The first clue that I had was sitting on a couch with a good college friend of mine. He was shirtless and a triathlete at the time. He goes to start kissing me and seems to be really really enjoying it. Meanwhile, I am watching the clock over his shoulder carefully calculating how long I should be giving this ‘making out thing’ what polite and socially acceptable methods are available to me to discontinue this current activity while leaving us both in a comfortable mental state. 🤷♀️
@@best_of_ant yay, because like, i really like dragons...but i like fairies and fairycore more, non so human looking fairies are my favorites. And witchy stuff, but that is a secondary effect of my ,all year lasting, halloween obsession.
Same here. I only think about it if it's literally shoved into my face, like when other people talk about it or when there are scenes on TV, but never out of my own motivation. I had a friend once who said she would imagine having sex with every person she meets, just for fun and I legit had a crisis when I heard that, because... what?! Why?! How?!
I look at porn only because it is interesting to see how other people experience sex. I watch it like it's a documentary on the discovery channel. No arousal to be had. Just curiosity and testing to see if my sexual attraction will finally activate. It never does. Now I understand why.
As an aro/ace I just wanna say that there can be a deeper form of platonic love and relationships that can connect with things like sensual or physical attraction. This can lead to holding hands, cuddling, kissing, and even marriage and raising kids just as really good, warm, loving friends. I like to think of it as a super friend. You may be aro/ace if you're looking for a (platonic) relationship that revolves around warm hugs and cuddling on the couch under your favorite blanket while watching finding nemo on repeat and eating ice cream. This took me a long time to understand and I hope I can help at least one other person discover who they truly are. I love you all
I've been questioning for a while now if I'm aro, too, because that's exactly the type of relationship I want to have. Is that common for aromantic people? I have a hard time figuring out if I'm aro, because I can't find a real definition of "romantic attraction".
@@SnorriSnibble Exactly for me too I know I'm ace but when it comes to romantic attraction I want a soulmate like op just described to have someone I really connect to watch dramas together.... But the problem is I've never found anyone in real life that i want to do these things with. Like I've fallen for fictional characters and want to be soulmates, very good friends,lovers whatever it may be but for real life ppl I really don't know.
Okay thanks so much for validating this. I'm asexual biromantic but these past few years I've been aromantic curious. I dont want anything to do with dating but this. this is the best way to describe me and I felt alone
My first sign that I was asexual was when I was first researching asexuality. My search went along the lines of “how do I know if I’m sexually attracted to someone” 😅
Yeah, me too. I was curious to see if there was a sexuality in that you don't desire sexual contact. And I also don't really like relationships. It's just not for me.
Yeah, I didn't even now what it meant to consider someone "hot" because I never felt the urge to describe someone as "hot". I always described people as pretty or beautiful.
I didn't know until now... i thought people fanning themselves when seeing someone attarctive because they feel shy not because of.... literal sudden body heat....
2:34 another version of this: If you like watching sex, but only when others do it. As soon as you imagine yourself or look at POV Fanart, you cringe and find it really disgusting or unnecessary. That doesn’t mean you might not like masturbation. You can still masturbate a lot, but it just means you can’t imagine getting intimate in that way with someone else.
I'm someone who very deeply craves romantic interactions like dates, snuggles, and kisses, but I can't find anyone who's willing to take it slow before having sex. I'm the type of asexual who isn't crazy about sex myself but am willing to do it with my partner if it's what they want. So long as I've spent time getting to know them first and they're not pushy about it or don't expect it from me constantly.
@@Ncrisp14 personally i realised id only really get seggusal attraction to someone ive had a emotional connection with, whereas if i tried to get like that with someone i dont, i wouldnt really feel anything, id just feel blank, but tbh, im more graysexual as I dont really have that kinda attraction, and never really have had it
The only thing that was keeping me in doubt is that I like the idea of sex in a fictional sense, and I sometimes like to think about dating a fictional character, but that’s where it ends. Even then I don’t feel like an attraction, I just think to myself “huh, that seems nice.” I’ve never had a crush or have even felt attracted to anyone in person. This really confirms things for me! Thank you for these videos I am 15 years old and I feel so left out because I am not experiencing the same feelings as the other people my age, so hearing the experiences of others is really helpful!! ☺️
you might be cupioromantic! it’s when you like the idea of a romantic relationship and might want to be in one, but don’t actually feel / haven’t felt romantic attraction to anyone. i think i might be as well, but i think i’m too young to label myself. the thought of cuddling someone, going everywhere with them and hugging them sounds so amazing- like friendship level 2. and being able to love someone so much and feel butterflies when u see them also sounds great. i’ve had like two or three minor crushes (i think?) but not LOVE love. i’m probably just too young. some people don’t even fall for someone until their late twenties. anyway sorry for that rant abt my life but i hope that was helpful 😭
@@久-q1w I'm on the aro/ace spectrum, and I've noticed this pattern when others refer to relationships that aren't platonic. We tend to refer to it as something along the line of "friendship level 2" or "superfriends". I myself always thought of romantic relationships as an extra step or something if you really liked eachother.
Holy crap! When I clicked on this video I didn't expect to relate to so many of the signs. I also thought that you couldn't be asexual if you have sexual fantasies sometimes (that I would NEVER be comfortable doing in real life). As for the last one, as a demi I do feel like my life would be missing something if I never had sex at all, but I don't want to do it unless I meet the right person. Love your sunny and bright outlook and thanks for the content Lynn :)
I'm not sure where I fit on the spectrum yet myself, but I always thought of "it" as an action people sometimes did when they liked eachother. So it's interesting to hear that some people would feel like they're missing something, while I never thought of it as important. Thank you for sharing your perspective!
Honestly, I’ve had trouble figuring out if I am ace, since the thoughts of doing sexual things often cross my mind. I personally do not like the idea of having sex, nor do I feel the need to have it. But these thoughts keep coming back to me. I really can’t control them. They always appear at the most random times, which I hate. I really despise these thoughts. They are very disturbing.
You can definitely have sexual fantasies and have a libido/sex drive, but not want to do any of it with anyone. For example, if you like reading smutty novels, but have no interest in doing anything dirty with anyone in real life. It's not weird and you're not weird!
I'm replying really late, but unwanted and distressing thoughts popping into your head sound like intrusive thoughts. People have intrusive thoughts over things that are personally disturbing to them or go against their nature or values that they believe in. They are often violent or hurtful, and for aces who are sex-repulsed sex can be a subject.
The same is true for me. I have these “fear fantasies” where I just sit and come up with crazy scenarios that would just never happen, almost like I was daydreaming, but I don’t wish for them to happen to me, ever. (So I guess, daymaring?) they’re usually about pregnancy. On top of that, there are the sexual thoughts which I know are intrusive, but I have no idea where the “daymares” come from. I think them up out of my own volition.
I haven't seen your first video, but one sign could be that you're completely content and satisfied with mas-turbati0n. Allosexual people usually aren't, since they naturally yearn for a partner for sex. I was always confused why everyone thinks self-pleasuring isn't "enough" like it was such a poor substitute of "the real thing" that you couldn't even compare the two. So, if you've been thinking what you'd even need a partner there for, or that a partner might just make things more difficult and less pleasurable, chances are you're ace 😁
this just broke my brain. really?? i've never heard someone talk about this yet but it makes perfect sense. hhh i was looking for reasons for me NOT TO BE ACE but everything is just proving the opposite >,>
Yes! Although not for everyone or not always bc some can yearn for a partner and be grey ace or demi and may also like doing fantasies like pegging or roleplay that you can't solo unless you are satisfied just imagining, specially if you have sensual(touch)attraction a partner would be able to fulfill that aspect the days you want
I've been questioning whether or not I'm ace for like the longest time and I'm not really sure if I'm genuinely asexual or if it just stems from me being insecure and having trust issues; like maybe I just don't want to be intimate with someone because I don't want them to see my body or because I'm afraid of being used for my body. But like I've had sexual feelings before but they were never directed towards anyone? Like when my friend told me that they literally look at people and think sexual thoughts or only think or look at their crush and get sexually aroused, I was like really surprised since I don't think I've ever looked at someone and had genuine sexual fantasies or arousal from them lol. But I've watched all of your asexual and non-binary videos and they've helped a lot, so thank you
I'm so glad my videos have helped a bit! It can be hard to tell for sure but I think hearing from an allo friend made me be like yeah I'm definitely ace spec
It took me until I was 20 or 21 to realize I was ace. I didn't have language for it for a long time and honestly, it is hard to tell in situations like yours. I relate in a way. I used to love ready smutty fanfics but I never had thoughts like that about other people in real life. It surprised me too to hear that other people literally get sexually aroused or have fantasies just looking at someone. For myself, I was interested in romantic relationships and I actually had sex with my partner before realizing it just wasn't interesting to me. I'm obviously not saying you should do that just to find out, but basically that it's okay to not know, and honestly labels can be loose. They are just there to help you more accurately describe your feelings so if this is what you relate to, that's great! If you find later that you feel differently, that's awesome too! I wish you luck!
@@torik7256 Thank you! What you said is honestly so relatable; like I'm ok with watching or reading smut and I'm not generally repulsed by the idea of sex but it's never been something that I've taken much interest in or felt for people that I know in real life. Thank you so much for the encouragement, I really appreciate it! :)
that's how I felt when I was confused too lol. I've come to realize I'm definitely ace because even in my most secure and confident moments, I might be more comfortable with the act itself and achieving that level of intimacy, but the desire still doesn't exist
Recently, I was doubting my ace-ness (probably because I'm planning on coming out about it soon and was second-guessing myself), and OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS VIDEO It reminded me that I truly am asexual, and I don't have to worry about coming out for no reason, because there IS a reason: I'm ace! October 11, National Coming Out Day... I hope it goes well!!
@@lynnsaga1397 I came out to my mom in front of a Chick-fil-A (ironically and unintentionally) lol She accepted me, so yay!! :D She even helped me find some aroace rings to wear QvQ💕
Lol. me this year also planning on coming out soon. I mean I've come out to a select few. but I kinda wanna do something on Oct 11 you know. I'm actually mostly okay with the aro ace coming out part. it's the fact that in the last month I've finially accepted being agender and I'm going back and forth on actually coming out for that too. like getting it all out st once sounds nice. just not sure I can do it lol.
Yeah. Looking back at my life there were a few events that had gotten me considering that I might be asexual throughout my life, but what really made me realize it and commit to saying "I'm asexual" was a friend I made a college. She was very open and vocal about sex and held some sexual attraction for me, and that relationship really brought a lot of the confusion and doubts I had regarding my sexuality to the forefront and eventually made me realize that I just didn't have those desires. We are still good friends though!
I had a similar situation. First year of secondary school and I had been told that someone fancied me. I got forced and pushed to ask her out, did so and absolutely nothing happened. 6 months and we did nothing. No kiss, no hugs, not even hand holding. She liked me and I felt absolutely nothing. The most "romantic" part about the relationship was a red heart after saying "goodnight❤". Eventually broke up and we were both way happier being close friends. That's when I started to feel love for her, when there was no forced attraction and it was completely platonic.
Only realized I was Ace this year and wow this list hit home with me… Also got a sign you might be: when you’re actively annoyed at all the books you read being way too focused on relationships I kid you not when I was a teen I actively was looking for an action adventure book with a female lead without a relationship in the focus of the story…. And wow that was hard to find. I thought I found one by the description, took it home and found in the first chapter she had a vampire boyfriend, closed the book and never opened it again because of how annoyed I was. XD
Honestly though. I want a book which focuses on a really good friendship. Not everything has to be about your romance and besties who got your back are just as amazing.
Same. I bought an expensive book, was excited to read it and then it had a smutty scene in the first chapter. I promptly donated it to the local library and forgot about it
the lesbian masterdoc helped me realise that I'm demi specifically one question which was along the lines of "when you fanatsize about sexual acts with men, they are all faceless" which made me ask "wait...everyone is faceless in my fantasies unless I'm REALLY into someone....is that not normal?" and made me spiral down a rabbit hole of research on the topic
For me, the face is what it's all about or at least half of it. Everything else matters equally too I suppose, but I just fantasize about making out a lot sometimes... I could go on...
No because I understand you so muchh, I've had the same where I would fantasize and they don't have faces. I really can't imagine having sex with a real person
the first point is why i was questioning my sexuality. i can think about scenarios and be okay with it, but then when i've been confronted in real life with a situation like it, i couldnt do it and actually started feeling physically sick and it was horrible. in general, im just questioning everything right now but this helped a little
Its okay to not want a partner even if you like to fantasize. Sex repulsion is valid and nothing anyone should make you feel ashamed for. If they do, then they arent respecting you or your boundaries.
oh my gosh i feel this in so many ways i always think about scenarios but when it comes to real life its like disgusting or a sudden turn off i dont know maybe some people are specifically there for sexual attraction but why havent i found one yet or is it because im just asexual idk
I's so strange to me to think that "regular" people think about sex at every turn? How does that not get exhausting? Also, thank you Lynn for helping me to understand myself
I never comment on videos. But. This just blew my mind. I've been going back and forth on whether I'm ace for like a decade and one of the things that always stops me from really taking on the label is that I do, like, 'ship' things with fictional characters, occasionally in a steamy sense. And while I know I don't want to have sex with anyone, I always feel like a fake calling myself ace when I do like the thought of some fictional dude and another fictional dude having sex with each other. Way back when I first learned the term 'asexual' and was trying to figure out if it applied to me I ended up in this ace forum where someone was answering questions and told someone else you could be ace and have a libido but not if that included any type of fantasy and that's stuck with me and just, wow, sorry I'm rambling. But thank you, genuinely. Really. Thank you so much for this video.
Hi, I don't know if this comment will help you, since you might have found your true identity already, but your story reminds me of myself and I am aegosexual - I, too, enjoy shipping couples, reading and watching romance and sex etc. is okay for me... But it has to be about other people. The idea of me being involved in any sexual act repulses me so much, therefore I am on the asexual spectrum, precisely aegosexual. 😊
to point 3 i would like to add: for me it was boredom but also being really uncomfortable with sex scenes (and kissing secenes too, to this day). I used to think that I was just a late bloomer and that I would become more comfortable with it when i "bloom", to continue the metaphor. but i found that queasy feeling persisted, and only when i discovered and came to terms with being asexual (and aro spec or sth, bc who the hell knows) did that also make sense. i guess my point is, feeling uneasy about sex (and also wondering why it is such a big deal to others) can also be an indicator really liked the video!
I heard the best saying from another youtube that is so good. "People are like fireworks, they are nice to look at but I don't wont them near my genitles"
as someone on the aro/ace spectrum, i want to add that you can be asexual and not relate to all, or any of these points, and you can be allosexual (experiencing sexual attraction) and relate to these points, i.e. allos can still have low sexual drives and so won't be thinking about sex often if at all, and aces can still have a high sex drive or sexual interest and so think about sex a lot, but i do appreciate the video it's nice to see representation like this on youtube
Basically what finally made me go "oh I'm ace" was learning that people actually feel warm when they're sexually attracted to someone. I heard that and thought that can't be real so I then my very horny allosexual friend and he was like "yup it's a thing". Also other people's idea of "having some fun" always seems to involve hooking up with random people which I've never been able relate to so there's another thing. But the whole getting warm thing like wtf how does that happen? I also had a big realisation that when people see someone and they fan themselves with their hand, it's because of this warm feeling they get and I'd just accepted that as a thing without realising why we actually do that 😂😂😂
My guess would be that the blood circulation increases or something. I'm rarely sexually attracted to people and can't remember if it makes me feel warm or not 🤔 So this is just my guess, I think it would be a bit similar to having a fever except not being sick? I mostly remember feeling more relaxed
I have no idea why this was in my recommended (I'm not asexual), but it's actually a pretty good video and I'm glad I took a chance on it. You're very likable, your cats are adorable and the video itself was quite informative. Subscribed!
I actually love this explanation because everywhere I see it’s always “You don’t think of sex” and “Fictional sex counts too!” and it’s not, because it’s fictional!!! Anyways, I found myself as a Panromantic Asexual with help from people like you, so thank you!
I just came out to my friends, and this guy I like said he was asexual too. That made me so happy, not only because I'm not alone but come on, merry me.
I am that kind of asexual that sometimes forgets that sex is actually a real thing that people do but recently I had this thought stuck in my head. Other people seem to think and talk about sex all the time, but how often does the average couple actually have it? So I googled it and I was quite shocked to learn that once a week is the baseline. Like wtf, I can't be the only one that finds this to be quite excessive, right? That seems like so much work... So yeah, if you somehow related to what I just wrote, that might be another sign for ya...
I think that too. Sometimes I stare at random people and when I find out that they actually have sex, it's so shocking for me, or when I see a pregnant woman or another situation. It's sex a real thing?😢
I think all three of the cats where in the room while I was filming this lol I normally try to get them out of the room but it just wasn’t happening that day
I already know that I'm ace and I totally relate to the things you mentioned here, which is very nice. I always used to think that everyone felt that way though, like many aces seem to do, so it also really helped to talk to my friends and question them about their experiences. This actually made me realize how different the way I feel apparently is
I realized I'm asexual when I found people around me talking about sex with so much enthusiasm. It not only shocked me, but made me confused as to why are they obsessed with it. It had never crossed my mind. When I looked further into it, I realized that I'm different from the rest.
How I figured out I was ace was that I was doing research for a book and wanted my main to be the ace since many of the people I talked to at the time told me it was the smallest minority in the lgbt community. Just googling how to write someone who is ace was a huge eye opening experience. Also made me wonder if I've just been writing myself into every story and never noticing >.> xD
Hey Lynn. I'm definitely late to the party but I just wanted to say that you were my confirmation for being asexual because I've only been in two long term relationships & the demise was that I didn't quote "value our sex lives". I'm now 38 years old & realize that I'm not alone. So thank you friend🧡
I recently found out that most crushes are sexual- Like people actually want to go at with their people of interest and it's not just like a platonic sort of thing- I've never thought of anyone sexually either and any sexual act made me really uncomfortable and I remember thinking each time "damn people enjoy that??" im still trying to find the right lable that would more closely describe how i feel but im definitely on the ace spectrum-
I'm still questioning whether i might be somewhere in the ace spectrum and this video just brought up a memory from my childhood: when i and my sibling played The Sims together as in the 2 of us controlling this one adult man. I got angry at my sibling's decision of making him hook up with different women with the reason of, "He is an adult he has to have a girlfriend!" And i said, "Why does he have to have a girlfriend? He wants to be an author and he writes just fine without a girlfriend." In the game, you can choose which genre of the book for this aspiring author character of ours to write, i never chose romance, mostly chose fantasy and scifi
Looking back, even many years ago in 7th grade, I never showed interest in sexual activity, and even said that out loud to the boys of my class. One of them even called me ace. But I ignored it. Early this year, I started feeling my un-desire again, and I discovered the term asexuality again. Suffice to say, I was shocked. And... yeah, now I'm proudly Ace (and possibly Aro as well).
i mean, i get uncomfortable when characters kiss on screen, soooooooo also, thank you lynn! i saw your original 5 signs video last year and it was what really got me to start questioning, and now i'm still questioning but i probably wouldn't have gotten here without your videos.
I like when they kiss or even sex scenes but when they are...aesthetic and artistic scenes. Like, it looks romantic and intense or dramatic and sad, etc, and overall just artistic, like it's actually trying to transmit some emotions with that scene. When is too explicit for no reason and just looks like there is no art in it, like it just looks like a porn video or something, i do feel uncomfortable.
I don't know if #1 is such a sure-fire sign... it certainly applies to me, since I have still trouble inserting myself into sexual fantasies, but I also have massive issues with social anxiety, so that might overwrite it a bit. And I certainly understand the closeness and emotional intimacy such union would bring. Plus, sex scenes in movies are not always inserted at the proper moments, since even the most straight writers don't always know how to write it. :D
I have never understood why there are so much sexual/romantic scenes in series, especially when the main characters are in danger/other people are in danger and only the main characters can help. Like, don`t you have things to deal with?
I am 16 years old and sex is a very big topic in my age group, especially at the moment. I've often thought about being an ace and I've done a lot of research about it. I just really think that I'm asexual, but a lot of people say "no, you're still too young to know and you haven't met the right person yet", but they already knew they were straight when they were 12. However, these sayings constantly make me doubt and somehow make me feel bad. Thank you for making these videos
So I'm in high school and recently I've read about asexuality and other identities within this spectrum and i realized i identify with some of them. I think I'm some kind of asexual but nobody around me talks about sexual attraction so it wasn't "i don't get it" for me and I'm not sex repulsed. I used to think of sexual activity but it never involves me like Lynn mentioned. I have only come out to my cousin/best friend a few days ago and it wasn't like a huge thing it was just like a casual conversation. I haven't had any of the struggles that many ppl do when they discover their sexuality and sometimes it feels like since i haven't had those struggles I'm wrong about my sexuality and i wanted to let anyone reading this know that you're valid and it's okay if you're not sure, you don't have to be. For some, labels can be comforting as in they provide a sense of belonging but if it feels like just another decision to make then that's okay too. You're valid no matter who you are and you're an important and loved part of this world❤️❤️ I'm sorry this was so long and thankyou for listening to my random 1am rant😂❤️
The latest Durex ad said "why wait until Valentines? Celebrate it everyday" and all I could think about was, why would people want to do it everyday? A part from that, I never really had wet dreams and I was only interested in doing it if my partner brought it up and not always, like it was just to please my partner and make them happy; also I had been confusing sexual attraction with romantic attraction, even though I understood the concept from long before realizing I was mixing these two.
i don't typically comment on videos or if i do it's usually short but i feel very compelled to say that i've watched several of your videos on asexuality tonight because i want to know more about it as i think i am one. and after watching this i know i am definitely one. the first sign you listed in this video resonated with me very very much. i have frequent sexual attraction to fictional characters only. as soon as those fantasies might become real, i completely shut down. what's interesting is that i am married to a man and have a child with him, so when i am sexually intimate with my husband, it is something i do to help create a closer bond between us. i just want to say thank you for putting out all of these asexual videos. it's definitely not a type of orientation that's talked about widely. there is such a huge asexual spectrum and we should not be made to feel like we are weird or other than just because we don't experience sexual attraction to the same degree or frequency as allosexuals do.
I would rather sit on the rooftop at sunset putting lofi music on and read manga/books. Coming to the conclusion, i would rather chill or focus on my hobbies.
My experience was a little different but at the same time related. As a boy and since I was a child I have always had that sexist pressure and virility. So, the first time I contacted sexuality, it was porn with my neighbor. As I have emotional issues and traumas of wanting to please everyone, I did everything to be included in a group or friends. For a long time I have always put my interests aside for others. Even in these situations, I said, "if a man should be like that then let's copy". But I actually had no interest in sex or sexual things. It was an imitation jumpsuit. I'm homosexual romantic. And the funniest thing you mentioned the cartoons. The only thing I know I experienced with sexual pleasure was in cartoons. Of course, this is all very subjective in the sachei curious about the fact that you answered many questions I had. I appreciate it and I've already followed you
I realized I was asexual after seeing the character Cash from heartbreak high and his interaction with Darren. I saw a reactor say that Cash maybe asexual and then I just researched asexuality. I literally cried because I was like that's me. I resonated so much with Cash, like it's not that I don't like people romantically, i just feel no sexual attraction towards them.
This resonates with me so much. I was raised catholic. I realise that I’m ace romantic and autosexual which is on the ace spectrum. I just don’t feel sexually attracted to anyone and only enjoy private time. I live with my partner but we are Demi romantic…. No sex. We look like a straight couple to the outside world but we are not. I also get grossed out by sex scenes. I don’t enjoy them at all. I’m so grateful for this community and have always felt that I resonate more with the LGBTQ+ community than I ever could with straight folks. Also it feels like there’s a lot of toxic heterosexuality where being straight is the thing to be when so many people just don’t feel comfortable identifying with it but it’s shoved down our throats in just about every type of media there is. No wonder so many of us are still questioning our sexualities.
Would also want to add that ace people can have a libido but have no interest in engaging in sexual activities with other people. I used to believe that meant you were not ace.
This, thank you.getting randomly horny for no reason and just waiting till it passes or doing a solo, does not mean you have sexual attraction for others, and i think that is important because like you, it def made me think i could not be ace too.
I just want to say thank you so much for this, because I have been struggling with this so much. I’m right now dating someone, it’s been 9 months, that I’m truly in love with, and I know he’s the one but, being intimate has just always been a huge “problem” for me, and I always thought “oh it’s just because I’m self conscious, im shy, I really love him so it’s just nerves, or maybe he’s not the one, and I’m sure that’s not the case. I matched with exactly all 5 signs you mentioned and even my mom discovered, “hey, there’s a word for it. You’re Asexual.” This has been eating at me because I feel so bad and I don’t want him thinking it’s him, now I know it is all just me🤣🙁 but again, thank you. That really helped me, like a huge relief to know I’m not alone. Your video actually made me cry. I mean i really only want to be intimate to have kids and that’s it and almost not even then. I don’t mean to sound like Leonard’s mom from the Big Bang Theory🤣but yeah. This helped a lot. Thank you♥️
37-year-old virgin here. I used to think something was wrong with me because genitals of any gender really grose me out, and when it comes to sex I'm like "You want to put what where? Yeah, that's not happening!"🤮 And that's not even mentioning the sticky bodily fluids that get everywhere.
The part about sex scenes is so real. Why can't we show just enough so people get that yes these two characters have a sexual relationship now, and then tastefully cut away? My eyes glaze over during sex scenes and i just instinctively look for something else to pay attention too, because whats going on on screen is about as exciting as watching paint dry.
I'm not completely asexual, but I ticked all those boxes. I told someone, I like the idea of sex more actual, in a fascination sense, and dirty humor, and I've always enjoyed erotic art. The vast majority of erotic media does literally nothing for me. If I don't know a person, it is just a naked body I feel no sexual appeal to it. So I already knew I was asexual-ish, but I have imposter syndrome so I always gaslight myself. SO this video is a nice reminder of those things that make me variably asexual/demisexual. Thank you for that. My asexuality is variable, but consistently I'm apathetic about sex, and only selectively sexually attracted to people. And I almost never think about sex. Intimate romantic cuddling? All the time though. Have a good one though.
It sounds like you are just select, waiting for a connection to form beyond physical lust etc. Once u find that friendship and feelings, more will evolve, guessing!
I just want to say it was because of your first video a year ago, I confirmed I am ace spec. I always question it before hand bit never actually confirmed it. When I saw your first video, I related to it so much. Same goes with this one.
I feel like I'm definitely SOMEWHERE in the ace bubble but I'm not sure where. I'm not sex repulsed and I enjoy sex, but I also don't care about sex and mostly just do it to get rid of the feeling of being horny. Like I'd rather just cuddle unless that pesky horny feeling is happening and even then, I'd rather get that annoying feeling out of the way and then cuddle.
1. The most uncomfortable thing I can think of. 2. I've never thought about sx in a serious way, waste of TIME 3. Every time a skip. 4. I don't fuckin care, that's so boring. 5. I'd rather eat cake. Yeah, I think I know what this means, and I like it.🤣
Lowkey felt all 5 because like when friends or family talk about me getting married I lowkey get shocked and annoyed by that idea…especially #1 Sex to me Is an imagination for a fact it’s like I think about but like in reality if a girl was to ask me out or something I feel scared . But tbh I hope this does mean I’m asexual tbh I would love to be asexual I love being independent and staying to myself
I litterally hate talking about crushes with some of my friends because their crushes are so sexual. Mine aren't sexual at all. It's purely romantic. And I'm not even fully sure if I feel romantic attraction the way most people do. Once I go on a date with someone, I feel quite disgusting. I like them, I think they're great, but when I actually consider it a date it just disgusts me so much. I fantasize about being with them, but when I actually think about it, I don't think I really want it. I've been thinking lately that maybe I'm bi. But trying to figure that out, I'm realising it's pointless because I don't understand sexual attraction. I have a date planned next week and I've been thinking that I want to kiss him. But mostly because I just want to kiss someone, because I like the idea of kissing. And I've never had sex, so I've been thinking that maybe I'd want to try. But as the date gets closer (and thus more real) I'm noticing that I'm getting more uncomfortable and disgusted by it. I am extremely confused. And normally I'd say that it doesn't really matter, I just do me. But the problem is that I can't really tell what I want or what I like. Something is making me uncomfortable, but I still want to do it. That type of conundrum. And I also don't like going on a date with someone and suddenly feeling disgusted with myself and (in a way) them. They don't deserve that either.
welll, I found out today. And the reason I even started this journey was because of something that might help another person. I'm married. I am attracted to my hubby aesthetically ( I didn't even know that was a thing before today). And he brought up that it hurts his feelings that I NEVER, and I mean never, initiate sex. Its always on him to start things. I'm sex positive, so once we start I'm good. But like, I don't ever think about it so I never would initiate. To me, its just another hobby like board games or making art.
This video helped me so much, and I love your positive vibes! But more on society and the v-card thing, I totally agree. Why does it have to be such a gatekeep-y topic? Also, remember the tampon dilemma? Honestly, I was so confused, and wondered why a piece of cotton had to be such a big deal lol =) Thanks for putting this out!
been questioning if I’m ace for 2 years and though sometimes it makes a lot of sense recently I’ve been feeling really insecure. but seeing you talk about how you don’t think about sex reminded me about how when I was younger I never questioned all the abrupt cut offs at the bed in books because I just never thought about it, and how learning about different birth control methods puzzled me because I didn’t see why someone would go through that hassle when they could just abstain. So I do think I’m at least aspec even though my thoughts can be really confusing and I just wanna leave this as a self-affirming message :) thanks for the video!
There was a friend of mine back in the day that took care of himself and most women would consider him to be attractive. I knew he was asexual because anytime women would kinda flirt with him, he would talk to them as if they asked him what time it was. Remember him telling me one time that he lacked empathy for strangers, in turn it made the idea of sex or any kind of romantic interest just instantly made him feel nothing, its like being numb.
I definitely would rather have cake lol 😂. That is the sign! But in all seriousness no really, I was having a hard time figuring out if I am just simply anxious avoidant as my attachment style and also on the asexual spectrum as demisexual. I relate to the definition a lot. And hearing these signs some stood out so much to me!💜This was helpful. 💯 It’s the cake part for me. Makes me think of Friends when Joey was asked about food or you know what. I would choose food! Always lol 😂
I figured out I'm demisexual like 15 years before I had a word to describe it. Then I went on HRT to transition to female and now I think the changes in my libido (lower) made me actually asexual. How I figured it out was I was the only one who took the professor's advice when he said "save dating for after university". Everyone else thought the advice was crass, meanwhile I was over in the corner like "none of you try to date me. I want good marks". Even when situations came up organically where I was offered sex, I either turned it down outright or was unable to feel any arousal. So I realized I had to have a monogamous partner to even feel anything, but here I am two partners later and single and I'm on estrogen and everything sex related is a chore, including masturbation. I tried sexual stuff one time since my transition and it felt awkward and not very exciting. I would much rather not seek that out ever again, thankyouverymuch, but if anyone were to ever stumble along and want a relationship with me I'd be willing to try it one time to see if I am even a sexual person as the transitioned version of me. I suspect I am not.
That first point is totally me. The second point is not. I never think about sex, but I have always known how much others think about it. I guess from how much it is referenced in tv shows and movies. 🤷🏻 I always think sex scenes are unnecessary. 😂 And the emphasis on it is stupid to me. I've never had sex, and I don't feel like it's necessary for my life. 🤷🏻
For me personally It took me 20 minutes after questioning if I was ace to figure it out. I don't feel sexual attraction and I don't want to do *Those* activities EVER. I'd much rather eat strawberries and pet ducks
Honestly, I'm just starting to question whether I might be ace as of very recently (like the last 3 weeks or so). It's really confusing, because like Lynn, I grew up in a weirdly sex-obsessed religious environment. They were dead set on repressing and condemning sexual impulses and expressions, especially in teens and young adults. I think my brain overcompensated during puberty, because the hormones kicked in and my brain was like, "Well, everyone keeps telling me that a) sex is the greatest thing ever and b) I don't deserve to have it because I'm not married yet. I want it." But there have been a few instances where people have been attracted to me and I could tell that they would probably be down for it, but I would always feel uncomfortable and almost run away from them because we really didn't know each other very well. At the time, I told myself, "Well, I didn't go for it because it would be wrong", but I don't think that was ever really the issue. And honestly, I think a lot of my "crushes" were just girls I was attracted to from an emotional, intellectual, or aesthetic standpoint and wanted to be friends with. I was just never taught to distinguish between "female who is a close and affectionate friend" and "female whom I am romantically attracted to, refer to as my girlfriend, and probably sleep with." In the past year, I've made 3 or 4 really intimate platonic friendships with both guys and girls, and I've realized that a lot of the things I thought were exclusive to romantic "ships" are more than possible in friendship, like responsive physical affection and comfort, attention to the details of each other's needs, and unconditional love and support. A lot of things about my sex life (or rather, lack thereof) are starting to make more sense now. I definitely want that level of intimacy with someone, but definitely only with one person through my whole life, someone I would have to know on an intimate level in all of the non-sexual expressions of romance first. TL;DR I'm a hetero-romantic man questioning if I'm ace, possibly demi-sexual or something similar, and I just wanted to put it out there in some way to alleviate the confusion and stress I'm feeling. Thanks Lynn for being part of helping me sort this mess out.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I relate to it a lot. Growing up religious and always wanting to be "good" so sex was simply not on the table. But as I'm getting older (and deconstructing) I'm starting to evaluate if I have internalized purity culture just on the ace spectrum. Nice to know im not alone! The search continues 💪🏼
I like never comment.. Like NEVER... But I feel like I need to research more of this because now that I watched your video, SOOO MANY things are starting to make sense. Every SINGLE thing you spoke on, is ME ME ME,, and right now I honestly don't know how to accept it. Is there something wrong with me??! Everyone always asks why don't I have a boyfriend... And/or, am I a lesbian... It's neither... And now I'm so grateful to have some semblance of a reason 😢
It’s because it’s actually more the norm, despite what the media tries to tell you. Being hypersxualized and thinking about sx all the time and wanting to bang a lot of people is actually what’s weird.
So basically I want to have a relationship, but in a frienfly way? Like you know, helping each other, cuddling, maybe holding hands, and just almost everything couples do but as friends. And when I say that I want to love someone or someone to love me I also don't mean it in a romantic way, but in a deeply platonic where it's on somewhere between best friend, sibling and partner? It's hard to explain and I hope that I'm not the only one 💀
I think my first sign that im ace is that i feel very grossed out of the reproduction organs. And when i think about real life sex, the first thing that comes to mind is that "that (organ) is where they pee". And my sign that i might be aromantic is that i just never fall for anyone... that or my gut is always in denial if i sort of like someone.
I never liked anyone romantically or seggsually as a kid, as soon as i found out abt the label i knew i was ace And then i found out about romantic attraction and i struggled with that for like a decade lmfao But now im sure im aroace
Congrats! For me it's actually kind of the opposite! ^^' I was never really interested in anyone as a kid either, but now I'm in a very loving relationship. :) I figured out I'm demiromantic, since it took me years to fall in love with my gf, but once I did, I fell for her hard. However as far as sexual attraction goes, I think that's gonna take a good while longer. I do think I'm most likely ace-spec, but whether I'm demisexual as well, or maybe fully ace or something else entirely I really don't know. Honestly, it's kinda scary to me to be in a relationship without knowing this, because now me not knowing doesn't only affect me. I guess we'll figure it out though. Just give it some more years. 😅
this video is a lot more relatable than the other one. maybe it's because the other one was a personal video about _your_ asexuality, but this one was crowd sourced about _other_ people's asexuality?
When I was young I knew I wanted to have kids when I was older. When my parents gave me the talk I was kinda freaked out and always thought of sex as just this wack thing I would have to get through if I want to have kids. I was super confused when I started hearing about abortion debates because why would people be having sex if the whole purpose was only to get pregnant? I didn't get it lol
I hope you guys enjoyed the video. Let me know what helped you figure out you're asexual!
I do not consent to enjoying this video
The first clue that I had was sitting on a couch with a good college friend of mine. He was shirtless and a triathlete at the time. He goes to start kissing me and seems to be really really enjoying it. Meanwhile, I am watching the clock over his shoulder carefully calculating how long I should be giving this ‘making out thing’ what polite and socially acceptable methods are available to me to discontinue this current activity while leaving us both in a comfortable mental state. 🤷♀️
@@rebeccacollis1846 you should have friend zoned him
@@ANZACS100 did straight after that. Hindsight is 20/20 👍
Your first 5 signs video, actually :)
Me: is absolutely certain I’m ace and has identified as such for years
Also me: watches this video
I do the same thing lol happy to help tho
Exactly lmao, just gotta double check sometimes
Me: oh same here from South Korea, Asia
Same, I renently realized that I'm an oriented ace and I just need to make sure
Same here but it's been 5 years.
I still get the weird feeling though, even though I know for certain I'm still curious to see different signs.
In summary: cake, garlic bread, dragons ect. are the priority for us. Enough said ^_________^
How could I forget about dragons!! But Yiss I love all that stuff so much
Garlic bread!
Do fairies count too? Or just all fantasy in general? But like, dark crystal, lotr or dragonheart fantasy, not like GoT fantasy
@@nessyness5447 yep, all counts!
@@best_of_ant yay, because like, i really like dragons...but i like fairies and fairycore more, non so human looking fairies are my favorites. And witchy stuff, but that is a secondary effect of my ,all year lasting, halloween obsession.
I never think about sex, and I don't get why it's such a big deal. This video really helps me understands my asexuality better, thank you!
Same here. I only think about it if it's literally shoved into my face, like when other people talk about it or when there are scenes on TV, but never out of my own motivation. I had a friend once who said she would imagine having sex with every person she meets, just for fun and I legit had a crisis when I heard that, because... what?! Why?! How?!
I look at porn only because it is interesting to see how other people experience sex. I watch it like it's a documentary on the discovery channel. No arousal to be had. Just curiosity and testing to see if my sexual attraction will finally activate. It never does. Now I understand why.
Actually, same.
@@dennisahdaniel9573 Same, I watch if for the entertainment value as well as any attraction to the woman's/women's physical appearance.
@@SnorriSnibblewait do people go their lives and just think abt this in some form multiple times from a day to day basis
As an aro/ace I just wanna say that there can be a deeper form of platonic love and relationships that can connect with things like sensual or physical attraction. This can lead to holding hands, cuddling, kissing, and even marriage and raising kids just as really good, warm, loving friends. I like to think of it as a super friend. You may be aro/ace if you're looking for a (platonic) relationship that revolves around warm hugs and cuddling on the couch under your favorite blanket while watching finding nemo on repeat and eating ice cream. This took me a long time to understand and I hope I can help at least one other person discover who they truly are. I love you all
I've been questioning for a while now if I'm aro, too, because that's exactly the type of relationship I want to have. Is that common for aromantic people? I have a hard time figuring out if I'm aro, because I can't find a real definition of "romantic attraction".
i call your “super friend” friendship level 2 lmaoo
@@SnorriSnibble Exactly for me too I know I'm ace but when it comes to romantic attraction I want a soulmate like op just described to have someone I really connect to watch dramas together.... But the problem is I've never found anyone in real life that i want to do these things with. Like I've fallen for fictional characters and want to be soulmates, very good friends,lovers whatever it may be but for real life ppl I really don't know.
@@SH-zh8eh same!! it’s kind of embarrassing how many fictional characters have made my heart jump and who I genuinely want to have a bond with
Okay thanks so much for validating this. I'm asexual biromantic but these past few years I've been aromantic curious. I dont want anything to do with dating but this. this is the best way to describe me and I felt alone
My first sign that I was asexual was when I was first researching asexuality. My search went along the lines of “how do I know if I’m sexually attracted to someone” 😅
This! I don't know what triggered the thought but I googled "what does sexual attraction feel like" and that led to "am I ace?"
For the aro side looking up "What does a crush feel like?" Multiple times
Yeah, me too. I was curious to see if there was a sexuality in that you don't desire sexual contact. And I also don't really like relationships. It's just not for me.
I mean, I was just sat there and realised that I’ve never actually felt sexual attraction towards another person 😅
@@refractivity3388 relatable.
I didn't realize that you were supposed to feel physically hot when you find someone sexually attractive until this year.
i didn’t know until right now-
Yeah, I didn't even now what it meant to consider someone "hot" because I never felt the urge to describe someone as "hot". I always described people as pretty or beautiful.
@@SkittandBlaze SAME. I thought that calling someone 'hot' was basically just another way of saying they look or act cool... It's very confusing
Wait what? I need sources lmao I'm so confused
I didn't know until now... i thought people fanning themselves when seeing someone attarctive because they feel shy not because of.... literal sudden body heat....
2:34 another version of this:
If you like watching sex, but only when others do it. As soon as you imagine yourself or look at POV Fanart, you cringe and find it really disgusting or unnecessary.
That doesn’t mean you might not like masturbation. You can still masturbate a lot, but it just means you can’t imagine getting intimate in that way with someone else.
yeah no, no one is touching me 😤 I'd be angry if anyone tried.
This is the comment I was genuinely looking for but was too afraid to ask😮💨
wait is this a sign of asexuality bc I'm like this
I agree! I can read comics related to gl and stuff but I can't imagine having anything intimate with a girl.
@@lili-yn4eo I kind of think so
I'm someone who very deeply craves romantic interactions like dates, snuggles, and kisses, but I can't find anyone who's willing to take it slow before having sex. I'm the type of asexual who isn't crazy about sex myself but am willing to do it with my partner if it's what they want. So long as I've spent time getting to know them first and they're not pushy about it or don't expect it from me constantly.
Isn't that called demisexual? Don't quote me on that lol, I'm not sure
@@Ncrisp14 yes! demi! im demi-asexual
@@LillianaLobster if you don't mind me asking, how did you realise you were demi - asexual??
@@Ncrisp14 personally i realised id only really get seggusal attraction to someone ive had a emotional connection with, whereas if i tried to get like that with someone i dont, i wouldnt really feel anything, id just feel blank, but tbh, im more graysexual as I dont really have that kinda attraction, and never really have had it
@@Ncrisp14when I found the term after doing the mtbi personality and realizing I’m an INFJ.
The only thing that was keeping me in doubt is that I like the idea of sex in a fictional sense, and I sometimes like to think about dating a fictional character, but that’s where it ends. Even then I don’t feel like an attraction, I just think to myself “huh, that seems nice.” I’ve never had a crush or have even felt attracted to anyone in person. This really confirms things for me! Thank you for these videos I am 15 years old and I feel so left out because I am not experiencing the same feelings as the other people my age, so hearing the experiences of others is really helpful!! ☺️
Same here, I was debating over half a year if I'm still ace when I like the idea but not the practical thing
you might be cupioromantic! it’s when you like the idea of a romantic relationship and might want to be in one, but don’t actually feel / haven’t felt romantic attraction to anyone. i think i might be as well, but i think i’m too young to label myself. the thought of cuddling someone, going everywhere with them and hugging them sounds so amazing- like friendship level 2. and being able to love someone so much and feel butterflies when u see them also sounds great. i’ve had like two or three minor crushes (i think?) but not LOVE love. i’m probably just too young. some people don’t even fall for someone until their late twenties. anyway sorry for that rant abt my life but i hope that was helpful 😭
@@naru2863 you might be cupioromantic too lol ^_^
@@久-q1w that was helpful, thanks!
@@久-q1w I'm on the aro/ace spectrum, and I've noticed this pattern when others refer to relationships that aren't platonic. We tend to refer to it as something along the line of "friendship level 2" or "superfriends". I myself always thought of romantic relationships as an extra step or something if you really liked eachother.
Holy crap! When I clicked on this video I didn't expect to relate to so many of the signs. I also thought that you couldn't be asexual if you have sexual fantasies sometimes (that I would NEVER be comfortable doing in real life).
As for the last one, as a demi I do feel like my life would be missing something if I never had sex at all, but I don't want to do it unless I meet the right person.
Love your sunny and bright outlook and thanks for the content Lynn :)
thank you so much!
Hello, fellow demi. ☺️
I'm not sure where I fit on the spectrum yet myself, but I always thought of "it" as an action people sometimes did when they liked eachother. So it's interesting to hear that some people would feel like they're missing something, while I never thought of it as important. Thank you for sharing your perspective!
I relate to this so hard....
Honestly, I’ve had trouble figuring out if I am ace, since the thoughts of doing sexual things often cross my mind. I personally do not like the idea of having sex, nor do I feel the need to have it. But these thoughts keep coming back to me. I really can’t control them. They always appear at the most random times, which I hate. I really despise these thoughts. They are very disturbing.
You can definitely have sexual fantasies and have a libido/sex drive, but not want to do any of it with anyone. For example, if you like reading smutty novels, but have no interest in doing anything dirty with anyone in real life. It's not weird and you're not weird!
@@okashi10 Thank you for informing me. It really helps :)
Same.
I'm replying really late, but unwanted and distressing thoughts popping into your head sound like intrusive thoughts. People have intrusive thoughts over things that are personally disturbing to them or go against their nature or values that they believe in. They are often violent or hurtful, and for aces who are sex-repulsed sex can be a subject.
The same is true for me. I have these “fear fantasies” where I just sit and come up with crazy scenarios that would just never happen, almost like I was daydreaming, but I don’t wish for them to happen to me, ever. (So I guess, daymaring?) they’re usually about pregnancy. On top of that, there are the sexual thoughts which I know are intrusive, but I have no idea where the “daymares” come from. I think them up out of my own volition.
I haven't seen your first video, but one sign could be that you're completely content and satisfied with mas-turbati0n. Allosexual people usually aren't, since they naturally yearn for a partner for sex. I was always confused why everyone thinks self-pleasuring isn't "enough" like it was such a poor substitute of "the real thing" that you couldn't even compare the two. So, if you've been thinking what you'd even need a partner there for, or that a partner might just make things more difficult and less pleasurable, chances are you're ace 😁
this just broke my brain. really?? i've never heard someone talk about this yet but it makes perfect sense.
hhh i was looking for reasons for me NOT TO BE ACE but everything is just proving the opposite >,>
@@rainydaze4409 welcome to the team ace 😁
Yes! Although not for everyone or not always bc some can yearn for a partner and be grey ace or demi and may also like doing fantasies like pegging or roleplay that you can't solo unless you are satisfied just imagining, specially if you have sensual(touch)attraction a partner would be able to fulfill that aspect the days you want
I always thought that people wants to be in a relationship because of pleasure
Oh!
I've been questioning whether or not I'm ace for like the longest time and I'm not really sure if I'm genuinely asexual or if it just stems from me being insecure and having trust issues; like maybe I just don't want to be intimate with someone because I don't want them to see my body or because I'm afraid of being used for my body. But like I've had sexual feelings before but they were never directed towards anyone? Like when my friend told me that they literally look at people and think sexual thoughts or only think or look at their crush and get sexually aroused, I was like really surprised since I don't think I've ever looked at someone and had genuine sexual fantasies or arousal from them lol.
But I've watched all of your asexual and non-binary videos and they've helped a lot, so thank you
I'm so glad my videos have helped a bit! It can be hard to tell for sure but I think hearing from an allo friend made me be like yeah I'm definitely ace spec
It took me until I was 20 or 21 to realize I was ace. I didn't have language for it for a long time and honestly, it is hard to tell in situations like yours. I relate in a way. I used to love ready smutty fanfics but I never had thoughts like that about other people in real life. It surprised me too to hear that other people literally get sexually aroused or have fantasies just looking at someone. For myself, I was interested in romantic relationships and I actually had sex with my partner before realizing it just wasn't interesting to me. I'm obviously not saying you should do that just to find out, but basically that it's okay to not know, and honestly labels can be loose. They are just there to help you more accurately describe your feelings so if this is what you relate to, that's great! If you find later that you feel differently, that's awesome too! I wish you luck!
@@torik7256 Thank you! What you said is honestly so relatable; like I'm ok with watching or reading smut and I'm not generally repulsed by the idea of sex but it's never been something that I've taken much interest in or felt for people that I know in real life. Thank you so much for the encouragement, I really appreciate it! :)
that's how I felt when I was confused too lol. I've come to realize I'm definitely ace because even in my most secure and confident moments, I might be more comfortable with the act itself and achieving that level of intimacy, but the desire still doesn't exist
That's me. I think a term that fits me is aegosexual.
Recently, I was doubting my ace-ness (probably because I'm planning on coming out about it soon and was second-guessing myself), and OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS VIDEO
It reminded me that I truly am asexual, and I don't have to worry about coming out for no reason, because there IS a reason: I'm ace!
October 11, National Coming Out Day...
I hope it goes well!!
I’m happy it helped!! And let me know how coming out goes☺️
@@lynnsaga1397 I came out to my mom in front of a Chick-fil-A (ironically and unintentionally) lol
She accepted me, so yay!! :D
She even helped me find some aroace rings to wear QvQ💕
@@_anonymous_creature_ awww that sounds so nice :,)
Lol. me this year also planning on coming out soon. I mean I've come out to a select few. but I kinda wanna do something on Oct 11 you know. I'm actually mostly okay with the aro ace coming out part. it's the fact that in the last month I've finially accepted being agender and I'm going back and forth on actually coming out for that too. like getting it all out st once sounds nice. just not sure I can do it lol.
Yeah. Looking back at my life there were a few events that had gotten me considering that I might be asexual throughout my life, but what really made me realize it and commit to saying "I'm asexual" was a friend I made a college.
She was very open and vocal about sex and held some sexual attraction for me, and that relationship really brought a lot of the confusion and doubts I had regarding my sexuality to the forefront and eventually made me realize that I just didn't have those desires.
We are still good friends though!
I had a similar situation. First year of secondary school and I had been told that someone fancied me. I got forced and pushed to ask her out, did so and absolutely nothing happened.
6 months and we did nothing. No kiss, no hugs, not even hand holding. She liked me and I felt absolutely nothing. The most "romantic" part about the relationship was a red heart after saying "goodnight❤".
Eventually broke up and we were both way happier being close friends. That's when I started to feel love for her, when there was no forced attraction and it was completely platonic.
I dont wanna have a girlfriend or boyfriend. I wanna be single forever.
Okay
Aromantic then
Have you ever heard of the term Aroace?
cool
hell yea,love seein ace content
Only realized I was Ace this year and wow this list hit home with me…
Also got a sign you might be: when you’re actively annoyed at all the books you read being way too focused on relationships
I kid you not when I was a teen I actively was looking for an action adventure book with a female lead without a relationship in the focus of the story…. And wow that was hard to find. I thought I found one by the description, took it home and found in the first chapter she had a vampire boyfriend, closed the book and never opened it again because of how annoyed I was. XD
Honestly though. I want a book which focuses on a really good friendship. Not everything has to be about your romance and besties who got your back are just as amazing.
heteroromantic here can't relate lmao. but its interesting to see the different people we have in the spectrum :D
Same. I bought an expensive book, was excited to read it and then it had a smutty scene in the first chapter. I promptly donated it to the local library and forgot about it
the lesbian masterdoc helped me realise that I'm demi specifically one question which was along the lines of "when you fanatsize about sexual acts with men, they are all faceless" which made me ask "wait...everyone is faceless in my fantasies unless I'm REALLY into someone....is that not normal?" and made me spiral down a rabbit hole of research on the topic
For me, the face is what it's all about or at least half of it. Everything else matters equally too I suppose, but I just fantasize about making out a lot sometimes... I could go on...
@@Kinuhbud its weird because i do too but they are still faceless 🤣
No because I understand you so muchh, I've had the same where I would fantasize and they don't have faces. I really can't imagine having sex with a real person
@@xrqx FR
As an aegosexual who likes adult films but not sex scenes in movies, I can only say I hate sex scenes because I didn’t go in expecting sex.
Ahhhhh, I am sooooo asexual!!!! I can feel deep deep love and romantic attraction, but I never think about sex…
FR, i just want to deeply love someone in a pure way
Same ....
the first point is why i was questioning my sexuality. i can think about scenarios and be okay with it, but then when i've been confronted in real life with a situation like it, i couldnt do it and actually started feeling physically sick and it was horrible. in general, im just questioning everything right now but this helped a little
Its okay to not want a partner even if you like to fantasize.
Sex repulsion is valid and nothing anyone should make you feel ashamed for.
If they do, then they arent respecting you or your boundaries.
oh my gosh i feel this in so many ways i always think about scenarios but when it comes to real life its like disgusting or a sudden turn off i dont know maybe some people are specifically there for sexual attraction but why havent i found one yet or is it because im just asexual idk
I's so strange to me to think that "regular" people think about sex at every turn? How does that not get exhausting? Also, thank you Lynn for helping me to understand myself
I never comment on videos. But. This just blew my mind. I've been going back and forth on whether I'm ace for like a decade and one of the things that always stops me from really taking on the label is that I do, like, 'ship' things with fictional characters, occasionally in a steamy sense. And while I know I don't want to have sex with anyone, I always feel like a fake calling myself ace when I do like the thought of some fictional dude and another fictional dude having sex with each other. Way back when I first learned the term 'asexual' and was trying to figure out if it applied to me I ended up in this ace forum where someone was answering questions and told someone else you could be ace and have a libido but not if that included any type of fantasy and that's stuck with me and just, wow, sorry I'm rambling. But thank you, genuinely. Really. Thank you so much for this video.
Hi, I don't know if this comment will help you, since you might have found your true identity already, but your story reminds me of myself and I am aegosexual - I, too, enjoy shipping couples, reading and watching romance and sex etc. is okay for me... But it has to be about other people. The idea of me being involved in any sexual act repulses me so much, therefore I am on the asexual spectrum, precisely aegosexual. 😊
to point 3 i would like to add:
for me it was boredom but also being really uncomfortable with sex scenes (and kissing secenes too, to this day). I used to think that I was just a late bloomer and that I would become more comfortable with it when i "bloom", to continue the metaphor.
but i found that queasy feeling persisted, and only when i discovered and came to terms with being asexual (and aro spec or sth, bc who the hell knows) did that also make sense.
i guess my point is, feeling uneasy about sex (and also wondering why it is such a big deal to others) can also be an indicator
really liked the video!
I heard the best saying from another youtube that is so good. "People are like fireworks, they are nice to look at but I don't wont them near my genitles"
as someone on the aro/ace spectrum, i want to add that you can be asexual and not relate to all, or any of these points, and you can be allosexual (experiencing sexual attraction) and relate to these points, i.e. allos can still have low sexual drives and so won't be thinking about sex often if at all, and aces can still have a high sex drive or sexual interest and so think about sex a lot, but i do appreciate the video it's nice to see representation like this on youtube
Basically what finally made me go "oh I'm ace" was learning that people actually feel warm when they're sexually attracted to someone. I heard that and thought that can't be real so I then my very horny allosexual friend and he was like "yup it's a thing". Also other people's idea of "having some fun" always seems to involve hooking up with random people which I've never been able relate to so there's another thing.
But the whole getting warm thing like wtf how does that happen? I also had a big realisation that when people see someone and they fan themselves with their hand, it's because of this warm feeling they get and I'd just accepted that as a thing without realising why we actually do that 😂😂😂
My guess would be that the blood circulation increases or something. I'm rarely sexually attracted to people and can't remember if it makes me feel warm or not 🤔 So this is just my guess, I think it would be a bit similar to having a fever except not being sick? I mostly remember feeling more relaxed
The fanning I always thought were because they felt embarrassed 😳 Huh. OR that the person they were attracted to was "hot".
😉
I like how we’re all trying to figure out how this works
@@Steertanzer wait OMG i thought it was because they were embarrassed too!! you’ve just blown my mind
I am in state of questioning whether i am ace or have just social anxiety + fear of being vulnerable
Very.much explains how I feel
OK now I know for sure I'm ACE
Welcome to the club🙏
@@lynnsaga1397 Thanks
I have no idea why this was in my recommended (I'm not asexual), but it's actually a pretty good video and I'm glad I took a chance on it. You're very likable, your cats are adorable and the video itself was quite informative. Subscribed!
Your first video on this was how I knew I was ace- I’m so happy you made another one :D
Awww I’m happy it helped you figure yourself out😊
Yea it rly helped me 2!
I actually love this explanation because everywhere I see it’s always “You don’t think of sex” and “Fictional sex counts too!” and it’s not, because it’s fictional!!! Anyways, I found myself as a Panromantic Asexual with help from people like you, so thank you!
6- you are more interested in the cats than the 5 things and wonder what their names are and how they are doing
Ahhhh thank you, your first video really helped. I'm way better on my way to understanding myself 😊
Awwww I’m so happy it helped☺️
I just came out to my friends, and this guy I like said he was asexual too. That made me so happy, not only because I'm not alone but come on, merry me.
How's the relationship now?
Lynn you saved my life with this video. I’ve never felt so understood like this before, thank you 🥹
I am that kind of asexual that sometimes forgets that sex is actually a real thing that people do but recently I had this thought stuck in my head. Other people seem to think and talk about sex all the time, but how often does the average couple actually have it? So I googled it and I was quite shocked to learn that once a week is the baseline. Like wtf, I can't be the only one that finds this to be quite excessive, right? That seems like so much work...
So yeah, if you somehow related to what I just wrote, that might be another sign for ya...
I think that too. Sometimes I stare at random people and when I find out that they actually have sex, it's so shocking for me, or when I see a pregnant woman or another situation. It's sex a real thing?😢
your cat in the back on the shelf 😭😭 forget your books you only need to read cat now 🥰
I think all three of the cats where in the room while I was filming this lol I normally try to get them out of the room but it just wasn’t happening that day
@@lynnsaga1397 at least they had some fun 🤩
I already know that I'm ace and I totally relate to the things you mentioned here, which is very nice. I always used to think that everyone felt that way though, like many aces seem to do, so it also really helped to talk to my friends and question them about their experiences. This actually made me realize how different the way I feel apparently is
People saying they need to know their partners sexually before they commit to marriage and me thinking it’s irrelevant
it can be a big thing for people just not me lol
I realized I'm asexual when I found people around me talking about sex with so much enthusiasm. It not only shocked me, but made me confused as to why are they obsessed with it. It had never crossed my mind. When I looked further into it, I realized that I'm different from the rest.
How I figured out I was ace was that I was doing research for a book and wanted my main to be the ace since many of the people I talked to at the time told me it was the smallest minority in the lgbt community. Just googling how to write someone who is ace was a huge eye opening experience. Also made me wonder if I've just been writing myself into every story and never noticing >.> xD
Hey Lynn. I'm definitely late to the party but I just wanted to say that you were my confirmation for being asexual because I've only been in two long term relationships & the demise was that I didn't quote "value our sex lives". I'm now 38 years old & realize that I'm not alone. So thank you friend🧡
I recently found out that most crushes are sexual- Like people actually want to go at with their people of interest and it's not just like a platonic sort of thing- I've never thought of anyone sexually either and any sexual act made me really uncomfortable and I remember thinking each time "damn people enjoy that??"
im still trying to find the right lable that would more closely describe how i feel but im definitely on the ace spectrum-
I'm still questioning whether i might be somewhere in the ace spectrum and this video just brought up a memory from my childhood: when i and my sibling played The Sims together as in the 2 of us controlling this one adult man. I got angry at my sibling's decision of making him hook up with different women with the reason of, "He is an adult he has to have a girlfriend!" And i said, "Why does he have to have a girlfriend? He wants to be an author and he writes just fine without a girlfriend." In the game, you can choose which genre of the book for this aspiring author character of ours to write, i never chose romance, mostly chose fantasy and scifi
Looking back, even many years ago in 7th grade, I never showed interest in sexual activity, and even said that out loud to the boys of my class. One of them even called me ace. But I ignored it.
Early this year, I started feeling my un-desire again, and I discovered the term asexuality again. Suffice to say, I was shocked. And... yeah, now I'm proudly Ace (and possibly Aro as well).
i mean, i get uncomfortable when characters kiss on screen, soooooooo
also, thank you lynn! i saw your original 5 signs video last year and it was what really got me to start questioning, and now i'm still questioning but i probably wouldn't have gotten here without your videos.
I like when they kiss or even sex scenes but when they are...aesthetic and artistic scenes. Like, it looks romantic and intense or dramatic and sad, etc, and overall just artistic, like it's actually trying to transmit some emotions with that scene. When is too explicit for no reason and just looks like there is no art in it, like it just looks like a porn video or something, i do feel uncomfortable.
I don't know if #1 is such a sure-fire sign... it certainly applies to me, since I have still trouble inserting myself into sexual fantasies, but I also have massive issues with social anxiety, so that might overwrite it a bit. And I certainly understand the closeness and emotional intimacy such union would bring.
Plus, sex scenes in movies are not always inserted at the proper moments, since even the most straight writers don't always know how to write it. :D
ngl sex is just a “ehhh let’s get this over with” chore to me, i’m as excited about it as i would be over watching economy shows on tv.
I have never understood why there are so much sexual/romantic scenes in series, especially when the main characters are in danger/other people are in danger and only the main characters can help. Like, don`t you have things to deal with?
I am 16 years old and sex is a very big topic in my age group, especially at the moment. I've often thought about being an ace and I've done a lot of research about it. I just really think that I'm asexual, but a lot of people say "no, you're still too young to know and you haven't met the right person yet", but they already knew they were straight when they were 12. However, these sayings constantly make me doubt and somehow make me feel bad.
Thank you for making these videos
So I'm in high school and recently I've read about asexuality and other identities within this spectrum and i realized i identify with some of them. I think I'm some kind of asexual but nobody around me talks about sexual attraction so it wasn't "i don't get it" for me and I'm not sex repulsed. I used to think of sexual activity but it never involves me like Lynn mentioned. I have only come out to my cousin/best friend a few days ago and it wasn't like a huge thing it was just like a casual conversation. I haven't had any of the struggles that many ppl do when they discover their sexuality and sometimes it feels like since i haven't had those struggles I'm wrong about my sexuality and i wanted to let anyone reading this know that you're valid and it's okay if you're not sure, you don't have to be. For some, labels can be comforting as in they provide a sense of belonging but if it feels like just another decision to make then that's okay too. You're valid no matter who you are and you're an important and loved part of this world❤️❤️
I'm sorry this was so long and thankyou for listening to my random 1am rant😂❤️
The latest Durex ad said "why wait until Valentines? Celebrate it everyday" and all I could think about was, why would people want to do it everyday? A part from that, I never really had wet dreams and I was only interested in doing it if my partner brought it up and not always, like it was just to please my partner and make them happy; also I had been confusing sexual attraction with romantic attraction, even though I understood the concept from long before realizing I was mixing these two.
Lynn your videos really help me a lot... They were the ones I was able to make sure that I'm ace
I help to help out fellow aces figuring out who they are!
i don't typically comment on videos or if i do it's usually short but i feel very compelled to say that i've watched several of your videos on asexuality tonight because i want to know more about it as i think i am one. and after watching this i know i am definitely one. the first sign you listed in this video resonated with me very very much. i have frequent sexual attraction to fictional characters only. as soon as those fantasies might become real, i completely shut down. what's interesting is that i am married to a man and have a child with him, so when i am sexually intimate with my husband, it is something i do to help create a closer bond between us. i just want to say thank you for putting out all of these asexual videos. it's definitely not a type of orientation that's talked about widely. there is such a huge asexual spectrum and we should not be made to feel like we are weird or other than just because we don't experience sexual attraction to the same degree or frequency as allosexuals do.
I would rather sit on the rooftop at sunset putting lofi music on and read manga/books. Coming to the conclusion, i would rather chill or focus on my hobbies.
My experience was a little different but at the same time related. As a boy and since I was a child I have always had that sexist pressure and virility. So, the first time I contacted sexuality, it was porn with my neighbor. As I have emotional issues and traumas of wanting to please everyone, I did everything to be included in a group or friends. For a long time I have always put my interests aside for others. Even in these situations, I said, "if a man should be like that then let's copy". But I actually had no interest in sex or sexual things. It was an imitation jumpsuit. I'm homosexual romantic. And the funniest thing you mentioned the cartoons. The only thing I know I experienced with sexual pleasure was in cartoons. Of course, this is all very subjective in the sachei curious about the fact that you answered many questions I had. I appreciate it and I've already followed you
I realized I was asexual after seeing the character Cash from heartbreak high and his interaction with Darren. I saw a reactor say that Cash maybe asexual and then I just researched asexuality. I literally cried because I was like that's me. I resonated so much with Cash, like it's not that I don't like people romantically, i just feel no sexual attraction towards them.
This resonates with me so much. I was raised catholic. I realise that I’m ace romantic and autosexual which is on the ace spectrum. I just don’t feel sexually attracted to anyone and only enjoy private time. I live with my partner but we are Demi romantic…. No sex. We look like a straight couple to the outside world but we are not. I also get grossed out by sex scenes. I don’t enjoy them at all. I’m so grateful for this community and have always felt that I resonate more with the LGBTQ+ community than I ever could with straight folks. Also it feels like there’s a lot of toxic heterosexuality where being straight is the thing to be when so many people just don’t feel comfortable identifying with it but it’s shoved down our throats in just about every type of media there is. No wonder so many of us are still questioning our sexualities.
I relate so hard to every sign described! Thank you so much for putting it into words. Your video was really well done 👍
legit just got a birth control add when clicking on a video about asexuality
Thanks. Have been doubting my Allosexualness for a while, this helped me realize I'm not Ace, I'm just old.
Would also want to add that ace people can have a libido but have no interest in engaging in sexual activities with other people. I used to believe that meant you were not ace.
This, thank you.getting randomly horny for no reason and just waiting till it passes or doing a solo, does not mean you have sexual attraction for others, and i think that is important because like you, it def made me think i could not be ace too.
As an LGBTQIA+ member myself (non-binary) I love to see people realise who they are. Love your videos
I just want to say thank you so much for this, because I have been struggling with this so much. I’m right now dating someone, it’s been 9 months, that I’m truly in love with, and I know he’s the one but, being intimate has just always been a huge “problem” for me, and I always thought “oh it’s just because I’m self conscious, im shy, I really love him so it’s just nerves, or maybe he’s not the one, and I’m sure that’s not the case. I matched with exactly all 5 signs you mentioned and even my mom discovered, “hey, there’s a word for it. You’re Asexual.” This has been eating at me because I feel so bad and I don’t want him thinking it’s him, now I know it is all just me🤣🙁 but again, thank you. That really helped me, like a huge relief to know I’m not alone. Your video actually made me cry. I mean i really only want to be intimate to have kids and that’s it and almost not even then. I don’t mean to sound like Leonard’s mom from the Big Bang Theory🤣but yeah. This helped a lot. Thank you♥️
37-year-old virgin here. I used to think something was wrong with me because genitals of any gender really grose me out, and when it comes to sex I'm like "You want to put what where? Yeah, that's not happening!"🤮
And that's not even mentioning the sticky bodily fluids that get everywhere.
The part about sex scenes is so real. Why can't we show just enough so people get that yes these two characters have a sexual relationship now, and then tastefully cut away?
My eyes glaze over during sex scenes and i just instinctively look for something else to pay attention too, because whats going on on screen is about as exciting as watching paint dry.
I'm not completely asexual, but I ticked all those boxes. I told someone, I like the idea of sex more actual, in a fascination sense, and dirty humor, and I've always enjoyed erotic art. The vast majority of erotic media does literally nothing for me. If I don't know a person, it is just a naked body I feel no sexual appeal to it.
So I already knew I was asexual-ish, but I have imposter syndrome so I always gaslight myself. SO this video is a nice reminder of those things that make me variably asexual/demisexual. Thank you for that. My asexuality is variable, but consistently I'm apathetic about sex, and only selectively sexually attracted to people.
And I almost never think about sex. Intimate romantic cuddling? All the time though. Have a good one though.
It sounds like you are just select, waiting for a connection to form beyond physical lust etc. Once u find that friendship and feelings, more will evolve, guessing!
I just want to say it was because of your first video a year ago, I confirmed I am ace spec. I always question it before hand bit never actually confirmed it. When I saw your first video, I related to it so much. Same goes with this one.
I feel like I'm definitely SOMEWHERE in the ace bubble but I'm not sure where. I'm not sex repulsed and I enjoy sex, but I also don't care about sex and mostly just do it to get rid of the feeling of being horny. Like I'd rather just cuddle unless that pesky horny feeling is happening and even then, I'd rather get that annoying feeling out of the way and then cuddle.
1. The most uncomfortable thing I can think of.
2. I've never thought about sx in a serious way, waste of TIME
3. Every time a skip.
4. I don't fuckin care, that's so boring.
5. I'd rather eat cake.
Yeah, I think I know what this means, and I like it.🤣
Lowkey felt all 5 because like when friends or family talk about me getting married I lowkey get shocked and annoyed by that idea…especially #1 Sex to me Is an imagination for a fact it’s like I think about but like in reality if a girl was to ask me out or something I feel scared . But tbh I hope this does mean I’m asexual tbh I would love to be asexual I love being independent and staying to myself
I litterally hate talking about crushes with some of my friends because their crushes are so sexual. Mine aren't sexual at all. It's purely romantic. And I'm not even fully sure if I feel romantic attraction the way most people do. Once I go on a date with someone, I feel quite disgusting. I like them, I think they're great, but when I actually consider it a date it just disgusts me so much.
I fantasize about being with them, but when I actually think about it, I don't think I really want it.
I've been thinking lately that maybe I'm bi. But trying to figure that out, I'm realising it's pointless because I don't understand sexual attraction.
I have a date planned next week and I've been thinking that I want to kiss him. But mostly because I just want to kiss someone, because I like the idea of kissing. And I've never had sex, so I've been thinking that maybe I'd want to try.
But as the date gets closer (and thus more real) I'm noticing that I'm getting more uncomfortable and disgusted by it.
I am extremely confused. And normally I'd say that it doesn't really matter, I just do me. But the problem is that I can't really tell what I want or what I like.
Something is making me uncomfortable, but I still want to do it. That type of conundrum.
And I also don't like going on a date with someone and suddenly feeling disgusted with myself and (in a way) them. They don't deserve that either.
The expectation if regular sex to maintain an adult relationship is why I stay single
I already know I'm ace I'm just getting my regular confirmation 😂 I relate so much to this video
I hope it can help educate more people
welll, I found out today. And the reason I even started this journey was because of something that might help another person. I'm married. I am attracted to my hubby aesthetically ( I didn't even know that was a thing before today). And he brought up that it hurts his feelings that I NEVER, and I mean never, initiate sex. Its always on him to start things. I'm sex positive, so once we start I'm good. But like, I don't ever think about it so I never would initiate. To me, its just another hobby like board games or making art.
3:50 when did we stop entering adulthood by brutal trials and fights? 😂
This video helped me so much, and I love your positive vibes! But more on society and the v-card thing, I totally agree. Why does it have to be such a gatekeep-y topic? Also, remember the tampon dilemma? Honestly, I was so confused, and wondered why a piece of cotton had to be such a big deal lol =) Thanks for putting this out!
been questioning if I’m ace for 2 years and though sometimes it makes a lot of sense recently I’ve been feeling really insecure. but seeing you talk about how you don’t think about sex reminded me about how when I was younger I never questioned all the abrupt cut offs at the bed in books because I just never thought about it, and how learning about different birth control methods puzzled me because I didn’t see why someone would go through that hassle when they could just abstain. So I do think I’m at least aspec even though my thoughts can be really confusing and I just wanna leave this as a self-affirming message :) thanks for the video!
There was a friend of mine back in the day that took care of himself and most women would consider him to be attractive. I knew he was asexual because anytime women would kinda flirt with him, he would talk to them as if they asked him what time it was. Remember him telling me one time that he lacked empathy for strangers, in turn it made the idea of sex or any kind of romantic interest just instantly made him feel nothing, its like being numb.
Wow all of these are 100% my experience! I mean I knew I was ace but it’s great to see other folks also living my same life 😭
I definitely would rather have cake lol 😂. That is the sign! But in all seriousness no really, I was having a hard time figuring out if I am just simply anxious avoidant as my attachment style and also on the asexual spectrum as demisexual. I relate to the definition a lot. And hearing these signs some stood out so much to me!💜This was helpful. 💯 It’s the cake part for me. Makes me think of Friends when Joey was asked about food or you know what. I would choose food! Always lol 😂
I think even some allos would rather have cake depending on the cake...is just, nothing wins over cake.
I figured out I'm demisexual like 15 years before I had a word to describe it. Then I went on HRT to transition to female and now I think the changes in my libido (lower) made me actually asexual. How I figured it out was I was the only one who took the professor's advice when he said "save dating for after university". Everyone else thought the advice was crass, meanwhile I was over in the corner like "none of you try to date me. I want good marks". Even when situations came up organically where I was offered sex, I either turned it down outright or was unable to feel any arousal. So I realized I had to have a monogamous partner to even feel anything, but here I am two partners later and single and I'm on estrogen and everything sex related is a chore, including masturbation. I tried sexual stuff one time since my transition and it felt awkward and not very exciting. I would much rather not seek that out ever again, thankyouverymuch, but if anyone were to ever stumble along and want a relationship with me I'd be willing to try it one time to see if I am even a sexual person as the transitioned version of me. I suspect I am not.
The very few times sex does enter my mind it's met with a 'ew, why would anyone want to do that?' lol
Being a recovering addict of 10 years of meth use, if I had to choose between having sex and doing dope, I would do dope every time.
That first point is totally me.
The second point is not. I never think about sex, but I have always known how much others think about it. I guess from how much it is referenced in tv shows and movies. 🤷🏻
I always think sex scenes are unnecessary. 😂
And the emphasis on it is stupid to me.
I've never had sex, and I don't feel like it's necessary for my life. 🤷🏻
For me personally It took me 20 minutes after questioning if I was ace to figure it out. I don't feel sexual attraction and I don't want to do *Those* activities EVER. I'd much rather eat strawberries and pet ducks
Honestly, I'm just starting to question whether I might be ace as of very recently (like the last 3 weeks or so). It's really confusing, because like Lynn, I grew up in a weirdly sex-obsessed religious environment. They were dead set on repressing and condemning sexual impulses and expressions, especially in teens and young adults. I think my brain overcompensated during puberty, because the hormones kicked in and my brain was like, "Well, everyone keeps telling me that a) sex is the greatest thing ever and b) I don't deserve to have it because I'm not married yet. I want it." But there have been a few instances where people have been attracted to me and I could tell that they would probably be down for it, but I would always feel uncomfortable and almost run away from them because we really didn't know each other very well. At the time, I told myself, "Well, I didn't go for it because it would be wrong", but I don't think that was ever really the issue. And honestly, I think a lot of my "crushes" were just girls I was attracted to from an emotional, intellectual, or aesthetic standpoint and wanted to be friends with. I was just never taught to distinguish between "female who is a close and affectionate friend" and "female whom I am romantically attracted to, refer to as my girlfriend, and probably sleep with." In the past year, I've made 3 or 4 really intimate platonic friendships with both guys and girls, and I've realized that a lot of the things I thought were exclusive to romantic "ships" are more than possible in friendship, like responsive physical affection and comfort, attention to the details of each other's needs, and unconditional love and support. A lot of things about my sex life (or rather, lack thereof) are starting to make more sense now. I definitely want that level of intimacy with someone, but definitely only with one person through my whole life, someone I would have to know on an intimate level in all of the non-sexual expressions of romance first.
TL;DR I'm a hetero-romantic man questioning if I'm ace, possibly demi-sexual or something similar, and I just wanted to put it out there in some way to alleviate the confusion and stress I'm feeling. Thanks Lynn for being part of helping me sort this mess out.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I relate to it a lot. Growing up religious and always wanting to be "good" so sex was simply not on the table. But as I'm getting older (and deconstructing) I'm starting to evaluate if I have internalized purity culture just on the ace spectrum. Nice to know im not alone! The search continues 💪🏼
I like never comment.. Like NEVER... But I feel like I need to research more of this because now that I watched your video, SOOO MANY things are starting to make sense. Every SINGLE thing you spoke on, is ME ME ME,, and right now I honestly don't know how to accept it. Is there something wrong with me??!
Everyone always asks why don't I have a boyfriend...
And/or, am I a lesbian...
It's neither... And now I'm so grateful to have some semblance of a reason 😢
It’s because it’s actually more the norm, despite what the media tries to tell you. Being hypersxualized and thinking about sx all the time and wanting to bang a lot of people is actually what’s weird.
I was pretty sure that I'm ace, but now I'm 100% sure. Thanks 👍
So basically I want to have a relationship, but in a frienfly way? Like you know, helping each other, cuddling, maybe holding hands, and just almost everything couples do but as friends. And when I say that I want to love someone or someone to love me I also don't mean it in a romantic way, but in a deeply platonic where it's on somewhere between best friend, sibling and partner? It's hard to explain and I hope that I'm not the only one 💀
That's a queerplatonic relationship I think, where it's more than friends but less than romantic lovers :)
I remember everyone my age used to forward Fifty Shades movies to watch the sex scenes and I forwarded the sex scenes to watch the storyline.
Wouldn't it be better to just wacht porn for these people instead of the sex scenes in a movie like 50 shades?
I think my first sign that im ace is that i feel very grossed out of the reproduction organs. And when i think about real life sex, the first thing that comes to mind is that "that (organ) is where they pee".
And my sign that i might be aromantic is that i just never fall for anyone... that or my gut is always in denial if i sort of like someone.
I always hated it I thought that society was forcing us to have it like Never understood why
Honestly same lol
When I was little I heard a group of wives say they would rather eat a sundae than have sex LMAO
I never liked anyone romantically or seggsually as a kid, as soon as i found out abt the label i knew i was ace
And then i found out about romantic attraction and i struggled with that for like a decade lmfao
But now im sure im aroace
Congrats!
For me it's actually kind of the opposite! ^^'
I was never really interested in anyone as a kid either, but now I'm in a very loving relationship. :)
I figured out I'm demiromantic, since it took me years to fall in love with my gf, but once I did, I fell for her hard.
However as far as sexual attraction goes, I think that's gonna take a good while longer.
I do think I'm most likely ace-spec, but whether I'm demisexual as well, or maybe fully ace or something else entirely I really don't know.
Honestly, it's kinda scary to me to be in a relationship without knowing this, because now me not knowing doesn't only affect me.
I guess we'll figure it out though.
Just give it some more years. 😅
this video is a lot more relatable than the other one. maybe it's because the other one was a personal video about _your_ asexuality, but this one was crowd sourced about _other_ people's asexuality?
When I was young I knew I wanted to have kids when I was older. When my parents gave me the talk I was kinda freaked out and always thought of sex as just this wack thing I would have to get through if I want to have kids. I was super confused when I started hearing about abortion debates because why would people be having sex if the whole purpose was only to get pregnant? I didn't get it lol