Everything Wrong With Jason Bourne In 17 Minutes Or Less
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- Опубликовано: 13 фев 2017
- Jason Bourne brought back Matt Damon & Paul Greengrass for the franchise in what should have been a no-brainer. Instead we get a strange retread movie that is kind of lazy. It's really sad, actually.
Thursday: Action sins.
Remember, no movie is without sin! Which movie's sins should we expose next?!
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*patiently waits for "Everything Wrong With The Bee Movie"*
Stevie Jackson but every ding is replaced with bee
Stevie Jackson YES and a bonus round for everytime they say bee 😂
Stevie Jackson but nothing is wrong with the bee movie
I'll bet a heafty sum that'll be an April 1st video.
same
"In case you confused it with London, England." Whoa. The game has changed.
Christopher Sheets
It actually threw me off for a sec. Lol
I laughed. I was like: "Wow! Take that!"
They should have said "In case you confused it with City of London, England." Which actually is a seperate entity within London city.
WAR HAS CHAAAAANGED
Thought i was in a parallel universe for a whole moment
i like how you went from
"She's young looking as f*ck" to
"being 16 years old" to
"Even though you're 12" to
"this 7 year old a tech wiz" to
"this 5 year old has incredible eye sight"
9:46 He also called her 9
CGI has amazing de-aging technology these days.
At least it stops before you have to change diapers. 😂
You prolly dont care at all but does anybody know of a way to get back into an instagram account??
I was dumb lost my login password. I appreciate any assistance you can give me
@Seth Briar Instablaster :)
@Yael Wallace Thanks for your reply. I got to the site through google and Im in the hacking process now.
Looks like it's gonna take a while so I will get back to you later with my results.
I loved that every time you spoke of her, she got younger 16 - 12 - 7 - 6... But was waiting for 'this foetus thinks....'
Just like his college girlfriend
9:46 He also called her 9
How to watch a movie without watching it
***** And this is how you can have an opinion about twilight or 30 shades of gray without *becoming mentally insane*
FIXED
My reason is just because cinemasins of does lots of funny reviews of many movies I'll never care to watch
so true man haha
exactly
HHehhheheehheEHHEHEheEH
gO to tRuThcoNTEstcom< rEaD The pREsENT
Jesus Christ it's Jason bourne
INTERNETCULTUREBOYS!!!!!!!! WE KNOW MEMES #WEDIDITREDDIT
#FOURCHEN #FOXNEWSBROADCAST #IDOINDEEDLIKEPENISINMYASS
Person Name Roll Credit...
Roll Credits *Ding*
Person Name jesus backwards is susej
If you were in your office right now, we'd be having this conversation face to face *drops mic*
Removing one sin cuz you actually googled the code lol. Good shit.
'A subject matching Bourne's description...'
What...medium size caucasian with dark hair? Yeah...can't imagine THAT wouldn't fit a lot of people!
Yeah all those white guys look the same.
He isn't a "medium size Caucasian with dark hair".
He is a "Matt Damon size Caucasian with dark hair".
and also how many medium size caucasian dark haired people would steal a police bike in Greece. explain.
Put out an OPB for Matt Damon. Too many of his other characters look like Jason Bourne to bother listing them.
This video was on point, but come on, who didn't want to watch just one more Jason Bourne film with Matt Damon.
One, Renner.
See What Happens Jesus Christ I don't need to finish this line
I would, but i totally could have watched any other Bourne instead (except Renner's)
They did the exact same shit again, only this time, without commitment and it was boring. I'd rather watch the first three movies again if i want to see anther Bourne movie.
WJZAV They literally did that exact same thing with the force awakens though. And everyone loved that film for some reason.
The Force awakens worked because there was commitment and it wasn't boring
You had me at "Adobe Criminal Fighter CS 17".
The best IT line from that movie (well, apart from the infamous "enhance" trope) is "use SQL to corrupt their database".
Finder* not fighter 😅
I'm surprised this movie didnt get a sin(s) for Matt Damon's very few lines in the entire movie. What was it like 7 lines of dialogue?
Owen Hartley About 25.
Personally, that's a sin off for me.
MATT DAMON......
Also, Bourne can take out multiple highly trained CIA agents by himself but has trouble with some underground 2 bit street fighter.
Jason Bourne = a boring watch only once or twice tops kind of movie
The gr8 plasticine bumble bee I can watch #1 over and over. But the rest sucks.
Nicky did not throw her flashdrive to Bourne as she died, it was the key to a locker which contained a gun, stuff and the flashdrive.
Also, he put the tracking device in Heather's coat, and wrote her a message, that it's for Dewey (she takes it out and slips it into Deweys pocket before the Vegas presentation)
Bourne keeps the camera for itself and records her job interview, then leaves the camera on her seat.
The pamphlet at the fair says something about recording conversations 150ft away. So the camera was never with heather until the reveal scene.
good spot
Exactly
yeah .. don't know what the guy is going on about
Add 3 more sins to this:
1) Public transport was not available during the riots in Athens.
2) In the same group of people you can see Black/Red flags (anarchists/far left) and Greek flags (usually hoisted in demonstrations in Greece by the far right).
3) Under no way would you be able to drive that fast downtown Athens even when the roads are empty. You'd simply become airBourne from all the potholes that are scattered around. And the parked cars around corners. And the stray dogs etc.
The first one isn't a sin. Do you really think a bus or taxi would be driving around when a riot was going on?
1st one he already mentioned
Here's a like for that airBourne pun.
Actually, you're dead wrong on your political-association game. Anarchists would be very far right, and the Greek flag presentation would be moderate left, all on the European scale of course.
Another one is the fact that the police jackets are spelt in english as well as the Departure sign at the airport.
Thought Alica was going to be an Embryo by the time the movie ended...
Don Corleone he still messed up. it's a charger not a challenger
"Ex Machina Ex Machina!"
You sounded so proud when making that joke.
I love how the chicks age kept getting lower and lower every time he sins her. 🤣🤣🤣
I know right?!?....That was hilarious. :)
Well, having shown this as the top comment before opening the comments section spoiled that part for me.
CinemaSins sins
@@MrMercucio its still going,she 2months old now
“Now the embryo is on trial for treason. She’s pleading the fifth...”
If he keeps getting younger, he could be Jason New Bourne.
heh heh, see what I did there.
a couple of stages before, Jason BloodBourne
the a day with cool before with stages
Potato Gaming If he had died in his mother's womb he'd be Jason Still Bourne
NAV EnterTainMent if he gets caught and the escapes, he is Jason Bourne free
NAV EnterTainMent if i set you aflame does that make you jason burned?? .... yea ok that was bad
i'm still nauseous from the amount of shaky cam in this movie
Same, and I watched it in July!
Yeah I had a fucking headache when I finished watching this movie.
jepp. like a multimillion dollar blair witch project. storywise i am also confused in a similar way.
nadja lima It's way more watchable on a tv screen. It was just painful at the cinema
Guess you guys get nauseous easily, at most I couldn't keep track of some of the action.
Jeremy, did you even watch the second fight scene where you say he is even with his opponent. Its very clear from the context of the movie that he lets himself get beaten up as a form of self punishment for all the guilt he has.
DAMN IT! I was holding for a "JESUS CHRIST! ITS JASON BOURNE! roll credits.... ding!" sin.
After reading this I’m clocking off
The director was playing too much Watch_Dogs for all the techno crap in this movie.
Hell, even the movie Blackhat is more believable than the techno-babble in this movie. And I liked this okay enough! But...I can't ignore the flaws. If Greengrass and Damon wants to do a new film, it HAS to move beyond his past and flashbacks.
Lunethex except basic explanations for the hacking are given in Watch_Dogs.
Well shows that everyone is human and can do errors even the best .
I'm not a scientist so I'm not saying you're wrong and I'm right, but... do you really think that even if the CIA had technology shown in the movie, you would know about it?
the hacking of pc via phone in same room is actually possible, use the wifi access
*sees this in sub box*
Jesus Christ that's Jason Bourne
5:09 it's David bourne
1 sin for CinemaSins:
That’s a Dodge Charger.
I sin for you for not knowing that Cinema Sins is tongue in cheek
@@merlinthebikewizard4392 i sin you for THINKING CS is strictly tongue in cheek. they are not.
@@merlinthebikewizard4392 fuck no. Aye some things are just jokes. But 90% of their criticisms and confusion are legitimate.
Saying it's tongue in cheek is just a shitty defence
10 sins for a good guy driving a Dodge of any kind.
@@LadyOnikara Because Lone Wolf McQuade was the villain. Now Chuck has to kill you for calling him a sinner.
2:55 Jason wasn't fighting back because he felt like he deserved the punishment from the guy. It's explained later on in the movie in a masked sort of way.
Jesus christ that's Jason Bourne!
Jason Bourne that's Jesus Christ!
Jesus Bourne thats Jason Christ
Christ Bourne that's Jesus Jason
Jesus Jason thats Bourne Christ !!
111danish111 Praise Bourne Christ!
Whoever wrote this critique should be hired at a major studio to review scripts BEFORE these turkeys get made!
Brilliant analysis.
I've been thinking that the past 3 years i've watched these guys.
Your mistake is thinking the studios didn't know this movie was bad, and that they actually care. As long as they get their easy money they don't really care.
Probably true.
Honestly tho. Part of the reason Winter Soldier was so good was because they claimed that during scripting they tried to Honest Trailer proof it... and it worked for the better. In other words, directors need to be more critical when writing a script.
Directors are only seldom the Scriptwriter. It boils down to who has the power and money….and often these scripts are a result of too many people messing with it….too many cooks. Comittee art is never as good as personal vision.
I love how Alicia Vikander gets progressively younger and younger as it goes on
"There's confidence, then there's thinking you're Jesus. Big gap in between, lady."😂😂
So Heather went from 16 to 12 to 9 to 7 to 5 lol XD
CryogenicWaif progressive youngening
I thought she wouldn't even be bourne by the time the video ended...
excellent pun
16? 12? 7? 5? Quick! Type that into google! It's some kind of code.
Jesus Christ, that's Benjamin Button!
I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who has a "Really Evil Shit" folder next to my "Not Porn" one.
me2olive
So under which of those two folders should I put my copy of Two Girls One Cup?
"Videos that Make Me Happy"
"Yep, they have a terrible history where Bourne helped a team of eleven thieves steal the Fabrege egg that the asset thought HE stole after a series of gymnastics through a security grid."
Fun fact-my brain instantly connected the Asset as Tulour so much so that I attributed that name to him the whole movie, but failed to connect Matt Damon being in the same movie even though I'm perfectly aware of that fact.
Easily the worst Bourne movie. Stupid ass plot, and somehow all these government agencies became the best tech experts in the world with access to ungodly levels of advanced computer equipment.
While in reality foreigners who are quite open about their loathing for western culture can speak in public about encouraging violence and nothing happens at all, they're able to go right ahead and blow people up or shoot fifty people in a night club. It's weird really that these films, though I do enjoy them, focus so much on supposed internal agency corruption and threats to the rights of citizens (not that such things aren't genuine concerns of course), when there are real and active dangerous people doing nasty things all the time (but then, Hollywood would never have the guts to do a movie about ISIS).
That's the worst part about the portrayal of intelligence agencies in movies, the reality is they're staggeringly ineffective, often because they rely far too much on tech, whereas real terrorists, etc. use non-tech means to plan things, eg. they meet and talk in person, pass hand written notes, etc., and agencies have practically given up on using infiltration. So agencies become obsessed with coms tech and create their own hacking tools, to the point they lose them on the net and thus now we can't be sure anything we're told about what's supposedly occured is true. What a mess. The only thing worse is that after each new attack these days, the police spend more time investigating those who criticise the political decisions that make the attacks possible, than the actual terrorists.
mapesdhs Right?
@@mapesdhs597 That's because the government, or a government within the government creates, sponsors and supports those terrorists for one ungodly reason or the other.
This movie should have been way better than it actually was...
Dormammu Yeah, the story just wasn't riveting, and the camera was too shaky for a cinemascreen.
WH250398 That's the point of the whole film series. They always have shaky cameras.
Everyone got hyped because Matt Damon was coming back along with the same director as the second and third films.
No one seemed to notice or care that the screenwriter of the entire series wasn't returning.
Writers are important.
Dormammu You've just described 95% of all movies ever made since 1970.
I don´t think that´s an excuse for making a movie near unwatchable. Andrew Brady
Jason Bourne it's Jesus Christ!
I mean...god damnit.
A-Aronlilboshos 490 no that's about right at this point.
Jesus Bourne it's Jason Christ
yee
EtanThePandaMan Bourne again
Jesus Christ it's Jesus Christ
Jesus Christ It's Everything Wrong With Jason Bourne.
"A whole new guy behind the guy behind the guy behind the guy" lmfao hahahahahaha
when i saw this on my recommended list i was like:jesus christ thats jason bourne
Jason Bourne it's Jesus Christ
Seeing this train wreck comment section is exactly how I wanted to start my day. And I’m not even being sarcastic. This comment section is great
5:09 it's David Bourne
The movie I wanted to see but really didn't want to see
Ricky Wright exactly :(
Ricky Wright It's the movie you deserve but not the one you need right now.
John Smith So we'll sin it. Because its not our movie...
I like how he references the Ocean's Twelve
trailer was so much better than the movie
John White
Just like every Twilight movie.
Jason Bourne vs John Wick
WHO WINS?
john wick
John Wick
KingClod John wick
Jason, unless John prepared
KingClod Diabetes wins
"There's confidence... and then there's thinking you're Jesus."
- Jeremy Scott, 2017
That should be my new pick up line. Hoepfully none of my friends saw this CinemaSins video!
Mister Explicit. my new senior quote
You're asking out your friends as dates? I mean, there's desperate people, and then there's people who shouldn't even have friends.
can you react to @poppy
Or you think it is fun passing time with friends exchanging funny pickup lines?
Using someone else's quote isn't cool. There's copyrighting and then there's "surfing on the web all day just to get cool quotes so that I can get likes on Cinema Sins! Great!"
15:16 Dodge Charger*
I confused a Charger with a Challenger. (Ding)
@@petertoth3477 Unless you had the small Matchbox replica of each one when you were 9 years old. We'll let this one slide, Peter =)
5:09 it's David Bourne
Goodfellas has not been done . How do i submit it as a suggestion ?
15:17 calling a charger a challenger gets u 100000 sins
_
m_ s.a aaaaaaaaa
m_ s.a headass I was dead
m_ s.a
Car lives matter?
there is no difference. you either have a choice between a pile of 8 ton shit with 4 doors or 2
*J A S O N B O U R N E I T S J E S U S C H R I S T*
Thanks for that.
This movie should get 1000 additional sins for killing Julia Stiles's character off and replacing the female lead with Alicia Vikander who can't act, has a fake accent of whatever English this is, and is 9 years old.
killing Nicky Parsons is the absolute biggest sin from this saga.
The video said she was various different ages, at least two of which are conflicting. I'm not sure what's real and what's not!
(Spoiler: she was born in 1988.)
I'd kinda hoped they were going to take the story sideways and have Bourne train Nicky to be more like him. Ah well.
@@mapesdhs597 why the hell would he do that, he hates who he is!!
2 years later - yes, an app that protects your privacy would be worth a standing ovation (hello NSA agent, hope you're having a nice day).
Your agent is not available.
Jason Corona found him.
"Ex Machina, Ex Machina!" XD
When he said it i didn't get it but after reading your comment i realised she was the robot in deus ex machina.
Oh my God I just got it!
Oh my God I just got it too!
i really dig the way you narrate ur sins your really funny dude thumbs to ya
I lost it when you brought the Ocean's Twelve reference lol
A lot of Americans think Athens is in Italy, that Belgium is a town in France, that Norway is Groenland and stupid crap like that. It only makes sense they justify which city is in which country. Education is always good, no need to sin.
OpiumNomad Still waiting for a video where thet put fake info like "Tokyo, France"
I've never met a single person who thinks any of those things
I've not met a single person who thinks Belgium is in France.
^Doesn't mean there aren't people who believe it. Unless you know over 150 million people personally then you can't say the majority of Americans don't believe that. There was even a survey asking Americans if they support an attack on the fictional country in Aladdin and they said yes not knowing it wasn't a real country.
OpiumNomad I don't know a single person who thinks any of these things
Jesus, if this video had continued on for another 3 minutes, Alicia Vikander would be a fetus. ;) Great job @CinemaSins!
I guess you could say she would've looked....
newBOURNE
A Tang
Jason UNbourne?
I love your stuff man and love the way he says “Jesus..”
You are the king at this!
Never watched the movie, but still opened the video.
Remix Frost
Badass
Same! Haven't watched the movie but seen this had been uploaded so figured it be the same thing if not better then watching the movie.
I wish I had never watched this movie, and I love the Bourne Trilogy.
14:11 He really did sniff Bourne out didnt he!?!
Did he just call a Dodge Charger a Challenger
ikr I was wondering the same 😂
thought why no one else has commented on it
Andrew A
The New Dodge Challenger is quite a gas guzzler.
Indeed, indeed he did.
I understand the beefs with this film, but personally I love the whole franchise and while this is in the lower end, it wasn't that bad for me. Not saying anything against Cinema Sins before you kill me, I love them. But just saying, I love the Bourne franchise and the swat chase scene was awesome.
"Not only is this seven year old...." had me dying.
Jason bourne it's Jesus Christ
Peter Cho enrouB nosaJ s'ti tsrihC suseJ
Peter Cho Jason Christ it's Jesus Bourne.
Jesus Borne it's Jason Christ
Peter Cho christ Jason it Jesus Bourne
Bourne Jesus, it's Jason Christ!
Alicia Vikander isn't my girlfriend in this movie.
some of your best work
TIL The Porne Ultimatum actually exists. Enough internet for today.
[Mom walks into room, opens laptop]
Jesus Christ thats Jason's porn!!!
Lmao Dormammu that shit is funny
Dormammu ive come to bargain
repeating recognizable shit is what passes for humor these days
Sean Seaphan not understandng how the internet works do you?
Dormammu This made my day
Should have titled this RE-BOURNE
Or stillbourne.
Dormammu or Bloodbourne.
BOURNE TO BE MILD!
Holy shit! You were really on fire in this one! xD
I kinda knew you'd progress it that way, but the descending age of "Ms. Chief Executive Head of Cyber Stuff" was still one of my favorite gags. I'm a bit disappointed you didn't take it further, though. I fully expected that joke to close on something like, "The recently-fertilized egg in charge of...".
Sweet episode though, dude. Your jokes were on-point.
We need Everything wrong with Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, since the fifth movie is coming soon! :)
YES
We don't need it, we want it. We need oxygen, we want Tacos, see?
For the singles out there:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Pizza for one is better than pizza for two
Yah YahYah Yah Yah thanks
Roses are red
Violets aren't blue
Violets are violet
What's wrong with you?
Jesus Bourne, it's Jeremy Sins.
I LOVE THAT YOU REFERENCE THE JACK REACHER WITH THE KIOSK COMMENT. THANK YOU.
I LOVE the John Lithgow guy behind all the guys idea!
-Shawn
At first I was confused but then I realized he was talking about Georgia the state, not the country.
Jesus Christ, it's Jason Bourne.
Roll Credits
What are we? Some sort of, Jason Bourne?
"adobe criminal finder CS 17".... Man u are killing me here!!!. the best line ever!!
Okay, 1:46 into this, I knew I don't even want to SEE this flick, let alone add it to my Bourne collection, for which I thank you! I actually checked IMDb first and read a couple of User Reviews, which said the same, but I thought I'd check with you guys for sure.
You guys missed the opportunity to introduce the Staying Alive song for the part at 4:18
The internet is full of porn
But don't watch
Because Jesus Christ, that's Jason Bourne
Dormammu Jason *Porn
Dormammu (insert obligatory dormammu i came to bargain)
Dormammu lame
The Oceans Twelve reference at 7:00 is gold.
"Why does she keep getting younger every time you mention her?"
"Seriously? 'Cause I didn't want to alarm y'all. She is disturbingly young."
Everything wrong with *Assasins Creed*
Gaming Pro The whole damn thing.
Gaming Pro I like that movie
Ryan Olivier I like the scenes when he is in the Spanish inquisition but apart from it all was shit
It's a good movie, mate.
*YES*
You guys skipped the one with Jeremy Renner!
Jacob E Yeah...let's just forget that one happened, ok?
Jacob E I think everyone skips the Jeremy Renner one
Jacob E Legacy didn't really affect the plot of the series that much if I recall. It could be the Hawkeye solo film for all I care.
I actually got more enjoyment out of Legacy, than with Jason Bourne. Yes, the story sucked ass, but the action was really good.
Yeah, it was just a bit surprising since CinemaSins does a films series in order most of the time
I'm finally subscribed! Been watching for awhile, finally got an account
That pun was exquisite! Bourne again Christian! Well done cinemasins well done.
oh my god its... the legend 27
15:16: "Calling a Dodge Charger, one of the most common police vehicles in North America, a Challenger." *DING
hey Cinemasins, you should hire my dad. he's really great at pointing out the flaws in movies although it's kinda annoying with him yelling all of them.
What's amazing is that Jason always has someone in the CIA that's looking out for him to some degree. Given the CIA's history of doing terrible things, I don't think that happens often. Certainly not that often.
We also have a Dublin in Georgia
Do everything wrong with the comments
Caroline Johnson "Everything's"
WH250398 wait everything wrong with everything
No, he's saying that EVERYTHING'S wrong with the comments. :p
*_TRIGGERED_*
Also sorry comment section just the stupid people that comment like me
this video makes me NOT want to watch this movie again...
Thats one of the funniest movie sins ever! LMAOF!!!! THANK YOU GUYS ! THANK YOU!!!
please do everything wrong with central Intelligence!
I thought the Bourne franchise was all about showing everything wrong with the CIA? ;)
I see what you did there
2:08 (subtitles)
"Who's daughter is she, eh?!"
"who's"
DING
**skimmed comments to see if anyone else already covered this**
Yup.
Nothing left for me to do.
Guess I'll just show myself out.
Ex machina
Ya girls are just sex object for us guys. They are only shown for us guys.
This is his best video. Enjoyment and laughs throughout
This channel is class
I live in Las Vegas, and the geography of that whole car chase on the Strip is impossible. It takes several minutes of flat out racing to cover only 100 yards, on a street that literally always is a complete parking lot at night, and then he crashes into one casino and gets out of the car in front of a different one. The casinos are even laid out in the wrong order, as if he went backward at some point.
Apple Pie is nice. Do you agree?
indeed
Maniacal Ghoul Good.
Indeed
I have a pie
I have an appel
ugh
Appelpie
I am so sorry
Key lime is pretty good.
Well done, as always :-)
12:51 Did anyone else notice the whole “can record conversations up to 50m away” (basically 150+ feet) for the convention mics? Haha. 😂
3:43 Our public transit system doesn't even stay on-schedule when there are no riots :P
That has to be the most far-fetched thing in the movie
^^
lol
Awesome screen name bro!
Thanks mate :)