whenever im emailing a professor that i have to miss class due to mental health issues, i ALWAYS say either “thank you for your patience” or “thank you for your understanding” because im not actually sorry, its out of my control that im missing class
This isn’t a mental health problem, this is more of being nice. Because your missing there class that they were expecting you to be at. I mean I don’t say this, I mostly hair say I won’t be at class. I mean good for you though.
I learned a long time ago to stop apologizing for being me. I notice when I start doing it again it's because I'm feeling insecure for some reason and it's a sign to stop and assess.
I have SUCH a bad problem with apologizing. I always feel like I’m wrong and that I’m hurting others. My math teacher is the one in my life that has yelled at me for saying sorry. But I don’t know how to stop because I alway feel self conscious and I have low self esteem so saying sorry helps me feel better because it relieves stress. I feel like I’m wrong all the time and I want to say sorry. I hate my self so much and saying sorry is me apologizing for me existing. I don’t know why but I always feel like a burden to the people around me and I feel like I have to please them because I can be happy. But I’m never happy so I don’t know what to do.
Leon Rader apologize to yourself and try to find what makes you happy. The thing I liked about this video is that apology traps you in this self loading bubble because you are apologizing while thinking about your mistakes or how you may feel you are one but thanking people will help get you out of your own head and thinking about what the other people did for you and maybe even help you realize how often people make room in their lives for you when you think you are a burden. And also what I found most helpful to build my self esteem is finding what I was good at and learning new things it made me feel valuable and smart but if you already have a talent maybe you just need talk to yourself and acknowledge yourself more and your potential . Experiment and take some risks and look deep inside to where you bury all your bad feeling and you’ll figure it out
I totally understand.. and I honestly think the first thing to do is to start taking some time and the beginning and end of your day to say something nice about you and/or what you like about yourself or something you did well that day. Then and only then can we really begin to work on the saying sorry part.. you know?? xoxo
@@ve-ronnie-ca Try to say nothing instead of "sorry". It is in the silence where you will find the answer to this habit, this reflex. I hope you understand what I'm suggesting.
I was thinking the same thing. And does being a people-pleaser come from fear of rejection? Fear of being left as in BPD? Aren't those both basically just trust issues?
I have to actively fight my urge to apologize on a daily basis. I'm definitely better than I was but it's a constant battle. Now that I understand why I do it (to please others/ avoid conflict/Canadian) I'm much better at catching myself. Actively fighting it helped me feel more confident and that's how you know it's the best thing for you.
Sorry to be off topic but does any of you know of a way to log back into an instagram account?? I was stupid lost the login password. I love any tricks you can give me!
Has nothing to do with Canadian..... Usually has to do with being screamed and yelled at for virtually no reason in your youth tho. This is why its actually important if like your kids spill milk or make a tiny mess.. you dont look upset you just kinda laugh it off a little... You can always tell when someone had some shit parents because they get all anxious when they break something or spill something.. its kinda sad to watch understanding where it comes from.
Re Canadians, it's said that the prizewinning entry in a newspaper contest for the best completion of the simile "as Canadian as ..." was "as Canadian as possible under the circumstances."
The timing on this video is prescient, looks like it resonates with so many of us. I apologize SO much, like so much. When I over-apologize in therapy my counselor asks why are you apologizing and I never have an answer. I’ve never thought about why I feel the need to constantly apologize, maybe I should be looking into it. Thanks Kati, feels like you read the minds of your Kinions.
I love this! I started practicing this a couple years ago and I noticed a huge difference, especially in my work. If someone is annoyed and I say "Thank you for your patience" it's like a cloud is lifted off of them and the irritation is dispelled. They almost take it like a compliment. :)
I really struggle with this, as well. It drives my wife nuts!! I apologize when I get really passionate about a subject, and talk about it for longer than I think I should. I don't know why, though. Maybe I think that I'm boring the other person.
I have lived with an emotionally abusive/unavailable mother and no siblings almost my whole 29 years... not by choice. And daily, I notice how I just apologize to get her to leave me alone. Terminal people pleaser.... I work hard everyday to be a better person. Thank you for sharing this! Cause I apologize for existing all the time!!!
Being the eldest children in a house of verbal and physical abuse, with parents of addiction, it was essential to apologize for everything. As an adult I've found it impossible to break this habit. And instead of society finding it as a positive quality, most find it annoying. For me it is an indicator of someone with a similar childhood. When someone else apologizes as profusely as I do, it opens a door to a deeper conversation. Kinda interesting 😊
I am the youngest in my family and the scapegoat. I was forced to admit to and apologize for doing things I didn't do. I remember being 3 yrs old and my father beating with the belt while saying it was hurting him more than me for which I had to apologize for. After someone questioned me, as an adult, as to why I was saying, "I'm sorry", so much, I realized that expressing gratitude and appreciation lead to more positive feelings for them and me.
I too ended up being a over-apologizer because of abuse. I think it came from thinking I must have done something wrong to be "punished" or mistreated, but since I didn't know what that was I ended up apologizing for even the smallest thing. I have been working on those topics though. I sincerely hope you have help dealing with the past & support and love for now and the future!
Ten thousand thumbs up. Wow, explained my mind n situation to a t...I'm ALWAYS saying sorry....my daughter laughed at me for even saying SORRY TO A DONKEY!! I honked my horn accidentally and scared it..I yelled out SORRY!!!.I am immediately apologizing to EVERYONE....and......every animal......
I enjoyed this video. It made me think about how often I say sorry at work and at home when I've been missing some chances to acknowledge the kindness of others instead. When it is genuine, I think it is a great way to let people know you are aware of the things they do for you. I'll try and keep this in mind.
Kati...this was a wonderful topic ! Loved how your personal insight enriched this...I had a very similar childhood experience of being chided for saying sorry too much! I’m taking a note of the words you quoted “ you can’t light yourself on fire to warm others”. Great tip of replacing our sorrys with thank yous! Makes total sense!!
I have a service dog in training and her vest literally says "service dog in training" and "do not pet" in big lettering. People still ask me "Can I pet your dog?" (which I'm grateful for because its better then just walking up to her and petting her.) Anyways, I always respond with "No, i'm sorry shes working." And I just realized what am I sorry for? My dog is not there to entertain the public, she has a job to do and one of the keys to her success is by having people not petting her. From now on my goal is to say "Thanks for asking, but shes working." This is just one example as I too over use the word sorry in everyday life. But now I can be a work in progress on this ;)
It also reinforces them to ask before petting like good humans. Aaaaaand it segues well into telling them how that interferes with their training so they will know what that means
I mean.... I see this as just being polite and not unwarranted both work fine... If however you are gonna sit here thinking this is something you should work on.. you might want to focus on real issues.. instead of your own little fake ones lol.
@@donaldstanfield8862 Lol.... I mean if you wanna be totally honest it literally says Do Not Pet. You could honestly just ask them if they can read English.. and point at the vest.. Anyone asking you if they can pet your dog when you go out of the way to put this vest on your dog is kind of being rude to you and disrespectful... Those people usually think they are extra special.
I’ve found that being overly apologetic and a people pleaser ironically serves the ego. We think everything is about us. It’s an unusual thing because we’re saying sorry due to our own lack of self worth and self esteem, but still stroking our ego by believing that WE have caused so much upset lol by thanking the other person- we take the attention off ourselves and focus on the other persons positive traits. We raise both our own self esteem, and raise the others persons self worth by showing appreciation. Thanks for this Kati, hope you’re well. ❤️
This has been something absolutely life changing I've worked on while recovering from an abusive relationship and since becoming disabled. I used to say sorry for the reasons you stated - I felt bad and guilty for taking up space (which I take up a lot because I use mobility aids) and asking for help, as well as being legitimately fearful of the consequences of upsetting those around me (which is part of my PTSD from my abusive relationship). As I've worked through trauma and started becoming more confident in my needs and existence as a disabled person I have actively changed my word use from sorry to thank you. I've been working at this for 3 years and I'm still not perfect at it. I still say sorry when it's not necessary and when I don't really want to just because it's my natural reflex (I also say it a lot to people I don't know super well because I am afraid they might react to situations in a way that will trigger my anxiety or PTSD. Saying sorry to strangers and acquaintances is still an automatic defense mechanism I'm working hard to change). When I do say sorry unnecrssarily I have found it very important to not get mad at myself because that will contribute to any low self confidence that I have. Instead, in the moment if I say sorry, I will follow up with a thank you. This doesn't work all the time, but when it does it prevents me from getting upset with myself and it's good reminder and practice for the future. I loved this video so much, I think this idea of thank you vs sorry is so important when working on confidence and recovery from trauma.
I have seen people who apologize for things that aren’t even their fault. I feel like over apologizing is not good for someone’s mental health since they are indirectly taking blame for things they never did 🔥🔥🔥
"Thank you" is something EVERYONE should really meditate on and do more of in their daily life, regardless of whether they overapologize. The people in your life don't "just know you are grateful" because you love them. Gratitude goes a long way as far as keeping relationships healthy and communication open. Don't take the small thing for granted they add up to a lot.
This is such a powerful new approach to things. I have been a huge apologizer and saying thank you is so powerful a change in my life. I needed this today. Thank you for sharing this video.
WOW 🤯!!! I find this simple swapping "sorry" for "thank you" idea, mind blowing! I simply stopped apologizing in some situations and struggle with others, so this idea is so much better.
Thank you. Namaste. I appreciate you. I truly am grateful to have watched your channel blossom these last couple years and how you, as a person, continue to blossom with modeling vulnerability that many of us never felt safe to share. In my experience, and in my behavior, under apologizing is a similar symptom of the fear of vulnerability. It is almost painful to apologize, “being right” saved me so many times growing up. It was a training arena that changed the course of my childhood. Now I’m finding ways to practice trusting the world, through trusting myself. I practice using the words you share with the knowledge that they are working for you. I have done this in the past with great success and until my experience is different, I will continue to share your words as my ideal role model in communication. Thank you Kati for your courage to share your voice with the world. Namaste.
I realize I start and end emails by apologizing and most of the time I do just apologize for existing. I do not have healthy boundaries and no my sense of self worth isn't too great but those are difficult things to work on. Thank you for highlighting that for me!
This video is amazing it has helped me so much when I first read or heard you say stop saying sorry and say thank you I was like what? And then I listened to your video and it all made perfect sense!! what a great way for a replacement behavior!
I've always over-apologized over lots of things, not only for the obvious reasons as you mentioned on the video or some other people may have commented within this comment section, but also due to politeness. Self-esteem is a value that not all of us seem to have within our character and we should start developing it I guess. I have always been told "stop saying sorry" or perhaps I may open a door and see somebody coming from behind and hold it for them, but suddenly having to wait as nobody will hold the door for the rest, but it would be me waiting for like 10 more people to cross it... So, I decided that I do not want to become impolite just because some people lack empathy, and so I tried to be more confident without putting others first, but being the same person... It is kinda difficult, but after this video... Well, let's just say it was a great tip, nobody will tell you "you thank too much", well actually yes, within the past... But they do not actually complain per see but see you as humble and as someone who really appreciates things... Interesting, huh?
I have this problem where I say “I don’t know” a lot. Especially when committing to a decision or an opinion. I recently got called out on it, and I couldn’t figure out why I say “ I don’t know “a lot.
I do too. I think it’s also a confidence thing - like not having confidence in the thing(s) we actually *do* know or not having confidence in speaking up about them, so we say “I don’t know” instead.
I've been binge watching ur vids since I've found ur channel (2 days ago) and they helped me a lot in understanding myself on a better level which makes me feel more excited for psychology... I might ever consider psychology as a career. Your channel is truly a hidden gem and you deserve way more recognition.
I just finished a LadyLike video where they got personal assistants, there were literally comments saying "don't say sorry, say thank you for their help". Then this came up...... wow.
Great tips and I’m sorry is a word we use so often, always great information and video! Keep doing you and always gain inspiration here for my channel! Awareness is everything!
Even though I'm Canadian, I only say sorry when I'm truly sorry. I think you nailed the concept on the head. The only other time I say sorry out of reflex is when I feel like I'm taking up someone's time by having them listen to me, and you make a great point to say thanks instead.
Nice video! I think this is also very great for practicing self-love, because I'm descovering more and more on how important that can be. I tend to blame myself for a lot of things, and although sometimes that is true, other times it can be completely unnecessary and not helping the situation at all. Saying thank you just sets you off on a much more positive note! ♥️♥️
I have said sorry and betrayed myself for things I didn’t do and didn’t even mean to do because the relationship meant so much to me. But the self betrayal turned into resentment very quickly and it destroyed the very relationship I was trying to persevere anyway 💕😢
Same problem and I heard the same thing about saying thankyou. It has made a world of difference. What I appreciated the most about the change it created was I felt an immediate increase in self esteem rather than the loser feelings I get from over apologizing. Keep up the good work Kati and thank you for all you do!!
'Apologize for even existing...' That really hit home with me. I always feel like I'm at the mercy of other peoples crap...my family, my friends, my coworkers and bosses. Like I'm the one who always screws up. After watching this video I went into work this morning and stood up for myself. I said 'No, I'm not doing that anymore' to my boss when I was given my assignment. In almost 30 years of work I've never said that to a boss before. My daughter tried to make me feel bad in a text she sent but I'm not going to fall for that either. I'm not sorry! I didn't do anything wrong. Thank you for the empowerment 💪
Such an interesting subject. I used to apologise a lot when I was a child,maybe due to lack of self confidence and not wanting to upset people. Over the years I've realised that a lot of the time I don't have to say sorry, because I don't have anything to say sorry for, and much of the time it's not up to me to make that other person feel better (because sometimes I'd encounter overbearing or narcissistic people who would project onto me, so much so I'd feel it was 'my fault' etc), recognising this projection amongst other things, as well as leaving those toxic kinds of relationships has helped a lot. I also think the saying thank you to people is important, two simple words, whose meaning carries so much weight and acknowledgement! Thank you for all you do Kati! 😊🤗 xx BTW your hair is so so nice! 🔥😁
One time I got drunk at a wedding and then spent the entire time apologizing to the bride and groom. I'm Canadian so it's like a national sport to apologize to everyone including inanimate objects. Edit: I forgot to mention that I don't drink much. Also I say sorry way too much to begin with - all jokes aside about Canadians and all.
I love this video and so appreciate your transparency and honesty! I am a therapist too, and I used to struggle with the “I’m sorry” thing for so long. I have improved greatly over time, but I remember apologizing for literally everything and most things did not warrant. I did this so much that some people would call me “ms. Sorry” and would yell at me to stop apologizing. It really naturally started to drop off as I worked to improve my confidence. I teach my clients this swap for “thank you” and they have found much success with it. It really changes what would have been more of a negative experience into a more positive one for all parties involved!
I get this because I over apologize but on the other hand I do appreciate it when someone apologizes when they have/or think they have done something wrong, even if I say it’s fine. Also I have someone who I’m very fond of but uses thank you sometimes I think to stop me getting mad if they take advantage, so I think it depends.
I definitely don't have this problem but when my family would make me apologize to someone close to me in my family I would have panic attacks because saying sorry involves eye contact which scares me...im glad my family doesn't make me say sorry to people
@@amathyst2223 its terrifying for a lot of people. Funny story when I was a kid someone suggested I look as close to their eyes as possible so it would look like I was making eye contact and basically work my way closer .... I got about as far up as the upper chest.... yeah no one told me about that for years because they didnt wanna make me feel more awkward.
Thank you so much for this video, thank you for being so personal about this! I say sorry for the same reasons you do, I have had this issue for as long as I remember having interactions with people. My other big issue is that I can not take criticism/correction, this is my biggest trigger and it has been holding me back in my future Career and relationships! Thank you so much for sharing this and I’m going to challenge myself to do this and I hope this will also help with my trigger. The idea that I feel like a burden to people or that I am always making mistakes is ALWAYS the thought that leads to suicidal thoughts. This thought is also the root of why I say sorry because I don’t feel worthy to Exist and my core belief that I have to be perfect and make everyone around me feel better. This is so powerful to me and thank you to anyone who read this whole post because it really did help me to write it all out!
Hi Katie! I think an interesting video would be your thoughts on life coaching. I'm seeing this sprout up more and more and I wonder how therapists feel about this trend. 😊 As for this topic, I found myself apologizing during labor anytime I made the nurse's job more difficult. 😄
I can definitely talk about that!! I will add it to my Thursday list :) because I have some friends who coach and many others who are therapists.. so I feel comfortable weighing in on it :) xoxo
As a counsellor I have seen loads of life coaches on RUclips, I don't think its a bad thing and there's definitely an overlap in the use of theory they use. However, I wouldn't see a life coach if I was in a crisis, but definitely good people on a whole. One of the reasons I started the openup channel was because we need more therapy based channels tbh.
I don’t think you understand how many times I nodded my head in agreement throughout this video. I apologize all the time! Thanks so much for the wonderful and informative video!!!!
Wow. I have tears in my eyes because this is exactly what I do. I have been working on my confidence because I apologize to much. This is very helpful. Thank you Katie, your the best!
I like this approach to thanking others for doing something kind, because it's a way of training people to be kinder towards you and affirming that you deserve to be treated well.
@RandomUncertainty Traditional gender roles. For hundreds of years, women had to be kind, forgiving, submit theirselfs to their husbands etc. You cannot erase all that in only a couple of generations.
@RandomUncertainty Did you watch the whole video? Are you sure, we're talking about the same thing? It's about actual everyday situations, "Oh I'm sorry!" here, "Sorry for my..." there. Actually saying it, over and over, and actually feeling sorry and being sure 'Everything is my fault!' (without any anger, more like: 'I'm so afraid, they're not gonna like me, if I don't apologize!". It's not about people/men having the vague feeling, someone/women is/are against them (Btw, nobody ever said: "All masculinity is toxic.", you got that wrong; that's not, what the term "toxic masculinity" means). Do you really say "Oh, I'm so sorry!", in everyday life, over and over? The video isn't about: "What do you want from me? I did nothing wrong! I'm not gonna apologize!" Please let's stick to the actual subject of the video. PS: Many, many people say: "Woman say 'I'm sorry' more often than men.". I'm just one of them, that's all (I can assure you, there is no agenda here). Comedians make jokes about it (Amy Schumer for instance - and she said nothing against men there).
@RandomUncertainty What? Read definitions, before you attack people; you don't know what you're talking about. It says a lot about you, how you are acting here. Seeing female enemies everywhere, for no reason at all; in the comment section of a channel for people with mental health problems. I mean, seriously... That's it, I'm turning the notifications off. It's valentine's day for gods sake. Better things to do, then to argue with you. Your drama, not mine. Unbelievable.
Hi Kati! I have a question about receiving proper care in therapy and it would be great to hear your perspective! I struggle with panic disorder, generalized anxiety, and depression. However, I have always been high functioning. This has lead me to put off getting help because I seemed ok to others. That being said, I have recently begun to seek professional help. However, my mother seems to think that my appearance will stop me from receiving appropriate care. I don’t dress up to go to appointments, however I will put on light makeup and look neat when I go, because that is simply something I do when I go out. My appearance is an outlet of my self expression, and I find routines like doing my hair and makeup to be soothing and a creative outlet. I don’t feel like changing my appearance to be “believable” would be productive to my recovery. After all, wouldn’t that be a form of dishonesty? However, I want to be believed by my treatment team. Help! I don’t know how to proceed. Also congrats on your book! And thank you so much for your channel 💕💕💕
Laurel Dudek trust me, therapists won’t automatically think you have all your shit together just because you don’t look like you just got out of bed. You need to be your most authentic self for therapy to work and if looking nice and put together is important for you, then do what feels right! Kati has a bunch of amazing videos on therapy including what to expect and if you are “sick enough” for therapy. I put a link to a playlist below. Congrats on starting therapy!!! ruclips.net/p/PL_loxoCVsWqxBJ6sFwpS3JAAL8HLKbHYa
I realte to this struggle so much! I always apologize when I don't need to just to keep another person happy. I also HATE confrontation and will avoid it all costs. Thank you for making this video! This will forever change my perspective on over apologizing! I love your thoughts on saying thank you instead ❤️
I have really bad habit of apologizing so much and one time a classmate even said to me after i sid sorry to him for something small that you shouldn't say sorry so much or else people are gonna lose respect for you and they won't treat you like everyone else
Sounds like it could also be an issue of good manners/bad manners if that is the attitude in the classroom!! However, as an over-apoligizer, I can confirm it can affect how people react to you. I used to say sorry a lot more, but it just reflected badly on me - particularly in business but also with friends. Made me feel (and appear) useless!
Do you know of nonviolent communition from Marshall rosenberg? He also said a few things about apologising and he helped me so much with this topic and i think it could help you too!:)
Today was the day when I finally told someone at school that I struggle with really bad stress. It was my PSHE teacher (physical, social, health education) and she was really nice about it, I think that even though I couldn’t say everything, it really helped me after a bad day. She made me realise that I shouldn’t be apologetic for existing because I was created for a reason. This video was soooo perfectly timed. If any of you are worried about talking, teachers are a great place to start!
i know this is completely irrelevant but can someone help me out with an issue i got- school is so much stress and recently i’ve felt like i’ve been constantly down and over thinking to the point of panic in lessons. i find telling people especially family about anything personal really hard because i don’t like attention at all. recently i think my friends have noticed how different i’ve been but i’m 80% sure they think i’m attention seeking which is the last thing i want id rather if they’d think i was invisible
Ciaza I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. I definitely went through something similar when I was in school. Kati has a great video on how to ask for help without feeling needy! I’ll link it below as well as a playlist on dealing with school stress. Hope this helps!!! ruclips.net/video/Q3qnvxgGm-k/видео.html ruclips.net/p/PL_loxoCVsWqyPxpJVf1z2p780iVufYz8h
Really great topic Kati - I apologize all the time, even if I don't say it out loud. My actions are apologetic, even when like you described...it's really just for existing! I think this is a great way to start working on this issue.
Thanks Kati, so simple, so easily missed and it’s a positive way to avoid negativity. Must consciously think to do this from now on. I hope you said thank you to your hair stylist, they did a great job!
Hey Kati, you said you went to therapy. Does that mean that therapist need therapy as well? I’ve never really thought of that! That’s so interesting. Anyways I apologize to much and I really find this interesting and will be trying this. Thanks Kati
Connor Mann therapists must have their own therapy to become a therapist and any good therapist with have his/her own therapist while practicing. Totally necessary!
Thank you for this video! Turning the focus on gratitude to the other person "thank you for your patience" etc does not in any way negate you as a person. It helps you appreciate the person who waited for you etc. Take the emphasis off of self by thanking the person like you said. The emphasis is placed on the action, not on the person. It's like when you ask your child why did they do a certain thing, rather than labeling them as something bad. It is in the action, not the person. The same goes here for the interaction with yourself and others. Try not to label yourself as a bad person by apologizing, instead focus is placed on the sacrifice another made that you are acknowledging to them - appreciating them, takes the focus off of you. Also, focus on yourself is somewhat related to pride. Pride is not a good thing when it demoralizes you. Humility is something to strive for always. Thanks again!
Oh I love this THANK YOU for this!! One of my biggest social issues. It’s weird too because it’ll make me a little secretly mad sometimes when someone agrees as if I should be sorry, when I know I don’t need to be. I’ll be using thank you now!!
Yesss! Thank you for making a video on this. I say sorry way to much and people get so mad at me for it. Personally I just can never help myself from feeling like I’m always in the way or screwing up so that’s why I always say sorry (even when it’s not needed) your videos are always so awesome and I love watching them
I'm an over-apologizer as well and have a tendency to feel the same way, like I am a burden on someone else, just for existing. So, I am diligently trying to work harder to thank people instead of apologizing all the time, and I feel like the communication barriers open up a little bit easier for both parties and the tension is not there as much and our conversations go a lot more smoothly.
I am an avid over apologizer. I have been told to stop saying sorry so much too. I love your advice on saying thank you instead. I literally paused the video, and wrote that down in my planner as a goal of mine. Thank you! Also love your hair!!
whenever im emailing a professor that i have to miss class due to mental health issues, i ALWAYS say either “thank you for your patience” or “thank you for your understanding” because im not actually sorry, its out of my control that im missing class
I love that!!! So glad you do that because you are right.. taking care of our mental health isn't something we need to apologize for. xoxo
Love this idea. I will try to do this in the future.
This isn’t a mental health problem, this is more of being nice. Because your missing there class that they were expecting you to be at. I mean I don’t say this, I mostly hair say I won’t be at class. I mean good for you though.
Well said!
Maggie Buchanan I will try this, thank you
I learned a long time ago to stop apologizing for being me. I notice when I start doing it again it's because I'm feeling insecure for some reason and it's a sign to stop and assess.
I felt this
Im British if I walk past someone on the street I say sorry
HA! I`m Canadian. Sorry.
If someone bumps into me im like omg so sorry 😂😂
Cheese Burger Kid no you say *sorry* (with Canadian accent)
I’m from the States and I say “move bitch get out the way”
As an Irish person, we are always appreciative of any British person saying sorry.
I have SUCH a bad problem with apologizing. I always feel like I’m wrong and that I’m hurting others. My math teacher is the one in my life that has yelled at me for saying sorry. But I don’t know how to stop because I alway feel self conscious and I have low self esteem so saying sorry helps me feel better because it relieves stress. I feel like I’m wrong all the time and I want to say sorry. I hate my self so much and saying sorry is me apologizing for me existing. I don’t know why but I always feel like a burden to the people around me and I feel like I have to please them because I can be happy. But I’m never happy so I don’t know what to do.
Leon Rader apologize to yourself and try to find what makes you happy. The thing I liked about this video is that apology traps you in this self loading bubble because you are apologizing while thinking about your mistakes or how you may feel you are one but thanking people will help get you out of your own head and thinking about what the other people did for you and maybe even help you realize how often people make room in their lives for you when you think you are a burden. And also what I found most helpful to build my self esteem is finding what I was good at and learning new things it made me feel valuable and smart but if you already have a talent maybe you just need talk to yourself and acknowledge yourself more and your potential . Experiment and take some risks and look deep inside to where you bury all your bad feeling and you’ll figure it out
I totally understand.. and I honestly think the first thing to do is to start taking some time and the beginning and end of your day to say something nice about you and/or what you like about yourself or something you did well that day. Then and only then can we really begin to work on the saying sorry part.. you know?? xoxo
Yelling at someone for how they show up in the world is incredibly rude and they should apologize.
I feel the same way! Sending 💞
@@ve-ronnie-ca Try to say nothing instead of "sorry". It is in the silence where you will find the answer to this habit, this reflex. I hope you understand what I'm suggesting.
I think it comes from the same place as being a people pleaser...
Great video!
I thought so too.
Totally!! It definitely comes from that too!! xoxo
I was thinking the same thing. And does being a people-pleaser come from fear of rejection? Fear of being left as in BPD? Aren't those both basically just trust issues?
@@Andres64B I think it usually comes from trust issues. Trust issues is not always from rejection/abandonment though....
Oh yeah!
I have to actively fight my urge to apologize on a daily basis. I'm definitely better than I was but it's a constant battle. Now that I understand why I do it (to please others/ avoid conflict/Canadian) I'm much better at catching myself. Actively fighting it helped me feel more confident and that's how you know it's the best thing for you.
Sorry to be off topic but does any of you know of a way to log back into an instagram account??
I was stupid lost the login password. I love any tricks you can give me!
@@jamarihudson4105 Don't say "sorry". Say "thank you".
> .../canadian...
That was a nice touch! :)
Has nothing to do with Canadian..... Usually has to do with being screamed and yelled at for virtually no reason in your youth tho.
This is why its actually important if like your kids spill milk or make a tiny mess.. you dont look upset you just kinda laugh it off a little...
You can always tell when someone had some shit parents because they get all anxious when they break something or spill something.. its kinda sad to watch understanding where it comes from.
Re Canadians, it's said that the prizewinning entry in a newspaper contest for the best completion of the simile "as Canadian as ..." was "as Canadian as possible under the circumstances."
Me: *accidentally steps on my cats foot*
Me: thank you for walking under my feet even when I'm trying to move
Øath Ghost 😹
Thank you for being my overlord?
Passive-aggressive. 😆
I know you commented this a year ago but thank you for making me laugh for the first time in forever XD
@@GJ-fg9qy No problem
The timing on this video is prescient, looks like it resonates with so many of us. I apologize SO much, like so much. When I over-apologize in therapy my counselor asks why are you apologizing and I never have an answer. I’ve never thought about why I feel the need to constantly apologize, maybe I should be looking into it. Thanks Kati, feels like you read the minds of your Kinions.
Awe I am so glad it was timed well for you!! I hope you are able to figure out where that urge comes from for you :) xoxo
I love this! I started practicing this a couple years ago and I noticed a huge difference, especially in my work. If someone is annoyed and I say "Thank you for your patience" it's like a cloud is lifted off of them and the irritation is dispelled. They almost take it like a compliment. :)
Totally!! It's so surprising how much it shifts the mood or vibe of the interaction! Thank you so much for sharing :) xoxo
I really struggle with this, as well. It drives my wife nuts!! I apologize when I get really passionate about a subject, and talk about it for longer than I think I should. I don't know why, though. Maybe I think that I'm boring the other person.
It's interesting to think about right?!?! But just noticing and trying not to, or if it applies, saying thank you instead could help :) xox
I do the same thing
So true,when you have self confidence, you start saying thank you instead of sorry.
yup
I have lived with an emotionally abusive/unavailable mother and no siblings almost my whole 29 years... not by choice. And daily, I notice how I just apologize to get her to leave me alone. Terminal people pleaser.... I work hard everyday to be a better person. Thank you for sharing this! Cause I apologize for existing all the time!!!
Being the eldest children in a house of verbal and physical abuse, with parents of addiction, it was essential to apologize for everything. As an adult I've found it impossible to break this habit. And instead of society finding it as a positive quality, most find it annoying.
For me it is an indicator of someone with a similar childhood. When someone else apologizes as profusely as I do, it opens a door to a deeper conversation. Kinda interesting 😊
I am the youngest in my family and the scapegoat. I was forced to admit to and apologize for doing things I didn't do. I remember being 3 yrs old and my father beating with the belt while saying it was hurting him more than me for which I had to apologize for.
After someone questioned me, as an adult, as to why I was saying, "I'm sorry", so much, I realized that expressing gratitude and appreciation lead to more positive feelings for them and me.
That's me too. Was abused as a child.
I used to say I'm sorry all the time when I was the one who was being abused
I am so sorry you had to go through that :( oxo It's most definitely not your fault at all.
I too ended up being a over-apologizer because of abuse. I think it came from thinking I must have done something wrong to be "punished" or mistreated, but since I didn't know what that was I ended up apologizing for even the smallest thing. I have been working on those topics though.
I sincerely hope you have help dealing with the past & support and love for now and the future!
Johanna K same. It feels like a small safety shield in the hopes you won’t be lashed out at
Thank you for enduring all those things so you can become strong tomorrow
Ten thousand thumbs up. Wow, explained my mind n situation to a t...I'm ALWAYS saying sorry....my daughter laughed at me for even saying SORRY TO A DONKEY!! I honked my horn accidentally and scared it..I yelled out SORRY!!!.I am immediately apologizing to EVERYONE....and......every animal......
I enjoyed this video. It made me think about how often I say sorry at work and at home when I've been missing some chances to acknowledge the kindness of others instead. When it is genuine, I think it is a great way to let people know you are aware of the things they do for you. I'll try and keep this in mind.
Kati...this was a wonderful topic ! Loved how your personal insight enriched this...I had a very similar childhood experience of being chided for saying sorry too much! I’m taking a note of the words you quoted “ you can’t light yourself on fire to warm others”. Great tip of replacing our sorrys with thank yous! Makes total sense!!
I am so glad you liked it!! yay! xoxo
@@Katimorton Oh absolutely loved it!😄
Because of your "differences", is what makes you such a good therapist
I have a service dog in training and her vest literally says "service dog in training" and "do not pet" in big lettering. People still ask me "Can I pet your dog?" (which I'm grateful for because its better then just walking up to her and petting her.) Anyways, I always respond with "No, i'm sorry shes working." And I just realized what am I sorry for? My dog is not there to entertain the public, she has a job to do and one of the keys to her success is by having people not petting her. From now on my goal is to say "Thanks for asking, but shes working." This is just one example as I too over use the word sorry in everyday life. But now I can be a work in progress on this ;)
"No, but we thank you, it interferes with the training.
It also reinforces them to ask before petting like good humans. Aaaaaand it segues well into telling them how that interferes with their training so they will know what that means
That’s a great way to respond!
I mean.... I see this as just being polite and not unwarranted both work fine...
If however you are gonna sit here thinking this is something you should work on.. you might want to focus on real issues.. instead of your own little fake ones lol.
@@donaldstanfield8862
Lol....
I mean if you wanna be totally honest it literally says Do Not Pet.
You could honestly just ask them if they can read English.. and point at the vest..
Anyone asking you if they can pet your dog when you go out of the way to put this vest on your dog is kind of being rude to you and disrespectful... Those people usually think they are extra special.
I’ve found that being overly apologetic and a people pleaser ironically serves the ego. We think everything is about us. It’s an unusual thing because we’re saying sorry due to our own lack of self worth and self esteem, but still stroking our ego by believing that WE have caused so much upset lol by thanking the other person- we take the attention off ourselves and focus on the other persons positive traits. We raise both our own self esteem, and raise the others persons self worth by showing appreciation. Thanks for this Kati, hope you’re well. ❤️
This has been something absolutely life changing I've worked on while recovering from an abusive relationship and since becoming disabled. I used to say sorry for the reasons you stated - I felt bad and guilty for taking up space (which I take up a lot because I use mobility aids) and asking for help, as well as being legitimately fearful of the consequences of upsetting those around me (which is part of my PTSD from my abusive relationship). As I've worked through trauma and started becoming more confident in my needs and existence as a disabled person I have actively changed my word use from sorry to thank you. I've been working at this for 3 years and I'm still not perfect at it. I still say sorry when it's not necessary and when I don't really want to just because it's my natural reflex (I also say it a lot to people I don't know super well because I am afraid they might react to situations in a way that will trigger my anxiety or PTSD. Saying sorry to strangers and acquaintances is still an automatic defense mechanism I'm working hard to change). When I do say sorry unnecrssarily I have found it very important to not get mad at myself because that will contribute to any low self confidence that I have. Instead, in the moment if I say sorry, I will follow up with a thank you. This doesn't work all the time, but when it does it prevents me from getting upset with myself and it's good reminder and practice for the future. I loved this video so much, I think this idea of thank you vs sorry is so important when working on confidence and recovery from trauma.
"Needed to apologize for existing" Gurl! I feel ya.
Thank you for existing!
I have seen people who apologize for things that aren’t even their fault. I feel like over apologizing is not good for someone’s mental health since they are indirectly taking blame for things they never did 🔥🔥🔥
Great advice! Thank you 🙏❤
To be honest, I am too shy to even say sorry but even if I do apologize, I'll be awkward and then blame myself forever for being rude.
Same
Shamsun Nahar I find I also have this problem. I think it's down to anxiety & self esteem issues for me
kerry Irving same especially growing up being bullied at school and in the workforce for over twenty years
This is amazing advice. I often apologize for nothing and it always puts me in a bad position, especially at work. Thank you for this video.
*Even more powerful would be using both.Being sorry that you’re late but thankful that they waited.*
Love the new hair! It really suits you.
Awe thank you :) xoxo
As a lifelong chronic people pleaser, I so appreciate this!! Thanks for the post.
People always say that I apologize to much. Thanks for this video! This could really help me!
"Thank you" is something EVERYONE should really meditate on and do more of in their daily life, regardless of whether they overapologize. The people in your life don't "just know you are grateful" because you love them. Gratitude goes a long way as far as keeping relationships healthy and communication open. Don't take the small thing for granted they add up to a lot.
This is such a powerful new approach to things. I have been a huge apologizer and saying thank you is so powerful a change in my life. I needed this today. Thank you for sharing this video.
I didn’t know how much i needed this video... THANK YOU!!!!! ❤️
WOW 🤯!!! I find this simple swapping "sorry" for "thank you" idea, mind blowing! I simply stopped apologizing in some situations and struggle with others, so this idea is so much better.
Kati. You’re doing huge things girl, keep going. This video changed the game for me. Thank you. 💜
Awe yay!! And you are very welcome :) xoxo
Thank you. Namaste. I appreciate you.
I truly am grateful to have watched your channel blossom these last couple years and how you, as a person, continue to blossom with modeling vulnerability that many of us never felt safe to share.
In my experience, and in my behavior, under apologizing is a similar symptom of the fear of vulnerability. It is almost painful to apologize, “being right” saved me so many times growing up. It was a training arena that changed the course of my childhood. Now I’m finding ways to practice trusting the world, through trusting myself.
I practice using the words you share with the knowledge that they are working for you. I have done this in the past with great success and until my experience is different, I will continue to share your words as my ideal role model in communication. Thank you Kati for your courage to share your voice with the world. Namaste.
Kati you're so beautiful everything about you is so perfect,the thought of there being other people like you gives me hope
I absolutely love the idea of replacing an apology with a term of gratitude. Brilliant!
I loved hearing your experience! Thanks for sharing
I realize I start and end emails by apologizing and most of the time I do just apologize for existing. I do not have healthy boundaries and no my sense of self worth isn't too great but those are difficult things to work on. Thank you for highlighting that for me!
This video is amazing it has helped me so much when I first read or heard you say stop saying sorry and say thank you I was like what? And then I listened to your video and it all made perfect sense!! what a great way for a replacement behavior!
I've always over-apologized over lots of things, not only for the obvious reasons as you mentioned on the video or some other people may have commented within this comment section, but also due to politeness. Self-esteem is a value that not all of us seem to have within our character and we should start developing it I guess. I have always been told "stop saying sorry" or perhaps I may open a door and see somebody coming from behind and hold it for them, but suddenly having to wait as nobody will hold the door for the rest, but it would be me waiting for like 10 more people to cross it... So, I decided that I do not want to become impolite just because some people lack empathy, and so I tried to be more confident without putting others first, but being the same person... It is kinda difficult, but after this video... Well, let's just say it was a great tip, nobody will tell you "you thank too much", well actually yes, within the past... But they do not actually complain per see but see you as humble and as someone who really appreciates things... Interesting, huh?
I have this problem where I say “I don’t know” a lot. Especially when committing to a decision or an opinion. I recently got called out on it, and I couldn’t figure out why I say “ I don’t know “a lot.
I do too. I think it’s also a confidence thing - like not having confidence in the thing(s) we actually *do* know or not having confidence in speaking up about them, so we say “I don’t know” instead.
I've been binge watching ur vids since I've found ur channel (2 days ago) and they helped me a lot in understanding myself on a better level which makes me feel more excited for psychology... I might ever consider psychology as a career. Your channel is truly a hidden gem and you deserve way more recognition.
I just finished a LadyLike video where they got personal assistants, there were literally comments saying "don't say sorry, say thank you for their help". Then this came up...... wow.
Perfect timing :) xoxo
Great tips and I’m sorry is a word we use so often, always great information and video! Keep doing you and always gain inspiration here for my channel! Awareness is everything!
Just dropping in to say thank you. This little tip has changed my life and improved my career and relationships. :)
Even though I'm Canadian, I only say sorry when I'm truly sorry. I think you nailed the concept on the head. The only other time I say sorry out of reflex is when I feel like I'm taking up someone's time by having them listen to me, and you make a great point to say thanks instead.
Nice video! I think this is also very great for practicing self-love, because I'm descovering more and more on how important that can be. I tend to blame myself for a lot of things, and although sometimes that is true, other times it can be completely unnecessary and not helping the situation at all. Saying thank you just sets you off on a much more positive note! ♥️♥️
You're so genuine. Thank you for breaking down complicated things into smaller, easy to digest nuggets.
I have said sorry and betrayed myself for things I didn’t do and didn’t even mean to do because the relationship meant so much to me.
But the self betrayal turned into resentment very quickly and it destroyed the very relationship I was trying to persevere anyway 💕😢
Thank you for another great video 💕
I'm the same way. I have horrible self confidence and I say sorry all the time. This information really helps. Thank you
Whoa! You are like candy for my brain. Such insightful information.
I love that Shawn was in the same room listening to you making your video!! Support goals!!
I love this video and am going to try your technique of reframing into a “thank you” instead when warranted. Thank you for all your videos! ❤️
Same problem and I heard the same thing about saying thankyou. It has made a world of difference. What I appreciated the most about the change it created was I felt an immediate increase in self esteem rather than the loser feelings I get from over apologizing. Keep up the good work Kati and thank you for all you do!!
Thank you for this Katie! You are helping me SO much!!🙂❤
Using this advice constantly today as I hurt myself and am relying on others for so much. Thank you, Kati! I learn so much from you!
Just subscribed, i've watched a few of your videos and I wanted to say thank you! My favorited part of the vids are the high pitched "welcome"s
Yes indeed. You have the sweetest voice💓😄
Gaming Squirr3l Welcome to the Community!!
Here channel is definitely informative. Thanks for sharing!.
'Apologize for even existing...' That really hit home with me. I always feel like I'm at the mercy of other peoples crap...my family, my friends, my coworkers and bosses. Like I'm the one who always screws up. After watching this video I went into work this morning and stood up for myself. I said 'No, I'm not doing that anymore' to my boss when I was given my assignment. In almost 30 years of work I've never said that to a boss before. My daughter tried to make me feel bad in a text she sent but I'm not going to fall for that either. I'm not sorry! I didn't do anything wrong. Thank you for the empowerment 💪
Such an interesting subject. I used to apologise a lot when I was a child,maybe due to lack of self confidence and not wanting to upset people. Over the years I've realised that a lot of the time I don't have to say sorry, because I don't have anything to say sorry for, and much of the time it's not up to me to make that other person feel better (because sometimes I'd encounter overbearing or narcissistic people who would project onto me, so much so I'd feel it was 'my fault' etc), recognising this projection amongst other things, as well as leaving those toxic kinds of relationships has helped a lot. I also think the saying thank you to people is important, two simple words, whose meaning carries so much weight and acknowledgement! Thank you for all you do Kati! 😊🤗 xx BTW your hair is so so nice! 🔥😁
I really appreciate you sharing your personal experience.
One time I got drunk at a wedding and then spent the entire time apologizing to the bride and groom. I'm Canadian so it's like a national sport to apologize to everyone including inanimate objects. Edit: I forgot to mention that I don't drink much. Also I say sorry way too much to begin with - all jokes aside about Canadians and all.
I'm american, inanimate objects apologize to me :P
Always thank the plants for all that oxygen. 👌
@@Anna-tc6rz lol too funny.
Well I that situation is understandable when it comes to apolozing. It's when you do it in excess and you're not at fault.
I love this video and so appreciate your transparency and honesty! I am a therapist too, and I used to struggle with the “I’m sorry” thing for so long. I have improved greatly over time, but I remember apologizing for literally everything and most things did not warrant. I did this so much that some people would call me “ms. Sorry” and would yell at me to stop apologizing. It really naturally started to drop off as I worked to improve my confidence. I teach my clients this swap for “thank you” and they have found much success with it. It really changes what would have been more of a negative experience into a more positive one for all parties involved!
this sums up every person in the UK
Guilty!
I get this because I over apologize but on the other hand I do appreciate it when someone apologizes when they have/or think they have done something wrong, even if I say it’s fine. Also I have someone who I’m very fond of but uses thank you sometimes I think to stop me getting mad if they take advantage, so I think it depends.
😍😍😍OMG Kati 🙋♀️ I apologise soo much. I think it’s liked to trauma but also just because I feel like I should
It could be due to trauma.. I assume everyone apologizes for their own reason. But it's just helpful to notice and try to figure out why. xoxo
Bethanie p I agree!
Just the way you always say "welcome!" is a big reason why I'm subscribed to you, Kati! ADORABLE
I definitely don't have this problem but when my family would make me apologize to someone close to me in my family I would have panic attacks because saying sorry involves eye contact which scares me...im glad my family doesn't make me say sorry to people
Eye contact? I am not familiar with this concept lol
@@Anna-tc6rz well I would look at the floor when I had to apologize or say sorry to someone because making eye contact is terrifying for me
@@amathyst2223 its terrifying for a lot of people. Funny story when I was a kid someone suggested I look as close to their eyes as possible so it would look like I was making eye contact and basically work my way closer .... I got about as far up as the upper chest.... yeah no one told me about that for years because they didnt wanna make me feel more awkward.
Thank you so much for this video, thank you for being so personal about this! I say sorry for the same reasons you do, I have had this issue for as long as I remember having interactions with people. My other big issue is that I can not take criticism/correction, this is my biggest trigger and it has been holding me back in my future Career and relationships! Thank you so much for sharing this and I’m going to challenge myself to do this and I hope this will also help with my trigger. The idea that I feel like a burden to people or that I am always making mistakes is ALWAYS the thought that leads to suicidal thoughts. This thought is also the root of why I say sorry because I don’t feel worthy to Exist and my core belief that I have to be perfect and make everyone around me feel better. This is so powerful to me and thank you to anyone who read this whole post because it really did help me to write it all out!
Hi Katie! I think an interesting video would be your thoughts on life coaching. I'm seeing this sprout up more and more and I wonder how therapists feel about this trend. 😊
As for this topic, I found myself apologizing during labor anytime I made the nurse's job more difficult. 😄
I can definitely talk about that!! I will add it to my Thursday list :) because I have some friends who coach and many others who are therapists.. so I feel comfortable weighing in on it :) xoxo
@@Katimorton Looking forward to it! Thank you! 😗
As a counsellor I have seen loads of life coaches on RUclips, I don't think its a bad thing and there's definitely an overlap in the use of theory they use. However, I wouldn't see a life coach if I was in a crisis, but definitely good people on a whole. One of the reasons I started the openup channel was because we need more therapy based channels tbh.
@@Katimorton I would love to see this too!
I don’t think you understand how many times I nodded my head in agreement throughout this video. I apologize all the time! Thanks so much for the wonderful and informative video!!!!
-Sorry-
*Thank you*
You take a sip of your trusty vault 13 canteen. Love this! ❤️
Game changer. Thanks Kati for this video, it's great advice and will try to also start doing this and be mindful of my words.
Great idea. I'll try it out :)
Wow. I have tears in my eyes because this is exactly what I do. I have been working on my confidence because I apologize to much. This is very helpful. Thank you Katie, your the best!
Thank you! For the cc in spanish!
Of course!!! xoxo
I like this approach to thanking others for doing something kind, because it's a way of training people to be kinder towards you and affirming that you deserve to be treated well.
Yes, women are given the message culturally that they need to apologize for being who they are.
And that's so unfortunate :( But we can change it!!! xoxo
@RandomUncertainty But more women than men. Culturally it makes sense, if you think about it.
@RandomUncertainty Traditional gender roles. For hundreds of years, women had to be kind, forgiving, submit theirselfs to their husbands etc. You cannot erase all that in only a couple of generations.
@RandomUncertainty Did you watch the whole video? Are you sure, we're talking about the same thing? It's about actual everyday situations, "Oh I'm sorry!" here, "Sorry for my..." there. Actually saying it, over and over, and actually feeling sorry and being sure 'Everything is my fault!' (without any anger, more like: 'I'm so afraid, they're not gonna like me, if I don't apologize!".
It's not about people/men having the vague feeling, someone/women is/are against them (Btw, nobody ever said: "All masculinity is toxic.", you got that wrong; that's not, what the term "toxic masculinity" means).
Do you really say "Oh, I'm so sorry!", in everyday life, over and over? The video isn't about: "What do you want from me? I did nothing wrong! I'm not gonna apologize!"
Please let's stick to the actual subject of the video.
PS: Many, many people say: "Woman say 'I'm sorry' more often than men.". I'm just one of them, that's all (I can assure you, there is no agenda here). Comedians make jokes about it (Amy Schumer for instance - and she said nothing against men there).
@RandomUncertainty What? Read definitions, before you attack people; you don't know what you're talking about.
It says a lot about you, how you are acting here. Seeing female enemies everywhere, for no reason at all; in the comment section of a channel for people with mental health problems. I mean, seriously...
That's it, I'm turning the notifications off. It's valentine's day for gods sake. Better things to do, then to argue with you. Your drama, not mine.
Unbelievable.
Everytime i catch myself from saying sorry and actually say thank you instead. It feels amazing. Thank you buddy
Hi Kati! I have a question about receiving proper care in therapy and it would be great to hear your perspective!
I struggle with panic disorder, generalized anxiety, and depression. However, I have always been high functioning. This has lead me to put off getting help because I seemed ok to others.
That being said, I have recently begun to seek professional help. However, my mother seems to think that my appearance will stop me from receiving appropriate care. I don’t dress up to go to appointments, however I will put on light makeup and look neat when I go, because that is simply something I do when I go out. My appearance is an outlet of my self expression, and I find routines like doing my hair and makeup to be soothing and a creative outlet.
I don’t feel like changing my appearance to be “believable” would be productive to my recovery. After all, wouldn’t that be a form of dishonesty? However, I want to be believed by my treatment team. Help! I don’t know how to proceed.
Also congrats on your book! And thank you so much for your channel 💕💕💕
Laurel Dudek trust me, therapists won’t automatically think you have all your shit together just because you don’t look like you just got out of bed. You need to be your most authentic self for therapy to work and if looking nice and put together is important for you, then do what feels right! Kati has a bunch of amazing videos on therapy including what to expect and if you are “sick enough” for therapy. I put a link to a playlist below. Congrats on starting therapy!!!
ruclips.net/p/PL_loxoCVsWqxBJ6sFwpS3JAAL8HLKbHYa
I realte to this struggle so much! I always apologize when I don't need to just to keep another person happy. I also HATE confrontation and will avoid it all costs. Thank you for making this video! This will forever change my perspective on over apologizing! I love your thoughts on saying thank you instead ❤️
I have really bad habit of apologizing so much and one time a classmate even said to me after i sid sorry to him for something small that you shouldn't say sorry so much or else people are gonna lose respect for you and they won't treat you like everyone else
Sounds like it could also be an issue of good manners/bad manners if that is the attitude in the classroom!! However, as an over-apoligizer, I can confirm it can affect how people react to you. I used to say sorry a lot more, but it just reflected badly on me - particularly in business but also with friends. Made me feel (and appear) useless!
Know exactly what you are talking about. I do the same thing.
So thank you very much for making this video and putting it out there.
Do you know of nonviolent communition from Marshall rosenberg? He also said a few things about apologising and he helped me so much with this topic and i think it could help you too!:)
Today was the day when I finally told someone at school that I struggle with really bad stress. It was my PSHE teacher (physical, social, health education) and she was really nice about it, I think that even though I couldn’t say everything, it really helped me after a bad day. She made me realise that I shouldn’t be apologetic for existing because I was created for a reason. This video was soooo perfectly timed. If any of you are worried about talking, teachers are a great place to start!
i know this is completely irrelevant but can someone help me out with an issue i got- school is so much stress and recently i’ve felt like i’ve been constantly down and over thinking to the point of panic in lessons. i find telling people especially family about anything personal really hard because i don’t like attention at all. recently i think my friends have noticed how different i’ve been but i’m 80% sure they think i’m attention seeking which is the last thing i want id rather if they’d think i was invisible
Ciaza I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. I definitely went through something similar when I was in school. Kati has a great video on how to ask for help without feeling needy! I’ll link it below as well as a playlist on dealing with school stress. Hope this helps!!! ruclips.net/video/Q3qnvxgGm-k/видео.html
ruclips.net/p/PL_loxoCVsWqyPxpJVf1z2p780iVufYz8h
This video reminds me of something someone said on a show "It amazes me the lengths women will go to not be rude"
Nice hair👍😍
Thanks! xox
Really great topic Kati - I apologize all the time, even if I don't say it out loud. My actions are apologetic, even when like you described...it's really just for existing! I think this is a great way to start working on this issue.
This is my first time watching your videos, but omg ur so cute and sweet
Jamie Welcome to the Community!
Thanks Kati, so simple, so easily missed and it’s a positive way to avoid negativity. Must consciously think to do this from now on. I hope you said thank you to your hair stylist, they did a great job!
Hey Kati, you said you went to therapy. Does that mean that therapist need therapy as well? I’ve never really thought of that! That’s so interesting. Anyways I apologize to much and I really find this interesting and will be trying this. Thanks Kati
Connor Mann Kati has a whole video on Why therapists should be in therapy! ruclips.net/video/rqlvTHdc1iY/видео.html
Connor Mann all therapists need to go through therapy as part of their training.
Connor Mann therapists must have their own therapy to become a therapist and any good therapist with have his/her own therapist while practicing. Totally necessary!
Ju Lia I didn't know that
kerry Irving yes, it's essential to the training process. :)
Thank you for this video! Turning the focus on gratitude to the other person "thank you for your patience" etc does not in any way negate you as a person. It helps you appreciate the person who waited for you etc. Take the emphasis off of self by thanking the person like you said. The emphasis is placed on the action, not on the person. It's like when you ask your child why did they do a certain thing, rather than labeling them as something bad. It is in the action, not the person. The same goes here for the interaction with yourself and others. Try not to label yourself as a bad person by apologizing, instead focus is placed on the sacrifice another made that you are acknowledging to them - appreciating them, takes the focus off of you. Also, focus on yourself is somewhat related to pride. Pride is not a good thing when it demoralizes you. Humility is something to strive for always. Thanks again!
Oh I love this THANK YOU for this!! One of my biggest social issues. It’s weird too because it’ll make me a little secretly mad sometimes when someone agrees as if I should be sorry, when I know I don’t need to be. I’ll be using thank you now!!
Wow, Love this tip! Thank you....no pun intended. Ive been told to stop saying sorry my whole life, can't wait to try. So glad I found your videos!!!
Yesss! Thank you for making a video on this. I say sorry way to much and people get so mad at me for it. Personally I just can never help myself from feeling like I’m always in the way or screwing up so that’s why I always say sorry (even when it’s not needed) your videos are always so awesome and I love watching them
Simple as that and very effective thank you. I'm always saying sorry so I'm going to practice this from now on. Thank you Katie 🙋♀️☺
I'm an over-apologizer as well and have a tendency to feel the same way, like I am a burden on someone else, just for existing. So, I am diligently trying to work harder to thank people instead of apologizing all the time, and I feel like the communication barriers open up a little bit easier for both parties and the tension is not there as much and our conversations go a lot more smoothly.
I am an avid over apologizer. I have been told to stop saying sorry so much too. I love your advice on saying thank you instead. I literally paused the video, and wrote that down in my planner as a goal of mine. Thank you! Also love your hair!!