You’re videos have been so encouraging to me as a former teacher and now stay at home mom! Thank you for all you do, keep the videos coming, they are wonderful! 😊❤️
Oh wow, these are great videos, Dr. Paul! I'm a newer parent who adopted a teenage boy with ADHD and ODD. I've been watching your vids to figure out how I can help him take more positive control over his life and not have to be consumed by worry over him. Thank you!
Thank you for this orientation. Hmm. I wonder how to parent with my disability. I think of myself as being in need of cooperation. Maybe a self-pity party. I am a single parent. No friends, social anxiety due to bulling without help. Over decades. With complex PTSD from childhood trauma and neglect so i have the tendency to slip very easy in stage one myself. Younger parts of me are highly reactive. Thanks to a lot of mental hygiene i notice it and then parent myself but to share my experience, my kid smells this. In stage one he use it to manipulate me. It nurtures a lot resentment within myself. Then, i am limping because of chronic hip pain. My child hits and kicks to these weak Structures. I know i should love him. With this behaviour, at some point of pain I can't. My body starts to protect itself. Then it feels like i don't love him. Or I love him and it feels like neglecting parts of myself. I can't handle the outbursts well. Due to my body condition he have, in his position, won a lot fights. Even if there where consequences. It takes to long until he adapts or more... Have grown out of this phase/stage one. I hate this behaviour. And it costs all of my positive parenting power to detach this from him. I would love some ideas of parenting with disabilitys.
A. K., I am glad he is out of stage 1, he should not be causing physical harm to anyone, including himself. Stage 1 behavior gets consequences so make a list of everything you control that does not require his cooperation and use that. See if there are any resources for those with disabilities to get some respite care.
you have helped me this is the first video I've watch from you and its shown me I am being too independent and controlling I need to stop doing everything and all there to be gaps that my son can fill in. I have to give him jobs and not just do all of them because he needs to feel that control as well and it will help him mature.
Thank You! This is what I needed it. God Bless you. Parents should take child development classes before getting pregnant or while pregnant...before the baby arrives. :) Thank U!
Thank you for this information! It is so valuable and can help me understand why my kid sometimes just doesn't get it even when I know they are smart. They may have not yet arrived at that stage of development. Any tips on getting kids to move to stage 3? How to get their faster?
Tracy Lowe, give consequences, connect when they are calm, find what makes them special. Love them no matter what and even if and have patience. Good luck.
Zelyonka 85, when they are cooperating, there aren't a lot of consequences, they are just cooperating. They might not be doing what they do for the right reason or reluctantly, but they are still doing it.
What are your thoughts on children’s nurseries at gyms and kids not wanting to be left in there? I have a 2 1/2-year-old who has been in there so many times yet she’s the only kid that ever screams and cries when I leave. I get on her level and I talk it through with her but I’m wondering why is she the only one that acts like this and what can I do to help her work through that?
I have a daughter who is just 14 and if I should follow the definition of these stages,then she is already instage 3 since about a year. I really think the raising in the USA is different and going a lot about discipline. I get a lot of " Mama, what would you do " and " Mama, what shall I do" questions and I don't interfere if she is not asking me and never forcing her to things. It is all her responsibily and my experience is that if you put the responsibiliy by your children you don't need to have disccussions and they"ll do the things by themself. I feel that I am not raising her but that I am her consultant. I am not forcing her even to clean her room, she is doing herself because she is carrying the responsibility if she likes to live in a mess or not. I only suggest for example: If you clean up your room then you don't have to feel embarassed if one of your friends are coming unexpected. Sometimes I surprise her and I did it for her by refering to a previous nice gesture of her before, I' ll say something like: I wanted to surprise you, because I know how great that feeling is when you come home and you think you have to do something and then it is done, I had that feeling yesterday when you offered me to do the shoppings, I was so happy you did that. Sometimes I joke and say: Imagine i leave now to work and I come home and somebody vaccuum cleaned. I think it all has to do with letting children to feel that they are responsible to be nice for themself and nice to others. If you are nice to yourself and want to have a bright future you will do your best at school. If you want the best for yourself you eat healthy, I show and mention the benefits of discipline and not forcing them into discipline , because I care about it is coming from an internal motivation. My sentences might be full of mistakes, I am Dutch. I would appreciate if you should take a glimpse in the Dutch way of raising because it might be totally different than the American style but it shows that Dutch children and teenagers are the most happy of the world so it might be interesting to you what would be the reason. By the way, Dutch parents are among the most happy in the world too.
Love the video! What if it's my husband who sometimes acts like he's on Stage 1, yet I have very limited control over his behaviour? :) I know it is really inappropriate for me to think this but sometimes I do feel it. Any videos to help me to at least make my response more appropriate?
151anja, it is more about stage and not age. We get frustrated when our expectations of ages and stages do not match. Let me add this to the topic development list.
Hi Dr. Paul Jenkins, we can't thank you enough for being and helping us! There is a 'No page_error' after clicking link for mini-book Portable-Positivity.
My retired teacher, grandmother friend has an adult adopted daughter, who keeps putting her parenting of her son and her boyfriends son off on her and the boys have serous issues, one 13 juvenile delinquency, and the other 11 verbally abusive, throwing furniture. So instead of parenting the boys, these parents got a puppy to try “to teach the boys responsibility” and put the care of the on the grandmother too. Any suggestions for her to help her find her ground and stand up for herself?
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank You kindly for your speedy reply!! A Blessed & Good 2022 to you and yours, thanks for helping us be better parents for our kids, Heather, PA, USA
Owning up to mistakes and failures will teach your childrento be honest and admit their errorsto avoid blaming othersto avoid making excuses to apologize, when appropriate Aw19#2
Jacque B I am 13 and I’m not going to lie, sometimes I act out towards my mother just because she is my mother, and I know her better then I know people outside of the home. Maybe try different tactics, how do you respond when they act like that in home?
Does the maturity level of the kids changes on their own or we have some role too as a parents. What if only one of the parent try to raise kids understanding their mental states and psychology ( without putting any pressure) and let them move at their own pace while other parent want kids to behave the way they want them to be and expect kids to be idealistic in every sense .Besides its a real task to set any kind of connection between the two because both are adamant and not ready to listen to each other
reena singh, thank you for watching. Yes, the maturity level of kids can change from day to day, and sometimes can even change in a minute. As a parent, the consequences you enforce should be to go as high as you can (stage 3), and as low as you have to (stage 1). In other words, don't give a stage 1 consequence - where the child doesn't have a choice - with stage 2 behavior. I explain this in more detail in my Parenting Power-Up course. If you would like to purchase that, here's the link: www.parentingpowerup.com/optin-33156182 If your spouse is not on the same page with you, consider asking them to watch this video with you: "Teaching Kids Responsibility - Positive Parenting" - ruclips.net/video/1SFIc2LsHyA/видео.html, and then discussing it afterward so that hopefully you will come together in how you parent your children. We also have a lot more in the Positive Parenting playlist - ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU
Congratulations for your channel Dr. Paul. Your videos are very helpful and thank you for that. My son is 12 years old and at stage 2. We are working in a co-operative way at home, most of the times he is willing to do but sometimes I can see at his face expressions that he is doing e.x. a chore just to thank me and not because he understands that is his responsibility. Is he really stage 2 or is manipulation? What's your advice?
Eirini Markou, thank you - I'm honored to be on your team! I always tell parents to assume the best - you don't know what he is thinking. Assume the best of your son, praise him often, and don't hesitate to take advantage of teaching opportunities (ie. "This will come in handy when you're an adult." or "Thank you for being on Stage 2 and cooperating. This will help you earn..."). If he isn't familiar with the 3 Stages of Moral Development, you can show him the video where I explain it to kids here: "What To Do When Your Parents Are Over Protective?" - ruclips.net/video/a4EAyWRYEeM/видео.html . Keep at it, and will learn the value of responsibility.
Hi Dr Paul. Great video! It is so interesting that one of my class assignment has a lot to do with this video. If you are interested, you can read the article that my professor suggested me to read. Ur video and the article are very related. " Piaget's Theory of Moral development" Is the name of the article.
My brother is 21, sometimes he acts very mature, but out of no where he’ll act out, as if he has no control at all. This really confuses me. What do you think??
Peace Pill, we can be on different stages in different areas. Take a look at when he gets out of control, are there any commonalities to the times, hungry, tired, bad day at work???
Live On Purpose TV I was thinking on your comment, he doesn’t go to work, he sleeps all day.. But when he does decide to take my sister to school for my mom or take out the trash or wash dishes.. (The simple things, I consider that being mature for him.) he’ll act really sweet and caring, then out he straight snaps, we could be talking, having a normal conversation.. he’ll be sober ect.. I don’t understand it. He acts like stage one..
I value all your videos immensely. Don't stop putting this info out there !
Thanks, will do! I have another shooting day this week.
I have a toddler and I’m so grateful for these videos, I will be referring back to these for many years to come, thank you
You are so welcome! As your toddler grows you may need our program, Parenting Power-Up.
You’re videos have been so encouraging to me as a former teacher and now stay at home mom! Thank you for all you do, keep the videos coming, they are wonderful! 😊❤️
DIY Momma, honored to have you as part of our community.
Thanks for your video! I was raised way different it was a belt and control childhood. I definitely want something better for my child.
My Opinion, I love to hear this!
I have 14yrs old and his in stage 1 promise, not listening, not cooperate selfcentered hard to control.. shout out watching now
Riana Pauline Ramirez, thank you.
Oh wow, these are great videos, Dr. Paul! I'm a newer parent who adopted a teenage boy with ADHD and ODD. I've been watching your vids to figure out how I can help him take more positive control over his life and not have to be consumed by worry over him. Thank you!
Thank you, Elizabeth, you are the parent your child needs.
Thank you so much Dr. Paul. My baby boy is still a baby but I am learning so much from you.
Layal Lebanon, honored to be on your team. You will be prepared for what happens in each stage.
Thank you for giving us the PDF of the chart in this video. (see discription) You guys rock ! ☺️
Our pleasure!
Thank you reminding us of our 3 levels of responsibility. It is all about example ✨
It really is.
Thank you thank you
Thank you for this orientation. Hmm. I wonder how to parent with my disability. I think of myself as being in need of cooperation. Maybe a self-pity party. I am a single parent. No friends, social anxiety due to bulling without help. Over decades. With complex PTSD from childhood trauma and neglect so i have the tendency to slip very easy in stage one myself. Younger parts of me are highly reactive. Thanks to a lot of mental hygiene i notice it and then parent myself but to share my experience, my kid smells this. In stage one he use it to manipulate me. It nurtures a lot resentment within myself. Then, i am limping because of chronic hip pain. My child hits and kicks to these weak Structures. I know i should love him. With this behaviour, at some point of pain I can't. My body starts to protect itself. Then it feels like i don't love him. Or I love him and it feels like neglecting parts of myself. I can't handle the outbursts well. Due to my body condition he have, in his position, won a lot fights. Even if there where consequences. It takes to long until he adapts or more... Have grown out of this phase/stage one. I hate this behaviour. And it costs all of my positive parenting power to detach this from him. I would love some ideas of parenting with disabilitys.
A. K., I am glad he is out of stage 1, he should not be causing physical harm to anyone, including himself. Stage 1 behavior gets consequences so make a list of everything you control that does not require his cooperation and use that. See if there are any resources for those with disabilities to get some respite care.
I love that I’m learning and getting a healthy laugh with the brilliant names of the stages 😂
MEGAN TIKKANEN, Honored to be on your team.
My 11 year old son seems to be in between Stage 1 & 2, BUT my 7 year old daughter is definitely in Stage 2!
E E, know that they can change as they mature or go through puberty. Hang in there.
Another valuable information great video 🙏🙏👏🌷
Chynar, thank you!
I think my 7 year old is between stage 2 & 3... Like stage 3 once in a while like a few times a week at least & it BLOWS MY MIND TO NO END ! 💀💀💀💀
That is awesome. He sounds incredible.
This is a very useful and eye opening video. Thank you for sharing your knowledge. I clearly have a stage 1 Teen I want to get her to stage 2 asap!👍
You are very welcome.
Brilliant video!
My pleasure.
you have helped me this is the first video I've watch from you and its shown me I am being too independent and controlling I need to stop doing everything and all there to be gaps that my son can fill in. I have to give him jobs and not just do all of them because he needs to feel that control as well and it will help him mature.
You got this. Let him experience failure at an early age and the consequences that go with that. He will come out much further in the end.
Thank You! This is what I needed it. God Bless you. Parents should take child development classes before getting pregnant or while pregnant...before the baby arrives.
:) Thank U!
Glad it was helpful! Martha Q. Bonilla, I agree that we get the least preparation for the most important job we take on.
Your videos are amazing! I thank you for that.
Mrs Treche, couldn't do it without you!
Thank you for this information! It is so valuable and can help me understand why my kid sometimes just doesn't get it even when I know they are smart. They may have not yet arrived at that stage of development. Any tips on getting kids to move to stage 3? How to get their faster?
I'm so glad! Offer rewards for positive behavior that you want to see. Develop the relationship with your children.
How do I help an almost 13 year old boy move more into stage 2 please? 💞🌻
Tracy Lowe, give consequences, connect when they are calm, find what makes them special. Love them no matter what and even if and have patience. Good luck.
Awesome video and well explained!!! helps in my family. Thank you so much!!!
Glad it helped!
Hi! I think I missed the "cooperating consequences" that you wanted to mention for stage 2? Thanns!
Zelyonka 85, when they are cooperating, there aren't a lot of consequences, they are just cooperating. They might not be doing what they do for the right reason or reluctantly, but they are still doing it.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Oh, I see what you mean :) thanks!
My 4 year old is definitely between stage two and stage three. 50/50. Very little of stage 1.
That is awesome to have a 4 year old nearing stage 3.
What are your thoughts on children’s nurseries at gyms and kids not wanting to be left in there? I have a 2 1/2-year-old who has been in there so many times yet she’s the only kid that ever screams and cries when I leave. I get on her level and I talk it through with her but I’m wondering why is she the only one that acts like this and what can I do to help her work through that?
Allie, I am not sure why your child isn't happy to be there. There are so many possibilities. Sounds like you are handling it correctly.
I think our 15 year old daughter is in between stage 1and 2. Sometimes cooperative but sometimes very stage 1. What are your thoughts on this?
rjtooill rjtooill, you are probably right since you see her all the time. Encourage the cooperative behavior.
I have a daughter who is just 14 and if I should follow the definition of these stages,then she is already instage 3 since about a year. I really think the raising in the USA is different and going a lot about discipline. I get a lot of " Mama, what would you do " and " Mama, what shall I do" questions and I don't interfere if she is not asking me and never forcing her to things. It is all her responsibily and my experience is that if you put the responsibiliy by your children you don't need to have disccussions and they"ll do the things by themself. I feel that I am not raising her but that I am her consultant. I am not forcing her even to clean her room, she is doing herself because she is carrying the responsibility if she likes to live in a mess or not. I only suggest for example: If you clean up your room then you don't have to feel embarassed if one of your friends are coming unexpected. Sometimes I surprise her and I did it for her by refering to a previous nice gesture of her before, I' ll say something like: I wanted to surprise you, because I know how great that feeling is when you come home and you think you have to do something and then it is done, I had that feeling yesterday when you offered me to do the shoppings, I was so happy you did that. Sometimes I joke and say: Imagine i leave now to work and I come home and somebody vaccuum cleaned. I think it all has to do with letting children to feel that they are responsible to be nice for themself and nice to others. If you are nice to yourself and want to have a bright future you will do your best at school. If you want the best for yourself you eat healthy, I show and mention the benefits of discipline and not forcing them into discipline , because I care about it is coming from an internal motivation. My sentences might be full of mistakes, I am Dutch. I would appreciate if you should take a glimpse in the Dutch way of raising because it might be totally different than the American style but it shows that Dutch children and teenagers are the most happy of the world so it might be interesting to you what would be the reason. By the way, Dutch parents are among the most happy in the world too.
@@lienbijs1205 i wish i was your mom im 15 and my mom is a helicopter mom.
Love the video! What if it's my husband who sometimes acts like he's on Stage 1, yet I have very limited control over his behaviour? :) I know it is really inappropriate for me to think this but sometimes I do feel it. Any videos to help me to at least make my response more appropriate?
151anja, it is more about stage and not age. We get frustrated when our expectations of ages and stages do not match. Let me add this to the topic development list.
Hi Dr. Paul Jenkins, we can't thank you enough for being and helping us! There is a 'No page_error' after clicking link for mini-book Portable-Positivity.
Yes, here is the link: d2saw6je89goi1.cloudfront.net/uploads/digital_asset/file/595423/Pathological-Positivity-6X9-Print-Format-14-06-07-0513-pj.pdf
My retired teacher, grandmother friend has an adult adopted daughter, who keeps putting her parenting of her son and her boyfriends son off on her and the boys have serous issues, one 13 juvenile delinquency, and the other 11 verbally abusive, throwing furniture. So instead of parenting the boys, these parents got a puppy to try “to teach the boys responsibility” and put the care of the on the grandmother too. Any suggestions for her to help her find her ground and stand up for herself?
She will have to get good at saying, NO.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank You kindly for your speedy reply!!
A Blessed & Good 2022 to you and yours, thanks for helping us be better parents for our kids, Heather, PA, USA
Great content.
Sophie A, you are welcome.
Owning up to mistakes and failures will teach your childrento be honest and admit their errorsto avoid blaming othersto avoid making excuses
to apologize, when appropriate
Aw19#2
Smyma, our children do learn a lot by our example.
Love this! Thank you.
You made my day! Thank you for providing the Path to help me and my kids!
Rahela Ilioi, honored to be on your team.
you are very welcome, thank you for watching.
What if a child from stage 3 goes to stage 1?
MJ, it can be fluid. You will have to respond with consequences at stage 1.
I can help my students but it seems like my boys just don’t like to listen to me. My boys don’t get in trouble outside of the home just in the home.
Jacque B, our kids know how to push our buttons for sure, stay calm and parent on.
Jacque B I am 13 and I’m not going to lie, sometimes I act out towards my mother just because she is my mother, and I know her better then I know people outside of the home. Maybe try different tactics, how do you respond when they act like that in home?
@@peacepill506 😊 you have exceptional self awareness for a 13 year old , keep it up!
My husband is in stage one.
Yep, stage, not age.
Does the maturity level of the kids changes on their own or we have some role too as a parents.
What if only one of the parent try to raise kids understanding their mental states and psychology ( without putting any pressure) and let them move at their own pace while other parent want kids to behave the way they want them to be and expect kids to be idealistic in every sense .Besides its a real task to set any kind of connection between the two because both are adamant and not ready to listen to each other
reena singh, thank you for watching. Yes, the maturity level of kids can change from day to day, and sometimes can even change in a minute. As a parent, the consequences you enforce should be to go as high as you can (stage 3), and as low as you have to (stage 1). In other words, don't give a stage 1 consequence - where the child doesn't have a choice - with stage 2 behavior. I explain this in more detail in my Parenting Power-Up course. If you would like to purchase that, here's the link: www.parentingpowerup.com/optin-33156182
If your spouse is not on the same page with you, consider asking them to watch this video with you: "Teaching Kids Responsibility - Positive Parenting" - ruclips.net/video/1SFIc2LsHyA/видео.html, and then discussing it afterward so that hopefully you will come together in how you parent your children. We also have a lot more in the Positive Parenting playlist - ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank u sooooo much for the reply sir
Congratulations for your channel Dr. Paul. Your videos are very helpful and thank you for that. My son is 12 years old and at stage 2. We are working in a co-operative way at home, most of the times he is willing to do but sometimes I can see at his face expressions that he is doing e.x. a chore just to thank me and not because he understands that is his responsibility. Is he really stage 2 or is manipulation? What's your advice?
Eirini Markou, thank you - I'm honored to be on your team! I always tell parents to assume the best - you don't know what he is thinking. Assume the best of your son, praise him often, and don't hesitate to take advantage of teaching opportunities (ie. "This will come in handy when you're an adult." or "Thank you for being on Stage 2 and cooperating. This will help you earn..."). If he isn't familiar with the 3 Stages of Moral Development, you can show him the video where I explain it to kids here: "What To Do When Your Parents Are Over Protective?" - ruclips.net/video/a4EAyWRYEeM/видео.html . Keep at it, and will learn the value of responsibility.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank you for your reply. I appreciate it.
“And then they go home to they’re own 5 kids”🤣🤣😭💀
Thanks for watching.
Can you help me my son have low self steam he is 6 years old. Help please
Aniso Omar, check out some of the videos from our playlist where we have talked about how to build self-esteem and raise confidence in children.
🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
Thank you.
Stage 1 sounds like my ex husband - not joking but being absolutely serious
SueZ, I get that. Thanks for watching.
Hi Dr Paul. Great video! It is so interesting that one of my class assignment has a lot to do with this video. If you are interested, you can read the article that my professor suggested me to read. Ur video and the article are very related. " Piaget's Theory of Moral development" Is the name of the article.
Pricediver, thank you. Sounds like an interesting class.
My 5 year old daughter is in stage one and my 7 year old sister is in stage 3 😂
My brother is 21, sometimes he acts very mature, but out of no where he’ll act out, as if he has no control at all. This really confuses me. What do you think??
Peace Pill, we can be on different stages in different areas. Take a look at when he gets out of control, are there any commonalities to the times, hungry, tired, bad day at work???
Live On Purpose TV I was thinking on your comment, he doesn’t go to work, he sleeps all day.. But when he does decide to take my sister to school for my mom or take out the trash or wash dishes.. (The simple things, I consider that being mature for him.) he’ll act really sweet and caring, then out he straight snaps, we could be talking, having a normal conversation.. he’ll be sober ect.. I don’t understand it. He acts like stage one..
These methods don't work
marc labrie, sorry that has been your experience. Thanks for trying.