Why ADHD Makes Keeping Friends SO HARD
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 9 фев 2025
- Do you think you could have ADHD? ✨📓 Get your ADHD pre-diagnosis workbook: link.theminiad...
Friendships can be challenging when you have ADHD, and it’s not always easy to understand why. In this video, I break down how ADHD can quietly affect our friendships-from impulsivity and forgotten text messages to struggling with honesty about our struggles. If you’ve ever felt guilty for pulling away or overwhelmed by keeping up with friends, you’re not alone. Let’s explore how ADHD can impact relationships and what we can do to navigate these challenges.
✨ If you've ever thought, "Why is it so hard to keep friends?" this video is for you.
Have you ever experienced this? Share your thoughts in the comments, and let me know what topic I should cover next! 😊💕
What’s the hardest part of friendship for you 👀?
Honestly, everything in this video
But the keeping contact part is the place I struggle most and causes me a lot of stress and anxiety
For reasons of life, I've been having a lot of long distance friends, and the hardest thing for me has been to keep the contact frequent as it is not that I don't love my friends (or even family) but if I don't see them every now and then, they just don't pop into my head. Some of them understand it and are still close to me, but I've lost a lot of people due to the same thing. Leaving me feeling like I failed to them as I still appreciate them but suddenly they grew apart.
Always overthinking all my actions, and feeling like they hate me forever when I make a small mistake. Not being able to keep up with them online even though I think about them a lot and care so much for the friendship, even though my actions don't seem to show this.
Depends on the people, sometimes I just don't feel like it's a very deep friendship or I don't know how to synch with some people, since generally most people (particularly women, like moms especially) enjoy tight knit circles. I've had few of those because I had to move often growing up. I never had kids, never go to nail salons regularly, stuff like that, I don't feel like I relate as well. I don't feel neurotypical enough to just maintain many friendships but I have many acquaintances from work or college, I guess. It's just over my head honestly
Being friends with someone who suspects they have ADHD but hasn't reached out for help or a diagnosis in the two years we've known eachother. I want to be friends but the emotional intensity, one sided conversations and rants from them are mentally and physically exhausting, sometimes crushing. They've even acknowledged that their behaviour might be a problem but it doesn't change. If this sounds like you, please find a professional if you're able to. People care about you but may distance themselves simply for their own health.
That part about feeling left behind because your friends are building stable lives and I'm still trying to keep mine together hit so true
So true, and rough.
All the people I used to associate with in high school have jobs, families, houses, etc...
I, at 33, still live in the same house with my same parents that my friends used to always come visit me in (now just parent, as my dad passed away last Valentine's Day).
I struggle to maintain a consistent schedule or keep up with my house chores.
My ex gf from high school is happily married going on ten years, and I haven't had a single gf, or really any new relationship with anyone this entire time.
Duuuude facts!
This made me cry, because I've always felt like a bad person due to my lack of close friendships.
I get so excited when I meet new people and we have a great connection, but afterwards everything crashes to the ground because I lose all my energy and can't text or call.
I have no childhood friends or any close friends due to this.
Yes, this seems to happen with me or I'll try to initiate the idea of hanging out, but feel so awkward, if they don't show interest in that, I think it's usually something about me.
me too :( my interest piques with strangers, and feel guilty about this
This is what’s going on now with a girl who has adhd! Spoke all the time for 3 months and now she’s texting so much less and I feel upset
SOOOO relatable.
It's so strange how I crave companionship and yet have so much trouble finding the energy to maintain relationships.
I get so anxious and stressed about interacting with people, even people who have known me personally for years, that I find myself seriously avoiding interaction at almost all times.
Around 10 years ago I even had a friend yell at me over the phone about how I kept saying I would hang out but then have an excuse not to virtually every time.
He threatened to stop calling or hanging out with me entirely, so I went to his place for a small get-together on a night that I really wasn't feeling it.
We drank a bit, and then I guess I was being kind of obnoxious cuz we ended up basically getting in an argument/fight, and he said he didn't want to ever see or speak to me ever again.
I said sorry, and that he was overreacting, but he wasn't having it.
A few years later, he wanted to get back together and say sorry, but I was still bothered and embarrassed about what happened so I never called him back and still haven't.
I still feel weird and gross about the whole thing.
Tbf he was becoming more aggressive and unhinged at the time, he even pulled his knife on me and put it to my throat during that argument we had.
I think he was just being dramatic (and drunk), but I thought he was being too flippant with that knife (he had done that once before while we were hanging at my place, we got in a similar drunk argument and he pulled the knife to my throat and demanded that we fight hand-to-hand outside on the pavement, I insisted we fight on the grass, and while I was laughing and goofing around he seemed genuinely pissed af which killed my mood).
I have a friend from high school that i still call my best (male) friend. We won't talk for huge stretches of time and then we'll play jackbox games together or get dinner and catch up and neither of us wants to say goodbye. Neither of us needs to apologize. I became much happier when I stopped talking to my friends that always wanted to do expensive overstimulating activities every week and just focused on myself and my family.
"friendships were important, but they couldn't always be a priority" ouch yep
This video really hit me-it actually made me cry because of how much I relate to your experience. I’m undiagnosed, but I strongly suspect I have ADHD.
Relationships are a two-way street, but it doesn’t always feel that way. I’ve had family members say, “You never text me,” but they don’t text me either. It’s frustrating because I figure if someone wants to talk to me, they can just reach out! But for some reason, it feels like the expectation is always on me to start the conversation, which can be hard for a few reasons.
First, I’m always afraid of being a bother. People are busy, and I don’t know when a good time to reach out is. Sometimes, I think of someone at 3 am, but I don't want to wake them up in case their phone is not on silent. I'll then tell myself, “I’ll text them later,” and then I forget. The idea that someone might feel unloved because of this is heartbreaking to me because that is never my intention.
The way I’ve always operated is simple: if someone texts me, I text them back. I rarely forget to reply to messages. But if I’m supposed to be the one to initiate, that’s where I hesitate or overthink and sometimes forget. For me, if someone texts me after a long time, I usually can pick up the conversation like no time has passed. I don’t know what to call that mindset or if it’s connected to ADHD, but it’s how I approach relationships.
This cycle makes me feel guilt, rejection-sensitive dysphoria (RSD), and frustration when people don’t understand that it’s not about not caring; it’s just how my brain works. And in the cases where the other person never reaches out either, that’s not my fault.
Exactly this.
I get the dysphoria BAD.
I do the same thing.
I never liked to be the one to call people, I much preferred for them to call me, but at the same time I didn't always have the energy or patience to deal with them when they called or wanted to hang out, which often lead to people thinking I didn't like them very much which was extremely untrue.
To me, my friends were like family, but tbf I rarely interact with any blood relatives either.
😅
THIS . I have ADHD and I have this exact problem and experience. It always feels one-way and when I mention wanting to chat more, its always on me, and that I shouldn't be afraid to bother them, but it kills me when my text gets ignored because they're busy. I have to be the bigger person, but when I strive so hard to make sure I always answer a text and message, its hard when they don't seem to care or deem it important. And eventually I just realize that while they are on the forefront of my mind, I am not on theirs. Its almost like a double standard.
But in the end, they just dont want to talk as much I guess, and I don't want to appear needy, but it SO frustrating. I completely understand.
I also can return to a conversation as if no time has passed, but usually with very close friends I know for a long time. I don't' feel bothered by it at all. Unsure what this is, but there it is! XD
man, that's the first time I've seen someone else mention RSD. it almost feels like it's made up with how little the people in my life accept it and how little it's talked about.
Even honesty sonetimes is ignored, treated as something you can just get over/fix, or used as a reason to distance themselves from you. Sadly, some people just don't have or desire to develop patience with ADHD folks (or other mental health conditions)
Yep, it can be very disheartening and just aggravate my social anxiety to new levels.
I've preached to so many people how important open and honest communication is in every friendship, something I picked up when I was figuring life out with AuDHD, and the amount of friendships I've seen improve just for taking my advice.... It's amazing, and it really shows people how ADHD is not such a shameful thing, and hopefully one day I'll inspire someone to get themselves diagnosed. I think it's really sad when people close themselves off to neurodivergent people when most of us have put in a lot of effort in being open and honest about our problems and not push them down, because EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT ADHD, there is still something to learn! And why would you turn down a friendship you never have to worry isn't genuine? Crazy to me. I feel bad for them, truly. It's hard to have a closed mind, we've all been there.
I did a small adhd test with a friend who studies psychology and when I had more than enough symptoms in all the criteria except for the hyperactivity, she dismissed it. I immediately said, isn't there add? Dismissed/ didn't acknowledge what I said. Just explained that with me only having one symptom in hyperactivity I couldn't have adhd. Sure, I am aware I should go to a professional but I felt completely ignored/transparent to them.
I've been bullied a lot and barely had any friends in my age. Therefore it has become difficult to approach people for a conversation because I expect to be disappointed again. However, in general, I have a easy first time talking to someone when finding a common interest to talk about but keeping that momentum going just rarely works out. It always feels like I am the only one putting effort into it. Had someone I had fun talks with via text. However, I realized that I was the one who always started the conversation. I stopped to see if they would text me. If they saw in me the same thing as I did then surely. But no message ever came...
It seems so weird that I have a way easier time talking with people that are older than me. I have only a handful friends who I only got to know because they knew my older brother or my father. I haven't retained any friendships on my own... Loneliness, Anxiety and Depression have been haunting me for half of my short life now.
Let's hope things improve going forward. But tbh, I have stopped hoping.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far. The world is dangerous, so take care of yourself.
I have the exact same experience, recently losing the longest maintained friendships due external circumstances.
But I think it's not hopeless. I have managed to find ways to manage a lot of my loneliness and anxieties, even if the friend situation is not the best, I think life can be still feel fulfilling, full of love and happiness :D
Thank you do much for explaining this. My gf has ADHD and this explains why at times it takes her days to reply back. I really enjoy all your content.
I always have trouble relating to my friends who went down more typical routes for their lives. Whether they went down a specific career path or did the nuclear family thing, it's hard to relate. I am going to be 40 this year and I still feel behind in life. It's like 2 steps forward then I fall down a slide to a completely different lower level. The few friends i consider close are close because of the long time I have known them and not because we fully connected on an emotional level.
"I didn't forget, I remembered over and over." Is the most ADHD excuse but it is so true 😂😂😂 like I will remember to message my friends and then get distracted and forget so while yes I forgot, I also have the loophole of "but I remembered just as many times!"
It can be scary to be vulnerable enough to be honest about struggles, but some people value the honesty the most and will be sympathetic and try to understand.
Each time I am honest about why I didn't answer/ignored their messages, I am afraid they will think that I am trying to cover up and am actually ignoring them on purpose tbh,but I hope it isn't like that
@@martathecrybaby9427what’s the reason you don’t reply?
@jos92222 kinda like it says in video, especially at the beginning.
Sometimes I just don't even notice messages for a while
@ It takes a degree of faith that they'd take you seriously (and I know not thinking of someone else's thoughts/emotions about you can be tough). This is one reason I prefer knowing if someone is, for example, ADHD and/or autistic because it can increase understanding about difficulties. I've always been of the mindset of being honest and attracting those types of people you'll value more as friends. Got to be careful not being honest upfront because if someone finds out later it could end the friendship, if based on lies. It can be difficult finding the right balance of being open and protecting yourself.
This is very real for me. I've recently been drifting further and further from my uni friends. They're two couples, all of whom have stable, well-paid jobs, are getting married soon, and have saved enough to buy big houses on a mortgage within which they can start a family. I am currently unemployed (not told them yet), struggling mentally, been single my whole adult life, and while I own my flat outright, its only because my parents died and I needed to lock away the inheritance or I would have spent it. The gulf between us feels uncrossable. Doesn't help that they try to relate, saying things like "Well I reckon I have undiagnosed adhd as well" and they'll describe very normal life struggles, and I'm there expected to be like "oh yeah, we're totally alike" when that morning, I got overwhelmed by a news article and went to bed depressed
The non standard English accent somehow works better than if it were narrated in standard English accents. Adds character. Even though me being a learner has to struggle a bit to understand the words.
I tried so hard to maintain a friendship with a person with ADHD. But they were so scarred by their past that they didn't even give me a chance to show them I was different and that I was familiar with their struggles because I have multiple people in my family who have it as well. It really made me sad because they missed out on a life long ally who would meet them where they were.
My friend actually said to me, "No wonder you have no friends." This makes it hurt all over again. I often think I'm meant to be alone.
i dont think they are your friend.. no friend would say that! sorry that happened to you :(
I lost contact with my brother and my mom largely because of this. I was undiagnosed and crumbling under 90-hour work weeks. Now that I have a diagnosis and started taking meds that seem to be helping, I wonder if they'll understand and be open to reconnecting.
all my friends hated me for this! Even if I told some it was ADHD, they didn't understand. That's why I don't care for friends anymore, just hyperfixations...
😬
This is fantastic! Thank you for being so comprehensive!😁
I never had problem with remembering to contact my friends, but what I did do that destroyed all my friendships...is I overstimulated them.
I was loud and over the top. I was praised for my "passion" but no one understood a word I said because I said it too fast or in a disorganized way, and would often just go on about a topic too long, so I would only be invited for the big parties, but rarely invited when it came to just quiet lunches or dinners on a more consistent basis, which is what I longed for.
The end of his video is very helpful. I've always been truthful with myself, but when it came to friendships, I just gave up. But this really made me think I am giving up too soon. Maybe adult friendships are possible!
If I could find a romantic partner who understand, there has to be a way to find platonic ones who do, right?
Thank you for making these videos. So nice to not feel that alone.
Pretty sure I’ve got it. … Already checked all the boxes. Thank you for the presentation. It helps to see it out there. Many ADHD end up in relationships with NPD’s. Ugh. Then we have REAL problems. … … .. I kept trying to FIX a relationship… that I had no power to fix.
I don't have ADHD, but I can relate to this so much... 💔
I couldn't concentrate on this video because I kept thinking about texting a friend 😭
Its very simple to say " hi, what are you doing right now? Working ? Nice ! Long time no see, we can play games or go to McDonald's "
But in the same time its a little bit difficult
so called friends all ghosted me and blamed me for the fallings out
Yeah, mine ghosted me, or one did and refuses to tell me why even though i see them every day, and they seem to be attacking me behind my back qwq
To everything you said: YES! Growing up, if I said or did anything that was slightly wrong (even if it was reasonable for me to get it wrong), I either got yelled at or made fun of. Or people wouldn't understand the meaning of what I said. Like they'd think *I* was expressing some horrible opinion I had, instead of explaining some other group's opinion. Or they'd just misconstrue what I said. So, I stopped having an opinion and just (outwardly) agreed with whatever the other person said. One day I realized that some of the opinions I thought I had, were really just me regurgitating what other people said. And wondered, "Do I have my own personality?"
This was beautiful! Thank you!
Growing up, I was always the friend you come to in a crisis, and was really tight with the friends I had. After high school, my life took a bad turn, and I lost touch with all of them. And because I was in such a bad spot, the new friends I made, I ended up having to rely on in the form of always borrowing money. I'd pay it back, only to have to reborrow it. Until something happened and I couldn't pay it back, and was embarrassed to face them. So I ended up with no friends (except my now husband) Now, I don't make friends. I know I'll end up relying them for help, but won't be able to reciprocate. I won't call them. I won't go to their house. I won't have them over. I'm a bad friend. Now I just make friendly acquaintances. I don't have the energy for anything else.
Two days ahead?? Back when I actually went to the store (I get everything delivered now), I was lucky if I even managed to make a list. And if I did make a list, I'd forget to bring it. So I'd just walk up and down each aisle trying to figure out what I needed and hope I didn't go over budget. I usually did. Or made it just under. There was always "one more thing".
I almost lost my best friends because I couldn't stop talking about my obsessions and they were really really annoyed
Thank you for sharing this ❤
The worst thing about ADHD is staying in your comfort zone.
Very well explained 🙂
Hmmm ... Not me. I don't have trouble replying or even starting a conversation with a friend.
If I do need to reply, but haven't yet; I just say, "Hey, I've been busy. But I promise I'll reply soon! Love you so much and remember to take care of yourself!"
Cos I know I'll eventually will reply, but I wanna let them know that I haven't forgotten or that I'm not ignoring them.
What the problem in friendships HAS BEEN for me is the so-called "friends" not replying back 😢
Keep in mind, I give so much leeway to them to reply back (like I'll wait a couple months because I know life gets crazy sometimes) so for me it's no biggie.
But recently I've had to let a couple people go because I know for a fact they have been ignoring me and it had been more than 4-6 months since they last spoke to me. (Again, keep in mind, I texted THEM at least twice during those months to just check up on them.)
Also, I'm neurodivergent as well, (AuDHD) so I COMPLETELY understand. But when it's blatantly obvious that they're purposely ignoring you... you gotta let them go.
Sucks but it's true. And it's better to live in peace than to be worried or constantly wondering if someone is still your friend or not. 💯
Let's be honest, honesty is definitely not always the best policy
that explains why i failed miserably many times...
Omg that's so real..
DID THEY REPLY TO THE TEXT? oʌo
ooo, I hope it went well!
Meeeeee and I NEED TO CALL MY GRANDMA
Sometimes it's easier to send a small gift in the mail and a short gift message. Just to show you were thinking of them. It gives you a nice dopamine hit and it's easier than a phone call. Even if it's just like...a fun color of yarn.
My grandparents are all long gone. I have so many unanswered questions that are lost to time. All I have left is their possessions to try to understand them through.
Superb
What is friend?! 🤔
🫂
yes. relate to all this. But blaming our ADHD is no excuse right?