audio or anything else) is a worse goal-likely to engender as much harm as good. It also isn't an expectation any reasonable audience should carry, for much the same reason.
Even though I don’t feel like it’s necessary, apology accepted 😊👍
The audio is good Tim, the message is heard loud andclear. Thank you for making such an honest video 🙏💫
The birds chirping in the end, barely noticeable. They really underline the point you made. Beautiful.
And as a German I of course appreciate the use of my mother tongue.
Sometimes life is like this dark tunnel. You can't always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you just keep moving... you will come to a better place. - Uncle Iroh
"If you look for the light, you can often find it. But, if you look for the dark, that is all you will ever see." -also Iroh
Hey Tim
I'm not a channel member or patron (yet, I've been meaning to) so you probably won't see this, but in case you do:
I've been watching for years and following your journey. I felt sad when you said you felt your faith was slipping away; I felt joy when you got married. (I got married outdoors around the same time so it felt like a shared experience!) I care about ya as a person, and I hope and pray for you to find your own hope. It's a dark world; seek light. It's never too dark for dreaming
Apologies for the sound quality!
~ Tim
It's just environmental background sounds. Gives it a sense of authenticity and place.
"What joys are you anticipating right now?"
The best part of spring is coming to Europe, and I'm really looking forward to go cycling with my parents. It's my quality time with them, and my relationship with them has improved a lot through this shared hobby.
I'm meeting this new person and I like spending time with them. At this point in my life I feel like I should be over these kind of crushes, but I like feeling this light happiness again.
My students are nervous about their exams to get into uni, but they are more than ready and I want to see their success.
Vulnerability is such a beautiful thing. I love when people share. It’s helps and reaches more than we ever know. Glad I took the time to watch this. And thanks for the cry. 💜
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance. Against such there is no law."
I mean there can be kinda but that are usually already in dark dictatorships
I too am struggling recently. With writing, with university, with feeling loved and just having a purpose.
I feel that what takes me through it is what I look forward to. Fixing my father's old motorcycle and getting a drivers license for it, the warmer weather and spending time outdoors in nature. I will be teaching the new students next fall. I founded and am leading a writing org at university that brings community to so many new writers.
It is the thread that holds my life together until I can figure this life thing out. Until then there is also always your videos to look forward to as well!
Even in my darkest times, I find joy in life through being able to read new One Piece chapters every week, I'm so glad I get to follow this story for such a large part of my life
As Leia said, "Hope is like the sun. If you only believe it when you see it you'll never make it through the night."
Stay nerdy, and know that you help some of us keep believing in hope even in the dark with your awesome content.
“What joys are you anticipating right now?”
I’m looking forwards to spending time with my friends, visiting my cousins, finishing the fan fiction I’m reading, and playing more Zelda TOTK
I am heading towards fifty and I have had low-level depression since I was 16. I have an existential crisis every 2years or so and I once didn't get out of bed for almost two months. I have learned that heading towards the lows is the worst, being in them feels like nothing, and getting out of them always feels like purpose and meaning. Kids are a great motivator, and I have put a great deal of energy and effort into having relationships that feel like friendships with mine. Talking and being honest about everything with my people also helps. I have learned that it is like the tides for me, and I just have to hold on a bit and it will pass. It doesn't make the thing easier, but I know it is not forever. I read and I learn and I sometimes I meditate and I often just sit in the garden and watch the sky and listen to the wind. It's a great world. It's an awful world. It is all a balance of more things than the black and white we want it to be.
It’s hard to comment on something like this, because it feels like it should be more of a back and forth, which obviously won’t happen. I love having deep and vulnerable conversations, it’s where I’ve grown the most. Commenting on how or what I use to deal with struggle is hard for me because it feels like I’m turning that struggle into an identity, and struggle is not an identity. Anxiety is not an identity. In my experience anxiety is your body working and doing its job. Anxiety is the fire alarm in the house. My body put pins in certain instances when I was young, and something about now sets off my alarms. I have been trying to figure out what is triggering my alarms and why. They why is where I go next. It’s where the hard work happens, because sometimes you have to be honest with yourself. You have to admit that you’re causing it sometimes. Or you have to be honest about what’s actually happening and choosing enough is enough is hard.
Doing any of that is hard in today’s culture because as men we are told that being vulnerable is bad or frowned upon, but guess what… the people saying that have so much more to work on and I feel sorry for them. I hope they get to where I am someday, but it’s not my responsibility to show them the path. Growing is hard, but it’s worth it. So incredibly worth it. You deserve to be loved and to let your needs be heard, actually heard. It’s hard to accept that.
Sorry to double comment, but more thoughts.
You're an amazing thinker. An inspiring thinker! And I know that faith plays very rough with thinking, and reason, and logic. But I think that faith really is the best source of hope. I think we as rational, thinking people should still be allowed to find our hope in something bigger, beyond us; beyond this life that we see and feel and observe. I think we find greater hope in searching for a greater good.
I remember the sorrow I felt when Tim shared that his faith had fallen away. His videos supported my mental health through the pandemic, and have inspired my creativity in ways I can't express. I'd even go so far as to say he has been one of the most important influences on my creative works.
I totally agree with faith being the best source of hope. As for it playing rough with thinking, reason, and logic, I used to think the same. But as I've studied the breadth of philosophy in my university studies and personal time, I find that it is rather the opposite. Anselm of Canterbury once called the study of God and how faith works (theology) as "faith seeking understanding," and I contend that philosophy and reason is a kind of "understanding seeking faith." We can study all there is within the universe, know how it works in its complex and beautiful detail, as well as comprehend logical propositions. And yet, the soul calls for more, something beyond ourselves, beyond mere naturalism. Humanity seems hardwired for faith, if not in God, then to place it in people, scientific progress, politics, or the like.
To quote C.S. Lewis: "If I find in myself a desire, which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not prove that the universe is a fraud. Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing. If that is so, I must take care, on the one hand, never to despise, or to be unthankful for, these earthly blessings, and on the other, never to mistake them for the something else of which they are only a kind of copy, or echo, or mirage."
Faith is not inherently blind, or against reason. Rather, it is the natural inclination of our heart to search for the truth that philosophy and logic cannot entirely reach, but merely point to. And I'm certain that there may be replies to this with their own reasons why they believe that everything I've said is incredibly stupid and naive. But I have discovered that when one tries to place their hope in the ever-changing world, it is at constant risk of said change, and thereby robbing us of true joy and peace.
@@Croutonium Which video did Tim mention that he had fallen from his faith?
@@CLDJ227 I'm fairly confident it was explicitly mentioned in a later video, but I think the first mention of it is in his video "7 stories that changed my life", when he's speaking about The Testaments by Margaret Atwood.
@@Croutonium Thank you for responding 😎. I've seen both videos where he talked about that, and based on those he seems to be more on a journey of figuring out what he believes I don't know if that necessarily means he's fallen away, but still I'm praying for him. Have a blessed one.
Great video. Sad to see a good man struggling, but at the same time much encouraged to see that struggle shared publicly. It speaks to significant strength of character in the person sharing, as vulnerability _chosen_ always evinces strength. More importantly it provides a much needed chance for people to see and acknowledge human reality. Whether in our own life or a loved one's we're all involved in this particular fight. It's well past time we started regularly standing together in public spaces, sharing our strategies to win back more joy and more _time_ .
I find myself like Homer. Pushing through the hard days so I can support and provide for those in my life who depend on me.
For Tim, and for anyone else who is struggling:
What I think is important to keep in mind, is that you can never completely rule out the possibility that something good might happen in the future. It might be in a week, a year, or maybe it's actually waiting for you just around the corner. If you think about it, some of the best things that happens in your life are the ones you've not anticipated or even planned for. A new best friend. A new favorite book. The love for your life. We cannot possibly know what will happen, but that's not a reason to abandon hope. It's a reason to have faith in the fact that life still has some surprises in store for us that we've yet to discover. You will not always be happy, but you will also not feel down in the same way as you're doing at the moment forever. So do not despair, for as professor Tolkien himself once wrote:
"Despair is only for those who see the end beyond all doubt. We do not"
Lots of love ❤.
I'm having a down day today. When the bad thoughts are flooding through my mind again.
I feel a little better hearing it's not just me. Thank you for sharing.
Hope you will feel better soon Tim, you have helped me find a greater appreciation for the stories you both created and dived into with your videos.
Its fun to see things from a new perspective, something that helps me break out of my bad periods.
So thanks and be well, best regards from Finn.
I hope your dark clouds give away soon, friend. I struggle with anxiety, depression, and right now dealing with a bout of pretty bad hypochondria. My joy and hope comes primarily from my partner. Where I fail to be consistently anything she's always there to support and inspire. Even if I can't do all those things I want I can at least be there for her. Your story really struck a chord with me for that reason, as you might imagine. But other than that I just recently discovered travelling, which so far has never failed to bring me inspiration, hope, joy, and dreams of further adventures. Meeting new cultures and learning about history really helps me look outside of myself and my troubles (imagined or not). Your videos also help me. Thank you for teaching us all about writing, worldbuilding, and for generally being a positive influence!
Things get better, but they also do get worse. The hope that I have is that they always get better again.
Hey Tim. I know I'm just a random person on the internet, but I appreciate you so much. I know it's hard. Don't worry about uploading, people don't understand how much effort you put into these. Focus on your mental health :3 I'm very proud of you for being vulnerable, it's so insightful and brought tears to my eyes. You help us so much! Stay nerdy!
I remember when you published that story of the janitor, and thinking “I wonder if he feels that he is the janitor, and that the other passengers are us/his viewers”.
to me vorfreude (or "voorpret" in Dutch) is not something I have actively or experience actively. Sometimes I have no expectation of an event or moment but realize in the moment that I'm enjoying it. What I have done is set my mind to a realistic but optimistic expectation of life. Meaning that I know that there will be difficulties and challenges but I choose to go in them with an open mind.
It helps me manage the difficulty that is life, even when my mind is being chaos because I haven't doing something creative for an extended period of time. Trough trial, error and experience I've learned things that help me manage the internal chaos. In the good times and the difficult ones.
I hope you manage the same for yourself 🙏. Always love the insightful and honest videos. Thanks TIm
I’m just coming out of a bad headspace time that had lasted months. Your pain, your hopelessness, I have struggled with it too. It doesn’t make it any better, but you do not walk alone. We’re here because we’re here because we’re here
Hi Tim (and all other readers :)
I hope you'll be more cheerful soon. For me, feeling I have unfinished work in many different aspects of life (now I sound like a chronic procrastor) gives me hope for tomorrow. I guess it's a "whats comes next" kind of attitude. I always try to push myself in more than one direction (work, academic, family, hobby). Having hobbies is important (AOE2 can clean the head according to a private study with one subject)
It also helps to surround yourself with people who love and encourage you.
One other thing is to make peace with yourself, you are good, you are enough. And then qute the best doctor's finel words ever: "I DON'T WONT TO GO"
I hope those words help a little. After all, we are all works in progress 😊
"Hope is the thing with feathers" its hard man, I can empathize and I HOPE you find your hope again.
Something I look forward to is having a wonderful dinner with my family every night and hope for my future family.
I've been living for my allotment and my husband since about 3 months before we got married. There's been a lot on in our lives and ive struggled through it.
But every time something i plant grows, i grow a little. And this month has been a turning point. Ive been finding hope in the weeds too (well. Not the couch grass. I've been processing the emotions rooting in frustration on my couch grass) but in the dandelions and the nettles. Im looking at them and "giving meaning" to their existence. I've been making dandelion root coffee for weeks and it's filled the gap of coffee that ive had to cut for medical reasons. Ive started harvesting the flowers to brew wine, and im going to start the same with nettle shoots. I get to turn things that id rather not have been there into something that works for me. Something that functionally shows that though I'm "behind" on where i "should be" the time doesnt have to have be wasted.
I like it when the sound on content i watch isnt over edited, so long as we can hear you, the grounding sounds of nature do not retract from what you say :) and i think when talking about mental health, the sounds of nature can only help ground, and calm.
Hey Tim, greetings from Guatemala.
I wanted to let you know that it’s okay to feel like that sometimes, the only way we can appreciate the good times is with contrast so keep that in mind, we don’t always have to be happy and pumped so it’s completely valid, thanks for sharing your feelings, your journey and your life with us. I’ve been watching for years and feel like I know at least a small part of you through YT and I think we would be friends if you lived here or I there.
Anyway stay nerdy
I can really relate to this. I think seeking joy in anticipating the future is the wrong approach. As you said yourself, you are only setting yourself up for disappointment and a feeling of futility.
Don't look forward to things; instead, discipline your brain to appreciate the present. What you have now, not even what you have achieved in the past. I manage that by accepting that my brain can be wrong and make me feel sad even when i should objectively be happy.
When I truly believe my brain is wrong for making me feel this way, I do my best to shut it off by engaging in activities that reward the body and empty the mind such as social gatherings, hiking or swimming for hours.
It may sound derivative but that's very well summarised in "pluck the day": savour the moment, and savour the moment even more because you know it will pass. Hopelessness has no grip if you don't rely on hope to carry you through the present.
If you are anything like me, i would not even recommend things like gratitude journals, as they encourage overthinking and abstractions which are things i already do in excess. Sure, occasionally remind yourself of how objectively lucky you are to make sure you are actually wrong to feel sad, but don't encourage the parts of your brain that take you out of the moment and spiral out of control.
The highs are definitely the most terrifying because the lows hit so hard. One thing I tell others who are down in the depths is that sun always comes out. It always rises. And it sort of sparks a little hope inside me to keep going. I would like to say the same thing to you. The sun will always come out. I know you said you’re okay, but I want to echo you. It’s okay. And even though I’m a simple stranger, thank you for being here.
I always await your videos. They have always made me think about things in ways I have never thought of them before. Truly, your videos have been part of the reason why I built up enough confidence to begin writing out my first stories almost three years ago.
A tremendous thank you for all the videos you have made, all the effort you have gone through. My best wishes, and I will patiently await your next upload.
When I was having su1cidal thoughts, what helped me was thinking about my close friends and how they would feel about it, and then about how much more joy they would have if I dont do it. Just the thought of how I affect other peoples lives in a positive way is enough for me. As long as I can bring joy, I know I also can be happy.
"Vorfreude ist die schönste Freude!" (The anticipation of joy is the greatest joy.) is a common saying in Germany. "Vorfreude" is full of potential of what might be. But it can also be a double-edged sword if it is paired with expectations. If expectations take over, it can turn into disappointment quickly. So, it's important to temper expectations from time to time.
(Which is so much easier said than done, especially in the darker moments.)
Thank you for always sharing your authenticity with us. It is a gift. [picture of Boromir]
"What joys are you anticipating right now?" Probably one of first ones is reading The 2 tomes on Worldbuilding and the catalogue for the end of humanity? Then there is a really new joy that is learning how to do 3d all by myself, and I'm excited to go to it, for I fought a long battle for it inside, and one joy is a long term - having a great time with my parent and keeping a promise of a bike ride. And probably the horse, Kigan - can't forget him too sometimes. I'm everything will be alright Tim
In german, there is also the phrase: "Vorfreude ist die schönste Freude" (the joy of anticipation is the greatest joy). So often the knowledge that something (an event, a present etc.) is coming, is often more important than the thing itself
Thank you for this video, Tim.
My version of "Do it for her" at work is a small canvas photo I got done professionally of my dogs because they are the reason I do my job even though it's depressing af ❤️ the world is pretty dark right now but being there for others can also mean being there for yourself, which my Staffy reminds me of every morning by headbutting me with joy at the fact that I'm awake 😍
I've been struggling with the work I do, I never thought I'd be at the job as long as I have been, and I haven't made nearly enough progress on my book. Then I saw those same Homer pictures, and having a daughter myself, it gave me some renewed purpose. It's still tough, and the burden isn't lighter, but I carry it easier.
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."
I felt this so hard, especially that part about knowing something is good but not being able to feel it. I'm 6 months postpartum and I know I am so blessed with my little boy, a wonderful husband, a safe home I can afford and make my own, finacial stability. There is NOTHING to complain about, but yet I can't connect all of that to my heart. I realize that my body has been through something hard and my hormones have not stabilized and my sleep is still broken, but knowing that and accepting it are different. I wonder if each day will be a good day or another spiral. Thank you for reminding me that these are moments that will pass.
For context, my third and youngest turned 8 on Monday. I also have bipolar disorder and spend most of my time inside of depressive and dysphoric episodes.
What you are going through is the hardest thing there is. Learning how to manage a new baby, even if it's not your first, changes everything. No matter how fortunate or stable one's situation is, there's just no manual. No right answer. So every answer you pick feels like it must have been the wrong one. There are times I've felt like strangling my little angels with their halos. And there are the moments you see your children succeed using something you taught them, and you know you're doing okay.
Remember to take time to nap, to breathe, to love yourself, to connect with your partner and other family and friends. The dishes can wait. Ask for help. You're not alone, and you're worth helping. (If no one else is, I'm here.) Forgive yourself by learning from your mistakes. You'll make plenty, and that's okay. And allow yourself to enjoy every moment you can with your tiny person. And if there are other tiny people, enjoy them, too. Take care. ❤ Reach out if you need to.
@renlyspeach7622 thank you for taking the time to write all that out. I've reread it several times already. Today had been rough again and this helped 🩷
Been struggling with anxiety and a lack of hope as well recently. Just kind of seems sucky. One of the ways I've been finding hope, however, is by talking to my family. My mother, specifically. Seeing how much I mean to her makes me want to keep going. She gives me hope because I know about how much she gave up for me, and I know that she sees her dreams in me. I hope you feel better. For what it's worth, I've been watching your videos for close to five years now, and I appreciate that you're channel I can come back to in order to learn and be better. You're a huge inspiration. Thank you
I find joy in watching or reading the stories that inspire me, that make me feel hope, and joy, and wonder, and yes, despair. Going on that emotional journey, connecting with the characters, and knowing that in the end, they will make it through and find happiness. One of the reasons I love Romance stories is the implicit promise: See these two people who are struggling, who are lost and lonely? They will find love and joy. For every person who has ever lived, in any situation, there is some story that mirrors their problems, or a writer who, if they heard it, would say "Hold my beer, and watch while I show you how this can turn out for the better."
Your videos have touched me, though I came late to many of the fandoms. I fell in love with Avatar through your videos, even before I watched an episode of the shows, because you show why the stories are deep, moving, and great. Your words and insights have inspired me, and helped me, the hopeful words, but also the ones that struggle, yet choose to life on, choose to keep going. You might not see the Joy and Hope right now, but maybe reconnecting with the stories or shows or people that inspire you can help you see it again.
I have a pretty clinical view about life and handling of it. It's awesome to see you so open and introspective, and humbling to me as a viewer and another mind to peek in the head of another. I don't see the worth in typing this out, but I might as well, since I am a person that deals with their emotions, organizes that thought cabinet through writing. I'll answer your authenticity, and that of the many other commenters, with my own authenticity, weird as it may seem.
I am both drowning in existential pessimism, as I am in awe of each person. The way people manage to find hope in this world of uncertainty and compromise tells me there are robust frameworks in our programming that enable it. I haven't had the fortune when it was organic, to have found meaning through connections and integration with the naturalized societal conditions, and thus have had to learn to tap into this 'pacifying' and 'meaning-making' faculty in our minds. I've thought about nonexistence at rock bottom and at the zenith, and have come to the conclusion that life beats its antithesis.
Evolution and the ecological ascendancy has conditioned us as social animals to divide our agency across people, to be a stakeholder in some tribe of affection, group of ideas, explanatory framework of the past, present and future. It is all in seeking of belonging, I envision. It was both an emergent adaptation as it was something to be sought, something worthy, valued by those minds that spawned from continuation of this dynamic that propelled socialization. Hence, the most traditional way human beings have found meaning has always been through investment of their agency into the different systems around them, be it family, religion or society at large. That is where connections are formed, both good and bad. Investing in a political party comes with inheritance of its feuds, as your agency is conditioned by these added variables in your opinionization.
Hence, it stands that the most stable way of finding hope and meaning is through investment in forming of connections, strengthening of them and conscious valuation of them. It has its roots in our primal human condition, after all. There are myriad affections and corporations of thought to be enamoured with, and it is easy to get lost in the chaos of it all. We are constantly weighing one system against another, and while many are compartmentalized reasonably, our minds have a limited extent of emotional bandwidth to draw from, and even it can be numbed if your mind becomes lost in that chaos.
The reason I still am here after conscious deliberation over the conondrum of the ages, most central to any thinking being, is that I chose to be here. I wasn't given agency upon inception of my consciousness, but from that moment I had it. It had been dispersed across a group of systems, most predominantly the family dynamics in adolescence, that were slowly spread around a multitude of interested parties. From there, my identity was formed through weighing of all this against each other, expectations radiated to me and the needs and wants shouted from across the schisms, telling me what to be and what to want for in this world. It wasn't an exchange of reason, either; there remained the animal inertia to weigh one decision against another and the existing portfolio of meaning-making ideas in my head, stripping me of agency.
This ultimately led to a moment where I profoundly came to realize how I had been stripped of my agency once more. I came to think nonexistence was the only way to redeem it for myself. Fortunately I had no fascination in it beyond that, since life had always been manageable, if not somewhat clinical and predeterministic after the unfortunate realization. It wasn't some cosmic truth, either; it was mere reality of the human condition as animals blessed to reason over hardware of instinct.
The reason I remain, where I find hope, is that the human condition is a beautiful thing. It awes me everytime I think of it. I see the ideas shared, and how they affect people, and though I remain detached and uninvested with conscious calibration of the extent of this, I can see these are the very fulcrums of society: where people draw strength. I can admit to some degree of intellectualization as a coping mechanism to some underlying pathos, but I wouldn't compartmentalize a mind like that. But, it tells me something fundamental that even I as someone with muted emotionality and a reductive view of the world feels things. I experience life in an idiosyncratic way, but I feel each person could draw more meaning through conscious validation of their existing connections, what ties them to the world at large, and by satiation of that growing hunger to find more of it, to become subsumed in that vast logistics chain of ideas. I can't do that, but I imagine that is catharsis incarnate.
I went through deep depression when I was a teenager. Sadly, I lived in an environment where going to a psychologist was seen as something a crazy person would do, so I didn't received professional help at that time and battled through it alone (there were people who wanted to help me, but I never felt that they actually understand me and even if they did so, it's not the same as professional help). I remember, that at around my lowest point I thought that I don't want to live like that. This thought gave me two options: ending my life or changing it. I actually wanted to choose the first option, but after an unsuccessful attempt (my little sister came home before I could actually do it) I realised, that I don't want to traumatise my younger sisters. So that left me with the other option: changing. The thing that helped me was to find every day one thing, that was good (or at least not bad). At the beginning it was really hard, but luckily there are things, that are unapologeticly beautiful even if I feel awful. Like the flowers at spring, the leaves at autumn or the snow in winter. Even at my darkest moments I couldn't deny that these are beautiful and thereby good things. And after that it became easier to find even joyful things. It was a long process but step by step this helped me to crawl out of the deep darkness.
I'm generally quite well at Vorfreude, or rather in the sense that I daydream about the things I plan and how fun they could turn out to be. This is also an escape from the reality right now though. I just kept planning so many things to fill my life, that I got burned out on everything. I was living in the future too much. And I was scared of loneliness.
Thing is, I have this innate sense of hope for myself. I had a good childhood. Lord of the Rings was what resonated with me so when I was 13. I have hope for myself, but it is in relationships that I struggle. Sometimes I feel I don't really matter for anyone, but I want to so badly. I'm blessed that during burnout I don't have any responsibilities to others that I wouldn't be able maintain. I have plenty of friends, with whom I can talk about anything, also personal stuff. But I don't have anyone close that I see every week or so.
But I'll get there eventually, against all odds, like Frodo did! I fought so much it got me burned out. That's just another adversary to overcome (by slowing down, mindfulness etc). I'll come out stronger on the other side!
This is such a raw video, the grounding and honest emotions bubbling under the surface. It’s refreshing and it makes me happy that it helps you.
I’m in a rough place atm so my Vorfeude is in a decade when I’ll have amazing children, past my current challenges and their baby years, who will smile and laugh and play in our summer sun. (Ozone withstanding 😅)
I imagine the Christmases to come, so aptly captured in Tim Minchin’s song “White Wine In The Sun”
PS - the audio is fine, it’s endearing and delightful to see your pride in your craft and how you posted this anyway, even with it not being up to your personal standards. Thank you for sharing.
Hey Tim. The "Vorfreude" in my life is stunned for the moment. I living day by day. Music is one thing, the characters Luffy, Izuku Midoriya and my unwritten characters of my fantasy world are keeping me going. I can only imagine what you are going through, but know that you are not alone. I am thankful of having little stars like you, creators that go out of their comfort zone to talk what they have on their hearts.
To not go beyond of texting here to much I like to remember the words of Uncle Iroh, even when it is hard to tell:
IN THE DARKEST TIME, HOPE IS SOMETHING YOU GIVE YOURSELF. THAT IS THE MEANING OF INNER STRENTH.
UNCLE IROH
Thank you for the great video, Tim, and please do not worry about the sound quality!!
The timing is incredible. I just had the exact same conversation with a friend. We are both writing (or struggling to) and striving to recognize how we downplay our progress, talk ourself down, focus on the dark side of things... Your story was a fragment and yet it communicated so much. Thank you for sharing it, I will treasure it. We are not alone in these struggles. And you are a lovely, kind, and insightful human being. Big hug!
Tim I hope you know that your fan base is special in that we genuinely care about you. I feel like I'm speaking for nearly all of us when I say that we will still be here , even if you miss a livestream for a month, even if there's gaps between videos that are bigger than you'd like. We'll still be here looking forward to seeing you again and wishing the best for you
Edit: it's okay to live for others (for a short while) as long as doing so is actually helping to keep your cup filled. I wouldn't advise trying to find motivation in abstractions, like your fan base or memories of people you've helped. Finding motivation in the concrete goods in your life like Laura, your career taking off, and knowing that tomorrow you'll wake up to another beautiful view, those things will be more easily absorbed by your mind.
An extremely good tool for getting through day to day is to create a really small daily routine of something that's new and kind of interesting or fun. For example, going to get yourself coffee at a café instead of making it at home. Or taking a short seaside walk to help you wake up instead of scrolling on your phone. Just some ideas, i hope this helps
Lots of love and support, tim!
Thank you for being there and sharing all of this! You reminded me of something I had forgotten for quite a while! ^^
My favorite thing to say to myself is, feeling hopeless and feeling lost is a part of life, like being happy, tired hungry or angry. It comes it goes and when the times comes and i can drown myself into something that i am truly passionate about, it will be more glories. When you feel the joy again you wil find that the sadness carved a great space in your soul that is so much bigger than before. In the end all will be well, we can believe that for you, until you can believe it yourself again!
Genuinely hope you’re ok Tim. You’re a huge inspiration to everyone here, our mentor. And you do so much good for others, you are a good person.
Also, don’t be sorry for the audio, it’s really great quality, considering you’re right by the ocean.
I’m hopeful I can finish my story and share it with the world, someday.
The best answer I can give is "hope things will get better in the future" because they sure are absolutely terrible right now. Why do I get up every day? Because I have to and because people depend on me, this and the thing I mentioned before, nothing else.
I find a lot of joy right now in my youngest daughter. She’s 4 and has the cutest sense of humor. I’m also finding joy in finally, after 12 years of teaching, really feeling like I’m doing a good job. There are aspects of my teaching this year that have been the best I’ve ever done at my craft and my colleagues and supervisors have noticed my good work, and that feels really good.
Hey Tim, just dropping by here to say that this video hit me very deeply. I've been going through my own stuff, and seeing some of the thoughts I have reflected so openly and honestly is something I admire very much! I really hope it was therapeutic for you as well and wish you the best.
If I could I would find you and give you a big hug right now.. but since I live on the opposite side of the world, we'll settle for a virtual ❤. Love you man and keep doing what you do, you're an inspiration!
Can't remember the last time I felt hope, or remotely positive. If I didn't have my work or creative outlets to focus on I'm not sure I would be able to cope. I still appreciate your message though.
I was writing about this sort of idea in my journal. I just got done with climbing another goddamn mountain after the last however many goddamn mountains and felt like I got nothing for my trouble just like all the other mountains (reading long shitty series and constantly trying and sometimes succeeding in writing books)
Albert Camus helped. The sum of my efforts are for no one and nothing, but I’ve never let a silly little thing like getting punched in the face keep me down before, so I just keep getting back up. Because at some point it will be unreasonable to challenge me long before I back down from a challenge.
my cats are some of the best inspiration of hope and re-settling back into a more joyful mood - they're so unconcerned with the world at large, but in their little world we all mean so much to one another, and they are so good at coming to comfort when someone is having a rough day. it's a little thing, but they are remarkable little self-appointed therapy animals....
What I'm anticipating is my sister graduating from high school next month. Whenever I'm struggling, my two little sisters are what motivates me.
Sorry to hear that you're going through this. You were one of the first channels I really started watching for writing analysis, and the beautiful way that you look at storytelling really inspires me to write.
In terms of how I view the joy and hope in the world, it's in the smaller things, the mundane things, the things you see a thousand times, but each time in a slightly different context. How the sun hits a leaf, the shapes of the scratches and wear on my desk, the fact that everything simply exists, and how we can bring meaning to even the smallest of things. I treat objects like they have feelings so I can express gratitude to everything for simply being there. "Thanks, Computer; you're doing great. It's okay if you need a little extra time to load the page, you've got this," and stuff like that. I feel that appreciating things in such a way creates a habit in the brain where you can appreciate the world in a personified way, and hopefully, it'll extend to yourself as well. I also keep a tight leash of what words I can use when it's in a critical way. Instead of "Oh, well I failed at that, then," it would be more like, "That didn't go quite as planned, but here's how I'll fix it/change what I do next time." Taking the finality out of mistakes turns them into learning moments to grow from, rather than the end of the world. It's all about what you do in each present moment, not actions from the past. The past is a guide so that we can better ourselves in the future; after all, people have infinite potential to grow, as we always have somewhere to grow from.
But that's just my experience. Wishing you the best!!
For a long time I grappled with a demon, a question that I could not answer. It was, as John Green relates in his review on Sequoia trees, a game called "Whats Even The Point?" Since my teens I could not answer this, and my ongoing persistence was sometimes only due to a crippling terror of oblivion. I could not commit myself to an afterlife, I felt like everything would eventually mean nothing. For 10+ years I struggled. Then, as cliche as this sounds, we had my daughter. Two years ago, my entire paradigm changed almost overnight. I remember the night I read a writing prompt, "You find out you have thirty minutes to live. What do you do?" Any other time that would have sent me into a panic attack. Instead, I knew with certainty that I would call my wife (I was too far to drive home to see them) and spend every single second I had left telling her all the things I wanted her to know, to remember, and to tell our daughter who would be too young to remember me. The outcome of my original question had not changed. I will still die, bad things will still happen, this may mean nothing someday. But now, today, I have something larger than myself. I did not really matter, in a way that was liberating. My anticipating of joy has become the anticipation of her joy. When she sees something for the first time, as mundane as a tree or a flower, it feels like a new experience. This answer is entirely self-centric. Not everyone has, nor wants or needs to want, to have kids to find meaning. There are other equally valid paths. This was just mine. My hope is in her. My joy. My fear and sorrows. My happiness. Everything that I am I give to her. I do not know what your answer will be, but I hope you find it. Chin up.
Hi Tim, I hope you are finding your way of getting through it. I feel like I've been in the same place after recently losing someone really close in my family. It's been straight up awful. I try to have routines and keep my daily life in order, but at the same time be patient with myself. I try to treat myself with some joy every now and then and work on what I need. Just being able to bake something when I want helps. We keep saying bad days come in waves.
There was a point in my life where I think that the only reason I'm still around is because I found something I could be in anticipation for, a web serial that published every Tuesday and Friday. If I wasn't here any more, I wouldn't be able to get to the end of the story. This video resonated down into my bones; I feel like a good portion of my life and especially my voracious consumption of books and other media, has been in service of finding things that make me want to keep finding things. Even then for the longest time I played chicken with the idea of non existence with little maladaptive daydreams like "What if I got Swamp-man'd with a version of myself that would fill the role of 'me' for my friends and family so they wouldn't be sad, but I didn't have to be here anymore". That is, until, my kid happened. Nowadays I still occasionally find myself in a similar flavor of mood, but I cannot conceptualize not being here anymore. I want to experience every second of them being here that I can.
"Stories about death, endings and finding hope somewhere in between" - from the blurb of your Catalogue. Without even looking, I thought "It said, "...Life, Death and finding Hope..."
I can relate greatly to the cycle you speak of: the "downs" of life and how they affects our will to find the "ups"
You say your Catalogue is the most you thing you've ever written. And the blurb is a summation of the book. You also say you sometimes forget to appreciate the good bits of life.
Imagine North from Rise of the Guardians saying, "A Storyteller for Life, Death and finding Hope somewhere in between. THAT is your centre!"
Just a thought... a useful one I hope. If not, maybe your centre can be Bread :D
I really needed this, Tim. I am sorry to hear you aren't good a good headspace, but I appreciate you and everything you do! I can't wait to get your book and read all those short stories
"I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened?
But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn’t. Because they were holding on to something...that there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for."
This quote helps me so much. I also have struggled with depression and anxiety all my life. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing, Tim ❤️
Honestly. I'm also currently going through mental dump right now. So maybe im not the best person to say this but I really hope that you manage to get through it.
The thing that keeps me from giving up is that even though i think of myself as worthless now, there is, even if small, a chance that I'll maybe find /do something to prove myself wrong.
Thank you Tim, for all the content and insight you give un worldbuilding and writting, but also and most importantly, for your honesty and ability to talk about theses things.
I recently had to deal with unexpected loss and coming back from it has been tough. But I look forward to the next year and what it will bring, even if right now it sucks.
In a sea of comments I know mine’s just a drop in the bucket but I’d recommend listening to “Vapor (A Meditation)” by the Liturgists. It’s a short walk through I think what you are experiencing. The feeling of a lack of joy be it whatever is causing that (anxiety, depression, etc) it has really helped me when I need to mentally reset my mood and look with new eyes at my life and take a deep breath and relax my heart and soul. It’s about giving meaning to the meaningless. And I hope you can feel what I have felt deep in my soul that joy that is escaping you right now. This too shall pass :)
Have you read Levinas's Totality and Infinity? He raises the Other into this titanic being, always at a distance from oneself, an absolute alterity; unattainable, unknowable, but which forever draws you in.
While your own Totality, your personal universe of symbols and objects and understandings, is (for a lot of people) something akin to a dogmatic empire of minds: always collecting stones from others and placing it somewhere in our systems.
Each our own universe, like you said.
It's a great read, and describes so well how I've also always thought of the relationship with the other. (*These descriptions are only how I personally paint his ideas, though.)
oy Tim! this video hit me! such a heavy topic. You frame this around hope but it could have been about purpose, fear, loss or happiness. For sure the deepest parts of our humanity, we explore them to find peace, its always the thing this circles back to for me. Sometimes it helps me to remember that the things in my head are just that, in my head. the world around me is the place that's real. being present there, taking it in and enjoy it. Let go of the bank and let the river of life float you to peace.
You're on the path. The way is Infront of you, Wu wei friend.
Im so glad I found your channel 🔥
amazing video. always love when i notice another upload on this channel. inspiring to see people i love speaking about feeling these ways too, and heartwarming to get such a good take out of it
As far as joys I'm anticipating right now would be the birth of our second child. I have definitely appreciated a lot of your videos and they help inspire me in my own writing aspirations! I just came through one of my own dark valleys, and I am sympathetic to what you're saying. Thanks for putting up this video, I am praying for you.
Beautifully said! I felt that. I'm battling multiple progressive chronic illnesses (one of them being a neurodegenerative illness). It's been an incredibly rough month physically and mentally. This was such a needed video today, thank you Tim! I really love all the work you do, and esp appreciate the vulnerability in videos like this.
I needed to hear this. Thank you.
Something I tell myself and helps me find that anticipation of joy is this:
The universe will always move towards entropy and because it moves towards entropy, the universe always changes. Change is one of the few constants in our lives. If things are horrible now, if I feel horrible now, it will change. And if it changes for the worse (as sometimes I am worried it will), then it will change again, and again, and again, until eventually, at some point, it will change for the better. And I want to be here for when it does change for the better.
I don't want to say "I hope you feel better soon" because as you said, the downs must be felt and processed some times, but I hope good things happen soon
“Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.”
― Václav Havel
“The spark of life is not gain. Nor is it luxury. The spark of life is movement. Color. Love. And furthermore...if you really want to enjoy life, you must work quietly and humbly to realize your delusions of grandeur.”
― Mark Helprin, A Soldier of the Great War
The language at the end of your short story made me think irresistibly of Ray Bradbury's All Summer In A Day. I'm sure you've read it, but if you haven't, please do.
Keep turning the page, brother.
"What joys are you anticipating right now?" Wow I guess I have been in depression for such a long time I had no idea, not even a single one poped in to my mind. I must sit and ponder this. Thanks for giving a perspective as always.
Hi Tim, firstly your thoughts and emotions are actually something that helps. And not only you, when I can listen to other people’s experiences and self-reflecting, it really does help me and my progress as well. Thank you for having the heart to be honest with us, and yourself.
For myself, I’m struggling as well right now. It’s hard to find a hope without destroying it myself with negative thoughts and criticism. I’ve started a therapy journey and have opened a “can” of childhood trauma, which has been like a wall of bricks hitting me right in my face. So, for now, I’m trying to learn that I really do need to take it slow, and accept relapses and mistakes on the way. I only just today started to climb out of a relapse.
I'm sorry you're facing a difficult time. I hope you get better and find more things that make you happy. Try to think "What can I do that would make me feel better?". I want to say that I'm not living my best time either but this video made me feel better.
So as someone who has moved countries a few times and works regularly with people moving countries. I will say it is perfectly normal to hit a low point after a few months in a new country.
Hey, brother.
I hear you, man, because i also have a brain that works similarly.
I find my joy in knowing that even if today sucks, i can do something about it. I can set myself up for a better tomorrow.
Because once you get back to rock bottom, that's the best place to start building something new.
Im struggling too. Some times it is hard to find hope. I know how you feel, we're in the same boat and this video actually helped me a bit. My mom gave me a saying that have also been helpful; "Don't believe everything you think". Just keep fighting.
I've found joy recently in the ending of a 6-year writer's block. I'm writing every day (weekdays at least) and making significant progress on what I hope will be my first book. I want to start getting into short stories as well (you mentioned Apparition Lit and I'm actually hoping to send them something myself) but I'm quickly learning that it's an entirely different skillset that I need to learn. But I feel like I can now.
I tend to go through depression "cycles" myself. And my writer's block tends to get worse when I'm depressed, so it was no coincidence that for much of those 6 years I was really struggling with my mental health, my self-worth, my place as an artist, and a thousand other things that all knotted together into one massive mess. But I've come out of horrible, horrible depressive episodes in the past, and I knew I could do it again. Miserable as I was, I knew if I gave into that misery I'd only solidify my self-destructive thoughts. Like you, I had to remind myself what I was doing well (my therapist had me do a gratitude journal as well), and while I won't go into the nitty gritty of my recovery, I am happy to say that I'm doing better than I have in a long time, and I'm writing more consistently than I have since middle school.
I'm sorry you're going through a hard time right now, but I'm also so, so impressed to hear how maturely you're approaching it. I can hear the experience in your words and know that, yeah, you're fuckin' going through it, but you also have what it takes to find new joys and new hopes. And I know going to the internet for validation isn't smart, but I hope you know you've touched millions of lives and sent them off all the better. You've got so many people rooting for you in both your successes and your failures.
May this headspace be as short as it can be, may your art be for you and you first, and may your new joys be abundant and filling.
It's so inspiring to see someone be so open and vulnerable, especially on such a big platform. I have a lot of anxiety issues myelf and it's really encouraging to hear you talk so honestly about your own struggles and how you know you'll overcome them eventually.
Since you asked, one of my 'hopes' is writing - for the first time ever I'm thinking about submitting some of my own short stories for publication. I've found such joy in writing recently and I can't tell you how helpful and inspirational your Writing and Worldbuilding series has been in that.
I hope you find your hope again soon. To paraphrase Sir PTerry : There will be a morning. There will always be another morning.
Doubt you'll see this comment, but never mind.
i feel like the joy i anticipate is kind of shollow in somesense it's stories idk i feel more connected to the people who write them than i do to most people i meet and they are always a little step away when i need them
Best of lucks to you, dude. Sincere wishes
What I'm anticipating is taking my little nephew who's visiting from France to the nearby nature park as he calls me "Uncle Domni" while waddling around like a drunkard as he chases birds and try to keep him from getting too close to the pond.
Thank you for sharing your struggles. It reminds me we're all part of a vast human race experiencing the absurdities of just being specks of dust floating on a rock in space. And that's actually pretty rad, even when it kinda sucks sometimes.
I love your videos, and I love you in the most normal, platonic, para-social way without being weird that I can express.
Thank you for sharing this. I really needed this. I'm hitting a hard point in my depression and feeling scared of the future. This made me tear up because I really needed it right now. I hope things go well for you. You're an amazing person & deserve that.
I was just texting my friend about how no matter how much trauma I work through there's always more 10 minutes ago.
Thank you for sharing. You are a talented person and put thoughts into words very well. I can relate to going through ups and downs in happiness. Remember that you have infinite worth and there is always hope. I know Tolkien would certainly agree with that.
God bless!
I really appreciate your videos. I needed this! I went through a lot of change lately and finding new joy has been hard l but you're so right about pets. My cats keep me grounded and I am so blessed to have them!
Not sure how to put that into words, but what does give me Vorfreude for each next day is the potential to learn something new, be constructive to someone in some way or improv myself.
In all three examples, it can be the tiniest, smallest thing like learning how to tie a cravat, learn a trivial thing about another culture, watch a video on worldbuilding, tell a stranger on the street which way to the bus stop, explain how the ISS stays in orbit to a family member or practice to make the perfect steak.
I look forward to the next video, may we all find our own hopes within others ❤
We can't change the world.
We can change ourselves.
Change hurts and burns inside.
We will die.
Other people will die.
The time to live is now.
Hope come and go.
People come and go.
We stay.
And so does our will to live.
PS.: Renaissance's sacred polyphony (Byrd, Tallis, Palestrina etc.) is surprisingly therapeutic for all intents and purposes.
Sorry to double-comment, but I just have so many thoughts on this subject. My god Tim you are such a insightful and wonderful person. I'm so sorry someone as amazing as you is cursed with bouts of self-doubt and depression. I get it though, it's really hard to live for yourself. Often times when I'd struggle with suicidal ideation, the ways I would combat it is other people, other things. But not me. It's hard to find something about yourself to motivate you to go on.
But that's where I say find hope in the fact that you are human. You can be aware of your faults and have the potential to learn and grow. Every day, every minute, every second is a new opportunity to reinvent yourself (not that you need to, your amazing as you are. Just small things. If that helps motivate you.)
That's all to say living just for others can lead to guilt and more depression. You have to find worth within yourself. I still struggle with this. But I believe in you. If it's hard to find worth in aspects of your identity, start with things that YOU are looking forward to. Things YOU want to do. Like get ice cream, take a walk in the woods, travel, etc.
Lastly, it's okay to feel and sit with this feeling. It'll help you move on.
Sorry for the long comment, if you actually read this, wow :D your my writing hero and you deserve to be filled with hope.